1 January 1644

I stayed up until midnight last night to toast the new year with Karkat. My sister ended up being awake, too, but only because of Cecily! So my niece got to see the beginning of the 1644, even though she certainly won't remember it.

Karkat and I had a glass of wine each and toasted to a happy, healthy new year for all of us. He said he's looking forward to spring, when we can put out the coop and get the chickens for it. I am too! It'll be good to have eggs and a source of meat I don't have to hunt for. I like hunting, but I worry if I have a bad day that we won't have enough to eat. Knowing that the chickens are there will help me feel better about that.

3 January 1644

I realized why Button's been acting so oddly–she's pregnant! I realized when she plopped herself down on my lap that her belly was starting to swell, and I remembered how she was last time she had kittens. I suppose when she slipped away in November she was going to meet a suitor! I'm quite excited. Soon we're going to have another litter of tiny little kittens around the house! They were so cute the first time. I'm excited for there to be more of them.

So I petted Button and told her I was very happy she was pregnant and I was looking forward to meeting her little kittens. I felt very honored last time when she brought them up on my bed and left them for me to look after. I knew she trusted me to take good care of her babies. It's almost the same way I feel when my sister gives me Cecily to hold. I'm honored that she's willing to entrust something so incredibly precious to me.

5 January 1644

Karkat and I went for a walk today to the creek, and he asked me where it came from.

"It flows into the river, right?" he asked. "So it has to come from somewhere."

"It comes from a spring up that way," I said, pointing. "That's why it's so cold, even in summer. Linny uses it to cool people off when they get too hot in the summer."

"How far away?" he asked.

"Not far. I can walk there in half a day or less," I said.

"Do you go there a lot?" he asked.

"Sometimes," I said. "If I have time." I felt a little odd talking about it, because the spring is one of the places Mama took us to that felt special. It still feels special. It's like a little secret we had with her. We used to play there on hot days and we knew no one else could find us.

"It sounds nice," he said distantly.

"It is," I agreed. "I…Mama used to take us there a lot in summer."

"Oh," he said.

I nodded, and we stood there for a long time without saying anything else.

"There's not a path or anything, right?" he asked.

"No," I said. "We never needed one."

He nodded and fell silent again, until he said it was probably time to be heading back home. I don't know what he was thinking about, but it seemed important.

8 January 1644

My sister had one of her headaches today. She hadn't had one in a while, so I suppose she was due. I still don't know why she has them. She changes the subject very quickly whenever I bring them up. I can't know for sure, but I suspect her ex-husband is the cause, somehow. As if I need more reasons to despise him.

I took care of Cecily all day. When she was asleep, or at least being quiet, I sat with her and Linny in their room so Meulin would know her baby was near. I took her downstairs if she was being loud, but Cecily still needs to nurse. I felt awful doing it, but there's not another way to feed a baby. So when Meulin had to nurse, I sat with her and held her hand. I could tell she was crying, but I didn't want to say anything and risk making her headache worse.

It seemed to be abating by the time I was thinking about going to bed, so I left Cecily in the care of my sister and my cat. But I intend to sleep as lightly as I can, just in case. I hope a good night's sleep helps.

10 January 1644

Meulin seems a lot better. She's usually tired for a day or so after she has a headache. Well, she's still tired, of course, because she has a newborn, but just the normal tired. It's different after a headache.

I wish I knew how to fix them. Part of the reason I can't do our mama's work is because I can't stand to see people in pain. Sometimes Linny can't do much for someone, and all she can do is hold their hand as they die. I can't do that. It's so hard to watch my sister suffer with these headaches while there's not a damn thing I can do. Before, when she was sick, at least I knew it would pass. These headaches…I think they're going to be a problem for the rest of her life.

I wish I could just…fix it all. So many people I love are hurting and I just wish I could take it all away. I can hunt for hungry people and knit for cold people but I can't make someone's heart stop hurting. I suppose I know that's not usually good for people, to pretend the hurt isn't there, but I still hate to watch my family and friends suffer.

12 January 1644

Button is very pregnant now! She's even more cuddly than she was before, and very relaxed. She's also heavier when she sits in my lap. I wonder if she'll have her kittens before the end of the month! I don't really know how long cats are pregnant for, but I think it was about two months last time. Much less time than people, anyways.

Her belly is getting quite big, and she's starting to grow breasts again. It's funny how other animals only grow their breasts when they need them, but people have them all the time. I might never have children of my own, but I'll still have my breasts anyways. I don't mind much, but they can get in the way when I shoot. At least my corset keeps them in place! I hate the feeling of my breasts bouncing around–it's so uncomfortable.

13 January 1644

Cecily is a whole month old today. I made a nicer dinner than usual to celebrate. It's only a month, on the one hand, but it's a whole month on the other. A tiny baby like that is a lot of work, so I thought it was worth celebrating.

She's terribly cute. She can sort of wiggle around now to get my sister's attention, and she can make some noises too. She likes to grab onto my finger when I give it to her. It's adorable, because she holds as tight as she can but she's so tiny I could pull away without thinking.

I think she knows our faces now. She likes to look at me when I hold her. She snuggles into my arms and rests her tiny face on my chest, right where my heart beats. It feels like an incredible privilege that she trusts me enough to fall asleep in my arms. She's so small and wonderful, and she lets me hold her. I love her so much. When she squirms closer in her sleep, I think I would do anything for her.

16 January 1644

I've been writing less often, I think. Things are a little more hectic around the house, with the baby and the usual stresses of winter. But today while Cecily was asleep, I found a moment to sit down with my sister for a cup of tea and to talk about what we'll tell Cecily.

"What are we going to tell Cecily around her birth father?" I asked.

She didn't say anything at first, then finally said, "I…I'm not sure. I don't want to lie to her, but I don't want her telling the whole village Kankri isn't her birth father." She bit her lip, then added, "Why do you ask?"

"Aradia asked me. Because of Damara," I said.

Meulin stirred her tea absentmindedly for a long few moments, and it was clear she was thinking hard. "I really don't know," she said again. "I won't tell her Kankri is her father. But I also don't know if I should tell her who her birth father is. What if she tries to send him a letter, or tries to get in touch some other way? What if she tells the wrong person in the village?" She fidgeted with her spoon. I think her hand was shaking.

I said, "I think she should always know Kankri isn't her birth father."

She nodded her agreement and said, "Yes, I think so too." Then her mouth dropped open and her eyes went wide. "Oh, my goodness. I forgot to ask him and Karkat what they'd like to be called."

I couldn't help but laugh. We had so much planned out, and somehow this slipped away. "I'm sure they'll be fine with 'uncle', but it's always good to ask."

"I don't know how to explain to her how important it is to keep it a secret," she said nervously. "I don't want to scare her, but I can't have her telling everyone she meets how her Uncle Kankri is her father." I understand why she's nervous about it. Right now, there's no proof that Cecily isn't her ex-husband's daughter. Plenty of people may suspect, and our close friends know, but other people knowing would be different, and could put us all–especially Cecily–in danger. But I also know it's important to tell the truth, and that it can hurt someone a lot to find out that they've been lied to.

"Maybe if you tell her it's to keep her safe?" I suggested. "I don't think that will scare her too much."

"It's a good place to start. I think…well, some of this will depend on her." She inclined her head in the direction of her room. "I can't know now who she'll grow up to be. When I know that, maybe I'll know better what to say."

"Even if she's different like me, I know you'll say the right thing," I said. It's true that everyone's different, and the right thing to tell Cecily will depend somewhat on her.

"I'll be glad to have you with me, no matter who she grows up to be," she said. "I…I can't do this by myself."

"No one can. I'm happy to help," I said. She's my sister. I'll always help her. And I love little Cecily more than I thought I could. I'm happy to help raise her. I heard a little noise from upstairs, so I said, "I think she's awake." Before Meulin could get up, Button came downstairs meowing, which is how she lets my sister know that Cecily need something. So Linny went upstairs to tend to her daughter.

It's a start, anyways. It will depend on Cecily herself, as she grows up and becomes the person she will be. Linny and I needed different things when we were small, and Cecily will be different, too. We'll have to figure it out as we go along.

18 January 1644

I saw Karkat whittling today, which I didn't know he did, so I asked him what he was making.

"It's a bird," he said. "It's for Cecily."

"Oh," I said.

"If I do it right I can get the wings to flap," he said absentmindedly. Most of his focus was on the wood and his knife, which made sense. When you have a knife in your hand it's a good idea to pay attention to it.

"That's quite impressive," I said.

He shrugged. "It's something to do."

"I'm sure she'll love it," I said.

"I hope so," he said. "Not much use having a knack for making toys when no one's around to play with them."

"You do have a knack for making things," I said.

He shrugged again. "Yeah, I guess."

I wasn't sure what else to say, so I left him to it while I worked on some mending. He is very good at making things. He made the chicken coop, and our new place for hanging our cloaks, and he fixes things too. I think he underestimates that skill. It's very useful to have someone around who can fix things.

20 January 1644

I took Cecily for a couple of hours today to give my sister a chance to talk to Kankri and to rest. I love to cuddle her and read to her. She can't play very much, because she's a tiny baby, but I can hold toys over her head where she can see them and she can reach for them. She tries to hold them, but she can't hold onto anything bigger than one of her tiny hands. It's so cute.

I think I don't want my own children, but I am delighted to have a lovely little niece. I love her very much and I'm so happy I get to help raise her.

22 January 1644

Button is going to have her babies very soon. She's started to make herself a little nest under my bed like she did last time. She's still very cuddly and sweet, so I don't think she's going to have her babies that soon. Last time, right before she had them, she wanted to be left alone. I think most animals are like that. They'd rather not have anyone bother them when they give birth. Well, they don't need help like people do! At least, not usually. It's only people who have to worry about so many things going wrong.

I hope nothing goes wrong for Button. I know a little about helping a person have a baby, but nothing about helping an animal. If she does need help, I wouldn't know what to do.

24 January 1644

I went to see Equius today. Normally he comes to see me, but yesterday he mentioned that I might like to come over and play with Nicholas. So I did. He's so cute! He's not much older than Cecily, but he's a fair bit bigger. Babies grow so fast!

He still can't really play much, but he can hold some of his toys, so we let him shake his little rattle and told him he was very cute and sweet. We also read to him, because he likes that. He seemed to like Equius's voice a lot. Equius does have a very good reading voice. It's no wonder that Nicholas likes to listen to him. Not that he didn't like mine! But he looked at Equius when he read with so much focus, especially for a tiny baby. He has such big, dark eyes.

Babies are funny. They don't know anything yet! They have to learn everything, even just how to hold something. It's quite cute.

26 January 1644

It snowed quite a lot last night, so today Linny took Cecily outside to see it. She put some in Cecily's little hands and I heard her laugh.

"Does she like the snow?" I asked.

"It's hard to tell, but I think so," she said.

"You should teach her to walk in the snow," Karkat said dryly. "Then when she falls, she won't get hurt."

"It's a little early for that!" Meulin said with a little smile. "By this time next year, she'll be on her feet, and then she'll be a handful."

"Some kids really act like they want to die," Karkat said.

"They don't know any better," Kankri pointed out. "They don't have a well-developed sense of risk yet."

"Well, for now she can't go anywhere without help," Meulin said. "We'll cross that bridge when we come to it."

Thinking about the bridge reminded me of when Linny and I first lived here, when we first discovered the bridge, and of our first winter here with Mama. "Our first winter here, we had a snowball fight. Do you remember, Linny?" I asked. "Us and Mama."

"My goodness, I haven't thought about that in years!" she said. "We were soaked to the skin when we came inside."

"I used to throw snowballs at Kankri when he was doing chores," Karkat added.

"Indeed you did. Then you would complain dinner was late, and I had to explain to you that actions have consequences," Kankri said with a raised eyebrow.

"Whatever. You used to throw snowballs back, you know," Karkat said.

"Maybe so, but I never started it," Kankri said. Linny laughed at that, and seeing her laugh made me want to laugh, too. Before I knew it, Karkat and Kankri had joined in, and we all laughed together.

28 January 1644

Karkat and I read together today. We were going to clear the path to the village, but it was entirely too cold. This time I picked a book that had a romance in it, and he took an interest in that part. He had rather strong opinions about who the lady of the story should choose to marry. I've already read this book, so I know that she picks the one he thinks is worse. Well, I also think she chose wrong. The man she marries in the end may be wealthy and handsome, but he doesn't respect her. She'd have a comfortable life with him, but she wouldn't be happy.

He's never cared so much about a book before. I didn't know he liked romance stories. We have more of them, so maybe I'll pick one of those for the next book we read. He can't really read on his own, but he recognized some of the words in the book today, so he's making progress. Maybe this time next year, he'll be able to read.

30 January 1644

Karkat and I cleared the path to the village today, and then I went with my sister and niece to see the Zahhaks. Annes has recovered almost completely, and Nicholas is doing perfectly well. Mr. Zahhak is still unwell, but no worse than usual. So we didn't have to worry too much. We could just enjoy some treats and talking to each other, and watch the babies on their blanket on the floor.

I wonder if they'll be friends when they grow up. I hope so! Equius has always been a wonderful friend to me, and Horuss to Meulin. I hope their children can be good friends, too.

1 February 1644

I'm happy the days are getting longer. It's still cold, but it can be somewhat depressing when the sun sets before it's even time for dinner. It also means I don't have to worry as much about how little time I have to hunt. Even just an extra hour of daylight makes me feel like I have more time to spare, and then I worry less that I'll come up short.

My goodness, it's cold out, though. It's a good thing I have my warm leather gloves. I've seen people come to Mama or Meulin with their fingers so cold they turn white. One time a fellow came to see us and his finger was nearly black. I think he lost that finger. So I wear my gloves and keep my hands warm when I'm outside. It's astonishing how quickly something like a cold wind can hurt someone so badly.

3 February 1644

Meulin was nearly walking on air today after dinner when we were cleaning up. I asked her what happened, and she told me that Cecily smiled for the first time. Then, in the library, she showed Cecily her little toy cat and I saw it, too. My little niece can smile! It's so cute I can hardly believe it. She has Linny's smile, too. It was so sweet to see Cecily smiling like that, and Meulin smiling back. I'm so happy. So far Cecily has been perfectly healthy, and I just pray that she stays that way.

5 February 1644

Button's going to have her kittens soon, I can tell. She finished making her little nest under my bed and does not want to come out. She's still eating like crazy, but since she wants to be in her little nest, I left food for her just under my bed. I suppose she'll need it. Growing babies and giving birth must be a lot of work. I'm sure she'll need the food.

I'm looking forward to having little kittens around the house. They were so cute last time! I was surprised by how tiny they were. It's a little bit like how Cecily was even tinier than I thought she'd be.

I wonder why different species end up with such different babies. People have our babies with their eyes open, but not able to do much else. A kitten can move much more than an infant but can't see anything. Meanwhile a newborn calf can get up and walk on its own! I guess every species is different, but sometimes I wonder why.

6 February 1644

Button had her kittens today! She refused to get out from under my bed this morning, so I left her some food and let her be. I think she wanted to be alone to have them. When I came back in the evening, I could hear the tiny mews and I knew they were born! I peeked under the bed and Button gave me such a look. I knew she wanted privacy so I just put some food down for her.

I think she'll probably want a few days by herself before she introduces the kittens to the rest of us. That's alright. She can have all the time she needs.

8 February 1644

Button moved her little nest with the kittens in it out from under my bed today and instead settled under Cecily's crib! I think she wants the babies to all be together. When Cecily plays on the floor, Button puts the kittens with her. They can't do much right now besides squirm (Cecily and the kittens), so it's safe for now. Linny or I still keep a close eye on them, though, to make sure no one gets hurt on accident. Kittens still have claws, even if they're not very good at using them yet.

Button also likes to keep an eye on Cecily, along with her own babies, so I suppose putting them in one place is the reasonable thing to do. She's such a good cat. I love her.

10 February 1644

I went to see Tavros today. I'm a little worried about him, with Vriska gone. Honestly, it's a good thing for him that she's gone, but I don't want him to get lonely.

Tavros seemed to be doing well. The cows are mostly staying inside the barn right now, because no one wants to be outside in this cold and wind, so he doesn't have to walk much to care for them. He is quite impressive on his crutches now! But he says it still tires him out, walking too far. So we stayed in the barn, watched the little calves play, and talked. I didn't bring up Vriska, and neither did he. He seemed quite content, in fact. Maybe being apart from her will help him to see that she wasn't good for him.

Why do people have to act like that? I can't imagine wanting to hurt someone. I feel bad enough if I step on someone's foot in the market on accident. How could she hurt him? How could my sister's ex-husband hurt her? I just don't understand.

12 February 1644

Karkat and I read together today, and he managed a fair few words. He's definitely getting better at reading. I'm glad! I've never taught anyone to read before, so it's hard to know if I'm doing it right.

I picked a romance book this time to read, and Karkat had some very strong opinions! He and I agree that the leading lady should listen to her mother instead of her rather dim cousin, but of the three men we disagree on who is best. I think it's the one she's known since she was a little girl. They know each other well and enjoy each other's company. She knows he's trustworthy and has enough money to keep them comfortable. Karkat thinks the younger man from the city is the better choice because he's in love with her. I agree love is important, but the city man is impulsive and I'm not sure he's trustworthy.

Of course, the leading lady picks the third man who neither of us like, so I suppose it's all meaningless. But it was good to talk with him about it. I don't like to argue, normally, but I didn't feel like he was upset with me–just that he cared a lot about the book. And it was good to talk about something light and casual, something less serious. It's good to have friends.

14 February 1644

Equius came to see me today. The wind was biting, so we stayed inside with tea and a book. He agrees with me about who the leading lady should pick in the romance book I read with Karkat. At least someone does!

We also played with Cecily for a little while. If he's nervous about breaking Mama's old bow, he's twice as cautious with my little niece. He held her for a moment while I made more tea and he held her like she was the most valuable glass bowl in the world. I heard him tell her she was a remarkable child and should be very proud of herself.

"She is quite remarkable," I said.

"Well, she is a Leijon," he said. "She has your blood."

"She does," I agreed.

"I have no doubt she will grow up to be as intelligent and capable as you and your sister," he said, still looking in her eyes. He handed her back to me and took his cup of tea.

"I'm sure Nicholas will grow up to be like you," I said. "He's so cute."

"He is quite charming," Equius said with a small smile. "Although…I must admit that I am still unsure if I would enjoy being a parent myself."

"I know what you mean," I said. "I love Cecily…so much. But it's different being her aunt."

"Well, my brother has a son, so I am free from that particular obligation," Equius said. "I admit I am rather relieved."

"I know what you mean. I'm glad I don't have to marry and have children," I said.

He nodded his agreement, and we played with Cecily a little longer until she was hungry and needed Meulin.

16 February 1644

Button's kittens are ten days old now. They can hold their little heads up, but their eyes aren't open yet. They're already quite a bit bigger, and they can move a little more.

Last night, when I was reading in bed, Button brought them up on my bed and put them in my lap. She did that last time, too. It's like how I watch Cecily sometimes for my sister. No matter the species, every parent needs a break once in a while! I'm perfectly happy to help. Button's kittens are so cute I can hardly stand it, and I love Cecily more than I thought I ever could. I don't mind watching them for a few hours.

Button herself seemed tired. I guess it's the same as with Linny!

18 February 1644

Karkat helped me clear the path to the village today. Once we finished, we went to visit Kanaya. She's doing well. She and Rose are still together. They really love each other. It's heartwarming to see. I love it when people get to be happy with someone who loves them. I think everyone deserves to feel loved like that if they want. Rose makes Kanaya happy. I'm happy for them.

Kanaya also told us that she learned some more about the aunt she never met, the one she says was her father's favorite sister. Her aunt who lives with them was complaining, and started saying how her sister Dolora was always a nuisance and it was too bad Porrim and Kanaya were going to end up the same way.

"Dolora?" I asked.

"Yes, why?" she asked.

"That's the name on one of the gravestones near…near where Mama is buried," I said. "I always assumed she was related to you, but I didn't think she was your aunt!"

"I suppose that makes sense," Kanaya said meditatively. "Dolora was your mother's mother-in-law, right?" When I nodded, she said, "And she was quite young when she took in your mother's husband?" I nodded again. "That's exactly the sort of thing my aunt would despise."

I didn't want to say anything, mostly because I couldn't think of anything decent to say. Karkat, however, said, "What a bitch."

"You're not a nuisance," I added.

"Oh, I know," Kanaya said. "She's always been like this. My father didn't want her to live with us at all, but she can't live alone and she has nowhere else to go."

"That's too bad," I said.

"She's an unhappy person," Kanaya said. "I can only imagine she must be miserable, being so harsh all the time."

"That's not much of an excuse to be a bitch," Karkat said. "If she weren't so mean, she'd have someone else to help her out."

Kanaya shrugged. "She can complain all she likes. I'll still help her, even if I may not take her advice into account." She sipped her tea politely. "How are your sister and brother, and your lovely little niece?" So we talked about family and friends until it was time to go home.

It seems unfair that Kanaya has to put up with all this. I know her aunt needs help, but she shouldn't be mean to the people helping her.

20 February 1644

Equius was over today. The wind wasn't as bad, so we went out to shoot for a little while before we came inside to read. Equius mentioned that he intends to teach Nicholas to shoot, too.

"Your father won't approve," I said.

"No, he won't. However, my brother will," he said.

"That's true," I said. "I still don't really understand why your father doesn't want you to shoot."

"I suspect we may never know," Equius said. "Perhaps it is better if there are some mysteries left unsolved."

"I guess so," I agreed, a little reluctantly. But his father's health is fragile, and I understand not wanting to disturb him. "Well, we don't have to think about it for a few more years."

He nodded. "That is true. Shall we go inside and warm up?"

So we went back to the house and had tea. I'm a little surprised Equius would be so casual about his father's disapproval, but then, he's been practicing with me for years. And when it comes down to it, Horuss and Annes's opinions are the ones that matter the most. I'm sure Horuss will want his son to know how to shoot.

22 February 1644

I went to visit the Portlands today. They asked after Meulin and her husband and baby, of course. They didn't seem to doubt that Cecily is Kankri's daughter, which is reassuring. Mrs. Portland also fussed over me a little, asking if I was eating enough and sleeping well. I told her I was, and that my sister certainly wouldn't let me go hungry. I know that's true. Even now, with so much to keep her busy, my sister would never let me be hungry.

Anyways, they're doing well, and appreciated the pain medicine I brought. I'm glad of that.

24 February 1644

I went hunting today, like I do many days, and it was good to be by myself for a little while. The forest is quiet, and sometimes I need it to be quiet. I don't really understand why, but sometimes I feel I might crawl out of my skin if people keep talking. Going out hunting in the cold clears my mind. Sometimes in the summer I walk to the creek and put my feet in, and that helps too.

I'd worry more, I think, if I was leaving Linny at the house by herself with Cecily, but Karkat and Kankri are there, too. If something terrible happens, she won't be alone.

26 February 1644

I saw Mrs. Hill in the village today while I was shopping, and she asked me when I was thinking I'd like to get the chickens.

"Oh!" I said. "Well, Karkat finished the coop, and the snow will be melting soon…"

"Feel free to come by any time," she said. "The hens laid very well this year, and to be frank, I have more chicks than I know what to do with!"

"I'll be over in the next few weeks," I said. "It'd be good to get them before the planting season begins."

She nodded. "A good plan. How are your sister and niece?"

So we traded news for a little while, and then went our separate ways. I'm not sure when I'll next have a moment, but it would be good to have the chickens before I get busy with the planting. I'll find some time in the next few weeks.

28 February 1644

I mentioned the chicks to my sister today, and she was very happy. She told me not to worry about her and to go get the chickens whenever I felt was a good time. I think it'll make her feel better, too, to know we can get meat without hunting. And we'll have eggs! We might even be able to sell some eggs in the village, or trade them.

Equius offered to go with me when I told him today, but I think I'll be fine. I'll bring a basket so I can carry them all. We have a couple of baskets that should be big enough. Normally we use them during harvest time.

2 March 1644

Karkat heard me tell Meulin about the chicks, I suppose, because he said today, "The coop isn't ready for the chickens yet."

"What do you mean?" I asked. "It looks perfect, and it's in place."

"It needs a fence," he said.

"Oh, I see," I said.

"I can't really do that until the ground thaws."

"It should be soon," I said. "We're getting close to the first planting."

He nodded.

"Can I help you with anything? Now or later?"

He shrugged. "I guess I might need someone to hold some of the stuff in place."

"Well, just ask," I said.

He nodded again and went off to do something else. I hope he lets me help him. I'd like to. We've had to repair the house a few times, but none of us ever really built things the way Karkat likes to. I'd like to know how to do that, too.

4 March 1644

Linny went into the village yesterday with her daughter. I'm glad she's doing that–it means she's going back to what she used to do. She's talking to her friends again, and taking her baby to meet them. She was very tired when she came home, and asked me to watch Cecily while she napped. I'm not too worried about that. People are often tired when they have a small baby to care for! I'm glad I can help her.

We only have baby clothes for her for a year and a half or so from Mama's first baby. So I've started getting fabric together to sew some for her as she grows. We're not going to have the time to sit quietly and sew when she's two years old and learning how to run. It'll be better to have them ready now.

6 March 1644

Equius and I went for a walk today after we practiced shooting. We went out to the spring. I love the spring. It's too cold right now to put my feet in it, but it's still very pretty. You can see the water bubbling up out of the ground! I wonder sometimes where the water comes from. The creek carries it to the river, which carries it on to the ocean. So how does the water get back to under the ground, for it to bubble up in our spring?

I asked Equius, and he thought about it, and said that the rain can bring more water to the land. He doesn't know why it would come out here, though. I wonder if anybody does. It might be in a book somewhere, but I don't know. Some things–an awful lot of things, really–are still mysteries to us. Maybe they always will be.

8 March 1644

I helped Karkat with the fence today. After breakfast, he asked if I could come help him by the coop. I held a low piece of wood in place against some posts he planned to put in the ground while he nailed it in place.

"Then the chicks can't get out," he explained. "They can fit between the posts, but they can't jump over that plank. By the time they're big enough to jump, they won't be able to get between the posts."

"That's very clever," I said.

"Yeah right," he said, rolling his eyes.

"It is!" I said. "I wouldn't have thought of it."

"I just asked other people who keep chickens," he said.

"Well, asking other people is a good way to do things," I said. "It saves a lot of time."

"I guess," he said. "Whatever. Hold that piece there, on the mark."

I did, and he hammered another nail into place. He doesn't like it when I tell him he has a good idea. I don't know why. It's a compliment! I'm grateful that he's doing all this. Our chickens will have a wonderful home.

10 March 1644

I looked through the books today to see if any of them could tell me where the spring comes from. None of them had very likely titles. I'm not even sure what subject it would be. Geology, maybe? Is there a subject for science about water? It's times like these that I wish I could go to the university. Surely someone there would know. If I could just go to the university, maybe just walk around their library, maybe then I'd find the book I want.

Mama told us she went once when she was young. She and her family went to the city and saw all the beautiful things there. I think one of the drawings from her friend Simonn is of the university library, actually. Maybe someday I'll visit the city, too. Maybe Equius can take me to the library. I know they wouldn't let me in, because I'm a girl, but maybe with him it'd be alright.

13 March 1644

Cecily is three months old today! She's much bigger, and growing very fast. She's gaining weight like she should, and seems to be a perfectly healthy little girl. She's the most wonderful little girl in the world, I think. Her hair is very soft and her eyes are such a lovely green. I think she's going to grow up to look a lot like Linny, and so a lot like Mama. Right now she looks mostly just like a baby, although I think she has Linny's smile.

I love to play with her when Meulin's resting. She's so cute when she smiles, and she smiles a lot. I wish I could capture it somehow. I wish I could draw like Mama's old friend. I like looking at the old pictures he drew of Mama and her first family. I'd like Cecily to have that, someday.

15 March 1644

I helped Karkat more with the fence today. The ground is soft enough now that he can get the posts in place. He had to use one of our trowels to dig out a divot for one of them, but he got it in place int he end. The low plank for keeping the chicks in is level with the ground, so there's no way they can slip under, either. It's very clever.

Karkat said he'll be done by the end of the month, and I can go get the chickens then. I'm looking forward to having them. It will be good to have that security. I think it'll make me feel better about the winter next year.

16 March 1644

Meulin had one of her headaches today. They worry me. I don't think they're getting any worse, or that they're a danger to her, but she still won't tell me anything about them. I think she knows why she has them, but doesn't want to tell. I don't want to make her tell, but I am worried. Maybe if I knew why, I could come up with a way to help her.

I sat with her, holding Cecily, for most of the afternoon and into the evening. Kankri brought up bowls of stew for us, and Meulin ate a little. I think it makes her feel better to have Cecily near her. It makes sense. When she feels unwell, she wants to know her daughter is still alright.

She was better by the time night was really falling, so I left to get some sleep. Button stayed with her, though. She doesn't do that often. She must've known Linny needed her more than I did.

19 March 1644

Meulin and I went to see the Zahhaks today with Cecily. We took turns carrying her so neither of our arms would get too tired. She's not very big, but now that she can move more, it can take some effort to hold on to her. She's quite squirmy! I think she wants to see more things. She likes to look around when we take her outside.

We set the babies on a blanket on the floor when we got there to play together. We sat around them in a circle so we could watch them. They can't get in much trouble on their own, but they need supervision.

Nicholas is bigger than Cecily, and it's astonishing how much difference a month makes. He can almost roll away on his own, and he can push himself up with arms when he's on his belly. Cecily can hold things better now, but she can't roll over. I think she probably will soon. She's a very clever little one. I'm sure she'll figure it out soon.

They're both so cute! I don't know if I'll ever have any children of my own, but I do love to play with and help with the babies in my family. Horuss and Annes can afford to pay for help, but if they ever asked, I'd watch Nicholas anytime they needed. Equius would, too, I'm sure. He looks at his nephew with such love in his eyes.

It was good to see them all. I always like to see the Zahhaks, and it was good to be together as families.

21 March 1644

Button's kittens are growing up so fast! They're really on their feet now, tearing through the house at all hours of the day and night. Luckily they don't keep Cecily awake, or Linny when she naps. They're so cute! Button's very careful to groom them and feed them and make sure they're all safe.

But my goodness, they are capable of getting in such trouble! One of them got its tiny claws caught on some of our curtains today and needed me to get it out. Another one liked to get into the fabric scraps until I put them on a high shelf. They're a lot like the last kittens, and like Button when she was tiny. After all, it's how she got her name–playing in the button box.

I think I want to keep one of them. There are four, and I'm sure we can find homes for the other three. I don't know how many more years Button will live, and I'd like us to still have a cat after she passes. And I'd very much like it if that cat could be Button's kitten. Then we'd still have a part of her with us.

I should ask Mrs. Hill if she wants one. It would be only fair!

23 March 1644

Karkat is almost done with the fence. He said I should be able to get the chicks next week. I helped him a little more today, bracing pieces of wood for him to nail together. He gets a look when he's building, like he's in his own world. I don't think he knows that he's very intelligent. Anyone who can design and build things like this must be quite smart. But I have a feeling that if I said that, he'd brush me off. He's not very good at accepting compliments.

We also read together tonight, so I could at least tell him he was getting better at reading. He can read a handful of words now, common ones that come up a lot. He said it helps a lot when I point at the word I'm reading as I read it, so I've started doing that.

We're reading a new romance. Well, it's not new to me, but it is to him. This one is about a young man trying to choose between two women who want his hand, but the one he loves isn't the one his father would prefer. Karkat and I agree about this one–we both think he should pick the woman he loves. Part of the reason I like this story is because the main character does pick the woman he loves in the end. I think Karkat will like it, too.

25 March 1644

It's getting much warmer out. I still wore my good leather gloves to go hunting, but I didn't need as many layers when I was getting ready to go outside today. Some of the flowers are starting to sprout, too. The snowdrops are always the first to come up, and they are as lovely as ever.

Linny likes spring because it's when Mama first found her, and when she came back for me. I remember it was May when Mama and Linny came back for me. I was very unwell, but I remember it was green outside when Mama carried me home.

I didn't talk to Mama very much at first. Linny used to explain things to her for me, because I was scared. I don't remember why I was scared. I always thought Mama was kind, and since Linny trusted her I did too. But I think I was scared she might not like me because I'm different. Our birth parents didn't like that about me, and if Mama didn't like it either, I didn't know where I'd go.

But Mama was kind and patient with me, and helped me figure out how to manage being different. I'm glad we had that time with her. I wish we'd had more. I wish Mama had lived much longer and was still alive today. Nonetheless, I am very grateful that we had those years with her.

27 March 1644

It was such a beautiful day outside today. Linny took Cecily for a little walk, to the creek I think, and I spent most of the day outside myself. I went to the river and crossed the bridge, and then I went to the old foundation there. When Mama was young I think there was more of a house there, but now it's completely fallen apart. I wonder who built it. Mama didn't know, and no one else I've mentioned it to does either.

I like to make up stories about the people who used to live there. There must be some reason they abandoned their house. There must be a reason they didn't carve a path to the village, or to the old stone bridge downstream. I wonder why.

29 March 1644

Karkat and I finished building the fence today, so I'm going for the chickens tomorrow. He spent most of today on the gate, and then I helped him hold it in place while he attached the hinges. Our chickens will be very safe in their cozy little coop.

I must remember to ask Mrs. Hill if she'd like one of Button's kittens. They're rambunctious little fellows right now! Soon they'll be old enough to leave their mother. I should also ask her if she knows anyone else who might want a kitten. We can't keep all of them!

30 March 1644

I went to get the chickens today with a basket we use sometimes for errands. Mrs. Hill told me she would surely appreciate a cat when they were old enough, and said that Mrs. Baxter might want one. I'll bring her one soon. I should ask the Reeses and the Portlands, too! I've been so busy at home that I haven't had much time to see them.

Cecily was quite fascinated with the chicks. Meulin held one out for her to touch, and she tried to grab old of it! Luckily she's not very good at that yet.

"No, little love, pet it. Like this," she said, petting the chick. Cecily reached out again, but couldn't really manage to figure out what to do. "Here, let me show you," Linny said, taking her little hand and petting the chick with it. "Can you do that? Can you pet the chick?" She tried, and managed to move her hands in the right general direction.

"She likes them," I said. Her eyes were so big when she looked at them.

"She does," Meulin said. "Maybe feeding them can be one of her chores when she's older."

"Good idea," I said. "I'm going to go put them in coop. Would you like to come with me?"

She nodded, so we went outside together. I put them all down inside the fence then put down some seeds for them and a little dish full of water, so they would have plenty to eat and drink.

"I'm glad we have these now," I said. "We'll have food even if the hunting is bad."

"I was thinking the same thing," Linny said, rocking Cecily a little.

"I'll still hunt," I said.

"I know," she said. "I will, too, once Cecily's old enough that I can leave her for that long."

"Maybe we can hunt together," I said, watching the chicks peck at the ground.

"I'd like that," she said with a small smile.

"And someday we can teach her to hunt, too," I said. I love the idea of teaching my little niece to hunt, to provide for herself the way Mama taught us.

"Of course," she said.

"I'm glad you have her," I said, which wasn't quite what I meant, but it was close enough.

"I am, too," she said, smiling at her daughter in her arms.

We went back inside after that, with the chickens perfectly safe in the fence. I checked, and the chicks can't jump over the plank on the ground, and the hens can't fit between the poles. They'll be safe. We'll have food even if we can't hunt or something else happens. We won't have to go out as often in the cold or sweltering heat, and we won't have to worry so much. Cecily will never have to worry about going hungry.