Although it was still early, the air felt already thick and damp on his skin. It smelled of wet soil and moss. Despite mostly walking in the shadows of the huge trees, Jason felt warm in his T-shirt. Every few steps, he sank a little bit into the muddy ground with his sneakers and decided to leave them in the palace next time. He could see now, why the people of the Ocean Planet didn't wear shoes.
"Where are we going?" he asked Shersheba who walked beside him. "This is not the way back to the palace."
"There is a very old sacred site in the Archali province," she explained. "I figured you are interested in visiting."
"Yeah, but what about...?"
"Those meetings usually last until the middle of the night," she cut in and smiled. "You really want to sit around all day?"
Jason frowned. "No, but I told her, I'd be there when they are done."
"I already told the personnel where we'd be," Shersheba replied with a hint of annoyance. "If the meeting is indeed shorter than usual, they will know where to find us."
Jason stopped dead and rested his hands on his hips. "You decided this without even asking me?"
Shersheba blinked in surprise but recovered herself quickly. "I'm sorry, Jason," she said ruefully. "I'm still not used to people, especially to men, who put my decisions into question. I had no intention to offend you."
Jason sighed. "You didn't," he responded. "I know you are still a princess, too, Shersheba. And you might have some power left but you cannot just take it for granted that people do whatever you tell them to, - or that they agree with your decisions."
"Power?" she replied frowning. "If I didn't fight for it I would not even have the grant to speak to the council members. Most of them didn't like Shalamorn pardoning me very much. Maybe it does not look like it for you, but I'm not exactly welcomed here. I just assumed you would rather take a look around and do something purposeful. "
"I'm sorry," Jason said quickly and held up his hands in a defending gesture. He had expected her pride to be injured but something in her tone told him, she was hurt in a deeper way. The hostility was getting to her, he realised, – maybe more she would ever admit.
He hesitated shortly but then took a step closer to her to grab her by the shoulders. Her defiant expression turned into pleasant surprise but mixed with a hint of insecurity.
"I'm sorry," he repeated. "I know you try. You're doing your best to make up for what you've … for what happened." He let go of her.
"You have not forgiven me," she presumed in a sad tone.
Jason shrugged, then put his hands on his waist. "I don't know," he murmured. "I'm trying to get there, but..."
"It was Malakat's and my fault that she fell into the hands of those agents. I knew she could get killed and yet I did nothing," she summarised. "That's what you're thinking, isn't it?"
Jason sighed. "I'm actually trying not to think about that part anymore."
Neri lying in his bed, who had just stopped breathing. The dark bruises on her skin telling them how much she had suffered while they had slowly killed her.
Dread rushed through him by the memory and he forced himself to shove the picture out of his head.
He had forgiven Elli Hauser, he suddenly realised. She had been involved in killing Neri, more than Shersheba had, and still, he had found it easier to forgive Elli.
Elli had a good heart and yet she had failed to protect Neri. Shersheba was ambitious and driven but desperately tried to change.
"Look," he said, "I'm not gonna lie to you. I still have a lot of processing to do – we all have. Neri dying in my very arms was the worst thing that ever happened to me. My world fell apart that day. And to tell you the truth: I'm not sure I forgave myself yet," he suddenly realised.
"You respected her wishes and brought the ankh to safety," Shersheba argued. "You didn't fail her. You honoured her and what she stands for."
"It was still in vain. A few weeks later you found the ankh."
For a minute, they just stood in front of each other, lost in thoughts and memories. The silence was neither comfortable nor uncomfortable.
When their eyes met again, Jason felt the sudden strange urge to laugh. He failed to hold back and snorted. To his surprise, Shersheba broke into to a grin and joined his laughter. He had never seen or heard Shersheba honestly laughing before but he had to admit, he liked the sight and the sound of it. Relief washed through him, adding even more to his exhilaration. Suddenly freed from this huge weight on his shoulders, he laughed even harder and so did Shersheba.
It took them a while to regain their breath and while trying, they fell into laughter all anew.
Only a few minutes had passed but yet it felt like hours when Jason was finally able to stop giggling like a madman.
"It seems," Shersheba said finally, still smiling, "to forgive one itself is the hardest struggle to overcome first before you can start to forgive others."
Jason nodded. "Seems like it, yes."
Shersheba turned more serious. "How about, we both start forgiving ourselves?" she suggested. "Stop blaming ourselves for everything that went wrong in the past?"
He offered her his outstretched hand. "No more looking back. But to a new start."
She gave his hand a confused look and he grinned
"It's an earthly tradition on how to seal a deal," he explained. "Just take my hand and shake it."
She did as advised and smiled back. "A new start," she agreed.
They pulled back their hands simultaneously.
"Well," Jason nodded in direction of their original destination, "shall we go then?"