A/N – Back to our regularly scheduled programming. What is a Naruto fic without a filler chapter, am I right?
Here's the Girls' Night of Konoha's kunoichi ( Tamaki, Karui and Temari), and what the boys get up to when they're curious (and drunk).
"Is it always so... lively?" Tamaki asked Tenten hesitantly as she sat in Sakura's very pink bedroom. It's not like she hadn't had sleepovers before, but a girls' night with kunoichi was not something she was certain she could have adequately prepared herself for.
In some ways, she was correct.
"It's still better than the Bloody 17th of March." Tenten munched on some popcorn that had been made as Ino and Karui set things up. Hinata and Sakura were in the kitchen getting more snacks, and they were still waiting for Temari to show up (ribbing Shikamaru was such a wonderful pastime, and both Yoshino and Temari frequently lost track of time indulging).
Tamaki blinked, and turned to look at Tenten curiously as Ino swore up a blue streak. "The Bloody 17th of March?"
"Ino! I'm telling you, just use the fucking tape!"
"You think I can't use a hammer!?"
"It'll take too long to explain." Tenten explained with an apologetic expression. "It was right after Sasuke had drenched Neji in green tea for the first time."
Well that explained absolutely nothing.
"Why did Sasuke-san drench Neji-san in green tea?" 'I can't believe these are the questions I'm asking now.' Tamaki thought to herself. 'And why green tea, of all things?'
"Because Hinata threw a tomato at him."
There was a politely baffled silence as Tamaki tried to compute.
'What a life they're leading...'
"Satisfied?"
"Just give me the fucking tape!"
"Pig, what crawled up your ass and died?" Sakura entered with a bowl of fries, followed by Hinata, who had fried chicken. They placed them on the small table that had been pulled in, which also had a bag full of various chips, a strawberry cream cake with the requisite cutlery, and bottles of beer and shōchū. "Can't see a foot in front of you?"
"Well, you see, Forehead," Ino retorted sweetly, throwing the hammer to the side and making everyone, including herself, flinch at the crash. "The pink of your bedroom is just so blindingly ugly that I had no choice but to hammer my fingers or risk losing my eyes."
"You fat – !"
"Sorry I'm late!" Temari slid in and held up bottles of sake triumphantly. "I brought sake!"
The girls cheered at varying levels of noise, Ino and Sakura's friendly (debatable, honestly) tiff forgotten.
Temari went into the bathroom to get into her sleepwear, and the snacks and drinks were divvied out.
"We're going to get fucked up tonight!" Karui rubbed her hands together, opening a bottle of beer for herself and nearly upending the table trying to manoeuvre a bag of wasabi chips towards herself.
"Alright ladies," Ino declared once everyone was seated at various strategic points throughout the room and in their pajamas, standing before the meticulously planned chart taped to the wall with a pointer in her hand. "Here's our agenda for today's Girls' Night!
What's better, Naruto and Sasuke's Shinra Tenkyō or Rock Lee's Infinite Wild Dance? Discuss.
If Anko eats 3 dozen dango in 12 minutes during a solar eclipse, how fast will Shizune-sensei have to run to stop Tonton from eating a chocolate covered bacon strip.
Seducing the Hokage for Pleasure and Profit: a Yūhi Hinata story."
"It's not for profit!" The words left Hinata's mouth before she could give them even a moment's consideration, pink crawling up her face as she covered her mouth in horror.
'Oh, Kami, why did I say that!?'
Hinata eeped as everyone turned to look at her, in her conspicuously male shirt that she had not owned before. "Ohhoho!" Ino grinned widely. "So it's for pleasure, is it? I see!"
"Ino-chan!" Hinata's hands moved up to cover her entire face in embarrassment, and she slowly slid down and to the side to hide behind Tenten's back. Tenten just laughed. Sakura crawled forward to slap her leg. Neither of them were a comfort.
"We'll get back to that." Ino continued, pointing at Hinata with the pointer to make it clear that she was not getting out of this one. "Moving on. 4. If Ibiki-san had hair, what hairstyle would make him look completely average in every way possible."
Ino pushed the pointer back in and took a seat on the rug, grabbing a plate and heaping it high with fries (Girls' Night was a cheat day).
"So, let us begin."
_
Shikamaru entered the bar feeling immensely sorry for himself. He could be sleeping at home right now. He could be sleeping at home with Temari right now. But instead, she was attending the Girls' Night (which she was excited about) and he was stuck attending the Boys' Night (sneezing with his eyes open would be less painful).
'Maybe I can just. Turn around. And leave... Yeah, I could do that...'
"Oi! Shikamaru! Over here!" Naruto waved with disproportionate excitement. Lee, sitting opposite Naruto with his back to the door, turned around and waved his bottle of non-alcoholic whatever at him. "Shikamaru-kun! Join us at this youthful gathering among friends!"
Well, that sealed his sorry fate.
"Sorry, I'm late. I didn't want to come." Shikamaru yawned as he reached the table the boys had commandeered. He slid in next to Sasuke, who was stoically glaring at the table, an open bottle of beer in his hand. "What did I miss?"
"Not much." Neji snarked. "Naruto was just talking."
"Oi! Quit being a jackass, Neji!"
"Stop being an idiot first."
The bickering continued, changed participants, escalated and deescalated until a couple hours later, where they all joined Sasuke in contemplating the table with drunken seriousness.
"I miss my girlfriend, Bugboy." Kiba whined from where he was slipping onto Shino's uncomfortably stiff shoulder. "I miss her so much..."
"You are being unreasonably juvenile." Shino picked at a peanut, speech slurring imperceptibly. "Why? Because you saw her only yesterday."
"I saw her yesterday." Kiba sounded horrified. And wasted. Or maybe Shikamaru's hearing was wasted?
Same difference.
"You should see her." Chōji burped, surprisingly the most sober of them all (which, in tomorrow's sober ('Hah!') light of day, would be revealed to be not by much), for all he drank. Must be the entire truck's worth of gyoza he ate. Lucky bastard. "You should see her."
"I don't know where she is!" Kiba looked uncomfortably ready to cry. Akamaru was thankfully not here, or he would be howling in embarrassment.
"Oi, Dobe." Sasuke pushed Naruto, who was shaking, his head hanging down. "What's wrong with you?"
"H-He doesn't know w-where she is, Teme!" Naruto sobbed in sympathy.
"My friends, d-do not despair." Oh fuck, now Lee looked ready to release the waterworks as well. "When the Flames of Youth b-burn bright in a h-heart, distance cannot part lovers, hard as it may try!"
"Yosh! There is nothing that the Flames of Youth burning within us cannot overcome! Such is the Will of Fire!"
"GAI-SENSEI!"
"LEE!"
The Eternal Sunset Genjutsu made Shikamaru so fucking nauseous. He heard a bunch of guys in some other booth retching. Even Sasuke's face looked pinched (not that that meant much. Sasuke was a surly bastard on the best of days). Neji's head was firmly planted on the table, refusing to look at his teammate and sensei.
"I don't know where she is!" Kiba full-on sobbed, whining loudly. "Bugboy, where is she!?"
"She's at the Girls' Night, Kiba." Shino sighed tiredly, which was surprising. He was so still that Shikamaru was sure he'd fallen asleep sitting up.
Kiba slouched, then immediately sat up straight, downing his sake (who even gave him that? Kiba on sake was a nightmare just 2 steps below Lee on sake). "Right. Girls' Night. What do they even do there?"
There was silence (as much as there could be in a crowded bar), while they slowly rotated that thought in their heads like a rotisserie chicken (Shikamaru wouldn't mind some rotisserie chicken right about now).
"Eat... stuff?" Neji contributed in the tones of a man who has never believed in himself less.
"Murder people and hide their bodies, never to be found." Naruto said in the tones of a man who has never doubted himself less. "My cousin Karin told me. It's murder."
"They just talk." Sasuke said, his thousand yard stare incredibly menacing with his Sharingan activated. "About stuff. Blah blah blah."
'Oh, he's plastered.' Shikamaru thought with the kind of condescension only afforded to a drunken man by another drunken man.
"I am certain it is a venue for them to renew their bonds of friendship!" Lee brightly interjected. "Just like us, my friends!"
The boys looked at each other. That didn't seem right. They were friendly enough in their daily life, why would they need a specific event for it?
Naruto got up and slapped a bunch of money on the table decisively (it was not nearly enough for the tab they had racked up). "Let's go find out!"
It was a testament to their drunkenness that none of them even considered protesting.
'I should have stayed at home'
_
"I refuse to believe that the pig would eat bacon!"
"Tamaki, I've seen Tonton eat stuff that would give you nightmares!" Sakura retaliated, throwing a piece of chicken at Tamaki, who caught it between her teeth. There was a loud cheer, then Sakura continued. "That pig would absolutely eat bacon! That pig would eat the Sun itself!"
Karui sidled up to Hinata, who was busy coming up with some way to delay (or better yet, cancel), discussion of Agenda Point No. 3 (If she stabbed herself fatally – ). "So," Karui nodded at Hinata's shirt, clearly asking for an explanation.
Hinata smiled sheepishly, fiddling with her high pigtails. "Will you believe me if I say I didn't know it was in my overnight bag?"
"I would believe you, honestly." Karui laid down, moving her upper half so her head would be on Hinata's lap and taking a swig of beer. "The Hokage's entire team is a circus of freaks, him included. Wouldn't surprise me if he was snooping like a creep and decided to switch your shirt with his."
"Karui-chan!" Hinata admonished lightly. "Don't be so mean to him!"
Karui just grinned at her and winked. As she was about to retort, Ino gave a loud clap to get everyone's attention.
"Alright, everyone. We've spent more than enough time on Agenda Point No. 2. Do we have a consensus?"
Everyone shook their heads no.
Ino nodded in understanding. "All in favour of shelving Agenda Point No. 2 to the next Girls' Night and moving on to Agenda Point No. 3?"
The only negative was from Hinata, who was decisively overruled.
"Great." Ino dodged Tenten kicking her for... some reason. Who knows. "On to Agenda Point No. 3 – "
"You don't have to keep saying 'Agenda Point No. 3'." Temari pointed out, brushing crumbs off of herself and onto the bed.
"Moving on to Agenda Point No. 3!"
Temari threw her hands up in exasperated surrender.
Hinata was about to do something ill-advised, like jumping out of the window (she would be fine, but it would move this Agenda Point to No. 1 for the next Girls' Night, which she did not want), when she smelled smoke.
"Ano – "
There was a loud scream, followed by an almighty crash that made the girls cringe.
"What the hell was that!?"
"Is something burning? I smell smoke!"
The girls went to the window to look outside, being presented with the boys of the Konoha 12.
Kiba (who seemed to be the scream) had fallen on top of a ladder (which seemed to be the crash), which had fallen on top of a howling Naruto.
"Oi! Kiba, get off of me!"
"I think I broke my back!"
"You'll break a lot more if you don't tell me what you set on fire, Dogboy!" Ino yelled down at him, making the boys look up at the window with panic stark on their faces (did they think they wouldn't hear that racket?). "Why the hell are you lot here?"
"Ino-san!" Lee yelled, drunk on life, unlike everyone else, who were just drunk. "Kiba-kun missed Tamaki-chan, and so we came to reunite them, as Youth demands!"
Tamaki aww'd adoringly when she heard that. "Kiba-kun, are you okay?" She called down.
Kiba frantically looked around. "Tamaki! I hear Tamaki! Bugboy, where is she?" He jumped off of the ladder, leaving Sasuke and Chōji to pick it up so Naruto could peel himself off the ground.
Tamaki aww'd again, this time with abject concern.
"I'm not going to ask again!" Ino yelled, going to throw an empty bottle at them, being barely stopped by Tenten. "Where's the fucking fire!?"
The boys frantically looked around. Shikamaru pointed at something just out of the window's view, off to the side. The yelling was starting to bring out other people from their houses, and one of them yelled that the shrubbery was on fire.
The girls quickly went down, in Ino's case to give the boys a piece of her mind and make them regret being born.
As they got out, Sakura quickly extinguished the small flame with a water jutsu, then went with the other girls to chase the boys, who ran like Hell was following them.
Hinata stayed behind (her knee socks were not suitable for a midnight run through the streets), as did Sasuke, who hid in the shadows to avoid being noticed as the girls were coming down.
"How did you end up here, Sasuke-kun?" Hinata asked, turning to Sasuke. He didn't look entirely drunk. Of course, he wasn't entirely sober either, or else he wouldn't be caught dead involved in something that might indicate interest to a girl, like being found anywhere near her house.
"Dobe dragged me." Was all the answer Sasuke gave, and immediately about-turned to, ostensibly, go back home.
"Do you need me to walk you back home?" Hinata called, giggling when he answered with a rude gesture and kept walking.
_
"So, how was Girls' Night, Hinata-chan?"
Hinata looked up from the scroll she was preparing for Sasuke. Since relations with Otogakure were... cordial, if a little lukewarm, his next mission was to be to go to Otogakure and request (more like demand and bribe) Orochimaru into returning the missing scrolls.
"It was great, Kakashi-sama." Hinata replied, then mouthed 'office hours' when Kakashi pouted at the address.
"I heard there was some excitement there last night." Kakashi fiddled with a paperweight as he leaned back in his chair.
"Yes," Hinata sighed. "The boys caused a ruckus and by the end, it was late enough that we just decided to go sleep."
"Tragic." He did not sound particularly torn up about it. In fact, it seemed to Hinata that he was up to some mischief again, although she had no idea what it could be. "I was particularly interested in Agenda Point No. 3. Do you think I could ask for a private presentation?"
Hinata stammered, dumbfounded, as his words registered.
"Who told you about that!?"
Kakashi, very rudely, did not explain and simply laughed himself out of his chair.
A/N – Kakashi's theme song for this entire fic is Every Breath You Take (Mariachi Band Version) (which YouTube tells me does not exist. #Heartbroken)
Hope it was as good for you as it was for me. I'm particularly proud of the Agenda Points this chapter.