Fragile as Glass

Chapter 9

Otabek wasn't as ready as he thought. He told Yuuri he wanted to go that night after dinner, but he found himself pacing the spare bedroom once dinner was done, trying, and failing, to work up the courage to walk just down the street to where he knew Yuri would be. What was he supposed to say? He had to say something. Yuuri agreed that he had to be the one to lead the way, but how was he supposed to do that when he literally had no idea what to say.

So, he didn't go. He returned to the living room feeling like a kicked puppy when he sat down next to Yuuri to watch whatever he had turned on the tv. Victor raised an eyebrow at him, and he shrugged before relaxing back into the couch and ignoring the looks that both older men kept sending his way. He went to bed that night knowing the frantic whisperings in Japanese by both Victor and Yuuri were about him.

When Otabek got up in the morning after a terrible night's sleep, he shuffled to the kitchen and was greeted by Yuuri setting two plates of eggs and toast on the table. Makka was nowhere to be found. He turned to Otabek with a smile on his face. "Come eat while it's still hot." Yuri ordered as he sat in his chair.

Otabek shuffled over and plopped himself down on his own chair. He and Yuuri sat in silence as they ate, and as Yuuri finished his meal he sat back and gave Otabek a long, serious look. Otabek was starting to get uncomfortable when Yuuri finally spoke up. "I thought you were going to go speak with Yurio yesterday? Do you want to talk about it."

Otabek sat back with a sigh. He knew it was coming. Of course, he did. But it didn't make it any easier to face. "I guess… I'm just nervous. What am I supposed to say?"

"That can be difficult. Do you want my advice?" Yuuri asked, and Otabek nodded. "You tell him the truth. The whole truth. Start with how being ignored made you feel. Talk about what you expected from being his friend and what needs to change in order for you to stay friends. Tell him about your feelings for him, but make sure you explain that you can't act on those feelings right now, and neither should he. Respond to the things he says. Comfort him and let him comfort you. Establish right from the beginning that you expect full disclosure in this conversation. No more secrets or surprises. Communication is hard, Otabek, but it's something you two need to learn, and you need to start somewhere."

"How does one work on communication, exactly?" Otabek asked. He wasn't really sure where to begin.

"This conversation is going to be a great start but set some ground rules. When either of you has a question or concern, you need to be willing to listen to each other. Some of those conversations are hard to have, or awkward, and some you may not want to have, but make sure you both know that they need to happen anyways. Once you're in a relationship, I can't stress enough how important it is to be willing to talk about absolutely anything. Imagine when you get to the point of having sex, and you don't establish what's okay and what's not, because it was too awkward, but then sex becomes a terrible experience. That's just one example of why communication is so important. Ask questions, be willing to answer some weird ones. Nothing is off the table in the realm of conversations. Does that make sense?"

Otabek nodded. "Yes. It does. I'm just nervous. What if it goes badly and Yuri doesn't want to be my friend anymore?"

"Then it does. But I can almost guarantee that it won't happen. Everything will work out exactly the way it's supposed to. It'll be fine. But if, for any reason, it doesn't work out, you are welcome here for as long as you'd like to stay. I would like to say you're a friend of my own now, if you aren't opposed to the idea."

That made Otabek smile. "I like the sound of that."

"Great. But I'm not your best friend. You need to talk to him to make sure you're still his. But after practice, or Victor's going to flip a lid. Come on, let's get ready." Yuuri stood from his chair and took their plates to wash them while Otabek went to change into his practice gear. They left the house at the same time. Yuuri went to the rink and Otabek went to do his off-ice training.

Otabek arrived at the rink as Yuuri was stepping off the ice. He warned, "Victor's in a mood. I don't know why. Good luck."

As warned, Victor was extra harsh today, and Otabek was exhausted. He really hoped he could resolve everything today so that he could sleep well. He needed it. Yuri probably needed it, too. He had to be in France for the Trophée de France this coming weekend.

By the time he stepped off the ice, Otabek was beat. He just wanted to curl up in his own bed and go to sleep, but he had one more thing he had to do. He went back to Yuuri and Victor's house to shower and change, then he mustered up all his confidence and left the house. He ran into a sweaty Yuuri as he was leaving, coming back from a run from the looks of things. "Heading over there?" Yuuri panted. Otabek nodded. "Good. Let me know how it goes?"

"Sure. If all goes well, I'll come get my things later." Otabek said, and Yuuri smiled at him.

"It will, so I'll see you later. Bring Yurio with you if you do make-up. I'm making katsudon for dinner, so you two can join me and Victor. Thanks for that, by the way. Victor loosened up a bit and we have some new rules. He said you encouraged him to allow me a cheat meal once in a while. I'm eternally grateful."

"I'm glad. It bothered me quite a bit that he would eat in front of you and not let you have any." Otabek explained.

"Well, it won't be happening anymore. He said if I can't eat it then he won't either. Now, go. Stop stalling."

Otabek gave Yuuri a quick smile, then stepped around him and started walking in the direction of his shared apartment with Yuri. He used the short time to try and come up with how to start this conversation, but by the time he was approaching the front door, he was still coming up blank. So, with the plan to just wing it, he unlocked the door and entered the house.

Immediately upon the door closing, he heard Yuri's voice from the living room. "I told you already that you don't need to visit me every day. You don't need to hover, Pork Cutlet Bowl." So, Yuuri had been visiting Yuri every day.

Otabek didn't say anything just yet. He approached the open door to the living room and stood in the doorway, not sure what else he should do. Yuri turned his head, and his eyes went wide. He was a mess. His hair looked like it hadn't been brushed in days, and dark shadows made his normally vibrant eyes look dark and sunken. "Bek…" He stopped short, probably remembering the last thing Otabek said to him. "Um… Otabek. You're here."

Otabek felt his heart crack at the sound of his full name coming from Yuri. He shook his head. "I guess that's where I'll start. May I sit? We need to talk."

Yuri nodded and scooted to one side of the couch, jostling Potya, who jumped from his lap and looked at him with utter disdain. She went to leap onto her cat tree and observe them from higher ground.

Otabek took his place at the other end of the couch and took a deep breath. "Before I start, can I ask that we both do one thing?" He waited for Yuri's confirmation nod, then he continued, "I want us both to be completely honest with each other. I don't want to guess any more, and you shouldn't have to guess what I'm thinking either. Full disclosure?"

Yuri nodded. "I agree. I… don't want to keep secrets anymore."

"Good. Then, can I start?" Yuri nodded again, and Otabek wasted no time in getting to the meat of the conversation. "First, I want to apologize for the things I said to you. You're my best friend, and you always will be, no matter how angry I am at you. I really need you to understand that. There's not much you could do to make me want to stop being your friend or make me think you're anything other than my best friend. You're the only person in the world who calls me Beka, and I never want you to stop. So, first things first, please go back to calling me Beka. I'm so sorry I ever suggested that you couldn't anymore. Can you forgive me for that?"

Yuri smiled at him timidly. "Of course, I can, Beka. But I'm sorry I made you feel like you even had to say those things. I hurt you, and I deserved every word. I haven't been a very good friend since you got here, and I'm sorry."

"That's the next thing I wanted to talk about. I wasn't kidding when I said that half the reason I moved here was to be closer to you. You probably understand this already, but I want to make it very clear that being ignored by you hurt more than words can describe, especially because I came here to be with you. I hated feeling like you didn't want me around."

Yuri swallowed thickly and closed his eyes for a moment. "I know. And I knew what I was doing was wrong. I have no excuse other than that I was afraid. You're my best friend, and I should have just talked to you about what I was feeling and thinking. Everything would have been so much easier if I had."

"And I'm going to give you the chance to do that. I'd like it if you would, but I think it probably has a lot to do with my next topic." Otabek took a deep breath before continuing. He really didn't want to be shut down again. "I really do want to talk about what happened at the airport. Everything that's happened started then, and I don't think it's a topic we can avoid any longer. Do you agree?"

Yuri nodded hesitantly, biting his lip nervously. "I do."

"I know why you've avoided the topic. I know you're scared of me thinking I'll hate you or be disgusted by you or that it'll ruin our friendship. I can promise you it won't. I can see now that I approached the topic the wrong way. I tried to get you to confess your feelings when I should have been revealing my own. It was selfish of me, and I'm sorry for that, too. I have feelings for you, Yuri Plisetsky. I like you. I had hoped that by the end of that conversation that I would have the opportunity to ask you to be my boyfriend."

Yuri's eyes went wide. "You're joking."

"No. I'm not."

"So, if I had just sucked it up and talked to you like you wanted, I would have had a boyfriend by now?" Yuri groaned and let his head fall backwards. "I feel really dumb right now."

Otabek shook his head and couldn't help but laugh a little. But then he remembered what he had agreed on with Yuuri and his laughter died. "But I can't do that now. I can't act on my feelings after everything that's happened."

Yuri slowly lifted his head and looked at him, his brows furrowed. "Why?"

"We have some things to work on, you and I. Things that'll be easier to fix as just friends. I want you to be my boyfriend, Yuri. But only after we've worked on a few things first. The biggest one is communication. We need to be better at talking to each other about the not so good things. Our fear, anger, sadness, and confusion are just as important to talk about as the good things we've always shared. I need to know if I can talk to you about anything. And I mean anything, Yuri. I'm not so sure of that right now. So, we need to give it some time before we can take that step and honestly work on this in the meantime. Is that okay?"

"I don't like it, but I understand."

"I don't like it either, but it needs to happen."

Yuri nodded in agreement, then he said, "is it my turn?"

"Yes, I'm done." Otabek sat back against the arm rest and waited for Yuri to say what he needed to say.

Yuri took a deep breath. "I have feelings for you, too. I've said it already, but I'm feeling pretty stupid right now. I know I should have just talked to you in the first place. And I don't mean when you got here and asked about it. Yes, I should have talked then at the latest, but I should have just done it long before then. Before the kiss happened at all. I contemplated it at the hotel the night you told me you were moving to Japan. I had seen the way you looked at me and I guessed at your feelings, too. But my own insecurities got in the way, and I talked myself out of it, convincing myself that you only saw me as a friend. But then the idea kept coming back, and before I knew it, I had kissed you. It was only on the cheek, but it scared me, so I ran before I could make a bigger fool of myself, or so I thought.

"Then Victor and Yuuri pried the information out of me, and I tried to convince them as much as myself that you didn't return my feelings and never would. Yuuri warned me to not ignore it, that it would only hurt me in the end, but I ignored him. I never should have done that. I should probably apologize to him, too.

"And then you didn't bring it up in the two weeks you were in Kazakhstan, and I had convinced myself that you had also decided to leave it be. It was only when you brought it up here that I realized you were just waiting to talk to me in person. After you didn't drop it the first time, I got scared that even though you promised to leave it alone, you'd still try to bring it up. So, I avoided you completely. I thought if you didn't see me that you wouldn't have the opportunity to talk about it. I didn't think about how avoiding you would also count as pushing you away. I was so wrong, all the way through. I'm so sorry, Beka. I'm sorry for not talking to you, for dismissing your feelings and the topics of conversation you wanted to have just because it was a little uncomfortable for me. I'm sorry for ignoring and avoiding you, and I'm sorry for making you feel like I couldn't be your best friend anymore, even if it was only in the heat of the moment. I'm just really sorry."

Otabek listened to every word Yuri said with rapt attention, and as Yuri finished his spiel and his many apologies, he felt the tension of the last weeks melting away. "I forgive you. Can you just promise me that you'll talk to me from now on? About anything and everything? There's nothing you could say that I wouldn't want to listen to or talk to you about. I'm your friend, and I want you to know I'm here, no matter what. We can work through just about anything if we're willing to talk about it."

"I promise." Yuri said with conviction then asked nervously, "can I have a hug?"

"Of course, you can, Yura. Get over here." Otabek opened his arms just in time to catch Yuri, who launched himself across the couch for his hug.

"Are we best friends again?" Yuri asked into Otabek's shoulder, his legs wrapped tightly around Otabek's waist.

"We never stopped." Otabek replied, burying his own face into the joint of Yuri's neck and shoulder. It felt good to have Yuri back, exactly as he should be: clingy and happy. They held each other a little longer before Yuri pulled away and moved to slide back a bit on the couch. Otabek caught his wrist and said, pointing in the direction of Potya's cat tree, "what's that?"

Yuri turned to look, confusion plain on his face, and Otabek moved in to place his lips on Yuri's cheek. He pulled away and Yuri's head whipped back around to stare at him. "Now we're even. Come on, Yuuri is making katsudon for dinner and wanted us to join him and Victor at their place."

Yuri didn't react for a moment, but then he gathered his senses. "Victor is letting Katsudon eat katsudon?" Yuri asked in surprise, following Otabek off the couch.

"Yep." Otabek then launched into his story about the fight Victor had been having with his own Yuuri, and how Otabek had helped him overcome it.

"Of course, they were fighting over food. That's so on-brand for those two, you don't even know. They have some of the most ridiculous fights you've ever seen. It's a good thing they're totally in love, or they wouldn't last a week. Well, whatever. Let me jump in the shower. I feel gross and I didn't shower after practice. Then we can go."

Otabek waited for Yuri to shower, then he offered to braid Yuri's hair, and the blonde agreed enthusiastically. Otabek liked it because he could see both of Yuri's eyes clearly. They were green today, and Otabek wished he could lean in for a kiss.

On their way to Yuuri and Victor's house, Yuri asked, "How long do you think it'll take? Before we can be boyfriends?"

Otabek thought about it. He wanted to give a timeline, but this just wasn't one of those things. "I don't know, Yura. I wish I did, but I don't think we should put a time limit on this. We need to just do what comes naturally."

"Okay." Yuri answered and they approached the door. Otabek didn't bother knocking, just let himself in and was hit with the unmistakable smell of katsudon.

Yuuri's head poked around the corner as Yuri and Otabek started to take their shoes off. He sighed when he spotted Yuri and then a huge smile took over his face. "Oh, good. Did you two make up then?"

Otabek nodded, and Yuri darted into the house to go start rambling to Yuuri, and the older man listened and smiled indulgently. Victor came out of nowhere soon after and started adding his input to the conversation, interrupting Yuri. Otabek wasn't really listening, so he didn't know what they were talking about, but he didn't care. He took a place at the small table close by and rested his chin in his hand as he watched the exchange. Things were finally back to the way they should be, and he couldn't have been happier about it.