Chapter 10
Vi looked down at her wrist, the leather cuff clinging to her skin. Thoughts began to flood her mind, as anger filled her chest. 'Why?' she thinks to herself. 'Why now?' She's never been one to cause trouble, not on purpose, yet she didn't seem to be able to catch a break.
"Never known you to call in sick" a voice says from the doorway pulling Vi from her thoughts.
"Yeah, well".
"Is it because of…. Of him?" Jinx asks, her tone soft, as to not upset Vi.
Vi looks at her sister, as she plays with the leather cuff that clings to her wrist like it's all that's keeping her from running away. "No, not really anyway."
"Is it because of her?"
Vi looks up, taken back by Jinx's question. "What is that supposed to mean?"
"Vi, I know you think your this mysterious woman, who hides her emotions, but really, you're an open book."
"No, I'm not" Vi said trying to protest Jinx's revelation, as she sits up ready to further protest.
"Listen dumbass," Jinx said, her expression turning more serious. "Vander says I'm not supposed to bring certain things up with you. That we're not allowed to talk about your past, or what happened with that dickhead. But you're my sister, my blood. We share more than just what people see. I know that the rumors aren't true, at least not the one's about you forcing yourself on someone else. But I want you to know, I don't care who you like, or who you want to be with."
Vi sat frozen on the edge of the bed. She had never really talked about what happened years ago, not with anyone. Vander had gotten the bare minimum and was mostly filled in by the other farm hands. As far as Vi was concerned, no one needed to know more. "I have no idea what you are talking about." Vi finally said, as she stared at her sister.
"Okay," Jinx said calmly. "But I see the way you look at her. And I'm pretty sure she feels the same way about you too."
Vi sat there, watching as Jinx left the room. Her hands gripping the edge of the bed tightly. If Jinx had noticed it, who else had? This wasn't just a normal crush. This was forbidden, sinful, taboo. No one would understand, no one would except them, if Caitlyn even felt the same way. Vi had always accepted she would have solitary life for herself, after her siblings moved out, and moved on with their lives. But somehow things with Caitlyn felt different, like she couldn't deny wanting more for herself. Wanting to share a life with someone.
"Everything alright Caitlyn?" Her father asked, as Caitlyn set the milk on the table.
"Yes father." The words came out chocked as Caitlyn quickly retreated to her bedroom.
Caitlyn felt devastated, as she kept replaying the day before. She knew she had messed up, but never thought Vi wouldn't want to see her at all. After all it had been Vi who reached out to hold her hand, right?
Tears began to fill Caitlyn's eyes, as she laid in her bed feeling like she had just messed up the best thing she had in years. Hours passed, as she tried to think of how she could fix it, how she could apologize for her behavior, when she heard a knock at the door.
"Caitlyn, you have a vistor" Her mother called out.
Caitlyn jumped from her bed, quickly fixed her hair and makeup, before entering the living room. She looked up to see a large young man, standing nervously in front of her mother. "Claggor?"
"Hey, hi," Claggor said nervously as Mrs. Kiramman stared him down. "I was wondering if I could take you to lunch?"
Caitlyn looked at him slightly confused, before she saw Vi's truck in her front yard through her large window. "I would love that." She said, as her body began to relax.
Mrs. Kiramman looked at the two. Caitlyn knew she wanted to protest, to stop her going out with the boy in front of her, but to Caitlyn's surprise, she just smiled.
"Don't be out too late." Her mother said as Caitlyn walked through the front door.
"That was weird" Caitlyn said quietly to herself as she walked towards the truck. She could see a very nervous looking Vi, sitting behind the steering wheel, gripping it tighter and tighter as she muttered something to herself before Caitlyn opened the door.
"Hey, Cupcake, you wanna go for a ride?" Vi said as she looked at Caitlyn and Claggor. Calggor looking an extra bit annoyed today.
Caitlyn nodded as she slid into the truck, Claggor squeezing in next to her. The ride was nearly silent, other than the radio playing at a low volume. They pulled up to Vi's house, Claggor jumping out as soon as Vi stopped. Caitlyn went to get out, when she felt a hand on her shoulder. "I want to take you somewhere". Caitlyn quickly sat back and nodded.
Vi pulled away, her hands on the wheel, her eyes on the road. Caitlyn kept looking at her, waiting for her to talk, wondering if she should talk first. Apologies for her inappropriate behavior from the day before. But every time she opened her mouth, nothing came out. Too nervous or too afraid she might say the wrong thing; she decided silence was the better option.
After some time, Caitlyn looked out the window, realizing she had no idea where they were. She assumed Vi had pulled off the main road some time ago, and they were now traveling back roads. The trees were getting thicker the deeper they went, until finally Vi pulled out into a clearing. She pulled the truck over, putting if in park, before turning it off. She opened the door, getting out of the truck, rounding to Caitlyn's side and opening the door. "You coming?"
Caitlyn got out of the truck, still unable to speak as she looked around at the beautiful open clearing.
"Beautiful isn't?"
Caitlyn nodded as she moved to stand next to Vi. "Where are we?"
"About an hour from town." Vi said as she bent over to pick some wild flowers. "I've always dreamed of owning this land. Putting a small cabin out here. Nothing to fancy."
"Sounds like a dream."
The two began to walk around the open field, stopping only to pick more flowers. They walked in silence, the birds and rustling of their feet in the tall grass, the only sound around them, until Vi stopped and looked at Caitlyn.
"I'm sort of conflicted right now."
Caitlyn stopped and looked at Vi, before walking closer. "conflicted?"
"Yeah" Vi chuckled nervously. "Part of me wants to tell you we shouldn't be friends. That we should go back to just talking when I drop off your milk."
These words hit Caitlyn hard. She didn't want that, she couldn't lose this connection, no matter how new it was. She wanted to protest, to beg Vi not to end it.
"But the other part of me, well it wants to pull you into my arms and kiss you." Vi said as she looked down at the flowers in her hands, unable to meet Caitlyn gaze, too afraid to see what she was thinking.
Caitlyn's mouth fell open, her breath began to quicken as her hands began to sweat. She could feel her heart beat in every part of her body. She wasn't sure if she was nervous or excited, but she knew that she felt the same way. She didn't know why, didn't care to question it, not now, not when this older, beautiful woman was standing next to her, wanting to kiss her.
"Then do it…., kiss me."
Vi turned to meet Caitlyn's gaze. Their eyes met, and Vi could see the same desire in Caitlyn's eyes that she felt within herself. She stepped forward, dropping the flowers to the ground, as her right hand grabbed the back of Caitlyn's head, her left settling on Caitlyn's waist. Before she had time to think her lips were being pressed into the younger woman's.
At first it was soft, light, caring. But it didn't take long for Vi to open her mouth slightly, and run her tongue along Caitlyn's bottom lip, eliciting a soft moan.
Vi's passion grew, as Caitlyn opened her mouth, allowing Vi's tongue access. Vi instinctively pulled Caitlyn's body closer to hers, as her tongue explored the younger woman's mouth.
Vi's hand began sliding up Caitlyn's side, stopping just below her breast. Her hand wanted to explore more, to feel all of Caitlyn, but she knew it was too soon. She could feel her hand begin to shake, as her thumb traced higher. She slowly pulled away, not wanting to take advantage of the situation, and risk messing this up.
Caitlyn stood; her eyes still closed. Her heart beating fast, as she tried to slow down her breathing. "Wow." She finally said as she opened her eyes to see large light blue ones staring back at her. "That was.."
"Amazing" Vi said, finishing the sentence.
"Yes, amazing."
Vi wrapped her arms around Caitlyn's waist, as Caitlyn reached up and put her arms around Vi's neck. The two stood, staring at each other for a moment longer, before Caitlyn rested her head on Vi's shoulder.
Caitlyn didn't want this moment to end, she wanted it to live in her memory forever. The way this woman that held her smelled of Vanilla and leather. The way her arms felt wrapped around her body. The way she tasted of spearmint and something else, something sweater.
She knew this moment was rare, something to be cherished. So she held on tighter, held on a little longer, even when she felt Vi begin to pull away, she pulled her back.
Finally after a few more minutes, she allowed Vi to pull back, running her hands along Vi's face as she did. "I could live in this moment forever."
"Me too." Vi said as she leaned her forehead against Caitlyn's. "But there is something I need to tell you."
Caitlyn pulled her head back, as she looked at Vi. She could see how scared and nervous she looked. How her face scrunched, and her jaw tightened. "Okay" Caitlyn said as she ran her hand over Vi's cheek.
Vi leaned into Caitlyn's hand for a brief moment, before she took it into her own, and led them both to sit in the grass.
Vi looked out into the field, Caitlyn's hand still in hers as she told the story of her past. She told her about Camille, and how she helped her learn things about herself she hadn't realized. About Brian, and the trouble he caused for her and her family. His relation to Jayce, and his influential family. She talked about her fears of Brian returning, especially to her job. What it would mean for them, for Caitlyn, for her family if Brian decided to retaliate.
All the while Caitlyn listened, nodded. Squeezed Vi's hand to let her know she was there. She couldn't deny the fear she felt when she realized she could be targeted. Her family could be targeted. Could she really put them through another scandal, after they had moved thousands of miles away to give her a fresh start, even if she didn't ask for it.
The information was overwhelming, but she wasn't going to stop Vi from saying what needed to be said. She could see the worry begin to dissipate, like finally speaking the truth was freeing her from an invisible cage.
Once Vi was finally done, she laid her head on Caitlyn's shoulder. They both sat, taking in the information. "I don't want to bring you into my mess". Vi finally said, lifting her head to look at Caitlyn.
"I know" Caitlyn said, as she looked back at Vi. "But ever since the first time I saw you drop milk off on my porch, ever since you smiled and winked at me, I haven't been able to get you out of my head. So, you're right, we probably shouldn't do this. But after knowing what it's like to kiss you. To taste you. I can't go back."
Vi looked at Caitlyn shocked. She knew that she always felt a connection, but never knew Caitlyn felt the same way. Especially back when they first saw each other. "Then what do we do?"
"I don't know" Caitlyn admitted as she sat there her head on Vi's shoulder. "But I'm not going to lose you. Not for anything."
They sat in the field for a while longer, hand in hand, holding each other close. Both lost in thought about the fear of the future. What it could mean to act upon these feelings, especially with the possibility of someone wanting to get back at Vi.
As the sun began to set, Vi finally stood, pulling Caitlyn with her. "We should probably get you back home before it gets too late.
Caitlyn nodded, as they both walked back to the truck. The ride home was filled with conversation about how to proceed. Both expressing their desires to want to be with each other, to explore more of this relationship. They both talked about their fears of being caught, the consequences that could follow. "My mother would probably send me back to England." Caitlyn said with a sigh.
"That can't happen. You can't lose everything to be with me." Vi said, as real panic rose in her chest.
"Vi, without you, being here isn't really worth it. I know this is crazy because we haven't really known each other for very long. Only hung out a few times, but they were the best most fulfilling days of my life. I have always lived a pretty isolated life, and I'm done living that way."
"But if you get sent back, if you leave because of me.."
"That won't happen. I won't let it."
Vi tried to believe that Caitlyn was right, that she had control of her own future, but she knew the truth was much more complicated than that. She tried to push away the fear and focus on what a future with Caitlyn could be. She thought about them living in a small cabin, away from prying eyes, able to live and love how they pleased. But every time she pictured it, her families faces flashed before her. They needed her, she couldn't deny it. She couldn't mess this up. If she was going to do this, she would have to be careful. They would have to be careful.
"We can't get caught. We have to be careful. We are just friends in public. No touching, no smiling at each other." Vi said as she turned onto the main road.
Caitlyn nodded as fear and excitement ran through her veins. She knew this was risky, but she couldn't deny the pleasure of getting to be with Vi brought her, even if they would have to live in the shadows.
The next couple weeks were a whirl wind of emotions. Caitlyn would do her best not to jump for joy every time she saw her Milkwoman drop off her milk. She would still sit idly on the porch and wait, but she tried to keep their interactions more friendly and brief.
Often in the afternoon Claggor would show up, taking Caitlyn back to his house, just in time for Vi to be off work. They would spend most of their evenings hanging out with Vi's family, pretending to be building a friendship, while occasionally sneaking off to a secluded spot where they would enjoy the alone time they craved.
One evening, as the sun began to set, they were both laying in the back of Vis truck on top of a bed of pillows and blankets. "What time do you have to be home?" Vi asked as she moved to lay closer to Caitlyn.
"I told my parents I was watching a movie with Claggor, we have at least another hour."
"We can do a lot with an hour." Vi said as she smiled and pulled Caitlyn's body closer to hers, before leaning down into a passionate kiss.
Vi wrapped her hands under Caitlyn, as Caitlyn laid back in the bed of the truck, her hands coming up into Vi's hair. Their kissing became more urgent, deepening with each moment alone.
As their relationship grew, Vi's hands began to explore more of Caitlyn's body. Her right-hand finding Caitlyn's breast, pulling a moan from the younger woman she had never heard before. A sound she now craved, as it fueled her own desire more. She kissed Caitlyn's neck, her mouth wanting to taste ever bit of the woman below her. She knew with each touch, each embrace, she was falling more and more for the younger woman.
Caitlyn tried to keep herself composed, but every time Vis mouth found a new unexplored part of her body, she couldn't help the sound that her body involuntarily would make. She loved this woman's mouth on hers. Loved her mouth kissing and sucking places she never thought would feel this good. She loved the way her hands felt as they touched her more intimate areas. The more they kissed, the more she realized how unfamiliar she was with a physical relationship. She often felt shy or confused when her body begged for more of Vis touch. She began to feel an unfamiliar ache between her legs, as their kissing grew more passionate. She wanted more, but she didn't know how to express it. She allowed Vi to take the lead, hoping she was enough for the older woman, but terrified to explore too far too fast.
"You, okay?" Vi asked as she pulled away, sensing the change in Caitlyn.
"Yeah, I'm just." Caitlyn began as she sat up and fixed her hair. "I've just never done this."
"I'm sorry if I'm going too fast." Vi quickly said.
"No, its just…I have no idea if I'm doing this right, or what comes next?" Caitlyn admitted, as she began to blush.
"Trust me, you're doing great, and as far as what comes next, well we don't have to rush it. I'm having fun doing this."
"You sure?"
"Of course." Vi said as she moved to sit in the back of the truck. "I really, really like this." She said as she blushed. "But I also really like just hanging out with you."
Caitlyn smiled as she sat next to Vi, placing her hand in the older woman's. "I like it too, kissing you, and hanging out with you."
Vi chuckled, as she wrapped her arm and Caitlyn's shoulder. They both sat quietly, watching the sun fall below the horizon. They knew each day brought them closer to being caught, but they couldn't deny the feelings that grew with it.