The darkness felt heavy. Every move was exhausting and painful. There was a constant pull holding him in place. With every breath he fought against it and the throbbing of his head got worse. But where was he supposed to go? Why fight at all? Something in the back of his mind reminded him. There was something important, he had to do. He just wished he could remember what it was. Maybe, if he rested for a bit. Yes, just for one second.
For how long he'd been sleeping? Five minutes, an hour, a year? The breathing was still difficult. There was something in the way. There were flashes of light now in the dark. He tried to see but he couldn't make sense of them. He tried to focus but the flash was blinding. A sharp pain sliced his head in two and there was something stuck in his throat. How could he breathe with that? He tried to cough, tried to remove it but he couldn't feel his body. Panic swept over him.
"… fighting the tube," he heard someone say. It was distant, like an echo in a cave. A cave. Water? A memory flashed up but before he could grab it, it was gone.
Air. His throat was free, even though still felt swollen.
Someone was touching him, although he couldn't tell where. It was soft and cool.
"He is breathing on his own." The voice sounded relieved. He decided he didn't know that voice. A stranger. There was another noise. A fast beeping which shrilled in his ears.
"The heart rate is still elevated," another voice said. A man. "Put him under again. He needs all the rest we can give him."
The shadows became darker again and the pain dissolved. No, he wanted to tell them, please, I don't want to go back into the darkness. But there is was, sucking him under.
As the darkness started dissolving, he started feeling his body again. For a second, he wished he didn't as the pain swept through him like a wave. He took a deep breath. His mind was still foggy but at least, the shadows had started to clear up. There was an orange glow which reminded him of something but yet again, his memory betrayed him. The glow was light through his eyelids, he realized. He opened his eyes carefully but the light was still blinding.
There were tiles and a device he recognized as a ventilation fan. It took him a moment to realize he was looking at the ceiling. He moved through thick fog, or rather like mud, as he tried to make sense of his surroundings. There were noises, beeping sounds and voices talking. They were distant and fuzzy, as though hearing them through a waterfall. He moved his head slightly and another sound ringed in his ears, only this time it was closer. He had moaned in pain, he realized. Something about it seemed funny. He wanted to laugh but that would probably be very painful. His eyes caught a glimpse of something orange. There were pictures of a fire above him on a screen and someone obviously talking about it. A banner on the lower side of the screen ran words across it. Search for survivors still ongoing, he read. Cause still unknown. A sharp memory flashed through him. Yes, he had been in a fire. An explosion? This was why he was in the hospital? Must be. But why? What happened? That was important, he realized. He had to remember. He caught some flashes of rumbling stone, wild water and immense pain but before he could make sense of them, they disappeared again and he moaned in frustration. A face appeared in front of him. A round, friendly face of a woman.
"You're awake." He recognized the voice from earlier. He felt her gently touching his right hand and her voice cleared up even more. "You got us worried there for quite a while," she told him and gave him a relieved smile. "You are a fighter, aren't you?"
Was he?
"Let's see …. You're throat is still too swollen to speak. Blink once for yes, and twice for no. Can you do that?"
He blinked and she rewarded him with a big smile. She held up a little sign with letters and numbers.
"Can you tell me your name? We couldn't find any ID on you and your face …" She stopped, looking sad. "Well, I'm sure you will be handsome again in no time."
He opened his mouth but closed it again, as his jaw hurt terribly. His name? What was his name?
She pointed to the letter "A". He thought about it, than blinked twice. She continued with the Alphabet and he searched his mind but nothing familiar showed up.
"J?"
Yes, that sounded familiar.
"John?"
No.
"Jack?"
Maybe. He couldn't tell. No, he was no Jack.
"James?"
The list of names was long and after about twenty names, he sighed frustrated and looked out of the window.
"Don't worry. It will come back," the nurse ensured with a symphathic smile. The way, she acted told him she had seen this before. "Is there anything you remember? The accident? Your family maybe?"
Yes, he had a family. He was sure of it. A mother, a father, … a brother? Another face appeared before his eyes. Gentle, beautiful with blue eyes and golden hair. She was important. But yet again, he couldn't hold the memory.
"Oh, I'm sorry," the nurse sighed. "This is still all too much for you. Francis always tells me I rush things." She squeezed his hand softly. "Poor thing. What you must have been through." For a moment, she seemed lost in though. Then she bent over him.
"Do you remember anything?"
He blinked twice and she patted his hand. "Are you in pain?"
One blink. Her face disappeared for a second and in the next, relief swept through him. "Better?"
One blink. Whatever it was, flowing through his veins right now, it was blissful but it also made him sleepy. His sight got blurrier. Light and shadow dissolved and the face of the friendly nurse melted into the face of the blonde he had seen before. Somehow, her image calmed him. This time, he wasn't afraid of the darkness anymore.