A/N: Sorry if there are any typos, I was exhausted, but I wanted to get this update out.

Chapter Fifteen

"How are you feeling?" John asked as he tucked the covers around Anna's legs and propped her back and sides with pillows. "Can I get you anything before I bring Elizabeth in?"

"Yes," Anna replied. "A kiss."

"Your wish is my command," John teased as he leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on Anna's lips.

John pulled back and Elizabeth began to cry."There she is for her bottle, right on schedule," John sighed. "I'll get her and bring her in. You can cradle her while I fix her food."

"I could help," Anna offered, but John shot her a staying glance. "Not until the doctor says."

Anna shook her head at him as he turned. She saw him hesitate and thought she saw him wince as he took a few short steps before getting his rhythm and fetching the baby.

"Here we go, Elizabeth," John cooed as he carried the baby to Anna. "Here we go to Mummy. You remember your Mummy…"

John carefully transferred Elizabeth to Anna's arms. The baby's arms and legs were kicking and flailing as her demand for food grew.

"Oh goodness," Anna soothed. "Hush my baby, Mummy's here. Mummy's here."

John heard Anna begin to sing softly as he cooked the infant food. Elizabeth had worked herself into quite a state before John finished making the bottle.

Anna offered Elizabeth the food, but she kept kicking her legs and fussing. "Come on, baby. Aren't you hungry?"

"Just give her a minute. Sometimes it takes her a minute to latch…" The baby quieted as she startled to suckle the nipple and drain the food from the bottle.

Anna's face fell. "What's wrong?" John asked as he stroked Elizabeth's leg and foot through her little dress.

"I suppose I'm jealous," Anna sighed. "You know Elizabeth better than I do. When Johnny and Maggie were this age, I was all they needed."

John feigned offense. "Excuse me, Mrs. Bates, but I remember several dirty nappies expertly changed by yours truly."

"I remember the first time you changed Johnny's nappy, he was about Elizabeth's age and he was so fussy and squirmy that day. You offered and I thought what a sweet, wonderful husband I had to offer to change a soiled nappy."

John chuckled. "We laugh now, but it wasn't so funny then. I felt like the worst father in the world when he started to cry and that little droplet of blood came out."

"You got so distracted you didn't cover Johnny fast enough. You were soaked." Anna laughed then hissed as her incision pulled. "Oh, I shouldn't laugh." But she continued to giggle

Elizabeth spit the nipple out and scrunched up her face like a rabbit. "Oh, John, look! She's making a bunny nose."

John delighted in Anna's joy. She held up well on the trip home, but argued the idea of a wheelchair into the house. John had insisted on carrying her into their new bedroom, not risking anything now that he had his wife home with him and their children.

When Elizabeth fell asleep, John took her from Anna and put her in the bassinet. It had been a gift from Lord and Lady Grantham when Johnny was born. "Why don't you lie down and take a nap? Then, when you wake, I'll ask Mr. Branson to bring Johnny and Maggie."

Anna looked John over. He was a tower of strength, always had been. Where others saw a cripple with a weak leg, Anna saw a vibrant man with strong arms and broad shoulders. Those shoulders were a bit bowed the last few weeks, no doubt under the pressure of caring for three children and a wife while still attempting to do his job. Most men would whine and complain, but not John. He took it all in stride, he dealt with whatever came however he had to. This was no different. Still, he was visibly tired with red rimmed eyes and dark circles that hadn't been so prominent before

"Why don't you leave the washing up for now and get a nap while the baby is asleep?" Anna suggested. "You…"

She wanted to tell him how tired he looked, but she knew he would only push back. "You and I haven't had a proper sleep in months, not since I got so big. Come, hold your wife, Mr. Bates."

John was tired and his body ached. His back burned across the lumbar region, his left hip throbbed, and of course, his knee ached, though lately it was worse lying down, even for a little while, would be akin to Heaven.

"Perhaps just for a moment," John replied as he slid off his shoes and lowered his braces. He couldn't suppress a small groan as he sank into the mattress. "What is it? Your leg?"

John nodded, "Stiff that's all. It'll pass, always does."

With that John slid his arms around Anna. They liked lying face to face with their arms entwined or with Anna curled against John's side. Given her raw wounds, they chose face to face. John stroked Anna's cheek but it was her soft hand gently massaging his palm that was his undoing.

John felt his body relax and his eyes grow heavy as Anna gentle ministrations lulled him to sleep.

The reunion between Anna and the older children was heartwarming indeed. They piled up on the bed on either side of her to talk and share all about the time she'd been in the hospital. They had a special picnic in the bedroom for tea before John herded them off for baths.

While John did bath and bedtime upstairs, Anna studied Elizabeth. She was growing and seemed to be more alert than when She had seen her in hospital. Dr. Cooke's words still hung on her mind though. Elizabeth might not be like other babies, she would have to "catch up" to others her age. That unsettled Anna. She didn't want any of her children to be at a disadvantage.

"You'll be alright, won't you?" Anna asked the angelic babe in her arms. "You'll have so many chances your Mummy and Daddy didn't. You brother and sister neither. We have this lovely new house and soon we will have our family business with your Daddy home for tea every night. He won't be tired anymore and Mummy won't be grouchy. You will be alright."

Elizabeth scrunched up her nose again making the little rabbit face. Anna leaned over to nuzzle her. "Little bunny," Anna laughed. "That's who you'll be, Mummy's little bunny."

They settled into a routine of sorts with John still insisting on Anna following Dr. Clarksons orders to the letter. He made the breakfast, took the children to the nursery at the abbey, did the laundry, made the beds, and provided most of the infant care.

The days were busy, but the nights were bliss. They found Elizabeth was a better sleeper than eithrr Johnny or Maggie, going close to 3 hours between bottles. For her feeds, the practiced as they had the others. John would fetch the baby and Anna held her while the bottle was made. Then they took turns feeding her before John changed her nappy and put her back to bed.

Anna isn't sleeping much, resting all day did little to make her tired at night. She laid awake and watched John's typically uneasy slumber.

John hadn't slept well their entire marriage. First, it was nightmares and flashbacks, but now it was just him. Anna noticed how he would fall asleep on his left side or back, but end up waking an hour or so later to change positions. He did this countless times, Anna doubted he even realized he was awake.

The night before Anna checkup with Dr. Clarkson Anna did manage some sleep. She was dreaming of the family at the opening of the hotel. A happy dream. Her hand had been ensconced in John's when they fell asleep, but as Anna was dreaming, John's hand clamped down on hers in a painful hold. He sat up in bed with a cry of raw pain, one hand crushing hers and the other grabbing at his bad leg.

John's jaw was locked as he bit the inside of his cheek though nothing was going to hide this. His quadriceps were in a tight spasm, probably because he hadn't bothered to rest and elevate his knee at all the last few days.

"John, what is it?" Anna asked, she saw the sweat on his brow and the pallor of his skin. She knew what it was. It happened before, many times, but this time was as scary as the first.

John couldn't speak. The pain was robbing him of his breath. He couldn't focus.

Anna sat up carefully and started rubbing John's back. His night shirt was soaked. "John, listen to me. Try to breathe. I know it's hard, but you have to breathe. Breathe through it, don't seize up."

John tried, he truly did, but the agony was mind numbing. He wouldn't be able to think if he tried. Then he heard it, their special thing. "One, two, three…"

As Anna counted, John remembered when she started to do that. It was their third night in the old cottage and he had awakened just like this. Anna had been terrified, she didn't know what to do to help him.

"Talk to me," John had moaned.

"But what do I…" Anna began before she realized she could say anything, all he needed was the sound of her voice.

So, she started counting. That's what they would do whenever the other was in need. Besides, it was useful in knowing about how long a spasm, panic episode, or contraction lasted. That first episode was 39 seconds long. This one was over 5 minutes.

"Let me get you a cool flannel and a clean shirt," Anna offered. John immediately tried to protest.

Anna shook her head. "No, stay off that leg for the rest of the night. I can do this. I am fine, I feel better, I promise."

Anna got up slowly. She had to get used to her weight on her legs after being sedentary for so long. Still, she felt well, if not a bit weak, as she went to get what she needed to help John.

Anna came back from the bathroom with a small basin of cool water, a flannel, and a clean nightshirt. "Okay, off with this," Anna ordered tugging at the sweat soaked shirt. "That one wasn't bad. It was not bad at all."

John shook his head, "Not too bad, no. It's relaxing now."

"I can go and heat the kettle," Anna offered.

John shook his head. "You will do no such thing. Grt back into bed. I can see to this myself. I just need a minute."

Anna ignored him and dipped the flannel into the cool water. She dabbed at his brow gently. "Im so…"

John reached up and stilled her motion. "No, don't you dare apologize!"

John's voice had a crisp news, a shortness that Anna wasn't used to. She heard it only a handful of times and rarely directed at her

"I just don't want to see you hurt," Anna murmured. "When you hurt, I hurt too."

John shook his head and cursed his leg. He couldn't let her see it, that the leg was worsening and that he was struggling with tasks that only a short time ago he found simple.

He was getting older and his body was pushing back at him for all the abuse it had taken earlier in his life. Those were his mistakes. Anna didn't deserve to pay for them.

John slid his arms gently around Anna's middle. She was still swollen from childbirth, but still so slight, even after three children. "I love you," John murmured as he nestled his face in her chest. "So much."

Anna's hand stroked John's back and simply held him in her arms. He made a small sound, another little moan and his body went stiff. She knew what that meant after 12 years of marriage. She began to count again, never breaking contact. "One, two, three…"

They were tired the next morning, but John's leg felt much better after he gave in and let Anna rub some liniment on it. The joint itself ached, but the spasms released and let go of their hold on him.

After brreakfast, Mary came up to the house with Tom to take Anna to the doctor as John wasn't necessarily welcome at a postnatal check up.

Robert dropped by with them and offered to keep John company while he tended to his work around the house. John made tea and settled down with Robert while Johnny and Maggie drew pictures and Elizabeth laid in her pram.

"How are you feeling, John?" Robert asked. "Is having the bedroom and bathroom down on the main level helping at all?"

John nodded. He wouldn't tell Robert about last night. It couldn't do any good for him to know. If anything, Robert would only feel obliged to do more than he had already, and John's pride couldn't take much more of Robert's help.

"It is," John replied. It wasn't a lie exactly, the reduced trips up and down did save pain and fatigue and as Anna got stronger and was able to go up and down herself to Johnny and Maggie, it would help more. "And not having Johnny and Maggie in the same space is a bit of a treat as well. They have begun to…disagree a bit more lately."

"Ah, you mean she picks on him," Robert laughed.

"Quite," John replied. "She's all Keith, that girl of mine. My mother to the wire, all spit and vinegar, no nonsense. She'll be able to see herself on a playground when the time comes, that's for certain."

"And with influences like Anna, Mary, and Mrs. Hughes, the boys will have to run for it," Robert joked.

John pointed to his cane. "They would be wise to run either way, Robert. Especially if the boys are anything like me. Johnny, thank God, is like Anna. He's got a good head on him for a five year old, I just hope he stays as he is. Heaven help him if he gets anything of mine."

"You aren't so bad, John," Robert laughed. "To hear you tell it, you're a wretched role model no little boy should aspire to be."

"I'm not so bad now," John stressed. "I was a peach in the Boers compared to my youth. I was, as Mrs. Levinson would put it, a real cowboy."

Both men laughed as Elizabeth began to fuss. "Ah, time for her bottle and then I think I'll give her a bath. She's only had one so far and she seemed to enjoy it."

"Won't Anna want to help you do that?" Robert asked. "If Dr. Clarkson clears her?"

"If he clears her," John replied. "And yes, but I want her to rest until she's fully healed. I'll fix a bottle. Can you build up the fire in the bedroom? She's still so petite I don't want her to get a chill."

Robert hadn't built up a fire in thirty years, and John knew it. There was also not much to it once it was going. Robert nodded glad to be able to help. He hadn't ever bathed a baby before. Cora had helped nanny a few times, but he was always busy. Plus, he had girls and he didn't think he should be involved in that.

Robert got the fire going and shut the bedroom door to keep it warm. Then he opened the pipes to the bedroom and started to stoke the living room fire as well.Elizabeth was awfully small, she could catch cold rather easily.

"Should I heat some water while you finish that?" Robert asked. "Or should we really wait for Anna and Mary, because you know, Elizabeth's a girl, should we be doing this?"

John shot Robert a look that said, "How the neck do you get dressed in the morning. Oh, wait…" Then replied, "I have given my full share fo baths to a baby girl already and more to come. Yes, please start heating some water."