Serenity, Godsmack

I'm the one in your soul, reflecting in the light
Protect the ones who hold you
Cradling your inner child

I need serenity
In a place where I can hide
I need serenity
Nothing changes, days go by

Where do we go when we just don't know
And how do we relight the flame when it's cold?
Why do we dream when our thoughts mean nothing
And when will we learn to control?

The next week passed in much the same manner, with Ginny and Ron avoiding him in two different ways, Hermione doing anything but. He'd managed to get his running time to fifteen minutes with a good pace, but he couldn't imagine forty.

The thing in his head had begun pestering him early in the week to let it show him Legilimency on Snape. Which was something it wanted to do for unknown reasons, although Harry could hazard a guess. He'd told it that there was no way that he was going to do that. The risk was too great. It had argued back that wasting time was the greater risk, and they'd been stuck on it for days.

The Slytherins had gone from watching him in horror, to confusion, then for some reason to awe, still mixed with bafflement. Several times, he'd passed Malfoy or Zabini in the corridor, and they'd paused, mouths open with unasked questions before they would walk away, shaking their heads in silence. He'd wanted to ask, but he had Hermione, hovering and watching when she was with him and when she wasn't. Which was a problem on that day particularly because he was meeting Cassiopeia at eleven. He'd briefly considered just not going, but the thing had thrown an unholy tantrum at the mere suggestion.

Harry sat in the Common Room, watching Ron watching Hermione.

'Let- Would you consider,' it began, and Harry flicked his eyes back to the Herbology text in his lap, 'Would you consider… Letting me fight her,'

'Do you mean to say that you have the means to control my body and my magic?' Harry forced the thought out with emphasis on each word. There was a long pause.

'You suspected as much,'

Harry fought to stay in his seat, glancing at Hermione, 'I… You also know I didn't want it to be true,'

'I do. You think I would cause havoc, hurt the people you love, do objectively evil things. You think I would do things you won't admit you want. You think I'd do these things,' there was something like adrenaline making Harry's heart pound, 'Without permission.'

'So, you'd do those things… With permission? Why would I give you permission to do any of that?'

'Why would you.' It repeated.

Harry frowned, tucking his head lower and turning the page of the book he wasn't reading.

'Like they said, you've been kept weak on purpose. Is that what you want? To stay that way? We can show you how. You can watch through your eyes, feel what I feel, so you can learn.' It said once he'd thought it was done. Harry swallowed.

'I'm not… Stronger than you in your own mind. I cannot move you unless you allow it. If you take it back, I cannot keep it from you.' The voice was needling, sensing a small agreement in his thoughts. That yes, for some reason he wasn't as strong as he should have been, considering what he'd been set against.

But what he'd been set against was Voldemort.

'Who better to train you, then.'

Harry sucked in a breath and could feel himself losing the fight. He was annoyed with the way it found the path of least resistance, every time. It wasn't wrong. And it wasn't a bad idea. In theory.

'And the Vow? You can't say anything about it to her with my mouth, can you?'

'It's not something I'd risk trying.'

'Are you sure about that? She made you lose it last time. Every time we dream about her you need to overdose us on Calming Draughts.'

'She caught me off guard. I know how to say nothing to Cassiopeia. For all intents and purposes, I'll be you.'

Harry thought the odds were good that she would figure it out straight away, but if it didn't break the Vow that wouldn't matter anyway. They'd already assumed it was sentient.

'Exactly,' Harry could practically hear it purring in his ear.

He likely would learn faster if his body moved of its own accord. If he could follow it, watch it, and create muscle memory. He was also interested in the idea of having a fighting chance against the vampire.

'We agree?'

'Well, no, I didn't say that yet,' Harry resisted, but they both knew he'd given in.

That night the plan was the same, act as though the room had broken Hermione's magic, which they hadn't been able to confirm if she believed. He'd cast Liquida Tenebris the night before, tucked in his warded bed, not wanting either of them to be as foggy as last time.

Having the same plan twice made both nervous, but the Time-Turner went a long way in settling his anxiety. What evil could he possibly be getting into in the Room of Requirement in the span of two to ten minutes by himself? He threw on his invisibility cloak at a quarter past ten, a new fear in his gut as he quietly pushed the portrait open.

He was going to let the thing in his head control his body. He was taking its word that it wouldn't be able to keep control. He hadn't seen anything indicating that that wasn't the case, but the nerves fired up regardless. The voice didn't say anything to him as he made his way through the halls, keeping a brisk pace but careful not to make any noise.

By the time he was inside the room, his heart was hammering. He tucked the cloak and the map away. The Time-Turner lived around his neck.

'How… Do we do this then?' Harry asked, grateful to not have to use his voice.

'Relax. Don't fight,'

At once there was a sensation like the thing was expanding, unravelling as it grasped at the threads of his consciousness. His body jerked as he fought the automatic desire to resist. It was pulling him gently into the space it usually occupied while his blood was screaming, though the beat of it felt further and further away. He experienced his limbs as though they were fully numb. He knew where they were in space, but suddenly couldn't move them, couldn't gauge sensation accurately.

'Relax,' It repeated, sounding much more like it was outside his head, its voice reverberating in his ears. His senses slowly dulled, slightly muffled and blurred like was watching his life on an old television. He could feel its emotions and hear its thoughts as though he was in a cyclone of them. Harry felt much smaller in his own head.

The thing itself was ecstatic. It looked at Harry's hands and it laughed, a short, sharp sound. The Chosen One could feel its excitement like he was being showered in it, crackling in his brain. It sharply inhaled, then exhaled, then inhaled again. Then it laughed a second time, gasping until it sat them down on the stone in a heap. Harry was watching it all, slightly worried. He'd figured that it wanted this, he'd guessed as much when it had asked. Harry had seen the value in it, and so disregarded the fact that he was being corralled. The reality that it was so overjoyed it had to sit down was making him second guess himself though. Despite that, he could feel he could indeed take his body and magic back, it was almost an effort not to.

"Don't. Please-" It shook Harry's head at the sound of their voice, "I did want this... I wasn't expecting it to be so… It's been a long time since-"

'Is this how it feels to be you?' Harry asked.

It looked at his hands again, "I think so," it stood up, shaky.

Harry could feel his heart beating as though it was kilometres away. A fresh wave of adrenaline washed over them as the thing raised his hands and shot an explosion of electricity into the air from his fingers. While inside his own head, Harry could see the workings of it. He could see the dark tendrils of the thing connected to every nerve and fibre, see his magic thrumming under its command in his mind's eye. But he could also see another bubble of magic, one that he was familiar with. He realised with a start that it was indeed not his as he reached out to touch it. It was darker, angrier, and smaller than his own, though it felt no less potent.

It stopped shooting bolts into the room when it noticed him examining the ball of power.

'You weren't lying…' Harry said, though it felt more to himself. The magic roiled under his touch, simultaneously pulling away and pulling him in.

"It's a shame you haven't noticed, Harry, that I seldom lie to you," it said as it cast a wordless, wandless Tempus, and stepped into the cabinet.

It stepped out, spotted Narcissa, and gave her a sharp nod as it took her arm before she offered it. Which, more than anything prior, made her gasp in alarm. It tugged her arm impatiently, and she Apparated them to the heavily warded, far-flung building, then disappeared with a crack.

It was already holding wandless shields in place as it pushed the door open and stepped inside. At first glance the room was empty, but its eyes found Nagini, in the corner of the room obscured by the desk, curled in a large pile, head raised watching him. Harry felt its breath hitch, was overwhelmed with its adoration as it approached her without hesitation, cupping her head in both of Harry's hands.

"There she is," it cooed in Parseltongue. Nagini didn't respond, but allowed them to touch her, not taking her eyes off theirs.

'Why is she here? I thought we were seeing Cassiopeia?' Harry asked, nervous.

'Safe to assume the Dark Lord is nearby.' It told him, nonplussed, stroking Nagini between the eyes with two fingers.

It stayed there for a moment before it stood and turned toward the door, taking a few steps back from the snake; watching the entry. A few minutes later it opened, and Cassiopeia appeared, already smiling at him. Harry felt it brace as she slowly approached them, examining. Magic was already crackling from the both of them, making her grin wide. Harry felt his face smile too, small, but she noticed it, taking three quick steps forward so they were inches apart. She put one hand up, palm facing him as she stopped.

The thing put Harry's hand up as she reached them, and touched their hand to hers, palm to palm. Harry's heart was pounding at the sight of her, but the thing made no indication outwardly that it was having an effect. She was grinning madly, eyes wide.

"I see you," she whispered.

The thing drew back Harry's spare fist and threw it at her face.

To Harry's shock, it landed. She spat blood on the floor; still smiling as she lunged for him. It rolled backward, taking her with him, flipping her over with her momentum. It and the vampire corrected at the same time, circling, grinning.

It released a shockwave of magic from Harry's body, shattering the windows and stumbling her. It sent out two more before she could get back on her feet, stepping backwards away from her while it moved his arm above his head, magic swirling around the room as it swept all the shards of glass into the air. With the other hand, it spewed the blackness of Liquida Tenebris, keeping the vampire in place. It was deliberate in not allowing the spell back in, but Harry could feel it was not a small amount of concentrated effort.

The instant it released the darkness, it shot the shards of glass at her, thousands of pieces shredding the shield she fought to keep up. It dropped the glass once they began to break through, cutting gashes into her face and arms. She was still smiling, supernaturally fast as she ran at them; shooting random magic frantically that it struggled to deflect as she tackled them a second time. It threw up a shield that she shattered with what felt like a Bombarda, winding them.

Then she slammed her fangs into Harry's neck, making it scream. She ripped her head back, mouth spilling blood all over the front of them as it struggled out from under her. It kicked her with both feet directly in the mouth with a satisfying crack as soon as it was able. She scrambled backward, laughing, hair wild, face and body covered in blood and wounds. She leaned against the wall, still sitting; legs splayed out in front of her.

"What happened to not biting?" The thing spat, hand on Harry's neck.

"He didn't say anything about not biting you. Have you missed that as much as I have?"

"More," it laughed again, the same short, sharp sound.

They watched each other for a long moment, and Harry felt the million things that it wanted to say to her whirling in his head.

Nagini took that moment to shake glass off her body, distracting the thing as it removed the rest of the shards from on and around the serpent with Harry's magic.

"Forgive me," it told the snake in Parseltongue.

"Forgiven, Tom," Nagini said.

The name hit it like a punch in the gut, Harry felt it stop breathing. Its thoughts jumped wildly; he got whiplash trying to follow them. All at once he was aware of how much it resented being a 'thing'. Being 'it'. Nameless and squashed, despised by the only person it could communicate with. It had loathed the name, once, hated what it had represented, but it loathed what Harry had created with far more intensity.

The realization that Nagini had seen and acknowledged it had taken the wind out of both of them. Harry was shocked to mostly feel guilty. It was beginning to scramble in his head as though it was a monkey trapped in a cage, which made Harry feel worse.

"We've been productive," it said, standing, locking eyes with Cassiopeia, "I'm leaving."

She'd been watching them with curiosity and continued to do so as it stalked out of the house and the wards, Apparating back to Borgin and Burkes. It didn't look for Narcissa as it climbed into the cupboard and closed the door.

'I'm… I didn't realise…' Harry said as it emerged from the cupboard in the Room of Requirement. He could feel the pain it was in at the thought of returning to the confines of his head, the panic and desperation that rose with it. Over and over the image of Cassiopeia and Nagini flashed in his head; desperate to be with them; howling to be free of the Chosen One.

"Of course, you didn't realise," it hissed, "I'm nothing to you."

Harry could feel the tightness in his throat. It seemed to be waiting for Harry to take his body and magic back, but he didn't. He waited, quiet, feeling far more guilt than he'd anticipated. It crossed the space and collected the cloak and the map, questioning him but not directly. He ignored the silent question as it healed the bite on his neck, vanishing the blood as it threw the cloak over their heads and moved toward the exit, turning the Time-Turner one and a half times. Once the room was done whizzing around, it took them out of the room and back to the tower, not saying anything to him. Harry responded in kind.

He could feel that it was confused at being allowed to remain in control, despite no longer needing to. The truth of it was that Harry felt cruel. So, he didn't do anything as it walked back, let it cast sticking and silencing charms on his curtains. As it laid back on his bed and closed their eyes it was still questioning him, seemingly unwillingly. He continued to ignore it, sensing that it wasn't really asking; that it didn't want him to acknowledge it. As though trying to hide from his perception while being undeniably massive. Harry wondered if this was what it looked like when he was trying to be tactful.

'Just… Go to sleep,' he told it, after a few minutes had passed and it became clear it couldn't stop looping its thoughts.

When he awoke the next morning, it was quiet in his head. He could feel it, curled small, as far from him as it seemed possible for it to get. So, he left it, guilt still washing through him as he walked alone to an early breakfast. He was surprised to see Ginny in the hall, one of the only Gryffindors, and one of the seven students all counted at breakfast at ten past six in the morning on a Sunday. He sat beside her before she could bolt, hoping that sitting beside and not across from her would soothe her nerves.

"Ginny, wait," he said as she made to stand, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that."

"I haven't told anyone, Harry," she scoffed as though she thought that was the only reason he was apologizing.

"No- I… It's not up to me… Who you tell," Harry bit out, "I shouldn't have done it. But you took the cloak. You've been sneaking around and lying to me, Ginny," he said, and she abruptly stood up.

"Oh? And it's your business? In the same way that you're lying and sneaking about is mine?" She hissed, climbing off the bench seat, and storming away before he could say another word.