Jason walked out of Bruce's machine. The soft whirling and cranking in the background as it began to power off. Tim was sat in his office chair overseeing the final results of Jason's "cure". His face impassive as he verified the results, the soft white glow illuminating the eye movement behind his white lenses.
"It appears to have been successful. I'm not seeing any abnormalities that we haven't already accounted for previously. Although…. your brain waves appear to be more active than normal." Tim spoke, his voice slightly higher than normal indicating relief and curiosity.
Jason shrugged his right shoulder as he turned towards the door that led to the rest of Bruce's compound. "That was the easy part Timbers. I've had a lot on my mind over the past few days." Jason spoke, his voice held completely level and with no clear indication of his underlying turmoil.
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For the past three days, his heart hadn't slowed from fight or flight. He knew that in all normal conditions he would choose to fight and power through whatever fear his mind or foe had conjured. But Bruce had turned that adrenaline from fight or flight into an unending fear response that his body just couldn't cope with. His body wouldn't respond as it should, and while he managed to save a little girl from a fiery death in her apartment while in the midst of his panic attack, he knew that any normal life for himself was done.
He needed to undo this torture, and that led him to finding the nearest public camera in one of Gotham's intersections and beginning to sign: "extraction needed". He found a black blanket, discarded near the intersection, and wrapped himself in it as he fell against one of the walls visible to the camera in an alleyway.
He continued his signing with his visible right hand as he focused on the breathing exercises Talia and Durca had taught him. They were meant to center him and redirect his anxiety into focus. But, there was far too much stimuli in the surrounding block that brought back unpleasant memories from before being adopted by Bruce. The breathing did absolutely nothing but further increase his anxiety as the walls closed in around him.
He came back to a hand being lowered softly onto his shoulder and an eyeful of blue and black. He didn't hear anything being said and only just felt the insertion of a needle into the side of his bicep. That ignited a new wave of panic before the darkness consumed him completely.
When he awoke again, his panic attack began anew as he was taken, again, to a place without his permission. The panic didn't leave as he began to identify those around him. Dick was in his suit pacing back and forth, a phone held to his ear as he talked to someone on the other end. Tim and Barbara, were huddled by the motley of screens on the right hand side of the room. Reviewing the results of some test on him he'd guessed. Cass was perched on his left side, trying to get him to acknowledge some sort of relaxation exercise. He couldn't see Damian, Steph, or Duke anywhere in the room.
A second prick pierced the fog of panic as Tim had crossed the room to inject another chemical into the vein of his neck. Jason felt his heart rate start to slowly decline back to reasonable levels as the drug took effect.
"Relax Jay. We're already working through the data. Just try to focus on staying calm and present." Tim provided as he cast a small smile, returning to the monitors.
Nothing was discussed or exchanged as Jason laid back and restarted his breathing exercises. He was grateful for that small mercy as he was worn out by the constant fear response of his body and didn't want to chance a possible relapse while the drug did its work.
That relapse occurred the second Rose stormed into the room though. She wasn't yelling or screaming, and her face seemed to have slipped into a blank mask. Jason felt his heart rate begin to climb. But he couldn't make sense of why. Rose and him had been nothing but great to one another. Everyone else in the room didn't elicit this type of response. It only seemed when his eyes slid over her, that he felt the increase in heart rate and the beginning of the flight or fight response.
Jason wasn't an idiot, contrary to what most of the batfamily seemed to think. He ran Bruce in circles when he came back and toppled long held criminal empires in weeks by himself. He may not have the detective and technology knowledge of Barbara and Tim, but he could operate completely independently with far less resources than them. He was also extremely familiar with the human body. The only one that surpassed him was Stephanie and her medical degree studies. Steph, was practicing medicine to help and cure. Jason learned how to break and extract during his time in the League.
So, when he figured out exactly what was happening every time he looked at Rose. The panic attack returned in full force and honestly he probably would have had one anyway.
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"Tim, could you send Rose in for a few minutes? We need to talk…. Alone." Jason asked as he continued to stare at the door. He didn't know why he felt he had to tack on the "alone" portion of his question, but he knew that this was a conversation between Rose and him. Tim looked up from his console. Lenses slightly narrowed as he analyzed his brother. He quickly determined that this was not meant to be his or anyone's business, as Jason seemed to be burning a hole in the door with his stare.
"Of course, I'll be outside getting the others if you need me." Tim answered as he stood up from his chair and walked toward the door.
Seconds passed and Rose slipped into the room, closing the door behind her. As she turned, her eye caught Jason's and it was as if a mountain had been lifted off her chest. She crossed the room and threw her arms around Jason's chest. Her head nestled underneath his chin as she fought to not breakdown into tears. Jason returned the hug with just as much ferocity. "Hey." Jason spoke softly, his voice slightly cracking with the emotion built up in his throat. Rose shifted back and rearranged her hold to around his neck so she could look into his eyes.
"Hey." The word tumbled out of her mouth. Just as raw and watery as his.
Jason just stared at her, his expression softening into something only she and a select few others ever got to see.
"I know this past week has probably been nothing but hell for you and I'm sorry. I'm also sorry I missed meeting at our usual spot even though I promised to see you there. And I'm so so sorry that it has taken me this long to say I love you Rose." Jason spoke. His eyes never breaking from Rose's and hands not leaving her sides.
Rose's breath hitched. They had just talked in the park about friendships and relationships while waiting for an informant. That was 3 days ago, before all this crap with Batman. She realized that she didn't have very many friendships outside of them dating during that conversation. She knew that the last year had been building to something and had made him promise to meet her at their usual meeting spot to talk further. She waited for five hours on that gargoyle, until Nightwing called her out of the blue.
She was scared. She knew this was coming and still she was unprepared. They had very similar backgrounds, never trusting anyone initially and being at best aloof to strangers. Relationships of any kind were treasured and loyalty almost assured for anyone willing to stick around and befriend one of the two vigilantes. To go beyond the idea of someone being a friend and into the realm of partner was a terrifying prospect.
Jason had trusted Bruce and it had just ended with the man he had thought of as a father kidnapping and altering his body chemistry to never experience anything other than fear. Adrenaline is present when you workout, when you don't eat enough, when you look at the one you love…. To change the body to only register fear in response to adrenaline was a torture that Rose couldn't have thought of or imposed on anyone, much less someone who was considered her son. That wasn't even to speak of the beatings Bruce had dealt out a few years back after Cobblepot's lasik eye surgery and Damian's death from the Court of the Owls.
Rose had her own problems with her father. The man was absent most of her life. Only to return out of the blue and inspire the type of admiration that caused her to agree to his idea of putting kryptonite in place of an eye, knowing it caused cancer. The discovery of that betrayal might've as well destroyed any form of relationship Rose could've built going forward with anyone. Yet, still she forced herself to communicate with her father. His approval was still worth something to her, and they had been getting better in the recent months.
But she and Jason had built something in the prior year that was something she'd never thought she'd have. They were completely loyal to one another, and would often just exist together when they stayed at each other's place. Jason would often read with his head on her lap as she watched TV or YouTube videos. Both solitary activities, but they didn't feel as alone with the other being so close. Missions didn't feel as long and any challenges seemed more… fun with the other cooperating on the issue. It wasn't always great and they did fight, but they worked damn hard on communication.
Rose steeled and stilled herself. Gathering the courage to look into Jason's eyes.
"I love you too, Jay." And she truly did. This would change everything going forward. But she couldn't help but think that after everything, she deserved this. Jason deserved this, and so much more.
Jason leaned forward, capturing her lips with his. He poured everything he had into the kiss, with Rose responding in-kind. He didn't know how long they were locked in that moment. Just him and her, with the rest of the world forgotten. But, when they broke he couldn't help but think that the kiss hadn't lasted nearly long enough. He leaned his forehead against hers and stared into her eye, the dumbest and happiest grin he'd had in years plastered to his face. Rose could only smile her radiant smile back at him, a small tear trail flowing from her right eye.
"Rose, I know we've come a long way but I want to go so much further." Jason whispered thoughtfully with an undercurrent of care so rarely heard.
"I've been on this earth for Twenty-three years and only six of those I consider to be good and happy years. Three of those years were with Bruce and Alfred. They may not have been the best years, but in retrospect they were far better than any right I had to have. One year was me getting to train with Talia, the League, and the all-caste. I owe Umi so much for everything she did to keep me safe and give me a better future."
It was now that Rose noticed the intensity of his gaze change. Jason had always looked at her like she lit the stars in the skies, but now it was as if his whole world revolved around her. She knew this feeling really well. As she was looking back at him, just as intensely.
"The last two years with you have been the best of my life. I know we're still figuring it out, and it's only been a year of dating. But I want you to know, I'm here for the long haul if you'll have me." Jason spoke so earnestly and honestly with fear backlighting his eyes. These relationships had always been met with later betrayal and deep disappointment for the young man, who had grown up far too soon.
"Jason, I don't want you for the long haul. I want you for everything." Rose answered. The love in that statement, evident in her gaze. Rose only had one question, which she whispered out hesitantly "What do you want to do now Jay?"
Jason's gaze never faltered, and his smile returned with a force he hadn't experienced before.
"I want to try to be happy, Rose. I want to experience that with you, every step of the way. I want to get out of Gotham and live beyond Red Hood. I want everything too." Jason answered in a whisper, just as emotional as her confession.
With that answer laid at Rose's feet like an offering to a goddess. Rose threw herself forward and engaged in a kiss that could have wiped out an entire city were the passion it contained weaponized. The kiss lasted an eternity again with Jason and Rose blind to all distractions as they revelled in one another. Eventually they broke again and Jason asked the question that would be the official start to his third life.
"Rose Wilson, will you run away with me? Anywhere you want to go and anything we want to do. I want to have something new and build it with you."
Rose looked back at the man she knew would move mountains and stars just to see her smile. The man that had just asked for something so intimate and intense, but also so terrifying.
"I want a chance at normal, Jay. I'll follow you anywhere." Her smile lighting up the room around them.