• Summer Break of 1937.
"Soooooooo," The Meta Crisis grinned looking at his small body in the mirror. His clothes were hanging off him in clumps, "This is new."
Jack groaned staring at his own youthful body in the mirror, "How did this even happen. I mean, I'm a fixed point Meta. I shouldn't be capable of change."
"You still age though," The Meta Crisis explained. "You're capable of changing up to a point. It's the same reason you can get drunk. Even how you can get pregnant."
Jack was apart of a human subspecies from the future that were Omni-sexuals. They were all technically male, but could become impregnated. They also excreted a powerful pheromone. Which most lifeforms in the galaxy found appealing. They even had some control of that pheromone, as a defense mechanism.
"Just think of this as aging backwards," The Meta Crisis grinned studying himself, "I think we're about 10... 10 years, 9 months, and 22 days... approximately. Plus or minus a few hours."
Jack groaned.
"Oi! It's not an exact science!" The Meta Crisis felt the need to defend his guess, not realizing that wasn't what Jack was moaning about.
They could hear crying, with the occasional scream, coming from the next room. As the young apprentice who did this to them, was being punished. The wizarding world seemed to have more traditional values. And by Traditional, Jack meant old as fuck.
The apprentice was about 19, and currently over his master's knee. Getting his bare ass assaulted by a switch. The old woman sounded like she had some hidden strength.
Jack wished he could say he felt sympathy for the boy, but given that it was his fault they were currently prepubescent... yeah, he got a bit of satisfaction out of it... but strangely...
Jack will be the first to admit, he had an overactive libido. It was a direct result of childhood trauma, and a healthier coping mechanism then some people. But he felt no tingle, wasn't getting hard. He felt no lust. Just a childish desire to giggle, as another boy was justly punished...
This... was going to suck...
The apprentice had accidently spilled his potion on them, as they were exploring the shop. He had been to eager to show his master what he'd done, and wasn't paying attention. Something always goes wrong, when you don't pay attention in a potions lab.
Jack sighed. This wasn't how his trip with The Meta Crisis was supposed to go. The Doctor trusted Jack to protect his clone. And on their very first outing... this happens.
"So what do we do?" Jack asked. "Think this will wear off in a few hours?"
The Meta Crisis frowned as he sniffed the potion still soaking his clothes. Sniffing out all the ingredients used, "Interesting... seems to be permanent."
"P-permanent!" Jack yelped, "You mean I have to be a bloody CHILD for the rest of eternity!"
The Meta Crisis smiled, "Oh don't worry, We'll still age properly... at least I will... One moment,"
The Meta Crisis started probing Jack with his fingers, turning his head to the side and looking into his mouth. Then he stepped back and scanned him with his Sonic screwdriver.
Looking over the readings he informed, "You'll grow up like you're supposed to, but your body will return to aging at a snail's pace, when you hit the age you originally died at."
Jack sighed, "I guess that's better then being a kid for a few hundred years."
The Meta Crisis smiled, "This is just fascinating!" looking back to the mirror. "It's been so long since I was a kid."
"Meta!"
"Right right," The Meta Crisis took another sniff of his clothes, "I think this was the Fountain of Youth Elixir. The ingredients smell right but," he did another scan on his own clothes, "Yes, yes I see. The magical energy wasn't distributed through the potion correctly."
"Meta," Jack groaned. "Please make sense."
"FOY Water, as it's often called, doesn't directly age you backwards. I doubt that really would have made much of a difference, with how old we are. Instead it's designed to revert the body back to a specific age. Which depends on the Stirring pattern used. I'm afraid the kid mocked it up a bit and so we're prepubescent instead of 20 somethings. Still an impressive attempt."
"Impressive!?"
"The fact we aren't dead is very impressive."
The door chimed, and the old woman temporarily paused in beating her apprentice, as a group of men stepped inside, ignoring the 'closed' sign. They were well dressed in fancy robes, and carrying Satchels with important documents in them. The old woman quickly thanked them for coming, and showed them to the newly de-aged boys.
"Good evening sirs," one of the men said taking a seat, "Unfortunate business this but we'll have it squared away. Now please remain calm and trust in the ministry. Laws have been passed in case something like this happens. It was decided that people in your situation should legally be treated as children, in all aspects, as a result of your emotional range being regressed with you.
"Mrs Wrognut, since this is her shop where the accident took place, will be paying for your schooling as well as supplying a monthly deposit in your accounts until your of age, as compensation. You'll have to pay for your own apprenticeship, if you choose to Apprentice again."
The old woman groaned before glaring at her still crying apprentice. Who was naked, from the waist down, in front of everyone... and triggering absolutely nothing in Jack. "Those ingredients you wasted already cost me over 2 thousand galleons! Now, on top of it, I have to pay for 7 years worth of schooling!?"
The apprentice whimpered.
The Ministry man calmed her down with. "Accidents happen, when taking on apprentices. You're insurance should cover it, if you have all the required permits. We can help you file a claim with the Goblins. All that should happen, is your rates go up a few sickles.
"This was a fairly impressive brew, even if it regressed them a bit too young. Still impressive for someone his age. I would suggest keeping the boy on, and just watching him more closely. He shows promise as a potioneer, and we could always use more of those."
The old woman sighed, "I hadn't actually intended to get rid of the boy, but I will be taking out the bill on his hide."
"As is your prerogative," said the man looking back at The Meta Crisis and Jack, while the apprentice cried.
The Meta Crisis informed, "School might actually be a bit of trouble for Jack. He's a squib."
Jack did his best not to look startled... The Meta Crisis knew he was a squib? True, his breed of human were all magical, but... how could The Meta Crisis just pick up on him being a squib? Instead of believing Jack uneducated in magic. Most people, in his time zone, capable of magic, couldn't actually afford to study it. It was mostly left to nobles, the wealthy, and the exceptional, whom earned scholarships.
The Ministry man looked thoughtful. "We'll add a magic blesser, to the shop owner's bill for him then."
"A Magic Blesser!?" The old woman gasped. "Those draughts cost even more then the de-aged potion to brew."
"Be thankful your a potioneer, and can brew it yourself. Or you'd have to spend even more, on purchasing the potion," he told her. "It's your responsibility to make sure the boys are cared for until they are of age."
The old woman groaned, rubbing her temple in irritation.
The Ministry man continued, "Well to a certain extent. As it is gentlemen do you have an individual you would like to appoint as your guardian."
The Meta Crisis thought on it for a bit, "Alistair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart."
The man paled, "The head of UNIT... you... you have ties to him?"
"We work for UNIT," Said The Meta Crisis. "It's one of the few places that hire Squibs," nodding at Jack. "And they pay Sub-Humans rather well to," pointing at himself.
He wouldn't normally call himself that, but this was the wizarding world... they execute people for using the wrong blood status. No need too antagonize the locals. Not if he was going to stay here long enough to need a guardian.
The Ministry man groaned. This just became an international incident, if UNIT was involved. They acted as the global go between, for all wizarding nations, when dealing with the muggles. "I'll get in contact with them immediately. Can I have your names please?"
"Doctor John Smith." The Meta Crisis lied. "and this is my friend, Captain Jack Harkness."
Jack was letting The Meta Crisis do all the talking. It was amazing how easily he blended lies with the truth. "John Smith" was just one of The Doctor's aliases, one UNIT would recognize.
The Doctor really did work for UNIT on occasion, but he mostly left that to his other faces.
Jack couldn't help but imagine, the number of people who were going to laugh their butts off when they saw The Doctor reduced to a child.
"Boy," The old woman growled at her apprentice. "Get me a dose of Magic Blesser." Not wanting to make this worse on herself. All wizards had heard of UNIT. They handled most wizarding / muggle relations among other things. They had helped fight against various Dark Lords, and gotten a fierce reputation.
"Y-yes ma'am," The apprentice fled the room. Though returned a mere moment later, having run... still not understanding the lesson, of being careful in a potions lab. The apprentice quickly handed the dose to Jack.
Jack looked at The Meta Crisis, as if asking "sure this will work." At Meta's nod he downed the potion. He felt sudden waves of pain coursing through his body. As the blockage, in his magical pathways, was quickly dissolved.
He always had an awareness of magic, so he could feel as his internal Energies broke through. Flowing more freely, his head spun for a grueling moment, at all the sensations. However, they eventually settled.
Sighing Jack looked at the now empty vial. "I've had worse," he shrugged, and handed it back to the apprentice.
• Point of View: Meta Crisis.
After the Ministry flunkies finished with us. It was only a few minutes before they left us in Alistair's care. Thanks to the old car, the Doctor left with him... that could move at light speed and mostly steered itself.
"The Ministry explained to me what happened," Said Alistair. As the three of us sat in a booth, within the Leaky Cauldron. The Brigadier clearly wanted to talk about something. "I signed the document accepting custody of you two. And since I certainly don't approve, of one of the Doctor's clones, calling himself by one of the Doctor's Aliases-"
I froze. Then snapped, "Oi! I'm still the Doctor!"
Alistairs mustache twitched. "No, you're not." Those words, that certainty, cause me to flinch. I thought, if anyone could understand, to accept me... it be Alistair. "You're not just some copy. Some mistake. You're your own person. Actual and whole. I know, for a fact, there are some species out there, with genetic memory. Just think of yourself as one of them.
"You aren't merely the Doctor's clone. As far as I'm concerned, you're his son... and he's a deadbeat dad, I plan to have words with, next I see him."
I could only gape at the perspective. I didn't know how I felt, about being my own person... seemed a bit too early for that. I'd only been alive for a few hours.
"That starts with your own name. I'm fully aware, of how Gallifreyian naming works. But as I understand it, you're mostly human. And I plan to raise you, as a human." Alistair seemed very insistent.
I sighed.
"I chose, Ollivander Alexander Lethbridge-Stewart... but we can call you "Metagamer" as a new Codename."
I gaped, while Jack snorted in amusement.
Alistair just rolled his eyes, "Yes, I thought you might like that." He then sighed. "It just... feels right." Before moving on. "I'm now your legal guardian, and was told I should treat you like actual children. As your brain chemistry has been regressed," he looked at me. "This might actually be a blessing for you. As you'll have a real childhood."
I sighed, "Sorry Brigadier, we can always just stay in the TARDIS until we're grown up."
Alistair sighed, "No, You have a hard enough time, caring for yourself, under the best of circumstances. However, I want you to remember, you ASKED me, to take care of YOU. So I expect you to obey the rules I lay down, and accept the consequences if you break them. The Ministry told me, I need to treat you like actual children, and that's what I'm going to do in ALL areas, understood?"
Jack perked, "Does that mean we get an allowance?"
Alistair groaned, "Yes you'll get an allowance. You'll also have your hides skinned, if I catch you doing something wrong."
Jack's smile turned devious, "So what your saying is, 'don't get caught'."
Alistair groaned, "I was the leader of the largest intelligence organization on Earth. You will ALWAYS get caught."
Later that day Jack and I found ourselves, with pants around our ankles. As our bare bottoms were repeatedly swatted. We had already been caught.