Tuesday 24th January 1809
Longbourn Estate, Hertfordshire, England,
The day had dawned cold and clear with clouds on the horizon hinting at rain. Today, half mourning for the late Mr Bennet was over.
"How wonderful are my choices!" thought his eldest daughter Jane, rummaging in her wardrobe. "Either I disobey my mother and destroy my life or I agree to marry a man I despise and destroy my life. I should keep wearing black."
Jane chose a blue dress, previously a favourite but now somewhat faded. "Like my hopes to marry for love" she thought. "How can I refuse this marriage? How could six of us fit in Aunt and Uncle Phillips' tiny house with any level of comfort. It would be awful. It is my duty to marry Mr Collins and allow my family to stay at Longbourn." Making the statement did not make her feel any better about it.
Jane sat down on the window seat. "One more time, then I will put my favourite memory away forever."
She still clearly recalled the moment she saw him. He was standing outside his carriage. He was the most beautiful man she had ever seen and his gaze was for her, only her. She could do nothing but stare back, already helplessly lost. Then, he smiled, and she was his forever.
Jane rose from the window seat and went about her preparations for the day. After attending to her hair, Jane sat quietly at the dressing table and sent up a prayer for a miracle. She heard her sister's fast tread on the stairs and moved to unlock the door.
Elizabeth sat down on the window seat. Jane joined her there. "Anything?"
"Nothing!" said Elizabeth "Where are the Gardiners? Almost a year without a letter! They should be home. I am certain Mr Collins stole at least one letter, soon after he got here."
"They can't save me now, anyway. It's too late."
"It's not too late to say no to the marriage. It is not your job to save us. Our parents failed us."
"Mama would hate me. It would be totally unfair to inflict all six of us on the Phillips. Our lives would be unbearable. I will have to marry him but oh I so wish I could just fly away from here, go to a place where there are no impossible decisions to make."
"Jane, do you trust me?"
"Of course, Lizzy."
"At breakfast, no matter what happens, say nothing. Neither yes nor no. Will you do that for me?"
"I've been doing that for months, so yes I will."
"Good." said Elizabeth "We can rely upon Mama to start haranguing you before breakfast is over. Let's go."
"What are you plotting, Lizzy?"
"You will see" was all her sister said.
The once cheery Longbourn breakfast room now had the atmosphere of a battlefield just prior to battle. Jane and Elizabeth arrived just after Mr Collins. Mrs Bennet and their fourteen year old sister Mary were already seated. Mr Collins had banished the noisy youngest two, Lydia and Kitty, to the schoolroom for all meals soon after his arrival.
Mrs Bennet did not disappoint but at least delayed her campaign until everyone had their breakfast in front of them and the servants had absented themselves.
"Jane, it is time you agreed to marry Mr Collins."
Jane said nothing.
"Oh Jane…" huffed Mrs Bennet.
Mr Collins, said "Yes Miss Bennet. It is time. I have been very patient. Because your guardian is still away, we must organise our journey to Scotland. I am sure your mother and sisters wish to remain at Longbourn."
Mrs Bennet, fearful for her own future, lost patience with Jane.
"Jane, I order you to agree to marry Mr Collins, now!"
"Mama," said Elizabeth "As I have said before, you cannot order Jane to marry. No one can do that, not even Uncle Gardiner. It is up to Jane."
"It is time Jane did her duty and agreed. I do not want to leave Longbourn" snapped Mrs Bennet.
Jane remained silent.
Elizabeth said "I think it is obvious that Jane does not want to marry you, Mr Collins. Indeed, why should she?"
Jane looked surprised at Elizabeth's rudeness but still remained silent. A feeling of dread came over her. "What is Lizzy up to?"
Collins lost his temper. "I don't care what she wants. She will marry me or you can all rot in the hedgerows."
"Oh no Lizzy" thought Jane as Elizabeth leapt to her feet and cried: "Can't you see, you stupid man! You are an ugly, horrible, smelly toad! Why would anyone want to marry you?"
"Oh…" breathed Jane
Mrs Bennet screamed.
Red faced with anger Collins turned on Elizabeth.
"You…." he shouted "will leave my house today and never return!"
He turned to Jane, who was on her feet.
"One hour" he yelled "I will see you in one hour. You will tell me your sister is gone from my house, and you will marry me!" He got up and stormed from the room.
"Elizabeth!" sobbed Mrs Bennet "Horrible, ungrateful child. You will be the death of me! "
Elizabeth fled, outside. Mary followed her.
"Jane…Jane!" cried Mrs Bennet. "Go and see him. Tell him you will marry him!"
Jane gazed at her mother for a moment.
"I still have an hour" she said and followed Mary outside, abandoning her mother to her misery.
Elizabeth had not gone far. She was seated on the nearest garden bench.
Jane and Mary sat either side of her and after a short period of silence, Jane said "Lizzy, if you don't want to return to the house, Mary and I will pack you some things. We can walk to the Phillips' house together."
"I'm not going to live with the Phillips" said Elizabeth.
"Oh Lizzy" said Jane "Where else can you go? I will agree to marry Mr Collins, and I will beg him to allow you to stay. You will have to apologise…and seriously grovel!"
"I will never apologise!" declared Elizabeth "and as for grovelling…"
"If I don't agree to marry him, we will all have to live with the Phillips" said Jane.
"Mama will be horrendous" said Mary "No piano" she added sadly.
"I am going to London" declared Elizabeth.
"London? On your own? You can't!" Jane was incredulous.
"I can and I will."
"How will you survive?" asked Mary.
"I have some savings. You know I was effectively managing the estate in the years before Mr Collins came."
Her sisters nodded.
"I managed to improve our income and save some money for our future. Papa had no idea. When he got ill, I redoubled my efforts. Papa let me do as I pleased. I have five hundred pounds hidden away."
"Five hundred!" said Jane in awe.
"That's amazing Lizzy!" said Mary.
"Of course, that all ended with Collins' arrival. How could a young woman have any idea how to run an estate? Now with him in charge, the estate is going backwards again. He is worse than Papa! From the earliest days after Collins' arrival I knew that my future did not include Longbourn, much as I love it. I don't want to be anywhere nearby watching the destruction of my home. Believe me, within a few years he will bankrupt the estate. Jane, where will you all be then?
"Oh Lizzy" whispered Jane "what can I do?"
"Hard decisions, Jane."
"I hate making decisions."
"I know. There is something else. After Collins arrived and told me I knew nothing about running an estate, I wanted a new way to make money. There are so few options for a gentlewoman to earn money and they all pay a pittance, except for one slim possibility."
"What is that?" asked Mary
"You know how much we all love a good novel," said Elizabeth. "and I do love writing. I thought that if I could write one and get published, anonymously of course, I could earn some money and look after us all."
Jane looked doubtful. "You have written a novel?"
"I have."
"What's it about Lizzy?" asked Mary.
"It's based upon Jane's experience last year, at the post stop."
"Oh" said Jane "my post stop man."
"Yes" said Elizabeth "It is about a young lady who is leaving a post stop in her family carriage. She spots a handsome young gentleman gazing adoringly at her through the window and falls in love instantly. The story follows the young lady's adventures and efforts to find the young man, not knowing that he is looking for her too! The story has a happy ending when they finally meet again."
"Adventures and a happy ending" said Jane sadly.
"I have no idea how to get it published. I will find that out in London."
"Lizzy, I know that was just a moment that will never repeat. Thoughts of my post stop man have helped uplift my spirits in dark times, but I know I will never see him again. I must face reality."
"So do I, Jane. I would do anything to prevent you marrying Mr Collins. We have tried delay, your young age, mourning for Papa, all the while hoping the Gardiners would return. We have run out of time and have limited options. I must leave Longbourn today and need to make a choice. If Longbourn is not my future, then nearby Meryton is not either, particularly if you choose to marry Collins. I will not remain here to see you married to him."
"London is so dangerous. A gentlewoman on her own…"
"I know. I will be careful. We do have two friends in London - you remember the Graingers, Jane?"
"Of course. Aunt Madeleine's aunt and uncle."
"Yes. They have limited accommodation above the bookshop but may know of respectable, not too expensive accommodation nearby. I am hoping Uncle Albert may have some contacts in the publishing world."
"You have thought this through, Lizzy."
"I have thought of nothing else, lately."
"Lizzy" asked Mary "please could I come with you? I hate it here now, there is nothing for me except you and Jane. I could help, I have some money saved and maybe I could find work in a shop."
"I don't know, Mary. You are very young. I certainly would not want you to work in a shop."
Jane's face showed clearly how she felt about the idea. Her younger sisters, only seventeen and fourteen, alone in London. Terrifying!
"Lizzy, you can't possibly be serious about this! You would be safe at the Phillips…"
Elizabeth said "Safe and miserable, Jane. I am committed to this adventure. Five hundred pounds will last a long time if I am frugal. I have other savings too. The Graingers may have heard from Aunt and Uncle. It may not be very long before they return."
"They may never return" said Jane bluntly, voicing their deepest unspoken fears for the first time.
"That is true" said Elizabeth "but I am still going to London and Mary can come with me if she chooses. So can you, Jane."
"Thank you, Lizzy, oh thank you!" cried Mary.
"No!" cried Jane.
"It is all about choice, Jane." Elizabeth continued. "With two of us gone, living with the Phillips would be better for the rest of you. I will leave you money to help Uncle Phillips support you all and send more when I can."
"Mama would not make it any easier" said Jane bitterly "she would hate me and I would lose my sanity with worry for you two, alone in London. You can't, you really can't do this!"
"We can" said Elizabeth "I will not stay here."
"Let Mama hate you at a distance" said Mary. "Come with us!"
"Mary, can you be ready to leave very early tomorrow?" asked Elizabeth.
"Yes" said Mary.
"I will send a stable boy into Meryton to buy us tickets on the early post coach to London. Later I will sneak back into the house through the kitchen to pack my bag and stay the night. Collins won't know I am here. We will leave at first light."
"Lizzy, would it be all right? London…is so frightening."
"The unknown is frightening. It is a risk, Jane. A big risk. We will do everything we can to make it all right but we cannot predict the future."
Jane stared at her sisters.
"You are asking me to choose between Mama and you."
"No. Choose for yourself, Jane!" said Elizabeth "Mama doesn't care about anyone but herself. You have three choices - marry Collins and be miserable, move in with the Phillips and be miserable or have an adventure and a chance of a happy ending."
Tears in her eyes, Jane said slowly "I can't let you two go to London on your own."
"Shall I get the boy to buy two tickets or three?"
"Three, Lizzy, three tickets." said Jane "What will I say to Mr Collins? I don't want to lie and say I will marry him."
Elizabeth thought for a moment then told Jane exactly what to say.
Jane got up slowly "I will do that now, Lizzy. Then I will hide away in my room for the rest of the day."
As Jane walked off towards the house, Mary said "Lizzy, I couldn't believe it when you insulted Collins. I was thinking, why would you do that? Now I know. You did it on purpose, didn't you, for Jane."
"For Jane and you and I." said Elizabeth "I will miss my walks but there is no future for us here. I hope she won't hate me for it."
"She won't" said Mary "You made the decision easier for her."
Jane knocked on the door of the Mr Collins' study.
"Yes" barked Collins.
Jane entered and stopped just inside. "Mr Collins" she said, "my sister has left the house, and I am ready to go on a journey."
"Excellent, excellent" said Mr Collins, getting up from the desk "We must celebrate…" He was talking to air, Jane was gone, heading for the stairs.
Her mother heard her and screeched from the parlour "Jane, Jane…"
"Mama, I feel a headache coming on" cried Jane. This was no lie.
After locking her bedroom door, Jane sank down onto the window seat and tried to ignore her pounding head. "That's done. Time to decide what to take."