Hey! Uhh here's a thing I wrote some time ago. Firstly, a warning. These are gonna be pretty short chapters as they're all meant to be quick diary entries written by Ed. I'll post a few entries per chapter.

This is set in FMA 03 canon specifically. But don't worry the Ed angst is universal. Also I'm xposting this to ao3.

Also, please imagine while you're reading, that post-series while Al is in Amestris and Ed is not, Al finds it and read it all.

Dear Alphonse,

It's Ed. This is stupid but Winry ordered me to practise writing. She and Granny both said I need to get used to my left arm. It's so annoying though! Every word takes an age to write legibly. This is actually my second try. I messed up the first page majorly. I miss my right arm…

Sorry, that's insensitive right? I'm not really going to show this to you though, Al. Granny gave me this diary and it's just for me. I like to imagine I'm talking to you though. The real you. The one that still believed in me. Damn, this is getting depressing already. I'm watching you, right now. You're a suit of armour and you're so still. It looks like its just sitting there, like someone abandoned it outside. I wonder why you're not doing anything. I miss you. Sorry for letting you down.

Ed.

Dear Alphonse,

Maybe I should say, dear brother? My last entry seems kind of harsh now. I still think you're real, okay? It's been a couple hours since then. We talked a bit. I think you don't want to see me now. You keep going out and exploring and I'm stuck inside. I'm so bored. I even offered to let you carry me just so I can go somewhere but you said no. Guess you're angry. I'm angry too. Not at you! Just… at everything.

I feel so useless. What am I supposed to do? I can barely hold this pen now – how am I ever going to learn how to draw arrays again? If I even want to. I haven't looked at an alchemy book since then. But maybe I will. I need something to do. At least you can still move around freely. I can't even hold this book steady and write at the same time. It's super annoying! I hate being only able to hold one thing at a time!

Winry won't even tell me how long it takes to make automail. That's a bad sign. What if I'm stuck like this for an entire month?

Ed.

Dear brother,

I'm doomed.

I was talking to Winry – no I wasn't whining! Just to find out how long this was going to take. You heard the first part of our discussion. Then you went out for some reason. Guess you got tired of hearing us argue? Oh well.

Anyway – she finally told me. It's bad. Oh, it's so bad.

How long does it take to fit me with two limbs?…
18. Months.I wish I was joking.

I'm going to be trapped here forever. I really hope we can work out how to fix you before then. It can't be as hard as all those surgeries I will apparently have to go through. They're going to attach wires and circuits directly into my shoulder. They're going to drill into my bones! And mess with my nerves!

I am trying not to think about it. I'm dreading it, Al! And yet it's so far away – I can't wait that long!

What am I going to do? I should really be telling all this to the real you, I know. But I don't know. I can't tell how you're feeling anymore. You're not very expressive. If you're angry about… what happened then I'm not going to bring it up.

But seriously! More than a year! Maybe I'll have mastered everything with one hand by then. And learned how to hop everywhere. Gosh, that sounds terrible, doesn't it? I'd look so stupid. I guess I could try a crutch in my left hand?

…Okay there's also the wheelchair. I didn't want to need it. I didn't think it would take so long! How do automail engineers even make money if the process is so terrible?

Ed

Thanks for reading! Please do leave a review. They are super appreciated.