Deadpool, Pinkie, and Alexis walked on a stage with several notes in their possession. Preparing a speech.
"Hey all you wonderful readers out there. I know what you're thinking: 'Where is the next real chapter of Aftermath: The DB Chronicles?'" Deadpool exclaimed.
"Well, the author is hard at work on the story, and you can even expect the next Goku-Superman chapter in early April~" Pinkie winked.
"But right now, in the year 2020, the people are facing a major crisis: COVID-19. Or Coronavirus." Deadpool said.
"And just know that only the most evil people would refer to it as any kind of racist dogwhistle." Pinkie added.
"Yep. Willing to bet that the people who would do that would jump at the opportunity to work with Red Skull, but today, we're here to talk about all the ways to keep yourself and others safe."
"For starters, always wash your hooves, er, hands." Pinkie said, "Wait, were people not doing that before?"
"People are weird, my favorite Pony." Deadpool said, "But yeah. Basic hygiene can help stop the spread of germs and viruses. Speaking of which, keep your hands away from your face. I know that nail biters and the like are going to have a tough time, but at the very least: Try to minimize the amount of face-touching that you do. Don't forget to wash up after."
"Also, nopony likes a hoarder." The Pink Pony added, "Take only what you need, the grocery store is an essential place, so it won't close unless there's something major going on."
"And even if it does, there should be plenty of other stores around too." Deadpool pointed out.
"For those of you who get bored easily… Take a look at what you're reading, and then think about how you're reading it." Pinkie said, "We're in a really great age where we can talk with others across the world in a near-instant! Join a server or two, try out new games, catch up on that show you've been meaning to watch."
Deadpool nodded, "You're going to want to stay inside most of the time unless it's absolutely necessary. You might not be vulnerable, but there's a reason why teachers ban peanuts if there's a student who's allergic. It's to protect them."
"Yeah. Death might be cheap here, but it's definitely an expense nobody wants to pay in your world." Pinkie said, "Take it from a pony who lives in the same building as Leon Kennedy. Viruses only spread when people are reckless."
"Chirp chirp tweet!"
"That's right! You can help do your part to flatten the curve." Deadpool gave a thumbs up, "We want to make sure that the number of people who get that nasty virus stays as low as possible."
"Chirp tweet tweet!"
"Almost forgot about that. For those of you who don't speak Alexis' language, she's telling you to not blindly trust everything you hear. Get your info from verified sources like from the CDC's website or the World Health Organization's site. They've got a lot of facts that can help you out."
"They've got a ton of information that can help you. And if all else fails, you can always call your doctor for help. We've got a lot of medical professionals here in our world, and they do their best to make sure that we're always here and ready to make sure that we're healthy." Pinkie said.
"Remember: We've got Senzu Beans. You don't. So don't do anything stupid like going out to a crowded place or… Wait, am I reading this right?- There are people who are licking stuff to try and prove that it's a hoax or something?- Guys. Don't do that." Deadpool said.
"The only things you should lick are lollipops, ice cream cones, and popsicles." Pinkie said, "Don't be so reckless that you think that you're invincible."
"But you shouldn't be so paranoid that you take baths in alcohol… Okay, why do I have to say all the weird stuff that people might do in their panic?" Deadpool lamented.
"Your heroes are going to be the ones going out and providing you with food, a clean neighborhood, and health services."
"Avoid hand shakes. A high-five is less dangerous, and so is a brief fist-bump. But something even safer is a wave."
"I know that not being able to hug your loved ones is a major bummer. But you want to make sure that you have a loved one to hug once all this is over and under control. So please, do your best to curb the spread of the virus."
"We're all in this together. The whole planet."
"Chirp tweet chirp!"
"Right. If we all do our parts, then you too can be a hero."
Dude: No snark today. We'll be back with our regularly scheduled mayhem and humor soon. But for now: Stay safe out there.