"Ok now Jun, don;t get too excited. This isn't a real XXL burrito machine. Although the case is stolen from the real machine downstairs, and I did set it up on the net to report order telemetry whenever you walk past... that's just to blend in. Nobody will ever suspect it is our new security hub!
Now pay attention; if you're busy with one of the girls, try to order your usual; that's safe. It'll throw a burrito jam error on the screen, and text me to not barge in.
On the other hand, if you ask for it lightly toasted, that will activate the microwave agonizers hidden in the light fixtures. It is a phased array with enough precision to avoid hitting up to two people on the whitelist; you, me and our chooms.
Ordering a turkey burrito will set off the knockout gas and call for reinforcements.
Also on the non-lethal list is if you ask for guacamole. That activates the tear gas.
If you need more, order the hot peppers to trigger the flamethrowers. Same sort of IFF as the microwaves, just different methods, and it only does so much when the room is full of fire.
Extra salt and pepper is for getting the hallway HMG to open up through the walls.
And if things look hopeless, say "I don't feel like having a burrito today" while standing here, and it will become an escape pod and rocket you to safety before self-destructing the apartment.
Anyways, this should help keep the new apartment safe."
"Motoko, you said you stole parts, and I need you to answer one very important question. How long has there been a burrito machine downstairs?"