trying my best we are almost at the end I swear

Chapter 20 two days later Spike's POV

Two days, Two freaking days and I haven't told her, Arceus why am I so scared to tell her?!

Part of me would like to say it was because I haven't found the perfect moment but even if I did I don't think I'd have the courage to tell her. Am I really that scared of change?

Ok, let's be real for a sec I haven't exactly let too many people get close, for good reason mind you, it was ages ago, ancient history at this point… But am I actually over it? Like am I willing to let a person in my life and actually let them stay? Is that why Im so scared to tell her, because I'm afraid of the rug getting pulled from me somehow or some way? I'm not saying Dawn would intentionally hurt me Arceus no… I guess I'm afraid because the moment I actually say those three words everything becomes real, and if I somehow lose the one good thing I got going for me I honestly don't know what I'd do.

I'll be honest… it hurt finding out that my parents didn't want me and it hurt even more when the one person I thought I could trust ended up pulling a 180 on me. It hurt not only because of the betrayal but the fact that I actually cared for those people even if I try to deny it at times… I honestly don't know if I'd be able to go through losing someone close again

"Okay stop, forget your crappy childhood for five seconds, please. This isn't about that. Not everyone is like that… It's okay to have a little bit of faith in this… in her, and yourself…"

I took a deep breath and tried to focus on what was in front of me IE Dawn and I mean that in the most literal sense. She has been extra clingy these past couple of days, especially when she sleeps. Which, I mean that isn't necessarily a surprise but still, ever since that one night I've been trying to keep a closer eye on her. She's been having these night terrors… it's not to the extent of before, it's subtle. But I know that kind of fear, the kind that feels real that you're in imminent danger. it's something she doesn't really want to talk about from the look of it. I haven't confronted her about it, I just pretend to be asleep while she holds me almost possessively…

I'd like to say Dawn and I are pretty transparent about everything now, but she didn't really confide in me all that much that one night she nearly broke my nose, just a vague question if I was afraid of death.

"I just really hope it isn't the thing I think it's about- no, no just stop don't even bring it up, she's confided to you about her ex before and although I wouldn't quite say she's over it, this is something different and something sensitive from the look of it.

Just… think of the way she's holding onto you right now. I mean for crying out loud she's the big spoon right now not exactly a big deal or even surprising but her ribbons are quite literally knotted around you."

If I didn't know any better I'd say she's worried about me… but why?

"Maybe it's because you can't go long without getting your face smashed in by somebody else" a part of me chimed in.

That's fair… and ow, my pride

"What pride?"

also fair

I was interrupted from my thoughts as I felt her ribbons tighten around me again almost cutting off my circulation

Oh crap…

I tried to pull away but her ribbons latched onto me before I could even get an inch away

"Dawn… Dawn hey wake up" I spoke while squirming. Thankfully she didn't fling me around and woke up this time. She was panting heavily, her ribbons wrapped around herself securely. "Dawn, are you okay?" I probed but she didn't speak, suddenly the air got knocked out of me as she embraced me tightly.

"you're okay… you're okay…" she whimpered.

"Of course I'm okay…" I replied wiping her misty eyes whatever apprehension I had crumbled away, she was hurting and I needed to be there for her. She didn't speak she just kept holding me savoring the moment. I couldn't reject her embrace. I mean how could I? I embraced her gently.

"It's okay, I'm here… you're okay, I'm okay… I'm not going to let anything happen to you." I whispered to her softly. Arceus, she was shivering… I held her tighter. It took a couple of minutes for her to calm down but the silence that followed after was almost unbearable so I decided to break the ice for once.

"Dawn… what's going on? you don't have to answer if you don't want to… but you can tell me anything, you mean a lot to me and I want to be able to help you if I can…" She didn't look at me and I honestly thought I was asking for too much from her until she finally spoke. "I never did tell you much about my dad did I?"

"well not much, aside from the fact he's gone… you still haven't had enough time to grieve about it have you?" I replied starting to put the pieces together

"It's not that… Well not entirely, I told you that my dad died when I was pretty young but there's a reason why I don't like to bring it up- Arceus…" She cut herself off as if she didn't want me to know.

"You don't need to bring it up if it's that painful Dawn-"

"I know… it's just that this… This is still fresh but I need you to understand… I didnt always live here, My family and I were just migrated here from Hoenn. On the way I decided to wander off on my own I was focused more on the scenery, it was a stupid mistake… I ended up getting attacked by savage pokemon…"

My eyes widened at that I've heard about savage pokemon before, essentially they're pokemon that just lash out at any living thing after extensive periods of isolation in the wild but I honestly thought they were myths brought up by rescue teams, I mean there wasn't a whole lot of evidence to support that.

"Arceus…" I muttered already sensing the direction of where this story was going.

"My dad got to me first he managed to buy me enough time so I could run to my mom but you can probably guess the rest…"

"Dawn… I'm so sorry I didn't kn-" she cut me off

"you know what the worst part was? it wasn't the fact that I had to watch or wait until the screaming stopped… It was the guilt, the helplessness… Arceus… I- I- I haven't really talked to my mom about this, its probably just as traumatic for her as it was for me. But honestly… I- I think she blames me, I mean I can hardly blame her for thinking like that, if I-I had stayed close by maybe Dad would still be here today…"

She was practically rambling at this point, I didn't stop her I couldn't believe she was bottling something like that up for so long

"Almost every night I keep going back to that day, unable to change a thing…" She whispered as her ribbons wrapped around herself, her eyes now misty. I walked over to her before resting my paw on her. I couldn't believe she had been bottling this up for that long.

"Arceus, I can't imagine the amount of pain you're in Dawn… I'm sorry about your dad…" I hugged her tightly. "I… thank you spike but it's more complicated than that" She replied wiping her cheek with a ribbon.

"I'd imagine… I wouldn't know the first thing about the loss of family let alone a parent" I responded with a scratch of my neck.

"N-no it's not about him… I mean, I still miss him but…" she whispered.

"Then-?"

"It's about you… the dream I keep having… it's just like that day almost every detail intact but instead of him it- it's you… I know it's crazy, stupid even, but I keep thinking of when you stepped in to save me, how you got beaten because of me… I can't stand to see it… to see you battered and bloodied like that… to see the light leave your eyes… Arceus, it feels so real every time…" She confessed her ribbons wrapped around her as she trembled.

I was dumbfounded, I didn't know what to say, I never thought she was that worried for my safety. But the part that got to me was the fact that I could see something like that happening. I mean what if things had gone south with Shade's ex I'm pretty sure that fight probably wouldn't have ended well especially with Dawn nearby. I'm not strong… but I'd give my life in a heartbeat if it meant keeping her safe

I just embraced her tightly, reassuring her. "I'm here, you're safe, I'm safe I'm not going anywhere I promise"

Y'know, I never really took the time to appreciate how good things are now, In the past, I had to be the one looking out for myself, the fact that she cares that much means the world but at the same time it's also eating her up. "Dawn I know I'm not necessarily a strong fighter, but is that what's scaring you? That I might get into a fight and not walk out okay?" I asked slightly self-conscious about the fact I never really trained.

"No, Arceus no… I know you tend to avoid conflict unless it's necessary, besides you're stronger than what you give yourself credit for, not many survive three-on-ones… I'm more afraid of you getting hurt because of me. I… feel like I'm cursed or something, bad things keep coming my way and either I get hurt or the people I care about do. I mean you got hurt the last time I was attacked, all because they were after me."

"Don't you dare say that… something like that isn't your fault you couldn't have possibly known… It's not your fault I got hurt, either blame them or blame me for not being stronger."

"I know I know, I just don't want to repeat the same thing that happened to my dad" She answered facing away from me causing me to place my paw on her cheek.

"Dawn, look at me… it's not your fault, it's theirs, not yours… And I'm sure if you talked to your mom about this she would feel the same"

She hugged me tightly as she sobbed silently and at that moment I wanted to tell her how I felt but I just couldn't, It felt… wrong. So I just held her close, nuzzling her gently. Part of me felt guilty for not being stronger, for not training for her sake. I mean even if I try to avoid fights, what good does it serve me when I can't avoid it?

"I- I'm sorry if I gave you a scare… I should have better control of myself" She whispered, her eyes misty. "Don't apologize, you have nothing to be sorry for"

My breathing hitched as I felt her ribbons wrap around me again "I don't know what I'd do without you, Spike"

"Believe me the feeling is very much mutual"

To be continued...

Ok, we are at the home stretch now like maybe two more chapters or three if I decide to do an epilogue I did make some changes to how I initially wanted this story to end that I'll go into much greater detail about later but for anybody wanting to know why it's because I felt it was too cliche and overplayed even if it did feel fitting to Spikes character arc. Hopefully, it won't take too long til the next chapter I'm supposed to be graduating college this year so I'm hoping to cap off this story as well.