"Welcome class. This week we will be making a short deviation from the lesson plan to address some topics that have been deemed necessary by influential parties."
The smartboard lit up with a jittery, sepia-toned picture that tried just a little too hard to pretend it was made in the early 1900s.
Simulated Capital Assumed Valuations
€$ ...and you!... €$
A highly overdriven and tinny voiceover began; *What, you may be asking yourself, do all those words mean, and why should you care?*
*Well, my friends, have you ever wanted to invest in a private company that isn't selling shares? We all do at some point, and forcing them to sell is remarkably easy and ultimately boring while the margins are thin with all the competition!*
The screen shows a jerky animation of stick figure mafia goons picking up and running off with a fruit stand.
It then pans up to a shining tower with rays of light sparkling off in all directions.
*But why stop there? Why should investment have to be in a business? You can invest in futures, buying things thay don't even exist yet, so why should we be so limited. Visionaries have long sought ever more precise and arcane financial tools and techniques to buy and sell not just physical companies and commodities, or even the expected future of such things, but to make the ultimate investments in the uninvestable.*
A chrome arm reaching up to the sky makes a fist and pulls numbers from the void, dragging the video into a fully 3D modern presentation with a clearly chrome powered version of Brian Blessed now narrating.
*S.C.A.V.s are the latest and greatest financial instrument. You no longer need the ability to invest in something, in order to invest in the idea of that thing! These are no mere memes, or dark-age NFTs. These are a modern miracle of financial science.
Buy yours now!*