Why is he even here?... I thought we had a deal. He said I should let him stay over, and it'd be like he wasn't even here.

I agreed to shelter America for the time being until he and his president can get back on speaking terms, but I sure as hell didn't agree to sheltering THIS!

"Hey— America? Can we have a chat? I appreciate having you over and all, but... what is... that doing in the living room?"

"Oh! You met Tony! Yeah, I know! What a sweet little guy!"

"Uhm—I don't mean to offend 'Tony' or anything, but he's kind of... an unusual fella..."

America looked at me, shocked, like I'd just insulted President Kennedy or something.

"Bro, don't say that! He's a really sensitive guy!"

"America... First of all, I don't know this guy. Second of all, he's scaring Kumajiro. And last of all, he's an alien!"

"How dare you treat him differently just because he's an alien! You're really prejudiced; I thought you were all about 'acceptance and tolerance'?! Can't you just be nicer to him? He's going through a rough time! His wife Agatha left him for another guy named Kevin. She ran off with this guy who has a steady job as an Intergalactic Diplomat, a better space engine, clearer skin, and even better facial hair! How could you not feel self-conscious after that?!"

"What am I supposed to do about it?! I'm not about to let him live here! I've got stuff to do, and I don't feel comfortable living with a complete stranger!"

"Could you at least let him stay the night? Agatha took the house and the kids! So he kind of has nowhere to go and is emotionally unstable... You owe him that!"

I don't owe him anything! He came into MY house without MY permission! I went back into the living room where Tony was sitting ready to tell him he had to go somewhere else for the night. America followed me, tugging on my sleeve and begging to go back to the kitchen and let Tony stay.

"Bitch— Whiny bastard— Fucking bitch bitch—"

It seems the extraterrestrial can only communicate through swear words. Just great.

"Hello, Tony! So... do you know a friend who lives around here, perhaps?" I asked trying to ease into the difficult conversation we were about to have.

"Stupid bitch— Fucking dumbass whore," replied Tony, looking at me straight in the eyes without blinking once. His gray skin glistened in the darkness, with only the light from the TV illuminating the room.

Okay. Judging by the number of beer bottles on the table, he's definitely drunk. Great, now I've got one stupid roommate and another drunk, incoherent one.

Why is he still staring at me with those big, terrifying crimson eyes? It's freaking me out! What is with this deadpan stare?

"Ooh! Looks like Tony took a liking to you!" America exclaimed excitedly, practically dancing on his tippy-toes.

What do you mean he likes me?! That's not the type of glare that radiates affection! It's like he's telling me to go away or something! How could America ever suggest—

"Fucking love you, bitch bastard," Tony said as he handed me a can of beer to share.

Oh—unless?... Oh god.

America whispered to me, "You can't turn him down now! He's really sad and he's even offering you a beer! Also, I know how lonely you are; might as well give it a shot!"

"No, America. I'm not about to have an alien as a lover—that ain't happening."

I might be lonely, but not that desperate yet.

I glanced over at Tony who was now casually sipping his beer, still staring at me with those unsettling eyes, and America pouting, nagging me to let him stay.

Oh whatever, I don't have the energy to put up a fight. I'll comply for today and tomorrow, I'll manage to find a way to kick both of them out.

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Note: Just for your information, this fanfiction has been crossposted on AO3 and Wattpad. :)