connection re-established

First Grade, Day 1

Six Years Later

"Got your lunch, old boy?" Mr. Uno asked his son as they pulled up to the front of Gallagher Elementary School.

"Right here, Dad!"

6-year old Nigel Uno proudly held up his brand-new Yipper! lunchbox and beamed.

"Oh, my son, off to his first day of first grade!" Mrs. Uno sobbed from the front seat.

"Moooom", Nigel groaned, but still he smiled.

"Now, be sure to stay focused in class, dear", his mother reminded him.

"But also be sure to have fun and make lots of friends!" his dad encouraged. "The best years of your life are just beginning, my son. Enjoy it! Oh, and stay out of trouble."

"You got it, Dad".

Nigel unbuckled his seat belt, ran a hand through his expertly coiffed brown hair, and adjusted his clear glasses before setting foot on the sidewalk.

"Have a good day at school, old bean!" Mr. Uno called as he and his wife drove away.

Nigel waved goodbye and walked into the school with the rest of the students. Ten minutes before the bell would ring, a black stretch limousine pulled up in front of the school. Five students in perfect clothing and with glassy sky blue eyes got out, moving in unison.

"Now, my Delightful Children", Father said, rolling his window down, "do you understand your assignment?"

"Yes, Father", the children said simultaneously, speaking in a monotone, hypnotic voice. "Obey every adult to get on their good side, and then persuade them to institute a uniform mandate in order to eliminate individuality and creative thinking. And should any of the Kids Next Door get in our way, take care of them!"

Father nodded his approval.

"Very good", he said, impressed. "It seems I've taught you well over these past six years, and how lucky I am that my machine not only made you into the perfect kids, but also ceased your ability to age so you'll be able to STAY my Delightful Children, FOREVER!"

Father cackled, and the children joined him.

"Now get to class!" Father demanded, flames jumping up behind him. "Tardiness on the first day of school is NOT the way to get the adults to like you!"

"Yes, Father! Bye, Father!"

The five children ran in unison until they got to the front door.

"I'll pick you up this afternoon!" Father called in a delightful voice, waving as the limousine pulled away.

Taking a deep breath, the five kids pulled open the door to the school and walked inside. Immediately, the chatter in the hallway from the other kids ceased. Everyone stared as the five children moved past them, wondering why these peculiar children were dressed the same and walked so funny.

"Uh…hello", the children said, somewhat nervously. "Could one of you kind students please direct us to our fourth grade classroom where Miss-"

They pulled out their class schedule.

"-Thompson resides? We would be most grateful for your assistance."

There was a moment of silence, and then the kids burst out laughing.

"What a bunch of dorks!" an African American girl with long curly black hair in pigtails and a pale blue long-sleeved shirt said in between a fit of giggles.

"Yeah, where'd THESE guys come from, Nerds R Us?" a smaller African American girl next to her wearing a dark blue shirt and a red hat added.

The five children were unphased by the kids' teasing and laughing.

"Very well", they said. "I guess we'll have to find it on our own."

They buried their heads in the attached map and proceeded down the hall.

…

Elsewhere in the hall, Nigel Uno walked to his classroom.

"Hello!" He greeted kids in the hallway. "I'm Nigel!"

Kids snickered at his accent and glasses, and at one point he heard someone cough "Nerd!".

Feeling embarrassed, Nigel gave up trying to be friendly and dejectedly walked into his classroom. Sinking into his assigned seat, he pulled out a Yipper! comic and waited for the bell to ring.

"Hey, is that a Yipper! lunchbox?"

"Hmm?"

Nigel Uno looked up from his comic to see a short, stout kid with a blue button-down shirt and tan pants standing in front of him.

"Oh! Uh, yeah. It is."

"Man, that is so cool!" the kid said. "Check it out! I've got the matching backpack!"

The kid ran over to his desk and held it up for Nigel to see.

"Oh! You like Yipper!?"

"Who doesn't like Yipper!?"

"I prefer Rainbow Monkeys myself!"

The two boys looked to see a tall girl with jet black hair in pigtails wearing a green sweatshirt come into the classroom and set down her Rainbow Monkey backpack.

"In fact, I LOVE Rainbow Monkeys!"

The girl took a seat at her assigned desk and proceeded to sing the Rainbow Monkeys theme song, loudly and off-key. She was completely oblivious to the two boys covering their ears as another boy with blond hair that covered his eyes wearing an orange hoodie came into the classroom and set down his koala-shaped backpack.

"Hey!" he said in an Australian accent. "What's all that noise?"

"It's her", Nigel and the other kid said, pointing at the girl (who was still singing).

"Hey!" the blond-haired kid called. "Hey, girl!"

"Who, me?"

The girl stopped singing and looked at him.

"Oh, hi!" she said. "You can call me Kuki! What's your name?"

"My name is Wallaby Beetles", the blond-haired kid said, "but you can call me Wally. Would you mind not singing, please? It's, uh, well, it's…kind of annoying."

The girl stared at him for a moment, and then kept singing. The blond boy sighed.

"Welp, I gave it a shot", he said, shrugging his shoulders and taking his seat.

"By the way, I never got your name", Nigel said to the Yipper! fan.

"Oh! Sorry!" the kid said, holding out his hand. "I'm Hoagie. Hoagie Gilligan."

"Pleased to meet you, Hoagie", said Nigel, accepting the handshake. "I'm Nigel Uno."

"Hey!" the blond kid said. "You kind of sound like me! Are you from Australia?"

"No, my parents are from England."

"Yeah, we all speak English, mate."

"No-I was born here, but my parents come from London, England. We're British, you see, and Australia is on an entirely different continent."

The blond boy blinked at him.

"So which part of Australia are you from, anyway?"

Nigel sighed.

"Hey, look at that!" Hoagie said. "We're neighbors!"

He sat down at his desk which was stationed right next to Nigel's. The British boy smiled, happy that he had already made a friend.

"Wanna see something cool?" Hoagie asked, and Nigel nodded.

Hoagie pulled out what appeared to be a plain black lunchbox, until he hit a button on the side. Out popped a monitor and keyboard.

"Whoa!" Nigel said. "What is that thing?"

"This, my friend, is the Yuck Detector", Hoagie said proudly. "When we go to lunch today, it will allow me to see if anything the cafeteria ladies serve has any trace of-"

He gulped.

"-vegetables."

"And you made that yourself?"

Hoagie nodded.

"All out of spare computer parts!"

Th-that's amazing!" Nigel said, clearly impressed. "You must be some sort of genius!"

"I don't wanna brag", Hoagie said as he put it away, "but I've studied the Kids Next Door's 2x4 technology my whole life. To replicate it at such a young age is sure to get me in!"

"Kids Next Door?" Nigel said, raising an eyebrow. "What's the Kids Next Door?"

"What's the Kids Next Door?!"

His question was repeated by the African American girl in the red hat, who had just arrived in the classroom.

"And just where have you been livin'-under a rock?"

"Um…no, actually", Nigel said. "I live at-"

The girl cut him off.

"The Kids Next Door is the leading organization for fighting adult tyranny. They battle all the evils the adults try to force on us kids: Homework, chores, eatin' our vegetables, and ESPECIALLY bathtime. They stand up for the kids who can't stand up for themselves, and they use their 2x4 technology to stay ahead of the adults' schemes."

"How do you know so much about the Kids Next Door?" Hoagie said, intrigued.

"Because", the girl said, "my sister Cree is one of them. And one day, I'll be fightin' those adults right beside her, baby."

"You're CREE'S sister?" Hoagie said dreamily.

"Uh-huh", the girl said, sitting down and putting her feet up on the desk in front of her.

"She's so awesome!"

Hoagie sank into his seat, still fawning over Cree.

"Uh, don't make it weird, kid", the girl said, resting her arms behind her head.

"So, uh…what do they call you?" asked Nigel, and the girl looked over at him.

"Abby", she said after a moment. "Abby Lincoln."

"Nice to meet you, Abby", said Nigel, ever the polite Brit. "I'm Nigel."

He stuck out his hand and Abby shook it as their teacher walked in.

"Good morning, class!" she said. "I'm your teacher, Miss Stanley! I just know we're going to have a wonderful year, so let's get started, shall we?"

The kids all cheered.

"And what better way to get to know each other than with…a pop quiz?!"

The kids all groaned, and Nigel leaned in to Abby.

"So", he said as papers were handed out, "tell me more about this Kids Next Door."

…

When lunchtime came, the kids eagerly raced into the cafeteria to get a spot in line.

"I'll see you in half an hour, class!" Ms. Stanley called.

She made her way to a door across the hall marked Teachers Only and disappeared inside.

"So what do you think, kid?" Abby was saying to Nigel as they sat down with their packed lunches. "You wanna be a part of the Kids Next Door someday?"

"Some day, maybe", said Nigel. "For now, I'd just like to get through my first day of school in one piece. Plus, my dad told me to stay out of trouble, and this Kids Next Door sounds like trouble follows them."

At this, Abby sighed.

"The Kids Next Door did have a team go missing about six years ago", she said. "Cree says the official report was that they went off on an unauthorized mission in deep space, but I don't believe that for a second. I think some adult did something to 'em and one of these days, when I join the Kids Next Door, I'll find the missing kids of Sector Z."

"Who knows?" said Nigel. "Maybe I'll help you."

Abby smiled.

"You're alright, Nigel Uno."

As their friendship started to bloom, Father's five Delightful Children made their way to a table with a plain gray lunchbox.

"Finally", they said. "It's time to nourish our bodies with a homemade meal."

Hoagie Gilligan, seated a few tables away, gasped as his black lunchbox suddenly started beeping.

"Warning", a computerized voice said. "Yuckiness detected."

"STOOOOOOOP!"

The kids gasped as Hoagie dove forward, knocking the five kids' lunch to the floor.

"What is the meaning of this preposterous behavior?!" they demanded, rising to their feet.

"You guys were about to eat…vegetables."

The kids in the cafeteria gasped, all except for the five kids, who narrowed their eyes.

"That lunch was prepared by our specialty chef, Garcon", they said, "and now you've ruined it!"

"Wait, you…don't care that you were about to eat vegetables?"

"Of COURSE not! Eating vegetables will help ensure that we grow into strong and healthy adults, not a scrawny, overweight, useless loser like YOU."

"Hey, that's not very nice!" Kuki said, looking up from her table. "Take it back!"

"Why don't you come over here and MAKE US take it back, you stupid, silly girl?"

The girls at Kuki's table gasped dramatically, and she burst into tears.

"Oi!"

Wally Beetles set down the lunch tray he had just gotten and marched over to the five kids.

"You want someone to make ya take it back? I'm happy to, mate."

He cracked his knuckles, but the five kids just smiled.

"Go ahead, then", they said. "Start a fight, and we'll just tell a responsible adult all about it. How'd you like to receive several hours of detention on the first day of school?"

Wally gulped.

"Eh, carry on", he said, pulling his hoodie over his face and slinking into his seat.

"That's what we thought."

The five kids turned back to Hoagie.

"And as for you, you owe us a new lunch. So we'll take that!"

"Hey!" Hoagie cried out as the kids snatched his lunchbox. "That's mine!"

Nigel had seen enough. He got up from the table and walked over to the kids.

"You don't have to be so rude, you know", he said. "He was only trying to help. Most kids don't even like vegetables."

"Stay out of this, kid."

Nigel grunted as the kids pushed him…face first into their ruined lunch on the floor. His hair and glasses were instantly covered in mashed potatoes and gravy, fried chicken and liver. The five kids laughed and pushed past Hoagie to sit back down. Nigel wiped the food off his glasses and grabbed a fistful of it in his hand. Without thinking, he hurled it at the kids, who winced as it hit them in the back.

The kids turned and glared at Nigel.

"How DARE you!" they yelled. "Just look at our outfits!"

"If you ask me, it's an improvement", said Nigel, and the cafeteria burst out laughing.

With a growl of frustration, the five kids hurled food at Nigel.

"FOOD FIGHT!" a kid in a yellow button-down shirt yelled, and the cafeteria erupted into chaos.

The girls at Kuki's table shrieked and covered their Rainbow Monkeys' heads, ducking under the table for cover. Some kids did the same while others, mainly K.N.D., joined the fight.

"Oh yeah, baby!" Abby cried, getting on top of the table. "Take that, weirdos!"

SPLAT! A handful of food hit the five children in their faces, and they growled as it dripped down onto the floor.

Meanwhile, Hoagie Gilligan's Yuck Detector was going haywire. As the computerized voice caught other traces of vegetables in the food being thrown, its "Warning"s got higher pitched until finally, the device sizzled and sparked, having been shorted out.

"Aw, man!" Hoagie said, giving it a whack. "It took me months to build that!"

"Hoagie!"

Hoagie grunted as Nigel Uno plowed into his side, saving him from an oncoming food bomb.

"Thanks, Nigel!" he said.

"Don't mention it", said Nigel.

The Teachers Only door suddenly burst open and Ms. Stanley and Ms. Thompson gasped.

"What is going on here?!" Ms. Thompson demanded. "Stop this at once!"

But the kids were yelling too loudly for them to hear her. Ms. Stanley pulled out a whistle from underneath her green dress and blew it, causing the kids to cover their ears.

"EVERYBODY FREEZE!" she yelled, her sweet and shy demeanor from that morning gone.

The kids stopped, some mid-throw, and stared at the two teachers.

"I am VERY disappointed in you children", Ms. Thompson scolded, her hands on her hips. "Now, who started this?"

Silence.

"TELL US OR IT'S TRIPLE DETENTION FOR ALL OF YOU!" Ms. Stanley yelled.

Immediately, the kids pointed to the Delightful Children and Nigel Uno.

Ms. Thompson gasped.

"My students!" she exclaimed. "Why? You were so well-behaved this morning, with such great ideas for school uniforms!"

"We're so sorry, Ms. Thompson!" the five kids said, their eyes wide. "We didn't mean to engage in such…CHILDISH behavior. We-"

"That's enough", said Ms. Stanley. "The thing to learn here at Gallagher Elementary is that actions have consequences."

"I'm afraid I have no choice, children", said Ms. Thompson. "I'm calling…your father."

The five kids gulped audibly.

"And as for you, Mr. Uno", said Ms. Stanley, "your parents will be receiving a call from me, as well. In addition to that, you will ALL receive detention, every day, for the next two weeks."

"Now, clean up this mess!" Ms. Stanley demanded the rest of the students. "When we get back from making our phone calls, this place had better be SPOTLESS!"

"Oh, don't worry!" a voice from behind them piped up. "It will be!"

The two teachers turned to see a man wearing a janitor's outfit come up behind them. '

"Hi, I'm Lou!" he said with a cheery smile, "And it looks like these kids have some cleaning up to do!"

The kids snickered at Lou's whiny, cracking voice.

"You don't have to worry about a thing", said Lou. "I'll make sure the kids make this cafeteria spic and span! That's the plan!"

"Yes, well", said Ms. Thompson, "just make sure it gets done in a timely manner."

"We'll be back shortly", said Ms. Stanley.

With that, she and Ms. Thompson went back into the lounge to make their calls.

"Okay, kids!" said Lou. "I've got plenty of tools to help us clean the cafeteria! Now, who would like-"

The kids immediately started complaining and jeering at Nigel and the five kids.

"Way to go, dorks!"

"This'll take FOREVER to clean!"

"SO unfair!"

"Oh man, this is BOGUS."

"Hey, kids!" Lou tried. "I really think you should start-"

"Aw, pipe down, toilet man!" Wally yelled, and the cafeteria laughed.

Lou sighed sadly, and the door to the lounge flew open once more.

"I SAID, CLEAN THIS MESS UP!" Ms. Stanley yelled, her voice echoing in the cafeteria.

The kids immediately got to work.

…

"My dad is going to be SO mad at me", Nigel said, walking with Hoagie at the end of the day. "He told me to stay out of trouble, and I started a food fight on my first day of school!"

"Technically, those weird kids started it first", said Hoagie. "After all, you were pushed down."

Nigel smiled at his new friend.

"Well, this is me!" Hoagie said, nodding to a gray van that pulled up in front of the school. "I'll see you tomorrow, Nigel!"

Nigel waved goodbye and watched as Hoagie climbed into the backseat with a slightly smaller kid.

As Abby and Cree waited for their dad to pick them up, they were approached by a tall, blonde-haired kid.

"Hey, kid", he said to Abby, "let me talk to you for a sec."

Abby turned to Cree, who gave her an encouraging nod, and she nodded to the boy.

"Do you know who I am?" he said.

"Of course! You're Numbuh 274, the Kids Next Door's leader and by far their best operative!"

The kid chuckled.

"I appreciate the compliment, kid", he said. "Listen, it's come to the K.N.D.'s attention that there are kids here at school who are showing early signs of adulthood."

"You talkin' 'bout those five creeps who like vegetables?"

"Exactly. So we're starting a new recruitment plan. And based on everything your sister has told me about you, we'd like you to be a part of it."

Abby gasped.

"You mean-!"

"You'll officially join the Kids Next Door, and it'll be your job to head the Early Recruitment program. We need to make sure that us kids stay kids, from now to 13. So what do you say, Abby? You up for it?"

Hardly able to contain her excitement, Abby nodded and saluted Numbuh 274.

"Welcome to the Kids Next Door."

Cree squealed and ran over to hug her little sister.

"I told you your time would come, sis!" she said. "I am SO proud of you!"

"Well, you two better get going", said Numbuh 274. "Your official initiation will be tonight."

"Tonight?" said Abby. "You mean, I'm gonna go to-"

"-the Kids Next Door moonbase", Cree said with adoration.

"Yup", said Numbuh 274. "See you both there."

As he walked away, the sisters once again squealed with excitement as their dad pulled up.

"Cree, Abby, let's go!" he called. "You both got homework-with the pencils and the paper and the-aww, you know what Imma talkin' about!"

The sisters giggled and climbed into their car.

A black limo pulled up to the school and the Delightful Children caught sight of Nigel as they gripped the door handle.

"You'll pay for this, Nigel Uno", they promised, and opened the door, getting in.

Nigel gulped as his mum and dad pulled up in their minivan.

"Get your heinie in this car, old bean", his dad gently scolded. "We have a lot to discuss."

"Starting with this whole food fight business", his mother said, and Nigel sighed.

"Yes, Dad."

He trudged up to the van and got inside.

…

"So", Father said, facing the five kids in the limo, "how was your first day of school, my Delightful Children? Anything interesting happen?"

"Um…" the children nervously twiddled their thumbs.

"I received the most interesting call from your teacher", he said, his voice eerily pleasant. "She said that you all had been involved in a food fight."

The kids gulped as the limo began to heat up.

"And I thought to myself, "Not my Delightful Children"", he said. "My Delightful Children would NEVER cause such a frivolous disruption on the FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL. WOULD YOU?!"

The kids shrieked as flames erupted from Father's body in the backseat.

"But it wasn't our fault, Father!"

"NO EXCUSES!"

The flames dissipated.

"I am most…unsatisfied."

"Yes, Father."

"And it's going to cost you: No fruit salad for one month."

"One month?!"

"Is that going to be a PROBLEM FOR YOU?!"

The flames roared up again.

"Uh…no! Of course not! We accept our punishment!"

"Good."

As Father's flames died down again, the limo pulled into the driveway of the mansion.

"Now, go get your homework done. And every single answer had better be correct!"

"Yes, Father!"

The kids hustled out of the limo and into the mansion. Father got out himself, thinking about what else Ms. Thompson had told him.

"The other kid involved in that food fight was Nigel Uno", he thought, "my annoying brother's little brat. If he joins the Kids Next Door, he could wind up being more trouble than all of those other snot-nosed operatives combined! I've got to do something to break him. But what?"

Benedict Uno took off his flame suit and settled in his lounge chair with his pipe, thinking. Suddenly, he smiled evilly and went to the kids' room.

"Oh, children!" he called. "I have a new assignment for you…"

transmission interrupted