5 – Without My Better Half

The unseasonably cool night air whipped Steph's hair into her face, obscuring the lights and crowds from her view for several moments until she could dig a hair tie out of her pocket and bundle her curls into a messy bun at the nape of her neck. A chill ran down her spine and she wished, not for the first time, that she'd thought to bring a jacket. She probably should have thought about the weather when she'd been getting ready this afternoon, but it had been the last thing on her mind. No, instead of being excited to attend the fair that had been the highlight of her summer vacations for as long as she could remember, it had become just another obligation. She had to go. She had to accompany Mary Lou. She had to perform her baton twirling routine at the talent show, because her mother ever so helpfully signed her up for it.

"You've gotten so good at it," Helen had pointed out in a rare moment of positivity toward her youngest daughter. "You've been practicing all break. It'll be good for you to show it off."

What Helen didn't realise, though, was that what Stephanie had been practicing with her baton was less about her routine, and more about the fact that Carlos had shown her a few ways it could be used as a weapon before school had broken up last year, and she'd been figuring out other ways it could be used. The fact that she'd incorporated moves from her routine was purely to make it look less like she was battling imaginary oppositions. She'd learned her lesson when she was a kid that Helen Plum did not approve of Stephanie engaging in play fighting.

So, she'd had to put together an actual routine for the talent show, but at the very least it was one she was interested in due to the nature of it's origins.

If only Carlos would be there to see it.

He'd been gone all summer, just as they knew he would be from the second his parents made their decision about military school. At first Steph thought she'd be fine. She'd survived every other summer break without him, why should this one be any different? She'd hang out with Mary Lou and Eddie. Except Mary Lou and Eddie had already assumed that Steph would be hanging out with Carlos all summer like she'd been hanging out with him all school year and had made plans that didn't necessarily leave room for Steph to be added in. It wasn't until that first week after Carlos left that she realised how much she'd been neglecting her other friendships. And Mary Lou had made it clear that she didn't appreciate being tossed to the side like last season's fashion trends.

It had taken some grovelling and a lot of apologising, but Mary Lou had eventually agreed to forgive her oversight and welcomed her back into the arms of their friendship. There were still day trips that Steph was unable to join in on because they'd been organised with other friends and all the carpools were full, but Steph just accepted that as her penance for the way she'd treated her friend.

That's how she'd ended up in the backyard tossing and thrusting her practice baton about in an attempt to turn the artsy-fartsy twaddle into something vaguely useful.

"You could at least pretend to be enjoying yourself," Mary Lou said from beside her as they navigated through the throngs of people filling the main thoroughfare, following their noses toward the food stands. "I know this was one of the major things you'd planned to do with Carlos, but it was our thing before he ever came on the scene, and you're really putting a damper on the whole vibe."

"Sorry," Steph muttered. She tucked her hands under her arms in an attempt to warm them up. "I guess the nerves aren't helping either. I'll be better once this stupid talent thing is over, promise."

Mary Lou made a noise in the back of her throat that clearly told Steph how much her friend had believed her but chose not to voice the opinion out loud. "I'm surprised you didn't tell your Mom no," she mentioned, sending her a sidelong glance. "You've been getting pretty good at standing up to her lately."

Steph just shrugged. It was true, she'd flat out told her mother no to a number of things in the back end of the last school year, but she'd been bolstered by Carlos's support and her need to be the person he seemed to see in her. These last few weeks she'd been trying to hold on to that confidence he inspired in her, but it had gotten harder and harder as time went by. "She caught me off guard," Steph explained. "She complimented me and said she wanted other people to see how well I was doing."

Mary Lou almost choked on her own spit. "Helen said that? Your mother? Helen Plum?" she asked incredulously. "I don't believe you."

"If I could have caught it on video I would have," Steph laughed. "You know as well as I do how often Helen decides to approve of something I've done or plan to do."

"We should get churros before your call time," Mary Lou said, her mood significantly lighter now that Steph appeared to be in the moment and sharing humour again. "Nothing settles the nerves like a donut, right?"

"Right," she agreed, looping her arm through Mary Lou's as they made a beeline for the churro stand.

An hour later she'd finished her churro, performed in the talent show and was now standing on the stage with the rest of the contestants waiting for the judges to announce the results. The wind at this elevation was blowing straight through her, but at least her leotard had sleeves. Maybe she'd keep it on when she got changed just for the added layer of insulation. A shiver ran up her spine and idled on the back of her neck as she continued to squint into the glaring stage lights trying to see the gathered audience, or at the very least the judges in the front row. They needed to hurry up and decide so Steph could go put some proper clothes on.

As if on cue, the announcer's voice come over the sound system declaring that the judges had picked a winner. It wasn't Steph, but she didn't mind. If she'd won her mother might have pushed her harder at competitions throughout the school year, and she knew for a fact that more attention from Helen Plum was exactly what she didn't need. She was perfectly happy putting in the bare minimum effort to appease her extra-curricular requirements.

Mary Lou was grinning at her when she got off stage a couple minutes later. "Where did you pull that from?" she asked as Steph rubbed at that persistent tingle at the back of her neck and grabbed her jeans from the bundle of clothes her friend had been minding for her, pulling them on over top of the leotard.

"Pull what?" she asked, frowning.

"That routine was much better than the namby-pamby shit you do at school," Mary Lou pointed out, holding Steph's t-shirt up so that all she had to do was stuff her head and arms through the holes. "It was actually pretty badass. I liked the music choice."

Stephanie shrugged, rubbing at her neck once more. It was odd, she didn't normally feel the cold on her neck, even when her hair was up. "It's just something I've been working on in my spare time," she explained.

"Well, it's cool," Mary Lou assured her. "I can't believe you almost made the top three!" A frown crossed her face as Steph continued to be distracted by the odd shiver. "What's wrong with your neck?"

She would have liked to know the answer to that as well. This was getting ridiculous. "I'm just cold, I think," she explained stuffing her baton into her tote bag. "I forgot my jacket."

Mary Lou rolled her eyes at how typically Steph it was to walk out of the house in clothes that weren't appropriate to the weather. "Turn around and let me check," she said, and when Steph tried to wave her off, she rolled her eyes harder and gripped her shoulders, spinning her on the spot.

A protest was halfway out of Steph's mouth when her eyes landed on the figure standing ten feet away beside the tent flap that led to the backstage area. He was dressed all in black and held himself with an air of confidence about him that was both familiar and foreign. The same could be said for shape of his body under the clothes. He'd had always been lean, but now, even with the jeans and windbreaker covering him, Steph got the sense that he'd gained a lot of muscle in the last six weeks.

"Carlos?" she breathed. "What are you doing here? You're not meant to be back for another fortnight. Aren't you supposed to be in Miami right now visiting your grandma?"

"A little birdie told me that you were miserable," he said, closing the distance between them. "So, I cut out early. I couldn't very well miss out on the highlight of the summer break, could I?"

Steph was confused. Who could have possibly told Carlos how lost she'd been without him? No one in this town had put in enough effort to get to know Carlos, let alone exchange phone numbers or email addresses so they could keep in touch over the break. Neither Mary Lou nor Eddie had anything to do with him if Steph wasn't directly involved, and even if they had, she doubted they'd know how to contact him.

Carlos's gaze slid to someone behind Steph and he nodded his thanks, but when she turned around, the only person there was Mary Lou.

"I don't understand," she huffed. "What little birdie?"

"Me," Mary Lou said spreading her arms wide. "You were completely pathetic all break, so I went to Carlos's aunt's house. I was gonna ask her to contact him directly, but there was that blonde kid hanging about out front. I recognised him from the time you were hanging out with Carlos's cousins in the park, so I spoke to him instead."

"Lester called me, and I plead my case to Abuela and Tia Ramona to let me come home early so I could go to the fair," Carlos finished up the story.

Steph was still a little shocked, but also in awe of the lengths her friends had gone to to make her happy. Mary Lou had risked a lot socially to get a message to Carlos, and Carlos didn't exactly have a lot of leeway to work with when it came to his family. "I thought you hated how much time I spend with Carlos instead of you," Steph pointed out.

Mary Lou shrugged, a sheepish expression on her face. "I'm not fond of it," she confessed. "But it's nothing compared to how much I hated seeing you mope around this summer. I realised that I hadn't exactly been a great friend this last year trying to make you choose between me and Carlos, so I decided to make it up to you."

Hugs were exchanged both between Steph and Mary Lou to say thank you, and between Steph and Carlos to say hello, and when she stepped back out of his arms, grinning from ear to ear, it was to find Carlos shrugging out of his windbreaker. "Are you shivering from the cold, or vibrating with excitement?" he asked, eying her critically, but didn't wait for her reply before draping the jacket over her and securing it with an arm wrapped around her shoulders. "Lead on, Babe," he said. "Show me the magic of your favourite summertime event."

*o*

Mary Lou stayed with them for a bit, but eventually the third wheel vibes got to be too much for her and she defected to join a bunch of girls from the swim team who were going to see how many times they could line up at the kissing booth before they got shooed away. Steph and Carlos went to get hot dogs and walked around eating them while they shared details of their respective summers and Steph pointed out all the rides Carlos needed to go on before the night was through. They wandered into sideshow alley and tried their luck at a few games, including the strength tester and the duck-shoot, and were trying to decide where to go next when a voice cut through the cacophony pressing in on Steph's ears.

"Oh great," it said sarcastically. "Stephanie Plum's thug boyfriend is back. I was hoping he'd grace us with his ugly mug this year, I need a good scapegoat for some shenanigans I have planned."

Before she'd even thought about what she was doing, Steph had whipped her baton out of her tote and swung it in the face associated with the voice. As the figure doubled over, blood gushing from their nose, Stephanie took a step back in horror. It was a move she'd been practicing all summer long in her 'routine' but she'd never thought she would actually wield the baton as a weapon. It had just been something fun to occupy her time.

"You bitch!" the guy's friend yelled at her.

Carlos's hand was on her shoulder, trying to urge her away from the pair.

"S-sorry," Steph managed to get out. "I didn't mean to. I was just trying to show Carlos the move I did in my baton twirling act earlier for the talent quest. I guess I should have checked I had enough room first." The apology was absolutely fake, and her lie was not quite convincing, but she was shaken enough that the crowd appeared amicable to the fact that she hadn't meant to hit him.

Carlos managed to drag her away as a couple of stall attendants rushed forward to make sure the guy was all right. He kept a tight grip on her shoulder, holding her to his side as they strode purposely through revellers. "You shouldn't have done that, Babe," he murmured as he pulled her between two tents. '"What's your mom gonna say?"

"We don't worry about Helen's opinions," Steph reminded him firmly. His question was just out of character enough to snap her out of the shock she'd been plunged into. She dug her heels into the ground, forcing Carlos to stop their hasty retreat. "They can't just go around saying stuff like that about you," she told him, peering into his gaze. She hadn't noticed earlier, but it was harder to see past his walls than it had been before he went away. Steph didn't like that. She didn't like not knowing what he was thinking. She didn't like when he tried to hide from her.

He'd been her stalwart protector for going on a year now, and as much as she'd tried to voice her appreciation for everything he did for her, the see-saw of service had always been off balance. Finally, she'd managed to do something in his defence, and all he could think of was what her mother would say when she inevitably found out? It was enough to make Steph grind her teeth. She had so much to repay him for that he wasn't even aware of.

Yet, she thought to herself. Maybe now was the right time to thank him for that first knight in shining armour moment. Surely she could manage opening up that locked box in the back of her mind for Carlos. He was her best friend.

"Besides," Steph said, her gaze slipping from his face to his shirt, suddenly embarrassed. "I'm returning the favour."

She sensed more than saw his eyes narrow as he stared down at her. "What favour?" he questioned, an edge to his voice. Had he already figured it out? It wasn't like Morelli made a secret of these things, and he definitely hadn't left her alone since.

Steph swallowed hard, forcing her eyes back up to meet his gaze. If she was going to tell him she was going to do it with the confidence he'd helped her gain over the last year. "Well, you know when you fought Morelli over the comments he was making in the bathroom about the girl he-"

Carlos's expression clouded in confusion for a moment, his brows drawing down low over his eyes before realisation cut across his face, turning his gaze black as every one of his newly defined muscles tensed, like a spring winding tight in preparation of being released.

"Babe...?" he questioned. His voice was barely more than a whisper on the wind that gusted down their alley.

Steph's mouth was set in a grim line, not proud of the life event she was revealing to her best friend, but knowing that she needed for him to know just how much she was thankful for what he'd done. "Yep," she said letting her lips pop on the 'p'. "I was the girl he was bragging about."

Tension rolled off Carlos in waves as he stared down at her for several long seconds. Okay, she thought, so maybe he hadn't figured it out on his own. She tried to think of something else to say, to calm him down as his fists clenched and a low growl emitted from his chest. "Where is the bastard," he demanded, performing a military grade about-face and marching off in the direction they'd just come from. "I'm gonna beat him to a pulp this time. I'm gonna-"

"Carlos," Steph pleaded, racing to catch up to him and laying a hand on his forearm. He didn't so much as spare her a glance, his entire being focused on seeking Joseph Morelli out in a crowd he might not even be in. "Please," she insisted, jogging to get in front of him and block his path. "It's fine. It's in the past. And you already gave him a cracked rib last time."

Carlos did pause then, his breathing ragged as he stared so deep into her eyes that if felt like he was searching her soul. "Babe, if he-"

She didn't let him finish, even though she was blushing harder than she ever had in her entire life. Why hadn't she thought about the fact that they'd be discussing sex if she brought this up before she, ya know, brought it up? Discussing the most intimate act between two people with the hottest guy in school who just happened to be one of her closest friends was not very high up on her to do list. They'd managed to keep all their interactions pretty PG for the last year, but now, the only way she could see to put Carlos's mind at ease and stop this war path was to open up a little more about the experience.

"It was consensual," she assured him, making eye contact with his shirt once more. "I'd, um, kinda had a crush on him since we were kids, and when he... um... I guess… and I just..." she paused, taking a deep breath and steeling herself for the final piece of information she had to offer him. The one that she'd kept so close to her chest that not even Mary Lou, who'd gotten a fairly detailed retelling of the evening, knew. "I didn't enjoy it."

His jaw was ticking when she ventured a glance up at him through her lashes. "Are you sure he didn't-" he started, staring down at her intently.

Once again she cut him off, but this time the heat that had been filling her cheeks encompassed her whole body. She was sure she was beet red at this point, and that was why she found herself burying her face in his chest. "Yes!" she said adamantly against his hard muscles. Yep, they were definitely bigger than they had been before he went away. "Can we drop this? Please?"

Silence passed between them, allowing the shouts and laughs of the people all around them to press in, reminding Stephanie that they were still at the fair. The way his eyes had bored into her had made it seem like they were a million miles away in their own little bubble. If she was honest, she often got that feeling when they hung out. Carlos had this way of making the rest of the world disappear. It was one of the things that compelled her to be his friend, because if the world didn't exist in her mind, it couldn't influence her decisions or judge her for exploring who she truly was.

After a few moments, Stephanie slowly lifted her head, peering up at him. He was taking some deep breaths, his hands rubbing absently at her arms while he stared off into the distance. She was about to ask if he was okay when he suddenly grabbed her hand in his and tugged her along, to walk beside him as he wove through the crowd.

"Carlos?"

He glanced back at her, that sparkle in his eyes. "We're gonna go make sure you enjoy yourself," he informed her seriously.

That full-body hot flash swept over her again and she suddenly felt like a fish out of water. Stephanie had definitely had a few errant thoughts about what Carlos would look like naked, but sex with him wasn't something she'd entertained. He was her friend, and she didn't want to ruin that by getting intimate. It would make things weird. Or worse, she'd end up losing him. "Carlos!" she exclaimed, pulling her hand out of his grasp as they reached the end of the sideshows. "I... we... I don't think..."

But Carlos just flashed her that two-hundred-watt grin and pointed. "Rollercoaster, Babe," he said innocently.