Chapter 26: The Voyage of This Unlucky Caravan!

Back on Earth, fixing armor as badly damaged as Darkness' had gotten would have been a long, arduous task to the point where it probably would have been better to just scrap it and use the metal for something else. In Belzerg, Kazuma just had to tap it a few times with a hammer and it was as good as new. It almost made him worry about what would happen if skills stopped working and everyone had to rely on doing things the old-fashioned way. Almost.

"Here you go," Kazuma leaned forward and handed the newly repaired breastplate over to Darkness, who accepted it with an oddly content smile on her face before slipping it on with practiced ease over her torn blue and green dress.

"Thank you," she responded, now that she was fully decked out in her familiar white armor. "You know, I'm surprised that your blacksmithing skill is high enough for you to be able to work on adamantite. It's the strongest metal known to exist, which means that it's also supposed to be the hardest to work with. Usually, only blacksmiths in advanced classes would be able to make something out of it."

"Well, it probably helps that I only had to repair it, and according to my smithing skill your armor is only about two percent adamantite," Kazuma explained. "But I did make sure to put some extra skill points into it after the Destroyer incident, just in case."

It had been a day since the direwolf attack and subsequent Fenrir incident and so far the trip had been mostly uneventful since then. A few weaker monsters had tried attacking but it was nothing that the guards couldn't deal with on their own and it wasn't even enough to slow the caravan down at all. So, Kazuma had been using that time to patch up Darkness' armor, a task that he had just finished, while the knight in question watched him with interest. Aqua waited impatiently for him to wrap it up so that she could go back to resting on his shoulder and Chris leaned back on her seat with her eyes closed and arms folded.

Overall, things had settled down to the point of actually being kind of boring. That wasn't a complaint, mind you. Kazuma liked boring. Boring was good. Boring meant that nothing bad was happening.

…

So, naturally, that's when they were rocked by a sudden earthquake that seemed to come out of nowhere.

"What was that?" Aqua asked as she pulled herself up from the mangled heap on the floor that she, Darkness and Kazuma had landed in after they'd been knocked out of their seats in the quake.

"Giant Earthworms," Chris answered calmly as she stood up and stepped towards the wagon flap, daggers in hand. "I thought we were still a couple days away from their territory but they must be migrating early this year."

"Oh, great," Kazuma rolled his eyes as their ragtag group of adventurers climbed out of the wagon so that they could regroup with the others in the caravan. After the recent poison slime fiasco, Kazuma no longer trusted his old RPG knowledge to accurately tell him how dangerous any given monster was in this messed up world. But, it was obvious that anything that could cause tremors like the ones they were experiencing would have to be much bigger and more deadly than his world's earthworms, to put it lightly. "I have a bad feeling about this."

The four of them ran over to where other adventurers were gathering at the west side of the caravan, where a cloud of dirt was kicking up in the distance.

"Hold the line, men!" The head of security barked. "We have nothing to fear but fear itself!"

"I feel like I've heard that one somewhere before," Kazuma mused.

The ground shook again as a massive writhing worm burst from the ground nearby, easily as thick around as Darkness was shoulder-to-shoulder with her armor on and long enough that it towered over everyone there without even fully rising from the ground. The monster roared, its almost comical sphincter of a mouth opening in a ring of large fangs.

"Everyone, get behind me!" Darkness shouted and suddenly dashed forward to the head of the ground, sword gripped firmly in both hands. Only the three people who knew her noticed the drool running down from her mouth. "Let my body be your shield from this vile beast!"

Around a dozen more worms sprang up around them.

"...These vile beasts!" she corrected herself.

The first worm attacked, making a dive for Darkness who swung her blade wildly. It was almost surreal for Kazuma, watching their resident useless Crusader actually land her blow and swat the giant worm aside with the flat of her blade so that it crashed head-first into the ground beside her before stabbing it in the side.

"Attack!"

With that order, the rest of the gathered adventures charged forward to attack the other earthworms. Kazuma and Aqua both ran to Darkness's side to help her fight her worm. Not that she really needed it

"Take that! And that!" Darkness slashed her sword back and forth across the worm's soft flesh, spraying herself in its blood as her yelling gradually devolved into incoherent, primal shouts.

This was not a side to Darkness that Kazuma was used to seeing from the shameless masochist he knew and he was beginning to think that maybe giving her proper weapon proficiencies and improving her accuracy may have been a mistake. Sub Darkness was bad enough, the world didn't need a Dom Darkness. A Domness, if you will.

"Darkness!" Aqua shouted as Darkness continued cleaving her sword down into the limp noodle. "Darkness, it's dead!"

Darkness let out one last frustrated grunt as she plunged her sword into the dead worm before taking a series of deep breaths to recompose herself.

"Sorry, guess I got a bit carried away there," Darkness panted as she turned back to them, wiping blood out of her bangs with the back of her hand before it could drip into her eyes.

"Are you okay?" Aqua asked, sounding more than a little concerned.

"I'll be fine," Darkness replied, though she sounded strained. "I'm just not used to actually being able to hit anything."

Somehow, Kazuma didn't think that was all there was to it.

"Oh, gods," he muttered to himself before turning to her and trying to remain firm. "Hey Darkness, can I see your arm for a moment?"

The crusader gave him a puzzled look, one which was shared by Aqua, but complied obediently. Kazuma pulled her gauntlet off the outstretched forearm so that the metal glove dangled from her hand and grabbed his heavily toned forearm tightly with both hands. Then he twisted them both in opposite directions, causing Darkness to let out a very loud and very uncomfortable (for him) moan while trembling in ecstasy.

"What'd you do that for!?" Aqua shouted, slapping Kazuma upside the head before noticing the dazed smile on Darkness' face.

"Thank you," Darkness said in the most indecent tone possible. "Needed that."

"Now, let's finish off the rest of these bugs so that we can get going, alright?" Kazuma said, rubbing the back of his head.

"Yes, Master!" Darkness replied enthusiastically.

"Don't friggin' call me that!"

Ko! * No! * Su! * Ba!

They just kept coming. It seemed like every time they managed to slay one of the Giant Earthworms, two more would take its place. And Aqua was practically useless in this fight since invertebrate monsters like them resisted physical strikes. The best she could do was stun one long enough for a swordsman or spell caster to get in a good blow. It didn't help that Emperor Zell's petrification gaze only worked on creatures with eyes, so he'd run off to sit this one out. Worst of all, though, was the horrid smell of the worm guts that littered the battlefield.

"Ugh, this smells almost as bad as a demon," she whined as Kazuma ran his katana along the belly of a worm that she'd just knocked over. Or at least, she assumed it was the belly. It was impossible to tell with these things.

"I wouldn't let Elsie hear that, if I were you," Kazuma quipped, though Aqua could tell from the way he whined that it was just as bad for him.

"She doesn't smell that bad," Aqua replied. "Even before she joined the Axis Order, her smell wasn't as bad as a normal demon. Probably because she's only a half-demon, now that I think about it."

Kazuma wiped a bit of sweat from his brow as he walked over to her, giving her a strange look.

"Yeah, sure," he said skeptically. "Never mind the fact that she keeps talking about growing up in hell and clearly only met her so-called brother recently."

Aqua opened her mouth to counter his sudden implied accusation. Then she closed it again.

"Well, I'm sure they have their reasons for lying about that," she said, trying to convince herself more than him. "I mean, a bad demon wouldn't have been able to join my church, after all. She must be different."

"Didn't you light her on fire with your holy water one time?" Kazuma pointed out, causing Aqua to flinch at the memory of her little snafu.

"Well, a demon is still a demon so it makes sense that she'd still…" she trailed off as she thought about it more. "Wait, only her dark hagoromo caught fire. Kazuma, Kazuma, Kazuma!"

"Yes, I'm Kazuma," he reflexively said in an almost machine-like monotone.

"I think Elsie might be-"

Aqua's dramatic revelation was cut off, however, when an earthworm lashed out and nearly managed to chomp down on the distracted duo with a maw full of sharp fangs. Fortunately, while they had lost track of what was going on around them, Darkness hadn't.

"Maybe you should save the conversations for after the battle," she said through gritted teeth, pressing the flat end of her sword against the worm's gaping mouth to hold it at bay.

"Right, killer worms," Kazuma muttered, drawing his sword again. "Probably more important."

Darkness' foot slipped out from under her, forcing her to drop down to one knee, and Aqua had to duck out of the way as the worm while Kazuma stepped to the side and ran his blade through the monster's featureless head.

After that, the battle continued relatively uneventfully. Or at least by their standards, anyway. Aqua had no idea what was driving all of those worms to be so much more aggressive than usual but eventually, they'd thinned out the horde enough that the surviving earthworms began to flee.

"Ugh, grinding in real life is so much more tedious than in video games," Kazuma complained, gripping both of his knees tightly as he tried to catch his breath. "Stupid random encounters."

"I know," Aqua agreed, plopping herself down on the ground next to him. She didn't even care that she was sitting on blood-drenched dirt. It wasn't like she could get any more dirty than she was. All she could think about was their bath back at the mansion and how nice it would be to take a good, long soak. "I just want to go hooooome!"

"It's not so bad," Darkness said, walking up to them and wringing blood out of her matted blonde hair. "At least we're getting a lot of experience from all these fights."

"We don't need more experience," Kazuma pointed out. "We just got a ton from the Devil King. Besides, with him out of the picture, what's even the point of fighting? As soon as we get back to the mansion, I'm hanging up my sword and retiring from all this crap."

"What?" Darkness' eyes widened. "You can't be serious!"

"I am!" Kazuma shot back. "I came here to defeat the Devil King and I did. So now it's time for me to get that wish I was promised and move on. We should be getting a huge bounty for defeating him as well, so it's not like any of us are going to need the money anytime soon."

"Yeah, I'm done with this, too," Aqua sighed. "I never realized just how hard all this adventuring stuff was. How do you mortals do this for your whole lives?"

Their resident Crusader looked back and forth between Aqua and Kazuma, seemingly at a loss for words.

"But, but what about our party?" she stammered out at last.

"If you or the others want to keep risking your lives, I won't stop you," Kazuma said coldly. "But unlike you, most of us don't get off on it."

"Yeah, and that's not the kind of thing suitable for settling down and raising a family," Aqua added, though she was starting to feel doubtful, herself. Maybe she wouldn't fully retire from adventuring. Maybe settle for something like what Wiz had, running a shop but still occasionally taking quests. She would have to get used to being a brawler instead of a healer, though.

"Yeah," Kazuma nodded in agreement. "It's not- Wait, what was that thing you just said?"

"That adventuring is dangerous?" Aqua repeated questioningly.

"No, after that," Kazuma turned to her, his eyes wide. "You said something dangerous just now."

"Did I?" Aqua tilted her head. She said a lot of stuff and surely she couldn't be expected to pay attention to all of it, right?

"I see…" Darkness said, lowering her head so that her bangs covered her eyes as they turned their attention back to her. Wait, why did she look so sad? "I suppose that was the nature of our arrangement, wasn't it? That we would adventure together to defeat the Devil King. It was part of what made me want to join your party, after all. That and a few other things."

"You just saw the other girls covered in toad slime and wanted in on that," Kazuma replied, causing Darkness to go red.

Aqua stared back and forth between them. It hadn't even occurred to her that she'd have to say goodbye to her friends, soon. Even when she'd still been expecting to go straight back to heaven after this was all over, it hadn't settled in what that actually would mean. Even Kazuma was starting to look a bit bummed.

"Well, it's not like we won't see each other around anymore," Aqua pointed out. "We're not kicking you out of the mansion or anything, right, Kazuma?"

Her useless NEET suddenly looked contemplative, causing her to elbow him in the arm as hard as she could. Which was pretty hard, considering that she was now in a martial class.

"Ow! Hey!" He shouted at her, leaning back while rubbing his arm. "No, I'm not kicking them out! Might start charging rent, though. Not like they can't afford it."

"Ah," Darkness suddenly gasped, starting to pant. "But what if, for whatever reason, I wasn't able to pay you the required Eris? Would I be forced to pay you through… other means?"

Aqua wasn't sure that she liked the way Kazuma was smirking at that and shot him a death glare. "You can't charge them rent! You don't even own the building!"

"Not yet, anyway," Kazuma said, still wincing. "But I'm sure that the old man who lets us stay there will be more than willing to sell it after we get our reward for defeating the Devil King. Not like he can really do anything else with an old haunted house, right?"

"Hey, I got the ghosts out,' Aqua pointed, shivering as she remembered that awful first night there. Kazuma just stared at her, though, until she finally let out a defeated sigh. "Most of them."

"Speaking of rewards, when do I get that wish?" Kazuma wondered aloud. Which, now that Aqua thought about it, was a very good question.

It seems like Eris, or whoever else the divine council decided to leave in charge of that, should have already come to grant him what he wanted. Whatever that turned out to be. Though, Aqua supposed that the fiasco with her losing her divinity would have put a pin on that. But they already dealt with that, so what was the holdup?

"Hey, Chris!" Kazuma shouted, standing up and looking around for the thief in question. "What's the hold up on my wish?"

They eventually found her standing at the edge of the battlefield, staring off into the distance with her hands on her daggers even while everyone else in the caravan were nursing their wounds and waiting for their turn to be healed by the Witch Doctor who had un=petrified Darkness after their last battle.

"Quiet," Chris hissed, trying to silence Kazuma who was still making a stink about not having his wish granted yet. "It's not over yet."

"What are you walking about?" Kazuma asked, gesturing around them. "All the earthworms are dead or fleeing."

"Not all of them," Chris said ominously and, as if on cue, the ground began to tremble even more ferociously than before.

"Oh, no, not again," Aqua heard from among the nearby crowd.

A giant worm, large enough to dwarf even the Destroyer or Hans the Deadly Poison Slime, erupted from the ground with a terrifying roar that seemed to shake the air itself. While similar in appearance to the smaller ones that they had fought before, and oh how Aqua hated having to refer to those giants as 'smaller', this one was not only larger but seemed to be covered in thick armored plating that was darker than the fleshy skin of the others. When it bent down to face the weary adventurers, its mouth looked less like that of a beast and more like some kind of industrial garbage disposal. Adding to that, there seemed to be a large, glowing horn jutting from what Aqua assumed to be the worm's forehead. Or at least the equivalent of one, she wasn't familiar with worm anatomy. Bugs were gross.

"What the hell is that!" Kazuma blurted out, mirroring Aqua's own thoughts.

"The Titannalid," gasped a grizzled old Barbarian with a large axe and an eyepatch that, unlike Megumin's, probably served a practical purpose. "I've heard tales but never thought I'd live to see the beast with my own eye."

"What's that sticking out of its head?" a youthful-looking elven archer gasped, causing Aqua to give what she had initially assumed to be a horn a closer look. Upon closer examination, it seemed to be a massive, jagged red and gold sword embedded in the worm's head, blade first.

"The Laevateinn," Chris grumbled, clearly having a much better idea of what was going on than Aqua did. "A divine relic once wielded by a hero from another world. It turns whoever holds it into a mighty giant. Except you don't have to hold it by the handle for it to take effect. Or with a hand."

Aqua could already feel Kazuma's gaze boring into the back of her neck before she processed the implications. Somehow, this was her fault, wasn't it.

The image of a short, plucky young boy popped into her head, excitedly asking for a weapon that would let him be bigger and stronger than the bullies who had 'accidentally' left him in a locker right before they had fumigated his middle school. She couldn't quite remember his name but she could distinctly remember giving him a sword much like the one currently sticking out of the worm's head in front of them.

A very ungoddess-like curse passed through Aqua's lips as she put two and two together.

"So, what do we do now?" Kazuma asked Chris. "I'm not sure that even Megumin could take that thing down."

"You won't be doing anything," she replied, holding one hand out towards the sword while she pulled out a plain brown sack with the other. "I, on the other hand, will be using St-"

Before the goddess incognito could finish using her thief skill, however, the Titannalid let out another roar. The resulting shockwave knocked Chris clear off her feat.

"-eal!"

A familiar white cloth covered in red hearts appeared in Chris' hand as she hit the ground, while Kazuma let out a yelp.

"Hey, give those back!" Kazuma snatched his underwear out of Chris' hand before shoving them away in one of his pockets.

"Well, now you know how it feels," Chris grumbled as she got back to her feet. "Alright, let's try that again. Stea-"

Her eyes widened and Aqua barely had time to turn back to the monster before the giant armored worm made a rush towards them with its gaping mouth full of thousands of not millions of razor-sharp teeth. However, Darkness was not as slow to react as she was and quickly rushed out in front of the crowd with her sword in a defensive position.

"You shall not pass!"

In the blink of an eye, the Crusader was just… gone. The massive worm sank into the ground where she'd been standing just a second below before the rest of the gathered adventurers around them began to bombard the beast with a myriad of different attacks. The Titannalid apparently decided that getting pelted with powerful magic and attack skills wasn't worth it and tunneled off into the distance, close enough to the surface to leave a trail of upheaved earth in its wake.

Aqua collapsed onto her knees, staring blankly at the massive hole in the ground where her friend had just been. For a moment, she thought it was raining before realizing that there wasn't a cloud in the sky.

"She's not dead," Chris said, snapping Aqua out of her stupor. And considering that she'd somehow been Eris this entire time, she would know.

"Kazuma, Kazuma, Kazuma!" Aqua turned around and grabbed the boy in question by the arm, flailing him around wildly while pointing in the general direction the worm has gone.

"Yes, I'm Kazuma," he said as pulled her off of him.

"We have to go rescue her!" Aqua pleaded.

"Look, Darkness is a big girl. I'm sure that she can handle this on her own," Kazuma tried to wheedle his way out of danger like he always did but Aqua knew better. She could see in his eyes that he was just as worried as she was.

"Ugh, I should have known. Things always end up way more complicated when you clowns are involved," Chris sighed, shaking her head. Her voice lacked the venom of her words, though. "And here I thought this was going to be an easy mission."

Chris, or Eris, Aqua still wasn't entirely sure what to call her, went running off after the worm, leaving Aqua and Kazuma alone with the rest of the caravan. Aqua then turned back to Kazuma, a pleading look on her face and he finally caved in like she knew he would.

"Alright, fine, we'll go after her," he relented, then turned to the others with an expectant look on his face.

"Well, good luck with that," the head of security said before turning and running in the other direction along with everyone else. "We'll save your seats if you come back!"

"Of course," Kazuma muttered darkly before turning back to Aqua. "Come on, let's go. Hopefully that worm isn't going too far."

Aqua stood up straight, stealing her resolve as she turned in the direction the monster had gone. She then proceeded to immediately trip and fall into the worm's tunnel, somehow managing to grab Kazuma by the collar in the process and pulling him down with her.

It was a good thing that they could both see in the dark.

Ko! * No! * Su! * Ba!

It felt like days but was probably more like hours by the time Kazuma and Aqua finally reached the end of the tunnel that the idiot of a former goddess had dragged him into. If it wasn't for their unexpected recent relationship upgrade, he'd be extremely angry with her. In fact, forget that. He hadn't been this angry with a girlfriend since he caught his middle school gf with that high school jackass with the motorcycle.

"You're sleeping in the doghouse when we get home," he grumbled as they helped each other climb over yet another pile of fallen rocks in their way. "And I mean that literally."

"Ah, so you don't want to sleep with me, then?" Aqua batted her eyes innocently before rubbing up against his back once they were back on steady ground again.

Ugh, just a few days ago she wouldn't have been able to get a rise out of him no matter how flirty she acted, but now… They'd been at it practically all night and even just that morning, how was he already ready for another round? Forcing himself to push aside his baser instincts was almost as hard as he was getting.

"Alright, so I won't be doing that," he said. "And if I made Darkness sleep outside, she'd probably like it."

"Probably," Aqua agreed. "I hope she's alright."

"Eh, she'll be fine," Kazuma assured her. "It would take more than getting eaten by a giant worm to get her down. Besides, even if she somehow kicked it, we can always just revive her."

Aqua shook her head. "I'm not an Archpriest anymore, let alone a goddess with enough pull to break the 'one revive per person' rule."

Oh, right. Crap.

"Crap," Kazuma blurted out, starting to panic. "Wait, but that means if I die again…"

"It's either off to heaven or head to another world to fight their equivalent of the Devil King," Aqua finished. "Or be reincarnated, but what would be the fun in that?"

Aqua continued talking after that but Kazuma wasn't paying much attention. For the first time in his lives, Kazuma found himself truly confronted with the reality of his own mortality. The first time he had died, it wasn't that big a deal. It had already happened, after all, and all he had to worry about was what came after. It wasn't like his time on Earth had even been remotely worthwhile, anyway.

Then, when he died at the hands of the Winter Shogun and again during the golden apple fiasco, it hadn't really meant anything. Just a brief time out in limbo with Eris before Aqua magicked him back to life with her goddess mojo and blatant disregard for the rules. It was, more or less, the main perk of having her as a cheat item.

But he didn't have that anymore. Any of it. For the first time, he had a life actually worth living and it was on a death world where one wrong step could and would mean the end of all that.

"Kazuma?"

He had friends, a house, a job… hell, he even had a girlfriend now. But he also spent his life running into one dangerous adventure after another and rarely seemed to make it through anything unscathed.

"Kazuma?"

Just the thought that he could lose everything he'd gained at the drop of a hat, possibly literally considering how absurd things tended to get in Belzerg, was utterly nerve-racking. Who knew when the next time he'd kick the bucket was? And then that would be it! Sure, he could always go to another world and start up a new life again but who knew how that would end up. He was lucky enough that things didn't turn out worse for him this time, all things considered.

"Kazuma~!"

"That's me."

Kazuma looked up and… wait, when had he sat down? And why did he have his arms wrapped tightly around his shaking knees?

Aqua's gentle hand rested on his shoulder and Kazuma relaxed. He hadn't even realized how tense he'd gotten.

"It's alright," she smiled at him and for once Kazuma could actually see the goddess that she had been in her calming eyes. "I'm here for you."

He practically lunged at her, wrapping his arms tightly around Aqua's back. After a moment of sitting, Kazuma trying not to shake, their lips found each other. It was amazing how embarrassing it felt considering everything they'd done already.

The Kazuma who hadn't died and come to Belzerg yet would have flipped his lid at seeing what a normie sellout he had become. But that Kazuma was an insular virgin NEET who could suck it!

Eventually, the two pulled away from each other, both feeling more calm and relaxed than before. Also horny, but sadly they didn't have time to exercise those feelings.

He hadn't noticed it before but now that he'd calmed down, Kazuma could feel tremors reverberating through the tunnel from just up ahead. They weren't like the vicious earthquakes of before, though. More like the steady rise and fall of an ancient dragon snorting gently atop its horde of treasure.

"I think it's just up ahead," he whispered, getting ready to use his Lurk skill at a moment's notice.

"Right." Aqua nodded, looking determined. "Let's go save our friend."

Ko! * No! * Su! * Ba!

In the next exciting chapter of God's Blessing, God Knows: A Daring Rescue For This Adamant Crusader!

It had been a while since Darkness had been eaten by a monster. The giant toads that grew around Axle had been hibernating for months and her party hadn't fought anything big enough to fit her in its mouth. Well other than Hans, anyway, but he didn't count.

"Will you both shut up, you'll wake that thing up," a coarse whisper drew both of their attention to the thief who suddenly appeared behind them like some kind of reverse Batman.

Kazuma hopped back as Aqua literally Shoryuken'd the giant worm in what approximated for a jaw, rising up into the air engulfed in a dragon-like flame bursting out from her raised fist. The worm, naturally, didn't care much for getting uppercutted in the mouth like that and rocked back from the blow. Which was good because neither his katana nor Chris' daggers seemed to do much against its chitinous hide. What was up with that, anyway? Worms didn't have armored plating.

Author's Notes: Finally back to the other half of the party. It feels like it's been a while since we've checked in on them. Unfortunately for them, however, their journey home continues to be plagued by monster attacks. Kazuma really should have shelled out for them to get Teleported back to Axel. Oh, well. At least they're not actively attracting the monsters like they did in canon, right?

I came up with the general concept of them fighting a giant sandworm with a Divine Relic sword sticking out of its head fairly early on when planning this part of the story but hadn't decided on the details of the sword and what it does until writing this chapter and deciding to tie it into why this giant worm is so much larger than the other giant worms. In the process, I also came up with another former summoned hero and why he would want that particular cheat item, which in turn led to a detailed history of his life, death, second life and dying again. I couldn't bring myself to actually give that character a name, though, because I didn't want to grow any more attached to him than I already had just from writing the single paragraph he's mentioned in. I just feel so bad for the kid. Bullied to death, given a second chance, then getting killed on what was likely his first quest because his cheat item was defective. And both of his deaths were technically bug-related, too.

If you died and had the chance to go to Belzerg, what kind of cheat item or skill would you want? Hopefully, one that doesn't immediately backfire on you like the Laevateinn, I'm sure.