A Talk In The Park
Eames found her partner sitting on a bench facing a pond. He looked in the direction of a family of ducks on the water. She walked to him and saw that his mind was a million miles away. He sat still, his face showed a look Eames knew well on Goren's face: He was stuck on a problem he couldn't solve.
"Oh, Bobby, thank God you called. The Chief of D's was ready to put an APB out on you as soon as the prison said you signed out." She sat on the bench next to him. Eames had known Goren was going to visit Jo Gage at the women's prison but hadn't pushed to join him. Eames wasn't eager to face that woman again and she wanted to show her partner that she has faith in him, that she didn't think she had to watch his every move. When asked, she had told the Chief of Ds that that's where they should look for him first.
He continued staring forward. "It's working," he muttered quietly.
Eames cocked her head, caught off guard by the remark. "Excuse me?"
"His plan. It's working," Goren muttered again, matter of factly.
Eames sighed heavily and rubbed her forehead. "Whose plan? The Chief of D's? Bobby, the Chief of D's isn't framing you," she felt obligated to say, thinking she'd found her partner rambling paranoid conspiracy theories in the middle of a park. Though, if anyone had a right to be paranoid at the moment, she figured it was him.
Goren shook his head. "No, not the Chief. Declan." He spoke more clearly but just as quietly.
Eames raised an eyebrow. "Declan is framing you? Why?"
"Revenge. For Jo."
Eames brought her palm to her face slowly. Goren wasn't making sense. They weren't on the same page. She needed them to get on the same page. She couldn't bring Goren back to 1PP when he was like this. Not when he was rambling. "Bobby…"
At last, Goren looked her way but didn't make eye contact. "It's working…," he repeated in a way that told Eames just how far into the deep dark pit of self-despair Goren had found himself.
Eames knew she needed to get Goren out of that pit. She redirected his thoughts, "Bobby, I don't understand. Help me understand. Declan helped you put Jo away. He helped you get a confession from that psycho." Eames didn't mean to use that word but it slipped out. You don't get abducted and hung from a hook blindfolded and awaiting torture while listening to others be tortured to be able to talk nicely about the psycho responsible.
Goren looked back towards the water. "Jo's in a coma. She tried to kill herself. Declan blames me for it," he replied, quietly, but with emotion in his voice now. He wanted Eames to understand.
Eames considered this but didn't know how to respond. She defaulted to responding like a detective. "Why would that cause Declan to blame you?"
Goren's expression changed. "I-I don't know," he said, his eyes widening and getting more expressive. "Maybe Jo left a note when she tried?"
"Did whoever talked to you at the prison say anything about a note?" Eames was pleased that Goren's thoughts were climbing out of that pit, she needed to keep him in that direction.
Goren shook his head. "No."
Eames rubbed her forehead again. "Listen Bobby, I'm supposed to bring you back to 1PP. The Brass wants you in custody when the grand jury announces their decision," Eames explained it knowing this was the first time Goren was hearing confirmation that they would even charge him, or consider charging him.
Goren looked directly at Eames. "They're indicting me."
Eames reached over and touched his hand, to help ground him in the moment and comfort him. "That's not a guarantee."
Her words sparked something in Goren and she got a real reaction from him, a reaction that told her he was back to his normal self, or an approximate level of normal. "Oh, come on, Eames. You know they will. William Brady's insurance policy on Frank is a smoking gun. They want this!" Goren's voice rose as he spoke. Eames became concerned about him causing a scene with people around.
"Bobby, I need you to calm down." She said it softly, with careful caution.
Goren made the same realization and took deep breaths in and out, using the technique he had learned in mandatory Anger Management classes he had been required to take to get his badge back. Eames was thankful that he was somewhat out of that paranoid hole, or at least out of it enough to pay attention to the public around him.
"Are they arresting me or do they just want eyes on me when we get there?" Goren asked the question tentatively. It was a good question. He got the answer through Eames' expression. "Oh, they are arresting me. They want to avoid a scandal."
Eames drew out a breath. She was always concerned when people started saying "They" a lot. But Eames decided the best thing she could do for her partner was be honest with him. "Yes, they want to avoid a scandal and you're right about the insurance policy. Very few people know you were the cop who uncovered the abuse at Tate's. The gag order on the warden and her subordinates and the hospital staff should have kept anyone from disclosing that you were William Brady, and that's not something the NYPD Brass would let slip out."
Goren nodded as she spoke, the rational part of his mind absorbing her words. She watched him process until that distant look crossed his face and his eyes found the ducks on the pond once again.
"What?" She asked, knowing he had just made a connection.
"He knows."
"Declan knows what, Bobby?"
"I was drinking that night and forgot about it. I…..I uh," Goren paused his words and suddenly found himself unable to talk about it. Not now. Not with Eames. He looked at her apologetically and then looked to the ground.
Eames scooted closer to him and moved her hand to his shoulder. She could only guess what Bobby and Declan had talked about when Bobby was drinking. She could guess because she had seen his phone calls and texts and had seen his financial and bank history. He had made thousand dollar deposits only a day after talking to Declan on a few occasions.
"I read your LUDs, Bobby. I know you talked to him sporadically with long phone calls. One was almost two hours long…and that was a month ago. Was that the day you got the paternity results back?"
Goren couldn't look at her. He closed his eyes tightly but he nodded. "Yeah. It was the day we closed the magician case."
Eames rubbed his shoulder, it was the kind of intimacy she rarely shared with him. "I really wish you had told me, Bobby.
He had tears in his eyes now. "Eames, you were pissed at me for good reason because you tried to reach out to me when I was suspended and I blew you off and lied to you, I hurt you, and I was afraid if I told you, you would just think I was trying to trick you into not being pissed at me anymore. I-I d-didn't want you to feel like I was manipulating you."
Eames continued to rub his shoulder as she thought about his words. They had never outright talked about why she was upset with him. They resumed their work when he was back from suspension but their synchrony was off and the people around them felt it, even the people they questioned. He had gone out of his way to respect that she was mad at him in typical Goren fashion: He didn't plead for forgiveness, or explain away his reasons, at least not after his cover was originally revealed. He didn't buy her flowers or take her to dinner (not that he could truly afford either) and he also didn't show any resentment towards her for not catering to his feelings. To someone else that may seem like that Goren was refusing to admit he was wrong. But she knew Goren better than that. He knew he was wrong. He never once demanded that she stop feeling the way she felt, or asked when she would stop being angry with him, or demanded that she explained herself, or asked what it would take to make her stop being angry. He accepted she was mad at him and that was perhaps the best reason they were able to work together again. At the time, Eames knew she would either eventually get over it or she would ask for a new partner again. When he was held hostage in that school, she realized she cared about him too much to professionally abandon him, so the latter was out, but caring for someone does not mean you can't also be simultaneously angry at them. Though, she was pleased to know he understood how he hurt her and she could tell he felt real regret over his actions in regards to her. It wasn't an act.
"I was angry at you, Bobby, but I wouldn't have thought you were trying to manipulate me. I remember how your mother was in Mark Ford Brady's scrapbook. I remember what it did to you." Her voice softened. "But why didn't you tell me back then that you suspected he was your father?"
Goren still couldn't meet her eyes. The tears continued to fall. "I, I, asked my Mom, no, I confronted her about Brady," Here, Goren's voice began to rise and he began reacting to the memory of his words. There was pain in his voice. Deep pain. "She told me she didn't 'know' which one was my father and then she got very upset with me, very angry with me and asked, 'Why do you always do this?' and she died and that was the last conversation I ever had with her."
Eames listened to him, let him say what he needed to say. He was full on crying now and she wrapped her arm around his torso, drawing him into a side-by-side hug. It was a public act that would be criticized and questioned by the NYPD if they saw but she didn't care. As a police officer she may be required to report everything he was saying but none of that mattered. She realized this was the first time in a while that there weren't secrets between them.
He needed comfort right now and she was giving it to him. NYPD Partner politics be damned.
Goren's pain from his Mom carried forward and morphed into the pain he felt about Frank. "The last time I talked to Frank, it was the night the Chief of Ds took my badge. I went to his apartment to ask him about Donny. I was upset and he said something and it set me off and I threatened him. Eames, I felt like I could have killed him! Why did I ruin it with both of them, leave things like that!?"
Horror was on his face. Legit horror. Eames took his right hand in hers. She needed to get him off that train of thought. "What did he say?"
He couldn't face her. "….That I should just take you to a hotel room to…"
She cut him off and nodded. "'Fuck me.' Got it. He thought we were more than partners." Eames thought of how Frances Goren had the idea that she was her son's girlfriend. The thought was awkward then, and it was more awkward now. It was best to ignore it. She continued, "Okay, but why didn't you tell me?" She asked to change the subject.
"Because I was grieving for my Mom and I didn't want to know for sure. I didn't want to go on knowing that I dodged a bullet with schizophrenia but possibly had the DNA of a serial killer and rapist. Ignorance was bliss and I got used to it." His explanation made no sense and yet made sense, all at the same time.
"What changed?"
He finally looked her straight in eye. "Tate's….It was Tate's. I was lying on that table, dying of thirst, my throat burned, I hurt all over from not being able to move, I pissed myself, and even shit myself and I was screaming, pleading for a fucking drink of water. At some point I couldn't count forward anymore and I knew I was gonna die like Jay Lowry died and I asked myself why. Why was I letting myself die like that? Because of a nephew I didn't know I have? Mark Ford Brady wouldn't have done that. He wouldn't care about people suffering there."
Eames continued to listen but she was lost. How did he go from thinking he wasn't related to Brady to thinking he was? "You cared because you have empathy. You can't stand to see people suffer. Remember Tagman? You stuck your neck out to help him understand himself even though he did terrible things to those women. He's just one example, there are hundreds of others. What I don't understand is how you went from thinking that to having Rogers test your DNA against Brady's."
Goren sighed. "It was the timing. I turned to Declan three months after I was suspended. I needed someone to talk to, I needed money and I was doing the therapy they made me do but it wasn't working. I didn't feel better. I was having nightmares. I was drinking and didn't know what to do. So I turned to Declan and I swallowed my dignity and asked for money and I told him my suspicions about Brady and my Mom and about Tate's and how I came up with my alias. Eames, I told him everything."
The sound of commotion pulled them out of their conversation and they looked down the path to see a Mom pushing a stroller as two children, a boy and a girl around the age of 7 or 8, probably twins, running a race ahead of her. It was a reminder they weren't alone in this park. They sat silently until the family passed, both detectives smiling genuinely at the kids. As the Mom passed, Eames' reflexively revealed her gun and badge to the woman, as if to tell the woman for the moment she had nothing to fear. The Mom waved appreciatively and took up residence on a bench further down as the kids pointed the same family of ducks paddling around the water.
Once Bobby was comfortable they were out of earshot, he turned back to Eames. "He told me to test my DNA. He said…," Goren trailed off the same way he had before.
Eames encouraged him to keep going. "He said what?" She looked to him to open up. He gave her a look that said he couldn't. "Bobby, what did he say? It's important. I need to know, if he is the one framing you."
Goren worked his mouth and got himself to speak. "He said that I should figure out what father was in my DNA so I could finally understand who I am in my heart, understand what paternal nature I battle inside myself."
Eames let out a breath. "No, Bobby, you don't need to understand. You are a good man. You care about people. You served your country and you serve your city and you're the best partner I've ever had. Your DNA doesn't change anything. If anything, it proves that both nature and nurture are wrong. There's more to what makes us who we are."
Eames watched as he took in her words and analyzed them, perhaps looking for the lies and falsehoods in them. He didn't find any and he pulled out a handkerchief and wiped his eyes of tears.
A companionable silence fell between them before Goren was ready to speak again. "So what now, partner. You taking me in?" He managed a laugh at the absurdity of the situation.
"Yeah, I'm supposed to bring you to the house."