A/N: Being sick has affected my update schedule. If it weren't for Dark helping me, I wouldn't be able to write at all; he helped immeasurably with this.

This cough is driving me crazy even two weeks later! Hopefully it's not bronchitis or pneumonia. No fun.

Every review truly does help, large or small, anything is better than nothing at all.

So here we go. The fate of this story depends on you, the reader. Your feedback determines the fate of this tale, and many others.

As ever, I own no references, quotes, memes or themes. They're merely tributes to legends far greater than I.

I'm just a humble author trying to make his way in this wild world, one word at a time.

Time and feedback will determine if this remains a story. Simple as that.

May it make you laugh~!

Slight spoilers from Hyrule Warriors Age of Calamity among others things.

"Romance is a battle none escape unscathed."

"Did you, father?"

...no."

~?

Fifth Breath

The air above Zora's Domain was crisp that morning, a gentle breeze rolling over the water, stirring the mist above the cascading waterfalls. Birds trilled in the distance. The gentle sound of the river flowing beneath the bridges filled the silence of the village as the people went about their business. But in one secluded part of the Domain, where the water ran still and clear, a storm was brewing.

Naruto Uzumaki stood on the edge of a grand platform overlooking the sprawling riverscape below. His arms were crossed, his cloak fluttering slightly from the updraft. He wasn't keen on leaving, but he knew he must. If only because his gut told him so.

Mipha stood across from him, standing in the water, her red-and-white figure illuminated in the morning sun. Her hands were clasped before her chest, her golden eyes fixed on him with an intensity that made his stomach twist.

"Must you go?" she asked, voice soft, yet firm.

Naruto exhaled through his nose, scratching the back of his head. "Yeah… I must."

Mipha's lips pressed together. The wind carried a sigh from her, but she didn't lower her gaze. He'd expected her to be sad—hell, expected tears—but what he wasn't prepared for was the quiet determination in her eyes.

"…Then I'll go with you."

Naruto's brain stopped. Completely. It was like someone unplugged a lantern in his skull.

"Ha?"

Mipha tilted her head, frowning. "Did I stutter?"

"No, no, no! You can't just—what?!" Naruto gestured wildly at their surroundings. "You can't just drop something like that on me! There's rules about this kinda thing! Probably! Maybe! I don't know!"

Mipha's eyes narrowed, and Naruto suddenly felt like he was in trouble. A deep, primal fear crept up his spine—the kind of fear a man feels when he's about to be scolded by someone way too calm for comfort.

"Rules?" she echoed.

Naruto swallowed. "Y-yeah! Like, uh… like… 'Zora princesses shouldn't just up and leave their kingdom' kind of rules! That's a thing, right?"

Mipha's expression didn't change. She stared at him for a moment, then slowly, ever so deliberately, raised an eyebrow.

"That's ridiculous."

"Nah! See, I think it makes total sense!" Naruto blurted, pointing at her like she had just declared she could breathe fire. "You're a princess, Mipha! Princesses do princess things! Like… ruling! And staying put! And—uh—not going on dangerous journeys with reckless ninja who may or may not punch gods in the face!"

Mipha didn't flinch. Instead, she took a single step forward. Water rippled around her ankles as she held up a single finger. "One: My father is still alive, and very capable. Two: You are leaving to fight dangerous things. Three: You just admitted you may or may not punch gods in the face. Which means…"

She took another step forward, raising a second finger. "I. Am. Going."

Naruto's soul left his body. It straight-up ascended, gave him a pitying glance, and kept floating.

"What?! No! You—You can't just 'logic' your way into coming with me!" he spluttered. "That's not how this works! That's not how any of this works!"

Mipha crossed her arms, tilting her head. "You seem awfully resistant to the idea."

"Because it's crazy!" Naruto's voice cracked. "Look, if something happens to you, your entire kingdom is gonna put my face on a Wanted poster and send an army after me! Do you have any idea how scary an army of angry fish warriors is?!"

Mipha blinked. "You fought Madara Uchiha."

"That's different!"

"How?"

"Because Madara didn't have a hundred angry fish warriors with tridents chasing after him!"

A breeze blew through. Silence settled. Somewhere, a bird chirped.

Mipha stared at him, unimpressed.

"…You don't even believe that."

Naruto groaned, grabbing his hair. "Mipha, listen! I appreciate it, really! It's sweet, it's touching, it makes my heart do weird, uncomfortable things, but I can't just take you with me!"

Mipha slowly, deliberately, held up a single hand.

Then, with the grace of an empress, she pointed at herself. "Princess."

She pointed at him. "Hero."

She pointed at the horizon. "Adventure."

Then she raised both arms, as if to say: It's that simple.

Oh no.

"I mean—uh, it's dangerous! You saw me fight that Lynel! There's all sorts of crazy stuff out there! Bandits! Monsters! Ancient curses! Spooky ghosts! I don't even know where I'm going!"

"I don't care." Mipha took a step forward, the water rippling beneath her feet. "You think I'm afraid? That I can't handle myself?"

"N-no, but—"

She took another step. Then another.

Naruto instinctively stepped back, his survival instincts screaming at him.

"You think I haven't seen danger before?" she continued, now chest-to-chest with him. "That I, the Princess of the Zora, am not capable?"

"I-I didn't say that—"

"Then why," she poked him in the chest, "are you running away?"

Naruto's face went boom—completely red.

He scrambled back like a cartoon character, waving his arms. "I'M NOT RUNNING AWAY! I JUST—THERE'S A SYSTEM, Y'KNOW?!"

"Is there?"

She took another step forward.

Naruto tripped over himself, flailing, before regaining his balance. "Yes! A system! A whole order of things! Heroes go on adventures! Princesses stay behind and do… princess-y stuff! That's just how it works!"

Mipha's smile widened. "So… you're saying I should ignore you and follow my heart?"

"NO, THAT'S NOT WHAT I—"

"Too late."

She turned on her heel dramatically, striking a pose with a grace so natural it was as if she had rehearsed it in her sleep. The wind, which had no business being this dramatic, conveniently kicked up behind her, making her silhouette glow in the moonlight.

"I've already decided."

Her voice was soft but carried the weight of an incoming tsunami.

Naruto Uzumaki had seen things. He had faced off against Madara Uchiha, thrown hands with literal gods, and headbutted destiny itself into submission.

But this?

This was terrifying.

"M-Mipha…" Naruto swallowed, a bead of sweat forming on his forehead. "Look, I saved you and your people because it was the right thing to do. That's all." He rubbed the back of his head, trying not to look her in the eyes. "I never did it expecting anything in return."

Mipha exhaled, long and slow, like she was dealing with a particularly stubborn child.

"Naruto."

That was not a good tone. That was the tone of someone about to drop an emotional Rasenshuriken straight into his soul.

She took a step forward. Naruto had fought in countless battles, but why did his body suddenly refuse to move?

"You saved me. You saved my people. Not because you had to. Not because anyone told you to." Her crimson eyes glowed with something fierce, something undeniable. "You chose to."

Naruto hesitated. He hated that. He didn't hesitate.

"I just…" He looked down at his feet. "Everywhere I go, there's a fight waiting for me. I don't want you to get caught up in that."

For a second, Mipha didn't say anything.

Then—boop.

She reached forward and tapped him lightly on the forehead.

"You're a fool, Naruto Uzumaki."

Naruto blinked. "H-Hey!"

She giggled, covering her mouth with her hands. "That's why I like you."

ERROR 404: NARUTO'S BRAIN HAS STOPPED RESPONDING.

He felt something in his head short-circuit. His jaw opened, then closed, then opened again, but nothing came out. Somewhere in the depths of his subconscious, he was positive Kurama was laughing his massive fox tail off.

Mipha stepped back, her eyes twinkling. "I am going with you, Naruto. And you can't stop me."

Naruto flailed his arms wildly. "I CAN DEFINITELY STOP YOU—WAIT, NO, THAT'S NOT—WHAT IS HAPPENING?!"

Mipha turned her head to the side, pretending to think. "Hmm, I believe what's happening is that I have just declared my unwavering loyalty to you, and you, my dear hero, have no say in the matter."

Naruto let out a long, dramatic groan, collapsing onto the ground like a puppet with its strings cut. "We are so gonna die."

Mipha patted him on the shoulder, all smiles. "Well, then, I suppose we'll die together."

Naruto groaned louder.

A crowd had gathered—whispering, nudging, and even placing bets. Some of the older Zora watched with amusement, while the younger ones were on the edge of their metaphorical seats.

"This is the best thing I've seen in years!" whispered a fish-headed merchant, gleefully rubbing his fins together.

"I have twenty rupees that she forces him into a wedding before sundown," muttered an elderly Zora, adjusting his monocle.

"I'll take that bet!" declared a younger warrior.

Meanwhile, Naruto was dying.

"Uggghhh!" He dragged his hands down his face, groaning so hard that he might as well have been trying to peel his own soul off his body.

King Dorephan, the literal mountain of a Zora, let out a deep, rumbling laugh that shook the waters around them.

"She's quite stubborn, isn't she?"

Naruto froze. He turned to the towering king, his face a mixture of horror, betrayal, and the realization that no amount of training could have prepared him for this.

"YOU'RE OKAY WITH THIS?!" he screeched, his voice cracking at least three octaves.

The king merely grinned, sharp teeth glinting under the sun. "Of course! It is rare for my daughter to be so forward. I'm curious to see where this leads."

Naruto's brain stalled.

His mouth opened.

Closed.

Opened again.

"I—"

Suddenly, he felt something soft and very, very warm wrap around his arm.

Oh no.

Mipha had latched onto him, looping her arms around his bicep like a limpet that had just decided Naruto was now her personal rock.

"I'm ready," she said with a cheerful smile, tilting her head in an absolutely lethal display of cuteness.

Naruto's soul forcibly ejected from his body.

With a mighty explosion of over-the-top anime-style nosebleed, he was launched skyward like a malfunctioning firework, spinning through the air before smashing into the castle wall with a loud CRASH!

A Naruto-shaped imprint decorated the stone. His body sagged, arms dangling uselessly.

The entire Zora population gasped.

For a long moment, silence.

Then, a single Zora child raised a tiny pointed.

"…Did she kill him?"

(...Later That Evening...)

The once-lively village had grown quiet, the only sounds being the gentle ripple of water and the distant croak of frogs hidden among the rocks. Fireflies danced lazily over the surface, their glow reflecting off the shimmering lake.

Naruto sat at the edge of the village, arms resting on his knees, staring into the water with the energy of a man defeated by life itself. His usual grin was nowhere to be found.

Mipha sat beside him, legs dangling in the cool water, kicking softly. Unlike Naruto, she looked perfectly content.

The silence stretched between them.

"…So," Naruto mumbled.

"So," Mipha hummed, swaying lightly.

Naruto narrowed his eyes at her. "You're really coming?"

Mipha turned to him with a look that screamed "Duh."

"Obviously."

Naruto groaned and collapsed forward, burying his face into his hands.

"I don't know if I should be happy or terrified."

Mipha giggled and, without hesitation, rested her head against his shoulder.

"You'll figure it out."

Naruto tensed. Not because of the weight on his shoulder—but because it was warm. Too warm. Dangerously warm. Like a ticking time bomb labeled "Feelings."

"…I hate you."

Mipha smiled without missing a beat. "No, you don't."

"…Yeah."

He let out a deep sigh, leaning back on his hands as he stared up at the endless sky. The stars blinked above them, like thousands of tiny laughing lights, watching his fate unravel before his eyes.

This was going to be a long, long journey.

But for some reason…

He didn't mind.

(...Back in the Village...)

The entire Zora population had gathered just a few feet away, spying on them.

"I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT!" one of them whispered aggressively.

King Dorephan stroked his chin. "Hmmm. The boy is still resisting… but the battle is already over."

"I KNEW IT!" the betting Zora repeated, shaking another fish-man by the shoulders.

"I told you she'd win!" the elderly Zora cackled, stuffing a pouch of rupees into his robe.

The little fish child who had pointed at Naruto earlier nodded solemnly.

"Rest in peace, ninja guy. You never had a chance."

The Zora all bowed their heads in respect.

(.0.0.0.)

King Dorephan sat upon his monolithic throne, his massive arms crossed over his chest as he observed the scene from afar. The glow of the village lanterns reflected off his royal scales, his deep chuckle reverberating through the stone.

"Hmm. A fine match."

Beside him, Prince Sidon folded his arms, his usual bright grin absent as he frowned in thought.

"Do you really think so, Father?" he asked, his sharp eyes locked onto the two figures by the water.

King Dorephan let out a deep, rumbling laugh, stroking his massive chin like a wise old sage about to bestow some ancient knowledge.

"Oh, absolutely." His grin widened, his sharp teeth gleaming. "She will keep him in line."

Sidon's brow twitched. "That's exactly what I'm worried about."

The king tilted his head. "Hmm?"

Sidon sighed, gesturing toward the distant figures. "Father, with all due respect… did you not see what happened today?"

The king rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "You mean when my daughter launched him into a castle wall with sheer emotional determination?"

Sidon threw up his hands. "EXACTLY."

King Dorephan chuckled, his massive form shaking the ground slightly.

"Ah, my son… so am I."

For a moment, father and son stood in silence, watching Naruto cautiously poke at the water like a man contemplating all of his life choices.

Then, Sidon exhaled heavily. "Should we… intervene?"

The king smiled. "No, no. This is a trial of fate. A great warrior must overcome challenges, and this may be his greatest yet."

Sidon frowned. "You mean—"

"Romance." The king nodded sagely. "Many have faced it. Few have survived unscathed."

A long pause.

Sidon squinted. "…Did you survive unscathed?"

The king's face suddenly turned very serious.

"…No."

Sidon blinked.

King Dorephan slowly turned, staring into the distant sky.

"…Your mother was a terrifying woman."

Sidon gulped. "I see."

King Dorephan sighed, a strange mixture of nostalgia and battle-worn trauma in his eyes.

Sidon patted his father's arm. "…I will pray for Naruto."

The king nodded solemnly, a small smile tugging at his weathered visage. "As will I, my son. As will I."

A/N: What Mipha wants, Mipha gets~!

Would you like this story to receive weekly updates? Yay or nay? Do let me know!

As ever, the Embers rule persists. If folks don't like this? Well, I won't continue it. So by all means, speak up! Raise your voice! Make yourself heard! Your reviews matter! Really, they do! That's no joke. I don't have days off anymore -two jobs will do that to you- and I'm working myself to the bone.

So by all means, speak up! Raise your voice! Make yourself heard! Your reviews matter!

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And enjoy the previews! Potential ones at that. Mind you, they're all rough and condensed to save space!

(Previews)

Naruto wasn't keen on it, but he knew he must; if only because he felt

Idly treading water, he scowled at her. "That's not fair and you know it!"

A flicker of motion in his peripherals was his only warning.

She sway around him, darted in, and kissed him.

Then she pulled him under.

They didn't surface for quite some time.

x

Embrace the fear, princess. Quiet it. Find the stillness...and let go.

x

Found you~!

x

...am I the bad guy here?"

He was still pondering that when the door burst open and a great big barrel-chested man stalked into the room.

this the one, then? You've cause quite the ruckus, young man. I've half a mind to throw you in the dungeons...or I would," he amended quickly at his flat glare, "if you hadn't trampled most of my guards the last time you were here. Who are you, stranger? Where do you hail from?

"Well, that's a bit of a long story...

He told them.

By the end the king was stricken silent and the Sheikah sisters were looking at him in a decidedly different light.

Well, Purah was looking at him but she seemed more curious than anything else. "What's this about scrolls..?

That's the part you focus on?

Lemme see! Oh, wow. We don't have anything like this. You're...really not from this word, are you? Doesn't seem it.

The king coughed into a fist. And yet you've displayed prodigous power, strength unlike anything we've seen. What say you? Will you aid us against Calamity Ganon?

...what is Calamity Ganon?

x

"You're pretty strong for a little guy!"

"Hey, hey! Easy with the back slaps! You'll knock me into the lava!"

Naw, that wouldn't kill you! You're built of sterner stuff than that! I can tell!

"I'd rather not find out!

x

So you can fly? Huh. Neat. As expceted of a birdman!"

...you're mocking me, aren't you?"

"No, no, not at all.

Rivali preened. Yes, that is one of the many skills I possess-ha?!

He turned back to find the blond hovering in the air as if he'd been born there, bathed in golden fire.

"What manner of skill is that?! You're not even flapping your arms!

"Don't need to~!"

x

"Listen, Link. Zelda cares about ya. Stay close to her, ya hear? You're the only one who can deal with Ganon."

"...!"

Hey, hey! Don't gimme that look. You're the hero here, not me. Of course I'll help if things get bad. He remembered what Mipha had said and thumbed his chin, considering. "I think I've got a way to help that princess of yours unlock her powers...

The master swordsman perked up.

...only problem is, it involves putting you and her in an awful lot of danger. You still up for it?"

Link seized his wrist.

"I'll take that as a yes, then!"

EDIT: Thanks for reading! Hope you all have a great day~!