Estimated Reading Time: 20 Minutes

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Boys Chillin

Popo lunged at Pit, tackling him to the ground. The group gasped in shock. Without hesitation, Ness grabbed the ice climber and yanked him off, his grip firm and unwavering.

Ness: "Dude! What the hell!"

Popo: "LET ME GO! I NEED FOOD!"

Pit: "I'm not food!"

Gordon: "EVERYONE CALM DOWN!"

Everyone fell silent at the sound of Gordon's booming voice. There was an unmistakable authority in it—something raw and terrifying.

Gordon: "NO ONE'S EATING ANYBODY! IT'S ONLY BEEN 10 MINUTES AND YOU'RE ALL ACTING LIKE DONKEYS!"

Popo: "Shiiiit. I'm sorry. I don't have my weed. I don't do too well without it."

Ness: *Sighs* "I'm sorry, Popo, but we might be stranded here for a while."

Lucas: "What if no one gets help?"

Ness: "Someone will realize we're gone."

Sonic: "But they don't even know where we are."

Gordon: "Angel boy, can you fly up and see if there's anything we can do to get us out of this predicament?"

Pit: "Uhh…"

Gordon: "What?"

Pit: "I can't fly."

Gordon: "Shit. I forgot your guys's powers are gone."

Pit: "N-no, I couldn't fly before either."

Little Mac: "Wha? Then what're those wings for?"

Sonic: "Food."

Ness: "Sonic!"

Sonic: "Sorry, sorry. I'm just so fuckin' hungry."

Lucas: "Do you have any food in your backpack?"

Toon: "Oh yeah. You came over-prepared right?"

Ness: "Oh my god, yes! Yes I did~"

With a satisfied huff, Ness dug into his rucksack and carefully laid out his belongings on a nearby stump, his movements deliberate and proud.

Ness pulled item after item from his rucksack—duct tape, rope, fishing line, a mini sewing kit, first aid kit, gauze, thermal survival blankets, a fire starter kit, a pocket knife, an emergency life tent, a baseball bat, a yoyo, an emergency radio, two flare guns, and food rations.

The group's eyes gleamed with awe as his stash kept growing. The moment Sonic and Popo spotted the food rations, they snatched them up without hesitation, tearing into the packaging like starving animals.

"You guys could've asked," Ness muttered, shooting them an irritated glance. His words fell on deaf ears as the two continued to devour their meal.

Lucas: "Wow, Ness~ You really came prepared."

Ness: "And you bullied me about it."

Lucas: "Hey! I didn't expect to be stranded in an island."

Ness: "This is why I told everyone to come extra prepared. In fact, I prepared extra for you guys."

Toon: "You came extra extra prepared?"

Ness: "Yes because I knew you guys wouldn't."

Pit: "Where's the extra stuff?"

Ness: "In—the ship…"

Gordon: "Why didn't you bring it?"

Ness: "I started to feel ridiculous carrying that giant bag around. Everyone else was relaxing without a care, so for once I let my guard down and put it away in my room."

Gordon: "Fuck!"

Ness: "I prepared cooking kits too…"

Gordon: "The one time…"

Ness: "Hey! Be lucky I have anything at all."

Little Mac: "Gee, Ness. I really appreciate it. Sorry I uh—got you stranded here in the middle of nowhere."

Ness: "I can't believe you! Why would you ever think it's a good idea to trust King K. Rool into changing course like that! That's the dumbest thing you—

Toon: "Alright, alright, he gets it. Lay off the insults. It's not gonna help anything."

Lucas offered a small smile and patted Ness's shoulder. "It's okay. We're all stressed."

Ness exhaled sharply, nodding. "Yeah… I just—" He shook his head, letting the tension ease from his shoulders. "Never mind. Let's just focus on surviving."

Ness stuffed his survival gear back into his rucksack, the heavy load pressing into his back. He winced but adjusted the straps, refusing to show weakness. Lucas noticed and reached out. "I can carry it for a bit." Ness shook his head, forcing a small smile. "No, no. I got this."

Lucas frowned but didn't push the issue. Instead, he walked beside Ness, keeping a close eye on him as they continued their search.

After three grueling hours of searching, the group's efforts yielded only berries, coconuts, and scattered supplies. With hunger pressing in, they gathered as much as they could—rocks, sticks, and dry wood—before returning to the beach to set up a bonfire.

Lucas sighed, hugging his knees as he watched Ness strike a match to ignite the wood. "I wish I had PK Fire…" he mumbled.

Ness nodded, the flickering flames casting shadows on his face. "Me too… I'm not sure how long we can last," he admitted, extending his hands toward the growing warmth.

Meanwhile, Little Mac was off to the side, relentlessly smashing coconuts against a rock. After several attempts, he finally cracked them open and handed one to each person. The group gratefully accepted, murmuring their thanks before digging in.

Two days later…

Sonic: "I'm so fuckin' hungry…"

Ness: "We still have…"

Sonic: "What?"

Ness: "Our rations are gone."

Popo: "What! Already?!"

Lucas: "There are eight of us."

Toon: "At least we have coconuts."

Pit: "I could live off of coconuts forever~"

Gordon: "SHUT UP KAWASAKI! I KNOW!"

The group turned their attention to Gordon, who was staring intently at his side.

"Uh, dude?" Popo questioned, tilting his head.

"What?!" Gordon snapped, whipping around to glare at them.

Popo: "Who're you talkin' to?"

The group exchanged uneasy glances.

"I'm talking to this fuckin' idiot!" Gordon barked, jabbing a finger at the empty space beside him. "Uh… there's no one there," Sonic said cautiously.

Gordon: "Yes there is! You don't see him?"

Pit: "See who?"

Gordon: "Kawasaki!"

Pit: "Who?"

Gordon: "The fuckin' orange jelly bean monster!"

Toon: "Guys, I think he's losin' it."

Gordon: "I'm not losing it! You're all losing it!"

Ness: "Gordon, calm down. Kawasaki isn't here. This isn't the cave."

Gordon: "How can you guys not see him?! He's right here!"

Lucas: ["He's crazy."]

Little Mac: "I don't see anybody."

Gordon: "GOD FUCKIN' DAMMIT! SHUT THE FUCK UP, KAWASAKI!"

The group swallowed hard, exchanging nervous glances as Gordon stormed off, hurling rocks at the invisible "Kawasaki."

The Next Day…

Ness grinned, holding up a crude fishing rod he'd crafted from a sturdy stick and his fishing line. "Yes!" he cheered, proud of his work. Lucas, who had been scanning the area, caught sight of the makeshift pole and sat down beside him, eyes wide with surprise. "Oh my god, you made a fishing pole? How'd you do that?" he asked, genuinely impressed.

Ness: "Not to brag, but I'm pretty educated when it comes to survival. I've had experience since I was a kid."

Lucas: "You're so cool~"

Ness cast the line, the fishing rod slicing through the air before landing gently in the water. "I'm so excited. We're gonna eat yummy fish," Lucas said, leaning in and resting his head on Ness's shoulder.

Ness's body tensed at the sudden contact. He flinched, feeling the warmth of Lucas's touch, his heart unexpectedly fluttering. A faint blush crept up his neck, and despite his best efforts to suppress it, a small, reluctant smile tugged at the corner of his lips. He didn't want to like it, but he secretly did.

Meanwhile, in the background, Little Mac attempted his usual climb up a tree to grab a coconut, but misjudged his footing and fell hard. A gasp escaped the group as he hit the ground with a sickening thud. The impact left him injured, groaning in pain as he lay there, clutching his side.

Gordon, ever the problem-solver, retrieved Ness's rucksack from where it had been sitting on a large rock. He rummaged through it, pulling out supplies. With a calm but focused demeanor, the chef tended to Little Mac's wounds, wiping away dirt and debris with an antiseptic cloth before carefully bandaging him up. The group watched in silence, the gravity of their situation settling in as they prepared to face another challenge on the island.

Little Mac: "Thanks."

Gordon: "Don't thank me. Thank Ness. He's the one that came extra prepared for everyone."

Popo: "He's somethin' else."

Pit: "He's awesome~"

Toon: "And I made fun of him for it…"

Sonic: "Yeah, yeah. He's cool and all, can we move on and get the goddamn coconut?"

Gordon: "Someone's jealous."

Sonic: "Ha! As if."

Popo: "You sound jealous~"

Sonic: "I'm not! We're wastin' time glazin' Ness. I'm fuckin' hungry."

Toon: "I got it."

Sonic: "How? You're scrawny. We need someone strong to climb up that tree."

Toon: "Hey, I'm strong! Plus I got me boomerang here."

Toon Link hurled his boomerang at the coconut, aiming to knock it down. However, he miscalculated his throw, and the boomerang sailed past the tree, disappearing into the dense forest. His eyes widened in horror as he let out a dramatic wail.

"My boomeraaaang!" he cried, sprinting a few steps forward before hesitating. The dark, looming trees swallowed his weapon whole, and he realized retrieving it wouldn't be so easy.

Sonic: "Nice throw, jackass."

Toon: "Fuck off!"

Sonic: "I thought you were good at usin' your weapons."

Toon: "I am! I-it's because I'm stressed and hungry you cunt!"

Sonic: "Who're ya callin' a cunt? You fuckin' midget!"

Toon: "You're shorter than me, rat!"

Sonic: "I'm a hedgehog, idiot."

Gordon: "You both are fucking ridiculous!"

Sonic: "Who asked you? You're literally useless."

Popo: "I'm huuungryy…"

Sonic: "Then go climb up that tree and grab that coconut. You're an ice climber. Do your part."

Popo: "I don't feel good…"

Sonic: "Nobody feels good. Get over it, and climb that fuckin' tree!"

Popo: "Stop yelling at me!"

Gordon: "Enough! Shut the fuck up, Kawasaki!"

Pit: "Oh dear…"

Little Mac: "G-guys… *winces* stop fightin'."

Sonic: "This is all your fault!"

Gordon: "Yeah, why the fuck you bring us here?"

Little Mac: "I-I didn't m-mean it…"

Pit: "It's not his fault. He wouldn't have known."

Sonic: "He's the one that allowed that dumbass alligator to move the ship around. He didn't even tell us!"

Little Mac: "I'm—s-sorry…"

Pit: "Please stop bullying him. He's hurt."

Sonic: "I don't give a fuck! He deserves it for bringin' us in this mess. Now we're gonna starve to death, thanks to him."

Little Mac: ["I miss Kirby."]

Sonic: "And all he can think of is his stupid girlfriend."

Little Mac: "She's not—ow… stupid."

Gordon: "Kawasaki, I said stop!"

Sonic: "Oh and look. The famous chef is goin' crazy. It's the fuckin' cave all over again!"

Popo: "I NEED FOOD!"

Pit: "G-guys, please calm down. We can figure this out together."

Popo: "I-I'm gonna eat ya."

Pit: "Me?"

Popo: "Yeah. I don't wanna eat coconuts anymore. It's not fillin' and there's not a lot. I need meat. I need you."

Pit: "Now hold on there, Popo, you're going crazy."

Sonic: "Nah, I agree. You're lookin' mighty tasty."

Pit: "G-guys, please! We need to stick together."

Little Mac: "N-no, don't eat Pit."

Gordon: "We're not eating anybody!"

Sonic: "You can't tell me what to do! I'm eatin' him!"

Little Mac: "Pit—run!"

Pit: "Oh Palutena!"

The angel bolted, his wings twitching uselessly as fear propelled him forward. Sonic and Popo exchanged a glance, giving each other a knowing nod before tearing after him with alarming speed.

"Guys, help!" Little Mac shouted, his voice raw with desperation as he turned to Gordon and Toon. But they stood frozen, paralyzed by fear. It was too much—too fast. Toon's mind reeled, unable to comprehend how his once-close friends had turned rabid, hunger stripping them of their humanity. His stomach churned. This couldn't be real. It shouldn't be real.

Meanwhile with Ness and Lucas…

The two talked about their predicament while Ness recast his line, the water rippling gently around them.

Lucas: "Man, still no luck."

Ness: "Fishing does take a while."

Lucas: "Let me try."

Ness: "No, I got this."

Lucas: "Aww, c'mon let me try~"

Ness: "Okay, okay. Fine."

Ness handed the fishing pole to Lucas, who flashed him a cheeky grin before settling into his spot. As the blonde began to fish, Ness watched him, eyes lost in the vastness of the ocean. Lucas's gaze mirrored the endless blue, a soft reminder of Paula: his childhood crush.

Ness's attention drifted, and his eyes fell on Lucas's thigh. His heart skipped as he hesitated, but then gently placed his hand there. He felt Lucas flinch slightly, and his gaze snapped to his friend. Lucas's eyes remained on the horizon, but his flushed cheeks didn't escape Ness's notice.

It was adorable. The brunet smiled, a sense of pride swelling in his chest. He'd gotten this shy, flustered response from Lucas, a reaction he didn't get from Tina.

Tina was confident, assertive, and Ness loved that about her, but something about making Lucas blush like this felt more thrilling. Both had their appeal, but this—this was exciting in a way he couldn't explain.

"Hey, Lucas," Ness's voice broke through the peaceful silence.

Lucas: "Y-yes?"

Ness: "Did you want to—I don't know… maybe…"

Lucas: "Yes?"

Ness: "Well because y'know, things have been pretty stressful ever since we became stranded on this island a-and I've been too busy trying to get everyone calm. There really hasn't been time for just the two of us, so I was wondering if we could…"

Lucas: "Kiss?"

Ness: "Only if you're comfortable! It just seems like a good chance because y'know, the group is over there and we're alone for once. Haha… m-might as well while they're—

Lucas: "I would like that."

"Oh." Ness's breath hitched, his heart racing as they inched closer. Their eyes fluttered shut, the world fading away as the space between them closed. Just as their lips were about to meet, a piercing scream broke through the air, causing them both to jump apart.

Ness's face twisted with annoyance as the two psychics opened their eyes and turned toward the source of the noise. What they saw made Ness's frustration grow: Sonic and Popo were wrestling Pit to the ground, the rope Ness had tucked away in his rucksack now tied around the angel's limbs.

"I can't leave them alone for one minute," Ness muttered, shaking his head in disbelief. He stood up and sprinted toward them, his legs moving quickly despite his irritation. Lucas let out a soft sigh, his brow furrowing. Of course they had to ruin it. Each step he took behind Ness felt heavier, like the weight of the moment was slipping further from his grasp.

Ness: "SONIC, POPO, ENOUGH!"

Popo: "WE'RE EATIN' HIM!"

Toon: "Popo, please…"

Popo: "I'm sorry, Toonie. I need meat."

Sonic: "You can't stop us! I know y'all want a taste of Pit too! I bet even he does."

Pit: "I am hungry..."

Popo: "Yeaaah. Just imagine, we make chicken wings. Mmm~ he'd taste great with buffalo sauce, don't ya think?"

Little Mac: "Mmm~ buffalo…"

Sonic: "Some nice cooked delicious meat over here. Gordon, you're a chef, right? Think you can make him delicious? Maybe we can find some flavoring in the forest."

Gordon's stomach growled loudly, the sound echoing in the quiet. He couldn't help but picture hot, crispy buffalo chicken wings, dripping with ranch or barbecue sauce. The thought made his mouth water, and for a moment, it felt like his whole world had narrowed to the craving. He wanted to call the two crazy for their ideas, but deep down, he knew they were right. He missed meat, too. And if they didn't act soon, they were all going to starve. What other choice did they have?

Gordon: "Perhaps I could figure something out while somebody goes out into the forest to find salt. Maybe some flowers can help enhance the flavor."

Ness: "WWHAT!"

Sonic: "Hell yeah! Gordon's on our side~"

Popo: "Mmm~ I can't wait to eat Pit."

Little Mac: "I'm not gonna lie, I'm a big guy. Fruits and berries ain't gonna cut it for me."

Lucas: "G-guys?"

Ness: "You guys can't be serious."

Gordon: "Sorry, kid. We can't take it anymore. I'm tired of eating coconuts."

Ness: "I made a fishing rod. We can eat fish."

Sonic: "Did you catch anyone?"

Ness: "N-no."

Sonic: "Then I'm eatin' Pit."

Popo: "I ain't gonna wait for fish. I'm hungry now."

Ness: "Preparing to eat Pit is going to take a long time y'know. You have to gut him."

Lucas: "I have an idea, while Ness fishes, I can search the forest area for any other resources, like squirrels."

Sonic: "Squirrels? How the fuck are we gonna catch those?"

Lucas: "With traps."

Little Mac: "Nah, I'm good. Eating Pit sounds easier. We already caught him."

Pit: "Do I have a say in any of this?"

Sonic and Popo: "No!"

Pit: "Hear me out."

Sonic: "Fine. I'm listenin'."

Pit: "What if we ate Little Mac instead?"

Little Mac: "What the fuck?!"

Pit: "He's bigger. He'll last us longer than I would. Look at me, I'm scrawny."

Sonic: "Hmm, tempting offer."

Little Mac: "Don't eat me. Sure I'm big, but my meat is too tough. You'd have a better time eatin' Pit, plus he got wings. I bet they're tender."

Pit: "It's mostly bone!"

Ness: "Do you guys hear yourselves right now? You're all talking about eating each other!"

Sonic: "Yeah, so?"

Ness: "SO?!"

Lucas: "You'll become cannibals."

Sonic: "I don't count. I'm a hedgehog."

Ness: "GUYS! IT'S PIT!"

Popo: "We know."

Ness: "He's our frieeend."

Sonic: "Yeah and our friend is being a hero by sacrificing himself."

Pit: "I don't agree to this!"

Ness: "Sonic, release Pit or else."

Sonic: "Or else what? It's four against three."

"Four?" Ness asked, his brow furrowing as he turned to Toon Link. "Toon?" He blinked, trying to make sense of the confused look on the small hero's face.

Toon: "Uh…"