Aot

by corentin.robert23

hui

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Rating:

Explicit

Archive Warnings:

Graphic Depictions Of ViolenceCreator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Category:

F/M

Fandom:

Shingeki no Kyojin Attack on Titan

Relationships:

Levi Ackerman/ReaderLevi Ackerman/Original Female Character(s)Levi Ackerman & ReaderLevi Ackerman/You

Characters:

Levi AckermanZeke YeagerEren YeagerReiner BraunAnnie LeonhartMikasa AckermanArmin ArlertHange ZoëPetra RalTheo MagathSpecial Operations Squad Squad LeviBertolt HooverGabi BraunFalco Grice

Additional Tags:

Canon UniverseSlow BurnEnemies to LoversReader-InsertAngstTraumaExplicit Sexual ContentCanon-Typical ViolenceEventual SmutEventual RomanceMutual PiningBetrayalShingeki no Kyojin Attack on Titan Manga SpoilersHurt/ComfortMarley (Shingeki no Kyojin)Marleyan Reader (Shingeki no Kyojin)Alcohol Abuse/AlcoholismRomanceGrief/MourningSwitch Levi AckermanLevi Ackerman is Bad at FeelingsSo is readerReader has a default nameCanon Compliantbut some canon divergenceMinor Character DeathGuiltLots of AngstSuicidal ThoughtsLovers To Enemiessome toxicityBut it gets dealt with

Language:

English

Stats:

Published:2022-08-14Completed:2024-12-26Words:362,696Chapters:50/50Comments:1,495Kudos:1,841Bookmarks:278Hits:63,348

In Another Life

MarOfDawn

Summary:

"Maybe things could have gone differently between us in another life."

You were an Eldian born and raised in Marley to become a warrior. Becoming one of the strongest warriors in the Eldian Warrior Unit, you were given the chance to become a titan inheritor; that was, until one mistake caused you to lose the opportunity and tarnished your family name. In order to redeem yourself and bring honor back to your family name, you were given one very important task...

To kill Levi Ackerman.

Notes:

Hello :)

Just a few notes to avoid confusion while reading:

- I prefer not to use Y/N, so I've given the main protagonist the name 'Eden Barlowe.' Her physical description will be kept vague, so you can view her however you'd like.

- Her age is implied to be a year older than Zeke's age, so at the start, she is about 21. After Chapter 1, she is about 26.

- Levi's age remains canon, so he is somewhere between 30-33 after Chapter 1.

- HEAVY manga spoilers ahead as this story will be as close to canon as possible.

I will likely continue editing chapters as the story proceeds, so any feedback is welcomed :) (just please be respectful...)

This is also crossposted on Wattpad.

I also have a playlist for this story :).

My tumblr! :)

Chapter 1: Marley

Chapter Text

One hit.

And then another.

The punching bag moved only slightly, swaying back and forth. Your strength had already exhausted itself. Sweat trickled down your face as you stood in front of the beaten bag, panting in fatigue.

Short of breath, you collected yourself again before making one last grunt and punching the bag with the rest of the pent-up energy you had left. The bag moved several inches this time, but you stumbled backwards until you fell onto the ground out of pure weariness.

You rested your arms on your knees while still breathing heavily, head facing the ground. Normally, you were much better at controlling how much you could handle physically, but it was evident today that you pushed yourself far past your limit.

You lifted your head to gaze at the heavy bag before you, inhaling heavily through your nose. You were well aware that you had an audience member the whole time you were making a mockery of yourself but chose not to acknowledge their presence.

"Are you gonna say something, or are you gonna keep staring at me like a creep?" you asked the person behind you. You didn't need to turn around to know that Zeke stood several feet away from you with a smug expression plastered on his face.

"I just find it amusing that after all these years, you still try to find ways to prove yourself."

You snapped your head around, glaring at him in irritation.

Zeke was leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed over his chest. He had the same prideful grin he always carried around you that gave you the urge to strike him in the face. You'd let your impulses take over a few times in the past, but the repercussions were never ideal, so it was best not to indulge in that kind of behavior.

You sighed while standing up from the ground, tossing the worn-out punching mitts on the floor and grabbing your towel to wipe the sweat off of your face. After grabbing your bag, you made an attempt to walk past him, but he extended out an arm to block your path from the doorway.

"I might be on the brink of exhaustion, but I always have enough energy to punch you square in the jaw if you don't move out of the way," you threatened. "Or I could always kick you. My legs aren't feeling particularly worn out today."

"How endearing," he replied, placing a hand lightly on your head out of affection. Your hand swung up to smack his hand away.

"What did I tell you about trying to touch me?" you told him, wiping your hand on the spot he touched.

"Touch me again and you die," he mocked. You rolled your eyes.

"I never said it like that."

"Maybe not, but you sure as hell didn't mind beating me to a pulp that last time I did it, did you?" he half-joked.

"So you're aware of the consequences." The efforts you made to push past him again were in vain - he still wouldn't budge. It didn't help that his height matched that of the doorway either.

"As entertaining as it was to see how you let out your frustrations, I'm here for another reason," Zeke responded. "Commander Magath wants to see you."

"He wants to see me?

"By the end of the day."

You pulled your eyebrows together in confusion. Since when did the commander want to speak to you?

"Why would he need to see me?" you asked curiously.

"Well, if you ask me, you're probably in trouble again."

"You say that as if I'm constantly getting myself into problems."

"Well, you do have a problem controlling your temper."

You clenched your fists - tempted to jab him in the stomach but resisting. It would have only proven his point. He smirked at your reaction, then finally stepped aside to let you through. You walked past him, refusing to glare in his direction.

"You know, a thank you would suffice."

Stopping in your tracks, you turned your head around to face him again. "Thank you for what, exactly?"

"For letting you know," he responded. "And for being the one who suggested you."

Puzzlement was evident across your face; you crossed your arms over your chest, unsure about his intentions.

"You'll know once you get there. Thank me later," he answered you cryptically. A mischievous smile formed on his face as he turned down the hall to leave.

Still moderately perplexed, you twisted your body back around and continued to walk down the hall in the opposite direction while starting to regret not kicking his knees in. Ultimately, you were too exhausted to be participating in any kind of physical activity at the moment. You regretted pushing yourself past your limit, but it seemed like that was all you were able to do to get your mind off things lately.

You hated Zeke. Oh, how that man irritated you.

You'd known him since you started training as a warrior and still continued to resent him to this day, especially since he had what you wanted your whole life - the Beast Titan.

Although he may have been the one to inherit the Beast Titan, he damn well knew you were always the better candidate. Had you been better at controlling your emotions in the first place, you'd be in his current position, and you were certain that you could do a much better job than he was. Of course, it was your fault you lost the opportunity, but you couldn't help but still despise him for it, especially since he was constantly shoving it in your face.

He was always several steps behind you, yet he managed to cheat his way ahead somehow, and you loathed him for it.

You made your way out of the gym and into the bustling streets of Marley, pushing the irritating blonde out of your head. Nerves shook your body as your mind began to ponder the thought of the commander and what his sudden need for you meant.

Were you in trouble? Were you being promoted?

A huff escaped your mouth at the thought of being promoted. You nearly killed a Marleyan officer a couple of years back, so the chances of being promoted were quite slim. The officer you nearly murdered also happened to be your father, but no one knew that, of course. After all, what kind of Marleyan would want to claim their Eldian daughter?

"Paulina, I'm home," you called for your sister as you tossed your bag on the small couch of your home. Footsteps emerged from the kitchen along with a small silhouette on the floor - out came your little sister with her cotton nightgown and freshly washed hair.

You smiled at her. "How's it going?"

She rushed over to you excitedly, book in hand. Her tiny fingers eagerly flipped through the pages until she landed on a picture of a titan; it had an intriguing structure, distinct from the mindless ones and those inherited by the selected warriors.

"Good, actually! I learned something interesting today!" she said enthusiastically, nearly shoving the book in your face. The book felt heavy in your hands when you grabbed it; it made you wonder how the hell this little girl carried so much in that small bag of hers to school.

You peered down at the page in front of you, inspecting the image. This particular titan was quite peculiar to look at. The structure stood tall and had a striking pure white color. The face was most unusual; its mouth looked like it was stuck behind a cage. It appeared to look like a giant human with a white bodysuit and a strange bald mask. Interestingly enough, it carried an enormous hammer in its hands - one that would certainly defeat any opponent it came across.

The most bizarre part of the image, however, was the wire attached to a crystal that also seemed to be a part of the titan. Faintly, you saw the image of a person inside the crystal - almost frozen inside it seemed.

"What is this?" you asked.

"It's the War Hammer Titan," she answered.

"Oh, I see," you replied, nodding your head. You recalled learning briefly about the War Hammer Titan in your early years of training, but you had never seen an image of it. The Tybur family was always very private about it, making you question just how powerful it was.

"I didn't know it had to be attached to a crystal. That's interesting. I would have imagined it to be like the others where the person would be inside the nape."

"I know. Fascinating, right?" she said eagerly. "Did you know that the War Hammer Titan can create just about any solid object they desire? They could produce a shield to protect themselves, or even slice through their opponents immediately through the ground!"

You lifted your eyebrows in amusement. "Wow, I didn't know that. This is what they're teaching you guys in warrior training nowadays?"

She became shy all of a sudden, taking the book from your hand. "Well, not exactly. They were very vague about just how powerful the War Hammer was, and naturally, I was curious. Luckily, I was able to borrow a copy of this really old textbook from the library."

You envied this girl's inquisitiveness and intelligence. She was only ten, yet you were positive her knowledge already surpassed yours. Some found it hard to believe that the two of you were related. The only similarity you shared was in your appearance, and not much else; she always had the brains, and you were much more ahead in terms of actual combat and strategy.

However, this slightly worried you regarding her future. She was extremely clever, but the commander and general were more attentive to the warriors, which she did not have much interest in becoming.

She was only ten, after all. Her curiosity was strong at this age.

Your conversation was soon interrupted after hearing the keys go into the door behind you. Karina Braun entered the room with groceries nearly spilling out of her hand, struggling to hold the door open with her foot.

"Oh, hi girls." She glanced at the two of you. "Eden, I didn't expect to see you home so early."

You took it upon yourself to grab two of the bags from her hands while Paulina went to hold the door open for her.

"I have to go out somewhere soon, so I thought I would take a shower first," you replied, placing the groceries on the kitchen table. Paulina peered into the bag curiously, pulling out some of the fruits and vegetables.

"Oh, where?"

You contemplated if it was a good idea to lie or to straight up tell her the truth. You still weren't sure of the severity of the situation.

"Uh, well... instructor duties."

"Oh, I see." Ms. Braun set her bag down on the table and started pulling out ingredients and other foods. "Is Reiner home?"

You shrugged. "I'm not sure, I haven't seen him."

"He came home after training, but he locked himself in his room. He said he needed time to himself," Paulina added.

You raised your eyebrows. "Sounds typical of him."

It had been three years since you and Paulina started living with the Braun family. After the death of your mother, you and your sister found yourselves without a home. Fortunately, Karina was kind enough to welcome you both to live with her. Had it not been for her, you both would have been having to deal with the horrid Eldian foster system.

You viewed Reiner like a brother - trying to fill in the role of an older sister. You protected him like family, and you loved him like family.

Reiner was twelve. Ever since he inherited the Armored Titan, you noticed a shift in his usual personality. You presumed it in part had to do with his Marleyan father, remembering how thrilled he was to visit him so he could tell him how they could all be a big, happy family again after the news. You strongly advised him against the plan, knowing it was a horrible idea.

"Trust me, Reiner. I would know," you had told him.

He never brought it up again. You could only assume he did it anyway and ended up in disappointment, but you decided not to ask him about it.

Some days, he'd be enthusiastic and confident about taking on such a crucial mission. On other days, he seemed discouraged and depressed - like he wasn't good enough. It seemed like today was one of those days. You found that leaving him alone was the best option in these situations.

"Well, good luck with your instructor duties. I hope you'll be back for dinner by then."

"Yes, it shouldn't be long I hope," you said with a smile, walking towards your bedroom to grab your clothes. Your smile dissipated immediately upon entering your room; you were dead nervous inside. Zeke's ambiguous words only added to the stress.

After entering the bathroom, you began undressing and stepping into the shower, shivering when you felt the first cold water droplets fall on your skin before the water became warm. You smoothly lathered your body with soap first, then squeezed out a sufficient amount of shampoo into your hand to massage it into your hair.

You continued to mull over your future meeting with the commander while you rid your body of sweat and filth, as it was always a bad habit of yours to fixate on situations that made you anxious. Showers were meant to cool you down after a tiring day, but all you could do was add more tension. You couldn't help but assume the absolute worst.

But I haven't done anything wrong... right?

You were always such a pessimist; your mother used to scold you for it, and a part of you blamed your father's sudden absence for it. Although he did play a significant role in shaping who you were, you also realized you shouldn't keep making excuses and start holding yourself accountable. You were old enough now to know that you had the competence to fix your mindset and actions to grow into a better version of yourself. You needed to work on seeing life in a better light.

Everything will be fine...

The shower finished promptly from the anticipation. As much as you were dreading the encounter, you also just wanted to get it over with. If it was bad news, you'd rather hear it now instead of driving yourself to insanity with all of the possibilities.

After almost an hour of making sure you appeared somewhat presentable, you finally arrived outside of the commander's office. You were greeted by two Marleyan officers, one of whom you absolutely couldn't stand.

He also happened to be your biological father - the officer you almost killed years ago.

"I'm here to see Commander Magath," you told them, avoiding eye contact with your father. "I was informed by Zeke that he was looking for me."

"Yes, we were expecting your arrival," the other guard responded. He opened the door standing before you cautiously, then peered inside.

"Eden is here to see you, sir."

You stepped into the commander's view apprehensively while he steadily raised his head to face you.

"Eden," he said. "Please, have a seat."

You smiled at him nervously and walked past the two guards, taking one last curious glance at your father. You couldn't help but notice that it looked like he desperately wanted to say something, but he didn't... or maybe he just couldn't.

Regardless, would you have listened anyway?

But he looked concerned...

You shook away the thoughts in your head as you made your way to the seat in front of the commander's desk, hearing the door shut behind you. The chair creaked as you sat on it, ruining the tranquility of the room. It only made you feel even more awkward about the meeting.

"I was informed by Zeke that you wanted to see me?" you asked him anxiously. You absolutely hated when you made it obvious that you were nervous.

"Yes," the commander replied. "I have a very important task for you."

Important task?

"As you should already know by now, our Eldian warriors are set to leave for their mission to Paradis within a week," the commander continued. "You've done well in training them. I've noted tremendous progress in all of them, and I'm confident that they'll be able to fulfill their mission."

"Thank you, sir."

After getting into issues with the government due to nearly killing a Marleyan, you truly did not have the best options to choose from. Had Commander Magath not vouched for you after the troubling incident, you'd likely be in either a jail cell or grave at this very moment. Instead, he arranged for you to be a physical instructor for some of the chosen warriors. While it was certainly an unfortunate situation, you had no choice but to simply accept it.

"However, there is something more I would like to ask of you," he said. "I'd like for you to attend the journey with them. I don't fully believe their judgments are always clear since they are children. Of all people, I have no doubt in my mind that you would be able to set them straight and make sure this mission succeeds. In other words, I want you to lead them."

Being an instructor was one thing, but spending night and day with a bunch of children did not seem amusing in the slightest.

Great. What fun for a twenty-one - year - old...

"What about my sister?" You trusted Karina to take care of her, of course, but the same could not be said about the warrior program. Although many of her school instructors weren't exactly fond of you, you still took every opportunity to see how she was doing to make sure that she was being treated fairly. Some of them liked to treat you all as pure scum, especially in warrior training.

"Well, I believe it is time for her to start the more crucial aspect of becoming a warrior as well. She can still remain living with Ms. Braun, but will have to attend training."

The thought of your sister becoming a warrior was upsetting; that was not a world she was meant to live in. Paulina was not meant to become a warrior. You wished there could be a way for them to use her intellect instead, but you knew that was not going to be an option.

This was bound to happen eventually, and it seemed like now was the time. Being a warrior was brutal, but it sure as hell helped you become more self-reliant. Maybe it would all be okay...

"I see," you responded. "If you can ensure my sister's safety, then I would feel more at ease. I want to know that her protection will be made a priority and that she is not being treated any differently because of her connection with me."

"Of course. Our warriors' safety is always our top priority."

You almost scoffed at his comment.

What a load of bullshit... but, whatever.

It didn't matter whether you agreed with this decision or not in the end; Paulina was going to start training regardless, and you were going to have to be sent away. Saying no was not an option in this case. This was the man who was keeping you alive, therefore, his word must be followed. You just wished you could be there for your sister during a time that you knew would be burdensome for her.

He began to shuffle documents in his hand, some containing drawings, and others with text. He pulled out a document with handwritten notes and took a few seconds to stare at it. You shifted uncomfortably in your seat, patiently waiting to see what he would say next.

"I spoke with General Calvi about my recommendation, and he, of course, was not too fond of the idea," he denoted, his eyes fixed on the sheets below him.

You weren't surprised. The general never trusted you after the incident. He wanted you locked up for life.

"He didn't think it was in their best interest to have you lead them-"

"Because he doesn't trust me," you interrupted abruptly, unable to hold your tongue.

Commander Magath dismissed your interruption and continued his explanation. "Despite your skill, he does not think you're in the right state of mind for a mission like this. Zeke had suggested you, and even I couldn't think of any other warrior to consider for this mission, so the general had no other choice but to take my words into account. However, because he is still hesitant, he told me he has one more request for you."

"Request?"

"Yes. Well... more like another mission."

Jeez. How long would you be gone?

He took out a sheet from the stack of papers in his hands and passed it to you. It was a sketch of a man with short, straight hair and narrow, intimidating eyes that looked almost lifeless. His facial expression was brooding, and he seemed to be wearing a uniform with some sort of cape. He carried two swords on either side of him and had two other bizarre gadgets attached to his hips.

"Who is this?" you asked, grabbing the paper to analyze the drawing some more.

"That" - he pointed at the sketch - "is the man you are ordered to kill."

Your eyes trailed up to stare at the commander, confusion evident in your expression.

Your other mission was to kill someone?

"For several years, we've sent undercover agents to investigate the living experience at Paradis Island. We needed as much information as possible before sending our warriors there to make sure they were prepared. One soldier in particular caught the eye of our spies as being a serious threat to this mission. The Eldians on the island call him 'Humanity's Strongest Soldier,'" he explained. "His name is Captain Levi, and your job is to eliminate him. He may be protecting whoever holds the coordinate."

"So... I assume I'll have to join their army, then?"

"Yes, along with Marcel, Annie, Reiner, and Bertholdt."

You exhaled deeply. This mission was starting to sound much more overwhelming.

"Eden, if you fulfill this mission, General Calvi agreed to restore the honor under your name."

Your head shot up in disbelief. Would he truly pardon your mistake and let you go back to living your life as an honorary Marleyan?

"That being said, you know the general doesn't give such impressive rewards unless the person accomplishes something strenuous."

"Are you saying that this Levi person will be difficult for me to kill?" you questioned.

"Yes, that is exactly what I'm saying."

You couldn't help but feel a bit bothered by his response. Did he doubt your abilities? Did he not think you were strong enough to go up against him? In your whole life, you had yet to meet an opponent who was able to defeat you so easily. You couldn't help but wonder what made this guy so special.

"Listen, I am not sure of how skilled this man is since I have not seen him firsthand. I'm only going off of the reports we were given. He is said to have tremendous strength and incredible speed while going up against titans. One even said it was unlike any soldier they'd seen before."

"So, this won't be a mission that requires physical strength alone, is it? I'm going to have to gain his trust, aren't I?"

"Correct."

You cast your gaze down at the sketch again and chewed your bottom lip nervously. You were usually so confident about your agility, but you genuinely felt concerned about this mission. It didn't just require your strength - you had to play mind games, too.

Although it sounded difficult, you were never given a task you couldn't complete. You knew this was something that could be done. It had to be.

"Consider it done. I will go to Paradis, climb to the highest rank, and gain the enemy's trust before killing him," you proclaimed with utmost certainty. "I will make sure no one is in our way to obtain the coordinate. I promise."

Commander Magath appeared pleased with your response. "Thank you, Eden. You may be dismissed."

Chapter 2: Trost District

Chapter Text

Year 850

Trost District

The air whipped fiercely against your body as you flew between buildings, your gear latching onto the high altitude of the now crumbled structures, careful not to hurt yourself or anyone around you.

In front of you moved Mikasa along with the others a part of the Garrison's Elite Unit. Despite being the youngest, Mikasa surpassed all of you in terms of speed and dexterity. You were close behind her but never quite able to catch up to her all the time. Whenever you thought you were fast enough to slash a titan's nape, she would always beat you to it.

Although you'd rather not admit it, she was damn well better than you at just about everything. Your years of experience were the only thing that allowed you both to be close in expertise.

All of a sudden, the ground shook from beneath your feet; you could only assume another titan was approaching from behind your group. Before anyone else could act, Mikasa propelled into the air and launched herself at the nape. She succeeded in eliminating the creature, landing swiftly on the roof directly beside you.

"Mikasa," you called. "Be careful with wearing out your equipment."

She inspected her swords briefly, checking every angle. "My swords are just fine, I think."

"I meant the gas," you elaborated. "You go miles ahead of everyone, and we haven't even stopped to replenish our gas yet." You glanced down at her swords, then back up at her. "But your blades are looking a little dull now too, it seems."

"And your blades seem fully intact," she retorted. "I think you should focus on catching up with the rest of us instead of being so concerned with me."

You clenched your fists, walking up to her with every intention to start an even bigger problem.

Mikasa wasn't the worst person to work with, but she certainly wasn't the easiest. Her young immaturity always shined through, especially with her fixation on Eren which you never fully understood. You made one sly comment about Eren during training, and ever since then, it was clear she was not very fond of you.

"That's enough," Ian Dietrich, the leader of the Garrison's Elite Unit, interrupted. "Wasting time bickering will only get you killed."

"Sir, 15-meter headed this way!" one of the soldiers announced.

"Crap!"

The three of you dodged the titan attack quickly as it reached its hand out to try and grab any person in its vicinity. You rolled over and stood up in haste, attaching your grapple to the collapsed chimney on the opposite side of the building. There was a plan you had in mind, and Mikasa seemed to have picked up on it after locking eyes with you.

Mikasa stayed put on her side after lifting her body up. The titan had its full attention on her as she was getting ready to dodge again at the precise moment. Instantly, the titan extended its hand out to grab her, to which she responded by jumping to the bottom of the building. Briskly, you linked your wires onto the titan's shoulders, effortlessly taking out each of its bottom legs in the process. Normally, you'd have been easily able to attack the nape to get it over with, but due to the height of this particular titan and how distracted you were prior, it was best to play it safe and take out its limbs first.

The titan fell over onto the ground, and Mikasa swiftly flew over and sliced its nape, killing it instantly. She landed directly next to you, giving you a nod of approval. You reciprocated the same actions, grateful that she read your mind.

Dietrich approached you both from behind. "Amazing job. Both of you."

Despite some of the conflicts between the two of you, you and Mikasa always seemed to know how to handle dire situations like these. Somehow, you were both always able to just pick up what the other was thinking intuitively. Oddly enough, you worked well together when it came to engaging in battle.

As you were just coming down from the anxiety of the stressful situation that had just occurred, the withdrawal signal was heard, capturing everyone's attention; you waited for Dietrich to give the orders.

"That's it. We're done. Now let's replenish our stock of gas and scale the wall."

"I should help the vanguard withdrawal, sir," Mikasa said, not even phased by the orders.

She took off running before she could hear Dietrich say, "Ackerman, where are you going?" To his dismay, she went too far ahead already.

You watched Mikasa carefully from a distance, and with an annoyed sigh, you made the decision to go after her. Quickly operating your maneuvering device, you flew into the air while silently praying that you would have enough gas to catch up to her. You heard the faint sound of Dietrich calling for you in distress but ignored it just as Mikasa had. You were determined to bring her back, but as expected, Mikasa flew like a bird.

If she wants this to be like a game, then it'll be like a game.

You shifted all of your weight onto the straps while you maneuvered them, putting more pressure on the harness against your body. You were likely going to be extremely sore the next day, but this was the only way to boost your speed. Her figure became more and more noticeable the faster you went, and it was then that she noticed you had been following behind her. She was too slow to react as you tackled her against the roof of one of the buildings.

"What the hell?" She shoved you off.

"Are you an idiot?" you snapped. "I knew you were obsessed with Eren, but not to this extent. You're aware that desertion from battle is a capital offense, right?"

"I'm not deserting from battle. I'm trying to aid the vanguard."

"No, you're trying to find Eren."

And then, another disruption came; within seconds, you felt your body smack to the ground. You groaned in pain as you craned your head up to see the tremendous amount of rubble separating the two of you.

Another titan. You really couldn't catch a breath out here.

Another loud noise invaded your ears; you turned towards the direction of the sound, witnessing the now lifeless titan's body slam to the ground just a few feet away from you. Mikasa had slayed it and only glanced over her shoulder to see if you were alive. She took off seconds later, leaving you behind.

What if I had been severely injured? What if I needed help? None of that matters unless her precious Eren is protected, right?

You rolled your eyes at her childishness before picking yourself up again, groaning slightly at the pain in your back. You had slammed from several feet to the ground on your back, so you knew this was going to be a pain for the next couple of days; it should be nothing life-threatening, though.

Flying up onto the roof, you scanned your eyes around to figure out which direction was best to go in. There wasn't a cadet in sight, and Dietrich was probably far along against the wall - things weren't looking too good.

"Well, shit," you cursed to yourself. You may as well have gone ahead and followed the direction Mikasa went at this point. Maybe you'd be able to meet up with Annie, Reiner, and Bertholdt; you weren't exactly sure what their current plans were going to be now that Bertholdt had destroyed yet another wall, but you'd have liked to find out in case they were going to do something foolish. Reiner was probably contemplating using the Armored Titan some time soon, but he needed to make sure he was in the right area to do so.

You started heading towards the HQ where the supplies were. Squinting at the building from afar, you noticed that it was completely swarmed with titans; this meant that several people were likely trapped inside... which also meant that no one was able to resupply their items. The situation was far more dire than you expected, and now you were completely alone.

You were positive that the other cadets were headed in that direction - or contemplating it, at least - but heading there on your own would be far too dangerous.

Well, it was either that, or staying put like a dumbass - then you'd look like the one who decided to desert from battle.

After pulling out the swords from your gear, you started sprinting towards the front area of the HQ. You didn't want to use up all of your gas, so running and jumping over roofs would have to do for now. No matter how tired you were from moving, you couldn't risk slowing down. If a titan spotted you before your reflexes could respond, it was all over.

Your way to the HQ was simple enough, and all the titans that you came across were easy to defeat; however, you were still unable to find anyone familiar. All you were able to discover were dead bodies and titan parts.

Did you pass them? Were you just not paying close enough attention?

You decided to go past the HQ towards where the wall was breached at the vanguard, but deep down, you knew that was a foolish decision.

Welp, you did it anyway.

Where the hell is everyone?

Another titan was spotted from several feet away. It was about 7 meters. Easy enough.

You used your ODM gear to latch onto the wall of the nearly demolished house across from you, making sure to maintain good leverage and a focused aim in the air. As you were going in for the kill, you couldn't help but sense that something else was wrong. You were only in the air for a few seconds but were distracted by the rapid stomps charging from behind you.

Terrified, you whipped your head around to lock eyes with an abnormal storming right at you. There was no time to think or act coherently, but you were still quick enough to yank your body to the side to dodge its attack. Although you managed to get away, two titans were now cornering you, and one was completely unpredictable in its actions.

You tried using the maneuvering wire to latch onto something - anything higher up, but the abnormal had caught the wire in its hands the moment you pressed the trigger. A gasp slipped past your lips as you felt yourself get hauled up in the air like a puppet. The 7-meter joined in, grabbing your legs and holding you upside down like a rag doll.

There is no way I'm going to die in such a foolish way. There is no way.

The titan's mouth opened wide to consume you; all you could do was cringe at the scene. Struggling in its grip, you used the swords in your hands to try and slash your way out, but it was no use. You were losing hope.

Then - like lightning striking down from the sky - someone flashed by in front of you.

A small figure swooped in and sliced the nape of the 7-meter, causing it to lose its grip on you. You felt yourself falling in the air until another person came by to push you on top of the roof of a building. While you landed on your side abruptly, you witnessed the abnormal being defeated before you as well.

What the hell just happened?

"Hey, are you okay?"

You hadn't even noticed the ginger-haired girl kneeling beside you on the roof until now. It was then that you realized it was this girl who pushed you onto the roof to save you.

"Yes... I'm fine," you replied.

The other soldier finally made a reappearance, flying up to the roof briskly. You pulled your eyebrows together in confusion after observing his appearance, noticing that he was a lot shorter than you expected. This was the man that saved you?

"You shouldn't be wandering off without your squad in titan territory. Where the hell are they?" he asked you sternly. You didn't respond, examining his appearance some more. He had short, black hair styled in an undercut with narrow, grey eyes. The design of his uniform looked familiar too. Your heart began to race after realizing the possibility of who this could be.

"Wait... what if... did they get killed?" the girl questioned. Just as you were about to answer, the stoic man chimed in.

"You're a new recruit, aren't you?"

"Yes, but-"

"Then what are you doing so far out by where the wall was breached? New recruits aren't supposed to be out this far. It's dangerous."

"I was going after someone, but we were separated and I lost her," you explained.

"You should know better than to separate from your squad, regardless if you lose a member." He began to wipe his bloody blades with a rag from his uniform. "It's reckless behavior. I bet you don't have a damn clue where you are right now."

"I'm confident that I can retrace my steps."

"Then by all means, retrace your steps alone the same way you made it all the way here. We won't be there to save you this time, so I hope you enjoy becoming titan shit."

You curled your hands into tight fists. Who the hell did this guy think he was?

"What's your name?" the girl asked calmly. "Maybe we can ask around to find out where your squad is."

"Thank you for the offer, but as I said, I can find a way back on my own," you responded stubbornly, ignoring her question.

The man knelt down in front of you and held one of your gas tanks to inspect it, weighing it on the palm of his hands while it was still attached to your gear. He repeated the same actions with the other gas tank.

"What are you-"

"I see," he said, his grim eyes focused on the silver object. "Were you intending to return with less than a quarter of your gas left?"

You felt your face heat up in embarrassment.

"If you wanna survive, I suggest to quit being stubborn and thinking you can do everything on your own." He rose from the ground and turned his back to you. "I expect you to come with us."

He jumped to the ground while you clenched your jaw in irritation. So what if he was right? It didn't mean he had to act so arrogantly about it.

"You should really come with us," the ginger-haired girl advised, standing up. "By the way, my name is Petra." With a kind smile, she extended out her arm to help you up. Your eyes glared between her face and hand, hesitating to accept her assistance. After a few more seconds of reluctance, you finally accepted her hand.

"I'm Eden," you said curtly. Still irked by the other condescending soldier, you didn't bother smiling in return.

Her smile slowly diminished. "I know the captain can be kinda harsh. He has the tendency to be brutally honest when necessary, but trust me when I say he only does it because he cares about his comrades. He always has our best interests in mind."

"Well, he has a really shitty way of showing it," you grumbled. "What's his name, anyway?"

"Oh, you didn't know?" Curiosity filled her expression. "That's Captain Levi. He's the strongest soldier of the scouts - some even say he's humanity's best hope."

The gut feeling in your stomach already knew it was him, but you needed that confirmation. He was much shorter than you had imagined - and younger looking too - but his eyes made it seem like he was way beyond his years. He looked almost burdensome - like he carried a heavy weight behind his eyes.

Petra started walking towards the roof's edge, waiting for you to join her. "Are you coming?"

I wish I didn't have to.

You could already tell that Levi was going to be insufferable to deal with; however, in order for this mission to succeed, you were going to need to work with his arrogance.

"Uh, yeah." You dragged your feet forward to follow behind her. "But I think I might have a problem..." You turned to your right side to show her your ODM gear, pressing down on your hand grips to release the maneuvering wire. The cord spurt out and latched onto the nearest roof - it was bent awkwardly and nearly ripped at the grapples. If you were to fly around with this gear, you'd likely fall from the air.

"Oh, I see. The titans did this." She stepped up to inspect the damaged portion herself. "Well, maybe Hange could do something about it. They are really good at tinkering with gadgets. For now, just stick with us and you should be fine." She gave you a reassuring smile.

This girl was way too sweet and optimistic; it almost made you suspicious of her.

"Alright," you agreed, following behind her. The two of you walked towards the other soldiers who were patiently waiting on their horses.

Ah, so this was the Scout Regiment.

"You," Levi said, halting you in your tracks. "You're riding with Petra. Stay put and no foolishness. If a titan emerges, we'll take care of it. Judging by the way you were dangling off that titan's grip before, I figured your gear wasn't intact, so it's not worth the risk of fighting now."

"Yes, I'm quite aware. Thank you." Sarcasm oozed from your voice. You stepped forward to follow his orders, but he stopped you roughly by the shoulders.

"I don't like your tone."

"And I don't like when people point out the obvious."

"Levi!" a loud voice shouted from a distance. A tall, blonde man charged towards the both of you on a horse. "What is holding us up?"

The man's eyes flickered towards you, eyeing your uniform. You could tell that he already knew you were not supposed to be there.

"Who is this?" he asked.

"A trainee."

"My name is Eden, sir," you replied, irritated with Levi's response. "I was working with the Garrison's Elite Unit in the rearguard until one of the members separated from us and I foolishly chased after them. I lost them after getting approached by a titan, and after that, I made my way to the HQ where I was sure the rest of the cadets were until I was cornered by two titans. Captain Levi and Petra came to save me, which is what caused this hold-up. I apologize for my recklessness."

"You were in the Elite Unit?" the man questioned. "But aren't you a new trainee?"

"I was asked by Dietrich, the leader of the Elite Unit, to join his squad. It was due to my performance in training with Keith Shadis."

"I wouldn't trust everything she is saying, Erwin. We just met her," Levi cut in.

"Then by all means, ask Commander Pyxis yourself once we arrive at the walls safely," you snapped.

"Right now, we need everyone to move. We can discuss this later," Erwin told you. "Are you injured in any way? Will you be able to fight if necessary?"

"Physically, I'm fine, but my maneuvering gear is a little busted," you admitted. "It would be dangerous for me to use it right now, but I'll only use it if absolutely necessary."

"I see. We can have Hange look at it later. For now, let the others take care of the fighting," he said. "Everyone, onward!"

Quickly, you hauled yourself up onto Petra's horse, wrapping your arms around her waist securely. After she took off, your eyes darted towards Levi charging forward at full speed on his horse.

You couldn't help but think about the wonderful first interaction the two of you had. Gaining his trust was going to be absolute hell; it seemed like you were going to have to try and play as teacher's pet somehow, but that would require you to set aside your ego.

"What's your name again?" a voice asked from next to you.

"Eden," you replied.

"Eden," the man repeated. "I'm Eld. Nice to meet you."

"You were chosen to be a part of the Garrison's Elite Unit as a trainee?" another soldier inserted. "You must be really experienced then."

"You would think so, Gunther, but she did end up getting lost from her carelessness," another added.

"Oluo, cut it out!" Petra snapped.

"What? I'm just saying! If she was really that experienced, she would have known not to be reckless."

"Enough back there," Levi interjected. "Now is not the time to be getting to know each other. We have serious matters to tend to."

"Abnormal approaching from the right!" someone called.

Anxiety built up in your chest at the news, but everyone else appeared calm and collected.

"Hold onto the horse and don't let go," Petra ordered. You nodded, watching as Petra, Oluo, Gunther, and Eld hopped off from their horses and propelled into the air. The titan was still a bit far, but they caught up to it in no time. Oluo charged first, slicing the bottom half of its right arm. Petra went soon after, slicing the left. Then, Gunther and Eld took care of its legs. Before the titan could even hit the ground, Levi sliced its nape just as swiftly as he had before.

So Magath wasn't kidding - his speed was unusually fast. Not only that, but his four other comrades were extremely skilled and coordinated too. It was unlike any teamwork you had ever witnessed before.

It terrified you just how fast they were all able to plan ahead, get the job done, and then return to their horses. You would have thought that at least four other soldiers would have needed to jump in, but they all worked so well together that no words needed to be exchanged.

"That was... impressive," you told Petra as she situated herself on the horse with you again, encouraging the animal to take off. "You guys work really well together."

"It wasn't that simple at first," Petra said, "but we all learned each other's strengths and weaknesses and found a way to make it work. Captain Levi saw potential in us, after all."

It all made sense now; Levi had chosen them to be in his squad. It was no wonder their abilities were so impressive, especially while working together. As much as you disliked the man, he was fascinating to watch in battle and obviously knew how to run a team.

Your conversation was cut short when all of you heard a horrifying roar from the distance. All of you covered your ears, and even the horses had to stop in place from the noise.

"What the hell was that?" Captain Levi asked incredulously.

Something wasn't right about that noise. It sounded a lot like... but it couldn't be, could it?

You started to wonder if Annie had transformed to communicate with the titans like she had five years prior when the Colossal Titan had first broken down Wall Maria, but what use was there in using that power here?

No, her titan roar sounded different, and it was much more piercing to the ear. This noise came from a completely different titan - one that you couldn't have encountered yet. If that was the case, it meant that someone else among you all was also a titan.

And if that was the case, perhaps you were closer to completing this mission sooner than you thought.

Chapter 3: The HQ

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

It felt like an eternity until the appearance of titans grew minimal, and it wasn't until you approached the center of Trost District that you began to notice how the swarm of titans that once surrounded the HQ were now nonexistent.

That's strange.

The horses continued their galloping on top of the rubble while the rest of you waited for orders to be given. Levi halted his horse in front of the HQ, resulting in the rest of the horses to come to a stop. He gazed up at the building, taking note of the immense destruction that had been done to it.

"Erwin!" Levi called from the front. "We should stop at the HQ to replenish our gas. I'll scale the building to make sure no titans are around."

Levi took off from his horse and latched onto the biggest piece of ledge he could find, flying into the air to scan the building. Everyone else dismounted from their horses.

"Are you Eden?" you heard a voice come from behind you. You twisted around to find someone with tied-up brown hair and goggle-like glasses. This person almost gave you the perception of a mad scientist. "Oh, wow. So your gear really did get jacked up."

They tilted their head inquisitively to inspect your gear from an angle, then knelt down and used both hands to examine it. You stood there uncomfortably as you observed this bizarre person get handsy with your equipment. "Hm, it seems like only the right side was severely damaged, though."

They seemed to have caught on to your uneasiness, pausing their inspection.

"Oh, pardon my manners. I didn't introduce myself!" the person said enthusiastically. They rose from the floor and extended out their arm. "I'm Hange! I'm one of the Squad Leaders, but you can just call me Hange. No need to give me such a fancy title."

You smiled at them awkwardly before shaking their hand. "Nice to meet you."

"Once we get inside, I should be able to tweak this up for you. Don't you worry."

"Alright. All clear," Levi announced, landing on the ground while facing Erwin. "But it definitely seems like a group of people have already been in here. It makes me wonder just how they were able to clear it."

His eyes shifted towards Hange, who was still standing next to you. "When did you get here, Four Eyes?"

"Erwin sent me here, of course. I'm here to help Eden fix her gear," they said, gesturing to you. "By the way, I heard you were working with the Garrison's Elite Unit. You must be really talented!"

"Enough with the talking, Hange. Are you going to fix her gear or not?" His tone was laced with irritation.

"Oh, come on, Levi. There's no need to be jealous. You know you've always been the best soldier in my eyes," Hange teased.

"The only thing I'm jealous of are those who don't have to put up with your eccentricity. Now get moving." He brushed past them to enter the building, motioning for the rest of his squad to follow behind.

Wow. He's harsh.

"Well, that was rude," you told Hange.

"That's just Levi for ya. I never take him seriously." They shrugged causually. "How can I when I nearly tower over him?"

You couldn't help but chuckle. You weren't sure about them at first, but you decided that you liked Hange.

Hange strode ahead as you and the other soldiers followed close behind. Carefully, you stepped over the pieces of debris on the ground, making sure not to trip or hurt yourself. You froze for a moment when the bottom of your shoe almost made contact with what looked like a body part. It was the limb of a person; their body was crushed under the rubble. Everyone had walked past it like it wasn't of any importance.

Sure, you had seen dead bodies before, but never so up close. You saw quite a few when you went off on your own earlier, but they were really far down, so it didn't elicit a reaction out of you. Seeing the blood and mangled body parts up close made you sick to your stomach.

The blood and gore of Marley was nothing compared to the horrors you'd seen in Paradis so far. Unfortunately, it appeared to be the norm here; that was something you felt like you were never going to be able to get accustomed to.

"Are you alright?" Hange asked, breaking you out of your dark thoughts.

You nodded. "Fine."

There was some traffic trying to go up the stairs due to the crumbled steps. Just like everything else in the building, the stairs were falling apart and missing essential pieces to climb up.

"We're going to have to use our gear," Erwin stated, staring at the steps. "There is no other way to go up."

You sighed, reflecting back on your current ODM gear situation. Several soldiers already began making their way up while you stood back and observed them.

"Hey, do you think you'll be okay?" Petra nudged you. You weren't sure why she stayed back to check on you, but you kind of liked that she did.

"It's just a couple of feet up. I'll be fine. It's only one side that's damaged, anyway," you reassured her. The moment you were about to step up and take your turn, Levi cut in front of you.

"You expect us to allow you to go up with damaged gear?"

Here we go...

"Hange told me that only one side was damaged. I don't see why there would be a problem if I just used the side that is still intact."

Levi pondered for a moment, then turned around.

"I will go first, and then you right after me," Levi remarked. "That way, if your gear works against you, you'll have someone to help you above and below."

You felt like he was overthinking the situation, but you decided not to argue against it and just complied with his orders.

Briskly, Levi flew up the next couple of feet into the building, waiting for you at the steps. You used the left side of your gear - the side that wasn't damaged - to clamp onto one of the walls and haul yourself up into the air. Just as your foot met one of the steps above, you felt the stairs collapse below you. On instinct, Levi reached a hand down to help you up, but you were quicker to react; you pressed down on the trigger of the damaged side of your gear to latch onto the steps. Because you only pulled yourself up from a small distance, the damaged wire allowed you to make it to the top safely.

"Your wire could have snapped off," Levi said firmly, "and then you would have been facing a serious injury."

"What?" you responded incredulously. "I was within a small distance. Even if the wire had broken off, I still would have landed where I needed to."

"That's not the point." You both moved up several steps to allow the other scouts to go up the stairs. "You put yourself at an even greater risk simply because you didn't want to accept help from someone else."

What was it with this teamwork bullshit everyone was obsessed with? If I needed help, I'd ask for it.

"Whatever," you muttered under your breath, trying to calm down your irritation.

"Oh, don't be so harsh, Levi. Her quick thinking was smart." Hange landed on top of the steps behind the two of you.

"What I'm saying is that her complete lack of regard for working with others is going to lead to her untimely death."

"Would you stop making bold assumptions about me? You've hardly met me an hour ago, and you've already deemed me as selfish and too self-reliant. How can you determine my persona based on one interaction?" you snapped.

You really couldn't wait to kill this guy.

"Hange, please help Eden with her gear," Erwin interrupted. "Levi, follow me." You could tell this was Erwin's polite way of putting out the fire between the both of you, and you were grateful for it. Erwin pulled Levi into another area while the rest of you stayed put in the same room. The other soldiers began filling up their gas tanks.

"You can just hand over your gear while you fill up your gas," Hange suggested. "I shouldn't be long."

"Thanks," you replied, undoing your maneuvering device and handing it over to them. You pulled out your gas tanks and walked over to the only other person you were able to tolerate at the moment.

"Hey," Petra said with a smile, scooting over to leave room for you to sit next to her. You acknowledged her by giving her a small grin and plopping down beside her, grabbing one of the pipes to connect it to one of your gas tanks. Silence surrounded the two of you while you both concentrated on filling up the tanks.

"So, this is your first experience being around titans firsthand, right?"

Technically, no.

"Yep," you replied.

"You must be terrified."

"I mean, maybe a little but not as much as I thought."

What you really wanted to tell her was that seeing tons of dead bodies everywhere was what scared you the most.

"Really? I was so scared on my first mission." She leaned in close to your ear to whisper. "Don't tell anyone, but I literally peed myself on my first expedition."

You snorted and covered your mouth. "Seriously?"

"Unfortunately, yes." Pink appeared on her cheeks. "To be fair, I was much younger... I was about eighteen."

"How old are you now? If you don't mind me asking, of course."

"Twenty-one - almost twenty-two. Oluo is a year older than me. We were both selected together."

This made you wonder about Levi's age. He very much looked to be about your age, but you felt like he was older. He had a youthful face - his height definitely contributed to the look - but his personality matched that of a thirty-year-old. Your guess was that he had to be older than you, but only by a few years.

"But anyway, you get used to it," Petra continued. "It's always hard at first - seeing everyone you knew and cared about getting severely injured or even killed. It took me some time to understand how to mourn. Sometimes you just don't have time to even sit down and process everything." She disconnected her pipe and connected it to another one of her tanks. "I try to remind myself it will all be alright, though. We've made tremendous progress with Hange's titan research already, and having strong soldiers like Captain Levi and Squad Leader Mike on our side has saved us countless times."

You nodded, filling up another one of your tanks. "What made you join the scouts, though?"

"I always knew I wanted to be a soldier. I still tend to fall behind sometimes, but I worked hard to get where I am. Captain Levi seemed to see the potential in me too." She finished refilling her gas and began to attach her tanks back onto her gear. "I really look up to him a lot. He can be aloof and serious at times, but he really does care about us."

"Do you have a crush on him or something? You seem to mention him a lot." you quipped.

"What? No, of course not!" she defended while shaking her head. Her face turned as red as her hair.

"I'm just teasing." Her reaction elicited a laugh out of you.

She sighed. "In all seriousness, I really don't. I just admire his work."

"I think you admire a lot more than that."

"I'm serious!"

You chuckled a little louder this time.

"What's with all the fun over here?" Oluo interjected. Petra rolled her eyes at him.

"It doesn't concern you," she said.

"We're on a serious mission. You two seem like you're enjoying yourselves too much."

"If you're trying to act like the captain again, it's not working. You just sound stupid."

"What?" you asked in confusion.

"Oluo here has some sort of obsession with Captain Levi's personality."

"Petra, darling, I feel as though you are the one that has an obsession with me since you love to pick on me."

Petra elbowed him in the stomach; Oluo groaned in pain.

And here you were thinking Petra was sweet to everyone.

"Wow, Petra. I didn't know you had it in you like that," you said.

"Only when it's with Oluo. He can be quite irritating," she responded, standing up and adjusting her gear. "By the way, I wanted to ask you - were you thinking of joining the scouts?"

"Yes, actually," you responded, standing up after her.

"But if you worked with the Garrison's Elite Unit, surely you must be advanced enough to be an MP," Oluo said rudely.

"Well, I don't want to be an MP. I want to be a scout."

"Or are you just saying that because you were lying about working with the Garrison?"

"Oluo, what's wrong with you?" Petra added.

"No, please. Continue making your assumptions about me," you replied haughtily, walking up to Oluo and crossing your arms over your chest. "I think you'll think otherwise if you got to experience my skills firsthand, no?"

"What? Are you crazy? We can't do that here!" he exclaimed.

"I'm not saying we have to do it here. I'm saying that when I do join the scouts, I'd like to have a moment with you privately, and then I'd like to hear your thoughts." You shot him a menacing smile.

"No one is going up against anyone," Levi intruded. "If you three are done, then meet at the bottom of the HQ like everyone else."

"I'm still waiting for Hange to fix my gear," you responded.

"Then you wait here. The rest of you can wait downstairs with the others."

Petra and Oluo nodded and did as they were told. You slumped down against the wall and drew out a long exhale. It was nice to have a normal conversation with people closer to your age. Being stuck with a bunch of young teens for five years was exhausting. There were hardly any cadets your age.

Levi sat down on a chair several feet away from you, pulling out a handkerchief to wipe his blades. You furrowed your eyebrows as you watched him persist in cleaning the silver swords despite that fact they already appeared spotless.

For someone who was in constant battle, he looked fairly put together and clean. There wasn't a single scar that caressed his face either; you wondered if he was always this careful and diligent or if he was just having a good day.

He also carried an intimidating aura to him due to his confidence and determination. His performance in battle was almost unreal; it felt like he wasn't even human. Based on the way he was constantly wiping his swords and dusting off the dirt from his uniform, he seemed like a complete clean freak too.

"All done!" Hange popped up from behind you, handing you your gear enthusiastically. "I had to replace the wire inside, but it was really no trouble."

You grinned at them. "Thank you, I appreciate it."

"Alright, we need to get moving," Levi approached the two of you. "There's no time to waste."

The three of you walked outside to stand with the rest of the scouts. Your eyes scanned the area to look for Petra while the others boarded their horses; she locked eyes with you and beckoned you to come over.

"We spoke to some cadets and civilians that were roaming around this area," Petra said while you hopped onto her horse and adjusted yourself behind her. "Apparently, we are heading into titan territory now, and supposedly, there is a cadet who is a titan himself."

"Really? Did they say who it was?"

Petra shook her head. "No idea. The idea sounds bizarre, though - almost too insane to be true."

You'd be surprised.

Your curiosity was killing you. You needed to find out who this other titan inheritor could be to see if they had the coordinate.

Was it really going to be this easy to finish this mission?

"Titans up ahead!" Levi warned the soldiers.

"How many?" Erwin shouted.

"Too many. We need everyone involved."

And right he was. Three titans were a fair distance away, but two smaller ones were circling around the corner - one of them seemed to be an abnormal.

"I'll take care of the abnormal. I want my squad to take care of the two others in the front. Everyone else take care of the smaller ones. Shout for backup if you spot any others." Levi stood on top of his horse before launching himself towards the abnormal. The rest of his squad followed shortly after him, then you took off right after Petra.

Your eyes traveled directly towards one of the 5-meter titans. You narrowed your eyes when you watched some of the scouts trying to cut off each of its limbs. They managed to cut deep into it one of its arms, but it wasn't deep enough to completely chop it off. Because of how fixated they were on cutting up its body parts, the titan was nearly successful in grabbing one of them with its uninjured arm. You couldn't help but cringe at the way they were going about trying to kill this titan.

You swooped in and immediately swiped its nape, allowing it to hit the ground in defeat.

"I don't understand why you all didn't go directly for the nape," you told them. "It's 5 meters, guys. Not 12. Someone is gonna die in the hands of another titan while you waste time trying to cut a small titan limb by limb."

"It's not that easy-"

"The priority should be the nape. Even if some of you were focused on the limbs, at least one of you should have prioritized the nape, which none of you did."

Your eyes widened when you heard a loud stomp from behind you, shaking the ground. From the corner of your eye, you could see a 12-meter merely a few feet away from you; it must have been attracted to the amount of people in this particular area.

Immediately, you attached your wire to a building and flew into the air. The other scouts dodged the titan by either following behind you or jumping out of the way into cover. It was evident that the titan took the most interest in you, so this made you way bolder than you needed to be.

"Eden! Don't do it!" Levi shouted from afar. You found it absolutely insane how he knew exactly what you were going to do at that very moment, but it still wasn't going to prevent you from doing it anyway.

Before he could stop you, you launched yourself in the air and aimed for the back of the titan's neck. With all the strength and speed you could muster, you sliced the nape, allowing the creature to fall to its death. You landed on its back triumphantly while hearing several of the scouts talk amongst themselves about your prowess; you could have sworn you even heard Oluo mumble something under his breath too.

A grin morphed on your face at your accomplishment, but then that joy faded away as soon as you witnessed a fuming, tiny man walking towards you.

"I told you to shout for backup when you spotted another titan, especially one that height. You put yourself in grave danger pulling a stunt like that," Levi reprimanded.

"Because I knew I was going to pull it off!" you snapped. He was really beginning to get on your nerves. "I know what I'm doing, and I know what I'm capable of. If I needed help, I would have asked for it!"

"I don't give a flying fuck about how strong you are or what you're capable of. When you're given orders, you fucking follow them. You're not the only one here that can take down a 12-meter the way you just did, so stop acting like you're entitled." He stepped closer with the intention of intimidating you. The other scouts remained silent, visibly terrified of Levi's threatening demeanor.

But you weren't scared of him - not one bit . Just aggravated.

"Remember that it was Petra and I that had to save you earlier. Bet you didn't think you were so capable then, did you?"

Pissed off, you were unable to control your next actions and impulsively lifted up your hand to slap him, but this man was too damn quick for your liking. His hand caught your wrist just inches away from his face.

"Either you listen to me or allow yourself to get killed. One more stunt of yours, and I will refuse to work with you."

You were livid inside and wanted nothing more than to punch him square in the jaw.

Why did he have to be so condescending? Why did every word that came out of his mouth always have to be hurtful? Why couldn't he at least acknowledge your ability for once?

All hatred aside, this was the man that you needed to befriend. This was the person who would not be able to go down unless he trusted you first. He was stronger, faster, and smarter than you were, and there was no way to go around that.

But when it came to manipulation and mind games, you were so sure that you could win. So you sucked up your pride and took a deep breath in before responding.

"Yes, Captain."

Notes:

Happy Sunday! :)

I don't think Petra or Oluo's age has ever been confirmed (I think 18 or 19 were mainly assumptions if I'm not mistaken), but I thought it would be nice to have them just a bit older so Eden can have people to relate to.

Hope you enjoyed this chapter :)

Chapter 4: Recruitment

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

The thought of being obedient to this man made you want to puke. You followed every single one of his orders - if he told you to stay put, you stayed put. Frankly, that was all he made you do. Everyone else did all the work - even if they were doing a horrible job at it - while you were forced to continue riding Petra's horse like an inexperienced little girl who didn't know what she was doing. All Levi really ordered you to do was to call out for any titans incoming. The situation felt humiliating to you.

You had the strongest urge to jump into action at times - to show the other clumsy soldiers the correct way to approach titans - but Levi watched you very closely. If any of the scouts screwed up, Levi or the others from his squad would take care of it instead. It was like you didn't even exist. It took everything in you to hold back your tongue despite how infuriating it was.

Petra was well aware of your fury and tension. In between fighting titans and retreating back to her horse, she'd momentarily check to see if you were okay to which you would always respond with, "I'm fine."

She could tell from your tone and tight-lipped expression that you were more than just pissed, so she decided not to forge further.

Since I'm clearly unimportant and useless, I might as well start brainstorming a plan on how to get rid of the one everyone seems to admire so greatly to kill time.

If he wasn't so strong and agile, you would have probably pushed him off the roof into a titan's mouth by now.

But in truth, your nerves skyrocketed the closer you approached the wall. The situation was growing incredibly dire - more titans appeared the further your horses galloped, and there was simply no reason for you to sit around and do nothing anymore.

In other words, the captain was going to have to overlook the stubbornness he held against you.

From afar, you watched him give orders to his team and other scouts. They nodded in confirmation and left their horses behind to commence their attack on the titans; however, there were still several other titans that needed to be taken care of immediately.

The only one left on your horse was you, and Levi wouldn't even do as much as spare a glance in your direction. The thought of it made you huff. How ironic that he was calling you out for your lack of teamwork when he didn't even have the guts to admit he needed your help.

A few more seconds passed, and you heard a resigned exhale fall past Levi's lips before he twisted his head around to face you.

"Eden," he called while he rode his horse.

"Yes, Captain," you responded, focusing straight ahead.

"I need you to assist in killing the smaller titans - only those that are about 7 meters."

You almost laughed. He was really trying to give you the easy work. Did he really think of you as incapable?

"Might as well put me back in training if that's how you plan to use me."

"It's an order. Do it."

Your obstinate mind couldn't help but think of all the snarky ways you could have responded to that comment, but you couldn't really say anything back, could you? He was your superior, and you had to accept that.

A sigh escaped your mouth before you took off from your horse. You launched yourself into the air and positioned yourself to where you could see the titans perfectly lined up in front of you. This appeared to be fairly easy; they lined themselves up so perfectly.

With formidable speed and momentum, you used your swords to slice through the nape of one of the titans with ease, and then quickly repeated the same process with the two others. You tried not to make it obvious, but you were pretty damn proud of how smooth the results came out. Landing on the roof, you acknowledged the intrigued stares of the other soldiers down below, but your eyes searched for the validation of one person in particular.

Yet when you found Levi, he was avoiding your gaze, showing no sign of being impressed by your work. You huffed in annoyance and shifted your attention away from him.

Just when you were about to hop off the roof, you suddenly heard more loud stomping that rumbled the ground beneath you.

What the-

You sensed it again, but a little closer this time. This noise could not have been caused by any regular titan; the footsteps were far too coordinated and harsher than usual. You flickered your eyes in every direction to find the source of the noise.

And then you finally saw it.

From a far distance, you saw titan with long, black hair and a muscular build holding a giant boulder. Its appearance was distinct compared to the other titans, so you knew this must have been the strange one everyone was speaking about.

You couldn't help the smile that crept on your face.

"What's going on?" you heard a voice ask from behind you. Levi had landed on the same building as you, brushing past you to see where the noise was coming from. He froze at the scene in front of him. Dozens of other soldiers made their way to the top of the roof as well, pushing past you to try and get a good view. It seemed like everyone had forgotten the task at hand, distracted by the commotion.

"Is that a titan?!"

You nearly toppled over as Hange shoved past you and the other scouts to see the ruckus themself. You'd only met them for a day, but never have you seen their eyes light up more than they did at that moment. They nearly flung themselves to get closer, but Levi yanked them back by the collar of their shirt.

"Cool it, Hange," he said. "We still don't have a damn clue what that thing is."

"Which makes it all the more interesting!" they exclaimed, trying to wriggle out of his grasp. You chuckled to yourself. Something told you their dynamic was always like this.

While watching the peculiar titan carry the giant boulder, you mulled over its potential intentions. What exactly was it doing this for? What was its goal? Your eyes scanned the direction of where it was headed to get a better idea.

Oh. It was trying to plug the hole.

Duh. They were trying to prevent more titans from coming in.

While looking towards the direction of the hole, you noticed three other figures wearing cadet uniforms standing on top of a building. You squinted your eyes to get a better look at them, gasping to yourself when you realized who they were. Instinctively, you took off running to catch up to them.

"Hey, wait! Where are you going?" you heard Petra shout after you. You ignored her, focused on getting to the three cadets.

You landed behind them within a minute, catching them off guard. Annie, Reiner, and Bertholdt jumped at the sight of you.

"You three." Your tone was stern. "Care to explain what's going on?"

None of them uttered a word. Something about their expressions unsettled you. They looked traumatized and distressed - like they had been crying. You narrowed your eyes at them, trying to understand what was going on.

Your focus shifted to the image behind them, and you couldn't help but stare at the familiar dead figure lying on the ground some feet away from the three of you. You moved past them to get a closer look.

"Is that... Marco?" you asked. When you garnered no response, you turned to them again.

"Is that Marco?" you asked again, more firmly.

They looked too horrified to answer. This was the most emotion you'd seen from Annie specifically; that was how you knew this was serious.

Still puzzled, you inspected Marco's body further from afar. Half of his body was gone, and his gear was missing. Something wasn't right about this.

They couldn't have done this... could they?

"You guys didn't- you guys didn't have anything to do with this, right?" you questioned them.

No answer.

Pissed off by their silence, you grabbed Reiner by the collar of his shirt and pulled him up. Bertholdt and Annie stood back in dismay.

"I'm going to ask again, and you better give me an answer," you said through gritted teeth. "Did you, or did you not partake in whatever just happened to Marco?"

"We had to," Reiner responded, voice wavering from the tightness of your grip. "He found out."

"Found out about what?"

"T-The plan."

"What plan?"

"Let me go first... you're not making it easy to talk."

You released him reluctantly. Reiner grunted as he fell, exhaling heavily before speaking.

"He overheard Bertholdt and I talking. We were trying to think of a plan after we saw Eren carrying the boulder-"

"Wait, what?" you interrupted. "You're telling me that" - you gestured to the titan carrying the boulder - "is Eren?"

"You didn't know?" Reiner furrowed his eyebrows. You shook your head.

Of all the people it could have been...

"Where have you even been? Everyone was looking for you. We thought you were dead," Bertholdt asked.

"Don't even try changing the subject. I'm not done talking about this," you snapped at him. Bertholdt backed away nervously.

"So Marco heard you," you continued. "And as a result, you decided it would be best to kill him."

"...Yes."

"And where does Annie fall in this?" You glanced at her, expecting a response from her, but she made no effort to speak; you turned back to Reiner again.

"She came at the wrong time, so I asked her to take off his gear so it would be easier for him to... get eaten."

"Okay..."

You were trying to process everything and keep your cool at the same time. Truthfully, the fact that three teenagers strategized a whole plan to kill someone freaked you out. They'd already killed millions in their titan form, but never as they were right now - as humans. This was slightly different. It was sudden and out of the blue. They did it under pressure.

"Where is his gear?"

"I have it," Annie said, her voice almost monotone. She had it hidden behind her back.

"Why do you still have it?"

"It could be of good use."

"For what exactly?"

"That isn't of your concern."

"You guys are still kids. You're reckless, and I don't think you realize how much evidence you guys have to clean up before someone finds out," you said. "So if there's some other plan I don't know about, you better tell me."

"Funny you call us reckless when it's your fault Marcel died."

"Reiner, stop it," Bertholdt intruded.

"But it's true. Who are you to call us reckless when you thought it was a great idea to leave four children alone at dusk?"

"I went to collect firewood, you fucking asshole." You shoved his chest. "Marcel has nothing to do with this."

"Guys-"

"You left us alone without supervision-"

"Guys!"

"I left for five minutes! How could I have known that titan was coming?" you interjected furiously.

"Guys, there's a titan approaching!" Bertholdt shouted. Just as you were about to jump into action, Annie reacted quickly by slicing the nape. She took off after grabbing Marco's gear, avoiding regrouping with you all. You couldn't really say you were surprised; she was never one for confrontation.

"If you guys don't want my help, then so be it. Figure it out yourselves," you told the remaining two. "And Reiner, you better get rid of that dumb, entitled soldier act before I put you in your place. Never in the nearly ten years that I've known you have you spoken to me that way."

You turned away from them, ready to go fly in the direction of the giant hole in the wall. There was so much more you wanted to say, but you decided to cut it short with one last comment: "You're a warrior first. Remember that."

Without waiting for a response, you launched into the air and headed straight towards the breached wall.

Reiner had been really pissing you off lately. You wished you could understand why he was acting this way. Maybe it was the whole puberty thing? He was seventeen now, but he also never behaved like this until Marcel died.

Although you weren't related by blood, the two of you were like siblings. He used to look up to you so much, and now it felt as though he had no ounce of respect for you - like he was all of a sudden superior.

Whatever. That's not important right now.

"Eden?" you heard a voice call while you were still in the air. You landed on the nearest roof to face the source of the voice. Standing across from you was Mikasa with another Garrison soldier beside her - a woman with short, gray hair and glasses.

"You're Eden?" the older woman asked while approaching you.

"...Yes?" you responded, puzzled by her question.

She grabbed your shirt by the neck roughly, catching you off guard. Mikasa gasped.

"Why did you desert battle?"

"What?"

"Dietrich died. You could have helped prevent that!"

"He's dead?"

"He told me you and Mikasa had left his squad, and when Mikasa returned, we all came to the conclusion that you must have been dead. Yet here you are - perfectly intact. And now he's dead!"

"Get off of me!" You shoved her off. "I don't even know who you are!"

"We could have used your help!" she said.

"I got lost!"

"Rico, it was my fault," Mikasa finally intervened. "I took off, and she ran after me. I left her behind."

Rico huffed in annoyance and let you go, twisting her body away from you. Mikasa walked up to you hesitantly.

"I owe you an apology," she said sympathetically.

"None of that matters now," you replied in irritation. "Let's just deal with what's going on right now, okay?" You turned to Rico. "And if you really wanna rip my head off, you can do it after we help Eren plug that hole."

Rico was not amused by your comment.

Nonetheless, the two soldiers still decided to hear you out. The closer Eren was to the breach, the more titans you all encountered. It was overwhelming at first, but fighting alongside two people at your skill level made eliminating titans much simpler. It wasn't very long until Eren finally sealed the wall.

The mission had been a success, and everyone was now relieved.

You watched as Eren's titan collapsed from exhaustion. A bunch of steam rapidly whirled into the air. Mikasa ran towards him in concern, and it appeared like Armin had arrived next to him as well.

"You stay here," Rico ordered you. "I'm going to check to see what's going on with Eren."

You nodded in reply.

As soon as Rico departed, two titans emerged to surround Eren and the others. You didn't feel the need to worry at all, expecting Mikasa to show off as she usually does, but you found it unusual how she was taking longer than usual. The titans were closing in on them, but neither Mikasa nor Rico had stepped up.

What's going on?

Instinctively, you found yourself sprinting towards the scene, readying your blades to help defend the four of them, but someone else beat you to it.

At almost lightning speed, a person sliced through the napes of each of the surrounding titans. You initially presumed that it had been Mikasa, but once you saw who landed on the dead titan's body, you immediately felt anger burn in your stomach.

"Hey, brats," Levi said. "Care to explain what's going on here?"

Days had gone by since the incident at Trost. Having been a witness to Eren's titan ability, you were forced to sit in on his trial. Eren was finally let out of his cell and out into the courtroom, completely chained up to a metal pole.

You watched as Darius Zachary, the head of the three military divisions, let Eren know of his potential fate. It seemed that they were deciding between having him work with the Military Police or the Scout Regiment.

Hearing the perspective of the Military Police made you realize just how unalike the views of a person from Paradis were compared to the views of someone from Marley. They spoke of Eren like he was an abnormal monster, yet his ability was something to be praised for back in Marley - only as an Eldian warrior, of course.

Eren remained quiet as he watched the majority of these people quite literally shit on him, especially the wall priest guy. He seemed very passionate about wanting him dead.

But when hearing the Scout Regiment tell their side, you were stunned to hear Erwin talk about wanting to take Eren in. You supposed he was not one to fear the unknown.

This sparked an argument in the courtroom, and Eren was forced to bear witness to it. For once, you felt some sympathy for the kid. These people were all deciding whether he was going to live or die, and all he could do was just watch and listen.

But as you had expected from Eren, he was not going to take this type of treatment. He exploded in anger, trying to convince everyone how irrational they were being. This obviously didn't sit well with the courtroom at all. Your eyes were blown wide when you saw an officer aiming their gun straight at his head.

No.

You had to intervene somehow. You couldn't let him die. He was essential to the mission.

You scrambled to come up with a plan in your head, but it seemed like someone else had quicker thinking.

Your mouth gaped at the scene being played out in front of you.

Levi took it upon himself to kick the life out of this kid. You could have sworn you even saw a tooth fly out. He was being extremely aggressive with him - kicking, kneeing, and yanking him up ruthlessly.

Is he... trying to save him?

His actions were confusing to you. What the hell was this guy doing?

Not to your surprise, Mikasa was blinded with rage and tried to intervene, but Armin stopped her.

Levi continued his assault, brutally stomping Eren's head to the ground before looking up at Zachary.

"You know, personally, I think nothing instills discipline like pain," Levi said. Eren groaned in pain under his foot. "You don't need a good talking to. What you're in need of, boy, is to be taught a lesson."

He kicked him again... and again and again. You cringed at how bruised and bloody Eren had gotten. He could barely even speak from how hard Levi was hurting him.

What the hell is Levi thinking?

"N-Now hang on Levi," Nile, the commander of the Military Police Regiment, said. Levi held up Eren's face with one of his boots against the pole before turning towards Nile.

"What is it?"

"What you're doing is dangerous. What if he gets angry and turns into a titan?"

Levi kicked Eren again. "Don't be silly." He grabbed Eren's hair to yank his head up and turned him towards Nile. "After all, you guys just want to dissect him, don't you?"

Bingo.

It all made sense now. You weren't sure how you didn't understand it sooner.

"As an enemy, his intelligence makes him all the more dangerous. But I can still take him down without a problem. How many of you can say the same?"

The military police seemed taken aback by Levi's actions and comments. It almost felt as though they were more terrified of Levi than Eren.

The courtroom finally came to the conclusion that Eren would work with the Scout Regiment under Captain Levi's supervision. Had Levi not interjected, Eren would have likely been dead by now.

As much as you hated to admit it, Levi was impressing you more and more as the days went by. The accounts you heard about him in Marley were right. He wasn't only strong - he was tactical and intelligent too.

Because of how clever he was, the way you approached killing him needed to be sneaky. Coming up with a plan was evidently going to take more time. His little performance today indicated that he was much brighter than you thought originally. It would take time to figure out his weak spots.

The courtroom began clearing out. Just as you were about to head out the door, you felt a tap on your shoulder.

"Hello, Eden?"

You turned around to find Commander Pyxis standing in front of you. This was the first time you were meeting him in person, but he must have already known of you if he selected you and Mikasa to join Dietrich's Elite Squad.

Your heart stung at the thought of Dietrich.

He died because I left. I didn't help. I could have prevented his death if I just stayed.

You pushed away the thoughts and tried to focus on the person in front of you.

"I heard you disappeared temporarily during battle. Is this true?"

Heat rose on your face from embarrassment. Was he going to reprimand you? Was he going to demote you or write very poorly about your performance?

"Yes, it is true. I was trying to go after Mikasa, but I got lost and I somehow ended up finding the Scout Regiment. I decided to stick with them until I found my way back," you admitted. "It was a reckless mistake, and I wish I could take it back. I feel terrible for Dietrich's death."

Pyxis gave you a sympathetic smile before placing a hand on your shoulder. "Mikasa had explained the situation to me earlier, but I just wanted to hear your perspective." He released a loud sigh. "Dietrich was a hardworking, devoted soldier. I'm glad you were able to meet him in the little time you spent with him. Despite having disappeared, he spoke very highly of your ability."

A sad smile formed on your face.

"Just please be careful with making risky decisions like abandoning the group. You had good intentions, but you could have ended up dead yourself."

"Yes, sir. I sincerely apologize. I guarantee you that nothing of the sort will happen again, no matter which military division I'm in."

"Which leads me to another conversation," Pyxis added. "Commander Erwin wanted to speak with you."

"Hange, you're going to make the kid terrified of you if you keep this up," Levi said. Hange gripped Eren's jaw tightly as they tried to inspect each corner of his mouth.

"But his tooth grew back! It's fascinating!" Hange didn't realize how tight they were gripping Eren's jaw until he groaned. "Oops, sorry. I forgot that you're still healing from your injuries. I'll leave you be for now."

"It's fine. I think I'm feeling a little better now," Eren responded wearily. Levi looked over at Eren and started to feel a little guilty for kicking him so hard. He probably could have toned it down a notch, but he needed to make sure his point was made across the courtroom; it was necessary.

It was only now that Levi began to wonder why they were still in the particular room they were in. They had already spoken with and recruited Eren, so there wasn't any other reason for them to still be here. Truthfully, all he really needed was to take a nice shower and sit down with a cup of tea after experiencing the chaos of the last few days.

"Erwin, are we heading out soon?" he asked impatiently. Erwin was leaning against the wall, flipping through sheets of paper in his hands.

Where the hell did he get that from? Levi wondered.

"In a moment, Levi. I asked Pyxis to bring someone in for me. I'd like to speak with them."

"Who?"

"Eden."

"Eden? That reckless cadet girl that got lost? Why are you trying to speak with her?"

"You haven't asked him?" Mike intervened. Levi looked at him in puzzlement.

Erwin sighed. "I spoke with Pyxis to confirm if it was true that she worked with the Garrison's Elite Unit. He also handed me the sheets that Keith Shadis gave him regarding her performance in cadet training. She ranked 2 in the 104th Cadet Corps."

"...And?" Levi was trying to figure out what his point was.

"Based on the comments made by others who have worked with her, as well as my observation of her ability, I wanted to convince her to join the Scout Regiment."

"She'll probably join the Military Police. I wouldn't stress about asking her to join."

"Her speed and dexterity are almost on par with yours, Levi," Erwin defended. "She could be of great use."

"Didn't you hear her tell you how Petra and I had to save her because she went off on her own? She has already proven to me how irresponsible she can be out on the field."

"But don't we all start off a little irresponsible?" Hange added. "She just graduated. She is still trying to get a feel for these things."

"It doesn't seem like she's willing to learn. She's too hardheaded and disrespectful."

"Need I remind you that you were the exact same way when I first met you?" Erwin remarked. Levi's grip on the couch tensed up. Eren shifted his body away from him nervously. Hange's eyes widened at Erwin's bold comment. Mike was unphased.

"I took you in because of your ability, not because of how well-mannered you were. Respect does not come to everyone automatically - it is something earned. She will come to terms with that eventually, but you need to as well."

Levi didn't want to admit how reasonable Erwin's point was; he refused to accept it. Still, you were both two completely different people. How could he expect you to change the same way he did?

"Let me see those sheets," Levi requested. Erwin passed the sheets to him. Levi quickly shuffled through to find the information about you and was able to find a note written by Keith Shadis.

Eden Barlowe - Age: 26 - Rank: 2

Strengths:

- Excellent mobility and strength

- Most flexible in ODM gear compared to her other counterparts

- Fastest in gaining momentum and slicing a titan's body compared to her other counterparts

- Good intuition and good decision-making

Weaknesses:

- Struggles to follow directions at times

- Often gets into arguments with others

- Prefers to work alone

Levi chewed his bottom lip in concentration, flipping through the other pages and skimming them; they were mostly good comments. Despite how stubborn your personality was, it seemed like your talent overshadowed the negatives. Levi would never tell you directly, but even he was slightly impressed with your performance. You were a lot stronger than he expected, but still... being strong and having a shitty personality would only get you so far.

"If you want to recruit her, then fine." Levi handed Erwin back the sheets. "But leave me out of it."

Erwin paused before speaking again. "Well, Levi... I also wanted to talk to you about taking her into your squad."

"What?"

There's no way he's asking this of me.

"I feel as though you are capable of teaching her how to change her ways considering that fact that you also-"

"Absolutely not. No way," Levi refused.

"Levi-"

"I am not working with her again, Erwin. She refuses to listen to me."

"She didn't at first," Hange interjected. "But after you made a scene in front of everyone when she killed that titan, she seemed embarrassed and decided to listen to you."

"Every conversation I've had with her has led to her making a disrespectful remark towards me. I am not working with someone who clearly does not respect me."

"Levi, I think you're missing the point-"

"Then by all means, you take her in, Hange."

"Hange already has enough on their plate with their own squad and experimentations, especially now that we have Eren."

"Then what about Mike?" They all turned their attention to Mike, who was standing by the wall, far from everyone else.

"Well," Erwin said, "I didn't consider that."

Levi glared at Mike with hope that he wouldn't be opposed to the idea.

"I'd like to meet her first," he finally said.

"Very well, She should be coming soon."

Levi sighed in annoyance. He really did not want to have to deal with this.

A few more minutes passed by until they all finally heard a knock on the door.

"Commander Erwin?" the voice said on the other side of the door.

"Come in, Pyxis."

The door unlocked, and Pyxis entered the room with you close behind him. Levi was already bothered by your presence.

"I came to bring Eden for you. I'll be on my way, unless there is anything dire you must speak to me about."

"Everything is fine for now. Thank you, Pyxis."

Pyxis nodded and left the room. You stood by the door awkwardly.

"Eden, it's good to see you again," Erwin said. "Why don't you have a seat?"

You scanned the room to find an empty seat, but there weren't any left. Erwin gave Levi an intense glare; Levi sighed in vexation before getting up from the couch to leave a spot for you. He resorted to leaning against the wall. You took his old seat and glimpsed up at him; Levi didn't pay you any mind.

"I wanted to speak to you about something," Erwin continued. "Now that you have graduated as a cadet, I assume you have already started thinking about what military division you would like to work in."

"Oh, yes," you said. "I want to work in the Scout Regiment."

That was an oddly quick response.

Erwin's eyes widened at your response. "Really?"

You nodded. "Yes. I've been confident about that since I first started training, sir."

"With your ability and ranking as a cadet, I would have thought you wanted to be an MP. Why the scouts, then?"

"Um, well..." There was some hesitance in your voice. "Ever since I was a child, I knew I wanted to be a scout, and my parents wanted me to become one too. I made a promise to my mother before she passed away that I would contribute to saving humanity."

"Tch." Levi didn't believe any of this sob story you were giving.

"Levi." Erwin shot an angry glare at Levi. "I apologize for that."

"No worries," you replied rigidly.

"Where along the walls are you from?" Erwin resumed.

"I'm from Karanes District on the east edge of Wall Rose," you replied.

"I see. We will have to go through Karanes for our next expedition since Trost is now sealed. That will be coming up soon."

You nodded. "It has been almost five years since I last visited."

"Indeed. That is the life of a soldier. Is that something you think you're ready for? It is unlikely you'll be able to see your family for a long time, and of course, your life is at risk."

"Believe me, I am more than ready," you said confidently. "I prepared myself for this for years."

"I'm glad to hear that. I'm more than happy to recruit you into the Scout Regiment. Your skills will be of great use to help save humanity."

"Thank you, sir."

"With that being said, I wanted to tell you where I think I should place you in the regiment. I originally thought it was going to take some convincing for you to join the scouts as I had falsely presumed you would have wanted to be an MP, but I see now that that was never your goal."

"Correct."

"Originally, I had wanted to place you into Levi's squad since he has some of the most advanced soldiers in our regiment, and I feel like you could learn a lot from him; however, there seems to be some conflict between you two."

Levi remained expressionless, leaning against the wall. You glanced over at him.

"I suppose our personalities don't exactly... mesh well together," you admitted. "But I am willing to work on it if he is."

"There's nothing to work on," Levi chimed in, still refusing to meet your gaze.

"If it's for the sake of helping humanity, then we are going to have to learn how to work together."

"Not with how hardheaded you are."

"Can you look at me when I speak to you?" you snapped. Eren shifted uncomfortably in his seat again, clearly not wanting to be a part of the heated conversation.

Levi finally complied and turned his head to lock eyes with you. He always noticed you had a fire in them, and not in a good way. It looked like you were always out to set something into flames.

"I've been trying to make this work since we met. You call me hardheaded, but I feel as though you fail to see the hypocrisy in your words," you stated.

The atmosphere in the room grew tense. As much as Levi didn't like you, he had to admit you had some courage. You seemed like the type to always speak your mind whether or not you were in the wrong.

And the worst part was, you were actually right in this case, but he didn't want to acknowledge it.

"I think I have too much on my hands now that I have Eren to deal with," Levi said, shifting his eyes back to Erwin. "She is better off working with Mike, where he'll be able to focus on her more."

You didn't say a word.

Levi hoped Erwin was starting to understand his point. Levi had trust in his squad and did not feel the need to check up on them every two seconds anymore, but he was going to have to keep his full attention on Eren. Adding you to the mix would not only be a distraction, but could end very badly if your issues were not resolved.

But he also just didn't want to put up with you either.

"I see your point, Levi," Erwin said. "How do you feel about this, Mike?"

"I have no objections," he answered, looking directly at you. "I'd be happy to have you join my squad if you are willing."

You took one last glance over at Levi to see if he'd change his mind, but he did not. His stubbornness refused.

You finally turned your attention to Mike and grinned.

"I'd be honored to work with you, Mike."

Notes:

This is the first time I tried to dive into some of Levi's thoughts. It's kind of brief, but I do plan on changing perspectives every now and then. I hope it didn't come off as confusing. I was trying to find a way to make a smooth transition within the chapter, but I wasn't sure how. Hope you enjoyed it! :)

Chapter 5: The Fortress

Chapter Text

The sky was draped in blue today, with hardly a speck of cloud floating up above. The scenery appeared peaceful at first glance, but even beautiful days like these had their fair share of devastating events.

The battle of Trost District had the exact same weather; yet, such a delightful, sunny day quickly turned into quite literally one of the worst experiences in your life. It took a few days to finally let everything sink in, and when it did, a part of you wished you had died alongside your other Eldian counterparts.

Dietrich and Marco consumed your mind quite a lot these past few days. You acted like it didn't bother you at first, but as time went on, it hit you hard like a brick.

This all could have been prevented.

Shameful and guilt-ridden thoughts flooded your mind. You thought about scenarios where you did stay and you did help Dietrich. You thought of other scenarios where you left and found your way back just in time. Then, you'd picture the different ways he must have died. You imagined him getting grabbed by a titan, how its strong grip must have crushed his body, and how the titan must have tore his body apart before swallowing his body whole. You wondered what his final thoughts were in that moment, and you wondered if he thought you were partially to blame for his demise.

You pictured Marco in the same position, except picturing his death was far more distressful to envision. His cause of death was due to betrayal. His final thoughts were likely surrounding questions as to why the people he deemed as friends had turned on him so mercilessly.

It was an endless cycle of stressful thoughts that lasted for days. As much as you wanted to get rid of them, there was unfortunately no off switch in your brain. The guilt and shame just kept barging into your mind without warning.

The last time you had a similar reaction to a situation like that was when you had nearly killed your father.

You still recalled the knife in your hand and the impulsive thoughts of stabbing him. You remembered surrendering to the fury boiling in your veins and finally impaling him in the stomach. The blood that spilled out was still clear in your head. You remembered the chills that shook your spine when you met your father's gaze to see his eyes stare back at you in shock and horror. That was one of the last things you were able to vaguely recall before having to get pulled away by guards and locked up in one of the worst places in Marley.

You felt like a monster.

"Eden?"

You snapped out of your thoughts and returned to reality. Mike stood in front of you with a firm expression on his face. Immediately, heat rose on your face, embarrassed that you had been caught with your mind elsewhere.

"Are you listening?" he asked. Your hands were behind your back, fiddling with your fingers nervously.

"Yes, sir," you responded. He made no attempt to reprimand you and continued speaking.

"As I was saying, Captain Levi's squad will be arriving momentarily, and I want to make sure we are all on the same page in regard to sharing space," he said. "Gelgar and Tomas, you two will be sharing a room. Nanaba and Lynne, you both will share a room. Henning, you will share a room with Oluo when he arrives. And Eden, you will share a room with Petra."

A group of nodding heads followed after his response, but it seemed as though Henning was highly opposed to the idea of sharing a room with Oluo.

"Sir, are you sure Oluo is the only other option?" he asked.

"These arrangements have already been discussed between Captain Levi and I. This is only until we begin the 57th Expedition outside the walls."

"But sir, that will be a month from now."

"I promise you that your situation could be much worse. You will either have to deal with it, or we make room for you on a couch."

Henning sighed, staring at the ground dejectedly.

Mike dismissed everyone except for you. He had some pieces of clothing placed on the bench behind him. You watched as he picked it up, noticing it was a uniform with a distinct color of green. There was a symbol of wings painted in the colors blue and silver on the back.

"I was told to give this to you by Commander Erwin. We have already received your measurements from the previous personal information we received from Shadis. It should fit you fine, but if you feel that there needs to be any adjustments, come and see me. I would try it on now before everyone else arrives."

"Thank you, sir," you told him, grabbing the clothing. "Where exactly should I try it on?"

Mike gestured towards the empty fortress. "There should be a bathroom in there you could use. We have also labeled the rooms where you will be sharing, so you can also enter the room you will be sharing with Petra. Bear in mind that the building is still quite dusty since it hasn't been cleaned in years. We will work that out with Captain Levi."

You nodded and turned away to enter the old and abandoned building, grabbing your bag with you. From what you heard, this used to be the original headquarters of the Scouting Legion. However, you found it odd that such a building would be the HQ when it was so far from the walls.

Paradis Island did not really care for the Survey Corps, huh?

Had you been born on this island instead of Marley, you knew for sure that you would have decided to become a member of the Military Police. Not only did Paradis seem to look down on the soldiers, but Commander Erwin was not exactly known for his success on expeditions. You couldn't really blame him, though; titans were unpredictable.

He also had no clue what three young teens were about to pull next month, but then again, neither did you. You were positive Annie, Reiner, and Bertholdt had something up their sleeves, but they weren't going to tell you.

Whatever. I have to focus on my mission first. I just hope they aren't stupid.

You entered the old castle-like building and began to admire the old architecture. It was, in fact, very dusty, but the building still held up well.

All of a sudden, you felt something brush your leg lightly. Panic immediately built up inside you when you saw what it was. You had entered a cobweb full of spiders, and the insects quickly scattered onto the floor at the disruption. You held a hand over your mouth to prevent yourself from puking. God, you hated insects.

After trying to shake away the nerves from the spiders, you made your way further into the building. You were careful with where you stepped this time and silently prayed you wouldn't come across a rat next. The first things you could see were the main room and the kitchen. The kitchen had several cabinets, some filled with shelves of alcohol and others full of empty glasses and plates.

Despite being unclean, the main room was decorated quite lovely. There were two large couches in the center and one armchair to the left of them. Next to the armchair was a small, round table with a decorated vase placed on top. Close to the armchair was a fireplace positioned inside the left wall; you could tell it hadn't been touched in years. The last object that caught your attention was the chandelier hanging from the ceiling.

What you were really most curious to see was where you would be sharing a room with Petra, so you made that your next priority. You turned to your right past the main room to see if you were headed in the right direction. You came across a hall of four doors - three of them had labels on them. You peeked into the room without a label and deduced that it was the bathroom; there was a rectangular mirror above the sink with a frame decorated in silver flowers. Next to the sink was the toilet and the shower was right beside it. You began to wonder how many people would be sharing this one bathroom.

Hopefully none of them are gross...

Next to the bathroom read a sign that said, "Hange's Office." You smiled to yourself, thinking about how interesting it would be to have Hange in the vicinity. Across the bathroom was the room that belonged to Nanaba and Lynne, and right next to them was the room you'd be sharing with Petra. You wondered what it would be like to share a room with Petra. She seemed nice enough; hopefully, she wasn't an insufferable roommate.

You entered the shared room, immediately taking in the scenery. The room's walls were painted dark brown. Two twin beds and two dressers were laid out on the floor for each of you. There was only one vanity in the right corner of the room - it was light brown and extremely dusty; in fact, the entire room was full of dust. When was the last time this building was extensively cleaned?

To the left of the vanity seemed to be a closet of some sort. From opening it, you saw space for only a select few pieces of clothing that could be hung. This didn't bother you much; you didn't carry much with you.

Since you were the first to arrive, you decided that you'd take the bed furthest away from the door and the closet against the wall, preferring to be far from the entrance. You set down the clothes Mike had given you on your bed and started changing.

When you were taking off the sweater you had on, you heard more voices from inside the building.

They must have arrived.

Just as you were pulling up the new pants you were given, the door to your room pushed opened unexpectedly. You immediately scrambled to cover your chest.

"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry!" Petra said in distress. She instantly whirled away from you and shut the door. Although you were slightly embarrassed that Petra had just seen you half-naked, you let out a sigh of relief that it hadn't been any of the men. Despite not being completely dressed yet, you tossed your uniform shirt over your head and opened the door; Petra had been standing in the hall.

"Eden, I'm so sorry. I should have knocked. I wasn't expecting you to be in there, and I was really curious to see the-"

"No worries. I'm just glad it wasn't any of the guys."

"Well, yeah. I'd be a bit concerned if they entered our room without permission."

"Exactly my point, so don't worry about it. You can come in now."

Petra followed behind you into the room. She struggled to lift her bag and dropped it onto her bed abruptly, letting out an exasperated breath. You furrowed your eyebrows.

"You brought all of that?" Her bag looked like it was going to explode. It was definitely over its intended capacity.

"Of course," she said earnestly. "You always have to bring extra. You never know what could happen."

You glanced briefly at your small bag, feeling seemingly less prepared now.

"What exactly did you bring?" you asked her.

"Oh, you know... just the essentials." The moment she opened the clasp from her bag, a bag of chips popped out onto the bed. You chuckled as she blushed to herself. She started pulling out more items from the bag while you tried to picture how she was able to fit everything in there.

"Is that makeup?" you asked curiously, noticing her take out a small carrier.

"It is," she said, pulling out some of the makeup to show you. "How did you know?"

"My mom used to carry something like that for her makeup. I was just curious," you clarified. "Why'd you bring makeup, though? For your corpse at your funeral?"

Her eyes widened at your dark humor. "No! Don't say something like that!"

"I'm just kidding," you joked, punching her lightly on the arm. "But seriously, what exactly would you need makeup for?"

"Sometimes it's just nice to have it on. It's nice to feel pretty. It's not like we ever have special occasions as soldiers, so dressing up is out of the question, but it doesn't mean I can't wear makeup."

You began to ponder about the last time you put on makeup. It was certainly before arriving at Paradis, so it had to have been over five years ago. You always thought you were shit at it, but it always looked beautiful on your mom, and naturally, you wanted to look just like her. You'd wear it on special occasions, but you'd mostly wear it when you were going out to the bar. Pickpocketing in bars was just much easier to do when you put effort into your appearance.

"I'll take your word for it," you told her, putting on the rest of your clothes.

"Do you ever wear makeup?" Her eyes gleamed with intrigue.

You started adjusting the straps from your uniform. "Not often. I don't find the need to these days."

"Well, if you ever want to, you could always borrow mine. You don't have to ask," she said, placing the carrier on the vanity desk. "And if you'd let me, I'd really love to do your makeup."

You snorted while checking the tightness of your harness. "I don't know about that."

"You don't have to say yes now, but the offer is up."

You smiled at her persistence while grabbing the hooded cape and buttoning it over your neck. "Maybe another time," you told her. "But right now, I think we should meet everyone outside."

Petra nodded in agreement, following you out the door. The once vacant main room had now become completely filled. Everyone from Levi's squad had found a seat on the couches while Oluo decided to claim the armchair.

Of course he'd want to be in the center.

Mike's squad stood around the couches while some decided to take a seat by the dining table. Both Mike and Levi were standing near the fireplace, leaning against the brick wall. Levi gave you a quick glare, then looked at Petra.

"Looks like everyone is here now," Levi said with his arms crossed against his chest. "We should get started as soon as possible." Levi disappeared momentarily, looking as though he was going to fetch something.

Great. What are they gonna have us do? Train even more?

Levi answered the question in your head when you watched him return with a bucket full of towels and sponges in one hand, and mops in the other; he placed the objects down in front of him. A sigh escaped you at the sight. You were not in the mood to clean.

"Everyone is going to be assigned different areas to clean.'' He grabbed the brooms against the brick wall behind him and passed them out to some of his squad. "I expect everything to be perfectly swept, scrubbed, and wiped. I should be able to see my reflection on anything that's glass and not a smudge on the windows."

He grabbed more brooms and walked towards you and Petra, handing them to both of you. "I will be checking everyone's work, so no excuses will be tolerated," he said, looking you dead in the eye. You fought back the urge to roll your eyes at him.

He went to grab even more buckets, making sure that each and every person had one. He showed everyone where to get clean water and cleaning soap, then handed everyone a small bandana to use as a mask to prevent dust from entering their nostrils.

After handing everyone the proper cleaning supplies, he went back to the main area where the fireplace was.

"Here are the arrangements," he began. "Eld and Gunther will be cleaning the front entrance, including the outside windows. Oluo and Henning will be cleaning the main room. Petra and Eren will be cleaning the unoccupied rooms. Nanaba and Lynne will be cleaning the bathrooms. Lastly, Gelgar and Tomas are in charge of the kitchen. I'd also like to point out that everyone is in charge of cleaning their shared rooms, so don't be lazy. We already have enough insects we need to get rid of."

You knitted your eyebrows, confused as to why you hadn't heard your name. He gave everyone the command to get started, but you stayed in the same spot like a confused puppy, hoping that they'd call you over any second now.

He's doing this on purpose, isn't he?

After a few seconds of waiting to see if they would acknowledge your existence, you grew annoyed and walked up to the two soldiers while they were in the middle of a conversation.

"Sir?" you interrupted them. Levi glanced over at you with a poker face, but you avoided his gaze, only intending to talk to Mike. "I didn't hear my name."

"Yes," Levi answered for him. "We have a different task in mind for you."

Great.

"You'll be cleaning the basement."

"What?"

Of course he'd assign you to clean the most tedious, extensive area there was. The basement was always the most unsanitary. Your fear of insects and rodents did not make it any better - not to mention that it looked like he expected you to get all the work done alone.

"With all due respect, I thought Eren would have to sleep in the basement due to the uncertainty of his abilities. Would it not make sense for him to be cleaning that area?"

"Eren doesn't seem the type to have the best capabilities regarding specific tasks. He was hardly able to remove a smudge from a window," Levi replied. "So I thought I'd put you to the challenge. After all, you're perfectly capable of working by yourself, right?"

It took everything in you to not curse at him right then and there. You simply clenched your fists to hold yourself back. He was testing you, and he clearly wanted you to do one of two options: the first was to ask for help, and the second was to do the task alone and fail miserably.

But you were not going to let him have the satisfaction of being right . Absolutely not. You didn't care if you were being stubborn. You wanted to rub it in his face that he doubted you and that he was wrong.

You were going to prove him wrong.

So with a confident smile on your face, you grabbed the bandana and tied it around your head to use as a mask. "You're right. I should get started then," you told them both assuredly, sauntering back to your original spot to grab your cleaning supplies. The two men appeared extremely dumbfounded at your reaction, clearly not expecting you to sound so cheery to do such a strenuous task.

You were determined to get it done, and so you did.

You scrubbed, wiped, swept, and mopped every corner of the basement you could find. The sight of insects made you squeamish, but you still continued to push through. You were just glad that you hadn't encountered any rats yet. That'd be your luck.

The task was time-consuming, but you were still firm in your goals and were not going to give up. You lost count of how many times you had to go upstairs to grab more clean water because of how fast the water would get filthy. Even the sponge had to be replaced a few times.

And Levi watched you go back and forth without saying a word.

Petra had stopped by to check on you a few times, even offering you a sandwich to eat for lunch. Although you were tempted and grateful, you did not take it. You didn't want to waste any time.

The morning sun had swiftly transitioned into the moon while you still scrubbed the floors with all your might. You even went as far as cleaning the steps.

Wiping the sweat off your forehead with your arm, you sat up from the floor. You drew a tired exhale from your mouth, exhausted from the extensive amount of cleaning you had been doing all day.

The exhaustion was still not going to stop you, though. You squeezed out the water and soap from the sponge you were using in one of the buckets, preparing to continue scrubbing another area of the basement until you heard someone come down the stairs. Your tired eyes locked with Levi's. He seemed surprised at the sight of you.

"Eden," he called for you. "You can stop now. It's time for dinner. Petra informed me you haven't eaten."

"I haven't finished."

He took a look around after you said that, trying to see your progress. He walked towards one of the walls and used two of his fingers to swipe against it, checking to see if it left any dirty residue.

It didn't.

He did the same thing to the tables, swiping his fingers on top and underneath. Not a single particle of dust was captured on his finger. He inspected each area of the room and then came across Eren's sleeping area.

"I see," he said. "You haven't started over there yet."

He's joking, right?

"I assumed that would be Eren's room. You said that our rooms are each of our own responsibilities. I am not touching that area."

"Eren hardly has a room. He's sleeping in the basement."

Frustrated with him, you stood up and dropped your sponge into your bucket. "I am not going to clean that spot, Captain. You did not give clarification."

He stayed silent for a few seconds, clearly contemplating on whether he should actually acknowledge the hard work you'd done or make it even harder for you.

"Very well," he finally said. "But you still have to come upstairs for dinner."

"I just have to finish scrubbing the floors, and then I'll be completely done."

"You can finish later."

"But I want to finish this first."

"Eden, it's an order. You haven't eaten."

For some reason, that one comment triggered your memories of Marley.

It reminded you of the countless times you passed out from extreme exhaustion due to training and not eating or hydrating nearly as much as you should have. It reminded you of the times you had to go a day or two without consuming anything, finding ways to steal food. It reminded you of the times your mother had to quite literally force you to sit down and take a break to eat a full meal and drink a full glass of water.

You treated your entire life like being the best at everything was the absolute most important thing - that you needed to continue pushing past your limit even despite the fatigue.

Paradis was different - much different from what you were told in Marley. Over there, you were treated like a weapon to use against nations. But over here, you were treated like an actual human.

"Eden?"

You snapped your head back into reality and focused your attention on Levi again.

"I won't say it again. You need to come upstairs." He turned his body towards the stairs, expecting you to follow behind him.

"Yes, Captain," you replied, embarrassed that he had to see you zone out for a moment. You took off your mask and followed him up the stairs.

As promised, you continued working again the moment you finished dinner. You ate absurdly fast and excused yourself abruptly. Petra had checked on you once more before going to bed out of concern for you; you started to feel a little guilty for worrying her.

It was definitely past midnight now, but you finally finished your work and wanted to pass out from exhaustion.

You overworked yourself - again.

Was this really worth it?

You used a clean towel to wipe the sweat off your face and collected your cleaning supplies to make your way upstairs. The moment you reached the top steps, you dropped the bucket onto the floor. Some of the water splashed out of the bucket, but thankfully, it did not tip over. You closed your eyes and leaned your head back against the wall out of fatigue, letting out a huge sigh.

"It's late."

You gasped, opening your eyes to find the source of the sound. In the dimly lit night of the living room was Levi sitting on the armchair by the fireplace with a cup of tea on the small table in front of him. It had to have been at least 2 a.m. at this point. What the hell was he doing up?

"Captain," you said. "I wasn't expecting you to be up at this time."

You watched as he picked up his tea cup in the most absurd way. He used all his fingers to grab the rim of the cup and brought it up to his mouth. You couldn't help but think about how that was such an odd way of drinking tea.

"You should go to bed. You have to be up early for tomorrow."

"What's tomorrow?"

"You have stable duty." He pointed at a sheet of paper that was taped to a wall. You squinted and walked over to it; that had not been there before. You skimmed through everyone's name until you found yours next to an assigned task, almost fainting when you saw the time that was written on the sheet.

"6 a.m.?" you asked incredulously, turning to him.

He has to be joking.

He didn't say a word, staring into the fireplace while taking another sip of his tea.

"Sir, I just took the entire day to clean the basement like you told me to, and now you're assigning me another strenuous job without even thinking to let me know? How am I supposed to get enough sleep?"

"That's not my problem," he said, setting down his tea cup. He finally looked up to acknowledge you. "It's not my fault you decided to take upon today's cleaning task by yourself."

"You assigned me alone. I told you I would finish it."

"And you did. However, you agree that you would have been finished much sooner with some help, correct? That's the whole point."

Right now, no one was around you to judge you or reprimand you, so all that hatred and annoyance that was building up inside of you was getting ready to erupt. You didn't care if he thought to punish you.

With a firm face, you walked over to Levi and leaned down to get closer to him, placing your hands on both sides of the armrests. His arms were also resting on the armrests, but you were careful to make sure you didn't accidentally brush your hands over his. You didn't want to give him the wrong idea, nor did you want to imagine the consequences if he actually did think you were seducing him.

Your eyes locked with his dim, grey eyes, hoping to at least intimidate him, but he didn't tense up at all. This didn't surprise you, though. In the little time you had known him, you'd come to find out that you were both similar in the worst ways.

So he didn't intimidate you, and you didn't intimidate him.

"I know what game you're playing, and I'm not letting you win," you threatened him. "I gotta say, for a captain, I never expected such childish behavior."

You saw a switch in his eyes. They went from dull to fiery in seconds. Naturally, you continued adding more fuel to the fire.

"To think that you'd put past your dislike for me to make sure everyone had a fair share of work, but no. You so desperately wanted to prove a point to everyone that I am too stubborn to work with, and now you're too ashamed to admit you're in the wrong."

"I'm teaching you a lesson that you aren't willing to learn," he said. "If anyone looks foolish, it's you. I am only going to keep piling on more work for you unless you finally realize how truly idiotic you're being."

You drew back, trying not to get carried away by his comment. With your back facing the fireplace, you crossed your arms.

"I told you. If I needed help, I'd ask for it," you added.

"Which you've never done."

"That is not true," you defended.

He stood up from the armchair and grabbed his teacup. "I am not discussing this anymore. I feel like I've made it clear enough for you, and you still won't let it get through your head." He walked to the kitchen area and began to wash the teacup with his hands. "If you end up as titan shit during the next expedition, it's not my fault."

"You know, there are other ways to communicate about someone's flaws that don't require you to be a complete ass," you said, following behind him. "You don't have to like me, but how do you expect me to respect you as a higher-up when you don't show me any respect either?"

"You haven't shown me respect from the start."

"Neither have you."

He stayed silent for the moment, rinsing off the cup before placing it on the drying rack. He went to grab the towel by the sink to dry his hands.

"6 a.m. tomorrow," he said, putting back the towel where it was originally. "No tardiness is tolerated and any mistakes will be punished."

"You won't even hear my perspective!"

"Goodnight, Eden." He walked away into the hall, leaving you with just the back of his head to stare at. After hearing him shut the door behind him to what you presumed was his room, you let out an exaggerated sigh. Never in your life had you met someone so stubborn.

Each interaction with him had only continued to fuel your hatred. One part of your brain was telling you that you needed to control your emotions for the sake of the mission, but your pride was always getting in the way. You couldn't stand being treated this way, nor could you tolerate his arrogance. Everyone else walked on eggshells around him, making sure they didn't say or do the wrong thing to upset him, but you didn't care. If you had to say something, you'd say it.

But I do need to learn to bite my tongue sometimes.

You tried to get the irritating captain off of your mind while putting away all your cleaning supplies, then walked towards your shared room with Petra. Before deciding to hop in the shower, you let yourself fall on top of your bed for a few moments, running through all the reasons why Levi was treating you so harshly, and then you came to a potential realization.

You were alike in many ways, and maybe he hated that. You were both stubborn, skilled, and - as much as you hated admitting this about yourself - kind of arrogant. He was not entirely wrong about what he said about you, but he knew he did not have to go about it the way that he did and just wouldn't admit it to himself.

Letting out a tired yawn, you forced yourself off the bed to grab your pajamas and take a quick shower. As you let the warm water droplets fall on your skin, you kept thinking of Levi and how you would need to be able to win him over eventually.

You were going to have to comply and give him what he wants. There was no other way to go about it.

But still, if he was going to teach you a lesson, that didn't mean you couldn't teach him one either.

Two could play at this game.

Chapter 6: Suspicions

Chapter Text

Your body jolted up in surprise from the sound of the alarm clock by the nightstand. It was 5:30 a.m., and you only had half an hour before doing your dreaded task of the day. Petra groaned in her bed, covering her face with her sheets to muffle the noise of the alarm. You yawned sleepily, reaching over with your hand to shut the darn thing off. As you extended out your arm to shut it off, you accidentally knocked it over, creating even more noise. You groaned and groggily sat up from your bed.

"Sorry, Petra," you whispered while picking it up.

You hardly slept for two hours. It was difficult to sleep when your mind was constantly running.

Walking over to the vanity, you stared at yourself in the mirror and rubbed your face in an attempt to wake yourself up some more. It was so much easier to get less sleep when you were younger, but you supposed things changed as you got older. You felt like absolute crap right now.

You tried to get ready to the best of your ability by brushing your teeth, washing your face, and changing into your clothes. Sleepily, you put your shirt on backwards; you quickly realized your mistake when you looked in the mirror and corrected it. After that, you shoved on some comfortable shoes, knowing you were going to be walking on horse shit the entire day.

As you left the room and walked past the kitchen to leave the building, you had a brief thought in your head that it would be a good idea to make coffee to give yourself some energy.

You lightly smacked your forehead at the thought. You forgot that Paradis didn't have coffee, unlike Marley. All they had was damn tea here. It was definitely the sleep deprivation messing with your head.

Still, you decided that it would probably be ideal to grab something to eat quickly before leaving. You saw an opened box of the military crackers they always handed out to everyone during breaks and decided to grab one. You started ripping open the plastic and ate the crackers on the way to the stables.

It wasn't a very far walk, but you finished the crackers promptly on the way there and threw out the wrapper in a nearby trash can. As you drew closer to the stables, you could already make out a small figure from a distance.

You exhaled dramatically at the site of the person standing in front of the doors.

"You're two minutes late."

"Good morning to you too, Captain," you said groggily, ignoring Levi's comment. You were really hoping he wasn't going to start a problem with you right now; you couldn't bite your tongue when you were tired.

He stared at you for a few seconds, taking in your appearance. Maybe you didn't adjust your hair in time, or maybe your eye bags were just extremely prominent right now; whatever the case, the look he gave you made you feel extremely self-conscious.

I probably just look extremely exhausted.

You were really mad at how seemingly put together he always looked. His eye bags were dark and heavy, but somehow, he was still able to get himself to look presentable.

"Why are you here, anyway? Did you come to check on me?" you asked him, breaking the uncomfortable silence.

"I have to give you the key for the stalls, brat," he said, opening the doors. "But I also needed to make sure you arrived." The horse in the stall next to him nudged his head slightly, indicating that they wanted to be petted. Levi turned his attention to the horse and started stroking the side of their face.

"Well, I'm here now. I would like to get started without you breathing down my neck, if that's okay," you responded rudely.

"Watch your tone," he told you firmly. "I don't want to have to tell you again."

Apologize. Don't provoke him even more.

"You're right, I'm sorry sir. I am just very tired today. That's all..."

He gave you a suspicious glare for deciding to apologize so easily, but he chose not to investigate further.

"Get used to it. This is the life you chose. Getting poor sleep will be a part of it," he said, unlocking the stall door with a key for one of the horses. "And just so you are aware, I needed to make sure you arrived so I can teach you the proper way to clean the stalls. There's a specific order I like to follow when cleaning the stables, and I need to make sure you do it correctly."

What a waste of time.

Your impatience was rapidly overtaking you. Did he not realize how often cadets were made to clean horse shit during training?

Levi went inside the stall and undid the rope holding the horse in place, petting the side of their face to make them feel secure. He slowly started luring the horse out by gently pulling against the halter attached to them.

"Make sure you take the horse out before you start cleaning their stall. Too many soldiers here leave them in while they clean, and it stresses the horse out." He brought the horse outside of the stable and let them free in the pasture; the horse lowered its head to eat the grass.

"Next, you're gonna have to take everything out of their stall." He walked back to the stable while you followed close behind. You knew how to do all of this already, but you did your best to push back your restlessness.

"You have to take out the feed tubs, water buckets..."

Then you have to grab the wheelbarrow for the manure pile. Then you have to get your cleaning supplies. I know.

"Now grab a wheelbarrow from outside and leave it outside of the stall," Levi said while removing everything from the inside of the stall. You said nothing but still obliged, grabbing one of the wheelbarrows outside and parking it right in front of the stall.

"Okay, you see this?" He tapped on the straw bedding on the floor. "You need to remove all of the bedding, so you need to get a-"

"Pitchfork," you finished for him. He looked up at you questionably.

"We did this in cadet training."

"Well, it certainly didn't seem that way according to the other soldiers I've had to deal with, so I'm just making sure you do it correctly."

You sighed and leaned against the stall opening, finding yourself unable to contain your impatience anymore. "I use the pitchfork to remove all the soiled bedding and manure, then put it all in the wheelbarrow. If it's really soiled, I'll grab a shovel. Every time the wheelbarrow gets full, I dump it out in the manure pile. Then I have to sweep the floor and dust off some of the walls before using a hose to wet the surfaces and leave it alone for some minutes. Then I start the real cleaning by using the detergent. Then I have to-"

"Eden," Levi interrupted.

"Yes?"

"You're doing it again."

"Doing what?"

"Putting your ego above everything else."

You furrowed your eyebrows at him. "What are you saying?"

"I'm offering you help and you're taking it as a stab to your ego as if I'm calling you ignorant."

You were speechless. You really didn't know how to respond to that.

He can't be right about that, can he?

"I... I never said anything like that."

"You don't have to," he said, exiting the stall. "It's obvious in the way you react and communicate with others."

How observant really is this guy?

"I... I don't think that's true." You absolutely despised how this man was making you fumble your words. It was never this hard to defend against someone's opinion of you.

"Then why does it bother you so much to have someone give you instructions or offer you help?" He stopped walking, twisting his body to face you. "According to Shadis, you've followed this trend for as long as you were in cadet training."

"I... don't know," you replied with uncertainty. Now was not the time to be introspective and dissect each and every one of your flaws. This whole conversation turned into something uncomfortable.

"Just keep that in mind," he said, turning his back to you. "If you feel as though you're confident enough without my advice, then so be it. I'll just show you where we keep the hose and detergents and be on my way."

You followed behind him into a shack right next to the stables. Despite how small it was, it was still able to hold up a good amount of materials. He passed you the pitchfork and the hose.

"Thanks," you said curtly. He grabbed the detergent and bucket before shutting the door.

"Let out all the horses in the pasture and then start cleaning," he said, placing the items by the stall. "I'll be back to check on you."

You knelt down and played with the knob of the hose first to make sure it worked. "Hang on," you said, struggling to turn it on. "I'm not sure if this hose works."

"It's just old. You have to keep trying," he reassured you.

You continued twisting the knob, but nothing worked. "No, it seems stuck. I think the knob is-"

A loud gasp escaped your mouth as you watched the hose spurt out water harshly onto Levi's face. You covered your mouth with one hand and dropped the hose in surprise. Levi jumped back after seeing the water spraying all over his clothes; you reached down to shut it off immediately.

"Captain, I'm-" Trying to stifle your laugh behind your hand was so damn hard. You were too terrified to look up at him again.

You glanced up at him for a split second, then looked away again, chuckling a little. His hair was completely drenched along with his clothes. It went without question that he was going to have to grab a towel and change.

You were definitely in trouble - no doubt.

...But it was still funny.

"Captain... I'm sorry," you finally managed to say, but the humorous smile on your face contradicted your apology. He did not seem to find it so humorous.

"Okay, seriously." You cleared your throat. "I'm sorry," you said a little bit more maturely, arms crossed over your chest. You bit down on your lip to prevent yourself from laughing again.

If looks could kill, you were so sure you'd be dead by now.

"You find this humorous?" he asked, looking down at his wet uniform.

"Um, no. Of course not," you responded, biting down on your lip harder.

He sighed. "I'm getting a towel to dry myself, but I'm coming back." He leaned in a little closer to your face with a stern expression. "Don't think I'm letting you off the hook for this."

You nodded. "Yes, Captain. I'm sorry again."

He turned towards the exit and walked in the direction of the fortress. As soon as you saw that the coast was clear, you smacked your palm against your forehead.

"Idiot," you said to yourself. "Why did you have to laugh?"

To distract yourself from the embarrassment, you walked over to another one of the horse stalls to unlock it.

Wait. Levi had left with the key.

Damn it.

With a groan, you made your way towards the one stall that was already open. It made sense to just begin cleaning that one until he came back.

For the next half an hour or so, you removed all the bedding and soaked the floors and walls with water to commence scrubbing. After having finished cleaning the one stall and placing all the horse necessities back inside, you decided that you needed to sit down for a bit and wait until Levi came back. You placed all the cleaning materials outside of the stall and the bucket of water you used on top of a shelf above your head. Slumping down against the wall of the stall, you hugged your knees against your chest and shut your eyes for a moment.

At this point, you didn't care if the captain found you nearly asleep; you were really damn tired. However, the few minutes of peace you lingered in was rudely interrupted after you felt something skid across your feet. Your eyes shot open in panic, darting around the room to search for the source. You could have sworn you saw a small creature run into a stall.

Was that a mouse? No ... it couldn't be.

You stood up from the floor, dusting off your pants. Whatever the mysterious creature was, you sincerely hoped it wasn't a rodent.

"Eden," you heard a familiar voice say. You turned your head to the side to see Levi, all dried up and in new clothes.

"I realized I forgot to give you the key," he said while walking towards you.

"Yes, I was just about-"

You shrieked.

A mouse had run across your feet, causing you to stumble back against the wall harshly - so harshly that you ended up knocking over the bucket above your head.

And of course, you were now completely drenched in mucky water.

This was definitely payback from earlier.

You didn't even know what to say. You just completely embarrassed yourself in front of the captain.

"Are you... okay?" he asked. You turned your attention to him and couldn't ignore the amused look on his face. He wasn't exactly smiling, but something in his expression indicated how humorous he found the situation.

"I'm fantastic," you said sarcastically. You shook your hands to dry them off; he stepped back a couple of feet to avoid any droplets.

"I didn't know you had a fear of mice."

"Mice are dangerous."

"So are titans," he said. "And yet you are still able to kill them so effortlessly. But you're scared of mice?"

He just complimented me for the first time.

You felt a slight build-up of excitement when you heard his comment, but then you quickly realized that he was also making fun of you.

"Rodents carry diseases that could kill you," you defended. "I'd like to avoid them at all costs."

With a smug glare, he nodded his head in approval. "Fair enough. Though, it looks like you're going to have to bathe and change before you do anything else."

"Yeah... I think so."

He exhaled at the inconvenience of the situation. "Alright. Put the horse back in its clean stall and come meet me back inside the main building."

"Yes, sir," you responded. "Could I borrow the key to lock the door?"

He passed you the keys and then exited the stables, leaving you alone. You went out to the pasture to grab the horse and gently started pulling them back inside.

"Sorry, buddy. I'll take you back out soon, I promise," you reassured the horse as if they could understand you. You locked them back in the stall and exited the stables.

Once you entered the fortress through the main door, your eyebrows pulled together in puzzlement after finding everyone up this early huddled in the living room. You shifted your gaze to look at Hange and their assistant, Moblit, standing in the center.

"Eden! Good, you're here!" Hange exclaimed. They scrunched their eyebrows when they took note of your appearance. "Why are you wet?"

Everyone turned to stare at you, making you feel even more self-conscious than you did before. "Um... it's a long story that I'd rather not talk about," you said while glancing over at Levi who was standing against the wall with Mike and Commander Erwin.

"That's fine. Just have a seat then."

"I don't think that's a good idea," you said while looking down at your wet body.

"Right. Well, then, come closer. We have important matters to discuss."

Couldn't I take a shower first?

"What's going on?"

"There's been a murder," Hange said eerily.

"Someone got killed?" you asked in concern.

"Hange, be more specific," Moblit nudged.

"Sawney and Beane have been killed!"

"...Who?" You knitted your eyebrows.

Moblit sighed and continued speaking for Hange. "We had captured two titans when the wall was breached at Trost. We've been using them as test subjects since then, but just last night, they've been found dead. This means someone among the soldiers has killed them."

"Oh, I see. That is concerning."

This had to be Reiner's doing. You just knew it had to be.

"Everyone is suspect. No one is getting off the hook," Hange said.

"What time did this happen, Hange?" Levi asked.

"In the middle of the night when everyone should have been in bed. We estimate that it had to have been around midnight or later. The perpetrator must have snuck out and used their gear to kill them."

"Well, all of us were in bed at that time. It had to have been one of those new recruits in the other building," Oluo said.

"Not Eden," Henning chimed in. All heads turned to you again. "After dinner, she took off to do the rest of her 'cleaning,'" he said using air quotes. "I found it odd how she didn't show up for lunch and finished dinner far too quickly."

"Eden had a long task assigned by herself," Petra defended. "I went to check in on her a few times, and she never left the basement."

"And when was the last time you checked on her?"

"Maybe around 10 p.m. when I went to bed."

"So you didn't see what could have occurred after that, right?"

"Well... no, but-"

"My point exactly."

"Why were you up so late Eden?" Hange asked.

"I was cleaning the entire day," you responded. "It took me the entire day to deep clean the basement."

"Alone?"

"Yes."

"So no one was up at that time to check on you?"

"Well..." You glimpsed over at Levi again, hoping he'd find it in him to defend you since he was the last person to see you last night. Everyone noticed your eyes shift towards the captain, and now they turned their attention to him.

"I went to bed some time after 2 a.m., and I did come across Eden before going back to my room; however, what she did after that, I'm not sure," Levi said.

Great. So now everyone thinks I'm a suspect.

"Hm... interesting," Hange said while giving you a suspicious glare. "But we can't know for sure until we investigate. We'll be searching everyone's room for evidence and checking gear. No one is allowed to leave the premises until this is done. Everyone will have to wait outside."

"So wait, we're not cleaning today?" Gunther asked.

"Hange, this better not take long," Levi interjected, clearly upset that this was taking time away from his precious cleaning time.

"Hange, take all the time that you need," Erwin added. "If we have to dedicate a few hours to this, then so be it. It's important we find out who did it."

"Erwin, I highly doubt it was anyone that slept in this building," Levi continued. "They would have had to travel far to the other building in order to kill those titans. Nobody could have traveled by horse because only I have the key to the stables. When I checked this morning, nothing looked out of order."

"But someone here could be related to the suspect, and maybe searching the rooms will give us some evidence."

Fuck. The journal.

You carried a journal here since you first arrived at Paradis. You'd jot down entries to get your thoughts out since you practically had to keep shit to yourself and it would eat you up alive. This all just turned to shit.

"Hang on," you interrupted. You were seriously hoping you didn't look any more suspicious than you did now from what you were about to request. "I just spilled dirty water all over myself. Can't I just grab my clothes quickly to go shower?"

"Why do you sound so worried about getting your room searched?" Henning questioned. You had impulsive thoughts of punching him square in the face.

"I'm not," you retorted. "I'd just rather not have to stand around covered in horse dirt the whole day. I feel as though I should be asking you why you're so quick to assume I'm the most suspicious one here. Makes me wonder if you're trying to hide something."

"Enough," Erwin said strictly. "Eden, you can shower, but we'll have to send someone into your room with you while you grab your clothes to make sure you're not hiding anything."

"Fair enough," you responded.

"Levi, I'd like you to stand at the doorway and watch Eden as she collects her clothes. Unless anyone else has something important they must collect inside their rooms, please step outside."

This just keeps getting worse.

Everyone else aside from Levi, Mike, Erwin, Hange, and Moblit started exiting through the doors. Levi walked over to you.

"Oh, before I forget," you said, pulling out the keys from your pocket. "Here's the key to the stables."

He took it and placed it in his pocket. You walked towards your room with his body trailing close behind you. You pushed past the door and approached your bag cautiously while Levi stood still as he guarded the door. With your back facing him, you ducked down to open your bag.

"Wait," he said. "You have to face me. I need to see what you're pulling out."

Son of a bitch.

You rolled your eyes before shifting your body to face him, smiling at him sarcastically.

"I'm pulling out my clothes. See?" you stated, pulling out a long-sleeved shirt and showing it to him. You pulled out your hoodie next, displaying it to him. His eyes were narrowed as he continued observing you.

The journal was at the very bottom of the bag. You had to think of something quickly.

You bit down on your lip as you continued rummaging through. "You know, I also have some feminine products in here that I'm a little too embarrassed for you to see..."

"Feminine products?"

"Yeah, you know - like underwear and feminine hygiene products?" You made sure to keep your eyes locked with his as you spoke so he didn't pay much attention to your hand trying to reach the bottom to find the journal. "It's just that most guys get uncomfortable looking at that stuff."

"I don't care. Just show me what you're taking so we don't waste any more time."

You grabbed the journal and shoved it in the middle of the pants you were going to use, still making sure to keep your eyes locked with his.

"Can't you just turn away for a moment? It's a little embarrassing to have you look at my intimates."

"What? No."

You could have sworn you saw a hint of red on his cheeks. He was definitely getting embarrassed at the thought now.

"I'm just saying. They should have had a girl come and check on me so this would feel less awkward. It feels a little sexist, don't you think? I just don't feel comfortable-"

"Just show me your damn pants then and we'll be done."

I've deceived him for once.

You sighed in relief. "Thanks, I appreciate it." You showed him your folded pants - the ones with the journal tucked underneath. "Am I good to go now?"

Levi nodded. "Yes, you're good to go. Now go shower so we can get this investigation over with."

"Yes, Captain." You grabbed your bra and underwear before leaving the room.

Hange was standing a few feet away from your room in the hallway as you stepped out.

"Well?" they asked.

"She's clear, for now," Levi answered.

"Okay," they responded. "We'll begin by searching your room first, Eden."

You nodded. "Of course. Do what you have to do."

Hange and Moblit brushed past you and strolled into your room, beginning their inspection. You felt Levi's eyes burning into the back of your head as you were about to enter the bathroom to shower.

"What? Are you meant to watch me shower, too?" you asked him jokingly.

"No," he said. "I'm just being wary of you."

"Wary?"

"You don't seem completely truthful about something."

No way he's already suspecting me of something.

"Why is that?"

"It just seems like you're hiding something."

"I could say the same about you too, you know," you said, trying to turn the conversation to him. "You're stoic, rude, and stubborn as hell. Also, the fact you choose to willingly stay up late by yourself is suspicious in itself."

"Just go shower, brat," he grumbled, finally turning on his heel to walk down the hall.

"Don't call me a brat. I'm not a kid," you called after him, but he ignored you. Once you shut the door to the bathroom, you groaned to yourself. You didn't think you had ever met anyone as insufferable as him, and you thought Zeke was bad.

After about thirty minutes or so, you finished showering and left the bathroom. You tucked your journal into your pants and covered it with your shirt.

Upon entering your shared room with Petra, your eyes widened at the complete mess that was presented in front of you - your bag was rummaged through and tossed aside, your bed sheets were all crumbled and hanging off to one side, and Petra's makeup items were scattered across the vanity.

"Eden, you're in the clear," Hange called from the room next to you. "We didn't find anything suspicious, so you're in the clear for now."

You nodded at them, a small grin adorned on your face. Walking into your room, you tossed your dirty clothes on the floor right beside your bed. You'd have to wash them some time tomorrow since today was already too stressful to deal with.

You made the conscious decision to shove your journal back inside your bag next, just in case they tried to pat everyone down later. Since they said they were finished with your room, you assumed there was nothing more to worry about.

After exiting the fortress, you observed everyone scattered across the field. Some were sitting on the grass while looking up at the sky, and others were taking calm strolls as they talked amongst themselves. To your right was Oluo, who was looking down a well with Eren leaning against the wall watching him; Petra was sitting down on the steps beside it.

"Say, do you really think tossing a coin into a well will actually make your wish come true?" you heard Oluo ask Petra as you drew closer.

"Oluo, don't be ridiculous. Save your coins for something actually useful," she responded.

"It's just one coin." He pulled out a coin from his pocket.

"What are you guys up to?" you asked, walking up behind them. Oluo jumped in surprise, dropping his coin on the concrete.

"Oh, it's you again," Oluo said without shame. Petra elbowed him in the rib; he hunched over in pain.

"Oluo, stop being rude!"

"Just so you're aware, I'm no longer a suspect," you said, crossing your arms. "They searched my stuff and found nothing."

"I don't care. There's still something off about you. I find it weird how you chose to be a scout instead of an MP."

"Why is that so weird? MPs are just prestigious know-it-alls who get to live comfortably in the interior. We're the ones doing the dangerous work, and no one likes to bat an eye."

"In her defense," Eren said from a distance, "a lot of my other friends who graduated top ten in our class are seriously considering becoming scouts too. It's not just Eden."

Wow, thanks kid.

"Exactly," you responded. "I feel as though everyone is suspecting me because I'm new and was handpicked by Erwin to join. Not to mention the captain has some sort of disdain for me..."

"You still feel like the captain doesn't like you?" Petra asked.

"Oh, I don't think. I know." You had yet to share a genuinely nice moment with him and were beginning to doubt it would ever happen at all.

"The captain hasn't treated me very nicely either. Maybe he's just like that with most new people he meets," Eren said.

"No offense, Eren, but you have some unusual supernatural ability that nobody else has or knows about, so I feel like it's kind of reasonable for anyone to be on their toes around you," you told him. He backed away in defeat.

"The captain simply doesn't like me, but I'd say most people don't get along with me, anyway, so it's nothing new. I just hope it doesn't impede our work relationship."

"I'm sure that's not true," Petra tried to reassure you.

"You're sweet Petra, but you don't have to lie." You walked towards the well and looked inside. A part of you wondered just how deep it goes.

"Anyway, weren't you going to make a wish?" you asked Oluo, desperate to change the subject. You moved out of the way so Oluo could toss his coin.

Before he could answer, Petra and Eren were called over by Eld, so they both stepped away. Oluo's gaze lingered on Petra's figure for a little longer than you expected.

Hm.

"Not anymore," Oluo finally responded.

"Why not?" you asked.

"Because you're here."

"Wow, I'm hurt," you replied sneeringly, holding your hand over your heart and feigning offense. "I guess you don't trust me enough to hear you wish for Petra to love you ba-"

"Shh!" Oluo covered your mouth with both hands and pushed you up against the wall. Furiously, you shoved his body off of you, causing him to fall to the ground.

"Don't ever touch me like that again," you threatened, walking closer to him. He scooted away from you nervously.

"I'm sorry! I panicked! I didn't want... a certain person to hear."

"Doesn't mean you get to shove me against the wall." It took everything in you to not kick the shit out of him in that moment.

"I'm sorry!" he apologized again. "I won't do it again."

You sighed and offered to help him up by extending out your hand for him to reach. He covered his face, presuming you were going to hit him.

"Stop being a wimp." You grabbed one of his hands harshly and yanked him up. "Funny how you first doubted my abilities when you first met me, and now you're too nervous to be in my presence."

"That's not true."

"Really?" you asked. "Remember what we talked about at the HQ?"

His eyes widened suddenly, clearly recalling your offer of showing him your abilities firsthand once you joined the scouts.

"That was... I was just talking nonsense." Oluo laughed nervously. You smirked at his reaction. "Oh, I think someone just called me over there. I'll talk to you later." He jogged away from you and forced himself into the conversation the rest of Levi's squad was having a few feet away. You snorted at his reaction; Oluo was funny in his own weird way.

You began to walk towards the direction of the others to join their conversation, but then you felt your foot step on something below you. Lowering your head, you found the coin Oluo had dropped after you scared him unintentionally; you picked it up and inspected it.

Well, if he said he wasn't going to use it anymore, I might as well make a wish.

You weren't really one to believe in superstitions, but you definitely enjoyed doing some things for fun. You reflected back on a memory of your youth when you had a crush on a boy in training. You plucked out the petals of a flower saying,'He loves me. He loves me not' until all the petals were removed. The last petal finished with, 'He loves me not,' and you remembered feeling completely heartbroken. As it turned out, he really didn't like you, but not because of what the flower said. You had a hard time depicting your interest in people and thought that showing hatred like hitting and kicking someone expressed romantic interest. You were only seven, after all; you didn't really know much better.

You leaned over the well, putting weight on your arms while you peered down again. The lack of light made it impossible to make out the bottom of it. You held up the coin again and twiddled it between your fingers, trying to come up with a wish.

There was a lot you could wish for - to be happy, to become a millionaire.

To wish death upon a certain someone.

You shuddered at the thought of making such a gory wish. You knew you needed to kill Levi, but making a wish like that made you feel queasy. It just didn't feel right.

Instead, another one came to mind, and you felt like this one was the most appropriate in this situation.

Ever since your mother passed away, you felt like you were at a loss. You didn't know what you were doing, or how you were going navigate through anything. The person who provided you comfort was gone, and for the past decade, you had been in a complete state of chaos. You tried your best to fill in her role for your sister's sake, but you felt as though you'd been nothing but a bad influence.

You shut your eyes and held your grip on the coin tightly.

Mom, wherever you are, I wish for you to guide me in the right direction. Tell me what to do.

With that, you opened your eyes and tossed the coin into the well.

Chapter 7: Slowly, But Surely

Chapter Text

"17... 18... 19... Stop!"

You let out an exasperated sigh after doing your last set of jumping jacks. Oluo, Petra, Gunther, and Eren hunched over with their palms resting on their knees, panting heavily.

Hours had passed since Hange began conducting that irritating investigation. No one was allowed to do anything without the supervision of a higher-up, so of course, Mike and Levi thought it would have been best to get everyone to do physical activity in the meantime.

"Alright, everyone can take a break and get some water. We will resume in five minutes," you heard Mike say.

You glanced over at Levi's squad with knitted eyebrows. "Are you guys okay?" you asked. Oluo and Eren had collapsed on the ground from exhaustion; Petra and Gunther were also notably exhausted, but they at least managed to keep themselves standing. Eld seemed the most put-together out of all of them - sitting on the grass with his legs pulled in against his chest while drinking some water that was given to him by Petra.

Petra went to grab water for everyone in her squad, including you. You couldn't help but feel a little bashful that she thought of you too.

"We're just fine," Petra replied, taking a sip of her water.

"You'll get used to it... I hope," Nanaba said from beside you. "It just takes some time."

Mike's squad were all much older than you, so the maturity differences were quite apparent. You hadn't really taken the time to get to know them, but you also didn't mind them much. Nanaba and Gelgar were nearing their forties while Lynne, Henning, and Tomas were all somewhere in their mid-thirties. Seeing that they were all at least a decade older, you avoided engaging in any type of playful behavior with them. They were not like Petra or Oluo; they were far more serious.

You'd catch their snarky glances towards you when you'd joke around with someone from Levi's squad or even during the few times you and Levi had your small altercations in front of everyone. It was no wonder Henning was suspicious of you; he didn't take you seriously, and it seemed like none of the others did either.

Nanaba was the only exception. She was firm when she needed to be, but she also went out of her way to be a little more lighthearted than the others. Regardless, you still had to walk on eggshells around them. You just hoped none of them tried to cross you, because it could very likely result in your last warning before getting kicked out of the Scout Regiment completely. Having a shitty relationship with Paradis' strongest soldier was already not a good look, but not getting along with your own squad mates would be the tipping point if you didn't get your act together. It was difficult at times, though; Henning was already on his way to getting beaten to a pulp if he didn't keep his mouth shut.

Since you were all closer in age, Levi's squad was easier for you to associate with. Oluo and Petra were younger, but Gunther and Eld were your age. And of course, there was Eren, but he was almost like an annoying, nagging little brother. Frankly, all those cadet kids were particularly annoying; you were glad you didn't have to put up with it anymore.

But still, after finding out Eren had titan abilities, you realized that you needed to be a lot nicer to him. If there was anything you were to compliment Reiner and Bertholdt for, it was for how easily they were able to befriend everyone - Eren included. On the other hand, you and Annie had a much harder time doing that.

To be fair, you were uncomfortable trying to befriend kids who were literally a decade younger than you were. There were a few cadets your age, but you didn't have much interest in them. Because of that, you chose to seclude yourself. Annie was a completely different story; she completely isolated herself from everyone on purpose, but then again, she had always been that way.

"When will this be over?" Oluo asked.

"Whenever Hange decides to finish rummaging through everyone's personal belongings," Eld responded in annoyance. "I doubt they'll find anything."

"It's still really weird that this happened so unexpectedly," Eren added. "I heard they were checking everyone's equipment, too."

You took a sip of water and started wondering about how they must have been inspecting the other cadets. If they were inspecting everyone's equipment, then surely Reiner would get caught for recent usage.

Unless-

You choked on your water abruptly, holding your hand over your chest. Everyone turned to you in concern.

"Are you okay?" Petra asked, placing a hand behind your back.

You kept coughing and nodded to indicate you were fine, even though you were clearly not fine as you continued gasping for air.

"Sorry. I'm fine." You felt your face heat up in embarrassment. "Must have gone down the wrong pipe."

It was Annie.

You briefly recalled when she took Marco's gear and said that 'it could be of good use.' She was using Marco's gear for the inspection so she wouldn't get caught. You had to admit, it was smart, but very risky. She may have been able to pull it off.

"Hange has concluded the investigation," you heard Erwin call from a distance. "Everyone is in the clear for now, but before you enter the building again, we must check everyone's uniform to make sure no one is holding anything suspicious."

They were going to pat everyone down, just as you suspected.

A line was formed to get pat down by either Hange, Mike, or Levi. Not to your surprise, Erwin sent you to get checked by Levi. It seemed like he forced the two of you to interact any chance he had. Part of you wondered if he was trying to get Levi to trust you since it was obvious he disliked you, and also because Levi made it clear he suspected you of something.

Or what if Erwin suspects me too, and that's why he's having Levi constantly check on me?

"Arms up," Levi ordered. You sighed and obliged. He started by feeling your upper body, then patted his way down. Although he was not being particularly inappropriate, you couldn't help but feel a little uncomfortable. It was definitely due to the anxiety of actually hiding something, but you also did not like his hands on you either.

He made it further down to your lower legs and seemed fixated on one particular area inside your right boot. With furrowed eyebrows, he stuck his hand inside and pulled out a pocket knife.

"The hell is this?" he questioned. He flipped open the device to reveal three different blades. You used the blades sparingly, depending on the situation you were in. The smallest one was not so much a blade but more of a lock pick since it was thin enough to enter most keyholes. The second one was a little larger, but you hardly ever touched that one; if you did, it was mostly to open envelopes or to rip open certain objects. The largest one - and evidently the sharpest one - was always used to intimidate or harm others. It allowed you to get away with stealing many times and got you out of shitty situations with creepy men. You only ever had to truly harm someone once, but that was because drunk men didn't seem to understand consent.

"It's a pocket knife," you said matter-of-factly.

"Obviously," he responded sarcastically. "Why do you have it?"

"For protection," you responded. "I always carry it with me." In hindsight, you were completely idiotic for thinking you could keep a knife on you as a new recruit, especially with the reputation you already had currently, but just having the knife with you brought you comfort knowing you had another way to defend yourself if such a situation were to arise.

He stared at you oddly, then proceeded to stash the knife in his pocket. You instinctively went to grab it back, but he stepped away from you.

"What are you doing?"

"Something tells me you have the capabilities to murder someone with this. I'm confiscating it."

"Oh, so you're accusing me of being a murderer now?" You crossed your arms.

"Maybe."

Intrusive images of your father's bloody wound came to mind again, but you quickly brushed it off.

"Believe what you will, but I have no crimes on my record. You can go check my documents for yourself."

He eyed you skeptically. "I see," he said. He turned his body to the side to allow you to pass him and enter the fortress again. "You're free to go in."

You walked past him and entered the building, annoyed that he had taken ahold of your pocket knife, but you could only blame yourself for not thinking of putting it away sooner. That knife was probably the only thing you kept from your father. He gave it to you at a very young age and even taught you some defenses and attacks with it. Although you despised him, you had to admit that many of his combat skills came to good use.

Petra was the first person you saw when you entered the main room; she was chatting with the other soldiers. Her eyes beamed when she noticed you.

"Eden! We're all going to have lunch now. You're gonna join us this time, right?"

You thought about all the stable work you were behind on for a moment. It was gonna take a shit load of your time, but maybe you did deserve a little bit of a break. You also didn't want to have Levi come reprimand you for not eating again.

You shot her a smile. "Of course."

For the next hour or so, you sat in the dining area with Petra, the rest of Levi's squad, and all the others. This was the first time you sat down and calmly ate with everyone in the room. It sparked memories of the mess hall during cadet training, except this time, you actually had friends.

Did you have friends? You weren't really sure. Maybe it was too soon to tell. However, it was clear that Petra of all people had taken a liking to you for some odd reason. You weren't exactly the friendliest person to hang out with, so the idea of it made you slightly suspicious.

Oluo was annoying, but oddly enough, you liked him. Maybe it was because it was fun getting him to snap out of his 'tough guy' facade, or maybe it was because it was obvious he had a crush on Petra, and now you had something to hold against him if he ever decided to be a dick.

Gunther and Eld were similar. They were somewhat closed off, but not to the extent that Levi was. Eld was more willing to interact with you and even complimented you on your abilities, which strangely surprised you. He had even asked if you could give him some pointers, to which you gladly agreed to.

The superiors were all gathered around the kitchen, seemingly discussing something important. Hange and Moblit were immersed in a different conversation while Erwin, Mike, and Levi discussed other matters. You observed Levi closely. You had already dug yourself a deep hole with him, and you were not exactly sure how you'd be able to gain his trust now. First, it was your horrible first impression, then it was his suspicions of you that grew, and now, he found a knife in your boot which only made you look worse.

What if he's telling Erwin and Mike about the pocket knife?

With his arms crossed against his chest, you saw his eyes dart towards yours unexpectedly. You felt your face heat up in embarrassment and quickly turned away. You did not want him to catch you staring at him.

A few more minutes went by, and Erwin dismissed himself to return to the other soldiers who were in a far different building to see how the investigation was going over there. Hange and Moblit decided to join him.

Mike and Levi stayed behind to watch over their squads. Levi made it especially clear that he wanted to make sure most of the cleaning was finished by tomorrow morning since the main focus of tomorrow would be the recruitment of the training corps. Once everyone understood, they stood up from their tables and went back to work. You walked back up to Levi to ask for the keys to the stables again.

"Captain," you called.

"Hm?" he responded, avoiding your gaze.

"Can I have the keys back?"

He hesitated, but then pulled out the keys and handed them to you. Just as you were going to make your exit outside, he grabbed your shoulder to stop you.

"What else did I do now?" you asked in annoyance.

"I'm still being cautious of you," he said, "so don't do anything stupid."

"Do you think I'm gonna steal a horse and run away? I don't understand what else you could be so damn worried about."

Does he know I'm plotting to kill him? There's no way. I haven't been that obvious, have I?

"I'll be back to check on you in a few hours," he said, giving you space to pass.

"Go ahead. You might as well watch me while I sleep, too," you replied snarkily, brushing past him. While you hurried back to the stables, your mind became overrun with thoughts about this whole situation with Levi. You were trying to figure out how you made yourself out to be so suspicious. What could he be suspecting you of? Did he think you were involved with the killing of Sawney and Bean?

No, you were already proven innocent in that regard, but perhaps he presumed you were involved with who did it. You weren't sure, but clearly, you made yourself suspicious enough. Maybe it was Henning targeting you. Who knew.

Or maybe because I was carrying around a weapon in my boot this whole time.

You tried your best to suppress your thoughts as you continued to work on the stables. Considering the fact you'd done this in cadet training, you didn't find this task difficult at all, but the fact that there were more than a dozen horses around made it more time consuming. You didn't bother checking the time, judging it by when the sun started setting. You wanted to finish fast out of fear that leaving the horses out in the dark would attract wild animals.

You decided to skip dinner. Petra had come by to get you, but you refused. Levi was definitely going to come by and reprimand you again later, but you still wanted to finish your work first. Sure, maybe you were being stubborn, but that was how you always were. You never liked leaving tasks unfinished.

"Eden?" you heard a voice call while you were cautiously pulling a horse back into their stall. A few more hours had passed, and it was practically pitch black out. You were rushing to get all the horses inside; you didn't want to get in trouble for potentially losing a horse to a wild animal.

Although the light inside was dim, you were able to make out the figure in front of the stable doors; it was Levi wearing a cloak with a single lantern held in his hand.

"I'm just about finished, Captain," you told Levi. "I just need to bring in the horses and gather up my supplies."

"You skipped dinner," he said.

"I had lunch."

"You shouldn't be skipping meals."

"Well, when you're assigned tasks that take an enormous amount of time, you hardly have the time to do basic necessities." You tightened the lock from the horse's stall and went back outside the pasture. As you went to grab the horse from the rope attached to its halter, Levi called your name again.

"Yes?"

"I'll take care of this." He took the rope from you. "Just go back inside."

"What? No." Stubbornly, you grabbed the rope from him again. "You told me to clean the stables. That's what I did."

"You did, but it's getting late again, you hardly slept, and you only ate a sandwich today. Go inside and eat."

You furrowed your eyebrows at him. "You suddenly care now after all the suspicions you were making against me?"

He scoffed. "Well, I'd rather not have a soldier pass out under my accord without even having a medic on hand. Like I've told you multiple times already, your hotheadedness is gonna get you killed one way or another. Seems like you're trying to starve yourself to death now."

"This wouldn't be a problem if you just assigned me a fair amount of work. My lack of sleep and eating is because of you."

"All you had to do was ask for help."

"I told you I would ask for it if I needed it."

"You're missing the fucking point Eden," he told you in frustration. "Are you that oblivious, or do you just refuse to see it? You obviously needed help."

"I did the job on my own-"

"You stayed up past midnight cleaning, then you woke up early the next day to repeat the process. You're exhausted, aren't you? You're probably starving."

You loosened your grip on the rope slightly. "Well... yes, but-"

"Then you needed help and you didn't ask for it." He grabbed the rope from your hand. "I assigned you those tasks so you would ask someone for help."

"I know that. I figured that out pretty quickly, actually."

"Then why didn't you ask?"

"Because I knew I could do it on my own."

He sighed in frustration. "You're still not understanding. You took the entire day to do something that would have taken half as much time if you worked with someone else."

"Well... I know that, but..."

When you took too long to answer, he began to lure the horse back into the stables. He definitely just proved his point, but you didn't want to let him have that satisfaction.

You started following him inside. "You're an asshole, you know that?" The word slipped out of your mouth before you could even think about the consequences. He stopped in place to shoot a glance towards you. He didn't seem shocked or upset - just slightly amused.

"Am I? Or am I just right and you hate it?"

Don't punch him. I can't punch him.

You clenched your fists tightly. "You're also just an asshole."

"So you admit that I'm right."

You stayed silent.

He made sure to lock the horse accordingly into its stall before turning his body to completely face you. He leaned his back against the stall door with his arms crossed; there was an arrogant look on his face that strongly motivated you to smack him, but you did your best to ignore those urges.

"Okay, so you're... partially right. But you're aware that going about it the way you did was wrong, right?"

"In what way?"

"Are you that oblivious, or do you just refuse to see it?"

His face fell into a frown at your choice of words to mock him.

"I feel like you knew I wasn't going to ask for help - like you wanted me to fail to prove a point to everyone," you said.

"I was teaching you a lesson."

"No, what you did was very childish," you spat. "Since the day we met, you've been treating me unfairly from the others because you seem to have some sort of preconceived opinion of me that fuels your dislike for me. And now you've created suspicions against me of being some sort of murderer or whatever else might be going through your mind. Why can't you just let things be?"

"Because it seems like there is no other way to get my point across. Your behavior is vile, and you don't listen. And you were carrying around a damn pocket knife, for fuck's sake. How the hell wouldn't I be concerned to know that, especially with the way you've been acting?"

"...Fair enough," you said, crossing your arms. "But let me ask you a question... have any of the other superiors complained about me as much as you do?"

"No, because they haven't had the absolute joy of being in your presence for long enough."

You scowled at his comment. "My point is that my 'vile behavior' is only directed towards you, Captain. Why do you think that is?"

He remained silent, awaiting your response.

"If you're going to be rude to me, I'm going to be rude back," you responded crudely. "You were disrespectful to me first, so why are you so surprised that I returned the same behavior? Are you just not used to people talking back to your arrogance? Hange, Mike, and Erwin have all shown me respect from the very start, unlike you. That's why you will never see me behave this way with them."

He gave you a blank stare, unable to form a response. This encouraged you to speak more.

"I know I'm not exactly the most easily approachable soldier here, but I do good work; I know that, and you know that, whether you want to admit it or not. If you want to continue hating me and suspecting me of being some sort of bad guy, then go ahead, but I'm tired of the bickering, and I'm sure you are too. It's unprofessional, and I wouldn't want it to get so out of hand that it would interfere with an actual titan mission."

He remained wordless. Although you were uncomfortable with the silence, a part of you was pleased since you knew that his lack of response was because you were actually right about something. His body language said it all.

"Very quiet now, are we?" you teased.

He huffed in annoyance and kicked himself off the wall with his foot. You smirked at his reaction.

He turned his gaze away from you with an embarrassed expression on his face; you couldn't help but smile wider. Somehow, his reaction was even better than him admitting that you were right for once.

"I still want you to go inside and eat. I'll clean up your mess," he said while making his way back out into the pasture.

"No."

He sighed. "I thought you said you didn't want to argue anymore."

"I'll help you."

He appeared puzzled at your comment, watching you grab the rope of another horse.

"I don't ever let anyone clean up the messes I've made. If I start something, I will see it through," you said. "But since you're so adamant about helping me, then let's just finish together. It'll make time go quicker."

After you locked the horse in its stall, you turned to look at him. "Do you agree, Captain?"

He seemed to be staring at you with some disbelief, possibly because you were acting much calmer than usual, and it was off-putting for him.

"Well, if we're going to do this together, you better be quick, brat. I work fast, and I don't want you dragging me behind."

You smiled at his response while walking back out to the pasture. "Yes, Captain."

He will trust me. Slowly, but surely.

You were both silent during the rest of the cleanup, and it only took a few more minutes to get everything done.

"As promised, I will go back inside to eat," you said to Levi after letting in the last horse in its stall. You twisted in his direction to pass him the key to the stables. He grabbed them and placed them in his pocket.

"Please don't do that again," he said.

"What? Not eating?"

"Yes," he responded. "I've seen many of my men die that way or suffer dangerous consequences. You still need to take care of yourself if you're going to be up against titans. It doesn't matter how physically gifted you are."

You didn't think much of it, but you simply nodded and agreed with him. He did have a point.

"I promise," you said. "Have a good night, Captain." As you headed towards the exit, a question emerged in your brain; you paused in your steps.

"Captain, what's my work for tomorrow? Do I have to wake up at the same time?"

He thought for a moment, avoiding your gaze. "No," he said. "I suppose I've... punished you enough. I'll allow you to sleep in until 9, but you can assist the others in their unfinished cleaning tasks. I don't think Oluo knows how to properly clean a chandelier since this is the second day I've had to correct him, and he's made no progress."

It felt odd hearing him be kind to you. It must have been his way of apologizing without actually saying it.

"Thank you, Captain," you told him, turning on your heel. "Have a good night."

As you began your walk back to the fortress, your mouth curled into a grin.

He's actually being nice to me. He's seen the flaws in his behavior, and he's being nice. It seems like he's trying to correct them.

Maybe you were being a little too optimistic, but things seemed like they were looking up now. You thought it was going to be impossible to get through with him, but it seemed like he was willing to cooperate after all. Of course, this meant that you would have to learn to comply as well, but this was still major progress for you.

The soldiers had chicken and rice for dinner. You used a pot to heat up the food on a stove and a wooden spoon to scoop it into a bowl, then grabbed a fork. You leaned against the counter and ate calmly.

After you finished eating and washing your dishes, you grabbed a glass of water and walked towards your room. The room wasn't fully closed, and the light from the lamp was still turned on. You pushed the door open slightly, assuming Petra was fast asleep, but you found her lying in bed reading a book. Her face lit up the moment you walked in.

"Oh, you finally finished!" she said. "Did you eat?"

"I did, thanks for asking," you said, sitting on your bed. "I didn't expect you to be up." While you took a sip of water, you gazed around the room and realized it was completely spotless. "Did you clean the whole room while I was gone?"

"I did."

"We were supposed to split that between us."

"I know, but I saw how stressed you were from the amount of work you were given, and I figured you must have been exhausted."

"You didn't have to do that."

"It's okay. I didn't mind, truly!"

You set your water down on the nightstand and looked up at her again. The room was covered in dust when you first arrived, and then Hange and Moblit made the mess even worse. Petra took it upon herself to clean the entire room without asking you for help.

"Petra, can I ask you something?"

"Of course. Anything."

"Why are you so nice to me?"

You liked Petra, truly. You didn't have a problem with her at all, but her niceness just made you suspicious of how genuine it was. Kindness like hers was rare, and to have that kind of warmth in this type of world was hard to maintain.

Petra flushed and looked away from you for a moment, seemingly embarrassed.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable or anything-"

"No, no. Of course not! It's not that..."

A quietness engulfed the room for a few seconds.

"I was just curious because... well... I'm not exactly the friendliest person here, and you seem to be nice to just about everyone," you said, breaking the silence.

"Well, it's nice to be on everyone's good side, even those you suspect might not like you."

"I suppose you're right," you said, automatically thinking about your situation with Levi.

"But there actually is another reason," she continued. "If I say it, do you promise you won't make fun of me?"

You laughed slightly. "Why would I make fun of you?"

"I don't know... okay, fine," she said. "You remind me a lot of my older sister."

You stared at her curiously. "You have a sister?"

"Well... had," she replied sadly.

"Oh, I'm sorry," you replied sympathetically, realizing what she meant.

"It's okay, you don't have to say anything," she responded. "The point is, you remind me a lot of her. She was really strong and agile, and she even graduated at the top of her class! I wanted to grow up to be just like her."

"I'm sure she'd be really proud of how far you've gotten."

Petra smiled. "Thank you."

Something switched in her expression, and then she cast her eyes down. She fiddled with her fingers nervously while her smile faded.

"She died a few years ago when I was just beginning to train as a soldier. It was when the titans had breached Wall Maria."

Your heart dropped.

"Her body was never found, but I could only assume she gave her life trying to save humanity."

"I'm sorry that happened to her," you said, avoiding her gaze. You had a sick feeling in your stomach.

"That's why I made a promise that I would contribute to saving humanity. I'm going to help get rid of all the titans and avenge her death. She didn't die for nothing, and I made a promise to myself that I'd bring honor to her name."

You remained quiet, grabbing your glass to drink some more water. It genuinely felt like you were going to be sick.

She stared at you peculiarly with furrowed eyebrows. "Are you okay? You look a little ill."

The chicken and rice you just had was rapidly climbing its way back up your throat. "Excuse me," you said in a strangled voice. You bolted out of the room, pushing open the bathroom door harshly. You weren't able to contain yourself any longer as you vomited all over the sink.

"Eden! Are you okay?" Petra rushed to your side in seconds, observing the situation. "Oh my gosh. You need to sit down."

"It's fine. I'm fine," you reassured her, turning on the faucet to clean up the mess you had made. You were just happy the vomit didn't splatter everywhere. You grabbed a paper towel to wipe your mouth, and another to clean the outside of the sink.

"Do you think you can give me a few minutes?" you asked Petra kindly. She hesitated, but eventually nodded and walked out of the bathroom. You shut the door after she left and immediately ran your hands over your face.

"You damn idiot," you said to yourself. "Why did you just puke?"

Because of guilt.

You sighed as you looked up to stare at your reflection in the mirror. The amount of anxiety, shame, and remorse you were feeling was indescribable.

Why should you even feel guilty? You were here for one reason, and one reason only - to kill the man who would pose a threat to the land you were born in. It didn't matter what it took to do so.

But Petra is my friend, isn't she? And I am partially responsible for killing her sister. I assisted three Eldian warriors with titan abilities and allowed them to kill thousands of people.

"Shut up," you told yourself quietly, smacking your head.

You had to remind yourself that you were not here to make friends. You were here to do what was needed to live a better life back home - to provide a better life for your sister. That was what your mother would have wanted.

Would Mother actually be proud of me?

You needed to snap out of it. Now was not the time to have a mental breakdown.

You took a deep breath in, then exhaled while closing your eyes. You needed to relax and concentrate.

Petra was not your friend. No one here was supposed to be your friend. This was all acting. There was no reason to feel guilty for what happened to her sister.

After you felt as though you were able to get yourself together, you left the bathroom and entered your shared room again. Petra sat up from her bed with concern evident in her expression.

"Is everything all right?"

"Everything is fine," you responded with a straight face, grabbing a clean pair of clothes in your bag. "I'm going to take a shower. I'll be back."

"...Okay," she said.

You left the room and re-entered the bathroom, quickly undressing and hopping in the shower.

All these emotions you were experiencing were childish. You needed to suck it up; there was no time for it.

I am a bad person, aren't I?

A tear slipped from your eye while you lathered your skin with soap.

I deserve to feel shame.

You sniffled quietly and wiped your face.

None of these feelings should have mattered. It was either you did this mission, or you and your sister would get punished. There were no other options; it had to be done, no matter what.

If that made you a bad person, then so be it.

Chapter 8: Intoxication

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

It felt like a whole year had passed by, but in reality, it had only merely been a month. In that month, you took the role of a learner, teacher, and observer.

Being under Mike's command was not as arduous as you had originally thought. He was strict and stoic, but an exceptional leader, nonetheless. He also had an unusual talent that allowed him to use his olfactory senses to sniff out titans.

Although, his sniffing habits were a bit creepy sometimes...

Seeing as you were the youngest and least experienced in Mike's squad, you often felt like the odd one out; however, in a month's time, you had proven to surpass quite a few of them. You were a quick learner, and you adapted to things quickly.

The one thing you hadn't completely picked up on was your roles in the group. You preferred to work spontaneously and decided how things should be done the moment they happened. After all, wasn't that what battle was all about? You never knew what could happen out in the field.

That wasn't something tolerated in the Survey Corps. You had to follow the Squad Leader's every command. There was no way else to go about it, even if you were against his order.

That wasn't really the issue, though. You had no problem listening to Mike. The problem was when an issue would present itself, and your team members would not react the way you had expected them to - that was when you'd branch off from his orders.

Mike called you out on it multiple times, but he was nowhere near as harsh about it as Captain Levi. It was a bad habit of yours to think on your own, but you trusted your gut more than others most of the time.

Mike made sure you all understood your formation and place for when the expedition ensued in the future. His squad was set to be to the right of the center in command, right by Erwin. Although it took a bit of time to get used to working with this formation, you adapted to the change successfully.

On a completely different note, Eren's titan experimentation had not gone particularly well at all during the past month. He had many failed attempts to transform - far too many.

Hange was disappointed, but considerate about it. Levi was evidently impatient and frustrated.

"You're telling me the bite wounds on your hand show no sign of healing?" Levi asked Eren during lunch one day. You had been chatting with Petra when you both suddenly decided to eavesdrop on their conversation.

Eren rubbed his hands covered in medical tape nervously. "None, sir," he replied hesitantly.

"No offense, but you're not much good to us in this form," Levi continued. "If you can't change, our plans for Wall Maria go up in smoke. Pull it together, and yes, that is an order."

"Yes, sir."

"I'm gonna go speak with him," Petra whispered to you before going up to the captain, who was seemingly agitated and bitter.

Although Levi was not exactly the nicest towards you, he was the hardest on Eren. Eren was his main focus, after all.

You honestly felt a little bad for the kid because of how things were turning out, but a part of you hoped he didn't learn how exactly his power manifested. He held a copious amount of power, and he had no idea of it yet.

Eren dropped his spoon; he bent down and struggled to grab it with his injured hands. You sighed before approaching him.

"Here, I got it," you said while arching down to grab it.

"No, it's okay. I-"

Within just a few seconds, there was a blast, then you were knocked back several feet. When you opened your eyes, you were surrounded by clouds of steam and could barely make out anything in front of you.

"What the-"

The steam started clearing up, and you finally understood what had just happened; Eren had partially transformed when he grabbed the spoon.

"Eden, get out of there!" you heard Petra yell from behind you. You stood up and brushed off the dirt from your pants before turning around. Your eyes widened at the scene in front of you.

Every single member of Levi's squad instinctively went into defense mode. They held their weapons up, positioned to attack at any moment with their eyes filled with anger and fear.

"Calm down," Levi told his squad. "The situation is complicated. Now, calm down."

A part of you had not expected Levi's squad to turn on Eren so fast, but you had to keep reminding yourself that none of these people understood the story behind titans at all. Still, you found it odd how accepting they were of him in the beginning, only to turn on him so fast the moment he transformed unintentionally.

It also made you wonder what they'd do to you if they ever found out who you really were.

"Eden, step away!" Petra called for you again.

"Petra, calm down," Levi repeated.

"Eren! What the hell do you think you're doing? No one gave you permission to transform, did they?" Eld said aggressively.

"I said calm down," Levi repeated in annoyance.

"Answer the question, Eren! What got into you?" Oluo added.

"Leave it. Explanations can come later," Gunther joined. "First things first. You need to persuade us you're not hostile like your life depends on it! Prove it, or we kill you! The burden of proof is yours, kid!"

"So much as twitch an arm, and I'll lob your head off! This is the first and only warning you'll receive! I can end you in a heartbeat! Do you understand me, boy?" Oluo continued, adding more intensity to the situation.

"Oluo! How many times do I have to say it-"

"Captain! I need you to step away. You're too close!" Petra said.

"Right now, I believe you're the one who needs to step away. Do it." Levi replied firmly.

"Why on earth-"

"A gut feeling," Levi said.

You stepped away moments after he said that, observing the situation from a distance.

Levi's squad was untrusting of Eren, but Levi was not.

"A gut feeling," was what he said. Though he was brash and difficult, he still had a gut feeling that Eren was innocent. It stunned you a little; of all people, you would have expected Levi to be the first to get defensive, but once again, he had proven his maturity in the way he handled these situations.

For the most part, you found that his behavior had improved with you throughout the weeks as well. You partially wanted to believe it was because of the conversation you both had earlier in the month, but you also considered the fact that the two of you did not have to interact much at all. Levi spent most of his time focused on his squad members - specifically Eren and his experimentations. Your main focus was learning how to work with Mike's squad.

However, there was one significant dispute between the two of you during sparring practice.

Sparring was your strongest suit. You easily outdid everyone. It was the one thing you felt particularly good at, considering the fact your father had taught you several attacks at a young age.

Everyone was so predictable in their movements. You'd switch positions swiftly the moment you saw your partner try to hit you from the opposite direction, immediately following with a low kick to their legs to knock them over. Many of the soldiers had even asked for you to teach them some of your attack and defense positions, which you were not against doing.

But something about your performance seemed to tick Levi off. He observed your movements during practice and found the need to intervene one day.

"Eden," Levi called. "Come here for a moment."

You brushed off the dirt from your pants before getting off of Eld - the last person you sparred with. You stuck out your hand to haul him up.

"Good round," you told him, pulling him up. "Better work on your blocking next time."

Eld laughed slightly. "I think you are just too fast for me to keep up with."

You smiled in return before making your way to Levi, who had a firm expression on his face.

"I see you've done this before," he said.

"Well, yes," you replied, sarcasm laced in your tone.

"Can I ask how you learned?"

Is he on to me?

"...From my father, sir. I learned at a young age."

"It seems he's taught you skills outside of formal training."

"What do you mean?"

He stared at you curiously. "Don't stand there and tell me you learned that through formal training."

You froze for a few seconds, then admitted to it. "My father had taught me a variety of moves while I was young. So what?"

He chose not to reply. Instead, he walked towards the center of the field where the sparring practice took place and turned to face you.

"Spar with me."

You stared at him in disbelief. The other soldiers glared at the two of you with intrigue.

"Very well," you replied. You were slightly apprehensive, but you refused to make that apparent. He was humanity's strongest soldier, after all, but you were still determined to beat him no matter what.

"Well, who should begin?" You prepared your arms up in defense, ready to start.

"You can start," he said arrogantly. You shot him an irritated glare; you had kind of hoped he'd be the one to start, but now you were just going to have to deal with the situation at hand.

Your mind pondered for a moment, thinking about where you should hit him first.

Should I aim for the upper body first? Should I aim below?

You didn't want to think for too long, so you just went with your instinct. You raised your right arm rapidly to aim for his stomach. He almost immediately grabbed your wrist, then the other, and hooked his foot behind yours to slam you onto the ground. Everyone gasped at his actions.

What the fuck? He did that too easily.

There was no way you were letting him win this.

Furiously, you quickly used your left leg to entangle with his right leg. You were able to muster up the strength to flip him over, allowing you to straddle over him. You pinned down his wrists on either side to hold him down.

He huffed. "I knew it."

"What?" you asked in annoyance. It felt like he was mocking you.

"You're so damn predictable."

He jerked his right thigh upward, causing you to lose your balance and let go of his wrists. You spread your palms over his head to balance yourself, but he took your moment of imbalance to capture one of your arms. He stepped over your right leg and lifted up his lower body to knock you over to the side.

He was straddling you now, and no matter how much you tried breaking out of his grasp, your strength couldn't surpass his.

"There," he said.

"What?" you asked in confusion.

He hit your chest with his fist, seemingly acting out some sort of imaginary motion.

"This is where you're supposed to defeat them."

"Defeat?"

"Did you ever learn how to defeat and not just win, Eden?"

Your eyes widened suddenly, understanding what he meant.

By defeat, he meant kill. His motioning was referring to stabbing someone.

Your face heated up in embarrassment while you shoved his body off of you forcefully.

"We are only practicing right now, Captain."

"You are quick and strong with your attacks, but they also indicate you were only taught to hurt or injure," he said, rising on his feet. "What will you do in a situation where you have to kill?"

You hesitated before answering, standing up after him. "I do whatever I have to if the situation presents itself."

"It doesn't seem like it."

"I don't understand, Captain. Do you want me to kill someone during practice?"

"When Eld sparred with Oluo, he put him in a headlock," Levi replied. "This position makes it easy to choke the opponent, and ultimately kill them if necessary. When Petra sparred with Gunther, she was able to straddle him and wrap both hands around his neck to impersonate a choking position. Do you know what you have done?"

You remained silent to hear him continue.

"You toss them around until you tire them out, and I've watched you enough times now to notice how and when you use certain attacks. You're fast, I'll give you that, and you have some unique attacks I haven't seen from others. It gives you a bigger advantage, especially since you have the ability to hold them down, but what will you do the moment you're fighting against someone just as fast and strong as you are? Are you going to keep flipping them over until they find an opening to defeat you?"

You weren't sure how to reply to that. No one had ever critiqued you for your sparring in this way.

"If you're going to be a soldier, you can't be afraid to kill."

In a low voice, you responded with, "You seemed to have had different thoughts about me a few weeks ago. Now you don't believe I have what it takes. I guess I am just a little confused, Captain."

It was baffling to you how he insisted you were some sort of killer weeks ago, and now he thought the exact opposite. Was your sparring truly worse than you thought originally?

I do have what it takes to kill... right? The situation just hasn't presented itself yet...

"I realized I was wrong," he replied. "Because I see now that despite your skill, you act like a coward."

You stepped back in incredulity. "What?"

"I said you act like a coward," he repeated without shame. "I don't care how proficient and unique your moves are. You haven't shown me what it means to truly defeat someone. You avoid it. That is cowardly behavior."

It wasn't just the fact he said this to you - it was the fact he decided to tell you this in front of everyone. There was not a sign of remorse on his face. It was unnecessary, which made you think he did this on purpose - to humiliate you in front of everyone.

"Fuck you, Levi."

You turned on your heel and walked away, shoving past everyone while you headed back towards the fortress. Maybe you were being a little dramatic, but you didn't care. There was a respectful way to critique someone, and calling them a coward was not it.

And yet, neither of you acknowledged that day again. Neither of you apologized or brought it up. You both simply accepted that it happened and moved on. It was for the best; had he mentioned it again, you knew you weren't going to hold back your tongue. He'd have to kick you out of the Survey Corps at that point.

It was now two days before the next expedition, and many of the younger soldiers thought it would have been nice to go grab a drink at the bar to celebrate everyone's improvement during training - and also to have one last drink before embarking on the mission.

"I feel stupid."

Petra continued flicking her brush around your face like a canvas.

"Stop moving," she ordered you. She held your chin up gently to keep you from moving. You sighed in annoyance.

"Are you almost done?"

"Almost," she continued.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Mhm."

"Why do you like makeup so much? You seem really experienced at this."

She blushed while continuing to add eyeshadow to your eyelids. "I just like to look pretty, is all," she said with a smile. Something about that smile told you a lot more than you needed to know.

"Well, it does feel nice to look pretty," you said. "But I wonder if there are any other reasons."

You didn't want to hound Petra about her crushes, but you did wonder if she had any feelings for Oluo the way he did her. His feelings were so obvious. Hers... not so much, but the way she interacted with him made you think otherwise.

You also had a gut feeling she had a thing for Captain Levi, as she seemed to admire him a little too much.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"I just wonder if sometimes you want to look pretty because you hope a certain someone would notice."

She froze and pulled back from your face to stare at you. After a few seconds, she went back in to finish your eyeshadow as if nothing happened.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Come on, Petra. It's okay to admit it."

She pulled back again, but this time to set down her eyeshadow brush. Her face turned fully red at this point.

"Is it the captain?"

"What? Oh goodness no!" she refuted. "I mean... not exactly. Not anymore at least."

You raised an eyebrow. "Elaborate please."

"I did take a liking to him at first, but it was small. It grew slightly when he selected me to be in his squad because I thought, 'Wow, he finally noticed me.'" Her eyes were filled with adoration. "I just admired him so much, and I still do. I feel like it's easy for anyone to develop some type of crush on him."

You cringed.

"Okay, I guess not everyone." She laughed. "But after a while, I realized it was just that - a crush and nothing more. And then I met more people and things started to change."

"People like who?"

She hesitated before answering. "Swear on your life you won't say a word."

You sat up straight and placed your fist on your chest in a salute position. "Scout's honor."

She sighed. "I think... I think I might have feelings for Oluo, but I-"

"I knew it!" You stood up enthusiastically.

"Shh!" She scrambled to cover your mouth. "Not so loud!"

"Sorry," you said, muffled behind her hands. She sighed before letting go, then sat on the bed.

"I find him annoying half the time, but a part of me enjoys my time with him. It doesn't matter, though. I doubt he feels the same way."

"Are you kidding? You're joking, right?"

She stared at you in confusion.

"It's so obvious, Petra. I swear, that man is practically in love with you."

Her eyes widened. "You think so?"

"I know so."

"I don't know..."

You got up from your chair and placed your hands on her shoulders, staring down at her earnestly. "Trust me, Petra. I know so."

She smiled at you timidly.

"Are you two almost done? You're taking forever in there."

You both jumped back at the voice of the door.

Speaking of Oluo... he seems to have good timing.

"We're almost done!" Petra called back. She turned her attention back to you. "I just have to apply some lipstick on you."

"Oh gosh. Please don't," you begged.

"Why not?" She held the lipstick in one of her hands, and the cap in the other.

"I feel like it'll be too much." The regret of letting Petra do your makeup was starting to sink in.

"Come on, it's just a little bit of red." She leaned in closer to your face, but you pulled away; she pouted.

"Please," she begged.

You sighed in annoyance. "Fine, but only a little bit."

The widest smile emerged on her face before she proceeded to apply the dark red lipstick on your lips. She then did some last-minute touches, smoothing out some of the eyeshadow and blush on your skin with her thumb. Quickly, she grabbed her small mirror from the vanity and passed it to you.

You held the mirror close to your face, observing the work Petra had done on you in the past fifteen minutes.

It wasn't that bad, actually. The eyeshadow was subtle, and the blush complimented your skin. The only thing that clearly stood out was the red lipstick, but somehow, it made the look even better. You were also extremely underdressed, but the makeup helped improve your look.

All you wore was a tight, black, long-sleeve sweater tucked into beige pants and some black rubber boots. You looked like you were going into military training; frankly, you were training for the military, so those were the only clothes you decided to bring.

Petra had actually brought nice clothes. They were nothing too fancy, but nice enough to look attractive going to a bar. She wore a loose, red, v-neck top with black leggings and some flats - simple, but appealing.

You heard an impatient knock on the door again.

"Jeez, calm down. We're almost done," you called back. You stood up from your chair and smoothed down your clothes. "You ready?" you asked Petra.

"Wait!" She quickly rummaged through one of her bags to pull out a necklace with a red gem on it. "I want you to wear this. I think it'll compliment your makeup really well."

You grabbed the piece of jewelry and inspected it carefully; it was made of real gold, and the gem was an authentic ruby.

"Petra... I couldn't possibly wear this. It's far too valuable. Why did you even bring this with you? Someone could steal it."

"I want you to wear it," she demanded. "It's only for a few hours."

"I think it would match your look more than mine."

"This will make your outfit pop out more."

"I don't know..." You gaze lingered on the necklace. You didn't want to wear something that would make you an easy target for thieves, but you also didn't want to make her upset. You were just going to have to be very careful.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Are you absolutely sure?"

"How much longer guys?"

"One minute!" you shouted.

"I want you to wear it, Eden. I am absolutely sure."

"Fine." You exhaled, wrapping the necklace around your neck. "I will be extra careful. I promise."

She smiled blissfully. You went to open the door, exiting first.

"I told you two to be ready by-"

Oluo's breath hitched the moment Petra came into view. He was like a deer in headlights - completely frozen. You grinned at him mischievously, watching as his face turned pink.

"Are we all set to go?" Eld walked over. He took one glance at the two of you with widened eyes. "You both look very pretty tonight."

"Thanks," you responded. Petra blushed and thanked him also. You could tell she wasn't very used to compliments like those.

"I'm surprised you were able to convince them, Eld, especially at this time of night," you said, staring at the clock - it was fifteen past 10. "I feel like most of you are already in bed by this time."

"I was a little surprised also, not gonna lie," he said.

Upon stepping outside, you noticed the horse carriages were all set and ready to leave. You furrowed your eyebrows when you realized that there were far more carriages than you expected.

Is Mike's squad coming also?

But then you saw the last carriage all the way at the end, and you felt the irritation build up inside of you.

"Please don't tell me they are coming with us," you said with a sigh. Levi, Mike, and Erwin were too preoccupied with the horses to notice how many of you had arrived.

"I- I didn't know. They never told me when I asked," Eld replied.

You groaned to yourself. For once, you just wanted to have a drink without surrounding yourself with the main source that caused you to want to drink in the first place. You needed a goddamn break from that short man.

Levi made eye contact with you and immediately dropped what he was doing to make his way to all of you.

"Two hours max. No later than that," he said sternly.

"I didn't realize you were going to come and babysit us," you said snarkily.

"I felt like it was necessary for only a select few," he told you, unwilling to break eye contact.

This was going to be a long night.

You sighed deeply and got inside the carriage. You managed to convince yourself that as long as you got a drink in your system, you'd be able to get through the night.

After everyone situated themselves in their carriages, the horses took off. The ride to the bar went much quicker than you had anticipated.

"Wow, I thought this would be farther," you remarked.

"You've never come to this bar before?" Petra asked. "I thought most people have been here."

The sign up front read, 'The Rose.' It was embroidered with painted red and pink roses and colorful butterflies sticking out on the edges.

"I guess I'm not too much of a bar person" you lied. You had never gone to any of the bars in Paradis, but you were definitely quite familiar with the bars in Marley. You spent your younger years searching for different ways to avoid the intense emotions from your mother's death, as well as being demoted from becoming a titan inheritor.

Rough times.

Once entering the bar, you all decided to gather at one table. The other higher-ups sat at another table from a distance. Mike's squad had also decided to come, sitting at the table across from yours. The atmosphere was beginning to feel a little more uncomfortable now.

You just wanted to have a drink to destress, but you found that to be impossible to do now. A few drinks in, and you already knew you were about to be an anxious, overthinking mess with all the people who were surrounding you.

"You alright?" Petra asked, sitting next to you. She always seemed to notice when you were feeling tense.

"Let's please just get a drink," you said, standing up from the table and grabbing her arm to lead her to the bartender. You were desperate to get your mind off of things and hoped a drink or two wouldn't take a turn for the worst.

You both sat down at the counter, waiting for the bartender to notice your presence. After helping the two customers sat to the right of you, the bartender turned around; you could immediately sense a change in his demeanor when he recognized the soldiers sitting at the table not too far from where you were. He gave the two of you an amused expression as he wiped an empty glass with a towel.

"Scouts," he began. "I gotta say, it's been a while since I've seen scouts enter this bar. Shouldn't you all be preparing for an expedition soon?"

"We've been preparing for over a month. I think it's fair to say we deserve a break," you responded. He grinned at you, placing the clean glass down behind him. He walked up closer to the counter to face you, leaning his crossed arms on the counter.

"What will be it, then?"

You observed him for a moment, judging his expression and mannerisms.

Let's see if I can get some free drinks out of this guy.

"Just an old-fashioned, please," you replied. "What about you?" you asked Petra.

She looked between the two of you, then replied with, "I'll have the same."

The bartender nodded and turned around to start making the drinks.

Petra leaned in close to your ear. "I think he's interested in you," she whispered. You stared at the man while he made your drinks, curious as to what he may have been thinking about.

"Maybe," you told her.

He whipped back around and presented the drinks to you both.

"It's on the house." He smirked. "Scout's discount."

You gave Petra an amused look before taking a sip of your drink.

It was that easy, huh?

"So, what are your names?" he asked not that long after. His eyes were fixated on you.

"I'm Eden," you replied.

"I'm Petra." She took a sip of her drink, immediately scrunching her nose at the taste. "Gross, how do you drink this?"

You let out a small laugh, finding her reaction utterly adorable.

"What's your name?" you asked the man a few seconds later. You could already sense the liquor rushing through your veins. You weren't exactly tipsy yet, but you knew that was soon to come.

"Lukas," he replied. Lukas had dark green eyes with short black hair styled in a swept-up position. He seemed fairly tall, and you could tell from his arms that he was one to work out too. He was attractive, you couldn't deny it.

"So tell me, what made you want to join the scouts, Eden?"

This is going to be an interesting night after all.

Before you knew it, you had gone through three old-fashioneds while chatting with the bartender. Petra had tried to stop you after requesting the third drink, but you ignored it. He was giving you free alcohol, after all.

Who can pass up free alcohol?

At one moment, you were so drunk that you almost fell off the chair. Before you landed on the ground, a random stranger came by to keep you from falling; although, he was a bit handsier than you would have liked. His hands were all over your neck, for whatever reason.

After collecting yourself, you heard Lukas say, "I have to say, I never thought a girl as beautiful as you would want to become a scout." You felt the heat rise in your face.

Am I a teenager? Why am I getting all flustered over a dumb compliment? Ew.

"Well, I prefer to be acknowledged for my ability and intelligence," you told him, still visibly flustered by his compliment.

He nodded at your response intently while pouring you another drink.

"Beautiful and self-assured," he said. "Seems like a woman any man would be lucky to have."

You laughed slightly. "Maybe, but I'm also not looking for a man."

"Interesting," he said, passing you another old-fashioned. "Good thing I'm a fan of chasing."

Just as you went to grab your fourth drink, an irritating voice cut in from behind you.

"That's enough, don't you think?" Captain Levi grabbed the drink out of your hand and dragged it across the counter, far away from you.

"Captain Levi," Lukas acknowledged. "What can I get for you, sir?"

"I'm alright," he responded, then turned his attention to you. "But I'd appreciate it if you'd stop encouraging my soldiers to get intoxicated."

You refused to make eye contact with Levi, embarrassed and annoyed by his disruption. Frankly, you were already far too drunk to deal with this.

You glanced up at Lukas, already noticing the change in his attitude. He shot Levi a deadly expression before grabbing the drink he made for you and placing it behind him.

"My apologies. It was never my intention, sir."

Levi glared at him and said nothing in return.

"Be outside in the carriages in five minutes," he told you and Petra.

"But sir, it hasn't been two hours yet," Petra complained.

"Five minutes," he repeated more sternly before walking away. Petra let out a huge sigh.

"This is my fault. My apologies," Lukas said.

"Don't apologize. He's just an ass-shat."

Petra smacked your arm harshly.

"Ow!"

"What if he hears you?" she whispered.

"Trust me, it would be nothing new coming from me," you replied, standing up from your seat. Lukas seemed amused by your response.

"It was nice meeting you," you told him.

"Likewise." He smiled. "I hope to see you sometime again in the future."

"We'll see about that," you said smugly.

"Let's go before the captain reprimands us even more," Petra said, interloping her arm in yours. You rolled your eyes and turned away from him, dreading to head back.

Just before you exited the doors, you felt a hand stop your shoulder from behind. You were met with Lukas standing in front of you; he was much taller up close.

"Wait," he said. He pulled out a small sheet of paper in front of him. "Take this, but don't read it until you get back safely."

You grabbed the piece of paper, but then Petra yanked your arm roughly. Lukas noticed her reaction and simply gave you a small smile and nod before you exited the bar.

"Cockblocking much?" you partially joked as Petra walked you to the carriage. It was only then that you began to notice just how drunk you actually were - stumbling about on the ground and unable to keep your balance. Petra was not amused by your behavior at all.

"I don't like that guy," she said with a straight face.

"He gave us drinks on the house, Petra. How could you not like him?"

"He was trying to get you drunk on purpose."

You both took your seats in the carriage next to the other members of Levi's squad. Oluo sat to the left of you, completely passed out.

To think you drank the most in such a short time...

You fell asleep on Petra's shoulder on the short ride back, feeling exhausted. Your head was pounding; it had been a while since you drank that much.

"Eden, we're here." Petra nudged you. You opened your eyes lazily and rubbed them to wake yourself up. Your makeup was definitely smudged by now, but you didn't care. You yawned while stepping off the carriage.

The first thing you did when entering your shared bedroom was throw yourself face-first on the bed. You wanted nothing more but to sleep now.

But then it occurred to you that you had completely forgotten about the note Lukas had given you. You pulled out the crumbled note out of your pocket curiously, facing away from Petra.

Eden,

It was a pleasure getting to meet you. For someone who claims to be so intelligent, I would have thought you'd notice the missing piece on your neck you arrived with.

I suppose you can't have both beauty and brains, can you?

Good luck on your expedition :)

- Lukas

You paused your reading and sat up, immediately feeling around your neck and collarbone area. A rush of panic surged through your body when you realized the necklace was gone.

But how?

You tried to replay the night to the best of your ability, but your mind was too scattered to do so. No one unfamiliar had even touched you tonight.

...Except the handsy stranger who kept you from falling off your seat.

Fuck.

You crumbled the piece of paper and held it tightly in your fist. The anger rushing through your veins sobered you up immediately.

"Are you alright?" Petra asked, noticing the change in your demeanor.

You shot her a fabricated smile. "Don't worry. Everything is fine. I think I just need to get some water."

"Oh, okay. Definitely do that. You don't want a headache in the morning," she said, grabbing her clothes. "I'm gonna go take a shower. I'll be right back."

"Cool," you said, watching her exit the room. Once you were in the clear, you instantly tossed the crumbled paper across the room indignantly. You rose from your bed and paced around the room, contemplating a plan for the next few minutes. She hadn't realized you weren't wearing the necklace anymore, so you needed to find a way to get it back before she did.

You opened your bedroom door and peeked outside; Oluo was struggling to stand up straight while Eld and Gunther held him on each side, forcing a glass of water into his mouth.

"Come on, just drink a little, Oluo. Then we'll let you go," Gunther said.

"No, I just need to... Oh-"

You gasped quietly, watching as he collapsed on the floor. How did he get that drunk in just a little over an hour?

"Alright, come on. We're taking you to bed," Eld said, trying to drag him to his room. You heard Henning groan loudly from his room the moment they pushed Oluo in. He was evidently displeased to have his roommate return shit-faced drunk.

You immediately took this chance to cautiously exit the room, making your way to the kitchen. Your eyes darted around the living room to see if you had missed anyone. Did they all come in already?

You leaned over the kitchen sink to look out of the window - Mike and Erwin were talking outside in the field.

But where is Levi?

"The hell are you doing?"

You jumped back, startled. Levi had stepped out of his office.

"I came to the kitchen to get water," you said, quickly grabbing a glass from the cabinet.

"Why were you looking outside?"

"I was waiting for Squad Leader Mike to come in because I had a question to ask him."

"At this time of night? While you're drunk out of your mind?"

"It's important," you defended. He gave you an inquisitive look, then looked towards the window.

"Well, they have been out there for far too long... I'm going to go check on them," Levi said. "Whatever it is you need to ask him, leave it for tomorrow. You can hardly stand up straight."

Promptly, you tried to fix your posture to act more sober, but it was obvious he wasn't buying it. Before leaving through the front doors, he faced you again. "When I come back, you better not be in this kitchen again.

"Yes, Captain."

Once he shut the front doors, you leaned your back against the counter while shaking your leg anxiously, trying to come up with a plan. You stared at Levi's office door while you thought, and the longer you did, the more you were inclined to find a way to get in.

If I get caught doing this, there is no way I won't get kicked out of the Survey Corps.

Surrendering to your impulsions, you walked up towards his door before you could gather your thoughts coherently. You were still drunk, so coherent thoughts weren't achievable at this point.

As soon as you turned the knob for the door, you realized it was locked.

Shit.

You had to think quickly. It was times like these that you wished you still had your pocket knife, but Levi still had it stuffed away somewhere in his office.

A bobby pin should work. Petra has hundreds.

With rapid steps, you went back to your room and searched the vanity dresser to see where Petra kept her bobby pins. You grabbed one and promptly returned to the front of Levi's door. You bent the bobby pin straight, then inserted it into the keyhole, working it around inside. It had been a while since you had done this - and you were definitely a bit rusty - but somehow, you still managed to pick the lock after about three minutes. Your eyes widened when you entered.

Wow, he really does keep everything super tidy.

You shut the door quietly and quickly made your way to his desk, only to find that it, too, had a lock.

"Come on..." you muttered impatiently.

You worked the bobby pin inside the keyhole and unlocked it next, revealing a variety of keys. You anxiously searched through the keys until you found the one marked for the stables.

Perfect.

You noticed another one of the drawers was locked, and seeing as you were drunk and not thinking clearly, you just couldn't help your curiosity. You unlocked that one after a few minutes and discovered quite a random combination of things, including some envelopes and soldier badges.

You also happened to find your pocket knife; you grinned as you grasped it, stashing it away excitedly. You would definitely need this in a few minutes.

Although you had already grabbed everything you needed, you still continued prying into his desk like the nosy person you were.

Maybe I could find out one of his weaknesses.

One envelope in particular caught your attention - it read, 'Isabel' on the front. You picked it up and looked inside to find two hair ties. Who was Isabel? Did Levi have some long-distance girlfriend you didn't know about? Why did he have her hair ties?

Before you could investigate even further, you heard the front door of the building open - panic rushed through you. You shut all the drawers and started looking around the room to see where you could hide or escape.

He has windows. Perfect.

You pushed up the window and started to shove your whole body through. The voices increased in volume as they reached the outside of the office door. Frantically, you pushed your body outside and hopped out. Once your whole body was out, you closed the window carefully. The moment it clicked shut, you heard keys go into the door; you ducked behind the bushes cautiously.

You were completely frozen - too nervous to make any sudden movements that would create any loud noise. You heard shuffling in the room, then jingling keys. A part of you wanted to peek inside but you were afraid that would blow your cover.

After a few minutes of silence, you decided that you needed to take the risk and move. It was only a matter of time before you were going to get caught.

You stood up from the bushes carefully and moved towards one of the edges of the building. All of a sudden, you heard the window you just came out of open up again. You peeked over to see what was going on and observed Levi's head sticking out, facing the opposite direction. You gasped quietly and pressed your body against the brick wall, looking away and holding your breath.

He definitely knows.

When you heard the window shut, you bolted to the stables, taking out the keys to immediately unlock the door. You went to unlock the first horse stall you saw and prayed the horse wouldn't put up a fight. One of your hands reached up to pet the side of the horse's face as he leaned into your touch.

"Good boy," you praised.

You were slightly thankful that Levi had put you up to the task of cleaning the stalls, because it gave you a chance to earn some of the horses' trust.

"Okay, let's go," you told the horse while pulling against its halter gently. You shut the stall, then the door, and made sure both were locked. Quickly, you situated yourself on top of the horse and took a deep breath in. You were still drunk and about to ride a horse; you prayed this wouldn't result in a massive injury.

It's a short trip. I'll be fine.

The journey back to the bar was brief. You hopped off the horse abruptly, causing you to stumble and fall on the floor.

Get it together.

While helping yourself up, you noticed that the lights from the bar had dimmed. It seemed like they were closing up. This made the situation even better; you could beat the crap out of him now and no one could stop you.

You tied the lead of your horse around a pole and shoved open the bar doors. Lukas was wiping the counter with a rag while laughing with some other men, one of whom was holding up Petra's necklace. Lukas was immediately dismayed at your presence, resulting in the others glaring at you peculiarly.

However, his dismay quickly turned into amusement.

"Eden," he said with a smirk. "Pleasure to see you here."

Someone had been in his office.

Levi knew it from the moment he stepped in. Someone had messed with the lock and went inside. Having looked inside his drawers, he automatically knew who it had been. Not only was the key to the stables missing, but a certain someone's pocket knife was gone too. You made it all so obvious.

What the hell is she thinking?

He immediately went to your shared room with Petra and knocked on the door.

"Come in!" Petra responded in a chirpy tone. Her expression turned into concern when Levi stepped in instead of you. "Is everything okay, Captain?"

"Where is Eden?"

"I'm not sure. I thought she had gone to the kitchen or something."

"I knew it," he whispered to himself, shaking his head. He rushed outside to the stables to see if he'd somehow be able to catch you before you left.

His mind went to the worst case scenario. What if you had stolen something and escaped? His mind could not make out what you could have stolen, however. One thing he knew for certain was that you had always seemed suspicious to him.

He knew in his gut that you were not from Karanes District like you claimed to be from. You had to have been from the Underground. The absurd-looking pocket knife, the way you sparred, the way you were easily able to pick the locks to his office and drawers, the way you somehow managed to escape just now while still intoxicated - that was not behavior he expected from someone that came from Karanes district.

But there was no time to ponder that. He needed to find out where you were as soon as possible.

Luckily, he had a spare stables key attached to the set of keys on his hips. He unlocked the stable doors and noticed one horse was missing.

"That idiot," he said to himself.

Where could she have gone?

"Captain!" Petra came running frantically towards Levi with a piece of crumpled paper in her hand. "I think I might know where she went."

Petra handed him the paper. He furrowed his eyebrows while skimming through the note.

"He stole her necklace?"

"It was actually my necklace," Petra admitted. "I let her borrow it. My assumption is that she went back to get it."

Surprisingly, Levi felt a sense of relief. You weren't trying to escape with something you stole, you were trying to retrieve something that was stolen. Was he wrong about you after all? He couldn't be too sure, but perhaps he did jump to conclusions too fast.

But then he started to feel some concern. Had the Lukas guy intended for you to go back? Was he trying to trap you? The note felt like all too much of a ploy to get you to go back, and who the hell knew what he had planned to do with you.

Levi opened up another stall and grabbed one of the horses.

"Come on," he told Petra while climbing onto the horse's back. "Let's go find her."

Lukas lay dumbfounded on the ground, looking up at you as you straddled him with one hand pinning down his left wrist and the other holding up the pocket knife against his neck. You leaned against his right arm to prevent him from moving; he gripped the necklace on his left hand tightly, refusing to let go.

His two other friends were sprawled across the room, beaten up and unconscious. Those two weren't much of a hassle. You could tell they weren't used to combat, nor did they even have the physique to take you. Lukas, however, put up much more of a fight. He had no combat training, but he was strong. It was taking everything in you to hold him down while he fought against it.

"Give it to me, and I'll forget this ever happened," you said.

"Absolutely not."

You pressed the knife down against his neck a little harder. He laughed.

"You wouldn't dare to kill me."

Instinctively, you made one bold swipe with your knife over the right side of his collarbone, drawing blood immediately. It was deep enough to leave a scar, but wasn't anything life-threatening. You were hoping this would have been enough to scare him.

"Fuck!" He let out a groan, squirming under your grip. "Fucking bitch."

"I could do a lot more," you said, placing the knife back on his neck. The blood started to stain through his shirt, yet he wasn't letting up. His grip on the necklace tightened even more.

Suddenly, the bar doors opened, distracting the both of you. You furrowed your eyebrows at the sight.

"Captain?"

Lukas took your moment of distraction to step over one of your legs, then moved his body over to the side to topple you over. He clumsily attempted to straddle you and take your knife, but he was too inexperienced. You kicked him off of you, which only encouraged him to come after you even more.

Unexpected to you, Levi grabbed Lukas from the collar of his shirt forcefully and punched him square in the face. You gaped at the scene.

The weight of the punch caused him to loosen his grip on the necklace, which you immediately dove in to catch. When you looked up again, Lukas was already bleeding from his nose. He lifted his fingers to feel his nose and stared at the blood on his fingers.

"You could have broken my nose," he told Levi. Levi grabbed him again, but instead of punching him, he kicked him in the face. Lukas groaned loudly.

"You fucking..." Lukas couldn't allow himself to finish that sentence. He held the bridge of his nose with his fingers, moaning in pain.

"You're lucky I didn't just kill you right there," Levi said. Lukas shuffled himself on the floor to move away from Levi; Levi kicked him harshly one last time, making him go unconscious. He redirected his attention to you after watching Lukas' eyes fall shut. "Are you okay?" he asked.

You looked up at him in disbelief and slight awe. It was difficult for you to formulate a sentence to reply with. He reached out a hand to help you up; you grabbed it hesitantly.

"Are you hurt?" he asked while hauling you up.

"I'm alright. Thank you," you finally responded, a little flustered. You held up the necklace in front of you to make sure nothing was missing. Luckily, everything seemed to be intact.

"Is everything okay?" you heard a faint voice say. You looked towards the doors to see Petra shyly peeking through. Once she made eye contact with you, her face fell into a frown.

"Petra," you said, walking towards her. "I am so sorry. I was being careless and-"

"You could have gotten hurt, Eden!" she cut you off.

"I know, but it was your necklace, and it seemed special to you."

"Forget the damn necklace, Eden," Petra continued. "I'm not mad about that. I'm mad that you nearly risked your life just to get back my stupid necklace. Not only that, but you broke several rules that could easily get you kicked out of the Survey Corps and permanently written on your record - all for a necklace. What's gotten into you? Gosh, I feel like you get so caught up in your stubbornness that you just can't see what's the reasonable thing to do in situations."

Oh.

You lowered your eyes in defeat. "I'm sorry."

She huffed in annoyance and turned her back to you. "Can we please get going now? It's getting late."

"Just a moment," Levi said, kneeling down next to one of the unconscious bodies. "I'm just making sure no one here is dead."

"I didn't beat them in any life-threatening areas," you told him.

"I know," he said while feeling the pulse of one of them, "but you cut one of their collarbones, which slightly surprised me. I felt the need to check."

You thought back to the time you sparred with him and how he called you a coward. You couldn't tell if he was impressed by what you just did or concerned based on his tone.

After Levi spent the next few minutes checking their pulses, you made your way back to the horses to go back to the fortress. The ride back was silent and uncomfortable. For once, you were glad Petra wasn't riding with you and was instead riding with Levi; you did not want the ride to be any more awkward than it already was.

Petra hopped off the horse when you reached the stables and rushed back inside, not saying a word to either of you.

Just when you decided you were going to go after her, Levi spoke up. "Do you even realize the severity of what you just did?"

You stared at him like a child being berated by their parents. You were fully expecting this, but it still made you feel apprehensive.

"Not only did you just break several rules from the Survey Corps, but you might have just impacted our image to the public."

"He stole something that wasn't mine, and it was my fault. I needed to retrieve it myself."

"Do you think that's what those ass-shats are going to tell the Garrison when they gain consciousness?"

"Why does it matter?"

"It matters a fuck ton," he said, opening up the stable doors. "The Garrison already don't take us seriously. What more will this do?"

"I wasn't intending to hurt them, but they came at me first."

"It doesn't matter, Eden." He began locking up the horses in their stalls. "They are going to see that slash on his collarbone and say you tried to kill him. Once again, you acted before you thought it through."

"How will they know it's me, though? They don't have proof."

"They always know, trust me." He locked up the stable doors and sighed before looking up at you again. "Why didn't you just tell me?"

You furrowed your eyebrows. "What?"

"You should have told me about the necklace."

"So you could mock me and tell me to get over it?"

"I would have found a way to get it back."

"I find it hard to believe that you would have actually helped me."

"Only because it was Petra's"

Something about that comment stung, but you ignored it. Could you really blame him? You had fucked up a number of times in the short time you had known him. Why would he help you so willingly? Petra was loyal and devoted to him from the start.

"Honestly, you're lucky I don't just kick you out of the Scout Regiment right now."

"Why don't you just do it then? You've made it evident to me time and time again that I don't meet your expectations. You finally have the proof you need to kick me out, so just do it. I don't care anymore," you said in frustration. He stared at you in deep thought but wouldn't utter a word. It made you curious as to what he could have been thinking about.

"How the hell did you get into my office?" he asked randomly, ignoring your question. You furrowed your eyebrows.

"Answer my question," you said.

"Did you use a paperclip?"

"No."

"Bobby pin?"

"...No," you lied. He crossed his arms sternly. "Okay, it might have been..."

"You've done this before, haven't you?"

"That's not something I feel comfortable discussing."

He eyed you suspiciously. "You're still hiding something, and don't doubt that I won't find out."

"If you say so, Captain," you replied. "May I go now?"

"You're forgetting something." He held out his hand, waiting for you to give him something. You sighed and handed him back the stable keys. He stood there in the same position, still waiting for you to hand him something more.

He wanted the pocket knife.

"Come on..."

He remained still, completely unmoving.

"Fine," you said begrudgingly, pulling the knife out of your boot. "Might wanna be careful, though. It might have some blood on it. You don't want to catch a disease, do you?"

He frowned and lowered his hand. You smiled and tried to stop yourself from laughing. Him being a clean freak was always odd to you, but it was times like these that you were able to use it against him.

"Hand it to me by tomorrow morning. It better be spotless," he said.

"Okay, I will," you said. Though, you hoped he would somehow forget about it.

After he let you go, you went straight to your bedroom. The alcohol had now drained you, making you more tired than normal; you simply just wanted to go to bed.

Petra was already in bed when you entered the room. The lamp was off, but you knew she was still awake; she just wouldn't talk to you. You decided it was best to give her some space.

After changing into your pajamas, you began to mull over the day's events.

What the hell was I actually thinking?

The worst part about this whole situation was that you didn't do this as a selfish act - you did it for Petra. Without hesitation, you wanted to make sure she got her necklace back.

But why? She shouldn't matter to me at all. So what if I lost her dumb necklace? She's not meant to be in my life anyway.

But you wanted her to be.

You didn't want her to be mad at you. In fact, you hated the fact she was furious at you right now. You just didn't want to see the look on her face after telling her it got stolen. She didn't deserve that.

You did it because you cared about her, and it was shameful to admit it. You considered her a friend.

The expedition was the day after tomorrow. You wanted to make sure you would make amends before it happened. You weren't exactly sure what would happen in two days' time, but you had a gut feeling it wasn't going to be pretty.

"Honestly, you're lucky I don't just kick you out of the Scout Regiment right now."

"Why don't you just do it then? You've made it evident to me time and time again that I don't meet your expectations. You finally have the proof you need to kick me out, so just do it. I don't care anymore."

He stared at you in contemplation, finding a response to your question but not being able to get the words out of his mouth.

'Because we need you,' was what he wanted to say, but he wouldn't dare let those words leave his mouth. You were exactly what they needed, but he would never admit that to you.

You were stubborn and idiotic, but you were also special, and he continued painting you as the villain in his head to avoid the thought.

However, it was only a matter of time before those thoughts couldn't be avoided anymore.

Notes:

Just a note: I struggle a lot with writing sparring scenes, so my apologies if things do not make sense :')

Chapter 9: Grief

Chapter Text

"She is from the Underground."

"Enough with the accusations, Levi-"

"Trust me, Erwin," Levi said in irritation. "I've watched her for the past month. Her behavior does not match that of someone from the surface."

Levi was positive in his assumptions. He had seen behavior like yours before, and he could only assume someone as hotheaded, self-reliant, and sneaky as you were would come from the same place he did.

He acknowledged that you both shared similarities, and perhaps that was also why he couldn't stand being around you at times. Being in the presence of someone that nearly matched his personality was not something he wanted to deal with.

However, the significant difference between the two of you - which also served as a major counterargument to his presumption - was that you had a fear of killing and seeing death while he didn't. Most people from the Underground had become desensitized to death since it was far too common, which meant that your fear of it could potentially mean he was wrong after all. He observed this from the moment he met you; you would purposely avoid gazing down at dead bodies during the breach at Trost, and your combat skills were never enough to threaten someone's life. You always succeeded in frightening others with your strength, but he knew there would come a time when you'd come across someone who could see right through your tough act.

Someone like himself.

"It's nearly impossible to escape the Underground. Not to mention it is extremely difficult to forge documents."

"Not as difficult as you would think, Erwin," Levi replied, speaking from experience. "And I wouldn't put it past her to escape. With her physical abilities, she's likely broken a few bones to get here."

Erwin glared at Levi suspiciously. "Well, if that is the case, what is she doing in the Survey Corps, then?"

Levi thought for a moment, curious to know about the same matter. You claimed to be here to honor your mother's death, but he found that very hard to believe. His mind briefly drifted back to when he first came to the surface and what his intentions were.

"I'm not sure, but you recall my objective when I first arrived, don't you?"

Erwin stared at him in silence, understanding the point he was trying to make.

Levi was practically forced to come to the surface and join the Survey Corps after being caught using ODM gear in the Underground. He created a plan with Furlan and Isabel to retrieve the documents and kill Erwin.

Well, killing Erwin was his own idea, but it clearly never happened.

"And yet, the outcome turned out the complete opposite of what you had imagined," Erwin stated. "I see the same potential in her as I did in you, Levi."

Levi looked at him solemnly with his arms crossed against his chest. He refused to feel like he was mistaken about this, but an infuriating part of his brain told him that perhaps he may have just been finding reasons to dislike you because you reminded him of his past.

"Sir," a soldier interrupted through the door, "the horses are all set up outside."

"Perfect. We shall be out soon," Erwin responded. "Levi, we can discuss this later."

Erwin exited his office, leaving Levi alone to mull over his thoughts.

He wasn't sure why he was so preoccupied with you lately. He had much more grave matters to tend to.

Your legs swung around anxiously while sitting on top of your horse; you were tremendously nervous about this expedition. Although many of the other soldiers seemed determined that it would succeed, you knew that Annie, Reiner, and Bertholdt were all going to pull something out of their sleeves. You so desperately wished you knew what it was.

Troubling thoughts about what would happen and who would get hurt completely consumed your brain. You prayed that Petra and the others would be okay.

I'm sure they'll be fine. These are some of the top soldiers in the Survey Corps.

"Hey."

You turned your head to your left to see Petra move up next to you with her horse. She avoided your gaze apprehensively.

You hadn't spoken to her since the day the incident occurred. She avoided you all of yesterday, and you thought it would have been best not to disturb her while she was still upset with you.

"About the other day... I don't want there to be any bad blood between us," she said shyly.

"It was my fault, Petra. I should have just been honest with you. I'm sorry," you replied.

"It's okay. I feel like I was being a little dramatic."

"No, you had every right to react that way, Petra. I do tend to get so caught up in my stubbornness that I just can't think clearly sometimes. I should have been more cautious, too."

Petra paused to stare at you in bewilderment, but then she smiled. She clearly hadn't expected you to apologize and reflect on your mistake so doubtlessly.

"I forgive you. I know you did it out of the goodness of your own heart. I don't think I've met anyone who'd go as far as beat up several men just for me." She let out a small laugh. "But please don't do that again. I was really worried about you. Just talk to me next time."

"Of course. I promise," you responded.

"I'm glad we talked," she replied with a lighthearted smile. "I don't know what will happen after today, but I'd rather go into this mission knowing we are on good terms."

"Don't go saying stuff like that."

"Well, it's the truth."

"We'll both make it out okay. I know it," you said optimistically.

She grinned at you again, but you could tell it was still hidden behind her fear. You couldn't really blame her, though; you, too, were absolutely terrified of what could lay ahead of you.

"Everyone line up in their respective positions. We are heading out soon," you heard Erwin's firm tone from a distance.

"Well, I guess this is it," Petra said, her voice filled with nerves. You viewed her expression tentatively, witnessing how her eyes were nearly brimming with tears.

"Optimistic thoughts, Petra. I thought I was the pessimistic one."

A nervous laugh escaped her mouth. You smiled at her in return.

"Good luck out there. I know you'll be fine."

"Take care, Eden. Good luck."

You both nodded your heads to one another and separated into your respective squads.

Be safe, Petra. Stay alive.

You advanced with your horse towards Mike's squad, getting into position.

Mike's squad was set to be to the right of the center of command, beside Erwin. Mike and Nanaba were directly front and center in the formation. Lynne was behind them to the left and Henning behind them to the right. You were directly behind them in the middle between Lynne and Henning. Behind you was Gelgar to the left and Tomas to the right.

You had all awoken bright and early to make sure you headed to Karanes District at a reasonable hour. It was not the shortest ride, and the journey there was certainly filled with nerves.

"Nervous?" Nanaba asked, looking behind her shoulder after finally coming to a stop at the gate by Karanes. You had the tendency to shake or sway your legs around when you were in distress about something, making it evident to anyone watching you that you were preoccupied with the thoughts on your mind.

"No, I just didn't sleep very well," you replied, which wasn't a complete lie. You were up all night pondering the potential different outcomes that could occur today.

"Well, I can't say I blame you," she said. "All I can say is just be vigilant and always on your guard."

"And always listen to my commands," Mike added. "No matter what."

You nodded assuredly, continuing to shake your leg that rested on the stirrup of the horse saddle.

You went into a completely blank state for a moment, reflecting on the past month. The connections you made, the training you endured, the information you learned - would it be worth it in the end? Was it all enough for this expedition to succeed?

But you didn't want this expedition to succeed, or at least, you weren't supposed to.

You were immensely distracted the entire month. Instead of interpreting ways to kill humanity's strongest, you were completely blindsided by the events that took place. On some days, you managed to convince yourself that you, too, were a soldier here to contribute to saving humanity.

Oh gosh. I'm starting to sound like Reiner.

There were friendships you made that you truly cherished, but knew deep down that cherishing them would only result in despair. You allowed yourself to enjoy the moment - to smile and laugh with the closest you'd ever had to friends in your life, but then you'd go into the bathroom and quietly shed a tear or two at night. No one knew who you truly were, and the guilt that came along with it was excruciating.

You heard Erwin's tumultuous tone next to you, making you realize that you had been pondering for far too long. The expedition had officially begun; the soldiers behind you bellowed and drew up their swords passionately.

And then the gates opened.

You all exited the gates and spread out onto the field, the horses obediently following orders. All the squads began separating and spacing out into their respective sections. Although your squad position was to the right of Erwin, you were spread out enough to not be able to see where Erwin was at all; all you could see was who was surrounding you in your squad.

The first few minutes were not anything concerning. The horses continued galloping forward in silence, and there were no hints of titans approaching nearby.

But then you heard blasts come from the southeast - several of them. It started with black smoke signals, indicating that abnormal titans had made an appearance on the southeastern side of the right flank.

"Eden, fire the signal," Mike ordered.

"Yes, sir," you replied, taking out the pistol. Just as you were about to fire it, more disorganized smoke signals were shot. A combination of black and purple signals were fired just merely seconds after. You lowered the pistol in shock, trying to process the current situation.

"Eden, the signal," Mike commanded again. You snapped your mind out of the thought and quickly fired the black smoke signal.

The signals indicated that soldiers were already spotting abnormals and getting attacked. Trost District began to replay in your mind, and you felt distressed at the thought of the same outcomes happening again.

"Sir!" A soldier called, rushing towards Mike on his horse. "The right flank lookout suffered a crushing blow! Enemy detection on the right flank is partially disabled! Please relay this to the squads stationed to your left!"

"Understood," Mike responded. "Lynne, please relay the information."

"Yes, sir!" Lynne obliged, separating from the formation.

You continued onward for a moment more, no longer hearing signals for some time.

I wonder how Petra and the others are doing.

Levi's squad was in the safest spot in the formation - just as Petra told you a few days earlier. They were in Line 5 in the center on standby, which was in the back and center, but evidently protected from every direction.

You were fearful, but you also knew that they were being led by humanity's strongest. They were each strong individually, but Levi's ability on his own was enough to protect them all.

You needed to kill that man, but for the sake of this mission, you just wanted him alive to make sure your friends would be okay.

Time continued to pass, and then you finally heard the noise you were dreading. The familiar stomps of titans were approaching from behind. You twisted your head around to catch a glimpse of it - an abnormal was approaching the squad behind you at an alarming speed.

"Eyes up ahead, Eden," Gelgar said from behind you. You obliged immediately.

Stop getting distracted so easily. Focus up ahead.

You heard the noise grow in volume from behind you, and then you heard a terrifying cry.

"Someone, help! Please!"

You listened to the soldier's agonizing screams, and then a disturbing crush. You knew the titan had grabbed ahold of them, and you couldn't do anything but listen to the soldier get squashed to death.

"Gelgar, Tomas. Go assist the squad directly behind," Mike ordered.

Gelgar and Tomas immediately withdrew from the formation to help the squad behind you, leaving just four of you left in the formation.

You heard more screams coming from every direction, and the titans' stomps were only getting louder. Following orders obediently was starting to mess with you again.

Why aren't we doing anything? Shouldn't we also be engaging?

You looked to each member left of your squad and noticed that none of them seemed to be as petrified as you were. Although your lack of experience may have been the reason why you were reacting so emotionally, you were still confused as to why nothing was happening.

"Sir, I hear the titans nearing at a fast rate. Shouldn't we do something?" you asked Mike anxiously.

"Be quiet and face forward," Henning interjected.

"I wasn't asking you," you responded rudely.

"We have to continue pressing forward," Mike responded, encouraging his horse to move faster. "Gelgar and Tomas will call it out if they need reinforcements. Separating any more of you would only cause disorganization and miscommunication."

"Yes, sir. I understand," you responded.

The horses galloped faster while the titans steps only grew closer and closer.

"Sir!" Lynne returned after a few minutes. "There is a dangerous abnormal approaching the rear end of the formation! It's already entered the forest! They say it seems to have intelligence!"

Annie.

"Shit," Mike uttered.

"Sir!" Gelgar called from behind. "We need backup!"

Mike nodded and turned to the three of you stationed behind him. "Go."

You, Lynne, and Henning took off from your horses and switched to ODM gear immediately to assist Gelgar and Tomas. Two abnormals had gotten ahold of members from the other squad; one soldier was dangling upside down off of the titan's grip while the other was already being grabbed like a ragdoll, slowly being lured into the titan's mouth.

Gelgar and Tomas successfully took down one of the titans, leaving just one left. The soldier was just about to be dropped into the titan's mouth until Lynne swooped in and quickly sliced its wrist. The soldier fell off, fortunately being able to switch to his ODM gear while in the air to boost himself up and out of the way.

Henning and Lynne then took care of the lower legs of the titan fortuitously. The titan collapsed on the ground while you dove in and slashed the nape.

In situations where you encountered a titan that could only be taken down with a team, Mike made it known to everyone in his squad that you would be the one in charge of aiming for the nape. Although you did not have the same expertise as the other members, you easily bested them concerning speed, making you the best choice to slash the nape of an unpredictable abnormal.

You all rapidly returned to your horses, catching up to Mike and Nanaba again. More gunshots and smoke signals intruded your senses, but you were too preoccupied with nerves to process the severity of the situation in full.

Then, you heard another loud noise from a distance.

"Fire!" you heard Erwin's harsh voice yell. You all stopped in your tracks once you realized something suspicious was occurring.

"What was that?" Henning asked.

"Were those cannons?" Lynne added.

"Leave the horses up ahead and switch to ODM gear. Nanaba and I have our own duties to attend to," Mike stated, ignoring the questions. "Gelgar shall be in charge while I'm gone. And make sure you watch our horses also." He immediately retreated with Nanaba without providing further explanation.

Annie, please be alive.

You found yourself torn. There was only one side you should be on, yet you found yourself partially wanting it to fail. It had to be one or the other.

It was either you prayed for Annie to succeed in this mission, potentially capture Eren, and reunite with Reiner and Bertholdt to bring Eren back to Marley, or in contrast - hope she failed so that nobody you had grown a connection with would get hurt. You couldn't have both. There was only one you had to manifest the outcome to.

So which was it? What did you want? The answer to that question was not something you wanted to decide.

You shut your eyes for a few seconds and took a deep breath in, then exhaled.

I will not hope for any outcome. Whatever is meant to be, will happen.

The five of you hopped off your horses to discuss the current predicament.

"Anyone know what the hell is going on?" Henning asked.

Like Henning, you were extremely concerned and confused at what was happening. What did they need canons for? This was obviously planned from the start.

You felt your heart race at the thought of Annie being potentially blown up already.

Positive thoughts. Positive thoughts.

"Leave them to do their tasks. We have to stay here until then," Gelgar answered.

"What? We're just gonna stand here like idiots and do nothing? What if a titan comes?"

Lynne lightly smacked Henning behind his head. "Obviously we have to defend ourselves if a titan comes."

"It is a bit strange, though. Do you think the titans that broke down the walls have returned?" Tomas added.

"We can't know for sure. We just have to trust Mike's orders," Gelgar replied.

All of a sudden, a terrible screeching noise was heard. You all immediately covered your ears, trying to block out the piercing scream. It felt like it lasted for an eternity before it finally came to a stop.

It took you a minute to process what that sound meant. It was the same sound Annie made when she-

"Everyone get to higher elevation now," you ordered.

"Why are you-"

"Now!"

You attached your hook to the branch of a tree, pulling yourself up as high as possible. To your surprise, the rest of your team members followed behind you without hesitation. In just mere seconds, a stampede of titans ran through the forest, all running in the same direction.

"They're... ignoring us?" Tomas asked.

It was strange. The titans didn't even catch a glimpse of any of you. What did this mean?

The stampede died down after a few minutes, but it was still safest to stay up high to avoid any surprise encounters.

"Eden," Gelgar began, "how did you know those titans were coming?"

Fuck.

"I just sensed it. I felt the rumbling from far away, didn't you?"

"No. No, I didn't." He furrowed his eyebrows. "But thank you. Your senses saved us in the end."

You gave him a small smile, not feeling great about the lie. After that slight moment of ease, you all heard a gunshot, then observed the withdrawal smoke signal from up above.

"We're withdrawing?" you asked.

"We're actually done?" Lynne added.

"Look's like it," Gelgar said. "Let's hop on our horses and go."

However, that moment of relief was short-lived. You were all disturbed by another noise only a couple of minutes after riding your horses back towards Karanes.

It was Eren's titan roar, and you knew right then and there that Annie had to have been alive; Eren was just absolutely going to try and beat the life out of her.

"Don't tell me that was-"

"Everyone, we have to keep moving forward," Gelgar ordered. You complied with his orders, but so badly wanted to separate from the formation.

But what if Eren succeeds in killing Annie?

You tightened your grip on your horse's saddle, biting down on your lip harshly. If you separated from the group, you would look far more suspicious than before. There was no reason for you to withdraw from the group.

But if you didn't go, Annie could be in danger. Flashbacks of Marcel replayed in your head; you swore to yourself that you would never allow that to happen again.

"Gelgar, are you the one in charge of Mike's squad?" you heard a voice project from behind you. Gelgar turned around to answer the male voice.

"Yes, Captain. Is everything alright?"

"I'm taking Eden. It's urgent."

"For what?"

"It's Eren. He needs help."

This is my escape.

You caught a glimpse of the person behind you, and for the first time ever, you had never been happier to see Captain Levi.

Gelgar nodded. "Very well. Take her."

"Eden, switch to ODM gear. We can come back for your horse later," Levi ordered.

"Yes, sir," you replied, parking your horse by the trees, then switching to your gear to follow him in the air. He was moving fast as hell, and you found it difficult to keep up.

"Care to fill me in on what's going on?" you asked him, catching up to his side.

"There is a female titan of some sort that is out to get Eren. We managed to capture her with canons, but the son of a bitch used her irritating voice to lure titans to eat her so she could escape. When I heard Eren's scream from a distance, I knew he must have found her."

"Why was your first instinct to grab me?"

"I saw you from a distance on the way there. It was simply convenient, so don't flatter yourself."

You furrowed your eyebrows. "I wasn't trying to."

"We need to hurry," he said, speeding up between the trees.

"But I don't understand, Captain. Why didn't you find your squad first?"

He didn't answer and kept moving forward. Little did you know you would find the answer to that just seconds later.

You let out a loud gasp upon witnessing the dead body that was dangling in front of you as you bumped into a tree and collapsed to the ground abruptly. You groaned in pain when you picked yourself up, then forced yourself to inspect the body that startled you. Your eyes widened in disbelief.

It was Gunther's body that was dangling from his wires; his head was nearly decapitated.

"Gunther... no, it can't be," your voice said quietly. You took a few steps back, no longer wanting to view the image in front of you, then jumped again when you felt your foot step on something on the ground. You turned around to find Eld - only it was half of his body, and he was also clearly dead.

"No, no, no," you panicked, shaking your head.

Where are they? Where are Petra and Oluo?

You frantically rushed through the trees of the forest in an attempt to find the final two, hoping there was some evidence of life.

But then you found them, and after you did, you wished you hadn't gone to look for them. You slowly approached Oluo's body to see if there was any indication of life, but his back had been completely crushed.

He was dead. Plain and simple.

You walked over to the red hair that was up against the tree next - the person you feared to look at the most.

"Petra." You approached her hesitantly. The moment her face came into view, your eyes welled up in tears. You covered your mouth to stop yourself from sobbing and collapsed onto your knees. "This can't be."

"Eden!" Levi called sternly. "I've called you more than once. We have to go."

"They're dead."

"Eden, snap out of it."

"Do you not care?" you asked him. You tried to comprehend his expression, but were only met with emotionless eyes.

"Eden, now is not the time."

"I thought you were with them. I thought you were going to protect them," you told him in exasperation. Your hands gripped the grass below you firmly. You felt utterly defeated.

"We have to go," he said in an impatient tone.

"Why did you leave them?"

Levi reacted forcefully by pulling you up by the collar of your uniform to stand up. You were obviously taken aback, trying to push his hands off of you.

"Get off!"

"I won't say it again. We have to go. Listen to my orders."

You tried your best to pull back the tears threatening to spill out. When you felt his grip loosen slightly, you shoved him off.

"Yes, Captain," you spat. His expression was unwavering as he launched himself back into the air, expecting you to follow behind.

You so desperately wanted to pin the blame on him. It wasn't fair. Why did he get off so easily? Why was he still alive? Why did he show no signs of despair? You clenched your fists tightly.

Still, you chose to be obedient and followed behind him, not saying a word. Part of you wanted to lob his head off right now, but you knew he'd beat you to it.

You stared up ahead, and then finally noticed Annie's titan from a distance with another small figure up ahead.

It was Mikasa. Of course it was.

You needed to catch up soon, knowing that Mikasa was fully capable of killing Annie.

"What the hell is that brat doing?" Levi asked, watching Mikasa trying to engage in a fight with the Female Titan. "Come on. We have to catch up to her."

The two of you quickly sped up ahead, trying to reach her. Levi managed to grab and pull her against his chest to prevent her from engaging any further.

"Fall back for now," he told her. She reluctantly obliged, and then the three of you moved behind the Female Titan carefully.

I won't let them kill you, Annie. I promise.

"Maintain this distance," he said. "It slowed down a bit. It doesn't seem to be going very fast."

You weren't sure if Annie's titan body was drained, or if she was trying to lure in one of them by tricking them to make them think she was slowing down.

Knowing Annie, it was probably the latter.

"He seems to have been bitten right out of the neck. Is Eren dead?"

"He's alive," Mikasa said without a doubt. "The target appears intelligent, and its goal seems to be capturing Eren. If it wanted him dead, it would have crushed him. She must need him for something, but she also needs her hands to fight, so she must be holding him on her tongue."

"Its goal may have been to eat Eren. In which case, it's likely he's already been swallowed. If so, he's dead," Levi responded.

"He's alive!" Mikasa shouted in confidence. Levi glanced at her curiously.

"Someone's optimistic."

This comment evidently ticked Mikasa off even more. "If you had just done your damn job and protected him like you were supposed to, we wouldn't be having this conversation!"

"Oh, I see now." Levi seemed to have had a moment of realization as he shifted his body to face her. "You're the childhood friend, right? Suddenly it all makes sense."

Mikasa knitted her eyebrows while Levi turned away again and went back into position.

"Right. For the sake of argument, let's narrow our goals. First, forget about taking her down."

"No way. She's killed too many of our people for that. She's dead!"

"She's got defenses that none of us have trained to deal with. I'm telling you, it's a lost cause," Levi said. "Instead, we'll act on your assumption that Eren is alive and focus only on freeing him before she exits the forest." Levi pulled out his blade from his gear. "I'll handle all the cutting."

You felt your heart beat out of your chest.

"Both of you, find a way to distract her."

"Right."

"Yes, sir," you replied.

You and Mikasa nodded your heads and immediately flew below towards Annie's legs. Annie made eye contact with you; there was a hint of relief on her face.

I won't let you die. I promise.

Levi zoomed up above. You weren't sure what he had up his sleeve, but there was no way it would have been enough to kill Annie. Her abilities made it far too difficult to defeat her.

You watched as Annie glared at Levi behind her. She wasn't completely drained; she knew Levi was ready to attack, and she was well prepared to defend herself.

It all happened so fast. The Female Titan raised her arm in the air to throw a punch at Levi, but it appeared that Levi had already preconceived this. You had never seen a person move so rapidly in your life to the point where they didn't even appear human.

He struck her arm starting from her wrist to her shoulder, spinning with his blades at lightning speed. He finished off his attack by striking both of her eyes with his swords, blinding her. You thought he was finished, but you were far from right.

After blinding her, he launched back into the air to switch into new blades and commenced his attack once again. He speedily sliced her body from head to toe, then cut her hand that was placed at the back of her neck to prevent him from cutting into her nape. She fell to the ground, exhausted from his assault.

What do I do?

Levi didn't appear to be exhausted. He continued his attacks, slicing at her entire body. His attacks were filled with fury and rage.

Her body was not quick enough to react and harden to his attacks - it was useless. Her arms went limp, falling off loosely after he cut in deep, exposing her nape. You noticed the change in Mikasa's expression once she saw the opening.

"Mikasa, stop!" you yelled.

"Don't do it!" Levi yelled after you.

But she didn't listen. Annie's hand went up in the air to grab Mikasa, but to her luck, Levi was fast enough to push her out of the way. You witnessed him let out a slight groan in pain when he landed on Annie's hand, indicating he must have suffered an injury of some sort.

But that still wasn't going to stop him. He used the rest of his energy to slice open her jaw, revealing Eren covered in saliva inside. He grabbed him, then immediately retreated further away while you both followed behind.

"I got him! It's time to go," Levi said. "He's alright - disgusting, but alright."

He looked up at Mikasa with an irritated expression, a similar expression that he would give to you. "What did I tell you about trying to take her down?"

She said nothing, avoiding his gaze.

"Come on. We've got Eren. That means our work here is done. Don't screw this up by making it personal, you understand?"

For once, you were glad it wasn't you he was reprimanding for being stubborn and avoiding orders.

"We all get that you love him, but try not to act crazy."

Levi took off with Eren instantly, leaving Mikasa dumbfounded. She followed behind him shortly after, but you stayed put, looking back at Annie.

A single tear had slipped out of the Female Titan's eye, and you couldn't help but feel sympathy for her. There wasn't anything you could do to help her; you felt the guilt consume you again. You did absolutely nothing to protect her.

But she's still alive. That's what's important.

"Eden, what are you doing? We have to go!" Levi shouted. You took one last glance at Annie, wanting to go and check on her to make sure she was all right, but you couldn't. You couldn't make yourself look suspicious.

You couldn't do anything. You felt useless and frustrated.

"Yes, Captain," you finally replied, leaving Annie to suffer this major loss to herself.

The expedition was a major failure on both sides. There was nothing to feel happy about. There was so much lost.

And now, you were to return to the once fully occupied fortress, nearly half empty.

You swore you'd never put yourself in this position again, but here you were with a bottle of vodka in your hand, chugging down on it like your life depended on it. You were completely surrounded by darkness, sitting cross-legged under a tree somewhere outside of the fortress while taking a sip from the bottle every couple of minutes.

You hadn't paid attention to how long you were sitting outside. Had it been minutes? Hours? You weren't sure. You were too drunk to tell time, but you knew it had to have been late due to the position of the moon.

You had a good view of the fortress in its entirety from here. You stared at the well from afar, recalling the memories of Oluo using it as a wishing well and Petra teasing him for it. You glanced out into the field next, thinking back to the training days when Petra would include you in their conversations when she never needed to.

And now she was dead. They were all dead.

You never wanted to experience this feeling again. The first time you felt this way was when your mother died, and that feeling lasted for an eternity. It felt like your heart was crushed into a million pieces with no way to glue it back together.

They were never coming back.

You didn't think it would have affected you as much as it did, but seeing as you had no problem dumping the rest of the vodka left in the bottle down your throat, it clearly impacted you.

You felt numb. Nothing felt real.

"Eden," you heard a voice say softly. "It's getting late. You have to come inside."

"How did you find me?" you asked the voice, taking another sip from the bottle. Levi stepped in front of you, making an appearance.

"Give me the bottle." He stuck out his hand.

You shook your head. Evidently annoyed by your response, he bent down and forcefully grabbed it out of your hand. You didn't even make an effort to take it back, just letting him have it.

"Get up, Eden."

"No."

He went to grasp your arm to pull you up, but you shoved him away harshly.

"Don't touch me," you told him sternly.

"You have to come inside."

"I don't care."

You were a mess - a goddamn mess. And you knew you still reeked of death, because you hadn't changed out of your uniform since then. The ride back to the fortress wasn't any better, as you had to watch as the soldiers dumped out your dead comrades from the wagon to keep the titans from following you home. When you arrived back at the fortress, you simply grabbed the bottle of vodka when no one was looking and left. You refused to enter your bedroom again, not wanting to relive your memories of Petra.

Levi sighed, then - to your surprise - sat down against the tree beside you. He set down the glass bottle next to him, far from you, and crossed his arms against his chest while he looked out into the distance.

"I know how you feel," he said. "It never gets easier."

You stared at the ground, not uttering a word.

"And you were right. I shouldn't have left them."

Your head shot up in surprise.

He's blaming himself?

"What?" You looked over at him.

"You were right."

His emotionless expression in the forest was never actually emotionless, was it? Analyzing him intently now, you saw that behind those seemingly emotionless eyes was actually dread. From the moment you met him, you noticed that his eyes were holding so much burden. It wasn't that he didn't care - it was that he must have never understood how to deal with his emotions, so he never made them known.

"Captain, about what I said earlier in the forest... I was just in a moment of shock and frustration. I didn't mean it."

"Had I not left, they would still be here in one piece," he refuted.

"It's not your fault," you said. He turned to you. "You were not the one who killed them. It was that titan that killed them. Don't blame yourself for something you had no control over. It's not your fault," you emphasized.

At the end of the day, Annie was to blame for their deaths. Annie was the one who killed those you cared for dearly, and yet, Annie was another person you intended to protect.

Once again, you were torn.

He looked at you with an expression you couldn't quite decipher, then stared off into the distance again.

You had never seen him in this light before. For once, he looked like an actual human. He was no longer putting up the 'stern, detached captain' facade. He was being genuine, struggling to come to terms with his trauma in his own way.

"Well, it isn't the first time I've left someone and returned to find them dead," he admitted. Although you were curious to hear him elaborate, he instead stood up from the ground and brushed off the dirt from his pants, extending out his arm to help you up. "Come on. We have to go inside."

You obeyed this time, nearly stumbling over from the dizziness of being intoxicated. Walking back to the fortress was far more difficult than you imagined. Levi had to practically guide you inside like a child learning to walk.

"You're drinking a full glass of water before going to bed, and I'm going to watch you," he said, pouring out the rest of the vodka from the bottle into the sink before tossing it in the trash.

"Right," you replied, taking out a glass from the cabinet but nearly dropping it on the floor. He glared at you in concern.

"Could you pour it for me, please?" you asked sheepishly.

Levi grabbed the cup from your hands and began pouring water. He returned the cup to you; you started drinking with small sips. Your stomach felt full and disgusting, likely because you drank liquor without eating anything all day. Eating now would only make your stomach reject it.

You set down the glass on the counter and clutched your stomach in pain. Levi stepped several feet away from you, fearing that you may puke.

"If you're gonna vomit, run to the bathroom," he said. "I'll have to remind myself to hide the liquor later. I didn't realize how severe your addiction was."

"It's not an add-" You covered your mouth to stop yourself from vomiting all over the floor. "I don't think I can drink any more water," you told him wearily, pushing the glass away from you and turning away from him.

"Did you eat today?"

You ignored his question. He sighed, pulling out a pack of military crackers from the box on the counter and passing it to you.

"I can't eat anything or I'll puke."

"You have to eat something. You're gonna wake up even worse tomorrow if you don't."

Weakly, you grabbed the crackers from him, taking a seat on the stool by the counter. You started unwrapping it while he watched you.

"You're gonna end up killing yourself if you keep this habit up. It's revolting."

I know.

You picked up some poor habits with alcohol during your younger years after your mother died. It also seemed to run on your father's side - his drunken nights at home proved that. It was unfortunate that it seemed to have passed down to you as well.

You forced yourself to finish the crackers, then tried to take a few more sips of water.

"I think this is the best I can do," you said, passing him the glass. "I don't want to overdo it or else you'll wake up to a stained floor."

Although he was clearly annoyed, you could tell there was some worry behind his expression.

"I hope you're going to take a shower. You smell horrendous."

"Thanks for pointing out the obvious," you told him in irritation. "I'll be on my way now." You hopped off the stool cautiously, making your way to the bathroom.

"Wait," he said. You turned to face him. He avoided your gaze for a moment, then you observed him dig his hand into his pocket. He pulled out something small and extended it out to you.

A soldier's badge?

"What is-"

"This was Petra's."

You immediately felt your heart drop and the lump in your throat form again.

Why is he giving me this?

"Captain..." You struggled to find the right words to say, hesitantly grabbing the badge from him. A few tears spilled out of your eyes, so you averted your gaze out of embarrassment. You were not about to cry in front of him. You refused.

"E-Excuse me." Your voice cracked the moment you spoke. You rushed into your bedroom, shutting the door and locking it. The first things you saw were Petra's perfectly made bed and her items placed on the vanity. Her bag was lying on the floor partially open, revealing some of the snacks she had hidden inside. The most unsettling thing of all was her neatly folded night clothes on top of her bed. It was a habit of hers to have her pajamas set up for when she returned from training so she simply had to shower and change into it. You used to poke fun at her about it, especially since she was always very precise and organized with her belongings.

And now you'd never get to see her do it again.

You left her bed as it was and stumbled towards your side of the room. You slid down against the wall, hugging your knees while you inspected her badge even further. Your thumb grazed over it, trying to ignore the fact her blood was stained on it.

Your lips began to tremble, and you knew that you couldn't hold it in anymore. A loud sob escaped you as the tears that were threatening to spill from your eyes finally released. You hugged yourself tighter, firmly clutching the badge in your hands and never letting go. You rested your head on your knees, trying to muffle the sobs, but you only became louder and louder. All the emotions you built up throughout the past month exploded at this very moment.

Petra died not knowing who you were, and somehow, that felt worse than any other feeling. She trusted you, and you betrayed her, yet she had no idea. She died thinking you were an honorable woman when you were far from it.

The numbness came back, and you didn't have the strength or energy to get yourself up to bathe. You wanted to stay huddled away in a corner forever.

Your body feebly collapsed on the bedroom floor like the drunk, pathetic person you were.

"Pathetic," you whispered to yourself. "You are so pathetic."

That was the last thing you remembered before shutting your eyes completely.

Chapter 10: Torn

Notes:

Hi! The beginning of this chapter is very similar to the last part of Chapter 9, except this is in Levi's perspective - just wanted to clarify that because I don't think I was clear in the way I presented it.

Chapter Text

Levi was in a severe state of hopelessness.

His dreary eyes lingered down at his cup of tea that now surely went cold. He was lost in thought for hours, hoping that the black tea would ease the emotional discomfort he was enduring, but alas, he felt completely broken tonight. The tea went to waste.

It was well past midnight. Everyone had likely already gone to their rooms aside from him. He needed to get some rest, knowing that he had to be up early to speak with Erwin and the others. Apparently, Erwin had some significant news to share regarding the past day's events.

Levi stood up from his chair, groaning slightly at the pain in his ankle. He had yet to find a medic to take a look at it, so he was trying not to put pressure on it for now. He picked up his tea cup and limped towards the sink to pour out the contents, exhaling deeply while washing the cup. At some point, his eyes wandered up to look out the window above the sink. He squinted his eyes at the figure sitting below a tree.

It was you - knees tucked in close to your chest with a bottle of what seemed to be liquor in your hands.

That idiot.

He wondered how someone with your level of skill seemed to have no common sense. What kind of rational person was going to sit outside in the dark by themselves while drinking alcohol? Did you not know of the consequences?

He dried the tea cup and set it aside. Evidently irritated, he decided to leave the building to come drag you inside.

"Eden," he said quietly while approaching you. "It's getting late. You have to come inside."

"How did you find me?" you asked him, taking another sip from the bottle. He stepped in front of you with his hand extended out.

"Give me the bottle."

You shook your head; he was clearly not content with that response. Forcefully, he grabbed the bottle from your hands, wanting so desperately to chuck it across the field. He was fed up with your sudden need to cling onto alcohol. It was frustrating to watch.

"Get up, Eden," he said sternly.

"No."

He went to grab your arm, but you fought him off.

"Don't touch me," you said.

"You have to come inside."

"I don't care."

While paying closer attention to your expression, he suddenly felt a wave of concern. Dry tears stained your cheeks, and your eyes were swollen and puffy. You hadn't changed out of your uniform, either. You looked like a complete mess, but he understood why. Levi coped with his grief by brewing some tea and cleaning; however, you dealt with it much differently. He realized now that your current state - no matter how abysmal it was to watch - was simply your way of coping.

A sigh escaped his mouth as he carefully slumped down against the tree next to you, being cautious not to aggravate his injury any further. He set the vodka bottle aside, far from you, then looked out into the distance.

"I know how you feel," he said. "It never gets easier."

Levi reflected back on all the losses he had suffered throughout his life - the first being his mother. He was too young to recall the severity of his mother's death, but he still remembered being alone with her dead body for far longer than he should have as a child. He was confident he'd have ended up dying with her if Kenny didn't show up.

The second losses he suffered felt far more intense. With his mother, he was young enough to not recall how everything happened; he also felt like he repressed most of those memories. However, Furlan and Isabel were different. Levi would never forget the regret and guilt he felt after watching them die right in front of him. He left them only momentarily, but as soon as he turned back around to find them again, he knew he shouldn't have left.

Ever since then, he swore he'd never let something like that happen again, but it seemed like fate had other plans. He thought it would have been different this time. He had faith in his team, but he underestimated the enemy.

"And you were right," he said. "I shouldn't have left them."

"What?" you asked in confusion.

Why is she shocked?

"You were right."

For once, he felt like your reaction in the forest was justified. Although he could never understand why, he acknowledged how close your relationship to his squad was. It made sense why you would put the blame on him; he was infuriated with himself, too.

"Captain, about what I said earlier in the forest... I was just in a moment of shock and frustration. I didn't mean it."

Levi couldn't comprehend why you were suddenly taking back your comment from earlier. "Had I not left, they would still be here in one piece."

"It's not your fault."

He turned to you.

Not my fault?

You were the last person he'd expect to hear those words from.

"You were not the one who killed them. It was that titan that killed them. Don't blame yourself for something you had no control over. It's not your fault."

He looked at you intently, finding those words coming out of your mouth to be bizarre. Of all people, it was you that was showing him this sympathy.

It felt like the two of you were staring at each other for the first time. No snarky glances, no arguments - just genuine compassion for one another. He wasn't glaring at you in a negative light like he had in the past. Looking at you now, he saw a side of you that felt real and raw.

He turned away again, staring back out into the distance. He still felt the empty pit in his stomach and the numbness in his chest.

He couldn't save everyone, and that fact alone was absolutely painful to him.

Of course, it was the titan that killed them, but it was him that decided to leave. That was why they died - because he left. That fact remained true.

But that's the point she is trying to make, isn't it? I had no control over the situation. No one knew what was going to happen.

Still, his stubborn mind kept playing the more desirable outcomes that could have happened if he had made the right decision.

"Well, it isn't the first time I've left someone and returned to find them dead," he admitted bluntly. Instead of elaborating, he stood up from the ground, brushed off the dirt from his pants, then stuck out a hand to help you up.

You looked up at him with curious eyes instead of irritated ones - something new and unfamiliar to him. He wondered if you were genuinely interested to know more about his comment, but he knew that was something he was not comfortable sharing. To his surprise, you allowed him to help you up without fighting against it. He held your arm as you stumbled the way back into the building. Knowing you were the most vulnerable one in that moment, he tried to hide the slight aching by his foot as he guided you. Once you entered, he let you lean on the kitchen counter while he took the vodka bottle and poured out the liquid into the sink.

"You're drinking a full glass of water before going to bed, and I'm going to watch you," he said, tossing the empty bottle in the trash.

"Right," you replied. You went to grab a glass from the cabinet but nearly dropped it on the floor. Levi turned to you in concern. "Could you pour it for me, please?" you asked sheepishly.

He obliged, grabbing the cup from you and pouring the water. He passed it back to you seconds later, watching you take a sip.

Immediately, he stepped back when he witnessed the change in your expression and the way you clutched your arms around your stomach.

"If you're gonna vomit, run to the bathroom," he said. "I'll have to remind myself to hide the liquor later. I didn't realize how severe your addiction was."

Levi was never fond of alcohol. The thought of being intoxicated made him feel nauseous. He never understood why people would ruin their lives over such a disgusting taste and feeling.

"It's not an add-" You covered your mouth to stop yourself from vomiting all over the floor. "I don't think I can drink any more water," you told him wearily, pushing the glass away from you and turning away from him.

"Did you eat today?" he asked. He already knew the answer but felt the need to ask anyway. When your gaze avoided his eyes, he sighed and pulled out a pack of military crackers from the box on the counter, passing it to you.

This brat never learns...

He wondered if you were ever actually taught to take care of yourself. Judging by your behavior and habits, he could only assume that you, too, had a shitty upbringing.

Yet, you were now a grown adult, and the habits you were clinging onto were destructive. You clearly never learned to let go of them, and to be your age now while still continuing to damage yourself would only lead to horrible consequences.

No matter what his opinion of you was, it was a shame to see wasted potential destroy itself right in front of him.

He watched as you weakly grabbed the crackers from his hand and unwrapped them. He was not going to leave until you ate it.

"You're going to end up killing yourself if you keep this habit up. It's revolting," he said. You gave him an annoyed glare while you continued to chew on the crackers unwillingly. After finishing the crackers, you went back to taking a few sips of water.

"I think this is the best I can do." You passed the glass of water back to him. "I don't want to overdo it, or else you'll wake up to a stained floor."

Levi was irritated by your response, but according to your expression, he knew you weren't lying. He didn't want to force you to continue; he was genuinely concerned it would worsen your stomach.

He also found himself wanting to ask you a variety of things but not wanting to say them out loud.

Are you okay? What do you need? What are you feeling?

Instead, he decided to say, "I hope you're going to take a shower. You smell horrendous."

"Thanks for pointing out the obvious," you responded, irritation laced in your tone. "I'll be on my way now." You hopped off the stool and made your way to the bathroom.

"Wait," he said instinctively.

You turned back around to face him, but he looked away.

Levi had not planned to say anything, yet there was still a discomfort in his chest when he watched you walk away. He felt like there was something he needed to do, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He clutched his fist in agitation.

He sympathized with you. He understood your pain. Although he was not supportive of your coping methods, he knew why you were doing them; he knew why you were destroying yourself, and no matter how exhausting you were to work with, he didn't want to see you like this.

They needed you. You needed to be well.

Levi was never great at words. Expressing his sympathies and feelings was never something he felt the need to do, so he always expressed them in the way he knew how - through his actions.

He dug into his pocket and pulled out a soldier's badge - Petra's soldier badge. He had originally removed it to keep it for himself in memory of his squad, but after seeing the mess you had become after the events that took place, he knew you needed it more.

"What is-"

"This was Petra's," he interrupted. Your eyes were blown wide, brimming with tears.

"Captain..." You grabbed the badge from him hesitantly.

Levi immediately felt uncomfortable after seeing the tears spill from your eyes. He had never seen you so vulnerable, and he knew you hated it.

Your voice cracked before you spoke again. "E-Excuse me," you said while rushing into your bedroom.

Levi was unsure if giving you the badge was the right decision. Was it too soon? Did it hurt you more? He was always bad at these things.

Leaning his back against one of the cabinets, he exhaled slowly and shut his eyes. His eyes snapped open again upon hearing a loud sob come from your room. He was taken aback by the intensity of your emotions.

For once, he envied you. The ability to express himself emotionally was never something he could succeed in doing. He couldn't even remember the last time he cried, yet you were able to convey it so easily without caring if anyone heard you. You allowed yourself to experience these heavy emotions, which was something he was never able to do.

Levi walked towards his office, shutting the door.

And as expected, he did not sleep that night.

He sat in his chair, continuing to let his thoughts run until the sun rose the next day. Usually, he would have been able to get a few hours of sleep in, but it was impossible to do so tonight.

Levi glanced at the clock on the wall and realized that it was time to meet Erwin. With all the strength he could muster, he stood up from his chair, made himself another cup of tea, and walked towards the living room, careful not to hurt his ankle. To his surprise, he found Eren already up and sitting by the dining area.

"You're awake," Levi said to him. "And you got all that muck off of you. Good. It was disgusting." He pulled a chair to take a seat several feet away from Eren and placed his tea on the table.

"What's the hold up? Erwin's never late," Levi continued. "They should be here. At this rate, the damn MPs will show up first. That'd be our luck." He took a sip from his cup. "Yeah, who can say? Maybe they're all taking a shit. Duty calls, right?

Eren chuckled uncomfortably. "You're sure in a talkative mood today."

"So what if I am? Doesn't mean I was talking to you."

Levi set his tea down and winced, grasping his leg due to the pain in his ankle. Eren noticed and cast his eyes down.

"It's my fault sir. I made the choice. If I'd have thought this through, none of this... we wouldn't..."

"You made a judgment call," Levi responded. He thought back to his conversation with you earlier. Eren felt just as guilty about what happened, but no one was really to blame except for the Female Titan. That was the point you were trying to make. No matter how guilty anyone felt, their intentions were not like that of the Female Titan. "The reality is, no one knows how things will turn out."

The main doors opened abruptly, and several footsteps entered the room. Eren stood up out of respect upon seeing Erwin's arrival.

"Sorry to keep you waiting," Erwin said, walking in with Mikasa, Armin, and Jean.

"What the...? Why are you all here?" Eren asked.

"We believe we've uncovered the Female Titan's true identity," Erwin responded. "She won't slip away this time."

Monday, 850

If there's one thing I learned about Petra, it's that she's absolutely terrible at lying.

I don't know why, but Oluo thought it would 've be en a funny idea to pull a prank on me today , and he somehow convinced Petra to go along with it.

Everyone has come to know of my fear of insects and rodents, especially Petra. One day, Petra waltzed into our room claiming to need help picking something up in the kitchen. This plan would have worked, had she not avoided eye contact with me and continuously stuttered when asking for this favor.

When we arrived at the kitchen, she kept trying to hide her smile and stifle her laugh.

"What's so funny?" I had asked her. She shook her head and pointed to the box she wanted me to pick up. The moment I peeked inside, I rolled my eyes.

"A fake roach? Really?"

Oluo popped out of nowhere and loudly cackled alongside Petra.

They were a pair of idiots, but my mouth still couldn't help but curve into a smile at their failed attempt to fool me.

- Eden

You flipped to the next page.

Tuesday, 850

Oluo actually got me this time.

He claimed to need help cleaning the stables. I should have known something was up when he directed me to one stall in particular.

Upon opening the stall, a group of mice scurried out. I let out the loudest shriek while backing away. Oluo couldn't stop laughing.

It's okay , though . He soon learned the consequences of his actions.

- Eden

You flipped to the next page.

Thursday, 850

Eld and Gunther were adamant about me training them. I've never met people so interested in the way I approached fighting.

They stumbled a lot at first, but at one point , Eld caught me off guard using one of the moves I taught him. It was impressive, and I genuinely felt proud.

In exchange for me teaching them, they knew I was quite fond of sweets. Sweets are not meant to be a part of a soldier's diet, or at least, can only be consumed in moderation. That was certainly not the case for the three of us. I had unlimited access to their hidden stash. It was great.

-Eden

You flipped to the next page.

Saturday, 850

Petra's presence reminds me far too much of Paulina. It doesn't make it any easier knowing she views me as an older sister.

I never imagined gaining such a close relationship with her. I found myself feeling far more protective of her than necessary. Seeing as she is the only girl in her squad, the guys tend to pick on her a lot. I was not letting that slide.

She showed me a variety of things, also. She taught me some simple makeup techniques I've never learned and shared her knowledge of fashion with me.

I miss Paulina. I wonder how she is doing. I hope she's okay. I'm here for her , after all. It hurts me to feel this connection with someone I'm not supposed to.

- Eden

A knock on the door interrupted your reading. You shut the journal abruptly and quickly shoved it back into your bag. Clearing your throat, you sat up straight in your bed.

"Come in," you replied. Nanaba opened the door cautiously, then smiled sympathetically.

"Hey," she greeted. "How are you doing?"

You smiled at her weakly. "Just a little tired."

You hardly slept at all. The alcohol managed to get you some sleep for about an hour before you had to run to the bathroom. Your stomach felt weak, your head was throbbing, and your mind was still preoccupied with the previous day's events. You were reading through your journal for hours, reminiscing on the only memories you had left of your friends.

Nanaba looked away and sighed. "These things are always so hard. I know you were very close to them."

Please don't start this conversation again. I don't want to talk about this.

You shrugged. "That's essentially what I signed up for, right? This stuff is supposed to happen."

"You're not wrong," she said. "And unfortunately, we all have to get accustomed to going straight back to work as if nothing happened."

You had a feeling about where this conversation was heading.

"We're all going to Wall Rose to conduct an investigation under the supervision of Squad Leader Mike. He requests your presence too."

"I see," you replied. "Give me a moment to get ready, then."

"We should be leaving in about half an hour."

You nodded, and she shut the door. After forcing yourself off the bed, you began to change into your uniform. You made an attempt to keep Petra off your mind, trying not to think about how she was never coming back to this room, but it was so damn difficult. Your brain had no off switch. The consequences of drinking alcohol also hadn't made it any better.

You took a lot longer than usual to get ready, given that you just had absolutely no energy or motivation to get dressed and brush your teeth. You also felt absolutely disgusting.

You ate a pack of military crackers and drank some water before Mike's squad headed out. Luckily, your stomach did not seem to reject it; although, what you really needed was a full meal.

Fortunately, once you arrived to Wall Rose, the resting spot you stopped at had food options. Nanaba encouraged you to get a meal while Squad Leader Mike made sense of the situation in Wall Rose. You had no clue what the reason behind coming here was, but you had no choice but to follow behind your superiors.

You picked up a tray of food, finding a place to sit.

"Eden?" you heard a voice say. Turning towards the voice, your eyes immediately widened. Reiner and Bertholdt were sitting at a table alongside Sasha and Connie. Connie and Sasha looked towards you with their eyes blown wide.

"No way! I feel like I haven't seen you in ages!" Connie exclaimed. He furrowed his eyebrows after seeing your clothes. "Why are you wearing your uniform?"

"I don't know, why aren't you?" you asked while approaching them.

"Why don't you come sit with us, Eden?" Reiner asked. You eyed him skeptically, but then obliged.

Reiner and Bertholdt had surprisingly not consumed your worries yesterday. You supposed it in part had to do with Annie. If Annie transformed, you knew she had to have somehow contacted Reiner and/or Bertholdt. How else did she manage to find Eren in the first place?

"Glad to see you all safe," you replied, taking a seat next to Reiner. Reiner was sitting across from Bertholdt and next to Sasha.

"Likewise," Reiner replied with a straight face. You ignored his expression, beginning to eat the food in front of you.

"Wait, there's still food?" Sasha asked, standing up from the table to look at your tray.

"You're not taking my food, Sasha," you replied in irritation, taking a bite from the eggs on your plate.

"Connie, come with me!" Sasha exclaimed excitedly.

"I'm not even hungry," he replied.

"I know, but it's so I can get two more portions of bacon!"

Connie rolled his eyes and stood up from the table to accompany Sasha.

"So, it seems like your plan failed," you whispered. Reiner and Bertholdt glanced at each other sheepishly.

"You're one to talk. The captain is still alive, so it seems like you're not doing any better," Reiner replied. You glared at him evilly.

"Well, my mission is slightly different. I'm not sure how you're going to approach yours from here. I wouldn't be surprised if they discover Annie's identity anytime soon. It's clumsy work, if you ask me."

"Aren't you supposed to be guiding us?"

"Well, for one, you made it clear that you don't want my help." You raised your voice slightly. "And secondly, I haven't been able to see you both, have I? I was promoted, and I have my own mission to focus on as well."

You ate a piece of your bread before continuing. "Since you think you're so grown up now, I'm sure you can come up with a decent plan. It's evident that you don't need me."

Reiner scowled at you. Bertholdt looked away from the two of you uncomfortably. Sasha and Connie returned a few moments later, both empty-handed.

"I thought you two were going to get food. What happened?" Bertholdt asked. Sasha slumped down on her chair in defeat.

"They don't offer any more food after a certain hour," she said sadly. "You got lucky, Eden."

"I suppose I did."

"Can't I have a little piece-" She reached her hand over towards your tray; you smacked it away.

"No," you said firmly. She sighed, resting her cheek on her palm and staring out the window. Connie mimicked her actions.

The atmosphere was quiet for a few minutes until it was obvious Connie and Sasha had gotten bored of the silence.

"You know, my village happens to be a little south from where we are now," Connie said in a lazy tone.

"Huh. Town where I'm from is pretty close by too," Sasha replied.

Connie sighed. "Why can't I go see my people? Maybe I'll just sneak out after dark."

"My people told me not to bother coming back home till I'm normal, so there's that," Sasha said.

"Hm. Well, folks where I grew up always tried to tell me I was too puny to be a soldier." Connie responded. "No question I had the brains for it. I was top ten in my class, actually. Somebody's gonna be eating their words. That's a promise."

"Connie, I'll help you if you really wanna go," Reiner added. You narrowed your eyes at him.

"Yeah? Why would you?" Connie asked in puzzlement.

"Doesn't this feel a bit strange? We're on standby in our plain clothes, aside from Eden. They won't let us wear our uniforms. We can't even train. What's even more suspicious is that our superiors are armed to the teeth. We're inside the wall, not at the front line. So who exactly are we fighting?" Reiner turned to you. "Do you have any idea?"

You shrugged. "They just told me to dress in my uniform. I left my gear by my horse."

Connie exhaled. "I don't know, man. Maybe they're just worried about bears."

"Sure. Bears." Sasha drawled.

"All you need for bears are guns," Reiner replied.

Sasha groaned in boredom, flopping her head down on the table. After a few seconds, she gasped, her body shooting up abruptly and startling all of you.

"Uh, guys. I think I'm hearing footsteps!" Sasha said loudly, concern clear in her tone.

"What?"

"Knock it off, Sasha. So what, you're trying to tell us titans are here? Come on. That would only be possible if Wall Rose had fallen." Reiner added.

"Look, I'm not pulling your leg! I hear something!" Sasha said frantically. Nanaba pulled up to the window next to your table unexpectedly.

"Is everyone here?" she asked.

"What is it, Nanaba?" Krista questioned.

"We've got company - approximately 500 meters to the south and closing. Titans headed this way. There's no time to suit up with your ODM gear. I want everyone on a horse - STAT. Evacuate every home and settlement in the area. Get to it."

You suddenly felt nauseous again.

"The south? But that's-" Connie began. Sasha gasped. It was clear that the two of them had realized the danger was happening near their hometowns.

"Do we know if the walls really have been breached?" Reiner asked worriedly to you and Bertholdt.

How could they have been breached?

"Eden, you come with me," Nanaba said. "Grab your gear and meet me outside." You obliged, quickly heading out to grab your gear. You put it on swiftly and met up with Nanaba, who took you to Mike.

"Mike" - Nanaba approached - "I've brought Eden."

"Nine of them. In that swarm up ahead." Mike said, ignoring her comment. He was far more concerned with the current situation in front of him.

"They must've broken through Wall Rose." Nanaba said. She knelt down in defeat. "Damn it. We never even got the chance to figure out what in god's name these things are. Now it's too late. Humanity is lost. This is the end."

"Like hell it is. We're not done. Not yet. A person only loses when they give in. Remember that - both of you. As long as we keep putting up a fight, we haven't been beaten." Mike explained. You cast your head down nervously.

Was Wall Rose really invaded? But how? By who? It couldn't have been Annie, could it?

Everyone set off on their horses quickly. Mike began explaining the setup and how there would be four separate teams. All teams would be sent in different directions so they could get the word out to civilians. Since Sasha and Connie were familiar with the area, they volunteered to lead; Connie made it apparent that he would guide the team, but go south afterwards to see his hometown. Reiner and Bertholdt agreed to help Connie. You had a feeling this in part had to do with Reiner and Bertholdt's curiosity as to what could have been going on.

"As you have guessed, today marks the darkest hour in humanity's history. Look sharp. If ever we needed to give our all, that time is now! Don't lose heart!" Nanaba ordered up front.

"They've reached the woods! The enemy is on top of us!" Gelgar shouted. Nerves consumed your body.

"Scatter now! Ride for everything you're worth!" Mike bellowed. Abnormals began scurrying at a frightening speed. You gripped the harness on your horse tightly. "No... they're coming at us at full tilt!"

"Gelgar! Take charge of the southern team! Eden, you follow me!" Mike changed the course of his direction to ride towards the titans. Skittishly, you followed him. It seemed like he wanted the two of you to buy time.

His horse caught up to the titans within seconds. You watched as he started his attack on the titans while you pushed for your horse to catch up behind him.

"We have to buy time! There's a reason I asked you to come with me!" He shouted urgently, slicing the nape of a titan.

"Right," you said to yourself, attempting to calm your nerves. You got up from your horse and flew up into the air. The abnormals were far more difficult to encounter than you thought. Their movements were not only unpredictable, but quick too. It made it almost impossible to latch onto them. Although you struggled, you still managed to defeat a few of them.

Mike executed the task with such ease. It came as no surprise that he was known to be the second strongest soldier after Levi. You felt slightly insignificant compared to him at that moment.

Feebly, you landed on the roof. You were still exhausted from your lack of sleep yesterday, and the alcohol surely affected your muscles today, also. It drained the life out of you.

Mike propelled himself up and ran up the arm of another titan before slashing the nape. He landed on the roof after you, breathing heavily.

"You alright?" he asked. You nodded in response. He gazed out into the field. "Only four of them left... no, we shouldn't risk it. We've bought more than enough time." He whistled to call out for the horses.

"Still, though. That abnormal worries me. Look at the bastard."

You turned in the direction he was staring at; your eyes immediately widened. You felt your heart race and had a fleeting urge to collapse from the anxiety of the moment.

It's Zeke.

"Easily over 17 meters tall - massive, and this is the first time I've ever seen one of them covered with, what, fur? It's just lumbering around. Why doesn't it try to rush us? Definitely an abnormal, but-"

Mike paused his thoughts once he noticed the horses running towards both of you and past the Beast Titan.

"Ah, there you are. Looks like we won't have to hold out for sundown after all," Mike said in relief.

Unlike Mike, you felt no relief upon the Beast Titan's appearance. Once you saw its gaze on the horses, you knew something horrible was going to happen next.

The Beast Titan grabbed one of the horses and squeezed it. The two of you gasped at the scene.

"It went for the horse? Come on!" Mike took out his blades angrily.

"Hang on, sir," you told him nervously, trying to lower his swords. Zeke was evidently annoyed with Mike's reaction. As a result, he tossed the horse between the two of you. You both jumped out of the way immediately.

The two of you fell off the roof at the attack. You fell harshly onto a sharp rock that landed on the side of your thigh. The injury was brutal, prompting you to scream in pain. Mike fell into the grasp of one of the abnormals with bulging eyes. The abnormal bit his legs violently and Mike groaned in agony.

"Mike!" you exclaimed in concern, attempting to stand up. You knew that the other titans were coming to take advantage of the situation, so you were on the verge of taking out your swords in preparation to slice them up, but Zeke clearly had other plans.

"Wait," the Beast Titan said to the titans. All the surrounding titans paused their movements, except for the one mercilessly crushing Mike's legs. Zeke looked down at Mike with a sinister smile. Chills ran down your spine upon hearing his voice.

"You must not have heard me. I told you to wait." Zeke grabbed the titan that was crushing Mike and squeezed it to death by popping out the eyeballs. You cringed at the scene. Mike was staring up at him in fear and disbelief.

"May I ask what you call that strange weapon of yours?" Zeke asked. Mike was visibly too petrified to say anything. "That thing attached to your waist that allows you to fly." Zeke elaborated. Mike stammered incoherently. "Huh. I'm fairly certain we speak the same language. Perhaps you're too frightened to formulate a response? Maybe I should ask your friend here."

Zeke shifted his gaze to you, and you wanted nothing more but to crawl into a hole and die. His expression changed after recognizing you, and then an eerie smile formed on his face. You stayed frozen in your position.

"How interesting," Zeke said smugly. You prayed that he wouldn't reveal your true identity in front of Mike. It would ruin everything.

"I notice you also use swords. Fascinating. Must mean you know we reside in the nape," he continued. His attention returned to Mike. "Ah, well. Suppose I'll just take it back with me."

Zeke reached out to Mike to take his gear. Mike screamed frantically and ducked facing down while holding his head.

"Stop!" you yelled. Zeke halted his actions to glare at you questionably. You picked yourself up off the ground, feeling the blood from your wounded thigh trickle down your leg and staining your uniform.

"Stop?" Zeke replied. There was a touch of irritation in his reply. "Why is that?"

You lowered your head to stare at the grass and gripped your fists tightly. You knew he needed the gear to take back to Marley to investigate it. It was going to be useful. It was supposed to help them.

Once again, I've forgotten who the true enemy is supposed to be.

"Just don't kill him. Please," you begged him. You couldn't stand having those emotions of guilt again. You couldn't bear to let another innocent soldier die. It was far more painful than you could have imagined.

Zeke chuckled. "How intriguing."

He grabbed the ODM gear from Mike's uniform. Mike gasped in terror after feeling his gear get removed. You limped towards Mike as quickly as you could after seeing the Beast Titan turn away.

"Are you alright? Can you walk?"

But Mike didn't answer. It seemed like there was a switch in him; you could see the determination form on his face.

"As long as we keep putting up a fight, we haven't been beaten!" Mike bellowed. You watched as he attempted to stand, but you tried to force him back down.

"Sir, please don't move," you told him anxiously.

"Oh. You can all move now." Zeke ordered casually. The remaining titans that were once frozen were now in motion again.

Fuck.

Pushing past the pain in your thigh, you moved rapidly in an attempt to kill the surrounding titans by yourself. Despite your efforts, there were simply too many moving at an overwhelming speed.

"No! Please! Stop!" Mike screamed in terror. The titans had grabbed ahold of him.

"Come on, focus!" you told yourself. At this rate, he was going to die if you didn't get it together, but you were in so much pain. The bleeding in your thigh had gotten worse.

Remember what he said. I have to keep fighting.

You pushed back the tears forming due to the pain of your injury and built up the courage to continue slicing up the titans. No matter how sore your body was, you used all your strength to cut their napes. After defeating the final titan, you fell onto the grass out of exhaustion, clutching your thigh and breathing heavily.

But when you turned your head, you realized you were too late.

Next to you was Mike's dismembered body. All you could make out was half of his face. The rest of his body was missing or twisted awkwardly on the ground. You stared at his dead body for far longer than you should have. The image was surely going to be burned into your memory forever.

The anxiety started building up in your chest again; your eyes brimmed with tears.

You could have stopped Zeke. You were capable. Why didn't you? Mike was obviously in a state of shock and couldn't do anything. You, on the other hand, had an understanding of the situation, especially knowing the Beast Titan's abilities, so why didn't you?

Because I'm torn, unable to be loyal to one side.

You collapsed onto the grass, lying on your side while choking back your sobs.

Why did things have to turn out this way?

Why, Zeke? Why?

Your fists clutched around the grass tightly, and a loud, guttural scream escaped your mouth. Tears incessantly streamed down your face as your mind continued to race.

I should have stopped him. Fuck, I should have stopped him before he called the titans. Mike would still be here.

No.

No, you shouldn't be having these thoughts. Had you forgotten the real reason you were here?

You sniffled, picking yourself up from the ground cautiously. There was no time to cry right now. If you didn't get moving, you were dead.

Closing your eyes, you took a deep breath in.

I have a mission to complete. I can't give up.

Chapter 11: Utgard Castle

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

You winced as you felt the needle poke through your skin, watching as Lynne looped the thread through the gaping wound. The blood was sloppily wiped away, red staining your skin and uniform. Lynne held down your exposed thigh while she concentrated on connecting the skin back together.

"I'm sorry. It's only a few more loops, I promise," she reassured you.

You bit down on your lip harshly, drawing some blood. Having no travel medic among the Survey Corps was an unfortunate situation to deal with. Of course, all soldiers were required to learn how to treat injuries like these, but they were not licensed doctors. It didn't help that Lynne's hand was continuously shaking from nerves as she stuck the needle in your thigh, either.

You flinched when she pulled the thread too tight.

"Shit. I'm sorry."

"It's fine," you said weakly. "But please be quick. Having my underwear exposed to you this long is a little uncomfortable."

The cut was more dire than you had originally thought; it took up about half your thigh, exposing the fat layer. You silently prayed that Lynne cleaned up the wound well enough until you were able to see an actual doctor, knowing that the stitching for a wound this severe was going to require more professional hands, or else it could get infected.

She finished stitching up your wound - knotting the end and cutting off the excess thread. She quickly grabbed the white bandages and lifted your thigh cautiously to wrap it around.

"There," she said. "You should be okay until we get back. The bleeding will likely continue for a bit, but it shouldn't be as bad as before."

"Thank you," you responded, carefully standing up and pulling up your pants. Continuing to wear your blood-stained attire for even longer revolted you, but it was either that or walking around half-naked. You just prayed the wound wouldn't get infected.

"You're lucky Lynne heard your call from a distance," Gelgar said while still situated on his horse. He covered his face in defeat and exhaled in exasperation. "I should have known not to let you two go. God, if this is what happens to the second strongest soldier in our army, who's to say Captain Levi isn't next?"

He wouldn't be, you thought to yourself. Although you were surprised by the way Mike had lost his cool and began to panic, it was still a reasonable reaction to have upon seeing something such as the Beast Titan for the first time, even for someone as strong as he was. Still, you had a hard time believing Levi would succumb to fear so easily, especially under such pressure.

Witnessing genuine fear from humanity's strongest soldier would surely be a sight worth paying for.

"What happened? That was a pretty deep cut," Lynne said, putting away her medical supplies.

You limped away from the scene before they found you, making sure you retreated as far away from the incident as possible. Avoiding questions was your top priority. Had they found the exact location where everything occurred, they'd have surely questioned you regarding how Mike died, why his gear was missing, and why his horse was dead. You wanted to reveal as little information about the Beast Titan as possible.

"We were bombarded by titans," you answered, avoiding eye contact.

"But even then, Squad Leader Mike has always been able to defeat multiple titans at once. With your help, I just don't understand how he ended up like this," Gelgar made a point to say. He furrowed his eyebrows in deep thought.

"There were too many," you added. "All of them were abnormal. It became impossible to catch up. At one point, I stumbled upon a jagged rock, which caused my current injury. He got distracted by his concern for me and was grabbed by one of the titans." You cast your eyes down. "It was my fault. The situation became all too overwhelming, and I was blinded by panic. I saved him too late. He was fully gone by the time I was able to clear the titans, and I knew I had no other option but to retrace my steps to find help."

Although it was a slight lie, you still fully felt at fault. After all, defeating all those titans alone with a weak body and an injury like yours was overwhelming and difficult; you also weren't completely sure if you truly had the guts to actually kill Zeke. Knowing him, he probably had some tricks up his sleeve also. Would you have been able to defeat him? A part of you couldn't help but also remind yourself that you were technically supposed to protect him too.

I can't believe I had to protect that blonde idiot.

Gelgar and Lynne avoided your gaze, the devastation of the situation evidently boring down on them.

"Well, there's nothing we can do about it now." Gelgar sighed. "I'm glad you were able to make it out alive. However, we still have to figure out where the breach came from. We have to continue our search before nightfall."

"There's another problem," you said sheepishly, adjusting your equipment. "I don't exactly know where my horse is anymore."

The Beast Titan grabbed ahold of one horse, but not the other. You could only assume your horse ran away in time before meeting its demise.

"Not to worry! I think we found it for you," an optimistic voice rang from a distance. Connie, Reiner, and Bertholdt appeared from a few feet away, Connie leading your horse by its leash. "Seems like he was hiding behind a tree."

"How did you find him?" You walked towards them excitedly, taking the leash from Connie. You stroked the horse's face gently; he let out a relaxed exhale.

"We found him on the way here. Whatever you guys experienced must have spooked him big time if he ran away so far," Connie said.

"Yeah," you muttered quietly.

"Well then, let's go. We have no time to waste," Gelgar said, hopping on his horse. You all mimicked his actions, embarking on the journey to find the breach.

Time went by quickly, the dark hues of the sky indicating how much time had passed, and yet no breach was found. The field was now fully encased in darkness, the feeble torchlight providing little assistance to the scarceness of what lay ahead. You could sense the anxiety felt by the others surrounding you, fearing what could be hidden in the shadows.

As you continued moving forward cautiously, Gelgar let out a gasp. You all stopped in your tracks, your heart beginning to race again. Torches emerged from the darkness in front of you. As the light approached closer, you were finally able to make out a face; it was Nanaba atop her horse, leading the way with Henning, Ymir, and Christa behind her. An alleviated exhale escaped your lips.

"So, you followed the wall here too I take it?" Gelgar asked her.

"That's right. I assume you found the breach, then?" she replied optimistically. Gelgar was clearly perplexed with her reply.

"Huh?"

"We didn't see any irregularities along the western route. Surely you must've seen something in the east?" Nanaba asked, desperation and worry in her tone.

"No. The wall's perfectly intact."

The two of them stared at each other in silence, their expressions depicting their concern about the uncertainty of the situation.

"Well, maybe we just overlooked it," Lynne said reassuringly.

"Not likely. Hole big enough for titans to get through? No way," Henning replied.

"I suggest we have another pass, then," Gelgar said.

"That goes without saying. Trouble is, our horses are on the verge of collapse, and so are we," Nanaba said. "If only we had more light."

As if on cue, the light from the torches unveiled a perfect view ahead of what seemed to be an old building.

"Huh, what's that?" Henning asked while staring in the direction of the structure.

"An old castle?" Gelgar responded.

"Let's check it out," Nanaba suggested.

You all approached the unknown structure, the horses clopping at a steady pace. The senior scouts hopped off and approached the building to make sure it was safe to reside in.

"Hey, I heard you got hurt. Are you alright?" Connie asked you. You felt Reiner and Bertholdt's gaze burn into you just a few feet behind him.

"I had a deep cut, but I'll be alright for now. Lynne stitched it up for me." You smiled at Lynne wearily. She returned the expression.

"I heard Squad Leader Mike didn't make it. What happened?" Reiner asked. You glared at him in annoyance.

Why did he have to be nosy now of all times?

"If it's okay, I don't feel like discussing it right now," you replied in irritation. "Maybe I'll discuss it with you later."

Reiner nodded and decided not to delve any further, sensing the uneasiness in your tone and expression.

"The building seems to be clear. You can all come in," Nanaba told the rest of you.

Before entering the building, you left the horses outside for them to drink water. The elders continued inspecting the fortress while the rest of you sat on the floor comfortably inside on the first floor.

"Someone was here not that long ago," Henning said. He continued by discussing how he saw an empty kettle and recently used bonfire from outside.

"A place this close to the wall?" Nanaba asked.

"Bandits probably used it as a hideout," Lynne added.

"A sign on the way said, 'Ruins of Utgard Castle.' I didn't know there was a historical site around here." Nanaba replied.

"A castle?" you asked. The conversation was interrupted upon hearing Gelgar enter through the doors.

"Hey, take a look at what I just stumbled on." Gelgar walked in with what seemed to be a bottle of liquor.

"You're kidding! Is that what I think it is?" Lynne asked.

"Uhuh." Gelgar swallowed. "Can't really read the label though."

"What do you mean you can't read the label?" you asked curiously.

"I don't know. It's difficult to understand."

That response told you everything you needed to know about how it ended up in the tower to begin with.

"You're not gonna drink it now, are you?" Lynne continued.

Gelgar looked away in embarrassment. "Don't be smart. I'm gonna save it for later."

"Make sure to save me some," you replied half-jokingly. Something told you that Gelgar was fully capable of shutting himself in one of the rooms to take a swig of the bottle by himself.

"You know, there are worse ways to spend the night than having access to top-shelf contraband," Henning joked.

"Careful. You're starting to sound like an outlaw." Nanaba chuckled. You smiled at the conversation, enjoying the short moment of ease after all of the events that transpired.

"I want you kids to try and get some rest. There shouldn't be any titans crawling around at this time of night, but we'll take turns keeping watch. Be ready to leave four hours shy of daybreak," Gelgar told the younger recruits. "You too, Eden. You had a pretty bad injury. We're lucky you're still here. Please get some rest."

"Yes, thank you," you replied. You were the first to stand and find a spot to rest your eyes. Uncomfortable as it was, you positioned yourself in a corner under the stairs to temporarily rest your eyes, wanting to hide from everyone and remain isolated for at least an hour. However, the others didn't seem to have rest as their top priority.

"S'cuse me. What if it turns out that Wall Rose wasn't actually compromised? Where do, uh- where else could they be coming from?" Christa asked Gelgar. He paused while walking up the stairs.

"It's our job to find out," he replied. "Starting tomorrow."

"I'm just saying. The situation isn't good, sure. But is it as bad as we think? You never know, that's all," she continued.

"She's right. We haven't really seen that many titans. I mean, for them to have busted through the wall, anyway," Henning added.

"Only with the initial sighting, a relatively modest handful," Nanaba said.

"Connie, what about your village?" Ymir asked.

Connie discussed the incident that happened in his village and how there were no signs of a titan attack. He and the others presumed everyone must have escaped, although, one titan in particular threw him off. The strange titan reminded him of his mother.

Ymir started laughing at the thought, clearly making fun of him. The two made a ruckus as Connie was clearly upset at her reaction.

"Can the two of you be quiet? I'm trying to get some rest," you snapped. Connie muttered an apology. Ymir rolled her eyes at your response. It seemed that this was what initiated the others to finally remain quiet.

You were uncertain of how much time had passed, but it was certainly enough to nearly lull you to sleep. That didn't last very long, though; a pair of hands shook your body awake. You opened your eyes begrudgingly.

"Eden," you heard someone whisper. After your eyesight was adjusted, you were met with both Reiner and Bertholdt staring down at you.

"What?" you said angrily, irritated that they had interrupted your rest.

"Tell us what happened. You saw something, right?" Reiner whispered.

You sighed, sitting up with your eyes carefully examining the area to make sure no one was around to hear your conversation.

"Zeke's here," you said in a low voice. They both gasped quietly. "He's the one that killed Mike and the reason why I'm still here. I don't know why he's here or what he's planning, but we can only assume the worst."

"That explains the events in Ragako," Reiner replied. "You think he had anything to do with it?"

"No doubt in my mind," Bertholdt answered.

"I have no doubt he resided in this tower either. Remember how they found stuff lying around? Gelgar even found a bottle he couldn't understand. It had to have been him," you explained. You sat up, hugging your legs against your chest; your eyes were starting to droop again. You lowered your head down onto your knees, shutting your eyes. "God, I'm so exhausted. This is all so stressful."

"You can't sleep now." Reiner shook you awake again, causing you to prop your head back up. "The situation isn't looking good. What do we do?"

"So now you want my input?"

"Come on, Eden. This is serious," Reiner said in desperation. You rolled your eyes, but then thought for a moment.

If Zeke was here, you could only assume it was because the mission was taking too long. Maybe the Marleyan superiors expected this to be done sooner than expected, and Zeke was sent to assess the situation.

Still though, you weren't exactly sure what Zeke's plan would be. He had the tendency to be unpredictable, and he was always very vague with the Beast Titan's abilities.

The thought of him trying to steal your shine pissed you off, though. You didn't need help, you just needed time.

"To be honest, I'm not sure what he's hiding up his sleeve," you admitted. "But the reason he's here definitely has to do with the mission and how we must be taking too long. He also seems to be finding joy in being absolutely brutal to the Eldians here."

"But surely he wouldn't hurt us, right?"

"Well, he did sorta spare me once he saw me, but then again, if he were here right now, how could he know it was us in here?"

"Everyone, wake up! Get to the tower immediately!" Lynne screamed, startling everyone. The three of you exchanged fearful glances, running up the stairs to the roof immediately.

You gaped at the scene. Dozens of titans were now approaching the tower.

Where did they come from?

"I couldn't see them in the dark, but with the moonlight..." Lynne trailed off.

How? How did this happen?

"How can they move? This shouldn't be happening. The sun went down hours ago!" Gelgar exclaimed.

"W-What's going on?" Christa asked, following up the stairs with Ymir shortly after.

"Hey, guys... the hell is that? It's gotta be a titan. Have you seen anything like it?" Connie pointed to the Beast Titan in the distance. You felt your heart thumping harshly against your chest again. "Look at it! It's more like some kind of beast. How do we- wait, is it- it's headed for the wall!"

Reiner and Bertholdt were just as bewildered as you were, watching as Zeke climbed on top of the wall. You walked closer to the edge, trying to assess the situation as best as you could.

Zeke, what the hell do you have in mind?

"Hey! Back off! Don't be coming up here" Gelgar said to the titans trying to climb and push through. "Ain't you got nothing better to do? Bother someone else. I should be drinking right now, damn it. You're standing between me and a tankard of ale! I've earned the right to get trashed!"

"Gelgar, there are more important things to be worrying about!" you scolded him angrily.

"Recruits! Stay where you are! We've got this. Let the ODM gear do what it was designed for," Nanaba stated. She turned to you before going in to fight. "Eden, I know you're injured, but we could really use you. We need all the help we could get."

You nodded. "Of course. However, you should know that my current blades are dull, and I only have one new pair left. I'll fight with whatever I have."

"I see, but don't overthink it. We've got each other's backs," she said. "Just let us do the killing, you can help with assists. Jump in only when the situation gets dire, okay?"

"Got it."

Standing on the edge of the tower, she bellowed loud enough for everyone to hear. "Attack!"

You, Lynne, Henning, Nanaba, and Gelgar jumped off and helped protect the tower. Gelgar moved carelessly, slicing a titan's fingers off when it was unnecessary; his blades became dull at the motion. Nanaba surged forward to slice the nape.

"Heh! Dumbasses," Gelgar said arrogantly. You rolled your eyes, landing next to him while landing against the wall.

"Seriously, Gelgar?" you asked him.

"What?"

"There's no call to be so reckless, Gelgar. Did you have to waste your blades?" Nanaba told him.

"That's just how I do things. You'd better chalk that one up as an assist."

"Aren't you the hero." Nanaba scoffed. "I'll think about it."

"You better not continue taking this as a joke, or else I'd be more than glad to take those blades from you," you said to him.

You soared into the air again, continuing to aid the others in killing the titans. You kept your attacks as minimal as possible, only aiming to assist in harming the limbs and not going for the nape, seeing as that would only dull your blades faster. You had immense trust that this team was capable of slicing the nape precisely without a problem.

At one moment during the battle, you noticed Lynne pause by the tower's entrance after cutting up one of the smaller titans.

"Oh no. The door's been kicked down," she said in worry. You paused mid-air to stare at her in disbelief. She immediately relayed this information to Nanaba and Gelgar, then flew up to tell the rest of the recruits.

"Shit, what do we do?" you asked Nanaba.

"Go follow behind Lynne and Henning. You've helped us quite a bit, but I think they could use some more help."

"Got it," you replied, flying up to the top to find them.

"Titans have entered the castle. Get below and improvise some sort of barricade! Be careful. Retreat back up here only as a last resort! Now hurry. The rest of us will keep any more from getting in as best as we can," you heard Lynne tell the others. She took a look behind her to gaze out into the field below. "There are quite a few, so this might be it for us. But by god, we'll fight to the last breath - our heart and soul to the cause, right? Now go!"

The younger recruits nodded. "Got it!"

You followed behind Lynne and Henning, continuing to aid them as best as you could while they continued to slaughter the titans. It was all going fine; that was, until the snapping sound of your swords reminded you of how dire the situation had become.

"Shit," you muttered to yourself. You stopped and positioned yourself high up on the side of the wall.

"You alright?" Lynne asked, following you right after.

"My blades snapped. I only have one pair left," you replied, swapping out your old blades with the new ones.

Lynne sighed. "Well, you've done one hell of a good job with just some dull blades. Hopefully things don't get worse," she said, looking out into the distance. "We should check on the recruits."

You nodded.

You retreated up the tower with Lynne and Henning, ready to check on the recruits. However, a loud crash was heard, causing the three of you to halt in fear. You paused on the side of the tower, looking out into the field to see where the origin of the noise was coming from. Your eyes locked directly onto Zeke, knowing he must have been the cause; he was holding something in his hands.

Within a few seconds, he hurled the object towards the horses. You gasped after seeing the object land a hit on all of the horses, killing them easily.

"The horses!" Lynne screamed.

"Wha- where's it coming from?" Henning asked in panic.

Damn Zeke and his talent in baseball.

You watched again as he repositioned himself to pitch yet another time. Squinting, you hovered your hand above your eyes to see where exactly he may have been aiming it at. Your eyes widened.

"Move!" you screamed. You only managed to pull Lynne away from the impending disaster. The boulder struck the tower directly where the three of you were standing.

Henning had been hit directly.

"Lynne, are you alright?"

"Eden... t-thank you," she stammered, staring at you in awe. You quickly averted your gaze, feeling your face grow warm in embarrassment.

"Are you guys okay?" Nanaba flew up the tower. "Oh, thank goodness you two are alright."

"What about Henning?" Lynne asked. On cue, Gelgar appeared on the roof a few seconds later, Henning's dead corpse in his arms. You furrowed your eyebrows angrily, your fists clenched on either side of you in frustration.

What the fuck is Zeke's problem?

"What's going on?" Connie ran up the tower followed by the others. The moment he saw Henning's dead body, he froze.

"He's dead. Died instantly," Gelgar said somberly.

"No way..." Christa replied.

"It was him! The one that made a B-line for the wall!" Connie pointed towards the wall. As he looked out towards that area, he let out a loud gasp. "Oh no. We've got twice as many as before!"

He wasn't exaggerating. Your heart was just about ready to explode when you stared at the scene in front of you.

"You're kidding!" Gelgar yelled.

"It's like they're timing these attacks as some part of a larger strategy. This isn't random at all. We're being toyed with." Nanaba explained.

You were frustrated. Why couldn't you decipher Zeke's plan? Was he trying to get the attention of Reiner and Bertholdt? Did he want to team up with them? What the hell did killing soldiers have to do with finding the coordinate?

Or what if there was no reason behind it? What if he was simply doing this as entertainment? As a joke? Because they were Eldians?

Because they are the enemy.

You heard the Beast Titan's piercing roar from afar. This resulted in a frantic rush of titans sprinting towards the tower. The titans crashed against it, banging on the tower in desperation to get to all of you. You watched as Zeke climbed down the wall, insinuating that he was finished with his assault. You, Lynne, Nanaba, and Gelgar continued the fight; however, the four of you were losing power from your gear and growing immensely tired. You all pulled back for a moment, your grapples still attached to the wall of the tower.

"Tower's not gonna hold." Gelgar breathed.

"My ODM gear's low on fuel. Yours?" Nanaba asked.

"Fresh out. And I've worn my blades down to the nub," Gelgar replied. "Please tell me those aren't the only ones you've all got left."

"'I'm afraid so." Nanaba looked away. You all remained quiet, realizing the situation had become hopeless.

"How many dead titans did we rack up?" Gelgar questioned.

"Couldn't say. I was too preoccupied to keep count." Nanaba replied.

"Yeah, well, I'm thinkin' I didn't do too bad."

It was now that you noticed the blood dripping from his forehead.

"Gelgar, are you bleeding?" you asked him.

"Sorry guys. I must've bashed my head. I... I don't think... I can... hang on."

You thought he was merely venting, but his body gave up on him right in front of your very eyes.

"No! Stop it!" you screamed, watching his body fall off the tower. The grapples were unable to hold him longer.

"Gelgar!" Nanaba exclaimed. He was immediately grabbed by a titan during his fall, and Nanaba impulsively swooped in to save him.

"Nanaba, wait!"

Nanaba successfully killed the titan holding Gelgar but also broke her last remaining swords in the process. Gelgar's body was dropped into an opening in the tower.

"Lynne, check on Gelgar. I'm going to help Nanaba,"

"But Eden-"

"I'll be fine. Have faith in me," you reassured her.

Lynne gazed at you in concern, but then nodded hesitantly.

Nanaba landed on the side of the wall below, completely surrounded by titans. She widened her eyes the moment you approached her.

"Eden, save yourself! There are simply too many here! Forget about-" Her words were cut short when she was grabbed by a titan abruptly, and you jumped into action immediately.

You cut off the fingers of the titan holding onto her, but doing that was not enough. There were at least four other titans encircling her, and they were all able to grab ahold of her limbs. You tried slicing their ankles to throw them off balance, but that hardly bought you time. Your gas tank was already depleting, which made the matter worse.

"No! No! Stop it! Please! I'm sorry, Father! I'll be good from now on, I promise!" Nanaba screamed, her body being passed around by the titans.

She was completely blanked out from terror, reliving her most horrific memories on the brink of death. It was unsettling to see. It disturbed you, but you tried your best not to let it distract you from saving her.

"No, Father! No!" Her body was trapped in the tight grip of one of the titans, her life flashing before her eyes the closer she approached its mouth. You couldn't hold back anymore.

In desperation, you sliced the nape, causing you to break one of your swords. Her body fell out of the titan's grip, and you quickly went in to scoop her up before she fell. She was missing half her leg, and you could only assume her ribs must have been crushed too with how hard the titans were gripping her.

You swiftly aimed to land inside the gap where Gelgar fell into, seeing as the amount of gas you had left was not enough to reach the top of the tower. You'd have to quickly run up the stairs with her body, but you froze in puzzlement when you entered and found no sign of Lynne or Gelgar.

They must have gone up the tower, right?

The screams you heard outside reminded you that you were being far too optimistic about the situation.

You placed Nanaba on the ground gently and went to look outside.

"Stop! Please!"

A snapping sound was heard as you witnessed the jaw of the titan chewing on the upper half of Lynne's body - another memory that would forever be burned into your brain.

The sheer shock of the scene consumed your body. You were unable to react properly after seeing Gelgar die next. He screamed in terror, banging against the titan's hands until it was too late.

"E-Eden?" You whipped your attention back to Nanaba, temporarily forgetting that she still had a chance to survive.

She was still alive. She could make it.

I couldn't say the others, but I will do everything I can to ensure Nanaba stays alive.

Her eyes began to droop; you cradled her head, trying to get her to stay awake.

"Don't die on me," you demanded. "You're not going to die."

"W-What happened?"

She was losing blood. A lot of it.

Damn it. How the hell do you treat a leg that's half missing?

"I-I can't..."

"Stop it. You're not going to die. Hold on just a little longer, please," you begged in desperation. The tears were threatening to spill from your eyes in anger and frustration.

Why must this continue to happen?

"Eden," she said softly.

"Nanaba, please..." you replied weakly.

"I'm happy to die like this," she said slowly, a weak smile plastered on her face, "and not in the hands of... a titan. T-thank you-"

"Stop it. Please, stop." You were unable to control the tears from dripping down your eyes now.

"Thank you for... doing me that favor..." her voice trailed off. Her eyes rolled back and her body became limp. Your lips were slightly parted in shock, tasting the saltiness from your tears that continuously spilled down your cheeks.

"Damn it," you said, gently placing her body back down on the ground. "Why?" You continued to let the tears spill in internal agony. "Why am I the only one left?" you sobbed, clenching your fists tightly. "Why was only I spared?"

I don't deserve to be spared.

Suddenly, you felt the ground shake beneath you, causing you to panic. You could only assume that the tower was about to collapse.

Is there enough time for me to run up the stairs?

You contemplated for a few seconds, then on a moment of instinct, you decided that it was best to take the risk and leap out of the gap you entered from, hoping you had enough gas to at least get you to land on the ground safely. You feared that the building would crumble on top of you the moment you ran upstairs. As much as you wanted to take Nanaba's body with you, you knew the severity of the current situation would not give you enough time.

You locked eyes with a titan the second you stood on the edge, its hand stretching out to grab you. Your heart raced as you glanced down, the height worsening your anxiety. The titan's hand was inching closer, and you knew you had no other choice. You deployed your ODM gear grapple to latch onto the other tower.

You shut your eyes and took a quick breath.

If my gear fails me, I'm dead.

You hopped off, swinging in the air and aiming to land onto the next tower, narrowly escaping the titan's grasp. As you flew through the air, you started to feel your gas give up on you. Your body was descending lower and lower, but you were still aiming for the wall. You had a moment of relief when you made it; however, the impact on your body as you slammed into the tower was far more harsh than you expected. You groaned as you hit the wall, then felt the grapple unlatch.

You were falling, and there was no way to save yourself now.

"Eden, hold on!" you heard someone shout.

There was no time to process what you just saw. All you knew was that four of the cadets were alive and holding onto some titan's hair. You decided to trust them, seeing as there was simply no other option. You grabbed onto its hair tightly, climbing up a bit to position yourself comfortably.

The titan stopped moving after the tower fully crumbled, allowing the rest of you to hop off safely.

"They're still not dead?" Christa said, referring to the number of titans still alive in front of you.

"Hey, Ugly! You've got a job to finish!" Connie yelled at the titan. You watched as the titan ran towards the others, fighting and defending itself. You furrowed your eyebrows at the scene.

"What the hell is going on? Who is that?" you asked.

"That's Ymir," Reiner said, pointing to the titan that saved you.

"What? How could that-" You gasped, the words caught in your throat when you realized just how familiar she looked. You stared at Reiner and Bertholdt in disbelief, the uneasiness in their expression confirming your revelation.

She was the one who ate Marcel.

"That's not good," Connie said, watching as Ymir struggled to fight against the other titans. "They're eating her."

"No, no. Please," Christa begged, approaching the dangerous scene. "Don't do this to me. We had a deal, remember? Hold on! I still haven't told you my name! I promised you!"

"Christa, be quiet. You'll attract a titan," you told her, blocking her path. She stubbornly refused to listen, trying to shove you off.

"Ymir!"

"Christa, please."

"Guys, look out!"

You immediately jumped out of the way, clutching Christa tightly against you once you sensed something was wrong. Your quick response allowed you to escape death, except now you were both cornered with no way to escape it.

Your gas had run out, and you only had one full blade left. There was nothing else you could do, but if you were going to go down, you were going down fighting. As the titan approached closer, you drew your blade and hid Christa behind you.

"Hey, over here!" you heard from beside you. Your eyes were met with Reiner and Bertholdt's flailing arms. Bertholdt picked up some rubble and threw it towards the titan to distract it. It seemed to take notice, shifting its gaze towards the two others. You and Christa backed up, realizing they were giving you time to escape the situation.

"That's it! Look over here, Ugly!"

"Reiner! Bertholdt! What the hell do you guys think you're doing!" Connie yelled.

You were lucky the titan wasn't large or abnormal, but seeing as none of you had decent weapons, it was still a serious threat. It moved obnoxiously slow too, which meant you needed to find a way to harm it quickly before it came for the two of them.

Reiner and Bertholdt kept playing with fire, continuing to draw its attention. However, it was only a matter of time before they, too, were about to be cornered.

"What do we do?" Christa asked in concern.

Shit.

Reiner's worried gaze met yours. The expression on his face appeared like he was silently asking you a question - a question so unhinged that he was unable to use his words.

You realized now that he was asking for permission to transform. You shook your head immediately. He was evidently upset at your response.

Is he insane? If he transforms, it'll ruin everything...

But now this means I need to come up with a plan that will make sure transforming isn't an option.

You fixated your gaze on a large piece of rubble a few feet away. It appeared like a ramp - perfectly aligned with where the titan was headed. You had no gas, but you had the grapple and a sword. The ramp was tall and close enough to allow you to latch onto the nape to at least harm it or potentially slice it. Luckily, the titan was only about 5 meters.

Is a single sword enough? It's gonna have to be.

If you timed it correctly, it could work. Either way, you should still able to easily distract the titan.

It was now or never.

"What are you doing?" Christa called out, watching you dart towards the ramp.

The titan was approaching them closer now, its hand extending out. There were no other options. This had to work.

You sprinted up the ramp, ignoring Christa's calls from behind you. With your heart beating out of your chest, you clamped your grapples onto the nape and jumped. All the pain from your injuries, all the painful emotions, all the losses you suffered - all of that faded into the background to focus on the only important goal at the moment.

One blade and immense strength. That was all you needed.

In one quick, exhausting motion, your sword deeply swiped the back of the neck, killing the titan instantly.

Holy shit. I did it.

The excitement was only short-lived, however. You still had no gas, leaving you with no way to land properly. Your heart caught in your throat as you plummeted from 5 meters high, crashing directly onto the sharp rubble below. The pain from your body hitting the ground was unbearable, not being able to suppress the groans escaping your mouth.

"Eden! Are you okay?" Christa came running towards you in concern. You held your leg in pain, knowing your stitched-up thigh must have surely reopened again. Your eyes widened when you looked behind Christa. Another titan was approaching her.

"Christa, look out!"

Before either of you could act, someone had quickly swooped in to take care of it. The soldier stood proudly on the titan's dead body, then turned to face the two of you.

"Christa, all of you, stay back. It's okay. Let us take care of this," Mikasa said. You never felt more relieved than to see all the scouts at a time like this.

Feeling eased at the scouts' arrival, you knew it was safe to move and stand up; however, your attempt to lift your body off the ground only made you realize that you no longer had the strength or energy to do so. The events of today had taken a severe toll on your body, rendering you completely useless in the current moment.

"Eden!" a voice said excitedly. "Oh gosh, is she dead?"

"You just witnessed her move two seconds ago, Hange," a deeper voice replied. You mustered the strength to turn your head to face the two figures standing next to you. Hange's expression bore a deep worry while Levi stood next to them in his usual expressionless demeanor.

"Wow. You put up one hell of a fight," Hange said, kneeling down beside you. "We saw you cut down that titan. You've got serious skill."

"Are you able to stand?" Levi asked.

"Yeah," you said wearily, using your arms to lift yourself up again. You struggled to stand, unable to hide your painful expression while moving your legs.

"Oh dear," Hange replied. "Let's help you up."

"No," you answered immediately. "It's okay. I'm fine."

"Eden, you're really injured."

"I'm fine, really." You collapsed the moment you attempted to stand on two legs. Hange instinctively reached out to help you up, but you stopped them with your arm.

"I'm alright," you lied again.

Levi rolled his eyes. "I don't have time for this."

You had not anticipated what he was going to do next.

He scooped you up by the waist, hoisting you over his shoulder like you were something fragile.

Your body was weak, but not weak enough to allow him to handle you like this without protesting.

"What the hell are you doing? Put me down!" You banged your fists against his back harshly. He chose to disregard your protests.

"I know you can hear me, asshole!" you yelled again. You could hear Hange's quiet chuckles from next to you. "Put me down!"

"Alright, you can shut up now," Levi said, gently placing your body onto one of the horse carriages. You scooted away from him immediately; he sat down right across from you.

You glared at him furiously, but then crossed your arms and fixed your gaze elsewhere. That man never failed to piss you off, but you also couldn't deny the warm feeling in your stomach upon seeing him. There was a mild comfort in his presence - a reassurance that you'd be safe if he was around.

Knowing that only made you want to hate him more.

"Never pick me up like that again," you told him sternly.

There was a slight tug at the corners of his lips as he glared at you amusingly.

"You're welcome."

Notes:

If I remember correctly, there is a scene in the anime that said it's not possible for someone to defeat a titan with one blade. I don't know much about the science of titans, but I imagine it might be somewhat possible to use one blade if the titan is small enough and the person is strong enough? Or I'm probably just wrong completely lol.

I just wanted this scene to depict Eden's strength alone and how it may compare to Levi. It's all fiction at the end of the day, but I wanted to point out that it's probably not possible to cut a titan with one blade in canon so I don't accidentally spread misinformation.

Chapter 12: Comfort

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

One sip. That was all you wanted.

Your arms were sprawled across the table while your head was nestled on your left arm. You stared out the window in deep thought, your mind attempting to process all the information from the past few days. The room was enveloped in darkness, but the moonlight still left a subtle glow through the curtain.

Your body was begging for a sip of alcohol, but you had no access to it, nor did you have the energy to get up and find it. It was for the best, however, because tonight, you were positive you'd have chugged a whole bottle.

It also seemed like you weren't going to get any sleep tonight either.

Levi's squad met their demise, and now Mike's squad met the same fate. You had hoped that maybe Tomas made it out alive from Mike's squad, but Hange broke the news to you about him just a few moments after the scouts came to rescue you and the others. After Tomas relayed the news of the possible breach at Wall Rose to Erwin, he never returned. You now stood as the one and only survivor of Mike's squad.

After Levi helped you onto the horse carriage that day, he and Hange filled you in on the current situation. During the time you were fighting against titans at Utgard Castle, Annie had been captured at Stohess district. How they were able to identify her as the Female Titan, you weren't sure, but apparently, she had crystalized herself and there was no way to remove her; she was now somewhere confined within the walls. They also shared their suspicions about Reiner and Bertholdt and how they, too, must have been associated with Annie. All you could do was sit and listen to their evidence despite feeling the sinking in your heart.

A part of you was angry - angry because none of them listened to you when it came to forging the documents. You all needed to come from different areas with no connection to one another - that was what you told them. This was especially important, because if one of you were caught, the others would be less of a suspect. They didn't want to take you seriously when it came to faking their identities, and now, the situation had clearly become dire.

Still, another part of you felt like you failed them - like it was your fault that they'd all been caught and that you should have been a better mentor or leader. Had you made different choices in the past, would it have resulted in a different outcome?

Despite the evidence Hange had presented to you, you tried to defend against it by telling them how the evidence was lacking, which it was indeed. There was simply not enough evidence that Reiner and Bertholdt were in league with Annie. Annie had already been caught, but you still had some faith in Reiner and Bertholdt. There was still a chance to prove the others wrong.

That was, until Reiner and Bertholdt decided to transform.

However, you weren't there when it happened. Because of the injuries you endured, you were told to stay back along with Captain Levi, who was also still injured after the recent expedition. During that time, you were finally treated by a medic to tend to your injuries. She diligently restitched your wound and searched your body for any fractures or irregularities. To your dismay, she found a sprained wrist, likely caused by when you fell from 5 meters high. Regardless of the reason, the recovery time was surely going to be a pain, but you were lucky it wasn't anything worse. The only positive from your interaction with the doctor was the fact you were given a freshly clean uniform and meal soon after.

Levi had advised you to rest in the carriage after you were treated. Although you refused, he kept insisting.

"Are you insane? What if something happens while I'm asleep?" you had told him.

"You're not going to be in the carriage alone," he told you.

"Anything could happen while I'm asleep. I always have to keep my guard up."

"I will be awake. You don't need to worry about that."

"You're injured too. Shouldn't you be resting?"

"You have a sprained wrist, a deep cut on your thigh, and you fell from 5 meters high. All I have is a sprained ankle and a few cuts."

"But-"

"Don't fight it, Eden," he said while preparing a spot for you to rest. "Just rest."

As humiliating as it was to admit, you did trust him to keep you safe; and shit, you were pretty damn tired. You soon found yourself unable to resist the spot he had laid out for you and shut your eyes.

You slept surprisingly peacefully for a while; however, it wasn't until a few hours later that you were woken up abruptly. This was when you were told everything that transpired; Reiner and Bertholdt had revealed their titan identities and ended up capturing Ymir and Eren.

"What? " you remembered answering. It all felt like a nightmare - like some sort of bad dream. All you could do was wonder what could have triggered them to transform.

You volunteered to help recapture Eren, trying to find a way to at least make sure the two other idiots were safe, but of course, Erwin and the others told you to stay back. Even Captain Levi was ordered to stay put, which surprised you.

During that long, agonizing time of waiting for the recapture, Levi had asked you to elaborate on the events of the previous day. You conveyed the same details you had told the others, telling him that you were overwhelmed by a titan attack while leaving out the same key details you had before.

Recalling the memories was painful to discuss again. You so desperately wished you could erase it from your mind. The weight of your guilt for all of the deaths that occurred in the past few days would forever be stuck with you.

And all this within a few days? At this rate, you were starting to think that you were next to be caught.

"Are you drunk?"

You snapped out of your trance upon seeing a short figure walk over, blocking your view of the window. You remained still in your position, gazing up at Levi's silhouette in the poorly lit room.

"No. Just tired," you replied wearily. Levi remained quiet for a moment, his silhouette becoming more distinct as he approached closer.

"Then you should be resting in your room."

"I don't wanna go back in there," you admitted.

To go in and rest knowing Petra was once in the same room as me? To be constantly reminded I took part in her death unknowingly? No thanks.

"I see," he replied abysmally. You couldn't discern his gaze, but you pictured his usual firm expression, lost in thought. "Do you really think you can handle this job?" he asked unexpectedly.

"What do you mean?"

"You've been in the same position for hours since we returned."

"It's called grieving," you answered sarcastically.

"I'm serious," he said. "If you're going to self-sabotage every time this happens, you're going to dig yourself into an even deeper hole. Are you sure you can handle it?"

"In what way am I self-sabotaging right now, Captain?" You sat upright in your chair. "There's not a drink in my hand, is there? Am I not allowed to just be upset with how things turned out?"

"You're not taking care of yourself unless someone practically forces you. Do I need to spoon-feed you every time?"

"Am I not allowed to mourn after everything that's happened?" you asked him angrily. "Am I not allowed to acknowledge my emotions?

He sighed. "That's not what I'm saying-"

Unable to withstand his comments any further, you stood up and slammed your hands on the table furiously. "Not everyone can suppress their feelings like an emotionless bastard like you."

Your eyes were starting to adjust to the darkness, and as you looked over in Levi's direction, you were so sure his expression turned into a deadly glare.

"You think I don't understand what this feels like?" he said, raising his voice slightly. "You think I don't feel the same guilt knowing my comrades died while I survived? Do you see me moping around like a child?"

It's not the same.

Little did he know that your feelings of guilt were rooted far deeper than his feelings ever would be.

"There's nothing wrong with letting out your emotions, Captain, especially at a time like this when I'm not hindering anyone," you told him. "But seeing as this clearly makes you uncomfortable, I will just get out of your way."

You were glad for the darkness in the room, or else Levi would have seen the tears slip from your eyes. You whipped your body around, made your way into the bathroom, and slammed the door behind you. Feeling overwhelmed by your emotions, you instinctively kicked the cabinet below the sink, the objects above it rattling upon the impact. You leaned over and rested your elbows on the counter, covering your face with your hands.

You felt indignant, miserable, and ashamed all at once. The captain's remarks were certainly not helping, either. You needed to be alone in order to properly handle these emotions; it was the only way. No one would be able to comprehend the turmoil within your mind except for you.

How did it all come to this?

Slowly, your eyes travelled up to stare at your reflection in the mirror while you mulled over your past and how it all led up to this very moment. It had only been a few years since you were last home, and yet, the person you saw in the mirror seemed unfamiliar to you. You were not the same person you once were. That thought resonated in your soul.

The main reason why you were hunched over the bathroom sink contemplating your entire purpose in the land filled with those you claimed to be your enemies was because you almost killed your father - an honorable Marleyan soldier loved and respected by everyone back in Marley.

Everyone except for you.

If you hadn't tried to kill him, you wouldn't be in this predicament right now. You'd have been in Zeke's place - creating plans to obtain the coordinate and forming a powerful military.

But you let your emotions get the best of you. You couldn't handle your father's vile behavior and you simply had enough.

There was no way you could respect him. What you saw was a man who betrayed his family - a man who was too much of a coward to stay knowing he had children with an Eldian woman.

For years, you couldn't understand why he left without an explanation. You always thought he'd come back someday, but he never did. Paulina was too young to remember him, but you remembered everything in vivid detail.

You were fourteen when he left. Paulina was only three. It wasn't until a year later that your mother grew sick. When news broke out, you were so sure he'd return - that he'd come back with a valid explanation as to why he had to leave you and that he'd find a way to help the woman he claimed to love.

But he never did.

You were poor and desperate. The money you received from warrior training only sustained the three of you for so long, and it certainly wasn't enough to help your mother. You resorted to stealing and other deplorable ways to obtain money and necessities, but even that wasn't enough.

Your mother was getting worse, and fast. Although the hatred for your father grew over the years, you realized you were running out of options; thus, you decided to swallow your pride and go find him. It had been three years since you had last spoken to him at that point. You had recently turned seventeen and so much had changed since then, but even then, you had a little faith that he'd listen to you - that he still cared about you, Paulina, and your mother enough to help in any way he could.

You choked back a sob at the memory. You felt pathetic for even asking when he did nothing but turn away and ignore your pleas. All the remaining respect you had for him at that point was lost. From that moment on, you despised him. You wanted nothing to do with him, and when your mother died, you couldn't help but pin the blame on him.

And then the big moment came when you turned eighteen - the moment when the warriors were selected to become titan inheritors, shortly after your mother's death. You were the first choice to become the Beast Titan - a true honor that you wished your mother could have been alive to see.

The selected warriors were all invited to a dinner with General Calvi, Commander Magath, and a few other well-respected Marleyan soldiers. This, of course, meant you were to have dinner alongside your father.

No one at the table knew the full story aside from Reiner. Because of the close bond your mother and Ms. Braun shared, Ms. Braun did not hesitate to take you and Paulina in. From that moment on, you treated Reiner like a brother, and everyone in that household knew your history. It was comforting to know that his mother, too, shared a similar love story as that of your mother.

That dinner was all too vivid to you. You restrained from glaring or speaking to your father at all costs, but when anyone decided to speak of your mother in a crude manner, you found that you were unable to hold your tongue...

8 years prior...

"Eden, how are things in the Braun household?" Commander Magath asked. "I know the change must have been difficult."

"It's different, but a good different," you replied. "I'm forever grateful for Ms. Braun's generosity."

"Eden has moved in with the Braun family?" General Calvi said, cutting a piece of steak.

You chewed on your food silently, feeling slightly offended that the general was unaware of your situation. The food was delicious - better than any plate you had eaten in a while. However, you found it difficult to consume it with your father in the room. You felt uneasy.

"Yes... it has been a few months," the commander answered.

"So does this mean that your mother..." his voice trailed off as he shifted his eyes towards you.

"Yes. She passed away a couple of months ago," you replied, using your fork to pick at your food. You no longer wanted to eat anymore.

The general's firm gaze was burning into you. "I see. May I ask the cause of death?"

How very like him to not even offer his condolences. Once again, you were reminded of how little you meant to the higher-ups because of your blood.

"It was a sexually transmitted disease, was it not?"

You dropped your fork on your plate. The room went silent. Slowly, you turned your gaze towards the person who asked such a bold question.

"No," you replied politely to your father. "No, that is not true. And even if it was, to ask such a thing in front of everyone is rather disrespectful."

"I've heard differently from other accounts."

"Well, you heard wrong." You raised your voice slightly. Reiner nudged you from under the table, trying to remind you to keep your composure, but unfortunately, the rage was already starting to build within you.

How dare he make such a claim about your mother like that, especially in front of the higher-ups.

"Well, her family was poor," the other officer added. "I wouldn't judge her for that."

"What are you trying to imply?" you prodded further. The room gradually became tense. "If you're claiming my mother slept with men for money, it's not true."

"I think we should discuss other matters now," Commander Magath intruded.

"I agree," General Calvi said after him.

For the sake of your reputation, you swallowed your frustration for the rest of the dinner. You could hardly stomach anything at that point, but you tried to finish what you could, knowing that you'd likely never have a meal this well made for a long time.

Once the dinner was finally over, Commander Magath asked you to stay behind to discuss other matters.

"Form a good relationship with him," Commander Magath said, referring to Tom Ksaver - the current Beast Titan inheritor. "He wanted Zeke to take his spot, but the general and I knew you would be a better fit. You have to make sure you make a good impression so he doesn't change his mind."

"Don't worry," you said. "That shouldn't be a problem."

You made an attempt to turn away, but he stopped you by gripping your shoulder.

"Take it seriously, Eden. You must learn to control your temper."

"I'm simply defending myself."

"There are other ways to handle certain situations-"

"If you're referring to what happened during the dinner, understand that I refuse to let anyone disrespect me or my family. I simply won't tolerate it, and you cannot stop me."

"Even if it affects your placement as a warrior?"

You stood there silently, unwilling to give an answer.

Perhaps there were times when you needed to be silent in order to protect your reputation, but disrespect was something you found difficult to accept. After all, how could you just let others treat you poorly without sticking up for yourself? Still, it seemed like you were going to have to swallow your pride sometimes, especially knowing how it could impact you and your family.

"Understood, Commander," you replied. He gave you a quick nod and then dismissed you.

While gathering your belongings, you overheard quiet murmurs from the two officers behind you.

"There's a rumor that that girl's your daughter, did you know?"

You froze, the grip on your bag tightening.

"It's all nonsense," your father replied. "No daughter of mine would behave like her."

You bit your bottom lip harshly, the grip on your bag growing even tighter. You continued acting like you hadn't heard a thing, pushing your chair in.

"She got it all from her mother, I bet," the other officer replied. "What was her name again?"

Ignore them. Ignore them.

"Luna Barlowe. She used to sleep around, too. Wouldn't be surprised if her daughters turned out-"

"Keep my mother's name out of your mouth," you snapped. You still wouldn't face them, fearing that the moment you did, you wouldn't be able to control what happened next.

The room grew silent for a moment, the tension picking up again. Only the two officers, the general, and the commander remained in the room. You could feel the weight of their collective gaze linger behind you, making you feel restless.

"I'm simply telling the truth."

Your fury was steadily growing, your fists clenched tightly.

"It's not true and you know it," you replied, slowly grabbing the steak knife in front of you. "Say one more thing, and I swear you'll regret it."

The approaching footsteps of the commander behind you prompted you to quickly hide the knife in your pocket. He placed a hand on your shoulder after reaching you, trying to settle you down. "Eden, please. Let's take this elsewhere-"

"I've heard similar rumors about you too," your father continued.

"Officer Krause, please-"

"Like mother, like daughter, right?"

You blacked out.

One moment you were standing face-to-face, then the next you were straddling over him on the ground with your fists in his face. According to everyone who witnessed the incident, you continuously pounded his face in, splattering the room with blood. Your brutality nearly made him go unconscious until the others forcefully intervened, holding you back.

Although you blacked out for a split second, you still remembered the next part in vivid detail.

Your father wiped the blood from his mouth and looked you straight in the eye before saying, " You are no daughter of mine."

You shoved yourself off the others holding you back, your strength clearly surpassing theirs. Your first instinct was to pull out the knife from your pocket and corner him. He stumbled backwards with nowhere to run. Seeing as you now had the upper hand, you took advantage of the situation.

Four years of pent-up rage. Four years of suffering from betrayal. Four years of false hope. Those feelings were enough to make you drive the knife into his stomach.

He fell over onto the ground, groaning in pain as the blood seeped out of his body.

And then, you stabbed him in the same area again.

And then once more.

By the fourth time, the reality of the situation hit you after being tackled by multiple other officers. Your body was pinned down, your head slamming on the ground as they handcuffed your hands behind your back.

The moment you finally looked your father in the eyes, you felt nothing but regret. He was terrified of you, it was evident; but there was another complex emotion in his eyes you couldn't quite decipher. An expression that made you feel pitiful.

He looked apologetic.

"Eden..." he muttered. His eyes were slowly starting to droop, and the distressing thought of losing another parent finally sunk in.

"Dad," you whispered. The guards roughly pulled you back onto your feet, forcefully attempting to drag you out of the room.

"Dad!" you screamed as they shut the doors.

You thought he was dead for days. Nobody would inform you of his current state while you were in prison. It wasn't until your court case that you found out he was hospitalized and severely injured.

But he would survive. They assured you of that.

Five days. That was how long you were stuck in prison. You couldn't remember the last time you felt that starved or dehydrated in your life.

You were sentenced to be executed for violating the law in such a horrific matter, but it was Commander Magath who vouched for you in court to continue as a warrior under his supervision. The judge was uncertain of this decision, but ultimately, he reached a positive consensus.

One thing was for certain, though - you were no longer able to inherit the Beast Titan.

You returned home shortly after your trial, too embarrassed to face Ms. Braun, but she still welcomed you home with open arms despite feeling on edge.

Reiner didn't say much when you returned. He hardly acknowledged what happened.

And then there was Paulina - too young to even understand the severity of the situation. All she knew was that her sister had returned, so she tackled you with a hug. At that moment, all you could think about was how unworthy you were to receive her love.

You locked yourself in the bathroom that night, staring deeply at your reflection in the mirror. You felt like you couldn't recognize yourself anymore. It was as if you had become a different person after nearly killing your father.

You nearly killed someone. You nearly took someone's life. That was something you'd never done before. You had always come close, but never to the extent you did with your father. You had your hands stained with his blood, quite literally.

You stabbed him four times.

Four times.

You drove the knife into his stomach four times.

He didn't die, but you intended to kill. Did that make you a murderer?

What would your mother tell you?

The thought consumed you with anxiety. You were trained to be strong at a young age, but did that mean what you did was right?

It wasn't like you were defending yourself in a physical altercation; you were intending to kill him out of rage.

Were you wrong for that?

You were infuriated with him. He abandoned you and your family with nothing for four years without an explanation, and then he went and insulted your mother - the person he claimed to love deeply.

And now because of your actions, you could no longer accomplish the goal you'd wanted since you were a kid. It slipped away from your grasp, forever out of reach.

But despite everything, you still cared enough to worry about his well-being.

Damn him.

The frustration from within you finally broke as you lifted your fist and smashed it into the mirror in front of you. You shattered every trace of your old reflection into pieces, hoping and praying that you could leave the person you saw in the mirror behind so you could start anew...

A gasp escaped your mouth.

Fuck.

Shards of glass were littered all over the floor, your fist bleeding from the impact it made against the mirror. You were too immersed in your memories to realize the severity of what you had just done.

And of course, you heard a loud pounding on the door only seconds after your foolish actions.

"Eden, what the hell was that?"

"J-Just a second," you said in panic, scrambling to clean up the mess. There was really no point, but you wanted to mask the extremity of the situation somehow.

"Eden, open the door!" He pounded on the door with even more force.

"I said give me a second!" you yelled back. You frantically tried to gather all of the pieces to reduce the appearance of the mess.

"Ow!" You hastily pulled your hand away from the glass after unintentionally cutting your palm with a shard.

The door unlocked behind you. You knitted your eyebrows while turning to face the door. "How did you-"

He held up a rusty lock pick.

"You just so happen to conveniently have a lock pick on you at all times?"

You suddenly remembered Petra telling you how Levi used to be a rogue in the Underground before joining the Survey Corps. How convenient at a time like this.

"It isn't mine. You meet plenty of petty thieves and liars when you join the Survey Corps. I have a whole collection in my drawer of those I've caught," he responded, putting the lock pick back in his pocket. "Now, are you gonna tell me what happened?"

"I... you... the mirror broke," you fumbled your words, trying to think of a realistic excuse.

"It just... broke?" he asked.

"Uh" - you glanced behind you, staring down at the mess again - "yeah."

"Then why is your hand bleeding?"

You lowered your head to look at the blood dripping from your hand. "I cut my palm with a shard."

"Your knuckles are bleeding too."

You were too embarrassed to meet his gaze.

"What's gotten into you?"

"I'm sorry. I'll go clean this up," you replied, attempting to brush past him. He extended an arm out to block your path. You eyed him carefully, watching as he grabbed one of the small towels from the bathroom; he handed it over to you.

"Use this to stop the bleeding and wait in the kitchen. I'll take care of this."

You stared at him in puzzlement. "It's my fault, Captain. I can clean it up."

"I know," he acknowledged, heading to grab a broom from the kitchen. "But you're clearly not in a good state of mind."

Angrily, you snatched the broom from his grip. "I told you, I don't let anyone clean up the messes I've created."

"You don't always have to be the one to pick up the pieces of what you started, Eden. It's okay to have help. You don't have to do it alone."

"I don't want you to," you responded stubbornly. He ignored you, prying your fingers off the broom.

"Unfortunately, I don't take orders from you." He walked past you, ready to sweep up the shards on the floor. "Wait in the kitchen."

"But-"

"Do it," he said bluntly.

"At least let me help you," you offered.

"You're bleeding, Eden. You need to treat your wounds first. Go rinse off your hands in the kitchen."

You sighed, recognizing how reasonable his claims were.

"Fine," you said, covering your hand in the towel to stop the bleeding.

"You goddamn idiot," you muttered quietly to yourself while walking towards the kitchen. You placed the towel aside and turned on the faucet of the sink to rinse off the blood. After the water made contact with your cuts, you flinched at the stinging sensation. You started disinfecting your wounds carefully with soap, trying to hide the pain in your expression. Some rustling was heard behind you; you peeked over your shoulder to see that Levi had returned, cautiously discarding the shards of glass in the proper waste bin.

"Do you know where the bandages are?" you asked politely. He nodded, walking back towards the direction of the bathroom. You dried off your hands, hoping the bleeding had now stopped. He returned shortly after.

"Thank you," you said, attempting to grab the bandages from him, but he pulled the bandage away from your grasp instantly. Instead, he held out his hand, waiting for you to let him take yours.

Your lips parted slightly in surprise, not anticipating that he wanted to bandage your wound.

"I can do it myself, you know?"

"You have cuts on one hand and a sprained wrist on the other."

"Weren't you the one complaining that you were spoon-feeding me too much?"

He didn't respond, gripping your wrist and placing your hand on top of his palm. You let out a tired exhale, feeling too exhausted to make a remark.

You watched him as he began to wrap the bandage over your hand steadily. Slowly, you drew your gaze to his face, taking in his serious expression. He was so concentrated, his eyebrows slightly knitted together. He always looked so stoic; you wondered if he had ever smiled a day in his life.

You found yourself picturing what a younger Levi must have been like. How did he grow up? Did he have both parents? Any friends? How did he end up in the Survey Corps? Petra told you a few things about him, such as the fact he used to be a rogue in the Underground, but it seemed like not a single person really knew him.

Maybe Hange knew. Maybe you could try and talk to them about it.

You suddenly thought back to the hair ties you found in his drawer - the ones that belonged to a girl named Isabel. She must have been someone important to him if he had her hair ties. Who was she? What did she mean to him?

You hadn't noticed how long you were staring at him until he halted his movements to look up at you. You felt your face burn; you averted your eyes.

Why am I so curious about him all of a sudden?

He resumed his wrapping a few moments later, nearly finishing.

"Captain."

"Hm." He continued adjusting the bandage.

"Why are you doing this?" you asked boldly. He paused for a moment to look up at you.

"So you can learn to accept help."

"But... why?"

You couldn't fathom why he of all people would want to help you. When someone would offer to help you in the past, you would refuse to accept it, and they'd respect it, letting it go. For whatever reason, he would just invite himself in. He wouldn't take no for an answer. He was always determined to help, and you had no choice but to accept it.

He exhaled leisurely, fixating his gaze back on your injured hand.

"Because I think I can understand you."

"What do you mean?"

He finished securing the bandage and let go of your hand. You felt a faint twinge in your stomach the moment your hands parted, like a part of you wanted the contact to linger just a little longer.

What the hell am I thinking?

He leaned his back against the counter behind him.

"I used to be just as hard-headed and insufferable as you are."

"You claim you're no longer hard-headed or insufferable?" you said, unable to bite your tongue.

He crossed his arms sternly. "Not to the extent that you are, no."

You rolled your eyes. "What's your point?"

"I'm saying that I, too, was once someone like you. Someone who wanted to bear their burdens alone and refused to let anyone in. I relied solely on myself, but I quickly realized how lonely of a path that was to take."

"Well, sometimes that is the only correct path to take," you refuted. "Sometimes you rely on someone and then they betray you."

"You were a thief once, weren't you?"

"What?" you asked a little too loudly. "What the hell kind of question is that?"

"You are too self-reliant and have issues putting trust in others. Aside from that, the pocket knife, the bobby pin to unlock doors, and your combat skills were a dead giveaway."

"What the hell does that have to do with anything?"

"Because I was one too."

"So I've heard. You also unlocked the bathroom door a little too easily."

He shrugged. "I'm not denying it."

You sighed. "Okay, fine. I was a thief. What exactly is your point?"

"That you need to learn to rely on others to help you. That you don't need to handle everything alone."

"And why do you care if I do? Why is it that you always seem to intrude when I didn't ask you to in the first place?"

"Because I can see your potential."

Your breath hitched at his response and your eyes widened. He avoided your gaze, looking elsewhere.

"I know we haven't exactly gotten along, but I'm still able to acknowledge your talent. I don't say these things often, but you are one of the strongest soldiers we have. If I was able to fix my ways, then so can you." He turned to you again, a hint of red on his face. "We need you, Eden."

We need you.

The same thing they told you as a warrior in Marley.

You were unsure of how to respond, feeling flustered that he'd spoken this highly of you.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Yes."

"Do you respect me?" It was a question you felt the need to ask. Knowing his unfiltered bluntness, you knew whatever he said next would be the truth.

He knitted his eyebrows. "You're asking me that after what I just told you?"

"You can see someone's potential and still not respect them," you replied.

"I do," he said almost immediately. "I do respect you."

"Why?"

His intense stare bore so deeply into your eyes that it began to make you feel self-conscious.

"Because you do things with a heavy heart, the same way I've always had to."

Guilt settled in your stomach and warmth crept onto your face. You lowered your gaze down towards your feet, coming to an uncomfortable realization.

I can't kill him.

Your eyes began to water again, your fists clenched tightly.

He's a good person. I can't kill him.

You winced when you felt a sharp pain in your palm, unaware that your fists were clenched hard enough to aggravate the tender wound.

"Are you alright?" he asked, concern in his expression.

When you first met, you couldn't stand each other. Why couldn't it stay that way? You had a legitimate reason to despise him - a reason to build a foundation of hatred against him.

But looking at him now, you realized that it was all just a facade. Petra was right.

"I know the captain can be kinda harsh. He has the tendency to be brutally honest when necessary, but trust me when I say he only does it because he cares about his comrades. He always has our best interests in mind."

You didn't believe it then. You thought he was just an arrogant prick, but he was actually a compassionate man with many imperfections. He was not the type to verbalize his care - he was the type to show it through his actions. You had seen him demonstrate this to you on numerous occasions.

His concern about your lack of eating and your relationship to alcohol, the way he went to look for you after you escaped to get Petra's necklace, the way he gave you Petra's badge.

The fact he just finished cleaning up my mess and bandaging my wound - something I never thought anyone would insist on doing.

His actions spoke volumes.

You felt conflicted, your view of him now altered.

The floor creaked below you, indicating he stepped up closer to you.

"Why are you crying?" he inquired, completely oblivious to your internal battle. You didn't want to look up at him, embarrassed at the thoughts running through your mind.

This realization was not something you wanted to welcome, but deep down, you had known for a while. You'd been hesitant and distracting yourself from your assigned task. Initially, you thought it would have been easy to kill him, but your morals had always stood in the way.

Your gut told you that your mother wouldn't have wanted this either.

When you finally built up the courage to look up at him, you felt like your heart was going to explode.

This was the man you were supposed to kill - the one you hated from the moment you met. The same man you were supposed to betray in order to bring honor back to your family name, but now that you were finally starting to gain his trust, you felt an overwhelming sense of guilt.

Why? This is what I wanted, right? To gain his trust?

"I just..." you trailed off, the tears continuously spilling from your eyes. You were ashamed to cry this much in front of him, but your inner conflict had taken over. All you wanted was to feel comfort. You wanted to be held and told that everything would be okay. It was such an odd craving, considering the fact you were never an affectionate person, but oddly enough, you found yourself craving the comfort from him of all people.

Forgive me for what I'm about to do, Commander. I'm going to be selfish for a moment.

You let your body go limp, leaning forward and resting your forehead on his shoulder - a response he had not anticipated from you. His body grew overwhelmingly rigid as he grabbed your arm to keep you from falling on top of him.

"What are you doing?" he asked in a panicked tone.

You didn't move. You didn't say a word. Your close proximity granted you to feel his racing heartbeat - a subtle sign of the apprehension he must have been experiencing. You shut your eyes, smelling a hint of spearmint and wood in his scent.

You prepared for him to shove you off - to chastise you for your inappropriate behavior, but he didn't move. He stayed for as long as you needed him to. His grip was still gently firm around your arm, but you could sense the tension slowly disappearing from his shoulders.

It wasn't until a few minutes later that you pulled away from him, mumbling an apology and saying your goodnights. Your heavy emotions still lingered, but you didn't want to make the situation more intimate than necessary. You didn't even hug him, yet somehow, leaning on his shoulder was just as comforting.

Observing as he left the room, you began to wonder if he, too, found comfort in that gesture.

Notes:

I've been WAITING to write this chapter since I first started this fanfic. We finally delved into some of Eden's backstory, and the slow burn is finally starting to burn just a tad...

Thank you for all the kudos and comments so far. I don't always respond to every comment just because I don't want to sound too repetitive, but just know I read every single one and I appreciate them SO MUCH. I'm so glad people are enjoying this story. I know I'm very slow with updates, but I'm grateful to those of you who still stick around.

I hope everyone has a great weekend. :)

- Mar

Chapter 13: Decisions

Chapter Text

At precisely half past nine in the morning, you started to gather all of your belongings. According to the captain, the plan was to leave the fortress discreetly by mid-afternoon so that neither the Garrison Regiment nor the MPs would come to suspect where Eren and Christa - who you later learned to actually be named Historia - currently resided.

Ever since Historia's importance was revealed by Minister Nick, it seemed that the Survey Corps had an even greater duty to protect not only Eren, but her as well. You were unsure of how the squads were going to be restructured, considering a large amount of the Scout Regiment had been killed, but one thing you knew for sure was that the Survey Corps did not look good in the public eye. The failed outcome of the most recent mission had only further damaged their reputation, and the commander's critical condition as a result of the aftermath did not help with it either.

You set your packed belongings to the side and sighed while sinking onto the edge of your bed, your gaze lingering on Petra's untouched belongings. You left the task of gathering her items until the very end, unwilling to immerse yourself in the grief of her loss just yet. You shut your eyes and took a deep breath in, collecting your thoughts before giving in to your overwhelming feelings of dread. You stood up a few moments later, grabbing her bag from the corner of her room and unclasping it. It felt uneasy invading her privacy like this; then again, you knew she wouldn't have minded. She never once denied sharing an item with you.

"Consider anything mine, yours," you recalled her saying. "I've got nothing to hide." Her genuine, glowing smile emerged in your mind at the memory.

The first thing you saw peeping out of the bag was some makeup, hair ties, and an unfinished bag of chips – such simple, mundane, everyday items, and yet, they still filled you with nothing but anguish. You grabbed the bag of chips, dropping it into the trash bin without a second glance. The rest of her items were emptied onto her bed. Steadying your breath, you began to rummage through the remaining items.

It didn't feel right to touch her belongings without permission, especially when you certainly had no right to. Pulling out all of her clothes, accessories, and books just made you feel queasy. Each item represented an intimate piece of Petra's life, and you hated the fact you had to disturb it. Tension rose on your shoulders while you continued.

Petra would not have cared to have you linger over her belongings - that was how much she trusted you, and that was exactly the most devastating part of her death. She trusted you blindly without knowing who you really were at all.

Packing her clothes was the worst part. These were items once adorned on her every day you were with her. Her cotton night clothes, her ruffed-up training clothes, her mildly fancy casual clothes... you felt an ache in your heart while caressing the fabric.

As you reached for her golden necklace next, you felt the pang in your heart deepen. You held it up close to your face, immersing yourself in the memory of that night. It was the one and only time you had pissed her off, and it was all due to your carelessness. She was so forgiving, too - even blaming herself for thinking she overreacted.

Oh, Petra. You were too sweet for this world.

I should have been the one to die in your place.

Your eyes widened at the brief dark thought, never once having considered your death to be an option for what you were going through.

No, you couldn't let yourself die. As guilty as you may have felt about what happened, you had to remind yourself that you were here for your sister. She deserved a better life, and you needed to make sure she got that before your life came to an end. Death was not currently an option; you had to push through.

You gathered the rest of her things into her bag swiftly, attempting to ignore the disturbing thoughts engulfing your mind. You clasped her bag shut and threw it over your shoulder before placing your hand on the doorknob to leave.

You paused.

In that moment of hesitance, you wondered if it would have been okay to be selfish again.

How many times will I allow myself to be selfish?

You ignored the rational voice in your head advising you against your impulses, unclasping Petra's bag again and digging through it to look for a hair tie. You found the red one that she'd always wear - the one you'd tease her for because it blended in with her hair.

You wanted to keep it as a memory. A good memory.

Although you still clung to the badge Levi had given you, you couldn't help but acknowledge how it compared to the red hair tie - two different objects with two different meanings. The badge was a representation of Petra's tragedy and bravery, but the hair tie represented her happiness and authenticity. Both carried a connection to her that you wanted to keep as a reminder of who she was.

You stowed the hair tie into your bag and finally stepped out of your room, carrying Petra's belongings along with yours. While walking into the main room, your gaze was met by Hange, who was sitting down at the dining table engrossed in the documents in their hands. They averted their gaze from the print to meet your eyes.

"Good morning, Eden," they said with a grin. "How did you sleep?"

"Uh..." you trailed off awkwardly, not knowing how to respond. "Could have been better." There was a subtle shift in their expression.

"Right. Not the best question to ask. Sorry," they apologized. "Did you pack everything?"

"I did," you answered. "I've got a question, though. What should I do with all of Petra's stuff?"

You didn't want to keep those items to yourself. Despite your slight urge to hold onto small pieces of her memory, you didn't want to carry all of it with you. That would be too torturous for your mental health.

"We donate them to the Underground," Levi chimed in, his voice projecting through the air as he appeared from the hallway across. You suddenly felt hot in his presence, remembering the events that took place in the kitchen the night prior.

"Good morning, Captain," you greeted while he approached the table. He took a seat at the very edge of the table - close to Hange - then placed his cup of tea on the table and held his newspaper out in front of him.

"Good morning," he responded plainly. He didn't spare you a look. You wondered if that meant anything.

Perhaps you were too emotional last night - too intimate. You didn't consider how your actions would make him feel, feeding into your desire to be comforted by someone. You certainly did not perceive him as the emotional or intimate type. The tension you felt in his shoulders proved his discomfort.

However, in spite of the obvious discomfort, the tension in his body slowly faded away. You remembered the grip he had on your wrist slowly loosening and the rapid heartbeats against his chest gradually slowing down the longer you leaned against him. He didn't push you off. He didn't insult you. Instead, he waited until you made the decision to pull away before retreating to bed. His absence of words only augmented your desire to prod into his mind.

As comforting as the moment was, you also couldn't help but feel yourself drown in the waves of embarrassment that washed over you afterwards. You shuddered at the thought. How could you let yourself succumb to such vulnerability in front of him?

How humiliating.

Captain Levi - Humanity's Strongest Soldier and possibly the biggest threat to Marley. This was the man you were tasked to kill, and what did you do? You cried and sought solace on his shoulder. How weak really were you?

And yet, being vulnerable in front of him came so easily to you. Somehow, you felt reassured that he wasn't going to reprimand you for expressing your emotions. There was something unspoken in that moment that told you that he was there for you. Something in his expression - in his eyes. That was what welcomed you.

But regardless of whatever compelled you to get that close to him last night, it was the last. It had to be. A line had to be drawn.

I can't kill him, you recalled thinking to yourself. It came at a moment of vulnerability and emotional weakness. Was it true? Did you mean it? If you really couldn't kill him, now what? What were you here for? The main reason you were here was to kill him.

Pathetic. I'm so pathetic.

When did you become so empathetic towards him?

You mulled over the thought of potentially failing this mission. You wondered if there would be a way to compensate for your failure. Would bringing Eren to Marley make up for your lack of success? Would that be enough? Then again, did you even have the guts to do that?

No, I always complete my missions. Levi has to die.

Your head throbbed at the constant tug of war. One moment you were set on the fact that you needed to carry out the mission and kill him, then at another you questioned if you even had the courage to kill a person like him.

Maybe Levi was right. You were a coward.

"Eden?"

You snapped out of your mental turmoil, turning to face the voice calling you. Both Levi and Hange stared at you with concern in their expressions.

"You alright? You seemed to have blanked out a moment there," Hange said.

"Yeah, sorry," you said sheepishly. You seemed to have developed a habit of drifting too deep into your thoughts in front of others.

"I was telling Hange about the paper I was reading this morning. I thought you might be interested." Levi passed you the paper across the table. After setting the bags you still held on the floor, you took a seat at the table across from Hange. You reached over to grab the paper, your eyes widening immediately at the headline.

'Alcoholic Scout Goes on Rampage at Local Bar'

You continued reading the article, quickly skimming through. It was a detailed account of the night at the bar from a few weeks back. You had secretly hoped Lukas and his cronies would have blacked out from the memory - especially with the way Captain Levi beat him unconscious - but alas, you were proven wrong. Your name was put on blast for everyone within the walls to see.

You darted your eyes toward the sketch below the article.

"Is that supposed to be me?" you asked. You stared down at the sketch in disbelief, eyebrows knitted. "They did not get my face right at all."

You weren't sure if you were just being nitpicky and insecure, but you were more than positive that your nose did not look like that.

"Looks similar enough to me," Levi remarked casually, taking a sip of his tea. Hange bit their lip to stifle their laughter while you rolled your eyes at Levi's nonchalant response.

"Always as sweet as ever, Captain," you responded sarcastically, turning the page. Your eyes shifted from fiery to amused within seconds. "Would you look at that, they've even got you on here, Captain."

He set his cup down again and glared over at you, reaching out his hand to take the paper from you. You passed it to him, resting your chin on your palm with a delighted grin.

"I think the image looks just like him. Don't you, Hange?"

Hange covered their mouth to suppress their laughter while peering over Levi's shoulder. Truthfully, the drawing didn't resemble him at all, but if he was gonna poke fun at you, it seemed only fair to reciprocate.

"This isn't funny," he said sternly, setting the paper back down to glare at you menacingly. "Everyone around the area will know our name and what we look like."

"Aren't we already looked at from a negative light?" you commented. "The whole Eren ordeal isn't looking good for any of the scouts, especially you."

"And how does this make it any better? All you did was add more salt to the wound," he explained. "He said you tried to slash his neck. They are going to view us as a dangerous threat now."

"Okay, but... we already have a bad reputation, anyway," you replied stubbornly.

"Eden, are you being delusional on purpose?"

Just as you were about to bite back, Hange interrupted the conversation, clearly sensing the tension between the two of you. "Alright, alright. Can we just focus on the current situation? We need to get out of here within the next couple of hours to make sure both Eren and Historia are protected at all costs. A temporary hideout has been set up that should work for the time being."

"I've been ready since a few hours ago, Hange. You guys are the ones dragging behind," Levi asserted. After placing the newspaper on the table, he stood up, picked up his teacup, and walked over to the sink. "I'm visiting Erwin for the time being to see how he is. When I come back, you better be ready."

Levi left shortly after washing his cup, placing it on the towel to dry. Hange reached over to grab the newspaper Levi had left behind.

"He's in a very sour mood today," Hange said, flipping through the pages.

"When is he not?" you added.

"Well, he has his good moments," they defended. "He's not all sunshine and rainbows, but he can surprise you sometimes."

"Yeah, I suppose you're right..." you trailed off, your eyes fixed on the door he left from. You saw glimpses of the person Hange was referring to, but never fully. You wondered if he had ever completely broken off from his stern facade with anyone. Had he always been this way, or had there been anyone in his life he had been entirely comfortable with? "I guess his mood makes sense after everything that's happened."

You drew your attention to Hange, watching as they continued to look through the newspaper with intrigue, flipping through the pages. Your curiosity from the night prior had not dwindled, and the urge to be nosy completely took over.

"Hange?"

"Hm?" They looked up at you.

"Captain Levi... has he always been this way?"

"What? Cold, stubborn, and mean? Yes," they replied simply. "Believe it or not, he was ten times worse when I first met him."

"That bad?"

They scoffed, setting down the newspaper on the table. "He never knew how to bite his tongue. He was truly an arrogant little thing."

You laughed slightly at their choice of words. "How long have you known him?"

"About six years."

Your eyebrows raised in surprise. "Really? So he's only been in the Survey Corps for six years?"

"Yep. Didn't really have to go through much training either."

"Wait, so you're telling me he was never really a cadet?"

Hange shook their head. "He was practically recruited the moment Erwin caught him using ODM gear in the Underground."

"In the Underground?"

You didn't know much about the Underground - only that Levi came from there and the people there lived in poverty. If that was the case, how the hell did he even get access to ODM gear if that was only found on the surface?

"Maybe I've said too much," Hange said sheepishly, scratching their head.

The room grew quiet as you pondered a way to gain more information out of them without appearing too intrusive and suspicious.

"I've heard some rumors about him," you said casually. "Of him being a thief. The idea shocked me."

"Ah, so you have heard a few things about him already."

"Yeah, I guess. I don't know a lot, though."

They smiled at you for a moment. "You've grown curious about the captain, I see."

Their tone made you feel embarrassed - like they may have been implying something that wasn't true.

"No, I- I don't mean it in the way you're probably thinking," you told them, evidently flustered.

"Don't worry, I'm just poking fun at you. You're not the first person to ask these types of questions. Everyone's so curious about the stoic captain," they said playfully. "To be honest, I actually don't know all that much about him either."

You quirked an eyebrow curiously.

"I know, I know. You'd think I'd be able to crack the guy after all these years, but he's never been able to open up. Every now and then, he'll mention something about his past, and I grow evidently ecstatic." Their eyes gleamed from excitement. "But then he thinks I'm too much to handle and decides to shut himself out."

"I see. So he's just never been able to open up," you said.

"I don't blame him. He had a rough past. He lived in the Underground for his whole life and was suddenly thrown onto the surface, only to watch the only two friends he had at the time die in front of him."

You furrowed your eyebrows. "Friends?"

Friends?

It was hard to picture him having a close friendship with anyone. There hadn't been a single person here that you'd seen him fully gravitate to, or maybe you just hadn't seen it yet. He seemed to value his solitude more than anything. The closest people you could think of were Erwin and Hange, and Hange had already admitted to you just how difficult he was to crack.

"Oh, so you didn't know about that, huh?" they replied. "Well, I'll tell you, but you didn't hear it from me."

You nodded politely.

Hange sighed, clasping both of their hands together on the table before speaking again. "Levi wasn't recruited by choice. He was practically forced."

"Forced? I can't even imagine him submitting to anyone."

Hange laughed. "Yeah, well, his friends were already captured, so he didn't really have a choice. They got caught using ODM gear and should have been penalized, but Erwin gave them an ultimatum - either they all get punished for their wrongdoings, or join the Survey Corps."

"Interesting. I'm guessing they were surprisingly skilled with the ODM gear and Erwin thought they would be useful."

They nodded. "Yep, you're spot on. He was most fascinated by Levi, though. He was the most skilled ODM user out of his friends and even bested most of the Survey Corps. He knew he would be an amazing asset."

"I see. I guess that does make sense. My assumption is that the reason his friends died is because their skill was not on par with Levi's."

They exhaled, staring down at the table. "Unfortunately, yes. Levi had separated from them during a scouting mission and then... well, I'm sure you can picture the rest."

Oh.

Oh.

"Well, it isn't the first time I've left someone and returned to find them dead."

That was what he meant. That was what he was referring to.

No wonder he felt so guilty.

"That's... really tragic," you said honestly.

It was hard to imagine what he must have felt. He spent his whole life in the Underground, only to lose the two closest people he knew. He had no one else after that, forced to make connections on the surface, which he was still unfamiliar with.

Still, although he seemed closed off, you could tell he learned not to completely isolate himself. The fact he seemed to have harbored a dislike for someone like Hange at first to suddenly open up to them little by little spoke volumes.

Maybe that was what he meant when he said he wanted to teach you to rely on others.

Gah. Stupid idiot won't leave my mind, will he?

"I honestly thought he was going to kill Erwin after it happened. He was definitely capable of doing so," they continued. "But slowly, he began to trust him. I was surprised to see him follow his orders at first, but it seemed like he was able to let go of his arrogance. Well, some of it, at least."

"He does strike me as one to not take orders from anyone, so this is surprising to hear."

"Yeah, well, the guy can surprise you sometimes," they replied. Their eyes widened suddenly. "Oh, that reminds me. I wanted to ask you something."

You nodded. "Go on."

"Well, I'm sure you realized that the squads are going to change after everything that's occurred, right?" You nodded again. "I was wondering if you'd like to join my squad."

Your eyes widened. "Really?"

"Of course! We could use a valuable asset like you. I always knew you had talent, but the moment I saw you take down that titan with one blade, I knew you were special."

"Oh, thank you. I..." you trailed off, pondering for a moment. Somehow, your mind automatically pointed your thoughts towards him. Would he have asked first if Hange hadn't? Had he given it thought?

Why would he?

You wondered if things would change after your conversation from last night, but you were still uncertain. He claimed to want to help you, but would he be willing to work with you?

Hange seemed to have noticed your mind wandering. "Has the captain asked you?"

Did they read my mind?

"No, actually."

"Hm, interesting. Well, my offer still stands. You don't have to give an answer now. You could wait until-"

"I'd love to," you interrupted. Hange was taken aback by your sudden response.

"Really? No hesitation?"

"I'm serious. I'm interested in working with you," you replied truthfully. Hange was certainly a unique character, and you were curious to see what it must be like under their command. It would also likely be a less toxic environment compared to what it would have been like working with Levi.

"That's good to hear then. I'm excited to have you on my team!" They smiled. "I'm sure Erwin wouldn't mind the change. He had even considered adding you to my squad at some point."

You returned their expression happily.

The two of you spent the next hour talking, discussing certain topics revolving around Levi, but then transitioning into other areas. You found it amusing just how intrigued Hange was with titans. They were far more knowledgeable than you expected, and extremely intelligent - definitely like the mad scientist you compared their appearance to when you first met them.

"And then, I stabbed their eyes. It pained me to do it, but it had to be done for the experiment," they said, describing the experiments they conducted on Sawney and Beane - the titans they captured to experiment with that were killed later on.

"You don't think they deserved it? Titans eat people mercilessly."

"Yes, but I'm trying to understand them. Based on my experiments, it doesn't seem like they have a mind of their own. It seems like their actions just resort to, 'Eat humans' and nothing else. It's a curious case, and I'd like to get to the bottom of it."

As eccentric as Hange was, they were smart as hell. It worried you a bit. At this rate, they'd find out that titans were actually humans too. You wondered how they'd react to that information.

"Even then, there was a case where a Survey Corps member died at the hands of a titan, but was able to write about her experience in her notebook before passing. She described the titan actually speaking to her and calling her something related to 'Subject of Ymir', which we are still confused about."

Your eyes widened. Even you weren't aware that mindless titans could actually talk. The titan was even aware of Eldians being a Subject of Ymir.

The people living in Paradis knew far more than you expected.

"That's... unsettling," you told them.

"Unsettling, yes, but very interesting."

"What made you interested in titans in the first place?"

You did not know what you got yourself into after asking that question. Hange went on a whole ramble for who knew how long regarding their initial interest in titans and how it led them up to now. They were crazy as hell, but you'd have been lying if you said you didn't admire their passion for the topic.

"And then, Levi came in and killed the titan I was trying to capture for my experiment!" Hange expressed their frustration, recounting an incident from a while back. Apparently, they were luring a titan to capture it, and Oluo had been grabbed by it during the process.

You gaped at their response to the story. "Hange, Oluo was about to be killed-"

"He was not! I swear, it was just a few more seconds until we were able to capture it!"

You let out a slight laugh. "Alright, if you say so."

They huffed in annoyance. "Levi got all mad at me afterwards, which is understandable... to a degree. Love the little guy, but he's always getting in the way of my passions."

You couldn't hold back your laugh this time. "Do you call him a little guy to his face?"

"Sometimes, when he's being particularly irksome. He's no fun sometimes. He'll insult me for being too erratic, so it's only fair I tease him for his height."

You continued laughing at their response. "You're quite funny, Hange."

They raised an eyebrow. "Am I? People always tend to write me off as too eccentric."

"Nah," you replied. "I think you're just right as you are."

Levi returned right around the time he expected. The afternoon had settled in, and he anticipated to leave only a few minutes after arriving, assuming everyone was ready.

Erwin was still in critical condition. He had lost an arm and was currently suffering from a coma, but Levi was told he would recover soon. He trusted the doctor's words, hoping he wouldn't have to suffer another loss so soon.

He entered the main doors, his eyes first falling on Hange who was shuffling through papers with a pen in their hand. They didn't seem to have moved from the same spot he last saw them in.

"I'm back, Hange," he said, shutting the door behind him. Hange looked up from their documents, setting the pen down.

"Oh, you're back. How's Erwin doing?"

"He's in a coma, but the doctor said he will recover," he replied, approaching the table. "Are you all ready to go?"

"Alright, have some patience. You just came back." They mixed their documents together and used a clip to hold them together before standing up from their chair. "But yes, we're all set, and I'm heading out soon. Also, about Eden, I asked her to join my squad, so she'll be with me from now on. You won't have to worry about her."

"What?" he said incredulously. "Are you insane?"

Hange furrowed their eyebrows at him, a hand resting on their hip. "No. I wasn't aware that you'd have any objections."

Levi hesitated before answering. His reaction was so sudden and he wasn't sure why it came so instinctively. "I'm not objecting. I just think that she'd be difficult for you to work with."

"Is that so?" they continued. "Well, Mike didn't seem to have a lot of trouble with her from what I was told."

"Clearly he hadn't experienced her at her worst." He crossed his arms over his chest.

"Well, she's a tough one, that's true, but she doesn't seem to be as detestable as you make her out to be. "

"Probably because you haven't had the luxury to see that side of her yet."

"Have you ever considered that maybe it's just you?" they asked. "You know, you're not so easy to befriend at first glance either."

Levi hated it when Hange actually made valid points.

"I'm just giving you my opinion based on my observations. Whatever you do with that information is up to you."

"Alright, so say I decide not to take her into my squad. Where should she go then?"

He remained quiet for a moment, avoiding their gaze while.

"Unless," Hange continued, "the reason you're not happy about this decision is because you were actually planning to ask her to join your squad."

"Tch."

"Alright. Then there shouldn't be any problem with her joining my squad then."

"No, Hange," Levi said almost immediately. Hange was evidently amused with his response, a smile plastered on their face as they approached him.

"Aw, you've started to warm up to her, haven't you?" They nudged his shoulder with their elbow playfully.

"Don't be ridiculous, Hange."

Hange continued to smile at him, unconvinced by his comments.

Levi rolled his eyes. "She can be an insufferable brat, but I can still acknowledge her talent. That's the only reason I've been considering it."

He had thought about it for a while, but it wasn't until he saw how motivated, driven, and contemplative you were while stuck at the fortress that he knew for sure that he wanted to work with you. Despite your flaws, you appeared quick and deductive on the battlefield. You were astounding to watch, and he couldn't deny that.

"As much as I would have loved to have her in my squad, I do think she would benefit more being under your command. I have no problem with you taking her into your squad instead, but this decision is ultimately up to her." They gestured their head towards your room. "She's under the impression that she's leaving with me right now, so if you wanna talk to her about it, now's the time."

Levi looked towards the direction of your door, a ripple of apprehension running through him. The idea of bringing up the option to join his squad made him feel queasy, and also a little embarrassed. He needed to set aside all of his pride before proceeding.

He walked over to your room, staring at the shut door in front of him.

What if she says no?

It was a possibility. It wasn't like he expected you to jump up with excitement about it. It was you, after all.

He exhaled slowly before finally knocking on the door. There was some quick shuffling behind the door before he heard it unlock. Opening the door slowly, you peeked your head through the gap. Your eyes were squinted, adjusting to the light. He came to the conclusion that you must have been sleeping.

Your eyes widened after seeing him stand before you. "Captain," you said, straightening your posture while your grip tightened on the side of the door, "can I help you with something?"

Levi stared at you while you fully appeared in front of him in your comfortable attire. You looked peaceful, your features softened by the aura of calmness surrounding you - a glow he never expected to see from you.

It suited you naturally, somehow.

"I was told you were joining Hange's squad, correct?" Levi finally asked.

You nodded, rubbing your eyes slightly to wake yourself up.

"Well, I spoke to them just now, and we both agreed that you might benefit more from being under my command."

"Wait, what?" you said, a hint of annoyance in your tone. Your eyebrows were knitted and your eyes narrowed, clearly bemused. "I'm confused. What do you mean you both came to a conclusion? You didn't think to run this by me too?"

"That's what I'm doing now."

"You're making it sound like I didn't have a say in the first place," you replied, your voice raising in irritation.

Levi sighed. "That wasn't my intention, Eden-"

"It sure as hell sounds that way."

"Will you just let me finish-"

"You think I would just happily accept to join your squad after you expressed your distaste with that idea when we first met?"

"Stop raising your voice," he said firmly. The image of tranquilness you held for a few moments quickly backfired on him.

"I'm not raising my voice! I-" You let out an exasperated sigh, rubbing your temples with your fingers. "Come in." You moved out of the way to let him slide past into your room, shutting the door and leaning your back against it with your arms crossed.

"What the hell's got you all worked up?" Levi asked bluntly.

"Lack of sleep, that's what," you replied. "I don't take well to be woken up to. Sorry, I'll let you continue."

He exhaled slowly. "I wanted to ask you to join my squad, but I also understand that Hange beat me to it. You have a choice, I'm not trying to make it seem like I'm forcing you to join me."

You looked at him curiously. "You wanted to ask me?"

"Yes," he replied. "I had been thinking about it for a while."

"What caused this change of heart?"

"You're really asking me that?"

You averted your eyes from his, seemingly self-conscious.

Levi wondered if the two of you would ever address what happened the night prior. It had been heavy on his mind throughout the day.

He'd be lying to himself if he said he didn't feel somewhat drawn to you from the start. Your personality reflected his past, in a way; it was a reminder of his old self. Your imperfections brought him back to a time when he was utterly alone and obstinate, and for some reason, he wanted it to be his duty to help you out of that mindset. You were evidently on a path of self-sabotage for reasons that weren't clear to him, and he didn't want someone with potential like yours to go to waste. He knew you could go far, but it was only you that was hindering your own growth.

That was all he thought it was - a chance to become a mentor and help a comrade with a promising future, but when he felt your body press against him while your head rested on his shoulder, he felt a wave of emotions he couldn't quite decipher. He had grown stiff at your touch, clearly uncomfortable by your actions, and yet, he was still unwilling to push you off.

He tried to convince himself it was because you were still hurting and grieving - that he was merely offering a shoulder to lean on. Although there was some truth to that, he knew there was also an underlying selfish desire to have you stay close.

With his shoulders slowly relaxing from your touch, he realized that he needed this intimacy just as much as you did. Physical affection was something he hardly experienced, if ever. The warmth of another person was unfamiliar to him, and it was something he didn't know he craved more of. He felt so pathetic feeling know he felt so comforted by something that was hardly considered a hug, but then he realized it didn't matter.

You felt the comfort too, so you were just as pathetic as he was.

"You think we'd both be able to manage our temper?" you finally said. "And yes, I said both of us."

"That's mostly up to you."

You rolled your eyes. "As long as you don't punish me by cleaning an entire fortress again."

"Fair enough. I'll just have you stick to stable duty then."

"Absolutely not," you spat.

He could discern that you thought he was being serious. Somehow, that made it all the more amusing to him.

"I'll do my part in keeping the peace as long as you do as well, but again, it's up to you. It's your choice in the end if you want to join me."

You gazed down at your feet while in deep thought, your arms still crossed over your chest. "Okay," you finally replied, looking up at him. "But I have one condition."

This should be interesting, he thought.

"You need to communicate with me better. If we are going to work together, then you're going to have to be more open-minded. You of all people know I'm not afraid to express my thoughts, so you better not dismiss my opinions as childish."

"Same goes for you."

"Yes, but you're the captain. Your word always goes before mine. If you respect me like you say you do, then I hope you'd be able to consider some of my thoughts as well."

"I will," he replied. "I'm capable of being more open-minded than you think."

"Okay, then it's settled then," you said, kicking yourself off the door. "I assume I'll be leaving with you then?"

"Yes," he said, reaching for the doorknob. "I'd like to be out in five minutes, tops."

"That's fine. I just need to change. I'll be out soon." You stepped aside to let him get to the door. Levi passed through, but then paused to peer at you from over his shoulder.

"One more thing," he said. "I want you to be my second-in-command. You have the potential to become a captain yourself eventually, so I'm going to see how you strategize." Your lips parted in surprise. "That means we'll have to work together far more than you probably expected."

"That's fine with me," you answered.

Feeling satisfied with your response, he turned to exit out of the door. Hange stood with their packed belongings by the entrance door, turning towards Levi's direction.

"My guess is that it went well?" they asked, a mischievous smile spread across their face.

"Quit staring at me like that," Levi said.

Hange stepped out of the main doors, only snickering in response.

Chapter 14: Tea and Berries

Notes:

This chapter begins with a journal entry. Some future chapters might begin this way, so let me know if this format is confusing or if anyone has suggestions on a better format!

Chapter Text

Sunday, 850

Perhaps the captain isn't all that bad.

He's actually asked me to join his squad as his second-in-command. He seems to be more open and honest with me now about certain things, specifically his feelings towards me. It's making it easier to understand him, but harder for me to view him as the enemy.

I don't think he hates me as much as I thought he did. To my knowledge, it seems that he finds me as someone relatable - someone he sees himself through. Maybe that's why he could hardly tolerate me at first, because I reminded him of the worst parts of himself.

But then, there was a noticeable shift in his treatment of me. He began to help me without hesitation. Despite my attempts at pushing him away, he always stayed. It feels like he wants to mend the flaws he used to have that he could see in me also. His kindness never fails to surprise me. I've never met a person so willing to help me in this way. It's so odd to experience this from a person like him - someone so aloof and stern.

I hate it.

Ever since mother died, I thought I had become somewhat heartless - only caring for those already closest to me. I didn't want to fill in more seats in my life knowing they could leave at any moment, regardless of the reason.

But I guess you can't really help it sometimes, can you? Sometimes you become too attached and you don't realize it, and damn does it hurt when they leave.

I think about Petra a lot these days. I think about how much she truly meant to me when she should have been nothing but a background character. I wish I didn't grow to care about her. I wish this guilt would go away; it was like her death was a punishment for what I was brought here to do, and now, it seems like this feeling is returning with the last person I anticipated.

Actually, it's the WORST person I anticipated. The complicated feelings I've been having regarding the captain have been torturous to deal with. These feelings of sympathy and trust I experience around him make me want to bash my head into a wall. Despite his attitude, I can't deny that I feel comfortable and safe in his presence. He is a good man, it's obvious, and I'm only here to destroy that.

There's still time for me to turn these thoughts around, though... right? I can suppress these thoughts - ignore them. Or better yet, use it against him. I can sense the trust he is starting to have in me, and I can obviously use it to my advantage. This is exactly what Commander Magath wanted me to do - to gain his trust first.

I guess it's ultimately up to me to decide what I will do. I'm just wondering how long this will take me to decide before I break. This internal conflict I feel is far too overwhelming. I'm not sure how much more I can hold it in without breaking.

But damn it, who am I trying to fool? I want to be selfish. Deep down, I want to welcome him into my life too.

- Eden

"I think I'd have Sasha in the outer center next to Eren or Historia," Levi said, using his pen to draw a circle on the paper spread out in front of both of you.

"No." You shook your head. "She should be in the rear. Right here." You used your pen to point to the more preferable spot for her. "She has heightened senses. She could hear and feel footsteps from miles away. Being in the center would only hinder that ability. I think she'd be more useful in the rear since most enemies come from behind."

"I always put my most skilled soldiers in the back. It should be you and Mikasa."

"Then either me or Mikasa would go beside her."

The two of you were coming up with a squad formation in case another expedition ensued, hypothetically speaking. There was no such thing happening currently, especially with the direness of the Survey Corps situation right now, but your guess was that Levi just wanted to test your intellect as a potential captain.

"Interesting choice," he said. "But I still think she'd be better off next to Eren or Historia. Armin would be placed on the other side."

"Well, I did train with her for about three years, did I not? I feel like I have some idea of where she may work best."

Levi hummed in response, acknowledging your perspective. "Well, if it comes to it, I'll consider your decision."

You nodded in response, taking a sip from your teacup.

You arrived with Levi and the others the night before. The location you were currently staying at was even farther from the walls than the fortress was. It would be difficult for the others to come look for all of you, or at least, you thought so. Eren and Historia should be safe for now.

You observed as Levi reached over to pick up the kettle from the center of the table, pouring more black tea into his cup.

"Do you really prefer plain black tea over others?" you asked him curiously. Any time you saw him drinking tea, he never added anything else to it. You found it odd, finding the lack of flavor to taste bitter.

"Sugar and milk were always hard to come by in the Underground," he responded, placing the kettle back on the table. "Besides, it becomes too sweet for me no matter how little I add."

"I take it you don't have a sweet tooth, then?"

"I don't care for sweets."

"What do you like, then?"

He eyed you suspiciously. "Why are you asking?"

Your face expressed confusion, feeling embarrassed by his response. "I'm just curious. We're going to be working a lot together, after all. It would only make sense to actually get a sense of who you are."

"But what does my food preference have to do with anything?"

You were starting to wonder how the hell he even made friends in the past if he was always pushing back like this. "It's called getting to know someone, Levi. It's creating a bond - a friendship. Not everything has to be about work. Life would be much more boring that way, don't you think?"

He said nothing, lifting his tea to drink it and perusing through the documents in his hands. You let out an exasperated exhale.

Yeah, he's not gonna be easy to crack.

A few moments later, you both heard the backdoor open.

"Captain," Connie began, entering the room. "We're having some trouble removing the planks of wood from the stables. Would one of you be able to give us a hand?"

"I got it," you said immediately, beginning to rise from your chair.

"No," Levi responded. "Your wrist is still injured, remember? You shouldn't be lifting heavy things for now."

"You're injured too."

"I don't have to lift anything with a sprained ankle."

You let out a sigh, slumping back down in your chair in defeat. Levi reassured Connie he would be out there in a second, taking a moment to organize the documents on the table before heading outside.

You leaned on the palm of your left hand lazily, adding some more sugar to your tea and stirring absentmindedly. You sipped your tea silently for a few minutes before getting up to wash your cup. The door creaked open from behind you only moments later.

"Oh. Hey, Eden," a familiar voice greeted. You peered over your shoulder to find Eren entering the room. "Do you know where the baskets are? We're trying to collect some of the fruit from the bushes."

Setting the washed cup on the towel next to you, you grabbed another towel to wipe your hands. "They're over there," you replied, gesturing your head to your left towards the side table in a corner.

"Thanks."

He passed by you, approaching the baskets, but then paused and glanced over at you again. He hesitated before speaking again, clearly nervous about what he wanted to say.

"Sorry if I'm being too intrusive, but I couldn't help but wonder how you and the captain seem to finally get along."

You froze, no longer wiping your hands. With your back still facing him, you shrugged your shoulders. You tossed the towel to the side and turned around to look at him, leaning your back against the sink. "There are more dire things to worry about other than having childish disagreements. I think we've both come to understand that."

He gave you a light smile and relaxed exhale. "I always had a feeling he'd warm up to you eventually. Like I said, I think he's tough on everyone at first, but I think he means well."

You always seemed to forget that Eren was always there too. He was there to watch your ongoing bickering with Levi, your budding friendship with Petra, and the aftermath of his squad's deaths. He suffered the loss just as deeply as you did.

He was only fifteen - the same age your sister should be right now. At fifteen, he had to watch all of his squad die right in front of him. You wondered how that kind of trauma affected someone as young as him. You thought of Paulina and how that would have affected her.

He's just a kid...

"Yeah, I guess you're right." You reciprocated his smile awkwardly, feeling uncomfortable at your sudden realization. "By the way, do you guys need help with anything out there?" you asked, trying to steer away from further discussing the topic of Levi.

"Uh, yeah, maybe, but aren't you injured?"

You scoffed, rolling your eyes. "Please. I swear everyone here thinks I broke an arm and a leg. It's just a sprained wrist and a few stitches." You brushed past him, heading towards the door. "I'll be fine."

The chilly breeze greeted you immediately upon stepping outside. The late afternoon had gradually begun to cool, causing goosebumps to form on your arms. While rubbing your clothed arms to create some warmth, you started to contemplate whether or not to grab your sweater if you were going to stay outdoors. The thin long sleeve you were wearing did not seem to be warm enough.

Eren looked taken aback at first, but then followed behind you shortly after, carrying the baskets in one hand. "You could help us pick the blueberries, if you'd like. It's not a very strenuous task," he suggested.

You sighed. Picking berries just seemed too dull for you; it just wasn't the task you would purposefully seek out to do. You'd rather be assigned something more demanding. Whenever you were assigned such a simple task like berry-picking, you automatically assumed that the others must have viewed you as too incapable and weak to do anything else, and damn did you hate that.

As you grew older, you began to question why you instinctively jumped to those thoughts. Was this desire for difficult tasks because you wanted to challenge yourself to do better, or to show off and prove yourself? Was it both? Now that you thought about it, this need to prove yourself probably resulted in you getting taken advantage of without even realizing it. Maybe you did need to pick some berries every once in a while. You tended to jump to conclusions quite a lot, always assuming people were out to demean you when that may have not always been the case.

Yet, as embarrassing as it was to admit, being the best was still all you had hoped to be, especially during your time in Marley.

And then some who-knew-how-old, stoic, tiny soldier came in and made you wonder about your entire strength in question.

Still though, Eren had a point. Even though you had a minor injury, you would make it far worse by putting more pressure on it. Picking berries was the safest option, as dumb as you thought it was. Besides, what exactly did you have to prove by showing off, anyway? Levi could see right through you like glass.

All this overthinking over a few berries? Just grab the damn basket.

"Hand me a basket," you told Eren reluctantly, reaching out your hand. He passed a basket to you.

I don't even like blueberries...

As you both walked over to the bushes, both of you saw Armin; he was inspecting the bushes and berries. His face lit up with excitement when he saw the baskets.

"Thanks, Eren," he said, grabbing a basket. His eyes quickly shifted towards you. "Eden, I didn't know you would be helping us. How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine. I feel like I should be the one asking you both that question," you replied honestly. Although you weren't present for everything that occurred within the past few days, you knew the trauma they endured would stick with them forever. You tried to put yourselves in their shoes, wondering how they must have felt knowing Reiner, Bertholdt, and Annie had betrayed them.

And you were no better than any of them.

Armin redirected his gaze to Eren, who was now staring at the ground uncomfortably.

"Well, a lot has happened, but we're also making some progress. That counts for something," Armin answered optimistically, crouching down to continue studying one of the blueberries. He placed his fingers around it, examining each part of it. "I still have hope that we'll ensure humanity's safety in time. We've discovered a lot of information already."

Armin carefully picked the berries out of the bush, dropping them in his basket. He continued his meticulous inspection of each individual blueberry before plucking them. You and Eren followed behind him shortly after, trying to mimic his tedious examinations.

"Hm, this one doesn't seem ready yet. It still has a greenish color," Armin said, his eyes fixed on one of the blueberries. "It probably needs a few more- wait, Eren, don't!"

Eren had already finished gathering a handful of blueberries in his basket before hearing Armin's protests.

"What?"

"Those weren't ready to pick yet! They're pink!"

"They looked fine to me," Eren said, holding up the blueberries by the stems up to his eyes. Armin sighed.

"They weren't fully ripe yet. If you see any of them with a pink, white, or green color, they aren't ready yet. Also, try to pick them one by one instead. It's easier that way."

"Alright, so what about this one?" Eren asked, picking out another one to show him. Armin reached out for it immediately. You could sense his disappointment in his expression.

"That one isn't fully ripe either, but it's fine. It's grown enough that it'll ripen on its own even after being picked as long as it's in the right temperature. It seems like a lot of these blueberries are at different growth stages."

"Why do you know so much about blueberries?" you inquired.

"My parents used to grow fruit in their yards." He smiled. "I took a liking to it, naturally."

"Yeah, but Armin just always knows about everything," Eren added. "I can't think of one thing he wouldn't know the information about."

Eren wasn't wrong. Armin was undoubtedly the smartest kid in cadet training. You couldn't remember a single moment he didn't carry a book in his hand or failed an exam. His intellect made up for his lack of physicality.

"That's not true," Armin responded. "Well... maybe most things, except what's outside the walls."

You felt a twinge in your stomach. "Well, that would apply to everyone, I guess," you said. "No one truly knows what's out there."

"Not everyone, but we know it exists, and one day I hope I can find out."

You avoided his gaze, your eyes engrossed in the blueberries on the bushes in front of you. "Well, don't get too caught up in those fantasies, kid. Some things aren't worth finding out."

"I try not to look at it that way. Regardless of what might be out there, I still wanna see what's been hidden from us," he said, continuing to pick more berries from the bushes.

His bright mind and optimism reminded you of your sister. You wondered if she was still as intrigued and curious about the world as she was before you left.

Everyone reminds me of her now...

It was like you found little bits and pieces of her in everyone you met. It almost felt painful.

"Gah, Connie, you idiot!"

You halted your actions, the three of you turning your head towards the direction of the noise. Jean was wiping down his visibly wet shirt while Connie was crouched down by the hose with a sheepish expression. Sasha stood beside them, laughing hysterically. The hose was still running, spilling water onto the grass while Connie struggled to shut it off.

"What happened?" you asked, setting the basket on the ground to approach them.

"Connie, I told you not to turn it on yet!"

"It was an accident! Something's wrong with the knob!"

"Let me see." You bent down by the knob, taking it upon yourself to resolve the issue.

"I'm not so sure if I'd have Eden help you. She's made the same mistake before," you could hear Levi remark while exiting from inside the stable. You huffed in annoyance at his comment.

"It wasn't on purpose, and I turned it off right after, didn't I?" you defended, shifting your gaze towards him. You noticed the slight upturn in the corner of his lips while he set down some of the wooden planks on the ground.

Oh.

He was just teasing you.

You moved your gaze back to the hose, forcing the knob to the left to shut it off. It appeared that it had been untouched for some time, meaning the knob likely got stuck from lack of use.

"It was just stuck. You just have to be careful when you turn it on," you told Connie.

"Nah, I'll just make sure I'm the one turning it on instead of him. I'm gonna go change," Jean said in an annoyed tone, entering inside the house to change.

"What were you guys trying to do, anyway? Don't tell me the captain is trying to make you clean the stables..." you said, thinking back to the trauma of cleaning horse shit all day.

"The stables are a mess. The horses aren't going to stay comfortably in there," Levi defended, setting down more wooden planks. "Connie, Sasha, and Jean should be able to clean it before sundown."

"Of course, Captain," you heard Connie oblige, standing up to brush off the dirt on his pants.

"Where are the others?" you asked curiously. You recalled seeing Mikasa and Historia earlier in the day, but you hadn't seen them since.

"Mikasa is resting. She's still injured from earlier, so she needs to lay down, no matter how hard she's been fighting against it," Eren chimed in. "Historia... Historia was here not that long ago."

"I'm here," you heard a light, delicate voice say from a distance. Historia appeared from a few feet away out in the field, her basket full of raspberries. "I found a bush full of raspberries, so I went to go pick them."

"Where?" Levi asked her.

She gestured towards the forest trees behind her. "Just a few feet into the forest."

"You wandered off by yourself?"

Everyone could sense the change in the captain's tone. It made them noticeably uneasy.

"Do you realize your importance right now? Everyone now knows you are somehow involved with the secret behind the walls. You can't just go off on your own when you could get captured at any moment."

Historia gazed down at her feet shyly, an uncomfortable silence lingering in the air.

"Go inside," he ordered. She nodded nervously, walking towards the door. When the two of them entered, the others exchanged flustered glances.

"You think he's gonna yell at her?" Sasha asked.

"Levi doesn't really yell," you answered. "Unless you talk back, that is. She doesn't seem the type to do that."

"Eden," Connie called.

"Hm?"

"Why do you refer to the captain by his first name? I'm pretty sure he'd kill us if we referred to him that way."

You paused to think for a moment. You'd always used his name and honorifics interchangeably; it just came naturally for you. He had never corrected you for it either.

How odd.

Maybe it was a sign of respect? You weren't sure. You'd think he'd have been more adamant about correcting you after you cursed at him on more than one occasion, but no.

You shrugged. "Well, he's never had a problem with it. Besides, I'm not the only one who refers to him that way. Hange does it too."

Connie stared at you in puzzlement, looking somewhat unconvinced.

Jean returned outside with a fresh set of clothes, ready to continue working on the stables. Levi and Historia arrived back a few minutes later, Historia's expression still uneasy and self-conscious while she approached you, Eren, and Armin.

"Captain Levi asked me to help you guys pick the berries, if that's okay," she said quietly. Armin agreed happily, passing her his basket and teaching her how to identify which blueberries were ready to pick.

You remained quiet while continuing the task, bent down by the bushes. Your mind was lost in thought.

Somehow, your thoughts always circled back to him.

The coolness of the night settled in, and the moon had now reached its apex. Surrounded by darkness, only the torches provided a source of light. Being so far from civilization made the night ambiance feel even spookier. You draped a blanket over you while sitting outside to collect more warmth.

"There," Hange said, lighting up a bonfire. "That should keep us warm for a while."

Hange had arrived nearing the end of the sunset. They had been researching some information regarding titans and were now approved to explore Ragako village. They had arrived here to deliver the news and asked Levi for permission to take Connie with them for the next few days.

Levi scolded them for arriving when it was nearly pitch black out, worried for their safety. Hange shrugged it off nonchalantly as they always did.

"Does anyone want some berries?" Armin walked outside with a basket of blueberries in one hand and raspberries in the other. "They are all freshly washed."

Sasha nearly grabbed the basket from his hand while Connie had to physically restrain her. Armin laughed at her reaction.

"I'll go around to everyone," he said.

Armin circled around the bonfire, offering berries to each person. Everyone eagerly grabbed some, placing a few in their hands. However, when he reached you, you respectfully declined, signaling with your hand.

"No thanks," you said.

"You don't like berries?" Eren asked curiously from a few seats away.

You shook your head in disapproval. "Just not in the mood for them."

It wasn't that you hated blueberries; they just weren't your preference. There were other fruits you found more appealing.

"If you had berries like strawberries, I probably would have been more inclined to have some."

"Strawberries aren't actually berries, despite the name," Armin corrected. "Come to think of it, raspberries aren't really berries either."

"Well, then I guess I'm not a really big fan of berries, then."

Armin approached Levi next. You were surprised to see Levi grab nearly a handful of blueberries to place in his hand.

"You have poor taste," Levi told you, popping a blueberry in his mouth.

"Well of course you'd like them. They have a bitter taste. You like everything unflavored."

"You just haven't had the right blueberries, then," he replied, eating another.

"You probably haven't had berries with an adequate amount of sunlight and moisture," Armin said. "They are supposed to be kept at a specific temperature and planted and picked at just the right time."

Is there anything this kid doesn't know?

"I checked these all individually. They should taste fine. Here, try," he said cheerfully, inching the basket closer in front of you.

Reluctantly, you took a blueberry and popped it into your mouth. You chewed slowly, the flavor bursting in your mouth within seconds, engulfing your senses.

It wasn't half bad.

"Not bad," you admitted. "It has a light sweetness, but I still wouldn't say it's my favorite, though."

"Fair enough."

Armin sat down in the empty chair beside Eren, the two baskets set on his lap. He passed the baskets around the fire upon request. Levi was notably the most enamored by the blueberries, practically eating half the basket. It amused you.

You sat quietly by the fire while listening to the others talk amongst themselves, the warmth from the flames and blanket making you sleepy.

Hearing the younger scouts talk amongst themselves conjured memories of Reiner, Annie, Bertholdt, and Marcel. You stared at the flames in profound thought, reminiscing the calmer days when first arriving at Paradis island. There were several nights like this one, the five of you huddled close by the fire to keep warm while you all tried to come up with a realistic plan. It seemed so long ago, and now, none of them were with you anymore.

You hadn't realized you were nearly falling asleep until you heard the door slam shut. You jolted up immediately.

"Tired?" Levi asked, sitting directly across from you. You straightened your posture in your chair, now noticing that everyone else had gone inside except for you and Levi.

You rubbed your eyes with the back of your hand. "I hadn't even noticed I was drifting off. I've been more tired than usual these days."

Maybe it was due to the physical weariness from your injuries, or maybe it was the exhaustion from your emotions, but you found yourself overwhelmed with the desire to do nothing else but sleep. It was a temporary escape from the hell you were in - a momentary break where you didn't have to worry about anything or anyone.

There was a comfortable silence that surrounded you for a few moments, the two of you quietly gazing into the crackling flames. You almost made the decision to retreat to bed until you heard Levi break the quietness.

"I like rice."

Confusion was etched onto your face. You looked up at him, unsure if you heard him correctly. "Huh?"

"You asked me what I liked earlier," he said. "I like rice."

It took you a minute to process his response, and a laugh involuntarily escaped your mouth when you finally understood.

"Why are you laughing?" You could see him get flustered at your reaction.

You shook your head, still laughing softly. "Nothing. Nothing."

'You're so awkward,' you wanted to tell him, but it wasn't the type of awkwardness that made you uncomfortable. It was actually kind of...cute. Something was charming about it.

It was endearing to you because he was actually trying. He was a man with a hard shell, desperately trying to break out but not knowing how. This was his way of attempting, and as awkward as he was, you couldn't help but admire the way he was trying to connect with you.

"Rice has always been easily accessible. It's convenient."

"I know, I'm not trying to make fun of you," you said, finally suppressing your laughter. "It's just... nevermind. So, you like rice and blueberries. Interesting."

"Not together."

You rolled your eyes. "Obviously. I'd think you're deranged if you did," you joked. "I'm surprised you even like blueberries. I thought it would be too sweet for you."

"Not too sweet," he responded, hands clasped together as he continued to focus his gaze on the flames. "It has the right amount of sweet and sourness."

"Is that your favorite fruit?"

"I suppose. There wasn't much of it in the Underground and most of the time the fruit was starting to rot. I never really had fresh fruit until I arrived to the surface."

You wondered what it must have been like to live in the Underground. It must have been challenging. If it weren't for his physical talent, you doubted Levi would have been able to get by so easily.

"It must have been hard," you said. "Growing up there."

He paused to glance up at you.

"Can I make a confession?" He asked.

"Mhm."

"When I first met you. I thought you were from the Underground too. That's why I was so cautious of you."

You furrowed your eyebrows. "Why is that?"

"For one, you admit to me that you used to be a thief. Second, your combat skills convey how much of an advantage you had to fight to survive. Third, your attitude showed me you've only ever relied on yourself, which is something you learn quickly when living in the Underground. You can't trust anyone there," he said. "I was so set on my skepticism that I even went to Erwin-"

"Wait, you went to the commander for this?" You leaned closer to him, your grip on your chair tightening from anger. "You presented your suspicions of me to him?"

"I did, but-"

"Do you know how bad that makes me look?"

"You need to stop cutting me off, Eden."

You shut your mouth, leaning back in your seat from embarrassment. You fixed your gaze elsewhere while waiting for him to finish.

"You proved me wrong eventually, for one reason that contradicted my theory."

"And what was that?"

"You don't want to kill."

His response sent chills down your spine. There was something unsettling about it - like he was able to understand you more than you anticipated.

"What do you mean?"

"You avoid killing. Although you're capable, you always look for a way not to."

You never really thought of it that way. Everyone knew you were strong, so most of the time, that was enough. It was easy for you to win in terms of strength, but to kill someone was never something you considered, nor was it ever something you were presented with. It was a realm you never explored.

After what happened with your father, the thought of murder made you feel queasy. It was terrifying to you. You always assumed that if you had to kill, then you would, but now that you were given the task to do so, it felt impossible. You played it safe and made excuses in your head.

It seemed like Levi really could see right through you.

"That's why I asked you what I did when we were sparring," he continued. "You only intend to win, but not defeat. You don't want to kill."

"Then show me," you told him suddenly. He looked at you intently with knitted eyebrows.

"Show you?"

"Teach me how to defeat someone," you said. "I have to learn anyway, right?"

Asking the man you were supposed to kill to teach you how to kill. Oh, the irony.

"That depends on what you want to learn."

"Everything. I want to learn everything. From the way you spar to the way you use ODM gear. I want to learn every way there is to defeat someone."

It sounded dark - sinister, even - the way you were very intrigued about learning something this gruesome. You wondered if he found it suspicious.

"I can teach you," he finally said. "It's up to you if you're able to put it to use."

You scoffed. "Doubting me already? I thought you said I had potential."

"You do, but killing someone mostly depends on your mindset, not your physical abilities."

"I can do it," you told him confidently. "I know I'm capable."

He nodded in approval, his chin resting in his palm while continuing to stare at you intently.

"We start this week then."

Chapter 15: Temptations

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

"Come on, let's get started already," you said impatiently. You were standing by the trees, your hands on your hips while waiting for Levi to finish applying his gear. He finished adjusting his straps before approaching you.

"Learn some patience," he retorted while brushing past you to walk ahead.

"Who said, 'Be ready by 10 a.m.?' Oh, right. You." You trailed behind him into the forest. "And what time is it now? It was around 10:15, last time I checked."

"Alright, let it go, brat."

Levi refused to do any training with you for a few days out of fear of worsening your injuries. After three days of insisting, he finally agreed. He suggested starting with ODM training first since it seemed to be your strongest suit, and also because he claimed sparring could potentially get messy. You didn't disagree, fully knowing your competitive nature. You were determined to win against him, even if he was a tough opponent. Starting with ODM training first would definitely be ideal.

"How far into the forest are we going?" you asked curiously, your gaze observing your surroundings. The trees towered over the two of you, the natural oak smell overtaking your senses. The smell evoked memories of the previous expedition; your body shuddered.

You shook your head to yourself, pushing back the memory into the deepest part of your mind. You had been training yourself to suppress the thoughts, refusing to invite them in. Ignoring them was the only way you'd be able to make it around here.

"You're not gonna kill me, are you?" you joked playfully, trying to break the silence. The two of you halted moments after your comment. There were giant titan dummies standing in the middle of the forest - the same ones you would use during cadet training. Levi turned to face you.

"We're not going any further than this. I'd rather not risk encountering actual titans, but we did need enough room to fly around." He leaned his back against one of the trees, his head angled up. "This spot is perfect."

"Where'd you get the dummies?" You pointed your index finger at the figures in the distance.

"Shadis," he answered. "I asked for permission to use them after you seemed adamant on getting extra practice. That's why he was here a few days ago; he came to set them up."

You narrowed your eyes at him. "Wait, you asked him because I told you I wanted to practice?"

His gaze met yours briefly, then he clicked his tongue when he realized what you were implying. "I'm trying to get those other brats to practice while we're here too. It's not just you."

"You've been making them clean and gather food since we arrived here."

"And they will train the remaining days. You just so happen to be first." He turned his back to you again, his eyes fixed on the titan figure in front of him.

You smiled to yourself, but decided not to press the conversation further. "Alright," you said. "So what are you gonna show me first?"

To say you were excited was an understatement. Captain Levi was an intriguing man, and your curiosity that sparked more recently never dwindled. You found yourself wanting to know more about him, but more specifically, you found yourself wanting to learn from him. You were interested in seeing how he operated and how he managed to reach the title of 'Humanity's Strongest Soldier.' Was it hard work or innate talent? Maybe both? Either way, being taught by him would be a huge advantage.

There was a sense of rivalry you felt with him. Finding someone who matched your strength was hard to come by, and you truly wanted to surpass him.

Who am I kidding? My strength doesn't even come close to his.

You were a little glad you overlooked some of your hardheadedness from the past. Not long ago, being offered the chance to learn from him would have offended you; it would have felt like a jab to your ego. However, over time, you had come to realize that allowing others to help you was okay sometimes. You could progress more smoothly that way.

Damn him for making me realize that.

"I'm gonna watch you first," he said, arms crossed over his chest.

You tilted your head slightly at him. "You're gonna watch me fly around?"

"Yes." He turned his head to glance behind him. He pointed to a large tree several feet away; it was distinct from the others due to the thickness of its trunk. "I want you to fly all the way to that tree landing on the lowest branch, then turn back around and come back."

"That's all?"

"For now, yes." He turned to you again. "I'd just like to see how you use your gear and go from there."

You nodded. "Okay."

You stretched your hands, rotated your neck, and flexed your legs before jumping to the task. For some reason, you were slightly nervous to have him watch you, feeling the need to impress him.

A relaxed exhale escaped your mouth, and then you began. You latched your gear onto the closest tree first, the air whipping against your body as you flew through the air. You grappled from one tree to the next, maintaining this motion until you felt your body moving faster and faster. You shifted all your weight towards each direction you were flying in - just to add in more speed - then finally, you landed on the thick branch of the tree triumphantly, sending a confident smile to Levi.

He didn't reciprocate, obviously.

You repeated the same process again - flying back, leaning your weight on the straps, and attaching the grapple to just the right sections of the trees. You landed in front of him, evidently prideful with your work. His expression didn't waver, nor could you figure out what he was actually thinking.

He glanced between you and the tree, his mind seemingly lost in thought. "Not bad," he said. You felt your shoulders deflate slightly, having hoped he would say something a little bit more encouraging. "But then again, I already knew you were gifted with using ODM gear. It's the way you approach attacking and killing that I'm curious to see now."

Oh. That makes sense.

He pointed to the same tree behind him. "I want you to do the same thing again, but strike the nape of the dummy. I want to see how you approach it."

You nodded. "Got it."

You took another deep breath in, then exhaled. You repositioned yourself on the ground, your eyes darting between the trees and the dummies to ensure you got the right angle when you struck it. Feeling more confident this time, you hooked the grapple on the tree and began again. Your eyes were fixed on your target, never leaving the fake titan's nape as your body moved between the trees. With one swift, massive swipe, you sliced the fake nape, leaving behind a gaping hole. You landed next to it, turning to peer behind you.

"Good?" you asked Levi loudly from afar. He waved for you to return back to him. You flew back quickly, landing in the same spot next to him. He looked between you and the hole, and once again, it was difficult to read his expression.

"Have you ever thought of holding your swords in reverse?"

You furrowed your eyebrows.

"Just one." He pulled out his swords to demonstrate, flipping his right sword in reverse. "Try to strike another one again with one of the swords in reverse."

"What is that supposed to do?"

"Just try and tell me how it feels."

Although you were skeptical, you decided to take his word for it.

You obliged, inverting the position of your right sword before repeating the same actions as before. The feeling of striking the nape this way was foreign to you, but surprisingly, it felt like the right way to do it. You stared at the massive gape you made while you landed on the ground, then glimpsed down at your swords. The hole was much deeper than the previous one you made. You would still need a little more practice - seeing as the hole was slightly off-center and close to the shoulder of the figure - but you got the gist of it. You understood the purpose of it.

"Oddly enough, that felt... right," you admitted to him while returning to his side. "It felt so wrong to hold it that way, but when I struck the nape, it felt easier to cut in a circular motion. It felt more clean, and the slices seemed more seamless."

"When you hold one of them in reverse, it also puts less tension on your shoulders. You're more dependent on the rotation of your body," he said. "It's hard to master, but you didn't do so bad. You just need to practice more."

"Thanks," you responded shyly.

"I'm assuming you've held a knife backhanded before, right?"

Your gaze shifted down to your boots, thinking of the pocket knife you always held in there and how you used to use it. You nodded at him, reminiscing on your days of delinquency in Marley. "Yeah. I never thought about applying that to actual swords, though."

"It's a different feeling, but a similar idea. I always felt like you have more control and power when you reverse the grip. There are pros and cons to both grips, but I noticed that people tend to always play it safe by using the normal grip. That's why I'm encouraging you to use it more, even with ODM gear."

You pulled out your swords again, experimenting with the backhanded grip with both hands to get used to the feeling. You looked up at him again, determination in your eyes.

"I want to try again. I want to get used to it."

He nodded. "Go ahead."

You went through the same movements as before, trying to master the backhanded sword grip. You'd slice the nape nearly every time, but sometimes you would still deviate off-center. After each attempt, Levi made slight suggestions to help you, and although you came close, you were still not exactly where you wanted to be. By the fifth time you landed back next to Levi, you were panting in exhaustion, your hands on your knees.

"How long did it take you to learn that?" you asked him, breathing loudly. "Actually, don't answer that. I already know the answer."

Something told you he didn't even need to practice to master it.

"Your body just isn't used to it. It'll take some practice."

"I want to see how you do it," you told him, standing up straight. "I want to see what it's supposed to look like."

He contemplated, but then removed the swords from his gear. "I'll only demonstrate once."

You stood back, waiting for him to demonstrate. He positioned himself, then propelled into the air. You watched him carefully, trying not to lose track of how fast he was going.

And damn was he fast.

He quickly went and sliced the nape of three of the dummies within twenty seconds before returning back to you.

Twenty seconds.

The envy started to build up in your chest, your fists clenched.

"You're just showing off at this point. I didn't say you needed to slice three of them at once," you told him, annoyance evident in your tone.

His back was facing you when he pulled out a handkerchief to wipe his swords. "I'm just showing you what your goal is," he responded. There was a hint of amusement in his tone, and although you couldn't see his face, something told you he was slightly smirking.

"Right. Whatever." You slumped down against the tree behind you. "Can we take a little break? I think I overexerted myself a little."

"You do tend to do that quite a lot."

You rolled your eyes at him; he leaned against a tree a few feet away from you.

"So, you use this method all the time?" you asked.

"Most of the time, yes." His eyes stared out into the forest. "I find that it does more damage that way."

"I see," you replied. Nervously, you lowered your head to look at your shoes, several questions running through your mind. You pondered whether or not you should even ask the question currently occupying your thoughts.

"Uh, can I ask a kind of personal question?"

"You can. I can't promise I'll answer, though."

You nodded, your fingers starting to fiddle with the grass on the ground.

"I was thinking about our conversation from the other day regarding me not wanting to... kill, and I became curious. How many- how many people have you... you know..." you trailed off anxiously, not meeting his gaze. Although your eyes were avoiding him, you could feel his gaze shift to you.

"How many people have I killed?" he clarified. You nodded, your fingers pulling on the grass now. From your peripheral, you could see him tip his head back against the tree, his eyes looking upwards now. It was clear that he was in deep thought.

"I don't know," he finally answered.

How reassuring.

You glared at him, eyes narrowed. "You don't know?"

He shook his head. "It's not like I did it because I wanted to. I did it because I needed to. There were too many rotten shits in the Underground."

"How so?"

"Piece of shit thieves and scumbags who wanted to start problems for no reason. Some of them were strict about certain regulations and thought it meant they could treat us how they pleased. You had no choice but to defend yourself down there, even if it meant taking someone's life."

"I see what you mean now when you said you couldn't trust anyone down there," you replied.

His head moved downwards, his gaze fixed on the grass now. There was a change in his expression. "You can't trust most people, but there are always a few that you can if you're lucky enough."

"You knew such people?" you asked. He nodded slowly. "Where are they now?"

There was a pause, then he said, "They're dead."

Your heart stopped. "Oh... I'm sorry."

He didn't say anything else. His eyes were still glued to the grass, and the expression on his face was pitiful. You couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt for even bringing up a sensitive topic.

"Sorry for bringing that up. I didn't mean to-"

"Your curiosity makes sense because you want to learn. I don't blame you for asking. You didn't know."

You released the grass from your fingers and propped a knee up, resting your arm on it. Sensing his discomfort, you wanted to find a way to deflect the conversation away from him and onto yourself.

"You know, I actually did come close to killing someone once."

He turned to you with curiosity in his expression.

"I stabbed him in the stomach four times."

"Four times?" he said incredulously. "How much did he piss you off?"

You let out a sarcastic laugh. "He insulted my mother."

"I see," he said, raising his eyebrows. "It must have been a terrible insult."

"Well, there was a lot more to it than just that, but yes, it was terrible."

"Do you- do you want to talk about it?" he asked hesitantly. You looked over at him, surprised by his sudden interest.

"He was my father," you told him. Levi was not a very expressive person, but you could see the subtle shock on his face. "He left our family without a reason when I was young, watched my mother, my sister and I struggle to survive, refused to help when my mother got sick, then had the audacity to insult my mother after she died."

"Sounds like a shitty father."

You scoffed. "You think?"

"I can't say I blame you for feeling animosity towards him."

"I don't think that warranted me stabbing him, though."

"You regret it?"

"Well, why do you think I avoid killing?"

He looked away, understanding your point.

"Did you do it with the intent to hurt him, or kill him?" he asked.

"I..." You thought to yourself for a moment. "I don't know. I've stabbed people before, but this was different. I've only done it to injure in the past, but this was... I was..."

"You were blinded with rage," he finished for you.

You found yourself pulling out grass again, a soft exhale escaping your mouth. "Yeah, I suppose I was."

You wondered if revealing this information to him would alter his perception of you. This wasn't something you could reveal to just anyone. Had it been anyone else, they'd likely think you were a complete psychopath and would probably be on their toes around you in fear you would turn around and do such a thing to them. Levi was an exception, however. He was already stronger than you, so how could he fear you? Even if you attempted to do something like that, he'd be ten steps ahead of you. That fact alone was precisely why this mission you had was so damn meticulous to complete.

"I've been blinded with rage before, so I can't really judge you for that," he admitted. You looked at him with intrigue, hoping he would elaborate. He sighed. "Lots of bullies in the Underground. They love picking on the smaller ones. Some pieces of shits treated someone I knew horribly, so I-" He cut himself off, not wanting to finish.

"You killed them?" you finished for him.

He hesitated, but then nodded slowly. "She always got herself into shit. She came back crying. Those low-lives never got the hint, so I... I did what I needed to do."

You hummed in response. "You seemed very protective of her."

He exhaled slowly. "When you're seen as strong, it becomes a duty to protect those you care about."

You averted your gaze, staring up at the clouds in the sky. You never related to something so much. "Yeah."

A heavy silence lingered between the two of you for a while, your eyes following the white clouds as they meandered lazily in the sky behind the tall trees. There was a rustling of leaves from the wind, then you felt a gentle breeze hit your skin, creating goosebumps. The quietness prompted another question in your head.

"What if- what if your whole life you've been told that being the strongest is the most important thing? That your whole life's purpose is to not think of what's best for you, but for others?" Your voice was slightly shaky, careful with your choice of words. "What are you supposed to do when everyone is depending on you to do something because you're strong, but then you realize you don't want to do it anymore because it isn't what you really want?"

"That's simple," he answered almost immediately. "You be selfish."

Be selfish.

Your head shot up to look at him, shocked at his response. "But isn't it my duty to protect those I care about?"

"That doesn't mean you can't think of yourself either," he continued. "We can try our best to protect our loved ones, but we also need to keep ourselves in mind. You have to be rational while also keeping your best interest at heart. If something goes against what you stand for, you find another way."

You bit your lip nervously. "I guess I'll keep that in mind."

The silence returned; you started playing with the strap on your boots. Wanting to dispel the awkwardness, you rose from the ground and approached him again.

"I'm ready to try again."

He nodded, stepping aside to let you practice again.

You began with ODM training the next day, but then gradually transitioned into sparring. ODM training was going well, but sparring was a whole different story.

"Give up," Levi declared. You were on the ground, your back facing the sky. He had you pinned down with your arms restrained by his. You struggled underneath him, trying to break out of his grip, but finding yourself unable to.

"Give. Up," he said carefully again. You sighed in defeat and finally surrendered. He released his hold while getting off of you, and you lay on the ground pathetically. Rolling over on your back, you looked up at the sky. A profound sense of exhaustion engulfed you.

Sparring with him was so fucking difficult.

He was too quick and strong. Finding an opening to land a hit on him was impossible. He'd grab your wrists and slam you on the ground every time.

"Again," you told him while sitting up. "I want to go again."

"Don't you think you should catch your breath first?" he said, standing over you.

"Nah, I'm good." You stood up in front of him, taking deep breaths.

"Go take a seat by the tree."

"What? No."

"I'm going to give you pointers, Eden. You want to get better, right? So go sit down and listen to what I have to say."

You sighed but complied, walking over to the tree and slumping down against it.

"You're good, but you're too predictable," he remarked, walking over to stand in front of you with his arms crossed. "Your movements can work on just about anyone, but what about someone stronger and more experienced than you?

"You need to have more variety, and you also need to have more defensive techniques. You have to work on some of your blocking. You can't always expect a punch to always hit, so you need to have a Plan B as to when it doesn't happen."

You nodded, understanding what he was saying. Maybe you did tend to jump ahead easily, always assuming you'd land a hit. You recalled sparring with Mikasa once. Aside from Levi, she was definitely also a challenge, but you still managed to win some rounds. It was more so a demonstration for the cadets since Shadis had told you both to set an example, but you remembered having to adapt to her movements in order to win.

Levi was a completely different beast, however.

"Okay," you told him, rising from the ground again. "Let's try again, but walk me through it."

He nodded, stepping back as he waited for you to approach him. You positioned yourself in front of him.

"You start," you said. He waited for a few seconds before beginning, then he raised his right fist; you managed to catch his wrist quickly. Before you could even contemplate your next move, he used his leg to hook his foot behind yours and you tumbled to the ground. You groaned as you smacked your head down.

"Always expect any case scenario," he said, hovering over you once again. "You grabbed my wrist, but my legs are free. What do you do next?"

You let out an exasperated exhale, feeling frustrated, but still comprehending his advice. You stood up again, repositioning yourself.

"You start again. Do the same thing. I wanna try something," you told him. He nodded once more and began. He raised the same fist, and you grabbed his wrist again. He hooked his foot behind yours like he did before and you tripped, but this time, you used your free hand to grab onto him to pull him down with you. You both sailed to the ground - you landing on your back while he landed on top of you.

Your hand was still clutching his shirt when you landed, and your other hand held his wrist. His free arm landed above you to balance himself. He was evidently flabbergasted by your actions, but still appeared amused at the same time.

"Good," he said lowly. "What next?"

You stared up at him, his piercing grey eyes burning into you. You had never seen his face this up close, and something about the proximity made your stomach do flips.

"I..." You found it difficult to speak with the intensity of his gaze. Strands of his hair dangled over you; you could feel the very ends of his hair lightly brush against your face. The anxiety of this closeness with him was clear in your rapid heartbeats. "I don't know."

He eyed you skeptically. You wondered if he could sense your apprehension.

Your grip on his shirt started to loosen, and he took this opportunity to pull himself off of you. When he stood up, he extended a hand out to help you up.

"Think about it for next time," was all he said when he helped you up.

As you trailed behind him while walking back to the hideout, you tried to comprehend what the hell just happened. The nerves you felt weren't from the sparring, it was from your proximity to him. Unwelcome thoughts you'd never had before started flowing into your brain.

Did he always look this attractive?

You were starting to get the hang of it now. The next few days were still challenging, but you managed to start understanding Levi's movements and speed.

Today, you caught him off guard. You acted like you were going to trip him, but then lunged and jabbed his stomach with your fist. He stepped back a few feet, but then regained his balance. A look of surprise flashed across his face, taken aback by your actions. You smiled at him proudly.

"You're catching on," he complimented, a slight quirk on the corner of his lips.

"Yeah, I guess I-" You cut off your sentence when you looked past his shoulder, your lips parting. He furrowed his eyebrows and turned around to see what captured your attention.

"The hell are you looking at?"

Ignoring him, you brushed past him and stared out into the sky. "It's the sunset."

You could sense his judgment from behind you, but he didn't say a word. You continued walking closer, searching for a better view. Without thinking, you started to climb up a tree.

"Eden, what are you doing?" he asked you, irritation laced in his tone.

"I'm going to look at the sunset," you replied casually. You climbed on top of a thick branch and settled your legs comfortably on the edge. The view was perfect from up here, the leaves and branches creating the ideal opening of the sky; it almost looked like a painting. Your eyes shifted down when you felt an intense glare from down below. Levi stared up at you sternly, his arms crossed. You rolled your eyes.

"Come on. We've been going at it for hours and I've made progress. Can't we take a little break?"

He shifted his gaze away from you and then sighed. "Fine."

He began to walk away to stand by a tree, but a nagging feeling prompted you to call after him. "Levi," you called. He turned around. "Come join me."

"Why the hell would I join you?"

"Because the view is amazing from up here and it would be a shame for you to miss it."

You noticed the hesitation in his eyes at first, but then he reluctantly obliged. Sighing, he climbed up after you, taking a seat on the same branch next to you.

"What's the point of this?"

You raised your eyebrows at him. "What's the point? Look at the damn sky." You gestured with your index finger, and he looked out into the sky. He was quiet, but you wondered if he was silently appreciating the beauty of it too.

Strokes of pink and purple painted the sky while the sun beamed down from above behind a thin cloud. The scenery created a calm ambience between the two of you.

"It's been a while since I've seen that color in the sky," you admitted to him. "I think it happens while the sun is lower on the horizon - something to do with something called scattering or reflecting, I think."

"How do you know that?"

You laughed slightly. "My sister. She's kind of a nerd - reminds me of Armin sometimes. She'd tell me all these facts about the most random things."

You missed witnessing sunsets like these; it reminded you of when you were still a warrior in training. You'd climb up a high tree after a long day like you did just now, finding peace in just looking up at the sky. You'd bring your sister along a sometimes, knowing she'd appreciate nature's beauty. She'd ramble on excitedly about facts on the sun and the skyline, explaining how a sunset was formed. You'd pretend to understand, just happy to know she appreciated the view just as much as you did.

There was a calm silence that surrounded you and Levi as your mind reminisced on nostalgic memories, your gaze fixed on the vibrant colors of the sky. You smiled to yourself, cherishing how beautiful it looked.

"It's stunning, isn't it? All those colors fusing together. I'll never understand how nature works, but I never get tired of admiring it."

Levi didn't respond to that; you started to feel a bit bothered. Was he even paying attention to what you were saying?

Your lips parted to say something else, but as soon as you turned your head to face him, the words got caught in your throat.

He was staring at you.

It felt like you were caught in a trance, his grey eyes burning into your gaze again. There was something different in the way he was staring at you. It almost felt like he was-

No, no. What am I thinking?

A brief thought crossed your mind that he may have been staring at you for reasons unrelated to the sunset - like instead of admiring the sky, he was admiring you. But that couldn't be, could it? Why would you even think such a thing?

And yet, you still couldn't break eye contact with him. You were completely frozen - trapped in the softness of his gaze.

His eyes... were they always that shade of silver?

You'd always classify his eyes as dull and dim, but right now, they were undeniably alluring. The sun reflected off of them beautifully, and there was a gentleness in his gaze that made you feel safe. It was an expression you'd never seen from him before.

No, no. Why am I staring at him now?

Your heart skipped a beat; you averted your gaze from him.

"Uh, I need to use the bathroom," you told him suddenly, standing up from the branch.

That's my excuse?

You felt so shaken from the moment you didn't know what else to say.

"Okay," he responded, copying your actions. "It's getting late, so we can start again tomorrow."

"Yeah, sounds good." You shot him a weak smile before hopping off the tree. You didn't even wait for him to follow you as you walked back towards the building. Various questions plagued your mind.

Why the hell was he staring at you like that and what did it mean?

More importantly, why the hell did my heart skip a beat because of the way he looked at me?

You shut your eyes for a few seconds at the thought, aggravation building up inside you.

Shit.

Sparring started to become more fun. After several more days of training, you developed more methods and movements to use.

Training lasted for a few hours each day, followed by a break that ended up longer than usual. It wasn't intentional, but talking to Levi started to become easy. He gradually became more comfortable to talk to, and surprisingly, he began to open up about his life more.

He'd tell you about some of his experiences in the Underground, describing shitty encounters with thieves and what life was like down there. You always listened intently, intrigued with the way he grew up. After listening to his experiences, it started to make sense why he was the way he was now.

You found out that his mother had passed when he was young, too. He mentioned it after you stated something regarding your mother's sickness.

"My mother... she passed away too," he told you nervously, rubbing the back of his head with his hand. The two of you were sitting under a tree, leaning against the trunk. You couldn't help but take note of how much closer he started to sit next to you the more you both started opening up to each other. It was reassuring to know he was starting to get comfortable around you too.

"She was sick too," he continued. "I was really young, and I..." He sighed, unsure of whether or not to continue.

"You don't have to tell me," you reassured him. "I appreciate you opening up to me, but you're not obligated to tell me things that make you uncomfortable."

He glanced at you, then back out to the forest. "Thank you," he said.

Tilting your head back and looking up, you started to ponder how you both went from being at each other's throats to being comfortable enough to share personal details about your lives within just a few weeks.

"Pull out your pocket knife."

You furrowed your eyebrows at him; he rolled his eyes. "I know you still have it. I never asked for it back."

"I know, but why do you want it?" You started to pull the knife out of your boot hesitantly. He retrieved one from his pocket and flipped it open.

"We're going to practice with these."

"Wouldn't that get dangerous?"

"Well, I've done this plenty of times, so I know how to practice safely. And if you were actually dumb enough to try and hurt me, I'm a lot quicker and stronger than you are."

You flipped your knife open, then nodded. "Alright, then."

Getting accustomed to practicing with a knife was a little more difficult, especially since you were trying to hurt him without actually trying to hurt him.

Your blocking was improving, however. You were becoming more hyper-aware of your opponent's potential first moves and what the response should be.

Levi would win every round, naturally. It frustrated you, but it also motivated you to do better. While you knew you would never surpass him, there were moments when you managed to catch him off guard, even if just for a second.

However, you became curious about what other alternatives could catch him off guard - alternatives that the captain had never brought up to you, but you were fully aware existed.

You reflected on your past and some of the methods you'd use to steal from others. Sure, your strength would do the job most of the time, but you also liked to have a little fun with your thieving methods. You started to wonder whether or not those methLeviods would work on Levi.

"Crap." You sighed, watching your knife fall to the ground again after Levi blocked your attack. When both of your knives scraped together, he had grabbed your wrist, causing the knife to fall from your grip.

"You should have used your other arm the moment the knives scraped each other," he said, picking up your knife and passing it to you.

"Yeah, I know," you told him in irritation. You moved into position again to go for another round. Despite your frustration, your mind was still intrigued with the idea of trying out another method to catch him off guard.

He began, lunging forward; you narrowly escaped his attack.

"Hey, Captain?" you said. He hummed in response, still focused on landing a hit on you. "Out of curiosity, have you tried other methods?"

He stepped forward again, and your knives scraped against each other. He brought up his other arm to grab you, but you blocked it with yours immediately. You were getting used to it now.

"Other methods?" He broke out of the position you were both in and tried to throw his fist to your side. You moved away quickly, avoiding the attack again.

"Other methods to catch someone off guard," you elaborated. You lunged forward, and he grabbed your wrist.

"I'm quite sure I've shown you all the methods that I know."

"Hm." You brought your free hand down hard on his arm holding your wrist. He loosened his grip immediately, letting you go. "I have other methods."

He narrowed his eyes at you. "And what are those methods?"

You smiled at him mischievously, narrowly escaping yet another one of his fists. "I just like to mess with my opponent sometimes."

"Mess with them how?"

You tried to lunge forward again, but not to your surprise, his wrist caught yours. The moment you felt his fingers curl around your wrist, you seized him by the collar of his shirt and pulled him forward. You moved your face close to his ear, your mouth merely inches away.

"I'll pull them in close. Might talk to them gently. Tell them things they want to hear," you whispered smoothly into his ear.

He froze.

He should have pushed you off by now - should have grabbed your other wrist and pinned you down.

You were playing a dangerous game, and it was working.

"Maybe I'll run my fingers through their hair." You released his shirt and pressed your hand firmly on his chest, slowly sliding it up his neck, then to the back of his head, running your fingers through his hair.

No movement from him.

"I might lean in a little closer. Have my voice linger for just a little longer." You moved in closer, your chest pressing against his. His heart was beating rapidly against you.

"And then..." You hooked his foot behind yours, causing him to lose his balance. He stumbled - releasing the grip from his knife and your other wrist - then you finally got him pinned on the ground. Straddling over him, your knife pressed gently against his throat. "I strike."

He was flustered, pink coloring his cheeks. You could still feel the insistent pounding of his heart beneath your hand on his chest.

You'd be lying if you said you didn't enjoy seeing him like this - nervous and taken aback. For once, you felt like you had some sort of advantage over him.

You loved the feeling.

"You seem a little distracted, Captain." You leaned in closer to his face - just to fuck with him some more, of course. "Something on your mind?"

It looked like he wanted to say something, but he couldn't find the words. You could see the struggle on his face.

But as always, he found a way to take back his power. He entangled his foot in yours and flipped you over, the knife falling from your grip. Finding his strength again, he straddled over you, pinning you on your back with a rough assertiveness.

Looking up at him, you could see him regain his authority, but there was still something unspoken in his expression that depicted some sort of internal uneasiness.

His grey eyes were dark and full of something you couldn't quite decipher yet. The look he gave you now was unlike any other glare he'd bestowed upon you before.

"What is it?" you asked him.

You could tell he was holding back his words - like whatever he wanted to say, he couldn't.

He shook his head.

You were in the same position just a few days prior, except it was you who was visibly flustered, not him. There was a different glint in his eyes this time. Even while he had the advantage right now, you could sense the anxiety in his expression. Something was plaguing his mind that he couldn't bring himself to say.

With sweat trickling down his neck, strands of hair dangling over you, and the dark look in his eyes, you started to question how you were feeling too.

"Levi," you whispered to him. "Tell me."

"I..." He couldn't find his voice, but then his eyes flickered down to your lips, and you finally understood.

When he stared at you the day you were watching the sunset, his eyes were glowing in a way you'd never seen them before. The intensity of his gaze made it seem like you were something magnificent and ethereal.

The look on his face then wasn't the same look now. This expression held a darker, more ravenous aura, and when you sensed him lean in closer, his breath brushing against your lips, you knew what it was.

It was lust.

"Well, if you can't tell me" - your eyes flickered down to his lips - "then show me." Your eyes never left his, hoping that your comment encouraged him enough to justify his thoughts - to invite him in.

He accepted the invitation.

His lips hovered over yours hesitantly, then softly pressed against them. He was so sweet and careful at first - like you were something fragile. His unexpected softness surprised you.

His grip around your wrists loosened, so you took this as a chance to pull your hands from his grasp and placed a hand gently on the back of his neck; you drew him closer into the kiss.

He became more confident at your touch, parting his lips. You could feel his tongue slip past your lips and you welcomed him eagerly. The lower half of his body pressed down against yours at your reaction, prompting an involuntary hum escaping your mouth.

This is wrong.

The thought popped into your head, but you immediately blocked it out. Nothing else mattered in this moment - not when he was kissing you like this.

You slid both of your hands up behind his head, running your fingers through his hair tenderly.

His hair is so soft.

You continued kissing him more passionately, pressing your body forward against him to feel him close. A moan escaped his mouth while his bulge grew against your heat. That familiar warmth near your abdomen you hadn't felt in ages returned, and you found yourself unable to think rationally.

You used your legs to turn him over, straddling him again. His eyes were still as dark and lustful as before, and his face was flushed and pink. Unwilling to waste anymore time, he pulled your neck down to kiss him again in desperation. You reciprocated easily, your hand sliding up to caress his cheek gently. You grinded down on him, and he cursed to himself quietly. His erection was rock hard behind his pants underneath you, and you could feel the wetness start to pool in your underwear.

You broke the kiss, dragging your lips across his chin and jawline.

"Eden," he breathed. His hands held onto your waist as you continued to pepper kisses down to his neck. "Eden, we shouldn't- fuck."

His words were cut short when you grinded against him again. You felt his head tip back, and the grip on your waist tightened. He held your body down against him as you continued to grind on him, letting out a string of moans and curse words all while your mouth left a trail of soft kisses on his neck.

But then his rationality won over, and you felt a pair of arms grab your shoulders to pull you off.

"Eden," he said, staring deeply into your eyes. "We can't do this."

You froze. Reality settled in. Mortified, you quickly got off of him, aiming to look the other way. Both of you panted heavily next to each other.

What the fuck did I just do?

You both sat up, avoiding each other's gaze for a few minutes. A deafening silence surrounded the two of you.

"Levi-"

"Captain," he corrected. "You need to refer to me as Captain from now on."

Your heart stung from his response.

I fucked up.

"Captain," you began again. "I- I got carried away."

"It was a mistake on both of our parts."

A mistake.

Right.

It was a mistake. That was all it was.

"Yeah," you replied quietly, staring down at the grass with your knees tucked in. The awkwardness surrounding the two of you was excruciating.

"We should head inside," he said. You hummed in reply, following behind him as you both walked back towards the hideout again.

Mistake.

The word kept replaying in your head.

It was a mistake.

You entered the cabin and went straight to your room.

If it was a mistake, why did we both crave it so badly?

You huffed in annoyance, flopping down on your bed and covering your face with your pillow.

This can't happen again.

Notes:

Happy Holidays to everyone and Happy Birthday to Levi! (It's still his birthday where I live at least...)

After nearly 90k words, I thought I waited long enough, so the first kiss finally happened. I was really nervous to write this chapter, so hopefully it came out better than I thought.

This will be the last chapter for this year. Once again, thank you for all the love and support so far. Reading everyone's comments makes me so happy :). I appreciate all the feedback.

This past year was a bit of a tough year for me mentally, but I think I'm slowly getting back on track. I'm dedicated to finishing this fanfic no matter how long it takes me.

Until next year!

- Mar

Chapter 16: Bad Dream

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Levi thought he was going insane.

What happened earlier in the day was something he never intended to happen. He wasn't sure what compelled him to act that way.

He wasn't sure what to expect when you mentioned having other 'methods' in sparring, but it was definitely not that. It was as though - for a fleeting moment - you had cast a spell on him and he was unable to snap out of it.

When he first had suspicions of you having been a thief in the past, he hadn't pictured the idea of you being a flirt. Your strength alone was enough to intimidate people, but it seemed like that wasn't all it was to you. You clearly liked having multiple forms of advantage over your targets, whether it be through your strength or flirtatious acts. He couldn't really blame you for that.

The fact that it worked on him absolutely irritated him.

He'd come across his fair share of flirts in the past, but flirtatious advances never seemed to work on him. The first time a woman flirted with him as a teenager in the Underground, he was more confused than entranced. It was only when he realized she was trying to pickpocket him that he finally understood what game she was playing. Ever since then, he'd hardly take a woman's romantic gestures towards him seriously, always assuming it was to get something out of him.

After coming to the surface and joining the Survey Corps, Levi didn't think he'd actually gain genuine admirers. At first, he assumed any woman approaching him in a flirtatious manner was simply doing it for ill intentions, but it wasn't until Hange pointed out his popularity among women due to being humanity's strongest that he realized it was more than that. Some women were more sweet and romantic with their intentions; others would straight up tell him they wanted to sleep with him.

He would decline every time.

It wasn't necessarily because Levi had no interest in romance or sex - it was more so that engaging in something like that would require some type of commitment he couldn't afford. Given the precarious nature of his job, he had no right to engage in a relationship knowing he could die tomorrow. He also knew he'd feel a compelling urge to protect his partner - already haunted by the losses of those he cared about.

Of course, there were other options he could explore such as one-night stands, but the concept of it always threw him off. Although he had an outwardly cold and distant personality, he valued his relationships with others. Engaging with someone for one night only to never see them again just didn't make sense to him. People would brag about it all the time, but he just didn't see the appeal in having sex with someone he didn't care about.

It was why he felt so conflicted about these thoughts he was having towards you.

The fact you were able to make him succumb to you so easily made it clear he had some type of attraction to you that he hadn't completely registered yet. The moment you whispered in his ear and gently caressed his hair, he had thoughts about you he never had before - thoughts that one shouldn't be having about their comrade.

Very unfriendly thoughts.

The brief moment in which you held power over him left Levi flustered and frustrated. He pinned you on your back almost immediately after you taunted him for falling into your trap, trying to regain dominance.

He hated it. He hated that you had an effect on him like that.

The worst part was that you knew it. You provoked him - egged him on. You could tell he was struggling with the thoughts internally, and you invited him to give in to those thoughts.

At first, he thought that maybe tempting him was just part of your little 'method' - that once he'd lean in for the kiss, you'd stop him right there and revel in the opportunity to mock him for falling for it.

But no. You wanted it just as bad as he did.

You let him kiss you, and you pulled him in even closer; hell, you fucking took the lead. He should have stopped it the moment you straddled him again - should have pushed you off immediately, but the thoughts in his brain continued provoking him. Seeing you on top with your lips plump and eyes full of lust drove him mad. He couldn't help but pull you down to kiss him again.

It was obvious you were experienced, and that was what made it even more difficult for him. You knew what exactly would send him over the edge. Each time he thought he was gaining back his sense of reason, you'd grind against him even harder and continue kissing his neck, temporarily clouding his judgment and making him forget.

He wondered if his inexperience was obvious to you. Sure, he knew a few things about sex; it wasn't like he lived under a rock. He recalled Furlan telling him personal stories and he'd hear things from other soldiers, but he had no first hand experience. There was never anyone he could picture engaging like that with.

That was, until you came along and made him question things.

Despite his limited experience, for some reason, it came easy to him with you. When he pinned you down again, he found himself resisting the urge to assert his dominance in other ways. He wanted to show you who actually had the upper hand.

He imagined undressing you, his hands roaming your bare skin leisurely while he kissed and sucked against your neck and collarbone, his fingers teasing your cunt and hearing you whine, making you beg-

Levi shut his eyes at the thought, his hand squeezing his thigh lightly when he felt a slight twitch in his groin again. He felt ashamed for even picturing such a thing. He sighed to himself and then opened his eyes.

He wasn't sure how it all ended up where it did.

You were attractive, he couldn't deny that. To say he didn't find you good-looking would have been a fucking lie, but it was never anything he paid particular attention to. Looks didn't matter to him, especially not when you were so irritating to deal with half the time.

But as Levi got to know you, he started seeing you in a different light. There was something particularly fascinating about you when you weren't trying to start an argument every other second. The first time you smiled at him - genuinely smiled at him - he felt like he was looking at a different person, as if you had hidden this stunning person behind a facade this whole time.

He enjoyed his time with you the past week, which was something he never expected to say. Levi always had a hard time opening up to others, but with you, he felt comfortable somehow. Hange was always a little too over-excited and eager, and Erwin was a little too serious and blunt. But you... you were attentive and intrigued, always knowing the right thing to say or ask. You were also able to pick up his hesitation on certain topics he'd bring up, and you offered reassurance that it was okay not to say everything. He liked that you considered his feelings.

You were also surprisingly lively at times. Whenever you'd delve into an interesting memory from your past, you were always so expressive and enthusiastic about it. Your passion for certain topics shone through in the way you spoke to him. He found himself captivated by you, and sometimes a subtle smile would creep onto his face unknowingly.

He knew you had caught him staring multiple times, but you never said anything. That day when you were both watching the sunset, he started to wonder if you were having similar thoughts too. Your prolonged gaze lasted for a little longer on him than he expected, and he could sense your apprehension during that moment.

He thought you looked beautiful that day.

He'd never admit that to you, though.

He'd never seen you so enamored about something before. Your eyes were glowing wide while observing the colors in the sky, and there was an aura of tranquility that surrounded you. It left him to ponder what experiences you must have gone through that made you feel the need to conceal this side of you most of the time.

Oh, for fuck's sake. Snap out of it.

Levi stood up from his chair and tossed the note he had written for you onto the table. He had planned to tell you he was seeing Erwin today, but the thought slipped his mind after the incident between the two of you. He wrote down the details on paper to explain his absence for when you woke up.

While heading outside to grab one of the horses, he made a conscious effort to ignore the unwelcome thoughts he was having about you.

You didn't want to get up from bed today. Facing Levi was something you'd rather avoid.

Attempting to flush out the memory of yesterday became horrendously difficult. The two of you avoided each other the rest of yesterday, and you planned to do the same today.

You let out an exasperated sigh and sat up on the bed.

Why the fuck did I do that?

You kept asking yourself the same question over and over again, regretting your decisions from that moment.

As you walked to the bathroom to get ready, you began to ponder the incident again.

What was it about him that drew you in? You were obviously attracted to him; you wouldn't have kissed him that way if you weren't. The question was, when did you start having these feelings for him?

He's always been... a little attractive, sure. But he's nothing special... and he's short...

You shut your eyes in irritation while brushing your teeth. You weren't sure why you were trying to lie to yourself.

Levi was handsome. There was no denying that. You had always appreciated how put together he looked, and as annoying as he was about being a clean freak, the man always smelled nice and looked tidy. He was short, but carried himself like he was taller.

Even besides that, there was always an elusive aura to him that drew you in. You would poke fun at his aloof and distant nature, but something about it was alluring. You couldn't help but find him more compelling the more he unveiled himself to you.

Reflecting on your conversation with Hange, you remembered how they mentioned it was difficult for him to open up completely; however, Levi gave you the impression that he was comfortable speaking to you. Was he actually comfortable, or were you just imagining it? Nonetheless, the fact he was trying to open up was significant to you.

And his eyes. His damn eyes.

When he was actually invested in something, you could see the switch in his eyes. You felt so captivated by them when he would look at you a certain way. You'd also notice the softness in his gaze when he'd turn his attention to you when you would discuss something that interested you.

You wondered what went through his mind during those moments.

When your lips finally met, it was obvious that you both wanted it. You both reciprocated the kiss, even if it was just for a few seconds. He was just the only one wise enough to put it to a stop.

How far would it have gotten if he hadn't?

You tried to visualize it in your head, but the idea made you anxious.

To admit that you lust for him... that was something you didn't want to accept. All you wanted to do was mess with him a little - to see if he'd actually get flustered by a woman flirting with him, but the outcome turned out far differently than you expected.

Seeing his reaction revealed thoughts about him you never intended to have. Truthfully, you never expected him to succumb to you like that. It shocked you, but it also intrigued you at the same time. To see humanity's strongest soldier submissive... that was surely a sight to see.

But surprisingly, you were also attracted to his assertiveness. The dark look in his eyes left you curious about his desires. It was evident that he disliked the effect you had on him, and his expression told you how badly he wanted to reverse the roles.

But you always preferred to be in charge rather than being told what to do. It was why flirting with men to manipulate them came so easily to you. You'd wrap them around your finger and make them succumb so easily.

Yet, a part of you felt like you would have done whatever Levi told you to in that particular moment.

What the fuck am I saying?

You finished brushing your teeth and washing your face, heading back to your room to change. You were going to have to learn to suppress these thoughts; they were very wrong.

Having sympathy for him was one thing, but to lust over him? Absolutely not. The idea horrified you. If you were going to go through with this mission, being intimate with him was not going to be the way to do it.

Even if it was something you secretly desired.

You got changed and made your way to the kitchen, hoping and praying you didn't find the captain by himself. To your surprise, you were just met with Eren dressed head to toe in cleaning attire, sweeping the floor frantically. When his eyes locked with yours, he gave you a tense smile.

"Good morning, Eden," he said, setting the broom to the side and grabbing a small sheet of paper from the table; he passed it to you. "The captain seemed to have left this for you. It says he went to see Erwin."

After reading the note, your first thought was why he didn't choose to tell you this the day before, but then you had a sneaking suspicion as to why; he probably wanted to avoid you too. A sigh of relief escaped you. You were just not ready to face him again.

"You think you could help me clean up a little? I'm not sure what time the captain is returning, but he told me he wanted the kitchen to look spotless by the time he came back."

You sighed. "The kitchen looks fine, Eren. He just has absurd, impossible standards when it comes to cleaning. Don't read into it too much."

"Don't read into it?" he said in impatience. "The last time my cleaning didn't meet his standards, he made me spend the whole day cleaning the bathrooms."

"Yeah, well, he made me clean the basement all in one day, then the stables the next." You took a seat by the dining table. "You've gotta let go of this fear you have of him, kid, or else he's just gonna keep piling more work on you."

Just as Eren was going to reprimand you for choosing to sit instead of helping him clean, the sound of the front door opening caught your attention. At first, you wondered if Levi had returned, but instead, Jean, Armin, and Sasha entered with some boxes and bags of what seemed to be food. Eren rushed towards them immediately.

"Hey! Did you guys wipe the dust and dirt off your shoes before you came in?" Eren asked them. Jean narrowed his eyes at him.

"Huh? No, we didn't. Can't you see all the stuff we're carrying?" Jean responded. Eren grew visibly more agitated.

"Do you seriously think that attitude will satisfy Captain Levi? If I hadn't personally given your sheets hospital corners this morning-"

"Quit nagging! Who are you, my mom?!"

You shut your eyes and started rubbing your temples. "Please be quiet," you told them.

Mikasa walked in through the door a few seconds after, holding an axe. She was accompanied by Historia.

"Wait, were you just chopping firewood?" Armin approached Mikasa worriedly.

"Gotta stay in shape," Mikasa responded nonchalantly.

"You got grabbed by a titan! You should be in bed."

"I tried to stop her, but she won't listen. I saw her doing sit-ups earlier," Eren added. For some odd reason, this ticked Jean off even more.

"How dare you?! You were peeping, weren't you?"

"Huh?! How was I peeping?"

"It's almost like we're back in the Cadet Corps," Sasha said next, removing bread from the box with Connie.

"Yeah. Why do you think we were chosen for the new Levi squad, though? Protecting Eren and Historia is such an important mission," Armin asked quietly.

"Because we're talented, I assume," Sasha said, shoving a piece of bread in her pocket.

With a disappointed sigh, Armin turned towards Sasha. "Sasha... what did you just put in your bag?"

"Nothing bread-related..."

Jean caught Sasha red-handed and started walking up to her. "Why you-"

"Hey, focus! We gotta finish cleaning before the captain gets back!' Eren urged.

"Will you all please be quiet?" you asserted a bit louder. The group of them ignored you, continuing to bicker and argue amongst each other. Working with these kids was gonna be a challenge, especially since you weren't taken as seriously as the captain. It was frustrating.

"What's this commotion about?"

You were unaware that Levi walked in through the other door due to their nosiness. They all grew silent immediately upon his arrival.

While approaching them, Levi glanced down at the table you were sitting at. He wiped his hand underneath the table and looked up at them in disappointment. "I'm quite sure I gave you enough time to clean."

The tension in the room grew thick at his words. Eren was evidently the most stressed out of all of them.

"We'll discuss your lax cleaning job another time," Levi said, wiping his hand with a handkerchief. "Right now, we're going to review the situation at hand and set some directions."

Levi sat at the edge of the table, and everyone else followed his actions shortly after.

He began to address what he found out from his visit with Erwin. Erwin had finally woken up from his coma, but still needed rest after losing his arm. Levi explained that Pyxis informed Erwin that Wall Rose was titan-free and was now considered 'safe.' The refugees were located in the Underground temporarily, but due to the food shortages, they had to let them return to the surface.

Levi then mentioned how Hange and Connie arrived at the hospital shortly after to discuss the research conducted at Ragako village. Connie chimed into the conversation to explain what he saw and what they discovered. To put it simply, everyone was now aware of the fact that titans were humans, or rather, it was a very strong theory.

A knock was heard on the door a few minutes into Connie's story, and Historia opened it to reveal Hange and Moblit; the two of them appeared on edge.

After the two had a seat, Levi resumed discussing what he was told by Erwin, then referred back to their original objective: plugging up the hole in Wall Maria. He asked Armin to elaborate on that plan.

Armin went into full detail explaining, as he always did. If all went accordingly, he believed the time needed for a plan to take back Wall Maria would be less than a day. Armin was perceptibly a little doubtful, but Levi said it was really up to Eren whether or not this plan would work. Eren said he understood and was willing to try.

This brought up the topic of his titan experimentations. Levi told Hange that it was up to them to choose a suitable place for experimentation since Eren wanted to start. Hange still appeared uneasy, and it made Levi prod at them further.

"I want Wall Maria to be retaken more than ever," Hange responded. "I want everyone to be at peace as soon as possible, and I want to create a world where people can live without fighting amongst one another. Therefore, I don't want to waste any time testing Eren's power. Without reservations this time, of course, we must experiment with the hardening ability, as well as specifics of titan transformation. There's also the amazing possibility that he might have been able to control other titans. If that's really possible, then humanity just might be able to turn its current situation around. Which is why... I can't stand to sit like this. We have to move quickly. However, I want Eren to keep a low profile for a little while longer."

"But why is that?" Armin asked.

"Well, the situation is more complicated than we had thought. He's dead... Pastor Nick. He was murdered," Hange replied. The room turned quiet at their revelation. "I figured the church would want to deal with Nick since he was cooperating with the scouts. That's why I hid his identity and had him stay in the barracks, but... to think they would use soldiers to kill him. I was too careless. It's entirely my fault."

"The Military Police... did they torture Pastor Nick just to find out what information he spilled to us?" Armin continued questioning.

"Most likely," Levi replied. "But it was the Interior Military Police, which means there's something more behind it. So how many nails did Nick have ripped off, Hange?'

"Huh?"

"You saw, right? How many?'

"I only caught a glimpse of him, but..."

"People that talk, talk after one. If they don't, peeling more won't make a difference. Pastor Nick - I thought he was an idiot, but he didn't turn away from what he believed, all the way till the end. In other words, they have no idea we've caught wind of the Reiss family."

The news was troubling to hear. You all held Eren, who had titan abilities and also Historia, who recently confessed to all of you of her involvement in the Reiss family. To put it quite bluntly, you were all fucked if they discovered them.

"Though, someone in the government is up to no good, and their eyes are fixed on us," Levi continued.

"Of course, since the events of this morning with Pastor Nick, the situation has been shared with Commander Erwin, Commander Pyxis, and the rest of the Survey Corps. Now the Central Military Police are being monitored by us, so they shouldn't be able to move too recklessly. But looking at it another way, now they have any number of ways to find this place out, right? Now we don't know who is friend or foe anymore. When coming here today as well, we split up and made sure we weren't followed. I think this place hasn't been discovered yet," Moblit added.

"Yeah. I think what we should really fear is a fatal stab in the back while we're busy looking beyond the wall," Hange said.

"So? Are you trying to say that we should just wait quietly and have a tea party or something?" Levi remarked sarcastically.

"There are still many things you can do inside... like sewing, and so forth."

"Just for now? That's mistaken. It's the opposite. Do you think they'll give up as time passes? They'll find this place eventually. If we're just running away, the more time passes, the more we'll be driven to the wall. As I see it, there are two ways to go now: go out before we get stabbed in the back, or go out after eliminating the one that will stab us in the back. Which will it be for you, Hange? Go out before getting stabbed?"

"Both. Let's do both at the same time."

Levi paused.

"Well, that's what Erwin would say as well," he finally responded.

You all decided to take the risk and follow Hange's suggestions. Starting tomorrow, they would find a secure place to start experimenting.

Due to Levi's disappointment in everyone's cleaning from earlier, you all spent the rest of the day doing just that. He assigned you to help with the stables, seeing as it seemed like Jean, Connie, and Sasha didn't do the task adequately. Although you'd rather not relive the trauma of cleaning horse crap all day, you didn't argue against it. It was an effective way to avoid the captain all day, which was your full intention.

You opted to go to sleep early after assisting them, flopping down on your bed, closing your eyes, and desperately trying to rid your mind of your fixation on the captain.

"It's really cold out here," Reiner said. "Maybe we should have gotten more firewood."

"I mean, we could still fetch some. The sun hasn't gone down completely," Bertholdt suggested, rubbing his arms due to the chilly breeze.

You shook your head. "I'll go. You four stay here. It's getting dark out, and I don't want you kids wandering around by yourselves. I'd rather something happen to me than any of you."

"Are you sure? It's pretty far out," Reiner said.

You grabbed the axe beside you and threw it over your shoulder. "I'll be fine, guys. You four just stay put."

Without wasting another second, you made your way to the woods, hugging your arms to ward off the cold. You mentally cursed yourself for not bringing a heavier hoodie. For some reason, it didn't cross your mind that it would get this cold.

It didn't take you long to find a pile of wood on the ground. The pieces you found likely fell off of a tree from the wind. Although they were fairly thin, the wood appeared to be enough to get you through the night; you were thankful you didn't need to chop down a whole tree. After collecting enough wood, you started approaching the four warriors again, mentally taking note of the fact that you'd have to make at least two more trips to collect the rest of the pieces.

But when you returned, you came too late.

"Marcel!" you shouted.

By the time you arrived, Marcel had already been seized by a titan. You dropped everything from your hands immediately and bolted towards the scene, running as fast as you could. You were trying to reach out to him - trying to save him, but at the very last second, the titan's mouth snapped shut, and he was gone. T he titan took off running, but your legs were no match for theirs. It was impossible to match their speed.

When the titan made a complete disappearance, you halted in your steps. It was pointless to keep going after them; you knew you'd never be able to stop them yourself. All you could do now was make sure the others were okay.

However, that was the other problem. The situation was more grave than you thought. Not only was Marcel taken, but Reiner, Annie, and Bertholdt were nowhere to be seen.

No, it was much worse than that. Marcel wasn't just taken; he was dead. The blood splattered on the ground behind you proved it.

"N-No," you muttered faintly. "Marcel..."

You walked closer to the scene, your legs wobbling at the sight of the blood stained on the grass. "Marcel!" you screamed, desperately praying that it was just a hallucination - that what you saw wasn't real.

"Reiner!" you continued screaming. "Annie! Bertholdt!" You bellowed their names until your voice started cracking, your body shaking with nerves. A quiet sobbed escaped you as you collapsed on the ground.

What if they all got eaten too?

"Fuck." You banged your fists on the ground. "This is all my fault."

"It is."

Your heart stopped at the sound of the person behind you. You whipped your head around in search of the voice, your eyes widening the moment you recognized who it was.

It was Marcel - bloody and disfigured. His left arm was hanging loosely from his body, held up by the bone and muscle still attached to his body. He was missing an eye too, and it looked like his neck was one slice away from being fully decapitated. It was horrifying.

"Marcel?" you said hesitantly.

"Why did you leave, Eden?" he asked grimly. His presence was dark and unsettling. Something didn't feel right about this.

"What happened, Marcel?"

He took one step forward, then another. You rose to your feet and started walking backwards very slowly.

"Why did you have to leave, Eden?" His pace began to quicken when he garnered no response from you. "Why Eden?" he yelled a little louder.

His arm reached out to grab you; trusting your instinct, you bolted away, hearing his rapid steps catch up to you from behind. Your feet started slipping on the grass as you ran.

"Whose side are you on?" he asked roughly. Still unwilling to respond, you focused on running faster.

"Whose side are you on, Eden?" he asked again, his tone demanding and assertive. Despite the fear coursing through your veins, y ou still refused to answer.

But your lack of response only fueled his fury. His hand grasped your clothes to pull you back, then you felt him jump on top of you to trap you.

You screamed.

A loud gasp escaped your throat, your body jolting up in surprise. You stared up at the ceiling above you, panting heavily.

It was just a dream - a nightmare. It wasn't real.

You sat up on your bed groggily, still trying to catch your breath.

It may have been a dream, but the memory was still true.

Reiner, Annie, Bertholdt, Marcel... you trusted that the four of them would be fine by themselves while you went to collect firewood, only to return to find one of them being eaten. The horrifying scene still haunted you - still vivid in your mind; you felt guilty for how it all transpired.

"Funny you call us reckless when it's your fault Marcel died," Reiner had said to you in Trost District. You remembered shoving him, feeling disrespected that he would even accuse you of something like that; yet, beneath your immediate indignation was a small part of your brain that agreed with him. You were the adult in the group. You should have known better.

But then you also wondered, what could you have done? You were the only non-titan shifter there. How would you have been able to defend yourself or others against a titan like that? You weren't even trained in ODM gear yet. Annie, Reiner, and Bertholdt were the only titan shifters there, and they were just kids - absolutely terrified of what they just witnessed. It was no surprise that they instinctively ran away. You couldn't blame them for that.

The final part of your dream was what left you feeling the most uneasy. It was as if Marcel's spirit came back to haunt you for what happened. Was it your guilt feeding into your subconscious mind, or did Marcel harbor a genuine resentment towards you?

You closed your eyes, exhaling slowly in an attempt to soothe your nerves.

It was just a dream about a traumatizing memory. There is nothing I could do to change what happened, and the reality is, there was nothing I could have done either. It was just another reminder of all the guilt I've been trying to suppress.

You decided to rise from your bed and make your way to the kitchen to grab a glass of water, hoping it would clear some of your lingering thoughts. You needed a moment to breathe and let the dream pass.

With a lantern in your hand, you tiptoed down the hall carefully, trying not to disturb anyone that was asleep. Every step resulted in a loud creak on the wooden floor; you'd silently curse under your breath, hoping no one would hear. The light from the lantern continued illuminating your path as you walked, but the moment you entered the main room with the kitchen, you were shoved forcefully against a wall.

You gasped, the lantern nearly falling from your grasp. However, your heart rate slowly went back to normal when the subtle light revealed the person in front of you.

"What the fuck, Captain?"

Levi sighed and released your grip, stepping away from you. "You scared the shit out of me," he admitted to you.

"I scared the shit out of you?" you said incredulously. "You're the one who shoved me against the wall."

"I thought it had been an intruder with how careful you were walking. With the government trying to look for us, I wasn't willing to take any chances."

You exhaled and set down your lantern on the dining table, ignoring him as you went towards the cabinet to grab a glass to pour some water.

"I was nearly half asleep until you arrived," he said behind you, taking a seat on one of the chairs by the table. You glared at him from over your shoulders, your eyebrows furrowed.

Your eyes scaled the room. "Half asleep where, exactly?" If he claimed to be half asleep, it meant he was still in the main room this whole time. There wasn't a bed or couch in sight, which meant there was no place he could have slept.

"Here," he responded, referring to the chair he was sitting on. You raised your eyebrows.

"You were planning to sleep on a chair?"

"I always do."

After pouring your glass of water, you turned your body to face him, leaning your back on the counter. "You're telling me you sleep upright? That's the most absurd thing I've ever heard of."

"Well, I don't always trust that I'll wake up safe or alive in bed. I feel vulnerable and exposed."

"So you're saying you sleep in a chair because you fear that you'll get attacked in bed somehow?"

"I'll sleep anywhere I feel peaceful and safe. Where I sleep doesn't usually matter, but a chair is usually the best option to ease my nerves. Besides, I don't tend to need sleep." He repositioned himself on the chair, letting one of his arms hang loosely from behind the back and crossing one leg over the other. There was something oddly attractive about his posture, so naturally, you turned your back on him, heat rising in your face again.

Images from the day prior popped up in your head as you continued drinking your water.

Forget it. Let it go.

You sighed, trying to come up with a way to continue the conversation without feeling so nervous around him. "You don't sleep at all, do you?" You could feel his gaze burning into your back.

"Sleep isn't important to me."

"You have insomnia then."

"I'm still able to function just fine."

"Well, if you keep sleeping on a chair, you're sure to gain back problems when you're older."

He scoffed. "I've already made it this far. It would be a shame if my body suddenly gave up on me just because I decided to sleep in a chair."

Suddenly, your curiosity spiked again, and you couldn't help but ask the next question, even though it had absolutely nothing to do with the conversation.

"How old are you?" You peered at him from over your shoulder, trying to take in his expression. He averted his eyes from yours for a moment.

"I don't know," he responded. You narrowed your eyes at him. "I'm in my early thirties. That much I know," he elaborated, answering the confusion in your face.

You hummed in reply. Despite his youthful appearance, the way he carried himself reflected his current age. You decided not to pry further into it, respecting his boundaries. You figured he didn't have a birth certificate since his mother died when he was so young. If he wanted to discuss it with you, he would.

"So are you gonna tell me why you scared me shitless in the middle of the night, or are you just gonna keep throwing random questions at me?" he asked.

You sighed before responding. "Bad dream."

He stayed quiet for a moment.

"Is it something you want to talk about?" he finally asked.

You'd grown comfortable expressing yourself towards him over the past few days, the same way he was starting to get comfortable with you. It was easy to discuss certain topics without feeling judged. He was surprisingly attentive and wasn't as judgmental as you thought he would be. He listened to your words carefully and absorbed every word.

But this was something you absolutely could not talk about.

You shook your head. "I'll be fine. Just needed a moment to breathe," you assured him.

The room fell into silence after that. You had the strongest urge to talk about the day prior - to hear his perspective on what happened, but you decided not to. You weren't ready to bring up that conversation, and frankly, a part of you wanted to pretend it never happened.

"How are you taking the news?" he asked, breaking the stillness.

"About what? We were thrown a lot of information today."

"The theory about the titans."

"Oh," you said. "Well, it's certainly uncomfortable to think about..."

"I figured the theory would make you feel conflicted after knowing they could actually be humans."

You stared down at the counter, your hand still gripping the glass of water in your hands.

You'd always known the truth about them - that titans were once people. Once you were a pure titan, you stayed that way forever, unless you became a titan inheritor, that was. Regardless, living the rest of your life as a pure titan was not something you think anyone would want.

You were still killing your own people, that was true, but would they have rather continued living as a monster eating humans, or be freed from that fate even if it meant death?

If it were you, you would choose the latter.

"If the theory is true, then yes, I do feel conflicted; however, I try to look at it as putting them out of their misery rather than murdering an actual human," you responded.

"Still, if they were once human, it doesn't really make me feel ecstatic knowing I've been running around killing people this whole time. How and why they became a titan, I don't know, but it feels sinister and unnecessary. Even if we are putting them out of their misery, it doesn't make me feel any better knowing they had no choice but to accept that fate."

This man was far too good of a person; it almost sickened you.

Despite Levi's lengthy record of murders, you could tell he was a man who hated unnecessary deaths. As he said before, he killed because he needed to, not because he wanted to. The fact that titans were once innocent humans evidently distressed him.

There was no way to justify the concept of titans, no matter how you looked at it.

"Yeah, you're not wrong," you replied quietly. "It's a terrible and unfair fate."

This whole situation is unfair.

You wondered why it had to all be like this - why you all had to be enemies. In truth, you weren't here because you hated the people on this island; you were here for your sister. You didn't carry any animosity towards the Eldians of Paradis.

You didn't loathe Levi either, especially the more you got to know him. You cared for your sister's safety, but for that, it would cost him his life. The more you were in his presence, the more unlikely that scenario would become.

What if I just run away? Just go home and grab Paulina and go somewhere far away where no one could find us?

Yeah. If only it were that easy.

"I think I'm going to try and go back to sleep now," you told him, taking your arms off the counter and turning back into the hall. "Goodnight, Levi."

"Captain," he corrected.

You shot him a glare over your shoulder. Although you wanted to ask him why he so suddenly decided to have a problem with you using his first name, you had a strong inkling as to why, and you didn't have it in you to argue right now.

So for now, you let it go.

"Goodnight, Captain," you corrected, walking back into the hall.

And with that, you flopped back onto your bed and shut your eyes, praying that you'd have a better dream than the last.

Notes:

Happy New Year!

I hope everyone has a wonderful start to the year :)

- Mar

Chapter 17: Stubborn

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

"What's wrong, Eren? Are you done already? Stand up! Humanity's future depends on you, damn it!" Hange's voice echoed loudly through the forest.

"Hange, you might wanna keep your voice down," you murmured quietly, fearing that their voice would attract outsiders.

"Four Eyes," Levi interrupted. "He looks different this time, no? He's not even 10 meters tall, and some of his body lacks muscle. Plus, Eren's scrawny ass is sticking out."

"I can see that!" Hange retorted in annoyance. "Eren! Can you still move your titan? Give us some sort of answer! If you don't answer, we're going to get you out of there!"

Before anyone else could act, Mikasa was already hopping off of her horse and running frantically towards Eren's titan. Levi sighed. "That gloomy brat is acting on her own again. Should we punish her?"

"There's no answer! We're done here!" Hange ignored his remark, jumping off the small cliff and heading towards Eren.

Hange grabbed hold of Eren under his arms, trying to pull him out of his worn-out titan. The immediate contact caused them to yelp in pain. "Hot! Eren, you're really hot right now! Think you can ease up on the steam a little?"

"Hange, be careful! Can't you see he's bleeding?" Mikasa said, her voice filled with distress.

Hange continued rambling while trying to extract Eren from his titan. The rest of you watched the situation with growing concern.

"I think he's reached his limit," you told Levi. Eren was evidently overworked from the experiments, and seeing the current results told you everything you needed to know about his exhaustion.

"Yeah, and the worst part is that he wasn't able to get anything out of it."

You turned your head towards him, your eyebrows knitted. "That's not entirely true, Levi. Hange-"

"Captain," he corrected.

You huffed through your nose, clenching your fists on either side of you. He was being awfully annoying about this.

"As I was saying, Captain," you said through gritted teeth, "Hange has made some pretty interesting discoveries through the experiments."

It was true; Hange conducted several experiments which included Eren's titan following commands, constructing with objects, and writing on the ground with a stick. The outcomes of those tests revealed some intriguing information.

"But he can't harden, which means the plan to take back Wall Maria is looking like a lost cause."

You nodded steadily in agreement, knowing that he wasn't mistaken about that. Levi could be extremely blunt sometimes, but he was realistic. Those discoveries did nothing to help with the most important task at hand, which was getting Eren's titan to harden.

Your attention was redirected back to the three below the cliff. Hange struggled to detach Eren, which led to Mikasa taking matters into her own hands. She pulled out her sword and slashed the muscle connecting Eren to the titan. After it was severed, Hange was able to grab him successfully. You immediately wrinkled your nose at Eren's appearance. His face was a bloody, disfigured mess; his bones and muscles were sticking out.

"Well, we've known all along this would be like grasping at proverbial straws," Armin said, replying to the captain's comment.

"The plan's strategically sound and simple in theory. All we need is to get Eren there," Levi continued. "This could still work, but it's going to depend on him."

"The experiment is over! All units, pull back!" Moblit bellowed. You heard Connie relay this information to Jean from a few feet away, the two of them scouting the area to make sure there were no unwanted witnesses.

"Historia," Levi called. "You get on the same carriage as Eren."

"Yes, sir," she replied, following his directions.

Hange and Mikasa helped carry Eren's deformed body across the woods while Armin dashed towards the carriage to have it open and ready for them to set Eren down. Historia trailed behind them leisurely.

"Eden," Levi called out next, "I'm riding with Hange's squad to Trost. We need to relay some information to Erwin, so I'm making you in charge of those brats until I return."

"Got it." Just as you were turning on your heel to walk towards the carriage to meet with the others, Levi placed a hand on your shoulder to stop you.

"One more thing," he continued. "I left some documents on the table for you to annotate. I'd like them done by the time I get back."

"Documents about what?"

"Undisclosed information about the government and the nobles that Erwin wants us to get familiar with. Seeing that Eren and Historia are our top priority right now, it's essential that we have enough knowledge about these sorts of things."

"How many pages?"

"Thirty."

An exasperated sigh escaped your mouth. So not only were you to babysit a bunch of teenagers, but you were also expected to read through boring political documents about the land you weren't even born in. You'd argue against it, but there was really no reason to.

What he says, goes. Remember?

"Got it, Captain," you replied begrudgingly, strolling towards the carriage.

Over time, you'd been trying to control your temper and attitude, especially with him. You didn't want to revert to the argumentative relationship you had with him during the early days. The developing bond you had now wasn't so bad.

Even if he is being childish about the whole honorifics thing...

The journey back to the cabin didn't take long. Once you arrived, you helped Mikasa carry Eren back into his room inside, grabbing him by the legs. Carefully, the two of you set him down on his bed.

"He looks horrendous," you said, seeing the repulsive damage his face had up close. "Did Hange really have to pull so hard?"

Not to your surprise, Mikasa didn't reply, pulling a chair from a table in the room to take a seat next to the bed. You knew that absolutely nothing was going to remove her from that chair, so you decided to leave her be for now, shutting the door behind you.

While sauntering back into the main room, the voices from the other scouts grew louder in volume. Their bickering became overwhelming the moment you stepped into the room.

"What happened now?" you asked in vexation.

"Sasha took another piece of bread and shoved it in her pocket!" Jean answered.

Not this again...

"No I didn't!" Sasha defended.

Knowing her, she was absolutely lying.

"Sasha, just put it back," you said in annoyance. The last thing you wanted to do was deal with Sasha's gluttonous behavior.

Connie reached out his hand to grab the bread from her pocket, but she swerved her body away from him instantly.

"Sasha, listen to her-"

"But I don't have it!"

Connie clearly had enough, and now, the rest of you were forced to watch the two of them squabble and wrestle against each other as he continued reaching for her pocket. Sasha's hip knocked into one of the tables that held up a vase; everyone watched in horror as the vase fell off the platform. Your anxiety rose rapidly, but luckily, your swift reflexes kept the decorative object from fracturing into pieces. A relieved sigh escaped your mouth after catching it with your hands.

The noise in the atmosphere shifted into silence once you placed the vase back on top of the table in its original position. You directed your gaze to the pair of fools that unnecessarily escalated the situation, focusing your eyes on Sasha; you extended out your hand.

"Bread," you told her in a firm tone. "Now."

Sasha - who was visibly unsettled and apprehensive - removed the piece of bread from her pocket and handed it over to you. You set the bread back in the box with the others, then shifted your gaze towards them again.

"Look, I know I'm not Captain Levi, but he left me in charge until he came back. That means that all of you need to be on your best behavior. If there is anything that goes out of order, I will never hear the end of it, and you better believe you won't either," you said sternly. "So do me a favor and just behave. I don't care what you do, just don't break anything, and don't fight with each other."

The five of them exchanged nervous glances, then nodded in response.

"Is there anything in particular you need us to do?" Armin asked.

"Well, the captain didn't really assign anything for you guys, so I suppose I don't care what it is you decide to do."

You could see the gleam in both Sasha and Connie's eyes at your comment.

"But once again, please behave," you said this looking directly at the two of them, knowing damn well they were fully capable of causing destruction whenever they were paired up together. "Stay within the cabin, and don't go outside after dark. I'll let you all know when we can prepare dinner."

You turned around and grabbed the documents Levi had left you on the table, walking towards your room. You paused for a moment to look at them from over your shoulder. "And don't bother me unless it's an emergency. I have work to do, unlike all of you."

"Got it," they all said in unison. Content with their response, you turned on your heel again to head to your room.

"Is it just me, or is she sounding more and more like Captain Levi-"

"Sasha, you're too loud," you heard Connie whisper beside her. You entered your room and closed the door, pretending like you didn't hear that comment.

Do I really sound like him now? Shit. Maybe I've been hanging around him too much.

Unwilling to waste any more time, you plopped down on your desk and began to scan the words on the paper in front of you; you clicked open a pen in preparation to take notes. After a few hours of immersing yourself in the sheets of paper, you finally got about halfway done. You decided to let that be a sign to start preparing for dinner.

You weren't surprised to see all of the scouts hanging out in the field outside; Armin was outside inspecting the berries again, Historia was watering the flowers, and Sasha, Connie, and Jean were outside riding the horses in the pasture.

Well, it looked more like Sasha and Connie trying to race against each other while Jean chased after them to not go too far out.

You called everyone over, scolding the three of them who decided to grab the horses without permission. After everyone was inside, you assigned them each a task to prepare for dinner. Mikasa was the only one missing, and you knew damn well she was still glued to the same chair she was in hours ago. You let it slide before to not cause a disagreement, but this wouldn't be fair to the others now.

You knocked on Eren's door, awaiting a response. When no answer was heard, you knocked again. By the third time, you opened the door in irritation. "Mikasa, you gotta come help us with-"

Your lips parted when you saw her fast asleep. She was still sitting on the chair, but the top half of her body was sprawled out on the bed next to Eren. Her head was resting on her arm, strands of her hair messily covering her face. Your mind began to wonder how long she must have been in this position.

You always viewed her obsession with Eren as unhealthy and extreme, but in this moment, you felt a tang of sympathy.

You left the room, shutting the door behind you.

"How are they?" Armin asked when you returned to the kitchen.

"Both of them are resting. I'm gonna leave them be," you told him.

The rest of you continued making dinner for the next hour - cooking rice and chopping vegetables. It didn't take very long until the food was made, and then everyone sat eagerly at the table.

You waited until everyone finished serving themselves before grabbing your plate. Just when you were about to eat, you took another glance at Eren's door. You stood up from the table and started serving another plate.

"Who's that for?" Connie asked.

"Mikasa," you replied. "She's been sleeping all day."

You carried the plate of food to the door and knocked again. After another two attempts with no response, you opened it carefully, only to find her in the same position she was in before. You set the plate down on the nightstand and gently shook her shoulder to wake her up. Her eyes fluttered open, dazed and confused as she met your gaze.

"I brought you dinner," you told her, gesturing to the plate on the nightstand.

"I'm not hungry," she replied hoarsely.

"You slept here all day. You haven't eaten."

She sat up, letting out a tired yawn. "I'm okay. I'll eat later."

"You can stay here. You don't have to sit with the rest of us. Just eat, please," you said.

Her tired eyes lingered over Eren, worry in her expression. You let out a small exhale, placing a supportive hand on her shoulder.

"He'll be okay. He will heal," you assured her. "I know you want to care of him, but I feel like you forget to take care of yourself too."

Her eyes met yours, bemused at your sympathy, but then she nodded in reply. Satisfied with her response, you removed your hand and headed back towards the door.

"Eden," she called softly. You glanced over at her, your hand already on the doorknob. "Thank you."

You gave her a small smile in reply, exiting the room and closing the door after you left. You were met with Armin standing outside the room right in front of you.

"Everything okay?" he asked, his tone indicating his concern for his friends.

You smiled at him reassuringly. "They're okay, don't worry. They both just needed some rest."

The two of you returned to the table, and at long last, you grabbed your fork and started filling your stomach.

The dinner passed by quickly, and all of you worked together to clean the kitchen together afterwards before Levi returned.

Speaking of which... I wonder why he hasn't returned yet.

Armin stayed back for a little longer to help put away some of the dishes while the rest of the scouts retreated to their rooms after washing the plates and wiping the table. You took it upon yourself to clean the counter, seeing as you weren't sure if you could trust the cleaning abilities of the others, and you did not want to have to hear Levi bitch and moan about a tiny little smudge somewhere.

"Hey, can you pass me another rag?" you asked Armin. "This one is already used up." He obliged, digging into a cabinet and passing a new one to you. You thanked him, returning your focus on cleaning.

"Eden?" he called.

"Hm?" You turned your head in his direction, confused by his flustered expression.

"I just want to say that... you're doing a good job."

You halted your actions, glaring at him skeptically. "At what? Cleaning?"

He laughed slightly. "I meant in general. I get the feeling that you don't feel acknowledged as a person sometimes, and well, I can see through your actions what type of person you are."

You narrowed your eyes at him. "What do you mean?"

"Well, sorry if this comes off as blunt, but you aren't the easiest to get along with at first glance, which is part of the reason why I think you lack that recognition from others. You tend to act tough and spiteful, but you care deeply for others, and I can see that."

Your eyes widened at his comment, not at all expecting to hear something like that to come from him. You fixed your gaze back on the counter you were wiping before responding. "Where is this coming from?"

"Just my observations. I think you get a bad rep because you come off as impertinent, but ever since cadet training, I've noticed your solicitous nature. It just always got overshadowed by other things."

"I think you're giving me too much credit."

"When Sasha nearly passed out from the cold during our second year of training, you argued and demanded that Shadis swapped you both during practice to let her sit out. You claimed it was because you felt like she was too frail for that particular practice, but I always found it odd how persistent you were in convincing him to swap you, especially since he kept disagreeing with you," he said. "Connie also told me about what happened at Utgard Castle and how hard you fought to keep Nanaba and the others alive. He saw the way you tried to save Nanaba, the way you protected Historia from being eaten by a titan, and how you struck a titan with one blade to save Reiner and Bertholdt."

You paused your wiping again, staring down at the glossy counter.

"And now with Mikasa... the two of you didn't always get along, but you were compassionate enough to respect her boundaries when it came to Eren today."

The rag was clutched firmly in your grip while you mulled over his comment. Your heart was beating insistently.

"Thank you, Armin," you replied casually, proceeding to drag the wet towel across the counter again. You were too embarrassed to meet his gaze, but you could see him smile in return from the corner of your eye.

After the two of you finished cleaning up the kitchen properly, you bid Armin goodnight and returned your mind to annotating the documents. For a while, you just sat there clicking your pen mindlessly, feeling afflicted by Armin's compliment.

You wished he never said any of that. You deserved none of that praise.

You shut your eyes and took a deep breath in, putting yourself back into the mindset of learning the laws of Paradis Island and the nobles. You clicked your pen open once again and returned to your note-taking.

Another few hours drew by, and by some luck, you finally finished reading through the whole damn thing. You leaned back on your chair, stretched out your arms, and let out a loud yawn before heading to the shower.

After the brisk shower, you slipped on your nightgown. The weather tonight wasn't super chilly, so it seemed like the best option; you didn't want to wake up sweating in bed.

You silently prayed to yourself that you wouldn't wake up sweating from another nightmare tonight, either.

Stop thinking about it.

You listened to your thoughts, pushing that notion to the back of your mind to focus on other things. The night had fully settled in, and now your mind shifted its worries to another subject. You wondered about the whereabouts of the captain.

Is he okay?

No, you shouldn't care. Why would you, anyway?

You decided to grab the documents and head to the kitchen to leave them on the table for when he returned. While entering the room with the documents securely clutched in your hands, you were surprised to see the captain sitting in his usual chair, a cup of tea in his hands. Relief engulfed you, but you tried not to make it obvious.

"Wow, just in time," you told him sneeringly, tossing the documents across the table towards him.

"You finished?" he replied curiously, flipping through the pages.

You furrowed your eyebrows. "Why do you sound surprised? That's what you told me to do."

His eyes quickly skimmed through the sheets. "I did, but it was still a lot," he replied, setting it back down on the table in front of him.

"I think you've known me long enough now to know I always see my tasks through."

He huffed. "I guess I can't really deny that." He grabbed his cup from the rim and took a sip from his teacup.

"So, how'd your visit with Erwin go?" Your back leaned against the counter behind you.

"Nothing new. I informed him about the experimentations that occurred earlier today, and then we continued theorizing about Historia being from the Reiss family to see if it could give any clues about the walls."

"So still no direction on that, huh?"

He shook his head. "Not much yet, no."

You sighed in response, then pulled your body up to sit on the counter. You had never seen his face so flabbergasted.

"The hell are you doing?" His eyes were narrowed at you.

"...I'm sitting on the counter," you replied nonchalantly.

"That's disgusting."

You rolled your eyes. "I had everyone help wipe down the entire kitchen after dinner, mind you. Everything is clean."

"And who cleaned the counter?"

"Me."

You watched as he took his last sip of tea before setting it back down.

"Hm, I guess I'll trust your judgment, seeing as your cleaning skills are fairly up to par for the most part."

You chuckled lightly. "Wow, how sweet of you." The sarcasm was laced in your tone. "Thank you, Levi."

He gave you a stern look. At first, you thought it was due to your sneering reply, but then you realized it was because you addressed him by name again.

"Shit, I mean, Captain." A light grunt slipped from your mouth as you glanced over at him. "Can we talk about this?"

He glared at you. "About what?"

You tilted your head at him, irritation apparent in your expression. "Don't play dumb, Levi. This wasn't an issue before. I want to ask you why it suddenly is."

He averted his eyes from you, focusing his gaze on the empty cup in front of him.

"Is it- is it because of what happened the other day?" you asked timidly. His eyes widened subtly at your boldness to bring up the topic, and you could see in his face that a million thoughts were running rampant in his mind.

Well, it was bound to come into conversation eventually.

"Boundaries had to be set," he replied after a short moment of silence, standing up to rinse his cup. You expected him to say more, but he didn't.

"So because of what happened, I can never say your name again?"

"It's to do with respect and professionalism. It isn't necessary to get so worked up about this."

"It is when you're being dramatic about something as silly as addressing you by name."

"I told you already. It's not a big deal."

You scoffed at him. "You can't even look me in the eyes."

He was unresponsive to your comment, continuing to scrub at the cup in the sink. You let out an annoyed sigh.

"If you want to pretend it never happened, that's fine by me, but you're being extremely childish over this."

He placed the wet cup on the towel while slightly peering his head over his shoulder to catch a glimpse of you. "Childish how?"

You laughed dryly. "Gosh, you're so stubborn."

This must have struck a nerve, because he twisted his body to face you now, the irritation evident in his expression.

"I'm stubborn?" You could hear the contention in his tone.

"Yes," you said confidently. "You'd rather run away from your problems than confront them."

He stayed quiet, his arms crossed stiffly against his chest while his daunting gaze was fixed on you. He knew you were right, and he didn't want to admit it.

The fact he was trying to avoid it - trying to act like you're the one instigating the problem... it pissed you off.

So like you always did when you're pissed off, you became more spiteful than necessary.

"I bet you fucking hate it, don't you?" you said. "The effect I had on you. That's why you're acting so stubborn."

You could see his muscles tense up behind his thin, grey sweater, and the burning fire in his eyes became more and more apparent to you now.

"That's bullshit," he replied.

His response only made you smile mischievously, tempting you to continue provoking him. "Never had someone make you react that way, huh?"

"You love spewing crap-"

"And you fucking liked it."

He paused, contemplation written all over his face. He was never going to admit it, you knew that, but seeing him this flustered and in denial about how he felt that day was just as entertaining.

"It probably frustrated you," you prodded further. "You probably mulled over it for hours, wondering how we got there and-"

"Enough," Levi interrupted firmly. His tone was livid, and his entire body had visibly tensed up. The teasing smile never left your face.

You shrugged playfully. "That's fine. We both know the truth even if you don't want to divulge it out loud."

He huffed through his nose, clenching his jaw, then he said, "You love acting cocky, don't you?" There was something different in his tone this time. He was being a little more elusive, and you couldn't quite pinpoint what he intended to do next.

Stern in his demeanor, he started approaching you, catching you off guard. The smile on your face dissipated as he leaned intimidatingly close to your face, the weight of his palms placed on either side of where you were perched on the counter, caging you in. The proximity made your heart rate shoot up.

"You always want to have the upper hand. To strive for control. To have the advantage. I falter once, and now you seem to think you have something over me." His voice was deep and low as his grey eyes bore deeply into yours.

There's that look again - that dark switch in his eyes.

You continued staring at him unsmiling, trying to rid your mind of the thoughts that were swirling carelessly in your head. His breath brushed over your lips as he moved in a little closer, and your heart continued pounding relentlessly against your chest.

"But let me tell you, Eden, when it comes to me, you will never have that satisfaction."

Nervously, you moved one of your legs to break out of the enclosure he kept you in, but instead, your thigh accidentally brushed against his hand. Your breath hitched, and that familiar warmth surged in your stomach again.

Fuck.

You struggled to form a response, feeling intimidated by his presence and the dark expression on his face. The thoughts in your head were all jumbled, and you knew any sentence that left your mouth would lack coherence.

Noticing your apprehension, he drew his body back slightly. "Nothing to say?" he asked, arrogance laced in his tone.

You tried to fight against it, trying to suppress the feelings like you always did. You could hear the rational part of your brain screaming at you to push him away and to continue arguing with him, but your body always seemed to have a mind of its own, acting on its own accord.

His leg brushed against your knee.

Your legs parted for him.

He caught on to this immediately, the look on his face amused.

"It seems" - he closed the proximity again and settled his body in between your legs - "that I have this effect on you too."

To your amazement, his hands went to grip your waist, pulling you in closer to him. His chest was nearly pressed up against yours, and the feeling sent a fire through your body you couldn't explain.

What the fuck is happening?

He was silent for a few seconds, clearly reveling in the fact that you just proved his point. The heat on your face rose the longer he held you like this; you turned your head to avert your gaze from his. Not even seconds later, you felt him grab your chin with his fingers gently, turning your head to look at him while maintaining eye contact.

"You want me to touch you, don't you?"

It felt like your whole body was set ablaze. The anxiety was building up in your chest as you continued resisting the urge to give in to him - to let him have that gratification. The logical part of your brain was desperately clawing at your senses to make you realize how horrid the current situation was.

"Tell me, Eden."

Say no. Say no.

Your lips parted, but instead of saying anything, you said nothing. The internal conflict in your head wasn't allowing you to make a decision.

When you didn't answer, he pulled away, releasing his grip from you. The lack of proximity left you to feel empty.

"I see," he said. "Goodnight, then." He turned to walk back to his seat like nothing lewd just occurred, leaving you frozen on the counter to grapple with the internal battle within your head alone.

You knew this was the correct decision - watching him walk away. You fought against the tempting thoughts, knowing you would have regretted it later if you succumbed to those desires. You should feel pleased with yourself.

You stared down at the floor and bit your lip. The thoughts still weren't completely gone.

Don't do it. Don't do it.

Your mouth betrayed you.

"Captain," you called quietly. He halted his steps, peering at you from over his shoulder. "Please."

He paused, the look on his face baffled at first, but then he rotated his body to walk back in your direction. "Please, what?"

Fuck.

"I- I want you to touch me," you told him shakily. "Please."

I'm so pathetic.

You knew you would regret this in the morning, mulling over it the same way you did the day you kissed him, but you clearly didn't care right now.

"Yeah?" He closed the proximity between you again, leaning both hands beside you on the counter the same way he did before. "Why should I?"

"I-" The words were caught in your throat.

How do I even respond to that?

"You don't always like to listen to me, so why should I?"

His fingers lightly brushed against the skin of your leg, and you let in a sharp inhale. Both of his hands were gently placed on top of your knees, pushing your thighs apart torturously slow.

"Levi, please," you practically whined. You sounded so fucking pitiful, but his touch was something you craved so badly.

However, the moment you said his name, he removed his hands and pulled back. "Address me correctly," he said firmly. "And then I'll consider it."

Fuck. I fucking hate him.

"Captain," you corrected yourself. "I'm sorry."

Never in your life did you think you'd be this wrapped around a man before, begging for him to touch you.

He seemed content with your apology and resumed his actions. His fingers smoothed over the bare skin of your thigh teasingly, then slowly traced upwards near your underwear. The moment you felt him linger over your underwear softly, you let out a quiet gasp.

"You've been thinking about this, haven't you?" he whispered close to your ear, his fingers pressing against your soaked underwear. "I barely touched you, and you're already fucking wet."

His thumb put some pressure on your clit, prompting you to bite your lip to suppress another pathetic whine from escaping you.

"Answer me, Eden." He started rubbing circles around the area agonizingly slowly. "You've been thinking about this, haven't you?"

"Y-Yes," you stuttered. You bit down on your lip harder.

"You act all high and mighty, but the moment I have you cornered like this, you start begging pathetically." He persisted in his tantalizing motions, maintaining the same slow pace. You found yourself unable to hold back anymore.

"Fuck, Captain. Please, just touch me. I beg you."

You could have sworn you saw a smirk on his face at your words.

"You'll have to promise to be quiet," he said softly.

He wasted no time after that, pulling down your underwear until your cunt was completely exposed to him. You felt your panties fall down to your feet, then you let them drop to the ground. He bunched up the rest of your nightgown to your stomach to get a good view of your glistening arousal.

A part of you was self-conscious to have him see you this exposed, but the thought vanished the moment his hand made contact with your soaked folds. He began to rub up and down leisurely, coating his fingers with your juices.

You looked over at him; his eyes were concentrated and focused on your cunt, like he was experimenting with his movements. His thumb traced over your clit, then he pressed down again. A low hum rumbled in your throat.

His gaze shifted to you again, taking in your reaction to his touch. He started circling his thumb against your clit, and you couldn't help but roll your hips forward at his touch, yearning for more.

He watched you intently, continuing his actions. He remained this way for a while until you felt a finger tease your entrance; he slowly slipped it inside.

"Shit," you cursed in a low voice.

He began pumping his finger in and out of you, his pace quickening with each thrust when he took note of your response.

But it was still not enough, and you were desperate to feel more.

"Another," you breathed. "Add another."

He complied, slowly inserting another finger inside you. Your hips bucked up against him immediately while you let out a small whine. He started thrusting his two fingers at a steady pace, his thumb pressed down on your clit. You shut your eyes and angled your head up at the ceiling from the pleasure, biting down on your lip to prevent yourself from making any lewd noises. Although you weren't looking at him, you could feel his gaze continue burning into you.

He kept this pace for a while, then you felt him curve his two fingers upwards inside you while he pumped; an involuntary moan escaped your mouth. You covered your mouth with your hand immediately.

"Fuck, sorry, I-" You gasped when his pace gradually quickened, his fingers continuing to curve into you. Your hand never left over your mouth as you tried your hardest to keep your voice as low as possible.

"Fuck, Captain," you said. "You're so- Oh-"

His fingers hit that one spot inside you, and your legs suddenly felt like jelly. The pleasure was so overwhelming that you found yourself nearly toppling on top of him. You kept trying to suppress your moans while he continued hitting the same spot, trying to remain sitting upright.

"Good?" he asked you.

This arrogant piece of-

"So good," you replied immediately. "Don't stop. Please."

He was consistent in his pace, pumping his fingers back and forth while you bit your bottom lip so hard you swore you would draw blood soon. The feeling was so good you could cry.

If this is how I react to just his fingers, imagine his-

"Captain I-" you said weakly, feeling that build-up near your stomach. "I-I'm gonna come."

His lips lingered close to your ear. "Say my name," he said huskily. His hot breath ghosted over your neck. "Say it."

"Levi." Your voice was shaky and feeble. "Fuck, Levi I'm gonna-"

"Come for me."

His suggestive voice was enough to send you over the edge. A loud moan escaped you, and Levi scrambled to cover your mouth with his free hand while your legs shook. Once you quieted down, he released you, and your head fell forward onto his shoulder, trying to catch your breath while you panted heavily. You were positive that your legs would give out if you hopped off the counter any time soon.

Fuck, you hated how good that was.

"Shit," you managed to breathe out. He placed a hand on your shoulder affectionately.

"I guess you're stubborn too," he said.

You lifted your head to look up at him. He looked so fucking pleased with himself. You huffed in annoyance, averting your gaze from his; heat rose on your face.

"Whatever," you replied. You could see him smile slightly from the corner of your eye, so you turned to him again. "Stop looking at me like that."

"Looking at you how?" You'd never seen him look so playful in his expression.

The amused smile never left his face, and to your misfortune, you found yourself unable to keep the smile from creeping onto your face too.

"Nevermind," you said, shifting your gaze to your dangling feet in hopes he wouldn't notice the bashful grin plastered on your face.

Notes:

asdgfkhkl this is the first time I've written smut... like ever really? Hopefully it's not too bad.

As always, thank you for the support so far :)

Chapter 18: Blood

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Eren woke up the next day.

Immediately, Hange informed him of what transpired the day before during the experiments, and Levi expressed his disappointment surrounding the situation. The situation was shitty; Eren couldn't harden his titan, which meant that the plan to take back Wall Maria was sounding more and more impossible.

Levi was undoubtedly pessimistic about the situation, to which Hange tried to see the good in it - mentioning how they discovered the amount of time Eren could last when he consecutively transformed, as well as his versatility and limitations. Nevertheless, Levi couldn't help but still feel uneasy about the situation, knowing this was their only hope.

He felt angsty and restless the rest of the day, concerned for the mission, but also finding himself thinking about what happened the night prior.

Head angled up towards the ceiling, Levi continued to ponder throughout the night in his room while sitting on his chair. He never needed to occupy the room - seeing as he never really rested on the bed - but tonight, he needed his privacy.

Especially tonight. And it was all because of you.

Your face was still vivid in his mind - the beautiful mess you became under his fingers.

Yeah, he got carried away, but it was just too fucking amusing not to watch.

You were the most hard-headed, disrespectful, non-compliant soldier he ever had to deal with the moment you stepped foot in his presence, yet somehow, getting you aroused was the only way for you to be obedient. He had you saying shit he never thought would ever leave your mouth.

He only intended to intimidate you, irked by your provocative nature, but once he understood the root of your apprehension, he became intrigued. He wanted you to feel the same way he did that day in the forest, and damn did he succeed.

He couldn't take his eyes off of you, absorbing all of the noises, motions, and expressions you'd make. He wanted to make sure he was doing it right, evaluating what movements would elicit certain reactions from you. He'd have been lying if he said he wasn't nervous in the slightest, seeing as he had never done any of that before, but your moaning and blissful expressions were what allowed him to grow in confidence; it was an assurance that he was the cause of your pleasure.

There was so much more he wanted to do to you, but his nerves didn't permit him. Your reactions to just his fingers already seemed overwhelming and euphoric to you, and he was not sure if you would have been able to handle anything else.

But shit, he wanted to kiss you again - to trail his lips down to your neck and suck. He wanted to taste your arousal, savoring the wetness he caused - to feel you squirm while he held onto your thighs and had your hands tug at his hair.

He still remembered the way his name rolled off your tongue when you came. He had to let go of his pride a little by telling you to say it, but he needed to hear it - he wanted to hear you say his name out loud so he knew it was him that helped you reach that ecstasy.

Shit, he was so sure he would have fucked you right there if you pleaded for it.

What the fuck am I thinking?

He exhaled slowly. Never in his life did he think he'd be so infatuated with a woman before, let alone you - the person he couldn't stand at all in the beginning.

He tried to pretend none of it happened, trying to get rid of his desire for you; he tried to set boundaries to keep your relationship professional and friendly.

Then you had to open your mouth and provoke him, and he gave in to the attraction.

Levi tilted his head down, glaring down at the painful bulge pressed up in his pants. He placed a hand on his crotch in contemplation, wondering if it would be okay to relieve himself.

Maybe if he did, you'd finally leave his mind.

Fuck it.

Just as he was about to undo the zipper, a loud banging on the front door halted his actions. Startled, he jolted up from his chair, exiting his room to walk towards the source of the noise. He sincerely hoped there wasn't an intruder, not in the mood to deal with the ruckus that would have caused.

As he made his way towards the main room, he peeked out of the window, relieved to find Nifa standing outside. He let out a relaxed sigh for a moment, but then realized it must be an emergency if she was here this late.

He unlocked the door, pulling it open.

"Captain Levi," she addressed him, "I'm here to relay this message from Commander Erwin."

She passed him a note. His eyes scanned through it quickly.

"Shit."

Your eyes shot open.

You were standing somewhere familiar - you recognized the architecture of these buildings - but you couldn't quite make out where. The sidewalks were empty, the buildings crumbled, and debris littered all over the floor. You sauntered hesitantly into the street, your eyes sweeping the area cautiously.

Then you paused, realization overwhelming you so suddenly.

Trost - you were in Trost. That was where you recognized these buildings from.

But why?

The silence in the atmosphere was deafening; a pin could drop and you were so sure you'd have been able to hear it. Regardless of your apprehension, you continued walking without a direction in mind, and the more you strolled onward, the more pressure and anxiety you felt in your chest.

Something wasn't right.

Your foot stepped on something below; it made some sort of cracking noise. A gasp escaped your mouth when you peeked down below.

It was an arm... but whose arm?

"Why, Eden?" a voice croaked. You turned your head towards the voice, your mouth gaping at the sight in front of you. "Why didn't you stay, Eden?"

It was Dietrich, twitching on the ground with two of his limbs missing. A pool of blood surrounded him.

"Why did you leave?" he continued asking.

"I-I..." You backed away from the scene carefully, trying to get away safely. A loud shriek erupted from your throat when you felt someone grab your ankle from behind you unexpectedly.

"Why didn't you save me, Eden?"

When you peered downwards, you saw Mike holding onto your ankle tightly. Both of his legs were missing.

"I thought you were on our side, Eden."

"I-I'm sorry," you stammered, trying to kick your ankle out of his grasp, but his grip was too strong. When you were finally able to remove yourself from his hold, you fell forward onto the ground. You landed on all fours, assuming you were finally safe, but then another noise swamped your ears; someone was weeping next to you.

"Why, Eden?" a lighter voice sobbed. "I trusted you."

When you craned your neck in the direction of the crying, you found Petra standing several feet away. She was drenched in blood, her hands covering her face to muffle her sobs.

"Petra..." It felt like your heart was being tugged.

"I thought you cared about me," she continued to sob.

"I did, Petra. I swear I did." You lifted yourself off the ground, your eyes watching her intently. She looked devastated, and her continuous sobbing urged you to approach her. "I swear on my life I did, Petra. I didn't want any of this to happen."

"You traitor!" she screamed. Her head shot up to look at you, and the resentment in her eyes made you step back slightly. She looked almost demonic - like she was fully capable of killing you. It looked nothing like her anymore.

She shoved your chest forcefully, causing you to stumble backwards. "You liar!"

"I'm sorry," you told her weakly, tears brimming in your eyes. "I'm so sorry."

"You betrayed me! You betrayed us!" She persisted in pushing you, each shove becoming more forceful each time. You didn't even fight back, allowing her take out her anger on you.

Her last shove sent you falling to the ground, then she knelt before you.

"He'll get you," she said menacingly, the look on her face threatening and formidable. "Before you know it, he'll get you."

Your eyes shifted to the crumbled debris on the ground, tears spilling down your cheeks; then y our ankle was grasped again. Mike had returned.

"Get up," he demanded.

"I can't," you told him, struggling in his grip. "Y-You're not letting me."

"Get up, Eden," he said again, his grip tightening.

"I can't!" you repeated, the pain in your ankle gradually intensifying.

"Get up, Eden!" Petra yelled, placing her hands on your shoulders and shaking you. "Get up!"

-

"Get up, Eden!"

You woke up panting, your eyes blown wide. When your eyes finally adjusted to the darkness in the room, the figure standing above you wasn't Petra or Mike - it was Levi standing above you, urgency clear in his expression.

"Grab all your stuff. We have to go. Leave no trace behind. It's urgent."

Although you were still a bit dazed from being woken up abruptly, you nodded in response, frantically getting up from the bed and packing your stuff. You didn't bother asking him what happened yet, assuming he'd let you know once you were out.

After throwing on your uniform and packing your items, you quickly ran out of the cabin along with the others, marching into the woods. You fell into step next to Levi.

"What's going on?" you asked him.

"We received a note from Erwin," he answered, eyes fixed straight ahead. "Apparently someone suspected our hideout, so we had to leave as soon as possible."

You hummed in response, continuing to follow him into the woods.

After minutes of walking, you all reached a hill, and Connie pointed out that people had arrived at the cabin you were all staying in; they were peeping through the windows while knocking the doors down.

"That was a close one," he said. "If we had slept there tonight as well... what would have happened to us?"

"How did Commander Erwin know they were headed here?" Armin asked.

"The government's passed down some new orders. There's been a freeze on all scout activity outside the wall. They want us to hand over Eren and Historia, and we can't let that happen," Levi answered. "Let's hurry to the meeting place. Good thing the moon's out."

"Where are we going?" Jean asked.

"Trost District."

"But Captain, if we're headed to Trost, we can't just waltz in with Eren and Historia. Someone is bound to recognize them," you said.

"Which is why we are getting them to the meeting place before the sun comes out," he explained, then turned behind him to glare at Jean. "Jean, do you still have that wig?"

Jean narrowed his eyes. "The one I used to pretend to be Eren?"

Levi nodded.

Oh, you saw where this was going.

Levi explained the plan to all of you - Jean and Armin were going to pretend to be Eren and Historia while the real Eren and Historia were going to be somewhere safe in a secret location. There was a very large chance that they would get captured, so it was necessary to make sure they arrived at the secret location before the sun rose to make sure none of you would be seen.

The eight of you continued trekking forward in the darkness of the night, each of you with a rifle in hand. You eavesdropped on the younger soldiers conversing behind you and Levi, overhearing Jean complain about having to dress as that 'suicidal blockhead' again, who you could only imagine was about Eren. You fought back a laugh hearing his aggravation.

You and Levi walked ahead peacefully for a while until Levi decided to break the silence.

"Another bad dream?" he asked.

You exhaled, having hoped the nightmare wasn't obvious to him when you were asleep, but clearly, you were wrong.

"So you noticed," you responded.

"Kinda hard not notice when you nearly struck me in the face as I tried waking you up. It looked like you thought someone was out to kill you."

You chuckled slightly. "Sorry about that."

"And," he continued, pulling his hood over his head due to the chilly breeze of the night, "you were crying."

Heat rose on your face; you bit your lip nervously. Having him see you so vulnerable again felt so... humiliating. You didn't want this to be a common trend with him. It made you feel so weak.

"Yeah, well... I guess I've just been more on edge than usual lately."

"I see," he said. "Might have to get you some chamomile tea."

"Huh?" You turned to him.

"It helps with anxiety and sleep. I should have some in my bag. Once we arrive somewhere safely, I could brew you some."

You turned your gaze away, your face feeling warm. His kindness somehow made your heart flutter.

"Uh, yeah... maybe," you responded. "Is it bitter, though?"

"If it's my tea, you should already know the answer to that."

"Well, we'd need to make a pit stop for milk and honey, then," you joked. At first, you were unsure if he caught on to your sarcasm, but then you saw his mouth slightly quirk upwards from the corner of your eye.

"Too much milk and honey, and then you'll be stuck on the toilet after that."

You snorted. "What is it with you and shit jokes?"

"Well, you seem to find them appealing if you're laughing."

Did I laugh? Shit, I guess I did.

You rolled your eyes. "You just have a very unique sense of humor. It's unexpected."

"I'll take that as a compliment."

"Whatever you want, Levi," you replied, a small grin forming on your face.

You expected things to feel awkward between the two of you after the night in the kitchen, but it didn't feel that way at all. You hadn't talked about it, but your relationship still remained as it was before. He even got over the stupid 'Call me Captain' thing, which you were relieved about. You were losing your patience having to correct yourself every second.

However, that night popped into your head quite frequently ever since it occurred. You knew you should have felt ashamed for having him touch you, but shit, you never expected him to be that good. He was gentle and attentive; his mindfulness was what helped you reach that ecstasy. You'd never had someone so heedful of your reactions to make sure you were enjoying it. It was a contrast to what you were used to, and you weren't prepared for it.

The worst part about it was that instead of trying to avoid these desires like last time, it only made you want to explore them even more.

It was just lust - nothing more. What harm could it do to engage in it?

After all, I never did get to return the favor.

You shook the thoughts away and focused your eyes forward. It was honestly frightening how easily you were falling into these weaknesses. What happened to not getting intimate to complete this mission?

You all arrived at Trost before sunrise, and thankfully, Eren and Historia made it to the secret location without harm. After that, you all made your way to the other location Erwin had referred to.

It was finally daytime, and you felt your body shudder at the familiarity of the scenery. Some areas of Trost had been rebuilt since the incident a while back, but the atmosphere still felt heavy. It didn't help that your dream further added to your discomfort.

Your guilt was never going to go away, no matter how hard you tried to ignore it.

"Hey, you! Aren't you Levi?!" a random man shouted, blocking the way forward.

"Huh?" Levi was caught off guard.

"It really is! I've seen him before, too! It's humanity's strongest soldier, Levi!" another man shouted.

Soon, a whole crowd circled in on all of you, specifically cornering Levi.

"Hey, he's tiny."

"I've only seen him on horseback... wow."

"You're in the way," Levi said sternly.

The bothersome man started rambling about how everyone lost a ton of work due to the evacuation plan from the Survey Corps after what happened in Trost. He said that no one came to Trost anymore, so they were losing money and couldn't eat. The fury in his expression was obvious as he leaned in close to Levi's face while saying ridiculous things, such as the fact the Survey Corps weren't working hard enough. The man continued trying to gaslight him, suggesting that they should drop their money and leave since the Survey Corps had taken far more than they deserved.

You almost, almost opened your mouth in defense, but you knew that would have just made things worse. Levi would have scolded you afterwards also, so it was best to remain quiet.

All of a sudden, a rumbling noise emerged, interrupting their quarrel. Your eyes widened when you felt the ground tremble beneath you slightly.

"Watch out!" Levi exclaimed.

A wagon rushed by, taking Historia and Eren - well, Jean and Armin - as you all dodged from the intrusion.

Erwin was spot on with what he predicted to happen. The plan ensued now.

The rest of you split apart, following behind the wagon. Levi and Mikasa were standing on one roof together, Sasha standing on the other opposite of them, and you and Connie on the other. Levi told you to keep watch with Connie outside while the rest of them took out the idiots who captured Jean and Armin in the building below.

You listened in on Mikasa and Levi's conversation, hearing Mikasa say that if they didn't hurry, they'd see right through the disguise. Levi agreed, then the two of them snuck inside to take out the people holding Jean and Armin. You and Connie used your gear to peek inside to make sure everything was going accordingly. All of the men were tied up and currently being interrogated.

"Seems like it went well," you told Connie, landing back on the roof.

"Yeah. Somehow, it all worked out," he responded, following behind you.

The two of you were so focused on paying attention to what was in front of you that you hadn't considered the possibility of an enemy coming from behind. Within seconds, you heard Connie gasp as someone came from back to grab him.

"Connie!" you exclaimed, turning around. The man had Connie in a chokehold, his arm tightly wrapped around his neck. Connie kept kicking and struggling to get out of his grip. Just as you started to approach the person, the person pulled a gun to Connie's head.

Fuck. This is bad. This is really, really bad.

"Ha! I knew something was up with you scouts the moment you set foot in here," the man said. "You pathetic soldiers are good for nothing."

"Let him go," you said, pulling out your swords. "Unless you'd like to see how 'good for nothing' I really am."

"You try anything, and I'll shoot, lady," He pushed the tip of his gun closer to Connie's head. Connie shut his eyes in fear, trying to steady his breath.

"The hell do you wan,t anyway?" you asked, trying not to make your nerves apparent.

"Eren and the girl."

"They've been captured already, dumbass."

"Don't lie to me. I just saw you lot invade my group."

"Yeah, and my group all got caught, didn't you see?"

The man narrowed his eyes at you, not fully believing you but not fully dismissing your comment either. If you could succeed in deceiving him, then maybe you'd be able to save Connie.

"You're telling me the ruckus I just heard was your soldiers getting caught? Ain't Captain Levi with you all? I'm not dumb enough to think humanity's strongest would get captured so easily."

You paused, contemplating what to say next. It was hard to lie in this situation. You weren't sure how long they'd be interrogating the men in the building, and you couldn't risk losing Connie.

"Maybe not the captain, but the others have been captured. We saw it ourselves."

"I don't know who you're trying to deceive, missy, but I'm not that stupid."

You pointed your swords down below towards the entrance of the building. "Why don't you see for yourself?" You hoped they weren't being too loud and obvious in there. All you needed was for him to shift his gaze elsewhere so he'd be distracted enough for you to knock him out and grab Connie away. "Besides, don't you want to help your men? If all of them got captured like you claim, then you're the only one left."

He glanced over at the direction you were pointing at, clearly pondering the situation. You could see in his expression that it was starting to hit him that he was in danger if he was the only one left.

"If that's the case, you might wanna run now."

"I'm not scared of you, lady."

"I'm Captain Levi's second-in-command, just so you know," you stated, starting to approach him. He took a few steps back in apprehension. "That means I'm a lot stronger than you think."

"I don't believe you." He pressed the barrel of the gun closer into Connie's temple, and you could hear Connie wince.

"Let the kid, go. If you want to have trouble with anyone, let it be with me."

"If you don't take me to Eren and the girl right now, I won't hesitate to shoot!" His hands were starting to tremble in fear.

What a coward.

"Okay, okay. Fine," you agreed. "I'll take you to them now." You stepped back, putting your swords away and raising your arms up to show him you meant no harm. You wanted it to seem like you were genuinely threatened by him.

He eyed you suspiciously, but then he started walking towards you leisurely.

"But put the gun away. You don't want any onlookers, do you?"

He huffed, shoving the revolver in his pocket, and you could see in his eyes that he was starting to become a little more trusting of you.

Good. This could work.

"If you're lying to me" - he pointed at you - "then you're dying first."

You raised your eyebrows at him. "That won't be necessary. Follow me."

You hopped off the building using your gear, waiting for him to follow behind. When you turned to him, he was still on the roof.

"Aren't you coming?

"Can't get down like you. I'll wait here."

You shook your head. "I'm not leaving you alone with the kid. Either you follow me, or I'll make you come down myself."

"I'm not going down there."

"Okay, so option 2, then." Zooming back up to the roof, you grabbed him by the back of his shirt and pushed him near the edge. You felt bad for Connie; he was still trapped in the man's grip, anxious and wrestling under his grasp.

"You're already on thin ice, lady- hey, cut it out!" You continued shoving him near the edge forcefully while he attempted to balance himself.

"This would be easier if you just let go of him, just saying," you told him.

"I'm not letting him go. Not until you take me to-"

"Okay, very well, then." You kicked at his ankles, sending him tumbling down. Poor Connie had to suffer the fall just as much as he did, but luckily, he didn't slam onto the ground and instead, landed on a platform not too many feet away from the roof.

The piece of shit still wouldn't let him go, though - yanking Connie's arm against his chest the moment he landed on his back.

That's fine. I just needed him distracted. This is my chance.

You hopped off the ledge and onto the platform, approaching him. The man started to reach for his pocket to pull out the gun with his free hand but you drew your sword, stabbing at his pockets to hold it down to prevent him from having access to it.

"I told you this would be easier if you just let him go," you said.

"You're insane."

"Please. You haven't seen anything close to what I'm capable of," you threatened. "I could break your limbs if you want me to - maybe carve at your skin too."

"You're just saying nonsense."

"You a masochist? Sure sounds like it with the way you're provoking me."

You drew your other sword and used it to impale the platform that was only inches away from his throat. Leaning over, you moved closely to his face.

"Let. Him. Go."

His eyes were filled with fear.

Excellent.

It took him a few seconds to decide, but then he finally loosened his grip and let Connie go. Connie scrambled to his feet, standing next to you.

"You good?" you asked him. He nodded, but the apprehension was still lingering in his expression. "Alright, let's get him tied up."

You pinned the man on his back and held his wrists from behind. Just as you were wrapping the rope around his hands, you paused, sensing that there was still something wrong.

"Someone else is around us," you told Connie, your grip still firm on the man's hands. Connie frantically whipped his head around in every possible direction, trying to find the source of your concern.

Your senses hadn't always been the greatest - they were decent, at best - but your reflexes were what saved you time and time again. The fact you were unsure of where you felt this intense glare from caused you so much distress, especially since Connie was with you; you didn't want to risk getting him killed either.

But then you heard it - a gunshot. With your eyes blown wide, you grabbed Connie and ducked down. The gunshot came from behind you.

Your head pivoted in the direction of the noise immediately. From several feet away, you were able to single out the person who had shot the revolver.

"Fucking asshole," you muttered. You rose to your feet, getting your gear ready to go after the man, but then you felt your head get smacked severely from the side.

"Eden!" you heard Connie yell.

You groaned in pain, feeling your body slam onto the concrete sidewalk. The bastard that tried to kill Connie had knocked you over. While you struggled to steady yourself on your feet, you heard him jump down after you, a smug smile on his face and the revolver in his hand. Bile rose in your throat.

You immediately went to grab his wrist, swiping your foot underneath his leg and knocking him down. The gun went flying from his hand, and you grabbed it instantly.

Flustered, he tried to get back on his feet, but you wouldn't allow it. You stepped on his chest roughly, pointing the revolver at his head.

"You bastard," you spat. Your head was still spinning from his assault, but you were so angered at the situation that it wasn't of importance to you right now.

"I-I'm sorry. Please don't kill me!" he said pitifully underneath you. You rolled your eyes at him.

"You're so pathetic." You lifted him up by the collar of his shirt and punched him in the face repeatedly until he was knocked out. Now all you needed to do was find the other-

Your thoughts were cut short when you heard struggling behind you. The other man had approached now, and he had Connie pinned to the ground, hands wrapped around his throat. On instinct, you pulled out the pocket knife from your boot and launched it towards the man. The knife spiraled in the air, then successfully sank into his arm, causing him to release his grip from Connie. You started marching towards the man, the gun still firm in your hand.

When you glanced down at Connie, his eyes were shut and his face slightly purple, but you could still see that he was breathing.

As long as he's alive...

You just needed to take care of this last guy then all would be fine. The two of you would be safe.

"Hey, fuckface," you taunted, pointing the gun at him. "Your friend's knocked out over there, so you're next."

Unlike his friend, this man seemed to carry himself more assertively. You couldn't help but notice the drastic difference between the two men. The other was evidently shorter and not as well-built, plus had some underlying cowardice in his behavior. This one was taller and much more well-built. Judging by how Connie was currently gasping for air, you knew he was gonna be a tougher match.

That's okay. I could handle him.

The man laughed at your threat, pulling your knife out from his arm. Immediately, he lunged at you with the blade, but you managed to dodge it quickly, uppercutting him. He stumbled back when he felt the impact under his chin, then you brought your leg up to kick at his sternum; his back slammed against the wall.

Taking advantage of his dizziness, you held him down against the wall and pressed the gun to his temple.

"If there are any more of your little friends around, you better tell me now," you said.

His eyes met yours, and to your surprise, the fucker laughed again. It seemed like your actions were not as effective as you had originally thought.

Unexpected to you, the man hooked his foot behind yours, and you fell flat on your back. He took advantage of your distraction by pinning you down and raising your knife to press it on your throat.

Fuck.

"Tell me the location of the boy and the girl."

"No," you replied firmly. He pushed the knife down on your throat, and you winced when you felt it cut the skin. This guy was not playing around.

"I'm not afraid to kill, lady," he continued threatening. "Tell me where they are, or else I'll kill you and finish off the kid here who's already halfway there."

You shook your head, trying to steady your breath despite the heavyweight he was on top of you.

He sunk the knife deeper, prompting you to groan in pain. You could feel the blood trickling down your neck already.

He was stronger than you. There was no way to escape his grip.

"You know what? I'll make sure this is slow and painful for you, then," he said menacingly, dropping the knife and replacing it with his hands.

You started to feel him squeeze your neck, and your body rushed in panic. You understood why Connie was nearly passed out by now. This guy was dangerously strong.

Gasping for air, you began to wriggle under his grasp while he smiled down at you evilly. Your vision started to get spotty, and that was when you realized there was only one way out of this.

He was too focused on strangling you to realize you still had the gun in your hand. Shakily, you gripped it harder, starting to move it closer to his head.

You remembered back to your conversation with Levi at the bonfire and what he said about killing people.

"...killing someone mostly depends on your mindset, not your physical abilities."

There was no other choice in this situation. It was either you, or him.

Feeling your vision starting to go black, you raised the gun to his head quickly, shut your eyes, and pulled the trigger. Without opening your eyes, you felt the grip loosen on your neck, and his body fell limp on top of you. You started gasping for air desperately.

You still didn't open your eyes. Not yet. While focused on trying to breathe properly again, you thought you could hear someone say your name, but you weren't sure. Your ears were still ringing from the gunshot, and your head was dazed from the lack of oxygen. Everything felt extremely fuzzy.

"Eden!" you heard them call a little louder. You couldn't recognize the voice yet. You were completely frozen on the ground, staring at the back of your eyelids. Blood that wasn't yours was flowing on top of you. You could feel it.

The heavyweight was suddenly lifted off of you, and a pair of hands pulled you up. You finally allowed yourself to open your eyes, and the first thing you saw were those familiar silver eyes. Immediately, you felt like you could breathe again - like there was nothing else to worry about.

Levi was here. You were safe.

"Eden." You could hear his voice this time. "You're okay?"

"C-Connie," you stuttered.

"He's okay. We've got him. He passed out, but he's still got a pulse. He'll be okay."

You nodded, still breathing heavily.

"Can you stand?" Levi asked. You nodded in response again, not wanting to open your mouth to speak. The ringing in your ears was starting to dissipate slightly.

He helped you stand, and you tried your best not to stagger. Reality still felt hazy, and you were unsure if it was because of the asphyxiation you experienced, or the fact you just killed someone for the first time.

I just killed someone for the first time.

Levi sat you on a bench and passed you a handkerchief to wipe off some of the blood. You thought you could hear him speaking with Armin and the others. You weren't sure. You couldn't comprehend anything. Your mind was drawing a blank.

He helped you up again. You could see Jean and Sasha carrying Connie from the corner of your eye. You didn't know where you were going, or what was going on, but you weren't worried. Not anymore.

Because Levi was there. That was the only thing keeping you from slipping into a state of insanity.

He entered a building, and then you both entered a room. He shut the door and sat you on a couch.

"Rest here for the time being. We'll be back," he told you.

"No," you said softly, grabbing his hand. You felt a tug in your heart. You didn't want him to leave. You wanted him to stay.

"D-Don't leave," you said, your eyes meeting his. You could see a falter in his eyes - like he was sympathizing with you. Automatically, you knew that he understood why you were acting this way, and it wasn't just because you nearly died.

He crouched down in front of you, staring at you earnestly. You never let go of his hand and he didn't pull away.

"You were defending yourself," he said. "You did the right thing."

You shook your head in disbelief. "I killed him."

"He was going to kill you and Connie. Thanks to you, Connie is safe too."

"I have blood on my hands."

He sighed but never moved from his position. Gazing down at your hand, he slowly traced circles with his thumb. You felt calm at his subtle touch immediately.

You hated how comforting his presence was. You hated how your stomach filled with warmth the moment you opened your eyes just to see his calm grey ones. Fuck, you hated how much comfort he brought you when it felt like you were falling apart.

He looked up at you again, his expression so patient and understanding.

Your lips began to tremble, and once again, you allowed yourself to be selfish.

Pulling your hand from his grip, you threw your arms around him, buried yourself into his neck, and sobbed. All the emotions you held inside burst out directly in front of him.

You thought back to the night at the fortress when you rested your forehead on his shoulder. It was such a small act of intimacy, yet it held so much meaning to you. Although he was tense in that moment, watching him gradually loosen up to you meant something.

This time was different, though. He didn't stiffen up. Slowly, you felt his arms slide up to your back, holding you against him tightly while you continued to cry. His hold was so tender - like you were something as delicate as a flower.

For such a strong man, his gentleness never ceased to amaze you.

He embraced you like this for a few minutes, letting you cry while he held you, but then he pulled away. You didn't fight it, understanding that he had other duties to tend to. They had to take care of the people who were intending to capture Eren and Historia, after all.

When he drew back, he placed a hand on each of your shoulders.

"I'll be back," he said softly, staring at you intently, "I promise."

You sniffled and nodded at him. Content with your response, he rose to his feet and headed towards the door. He gave you one last glance before leaving, then he shut the door behind him; you flopped your back onto the couch and stared up at the ceiling.

You had blood on your hands now. You were fully capable of killing.

Now that you knew you had the guts to do it, the question became whether or not you were capable of killing the man who brought you comfort.

Can I kill the one person who offers me solace in this hell?

You shut your eyes, took a deep breath in, and pushed back the thought as you slowly drifted into a calm slumber as a way to deflect.

Notes:

Happy Sunday!

I have trouble writing out action scenes, so I'm trying to practice some more.

Also, I love writing the reader as in denial of her feelings lol, but don't worry, she'll come to terms with her feelings eventually ;)

Until next time!

- Mar

Chapter 19: Chamomile Tea

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

You were not aware of how long you drifted off to sleep until it was interrupted by a knock on the door. Sluggishly, you opened your eyes, adjusting to the brightness in the room. Luckily, you slept somewhat peacefully, your mind taking a break from the constant horrors stowed away in your brain. You'd think after a situation like the one you just experienced that you'd be on guard and unable to rest, but something in your mind helped you to block it out.

Well, someone rather than something.

Admittedly, you thought of Levi, and whenever you thought of Levi, you felt secure. You thought of his reassuring words, the tenderness of his touch, and the subtleness of his gaze. A large part of you wanted him to hold you for longer - to stay in your presence for as long as you needed him to. Whenever he was around you, you couldn't help but feel like he was meant to be there.

What does this mean?

You didn't even have time to ponder the thought, because you heard another knock on the door followed by someone calling your name just a few seconds later. A groan escaped your mouth as you rose from the couch. Your whole body was achingly sore, especially your neck.

"Coming," you responded hoarsely. Staggering slightly, you went to unlock the door, only to be met with Hange and Moblit standing outside the hall. Their eyes widened at your appearance.

"Oh, my. They told me you got ruffed up, but I didn't think it was this bad," Hange said.

Do I really look that bad?

A mirror in the corner of the room caught your attention; you approached it, tilting your head sideways. From your reflection, you could see the fingertip marks bruised on your neck and the cut made by the knife. You traced over your neck gently, wincing when your fingertips made contact with the open wound. The laceration was deeper than you thought, but fortunately, you didn't think stitches would be necessary.

Trailing your eyes down, you inspected your clothes next. Your uniform was stained in blood - his blood. The thought made you shudder; you wanted nothing more than to change out of it immediately.

And then you had another stupid realization - one that you wished you hadn't caught because it only added to the delusional thoughts that brought you comfort in your head.

You hugged Levi while you were drenched in blood. Levi - the obsessive clean freak who'd rather die than sleep in a building that hadn't been wiped down at least three times. The same Levi who carried a handkerchief on him at all times to wipe his blades or dust off the dirt from his shirt.

And he hugged you back. Despite how disgusting you were, he slid his arms up your back and held you close against him. In that moment, he didn't care about the blood that would stain his uniform or the tears that were buried in his neck.

He cared about you. In that moment, he cared about you and made sure you were okay.

Stop it. Stop it with these thoughts.

"Levi filled us in on what happened. We came by to check on you and Connie while the others were away. The medic should be here soon. She's currently tending Connie," Hange said. "Oh, and we also brought your bag." They pulled your bag from behind their back, lifting it up high to show you.

"Thanks," you replied, turning your body to face them. "How is Connie?"

"He's doing better. He woke up now. He'll be okay." Hange stepped into the room with Moblit following behind, shutting the door. They both took a seat by the small wooden table placed in the corner by a window.

"How are you feeling?" Moblit asked.

"Sore," you responded, walking back over to the couch. You took a seat, your head lowering to stare at your feet on the floor. "And tired."

"Those Trost men really aren't playing around, huh?" Hange said. "I'm glad you were both able to make it out safely."

You didn't respond, your eyes glued to the floor. Truthfully, you were still shaken up about what happened and it bothered you that it mortified you this much.

You were supposed to be strong and desensitized to the idea of killing. The fact this incident mortified you this much just went to show how delicate you really were.

You looked at Levi as an example; he had been killing from a young age, so as a grown man, he was not afraid of the idea of having to resort to taking someone's life. He'd prefer not to, but he was also rational enough to understand it must be done if it was necessary. If it meant his or another person's life was on the line, he wouldn't hesitate to kill if it was to protect them.

Why couldn't you be like that? Why couldn't you be sensible enough to just kill someone and not have an emotional reaction to it? You fucking cried. You fucking cried and sought solace the moment it happened. It affected you so badly.

You knew that the day would come when you'd have to kill someone eventually, but you always assumed it would have been Levi. He was the one you were assigned to murder, after all.

If this was your reaction to killing a man who was quite literally torturing you and Connie - a terrible man who was obviously seeking enjoyment in being brutal to others - how would you react to killing someone like Levi? An honorable man who struggled to depict his feelings, but truly had a compassionate heart? A man who didn't deserve to die?

How would you react then? Would you be able to forgive yourself?

Another knock was heard from the door; Hange rose from their seat to open it. A young doctor entered the room, pushing a small cart with medical materials beside her.

"Hello, I'm Dr. Schumann," she greeted with a smile. Her gaze shifted to you. "Are you Eden?"

You nodded in response, your gloomy expression unwavering. She stepped towards you with the cart immediately, pulling a chair from the table to sit across from you.

"Alright, I'm just going to check your breathing, feel around your body to check for any fractures or broken bones, and then I will tend your wounds. Is that okay?"

You nodded again.

"Tell me if anything hurts."

She began her examinations, starting by checking your respiration. Pulling out her stethoscope, the doctor told you to take a deep breath in and out. Your breathing had gradually improved from earlier, but she mentioned that it still sounded a bit uneven. She reassured you that after about a day or two, your breathing should return to normal. Next, she pulled on her gloves and felt around your neck. You had to suck in a breath when she pressed down a little too hard due to the pain from the bruising around the area.

"Sorry, hun," she muttered. "Just trying to make sure nothing feels abnormal. Can you swallow for me?"

You complied, swallowing a bit of saliva. It hurt a little bit, but not too much. She nodded while observing your neck intently, her fingers tracing your throat to feel the muscles move when you swallowed.

"Does it hurt?"

"Not too much," you replied faintly.

"Try to drink soft food and drinks for the time being. You should be okay after a few days. It doesn't seem like he strangled forcefully enough to rupture anything."

You hummed in reply. She had you stand next, her hands patting down every inch of your body. She'd lift your shirt and pants to check for bruising and cuts. Hange and Moblit turned away to give you some privacy. As the doctor continued her examinations, she discovered plenty more bruises and cuts, but it was nothing that couldn't be healed in time.

Lastly, Dr. Schumann tended to the cut on your neck. As you suspected, it was not deep enough to need stitches, but still needed to be covered to prevent infection. She started by cleaning off some of the blood surrounding the area and then disinfected the wound, causing you to wince. She applied the medical tape afterwards.

"Alright, all done." She smiled. "Take it easy for the next few days, but don't worry, you'll be okay in no time."

"Thank you," you said, forcing a smile on your face. Content with your response, she nodded and exited the room. Hange let out a sigh in relief.

"I'm glad you and Connie are okay. I know it must have been scary, but you were smart out there," Hange said reassuringly.

"I guess so," you responded doubtfully. Hange knitted her eyebrows at you.

"What do you mean 'I guess ?' You're the reason you're both still alive!"

You hung your head, your abysmal expression remaining intact. From the corner of your eye, you could see Hange and Moblit exchange nervous glances. They'd never seen you in this state - so dejected and demotivated. The only person who had ever seen you this low was-

Levi.

Somehow, it always circled back to him.

"Um, how about this... grab some fresh clothes out of your bag so you can go shower, then we'll fix you up with a meal and be on our way out. How does that sound?" Moblit suggested.

"Okay," you replied, trying to force a smile on your face once again. Frankly, you did not want them to paint this pitiful image of you in their head, so you were trying your best to fake through the grin.

They seemed satisfied with your response, nodding and exiting the room moments after. With a sigh, you rose from the couch and rummaged through your bag for fresh clothes. After pulling them out, you came to a realization that there was still something missing.

Your pocket knife was gone.

Fuck.

There was no way you were going back out there just to look for it. That knife was now long gone. The thought of losing it actually bothered you. Who knew such a simple object would hold so much meaning to you?

You sighed lamentably, leaving your room to walk down the hall to find the shower. You had no idea where the hell you were, so finding the bathroom was starting to look impossible. Despite the fact you looked absolutely horrifying at the current moment, you sucked up the courage to walk up to a stranger and tapped their shoulder.

"Excuse me, do you know where the bathroom is?"

Your breath hitched when the person turned around.

Green eyes. Tall. Swept-up black hair.

Great. It was the fuckface from the bar - Lukas.

Just my luck.

It took him a moment to process who you were, and when he finally came to the realization, the widest grin crept onto his face.

"Eden," he said amusingly, his eyes scaling up and down your body. "Don't you look lovely?"

"Fuck off," you spat, turning on your heel. He halted your movements by placing a hand on your shoulder.

"How rude. Didn't you come to ask a question?"

You shoved his hand off your shoulder and twisted back around. "That was, until I saw you were that low-life bartender from the bar."

"Ouch," he replied sarcastically, placing a hand over his heart. You rolled your eyes.

"What the hell are you doing here, anyway? Shouldn't you be busy intoxicating other girls to impair their judgment and steal their valuables?"

He scowled at the volume of your voice, whipping his head in either direction to make sure no one heard.

"My uncle lives in Trost, and since business has been low here, I offered to help him with his bar," he answered. "I normally reside in Stohess District, but ever since you lot decided to destroy half the city, they've been slowly rebuilding it."

Rage began to seethe in your body at his disdainful remark, but you let it go, keeping your composure.

"Stohess, huh? You must be rich then."

He pushed back his shoulders, beaming gleefully. "I work at the wealthiest bar in Paradis - the 'Wall Sina' bar. I'm sure you wouldn't know anything about that, though. Scouts aren't exactly welcome - not with the current reputation you have."

You smirked at him malevolently. "Wow, so you come from wealth, and yet you still resort to taking advantage of women to steal from them. Daddy's not giving you a good allowance, is he?"

That wiped the moronic grin from his face.

You huffed slightly. "Well, as pleasant as it was to be in your presence again, I've got places to be, so either you tell me where the bathroom is, or I'll ask someone else."

Stone-faced, he pointed down the hall behind you. "Second door on your left."

You tilted your head to the side and smiled at him mockingly before turning down the hall.

"Eden."

You paused in your steps, glaring at him over your shoulders.

"Those marks on your neck really suit you."

Your fists tightened on either side of you, your body becoming tense and hot.

He's just testing you. He wants you to have an ill-mannered reaction so it could further damage the scout's reputation.

Well, you were not gonna give him one.

"Piss off," you grumbled, moving your legs again. You could feel his scornful gaze burn into your back while you walked away.

After arriving at the bathroom, you hopped into the shower to bathe quickly, then threw your new clothes on. Your shoulders relaxed instantly, and your body felt less tense. Although you were still on edge from what happened earlier, lathering your skin with soap to get all the blood off of you felt like a weight had been lifted.

You returned to your room after leaving the bathroom. Once a few more minutes passed, Hange and Moblit came by your door to invite you for food. You followed them down the hall into a dining area, your gaze immediately locking on Connie who was seated already.

"Connie," you said, approaching him. "How are you?"

He gave you the goofiest smile while taking a bite of the bread on his plate. "Still a little weak, but I'm feeling much better. If it weren't for you, I'd probably be in a grave right now."

You sighed. "I'm sorry that happened. I should have known to scale the area before assuming all the men were inside the building. None of this would have happened."

His eyebrows raised. "You're apologizing? You saved my life and you're apologizing? I should be thanking you."

"I know, but I should have been more cautious of my surroundings."

"Hey, we're all human. We're not perfect. We don't always see things coming."

"Yes, Connie, but I'm the adult and you're the child, and as the adult-" you paused, your thoughts recalling memories of being unable to save Marcel. "As the adult, it's my job to make sure you're safe."

He continued smiling at you, chewing on his bread. "Well, as the child, I think you did a pretty great damn job with how you handled it."

You always wondered how scouts like Connie and Sasha maintained their enthusiasm. They were a pain in the ass sometimes - especially when they were paired together - but you always admired their constant joyfulness. They always found a way to see the good in things, and you respected them a lot for that.

Taking a seat beside Connie, the four of you began eating the meal in front of you. At first, you were all discussing important matters regarding the current situation with Eren and Historia, but then somehow, Hange went off on a tangent.

"I'm telling you Moblit, there was something different about this titan!" they exclaimed, describing a titan they saw on an expedition. Moblit rolled his eyes.

"It was an abnormal. Of course it would be different," he replied.

"No, no. You don't understand." They shook their head. "Its facial structure looked almost human-like. I've never seen anything like it before!"

"A lot of titans have human-like features."

"This one was magnificent. It had this nice shaggy black hair and really beautiful green eyes-"

"Hange, don't tell me you're attracted to a titan."

You choked on your bread after hearing that comment. The noises that came out of your mouth after that were a mixture of a laugh and a cough.

"Moblit, you almost made her choke again!"

"Me?" he replied incredulously. "You're the one professing your love for a titan!"

You had to twist your body around to avoid looking at them, continuing to cough and laugh. You heard Connie burst out cackling beside you, and soon after, the other two joined in too. Once the laughter died down, you turned your body to face them again, the smile not fully gone from your face. You grabbed your cup to drink some water.

"Sorry about that, Eden," Moblit apologized.

"No," you replied, still grinning. "I needed that."

Once the meal was over, you returned to the room you were in previously. Your mind wandered as you stared out window for the next hour or so, your chin set comfortably in the palm of your hands. The sunset gradually hid behind the horizon as it grew dark outside; you wondered how much longer until you would be able to meet up with the others again.

Hange answered that question only minutes after, of course.

After dragging you and Connie out of your rooms, they began informing you of the next location.

"We're on our way to a new location," they told you and Connie, leading you both to the horse carriages. "Shouldn't be too far."

The four of you, including Moblit, hopped onto the carriage. After about twenty minutes, you arrived at a new fortress-like building.

It always amazed you how different the architecture was in Paradis compared to Marley. Paradis was definitely quite a bit behind in terms of advancements. The regal-like architecture explained it all.

Hange told you all to enter quietly, seeing as this was another secret location, and it was best not to attract outsiders. Upon entering, the first thing you saw was the rest of Levi's squad huddled at a table, dressed in their night clothes.

"Connie!" Sasha nearly stumbled out of her seat just to run towards Connie and throw her arms around him.

"Hey! Hey! Watch it! I'm still injured here!" Connie said with a groan as Sasha tackled him in a hug.

"I missed you!" she muffled into his neck. Connie sighed mellowly, reciprocating the hug.

"Missed you too," he replied. A smile snuck its way onto your face at their interaction.

"How are you two doing?" Armin asked.

Rubbing your neck nervously, you said, "I'm alright. Just a few bruises and scars, but nothing life-threatening, thankfully."

"Same here," Connie responded, pulling away from the hug. "According to the medic, I should be good as new within a few days."

Armin smiled. "Glad to hear that."

As much as you didn't want to admit it to yourself, you found yourself glancing around the room looking for one person in particular, but not seeing a hint of him anywhere.

"Where's the captain?" you asked.

"Dunno," Eren answered. "I think he's dealing with that MP we captured."

"Captured?"

"Oh, yeah. There's a ton you two are gonna have to get caught up on," Jean said next. "Might as well have a seat."

Connie sauntered toward the table to grab a seat, but you decided to stay put.

"I think I'll get dressed in my night clothes first, you guys go on ahead without me," you said. "Does anyone know where we're sleeping?"

"I'll show you," Historia volunteered, rising from her seat. You followed her into the hall, passing by these old, dusty paintings on the wall that would have surely given Levi a heart attack if he walked passed them without dusting them off. She stopped in front of a door, gesturing to it to indicate that this was your room.

"The bathroom is down the hall to your left, and the kitchen to your right," she informed you.

"Thank you, Historia."

She replied with a smile and nod before turning back down the hall to return to the others.

The first thing you did after entering your room was change into your nightgown. Although it felt a little chilly tonight, you wanted to make sure your injuries had a chance to breathe a little and not get constrained against the fabric of your clothes. Your eyes darted to the dresser next; you furrowed your eyebrows, observing the objects on top.

Your pocket knife was neatly placed above the dresser with a note directly beside it. You walked towards it, picking up the piece of paper to skim through the writing.

Eden,

Grabbed your knife for you. It's cleaned and disinfected.

It seemed like something important to you.

- Levi

The widest smile formed on your face. You placed the note back down and grabbed the pocket knife, flipping it open. Surely enough, the blades were spotless.

You set it back down, trailing your eyes up to the mirror above the dresser. You tilted your head to the side, tracing your fingertips over the bruises and bandages. An exhale escaped your mouth. The injuries appeared less brutal after bathing, but it still made you feel uncomfortable, nonetheless.

Seeing such brutal marks on your body made you feel insecure. It was a reminder of how fragile you were in that moment. To see the evidence plastered on your skin just made you feel uneasy.

Some light knocking was heard on the door; you turned your head, breaking yourself out of your thoughts.

"Come in," you announced. Slowly, the knob turned, and you were met with Levi entering the room. Warmth filled your stomach immediately.

The two of you held each other's gaze for a few seconds; then, instinctively, your mouth curved into a smile.

"Hi," you said.

"Hi," he replied, returning with a timid smile on his face. "How are you feeling?"

"Better. The doctor said I should be fine in a day or two. I'm just a bit sore. Nothing serious, thankfully."

"Good, I'm glad," he said calmly, his hand still glued on the doorknob.

An awkward silence encased the two of you. You narrowed your eyes slightly when you noticed his eyes fixed elsewhere, avoiding your gaze. He almost seemed... nervous, and you were unsure as to why that could be.

"I, uh," he said hesitantly. "I made some chamomile tea in the kitchen if you'd like some. I wasn't sure how your throat was."

Your eyebrows raised. "I'd love some," you responded, the grin returning to your face. "I'll meet you there in just a second."

He nodded, a hint of a smile on his face while shutting the door behind him. When he left, you bit down on your lip to prevent the stupid grin on your face from growing even wider.

You redirected your gaze back to the mirror and immediately began nitpicking little areas of your appearance. Using your hands, you tried to smooth out the areas of your skin that were bothering you and adjusted your nightgown to make it look less wrinkled and more appealing.

Wait, why am I doing this?

You halted your actions, staring at your reflection absolutely dumbfounded.

Why the fuck was I fixing my appearance to go see him?

You turned away from the mirror, no longer concerned with your appearance. You weren't sure why you were concerned about it in the first place.

Exiting the room, you made your way to the kitchen. Because it was dark outside already, the kitchen was lit with a lantern and feeble candlelight. Levi had his back to you when you entered, his body facing a tray in front of him. When your eyes flickered down to the platter, you noticed a tea kettle, two teacups, a cup of milk, and a ramekin holding honey with a spoon neatly placed next to it. Your heart fluttered.

"You know, I was just joking about the milk and honey," you teased. He jolted slightly, not having sensed you behind him, but then he peered at you from over his shoulder to meet your eyes.

"I brought it just in case," he said, pouring tea into one of the cups. "I'd rather not hear you bitch and moan about how bitter my tea is."

"Ah, but who else would have the honor of reminding you of how poor your taste is?" you quipped, approaching the counter.

His lips quirked upwards slightly. "Hange, maybe. You're worse, though."

"Am I?"

"The worst," he emphasized.

You took a seat on the stool positioned directly across from him, watching as he poured you a cup of tea on the counter. "Not my fault I have good taste," you told him, smiling playfully.

He rolled his eyes. "Whatever makes you sleep at night."

You were positive that your mouth was gonna hurt soon from how much you were smiling around him.

You poured a little bit of milk into your cup, then added some honey to your tea next, grabbing the spoon to stir. The two of you sat in silence for a few moments, blowing on the steam coming from the liquid and taking small sips. You'd glance up at Levi a few times, but you couldn't help but notice how much he was avoiding eye contact with you.

"We captured a member of the First Interior Squad," Levi finally said, shattering the stillness. "Djel Sannes. We plan to interrogate him soon."

You nodded. "By interrogate, I assume you mean you'll have to torture the information out of him?"

"Well, if he doesn't speak, that is. We've got him locked up in this building."

"And when do you plan on starting?"

"Soon. Probably tonight, but I asked Hange to go ahead of me."

You furrowed your eyebrows. "Why?"

He paused, briefly glancing up at you, but then redirected his gaze back to the tea in front of him. He took a sip before deciding to speak again.

"Because I said I'd check on you first."

Oh.

"I'll be back. I promise."

You cast your eyes downwards at your tea, biting down on your lip. A part of you wished someone would just come by and smack away the stupid grin plastered on your face.

"And how are- how are the people who tried capturing Eren and Historia?" you stuttered. Now you were the one acting nervous around him. Why were you acting so nervous?

"We got them to work with us, or rather, their leader, Dimo Reeves, agreed to assist the Survey Corps. It went surprisingly smooth," he said, his arms leaning on the counter. His sharp grey eyes finally met yours again, his expression serious and unwavering. "But they were all handled accordingly. All of them."

Feeling reassured by his comment, you nodded again. You started rubbing your neck nervously, your mind recalling the memory from earlier. "Good to know."

He glared from your eyes to the injuries on your neck, and it was hard not to notice the way his eyes lingered on your bruises. After a few moments, he averted his gaze from you, turning his body to the side to face the wall. Your focus went to the clenching in his jaw and the stiffness in his body. He appeared tense and irritated.

"What's wrong?" you asked him.

"Hm?"

"Something is bothering you."

He paused, lowering his head and chewing the inside of his cheek.

"I'm sorry," he finally said.

You narrowed your eyes at him, confused by his apology. "What?"

"If I had noticed something was wrong sooner, you wouldn't have had to-" He sighed, lowering his head to look at the floor. "You and Connie wouldn't have had to go through what you did."

An exasperated exhale escaped your mouth as you shook your head and placed your teacup back on the counter. "Stop doing that," you said rigidly.

"Doing what?"

"Blaming yourself for things you can't control."

He paused before speaking again. "You don't get it."

You sat up straight, leaning your body closer to the counter. "Levi, what happened to me and Connie is not your fault. Stop that-"

"You don't understand, Eden," he interrupted harshly.

Caught off guard by his tone, you remained quiet, waiting for him to elaborate.

He sighed again, repositioning his body to face you and leaning his weight on the counter again. This was causing him a lot of distress. It was obvious.

"When I came outside after I heard the gunshot only to find you on the ground with a body on top of you, your eyes shut, and blood drenched on you..." He closed his eyes for a few seconds, his fists clenched. "I thought- I thought you were dead, and my first thought was why I didn't come sooner."

You stared at him intently as he continued to speak.

"And then you-" he paused, hesitating before continuing. "When I saw how relieved you were to see me because of how terrified you were... I felt guilty because I couldn't protect you."

Your lips were parted, but you struggled to form a response. Truthfully, his openness surprised you. You had not expected him to confess something so vulnerable.

"I've lost too many people in my life, Eden, and a lot of the time it was because I wasn't able to save them in time," he continued. "I didn't want that to happen again."

He cares that much.

You continued to stare at him earnestly, trying to come up with a way to respond to that.

"Levi, I..." You sighed, trying to connect the string of words you wanted to say in your head. "I think it's so admirable of you to want to protect those you care for, but there are some things that are inevitable-"

"I can't lose you too," he interjected, shaking his head. "I can't."

Your heart skipped a beat, and your face started to feel warm. Averting your gaze, you stared down at the teacup in front of you. Guilt began to sneak its way into your body.

He didn't want to lose you.

But he will. He will lose me.

You didn't know how or when, but he would lose you. Maybe you'd kill him, or maybe you wouldn't; either way, there would come a day when the truth would have to come to the surface because you needed to go back to your sister, no matter what. You must. When that day came, he would lose the person that he thought you were.

"Some people can't be saved," you said quietly, still refusing to meet his eyes. "And that's an indisputable fact that you have to accept."

He didn't reply, choosing to stand in silence. Taking another sip of your tea, your mind began to race yet again.

"I can't lose you."

There was a fire burning within you willing to burst into larger flames. You wanted to go somewhere and scream - to let out all of the intense emotions you've tried so hard to bury deep within you.

I don't want to lose him either.

Notes:

Hello!

Sorry for the lack of Levi in this chapter. There should be more of him in the next one.

I'm going to try and keep updating weekly, but I decided to return to school this semester and I'm also working, so forgive me if I miss a week!

Thank you for all the engagement 3

- Mar

Chapter 20: Gratitude

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

What was it about you?

What was it about you that had Levi seething the moment he found your body bruised and covered in blood? What was it about you that made him nearly slit the throats of all the men involved in capturing Eren and Historia just because of the one who put his hands on you in such a vicious manner?

If you hadn't pulled the trigger, he would have done it without hesitation.

His heart sank the moment he stepped outside. He thought you were dead; he was sure of it. He called out for you several times, but he'd garner no response. You were like a statue - completely still. It wasn't until he ran over to you that he saw your lips parted, trying to catch your breath.

Thank fuck, he had thought.

Hurriedly, he shoved the dead body off of you to haul you up. The second you opened your eyes, relief rippled through his body in waves.

You were still here. He didn't lose you.

He'd never forget the look you gave him the moment your eyes fluttered open. The fretfulness gradually diminished in your body as he held you, your eyes showing signs of feeling secure and alleviated by his presence. For a fleeting moment, it felt like no one else was around. It was just you two. The world went still.

You clung on to him for dear life, your hands wrapped around his waist so tightly while he guided you to safety. He sat you down in that room assuming you'd finally feel at ease to be away from danger, but it was evident you were still mortified from what occurred, trying to process it in your head.

"Don't leave,'" you told him. Your grip was firm in his hand, your eyebrows pulled together in distress. The look on your face was pleading for him to stay.

In that moment came an overwhelming urge to protect you.

You were shaking as you looked at him somberly. The traumatic moment still remained imprinted in your brain, no matter how much Levi tried to console you. He held your hand tenderly to calm your nerves, slowly tracing circles around it. He could visibly see the tension leave your body at his touch.

Then you hugged him, and for the first time in his life, Levi reciprocated the affection easily. He was no longer stiff and rigid at your touch. For once, he felt comfortable embracing someone.

He let you cry against him, ignoring the fact he'd have his uniform stained in someone else's blood. All he wanted was for you to feel comforted.

"I'll be back. I promise," he told you. He was true to his word. If he didn't need to continue with the mission, he would have stayed by your side until you were better.

The moment he stepped foot outside, Armin questioned him regarding the red on his uniform. Levi dismissed it; though, knowing Armin, he likely understood what it meant.

When Levi saw you later that day, it was like a weight was lifted off his shoulders. He felt immediate the second he entered your room to find you standing by the mirror with your body cleansed from the blood and your wounds tended to.

And then, you smiled at him.

That was when he knew he was fucked.

Something swelled in his chest. Comfort embraced him and warmth spread throughout all of his body.

He couldn't speak to you without stammering; hell, he couldn't even look you in the eye properly. Just having tea with you became such a stressful task. This sudden realization he had regarding his feelings about you made his heart pound relentlessly.

"I can't lose you," was what he told you, but no, it was more than that. It was more than his fear of losing you - he just couldn't say it out loud.

You were quick-tempered, stubborn, irritable, and unruly at times, but despite it all, he still fell for you.

On the surface, you appeared impertinent, but once you dropped the mask, you were someone who was compassionate, benevolent, and tender. When the two of you first met, he deemed you as selfish, but your actions for others told him otherwise. He saw the way you looked out for Petra, and the relationship you had with the rest of his old squad told him everything he needed to know. On top of that, even though you didn't always get along with everyone in Mike's squad, the stories he heard about you in Utgard Castle portrayed how much you valued a human's life over petty arguments. You didn't want innocent people to die regardless of whether or not you had a good relationship with them.

And then there was yesterday - the day you risked your life just to make sure Connie made it out alive. You faced one of your greatest fears by killing someone just to make sure you both survived. That took courage.

Your courage was something he always acknowledged to himself the moment he first met you. It was one of the first redeeming qualities he noticed about you that made him start to respect you.

He meant every word he said that day in the fortress when you asked him why he respected you.

"Because you do things with a heavy heart, the same way I always had to."

He saw it now more than ever, and now that he has, he couldn't bear to lose you. Not ever. If he did, he wasn't sure what the hell he'd do.

It wasn't a sense of just wanting you. He needed you.

"Levi?" you called from behind his door.

Shit.

Levi broke out of his thoughts quickly when he recognized your voice. For a moment, he had forgotten that he asked you to meet him in his room later in the morning to inform you of what he and Hange discovered.

"Come in," he replied, his voice monotone. The doorknob twisted and you entered the room.

"Hi," you greeted with a grin, closing the door behind you.

The room Levi was situated in was quite small. He was only given a small desk with a chair and a twin-sized bed that he obviously didn't need to occupy. Although the desk was a bit rusty, this place was only a temporary resting spot until the plan with Reeves ensued; he tried not to pay it much mind.

Sauntering into the room, you took a seat on the bed comfortably. The desk he was sitting in was positioned adjacent to the bed, so he was only able to see you sitting from the corner of his eye; his nerves preferred it that way.

"So then," you began, "what happened with the Sannes guy?"

"He revealed to us that the Reiss family is the true royal family," Levi answered, grabbing a pen from the desk to fiddle with. He saw your eyebrows raise in surprise from his peripheral.

"So then Historia..."

"Yes," he continued. "We're having Nifa relay the news to Erwin."

"That poor girl has been running around every day to relay messages. There isn't anybody else that could do it?"

"Not that we could trust, no. She's pretty fast too."

You nodded. "That is true. How do you think Erwin will proceed from here, though?"

"If I had to guess, he'll probably want Historia to become Queen."

"Not sure how Historia will feel about that."

"Well, there's no other choice," he said, turning to you. "We have to- the hell is that in your hands?"

His eyes trailed down to a small container you were gripping in one of your hands. You hid it behind you, a devious smile forming on your face.

"Finish whatever you have to say first."

He raised an eyebrow slightly, suspicious as to what you were keeping hidden from him.

"That was all I really had to say. We're just awaiting Erwin's orders from Nifa. Unless you'd like to hear the details of all the torture Sannes endured, which I'm sure you don't."

You crinkled your nose at the thought. "Hm, alright then," you replied, fiddling your hands with the top of the container. You shifted your body to the side and patted the spot next to you on the bed. "Come over here."

Nerves continued to build up in his chest. The thought of being in close proximity to you again made his heart beat faster than normal.

"You can't just pass me the container?"

"No. It would ruin the fun. I want to see your reaction up close," you said, a grin adorned on your face.

"So what is this then, a gift?"

"...I guess? Sort of." You placed the container on your lap, fingers tapping against the top. "Stop being so stubborn and come over here."

He rolled his eyes, setting down the pen he still had in his hands and walking over. "Fine."

He plopped down a reasonable distance from you on the bed, but you scooted over to sit closer.

Damn it. Why did she have to sit so close?

Legs nearly touching his, you held out the object in front of him to take. He eyed you suspiciously while grabbing the object hesitantly.

"Shit better not be poison."

You rolled your eyes. "Do you really think that low of me?"

"Considering the fact you sprayed a hose on me once, I think it's valid for me to be cautious around you."

"It wasn't on purpose," you defended, frowning at him. "How many times do I have to say it?"

The corner of his lips quirked upwards. "You're very gullible, aren't you?" he teased.

Your lips parted at his comment. "The hell? No, I'm not..." You averted your eyes from him, staring down at the floor. He smiled at your reaction. "Just open the damn container already."

"Fine," he agreed. He twisted open the top and peered inside, pulling his eyebrows together in concentration while trying to comprehend what he was looking at.

"These are..."

"Tea leaves!" you finished for him excitedly. His head shot up in surprise at your sudden elation.

"You got me tea leaves?"

"It's not just any kind of tea leaves. They're black tea leaves, and the good kind. There was this guy at the front desk who was getting rid of them, but when I saw how good the quality was, I convinced him to give me some."

When Levi inspected the leaves further, he was surprised to see that they actually were of decent quality. And some guy was gonna toss them out? Shit, he would have felt like he hit the jackpot if he received these while living in the Underground.

"Why the hell would he wanna get rid of these?"

"Apparently nobody was buying them since sales were going down. People seemed to prefer other flavors, and no one was buying black tea. I guess having shitty taste pays off sometimes, huh?"

"Piss off," he grumbled, nudging your leg with his playfully. A quiet giggle rumbled in your chest, and he could feel his body grow warm from hearing you. "But... thank you. It wasn't necessary to do this, though."

"I figured that I owed you something," you replied, staring down at your lap while playing with your fingers. "I never thanked you for the pocket knife, or the tea from last night. This is my way of showing my gratitude, I guess."

He reached over to set the container on the desk, then sat back down beside you, his eyes fixed on you.

"You don't owe me anything."

"I do," you answered almost immediately. "You do more than you give yourself credit for."

"I don't do things to expect something in return."

You redirected your gaze to look at him. "That doesn't mean I can't show my gratitude."

When you turned to him again, his breath hitched. You were close - so damn close.

"I..." you began. He could sense your apprehension from the proximity as well. "I just wanted to show you my gratitude."

For a moment, everything was still. The two of you were just staring at each other intently - your legs cemented beside each other and chests heaving.

You were so beautiful.

Stop it.

He knew he shouldn't engage. It wouldn't be right. In spite of the feelings he had for you, he knew that the best thing to do was to ignore his attraction for you. As a soldier, he understood the risk it was to fall for someone knowing full and well that it wouldn't end happily. The thought of you dying wasn't something he wanted to picture again, nor did he even want to imagine how you'd feel if something like that happened to him if you returned his feelings.

But then, his eyes flickered down to your lips. He couldn't help it.

Fuck, you were beautiful.

Before he could stop himself, he leaned in first. There was a brief moment of stiffness coming from your side the moment your lips met, your body becoming rigid. You weren't expecting him to kiss you - that much was obvious.

Hell, he was surprised with himself too.

His body took control, his desire to kiss you pushing past the logical thoughts running through his brain that were telling him he was walking down a treacherous road by engaging. He ignored them for once to feed into the immense longing that never went away the moment he first kissed you.

As soon as you reciprocated the kiss, his body became warm and light like a feather. It was as if you were all he needed for him to feel at ease.

His hand reached up to cup your cheek gently, drawing you in closer. He could hear the sheets shift below him as you positioned yourself to kiss him more comfortably. Your lips parted, and his tongue slowly slipped past your lips, the bulge growing in his pants the second your tongues brushed against each other.

A soft hand slid up to his neck, then into his hair. Your hand began to massage his scalp as your fingers laced through the strands of his hair. He hummed lowly, soothed by your touch.

How did you manage to wrap him around your finger so easily?

"Levi," you breathed into his mouth. He felt another twitch in his groin, his cock becoming more stiff behind his pants.

You pulled away from his mouth, his lips already missing the contact.

"Let me take care of you," you said.

Immediately, his body was set ablaze, heat rising rapidly to his face. He stared at you, lips slightly parted at your comment.

Did he hear that right? Were you implying what he thought you were implying?

"You're injured," he responded. Why would you want to do anything when you were-

His thought was interrupted when you laughed. You fucking laughed like he said the most absurd thing in the world.

And then, you moved forward and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips again, then to his jaw, then to his neck...

You drew back from his neck a bit, your hot breath hovering over his skin. Soft lips met his neck again, and then he felt a tongue dart out, lightly dancing over the surface while you continued to kiss against him so tenderly. Levi hadn't even noticed how both of his hands lowered to grip the sheets beneath him.

You were damn good at this.

"I think," you said in between kisses, "that you deserve some relief." Your lips lowered near his collarbone, your tongue darting out ever so slightly. "You take care of everyone" - your hand touched his thigh - "but you never let anyone take care of you."

The closer your hand roamed up his pelvis, the more his thoughts spiraled carelessly in his mind.

"Eden," he said, trying to collect his thoughts. "You shouldn't."

"Yeah?" You pulled back again. "So you want me to stop?"

Fuck no. Of course not.

He didn't respond.

"Hm." You smirked at him, your hand slowly dragging away from his thigh. "I guess you do."

Instead of responding, his hand instantly grabbed your wrist to halt your movements. The devious smile plastered on your face only grew wider.

You tilted your head at him inquisitively. "What do you want, Captain?"

"I..." What the fuck should he even say?

He knew he looked ridiculous. His face was definitely flushed, his ears probably red, and you fucking reveled in that shit.

And then you giggled - such an innocent noise coming from such a wicked woman.

"You're really cute when you're nervous, you know that?" you told him, reaching up to cup his face.

Cute? That wasn't a term anyone would ever use to describe him. And still, more heat rushed through his body the moment you called him that. Why was it so hard for him to keep his damn composure around you?

You lightly stroked his cheek with your thumb, his head unknowingly leaning into your touch.

This damn effect you had on him...

"You should rest," he suggested, finally finding his voice. He gently placed his hand over the hand you were using to hold his face. "You still have wounds to heal from."

"I told you, I feel better," you replied. "Besides, I feel bad that I never got to return the favor from before."

His other hand gripped the bedsheets so hard that he was sure his knuckles turned white. Images of you lowering to your knees and undoing his pants were glued to his mind. The thought of your hands wrapped around his length...

No. He shouldn't entertain this.

But fuck, he really wanted to.

His breathing was growing staggered, anxiety coursing through his veins. He kept contemplating the consequences in his head, knowing that if he allowed this, it could lead to much more intimacy with you in the future. That was something he shouldn't allow to happen - not with the extent of this job. He couldn't afford to get involved with someone like this.

But fuck, he wanted you in so many different ways he couldn't understand or explain yet.

You leaned in close to his neck, your breath tickling his ear. "Let me show you my gratitude, Levi."

He held his breath.

Wicked woman.

"Y-You don't have to," he stammered. God, he sounded so fucking pathetic.

"I want to," you told him seductively, moving your face close to his. "I want to take care of you. Let me."

"But Eden..."

"Relax and let someone else take control for once," you told him solidly.

He paused, his lips parting while his brain finally came to a decision.

"...Okay," he answered quietly, lowering his hand on his lap.

You wasted no time after that.

Your hand trailed from his face to behind his neck as you leaned in to kiss him again, the two of you falling back into place. His lips separated, and your tongues caressed each other restlessly. You tilted your head to the side to allow for better access, and he placed a hand behind your head to draw you in closer.

The kiss grew heated - feverish. Both of you were far more comfortable compared to the first time. The confidence was clear in the way you both moved fluidly against each other. Your hand released from his neck and lowered to fiddle with the hem of his shirt. He instantly understood, ignoring any self-consciousness or insecurity he had in the back of his mind by pulling his shirt over his head.

Your lips met again after his shirt tossed aside. With one hand placed behind his neck again, you used the other to trace back up his thigh. He hummed in your mouth involuntarily when your hand palmed his crotch. You lowered your other hand down to mess with the belt on his trousers, your mouth continuing to kiss him sloppily while trying to unclasp it. The metal unhooked, and you broke away from the kiss to yank it out of the loops of his pants to toss it aside.

Slowly, you lowered yourself on your knees in front of him, your hands meeting his crotch again. Delicate fingers toyed with his zipper as your eyes gazed up at him. The way you were looking up at him made something churn within his chest.

Your fingers pulled down the zipper leisurely, and then they moved up to pull down the hem of his pants. He lifted himself up slightly to assist you in taking his pants off. His trousers fell to his ankles, and now the only thing that stood between you and his desire were his boxers.

Before proceeding, your hands grasped the very end of your shirt, pulling it over your head. If Levi had any trouble breathing before, it was nothing compared to the way the air got trapped behind his lungs the second your shirt was tossed aside. He froze, his eyes glancing down at the bra holding your breasts before quickly redirecting his gaze back to your face. You laughed slightly.

"You can breathe, you know?"

Levi flushed, exhaling from his nose while he averted his gaze. Another small laugh rumbled in your throat.

He looked over again when he felt your hands back on his thighs. Your eyes had lowered to the tight bulge that was pressed against his boxers, and then slowly - agonizingly slowly - your hand slid back up to his crotch. He inhaled sharply, your touch feeling more sensitive now seeing as the fabric only provided a thin barrier between your hands and his cock. You rubbed against him softly, trailing your eyes back up to his face. The expression on your face had grown dark and firm.

"How much have you been thinking about this?" you asked him while continuing to rub him. It took everything in him not to start begging for you to pull down his boxers and touch him.

He should have known you'd try and rile him up before doing anything.

"...More than I should be," he admitted, swallowing nervously. Your fingers crept up to the hem of his boxers next, fiddling with it while your other hand continued to stroke him over the thin material.

What you did next made him suck in a breath.

Without breaking eye contact, you lowered your head and gave his bulge a soft kiss over the fabric. The contact made his cock twitch.

"You want this badly, don't you?" you asked, placing another taunting kiss over his boxers while your lustful eyes stared up at him.

"So badly," he confessed, his fists gripping the sheets below him tightly. "Please."

You almost laughed - he could see it on your face. Shit, he'd laugh too if he were in your position. He never thought he'd have to plead for anything like this.

Finally, you pulled down the hem of his boxers, revealing the lustful desire he was hiding from you. His cock sprang up, nearly hitting against his abdomen. He was almost embarrassed by how hard he was; the precum was extremely apparent on his tip.

Your eyes widened the moment his cock came into view. He was unsure if that was a good thing, but seeing as you had no issue grasping it only seconds later, he was convinced it had to be. Feeling your gentle fingertips wrapped around him made his breathing grow more uneven.

Fuck, he wanted you so badly.

"You taunted me last time about how aroused I was," you said, your wrapped hand slowly moving up and down his shaft. "But you're one to talk."

Your thumb lightly brushed over his tip, and his hips bucked up into your hands instantaneously while he bit his lip to suppress the whine that almost escaped him. The smile on your face was just evil.

Wicked, wicked woman.

With your hand still holding his shaft, you leaned your head in to give the bottom of his length a gentle kiss, slowly peppering more kisses all the way up to his tip. He could feel his cock twitch again.

"Fuck," he groaned. It was like torture watching you tease him like this. He wasn't sure how much longer he could go on without begging.

"What's wrong, Captain?" you teased some more. You continued placing kisses up and down his shaft, and when you reached the tip again, you stuck your tongue out and swirled it around.

"Fuck," he moaned, tossing his head back. "Fuck, Eden."

You darted your tongue out again, slowly dragging it from the bottom of his shaft to the head. More precum leaked from his tip as your tongue licked around it, capturing it in your mouth. He sucked in a breath while he shut his eyes, swallowing his pride before deciding to speak again.

"Fuck, Eden. Please," he begged pathetically. "I need you so badly."

The moment those words escaped his mouth, you beamed at him delightedly.

"As you wish, Captain."

After what felt like forever, your lips finally wrapped around him. He couldn't help the moan that escaped his mouth the second you sucked. Little by little, he watched you take him in, your eyes unwavering.

Fuck, you looked so pretty like this.

You continued your actions, your head bobbing up and down while taking in as much of him as you could. Your tongue stuck out around his shaft and head as you sucked, more precum leaking from his tip the more your pace picked up. Low moans rippled in his chest, his fists still clenched around the bedsheets.

Your lips separated from his cock, then your hand wrapped around him to jerk him off again.

"I've been wanting to see you like this for so long," you told him. "To know only I can make you weak like this."

Only you, he thought.

Your mouth made contact with his head again as you continued to stroke him. You started twisting your wrist while jerking him off and sucked on his tip simultaneously, gradually bobbing your head in the process. The two motions combined caused a loud moan to erupt from Levi's throat. He threw his head back from the pleasure.

"Fuck, Eden," he moaned. "Fuck, you're so good."

Your pace began to quicken, and he could feel a slight build-up near his groin. He lowered his head again to look at you, your eyes so concentrated on his shaft as you continued jerking your wrist, swirling your tongue, and sucking him off.

"Look at me," he demanded. You obliged, your eyes trailing up to meet his and your cheeks still hollowed from sucking. He placed a gentle hand on the back of your head while you continued.

"God, you're so pretty," he admitted. The compliment slipped out without him even realizing it, feeling entranced by your movements and the look in your eyes.

'Beautiful' was really the word he had tucked away in his mind, threatening to spill out, but it felt wrong in this context. He couldn't say it. Not like this; not yet, at least.

You hummed around him at the compliment, and the vibration sent a wave of sensational chills throughout his body. You removed your hand and opted just to use your mouth. He watched you take as much of him into your mouth, stopping himself from rolling his hips up the moment his tip reached the back of your throat. A mixture of curse words and moans slipped from his mouth as his hand gripped your hair tightly. You held him deep in your mouth, eyebrows furrowed and concentrated before pulling back out, nearly gagging. A string of saliva detached from your mouth to his tip, and then you moved forward to take him into your mouth again after catching your breath.

"Keep looking at me. You're doing so good," he said, releasing his grip from your hair and stroking your head softly while you hollowed your cheeks around him. "So, so good. I'm so close."

You moaned around his length again, your eyes staring up at him earnestly.

So you liked praise.

Noted.

The build-up he was feeling was on the verge of release, his grip on your hair tightening once again.

"I'm gonna come, Eden," he said. "Fuck-"

You moaned around him again as a way to indicate that it was okay for him to finish in your mouth. He complied, tossing his head back, rolling his hips forward, and spilling into your mouth.

"Fuck," he breathed heavily. "Fuck, Eden."

You slowed your pace, drawing away from his tip. He hadn't realized how much he came until he saw some of the semen dripping down his shaft. His whole groinal area was a mess - saliva and white liquid everywhere - but it was fucking worth it.

To his amazement, you stuck your tongue out and cleaned every last drop of his cum - all while your eyes remained completely locked on him.

"You're really something special," he said as he watched you. You smiled at his response, swallowing his cum before standing up on your feet. You whipped your head around in search of something, then reached over to his desk to grab one of his handkerchiefs.

"Can I use this?" you asked him.

"You want to clean up with a handkerchief?"

"Well, what else can I use? I'm not about to step outside half-naked in search of a towel."

There was a slight tug on the corner of his lips. "I'm just fucking with you."

"...Oh," you replied, a timid smile growing on your face. You wiped your hands and mouth with the handkerchief before cleaning up the surrounding area of his now soft length. After cleaning up the mess, you placed the handkerchief back on the desk and passed him his shirt and belt.

He pulled up his boxers and pants, his eyes following you as you picked up your shirt from the floor. Still dazed and hypnotized by you, he set aside his other clothes and surged forward to grab your wrist before you threw your shirt over your head. You glanced over at him while he stood up, confusion etched on your face.

"What are you-"

"Let me repay you," he said, interrupting you with a kiss. His mouth was sweet and featherlight against yours. For a moment, he could feel you relax against him, but then you pulled away.

"This was about you, not me," you replied. "You've done enough for me already."

"You deserve more." He was tempted to kiss your neck, but seeing as your bruises were still fresh, he didn't want to risk hurting you. Instead, he gently stroked his thumb on your cheek.

You smiled at him sadly, grabbing his hand from your cheek to set it down beside him.

"Next time," you told him, tossing your shirt over your head again. "You should get dressed before someone decides to look for you."

He sighed somberly before complying, grabbing his shirt and throwing it over his head. As he pulled his belt through the loops of his pants, he watched you walk over to his desk to grab the container of tea leaves.

"You should brew this later. I want to try it with you," you said, smiling at him.

"You just want to make fun of my taste in tea again, don't you?"

You rolled your eyes. "I'll have you know that I'm actually open to trying different things. But sure, bullying you is always fun too."

He huffed, a grin forming on his face. "I'd be surprised if you didn't."

Still smiling, you set the container back down and turned on your heel to walk towards the door.

"I'll see you later, then," you responded, opening the door to leave. The moment you shut the door, an exasperated exhale left his mouth.

He was fucking whipped for you, and there was nothing anyone could do about it.

Notes:

Hello once again!

This chapter was going to be longer, but I was getting kinda stuck on one part so I decided to split it and saved the other part for next week.

On another note: smut is lowkey hard to write asdfghjkl. I hope you enjoyed though ;).

Hope everyone has a good week!

- Mar

Chapter 21: Falling

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

"You're not supposed to eat the leaves, dumbass," Levi remarked.

"I wasn't going to," you retorted, using your fingers to take out the small leaf from your mouth. One of the tea leaves nearly got swallowed in your throat after taking a sip of your tea. "The tea I poured for myself had leaves in it."

"You're not supposed to do that."

"Obviously. Why do you think I nearly spit it out?"

He leaned over the counter to peer down your cup. "How the hell did you end up pouring that many leaves in your tea?"

You cast your eyes down, embarrassed to meet his gaze. "...I forgot the sieve for a second," you replied sheepishly. He huffed, sitting back down in his seat across from you.

"I step away for two seconds, and you nearly gave yourself stomach poisoning from tea leaves."

You rolled your eyes. "You're so dramatic. Swallowing a few tea leaves wouldn't kill me. I'm pretty sure some people eat them."

"Some are harmless, but some can make you sick. We're not sure what kind these leaves are."

"Well, that's why I spit it out and didn't eat it," you defended, rising from your chair. "I'm gonna grab another cup."

Levi grabbed his cup from the rim to take a sip of his tea while watching you get a hold of a new teacup to replace the old one. You grabbed the sieve and began pouring the liquid through it from the old cup into the new one, sifting the leaves.

"We should save these leaves. We could probably reuse them," you told him, situating yourself back on the stool. "My mom used to collect them."

"Really?"

"Mhm," you replied, lifting the cup to your mouth. "She had a whole drawer full of them. Our house wasn't big enough to display it anywhere."

"What kind of tea leaves?"

"I can't remember. I'm sure she had a mixture of different flavors, though." You reached over the counter to grab the container with the remaining tea leaves. "You should get into collecting these. Sounds like something you'd do."

"I used to," he responded, staring down at his cup. "But now that we're always on the move, I was never able to get back into it the way I wanted to."

"I see. That makes sense," you replied. "You didn't throw them out though, did you?"

"Hell no. That'd be a waste. I keep them in my office in the headquarters."

"I bet it's on a neat display on your bookshelf or something, probably beside your duster or handkerchief collection-"

"Shut up," he grumbled. You laughed quietly, resting your chin in the palm of your hand as you watched him take another sip of his tea.

"Can I ask you something?" you asked.

"You just did."

You chuckled. "Wow, so you've got jokes now. Who knew?"

He rolled his eyes, a hint of a smile on his face. "What's your question?"

"Why do you hold your cup from the rim like that?"

Levi gazed at the cup in his hand, inspecting the way he held it. The look in his eyes turned solemn.

"I don't want it to break," he said, setting it back down on the counter. "When I was a kid, I saved up to buy this really nice, prestigious cup in the Underground, and right when I held the cup by its handle, it snapped and broke."

You gaped at him. "Oh my gosh."

"Shit traumatized me, so I don't trust holding any cup by its handle."

"That's so sad," you said, staring at him sincerely. "That must have really sucked as a kid."

"It did, but I've never broken a cup after that, so I guess my method works," he joked, bringing the cup to his lips again.

Curious, you decided to grasp your teacup the same way he held it, placing all fingers around the rim. The feeling felt foreign to you, but you brought it to your mouth to take a sip anyway.

"Interesting method. I can see why hold you it that way," you replied after swallowing the liquid. You pursed your lips slightly after properly tasting the tea. "Good god this is bitter."

Levi was evidently amused by your reaction. "That's when you know it's good tea."

He turned around to grab the sugar canister behind him, then a spoon. Without saying anything else, he reached over and pulled over your teacup to place it in front of him.

"One spoon or two?" he asked you, opening the lid and dipping the spoon in the sugar canister. Still holding up your chin with your palm, you smiled at him endearingly.

"What do you think?" you inquired, curious to hear his response.

He paused for a moment, then replied with, "One and a half."

You beamed at him. "I guess you know me better than I thought."

A small, satisfied grin morphed on his face in response, dropping the sugar in your tea before passing it back to you. While setting it back in front of you, you noticed his face had a tinge of pink.

"Why are you staring at me like that?" he asked, flustered in his expression.

You furrowed your eyebrows, sitting up straight. "What do you mean?"

He averted his gaze, staring down at his cup again. "I don't know. It just looks-"

"Am I interrupting something?" a voice interjected abruptly. Your body jolted slightly, resting your arm back down on the counter to search for the source of the noise. Hange entered through the door behind Levi with a proud grin on their face, taking a seat beside him.

"What are you doing here, Four Eyes?" he asked.

"Having tea without me?" they asked, peering over to look at Levi's tea.

"There's still some more if you'd like," you told them, gesturing your head towards the kettle. They held their palm up in front of you, indicating they didn't want any.

"Nah, I just came to see where the hell you guys went. The two of you have been disappearing a lot."

You glimpsed over at Levi bashfully, but he avoided eye contact, drinking more of his tea.

"Well, we were trying some new tea I found, and then Levi started telling me about his tea leaf collection," you remarked.

The moment you mentioned the tea leaf collection, Levi glared up at you hatefully. Hange's eyebrows shot up.

"You have a tea leaf collection? You never told me that!" They turned to him enthusiastically.

"Used to," he corrected, his tone laced with irritation. "Not anymore."

"Don't tell me you got rid of them. You could use them for your tea shop in the future! Put them on display!"

"Tea shop?" you asked, knitting your eyebrows. When your eyes shifted towards Levi, his face was bright pink.

"Oh, Levi never told you?"

"You can stop now Hange-"

"Levi's goal is to open a tea shop in the future," Hange cut him off, elbowing him playfully in the rib. Levi shut his eyes in annoyance, taking in a deep breath. You grinned at the two of them delightedly.

"A tea shop, huh?" you said. The glare he was giving you was telling you to shut it. His reaction only made you grin even wider.

"He said it was a dream of his ever since he was a kid," Hanged continued. "He even told me how he wanted the layout and everything. He wants this specific type of wood for the tables and these really pretentious table covers-"

"I said you can stop now, Hange," Levi interrupted harshly. Hange was unphased by his reaction, the prideful smile never leaving their face.

"Pardon me for assuming she knew about it already when she mentioned you had a tea leaf collection," they replied defensively, rising from their seat. "Well, I'm going to head back to do some research with Moblit. We'll see you both soon when Nifa comes back to see what Erwin has to say."

You smiled and nodded at them. "See you."

Right when Hange left the room, your attention returned to Levi who was still avoiding your eyes. His face was visibly flustered, his cheeks red.

"How come you've never told me about a tea shop?"

"I brought it up once in passing to Hange and then they never let it go," Levi grumbled. You raised an eyebrow.

"Hm, it had to have been more than once if they mentioned what kind of decorations you wanted."

He didn't reply, taking another sip of his tea. You had been around him enough times now to notice that he'd just resort to drinking from his teacup anytime he didn't know what to say.

"Come on, Levi. Why are you so embarrassed?"

"...It was just a silly thought I had as a kid. I never intended it to be anything serious."

"So? We all have aspirations as children. We shouldn't be embarrassed by them, and that also doesn't mean it's unattainable."

"Right, so then what was your dream as a kid, then?"

That made you pause immediately. Your face fell into a frown as you pulled your eyebrows together in deep thought.

My dream?

To be realistic, you wanted to be a titan inheritor. That was your dream - to inherit the Beast Titan. Ever since you began training as a warrior, that was the only goal you ever had. That was your purpose in life.

If you wanted to look at it from a deeper perspective, then your dream was also to prove yourself to your father. Obtaining the Beast Titan was just one way of doing that, and you failed.

That was... depressing.

This realization made your body fill with melancholy. Years ago, you were ecstatic to even be considered to obtain a titan, and now you wanted absolutely nothing to do with them. The thought of inheriting one made your stomach feel queasy.

How did Reiner, Annie, and Bertholdt feel? Did they feel remorseful for what they had to do? Did they feel any regret?

God, they're just kids...

Why did you all get raised with the idea that you were worthless? That the only way to redeem yourself was to become a titan and put yourself and others at risk to help the land that didn't treat you fairly in the first place? Why? Why was that thought implanted in your brain from the moment you were born? What the hell did you do to deserve that?

"Eden?"

Snap out of it.

"Sorry, I was just thinking," you replied, lowering your head. "I... I don't think I ever had a dream as a kid... but I guess right now my goal is for my sister to be safe."

"You never had a goal for yourself?"

What is my goal? What is my purpose?

You felt your shoulders slump. You hadn't expected these questions to hit you so deeply in your core, making you question everything you were taught as a child.

Your goals and aspirations as a child surrounded what the Marleyan superiors expected of you. You never dreamed of becoming a doctor. You never dreamed of becoming a mother. You never dreamed of anything other than wanting to be acknowledged as an honorary Marleyan alongside your sister.

You wanted to be accepted.

"...I don't know," you muttered quietly.

You felt pathetic, truthfully. If you had no true goals or aspirations for yourself, then what the hell were you doing?

"Well, I guess sometimes it's okay not to know," he replied. You could feel him watching you intently, sensing your sudden discomfort.

You hummed at his response. "I guess you're right."

There was a pause while you took another sip from your cup gloomily, feeling discouraged from the thoughts that had popped into your brain unexpectedly. Levi shifted in his seat, his firm grey eyes still watching you.

"You're not wrong, though. Maybe I should consider the tea shop thing," he said, breaking the silence. He grabbed the container of tea leaves and held it in his palm. "And I'll make sure to add these to my tea leaf collection."

That made your lips curve into a smile. "Hange's right, though. You should put your collection on display."

"I'd have to put it behind a glass case. Can't risk people stealing."

"That, and god forbid a speck of dust taints the tea leaves," you jested.

"That's why you'd be my taste tester."

You raised your eyebrows. "Wow, so you'd risk poisoning me to make sure your tea is edible?"

"Considering the fact you almost consumed a tea leaf, you seem to have no issue poisoning yourself."

A small laugh rumbled in your throat. "You're so annoying."

And just like that, the somberness gradually made its way out of your body.

The two of you spent the rest of your time sitting and talking about Levi's future tea shop. Although he kept trying to change the topic, you kept hammering in more ideas in his head for decor and tea shop names. All of your suggestions were ridiculous, of course, but it was fun to see how riled up he'd get. The moment you recommended he should wear a maid's outfit while taking orders, you swore he nearly chucked the container at your head.

"Are you all done?" you asked him, finishing the last sip of your tea. He nodded. You reached over and grabbed his cup along with yours, bringing it to the sink. While washing the dishes, your eyes trailed up to look out the window above; you immediately felt your body become at ease when you saw the sun setting. Your eyes continued to linger out the window even after setting the cleaned cups on the towel.

"What the hell are you staring at?" he asked, noticing you were taking too long. When you peered at him from over your shoulder, an endearing smile crept onto your face. His eyes shifted to the window, and when he finally realized what had you so enamored, he rose from his seat instantly.

"Alright, let's go," he said, walking towards the door.

You stared at him skeptically. "Huh?"

"You wanna go see the sunset, right?"

Something swelled in your chest. It felt more intense than a flutter. The fact he just knew made your body fill with so much comfort and warmth.

The smile on your face grew. "Of course."

Upon stepping outside, the two of you began pondering where the best spot to get a decent view would be. Seeing as the location you were at lacked nature, climbing a tree was out of the question. He suggested the roof of the building, to which you agreed.

Levi climbed up first, hauling you up after him. You both trudged up the hard bricks, making it to the top and plopping down. You sat comfortably with your knees bent close to your chest and your palms spread behind you. Levi sat to the left of you with one knee propped up to his chest, resting his arm on it.

"The sky looks more colorful today," you told him, your eyes focused ahead of you. "Lots of purple and pink."

"Yeah," he replied. "Is it just me, or does it look more colorful compared to the other day?"

You tilted your head while staring at it inquisitively, then you nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, it does."

The sunset you both admired from the tree felt like ages ago despite it only being a little more than a week. So much had happened since then - so much between the two of you, specifically.

Something felt different about this sunset. You weren't sure if it was just your eyes fooling you, or because Levi was sitting here next to you.

A tranquil quietness encircled the two of you for a few minutes, both of you just taking in the beautiful view. You always liked that you could be quiet around him; you didn't always need to exchange words to feel comfortable. Sometimes, his presence was already enough.

And then, a small huff left your mouth when a random memory presented itself in your head.

"What?" He turned to you. You shook your head, a smile molded on your face.

"I just thought of a memory," you admitted, casting your eyes down. When you felt his burning gaze never leave you, you looked over at him and could see the curiosity in his expression. A relaxed exhale escaped your mouth before you proceeded to speak again.

"I was outside with Petra once. We were both exercising and doing some stretches until I, of course, got distracted by the damn sky." Your smile widened at the memory. "When I abandoned our exercise and chose to sit down on the grass to look out into the sunset, she didn't make fun of me or reprimand me or anything like that. Instead, she sat right next to me, admiring it just as much as I had. And then-" You snorted when you remembered what happened next. "Oluo marched over and started spewing nonsense about how we shouldn't be out at that time and all this other crap. Petra got so incredibly annoyed by him; I swear, I had never seen her so irritated in my life. She literally chased him off."

Levi's lips quirked upwards slightly. "Sounds just like them."

"Oluo used to try and act like you, did you know that?" you asked him.

He huffed. "That didn't go unnoticed."

"Did you ever call him out for it?"

"Well, it's not like he ever tried acting that way in front of me. It was just based on my observations."

"You're really observant, aren't you?"

"I guess so."

You redirected your gaze back towards the sunset, another calm silence encompassing the two of you again. The smile on your face dissipated the more you thought about the memory.

"I miss them," you admitted quietly. Levi said nothing, but you knew he had his full attention on you. "There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about them and everyone else that died."

The nightmares don't help with it either.

Levi sighed, casting his gaze down. "Me too."

"Petra... Petra was probably the closest I've ever had to a best friend," you continued. "It was never easy for me to get along with people, but with her, it was just easy somehow."

Tears began to brim in your eyes, and a lump formed in your throat. "I just wish I could have... I wish I could have been a better friend."

Anytime you thought of Petra, your chest would begin to hurt. You would never forgive yourself for what happened to her.

You weren't lying - she was truly the closest you ever had to a best friend. She saw you for who you were - flaws and all - and she still accepted you. She knew you were impatient and irritable, but she was still always understanding and patient with you.

You always wondered how things would have turned out if there wasn't this much hatred coming from Marley. You thought about how your friendship with her could have developed over the years had life been fair.

If only you could have seen her one last time - to tell her how thankful you were for her friendship and that no amount of apologizing would ever make up for what happened to her. You just wished you could have told her how much her friendship truly meant to you, because you never expressed it the way you wanted to. You were grateful you got to meet someone like her.

I will never forgive myself.

You tucked your knees into your chest, wrapping your arms around your legs. Your chin rested on top of your knees while you tried to push back the tears to prevent them from spilling out of your eyes.

Levi turned his gaze away from you for a moment, clearly thinking about what to say next.

"I had friends like that once," he finally said. "Two of them. When I was in the Underground."

You turned your head to face him, listening intently.

"Their names were Furlan and Isabel."

Isabel.

Why did that name sound familiar?

...Wait.

Oh.

The envelope with the hair ties. Of course. So this was her.

"Like you, I wasn't able to make friends easily. Hell, why the hell would I make friends with anyone in that shithole, anyway? You couldn't trust anyone there," he continued. "But then... then I met Furlan. He tried to get me to join his gang, but that never worked out, obviously. I wanted nothing to do with him, but he kept tagging along for some reason. He was weird and a bit annoying at first, but... he had a good heart."

He paused, a wistful smile forming on his face at the memory.

"And Isabel... she was annoying as shit too, but when I first met her, she was just a kid nearly dying trying to survive on her own. She was practically bones when I first met her, surrounded by garbage and dead bodies," he said, his fists balled on either side of him. "She... she reminded me of when I lost my mother. If no one had come to find me, I would have died alongside my mom's corpse."

You placed a sympathetic hand over his balled fists, your touch instantly relieving the tension in his body.

"When I found her like that, I couldn't just leave her there, so I took her in and raised her like she was one of my own. She'd refer to me as her big brother, which I thought was corny as shit, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't look out for her like a little sister."

"Was she the one you killed those guys for?"

He nodded slowly. "Yeah. Yeah, she was."

You nodded in reply while staring back out into the sky, your hand still over his. His hand was no longer balled up, but flat against the brick roof, comfortably settled under your touch.

"I'd do anything for my sister too," you said next. "So I understand."

Anything except kill the person I'm supposed to, apparently.

He hummed in reply, waiting for a few seconds before speaking again.

"When we- when we all made it to the surface, we were forced to join the Survey Corps and..." he trailed off, staring down at his leg. "During our first expedition, I separated from them momentarily, and when I came back..."

For the first time in your life, you saw tears forming on the edge of Levi's eyes. You grabbed his hand, rubbing your thumb around it to relax him.

He shut his eyes and sighed before continuing. "They died and I couldn't save them."

"I'm so sorry, Levi," you consoled him.

He paused for a moment, allowing himself to breathe and collect himself. "I guess the point I'm trying to make is that regardless of all the people we've lost, we still have to keep living for them. I have many regrets, but despite it all, I know the people I've lost would still want me to keep going."

You nodded slowly, turning away. "You're right."

The only person that came to mind when he said that was your mother. You knew she'd want you to keep going, but truthfully, the main reason you were still pushing yourself was because of your sister.

"I think... I think the main reason I haven't fully given up is because of my sister," you responded honestly. His eyes turned to you, waiting for you to elaborate.

"I just want her to have a better life," you resumed, casting your eyes down. "Better than what I had to go through."

"Is that why you're here?" he asked.

"Hm?"

"When Erwin first wanted to recruit you, you mentioned promising your mother before she passed away that you would contribute to saving humanity. Did it have to do with your sister too?"

He actually remembers that...

"Yeah..." you replied. "I just want to ensure her safety. That is what's most important to me. She's... she's all I have left."

There were many people you did care about in your life, but she was the most important to you. Although you viewed Reiner as a brother as well, his sudden personality change had started to throw you off, and to put it bluntly, you were hardly able to recognize him anymore.

And of course, it was your duty to protect the other warriors as well, but there was such a sharp contrast to who they were then compared to now. Well, it wasn't like you hadn't changed also. The moment you stepped foot in Paradis, all of you became different people. Those kids killed hundreds of people, and you let them.

I let them.

You squeezed your eyes shut for a few seconds, allowing yourself to take a deep breath in. Recalling the day Wall Maria was breached filled your chest with remorse. Was it really necessary to infiltrate the walls and call over those titans?

From a tactical standpoint, the reason behind it was to get King Fritz to make a move, which didn't end up happening. The warrior's mission to get the Founder was the most important compared to yours, after all, so you had to follow behind them until you were able to branch out onto your own mission. It seemed easy in plain sight, but the moment you went inside the walls to see the severity of what they all just caused, there was a sinking feeling in your stomach.

That was the first time you ever started to question what they taught you about Eldians in Marley. The people living in Paradis didn't look like the horrible humans that Marleyans depicted them to be; they looked and acted like regular people just like you.

Then Trost happened, and although you tried to suppress the memories from what happened in Wall Maria, it all came flooding back. You attempted to act like it didn't bother you, pushing the thoughts aside to focus on the real reason you were here - to kill Levi and go home to live a better life at home with your sister.

But then things got progressively worse, and your emotions became more and more intense. The people you studied with as a cadet died in Trost, then Petra and the rest of Levi's squad, and then Mike and his squad.

And you let them die. You let them all die. Even though you were not the one to breach the wall or call over the titans, you were still partially responsible for all of their deaths because you let those kids commit atrocities.

"Eden?"

You gasped to yourself quietly, realizing that a tear had slipped from one of your eyes and your grip on Levi's hand had tightened.

"S-Sorry," you stuttered, drawing your hand away from his. It was so embarrassing how often you'd zone out in front of him.

"I feel like you get too caught up in your head sometimes. I've noticed."

You lowered your head, staring at your knees that were still tucked in. "It's just hard to deal with my emotions sometimes," you replied honestly.

The longer you were in Paradis, the more and more your conflicting emotions came to surface... and the more they did, the more your will to live started to diminish.

A part of you wished you never existed.

"Hey," he said, grabbing your chin with his fingers gently to turn your head to face him. Waves of peacefulness rushed over you the moment your eyes locked onto his beautiful grey ones. "I know it's easy to get lost in your thoughts, but you can't let them take over. If you do, you're only going to bury yourself into a deep hole you won't be able to come out of."

You stared at him dejectedly, tears brimming in your eyes again. When you averted your eyes from him, he cupped your cheek next.

"We have to keep going. For everyone," he continued. More tears slipped past your eyes. "For everyone we lost, and everyone we still have."

You nodded hesitantly, but he still looked unconvinced.

"Promise me," he said next. "Promise me you'll keep going, because I can't lose you too."

Your chest suddenly felt heavy. The look in his eyes was pleading with you to agree with him. He was such a broken man with too many losses, and he didn't want you to be another name added to the list.

You raised your hand to place it over his, slowly drawing it away from your cheek. You lowered it back down, interlacing your fingers with his without breaking eye contact.

"I promise," you said softly, knowing full and well it was a lie. You were already losing yourself the longer you stayed here.

"Some people can't be saved," you remembered telling him, and it was true. You couldn't be saved from the fate you were given the moment you were born. You couldn't stay here and be with him and the others in the end.

You shifted your gaze back out into the horizon. The sun was starting to dip lower, the purple and pink hues appearing more fierce than before.

You leaned your head on Levi's shoulder, yearning for his comfort while absorbing the beauty of nature. You shut your eyes briefly, breathing calmly as you allowed yourself to enjoy this serene moment you had with him. For just a moment, you wanted to forget and ignore the thoughts in your head to immerse yourself in his calm presence.

"The sunset really is beautiful today," you told him. Truthfully, it was probably the most beautiful sunset you had ever seen.

"Yeah," he replied, holding your hand tighter. "It is."

Your heart started to race when the reality of the situation settled in.

I'm an idiot.

I am such an idiot.

How could you sit there - craving his warmth, holding his hand, and leaning against him - and still claim that you didn't have any feelings towards this man? How could you assert that your attraction for him was only filled with lust when the person whose comfort and presence you craved the most was him? You wanted nothing more than for him to be around you.

But this couldn't happen, as much as you wanted it to. It was impossible, you knew it. Even if he felt the same way, there was no way the two of you could be together. Because of that, you couldn't keep letting yourself succumb to your longing for him.

Don't fall for me.

He dropped his head comfortably on top of yours, his fingers still securely laced between yours.

Please don't fall for me.

He shifted his body closer to you, your legs bonding with his.

I don't want to hurt you.

It took everything in you to pull your body away from him and disconnect your fingers from his.

"We should uh- we should head inside," you told him uncertainly, rising to your feet. After standing up, you twisted your body around to look at him. Immediately, you felt a pang in your heart.

The look in his eyes was a mixture of confusion, hurt, and worst of all, pining - pining that you wouldn't be able to reciprocate.

It hurt you.

"...Yeah," he finally replied, standing up after you. "It's starting to get late, anyway."

You nodded, shooting him a weary smile before making your way off the roof.

Maybe you always knew that you had feelings for him, but you just worked hard to suppress them. Now was the moment you finally accepted them.

And one thing was for certain now - you couldn't kill him. You refused.

"If something goes against what you stand for, you find another way."

And you would. You would make sure you'd find another way.

I just wish I knew how.

For now, the best you could do was keep your distance from him. It was only a matter of time before you needed to go back home and leave him. The truth would come out, and you couldn't imagine how painful it would be if he ended up falling in love with you. You had to stop being selfish by feeding into your desire to be with him. It was only hurting him.

You retreated to your room the moment you stepped back inside the building, flopping on your bed and staring up at the ceiling.

Please don't fall in love with me.

Notes:

Thank you for 400 kudos :)

Have a nice week!

- Mar

Chapter 22: Skepticism

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Sunday, 850

I'm useless - completely and utterly useless.

I was sent here with the task of killing the man who posed the biggest threat to Marley, and instead of killing him, I fell for him.

I fell for the enemy.

It's funny... I'd call the warriors I was ordered to protect careless and reckless, but they had a better head on their shoulders than I ever did. Despite their mission being extremely difficult, they at least tried. I never really did try, did I?

When did this happen? When did it start? It definitely wasn't love at first sight. Hell, if anything, it was hate at first sight. There wasn't anything about him I admired the moment we first crossed paths (aside from his obvious talent). His disrespectful attitude and arrogance only made me want to get the task done sooner.

And yet, I never once even tried to kill him.

He was a tough opponent, therefore, I couldn't just walk up to him and slice his throat. His senses and reflexes were wildly abnormal. He didn't feel like a human sometimes. Attempting to kill him this way would have only resulted in my dead corpse. I had brief thoughts of poisoning his tea earlier on, but I think even that was too risky for me to do.

Like the commander said - I needed to gain his trust first. That was the only way it could work, and I've now succeeded. The captain trusts me; it's apparent in how he communicates and behaves around me. The problem is... I started to trust him too.

Not long ago, I took someone's life for the first time. In that moment, I felt unstable and apprehensive, but after some reflection, I was able to look past it. Why? Because he was not a good person. While I didn't know the ins and outs of this person, the fact he willingly found enjoyment in harming me and Connie already told me what type of person he was. I'd rather not do it, but if it's to protect myself or others I care about, I believe I have what it takes to take someone's life.

As long as I have no connection to them, that is... I just don't want to have to kill the people that I care about.

I can't kill Levi because I care about him far too much. This was the same reason why I wasn't able to let go of the fact I almost killed my father. Although I despised him, a small part of me still cared about him, and that's why my violent actions towards him filled me with remorse and regret for years. Maybe it wasn't the concept of killing that I feared; maybe it was the idea of hurting those I deeply cared about - well, that, and also the fact that I can't stand watching innocent people die.

God, when did I become so sappy?

I wonder if Levi feels the same way I do him. As much as a part of me wants him to, I really don't want to imagine that he does. Sometimes, I tend to forget that I can't stay here forever. Paulina needs me. I need to go back, but how the hell can I face my superiors again knowing I failed to complete my mission?

What if I lied and said I killed him? I don't even want to begin to imagine the consequences if they found out I lied...

I need to find a way out of this. I'm not going to kill Levi - I forbid it. I let everyone else die, and I refuse to let him die too. That is the least I owe the others whose lives were lost because of this cruel injustice. I will not allow Levi to die - for Petra, for Mike, and for everyone else. He deserves to live.

I guess the next step is figuring out what the hell to do next. I can't stay here; I have to leave. A part of me wants to help the people in Paradis since I owe it to all the lives lost, but doing so would likely result in being held prisoner here. I've reached a point where it doesn't matter to me if they locked me up and tortured me for the rest of my life for deceiving everyone - I deserve that punishment. However, the only reason why I can't allow that to happen is because of Paulina. For that reason, I have to keep my mouth shut. I feel terrible for all the cruelty I've allowed, but my sister does not deserve to pay for the consequences of my actions. I can still save her from the fate I've had to endure.

Soon, I will make a plan to leave. I don't know when yet, but it has to be soon, and I have to be discreet about it. I don't know how the hell I'm going to face the Marleyan superiors after this, but that is something I'll have to figure out on the way back.

- Eden

Nifa returned early the next morning.

After relaying the news to Erwin, she was informed by him to tell everyone the next move, which was just as Levi expected - to have Historia take the crown. You were not surprised to hear Historia's hesitance to take the crown, and you were also not surprised to see Levi visibly upset by her response.

To everyone else's surprise, Levi roughly picked up Historia by the cuff of her shirt to convince her to become queen. Although you were slightly taken aback, this behavior from him did not surprise you at all. He was a tough man with a tough background, so of course he may choose to resort to violence in some situations.

This did not bode well for the rest of the squad, however.

"Did the captain really have to be so cruel?" Jean asked the group while you were eating lunch. "I mean, I get it. The situation is dire and it makes sense for Historia to take the crown, but did he really need to choke her like that?"

"Are you all not aware of his background?" you added. Their eyes turned to you. "The man grew up in an area where violence was the only way to get things done."

Jean averted his gaze, staring down at the meal in front of him. "I guess you're right... but still. It was totally unnecessary."

Although you understood why he did it, Jean did have a point. Levi grew up with the mindset that violence was one of the best ways to defend yourself and get answers; however, that didn't mean that was always the correct way to do it.

In a sense, you grew up similarly. For one, you were quite known for your temperamental outbreaks, and this often resulted in you getting physical with others when it wasn't necessary.

Zeke was one of your main victims, but that was besides the point.

Even while you were training the selected warriors, you tended to get a little meaner than usual when things weren't playing out correctly. You never turned to beating any of them, of course - the last thing you wanted was to become like those abusive Marleyan officers - but you did tend to become a little snideful sometimes. Reiner was the most difficult to train out of all of them, seeing as he had absolutely no endurance as a kid. You were the harshest on him, and looking back, you wondered if you could have found a nicer approach.

That being said, you understood what must have traversed Levi's mind in the moment he was forcing Historia. Would you have done the same thing? Well, you were in a similar position with Reiner a while back in Trost, but it wasn't something you were exactly proud of. You had gotten too caught up in your anxiety that you hauled him up by the collar of his shirt to get answers out of him.

Historia was only fifteen, so her apprehension made sense in this situation, but this was also something she needed to do because it was the best current option. However, Jean was right; maybe Levi could have found a different approach.

Later that day, Eren and Historia worked with Reeves to arrange for them to be captured by the First Interior Squad, but unfortunately, the outcome was far gorier than you all expected.

"Reeves was killed," Nifa informed you all that night. She was met with a collective gasp around the room. "We're not exactly sure who did it, but it had to have been from the First Interior Squad. Hange was able to find Reeve's son to further discuss the situation. Whoever did it, did it with the intention to frame the Survey Corps. Erwin is in custody now. The situation isn't looking good."

"What about Eren and Historia?" Sasha asked.

"They were taken," she responded. Mikasa notably stiffened while standing beside you. "Erwin said he wants Levi to decide the next move." Nifa looked towards the captain, awaiting his orders.

"I think it's obvious," he said. "We track down the MPs in Stohess. That's likely where Eren and Historia would be."

No one made a point to argue against his orders; everyone understood. Levi said that you would all leave first thing in the morning, so it was essential that everyone got enough rest.

Right after everyone was dismissed for the night, Levi asked you to stay behind.

"What is it, Levi?"

He leaned his back against the brick wall of the main room, his arms crossed over his chest and his hair hanging over his face while he looked towards the ground. "I have a sneaking suspicion of who could be behind this situation, but I'm not entirely sure," he remarked. "I plan to tell the others soon, but I thought I'd bring it to your attention first."

You furrowed your eyebrows at him. "Who?"

He paused, then raised his head to look at you, his solemn expression unwavering.

"Have you ever heard of Kenny the Ripper?"

The following two days were spent trodding towards Stohess District. You only had to make a stop to rest once. The secret location you were given was rather shabby, but seeing as the public was even less fond of the Survey Corps due to the recent murder, you were thankful you were even fortunate enough to have a roof over your head.

Throughout those days, you did your best to avoid the captain at all costs.

You kept it professional, of course, only seeking him out and speaking with him when it had to do with the plan and such, but you were certainly not as friendly with him as you used to be.

"The hell is up with you?" Levi asked you the night you stayed in a worn-out shack. The two of you were outside making sure there were no unwanted outsiders while the others were asleep inside. You knitted your eyebrows while turning your head to face him.

"What do you mean?"

Levi stared at you skeptically, the wind lightly blowing against the strands of hair in his face while the two of you continued walking around the shack.

"You're just quieter than usual," he responded. You turned your head away again, continuing to scope out the area.

"Really?" you said in an unconcerned tone. "I didn't realize."

His gaze continued to burn next to you. He knew something was wrong - you could sense it in his mannerisms and expressions, but he still chose not to press further. He left you be for the rest of the night.

The following day, you woke up early again to continue the journey to Stohess District. Hange trusted some of the members of their squad to Levi while they went off to deal with the Reeves murder separately. Nifa, Keiji, and Abel were with Levi on the roof of a building stalking the MPs, who you all assumed were holding Eren and Historia in coffins on a wagon. Before joining up with them, you went to check in on the younger soldiers.

"You guys good?" you asked the others, walking into the small building they were huddled in. Jean glared at you intently while watching you walk in. Armin was sitting on a wooden box, skimming through a newspaper in his hand before turning his attention to you.

"Have you seen the papers?" Jean asked.

You nodded. "I did."

"Things aren't looking good for us," he commented. "Never thought I'd be seen as a fugitive."

Armin sighed. "Jean, I told you that-"

"I know what you said, Armin," he interrupted abruptly. "Even if everything seems successful right now because of the captain's quick thinking, I still don't want to kill humans. Even if the captain orders me to, I wouldn't be able to do it."

"Even if someone else's life is at stake?" you questioned him. "You're telling me that if someone threatened to kill one of us, you wouldn't pull the trigger?"

Jean looked away for a moment, eyebrows furrowed while he pondered your comment.

You stepped up closer. "If I hadn't pulled the trigger, Connie wouldn't be here right now. I'd like to hope it doesn't come to it again, but sometimes you're going to have to push aside your morals."

Jean sighed, his eyes still avoiding your gaze.

"Is that understood?" you said firmly. You turned your head to the others in the room. "That goes for all of you."

"Understood," they all replied hesitantly. The only person who seemed solid in their response was Mikasa.

"Stay safe, guys."

You stepped out of the building and made your way back to where Levi and Nifa were on the roof, throwing your hood over your head.

"How's everything going?" you asked them, crouching behind the brick structure on the opposite side of Nifa.

"We're still spying on them from above. It's a good thing you were a step ahead in finding this spot, Captain," Nifa said to Levi, looking through her monoculars.

"But it's somewhat strange. This seems very different from what the brigade usually does. They knew immediately that Reeves would conspire with us. This enemy's train of thought is very similar to mine. You could even call it identical... could it be him?" Levi responded.

"Him?" Nifa asked, turning to him.

"Nifa, have you heard of Kenny the Ripper?"

"That mass murderer in the capital? The one who slit the throats of over a hundred MPs? Of course, but I always thought he was just an urban legend."

"The stories are all true. He's no legend. I lived with him, back when I was a kid."

Levi told you about Kenny the night you found out about Reeves' murder. Kenny took Levi in when he was a child after the death of his mother. Levi liked to call him the 'worst' and 'best' thing that ever happened to him. He saved him, and for that he was grateful, but he also wasn't exactly the best guardian. Kenny left Levi alone when he was still young without giving a reason, and after that, the last he heard of him were rumors of him slashing the throats of MPs. He never thought he'd see him again, but based on the way this particular situation was presented, he was suspicious enough to wonder if he was behind it.

"Very funny, Captain. This isn't really the time to be making jokes," Nifa said.

Levi didn't respond, the three of you continuing to spy down at the two coffins.

Something wasn't right - you could feel it, and you knew that Levi felt it too. You darted your eyes in every direction to see if there were any clues as to what could have been causing this discomfort in your chest, but you were met with nothing that would indicate something was wrong.

Then you heard something shift behind you, and at first, you thought it may have just been paranoia, but then you heard a gunshot the second you turned around. Your heart leaped into your throat.

"Nifa!" Levi yelled.

You yanked Nifa's arm away from the bullet immediately, but the groan she let out indicated that she still felt an impact. Blood was spilling from her shoulder; her body collapsed against you.

"Fuck," you said in desperation, trying to stop the bleeding from her shoulder.

"Yo, Levi. You grown any yet?" the suspicious man said from behind you. The tall man latched his grapples onto one of the brick structures to launch himself into the air. "Oh? It don't look like you changed at all."

"Eden, go!" Levi ordered. You didn't delay his request, hopping off the roof with Nifa in your arms while desperately trying to find cover somewhere. When you found an empty alleyway, you set Nifa down beside a dumpster and crouched beside her.

"Hey," you said, cradling her upper body, "don't die on us, okay?" You took off your cape to use it to put pressure on her wound, then lifted her body up slightly to sit her up against the wall. Her eyes were fluttering.

"Nifa," you said. "Don't give up. Not now."

Two more gunshots were heard from above, and then two bodies slammed down on the concrete a couple of feet away from you.

They were Keiji and Abel.

Nifa gasped when she saw them, but you grabbed her chin to force her to face you again.

"Don't look," you ordered. You grabbed her hand and brought it over the cape you held over her wound. "Keep putting pressure on it. I'm going to make sure no one else is around, okay?"

The look on her face was panicked, but she still nodded. You gave her an assured nod before standing up and walking out of the narrow alleyway to get back out onto the sidewalk. Pulling your hood up again, you began inspecting your surroundings. You were taken aback when you heard more MPs fly above you. From a distance, you could see Levi dodging and blocking their attacks.

"Levi..." you muttered nervously to yourself. He was being ambushed; you needed to help him.

But I can't leave Nifa.

You sighed, unsure of what the best thing to do in this situation was. While contemplating to yourself, you heard some more movement from above. You assumed this was another person chasing after Levi, but the noise of ODM gear approached closer and closer behind you. You gasped, jumping out of the way and landing on your side abruptly. When you turned your head, a woman was lunging at you with a revolver, trying to pin you down. You knocked the gun away, then used your legs to kick her off of you. You drew your swords immediately while rising to your feet.

"I've got another," the woman stated, her voice monotone and face expressionless. She pulled out another gun from her side and pointed it at you. "What's your name?"

You observed her appearance further. She appeared fit and well-built, her blonde hair tied up in a ponytail while her bangs hung loosely on the sides of her head. Her blue eyes seemed grim and lifeless as she stared back at you.

"Eden," you replied, tightening your grip on the triggers of your gear. "Yours?"

"Caven," she said. "Now, tell me where you're hiding the rest of your squad."

You laughed dryly. "As if I'd reveal that."

"Well, then," she continued, approaching you with the gun. "I guess I'll have to make you do it myself."

You needed to make sure this woman didn't find out Nifa's location before she took her out completely. Because of that, you were going to have to draw her as far away as possible.

I'll be back, Nifa.

"Alright. Let's see if you can keep up." Within seconds, you deployed your gear and propelled into the air, your grapple attaching to the brick walls surrounding you for leverage. Caven grunted, launching into the air with her gear to go after you.

She was definitely fast - faster than you expected. A gunshot blasted behind you, the bullet nearly grazing your skin while you continued to race through the city. You'd peer over your shoulder every few seconds, trying to catch a glimpse of where she was located. Her figure became more and more distinct the closer she approached. You heard more gear whirring from above you, and then three more MPs made an appearance.

"Shit," you said to yourself. You faced forward again, your heart beating relentlessly against your chest as you focused on gaining more speed. More gunshots were heard, and you dodged them by flying under a wagon. The MPs above you pulled their triggers again while you hopped from one wall to the next to evade their bullets. Their hooks clamped onto the concrete below you, one of them ripping a bit of your shirt and slicing the skin of your arm.

"Ow," you winced.

They lowered their positions, no longer hovering above you. You continued hopping over boxes and sliding under wagons while they inched closer and closer. The prolonged chase was tiring you out, and you knew you were slowing down. At one point, you came across a tall stack of wooden boxes ahead. Using your quick thinking, you flew above and then forcibly shoved the boxes with your feet, the weight of them knocking the MPs over. You glanced over your shoulder to make sure they were taken care of, hearing groans come from below. You took that as an indication of still having time to escape them.

You shrieked when you turned your attention forward again. Caven had gone ahead of you. She flew forward to grasp your arm, but you swerved just in time. You took out your swords, waiting for her to approach again. She aimed the gun at you again, but before she could shoot, you sliced the side of her hip. She howled in pain as her back knocked against the brick building behind her. Watching as she slid down the wall, you began to strategize your next move.

You couldn't go back to Nifa yet. It was only a matter of time before the other MPs found you too, so you needed to take cover somewhere.

There was a bar up ahead. This could be your best current option. Bartenders usually had guns to defend themselves, so this should have been a good spot to take cover for now. Briskly, you broke into one of the glass windows and landed on the bar counter. A collective sound of screams was heard from around the establishment, and the old man behind the counter stared at you in horror while his body trembled. When you looked below, you saw a familiar figure hidden behind all the rows of alcohol.

"Levi?" you whispered.

"Would you look at that? Another guest."

You directed your attention to the tall man standing by the door. He held a chair on his side and a gun pointed directly at you.

"Who the hell are you?" you asked boldly.

You felt Levi's gaze on you from below. "Eden, don't-"

"I should ask you the same. I'd thought Caven would have handled the rest of you by now."

"Oh, you mean that somber blonde woman? The one I just sliced?" You were unable to smother your cocky grin. "Might need to send someone who'd actually be a challenge next time. Your little crew fell for every trick in the book."

You heard a thump against the counter, and glasses rattled from beneath you. When you looked down, Levi was glaring at you furiously.

"Pipe it down with the taunting," he said through gritted teeth. "Kenny's not someone you wanna mess with. Shut it."

So this is Kenny...

A loud chuckle erupted from Kenny's mouth. "Lot of spunk on this one, huh, Levi?" He started to step closer to you with the gun still pointed at your head, trying to intimidate you. Your face remained unsmiling and stoic. "Would be a shame if I-"

Levi quickly grabbed the shotgun that was located under the bar, placed it above the counter, and shot at him. Kenny stumbled backwards onto the floor. The chair he had on his side was used to block the impact from the bullet, and it was now shattered to pieces.

"Thanks for the help, old man," Levi thanked the bartender while hopping on top of the counter and tossing the gun at him. He turned his head to nod at you. "Let's go."

Levi broke out of another window; you followed behind him.

"Don't be afraid to kill, Eden," he said while the two of you ran. "We can't afford to hesitate right now."

"Understood," you replied assuredly. The two of you encountered more MPs from the roofs, both of you deciding to part ways to take them on separately. You watched as Levi launched his grapples to stab one of them, killing them instantly. You whipped your head forward again, collecting yourself before accepting the fact you were going to have to do the same actions.

You landed on one of the roofs, charging forward at the two officers aiming their guns at you. You could see the hesitation on their faces - they didn't want to shoot you. For a split second, you almost rethought your decision, but then you drew your swords and sliced them both in the stomach. The two men wailed in pain as they collapsed on the bricks. You flinched when you heard their now lifeless bodies smack to the ground, but you quickly pushed the thought away. You didn't look back, continuing forward. There was no time for sympathy.

Levi was nowhere to be seen, but you knew not to be worried. If you were managing just fine, he was faring much better.

Two more MPs crossed your path as you went to search for the rest of the squad. You murdered them without a second thought, continuing to fly ahead.

"Hey, Eden!" a voice called out. While zooming past another one of the roofs, you were met with the same blonde woman from earlier, white fabric wrapped around her hip covering the laceration you made to keep herself from bleeding out. "Missed me?"

You pulled your eyebrows together in irritation, sighing in annoyance. You shifted your body to move towards her again. One of your swords went to slice at her stomach, but she swerved immediately, knocking the sword away and causing you to trip and stumble on top of the roof. She fired her gun at you, but you lifted your other sword to bat the bullet away.

"Tough one, aren't you?" she said.

"Bitch," you replied angrily. You stood on your feet again, trying to balance yourself. After regaining your strength, you surged forward and pinned her back on the roof, placing your sword over her throat. She struggled under your grasp, trying to maintain a firm grip on her gun.

"What the hell do you guys earn by trying to kill us?" you asked her. Caven remained still and expressionless underneath you.

"Captain's orders," she replied. Finding her authority again, she grabbed your wrist tightly and shoved you to the side. She quickly pulled the trigger of her gun again, and it nearly grazed your thigh as you rolled over to evade the attack. When you twisted your body to face her again, you used your sword to knock the revolver from her hand, letting it fall off the roof.

"Yeah?" You stood up, beginning to approach her again. Her blue eyes grew fearful; it was the most emotion you'd ever seen from her. "Well, you have shit aim."

With one quick slash to her abdomen, she slumped to the ground, her grim eyes now lifeless. You spared a few seconds to stare down at her dead body that was nearly cut in half, watching as the blood spilled and plastered the roof in red.

This feeling was strange. The sympathy you once had regarding death was starting to dwindle. You didn't care to see this woman's life end.

Shit. Nifa.

Panicked, you ran back in the direction of where you last placed Nifa. The whirring sounds of ODM gear were starting to diminish, so you could only assume that Levi had taken out a good portion of them. Your anxiety was slowly lifting.

You made it back into the alleyway, running past the dumpster to find her. Nifa's eyes were closed, her hand loosely covering the wound with your cape. For a moment, you thought she was dead, but when you felt her pulse near her neck, you exhaled in relief. She was just unconscious. She could still make it.

You scooped her up and deployed your gear again, searching for the rest of the group. Another gunshot was heard from afar along with some shouting. You immediately picked up your pace to find the source of the noise, praying that you wouldn't have to witness any more deaths.

When you finally found the rest of them, your eyes widened.

A woman was lying unconscious on the wagon, blood spilling from her head. The most shocking part of the scene was seeing the person who had been the one pointing the gun at her.

It was Armin.

The atmosphere later that night was extremely sour. None of the scouts were able to stomach anything during dinner.

Nifa was currently being treated for her injuries, but luckily, she did not experience too much blood loss. She would just have to sit out from doing anything major for a while.

While she got treated, the rest of you sat by a fire to ward off the cold. Usually, the younger soldiers would have started discussing some ridiculous topic that had nothing to do with the current mission, but right now, it was dead quiet.

When the topic of the gunshot was finally brought up, Armin spoke honestly - the experience fully traumatized him. He was devastated to know he was known as a murderer now, especially since the woman he killed obviously hesitated to kill Jean. Armin felt like a terrible person.

Levi tried to reassure him in the way he knew how - by being blunt, yet supportive. He explained to him that although his hands were now soaked in blood, Jean wouldn't be sitting with the rest of you if he hadn't pulled the trigger. The reality of what happened settled in on everyone, and they finally understood why the captain had ordered them to kill in the first place. Though Armin was still evidently shaken from the incident, he was logical enough to understand the importance of what he did.

Not long after the fire was put out, the rest of them retreated to bed while you took it upon yourself to sit by a tree, grab a pen, and start scribbling in your journal. You had been writing far more than usual these days. Too much was on your mind, clearly.

Writing was always an easy way for you to get your thoughts out. Vocalizing your emotions was never an effortless thing for you to do, and your mother was well aware of that. One day on your fourteenth birthday, she got you a notebook and a pen, then it all began from there. Your sudden aggression diminished tremendously after you began jotting in your books. Back in Marley, you had a stack of at least ten journals you went through throughout your life.

Although it eased some of your discomfort, you found it unbearable to write on some days. One of them was the day you returned from jail after nearly killing your father; another was today.

You wanted to write, but your emotions started to feel heavier as the days went by. Truthfully, you were frustrated - goddamn frustrated and angry at yourself. Although you accepted your feelings for Levi, a small portion of you still held some resentment towards him, simply for the way he made you fall for him so damn easily.

This mission you were given should have been simple. You were usually so level-headed and focused whenever you were given specific tasks from your superiors. Why did this one have to be different?

"Damn it," you said to yourself. The moment you stepped into Paradis, you started contradicting everything about yourself. You genuinely didn't even know who you were anymore.

"Fuck you," you muttered quietly next. You weren't sure if you were saying it to yourself, or to Levi. Maybe it was both.

Fuck me for being sappy enough to gain feelings for him, and fuck him for making me.

Was it loneliness? Was that why you felt so drawn to him? There was something about him that made you feel less lonely. He made you feel safe, and it had nothing to do with his physical strength. His presence was a comfort to you. The last person who you felt this comfort with was your mother, and even that felt different from what you were feeling now. You had never felt this way about anyone else before. It was a unique feeling.

But why did it have to be him?

In bitterness, you ripped out all the recent pages you had just written and threw your journal off to the side, letting it skid across the grass. You rubbed your face with your hands while you breathed heavily to yourself. Steadying your breath, you shut your eyes for a few seconds as you leaned back against the tree. Now was not the time to throw a temper tantrum - not when the others were sleeping in the shack only a couple of feet away from you.

Deal with it. Life isn't fair.

Opening your eyes again, your gaze lowered to the mess you made on the ground. Pages were scattered everywhere, lightly floating in the air from the wind.

Dumbass.

How could you do something so stupid? Just imagine what would have happened had someone read one of the pages you ripped. Sighing, you rose to your feet and began to gather up your mess. While inspecting the mess further, you furrowed your eyebrows when you noticed a small, folded piece of paper a few inches away from the journal. You extended out your arm to pick it up. This paper wasn't ringing any bells.

You unfolded the paper and brought it up close in front of you. Your eyes widened immediately as soon as you started reading it.

Methods

- Poison Ivy (Do they even have that here?)

- Pocket Knife (Maybe I'm being too optimistic to think this would work...)

- Asphyxiation (Pillow to face method? Maybe they're a heavy sleeper...)

- Inhalation of chemicals??? (I should have spoken to Zeke more about this... it had something to do with inhaling something that could make someone go unconscious. He's a creep for even knowing about it)

Beneath the final bullet point in the list was 'Make them fall in love?' scribbled out and an arrow pointing towards it that read 'Ew...'

You made this list years ago; you remembered now. It was during the first night that all of you arrived to Paradis, and while the others were asleep, you sat cross-legged by a tree trying to come up with different methods on how to approach killing Levi.

Reading this now made you feel sick to your stomach. This was way before you knew him - way before you even realized you were going to end up taking back everything you wrote five years ago. You didn't even wanna look back at the earlier pages of your journal, knowing it would only continue to fill you with disgust.

You refolded the piece of paper and shoved it back into the journal along with the other pages.

I want to burn them.

You wanted to burn every piece of evidence of who you were prior to entering the walls. That was not a reflection of who you were now.

You hugged the journal close to your chest as you stepped back inside the small building you were staying in. Everyone was fast asleep, just as you expected. You weren't sure where Levi was, but you tried not to make that of your concern. You were still keeping your distance from him, and you needed to make sure it remained that way.

Though, you'd be lying if you said you didn't miss your playful bantering.

You sighed to yourself, ignoring the thought while searching for your makeshift bed. When walking towards it, you noticed a small figure sitting all the way in the corner of the building, hugging their knees against their chest. For a moment, you thought it was Levi, seeing as he never slept, but when you saw the traces of blonde hair glowing from the moonlight, you realized it was Armin.

"Armin?"

Armin's head shot up, his body jolting up in surprise.

"Eden," he said softly. His eyes were glazed, red, and puffy as he looked up at you. In the few years you had known him, you had never seen him look so dejected in your life.

"I thought you'd be in bed," you said while approaching him. He lowered his head again, staring down at his legs.

"Can't sleep," he said solidly. For a brief moment, you stood there just glaring at him, but then you decided to take a seat next to him, setting your journal to the side.

"Still hung up on the person you killed, huh?"

He sighed. "I know. It's pathetic."

"No," you said immediately. "No, it's not." His eyes turned to you in surprise.

"You know that guy I killed in Trost? That was the first person I ever killed," you admitted. "And I did not take well to it at all."

"Really?"

"Yeah," you said, an exhale escaping your mouth.

"I didn't notice," he replied. "I knew you were injured, but I didn't realize you were that affected by it. You always seem to hold yourself in a really strong light."

You huffed. "That's cause you didn't see the complete breakdown I had in the room after Levi sat me down."

Normally, you weren't fond of letting people know your weak points, but you didn't mind telling this to Armin. From an outside perspective, Armin was weak, but truthfully, the kid had more courage than he let on, and he was smart as hell too. The fact he had the guts to murder someone to protect Jean said everything you needed to know about his character. To him, you were someone he saw as 'strong.' You wanted to offer him some reassurance that even 'strong' people like you may have had vulnerable moments like he's had, especially when it came to killing people. You would have been hypocritical to say his reaction wasn't justified, because you ended up sobbing into Levi's shoulder only moments after it happened to you.

"I see," he said. "Despite your tough nature, you have morals you want to stand by, and killing someone isn't one of them, is it?"

"Well," you continued, "I think the idea of taking someone's life always kind of spooked me, but I've come to realize that it's necessary sometimes, especially when you need to protect those you care about."

"Yeah, you're right," he said. "I still don't feel great about it, though."

"Trust me. It took me a few days to let it sink in," you reassured him. "It'll always be in the back of your mind, but you just have to learn to accept it. Even if you regret it - even if you feel like the worst person on earth for taking someone's life, you can't take it back. You did what you thought was right at that moment, so don't be so hard on yourself."

His lips twitched slightly. "Thanks, Eden."

You rose to your feet, grabbing your journal and glueing it to your side with your arm. "You're a good kid, Armin," you told him, ruffling his hair. "Now go get some rest. You're the brains of this group so your rest is the most vital."

He scoffed. "Sure."

"I mean it," you said. "Now stop moping in a corner and get some rest. We've got a long day ahead of us tomorrow."

"Okay," he said uncertainly. "I'll be there in a few."

"Goodnight, Armin." You shot him a reassuring smile before turning away.

"Wait."

You paused, twisting your head around again.

"Can I ask you something?"

"What?"

"Did the captain console you after you... you know..."

You knitted your eyebrows. "What do you mean?"

"The day you shot the person," he elaborated. "When the captain returned, I noticed he had a bunch of blood stained on his uniform that wasn't there before so I could only assume that he must have... I don't know. I know it isn't my business, but the blood sort of threw me off and I wasn't sure if he had to fight someone else or if he..."

Heat rose rapidly to your face while you averted your gaze from him.

Why the hell is this kid so good at context clues?

"He... he was only helping me onto the couch because of how dazed and confused I was. He did reassure me everything was fine, but nothing else occurred. I don't want you getting any weird ideas."

His eyebrows raised. "Oh, no, no! I wasn't necessarily implying anything. I was just concerned with where the blood came from and it seemed to me that he might have tried to console you since you said you didn't react well after you had to kill someone."

"All he did was set me on the couch and tell me to rest. Whatever you're imagining right now did not happen, I promise you," you lied. Armin nodded and looked away.

You knew damn well he was unconvinced, but you no longer wanted to talk about it. Armin was annoyingly intelligent sometimes.

"Well, goodnight," you told him, turning on your heel to make your way to bed.

"Goodnight," he repeated after you.

You shoved your journal back into your bag then flopped onto your makeshift bed, instantly shutting your eyes and praying for a good dream tonight.

Armin remained seated in his position for at least another ten minutes after watching you retreat to bed. His mind was still swirling around with careless thoughts, unable to let go of the traumatic event that happened earlier in the day.

He killed someone - someone who probably had family and friends that would miss them dearly.

He shut his eyes and shook his head. You were right. He needed to get some rest because tomorrow was going to be a long day. You all needed to make sure Eren and Historia were okay.

As Armin started to stand up, a small, folded piece of paper caught his attention on the floor. Had that always been there? He furrowed his eyebrows while picking it up.

Where did this come from?

He unraveled the sheet, his eyes skimming through the writing.

Poison ivy? A pocket knife? Asphyxiation? Inhalation of chemicals?

What is this?

It sounded like a list of methods that could be used to kill someone.

The last bullet point was scribbled out and difficult to read, but there was an arrow pointing towards it that read, 'Ew...'

Armin was confused. Where did this sheet come from? What did it mean?

Wait.

It can't be...

You sat in the exact spot where the paper was found. He remembered you carrying a book of some sort - a journal maybe? Come to think of it, you always had a book of some sort with you. Was it used for writing? This must have fallen out of it.

This list was concerning to see. Were you trying to kill someone? The words in parenthesis made it seem like you were searching for a way to murder someone in particular. But who? Not only that, but the first bullet point perplexed him even more. It made it seem like you weren't from around here.

He shifted his gaze towards your sleeping figure on the makeshift bed.

What is this, Eden?

Armin shoved the paper into his pocket. He didn't know what this list meant, who it was about, or the context behind it, but his gut told him something wasn't right. As much as he didn't want to believe there could be another traitor among all of you, he needed to be cautious. This list wasn't anything normal.

He decided that he would keep this to himself for now. More evidence needed to be collected before he could draw any conclusions. This paper wasn't enough. He needed to keep his eye on you.

Despite his skepticism, Armin would remain quiet for now.

Notes:

Thank you for 10k hits :D (almost 11k now, woo).

The reveal is getting closer and closer but we still have a way ahead. I'm excited but also super anxious about it asdfghjsldfj.

As always, thank you for all the support and engagement. It means more to me than I can say. I hope people are still enjoying this story and I hope I don't disappoint as I continue forward.

Have a great week :)

- Mar

Chapter 23: Campanula

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Light.

Flashes of light were all you saw behind your eyelids. Your eyebrows were closely knitted together from the intense glow, your eyes moving sporadically as you adjusted to the sudden change of atmosphere. Slowly, your eyes fluttered open and your gaze met the sky. It was a deep blue - clouds painted in white strokes while a flock of birds flew high above. You lingered in this position for a few moments, your back laying on the cushioned grass beneath you while your eyes remained glued to the sky.

Where were you?

You finally sat up, your eyes no longer bothered by the beaming sun. Then, an oak smell invaded your senses. There were trees to your right; they stood tall and proud, their branches cluttered with fresh, green leaves. You admired the colossal trees, smiling to yourself while you observed small animals scuttling from the branches.

When you turned to your left, you were met with a field littered with flowers, the wind gently blowing against their petals. You'd seen those flowers before. What were they called?

Campanula. That was what they were called.

Your mother loved those flowers. She used to tend to them every day, and each day you'd watch the purple petals slowly bloom into something beautiful.

Paulina - curious as she always was - discovered a book that described the significance behind different flowers. Apparently, campanula took on multiple meanings, and some of it was quite morbid. She said it could represent everlasting love, but was also used to represent death. How ironic. How could two completely opposite meanings represent the same thing?

Suddenly, stomping shook the ground beneath you. The movement came from the forest of trees, and when you twisted your head around to search for the cause of the quaking, you encountered a titan - abnormal and at least 12 meters.

The serenity you once felt had been ripped from you the moment the titan pounced. You rolled forward, dodging its assault. For a second, you thought it was going to chase after you, but when you turned your head around, the titan didn't move. It crouched down, its extreme glare piercing you and escalating your anxiety. Steadily, you rose to your feet and began to walk backwards. The titan followed you - their movements were leisure, but determined.

You paused when your back hit the tree behind you. The titan kept moving forward, its eyes fixed on your figure until it stopped unexpectedly. When you witnessed it open its mouth, you thought for sure that you were about to meet your demise; however, instead of sinking its teeth into you, a humanappeared from inside its mouth. The person was completely covered in blood, making it hard to decipher their identity.

"Eden," they murmured. Immediately, you could pinpoint that voice. You hadn't heard it in years, but you knew it by heart.

"Paulina?" you asked the voice. The titan remained still in its position, mouth wide open while Paulina sat crossed-legged on its tongue. Her head was lowered, blood dripping from her head and arms. In truth, you weren't exactly sure of where the blood was coming from, but regardless, seeing your sister in a titan's mouth completely drenched in blood was not a sight you wanted to see.

Paulina didn't respond, and naturally, you grew concerned. The titan still wasn't moving, so your courage had amplified; you stepped closer.

"Paulina?" you asked again. Gradually, she raised her head to meet your gaze, and your lips parted when you observed her face. Blood stained her skin, and tears were running down her cheeks. You couldn't tell if she was crying blood, or if her tears created that illusion. The expression on her face was fearful, her body shaking with nerves.

"Paulina, what happened?"

No response. Why wasn't she responding?

"Paulina, answer me. What's going on?" you demanded.

She shook her head, her eyebrows pulled together in distress. As you walked closer, you lifted your hand up to reach out for her.

"Paulina?" you said warily. Her mouth didn't move, but you could see her raise her hand hesitantly. She wanted to reach out for you, but her expression gave you the impression that she was still uncertain. You dragged your feet closer, intent on grabbing her hand and pulling her out of the titan's mouth. Your hand started to tremble while the proximity began to close in between the two of you, fearing the intentions of the titan holding her captive.

And then, the titan's mouth clamped shut. You gasped, jolting in surprise. Her arm had been chopped off and the titan took off running.

The titan bolted across the field, its hands and feet crushing the flowers that crossed its path.

"Wait!" you yelled, sprinting after it. It felt like your heart had leaped inside your throat. You ran as fast as you could, your feet practically floating in the air while you trampled the plants beneath you. The anxiety continued to pile up in your chest the faster the titan moved ahead of you, and your feet started slipping amongst the dozens of flowers as a result of your speed.

To your misfortune, you tripped and fell.

The moment your body collided with the ground, a second person took advantage of your clumsiness and tackled you from behind.

"Get off!" you told the person. They had you pinned down, your arms spread on either side of you while they gripped your wrists tightly. You couldn't tell who it was yet, nor did you care. All you were worried about was your sister.

"Get off!" you yelled again, kicking and wriggling under their grip. Whoever it was, they were abnormally strong. "Let me save my sister!"

The titan was long gone at this point. It looked like a speck of dust from afar. Where was it taking her? What was going on?

The person whose weight was crushing you used their strength to flip you over, and now you were pinned on your back.

You saw grey eyes.

"Levi," you said softly. A soft breeze blew between the two of you, the campanula's petals tickling your arm beside you. His grip was still firm around your wrists, but you hardly noticed, enthralled by his presence.

"You lied to me," he said, his tone dry and colorless.

"I'm sorry," you apologized. "I had no choice."

"How could you?" The inflection of his words didn't sound enraged or furious - it sounded fragile and weak, like you had just broken him apart.

"...I'm sorry," was the only thing you were able to voice. What else could you say? What else could you say that would justify all the horrible stuff you let happen?

From your peripheral, the striking purple from the field was starting to diminish. The flowers were disappearing around you. Were they dying?

"You tricked me into loving you."

Love.

That was exactly what you were afraid of.

"How could you love me?" you told him. "What about me is there to love?"

Making him fall in love with you was never part of the plan. If he truly loved you, it was genuine. You showed him who you were at your core. The contentment and joy you felt around him was never a facade.

But then there was the side you had to keep hidden from him - the darkness that plagued your mind every night. All the lies, all the death... how could he still love you after that?

"What isn't there to love about you?" he said amorously. His grey eyes were so full of light and tenderness. They were so beautiful.

He was so beautiful.

"There is nothing to love about me," you responded, his grey eyes continuing to allure you. "I've been doomed from the moment you met me. I'm a glass waiting to shatter. You know this."

"How don't you see it?" His grip loosened on your wrists, and one hand went to cup your cheek. His touch was warm against your skin. "Your courage. Your bravery."

"Those are things I have to be."

"That takes strength," he told you, leaning in close to your face. "You push back your burdens for the sake of others."

"I'm a coward." You kept pushing back, refusing to accept his compliments. "I'm no one you should love."

"I love you," he said, dipping close to your ear. "I love you."

The words made your chest swell, sending chills down your spine. You hadn't realized how badly you wanted to hear those words from him until now.

"Don't," you told him.

"I love you," he repeated, his lips brushing against your ear.

"You can't."

Levi drew back, his face merely inches away from yours again. He was such a captivating man; it made your stomach churn. How could someone be so perfect?

"You shouldn't love me."

"Why not?" he asked. "Don't you love me too?"

Your breath hitched. "I..." Did you love him? Was that how you felt about him? Love was such a big word to you. "...I shouldn't."

"But you do." His lips were only centimeters away. "Tell me you do."

You looked up at him, his grey eyes piercing your soul. Oh, how badly you wished you could live a normal life - to willingly admit your feelings for him and potentially turn this into something more. He was enamoring - radiating a sense of warmth and security you couldn't fully understand.

"I do," you admitted, reaching your hand up to cup his face. " I do love you, b ut you know that this could never happen."

He stared down at you with a hint of sadness. It was like he was happy to hear your confession, but he also understood the reality of the situation.

"Why?" he questioned. "Why did it have to be this way?"

"I don't know." You felt your voice crack, tears brimming in your eyes.

The entity that brought you into this world must have done so to torture you. It seemed like anything you ever cared about had slipped from your grasp - your father left, your mother passed away, Paulina was just taken, and now the man you love. You couldn't be with the man you loved because of the situation you were forced into the moment you were born. It was going to tear you both apart.

"I wish things were different," you told him.

His tender expression remained unwavering while he continued to stare down at you for a few more seconds, but then, he broke the closeness and kissed you. You immediately reciprocated, your hands reaching up to run your fingers through his hair as his lips parted against your mouth; it felt like you were floating.

You loved him. God, you loved him.

He kissed you like it was the last he'd ever kiss you again. Your lips moved so easily against his, like they were meant to kiss him and only him. You never wanted the moment to end.

His lips detached from yours so he could kiss down your jaw.

"I love you," he breathed against your neck.

"I love you," you told him. "I love you, Levi."

He continued peppering kisses down your neck, his other hand slowly tracing up your stomach.

"I love you," he said again. "But you know I have to do this."

You stiffened. "What?"

It all happened so quickly.

Metal touched your neck, and then there was a slice. You choked back a breath, your hand rushing to cover your throat as you felt the blood seep from your neck.

Levi moved aside, and you forced yourself to sit up. You opened your mouth to speak, but nothing came out; the injury had ruptured your larynx. When your eyes turned to Levi, his face had become malicious and dark. The calm aura he once held had vanished.

You turned your attention to your surroundings next. The sky became grim and cloudy, killing the campanulas - all but one remained. It appeared completely untouched, still full of life. Somehow, you felt connected to this final flower; it gave you hope. As long as it remained standing, there was still some faith for you.

But the more the blood continued to pool from your neck, the more you were beginning to doubt your optimism. There wasn't anything else you could do except watch the blood drain the life out of you.

Your vision became spotty, and your body grew weak. Even while you felt your body collapse from weariness, your eyes remained completely locked with this flower.

That flower was the last thing you saw before your vision went black. Although you were gone, you remembered that it never dwindled.

Your body shot up, your mouth breathing heavily. The first thing you did was feel around your neck to check for any signs of being slashed. Your shoulders relaxed when all you felt was the healed scar of your previous injury from a while back.

You weren't dead. You were alive.

And sweaty as shit.

You desperately wanted to change out of your clothes because how drenched in sweat you were. That had to have been the worst nightmare of them all.

"Oi." You felt someone nudge your shoulder from beside you. Turning your head, you saw Levi crouched next to you on the floor. "What the fuck is up with you? It looked like you were just having an aneurysm."

You lowered your head, staring down at your legs. It was hard as hell to look him in the eye after the dream you just had.

Do I really love him?

"Just another bad dream," you replied self-consciously. How many times would he have to catch you like this?

"If this keeps up, we might need to get a doctor involved. This isn't normal," he said, concern evident in his tone.

"I'll be fine." You sat up on your knees, then stood up on your feet. He mimicked your actions. "Is there any water around here?"

He sighed, passing you a water flask that was already set next to you. You furrowed your eyebrows, grabbing it from him hesitantly.

"Whose flask is this? I didn't have this here before."

"Mine. I knew you'd need it after I saw you writhing like a maniac, so I brought it over."

You hated when he'd do these nice little acts for you when you didn't ask him to - well, no, you actually loved it, and that was the problem.

Warmth spread across your cheeks. "Thank you." You screwed open the top and started taking small sips of water. Silence fell in the room while he watched you drink. You returned the bottle after you finished.

"So, what's the plan for today?" you asked him, approaching his side. The two of you began walking outside the shack.

"Well, while you were still out of it, we got two MPs to come work with us: Hitch and Marlo."

"How the hell did you convince them?"

"Jean had a very... unique way of testing them."

You quirked up an eyebrow. "Do I wanna know?"

"I'd tell you, but you'd probably laugh and go make fun of him."

You scoffed. "Oh, come on. You have no faith in me."

"Nah, I just know you better than you think." The corners of his lips raised slightly.

"Right," you responded, a smile forming on your face.

Distance, remember?

You wiped the grin away from your face instantly and cleared your throat. "But anyway, enough about that. What's next?" you asked, stepping in front of him. He halted in his steps, his face turning solemn and expressionless.

"Next, we infiltrate the headquarters of the First Interior Squad."

It took the whole day to search for the secret hideout of the Military Police. It wasn't difficult taking out the officers; a part of you wondered how the hell some of them even managed to reach such a high position if they weren't even able to defend against a blow correctly.

"Shitface," you taunted one of them after stabbing one of their legs and breaking their arm. "Always acting so above the rest of the population."

"Eden, cut it out," Levi told you while tying up one of the MPs. "How many times do I have to say it?"

"What?"

He huffed in annoyance, averting his gaze from you. You furrowed your eyebrows at his lack of response.

What the hell is he so worked up about?

After taking care of the rest of the officers, Levi dragged the tied-up man outside and began interrogating him regarding the whereabouts of Eren and Historia. He definitely wasn't kind with his questioning, shoving his foot in the man's mouth and even breaking one of his arms while mocking him. In the end, none of you received the information you wanted; however, one comment certainly made Levi stiffen up.

"Ackerman?" Levi questioned the older man. "Is that what Kenny's surname is?"

Is Kenny related to Mikasa?

That would sure be a twist. Nonetheless, what surprised you most was that Levi lived with Kenny for years and never learned his surname.

Shortly after this correspondence, Sasha sensed people coming from several feet away in the field.

"Someone's coming from over there!" Sasha yelled. "Multiple targets!"

All of you reacted quickly, drawing your guns and hiding behind the trees. Once you noticed who had arrived, relief entered your body.

"Hange?"

"You can drop your guns now. I'd rather not have to suffer an accidental injury," Hange said, standing closer. "I have some pretty great news."

Hange informed you all that the Survey Corp's reputation had now been restored, meaning the truth finally came out. None of you were viewed as fugitives anymore and Erwin was no longer going to be punished.

This resulted in a burst of excitement from the younger scouts. Connie and Sasha nearly kicked you in the face while they both jumped in the air.

"Can you guys watch it?" you told them in irritation, backing away from them. "You nearly struck me in the face." They ignored your demands, continuing to revel in their happy moment. You rolled your eyes, brushing it off, but from the corner of your eye, you saw a devious grin forming on Sasha's face while she approached you.

"Sasha, what are you-"

Sasha tackled you in a hug, sending you both tumbling to the ground from her unexpected embrace.

"Sasha!" you reprimanded her. "Get off!"

She ignored your pleas as you tried shoving her off. The rest of the scouts started laughing at your interaction.

"I could have broken a bone or something, you know?" you told her sternly, finally breaking away from her enclosure. She only responded with a chuckle as you both stood up. You sighed, crossing your arms against your chest and looking away. Truthfully, you were just trying to hide the small smile that had crept on your face.

After the cackling died down, Hange explained that they had a pretty good idea as to where Eren and Historia were residing. You all followed behind their plan without a doubt, hopping into a wagon to begin the search.

While riding the wagon along the way to the location, Hange relayed what they found out within the past few days. In brief, they speculated that someone was trying to eat Eren to obtain his titan power. This meant that all of you had to act, and fast.

On the way there, Levi also asked Mikasa about her relation to Kenny. Mikasa didn't give a direct answer to that, clearly unsure of whether or not he was a relative. Instead, she discussed how her father's side used to be persecuted in the cities for being an Ackerman, though, she wasn't sure why that was.

Ackerman did sound somewhat familiar to you. It felt like you learned something along the lines of that name back in warrior training, but you weren't entirely sure. If only you had paid more attention in class...

This is why Paulina is the brains of the family.

Once you arrived at the location, you all searched around for a hidden entrance. After Hange found the secret door underground, everyone took a deep breath in and collected themselves, accepting the fact that they were going to get their hands dirty in order to save Eren and Historia. They all entered one by one. You and Levi were the last two, but just before you hopped through the door, Levi stopped you by grabbing your shoulder.

"Before you go, we need to talk about your taunting."

"My taunting?"

"Yes," he said. "How many times do I have to call you out on it?"

You furrowed your eyebrows. "What are you saying?"

He let out an exasperated exhale. "I'm saying that you really need to shut your mouth sometimes, or else it'll get you killed."

His choice of words did not bode well with you at all; it only irritated the hell out of you. "Well, by shutting my mouth, I might portray myself as a feeble victim. So no, I will not shut my mouth."

"This isn't a joke, Eden."

"I'm not laughing."

"I'm serious."

"Are you seriously mad over this?" you inquired.

"Not mad," he said. "Just irritated by your carelessness."

"You're always irritated."

"I'm being serious."

"So then you're mad."

He glared at you, his expression indicating how displeased he was by your response. You could see the tension rise in his shoulders. "Can you stop taking everything as a joke? I swear, you act like you have a fucking death wish."

"And I'm telling you I'm not taking this as a joke. You expect me to just shut my mouth and let them get a kick out of it? Do you know me at all?"

"There's a way to be confident without acting like an arrogant bastard."

"You're gonna stand there and tell me you haven't done the same?"

"That's different."

You raised your eyebrows. "That's different? So what, are you saying that I'm incapable? That I can't act as confidently because I'm not as strong as the great Captain Levi?"

He sighed. "No, that's not what I meant."

"Then what the hell do you mean, Levi? You're saying it's different for you, but when it comes to me I need to shut my mouth and look pretty?"

"For fuck's sake, Eden, why do you always take everything so personally?" he said harshly. "You're always putting words in my mouth. Not once did I say you were incapable."

"I just think it's hypocritical of you to tell me to shut my mouth when you just finished shoving your foot in someone's mouth and breaking their limbs while taunting them all throughout."

"Keep your fucking mouth shut," he said sternly, his face leaning in to intimidate you. "Don't make me say it again."

You glared at him furiously, pursing your lips. Without responding, you jumped down through the door.

"What took you both so long?" Hange asked curiously. Levi fell through seconds later.

"Don't worry about it," you replied brusquely, walking ahead of everyone else while trying to avoid Levi. Hange eyed the two of you suspiciously, but chose not to inquire about it further.

Taking out the First Interior Squad did not prove difficult. The plan you all came up with in the wagon worked successfully: roll down the barrel with gas canisters, shoot it with a fire arrow, and fill up the area with smoke. The smoke made it easy for none of you to get targeted, so sneak attacks were easy to initiate.

You sliced and stabbed the MPs without a second thought. As much as you were irked by Levi's remarks from earlier, you still ended up listening to him and kept your taunting to a minimum. Maybe he did have a point... but his choice of words still pissed you off.

However, your irritation with the captain was the least of your concerns. Your apprehension widened tremendously when you started to notice the ceiling cave in. Luckily, you were all able to find Eren and Historia in time, but it seemed like Rod Reiss had now become a titan somehow, and the heat projecting from him was burning the hell out of all of you.

There was no way out.

You could see the conflict on Eren's face; he wasn't sure of whether or not to titanize. Becoming a titan would likely crush you all, so it seemed like there was no hope left.

That was, until Eren just so conveniently found armor serum on the ground.

Where the hell did that come from, anyway?

You couldn't complain, though, because he ended up saving you all in the end.

You were able to secure an exit, and all of you escaped. Using the armor serum, Eren was able to create a hardened titan that worked as a shield. It prevented the ceiling from caving in and protected all of you.

The next problem was trying to resolve the issue of Rod Reiss' titan. It was truly unlike any titan you had seen before, and figuring out a solution to the issue was going to be hell.

You all hopped back onto the wagon and started making your way towards the titan. While on the way there, the group of you started discussing matters involving what just occurred between Eren, Historia, and Rod Reiss himself. Historia seemed keen on her theory - suggesting that Eren's father was trying to save them from the first king and had no choice but to do so. Furthermore, that must have been the reason why he entrusted Eren with the basement key.

But now, there was another problem.

"The key's missing," Eren admitted. Everyone gaped at him.

"What do you mean it's missing?" Hange asked him.

"When they captured us, they knocked us out pretty bad. One guy seemed particularly fascinated by my key, saying it looked pretty valuable. The next thing I knew, I blacked out and woke up in chains."

"Well, that makes things even worse. That basement of your father's seems really important. That key needs to be found."

"What did the guy look like, Eren? Did you know his name or anything?" Levi inquired.

Eren sighed, staring down at his hands in deep thought. "He was really tall and young - younger than the other guys working with him. His eyes were hazel, I think... or green. I'm not entirely sure. He had dark, swept-up hair too. I think I heard one of the guys call him Luke or something."

You pulled your eyebrows together, moving up closer in your seat before saying, "Hang on, Luke? Or Lukas?"

"Now that you mention it, I think it was Lukas," Eren agreed.

"Did he talk about anything else?"

"From what I can remember, he was mainly talking about being intrigued by my necklace, and I think he mentioned having a collection of stolen jewelry of some sort at a bar or something."

"That motherfucker..." You clenched your fists tightly. Why the hell was he working with the MPs?

"You think you know this person?" Levi asked you.

"Yeah," you replied, turning to him. "And you do too."

Levi raised his eyebrows, confused at your response.

"Well, I suppose that is something we'll deal with later down the line. Right now, we need to figure out a way to take down this titan," Hange said. Everyone nodded their heads in agreement.

Eventually, all of you encountered Erwin while on the way to the walls. It had been some time since you last saw him, and it was off-putting to see him with one arm less. Nonetheless, Erwin was still able to assist and guide you all successfully.

Soon enough, the plan went accordingly. You arrived at Orvud district where Rod Reiss' titan ended up, and Eren used his titan form to shove explosives into the titan's mouth. This blew out the back of the titan's neck, sending small pieces of its flesh flying in the air. The rest of you were ordered to finish him off with your maneuvering gear, and fortunately, Historia was able to defeat the titan, landing the final blow.

The first thing Levi did after Rod Reiss was defeated was search for Kenny.

He brought you along with him, claiming that it would make the search easier having someone else alongside him, but in truth, he just wanted to have you next to him. Your presence was enough to offer him the support that he didn't want to admit he needed.

Levi found Kenny beside a tree, close to where the disaster struck initially. Truthfully, he thought he'd have been dead already, but it was Kenny, after all.

You pointed your gun at the dying man, ready to pull the trigger in case he tried to do anything that would cause harm to either of you. After taking a long look at him, Levi sighed and made the decision to dismiss you.

"Are you sure?" you asked him, lowering the gun. He could see the concern on your face.

"Yes," he replied. "I'll be fine by myself. Go report with the others."

You paused, but then nodded hesitantly. "Got it, Captain."

Moments after you stepped away, a forced chuckle escaped from Kenny's mouth.

"That your girlfriend?" he asked.

Levi flushed at his comment, then turned his gaze away.

"She's my comrade, though, that is none of your concern."

"She seems to be around you a lot. Quite the spitfire, isn't she? She took out one of my strongest - Caven. Didn't expect that. Reminds me of you."

"Well, that's not important," Levi said, trying to steer away from discussing you. "The hell is that in your hand?" When Levi inspected Kenny further, he noticed a large box holding a giant syringe beside him.

"Something I swiped from Rod's bag," Kenny admitted. "It seems that if you inject this, you become a titan. I'd be able to extend my life."

"So why didn't you? You should have had enough time and strength earlier to do it."

"Well, there was always the risk I'd end up like Rod did."

"You wouldn't just sit around waiting to die. You don't have a better excuse than that?"

"Ah... I don't want to die. I wanted power... now I feel like I can understand what he did."

Levi narrowed his eyes. "Huh?"

"Everyone I've seen has been like that. Be it alcohol, women, or even God. Without being drunk on something, no one could have done what they did. Everyone was a slave to something, even him."

Kenny paused, then raised his head to look at Levi. "You, what are you? A hero? Or maybe it's that girl you're drunk on."

Levi ignored his rambling, crouching down and placing his hands on the dying man's shoulders. "Kenny, tell me everything you know. Why doesn't the first king want humanity to survive?"

"I don't know; however, that's the reason that we Ackermans oppose him."

Levi's eyes widened.

We?

"My surname is also Ackerman, isn't it? What are you to my mother, Kenny?"

Kenny chuckled. "Ha, you idiot. I'm just her brother."

Levi drew back slightly, trying to let the realization sink in. This entire time, the man who raised him and then left was his uncle - his family.

Why did he leave his family?

"Back then, why did you leave me?" Levi felt the need to ask. He'd never admit it out loud, but he still felt the pain of the betrayal even years later. The question he asked was something he wondered for years, and this was his one and only chance to get the answer he deserved to know.

"...Because I wasn't fit to be someone's father," Kenny replied. In his last moment of life, Kenny shoved the syringe at Levi's chest forcefully. Levi grabbed it tightly, then stared at his uncle's body once more.

"Kenny..."

He was dead - gone, like the rest of them.

Once again, Levi had suffered yet another loss.

Although Levi ordered you to report back to the others, you stayed back, hidden behind a tree a fair distance away. You were concerned about his safety, seeing as this Kenny person seemed to be at his level of skill. You couldn't hear their conversation from where you stood, but when you saw Kenny's body go limp, you knew he was gone and no longer a threat.

And yet, Levi never moved from his position - completely frozen as he stared at his dead body in disbelief.

You decided to approach him, not caring if he reprimanded you for not following his orders. "Hey," you said, standing next to him. "You alright?"

"I thought I told you to report back," he said weakly. You knelt down beside him.

"I wanted to make sure you were okay."

Levi didn't respond, still clutching the syringe against his chest.

"You must feel conflicted," you told him sympathetically. You turned your attention to Kenny's dead body, then returned your gaze to Levi, trying to decipher his expression. "Whatever you're feeling right now is justified. If you're angry, then you have every right to be. If you're sad, that's okay too."

Levi exhaled through his nose softly and lowered the syringe, placing it on the ground. Silence surrounded the two of you while you reached over and grabbed his hand gently.

"Just know that you can hate a person for what they did to you and still mourn the person they could have been. There is no shame in that."

Levi remained wordless, but you didn't need words to know how he was feeling. You picked up on the meaning of some of his expressions and mannerisms in the short time you'd known him. If he didn't want you there, he would have made it obvious to you.

He shut his eyes and exhaled through his nose again, his hand tightening slightly in your grip. He remained still like this for a few moments, but then, without warning, his body slumped to the side and his head fell onto your shoulder. You stiffened for a few seconds, not having anticipated his movements; however, you still wrapped an arm around his shoulder and pulled him in closer.

He didn't speak. He didn't cry. He just wanted peace and quiet while he came to terms with another loss in his life, so that was what you were going to give him. You stroked his head tenderly, leaning your head on top of his.

Your mother used to tell you how love could make you do stupid things you never ever expected to do - be it spending tons of money on gifts, or completely isolating yourself from others. You always thought it was dumb; it made you wonder why anyone would want to fall in love at all.

You understood now.

Dropping your strength and allowing yourself to be weak in front of someone was something stupid that you never pictured doing, and yet, you'd already done that in front of Levi even before you realized you loved him. You should have known the moment you dropped your head on his shoulder that night at the fortress that you felt more for him than just comfort. That was when it should have clicked in your head.

And right now, he had just done the same. He let go of his strength and allowed himself to be vulnerable in front of you.

Humanity's Strongest Soldier allowed himself to be weak in front of you.

You were right, Mom.

You shut your eyes and took a deep breath in, still hugging him close as his body melted into you.

Love is one of the worst weaknesses to have.

Notes:

Hi,

Almost didn't think I was gonna get this uploaded today... It is 2 am where I live right now and I have work at 6 am. My priorities are so skewed lmfaoooo.

Sorry if this chapter seemed a bit rushed. I was sorta skimming through this arc since it's not really important to the premise of this story. Not super happy with how it came out, but I tried my best.

Alsooo, I've got a few other things I want to say:

1. Next chapter is going to be dedicated to Eden's backstory. I didn't want this fanfic to be too OC-centric, but I feel like I never really took the time to flesh out some of Eden's story, specifically her relationship with the warriors, her mother, her sister, etc. After next chapter, we go back to the original timeline and things are gonna start to get interesting ;).

2. I recently decided to crosspost this fanfic on Wattpad too if anyone prefers a different platform :). It's been a while since I've used Wattpad, but I thought I'd give it a try.

3. I'm going to try my hardest to upload next Sunday, but I have two exams this week I need to take the time to study for. I'll try my best, but next update might be two weeks from now. We'll see how it goes. Sorry :').

As always, thank you for the support and I hope you all have a nice week 3

- Mar

Chapter 24: Love

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

"Love is a weakness." The memory of your mother pouring water over the blooming campanula emerged in your brain. Tiny water droplets bounced from petal to petal down the stem until they reached the soil. "It makes you do stupid things."

A sigh escaped your mouth at the memory while you stepped into your room, just having finished brushing your teeth, taking a long shower, and slipping on your nightgown. After settling the Rod Reiss situation, you all retreated to a building within Wall Sina near Mitras since Historia's coronation was tomorrow. The night creeped in fairly quickly after the strenuous day, and fortunately, the scouts no longer had to reside in a shabby shack and could sleep in a comfortable bed again.

Flopping onto your bed, you rolled over on your back to stare up at the ceiling. You rested one arm over your head, setting it comfortably atop your pillow while you let out another deep sigh. Exhaustion consumed your entire body. You'd like to fall asleep soon to be up early for Historia's coronation, but as always, your brain never liked to stop running.

Love.

Your mind returned to the memory of your mother and the campanula.

"Why would anyone want to be in love, then?" you recalled asking your mother. She had just finished tending the flowers and set down the watering can. There was a wistful smile on her face while her eyes were still fixed on the purple flowers.

"Love isn't something we choose," she had said. "You can't help who you love sometimes."

You always adored your mother, but it wasn't until after she died that you truly acknowledged her inner strength. As a young kid, there were moments when you found yourself inexplicably angry at her for reasons that were out of her hands. You used to question many of her decisions of the past - and sometimes you still did - but anytime you lingered back to the memories you still had of her, you realized she did the best she possibly could with what was placed in front of her path.

But there was still one thing you could never quite understand - how on earth did she end up loving someone like your father?

Adam Krause was his name. You took your last name after your mother, Luna Barlowe, for obvious reasons. Your parents never got married; your father was a Marleyan man while your mother was an Eldian woman. This forbidden love of theirs was always made apparent to you as a kid.

Stupid. It was all stupid. A part of you wondered how the hell they were even able to pull it off for so long, especially since they couldn't be seen together.

And they set one hell of an example of what 'love' was supposed to be like...

What was love to you? How did you learn to love when your example of love was the dysfunctional relationship between your parents? How could you love when all you were taught was to fight?

You shut your eyes at the thought, reminiscing back to your childhood...

Eat.

Sleep.

Train.

Repeat.

From the moment you turned five, that was the life you knew.

Early mornings were spent refining techniques with your father, then you went straight to warrior training. Breakfast consisted of water, bread, eggs, and sometimes orange juice if your father was generous enough.

"When you hold the knife, grip it backwards," your father instructed you one day. He grabbed the knife from your hand and reversed his grip, swiftly slicing the chest of the dummy that stood on your right. "You'll feel powerful."

Your father passed you the knife again; you grasped it tightly with your small hand. Feeling more determined, you flipped the knife open and mimicked his actions. Your body filled with glee at the sight of your father's grin after your success.

"That's my girl."

On your fifth birthday, your father gifted you a pocket knife. Your mother was not happy about it all, but it didn't stop him from teaching you how to use it anyway. His excuse was that you would need to start warrior training soon, so it was best to get a head start.

It was a consistent routine at that age: wake up, practice with your father, go to training, and then go to bed. As strenuous as it was, the work paid off. By six years old, you managed to impress both the commander and the general with your abilities and work ethic. However, the older you became, the more rigorous warrior instruction became.

Your father became exceptionally harder on you for it.

By the time you turned nine, your entire day was spent running through combat training. Your father opted to practice with you not only in the mornings, but evenings as well. To put it bluntly, you were fucking exhausted.

"Come on, Eden. How many times do I have to correct you? Straighten your leg," your father reprimanded you one evening. Anxiety built up in your chest at your father's harsh tone.

You were working on high kicks at the time while trying to kick against the dummy's head, but the longer you continued, the more drained you became. The pressure your father kept putting on you didn't help at all, and soon enough, your legs buckled and you lost your balance. You fell on your behind with a painful grunt. The disappointment in your father's expression was one you'd never forget.

"Alright, that's it. We're done," he said obstinately. Your father marched back into the house stiffly with a loud slam at the door; the noise caused you to flinch.

From a distance, you heard the two of your parents arguing inside the house. It was the same as always - your mother would scold your father for overworking you, and your father would try to justify his behavior by saying it was for your own good. You bent your knees into your chest and covered your ears, attempting to block out the noise.

You felt like a burden. You always seemed to be the topic of discussion when it came to your parents' disagreements. They could never agree on what was best for you.

The moment you were born, it was implanted in your head that you had to become a titan inheritor. According to your father, obtaining a titan would ensure for your family to be more accepted. The idea sounded realistic and appealing to you as a kid - your father would get to live happily with you and your mother, and he wouldn't have to constantly berate you about your sparring skills. Everyone would be happy and you would no longer be a disappointment to him.

And damn, did you hate disappointing your father.

Although he was the reason you were as strong as you were, he wasn't exactly the kindest instructor at times. If you performed well, he would put on the act of being the best father in the world by showering you with hugs, compliments, and gifts. If you ever deviated from perfection, you never heard the end of it. The older you became, the harder on you he was. The anxiety you felt around him only continued to increase, and this anxiety was clearly reflected in your performance during practice with him. It reached a point where you'd much rather go to warrior training than have to deal with your father's constant negativity.

His drinking habits became more apparent to you around this time. For the longest time, you used to blame yourself for his drunken behavior. You had thought that being a failure to him resulted in his constant anger and instability that led to his fall down the rabbit hole that was addiction.

And the more he drank, the more the arguments between your parents continued to flourish.

"Rest, Eden," your mother told you one night after a fight with your father. She tucked you into bed and shut off the light. "You have a long day tomorrow." Even after she stepped out of the room, your mind was still fixated on the dry tears on her cheeks and the puffiness in her eyes.

Your mother never liked the way you were training to be a warrior; she detested it, in fact. Although she understood why it had to be done, she hated the way you were thrown in as a child. The thought of you becoming a titan inheritor also rubbed her the wrong way. She was constantly concerned for your safety, and she knew obtaining a titan would not only threaten your security, but also shorten your lifespan. A normal life was what she wanted for you, but that was ripped away from you the moment you were born. She just wanted you to relax and not overexert yourself for once.

To her misfortune, you valued your father's opinion more than anyone else at that age.

The more your father reprimanded you, the more you started working out on your own to correct your mistakes. You'd hop out of bed in the middle of the night to do it - kicking, punching, and stretching. Getting better was your goal, so if sacrificing your sleep meant reaching that goal, it was a risk you were willing to take.

What you didn't understand was how badly this would affect you in due time. You managed to get away with it for a while, but the exhaustion had finally caught up to you one day during training.

The following memory was one you remembered quite vividly. It was a rather cloudy day during warrior training, water droplets gradually falling from the sky until it began to pour. Your instructors still had you running laps regardless of the weather. Heavy breaths passed through your lips as you ran with a large rifle in hand, the weight of the bag on your back boring down on you. It wasn't until a few seconds later that you felt your vision start to get a little blurry. For a moment, you blamed it on the fog from the weather, but then the blurriness converted into black spots. The weak feeling in your body could no longer be ignored; you collapsed to the ground. Nerves floated through your veins when you realized what happened.

This had never happened before. You had never allowed exhaustion to overwhelm you in this way. How could this have happened?

You sat up on your knees, trying to steady your breath while waiting for your vision to return to normal.

"Hey, kid." From the corner of your eyes, you saw one of your instructors approaching you. "Gotta keep going. No slacking off. You want your meal privileges taken away?"

Shivers rippled through your body; you were growing cold. If you stood up, you'd pass out - you were sure of it. Although you feared the repercussions, you were clearly in no shape to continue. You needed a moment to rest before jumping back in.

"Water," you muttered.

"Huh?"

"Need water," you repeated. If you just had a bit of water, you'd be okay... well, that was what you were trying to convince yourself, anyway. You just wanted to avoid sitting out in order to evade harsh punishments. As the golden student of your unit, you needed to keep that image up no matter what. A perfect track record was what you had up until that point, and you had no intention of ruining it. All of your instructors saw how devoted you were to combat, so you felt assured that they'd be understanding enough to look past one slip-up.

Unfortunately, your thinking was too optimistic.

A hard shoe shoved against your back, causing you to fall forward on your face.

"You think this is a joke, kid? Get your ass up and get to work."

Lifting your face off the dirt, you nodded and stood on your feet again, continuing to march forward.

"I can handle it," was what you kept telling yourself. You were determined to get through the rest day. It was only a few more laps, then you'd have lunch, then class, then-

Your vision went completely black.

The next thing you were able to recall was waking up in a hospital bed surrounded by at least a dozen other patients.

Your instructor walked into the infirmary just minutes after you opened your eyes, his expression brooding and serious. He tossed you some stale bread which you caught with your hands, then he set a glass of water down on the small table beside you.

"Eat up. This is all you're getting for lunch," he said stoically. You glanced between him and the bread, then nodded. You proceeded to take a bite, your nose crinkling slightly when you found it difficult to chew. Your instructor's piercing glare burned into you while he watched you eat.

"Oh, and by the way," he piped up again. "We decided on your punishment. You're cleaning the bathrooms tomorrow."

"Yes, sir," you replied somberly. Watching as he turned on his heel to leave, you continued to force yourself to eat the rest of the bread, knowing full and well you'd lose your appetite by the time you went home for dinner that night.

"What the hell was that about?" your father asked you the moment you stepped through the door that evening. "Your mother told me what happened."

"I- I fainted," you told him honestly. "Everything became blurry and I-."

"You're not working hard enough," he interjected. Anger bubbled up inside you, your tiny fists balled on either side of you at his rude interruption. "I don't understand. You were at the top of your class just months ago-"

"I'm trying my best!" you finally snapped.

"Don't you dare raise your voice at me!" His index finger was raised to point at you. You stepped back in apprehension. "I gave you a roof over your head, food on your plate, and this is how you're repaying me? Do you even have the slightest clue how grateful you should be for all that I've done for you? Any other Eldian would kill to be as privileged as you are, and instead of showing your gratitude, you want to act entitled?"

"I-I'm sorry," your voice cracked.

"Do not cry," he ordered firmly. "Do you want to be seen as weak?"

You sniffled and shook your head while turning your gaze down to your feet.

"Go to your room."

"Yes, Dad," you replied melancholically, dragging your feet to your room. The second you closed the door, your lips started to quiver and you choked back a sob. Sliding down against the door, you hugged your legs against your chest and allowed the tears to flood out of your eyes while covering your mouth to prevent any loud sobs from escaping you. You remained in this position for quite some time, quietly weeping to yourself until a knock on your door startled you. For a moment, you assumed it was your father, but then you realized that your father did not have such a gentle way of knocking on doors.

"Eden?" your mother's soft voice rang from behind the wall. "Let me come in, please."

You wiped your nose on your arm and stood up, twisting the door knob. Slowly, the door creaked open, and the first thing you saw was your mother's concerned expression.

"Oh, sweetie." She engulfed you in a hug instantly and you didn't resist. You pressed your face into her chest and started to sob, your hands grasped tightly onto her shirt.

"I don't- I don't want him to hear me," you said. She placed a hand on your head to stroke your hair.

"He's not here. It's okay," she replied. You felt the tension in your shoulders relax, releasing the grip on her shirt to wrap your arms around her waist.

"I'm really trying, Mom. I'm trying so hard," you continued, your voice still unsteady from crying. "Why am I never enough for him?"

"I know, sweetie. It's not you." She drew back from the enclosure and placed both hands on each of your shoulders to stare at you intently. "You're already doing so much and more. He's hard on you because he wants you to succeed, but he has a poor way of going about it. Don't overwork yourself because of him."

"But I don't want to be weak."

"You're not weak."

"Crying makes me weak."

"That's where you're wrong." Your mother brought a hand up to wipe the tears from your face. "Your father grew up with the mindset that being physically gifted was what classified a strong person, and it seems that you've adapted that mentality as well. But there are all kinds of strength, my dear.

"Like what?"

"Well," she continued. "There's intellectual strength - that's when you're a really fast learner and can learn to apply what you learn in the real world. There's also emotional strength, which is what you and I have. That's when you allow yourself to be open and vulnerable to your emotions. Crying is one way of doing that. You don't want to bottle up your emotions, and crying is a great way of releasing them. You know what happens when you decide to bottle it all up?"

You waited patiently for her to continue.

"You explode."

You didn't fully get it then; hell, sometimes you still didn't understand it even as you grew older. In what world would you be convinced that crying made you strong when any time you did, the repercussions were never ideal? Cry in front of your father: get punished. Cry in front of your instructors or officers: get punished.

So instead of crying, you found yourself using other coping mechanisms to deal with your emotions, but these coping mechanisms weren't exactly the healthiest, either.

"We got a letter from Commander Magath today," your mother said brusquely one day after training. The grip on the paper in her hands was firm, the sheets creasing around the edges. "He said you were caught beating up several kids - not once, not twice, but three times this week."

You averted your gaze from her sheepishly. She placed a hand on her hip, glaring down at you firmly.

"What's gotten into you? I didn't raise you to behave this way."

'Maybe not you,' was what you wanted to say, but you kept your mouth shut.

In your defense, some of the warrior kids in your unit were annoying as hell. It was clear that the commander had a bit of favoritism towards you, and this didn't settle well with the others. You'd be running around the track, minding your business, until some kid would purposefully shove past you or try to trip you. If there was one thing you were thankful your father taught you, it was to not take shit from anyone, so you did what you were told to do in defense: return the same behavior.

On one particular day, you were feeling more agitated than usual due to your father's exceptionally hard remarks from the night before. The second you felt one of the kids shove past you, you were unable to resist the urge to yank the boy from the back of his collar and send him falling to the ground. He groaned while sitting up, holding a hand on his back. When he trailed his eyes up to see yours, he looked slightly mortified and fearful. He clearly hadn't expected you to react so ruthlessly.

"Hey!" One of the Marleyan officers came running to the field. "The hell is going on here?"

"She just pulled me to the ground!"

"He shoved me!" you tried to defend. The officer sighed, hauling the other kid up from his collar, then followed by grabbing your collar next.

"Stupid Eldians," you heard him mutter. He dragged the two of you inside the main building and tossed you into the commander's office. "These two were causing a commotion out there." Using the grip he had on your collar, he shoved you forward, nearly causing you to trip and fall. "This one's been causing us trouble for the past month."

Commander Magath eyed you skeptically. "Leave her with me."

"What about the other one?"

"He can wait outside. Let me have a moment alone with Eden first."

The officer nodded, then left the room.

"Your behavior has been concerning me, Eden," the commander explained. You turned your attention away from him, heat rising rapidly in your face. "You show promise as a warrior, but you cannot continue behaving this way if you intend to obtain a titan someday."

"I'm simply defending myself," you told him. "He shoved me first."

"What about the altercation with Zeke the other day?"

You huffed in annoyance. Perhaps you did go a little overboard with Zeke a few days prior to that. Ever since Zeke snitched on his parents, he gained a newfound confidence now that he no longer needed to constantly impress his father. It was rather irritating, especially since his endurance was still absolutely garbage. He had become much more prideful compared to the first time you met him.

Zeke always had a thing for provoking you; for whatever reason, he got a kick out of it. He made a sly comment relating to the one time you fainted, and impulsively, you kicked him straight in between his legs. He had to sit out for the rest of the day after that, and for your punishment, you were made to clean the disgusting bathrooms again. The memory of the bathrooms made you shudder.

You were all given chores to do as warriors, but the bathrooms were the most disgusting and arduous task of them all. God forbid you missed a stain, because if you did, you would never hear the end of it. The worst part was that instructors always had a say in your work. Some of them would take away your breaks if you didn't perform well enough, others would take away your meals, and some would get physical with you. You dreaded it more than anything, especially since you weren't sure which instructor you were going to be given.

And as they always liked to say to you warriors: "Your mess, you clean it up." I f you fucked up, you had to fix it. Make any mistake, and you'd be punished. They always expected absolute perfection from Eldians, or else the consequences were severe.

When you didn't respond to the commander's question, he spoke up again. "Go meet up with Instructor Willis for your punishment."

You sighed solemnly. "Yes, Commander." While exiting the room, you could very faintly listen to the commander mumble something under his breath about you having the aberrant behavior of your ancestors. Just as you always did, you blocked it out.

Days passed after that altercation, and when your temperamental behavior still hadn't improved, you found that your parents were starting to argue more and more. Each night you'd shut the door to your room and hug your legs against your chest behind the door while covering your ears. It was the same thing every day: your mother would blame your father for your growing temperament, and your father would accuse your mother of being ungrateful for his contributions to the household, including how well you'd been progressing in your training. One night, however, your mother made a comment that stuck with you forever.

"She's just a child, Adam," she said. "From the moment she was born, you placed a knife in her hand and taught her to fight. No matter how much I try to snap her out of it, she refuses to listen. Aggression was all she was taught. It wasn't me who taught her that."

"And she's excelling, is she not? She's amongst the top of her class. Soon, she will have the chance to inherit a titan, and then we can finally live how he wanted, Luna. Is that not what you want?"

"Not like this," she muttered quietly. There was silence, then some shuffling on the floor before she spoke up again. "Not at the expense of my daughter's happiness."

" Our daughter," he corrected.

"She may as well be just mine if you continue using her as some object."

For a moment, you thought he was going to yell at her, but he didn't say a word after that.

"She's fragile. You have to keep that in mind when you're with her sometimes," your mother continued.

"Fragile?" he replied incredulously with a scoff. Even you were slightly irritated by her comment.

Fragile? That was how she viewed you? What happened to all the different strengths she said you had? Now she was calling you weak?

"In what world is a girl who can easily beat up people twice her size fragile?" he continued.

"When I say fragile, I don't mean she's as fragile as a flower. A flower is delicate, approachable, and easy to destroy. I think of her like a bomb. No one wants to be near a bomb. She carries a heavy weight inside her she doesn't want to release, but one day she will explode if someone pushes her buttons the wrong way. You're only instigating that."

You continued to ponder that comment even years later.

When you turned eleven , your parents had another child - Paulina. At the time you were absolutely thrilled to have another sibling, but as you thought back to the memory, you wondered why the hell two dysfunctional parents decided to bring another child into the world when they could hardly handle the one they already had. Not only that, but people started to spread pretty ill-mannered rumors about your mother.

There was supposed to be no father in the picture since no one knew of the relationship between your parents, and then all of a sudden, your mom wound up pregnant. Of course people were going to speculate that she was sleeping around.

Nonetheless, you took pride in looking after your sister, finding yourself to be quite overprotective over her - definitely much more than you needed to be. You wanted to shield her from the suffering you already had to endure.

Your mother always said you had to grow up so fast at such a young age, and looking back, you completely understood now. You tried helping your mother with Paulina whenever you could - feeding her, changing her diapers, and putting her to sleep. It wasn't like you were forced to do it; you wanted to. There was something nice about having another child around.

Although, hearing her cry every night was definitely annoying as shit...

And your father? Well, this was when things started to change drastically. At this point, he just felt like a deadbeat. You wondered if maybe two kids were too much for him - that was the only plausible reason was to why he was avoiding you all. Perhaps he had reached his breaking point. He wasn't as hard on you as before simply because he'd rarely show up - not even to practice with you. As shitty as it was to admit, you were fucking glad he wasn't around as much anymore.

But when he did show up, boy did he make his presence known...

The smell of liquor traumatized you for some time, simply because he'd reek of it the moment he came inside. One night, he returned home after a month of being missing. He struggled to open the lock and came stumbling inside, booze in his hand.

You furrowed your eyebrows while approaching the front door. "Dad?"

You were thirteen at this time. Paulina and your mother had recently gone to bed, but you were still up as you always were, still going over some techniques by yourself. It had to be past midnight at that point.

"Eden." He approached you with a smile. "My sweet Eden."

He embraced you tightly; you grew rigid from the sudden contact. You weren't used to this affection from him, and in truth, it wasn't very comforting.

"Where is Paulina?" he asked, finally pulling away.

"She's asleep."

"Can I see her?" He tried to step past you, but you sidestepped in front of him, blocking his path. He glared at you in confusion.

"I said she's asleep." Your tone was firm as you spoke.

"Please, I just want to see her."

You shook your head. "You're drunk."

"Eden, please. Your mother hasn't allowed me to see her."

Frustration bubbled up inside you. At this point in time, the hatred you had for your father started to increase rapidly. You went from seeking his validation, to not even wanting to deal with him anymore. All he caused you was anxiety.

But he wasn't always like this, and that was what broke you even more. You used to feel excited to see him come back home as a little girl. You'd run into his arms while he'd pick you up and twirl you around. He used to show you a father's love, but somewhere down the line, a shift happened, then he chose alcohol over his family.

"Please, Eden. She's my daughter. I should be allowed to see her."

"I said no," you replied firmly. "Leave before you wake them up,"

He seemed displeased at your response and began approaching you again. Panic shot through your body when his hand grabbed your arm abruptly. Fearing that he was going to hurt you, you shoved him away forcefully.

"Don't touch me!"

"Eden-"

"No!"

Despite your assertive shoves, his hands were still strong and unyielding on your arms. He tried to push you aside, but you weren't budging, writhing under his grasp. It wasn't until a few seconds later that you allowed the fury to fully consume you; you stepped on his foot while grabbing the booze from his hand. He let out a painful groan, but then lunged forward to grab you again, clearly discontent with your behavior.

You crashed the bottle over his head.

The piercing noise of the glass caused a gasp to leave your mouth. You looked around to view the shattered glass everywhere, gaping at the scene, and then there was silence. When you glanced back up at your father, he was rubbing his head, bringing his hand down to stare down at the blood leaking from his scalp.

"What's going on?" Your mother rushed in. Her eyes widened when she saw your father standing in front of you. "What are you doing here?"

You stared between the two of them, unable to form a response. The situation that just occurred rendered you in shock, not having expected yourself to react so aggressively with your father.

"Go to your room, Eden," your mother ordered. Her order broke you out of the mental turmoil within your head.

You shook your head. "No."

"Eden Barlowe-"

"I'm not leaving you with him."

"I'll leave."

Your father's calm response surprised you. His gaze was fixed down at the glass on the floor when you turned your attention back to him.

"Don't come back," your mother said strictly. "I mean it, Adam." Your father made no attempt to argue against her, exiting through the door. His willingness to cooperate was something you never thought you'd see in your life.

He stayed true to his word; your father never came back after that. Despite the massive weight that was lifted off your shoulders, there were still other problems to deal with now - problems that were a lot more worrying than dealing with your father's shitty behavior.

Your mother started coughing a little too much.

It was subtle at first - it sounded more like a cold, if anything, but then it became more and more consistent. Your mother tried to fight against it, she really did, but it reached a point where she was practically bedridden. One night, she fainted in the kitchen while cooking. Paulina was four at the time; you were fifteen . You'd never forget how badly that night freaked you out. You had no idea what to do nor who to contact for help. All you could do was carefully bring her to bed and hoped she'd wake up while you searched for help. You did your best to convince your sister that all was well and that your mother was just feeling drowsy.

Eventually, you came in contact with one of the Eldian doctors after months of searching for help. Your mother's condition required a substantial amount of antibiotics - medication that you wouldn't be able to afford. The thought of that began to distress you even more.

It wasn't very long until it was you that had to run the house.

By the time you turned seventeen , you learned to cook (though ,you were quite shit at it), you cleaned, you dragged your mom to the doctor, and you watched over Paulina - all while still having to go warrior training. Although the commander and general were well aware of what was going on at home, it was apparently not a good enough excuse to miss training.

It was too much. Too fucking much. You weren't sure how you were able to manage it all at that age.

Money became scarce, and the funding from warrior training was not enough. Not only that, but you had absolutely no time to find a job with all these other commitments you had piled on you.

"Whatever you do, do not steal, Eden," your mother told you sick in bed while you were bringing her soup one night. "Do not stoop to that level. It's too risky."

"Of course, Mom," you replied. "You raised me better than that."

You did the exact opposite, of course.

You started out small by stealing some things from your fellow warriors - like snacks and drinks. The first few times weren't easy, seeing as you got caught and were punished quite harshly, but soon after that, you learned to be discreet. Once you were confident you could hide your steps, you broadened your goals by stealing from stores and even some of the guards and instructors in the classroom. Stealing money from your instructors worked for a while, but then they started catching on and became suspicious. Since you had already been caught a few times, their eyes were glued to you every second after that.

And yet, the money still wasn't enough.

Your mother's medication was far more expensive than you anticipated, and the sicker she became, the pricier the antibiotics were. You were starting to feel hopeless - like there was nothing more you could do.

So then one day, you swallowed your pride and made the decision to search for your father.

As you grew older, the warrior program would move you up by age. After turning seventeen , you were put in the same unit that your father - who worked as a Marleyan officer - was told to watch over. It was certainly an uncomfortable scenario for you, especially since the two of you had to act like the other didn't exist.

One day after training, you kept a close eye on him before leaving. You watched him walk down an alleyway toward swhere you would presume to be the path to his home. After making sure no one was around to see what you were doing, you followed behind him.

"Officer Krause," you called over to him hesitantly. Addressing him by his professional status as opposed to calling him your father was slightly off-putting, but necessary. He paused in his tracks and whirled around. His eyes widened when he saw you just merely a few feet away.

"I need your help," you whispered quietly, approaching closer.

You explained the situation to him, relaying everything you knew about your mother's condition and expressing your hopelessness about the situation. For the first time in a long time, you were vulnerable and transparent with him, hoping he'd be understanding - hoping that he'd find it in him to help you and your sister.

And maybe - just maybe - you'd be able to forgive him for all the hurt he caused you as a child.

"It's out of my hands," was all he said before he turned away. Not even an 'I'm sorry' or any sign of concern for your mother.

From that moment forward, you wanted nothing to do with him.

You remembered the frustration of coming home after that night. All the bitterness and fury was burning up inside you, and you just wanted to burst. Upon entering your house, you immediately kicked over a chair in the kitchen, watching as it propelled into the air and smashed against the wall. You ignored the ruckus you made and sunk down on the floor while tugging at your hair in exasperation. Your mother opened the door to her room soon after, slowly staggering out the door to lean against the door frame.

"Eden?" she said, her voice feeble. "What's going on?"

The following comments you made haunted you even as an adult.

You laughed dryly. "Oh, I don't know. Maybe it's the fact that for the past year, I've been having to take charge of the house, handle all finances, take care of my sick mother, plus take care of my sister as if she were my own daughter. Maybe it's the fact that I've had all these major commitments placed on top of me so suddenly and it's been impossible for me to live for myself."

Your mother's eyes widened as she stared at you dejectedly. "I'm sorry, Eden. I-"

Another sarcastic laugh escaped your mouth while you craned your head up to look at her. "Sorry for what, exactly? For falling in love with a piece of shit that you'd let verbally abuse me every day as a child? For giving birth to yet another child knowing full and well that adding another child to the mix would only further set apart the disaster of a relationship that was you and Dad?"

"Eden-"

"No," you cut her off, rising to your feet to approach her. "Because of your shitty idea of what love is, I've had to reap the consequences. That's the only reason I'm training as a warrior, isn't it? So the two of you could have lived happily ever after at the expense of your daughter's childhood-"

"I didn't want this for you, Eden." A tear slipped from your mother's eye. "I'm so sorry-"

"Do you know how badly I wished you never had me?" Your voice cracked. "Do you know how many nights I stayed up wondering why the hell I was even born if my kind wasn't wanted in the first place? I was born to be used - by dad, by the commander, by the general. My entire purpose was never my own, and now I have all these other responsibilities that I-" You choked back a sob.

Tears continued to spill out of your mother's eyes, and it wasn't until a few seconds later that you were unable to hold back the water brimming in your eyes either.

"Mom, I-" you paused, swallowing back the lump in your throat. "I'm just tired of feeling like I'm not meant to be in this world."

"I'm sorry, Eden," she replied weakly. "I don't- I don't know how to respond to that."

You turned your attention away from her, sniffling and letting out a deep sigh to collect yourself.

"But I do love you, Eden." Although she had trouble standing, she made the attempt to reach out for your arm reassuringly. "I know I'm not perfect, and I'm sorry if you ever had to doubt my love for you."

Instead of responding, you turned on your heel and marched back into your room that night.

Despite the slight resentment you were starting to feel towards your mother, you still wanted to take care of her. You didn't hate her; you just took out your frustrations on her in that moment. Angsty and edgy emotions were all you felt as a teenager, so you were just much more irritable during that time.

You continued stealing items and money just as you had before, but when you realized that still wasn't enough, you opted for other methods - methods you weren't entirely proud of, but still worked nonetheless.

Although you really didn't want to stoop down to that level, you started exploiting men for money after turning eighteen . In your defense, they were relatively shitty men. It was a little scary at times, seeing as a lot of these men didn't seem to understand consent, but your combat skills came to good use. You only had to stab a guy once, but that was because he was clearly overly intoxicated and tried groping you; otherwise, flirting with men to steal worked out pretty easily.

"You're so beautiful." The memory of the middle-aged man reaching up to cup your cheek in an alleyway by a bar emerged in your brain.

It took a long time to learn how to hold back your negative impulses when it came to men. At first, you were kicked out of a few bars for breaking a few fingers and bones, but you soon learned that it was necessary to play along for a while in order to get the cash you wanted.

"Thank you," you had replied, smiling at the man endearingly and placing your hand over his gently. You held your smile whilst slipping your right hand into your back pocket, carefully pulling out your pocket knife and clicking it open. The man leaned in closer, obviously intending to kiss you. While trying to fight back the urge to cringe, you used your left hand to grab his right arm firmly, twisting him around and pinning his chest against the brick wall. You bent in his right arm mercilessly against his back. A painful groan slipped past his lips while he tried to release your grip from him, but to his misfortune, you were unusually strong. Noticing his attempt to escape, you quickly brought the knife up to his neck, lightly poking at him.

"Give me all the money in your pocket right now and we won't have a problem."

"You bitc h." He continued to struggle under your grasp while you bent his arm inwards more. His groans continued to roar, but even that wasn't enough for him to give in to your demands. "I'm not afraid of you. What's a girl like you gonna do? Kill me?"

You pressed the knife into his neck more. If you pressed in any further, he'd start to draw blood. "Your call," you said. "This isn't the first time I've had to use a knife."

Still in apparent agony, the man sighed and reached into his back pocket to drop his wallet onto the floor. You used your left foot to drag it towards you, steadily lowering the knife from his neck.

"If you make any attempt to leave while I pick up your wallet, I swear you'll regret it," you threatened. You glared at him carefully while bending down to grab it, slightly loosening your grip on his arm. As soon as you directed your attention to the ground, you felt a tight grip on your hair. On instinct, you sent your leg flying in the air to collide with his face. He yelped in pain while sheathing his face in his hands, bumping his head against the wall and dropping to the ground.

Taking advantage of his distraction, you seized the wallet from the ground and then shifted your eyes back to the bruised man on the floor. You hauled him up by the collar and pulled him towards your face.

"Touch me like that again and you die."

He was trembling under your grasp, hands still protecting his face. You took his reaction as a sign that he wouldn't attempt attacking you again.

You dropped him back on the ground and let go of his shirt, pulling out his wallet to take out all the cash and coins he carried.

"Here, I don't need this. Take it." You tossed the empty wallet back towards him once you pocketed all the money. He flinched upon hearing the impact on the ground, peeking through his hands to see you counting the cash.

"Who the hell are you?" he inquired. You scoffed.

"Like I'd tell you," you responded.

"You're gonna regret this." The man regained his confidence. "W ait until I make a report-"

"You're gonna report me?" you interrupted. "Oh, how awful! Well, I guess my actions do have consequences right?" You crouched down and drew your knife again. Using the sharp tip of the knife, you lifted up his chin. "But tell me, do you really want to be known as the Marleyan man who tried to have sex with a young Eldian woman? Rumors spread pretty fast, you know."

"You don't even know my name."

"Unfortunately for you" - you stood up and pulled out a card from your back pocket -"I do." While smiling mischievously, you flashed his ID card right in front of him. You could see him grow furious at your actions.

"I could go right now and say you assaulted me. They'll be bound to find you."

You twirled the pocket knife in your hand while approaching him again, watching as he tried to back away from you.

"Nah, I don't think so. You wouldn't do that because you're already too scared of what I'm capable of. This isn't my first time at this, you know; I have plenty of stories if you want to listen."

He made no effort to respond, just staring up at you with knitted eyebrows. When you seemed assured he would not try to threaten you again, you pocketed your knife and leaned back against the wall behind you.

"Listen," - you pulled out his ID to read his name - "Gerhard. Leave this alley and don't turn back. You will not utter a word about me, got it? Even if you were to find me again and single me out to someone, no one would believe you. I have my reasons for that. People know me around here, and they know what I'm capable of. Try anything, and I promise you'll regret it."

He remained silent as you tossed his card back towards him. You then turned around to make your way out of the alleyway and back towards the bustling, crowded town.

"Oh, and a word of advice." You stopped in your tracks, peering at him from over your shoulder. "If you want to court a woman, lay off the cigarettes. You smell like shit."

With that, you continued walking ahead, never turning back.

Fortunately, the money you racked up that week was enough for your mother's medication, but just when you were starting to have hope again, the doctor broke some bad news to you the next time he visited.

"There is nothing more we can do," he had said. "At most, she has a month to live."

Your heart dropped.

It didn't fully register for you at first. The thought of losing a parent just didn't seem comprehendible to you.

"Do me one last favor, Eden," your mother asked you shortly after finding out. "Buy me a campanula."

You wondered why the hell she wanted a flower as a final favor, but nonetheless, you still didn't deny her request. You brought in a set of those flowers the following day.

"Paulina has a book with these descriptions about certain flowers," you told your mother, setting the pot down on the table by the window and a watering can beside it. "She told me these flowers represent love and death - well, something like that, I think."

Your mother stared at the flowers wistfully in bed, a smile adorned on her face. "Your father used to buy me them."

You resisted the urge to scowl at the mention of your father, simply remaining quiet and fighting back the urge to make a snarky remark. A few moments later, you furrowed your eyebrows as you witnessed your mother sitting up to get out of bed. You rushed to her side immediately.

"You're not supposed to stand, Mom," you reminded her, gently assisting her by holding her back and grabbing her hand. She started walking towards the window while you guided her. "Mom, what are you doing? You need to rest."

She huffed. "Let me have this. I only have like... a few more days, don't I?"

You hated when she would bring up the topic of her death so casually. It was a constant reminder of your current reality, and it was a thought you still didn't want to accept.

You sighed and listened to her anyway, freeing her from your grasp and allowing her to move on her own. After reaching the window, she carefully picked up the watering can that was only half filled. Her hands trembled as she raised it up high. You reached out to take it from her, but she raised her other hand and spread her palm to indicate that she didn't want your help. An exasperated exhale left your mouth.

"I'm sorry I gave you such a poor example of love, Eden," she said, bringing up the watering can to pour water over the flowers. "The truth is... love is a weakness." She began pouring the water over the flowers. "It makes you do stupid things."

"Why would anyone want to be in love, then?" you inquired, leaning against the wall. She set down the watering can, eyes still fixed on the blooming flowers.

"Love isn't something we choose," she replied. "You can't help who you love sometimes."

At the time, you found that response completely ridiculous. Loving someone wasn't forced upon you - it was a choice. Her response to that almost sounded like an excuse, because it sounded like she was trying to avoid the fact that it was still her choice to fall in love with your father in the end.

Because you weren't entirely fond of her reply, you chose not to respond. She was already suffering enough, and you didn't want to pile on more stress for her knowing she had only a few more days to live. Regardless, as any attentive mother would, she noticed the unconvinced expression on your face and continued speaking.

"My hope is that one day you'll understand what I mean," she said, placing the watering can down and sitting back down on the bed. "And that if you do, you won't have to go through what I did. My hope is that the person who loves you, loves you the way you deserve to be loved."

"Right," you said plainly. A small laugh rumbled in her throat at your reaction. Between you and your sister, Paulina was always the hopeless romantic. Love didn't sound appealing to you, not when you saw what it did to your parents. It sounded like a lot of work, and you wanted nothing to do with it.

The next few days were calm, yet filled you with so much dread. You sat by your mother's bed every day until her very last breath, holding her hand and even falling asleep by her. The day you felt the grip on your hand loosen, your entire world fell apart.

Then, for the first time in months, you buried your head in your arms and sobbed beside her.

Suddenly, you regretted every negative thing you told your mother in the past. Suddenly, you wished you could have taken back all the insults you threw at her because you were an overwhelmed, angsty teenager who didn't realize that this was the best she could do. You wanted to tell her how sorry you were for saying those things because you saw now that she was just stuck in a situation she couldn't get out of. She fell in love with a man who had more power and left her defenseless with two children. She made several mistakes when she was younger, but she did her best to correct them until her very last breath.

"I'm sorry," you sobbed to her that night. "I love you."

Maybe your mother was right - emotional strength was an important strength. It wasn't until that very moment on her deathbed that you noticed just how alike you were without realizing. You had your father's aggression, but your mother's deep emotions. You were a walking contradiction - tough exterior, but felt everything so deeply to your core.

"I love you," you repeated again. "I hope I can find someone to love me like you said I deserve."

And just like that, you took a deep breath in and finally accepted that the person you loved most was gone.

A knock on your door halted your thoughts; your eyes shot open. You weren't exactly asleep yet, but you were hoping the memories of your past would have lulled you to sleep.

"Coming," you announced to the person behind the door, dragging your legs out of the bed. You yawned tiredly and rubbed your face while walking towards the door, twisting the doorknob to open it.

Levi stood before you, his arm leaning against the door frame and hands stuffed into his pockets. His black hair drooped over his head while his gaze was fixed on the floor, seemingly nervous. After a few more seconds, his eyes slowly trailed up to meet yours. The eye contact made your heart race just a tad, or maybe it was just him standing at your door - you weren't exactly sure anymore. Your heart rate seemed to shoot up anytime you were around him now.

You both stood there just holding each other's gaze for a few moments until he finally parted his lips to speak.

"Can we talk?"

Notes:

Hey y'all,

Past few weeks have been a bit overwhelming, sorry for the delay. I did pass my exams though, woo.

Believe it or not, I had more written for Eden's backstory, but it started feeling like one long, random info dump which I didn't want (I really hope it didn't come off that way asdhkfskf). I still want to address her relationship with the warriors along with other things I didn't mention in this chapter, but I feel like it didn't make sense here. I think I found a way to sprinkle it in for the future though. I didn't realize how hard it was gonna be to write her backstory, oops. I just needed to get this chapter out of my system because I didn't really like how I was going about Eden's characterization and backstory. (Truthfully, I would have done a lot differently with her backstory in the beginning had I planned this story out a little better, but you live and you learn).

Enjoy the rest of your week! I think you guys will like the next chapter ;). I'm looking forward to it.

- Mar

Chapter 25: Irresistible

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Your heart started beating rapidly against your chest.

Talk? Why did he want to talk? Was it something bad? You couldn't decipher anything from his expression since he always carried such a gloomy, serious demeanor. Well, based on the way he was looking at you, it had to have been something important. His eyes always helped you understand his emotions a little better, and right now it seemed that maybe-

Answer him, dumbass.

"Sure," you replied, stepping aside to allow him to enter your room. "Come in."

Levi sauntered past you leisurely, hands still stuffed in his pockets as he made it further into the room. He was dressed the most casually you had ever seen him, wearing a thin black sweater and some loose cotton pants.

You shut the door afterwards, expecting him to continue the conversation, but his back was still facing you and not a word was uttered. The quietness only further amplified the anxiety within your chest.

"So are you gonna tell me what's going on? Or..." you said nervously. "I was just about to go to bed, you know."

You both lingered in silence for a few more seconds until he eventually said, "I'm sorry."

You furrowed your eyebrows. "What?"

"About what I told you before we fought Kenny's squad," he elaborated. "When I told you to... be quiet."

The confusion was apparent in your face, but then you raised your eyebrows when you realized what he was talking about. Slight irritation ran through your body at the memory.

Although his comment really did piss you off, you weren't paying it much mind since so much had happened afterwards. You could be petty sometimes, but not petty enough to hold it over him after he just experienced a massive loss.

But hey, if he was bringing it up now, you weren't going to brush past it.

"Well, no. You didn't tell me to be quiet. You told me to keep my fucking mouth shut," you corrected him, crossing your arms over your chest. The annoyance in your expression was not made obvious to him since his back was still facing you.

"Right," he responded, lowering his head. "I shouldn't have- I shouldn't have said it like that, so... I'm sorry."

You quirked up an eyebrow when you noticed that he still wouldn't turn around. "If you're going to apologize, at least face me."

He let out an exaggerated sigh, then slowly twisted his body around to face you. "I'm sorry," he said rigidly again. His expression appeared solemn as always, but you could tell that it seemed like it almost physically pained him to even apologize to you - like he knew he had to do it, but it irked him to do so. It made the corner of your lips raise just a tad.

"Sorry for what again?" you asked, cupping a hand behind your ear to hear him more clearly - just to mess with him a little more, of course. He exhaled through his nose, resisting the urge to roll his eyes.

"I'm sorry for speaking to you that way. I shouldn't have said it like that."

You smiled, content with his apology. "Never thought I'd see the day."

Technically, he had apologized to you once before, but that wasn't for anything he did wrong; it was him blaming himself for things out of his control like he always did. This time was different - he knew you'd genuinely gotten upset at his rude remarks and he was actually trying to apologize for something he knew bothered you.

Guess he's less stubborn than I thought.

He rolled his eyes at your comment, then pulled his hands out of his pockets to cross his arms over his chest. "But," he continued, "I meant what I said about your taunting."

The smile on your face subsided while you turned your attention elsewhere. Warmth spread across your face.

"Alright, fine," you said, deciding not to be hot-headed and admit to your flaws. "Maybe I do tend to go a little overboard with my taunting sometimes, but that's just because I want to assert my power."

"Kenny would have killed you," he replied, his feet stepping closer to you. "If I hadn't caught him off guard, he would have found an easy opening to slit your throat."

"Well, would you have preferred me to show my fear so he could take advantage?"

"All I'm asking is for you to tone it down with the taunting, okay?" His voice raised slightly, but his tone was nowhere near as spiteful as it was when he first brought the topic up to you the day before. "I don't think you realize how risky it can be."

You let out a sigh. "Okay, fine. I will. I didn't realize it bothered you this much."

"I just..." He lowered his head to stare at the ground. "I don't want some shit to happen to you, okay?" He found the courage to raise his head again, and you could see the pink coloring his cheeks very faintly. "I don't want you to think it had anything to do with me doubting your strength because it wasn't that. Sometimes it doesn't matter how strong you are; you can still encounter situations that you can't escape from. I need you to be cautious of that."

He bore a stern, concerned expression - you returned with a fixed, intent stare while you wondered about how much distress you'd been causing him unintentionally.

"Okay," you replied reassuringly. "But I get the feeling that you've been more concerned about this than necessary, Levi."

He didn't reply to that. You took that as a sign to continue. "I've told you this once before and I'll say it again - some people can't be saved. I know it's an uncomfortable reality to accept, but it's the truth. You won't be able to save everyone, Levi."

"It doesn't make me feel any less uneasy about it."

"But worrying about it constantly will get you nowhere," you continued. "I appreciate your concern for me, but there's only so much you can prevent-"

"I can't-" he cut himself off, raking a hand through his hair, then he sat down on the edge of your bed. He was visibly agitated and tense; you could see the stiffness in his shoulders. His eyes shut momentarily while he sighed deeply before turning his attention back to you. "I just can't fathom the thought of something happening to you." He paused before speaking again, collecting his thoughts. "If I can do anything to prevent it, I will. I know I sound unreasonable and this might be selfish of me to say, but I... I can't lose you. I forbid it."

You pulled your eyebrows together while you mused to yourself, pondering his comment. This was more than just concern - you could see it on his face. It was clear to you now that after what happened to you and Connie in Trost, the fear never left him. He truly meant what he said to you - he didn't want to lose you.

He had said it twice before, and now a third time. Somehow, this time felt more profound. There was a particular affliction in his tone that revealed to you just how much the thought of you leaving him upset him.

I can't lose you.

Three times he had said this now - while having tea, on the roof, and now in your room. It almost sounded like a confession of some sort. That wasn't something you would say to just anyone, was it?

So much had transpired between you and Levi in the few months you'd known him. Somewhere down the line, your relationship shifted into something very... questionable. You blamed it on lust and loneliness at first, but then you began to realize just how deeply you craved him in more ways than you expected. There was an intense longing you had for him that you'd been trying so hard to bury deep in the very pit of your heart.

But you were good at suppressing things, right? That was why you'd been avoiding him - to protect him, and to protect yourself. Why would you engage in something that wouldn't last?

And yet, each and every time he'd speak to you this way, your heart would flutter and heat would run wildly throughout your whole body. To know he cared this deeply for you made the little piece of you that craved love gleam with hope.

For that reason, you didn't like where this conversation was headed. You needed to shut it down.

"Well, my statement still stands. In the end, you can't control whatever fate has in store for me, and if something does happen to me, I don't want you to blame yourself," you told him firmly. He averted his gaze and leaned over to rest his arms on his legs, hands clasped together while his eyes were fixed on the ground. His silence signified that he knew you were right about what you said, but he simply didn't want to accept it.

An exhale slipped past your lips. "Well, if that was all you stopped by here for, I'd like to get some sleep now. We have a long day tomorrow." You turned around to walk towards the door to open it for him.

"No," he answered immediately, just as your hand reached the knob. You glanced at him from over your shoulder. "There's more we need to talk about."

Well, shit.

Your heart rate skyrocketed yet again.

"What more is there to talk about?" You didn't care if your tone came off as harsh; he needed to leave. You had a gut feeling where this conversation was headed, and you didn't want to-

"You've been avoiding me." His eyes found yours again.

Fuck.

"No I haven't," you lied.

"Yes, you have," he continued, rising to his feet again. "I'd like to know why."

You thought to yourself for a moment, frantically trying to come up with something on the spot to reply with. "It's not about you. I've just had a lot on my mind lately and needed some distance."

Yeah. That makes sense, right?

"Like what?"

"That's not of your concern." You twisted open the doorknob to open it, gesturing with your other arm for him to leave. "Goodnight."

"Close the door."

"I'd like to get some rest-"

"You're evading."

"You're being a little intrusive, don't you think?" You placed a hand on your hip assertively.

Fed up with your behavior, Levi walked over to you and brought up his arm to shut the door. This ended up cornering you, his left hand roughly placed against the wooden door as your back hit against it. Your arms lowered to your sides while his gaze burned into you, completely setting your body on fire.

"We've been brushing a lot of things under the rug," he said in a low voice. His hand was still firmly placed beside you, holding the door closed. You felt trapped in the intensity of his gaze.

You swallowed nervously before replying. "Maybe so, but I'd like to keep it that way."

"Do you?"

"Do you?" you challenged.

Shit, no. You weren't supposed to ask him that.

"I should," he said.

Was that a slight confession? He was saying he should keep it swept under the rug, but not that he wanted to. If he did, he would have said so, but he didn't. Instead, he gave an unclear answer, which might have meant that he secretly wanted to-

Stop it. I shouldn't be entertaining this, remember?

"Good, so then we're both on the same page." You shifted your body to the side to escape the corner he had you trapped in, but then he raised his other arm to block your path. Now you were really caged in. Both of his arms were set on each side of you, still holding the door closed.

"I said that I should, not that I wanted to."

Your eyes widened slightly, your heart continuing to race while your breathing became unsteady like you just finished running a marathon.

When the hell did this stoic, closed-off man suddenly become so open about his feelings and emotions? You'd have thought that he'd keep the thoughts to himself unless you were to bring it up, which you didn't plan on doing. After all, that was what happened that day in the kitchen, wasn't it? He wanted to avoid discussing the topic of the kiss you shared in the forest while even setting boundaries with you to keep it professional, but then you opened your mouth and provoked him, knowing full and well he was being stubborn with his feelings. If you hadn't opened your mouth, would he have made such a bold move like he did that day in the kitchen, or would he have kept pushing back the thoughts? Was it you that helped him open up his feelings a little more?

"If you know that you should, then do that," you said next. His grey eyes were dense, yet radiant. He was firm in his glare, but there was a hint of desire behind it.

"I can't," he said quietly.

"Well, I can." Your reply may hurt him, but it was a risk you were willing to take.

Though, your reply didn't seem to convince him at all.

"You're lying" - he leaned in closer to your face - "because you would have stopped a long time ago if you really did."

Your face was burning up; you wouldn't be surprised if you started sweating soon. He was right, and you weren't exactly sure how to respond to that.

Well, maybe being truthfully blunt would work.

"Why do you think I'm stopping now?" you told him. His breath was dangerously close to your lips.

"Because you're scared."

"I'm not scared. I've just come to realize how absolutely risky it is to continue engaging in what we've already been doing."

Even despite the actual reason you'd been avoiding him, engaging in any type of romance while being a soldier was already a risk in itself.

You thought of Hannah and Franz - the two young love birds that were in your unit during cadet training. Their love was annoyingly sappy to watch, but everyone could see just how deeply in love they were.

And Hannah had to watch him die. You couldn't even begin to imagine the pain she must have experienced witnessing that. That was the reality of being in the Survey Corps, so why risk that?

"I wouldn't let anything happen to you," came his next reply.

There it was again - that stupid little flutter in your heart.

"I already told you that-"

"I know what you said," he cut you off, "but I still mean it."

His stare was becoming too intense. You averted your gaze, trying to come up with another response.

"So then what are you trying to say, Levi?" you inquired. Although he didn't directly announce his feelings, the comments he was currently making already expressed how he felt. All he needed to do was admit his feelings so you could shut him down properly and ask him to leave.

"I..."

While shifting your gaze to look at him again, you were able to see the conflict and battle behind his eyes. Would he actually be able to admit his feelings out loud? Was he brave enough to allow himself to be vulnerable?

"There's something about you that I can't quite fully understand yet," he admitted. "Every time I try to block out these thoughts I have of you, I end up seeking them out even more."

"What thoughts?" you inquired further. He was alarmingly close to your face, his arms bent inwards while still holding the door shut. If he leaned in any closer, you weren't sure if you'd be able to stop yourself from what would happen next.

"Thoughts of needing you more than I want to admit," he said, his eyes flickering down to your lips. Your fingers curled into your palm tightly while you stared back at him. His gaze made you want to melt away.

He brought down a hand to cup one of your cheeks. His touch was faintly cold after being pressed up on the door, but gradually warmed up against your cheek.

"If you want me to be more clear" - his lips were merely centimeters away - "I have feelings for you."

He finally said it.

Good, now shut it down.

...Except you couldn't.

His touch was sweet and warm against your skin, and his eyes serene and passionate. They seemed a little less grey and a bit more blue. There was a fondness in his expression that was new to you - it was more ardent than normal.

Snap out of it.

You cleared your throat. "Well, I... I don't feel the same."

"You're denying it."

"I'm not."

"You would have already smacked my hand away if you didn't feel the same."

Your anxiety jumped at the realization, and then you reached up to grab his hand from your face to set it down. "Now I did."

He drew back slightly, one hand still flat up against the door and the other lowered. The look on his face indicated that he was contemplating something risky in his mind.

"Okay," he said quietly. For a moment, you thought you'd succeeded in pushing him away, but his next actions told you otherwise. His other hand lowered and both of his hands snaked their way to your waist. "Stop me if you don't want this."

His lips collided with yours.

Your eyes were blown wide at the unexpected contact, his hands holding you in place firmly.

Push him away.

Your eyes fluttered shut.

Push him away.

Your arms wrapped around his neck; he reacted by pulling you closer against him by your hips.

Why can't I push him away?

You relaxed into the kiss, exhaling through your nose slightly. He was gentle, yet desperate. You could sense the urgency when he parted his lips, his tongue swiping past your mouth. It was like he'd been craving this for the longest, and now that it was happening, he didn't want you to slip away from his grasp.

Your chests were pressed close together with your back flat against the door. His tongue continued to caress against yours while you brought your hands up to run them through his hair. He hummed in your mouth.

You wanted to feel more - so much more. You were feeling much bolder than you should have been and just couldn't stop yourself from your next actions.

Still kissing him, you slowly trailed your hands down from his neck, to his shoulders, then to the end of his arms. You grabbed his wrists and brought them down from your waist to your ass.

He responded by gripping your ass tightly over the fabric of your clothes and pushing you further up against the door. You moaned into his mouth at the firm squeeze, his hands starting to roam lower merely seconds later. His fingers began to stroke against the bare skin of your thighs, and immediately, you understood the hint he was giving you.

You jumped, bringing your arms back around his neck to hold onto him and wrapping your legs around his waist while he clutched your thighs firmly.

He was good at this - too good at this. How did he know exactly what to do to make you give in to him so easily?

"Levi," you moaned into his mouth. "Bed."

He didn't hesitate to your demands, pulling your back from the door and walking towards the bed in the middle of the room with a tight grasp on your legs. He placed you gently on the beige sheets while both of you kicked off your shoes, then you used your arms to move your body up towards the bedpost for better room.

He crawled onto the bed next, hovering over you. The two of you didn't waste any more time as you grabbed his neck to pull him down to kiss him again. The drastic change from the first time you kissed to now was so apparent. The more you did this, the more comfortable the two of you became. Neither of you were as nervous as before or holding back. You were giving him your all, and you could sense the same coming from his side too.

He pressed his hips down against you, and another shameless moan escaped you, heat rushing to your core. His hands began to roam your body, tenderly tracing his fingers over the fabric of your cotton nightgown. Slowly, his hands reached the end of the fabric, slowly riding it up to your stomach. He broke away from the kiss to gently press his lips against the side of your neck next, purposefully avoiding the injury you had a while back. The scar was mostly faded by now, and the bruises had vanished, but still, his kisses were as light as a feather - like you were something delicate and fragile that needed to be treated properly with care.

Levi's hands roamed up the bare skin of your stomach next, loosely gripping your waist while his lips trailed lower until they reached your collarbone. His tongue darted out and slowly traced against the skin. You shut your eyes at his tender touch, stroking his hair softly.

Love was a choice - that was what you'd been telling yourself this whole time, and you still believed there was truth to that.

And yet, your mother's words continued replaying in your ears.

Love isn't something you choose.

No, you still disagreed. Love was a choice, but it was a choice that was difficult to set free. It ensnared you in a cage you had to fight your way out of. It was a battle fought between only you and yourself.

This intimacy with Levi only further divided your feelings, provoking this battle. You had a surge of reckless thoughts pertaining to desperation, love, and need. It tugged at your brain sending daggers into your heart whenever you'd try to ignore them. The mere concept of shoving him away pained you. You needed him in more ways than you cared to admit. You wanted to feel him closer - to have him take you.

Was that selfish of you?

...Yes.

The more you succumbed to your desire for him, the more you were going to end up hurting him in the end.

But just this once, you wanted to be selfish. Just this once, you wanted to experience the feeling of making love with the one and only person you'd ever had these feelings for. Just this once, you wanted to make a decision for yourself, and not for others. You wanted a chance to live for yourself.

You'd never have the opportunity again.

His lips met yours once more, his hand rising to cup your cheek so sweetly.

Just this once.

"Levi," you breathed against his mouth, "I want you."

He stiffened suddenly as he pulled away - frozen like ice. The expression on his face was slightly apprehensive as he stared down at you.

You furrowed your eyebrows, suddenly becoming worried that maybe you had misinterpreted his intentions. "What's wrong?"

"I-" he began, clearly flustered. "I haven't..."

You raised your eyebrows. You understood now.

He's a virgin.

You reached a hand up to hold his cheek. Red painted his face as he continued looking down at you.

"We can go slow," you reassured him. "Whatever you want to do."

He paused - his grey eyes traveling between your eyes and your lips - then nodded in agreement. There was a mild shift in his expression after you said that; the confidence was evident behind his eyes. He leaned back to pull his sweater over his head and dropped it on the ground before dipping down to kiss you again.

The two of you quickly fell back into place, lips parted and tongues brushing against each other. Both of his hands went back to your waist as the kiss grew more passionate and feverish. His lips soon returned to the skin of your neck as his hands continued riding up the hem of your nightgown further up towards your chest.

You shifted your body up to sit up straight, helping him pull the nightgown over your head. He broke the kiss, succeeding in pulling it over your head and tossing it to the side.

Reality smacked you in the face when you realized just how naked you were in front of him now. Bare breasts were directly in his line of vision with only your underwear being the last piece of cloth attached to your body.

He returned to kissing you like nothing happened, but your body grew rigid from nerves. This wasn't the first time you'd done this with someone. Why did this suddenly cause you anxiety?

Your mind was clouded with insecurity, concerned with your appearance. Somehow, your confidence completely plummeted. Just having him see you like this made you apprehensive. Did you look appealing enough? Was there anything that looked off to him? It was his first time, so you wanted to-

"Stop that," he said, pulling away from you.

"What?"

"You're overthinking again."

You averted your gaze sheepishly. How was he always so good at reading you?

His hand went to cup your cheek. You turned to him again, wanting to melt immediately at the sight of his alluring grey eyes.

"You're beautiful."

Your breath hitched. You were really burning up now.

A huff escaped your lips, trying to contain your nerves. "Telling me that after getting me naked?" you teased.

The corner of his lips curled upwards and his face flushed. "Bad timing, I guess."

You couldn't help it, you returned the smile. The compliment felt genuine despite saying it at a time that could have been misinterpreted.

"But I really mean it. I always thought you were beautiful, so don't go thinking otherwise," he said softly, his thumb tracing over your cheek gently. "If you want me to stop, you tell me, but don't do it if you're worried I'd find you unattractive, because that's simply not true."

You never thought you'd see the day when you felt so deeply in love with someone.

Placing your hand over his own, you smiled at him lovingly. "Okay. I want you to keep going."

He resumed his actions, kissing your lips gently again, then down your jaw and back to your neck. Both of his hands lowered again as he traced his tongue over your skin, then you felt him press his lips down and suck. You exhaled in relief, bringing your hands back up to his hair.

God, you loved his hair. It was always so soft and well-groomed. You wanted to run your hands through it forever.

His lips went down past your collarbone until he reached your breasts. Using his left hand, he reached up to cup one of your breasts while he started to suck against the side of the other. He began massaging your left breast in a circular motion while you felt his tongue dart out and swirl around the nipple of the right one. You tossed your head back and shut your eyes when you felt him wrap his lips around it.

His lips were so sweet and gentle, his tongue working its way around your tender nipple while he continued to suck. He swapped sides momentarily after, repeating the same actions with the other breast - kissing, sucking, and licking while kneading the other breast. You hummed quietly to yourself, allowing yourself to feel soothed by him.

His lips soon detached from your nipple to kiss down your chest to your stomach. When you looked down at him again, his eyes were fixed on you. Had he been staring at you this whole time?

Levi never broke your gaze as he continued pressing his lips against your skin. His hands were mapping out your entire body, massaging and stroking your bare skin while he kissed you, and he kissed you everywhere. You didn't think there was a single area of skin he hadn't explored. He kissed your breasts, your chest, your stomach, your hips... he took his time traversing your body. It was like he was desperate to learn every nook and cranny, to know every piece of you - to worship you.

Levi shifted his body lower towards your underwear, lips pressing against your pelvis. He skipped over your arousal to lift one of your legs, kissing the very inside of your thighs. The feeling only further amplified the heat near your abdomen, sending pools of excitement between your thighs.

He did the same with the other, kissing and licking against the sensitive skin of your thigh while you bit back a moan.

And then he hovered over your cunt, teasing you by pressing a kiss over the fabric while his eyes stared up at you.

"Fuck," you moaned quietly. "Please, Levi."

He didn't seem in the mood to continue teasing today, placing his fingers over the hem of your underwear to pull them down. You assisted him eagerly, pulling your hips upwards to make it easier for him to yank them off. They dropped to the ground, and Levi positioned himself comfortably at the edge of the bed, his arms wrapping around both of your thighs to pull you closer to him.

His breath hovered over your cunt, and then he dipped down and placed a kiss on your clit. You rolled your hips up involuntarily, craving for more. His tongue stuck out soon after, licking a bold stripe from your entrance back up to your clit. You continued bucking up against him, wanting his mouth to devour you completely.

His eyes were completely trained on you as his mouth enveloped your cunt, his tongue sticking out and lapping at your entrance. Pleasure shot through your body as you arched your back and tossed your head back.

"Fuck, Levi," you moaned, shutting your eyes. "T-That's good."

You could hardly contain yourself while he continued. The feeling was euphoric, unlike any other time you'd experienced this before.

His grip on your thighs was firm, his tongue moving rapidly against your folds while tasting you. The elation was nearly overwhelming you, and you soon found yourself searching for an anchor to prevent yourself from crumbling.

Your fingers searched for his hair again, and when you found it, you gripped onto the strands tightly. He didn't seem to mind, allowing you to pull against it while he licked all around your cunt. He drew back for a moment to wrap his lips around your clit, and then he sucked. A loud moan left your mouth, the pleasure continuing to blind you from everything else - your other senses, your thoughts, your nerves. Nothing else mattered when his mouth was scalding against your cunt like this.

"Fuck," you whined. "Don't stop. Please."

His mouth pressed down further against you, tongue licking all around and lips sucking against your clit. You were close; you could feel it in your core.

"I'm close," you told him, pulling at his hair tighter. "K-Keep going."

The pleasure was bubbling up and on the verge of release. You lowered your head to look down at him; his eyes were still fixed on you, evidently absorbing your reactions.

"Levi," you moaned again. His expression was unwavering, completely locked on you. You felt trapped in his gaze again, and somehow, just staring into his eyes while he lapped against you was enough to send you over the edge.

You squirmed and trembled as you cried out from your orgasm. His lips parted from your cunt, but his grip was still firm against you, holding you in place as you settled down from the euphoria. Heavy breaths escaped your mouth while you shut your eyes and tried to steady yourself again.

There was some shuffling and movement above you, causing your eyes to snap open. Levi hovered over you again.

"Good?" he asked.

You heaved out a breathy laugh. "What do you think?"

He smirked, leaning down to give you a quick peck on the lips. "I know, I just wanted to hear you say it."

Cocky bastard.

"Yes" - you laughed again - "it was very good." You wrapped your hand around his neck to pull him down and kiss him. You could taste the saltiness from your arousal against his lips, but it didn't bother you.

"Still want to keep going?" he questioned while drawing back from the kiss.

"Mhm," you replied. "Just give me a moment. Keep kissing me."

He complied, lowering his head to press his lips against yours again. You wanted to calm down from your orgasm first, seeing as you didn't want to jump in again right away while you were still a little sensitive.

The two of you continued to kiss passionately for a few more minutes. You didn't feel pressure from him at all; he was calm and patient. Slowly, his hand trailed back down towards your stomach again until he reached your cunt. Very softly, you felt his fingers press over your clit. You jolted slightly, the area still a little fragile from your orgasm.

"You're okay?" he asked, breaking away from the kiss.

You nodded in response. "Keep going."

He obliged again, kissing you while very gently tracing his fingers over your clit. The sensitivity was still there, but not as overbearing as it was a few seconds prior. Soon enough, you could feel the heat simmering in your core again while he continued rubbing his fingers against you.

You grinded against his fingers to indicate you wanted more, and his hand traveled lower. He began stroking up and down your soaked folds, teasing your entrance. You felt a finger slip inside only seconds after.

You gasped at the feeling, detaching from the kiss again. He stared down at you while you angled your head up from the pleasure, then he slipped a second finger inside while he pumped in and out at a gradual pace.

"Shit," you moaned. You didn't expect to regain your arousal so quickly after finishing, but the effect he had on you was so vigorous. It was like your body was already accustomed to his touch and immediately let loose the moment it made contact with him.

He continued pumping his fingers in and out, his pace quickening with each thrust. At this rate, you'd reach another orgasm, but you didn't want it like this; you needed him inside you.

"Levi" - you lowered your head to look straight into his eyes - "I need you."

He understood immediately, pulling his fingers out and crawling away from you. He stood up by the edge of the bed and began pulling down his pants, then followed by pulling down his boxers. His cock was in full view now - thick, huge, and hard.

He made his way back on the bed to hover over you again, perfectly positioned over your entrance.

"I'll go slow," he said to you, seeming to notice your slight apprehension. You nodded, patiently waiting for him to enter you.

He grabbed his shaft and very leisurely pushed his tip into your entrance, slipping it inside. You flinched slightly, biting your lip at the intrusion. Your eyes shut as he pushed in a little deeper; you bit your lip harder.

"Do you want me to stop?" he asked.

"No," you replied immediately. "Keep going. You're just big. I need to get used to it."

Levi was huge; you'd already known that when you gave him head. You tried not to make it apparent then, but you were positive he noticed your widened eyes when you pulled his cock out that day. You didn't say anything at the time to avoid stroking his ego, but it didn't matter to you now.

Levi abided by your orders, very slowly pulling in and out of you while resting both arms beside your head to hold himself up. He didn't go in too deep yet, allowing you to get used to the feeling. It was starting to hurt a little less. Your wet arousal helped lubricate him, making it easier to slip inside.

You felt his forehead press against yours, causing you to open your eyes again. Fervent, grey eyes stared back at you. His breath was heavy against your lips.

"Deeper," you told him. The pain was fading much faster now. All you felt was the slickness and heat in your cunt.

He pushed in a little deeper, and a small moan slipped past his lips. The feeling was becoming more intense for both of you.

You brought your hand up to pull his head down and kissed him while he continued pushing in. His thrusts started quickening in pace, and you could feel his tip deeper inside you.

"Fuck," he moaned against your lips. "You take me so well."

His praise only further amplified your pleasure, and you soon found yourself unable to suppress your moans. You slid your hands under his arms to grab onto his back as an anchor. His head dropped down next to your shoulder.

"More," you told him. "Please."

He became more assertive with his thrusts. You whined loudly at the change of pace while your nails scraped against the muscles of his back. The euphoria you were feeling was indescribable.

"Levi," you continued to moan. "Shit."

Levi cursed against your neck once more, thrusting inside you deeper and faster. Your moans increased in volume the deeper he went.

Then he hit that sensitive spot inside you, and it felt like your legs were going to crumble.

"Oh god," you whined. "Levi, I'm close."

"Me too," he managed to say, although you were able to hear the struggle in his voice. He pulled back from your shoulder to stare down at you again. "W-Where do you want me to-"

"My chest," you forced out. God, the sensation was becoming so overwhelmingly good. "Levi, I- Oh-"

You cried out as your legs shook and you arched your back. Levi was still thrusting inside you, making the orgasm all the more intense. It wasn't until a few seconds later that he pulled out, cursing and grabbing his cock to cum all over your chest.

The two of you stared at each other euphorically once he finished, panting heavily.

"Shit," you breathed, lips curving into a smile.

"Shit," he repeated after you, returning the same expression. He leaned down to give your lips one last peck before hopping off of the bed. "You have a towel?"

You gestured to the right with your head. "By the dresser."

He walked over, grabbing the small hand towel that was folded on the wooden dresser before returning to the mattress. He leaned over and started wiping your chest gently, cleaning up his mess. When he finished, he placed the towel neatly on the nightstand next to you and gave you another sweet kiss on the lips.

"Are you glad you didn't need to ruin another one of your handkerchiefs this time?" you joked. He huffed, sitting on the edge of the bed beside you.

"I didn't mind," he replied. You rested your arms over your stomach, looking over at him earnestly. Still feeling dazed from the elation, you scooted over the bed to give him more room, hinting for him to lay next to you.

He caught on immediately, moving further up in the bed and laying flat on his back. You turned your body to the side, resting your head on your elbow while smiling at him playfully. He narrowed his eyes at you.

"What are you looking at me like that for?"

"Just never thought I'd see the day where you'd be lying on a bed," you quipped. He rolled his eyes, and you let out a giggle.

"I never said I never slept on a bed - just that I prefer chairs."

"And that's psychotic."

"Whatever," he grumbled. The teasing smile never left your face.

"If I had a camera, I'd take a photograph of this moment."

"Huh?" He turned to you, confusion etched on his face.

Your heart stopped.

Fuck. Fuck why did I say that?

"What's a camera?"

The relaxation you once felt quickly plummeted and was replaced with anxiety.

Paradis didn't have cameras. No one here knew what photographs were. You so desperately wished you could smack yourself in the face right now.

"It's a saying," you lied, trying to cover your tracks. "It's like an imaginary device that could take a snapshot in real-time. It doesn't exist, obviously, but it'd be pretty cool if it did, right?"

"Hm." He turned away, staring up at the ceiling. "Never heard of that one before."

"Yeah, it's not a very common saying." You wanted to cover yourself with a pillow and scream.

The two of you lay in silence for a while as you tried to settle down from the apprehension you just experienced, but then you started to feel a little chilly. You lifted the covers of your bed, burying your body inside. Your eyes shifted to Levi, raising an eyebrow to see if he wanted to join. His lips quirked upwards slightly, and he soon copied your movements by tucking himself under the sheets after you.

After tucking himself in, you felt him move closer to you, wrapping an arm over your shoulders to pull you into his chest. His actions surprised you, but you didn't fight him off, shifting closer to him and wrapping your arm around his waist.

"So," he said, his hand lightly tracing over your arm, "I'm guessing you take back everything you said earlier?"

You snorted slightly. There wasn't any point in denying your feelings now after what the two of you just did. "I guess so."

"You guess?"

You craned your head up to look up at him from his chest. He was smiling mischievously at you.

You rolled your eyes, cheeks heating up again. "Okay, yes. I take it back."

I'm such a dumbass.

You tried so hard to fight off the feelings you had for him, but he made it so damn hard. It was difficult to deny him; you were unable to resist him.

He was irresistible.

You snuggled up closer into his chest; he pressed his lips into your hair.

"I don't blame you for being hesitant," he said. "This isn't something I'm used to."

"Me neither," you replied honestly. You sighed deeply against him. He brought a hand up to stroke your hair.

"All I know is that I want you to be safe and secure," he said next. Your heart skipped a beat at his comment. "I'll do anything to make sure of that."

Your face bore a somber expression, your body slumping dejectedly. His words reminded you of the reality of your situation.

"Yeah," you murmured quietly. "I want the same for you too."

Little did he know how deeply you meant that.

You soon found your eyes drooping slightly, your arm holding against his waist even tighter. The familiar scent of spearmint and wood invaded your senses again. You didn't realize how much you missed that smell until now.

You were still for a while until there was some movement coming from his end. You groaned quietly when you felt him pull away, holding him tighter against you to prevent him from leaving.

"Just shutting off the light," he whispered reassuringly to you. The tension in your body lifted; you nodded against him.

He shut off the lantern on the nightstand, then returned to his position. While exhaling deeply, he pulled you back into his chest, enveloping you with both of his arms. He stroked your hair with his thumb and gave you one last kiss on top of your head before you found yourself drifting off again, feeling safe and secure in his hold.

You didn't have a nightmare that night.

Notes:

Friendly reminder to always wrap it before you tap it! (Use protection folks)

A few chapters ago, someone in the comments asked me if the AOT universe had any form of contraceptives, and truthfully... I don't know, so pull out method it is! (But seriously, use protection, guys. Stay safe!)

Also, I've compiled a playlist for this fanfic! Some people have commented songs that they listen to while reading or that remind them of this story, so feel free to comment any others you think relate :).

AND THANK YOU FOR 500 KUDOS! It feels like such a big number to me... never thought I'd get there, so thank you :) - means so much.

Have a nice week!

- Mar

Chapter 26: The Coronation

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

"Eden," you heard a voice whisper. "We have to get up."

With an irritated groan, you tightened your grasp around Levi's mid-section to press him closer against you. Forcefully - yet somehow gently - Levi detached your arm from him and set it down beside you. He shifted his body to the left to break free from your enclosure, and just like that, the body that had kept you warm and cozy all night was no longer glued next you.

You sighed, slowly fluttering your eyes open to glare up at him. His legs were hanging over the side of the bed while he began throwing on his clothes from the night before.

"What time is it?" you asked hoarsely, rubbing your eyes with your hands.

"About 8:15 a.m.," he answered gruffly, pulling on his cotton trousers. His voice sounded raspy and deep - much deeper than you were accustomed to hearing. To say it didn't sound sexy as hell would have been a lie.

He twisted his body around to face you after applying his clothes, then leaned over to give you a kiss on the forehead. You were never one for such small, affectionate gestures like forehead kisses, but coming from him only made the love in your heart continue to bloom.

"We've got a long day today," he said next, picking up your nightgown to pass it to you. "Better start getting dressed."

Another sigh escaped you as you sat up, taking your PJs from him begrudgingly. "How are you able to get out of bed so easily?"

"I slept far more than I'm used to last night." He slipped on his shoes. "Probably way more than necessary."

You huffed, throwing the nightgown over your head. "Pretty sure we got the recommended amount of sleep suggested by doctors."

"Yeah, but we're soldiers," he elaborated. "Sleep hardly exists for us. Even four hours of sleep can seem impossible."

You responded with an eye roll. "Correction: I think you mean yourself. Of course you're not gonna sleep if you glue yourself to a chair all night. I still try to get my full eight hours of sleep each night, and on a bed, mind you."

He smirked, leaning over to give your lips a quick peck. "Well, maybe I won't have to sleep in a chair anymore."

"Yeah?" A timid smile formed on your face.

"Mhm." He pressed his lips against yours again, and you reached out a hand to cup behind his neck to pull him in closer. A mild exhale escaped his nose as his body relaxed against you. He raised his hand to hold your cheek while your lips parted. The kiss was filled with nothing but tenderness.

After a few more seconds, Levi pulled away and scowled. "Your breath stinks."

Heat rose on your face from the sheer embarrassment you felt from his comment. "So does yours. It's sorta what happens when you sleep for a long time. Ever heard of your mouth drying up?"

His mouth curled into a smile.

Oh. He just wanted to piss me off.

With yet another eye roll, you shoved his chest away and stood up from the bed. "You're annoying."

"And you're gullible," he shot back. "Always so defensive."

You swatted his arm lightheartedly. "Shut up." The heat was burning your cheeks. "I'm not gullible."

"Right," he said, his tone unconvinced. "Just defensive."

"And you love being a dick," you replied, slightly affronted. Levi grabbed your arm from behind to turn you towards him.

"Apparently you love it, though," came his next reply. He cupped your cheek to kiss you on the lips again.

Levi was a lot more sweet and affectionate than you were accustomed to. This behavior was unexpected coming from him; it threw you off, but you still melted into him each and every time.

You wrapped your arms around his neck to prolong the kiss as his hands slid over to grip your waist. As much as you would have liked to stay in that position for longer, both of you knew you needed to get ready as soon as possible.

You drew back, giving him one last peck on the lips before unraveling yourself from him.

"You should head back to your room to get changed," you told him, searching for your uniform in the closet that was situated beside the dresser. "It would be a bit awkward if someone caught the both of us leaving my room together, I think."

He huffed silently. "Yeah, you're right."

You pulled out your uniform and walked over to your bed to set it down neatly by the edge. Just as you were unbuttoning the white button down you had tucked inside the jacket, you felt hands snake around your waist from behind.

"Levi," you scolded, albeit the smile on your face made it far less intimidating. "You have to go."

"I know." He buried his head into the side of your neck, hugging you closer against him. You brought up a hand to stroke his hair softly and placed a kiss on the side of his head.

"Come on, Levi," you told him softly, untangling his arms from your waist.

He let out a sigh. "I know."

With a grin, you brought up your hand to stroke his cheek with your thumb gently. He leaned into your touch immediately. "We'll see each other later."

"Yeah," he responded, leaning in to kiss you again. How many times had he kissed you since you'd woken up?

"I'll see you," he said after drawing back, heading towards the door.

"See you," you replied after he left, the smile on your face unwavering.

But the moment the door slammed shut, the thoughts all came flooding back. The grin on your face dissipated, and the next thing you did was throw yourself on the bed, eyes facing up to stare at the ceiling. You grabbed the pillow next to you, positioned it over your face, and groaned loudly against it to muffle the noise.

Idiot. Idiot. Idiot.

You weren't supposed to sleep with him, and you did exactly that... both figuratively and literally.

"Idiot. Idiot. Idiot," you kept saying over the pillow. You tossed the pillow to the side, letting out a huge exhale.

The terms 'sweet' and 'romantic' weren't words you'd ever thought you'd use to describe Levi, but he proved you wrong. You just never expected him to be so... gentle.

Memories from the night before replayed in your head like a record. Goosebumps formed on your arms after recalling the way your chests were pressed closed together, his skin soft and warm as you searched for his lips desperately.

He kissed you like he'd never have the chance again, like he wanted to cherish the moment in case someone came and ripped you away. You didn't think you'd ever forget the way he looked at you last night - like you were something enamoring and radiant.

Like he was completely in love.

His feelings for you were as clear as day to you now. Sure, you had been intimate with people in the past, but it was never like that. The passion he had last night was completely enthralling.

And now you were about to tear him apart.

What the fuck am I doing?

A plan to leave was what you should have been brainstorming, but you hadn't even taken the time to think about it. You were too caught up in your feelings for Levi that you had pushed the thought away. It was only a matter of time before you could get caught, and that wasn't a chance you were willing to take. Now was the time to leave.

However, the idea of leaving without at least doing something for the people here nagged at your brain. There wasn't much you could do without risking your true identity being revealed, but you figured the least you could do was maybe help Eren get his key back.

If your hunch was correct, Lukas was the one who stole the key. Given the fact that he told you he normally worked in Stohess District, you were under the assumption that he returned there after taking the key from Eren.

You decided on what you would do: you'd go to the 'Wall Sina' bar, find Lukas, and force him to give the key back. That simple.

And after that, you'd leave for good.

Yeah. That settles it. That's what I'll do.

You'd help them get the key back, and after that, you'd leave.

Another deep sigh escaped your lips as you sat up again. The thought of leaving tugged at your heart, but you knew it had to be done.

How would you even make your exit?

Truthfully, the best option would be to leave without saying a word. You'd pack everything without leaving a trace behind and be on your way. You'd also have to make sure you had a sufficient supply of some food and water before departing too... so that would be another concern.

What a headache.

Well, there really was no other option, was there?

You felt the beating in your heart start to escalate again, so you took a deep breath in, then released the air in your lungs evenly. There was no time to worry right now. You still had to put on the act of being a soldier for the coronation, therefore, you needed to suck it up for a little while longer.

So you did what you always did best - compartmentalize the thoughts and save them for another time when you were alone and had time to process them.

Although, I never really did have the time to fully process them.

For the next twenty minutes or so, you got dressed, put away your other clothes (along with the underwear you completely forgot to pick up from the floor last night...), stepped out of the room to brush your teeth, washed your face, and then left the bathroom as you fastened the belt from your uniform around your waist. You smoothed down your green uniform, tucking in any parts that looked wrinkled under the belt.

As you were making your way to the dining hall to grab some breakfast, you heard some commotion inside one of the doors you had walked past. You halted your steps, furrowing your eyebrows while trying to comprehend the words being said behind the door.

"It doesn't look right. Are you sure you know how to do this, Sasha?" an airy voice said.

"You have no faith in me. Just give me a chance-"

"You said that you knew!"

"That eyeliner looks too dark," a quiet voice chimed in, who you assumed was Mikasa.

"Gah! You made me mess it up, Mikasa. I got distracted!"

"It was already looking questionable before that," Mikasa shot back.

You heard a groan from someone else, who you presumed was Historia. "Just wipe it off."

"I'll try again."

"There's no time. I haven't even gotten dressed yet."

She isn't even dressed?

You faced forward and started knocking on the door. Some scuffling and movement was heard behind the door, and then a clang of some sort of bowl.

"Sasha, be careful!" Historia scolded her.

"Are you girls ready yet? You do know we have to leave in less than twenty minutes, right?" you asked from behind the door. Someone shuffled closer to the wooden door, and then finally, the door opened. Historia peeked her head through the gap.

"Uh, hi, Eden," she said timidly. "I'll be ready soon, don't worry."

She went to shut the door again, but you shoved your foot in the gap to stop it. You knitted your eyebrows as you inspected her appearance further.

"What the hell happened to your face?"

Her eyelids were almost completely smudged with eyeliner, her cheeks a deep red, and the eyeshadow she wore took up the entire skin of her eyes. You were so appalled by the makeup on her face that you hardly noticed the tangled mess that was her blonde hair.

She flushed as she averted her gaze from you; although you couldn't really tell if she was blushing, or if it was just the red blush on her cheeks.

"Does it really look that bad?"

With a sigh, you brought up a hand to push past the door to walk further into the room.

"Go sit down," you ordered her as you strode towards the vanity.

The room appeared similar to yours - decent sized bed with beige sheets, nightstand with an alarm clock and lamp beside it, two windows with blue curtains held up by a brown rope, a dresser and closet to the right of the bed a few feet away, and directly across from the bed was a vanity with a round chair in front of it. The vanity was a complete mess, however. Makeup brushes were littered across the floor and on top of the flat surface along with what you presumed to be a mix of eyeshadow palettes, blush, and whatever other makeup they were trying to experiment with. Mikasa was sitting on a wooden chair in a far corner with her arms crossed over her chest. Sasha was sitting on the edge of the bed, eyeliner pencil in her hand.

Historia turned to you apprehensively after closing the door. "I'm just going to remove the makeup and get changed. Sorry for the hold up."

"You're becoming queen today," you responded, picking up a towel she had placed in a corner by the vanity and dousing it with the makeup remover liquid she had. "Can't go out there looking plain."

"Plain?" she asked dejectedly. You raised your eyebrows when you realized how your poor choice of words were interpreted.

"I didn't mean it like that. I just meant that it's a big day for you and it would be nice to do a little extra," you elaborated. "So go sit down. We have less than twenty minutes. I'll help you."

She eyed you skeptically, but decided to trust your word. After she sat down in front of the mirror, you passed her the towel.

"Start removing the makeup. We'll grab the dress out for you and get started," you said. Historia nodded, taking the towel from you. You shifted your gaze towards Sasha. "Sasha, go grab her dress."

"Got it," she replied, dropping the eyeliner pencil on the bed and rising to her feet immediately. Your eyes turned to Mikasa next, who was still sitting in the corner with her arms crossed staring solemnly at the situation transpiring in front of her.

"Do you know how to do hair?" you asked her.

She shrugged. "I can try."

"Good enough for me. Go grab a brush and try to get the knots out of her hair while I do her makeup."

Mikasa said nothing, but she followed your orders regardless.

"I finished," Historia said, setting the towel back on the surface of the vanity.

"Good," you said. You leaned over and grabbed her shoulders from behind, staring into the mirror. "What color do you think goes with your dress?"

"Uh, pink?" she replied hesitantly. You peered over your shoulder to observe the dress Sasha held up - a white gown embroidered with golden, flowery designs at the ends. There was also a huge, red robe that Sasha tossed onto the bed layered with what you presumed to be either wool or fur.

"Some light pink works," you responded, grabbing a makeup brush. Mikasa followed behind you, taking a hair brush and carefully lifting Historia's hair to start brushing the ends.

While the two of you started working on fixing her appearance, Sasha was smoothing out her dress to make sure there were no wrinkles on the fabric.

"How does this look?" you asked Historia, gently turning her chin to face the mirror. You had only applied some pink eyeshadow and blush on her cheeks. It was a very light amount, seeing as a dramatic look didn't seem to suit her. You tried your best to remember the way your mother would apply her makeup, as well as some of the advice Petra had given you in the past.

You never thought there would come a day where you'd actually use the tips she had given you, but there was a first for everything, right?

Historia smiled timidly, then turned her head to look up at you. "I like it."

You returned the same expression, grabbing the eyebrow pencil next. "Do you want some eyeliner too?"

The look on her face was unsure, probably due to the questionable work Sasha had done prior. You huffed lightly.

"I've got some experience with this, trust me," you reassured her. "If you hate it, we'll just wipe it off and reapply the eyeshadow. It'll only take a second."

Despite her uncertainty, she still gave you a chance. You asked Mikasa to stop brushing her hair for a moment so you could concentrate on making sure the eyeliner didn't skid unevenly.

You held up Historia's chin with narrowed eyes as you dragged the pencil across her eyelids carefully, flicking the ends very lightly to create a wing. The room was dead quiet as you focused on perfecting her makeup.

"Done," you told her, setting down the pencil. You felt pretty damn proud of yourself after examining the look you gave her. Makeup wasn't anything you did often, especially now, but it came out way better than you expected.

I guess Petra's advice really did come in handy.

Historia glanced over to the mirror, beaming delightedly after inspecting her appearance.

"This is perfect," she said, the grin wide on her face. "I didn't know you knew how to do makeup, Eden."

"Yeah, I never would have guessed," Sasha said next. She stepped closer to you, standing by your side. "Can you teach me?"

You laughed slightly. "Maybe another time."

"How did you learn?"

The smile on your face slightly dissipated as you thought back to previous memories, but you quickly wiped them away.

"A good friend of mine taught me," you replied somberly. You turned your attention to Mikasa, choosing to avoid discussing the topic further. "Now, let's fix up her hair. We have about ten minutes left, so let's be quick."

Mikasa continued brushing out her hair and taking out the knots. After it was tangle free, the two of you started rolling up her hair and pinned it down to create a low crown hairstyle. After many unsuccessful attempts, the two of you were finally satisfied with the final product.

Hair was another thing you weren't entirely experienced with, but with Mikasa's help, it came out much better than you thought. The final part of getting Historia ready was the easiest - all she had to do was slip on her dress, flats, and robe.

Once all was said and done, Historia stepped back to stare at herself in the mirror. "This is... beautiful," she said. Her eyes shifted to you. "Thank you."

You smiled. "Don't worry about it- oh, let me fix this." You bent down to fix the ends of her dress, pulling the designs forward to give it a much nicer aesthetic look.

"Eden, I didn't realize you were such a mom," Sasha commented. You whipped your head around so fast, heat rising in your face.

"You did not just call me a mom," you said incredulously. Sasha walked backwards nervously, but you could still see a suppressed smile on her face.

"She means it in a good way," Historia said, twisting her body in the mirror to continue admiring her look. "I think she is just trying to say that you like to help us out like a mother would."

"Yeah, that's what I meant."

You raised an eyebrow at Sasha, trying to gauge her reaction, but you were only met with a quiet giggle. You rolled your eyes.

"Alright, whatever. Let's get you going. We have to leave in five minutes."

The four of you strode towards the door to step out. Just as you were about to walk out the main doors to the outside, Mikasa stopped you by the shoulder.

"You're missing your badge," she told you. You lowered your head to examine your uniform. The scout's badge was indeed gone.

"Shit," you cursed, feeling around your chest and pockets to see if it had fallen in there. "You guys go on ahead. I'm going to try and find where it might have fallen."

The three of them nodded, sauntering towards the carriage. You swiveled around to retrace your steps in a desperate attempt to find the badge.

How could it have fallen?

The seam didn't seem loose to you, but perhaps you just hadn't realized. Either way, you needed to find it quickly to try and sew it back together.

You walked back into Historia's room, but had no luck; then you made your way back to your room, but still no luck. How could it have disappeared?

With a groan, you walked out of the doorway of your room, only to be met with Armin standing outside, holding up a badge.

"Is this yours?" he asked.

You grabbed it from him eagerly. "Where did you find it?"

"It seemed to have gotten wedged into the door gap. Somehow, it didn't rip when I- hey, that's dangerous!"

You ignored Armin entirely as you sat down in front of your vanity, trying to sew on the badge with a thread and needle without removing your uniform.

"There's no time. I have to- ow," you winced, the sharp end of the needle poking against the side of your breast. You continued sewing anyway, quickly pricking through the fabric of your uniform and pulling the thread tight. You did a fairly shitty job - and the badge was a tad crooked - but it was good enough.

"Alright, let's go," you strode past him, gently pushing his back forward so he could fall into step next to you. The two of you were quiet for a while as he struggled to keep up with your fast walking pace.

"Hey, Eden?"

"Hm?" You continued looking forward.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Out of curiosity, why did you join the Survey Corps?"

Your eyes flickered towards him as you furrowed your eyebrows. "Why are you asking?"

He shrugged. "Just curious. You and Mikasa were at the top of our class, and I had presumed you would have taken the Military Police route, given your expertise."

"My abilities are better put to use out on the field than within the interior where I'd just be standing around looking pretty most of the time. Sounds like a waste to me."

"Good point." He nodded in response. "Where did you grow up again?"

"Karanes."

"What was that like?"

"Uh, it was okay, I guess?"

"How's your family?"

You halted your steps, turning to face him. "What's with all the questions?"

Armin's expression remained unwavering. "Well, I just feel like we never really got the chance to get to know you. We've been in the same training unit for years, and I hardly know a thing about you."

You eyed him skeptically, still not fully convinced by his reasonings. Armin was a smart kid - too smart. Something about these questions didn't feel right.

"We could talk about it later, if you'd like," you replied, moving your legs again. "There's no time now."

He hummed in agreement, falling back into step next to you as you continued forward.

Now that everyone was outside and ready, you all took off to the ceremony. The ceremony dragged on for far longer than you expected, but truthfully, it felt that way because you had a hard time concentrating due to the anxiety in your chest the more you pondered about Armin's sudden interest in your past.

Does he know something?

Something about the way he was asking you indicated he wanted to nudge specific information out of you, like he was waiting for you to say something that didn't add up to use against you.

Or what if you were just overthinking it?

You jolted slightly after hearing the loud bellow and applause coming from the people surrounding you outside. The ceremony was over; Historia had just been crowned queen.

You shook away the thoughts, shut your eyes, and took a deep breath in and out.

Everything's fine.

The rest of Levi's squad were escorted inside the castle, but Levi wasn't with you all. You assumed he must have been standing alongside Erwin, given the fact he had a significant role as captain; Hange as well. It made sense for the two of them to be elsewhere.

"Eden!" you heard a voice call from behind you. You stopped in your tracks, allowing the younger soldiers to go ahead of you. When you twisted around, you found Nifa standing by the entrance of the main doors, a grin adorned on her face and her arm in cast.

"Nifa," you replied with a smile. "How are you?"

"I'm a lot better," she said, stepping closer to you. "Thank you, really. I'm glad you came back for me when you were able to."

"Don't thank me. I'm just glad you're okay," you told her. The two of you walked down the hall together behind the other soldiers. "How bad was the injury?"

"Bad, but not too bad," she replied. "Shoulder still hurts since my clavicle was fractured, but the doctor said it was in a good position to heal. I definitely can't go out in the front lines, though."

You nodded. "Makes sense. Take it easy for now."

"I will."

You both paused when you noticed everyone else ahead of you stopped moving. When you looked over everyone else's shoulders, you realized that you were in front of the giant dining hall. You hadn't really taken the time to fully acknowledge just how huge the royal castle in Mitras was. It already looked grand and magnificent on the outside, but inside was a completely different story.

Your lips parted as you sauntered leisurely behind the other soldiers into the room, staring at the decor in awe. Two large wooden tables were placed in the center with long, white table cloths embroidered with colorful flowers spread across the surface of both. Golden silverware was neatly placed atop the table cloths - there had to have been at least forty of them. Each table had four bouquets of roses along with four golden candelabras. Everything was just pure gold. You'd never seen anything like it.

"Wow," Nifa said, completely reading your mind.

"Wow," you repeated after her.

All of you were directed to your seats by the castle workers moments after. Nifa sat to the left of you, and to your dismay, Sasha was to your right.

Fuck's sake. She better not grab my food.

More people walked through the doorway into the dining hall, taking seats directly across from you or filling in the seats at the other table. When you raised your head to observe the people sitting down in front of you, you felt your cheeks grow warm again.

"Eden! Nifa!" Hange's cheery voice cut through the air. They took a seat directly in front of you while Levi sat next to them in front of Nifa. Levi left an empty spot beside him for what you would presume to be Erwin's seat. The two of you exchanged shy glances, but then quickly averted your gazes.

"The decor is pretty top notch, right? Kinda insane," Hange continued.

You nodded in agreement, continuing to avoid Levi's gaze. "Never seen anything like it."

A hand on your shoulder broke you out of your thoughts, causing you to jump in your seat. When you looked over, Erwin was towering over you.

"Commander Erwin," you greeted politely. "It's good to see you."

"Good to see you too."

It had been quite a while since you'd last spoken to Erwin. The last time you saw him was when he led you to defeat Rod Reiss' titan, and prior to that was before he had lost his arm. In truth, the last long conversation you remembered having with Erwin was when he first recruited you. You never really spoke to him much at all.

"How are you feeling?"

He lifted his hand off your shoulder to rub the back of his neck. "Better. Still getting used to one arm, but better."

"I admire you. It must have been hard. I don't know if I would have survived that."

"I had my doubts, but my will to survive was much stronger than I anticipated," he replied. He lowered his head to face you. "However, the reason I stopped by before our meal was to ask you and the rest of Levi's squad to meet with Levi, Hange, and I in the hall after the meal is over. We need to discuss the plan regarding recapturing Eren's key, and I was under the impression that you have an idea who could have it, correct?"

You nodded. "Yes, that's correct."

"Perfect," he said, stepping away. "I look forward to discussing it later."

The meal passed by in a blink of an eye, albeit the reason it went by so fast was because you nearly inhaled all of the food in front of you to prevent Sasha from trying to reach over and grab it. Nonetheless, once everyone finished, you all exited out into the hall in search of Erwin.

When everyone arrived, Erwin led you all into another room, to which you presumed was a meeting room from the Royal Capital. It was not as big as the dining hall, but definitely much bigger than you were used to. In truth, everything around this area appeared extravagant to you after having to sleep in slummy shacks and cabins for the past few weeks.

You all walked over to sit down at the big rectangular table in the center. There were just enough seats for all of you.

"Wine?" Hange approached you from behind your seat, a bottle of white wine and four glasses in their hands.

"Hange, put that away. Now isn't the time for alcohol," Levi reprimanded, taking a seat in front of you.

"I'll have a glass," you replied cheerily, extending out your hand for a glass. You could see Levi roll his eyes from your peripheral as Hange passed you a glass.

"It's top of the class, expensive wine, Levi. Try it!" they said, encouraging Levi. Hange was only met with a solemn glare and crossed arms.

You huffed. "Just ignore him, Hange."

"I'd rather have tea," he defended.

"Yeah, yeah. We know," you said next, taking a sip of the wine. You raised your eyebrows after savoring the taste. "Oh, wow. This is sweet."

"Good, right?" Hange said, sitting down beside you. "One of the workers let me try a bit during dinner. I had to grab a bottle."

"You're both idiots."

"Erwin, would you like some?" Hange asked as Erwin took a seat beside Levi.

"Sure."

Hange eagerly passed him a glass and began pouring while Levi rolled his eyes so far back into his head you'd be surprised if he didn't somehow rupture an eyeball.

"The three of you are idiots."

"It's just wine, Levi," you told him, taking another sip. "God forbid we have a bit of wine."

Levi gave you one last irritated glare before turning away.

He seemed extra pissy about you drinking the wine. You wondered if it had anything to do with your past drunken experiences around him. You'd only been really drunk in front of him twice, and both times were not pretty at all. The first time was at the bar when you foolishly gave in to free drinks, and the second time was the breakdown you had after your first expedition. They were definitely some of your least flattering moments.

Yeah... you understood why he was pissed now.

After everyone settled in, Erwin began discussing the situation at hand. Since he knew you had a connection with Lukas, he started to question you regarding what you knew about him.

"He's a bartender. I met him a few months ago before the first expedition and then found him again in Trost. He mentioned that he normally works at the 'Wall Sina' bar in Stohess District, so my presumption is that he's returned there after stealing the key."

"You saw him again?" Levi asked.

"Yeah, in Trost."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

You furrowed your eyebrows. "Why did I need to?"

He didn't reply to that, turning his head away.

You weren't exactly sure why he seemed a little upset to know you didn't tell him anything. Lukas wasn't a threat at the time; he was just an annoying inconvenience you regrettably encountered again. You didn't think he'd have any significance until now, so why bother mentioning it back then?

"So he works at the 'Wall Sina' bar? Only issue is, you can only attend that bar by invitation due to its high prestige," Erwin remarked. You let out a sigh, tapping your fingers on your wine glass while trying to ponder a way to work around that.

As if on cue, Nifa came rushing through the doors. "Commander, I have the letter you were seeking," she said, passing him the envelope with her uninjured arm. He grabbed it immediately. Levi extended out his arm to open it for him, but Erwin managed to rip it open with his one hand. Levi gave him an irritated glare. You could already imagine what he must have been thinking in his head; he was likely mentally scolding Erwin for not accepting his assistance.

You watched as Erwin's eyes skimmed through the writing, then the corner of his lips twitched just a tad.

"What is it?" Hange asked.

"An invitation to an event at the 'Wall Sina' bar."

Talk about perfect timing...

You were lucky the Survey Corps reputation had been restored, or else this would have never worked out.

"That's perfect!" Hanged chimed in.

"However," Erwin continued. "it says only two guests. So we will have to make a choice on who should be the two to go."

"I think it should be Captain Levi and Eden," Armin added unexpectedly. All heads turned in his direction. You pulled your eyebrows together slightly, trying to decipher why he came to that conclusion so quickly.

Armin spoke further. "It only makes sense since Eden already knows him, so she'll have the advantage of knowing what he looks like and how he acts. Captain Levi is the next choice because his title of being 'Humanity's Strongest Soldier' would probably intimidate him."

It made sense - perfect sense, actually. You couldn't think of any other pair to go that would make sense, but there was still something off about Armin. You didn't like the way he was questioning you earlier, nor did you like his quick response just now.

It almost felt like he was trying to get rid of you... like he wanted an excuse for you to leave.

Were you overthinking it?

"Fine with me," you replied. You continued glaring at Armin distrustfully. He seemed to have caught on to your intense stare, blushing and turning away.

If your gut was right and he knew something, that meant that you'd have to leave much sooner than you thought.

"When is this event, Erwin?" Levi asked.

"Next week," he said, setting the paper down on the table. "We'll have to get you two formal attire. It's part of the dress code."

"Oh, we could go dress shopping!" Hange turned to you excitedly.

You quirked an eyebrow. "You really wanna go dress shopping with me?"

"It'll be fun, don't you think?"

"I never took you for someone interested in dress shopping," you responded honestly. "But sure. I'm down."

"Hey, I'm always open for anything," they answered, shifting their eyes to Levi next. "We can take Levi suit shopping too."

"Forget it, Four Eyes," he grumbled.

"Always such a grump," you teased. His eyes shot daggers at you, but you only grinned in response, bringing up the wine glass to your lips.

"More wine?" Hange asked, holding up the bottle. Your smile grew.

"Yes, please."

For the next twenty minutes or so, you all continued discussing the plan. It was quite simple, really: you and Levi would go to the special event together, find Lukas, and find a way to get the key back. In the instance that he wasn't there, you'd have to ask around. You really hoped it didn't have to get to that point, though. You had a feeling that the rest of his coworkers may be just as similar to him.

Hopefully it isn't easier said than done...

As much as you'd like to say that you alone would be enough to intimidate Lukas, you knew that wouldn't be fully possible. You already had the vibe that he didn't take you seriously at all. Well, you couldn't blame him. You made a fool of yourself at the bar and made yourself out as an easy target. Nonetheless, having Levi by your side would surely cause him to sweat a bit more.

You'd still find a way to get your revenge, though. You were sure of it.

By the time the meeting had finished and everyone else dispersed, you found yourself a bit dazed and drowsy from the alcohol. The only people left in the room at this point were you, Levi, and Hange; well, it felt more like just you and Hange. The two of you were chatting away while Levi continued to glare between the two of you in annoyance. Hange had poured you three glasses of wine in total - or was it four?

"That's enough," Levi scolded, grabbing the wine bottle from between the two of you. You had just now realized how big of a dent the two of you left in the bottle when he set it aside.

"You're such a bore Levi," you teased, your head dropping on the table. Hange snickered beside you.

Yeah, you were drunk.

The table rattled, and a chair skid across the wooden floor in front of you. A hand grasped your upper arm a few seconds later, causing your head to shoot up.

"Come on." Levi tugged at your arm.

"What, are you taking me to bed? It's like 6 p.m.," you said in disbelief.

"Yes, I am," he said, yanking at your arm again.

"You're coming too, Hange," you heard Moblit's voice say. When did Moblit get here?

You didn't even have time to process the thought, because Levi very easily pulled you out of your seat. Nearly stumbling, you grabbed onto his other arm for leverage. He helped you regain your balance.

"I'll see you soon for dress shopping, Eden!" Hange shouted as they stepped out of the room with Moblit dragging them away.

"Looking forward to it!" you yelled back.

"Can you stand up straight?" Levi asked as he directed you out of the room.

"I'm trying," you responded. You tripped past the doorway, but Levi was quick enough to catch you before you fell.

"Idiot."

"Asshole."

"I could just let you fall."

"I can walk fine on my own."

He loosened his grip on one of your arms, and you nearly lost footing again. You clutched onto him instinctively. When peering up at him, you could see the smirk formed on his face.

"So annoying," you said, rolling your eyes.

"Saying that as if I'm not the one helping you walk back to your room."

"Yeah, yeah."

He turned the knob and pushed open the door to your room, guiding you to your bed. With an exaggerated sigh, you flopped on your back, staring up at the ceiling.

"You're gonna lay in bed with your uniform on?" he asked in confusion.

"Too tired to change," you replied in defense. You shifted your body to center yourself on the mattress and reached out to tug the sheets over your body. Levi halted your actions, pulling the warm covers away from you.

"I'm not letting you sleep in your damn uniform." He grabbed your arm in an attempt to haul you out of bed, but to his misfortune, you put up a good fight. You used your arms and legs to push him away as he continued struggling to tug your arm. You weren't too harsh, but it did the job - he released the grip he had on you.

"You're so damn difficult sometimes," he said with a sigh.

"Apparently you love it, though," you said with a cheeky grin, repeating what he told you from earlier. He rolled his eyes, but you could see a hint of a smile on his face.

"Dumbass."

You yelped when you felt a pair of hands sneak under your legs and upper back, raising you up from the cushioned mattress. "Levi!" you protested, shoving at his chest. He ignored your complaints as he made his way to the chair situated by the vanity mirror to sit you down.

"I'm grabbing your nightgown," he remarked, stepping towards your dresser. "Where do you keep it?"

"Gosh, you're so fussy."

"Found it." He walked back over and passed it to you.

You sighed, staring down at it. "Fine, I'll change." You rose to your feet and started undoing the belt of your uniform. "Can you turn away?"

The look he gave you was perplexing - like he was wondering why you wanted him to turn around as if he hadn't already seen what you looked like the day prior.

"Jeez, a girl can't have her privacy?"

"Alright, whatever you say," he said before turning his back to you. Feeling a little bold, you tossed the belt on the floor, shook the jacket off of you, and walked back towards him. You placed a hand on his shoulder, slowly riding it up to his neck.

"Unless" - you leaned into his ear - "you want to take it off me yourself."

He swallowed nervously as his eyes met yours, but then he grabbed your hand and lowered it.

"Not like this," he said firmly. "Not when you're drunk out of your mind."

"I'm not that drunk."

"Go get dressed," he demanded. You exhaled in disappointment.

"Whatever you say, Captain."

Alcohol was prone to make you feel a little more... heated than usual. You never really did make the best decisions when drunk, and truthfully, you were lucky to have someone like Levi to actually watch over you and not take advantage.

You were grateful for someone like him.

Thoughts of Levi and everything he had done for you swarmed into your mind as you undressed. His small acts of kindness never went unnoticed. You had always cherished them from the very beginning; you just never allowed yourself to acknowledge them until more recently.

That was what made you fall in love with him.

Oh no. Here come the unwelcome thoughts.

You often forgot how alcohol also brought along other thoughts to surface - the thoughts you had stowed and locked away to address for another time. It granted you access to pry those feelings open, permitting you to endure all those emotions you had hoarded up deep in your heart.

All the guilt, all the lies, all the pain - it came rushing to the forefront of your mind like a stampede of horses.

I'm going to hurt him. I slept with him and displayed my feelings for him knowing I'm going to hurt him. What kind of person am I?

"Are you done yet?"

His voice snapped you out of your racing mind. You quickly tossed the silky nightgown over your head before turning around.

"Y-Yeah," you stammered. You neatly placed the rest of your uniform on the chair by the vanity, not really in the mood to hang it back up. Levi turned around, his intense grey eyes following you as you tossed yourself back in bed. You curled under the covers, shifting your body comfortably to the side to glance at the clock - it was 6:22 p.m.

"I don't think I've ever gone to bed this early in my life," you admitted. You heard the movement of sheets behind you, presuming it was an indication that he had sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Well, there's nothing else for us to do today, so nothing wrong with crashing early."

"But it's hardly the evening."

"You were hardly able to walk properly. You're not of any use right now."

"I guess," you said, turning your body to the other side now, facing him. He was looking down at you with such heedful eyes. "So what are you going to do now?"

"Meet up with Erwin, likely," he responded, averting his gaze. "We have to discuss other matters regarding the next step after finding the key."

"Do you have to go right away?"

He shook his head. "Not yet."

There was a pause, and then quietly, you asked, "Can you stay?"

With calm and gentle eyes, he turned his attention to you again. "I can stay."

You smiled timidly, reaching out for his hand; he responded by wrapping his hand around yours.

The two of you were still for a while, just basking in the silence and holding each other's hands. He started tracing circles with his thumb.

"Eden," he said quietly.

"Hm?"

"Promise me you'll take care of yourself."

You furrowed your eyebrows. "What do you mean?"

"You can be careless sometimes."

"Where is this coming from?"

He glanced over at you, his expression serious and unwavering. He didn't say anything, but you had a gut feeling you understood what he was talking about.

You did tend to be a bit careless when it came to certain things: drinking alcohol, your temper, your taunting, etc. Maybe that was what he was concerned about.

"I can try," you said. His expression indicated that he wasn't content with that answer. You didn't expect him to be.

Well, you were only being honest. You couldn't promise that you'd be fine and dandy when you left this land.

And I'm leaving soon.

Next week - that was when you'd leave.

You rolled over onto your back and stared up at the ceiling, still holding his hand. The alcohol was wearing off, but your body still felt extremely fatigued from it.

"Can you lay with me?" you asked him. You didn't look over at him, but you could feel his eyes on you.

"I'm not laying with my uniform on."

"Then by all means, strip."

He said nothing, but you knew he was contemplating it - not stripping completely, per se, but just laying with you. You looked over at him when you heard him shrug off his jacket.

"I can't stay for long," he said, setting the long, green coat on top of your dresser and removing the handkerchief he had stuffed in his collar.

"I know," you mumbled quietly. You shifted to the side to give him some room. He kicked off his shoes before sitting down on the bed again. Even despite his distaste for laying in bed with uniform clothes, he did it anyway, wearing only his white button down and black slacks. He let out a relaxed sigh before moving his body closer to you, wrapping his arm behind your shoulders as you leaned into him.

"Were you mad at me before?" you inquired curiously, cuddled into his neck.

He paused before responding. "It's not that I'm mad at you. I just worry about you."

You hummed in reply. Although you appreciated his concern for you, you knew that sometimes it was a little bit excessive. You weren't in the mood to bring that up, though.

"I wish you had told me about Lukas."

You raised your head to look up at him. "Why?"

"Because I could have handled it."

You stared at him, evidently perplexed. "He didn't do anything that bad. He was just being an asshat."

"Doesn't matter." You could sense his arm tense up around your shoulders. "He didn't need to come up to you."

"Well, it was handled accordingly, okay? I didn't give in to his shitty behavior if that was what you were worried about."

You could feel the deep inhale and exhale of his lungs against his chest. His heart was beating rapidly.

"Hey." You reached up to cup his cheek. He stared down at you, eyes full of worry and stress. "Relax, please. Don't stress about this. We'll find him, grab the key, and all will be well. He'll get what he deserves."

His expression remained rigid, unwilling to listen to your advice.

You huffed. "Always so stubborn." He didn't reply to that. Even despite his firm demeanor, you continued staring up at him, smiling endearingly while you admired his features.

For such a grumpy man, he was still so beautiful.

"What are you staring at me like that for?"

"Your eyes," you admitted. "They're breathtaking."

Pink flushed his cheeks immediately as he turned his head away from your hold to look up at the ceiling. "Remind me to never let Hange give you more wine again," he said.

You chuckled. "Why?"

"Didn't know it made you such a sap."

You propped up your elbow to lift your body up, looking at him incredulously. "Excuse me?"

The corner of his lips curled up at your reaction. "You're a sap."

"You know, a thank you would suffice." You poked at his chest playfully. "Don't think I called you a sap when you called me beautiful."

"That's different."

"In what way?"

"Because it's you."

Your face felt warm again, and it wasn't from the alcohol still in your system this time. "And you call me a sap."

He huffed through his nose, then reached out to grab the back of your head to lean in and kiss your forehead gently. You relaxed into his chest again, sighing peacefully.

The two of you basked in silence yet again while you shut your eyes. Your mind looked back on the memory of the conversation you had with Levi in the kitchen - the day you found out he preferred sleeping in chairs as opposed to a bed. You thought it was utterly insane, and yet a few weeks later, he was now in a bed with your body curled tightly into his chest. Who would have thought?

You remained in this position for a long time, feeling the rise and fall over his chest. It was truly tranquil. You wished you could remain here with him like this forever. Craning your head up, you saw that his eyes were closed and his lips slightly parted. He was fast asleep. This was the first time you'd ever seen it.

Your mind reflected back on that same conversation from that same day in the kitchen.

"I'll sleep anywhere I feel peaceful and safe. Where I sleep doesn't usually matter, but a chair is usually the best option to ease my nerves."

Oh.

Oh.

Right now, he felt at peace.

Waves of heat rushed through your body at the realization.

With me , he feels peaceful and safe.

You sighed. The quick moment of elation you just felt from the realization swiftly plummeted and turned into somberness.

Just one more week with him. One more week of living a lie. One more week until you'd have to hurt him without giving him an explanation.

One more week, and then you'd be gone for good.

Notes:

Hello!

Sooo, I will not be uploading next week (sorry...). Life is catching up to me a bit, my brain is a bit foggy, and I need some more time to plan out these next 4-5ish chapters. These next few chapters are very important to me and I really want to execute it the best way that I can. Hope you understand.

As always, thanks for the support :). Have a nice week!

- Mar

Chapter 27: A Twinkling Star

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

The following week almost felt too good to be true. For the first time since you had joined the Survey Corps (and ever, really), you actually felt relaxed and stress free. Everything was tranquil and still - there were no deadlines to follow, no sudden expeditions to instantly jump on, and no immediate enemies to concern yourself with. It was an odd change of atmosphere; you weren't accustomed to this kind of optimism and serenity.

Ever since Historia's coronation, a weight had been lifted. There was hope for humanity's victory, and that notion spread throughout all of Paradis. Things were starting to look up, especially for the Survey Corps.

This unexpected shift set the mood for all of the soldiers involved in the Scout Regiment. The younger scouts were much rowdier than usual and more people wanted to enlist. Although you knew you weren't supposed to be joyful about it, it was slightly endearing to watch it all transpire in front of you.

The tasks you were given throughout the week were not anything strenuous. Levi was much busier than you were, for obvious reasons. As captain, he needed to work closely with Erwin to discuss future matters relating to retaking Wall Maria. In fact, it was settled by Erwin and the other military leaders that Levi would be in charge of holding onto the titan syringe he obtained from Kenny before he passed. He also made it his duty to help out Historia with passing favorable laws for the Underground.

Levi was in and out of meetings all day, sitting in with Erwin, or conversing with Hange about Eren's progress regarding his hardening ability. You helped out whenever you could by checking in on the rest of the squad, or even assisting Hange with some of their research since they had asked you for some help. They were in the process of creating something called "Thunder Spears" that would be used to attack titans. The idea seemed far-fetched, but knowing Hange, it could be created successfully.

You and Levi kept busy in different ways, and although you were around for some of his duties, you weren't always able to talk or be around him. There was some distance between the two of you in the mornings, only being able to exchange longing glances down the hall or during meals.

And yet, in spite of your conflicting schedules, he still always found a way to make time for you.

Sunsets became your thing. Each late afternoon, Levi purposefully sought you out to drag you outside and onto the balcony.

That was the other good thing about no longer being seen as shitty fugitives - Levi's squad had some special treatment when it came to resting locations. The building you were currently residing in almost seemed too fancy for you - definitely far fancier than you were used to.

But hey, you weren't complaining. The view was fantastic from where you were.

Each and every single day since the coronation, the two of you went outside to see the sunset together, watching time pass. Sunset admiration turned into stargazing since it seemed like both of you found it difficult to call it quits when it came to talking. The two of you talked about a plethora of different topics - some of it was silly nonsense, but it always made sense to the two of you, nonetheless. Other days, you'd talk about deeper topics such as your childhoods and specific experiences, both good and bad. He brought up the work he had done with Historia quite a good amount, and it was honestly very admirable. You could tell that he was passionate about helping people in the Underground. It made sense, given all the trauma he endured, and to know he wanted to prevent that from happening to the other children living there now was truly brilliant.

The memories from the past few days were ones you knew would come to haunt you in due time. The memories were beautiful, and that was exactly the problem. It almost felt like a dream. Levi made you feel like you were floating, each kiss sending you higher and higher above to reach for the clouds. Every hug, every compliment, every gentle expression - it surged through your body and intruded into your heart, causing it to flourish even more. None of his affections went unnoticed or ignored.

Everything was perfect. He was perfect.

You were so deeply in love.

Sometimes, you still couldn't fathom the fact that this was the same man that had been so quiet, strict, and stoic when you first met him, and now you had reached a point where you finally cracked him. His suave and aloof exterior completely vanished when he was around you. It wasn't easy to open him up, but it was so worth it in the end. You gained little bits and pieces of him along the way until you finally solved the puzzle.

You loved him, and a part of you knew he must have been feeling the same way. Although your relationship hadn't been properly addressed by either of you, you both knew what was going on. You were his, and he was yours.

Was this what being in a healthy relationship felt like?

You didn't exactly have the best examples of love growing up, and neither did he. Navigating whatever was transpiring between you two was new for the both of you, and yet somehow, it felt natural. He didn't need to say anything for you to know he was yours, and the same could be said about you.

But this would only last for a few more days.

Tomorrow you would go dress shopping with Hange, then the following day would be the mission to grab the key back. After that, it was time to make your exit.

The plan to leave stressed you out tremendously. You played different scenarios in your head regarding the best way to approach it, and after days of overthinking, you finally settled on one. The day after you got the key back would be the day you leave. Because the event was scheduled to finish late into the night, the Royal Capital offered to pay for a hotel room for you and Levi to stay in for the evening. Both of you would sleep in Stohess for the night, then return to Mitras the following day to give back the key. That night would be the night you'd leave.

Easier said than done. The worst and most stressful part of this plan was finding a convincing excuse to tell Levi. You'd been sleeping in bed with him the entire week. It would be suspicious of you to all of a sudden decide not to spend time with him in the evening when that was all you had been doing.

Telling him you felt sick and couldn't be around him in case you were contagious seemed like the most plausible option. Even while knowing he was the type to try and help you feel better by brewing you tea or trying to find medicine, he was still very cautious when it came to germs and cleanliness. He'd show his concern for you, but would still keep his distance. If you could put on a good show, it could very likely work.

Assuming this excuse would work, you'd then have your stuff packed and ready to leave through the window of your room that night, never to return without leaving a single trace behind.

...Except a note.

Every single day since last week, you would drag a pen across paper in an attempt to come up with a letter that would say everything you needed to say, but you'd just end up frustrated and scrapping it entirely. You either said too little, or too much. It was never enough.

Today was one of those days. You were sitting at your desk for over an hour trying to come up with a note that sounded good enough to you, but alas, you were still met with disappointment.

There was so much you wanted to say, but there was also a risk in revealing too much. Albeit you wanted to help them, you were also aware that giving out specific information could result in them discovering Marley on their own. Once again, your mind was playing a game of tug of war, each side pulling the rope desperately to try and win you over so you could finally pick a side.

If you divulged everything you knew, it wouldn't just put you at risk, it would put everyone at risk. If they found out where Marley was, who knew what could happen. There were so many people you despised back in the land you used to call home, but there were still a few others who didn't deserve to pay for the consequences of your actions - your sister, for instance. The Eldians of Paradis may have been isolated and ignorant to what was beyond the walls, but they weren't idiots. They would fully be capable of starting a war.

To fight against the man you loved... could you do that?

With a sigh, you shook your head to dismiss the thought, twirling the pencil in your hand as you pondered the next sentence to write.

Nope. Still not good enough.

You sighed again, shoving the journal back inside your drawer before leaning back on your chair to stare up at the ceiling. There were only a few more days left. You had no time.

A knock on your door caused your thoughts to subside.

"Come in," you said, turning your head. Not to your surprise, Levi was the one who opened it from the other side. Your lips quirked into a smile immediately.

"Balcony?" you asked, standing up on your feet to walk towards him. He shook his head.

"Nope," he said. "Roof."

"Roof?"

"Yep," he replied casually. You raised an eyebrow at him skeptically, but then you decided to trust him since your curiosity was eating away at you. When you brushed past him, he gently placed a hand on your back to lead you to his office, which also happened to be his room.

The walk there didn't take very long. You stepped out through the window of his room to immerse yourself outside, and once you saw the reason why he was dead set on watching the sunset from the roof today, your mouth fell open.

A large, brown blanket was set in the center of the plastered roof, held up by a dimly lit lantern on one end, and a bowl of strawberries and berries in the middle. Two pillows were neatly placed on the horizontal edge closest to you with another blanket folded above it. On the far left side was a tray with a teapot, two cups - and of course - milk and honey.

With your face growing warm, you turned your attention back to him. "You did this?"

He crossed his arms over his chest, expression firm as always. "Just figured we both needed a change of scenery."

You smiled. "You know, it's okay to admit to being a sap sometimes."

A small smirk emerged on his face. "Nah, I'm not trying to stoop to your level."

"You say that after doing this?" You gestured your arm towards the romantic setup he created. "Between me complimenting your eyes and you laying out a blanket with pillows, grabbing a bowl of my favorite fruit, and brewing some tea with my favorite condiments all to just sit on a roof to watch the sunset, I think you've got me beat when it comes to who's the sappiest. This is probably the sappiest thing I've ever seen."

He huffed, averting his gaze. "Whatever."

The grin never died down from your face. You walked over to him and reached over to kiss him on the cheek. Pink crept onto his face immediately.

"Thank you," you told him.

He tried to hide it, but you could see that his smirk curved into a real smile from the corner of your eye.

The two of you sat outside on the roof watching the sun dip below the horizon, the lantern becoming your main source of light as darkness engulfed the atmosphere. You continued talking and finishing up the bowls of fruit, as well as the tea that had now surely gone cold because of how long you were conversing. As the night drew closer, goosebumps erupted on your skin due to the chilly breeze. Levi wrapped the other blanket around the two of you, and then both of you leaned back against the pillows to stare up above, arms bent to rest behind your heads. The stars in the sky appeared more noticeable and pretty to you in Paradis than they did in Marley... or maybe it was just because Levi was right next to you.

Everything felt more clear and beautiful whenever he was beside you.

"So you like blueberries," you said, breaking the silence.

"...Obviously," he responded, confusion evident in his tone while he turned his head to face you.

"I was being rhetorical," you replied, mimicking his actions to look at him.

"Alright, so then what's your point?" You rolled your eyes at his impatience.

"I was going to get there, but then you rudely interrupted me," you said. "Anyway, what are your thoughts on apples?"

"Apples?"

"Mhm."

He angled his head up to ponder. "They're not bad, I guess."

"You know, I make a pretty good apple pie," you told him confidently.

"Doubt it. I can't picture you baking anything without somehow finding a way to set the kitchen on fire."

You narrowed your eyes at him. "Jeez, that's quite an aggressive accusation. You've never even seen me cook or bake."

"Well, seeing as you forgot to use a sieve to filter out the tea leaves for your tea, I can't imagine what you'd do to a pie."

"That was one time," you said with a laugh.

"And you still expect me to think your pie would be edible if I can already see how careless you can be in the kitchen?"

"You are really annoying sometimes." You lifted your hand to flick his cheek playfully. "You're never gonna let me live that down, are you?"

"Nope," he jested. "That, and the hose."

You rolled your eyes. "That damn hose."

The corner of his lip lifted.

"You have no faith in me. I bet I could prove you wrong," you continued.

"Dunno, I think I'd fare much better than you at baking."

You raised a brow. "Is that a challenge?"

"I was joking."

You chuckled. "Yeah, because you know you'd lose."

"Doubtful. I'm just nice enough to help you avoid disappointment."

"You may be an expert at many things, Captain, but when it comes to cooking and baking, I think I've got one over you."

"Nah, you've got nothing over me."

"You sure about that?"

"Positive."

"Then let's see you prove it then."

He smiled, contemplating in his head, then turned his attention to you again. "Fine, then. Maybe when we return from getting the key."

Your face fell, and you averted your gaze. "Yeah... sounds like a plan," you responded dejectedly, focusing your attention back on the stars. He said nothing after that, but you wondered if he took note of the way your smile faded.

There you go again... giving him false hope.

Silence encased the two of you as you gazed up into the sky. One star in particular caught your attention. It twinkled sporadically and was set far away from the others.

"I like that star," you said quietly.

"Which one?"

You extended your arm to point up with your index finger. "That one."

Levi's eyes followed in the direction of your pointer finger. "The shimmering one?"

"Yeah," you said. "It's rare I see stars stand out like that."

"Really?"

"Mhm," you mumbled, unable to ignore the way his gaze was fixed on you. "I guess stars weren't that distinct from where I came from. This one feels unique - pretty. It almost gives me the impression that it's begging to be noticed by something, like its flickering any light it has left for someone to finally notice it before it dims completely."

There was a pause, and then he said, "Quite a humanistic and figurative way to describe an inanimate object."

You laughed lightly. "I like to think everything has some life in it."

He hummed at your response. "What do you think makes it so different from the others? Aside from your strangely disturbing interpretation."

You rolled your eyes. "I don't know. It looks bigger, but maybe that's not the case; maybe it's just closer to land compared to the others," you responded. "My sister would probably know something about it."

Another pause. "I'd like to meet her someday."

It felt like someone stabbed your chest. "Maybe one day."

You remained outside for a little while longer, your eyes continuing to linger on the shining orb above. Time passed too quickly whenever you were around Levi. It always felt like you were running out of time with him.

Well, technically there was some truth to that.

With a sigh, you propped your elbows up and removed the blanket from your body to stand up, chills entering your body as soon as the warmth from the blanket had dissipated. "We should go to bed. I've gotta be up early to go dress shopping with Hange."

He copied your actions, standing up. "You're really taking up on their offer?"

"Well, it's not like I have a fancy dress lying around," you replied, helping him gather up the bowls and tray. "You should come too, you know. You need a suit."

"I have a suit already. It's dressy enough. It wouldn't be necessary to spend more money."

"I'll take your word for it."

It took about fifteen minutes to gather up the materials and clean them in the kitchen. Once everything was tidy enough for Levi's standards, you walked back to his room with him.

With a smile, you gave him a peck on the lips when you stopped at his door. "Goodnight." You twisted your body to walk back towards your bedroom, but he grabbed your wrist.

"You're not staying?"

I shouldn't.

"You want me to?"

Stupid response.

You knew the answer to that already. You had been sleeping in bed with him for the past week. Now was when you were trying to push him away again because your conversation with him on the roof reminded you of just how shitty a person you were for continuing to feed him hope for something that could never happen.

But you couldn't exactly say no to him though, could you? He'd question it. And well, you did want to stay.

He narrowed his eyes. "Are you playing dumb on purpose?"

You laughed nervously. "Just wanted to hear you admit it."

He rolled his eyes, pulling you in by the waist to kiss you again. "I want you to stay."

You gave him another somber smile, guilt consuming your body once again. "I'll stay."

Selfish. I am so selfish.

-

Another night passed, and a new day emerged.

Streaks of light bled through the curtains in the room, striking you in the face. The sudden brightness caused your eyes to flutter open uncomfortably.

Two more days.

A pair of lips pressed against your head. You craned your head up.

"Morning," you said to Levi, your voice raspy.

He smiled at you. He looked beautiful even with his hair disheveled. "Morning."

This would be one of the last times he'd hold you like this.

Trying to push that thought out of your mind, you disentangled yourself from his body and forced yourself off the bed to start getting ready.

The painful realization that this would be one of your last days with him was really starting to sink in.

Forget it. Keep pushing forward.

Just as you always did, you stowed away the thoughts. With the amount of thoughts you had locked away in the abyss of your mind, you wondered if one day they'd overflow and spill out unintentionally.

Fragile like a bomb, was how your mother described you. For your own sake, you hoped that wasn't true. You didn't want to explode.

You met up with Hange in the main hall about half an hour later. Nifa was standing beside her.

"Nifa's coming along for some extra support," Hange remarked.

You smiled. "That's fine with me."

The journey to the dress boutique was short lived, and because you were so close to the Royal Capital, the dresses you observed on the display were extravagant, and also far too expensive.

But it wasn't your money you were spending, it was the capital's. You were going to use that to your advantage.

"Ooo, I like this one!" Hange said eagerly. They grabbed a dress by the hanger and held it up for you to see, the widest smile plastered on their face. You raised an eyebrow, exchanging a nervous glance with Nifa.

Well, it was certainly a... unique design. It was a mix of purple and mossy green. The colors swirled and mixed towards the ends of the dress, which had ruffled fabric. The sleeves were ruffled too, well... everything was ruffled and very huge. Anyone who would wear it would surely look like some type of colorful bird. It looked like something a grandma would wear, truthfully.

You walked over to them with a tight lipped smile and lowered the hanger. "Not really my taste."

Hange's face fell into a frown. "Oh, well, that's fine. Let's keep looking then!"

It took everything in you not to snap at Hange for their suggestions. You appreciated their attempt to help, but god did they have horrible taste. You thought the ruffled dress was bad, but they kept proving you wrong each time they approached you with a new one.

Nifa was slightly more helpful, but the dresses she suggested still weren't appealing enough to you. One was too short for your taste, and the other almost felt like a wedding dress. The designs were beautiful, but didn't really fit with the occasion.

It was nice, though - hanging out with them. For once, you weren't concerned with titans, battle, or death. The three of you talked as if you hadn't gone through anything traumatic for the past few months. It was a nice momentary distraction for you all.

Nifa was healing from her injuries faster, too. She still needed to wear the cast for a few more weeks, but she made it clear to you that she had been managing just fine. Seeing her smile joyfully and enjoying her time with the two of you made you realize just how worth it it was to save her.

Her smile reminded you of Petra.

She should have been here with the three of you. She would have loved this. This was right up her alley. Fashion was always her favorite thing to talk about, and you knew she would have offered the most help. She probably would have even suggested helping you with your makeup too.

Your chest began to hurt again.

Stow it and lock it away.

You pushed another thought back as you blinked away the heat burning your eyes, focusing your attention on the clothing racks in front of you.

"Hey, what about this one?" you heard Hange ask from behind you. You let out an exasperated exhale, ready to politely turn down their suggestion again.

"Hange, I love you, but I don't think that-" you cut yourself off when you whirled around. With widened eyes, you stepped closer to the dress they displayed in front of you.

It was a purely red dress with a slit on the left side that stopped just right above the knee. The shoulder straps were wide, but not too wide - exactly how you liked it. The fabric seemed mildly tight around the waist, which meant that it would likely hug your body nicely. The fabric beneath the waist was flowy and somewhat long, but with heels it shouldn't matter too much.

And best of all, there wasn't an excess amount of ruffles.

You reached a hand over to feel the fabric. It wasn't thin or sheer - the material seemed legit.

"That one is beautiful," Nifa said, approaching you from behind.

"It is." You nodded in agreement. "I think I wanna try it on."

Hange's face broke into a satisfied smile.

You entered the dressing room to slip on the dress. It had a ribbon in the back that had to be tied around your waist and fastened in the back. After adjusting the ribbon to your comfort, you observed yourself in the mirror. The dress looked a lot better on you than you were anticipating. The slit wasn't too high up, and the dress hugged your waist so flawlessly. There was a slight v-cut design on the chest portion you hadn't noticed until now, and well, your breasts looked amazing in it. The red really suited you, and the style of the dress really accentuated your body type.

It was honestly perfect.

Shyly, you pushed away the curtain from the dressing room and stepped out. Hange and Nifa turned their heads around eagerly to see you. Their jaws dropped.

"...Woah," Hange finally said, their widened eyes inspecting your entire body. You laughed slightly, staring down at the dress and smoothing it out with your hands.

"Eden... you look gorgeous," Nifa said while stepping closer, feeling the fabric with her hands along with you.

Heat rose on your face. "Thank you."

"This is absolutely perfect," Hange continued. "Please tell me you're choosing this one."

You took one last glance in the mirror and smiled. "Yeah, I think so."

Hange grabbed your shoulders from behind and leaned into your ear. "I think Levi is going to like it too." You whipped your head around so fast, furrowing your eyebrows. Hange stared back at you in amusement. You rolled your eyes without saying a word.

They definitely knew something was going on between the two of you. They weren't stupid.

Too bad you'd have to disappoint them soon...

Lock it away.

After making your purchase, you arrived back at the building about an hour later, the dress securely encased by protective wrapping. It was heading towards the evening by the time you came back, and dinner was nearly ready to be served. Before making your way to the dining hall, you went to your room to carefully set the dress down in your room. Not to your surprise, you found Levi leaning against the wall beside your door after you exited your room.

"Stalking me now?" you joked.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize I wasn't allowed to come greet you now." The sarcasm was laced in his tone. He pulled himself off the wall to start walking with you down the hall.

"I just find it very strange how you somehow already knew I came back after just a few minutes."

"I saw Hange return to their office, so my apologies for assuming you came back to your room."

You smiled at him playfully. "I don't know. Still seems creepy to me. Might need to get a restraining order soon if this keeps up."

"Alright, I guess I won't stop by anymore, then." He stopped in his tracks, turning his body to head down the opposite direction. You extended out your arm to grab his wrist.

"I'm kidding," you responded, pulling him in and kissing his cheek. "Let's go."

Dinner went by in a flash, and before you knew it, you were back in Levi's room getting ready for bed.

"So are you gonna show me the dress you decided on?" he asked, watching as you changed into your nightgown. Just a week prior, you still felt a little shy and self-conscious at the thought of changing around him, but the thoughts went away over time. He never made you feel any discomfort, which you were extremely grateful for. He made it evident to you that he didn't simply see you as someone to have sex with; he saw you as someone who captivated him in more ways than you could have ever imagined.

"You'll see it tomorrow," you replied with a smirk, hanging up your uniform.

"You can't show me now?"

"Nope." You turned to him with a mischievous smile. "It's a surprise."

"I don't like surprises." His hands went to your waist, and you could feel him squeeze your skin lightly.

"This one will be worth it."

Seeing his reaction to the dress was something you were definitely looking forward to. You were absolutely going to tease the shit out of him.

He sighed in defeat, backing away from you. "There's nothing I can do to convince you, is there?"

"Nope," you repeated. "You're just gonna have to learn to be patient."

"If anything taught me patience, it's being around you."

You rolled your eyes and chuckled, smacking his arm softly. "I could say the same about you."

"Sure." He kissed your lips, then shifted down to kiss against your neck. "But you still keep coming back every time."

You allowed his lips to trail lower until you were both traveling towards the bed, shutting your eyes as you let him take you completely again. The thoughts locked up in your mind were furiously clawing against their cages, desperately trying to reach your senses to prevent this intimacy from happening again, but it went ignored as it always did. Your love and need for him overpowered every other feeling. It blinded you.

Love was a weakness just as much as it was dangerous.

And just like that, another day came to an end.

Notes:

Gahhh sorry for my inconsistency y'all. Life has been a bit rough.

This chapter is definitely shorter than what I usually post and not too important, but I wanted to put something out there as I continue structuring these next few chapters. Things are going to start picking up soon, I swear.

Also, feel free to interact with me on tumblr! I'm a bit shy, but I'm trying to put myself out there more, so if you have any questions about the story, wanna know my progress, or just wanna chat, feel free to send me a message :). I'll try to remain active in any other way I can to let you know I'm still here even if it takes me a while to update lol.

Howeverrr, the next chapter will be up within a week, that I can promise 3. Thank you for all the love you've shown me so far. I will forever appreciate it. I love you all xoxo 3

- Mar

Chapter 28: Calm Before the Storm

Notes:

I figured I owed you guys an early update so... surprise! :D

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Another full day gone. Still two more to go.

You and Levi set off for the hotel at around five in the evening. The event began at eight, so this should have given the two of you enough time to settle into your room and get ready.

You grabbed a lot to take with you - probably far too much. Levi questioned you about it, but you dismissed it by saying your bag was filled with 'girl essentials.' Technically, that was partially true, but really, you just thought it was necessary to take most things with you.

Why? Because Armin was scaring the shit out of you.

Even though being in Levi's presence distracted you from the turmoil within your mind, your apprehension further spiked throughout the week anytime you encountered Armin. For one, he was suspiciously immersed with knowing about your history, and the questions he'd ask you were far too personal.

Why did he need to know where you grew up? Why did he need to know details about your family? Why was he suddenly so interested in you when he didn't bat an eye at you before?

Because he knows something.

Knowing him, the kid was likely scheming out some sort of plan. He was waiting for a moment to get rid of you, and this key situation worked out in his favor. You suspected that he probably wanted to rummage through your room to find evidence in your absence.

Well, that wasn't going to happen.

Your main concern was someone finding the journal, so you knew you had to take that with you. Everything else - like some of your clothes - shouldn't be able to easily give your identity away. All the important information was stored in your journal.

"Shit, this is a nice hotel," you said to Levi as the two of you entered the hotel. The lobby was vast and wide, paintings of important historical figures plastered on the walls with golden frames. A large chandelier hung in the center, sparkling in the light as it swayed subtly. There were also a variety of potted plants scattered throughout the room beside doors and furniture, the pots encased in golden covering.

Gold, gold, gold. So much damn gold. It felt slightly overwhelming to you.

It was weird living lavishly for a week. You weren't exactly opposed to it, but it was also a bit too much. To know there were rich people living like this their entire lives while knowing others were suffering in other areas within the walls and in the Underground just put a sour taste in your mouth.

"It's alright, I guess," Levi responded while checking in at the front desk. Levi wasn't the type to want to live lavishly; he just wanted fairness and equality. You could tell none of this appealed to him. Sure, it was nice to look at - and it was certainly up to his cleaning standards - but it did nothing to him knowing all of this money could have been used for something actually useful, like giving aid to the poor.

The room you were sharing was just as exquisite. More pretentious paintings littered the walls, and plants in golden pots were scattered across the wooden floor. There was a nightstand situated beside the giant, king-sized bed in the center, and a door - which you discovered to be your own shared bathroom - was on the far right. In front of the bed was a large vanity, and a red, cushioned seat. On top of the nightstand was a lamp, and next to that was another potted plant - a purple flower.

It was a campanula.

"I love these flowers," you said while approaching the plant. You weren't certain if you really meant that, or if your mother's soul possessed you to say that.

"What type of flower is that?"

"A campanula." A wistful smile formed on your face while you lightly traced over the petals with your fingertips. You weren't exactly sure what prompted you to admire the flower so much - maybe it was the nostalgia.

"A what?" You could sense the puzzlement in his expression without having to steal a glance.

"A campanula," you repeated. "It's a flower that represents love and- well, it mostly represents love." You decided to spare him the other disturbing meaning behind it.

"Sounds sappy."

"Wasn't it you that chose this room?" You shifted your gaze to face him. "Seems a little too romantic, don't you think? And I was surprised to see a giant king-sized bed instead of two separate beds."

"Because we've been sharing one for the past week."

"I know, but no one else knew about that except us. Seems like you're making quite a bold statement by requesting a one-bed room."

A hint of pink appeared on his cheeks. "Well... that's just- I was just..." He turned away from you while rubbing his neck. You continued to grin at his shyness.

"I'm just teasing," you said, returning your focus to the blooming flower. "The flower is really beautiful, though. I wonder what made them-"

"Holy shit," he cut you off. You whirled around immediately, thinking that he found something concerning, but you furrowed your eyebrows when all you saw was a canister held in his hands.

"What?"

"These tea leaves are uncommon to find." He lifted the top to peer inside. "I didn't realize just how loaded these capital freaks really were."

"Levi, we've been surrounded by gold since we first set foot in here, and you're judging their money worth based on tea leaves?"

"Well, these tea leaves are probably worth a lot more than that damn flower of yours."

Your mouth fell open. "First of all, the flower is in a golden pot, so I seriously doubt that. Second of all, fuck you."

"You already have," he said casually, and then he placed the container back down on the small table in the corner of the room where he found it.

"Haha, so funny," you said sarcastically. "Since when did you want to become humorous all of a sudden?"

"I've always been humorous. You just didn't have a good enough sense of humor back then to appreciate it."

"I highly doubt shit jokes qualify as good humor."

"And yet, you still laughed whenever I told them."

"I laughed like once, and that was because of your weird timing, not because of the joke itself."

"That still counts."

"You're ridiculous sometimes," you said with a laugh. "Anyway, we should start getting ready. We only have a little more than an hour before we have to head out."

"What's the rush? It takes me like fifteen minutes to get ready."

"Well, it's gonna take me a bit longer than that, so I'm gonna start now." You grabbed all of your belongings, including your dress covered encased in protective wrapping, and sauntered towards the bathroom. The bathroom was just as extravagant as everything else you had seen, but you didn't pay it too much mind the moment you began setting out all of your makeup materials. Putting on the dress wasn't going to be the problem, so that could be left for last. The real difficult task was the makeup.

When you were younger, makeup easily took at least fifteen minutes sometimes. You only wore it on special occasions, and seeing as the only things you'd experienced for the past five years included blood and death, makeup was never that much of a necessity to you in the present time. This meant that it was going to be even harder to fall back into your old routine.

Well, you helped Historia with her makeup, so it shouldn't be too bad doing it on yourself, right?

...Although, trying to perfect even the tiniest wing on the corner of your eyes had always been excruciating.

Sigh.

If only Petra were here to help you.

Lock. It. Away.

You brought the brush to your face and began to swipe against your eyelids before grabbing another brush to add color to your cheeks. You opted for a subtle look - something soft and sweet. Pink blush and eyeshadow seemed to do the trick.

The eyeliner was your biggest obstacle, and boy were you dreading it. It took you at least three attempts before you were finally content with the final product. One wing was just a tad longer than the other, but you didn't think it would be that noticeable. It was good enough.

After doing some final touches to your makeup, it was time to pull on the dress. You pulled it over your feet, then yanked it upwards swiftly. You wanted some spare time to be able to put on your heels because you knew that was also going to be just as annoying as the eyeliner. You tied the ribbon around your waist and fastened it to your liking, then turned to face your reflection.

You looked good.

Holy shit, you looked good.

With a grin, you twisted your body to see the way the dress defined your figure in the mirror. It looked even better than the first time you tried it on. The makeup on your skin was delicate and soft, your hair was adjusted in a way that was appealing and to your comfort, and your dress hugged your waist so perfectly. Your cleavage looked amazing as hell too.

Thanks, Hange.

Gently, you ran your hands down your waist and smoothed out any wrinkles on the fabric. The ribbon hid most of it, so that wasn't anything you were going to dwell too much on.

For the first time in ages, you genuinely felt beautiful.

It wasn't that you felt ugly - just that you never took the time to really acknowledge how pretty you actually were. Your mother always told you to take advantage of your youth - that the older you became, the more you appreciated your appearance from your younger years. You weren't exactly super young anymore, but you weren't old either. You completely understood what she meant by that now; being in your twenties was the best time to appreciate your beauty.

However, those experiences were robbed of you for as long as you could remember. There was really no time to appreciate fashion and beauty when all that was set in front of you was hatred and battle. Those things didn't matter in a world like the one you grew up in.

Yet somehow, knowing that made you treasure moments like these even more. You knew it wouldn't last, and it may as well be the last time you ever had a moment to appreciate yourself like this, so why not just live in the moment?

For just a few hours, you wanted to feel elegant, free, and beautiful. You were going to appreciate your beauty for once.

You set your hand on the doorknob to exit the bathroom, but then you paused when you forgot one last item to finalize your entire look. Turning around, you rummaged through your small makeup bag to search for the product you were looking for.

"Aha," you said to yourself, pulling out your red lipstick.

Well, your dress was red, so it only made sense, right?

You leaned over against the sink to carefully slide the lipstick across your lips, smacking your lips together after putting on what you deemed to be enough product.

Your makeup was subtle, but the red lipstick made you look bold. It looked amazing, though. Your lips curved upwards.

Suddenly, the memory of Petra doing your makeup while begging you to let her put red lipstick on you popped into your brain. You were so against the idea because you felt like it would have been too much, but she was able to convince you in the end. And she was right. A little bit of red made you stand out in a good way.

Your smile subsided the more you thought about it.

"Lock it away," you murmured quietly to yourself. Sometimes you wished there was some magic potion out there that could help you get rid of the dark thoughts stored in your mind.

Once you collected your thoughts, you placed your hand on the knob and twisted it, but you didn't open it just yet.

Was it bad that you were a little nervous? You felt beautiful, but this look was a lot more intense than you were accustomed to. It embarrassed you a little bit, mostly due to the fact that you weren't used to dressing this way.

Fuck it. Levi's reaction was worth way more than your self-consciousness.

You pushed open the door slowly, your eyes darting around the room to find Levi. He was standing by the vanity, adjusting his black suit jacket in the mirror. His neck turned the moment he heard the door creak, and you swore you could see his pupils dilate from afar.

"Hi," you said so nonchalantly, a grin adorned on your face as you walked towards the bed. His eyes traveled along with your movement.

"That's the dress?" he asked. His throat almost sounded strained.

"Mhm." You sat on the edge of the mattress and started to remove your shoes, grabbing your heels to start tightening the straps on your feet. You could sense Levi's figure halt directly in front of you.

"This is what you're wearing?"

You quirked an eyebrow at him, trying to decipher his firm expression. "Is that a problem?"

"No, fuck no," he said immediately, and the look in his eyes was almost amusing. "You look... fuck, how much time do we have?"

"Little less than an hour, I think," you replied, adjusting the straps from one of your heels before taking the other and shoving your foot in. He stepped closer, his stance stern and assertive. He leaned down and placed his palms beside your thighs. You lifted your head to meet his eyes.

"We have some time." His voice was dark and laced with sultry. You smirked at him, releasing your hands from the straps and leaning your elbows back against the mattress. This position seemed to expose your chest a bit more; you could tell from the way his eyes glanced over you.

"Yeah? How do you suppose we should spend the rest of that time?"

"I could think of several things," he said. His face inched closer, but you continued leaning away.

"Would be a shame to have you mess up all the makeup I spent so much time on."

"It would be worth it." He had you backing up even more as his body moved in closer. "You know it'd be worth it."

With a cocky grin, you raised your leg to place the end of your heel against his chest, pushing him away. There was a glint of disappointment in his eyes as he accepted defeat.

"As tempting as it sounds, I'm not trying to redo what regrettably took me twenty minutes." You swerved past his body, heels smacking against the ground as you made your way in front of the vanity mirror.

Levi stepped behind you, and you were fully able to see his intense gaze from his reflection in the mirror. His eyes wandered all over your figure while he clenched his jaw.

"Really?" he asked, his tone firm and demanding.

"Not trying to mess up my hard work," you answered sardonically, swiping your thumb under your lip to remove a lipstick smudge. A pair of hands gripped your waist.

"I don't even have the words to describe how you're making me feel right now," his voice whispered seductively in your ear. You froze, swallowing nervously before shifting your attention to his reflection in the mirror.

"You picked an awful time to want to do this," you responded quietly with a subtle smile, ignoring how close his breath was to your neck.

"Well" - he slowly slid his hands over your stomach - "can you blame me?"

You laughed slightly. "You're saying this is my fault?"

"Absolutely," he said playfully. You could feel his hot breath against your neck. "Cause you're fucking captivating."

Your face grew warm. "You're the one instigating."

"That damn dress," he replied, his voice low and deep. "It's driving me insane."

"Yeah?" A smirk formed on your face, clearly much more enticed now. "Too bad you won't be able to do anything about it until later."

"Oh, I'm not sure about that." He pressed his chest further against your back. "I think you want this just as much as I do."

"Hm, I don't know," you replied smugly. "Might need to take some more to convince me."

"Yeah?" His hands started to roam lower. You placed your hands on the flat surface of the vanity, trying to maintain your balance. "I bet I can convince you easily."

"Go on, then. Amuse me."

His hand began to pull up the fabric of your dress where the slit was to expose your skin, pressing your back further against him. Your breath hitched when you felt his fingertips lightly brush your thigh. His face morphed into a smirk; you could see it from his reflection in the mirror.

"See?" He leaned in closer to your ear, hot breath tickling your skin. "You're already contradicting yourself."

"Don't know. I think it's gonna take a little more than that to win me over," you replied, still not trying to give in so easily, but it became harder the more his fingers trailed up your skin.

"Yeah?" he said next. You held your breath when you felt his fingers roam up towards your underwear, pressing down on your cunt gently. His fingers started rubbing back and forth against the fabric, and the wetness pooling from your cunt was more than obvious now. "How about now?"

All your life you despised men who always thought they had an upper hand over you... but it seemed like Levi was the only exception to this judgment.

After a deep breath in, you exhaled with the intention of speaking in an attempt to try and play it off some more, but instead, a moan slipped out when you felt his fingers dip into your panties.

"Already so wet for me," he whispered, trailing his fingers down leisurely to feel the slickness of your arousal. "And yet you still try to deny it."

"I... I don't- fuck."

His fingers slid up to your clit, putting pressure as he circled his fingers around. It seemed like he already knew your body well enough to elicit this reaction out of you so easily.

"Tell me," he demanded, continuing his tantalizing motions. "Tell me how much you want it."

"I..." You found it difficult to speak with the blissful pressure he was putting against your clit. When you didn't respond to his demands, you felt his lips press against your neck, kissing you softly all the way down until he reached your shoulder. A finger slid inside you a few seconds later, and the moan that erupted from your throat was almost embarrassing.

"Fuck, Levi," you breathed, tossing your head back. The arousal within you continued being provoked by his movements. He began to suck against your neck as he gradually picked up his pace with his fingers.

"Just look at yourself," he said, grey eyes trailing up to stare at your reflection. "Already falling apart under my touch."

When you lowered your head, the image portrayed in front of the glass was surely a sight you'd never thought you'd see; it almost felt unreal. You didn't think anything had ever made you feel more aroused than the way he was completely unraveling you. Everything about him oozed desire. Just catching a mere glimpse of him was enough to turn you on. No man had ever brought you to this level of arousal the way Levi did, and you didn't think any other man would.

You were completely and utterly his. Nothing would ever change that.

"Tell me, Eden." The bulge in his pants grew the more he continued his motions; you could feel the hard pressure on your ass.

Not as a shock to you anymore, you found yourself unable to resist him yet again.

Fuck it.

"I'm yours," you responded. He almost froze at your words; you could feel the slight tension rise in his body against your back, but he quickly brushed past it and resumed his pace with his fingers.

"Say that again," he said, his voice firm and demanding.

"I'm yours, Levi," you repeated.

That was enough to quit his teasing. He pulled out his fingers from your underwear and whirled you around, searching for your lips desperately. His swift actions came as a surprise, but you both fell back into place easily.

Levi stumbled as he walked backwards towards the bed. He shrugged off his suit jacket and tossed it aside while he sat down on the edge of the mattress. You quickly followed suit by straddling over him. Your lips collided once more, and you wrapped your arms around his neck to pull him in closer, running your fingers through his hair. A hum vibrated against his lips when you grinded against him.

With one hand gripping your waist, his other hand went underneath your dress to grasp your thigh, fingertips careful not to irritate the scar you still had in that area. His tight grip assisted with the back and forth motions of your hips. You could feel the hardness underneath you grow.

"Fuck," he moaned into your mouth. You continued putting pressure against him, and the noises coming out of his mouth only continued to satisfy the desire blooming near your abdomen. He kissed you with such assertiveness and hunger - he was absolutely enraptured by you. A groan erupted from his throat when you rolled your hips forward again. He drew his head back from your mouth, biting your bottom lip out of frustration.

"Take the dress off," he ordered. "Now."

"And if I don't?" you replied arrogantly, a mischievous grin plastered on your face.

"I'll rip it off of you." There wasn't any hint of gentleness in his eyes. His expression was firm and demanding; he was so damn serious about his request.

You laughed. "Don't think Hange would be too happy about that."

"Don't care." His hands moved to cup your ass under your dress, tugging at your underwear. "Need that dress off of you."

You put more pressure against him as you rolled your hips forward again; he groaned, squeezing your ass firmly.

"Fuck," he moaned again. "Come on, Eden."

"Tell me how much you want it," you demanded of him, your mouth falling into a firm line. If he was gonna mess with you, it was only fair you'd do the same in return.

You were going to make him completely at your mercy.

"Please." He sighed in exasperation. "Need you so bad. It's driving me insane."

Slowly, you lowered the straps of your dress down to the halfway point of your arms, exposing your shoulders. Your cleavage appeared more pronounced as the fabric dropped lower. "How bad?"

He was growing aggravated; you could sense it from how hard he was gripping your ass. You never thought you'd ever see him this sexually frustrated in your life.

"I need to fuck you so badly," he said, his voice deep and desperate. "Please let me."

Unwilling to resist him for longer, you started undoing the ribbon behind your dress. Levi quickly raised up his hands to help you. The red fabric cascaded down your body once the ribbon loosened, bunching up at your hips and revealing your bra.

He surged forward to kiss you again, reaching back to unhook the clasp of your bra. The clasp separated, and you let the bra fall off your arms. Throwing the bra aside, you wrapped your arms around him again, kissing him passionately as his hands smoothly traced your bare back. Gentle hands started to trail towards your chest, and you hummed against his lips when you felt him grab your breasts assertively. He began to massage them, and your arms reached over to unbutton his shirt, helping him shrug it off. Once he was finally shirtless, he placed his lips against your chest and sucked against the top of your right breast. He switched sides and repeated his actions, then darted out his tongue and swirled it around your nipple before sucking. You shut your eyes at the delightful sensation.

His tongue continued to work wonders around both of your breasts until he detached his lips to crash them against yours again. He shifted his body forward while grabbing your waist tightly and lifted you. Unexpected to you, he turned you over by the waist with such ease to place you flat on your back against the cushioned mattress. His actions threw you off guard, not having anticipated him to expertly switch positions, but it only turned you on more.

Levi leaned down to kiss your neck, sucking against your skin as he removed the dress still bunched up at your hips while you raised your hips up to help him.

"You know, for someone who claims they were a virgin up until a week ago, you sure as hell seem to know what you're doing," you told him, watching as he tossed the dress on the chair by the vanity and started helping you take off your panties.

He huffed, a small smirk emerging on his face as he unbuttoned his trousers. "I'm a fast learner."

He wasted no time after taking off his pants, crawling over you. You pulled his head down eagerly to continue kissing him. His dick was hard behind his boxers underneath you, and you knew he was eager as hell to take charge again.

This may be the last time you ever did this with him. As much as you enjoyed his dominance, you wanted this to be memorable for him. Having Humanity's Strongest Soldier wrapped around your finger always amused you. This was the strongest man you knew, and yet, he had already shown you how submissive he could be just from your touch. You had entranced him more than once, and each time, he was always so willing to comply and beg at your requests.

And only you could do that. You'd be damned if any other person had this effect on him. If this was your last time doing this with him, you were going to make it a night for him to remember.

Only you. It had to be.

In one quick motion, you flipped him over so you could straddle over him again. The expression on his face was evidently dumbfounded.

"What, you thought I was done?" you teased, hovering over him. The shock in his face was replaced by intrigue as you dipped down to kiss him again. His hand cupped the back of your head tenderly as you slowly moved your lips down to his neck, sucking against his skin. You trailed your mouth lower towards his chest, red lipstick staining his skin. Your eyes looked up at him to take in his reactions to your touch, and the rapid heartbeats against his chest became more apparent to you the lower your lips went.

Your mouth reached his abs, and you stuck your tongue out and licked against him, watching the desperation in his eyes continue to swell. Your tongue proceeded to dance around his perfectly sculpted body until you got to his pelvis. You placed your fingers over the hem of his boxers to tug it down. Truthfully, you were too damn horny to keep teasing him, so you more than happily pulled the fabric off of him. After setting his boxers aside, you settled yourself comfortably by the edge of the bed, straddling over his legs while you grasped his cock tentatively. He hissed at the contact, his cock twitching in your hand. You darted out your tongue, slowly licking from the bottom of his shaft to the tip before swirling your tongue and wrapping your lips around him. He bit back a moan as he watched you suck.

"Shit," he cursed. You bobbed your head up and down, eyes completely glued on his enamoring grey eyes while you felt him spasm underneath you for who knew how long.

It was so damn beautiful watching him like this - completely compliant to your touch.

His hand reached down to cup the back of your head again as you took him in deeper. He cursed again when his tip reached the back of your throat, and the tight grip he had on your hair sent more pools of desire between your legs. You drew back after a few seconds to prevent yourself from gagging, then released him to shift your body up to position yourself over him again, your cunt directly above his dick.

You sat up and grabbed his length once more as he watched you with heedful eyes, then you started rubbing his tip back and forth against your soaked pussy. The twitching of his cock didn't go unnoticed, and neither did the shameful whine that slipped past his lips the more you continued your brutal teasing.

"Please, Eden," he begged again, his voice almost fragile. You smiled deviously at him, but then you decided you had enough of torturing him like this. Slowly, you began to sink down on him, and you couldn't help the moan that came from your mouth when you felt him enter you. It was easier to take him from this angle; this position felt more distinct compared to when you were underneath him.

The pleasure shot through you more intensely than before. It hit just the right spots from this position, and for that reason, you needed to go at a leisure pace, or else you'd finish far too soon. However, what further amplified your pleasure was watching Levi writhe underneath you at the agonizingly slow speed you had adopted.

"Fuck," he moaned again, feeling as you sank further down. Although you attempted to tone down the noises of your moans, it almost became impossible when you picked up the pace of the up and down motions of your hips.

"Fuck, Levi," you moaned. "Why do you always feel so good?"

Your compliment caused him to groan, and he gripped your waist to help assist you with your movements. The look he was giving you was so intense, like he was completely enthralled by absolutely everything about you.

"How do you always manage to make me weak every time?" he said. "Fuck, you're so beautiful."

A breathy laugh escaped you at the flattering remark, and it only made the euphoric pleasure you were feeling triple.

You removed one of his hands from your waist and brought his fingers up to your mouth, wrapping your mouth around his index and middle finger. Teasingly, you sucked and licked around his fingers with your tongue as your hips continued rolling against him. Your eyes were unwavering as you stared down at him, completely trapping him in your gaze. His eyes widened at your sudden actions, and a mixture of a growl and groan left his mouth. He leaned forward and brought both of his hands back to your waist.

"Come here," he said, pulling your body down against him. It was assertive and unexpected. Your arms landed beside his shoulders to keep your balance, your chest pressed up against his. He wrapped his arms around your waist securely, and then you felt him thrust from underneath you.

You nearly whimpered at the change of sensation. Being on top already felt amazing, but having him thrust from underneath you was a completely different feeling you hadn't explored yet, and holy fuck did it feel good.

"Shit, Levi," you moaned in his ear. He was breathing heavily while he used all of his energy to continue pushing up into you. His pace was desperate and fast, hitting just the right spots to make you crumble.

"You drive me fucking crazy," he admitted with a groan.

"Fuck," you moaned again. You were close, and his voice was pushing you towards your peak. You needed to hear him more. "Keep talking to me, please."

"I can never get enough of you." His hips bucked up against you more forcefully.

"Levi, I'm close."

"I'm yours, Eden."

You released a loud moan as your body trembled and you collapsed on top of him. He kept thrusting up inside you as you finished, making your orgasm far more overwhelming.

"Fuck," he groaned, and with one final whimper, you felt him lift your waist up to set you aside. Streaks of cum burst from his cock and onto his stomach.

You flopped onto your back, the two of you laying against the mattress while breathing heavily. You lingered in silence for a while as you stared up at the ceiling, then suddenly, you let out a giggle.

"What?" he asked, turning his head.

"Just never thought I'd ever see you so unbelievably desperate to have sex with me." You turned your head to lock eyes with him, smiling. "It was very amusing to watch."

He huffed and rolled his eyes, but then pressed his lips against your forehead affectionately. Forcing himself off the bed, he grabbed one of the hand towels set by the mirror. You watched him wipe the mess off his chest; he spent a meticulous amount of time trying to remove the lipstick stains from his skin.

"How the fuck do you remove this shit?" The frustration was evident in his tone. You laughed, standing up from the bed to grab your makeup remover liquid. You grabbed another towel and doused it in the liquid, swiping it across his skin.

"It's a shame we have to remove it. I think my lips look good on your skin," you remarked, continuing to clean him. After finishing, you set the towel aside and he grabbed your waist to kiss you.

"Red looks good on you," he complimented.

"Thank you." You grinned, then walked over to grab your dress he tossed on the chair. Thankfully, it hadn't gotten wrinkled. "We've got like half an hour left before we have to leave."

He groaned, stepping closer to hug you from behind your waist. "Do we really have to be there on time?"

"It would look pretty bad if we didn't." You removed his arms that encased you and turned around. Cupping his cheek, you gave him a quick peck on the lips. He sighed and enveloped his arms around your waist again, dropping his head on your shoulder.

"Just a few minutes can't hurt," he said, head buried in your neck. You stroked his hair softly, then pulled away from him. His eyes indicated so much longing.

"The sooner we get back the key, the sooner we can solve this problem," you told him. "And knowing you, you're going to want to shower again after what we just did, so go shower quickly as I get ready."

"You're not gonna shower too?"

"Well, I guess I could take a quick rinse, but I don't wanna mess up my makeup."

The corner of his lips raised slightly. "Have you even seen yourself in the mirror?"

You brushed past him to see what he was talking about, and your eyes widened when you saw the way your eyeliner had smudged and your hair became a disheveled mess.

"I blame you for this," you accused.

"It takes two to have sex."

You rolled your eyes and exhaled. "Alright, I guess I'm gonna have to redo everything yet again."

"We could always shower together," he suggested, grabbing his suit that was tossed on the floor to set it on the bed. "Time would go faster, and we'd save water."

You smirked at him. "Hm, it would be most ideal for the environment, right?"

"Right." He copied your expression, and the two of you set off for the bathroom.

What should have been a regular, quick shower ended up becoming a round 2...

Notes:

Hello hello!

Next chapter will be up on Sunday! :) See you soon.

- Mar

Chapter 29: These Violent Delights

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Just as you expected, the two of you did not get ready on time. Showering took a bit longer than intended for... reasons, and redoing your makeup and hair was absolute hell. At the rate you were going, you'd be lucky if you made it there by nine.

"If anyone makes any spiteful remarks about our tardiness, I'm blaming you," you told Levi half-jokingly, rushing to re-strap your heels. Your makeup and hair wasn't done as well as before, but it was decent enough - and hey, you actually got your eyeliner to look even, so at least there was that.

"You say that as if we didn't just have another go in the shower," he replied, pulling on his suit jacket again. "Also, you were teasing the shit out of me the entire time, so don't go pinning the blame on me."

You snorted, standing up on your feet and speed walking to the mirror to do some last minute touches. "Okay, yeah." You adjusted the ribbon on your dress to your comfort, grinning to yourself. "It's just fun seeing you get all riled up."

You could see him roll his eyes from your peripheral. After touching yourself up, you shifted your body to face him. "How do I look?"

"Beautiful," he answered without hesitation. Warmth spread across your cheeks; he smiled at you endearingly.

"And you look extremely handsome," you replied with a smile. You didn't know how badly you needed to see Levi in a white button down and black suit until now. God, he looked sexy in just about everything.

Your eyes flickered down to his chest, noticing the crookedness of his tie. "Let me fix that," you said, extending out your arms to adjust the cloth. He stared at you intently as you fixed it for him.

Your hands parted from his chest after adjusting it, then you lightly brushed a hand over his arm. "Alright, let's get going." Just as you turned back around to head towards the door, Levi grabbed you by the wrist.

"Wait," he said. You peered over your shoulder to catch a glimpse of him, and his expression appeared almost... nervous. It was only then that you noticed he was hiding something behind his back.

He released his grip on your wrist and pulled out his hidden hand to reveal what he was concealing from you.

A red rose.

"This is for you."

Your lips parted in shock as your hands reached for the flower hesitantly.

He got you a rose. Levi got you a rose. You didn't even have it in you to tease him for being a sap because it felt like your heart was going to burst.

No one had ever gotten you a rose before.

When he took note of the fact that you weren't responding, he averted his gaze sheepishly and scratched the back of his neck. "I- I wasn't sure if you'd like it. I bought it from a florist just before we left today, and-"

"It's perfect," you cut him off, kissing him on the cheek. "Thank you."

You grinned at him like a foolish school girl in love; well frankly, that was exactly how you were feeling.

A rose. He got me a rose.

Your eyes were fixated on the flower as you twisted the stem around with your fingers, admiring its beauty. The stupid smile on your face never vanished. He interrupted your thoughts by gently pulling you in by the waist and giving you a quick peck on the lips.

"I'm glad you liked it," he said, staring at you so lovingly.

I love you, you thought - but no, you couldn't say that. You could never say that out loud to him. Instead, you continued grinning at him while you raised your hand to cup his face, your thumb wiping off the lipstick stain on his cheek.

"Didn't realize how much lipstick I got on your cheek," you said, continuing your wiping.

He huffed. "Trying to mark your territory?"

A small laugh rumbled in your throat. "As enticing as that sounds, I don't think that would be too appropriate for this occasion." You dropped your hand after the stain disappeared, then went to grab his hand to lead him out of the door.

-

The two of you arrived outside of the bar at nine on the dot.

Levi stepped out of the carriage first, then walked around to help you down. Seeing as you sometimes had the attention span of a goldfish, you decided to leave the rose on your seat in the carriage, knowing fully well that you would likely lose it if you carried it along with you.

The building structure was huge, the path leading towards the entrance made up of a dark brown cement. The bushes surrounding it held a variety of different colorful flowers - hydrangeas, azaleas, and plumeria. Standing by the door was the guard, who wore a completely black suit; his arms were crossed over his chest as he watched the two of you approach him at a leisure place. The firm expression on his face slightly intimidated you.

"Good evening," Levi greeted the man, passing him the invitations you were mailed. "We received an invitation for the event tonight."

"The event started at eight."

"We got a bit caught up with some soldier duties. I hope you understand."

"We're not allowed to let guests in after eight."

You exhaled through your nose in annoyance. Did the two of you really just fuck this up for yourselves?

Levi walked up closer to the man, his face merely inches away. From a distance, it almost looked a little laughable because of how much taller the man was than Levi, but everyone knew that Levi carried an intense, menacing aura when things didn't go his way. The guard held his stoic expression, but you knew there must have been some anxiety running through his veins.

"If it wasn't for the Scout Regiment, you'd all still be living under a fraud who did nothing to help Paradis. Now you have a queen who is willing to work towards having better resources for all civilians. That queen was once a soldier, the same as we are now. It's the reason why we got invited in the first place, so if you can understand how much work we had to do to get here, you'd let us through," Levi told the man.

The guard remained quiet for a few seconds, clearly contemplating in his head, but then he stepped to the side and said, "You can both enter."

"Thank you." You shot him a subtle smile, which he did not return. After pushing past the giant doors, you were met with a bustling crowd and live music performing on a stage in the far right corner - the rich timbre of the violin and pianist drawing the attention of several elderly couples in that area.

The men in the room all wore neatly pressed suits while the women wore long, flowy dresses. Most of the ladies wore their hair up with pins, and the men carried a handkerchief in their suit pockets. Levi perfectly blended in with the attire.

Darting your eyes upwards next, you noticed that there was not one, not two, but three chandeliers hanging from the ceiling. The room was dimly lit by a few lanterns and some candles, but it was still just enough light to navigate your surroundings. Wooden tables with white table cloths and golden candelabras were set across the room, and the seats contained red velvet cushions - the same could be said about the bar stools. When your eyes looked towards the bar, you could see a tremendous amount of expensive alcohol lined up on shelves behind the counter. You didn't think you'd seen so much damn liquor in your life. If you were a few years younger, you'd have probably been jumping with glee right now.

The overwhelming feeling from when you first saw the hotel had returned, except it was far more intense this time. Lukas wasn't kidding - the 'Wall Sina' bar was really a place of high standing, and thank goodness you chose the dress you did, because the women here appeared elegantly gorgeous.

"Champagne?" You shifted your gaze to the man offering you a drink, and immediately, you wanted nothing more than to flip the tray from his hand.

The smile Lukas once bore faded the moment he recognized you.

You put up a fake smile, grabbing the glass from him. "Thank you." Lukas glared at you in irritation, then darted his eyes in Levi's direction. You didn't need to glance behind you to feel the dark intensity of Levi's gaze being sent in Lukas' direction. Lukas said nothing, walking past the two of you to approach a different couple to offer drinks to.

"How are we gonna do this?" Levi whispered close to your ear. You took a sip of the champagne. Shit, it's actually pretty good.

"Give it some time. We don't want to look suspicious by going after him right away. Let's see if we can find some people to chat with."

He sighed. "You're asking me to mingle with people?"

"I don't like the idea of it either, but we want to look normal for now," you replied.

"Fine," he said begrudgingly.

It felt odd being the one in charge of this plan. You were so accustomed to Levi being the leader in everything, but because you had a bit more knowledge regarding Lukas' behavior, it only made sense for you to come up with a scheme. It was nice to know Levi put enough trust in you to be in charge.

Well, he trusts you for now, that is.

You shut your eyes for a few seconds to take a deep breath in, shoving the thought away. The beating in your chest started to quicken.

"You okay?" Levi asked, placing a hand on your back to soothe you. You had forgotten he was still standing right next to you for a second.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Don't worry." You smiled at him reassuringly. "I think it's just the pretentiousness of the bar overwhelming me a bit."

He nodded. "It's definitely not something I could ever get used to."

"Yep." You cleared your throat. "Anyway, let's go be social, shall we?"

He sighed again. "Okay."

The two of you parted ways, and thus commenced the search for people to chat with. There wasn't a single person you were able to recognize in the room, so it seemed like you were going to have to introduce yourself to people.

Damn it.

You turned your attention to an old couple only a few feet away from your right. They both held champagne glasses, the women laughing at something her partner must have said.

Nah. Too old.

You turned to your left next, seeing a huge group of men who appeared to be your age talking loudly from afar. There were at least seven of them, and all of them were huddled by a table with glasses of beer or whiskey in their hands. Some of them were clearly drunk out of their minds.

A group of drunk men? No thank you.

You sighed to yourself. Who could you possibly-

"Eden!"

Huh, perfect timing.

Your eyes searched for the source of the voice, and then you locked eyes with Commander Pyxis and Instructor Shadis, both men opting to wear their uniforms as opposed to formal attire.

I thought formal attire was mandatory... guess it doesn't matter for people of higher standing in the military.

"Commander Pyxis. Instructor Shadis." You grinned at them enthusiastically. "It's so good to see you both. How are you?"

Pyxis exhaled. "Ah, well, just the usual. Trying to clean up after the royal government's mess while also going over plans to take back Wall Maria."

You raised your eyebrows in concern. "I see. It must be stressful."

"I've become accustomed to it. After all, that is what I signed up for."

You nodded in agreement, unable to ignore the fact that he was slurring his words and had a hard time keeping his balance while standing.

He's drunk, isn't he?

You shook the realization away, shifting your gaze to Shadis next. "And how are you?"

"Training the new recruits for this year. Far more people decided to enlist, so the workload has been intense."

"I see. Do any of the new cadets show promise?"

"A select few, but truthfully, I think your graduating class was the best group I ever had. Don't think I'll ever find someone that had as much drive as you and Ackerman did."

You smiled politely. "Thank you, but I'm sure that is not true."

He scoffed. "You should see them. I've dealt with far too many idiots already. A few do have potential, however."

You laughed uncomfortably, trying to come up with another string of words to say next.

Damn it, what should I say? God, I hate small talk...

"But how are things with you? I heard you are in Levi's Squad now, correct?" Pyxis added.

"Yes, it's been quite the honor."

"Have you ever considered becoming a captain yourself? I've always believed that you had the potential to be a leader," Shadis said next.

You nodded. "Yes, of course. I've been learning a lot under-" Your eyes flickered towards the bar. Lukas pushed through the small flap doors of the bar area and situated himself behind the counter. He put up a convincing smile to the customers he was speaking to, clearly about to take their orders.

This may be a good time to make your exit.

You cleared your throat and continued from where you cut yourself off. "I've been learning a lot under Captain Levi."

"I'd imagine. He's a beast, that one," Pyxis said, taking a large gulp of the whiskey in his cup.

"Oh, absolutely," you agreed. "It's been a privilege working with him."

They both hummed in reply; you stood in an awkward silence for a few seconds.

"Um, I think I'm going to go grab a drink at the bar now," you said, breaking the quietness that hung in the air. "It was so nice seeing you both."

"Of course. Go let loose. You deserve it. The liquor here is truly top notch," Pyxis responded, and you could see Shadis glare at him in annoyance.

"Don't go having too much like Pyxis here, though," Shadis advised.

You laughed uncomfortably again. "Don't plan on it."

You bid them farewell and waited until the two of them departed, wiping the inauthentic grin from your face before making your way to the counter.

Lukas had his back facing you while he mixed drinks in front of you. You sat directly in front of the counter, placing your champagne glass on the counter while you waited patiently for him to turn around. A couple was seated a few seats away from you, chatting away. When Lukas turned around, he nearly dropped the glasses he held in his hands. You smiled at him in amusement.

He glared at you in what looked like an attempt to set you on fire, then avoided your eyes as he passed the drinks to the couple beside you. You could hear his polite "You're welcome" to the man and woman, then he walked back towards you.

"Anything I can get you, ma'am?" he asked with a clenched jaw.

"Some of your sweetest wine, please," you requested with a cheeky grin. He nodded, his lips pressed together in a tight line. Turning around, he grabbed a wine bottle and began searching around for a glass. He poured the liquid into the glass then gave it to you.

You hated admitting it to yourself, but he actually did look quite handsome tonight. He wore a white button down with a black vest and bowtie, and his hair was slicked back. It was too bad his good looks were wasted on such a shitty person.

He still wasn't as handsome as Levi, though. That was for certain.

"Anything else?" he asked. You could tell it was excruciating for him to even have to abide by your requests, and it only made your smile grow wider.

"Yes, actually," you answered immediately. "I'd like the key back."

His body stiffened instantly, his muscles tight behind the fabric of his uniform. "I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about."

"We could do this the easy way, or the hard way." Your voice lowered in volume, and the corner of your lips curled down. "Give back the key, or else I'll make it known to everyone that you were somehow involved with Eren's capture."

"I think you've got the wrong person, ma'am-"

"I mean it, Lukas," you cut him off. "And if you need any more of a reason to feel threatened, I'm sure you saw that Captain Levi came along with me today. I could always call him over."

The green in his eyes turned mossy and dark, his fingers rolling up into a ball. "You have no proof that I've done such a thing."

"Don't make this any harder than it needs to be."

"I have connections," he whispered. "And I won't hesitate to get them involved."

The urge to throttle him in the neck increased tremendously.

You scoffed. "You think that's gonna intimidate me?

"So how are you gonna pay for the wine?" He ignored you entirely. You rolled your eyes.

Fine. I'll have to play along for a little while more.

"How much?"

"Seventy dollars."

You gaped at him. "You're joking."

He smiled mischievously, grabbing the bottle and pointing at the price tag underneath.

"Good wine doesn't come cheap."

"Why the hell would you guys offer wine without telling the price? Do you think I'm made of money?"

He rested his arms over the surface of the counter, leaning over to get close to your face. "News flash - everyone here is practically made of money. Sucks they didn't inform you to save a little more before coming here to- Ow!"

Levi's hand gripped Lukas' arm and twisted it to the side.

When did he sit next to me?

"Back. Off," he said firmly and carefully.

"Okay! Okay! Let go!"

Levi released him and Lukas exhaled in relief, clutching his arm in pain. He was silent for a moment, allowing the pain in his arm to subside, but then he said, "You still have to pay for the wine, though."

"Like hell I will-"

"Not to worry, I can pay for it." From your peripheral, you could see a man take a seat beside you, sliding money over the wooden counter. Lukas furrowed his eyebrows, looking between you and the man, clearly wondering where the hell he came from and if you had any connection to him.

An annoyed huff escaped your mouth while you gripped your wine glass tighter, ready to tell this man to fuck off because you didn't need his help, nor did you feel like dealing with drunk, flirty men tonight. You were already irritated, and adding another man to the mix only tripled your annoyance; however, just as you turned to face the stranger to tell him off, you did the complete opposite of what you intended.

The glass slipped from your hand and shattered onto the floor.

No.

You blinked once, and then twice.

It can't be.

Your eyes widened, and your heartbeat escalated to an unhealthy rhythm.

The loud crack of the glass prompted a chorus of gasps around the room, which was then followed by quiet chattering and eyes traveling in your direction. You heard Levi call your name from behind you, but you hardly acknowledged it. His voice was blocked out by the intense ringing in your ears and the thumping in your chest.

"You're paying for that," Lukas said. You didn't pay him any mind, still frozen like a statue as you gaped at the person who sat next to you.

"Here's another for the glass," the man said, slipping Lukas another bill before turning his attention back to you. "Eden, my dear. You should close your mouth. Don't wanna catch any flies, do you?"

His comment shook you awake from your stupor.

It's real. It's him.

After accepting the realization, your nerves swiftly transformed into vexation. You tried your best to steady your breath despite the fury coursing through your veins. The rigidness was evident in your posture - your fingers curled into tight fists on your lap, your jaw was clenched, and your eyes shot daggers in the man's direction.

He only grinned at your rising tension.

As much as the anger burning in your blood wanted you to give in to your temperament, you knew that wasn't possible; you needed to cooperate with him. It was the only way to get out of this.

So with a deep breath in, you pushed aside your pride and smiled.

"Long time no see, Zeke."

Armin reread the crumbled note once, then twice, then thrice. What could possibly be behind those scribbled letters?

He was already able to confirm your handwriting. He found some of your written documents in Captain Levi's office and it was nearly a perfect match. When he searched your room, he wasn't able to find anything immediately suspicious, just as he expected. He had a gut feeling you already knew how skeptical he was, so it made sense for you to take most things with you.

Although losing the key was an overall inconvenience, it worked out in his favor. He needed an excuse to get rid of you so he could commence his investigation, and he had no reason to worry about leaving you with Captain Levi. Levi could take anyone down, and you were no exception. If you tried to pull anything, he would be the first to catch you without a second thought. There was no better person to leave you with.

Even though he had no direct evidence against you, there were still a few things he found that threw him off. Despite the fact you took along most items with you, you still decided to leave some of your clothes in the closet. At first, he didn't think it would be of any help to him, but then an idea popped into his head.

Armin grabbed one of your shirts and then one of his own to compare it with. If anyone saw what he did next, they'd think he was utterly insane.

He snuck into Hange's office when they weren't around to search for their microscope. He placed a sleeve from your shirt under the plate and peeked into the eye piece, adjusting the lens to his liking. He repeated the same actions with his own clothing, and he came to a disturbing conclusion - the composition of your clothes and his weren't similar at all.

His idea worked after all.

The material used for some of your clothing contained a unique composition that wasn't found in Paradis. He wasn't exactly sure what it was, but all he knew was that it wasn't anything he had seen before. Sure, there were still a few resemblances in the cloth, but there was still a drastic difference when looking at it from a deeper perspective.

Armin spent at least an hour rummaging through your clothes and comparing it to others. He borrowed a shirt from Eren and Mikasa just to be sure, and his findings still deduced the same thing.

However, he still felt like the clothes weren't enough to accuse you. It was suspicious, but it didn't exactly prove you were a threat to Paradis. At this rate, he wouldn't sleep until he found solid evidence against you. He needed to find something. Anything.

He returned to Levi's office to look for your documents. There must have been something he could find in there, right?

Nope.

Your documents read as perfectly normal - your full name was correct, your age and birthdate made sense, and your birthplace seemed accurate. He didn't know much about Karanes District, but there had to be something he could find in your information that was off.

Armin spent another hour rummaging through the documents in Levi's desk.

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

You seemed very smart about hiding this. Unlike Annie, Reiner, and Bertholdt's documents, your background information contained completely different information. According to their documentation, the three of them came from the same village south of Wall Maria; your documents stated that you came from Karanes District. Those were two completely different locations.

You didn't have any family records, though, so that was a little weird... then again, family records were poorly managed after the first attack five years ago, so even that wasn't enough to accuse you.

Hm, but Karanes is by Wall Rose, not Wall Maria. Her family records should still be intact because the attack didn't occur there.

Wait, no, that's not completely true. Wall Rose was eventually breached too, and the battle in Karanes between Eren and Annie messed things up significantly, so she could still use that as an excuse as to why she doesn't have full documentation.

Armin exhaled in exasperation, raking his fingers through his blonde hair. You were a lot more intelligent than he was expecting.

He pulled out your note from his pocket again, rereading the print at least five more times. At this point, he had the damn list memorized.

You mentioned a person named Zeke in your writing. Who was Zeke? He didn't know a single person with that name around here.

And what the hell did she cross out?

He squinted his eyes in an attempt to decipher the scribbled writing again.

Hm. Maybe if I hold it up close to the light?

He lifted the paper directly in front of the lantern that was set beside him, leaning in closer.

Make them... Make them what?

The light was helping a little.

Make them...what?

Make them... fall in love.

Make them fall in love.

"That's it," he whispered to himself excitedly. "Make them fall in love."

So then the person you must have been trying to kill was someone you were trying to make fall in love. The idea of it clearly grossed you out, however, because you had an arrow pointed to it that said, 'Ew...'

Was that what you were trying to do, though? Did you look past your initial stubbornness of the idea to do what may have been necessary to complete whatever task you needed to do?

Well, if making someone fall in love was what you were trying to do, then who could it be?

Armin ran through all the potential candidates in his mind.

Can't be Erwin. She hasn't been around him enough, unless there were any secret encounters I wasn't aware of, but truthfully, it doesn't make much sense. She never needed to be around him unless she was a captain, which she isn't.

I don't think it's Hange ,either. Hange's too enamored with titans to fall in love with anyone, and they also don't seem to spend the most time with Eden either; although Eden did help them out with some of their research this past week... so perhaps? But still, I don't think they are the person I should be worrying about the most.

"Think. Think you idiot," he said to himself. "Who does she spend the most time with?"

It finally clicked.

It's Captain Levi.

His eyes widened at the sudden realization as he dropped the paper back on the desk he was sitting behind.

She's trying to kill Captain Levi.

It made perfect sense now. You used to hate his guts, so the thought of even being romantic with him must have disgusted you at the start... but you'd been spending a tremendous amount of time with him now. Maybe you looked past that initial disgust knowing that killing him was a necessary task you needed to do, and it made sense because Levi was a serious threat to any outside enemies - the man was an absolute beast. Whoever sent you here must have known that. You had the agility that was practically on par with Mikasa, so you were the perfect person to choose for a mission like that.

It was him. It was definitely him, and it was working. Armin had his suspicions about the two of you ever since the situation that occurred in Trost. Although you denied it, Armin knew that Levi must have comforted you after what happened. How else could the blood have stained his uniform? Armin even saw the two of you talk on the balcony every evening for the past week.

And Captain Levi was never one to be affectionate - everybody knew that. He had obviously gone softer around you, and Armin could see the gentle glances he would shoot in your direction.

It was working. Whatever you were doing, it was working because he was definitely falling in love.

This is bad. This is really bad.

And you were completely alone with him now. It was the perfect time to strike.

Armin could feel the anxiety building up in his chest.

He couldn't hold it in for any longer. If no one believed him, so be it, but he needed to act fast. He'd take care of it himself if it came to that, but he needed to make this known before it was too late.

Armin bolted out of the captain's office.

"Commander Erwin! Section Commander Hange!" he yelled.

Where could they be at this hour? It was only nine in the evening.

Rushed footsteps echoed from down the hall.

"What is it, Armin? Is everything okay?" Commander Erwin asked in concern, turning a corner to find Armin. Hange arrived at his side just a few seconds later, panting heavily from running.

"I think I've made a discovery," he said. The commander raised an eyebrow at him, waiting for him to continue.

"It's- It's about Eden, sir," Armin continued anxiously. "I think... I think she's somehow involved with Annie, Reiner, and Bertholdt."

"What?" Hange added. "How could that be?"

"I don't exactly have solid evidence, but you're just going to have to trust me. It's urgent." Armin stared at the two of them intently; the two higher ups could see this was serious. "We need to go find Eden and Captain Levi immediately."

"Armin, what's going on?"

Armin sighed, then parted his lips to speak again.

"Eden is planning to kill him."

The two of them stilled in disbelief, eyes blown wide. Erwin was the first to process the information, shoving past Armin and rushing towards the main doors.

"We'll leave immediately." He pushed the door open with his one palm. "Armin, I trust your judgment. You can tell us your evidence on the way there."

"Yes, sir." Armin nodded.

"I can't believe this..." Hange said dejectedly. "After all this time-"

"Hange, we must go," Erwin ordered.

Hange paused, but then abided by his orders, dragging their feet across the wooden floor solemnly. Armin followed suit, taking a nervous breath in, then out. Even though he had a gut feeling he was right about his assumptions, a small part of him felt guilty for outing you like this.

I'm sorry for what's about to happen, Eden.

Notes:

It all goes downhill from here, folks...

Also, it's come to my attention that AO3 has temporarily turned off guest comments due to bots. If you're an unregistered user that wants to leave a comment or thought about the chapter, feel free to comment or message me on my wattpad or send me an ask on my tumblr as an alternative! Whatever makes you feel comfortable, I appreciate the read either way :).

Next chapter will be up within a week. See you then ;)

- Mar

Chapter 30: Have Violent Ends

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

"Long time no see, Zeke."

"So good to see you. It's been, what, maybe five years, right?" Zeke's irritating voice asked. The muscles of your mouth holding up your fake grin started to hurt.

"Yes, that's right. Five years." You glanced behind you, sensing Levi's intense glare being shot in Zeke's direction. "Levi, this is my... childhood friend, Zeke. Zeke, this is Captain Levi."

Zeke raised his eyebrows, evidently amused. He extended out an arm for Levi to shake. "Ah, Captain Levi. Humanity's Strongest Soldier, correct?"

"...Sure," Levi replied dryly.

"I've heard so much about you," he said. Zeke's eyes flickered towards you next. "So, so much."

You cleared your throat, averting your gaze. A maid stopped by merely seconds later with a broom and dustpan to clean up the mess you made.

Shit, I forgot I did that. I really need to stop blanking out.

You and Zeke stood up from your seats, allowing her better access. "I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me," you apologized.

"That's quite alright," she said, though, you weren't sure if she truly meant that due to her tight-lipped expression. She was likely used to this behavior by now.

"So, um... what brings you here, Zeke?" You crossed your arms over your chest anxiously, standing close beside Levi. Your mind was racing in a million different directions; you felt like you couldn't think straight. Although you knew Zeke wasn't dumb enough to try anything when people were around, you felt safe simply being near Levi's presence. He always made you feel secure when it felt like your heart was going to beat out of your chest.

"I was invited, of course."

How the hell did he get an invite?

"Quite the honor, huh?"

"Indeed." He took a sip of his whiskey glass. "You know, I would love to catch up with you, if you'd like to grab a table. It has been five years, after all."

"Right, yeah." You laughed nervously, turning your head to look at Levi. "Um, I'll be back. Just gonna have a chat with my... dear friend here."

Zeke shot you the widest grin. Your mind played a string of curse words you so desperately wished you could convey out loud.

"Alright," Levi responded, but his jaw was clenched.

While Zeke went hunting for a table, you felt a light squeeze on your arm. "You won't be long, right?" Levi asked.

I sure as hell hope not.

"Shouldn't be too long, don't worry." You put up a convincing smile, turning your back to him while you followed in Zeke's steps.

He picked a pretty good spot; it was in the far right corner away from all of the other guests. Most people were either immersed in the live music that resumed playing or chatting amongst themselves, so you weren't too concerned about anyone eavesdropping. However, some people shot you judgmental glares, likely from the scene you just caused a few minutes prior.

I really need to stop zoning out.

You approached Zeke, taking a seat in front of him begrudgingly.

"Don't you look lovely," he complimented.

"Fuck off," you snapped. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"I should ask you the same."

You leaned back and crossed your arms, turning your head to the side to avoid his stare. His cheeky grin was seen from the corner of your eye, and the urge to smack him was nearly overpowering you.

Hold it in.

You shut your eyes and took a deep breath in before turning your attention to him again.

"What are you doing here?" you questioned him again.

"I might have stolen an invitation," he answered causally. "It was pretty simple, really. The Eldians here aren't the smartest. It's a pity-"

"Shut up, Zeke."

He chuckled. "You know, out of all the people we sent here as spies, I always knew Reiner would be the first to crack, but you?" The laugh that erupted from his throat caused your blood to boil. "I never would have guessed you'd crack too."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"No need to act stupid, Eden. We're chatting as friends here."

"First of all, we are not friends. Second of all, I'm telling you that you've got it all wrong."

"Yeah? So then let me ask you something." He took another sip of his whiskey. "Why isn't he dead yet?" He gestured his head towards Levi sitting at the bar. You briefly glanced over in that direction, seeing the uneasiness in Lukas' face from afar. It almost made you laugh, but you were still too riddled with anxiety from Zeke's sudden appearance to allow yourself that amusement.

"You clearly haven't seen him in battle," you replied. "He has no weaknesses. He's impossible to beat."

"No weaknesses, huh?"

"None at all."

"And you're saying he's a challenge even up against you?"

"Absolutely."

"I find that hard to believe."

"Well, let's hope you won't have to experience it yourself to find out then."

"You talk very highly of him." He smirked. "Makes me wonder what kind of relationship the two of you must have."

"He's- he's the enemy." The sentence almost physically hurt you to say out loud. "I know better than that."

"Hm, I don't know." He leaned over, laying his arms flat against the table. "I wanna believe that, I really do, but you've been spending an awful lot of time around him, and the little glint in your eyes from just looking at him is new to me. Either you're in love, or you're an extremely good actress."

"What the hell would you even know about love to assume that's how I feel?"

"It makes you a complete idiot," he responded immediately. "The fact you haven't killed him already tells me everything I need to-"

"I don't love him." There was a pang in your heart from just saying that.

"Then kill him." His lips curved into a tight line. "Prove it to me."

"I told you that I-"

"If you can't see how completely head over heels you've made that man in such a short period of time, then you're a lot dumber than I thought, Eden," he interrupted. "Your excuse of saying he's simply 'too strong' would have worked on me months ago, but it's clear as hell to anyone with eyes that he's obviously taken a liking to you. Now is the perfect time to strike."

"How would you know how he feels? You've never even talked to him until now," you challenged.

The corner of his lip raised. "Because I've been watching you two."

That comment sent shivers down your spine. Had he been stalking you? "What do you mean you've been watching us?"

"I've been following you for quite a while now." His eyes flickered down to his cup, finger tapping on the glass. "At first, I came to Paradis thinking that the younger warriors were the problem. The mission was taking too damn long, so I made it my duty to intervene. I fully expected to come here seeing Levi dead already, knowing you. You were always set on seeing your tasks through - that was the reason I recommended you for this mission, after all."

He took another sip from the glass. "Imagine my surprise when I saw you that day out on the field with that other soldier. The moment you begged me to spare him, I knew you must have cracked. I wasn't expecting it, but it was certainly entertaining to watch. After that, I knew I needed to keep an eye on you."

Waves of despair flowed through you at the brief mention of Mike's death. "He didn't deserve to die," you said.

"The mission mattered more than his life. He had already seen too much."

"You don't get it, Zeke." You shook your head. "You weren't here. You did enlist in their army. You didn't watch these kids grow. You didn't get to know any of these people the way I and the others had to."

"It doesn't matter, Eden. You weren't sent here to make friends-"

"They are people just like us," you interrupted in aggravation. "We eat the same foods, we share the same interests, and we all mourn our loved ones the same. They've had to watch all the people they've cared about die because of what Marley made us do."

"You lost someone you cared about here, didn't you? That's why you're acting so defensive, and something tells me it was someone other than that soldier whose gear I took."

If it felt like your heart had been tugged before, now it felt like it completely ripped apart.

Of all the people you'd known in your life, only three had successfully been able to read you as a person - your mom, Levi, and unfortunately, Zeke. For as long as you could remember, Zeke always knew the right things to say to push your buttons. He became accustomed to the way you'd react to certain things until he was an absolute expert at understanding your behavior.

It pissed you off because it nearly always worked.

"Sure, I lost many people," you responded, blinking stupidly to get rid of the water forming in your eyes. There was no way you were going to cry in front of him. "But it's a lot more than that, Zeke. It's not the fact that they died, it's why they died."

"So you feel guilty, then." He took one last sip from his glass, then set the cup aside. He scooted his chair in closer, lacing his fingers together on top of the table. "Well, I could go on a whole spiel on why your feelings are complete bullshit, but then we'd cause a scene which wouldn't be in either of our favors, so I'll cut to the chase to reveal why I'm really here."

Your fists curled tightly on your lap.

"I'm asking you to leave with me and the others tonight."

You furrowed your eyebrows. "What?"

"What, were you planning to stay here for the rest of your life? Did you forget why you were sent here in the first place?"

You lowered your head dejectedly, eyes staring down at the candelabra in front of you. "I know that already, I just wasn't expecting you to ask me to leave with you. I was- I was already making a plan to leave by myself."

"And when were you planning to do that?"

"Tomorrow."

"Perfect, so it works out."

"Hang on." You raised a hand and spread your palm. "What's the catch?"

"There is no catch."

"There's always a catch with you."

"Not this time."

"I don't trust you, Zeke."

You glared at him long and hard while awaiting his response. He simply returned the same expression, clearly musing to himself. You wondered what was going through his mind.

"Do you really expect me to believe that you're just gonna let me leave with you without you doing something about him?" you said, breaking the silence.

He smirked. "So you do love him."

"I- that doesn't matter." There was no point in lying to him now when he was able to read you so well before, but you still didn't want to admit it out loud to him. "I'd rather leave alone."

"Ah, so you're gonna show up alone to tell the Marleyan superiors that you failed your task miserably and let them punish you and your sister?"

You flinched at the thought. "Well, that's already a problem within itself. It has nothing to do with whether I leave with you or not."

"Oh, but it does," he responded. "Because if you decide to leave with me, I'd vouch for you."

"What do you mean?"

"Tell them you killed him even if you didn't, and I will back you up."

"Weren't you just telling me to kill him a few seconds ago?"

"I was, but it's clearly not going to get through your skull, so I'd rather worry about more pressing matters right now."

You weren't convinced. Why did he change his mind so suddenly? This felt unsettling to you. It was as if he was planning something during the few moments of silence you both had that made him change his mind.

What was he thinking?

"That doesn't make sense. You're telling me you'd be willing to go against the superiors' orders by defending a lie?"

"Yes, because at this rate, we're going back home empty handed. We're currently setting up a plan to take back the Founding Titan, but if that doesn't work out, we'd return without any success. It's better to show up with something, than nothing at all, so if that means lying to them to put a smile on their face, so be it."

Hm, he does have a point. It does look better to have one win than just pure losses.

"Okay," you replied. "Let's say you succeed in capturing the Founding Titan. Would you still lie and say I completed my task?"

"Yes," he answered a little too quickly.

"Why?"

"Because it's more wins and less losses. It would overshadow what happened to Marcel and Annie, and we wouldn't need proof for it - just trust. It would work in everyone's favor and nobody would know. Regardless, you're planning to come back anyway, aren't you? I'd say your punishment would be more severe than the others if you told them the truth because of your record. Do you really want to risk your sister's safety?"

"Since when did you care about Paulina?"

"I'm just giving you a realistic perspective."

"Who's to say you won't backstab me?"

"On the contrary, backstabbing you wouldn't do either of us justice. As war chief, it's my job to make sure these missions go through. Sure, you'd face the worst consequences by not completing your task, but I'd also get reprimanded since it would have been my job to find another way to get it done."

Hm. He's making too much sense right now.

"And who's to say you wouldn't find another way?"

He smiled. "Well, you could always come along to make sure that doesn't happen."

He made a lot of sense, but also none at all. There was something hidden behind his words you couldn't quite decipher. You didn't like this at all.

"You have a plan you're not telling me. What is it?"

"Come with me and find out."

Your heart started beating rapidly against your chest. He was really set on taking you back with him. Why?

"Tell me the plan, Zeke."

"That's not something we can discuss here."

You sighed. He was right. It would be extremely risky.

Shit, was this really it then? Were you really about to leave with him?

Zeke was always hard to figure out. He could always read you so well, but the same couldn't be said vice versa. In truth, leaving with him did seem like the best option. For one, showing up in a group would look better than showing up alone, and two, saying you completed your task even if you didn't would benefit the both of you.

You trailed your eyes down to your lap, fiddling with your fingers. To say you were nervous as hell was an understatement - you were petrified.

Zeke had an idea that he hadn't told you yet; you could see it on his face. For that reason, you were really leaning towards the idea of leaving with him. If you left by yourself, who knew what kind of sick plan he'd pull while you weren't watching. You needed to be there. You weren't exactly sure what he was capable of.

"Fine, then. I'll go with you."

He grinned. "Excellent."

"Only because I don't fully trust you."

He raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"

"I need to keep an eye on you. If you try anything funny, I won't hesitate to hurt you, Zeke," you threatened.

Another sinister smile. "Sounds like something the Eden I know would say. Glad to see you back."

You rolled your eyes. "Whatever."

"So then, how should we do this?"

"You're going to have to wait at least another hour. There's something I need to do, and I have to leave the bar with Levi. I'll make my exit once I'm back in our hotel. Here wouldn't be the right place to leave. It would be too suspicious."

"Makes sense," he responded. "Meet me by the large tree down the road by the hotel. Should be to your left if you exit through the main doors. It's surrounded by a ton of other trees, plants, and bushes. Bit of a walk, but it would be well hidden."

"You even know what hotel I'm staying at? You're a fucking creep."

"It was the only way to reach you." He shrugged, like he said the most normal thing in the world.

"Creep," you muttered under your breath, standing up from the table. "I'll see you later, I guess."

"See you soon." He grinned. You crinkled your nose at him, walking back towards the bar.

Shit, you were really doing this, huh?

When you returned to the same spot at the bar, Lukas was nowhere to be seen. Levi was still sitting on his stool just as before, drinking from a cup filled with what seemed to be water.

"I'm back," you said, taking a seat beside him again. He took a sip of his water before turning to you again. "Where did Lukas go?"

"Probably to find bandages or something," Levi responded casually.

You pulled your eyebrows together in confusion. "What?"

Levi didn't say anything; instead, he stuck his hand in his suit jacket and pulled out the key necklace. Your eyes widened.

"You got it back already? How?"

"Might have broken a few fingers," he said so nonchalantly. It almost sent chills down your spine. "The bastard held the pain in pretty well, I'll give him that. He clearly didn't wanna cause a scene, so he gave up."

"Well, damn. It's a shame I wasn't able to contribute. I kinda wanted to give him hell too."

"I figured you were too busy with blondie over there, so I took matters into my own hands. I didn't want you to worry about it."

"I see. Thank you."

You turned your attention away from him, eyes focusing in on the alcohol lined up in front of you. You had no desire to drink any; you just wanted to avert your gaze elsewhere.

This was it, then. Levi got the key back, so now all that was left to do was return to the hotel and... leave. He'd likely head to the shower first, so that would be the best time to make your exit.

And then, that was it. Your time with him would be over.

"I guess we should get going, then," you said while grabbing his arm. He didn't budge from his position.

"You don't wanna eat anything?"

Right. It wasn't like either if you had dinner.

"I'm not really hungry," you replied honestly. How could you stomach anything knowing what was about to happen within a few hours?

He narrowed his eyes at you. "Are you okay?"

Always so amazing at reading me like a book...

You forced a smile on your face. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just not that hungry. I ate a pretty big lunch earlier."

He glared at you, skeptical of your response, but then he rose from his seat.

"We'll have something at the hotel."

"Okay," you responded, unwilling to put up a fight with him.

Just as the two of you were about to head through the doors, you saw Lukas return to the bar area, his hand covered in messily wrapped bandages. Before you could stop yourself, your feet started pulling you back towards the counter.

"Eden, don't," Levi called behind you, completely predicting your next actions. He tried to grab your arm, but you shook him off easily.

"Hey, Lukas," you greeted him with a smile. His green eyes trailed up to look at you, and it already looked like he wanted to throw a glass in your face. Your cocky smile remained while your eyes flickered down towards the unfinished champagne glass you left in the same spot as before. Levi followed in your steps, his intense glare burning behind your head.

"I just wanted to thank you for the champagne," you told him. Lukas raised an eyebrow at you.

Levi grabbed your arm. "Eden, please don't-"

You grabbed the cup and threw the remaining liquid in the glass onto Lukas' face, then quickly turned on your heel to make your exit. Levi let out an exasperated sigh as he dragged you by the arm outside. You nearly stumbled from how fast he was walking you out of the building.

"Bitch!" Lukas called after you, grabbing a towel to clean himself off. Multiple pairs of judgmental eyes followed behind you, but you didn't pay it any mind. Your mouth twitched into a smirk at finally having some bit of revenge on the pretentious bastard, even as small as it was.

Hey, it was your only chance. You'd never see the asshole again.

"You're an idiot sometimes," Levi scolded you, hurriedly trying to get you into the carriage before any of the staff or guards went after the two of you.

"Couldn't help it, sorry," you apologized while taking a seat, but the grin on your face told him otherwise. Levi rolled his eyes as he shut the door beside him.

The two of you were quiet for the remaining ride back to the hotel. Levi had his arms crossed over his chest while staring out of the window, black strands of hair drooping over his face and covering his eyes. You knew he must have been pissed at you; he was always pissed at you when you let your temper get the best of you and you ended up doing careless things, but you just wanted to allow yourself this one last chance of being a bit reckless.

It was one of your last times here, after all.

You squeezed your eyes shut and tried to steady your breath again. Your anxiety was really starting to overpower you these days.

The carriage took a right turn, and the wheels rolled over a pothole. The structure shook for a moment, and the rose you had left on your seat fell to the ground, the petals tickling your feet; you bent down to grab it. A smile emerged on your face again as you twiddled the stem with your fingers.

It may seem ridiculous to others, but this rose meant so much more to you than you could even express. Levi wasn't an affectionate or romantic person in nature. It took you a bit of time to identify the way he showed his care for others, which was through his actions. It was only then that you were able to see just how warmhearted of a person he was; all of it was just hidden behind a stoic facade. You opened him up bit by bit until he became comfortable enough to express his true self around you. Hell, he even confessed his feelings out loud to you - something you would have never guessed he'd do in a million years.

And you did that. You made him feel comfortable and secure enough to show that side of him. This rose was an indicator of how much he truly valued you in his life - of how much you really meant to him.

Your smile dissipated as you placed the rose aside.

All I gave him was false hope.

That queasy feeling in your stomach returned. The fact that you only had less than an hour left with him before you had to leave for good hadn't fully registered yet.

Shit, you weren't prepared to leave right now. You were mentally preparing yourself to do it tomorrow. You didn't even have everything with you.

I didn't even get the chance to write him a note...

You angled your head up to stare up at the ceiling of the carriage, pondering to yourself. Everything hurt right now - absolutely everything. It felt like your chest wanted to cave in.

Fuck, stop thinking about it. You don't wanna cry in front of him. He'll question you.

Right. Right.

Just lock it away.

The wheels of the carriage stopped turning, halting in its tracks. The thoughts in your mind vanished when you realized that you finally arrived back at the hotel. It must have been nearing 10 p.m. now; it was certainly getting late.

Levi stepped out first, then reached out his arm to help you down like he always did. It only took about five minutes before you both returned to the same room you were just in an hour ago. You were lucky the plan worked out a lot easier than expected, or else you'd have been panicking the entire time.

All thanks to Levi.

You flopped down on the edge of the bed with a sigh, beginning to unstrap your heels. Levi pulled off his shoes and set them aside neatly, then shook off his suit jacket.

"You sure you're not hungry?" he asked. You let out an exhale in relief after pulling off both heels. You would never understand how some women could wear these daily; you could hardly last an hour in them. They were a lot tougher than you, clearly.

"No," you said, massaging your feet a bit to relieve some of the tension from the heels. "I, uh... I think I'd like to head to bed soon."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I'm a bit tired."

"You should eat something."

"I told you that I'm not hungry."

"You can't just skip dinner."

"I'm not hungry, Levi."

"Neither of us have eaten anything since late afternoon."

"If you want to order something for yourself, no one is stopping you," you snapped, shifting your gaze to look at him. Your response came out a little more aggressive than you were intending, but truthfully, Levi's concern could be a little overbearing at times. You always appreciated the way he'd look out for you, but he did tend to be a little too overprotective sometimes. It was a nice feeling until you started to feel overwhelmed by the amount of times he'd intervene when it wasn't necessary.

Granted, you understood why he was doing this - he didn't want to lose you. To make sure that didn't happen, he wanted to make sure you were safe and healthy. Nonetheless, there was a way to approach this concern without having to breath down your neck.

Levi paused, processing your response, then turned his head to face you. "I'm just trying to look out for you."

"I understand that, but sometimes I feel like you're breathing down my neck and intruding when I didn't ask you to."

"Because you can be careless, Eden."

"Can you let me live for two seconds?" You walked over to the mirror to start undoing the ribbon of your dress. "God, you act like I can't take care of myself."

"That's because you can't."

You paused, furrowing your eyebrows before turning around. "What do you mean?"

"Why do I constantly have to remind you to do simple, mundane things? You never drink enough water, other times you skip meals. Then you put yourself in shitty situations like getting drunk out of your mind at a bar, taunting people in battle who could very much kill you, or throwing a drink in someone's face without even thinking twice about the consequences. I'm constantly having to correct you on things I shouldn't have to."

Your lips parted, shocked at his response.

"From the moment I met you, I could see the way you would self-sabotage. It almost sickened me, because you have so much potential, Eden, and you just throw it away. Do I really have to remind you of things all the time?"

"Well, it's not your job to make sure I don't 'self-sabotage,' Levi," you replied. "Nobody is asking you to hold my hand and guide me to become this perfect person you obviously want me to be."

He sighed. "I didn't mean it like that."

"Really? Because that's exactly how it sounds." You could feel your temper rise in your chest. "To me, it sounds like what I'm already doing isn't enough for you."

He grimaced "Why are you constantly putting words in my mouth? I never said you weren't enough for me."

"Well, that's how it feels right now." You turned away from him as you began to change out of your dress, feeling the tears prick at your eyelids. "The fact you don't think I'm capable of taking care of myself already tells me you don't think I'm doing enough."

Why the fuck am I about to cry right now? Hold it in.

A tear slipped past your eye but you quickly wiped it away. Truthfully, the tears being formed weren't solely about this argument - it was a combination of all the different suppressed feelings you had tucked away in your brain threatening to spill out. This argument just seemed to be the trigger to release them. You were overwhelmed with emotions.

But no, you needed to suck it up. He couldn't see you like this.

"You just have shitty habits that I want you to get rid of. If you don't get rid of them, you could end up fucking dead, and that's the last thing I want, Eden," he continued. You didn't say anything in response, just silently changing into your night clothes - sweatpants and a pajama top. You feared that your voice would crack the moment you tried to say anything else, so you kept your mouth shut.

Levi sighed when you didn't respond, then you felt him grab your arm and pull you into his chest unexpectedly. You stumbled, but he held you securely. He encased his arms around your waist tightly, burying himself into your neck.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly. There was a painful sting in your heart from hearing his apology. "I didn't want my concern to come off that way. It's not that I don't think you're good enough for me, I just worry about you a lot and I want you to be okay. The thought of anything happening to you just drives me insane."

You remained silent for a few seconds, then you raised your arms to wrap them around his neck, pulling him in closer. Shutting your eyes, you sighed into his neck.

"Don't apologize. I'm sorry for always jumping to conclusions. I just-" There was a slight crack in your voice, but you decided to push through anyway. "I've just had too many past experiences where I was made to feel like I wasn't good enough, and I took it out on you. I'm sorry."

He didn't say anything, just holding you as he brought up his hand to cup your head. His thumb stroked your hair softly.

Levi had become so much better at communicating lately; well, the same could be said about you as well. You both had your flaws, and both of you were well aware of that. Navigating through it wasn't always easy, but it was moments like these that you really appreciated the way he would take the time to understand your perspective and why you would get mad at certain things.

I don't deserve him.

Another tear slipped past your eye as your lips began to tremble.

Fuck. Fuck I can't hold it in anymore.

You choked back a sob into his neck. His grip on you tightened.

"Something else has been bothering you," he said, continuing to stroke his thumb over your hair. "What happened?"

You shook your head into his neck, unwilling to speak. He grabbed your arms and lowered them, drawing back. He brought up a hand to wipe the tears from your cheek while staring into your eyes intently.

"Eden," he began softly. "Tell me what's wrong."

More tears spilled from your eyes as you forced yourself to hold eye contact with him, breathing sporadically. He continued holding your cheek tenderly, awaiting your response.

You forced out a breathy laugh. "Nothing. I think the alcohol got me a little emotional. It happens sometimes."

"You hardly even drank tonight, Eden."

You lowered your head. "I'm just- I've been a little more emotional than usual lately. I guess I'm just overwhelmed."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Yes. Yes, I do.

You wanted to tell him everything - to sit down for at least three hours and tell him absolutely everything. Holding in all your secrets was absolutely destroying you, especially when he'd show his concern for you like this. He cared so deeply about you, and all you were gonna do was sabotage it.

He deserved to know. He deserved to know everything.

Your lips parted, but then you quickly snapped them shut and turned your head away. He lowered his hand from your cheek.

As much as you wanted to confess, he still couldn't know. He just couldn't. Levi was warmhearted, but he could become cold if necessary. There was a reason why he was known as Humanity's Strongest Soldier and why people were so intimidated by him.

He'd hold you hostage, interrogate you, and then wouldn't hesitate to kill you.

Truthfully, it wasn't the fear of being killed that scared you - death didn't scare you anymore. After bathing your hands in blood, the concept of death no longer petrified you but became something you found necessary on some occasions. Sometimes killing people was the right thing to do. If you were to be killed in the hands of the person you loved, you would accept that fate because it would be deserved after all of your deception.

Your fear was rooted in your sister's fate. She was the sole reason you were here in the first place, and if she didn't get to have the life you had been desperately fighting for for years, all of this was pointless. You didn't want to stay alive for yourself, you wanted to stay alive for her.

Somewhere down the line, your conflicting feelings became less about choosing between yourself and the mission and more about choosing between Levi or your sister.

Levi or Paulina. Who did you value the most?

"You're holding in so much." Levi cupped your cheek again, gently moving your head to lock eyes with him. "I can see how much you've been overthinking, and it's worrying me."

"Don't you do the same?" If anyone else was good at suppressing feelings other than you, it was Levi. Although you'd learned a lot about his past, there were still many topics he had purposefully avoided speaking about because it made him feel uncomfortable - his mother, for instance. It was evidently a very sensitive topic for him, and you didn't want to push him to speak on something he didn't want to.

"I do," he admitted honestly. "But I can see that whatever it is that you're withholding is destroying you. I just feel like- I feel like you've been a little more down than usual these days, and I'm worried that something is trying to take away your spark."

"There- there is something," you confessed, grabbing his hand to lower it to his side. "But I don't want to talk about it. Not right now, at least."

"Are you sure?"

"I-" You swallowed nervously. Knowing him, he wouldn't back down until you gave him some sign of hope. You needed to give an answer he'd be content with. "Go take a shower and I'll tell you after."

He raised an eyebrow at you. "Really?"

"Yes," you replied immediately. "Just go take a shower. I need to collect my thoughts."

He prolonged his stare, but then turned around to grab his night clothes, heading towards the bathroom. The anxiety in your chest bubbled up the closer he approached the bathroom door.

This was it. This was really it.

"Wait," you called right before he shut the door. He pushed it open again, his eyes searching for you.

My last moment with him. This is my last moment with him.

Without thinking, you surged forward and snaked your hands under his arms to hug him tightly. Levi was taken aback, nearly toppling over, but then he dropped the clothes in his hands and returned the hug. He held you close against him, one hand sliding up your back to hold your head again.

You sobbed. You sobbed so loudly against him without any shame. All of your emotions spilled out at once and you didn't care that he saw it.

"It's okay," he whispered, stroking your head. "It's okay."

It's not okay. None of this is okay.

You curled your fingers around his shirt, grasping onto it tightly. You didn't want to let go of him; you wanted to stay here in his arms forever.

I love you.

"I'm sorry," you choked out.

I love you so much.

"I'm so sorry."

"You're okay," he said softly. "You're okay."

You remained secure in his arms for a few more minutes until you forced yourself off of him, drawing back. His hands lowered to your waist, still pressing you close against his body. Your eyes lowered, noticing the mascara stains you left on his white button down shirt.

You heaved out a laugh, wiping your eyes with the back of your hand. "Might have fucked up your shirt. Sorry."

He lowered his head to stare down at the stain. The corner of his lips curled upwards. "It's fine. It'll come out."

You smiled at him, your eyes staring deeply into his.

Those alluring grey eyes... this would be the last time you'd see them shine so brightly.

You brought up a hand to hold his cheek, trying to scan all of his features knowing you'd never see them again. You wanted to memorize every speck of him that you could.

"I really do love your eyes, you know that?" You rubbed his cheek with your thumb. "I could probably write a whole paper about how beautiful they are."

"Sap," he responded.

You laughed. "I mean it, though." You weren't sure if you were imagining it, but the grey in his eyes always turned a little more blue when he'd stare at you so attentively like this. "There is something so unique about them that draws me in."

Pink colored his cheeks. It only made you grin wider. You reached over and placed a kiss on his lips, holding the kiss for longer than you should. He didn't find it out of the ordinary, tightening his grip around your waist and parting his lips to taste you.

Your last kiss with him.

I have to hurry. I'm running out of time.

You pulled yourself back from the kiss and brought down your hand, stepping back so he could release his grip from you.

"Go shower," you ordered. "I'll talk to you later."

He picked up his clothes and walked backwards towards the bathroom door, eyes still glued on you. "You promise?"

You forced a smile on your face. "I promise."

And then the door shut.

You closed your eyes and steadied your breath, gathering all of your items as fast as you possibly could.

With a hoodie pulled over your head, your bag tossed over your shoulder, and one hand on the door knob, you took one last glimpse at the bathroom door.

"I love you," you said quietly to yourself.

The water stopped running.

You twisted open the knob and passed through the door, never to return.

Levi stepped out of the steamy bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. He used the other towel to tousle his wet hair, preventing water droplets from hitting the ground. When he raised his head, he fully expected to see you laying on the mattress, ready for bed. Instead, he saw the dress you were wearing neatly placed on the edge of the bed, encased in its wrapping like it was brand new. His eyes darted around the room, and it was only then that he noticed how all of your items were missing. All that was left behind was your dress and heels.

Panic instantly rushed through his veins.

He didn't spare a second to think coherently, already throwing on his clothes to bolt outside of the door.

He wasn't letting you slip away. He promised himself he wouldn't lose you too.

No. No, he wasn't going to lose you too.

"Where is she?" Levi slammed his hands on the front desk of the hotel. The male clerk jolted at the unexpected interaction, his glasses nearly falling from his face.

"I- I beg your pardon?" he stammered nervously.

"There was a woman that just left a few minutes ago. Where is she?"

"I'm afraid I don't know-"

Levi reached over and grasped the man's collar, pulling him in close. The clerk yelped, trembling under his grip.

"It's your damn job to see who enters and leaves this building, isn't it? Where the fuck did she go?"

"I- I don't know! I swear!" His voice was shaky with nerves. "The guard might know. Ask him!"

Levi released him, and the man let out a sigh of relief. He turned on his heel and began stomping towards the front doors.

The guard was right beside the door, arms crossed over his chest. Levi explained the situation to him, then described some of your features to see if that would give him any hint as to who he was talking about. The man was a lot more helpful than the clerk, pointing to his left to indicate that that was where he had last seen you go. Levi thanked him, following in that direction.

It was nearly pitch black out, and the path you followed was dangerous as hell. It led into a vast forest full of trees. What the hell were you thinking? What the fuck was going on?

He ran. He ran as fast as he could into that forest to search for you, feet practically floating in the air. His eyes flickered in every direction with an inkling of hope that he'd be able to spot you.

Levi called out your name once, and then twice.

No response.

But after the third time, he could finally hear it - your voice. Immediately, he felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders.

"Eden, where are you?" he asked, still unable to find where the sound of your voice came from.

And then he saw you. You were standing only a few feet away in front of a tall tree. He jogged towards you, relief engulfing his entire body.

"Thank fuck," he breathed out. "I thought I lost you."

"Levi, you need to leave," you demanded harshly. It was only now that he noticed how your widened eyes were full of fear. There wasn't any indication of calmness from seeing him - your body had grown stiff, your eyebrows furrowed in concern, and there was a shakiness in your tone that was hard to ignore.

There wasn't much Levi remembered after that.

He remembered arguing.

He remembered the words "I don't love you" falling from your lips like knives trying to penetrate him.

Then he remembered something striking him in the arm which caused him to collapse. That was when everything started to blur.

A tall blonde man with a twisted smile appeared in front of him, knife in his hand. He could hear your screams from afar. Someone was holding you back; he needed to help you, but he couldn't move. Why couldn't he move?

The man opened his mouth to speak, and that was when Levi knew it must have all been a nightmare, because the things he was saying about you... it couldn't have been true, could it?

Levi searched for your eyes one last time, desperately trying to seek the truth.

You said, "I'm sorry."

And just like that, his entire world fell apart as his eyes fluttered shut.

Notes:

...pls don't kill me for leaving another cliffhanger I'M SORRY (and there are still more to come :D)

Next chapter will begin similarly to the end of this one, but in Eden's POV. It should be up by next Sunday or Monday. I'm still not done with my school semester yet, so bear with me y'all.

See you soon for more chaos ;)

- Mar

Chapter 31: Love in the Dark

Notes:

This is gonna hurt... I apologize in advance...

Song recommendations:

Once More to See You - Mitski

Love In The Dark - Adele (hence the chapter title)

Cry - Cigarettes After Sex

You don't have to listen along while reading but I just think these songs really resonate with this chapter.

Playlist.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Tears continuously spilled from your eyes ever since stepping out of the hotel, flowing out like a damn waterfall. Your hands wiped against your eyelids to dry them, smudging your makeup. You were probably horrifying to look at right now, but that was the least of your worries.

Come on. Suck it up. I don't want Zeke seeing me like this.

You nodded to yourself, sniffling as you continued trudging forward.

The forest looked creepy as hell at night. If you hadn't brought a lantern along, who knew what kind of creatures you'd encounter behind the shadows. You stepped carefully over the branches and plants spread across the ground, rubbing your arms from the chilly night breeze. All you wore were some sweatpants and a pajama top with a hoodie tossed over your head, but it still wasn't enough to warm you up completely; then again, it could have also been your nerves causing the chills.

The tree Zeke wanted to meet at was only a few more feet away; you could see it from straight ahead - enormous trunk and unnaturally tall height.

Almost there... I wonder where he's hiding...

"Eden!"

You paused, halting in your steps. Did you hear that right? Did someone call your name from behind you? It sounded a lot like... no, no it couldn't be.

I'm just hearing things.

You proceeded walking like you heard nothing at all, but then you heard it again - your name. Your feet stopped moving. You weren't imagining it. Someone was calling your name, and it wasn't Zeke's voice.

"Eden!" you heard the man's voice from even closer. The panic began to build up in your chest. That was Levi's voice. No other person could replicate that tone and expressiveness but him. You had that voice memorized and tucked away in your heart.

Fuck, he couldn't be here. How did he find out where you were?

"Levi?" you called for him, eyes traveling in every direction in search of him.

"Eden, where are you?" he asked, voice much nearer than before.

He stopped right in front of you. The two of you locked eyes, frozen in place for a few seconds, then he jogged towards you. His relief from finding you was evident in the way his shoulders relaxed.

"Thank fuck," he breathed out. "I thought I lost you."

Your eyes widened in fear the closer he approached you. "Levi, you need to leave," you demanded harshly. His face expressed confusion, now becoming aware of the panic behind your eyes. You were shaking, the anxiety overpowering your entire body at just how dire the situation had become.

"Eden, what's going on?"

"You shouldn't be here." You walked up towards him at full speed in an attempt to lure him out of the forest. He backed up instinctively.

"I'm not leaving without you," he proclaimed stubbornly.

You shook your head. "Levi, please listen to me. You have to leave."

Now wasn't the time for him to be stubborn. Why couldn't he just listen?

This is so bad. Fuck, this is so much worse than I thought.

"Not without you."

You continued luring him out, glancing over your shoulders every few seconds to make sure a certain someone wouldn't make an appearance. The worst part about all of this was that you knew Zeke was watching from somewhere, you just didn't know where.

Levi took advantage of your distraction and grabbed your arms forcefully, stopping you in your tracks. You tried to push him off, but you struggled under his grip.

"Tell me what's going on. Let me help you," he said.

You shook your head insistently, your lips trembling as tears continued to fall down your cheeks. It felt like you were going to have an anxiety attack. You couldn't think coherently.

He needed to listen for once. He needed to ignore his intrinsic urge to protect those he cared about. Just this once, he needed to think of himself and his own safety.

...Except he had no idea he was in a dangerous position, and you couldn't exactly tell him that, could you?

Fuck, what do I do?

"Levi, please just leave-"

"I'm not leaving you," he interrupted in a harsh tone.

"Why won't you just listen to me for once?" you said, raising your voice and finally building up the strength to shove him away from you. He was surprised by your actions, releasing your grip and stumbling back. Your breathing became erratic as you covered your face with your hands to shield the sob you wanted to release, turning away from him. He reached out a hand to comfort you, but you swatted him away.

"Eden, let me help you. You don't have to bear your burdens alone-"

"You don't get it!" you snapped. "I'm not- fuck, I can't do this anymore."

Do I say it? ...No, I can't say it. If Levi found out the truth, then Zeke would intervene, and that's the last thing I want. I'd be messing with Levi's safety by telling him here.

Fuck. This is all fucked. How do I get him to leave?

Levi furrowed his eyebrows, completely clueless as to what was causing you to react this way. "What's going on?"

You whirled on him. "Just leave, Levi!"

"I'm not fucking leaving!" he shouted. His intimidating voice caused you to jolt, but you quickly regained your composure. "Either you tell me what's going on, or I'll follow you until I find out myself!"

"Fuck." You pressed a hand on your forehead anxiously. It felt like your head was about to explode.

Loving Levi came with frustration. You didn't want this. You didn't want to love him. It crept up on you little by little until you had no choice but to welcome it. You tried so hard to push the feelings down, but it became impossible when he refused to leave your side. He always stayed, breaking apart the barrier you attempted to build between the two of you and finding a seat in your heart.

But of all people, why did I have to love him? The person I could never be with.

"Why do you always stay even when I try to push you away? Why do you always keep coming back when I tried so hard to get rid of you?" you yelled, the feelings of aggravation finally spilling out. "Why can't you just fucking listen to me when I'm telling you to leave me alone?"

"Because I'm in love with you!"

You froze, lips parted and eyes widened at his confession. You became completely paralyzed.

No. No, he can't be doing this. Not right now-

"I'm- I'm in love with you and there's nothing you can do to stop me from making sure you're okay. Nothing."

You were like a deer in headlights - completely unmoving. He shook you awake from your daze when he reached for your hands.

"So tell me what's going on, and I promise I'll fix it, whatever it is. Just tell me, please," he begged. "I want to help you."

"No," you muttered quietly, shaking your head. "Don't."

"Eden-"

"No!" You shoved his hands away, stepping a few feet back. The look on his face was dumbfounded and hurt. "Levi, don't do this."

"What do you mean?"

"Y-You can't love me," you said. "Take it back. Tell me it was a lie."

"What?" he asked incredulously. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

"I'm not someone you should love, Levi!"

Your throat was burning from all the screaming. In hindsight, it was probably a dumb idea to raise your voice knowing it would attract attention, but your emotions were currently dominating your entire body, ignoring all logic.

Fragile like a bomb.

Oh. You understood that now.

Levi continued staring at you with intense confusion, not knowing how to respond.

"I'm not- I'm not someone you should love," you repeated again, your voice growing feeble and soft.

"Why not?"

"Because I..."

You thought long and hard about your next response. Telling the truth wasn't an option; Zeke wouldn't let it slide. What you needed to do was drive him out. You needed to do something that would get him to finally leave you alone -to push him away.

The only way to do that was to make him hate you.

"I don't love you," you replied. The glare you shot in his direction was fierce.

He paused, but then laughed dryly. "You're lying."

Just as you expected, he didn't believe you. Your heart started beating rapidly against your chest when you realized just how hateful you were going to have to be in order for this to work.

"I'm not lying." There was a vileness in your tone. "I mean every word."

"Right" - he stepped closer to you, feet crunching on dry leaves - "so all the shit happening between us was all bullshit, then? The sappy shit you said about my eyes? The tea leaves you got me?"

"Have you ever noticed how I never confessed my own feelings to you?"

That caused his mouth to snap shut.

Well, it was true. He confessed his feelings to you, but you never confessed yours, for obvious reasons - why confess something you knew wouldn't last? You expressed it in different ways - through compliments, gifts, and physical affection, but the words "I have feelings for you" never left your mouth. Surprisingly, he was the first one to say how he felt out loud, yet you never did.

"That still doesn't- I still don't believe you."

"If I loved you, I would have said it back." You walked up closer, the grip on the lantern tightening in your hands as the anxiety continued to build up in your chest. "If I loved you, I wouldn't have left without saying goodbye."

"Your other actions tell me otherwise."

"It wasn't real." You forced out a dry laugh. "Don't you get it?"

He knitted his eyebrows.

"Why would I love you, Levi?"

Everything that came out of your mouth after that you knew would come to haunt you in the future.

"Do you even know how difficult you are to deal with? All your pessimism? All your bluntness?"

There was a falter in his eyes. The affection behind them had dwindled. "If I was so damn hard to deal with, why did you put up with it for so long?"

"I felt bad for you," came your next reply. "No other person in their right mind would actually love you."

He shook his head in disbelief. "Why are you doing this? This isn't- this isn't you, Eden."

"After all, that was why Kenny left, right? Because he never loved you."

That struck a nerve. It struck a hard nerve. His jaw clenched, fists curled up into a ball, and you could see the tense veins appear on his neck.

"Why the fuck are you doing this?"

"To get it through your thick skull that I never loved you."

"You're trying to piss me off and I don't know why. You can't convince me that you're being genuine."

"What more do I need to say to get you to realize I never fucking liked you in the first place? We never hit it off from the very beginning. Why do you think that was?" Your voice was laced with venom. "Absolutely everything about you revolts me. Everything."

"Eden..." his voice trailed off weakly.

"That's why everyone always leaves you in the end, Levi." You leaned in until you were only inches away from his face. "Because no one ever loved you, and no one ever will."

His eyes had gone dim and dark, eyebrows pulled together in anger.

"So leave. Leave because I don't love you. I never have," you said coolly. "And if you really do love me like you say you do, then you would know to let me go."

You could see the rise and fall of his lungs behind his chest. His breathing had become erratic, and you could almost feel the rapid thumps of his heartbeats.

He was hurt. He was deeply hurt, but he wouldn't say anything because that was who he was - the man known to be strongest by everyone, but unable to allow himself to be vulnerable.

"Fuck you," he finally said. The insult struck you deep in your heart.

I'm sorry.

He turned around and walked away.

I didn't mean it. I'm sorry.

His figure became smaller the further he walked. Tears began to prick your eyelids again.

Come back. I didn't mean it. I'm sorry.

You covered your mouth to stop yourself from sobbing, and then you finally collapsed on your knees when he was a safe distance out of the forest.

"I'm sorry," you sobbed quietly to yourself. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it. I didn't mean any of it."

Your distressing sobs filled your ears for the next few seconds, but then a loud groan followed by a thud on the ground was heard from a couple feet away.

What was that?

Anxiety spiked through you once more as you whipped your head around frantically to find the source of the noise.

Please don't let it be Levi. Please don't let it be Levi.

Your intuition convinced you to drag your feet in the direction Levi went. You ran- no, you full on sprinted in search of Levi, hoping to catch a glimpse of him.

You promised you wouldn't let anything happen to him. That was a promise you fully intended on keeping.

"Levi!" you called for him. You didn't care if anyone heard you. He needed to be okay.

"Levi, where are you?" you called for him again.

He couldn't have gone too far. Where was he?

"Levi!"

"Eden," a voice croaked next to you. You never whirled around so fast.

Levi had collapsed on his side, one hand clutching his arm in pain. You knelt down beside him, placing a gentle hand on his arm.

"Levi, what happened?"

"Go," he demanded hoarsely. You inspected his arm a little further. He had been shot with what looked like some sort of dart. It didn't seem fatal. Whoever shot him must have done so only to slow him down.

He'll be okay.

"Are you hurt? Can you walk?"

"Leave, Eden. It's dangerous here."

"No." You shook your head. "I'm not- I'm not leaving you."

His eyes met yours, and for just a moment, that familiar fondness behind them returned. You fell into the trap of his gaze, bringing a hand up to cup his cheek. His skin was warm and soft, just like the color of his eyes.

You could see it in his expression - the relief that the real you had returned.

"Levi, I..." He brought up his other hand to hold it over yours, his passionate stare continuing to linger.

But then the warmth in his eyes turned into a wildfire when his eyes flickered past your shoulders.

"Move!"

He attempted to reach for your body, but you were pulled back roughly by your backpack, the lantern falling from your hand and smashing on the ground. Two hooded figures appeared from the shadows and pinned Levi down. They looked familiar, but it was hard to identify them in the darkness.

"No!" you yelled. "Leave him alone!"

Whatever they shot Levi with made him sluggish. He could hardly fight back as they turned him over and tied his wrists together behind his back.

"Stop it! Let him go!" you continued to yell, kicking and screaming against the person holding you back, but you were failing miserably.

"Stop struggling," the person said from behind you. His voice caused you to pause and turn your head to see his face.

"Reiner?"

Reiner averted his gaze, hood pulled up to conceal his face.

"Reiner, let go," you demanded of him.

"I can't."

"Reiner, please!"

"Ah, Humanity's Strongest Soldier."

You snapped your head forward again when you heard another voice. Levi was tied up against a tree, wrists and ankles wrapped around tightly in rope. His head was lowered, raven-colored strands dangling over his face. It was clear that he was incredibly weak and it looked like he'd pass out soon.

Zeke made an appearance from behind another tree, and your eyes immediately shifted towards the sharp and shiny silver object in his hand. Anger and fear bubbled up inside you immediately.

"I gotta say, I'm a little disappointed. I thought you'd put up more of a fight," Zeke said, crouching in front of Levi's feeble body.

"Zeke." You finally broke free from Reiner's tight grip and fully bolted towards Zeke. "Zeke, I'm going to fucking kill you!"

At the very last second before you pounced on him, Reiner tackled you to the ground.

"Get off, Reiner!"

"Listen to him," he responded.

"Get the fuck off!"

Zeke chuckled at your reaction, and then his two feet stepped towards you. He bent his knees to meet your eyes.

"Behave," Zeke said, flashing the knife in front of you. "Or else pretty boy here is gonna get it."

You pulled your eyebrows together in anger, fury pulsing through your veins.

But in the end, you complied. Reiner sat up and hauled you up afterwards, pulling your arms behind your back just as he had done previously.

Zeke smirked and returned to his position in front of Levi. He grabbed Levi by the hair forcefully to yank his head up. His eyes were nearly drooping, but they widened immediately when he met your gaze.

"Eden," Levi said softly.

"Zeke, let him go, please," you begged.

"You know, I wasn't expecting him to follow you into the forest tonight. I had a much darker idea planned ahead, but he just made it so much easier." Zeke brought the tip of the knife under Levi's chin to lift his head up. You could feel your stomach drop.

"Let her go," Levi's strained voice croaked out. "Don't- don't hurt her."

"Oh, you mean her?" Zeke pointed at you with his index finger, smiling at Levi so arrogantly. "I think it's your safety that you should be more concerned about."

"Zeke, stop it. Let him go, please," you continued begging. "I'll do anything. Just let him go."

"I never expected you to be so naive, Eden. I guess that's what love does to you, huh? It completely blinds you."

Another tear slipped past your eye.

I can't let him die.

"I mean it, Zeke. I'll do anything." The assertiveness in your tone was replaced by fragility.

"You'd give your life for him?" he asked curiously.

"Yes," you answered immediately. "In a heartbeat."

"No, Eden," Levi muttered.

Zeke huffed. "What if his survival cost your sister's life?"

You clenched your jaw, unwilling to respond to that.

How sick of him to use your sister to toy with the life of the man you loved.

Unexpected to you, he dragged the knife roughly over Levi's collarbone, drawing blood immediately. Levi choked out a groan as he tried to shift his body away from him.

"Stop it!" you yelled. "Zeke, I'm begging you, please just let him go!"

"You told me he had no weaknesses, Eden." Zeke swiped the knife on the other side of his collarbone just as he did the other. You flinched as Levi moaned in pain again. "But that's a lie."

He brought up the now bloody knife and pointed it at you. "You're his weakness." The twisted grin he gave you sent chills down your spine. "That's why he's in this position, after all."

"Zeke, please," you sobbed. "Please don't do this. "

"You should be thanking me, Eden. I'm doing your job for you so that you don't have to," Zeke said.

"W-What is he talking about?" Levi mumbled, eyebrows knitted together. He was evidently too dazed to understand what was going on.

"Right, of course. Pardon my manners. It would only be fair that he knows the truth about everything before he goes, no? I have enough decency to do that, at least," Zeke said.

Your heart dropped. "Zeke-"

"See that woman right there?" Zeke lifted Levi's head up again, forcing him to meet your gaze. "She was sent here to kill you."

It felt like your entire body was plunged into a pit of fire.

Levi turned his attention to Zeke. "What?"

"Everything you thought you knew about her was a lie."

"Zeke-"

"Take a look around." Zeke stood up and spread his arms wide open. Two hooded figures appeared from behind the trees - the same two that pinned Levi down. They dropped their hoods, and you could finally see who the other two were: Bertholdt and-

"Pieck?" you asked. She was here too?

She only spared a second to glance at you before turning away.

Zeke walked over and placed a hand on Reiner's shoulder.

"This person right here is the Armored Titan," Zeke said. He gestured his head towards Bertholdt next. "And that's the Colossal Titan."

Zeke dropped his hand and approached Levi again. "And not that it'll matter, but I'm the Beast Titan," he said while placing a palm against his chest.

Levi continued staring at him with intense confusion. You could see in his eyes that he wasn't processing the information properly; he likely felt like he was just having a really bad dream. The dart must have slowed him down significantly.

Zeke dragged his feet towards you next, grabbing your jaw forcefully.

"Don't fucking touch me," you spat, trying to move away from him, but his grip was firm and Reiner wasn't budging from his position either.

"Your beautiful Eden here has been working with us this whole time."

That statement woke Levi up a bit more. He shook his head in disbelief, straightening his back. "That's a lie."

Zeke smirked. "My, my. Love truly does make you naive, doesn't it?"

Levi didn't respond to that. Instead, his eyes searched for you. He wanted clarity. He wanted you to tell him it was all a lie.

"Go on, tell him, Eden." Zeke let go of your jaw and stepped aside, glaring at you amusingly with his arms crossed over his chest. "Tell him how everything about you was a facade. Tell him how your love was all just a ploy to find an opening to kill him-"

"Shut up, Zeke."

"It's the truth." His lips formed into a straight line. "It's better he hears it from you, no? Doesn't he deserve to know?"

"Tell me he's lying," Levi pleaded. The grey in his irises no longer held a tinge of blue but became a foggy cloud. There was doubt behind those eyes because of the fact you hadn't denied anything.

You swallowed nervously. "It's... I'm-" You glanced between Levi and Zeke, nerves building up in your chest before choosing to speak again.

"It's true," you finally said. The foggy clouds in his eyes became a windy storm as his shoulders deflated. "But I... I swear it wasn't... What I felt for you wasn't a lie, Levi. I-" You choked back a sob. Levi's lips parted at your confession.

"I'm sorry," was the only other response you were able to force out of your throat. "I'm so sorry." Finding the right words to reply with was beyond difficult. So many thoughts ran through your mind all at once, and you weren't mentally prepared for this conversation right now.

"You..." Levi began. "This whole time you... you were with them? You helped them?"

You paused, averting your gaze because you were too ashamed to see the disappointment and pain in his eyes. "I did."

"You helped them break down the walls?"

You squeezed your eyes shut. "I did," you confessed.

"Everyone that died... you helped with that?"

More tears spilled from your eyes. "I did."

He paused, taking in all of this brand new information, and then he asked, "Who are you?"

You said nothing, unable to find the right sentences to respond with. He remained silent, but the burning stare he sent in your direction told you everything you needed to know. You took a deep breath in to steady your breath before turning to him again, and when you did, a part of you wished you hadn't.

He looked utterly defeated, tears threatening to spill from the edge of his eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Levi. I... There's so much I want to say but I can't think straight. I- I regret everything." You were no longer able to control the sobs that erupted from your throat. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for what I did. I didn't want any of this to happen. Fuck, I'm sorry."

He turned away. You could see the tension build up in his chest, his jaw clenched.

And then a tear slipped past his eye; it felt like your heart completely shattered.

This was the first time you had ever seen him cry, and it was because of you.

"Aw, breakups hurt, don't they?" Zeke interrupted. Bile rose in your throat at his response. He returned to his original position, crouching down in front of Levi. "Well, if that's everything, I should finish what I started, right?"

Your rapid heartbeats emerged again. "No, Zeke."

He sliced the side of Levi's arm, breaking apart the fabric of his thin sweater and drawing more blood. Levi bit down on his bottom lip and groaned in pain.

"Zeke, stop! Please stop!"

He ignored you entirely, repeating the same actions with Levi's other arm.

And Levi was just taking it.

He could do it. He could push himself to do something - anything in defense to ensure his survival. He was the strongest man you knew - the most capable person in this situation even despite the dart that slowed his body down. He had pushed through the pain in the past and he could do it now.

But he wasn't trying. There wasn't a hint of desire to fight behind those eyes of his. That fire was gone.

Another slice. You dug your nails into Reiner's arms until you drew blood and continuously kicked at his legs and feet to cause him pain, but he held it in well. He still wouldn't let you go.

"Fight back, Levi! Fight back!" you yelled.

Zeke kicked him in the ribs next, and instead of fighting back, Levi's eyes fluttered shut.

"No." You shook your head. "Levi, please. You have to keep fighting. You have to fight back."

Levi had given up. Any last bit of strength he had left was ripped out of him the moment he found out the truth.

It was because of you. He gave up because of you.

You broke him.

Another harsh kick to the rib. There were no grunts or groans passing through Levi's lips; he had gone completely unconscious.

"Zeke, please don't do this," you cried pathetically. "I swear I'll do anything. I'll do anything you want, just please spare him."

"He's given up already. He's accepted his fate," he said.

A slice to his torso. The scene being played out in front of you was disturbing - Levi had become a bruised, bloody mess. Zeke was having too much fun with this, and if this kept up, Levi would die right in front of you.

I promised I wouldn't let him die.

"Zeke, please. I mean it," you sobbed. "Just tell me what you need me to do and I'll do it. Just please let him live."

It was as if a switch had turned on in Zeke's head, because he immediately paused his actions and whipped his head around to face you. "Anything?"

You nodded. "Anything. Anything you want. Just let him live, and I'll do it."

You caught his attention now. There was clearly something he wanted you to do and he was seriously considering this offer.

However, just as he parted his lips to tell you the proposition, there was an abrupt interruption.

An arrow came flying in from afar and stabbed him straight in the arm, causing him to grunt and fall to his side painfully. You furrowed your eyebrows.

Where did that come from?

Your gaze traveled towards the direction of where the weapon flew in from, then your eyes widened when you could recognize the figure holding the bow and arrow.

"Sasha?"

More commotion arrived within seconds. Someone had pounced on top of you and Reiner, separating the two of you. You fell to the ground, attempting to stand and take that moment as a chance to help Levi, but you stumbled when another person jumped on top of you. They gripped your wrists firmly and turned you over on your back.

"Mikasa," you said, staring up at Mikasa who had you pinned down from above. Her eyes were blinded by rage as she held her sword against your neck.

"You're all here?" you asked, but she didn't respond, continuing to hold you down roughly. You turned your head to the side when you heard more people rushing in. Two people were untying Levi from the tree.

Thank goodness.

"Looks like we came just in time," Erwin's voice cut through the air. His footsteps passed close to your ears, and you peered your eyes up to catch a glimpse of him. He was staring down at you from above. "Care to explain yourself, Eden?"

Shit. They know.

The relief you felt from knowing Levi would be safe diminished the moment you realized just how fucked you were now.

You swallowed before answering. "Might as well."

Mikasa yanked you up forcefully, tying your hands behind your back with rope and holding your arms close against her chest. You could see the other scouts doing the same to Reiner and Zeke, but more of them were involved in holding them back due to being unfamiliar with Zeke's abilities and being well aware of Reiner's capabilities of transforming into a titan.

"Try anything, and I won't hesitate to slit your throat," Mikasa threatened, tightening the rope a little too tight around your wrists.

"Yeah, I know," you replied solemnly.

She began leading you out of the woods, but something in your gut told you that Zeke was not going to let this slide. Bertholdt and Pieck were nowhere to be seen; there had to be some sort of plan B.

So, you waited; you waited for something to happen, because if Zeke was running this group, there was no way he'd just allow all of you to get taken this way.

And right you were.

Pieck transformed into the Cart Titan behind a tree with Bertholdt settled on top of her while no one was looking, surging forward with a wide mouth to grab Zeke first. He was being held back by Hange and Moblit; the two of them jumped out of the way to protect themselves, allowing Pieck to successfully capture him.

"Shit!" Hange shouted. "What the fuck was that?"

All of the scouts froze, heads whipping in every direction out of fear that the peculiar-looking titan would return.

And it did - flying forward to knock down the others to grab Reiner next. Pieck was brutal with her assault, not sparing any moment of sympathy for any injuries she may have caused. Sasha, Jean, and Connie all whipped out their gear to begin fighting against her, but Pieck's endurance was too impressive.

It had been years since you'd last seen Pieck, but it was clear that she had completely mastered the abilities of the Cart Titan. She was always a smart kid, so this didn't come as a complete surprise; however, the Cart Titan was hardly ever used in direct combat, so it was impressive to see how quick she was able to plan out attacks.

Pieck came after Mikasa next, and as expected, Mikasa had to release her grip on you to save herself. Pieck clamped down on you with her teeth - which felt absolutely disgusting, by the way - and zoomed deeper into the forest.

It took a lot of effort, but you managed to wiggle your body out of her mouth. Bertholdt assisted you by hauling you up by the shoulders, and you used your legs to climb on top of her head. He began to undo the rope tightened around your wrists while Reiner and Zeke struggled to stick their bodies out the way you had.

Once you were at a far enough distance, Pieck stopped moving and spat out Zeke and Reiner, dropping them on the ground. The two of them grunted as they hit the dirt.

"How did you get out so easily, Eden?" Reiner asked, shaking his arms to get rid of the titan saliva he was drenched in. You hopped down and helped undo the rope tied behind him while Bertholdt helped Zeke.

"Motivation," you responded with a shrug. Reiner exhaled in relief when the rope was undone. "Didn't want to be stuck in a titan's mouth for long. It felt disgusting."

"You get used to it," Zeke said casually, stretching his arms as he broke free from his tied-up wrists.

Right. Zeke was still here, and you were no longer restrained. The urge to pull out your pocket knife was now much stronger than before.

You felt someone tug your sweater; it was Reiner noticing the tension rise in your shoulders.

"Don't," he whispered. "It's not worth it right now."

You sighed in annoyance, pushing the thought away. Maybe now wasn't the right time, but you'd get your vengeance on him sooner or later. You weren't gonna let him get away with the shit he just pulled.

Zeke ordered all of you to hop on the Cart Titan's back to find shelter for the night. He was about to point out a direction to head in, until he seemed distracted by the forest behind you.

"Hm, they're not coming after us," Zeke stated, squinting through his glasses as he looked out into the trees. "I was hoping they'd come after us."

"Because they aren't idiots," you explained. "Why would they risk coming after us knowing Reiner and Bertholdt could transform? They didn't seem prepared to encounter them, nor were they expecting to see another titan they hadn't seen before. Granted, they don't even know you're a titan either, and they are probably speculating about me being one as well."

"You're a lot smarter than I give you credit for, Eden," Zeke replied. You bit back the insult you had lined up in the back of your head. It wasn't worth it.

There was a moment of complete silence as Zeke mused to himself, but then he opened his mouth to say, "Go after them, Pieck."

"What?" you asked incredulously. Pieck followed his orders without hesitation, running back towards them at full speed.

"I didn't get to finish what I started," Zeke said. "Besides, maybe Eren is with them. We could be out of here tonight if we play our cards right."

"It's not worth it right now, Zeke," you tried to convince him. "Pieck, turn around."

"She doesn't listen to you. I'm the war chief, remember?"

"I don't care," you replied bitterly. "Pieck, turn around."

The Cart Titan was only a few feet away from pouncing on them. Sasha was the first to feel the approaching footsteps, turning her head around in fear.

"Turn around, Pieck!" you ordered harshly, but she still didn't listen. She flew forward in an attempt to chomp down on Sasha, but Jean pulled her out of the way just in time. Mikasa swooped in seconds later, using her gear to propel her body upwards to land on top of the Cart Titan.

"Fuck," Reiner cursed.

Mikasa moved quickly, slicing the side of Reiner's arm. He bit back a groan, covering his bleeding wound with his hand. Bertholdt went to grab her from behind in an attempt to restrain her, but everyone knew that was a horrible idea - Mikasa was abnormally powerful. She kicked him off easily, sinking her sword on the side of his shoulder.

You knew you were next, and you were so beyond fucked because all you had was a pocket knife to defend yourself with. Mikasa's fury was clear behind her eyes, but just as she was preparing herself to attack you next, her gaze lingered over your shoulder for a lot longer than you anticipated. You twisted your head around instantly.

Pieck was going after Armin and Nifa - the two who were carrying Levi's body. You surged forward to yank Zeke from the back of his collar.

"Tell her to turn the fuck around," you said through gritted teeth. The Cart Titan made a turn, and you nearly toppled over. Armin - clumsy as he always was - fell over from the sudden movement, causing Levi's body to hit the ground. Pieck saw this as the perfect opening to try and sink her teeth down on him.

"No!" you screamed. With only Levi on your mind and no one else, you released your grip on Zeke and sunk your pocket knife deep into the Cart Titan's head, dragging it straight down brutally. A horrifyingly loud howl escaped the titan's lips, causing Pieck to halt in her steps.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Zeke questioned furiously, grabbing your wrist roughly to yank the knife out.

You turned your body around again to deal with the other problem at hand, but Mikasa was no longer on Pieck's back. She had hopped down and grabbed Levi's still unconscious body to take him into safety.

They all escaped; all of them were able to run away. Levi was in good hands now. Relief relaxed the tension in your shoulders.

The small moment of ease didn't last very long once you felt Zeke tug your wrist to pull you off of Pieck's back. He repeated the same actions with Reiner and Bertholdt's injured bodies, the two of them groaning in pain as they hit the ground.

"You guys okay?" you asked Reiner and Bertholdt.

"Does it look like we're okay?" Bertholdt replied, clutching his bleeding shoulder.

"Well, you guys heal fast, right?"

Their eyes shot daggers in your direction. You averted your gaze sheepishly.

I mean it's true, isn't it?

Steam twirled high into the air, brushing through the branches and leaves of the woods. Pieck popped out of the nape of her titan a few seconds later.

"That hurt a lot, you know," Pieck said softly, hopping down from the Cart Titan's nape. "It felt like my head was gonna explode."

"Sorry," you apologized, but her tired eyes flickered over to you, and you could see the irritation behind them.

"Don't get too comfortable. I need you to transform again," Zeke told Pieck. Pieck rubbed her eyes sleepily, nodding her head and flopping down in front of a tree. Reiner and Bertholdt followed suit, trying to stop the bleeding from their injuries.

Zeke shifted his body to face you, arms crossed over his chest. "You just can't stand to follow anyone's orders other than your own, can you?"

"No, I'm just not a complete idiot who charges straight into a dangerous situation without thinking of the consequences," you defended.

Well, not anymore, at least...

"You hurt one of your own in the process."

"We could have lost Reiner and Bertholdt because of your dumbass idea to finish off what you started. You have no clue what those kids are capable of because you're still too blinded by your superiority complex to even consider the possibility of them being strong and competent." You started approaching him, one hand curled into a fist and the other still gripping the handle of your pocket knife.

Reiner rushed to step in between the two of you. "Don't do this right now. We still have a few weeks to figure things out. Let's just rest for tonight."

Reiner's words passed through one ear and out the other - you heard what he said, but your eyes were still glued on the insufferable blonde with glasses standing before you. Zeke returned the same intimidating glare.

"Fine," you replied. Reiner took your reply as a sign to walk back towards his spot under the tree.

However, you completely contradicted yourself the moment he moved out of the way, immediately bringing up a hand to roughly pin Zeke against a tree by his shoulder and pointing the knife under his chin.

Reiner's frantic steps plagued your ears. "Eden, don't-"

"Let her, Reiner," Zeke said with a smirk. "She needs to let off some steam."

His comment only further amplified your rage, causing you to press the tip of your knife even deeper into his skin.

"Listen to every word I'm about to say," you said menacingly. "If you hurt him- no, if you even as much as touch him like that again, I will not hesitate to kill you."

Zeke said nothing, only holding his arrogant grin.

"Is that clear?" The fact he was taking it as a joke made you want to do much more with your knife, but you needed to hold back for now.

"Yes, ma'am," he mocked.

You slowly lowered the knife, turning your body and walking a few feet away from the others.

With your arms crossed over your chest, you trailed your eyes up to the sky. The moon had reached its highest point; it was nearing midnight.

Starting tomorrow, you would be living a completely different life than the one you spent the last five years getting accustomed to. Everything changed, and nothing would return to the way it once was.

This was a new and dreadful beginning.

Notes:

This was probably the most painful chapter I've written so far and I felt so much worse posting it after reading the bad boy manga :') (If you haven't read it yet, don't do it unless you want more emotional damage :D)

Anddd we still have Shiganshina to get through, so get ready to strap in for that!

Next chapter will be a little more tame though - still super angsty but no more torturing Levi, I promise :'). I've tortured him enough (for now...).

Have a nice week!

- Mar

Chapter 32: Lies

Notes:

Song Recommendation:

No Time To Die - Billie Eilish

Playlist.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

"When do you think he'll wake up?"

"Uh, the doctor said he should be fine within a few hours."

"But it's almost been a full day already."

"Hange, relax. He has a pulse, so he'll be okay. He just needs rest."

"Ah, maybe it's better he stays asleep. I don't know if I'm ready to feed him all this information..."

Noisy. So damn noisy.

Levi scrunched one eye open first, then the other. His eyes took a while to adjust to the brightness of the room, not fully comprehending where he was, but then he lowered his head to identify the two people disrupting his sleep.

"What are you two doing here?" he asked hoarsely, sitting up - holy fuck, why was he so damn sore?

Hange and Moblit stared at him with their eyes blown wide.

"You're alive!" Hange exclaimed excitedly. Levi flinched at their loud excitement, placing a hand on his forehead to soothe his pounding head.

"How are you feeling?" Moblit asked.

"Like shit," Levi replied truthfully. He peered down at his body, furrowing his eyebrows at the bandages wrapped around his limbs. "What happened?"

Hange and Moblit exchanged nervous glances.

"Do you remember anything?" Hange asked. "Anything at all?"

Levi averted his gaze for a moment, pondering to himself. What did he remember?

"I- I don't know. Wasn't I getting the key back with-"

His eyes widened immediately, body growing tense. He remembered now - he remembered chasing after you, he remembered getting captured, he remembered someone holding you back-

"Where's Eden? Is she okay?"

They exchanged another nervous glance, Hange avoiding his eyes and rubbing their neck sheepishly. Levi knitted his eyebrows at their reaction.

"What?" he asked, annoyed that neither of them would give him a reasonable response.

Did something horrible happen to you? The thought of it made him nauseous.

Hange nudged Moblit in the rib. "Do you wanna answer that?"

Moblit sighed, shifting his gaze to face Levi. "Are you sure you don't remember anything?"

"Where's Eden?"

Moblit chewed the inside of his cheek, looking at Hange again.

"Are either of you gonna give me a decent fucking response or do I need to find out myself?"

"Levi, she's-" Hange exhaled, walking over to stand beside Levi's bed. "She's not the person we thought she was."

"What do you-"

"I'm sorry," you said, tears streaming down your face. "I'm so sorry."

It felt like someone punched Levi in his gut.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for what I did. I didn't want any of this to happen. Fuck, I'm sorry."

His lips parted, his eyes staring down at his lap solemnly at the revelation he just had.

"Do you remember something?" Hange asked, evidently noticing the way Levi froze up.

Levi chose not to answer that, continuing to stare down at his hands dejectedly.

"See that woman right there?" Zeke lifted Levi's head up, forcing him to meet your gaze. "She was sent here to kill you."

Levi's fists curled into a tight ball. The memories flooded down all at once, breaking through the unconscious barrier in his mind.

"I think he remembers something," Hange whispered a little too loudly in Moblit's ear.

"Did we capture her?" Levi inquired. He didn't want to divulge the truth out loud; he just wanted to cut straight to the point.

Hange shook their head. "No. No, we didn't. They all escaped." They took a few steps closer, seemingly nervous. "Levi... do you- do you know?"

"Yes," he answered immediately, refusing to meet their gaze. "She's one of them." The words almost hurt to say as they passed through his throat.

Neither of them knew how to respond to that, and frankly, Levi didn't know what else to say either. It was too much to process.

An uncomfortable silence lingered in the air, then finally, Hange broke the silence by asking, "Do you need a moment alone?"

Levi paused. The last thing he wanted was to make his discomfort obvious, and truthfully, there was so much more he wanted to know.

"No," he replied. "Tell me everything."

"Levi, there's a lot of information. It might be better to wait for everyone else to-"

"Then bring them in here as soon as possible."

"But you're really injured. Don't you think you should eat something and take some medicine first?"

"Hange, I don't care. Get everyone in here."

They glanced over at Moblit nervously; he nodded at them.

"Okay. I'll let Erwin know and see what he says. We'll be back soon," Hange stated. "Let us know if you need anything."

"I'll be fine for now, thanks."

Hange and Moblit shot him a weary smile, then the two of them made their way to the door. Levi waited until the door shut to let out a loud sigh, covering his face in his hands. All of his thoughts came flooding down on him all at once.

This whole time - this whole damn time you were helping them. You were one of them.

How?

How did he miss it? How didn't he see it?

"Fuck," he muttered to himself.

He should have known. He should have known from the very beginning. He had his suspicions of you the moment you stepped into his presence, but it dwindled the more he got to know you. You successfully fooled him. He never once thought you'd be associated with them. Fuck, just thinking about that made him want to throw up.

The pain from his injuries became more pronounced as he shifted his body up closer to the headboard, sitting up straight as he leaned his back against the pillow. Ironically, Levi didn't remember much of the physical torture he endured the day prior. The pain hit him altogether now.

He remembered feeling the first slice on his collarbone; it hurt like shit - and the second slice hurt just as much - but everything else after that was numbed by the emotional discomfort he endured after finding out the truth. He felt nothing on the surface of his skin but only the ache in his heart.

Levi had given up. He had no desire left to fight.

There wasn't a single time in his life he had felt that way before. He always learned to push through because that was what everyone else would have told him to do.

"...regardless of all the people we've lost, we still have to keep living for them. I have many regrets, but despite it all, I know the people I've lost would still want me to keep going," was what he told you on the roof that one day, yet he found himself contradicting his own advice.

Last night, he didn't want to keep going. The stabbing feeling in his heart overrode any impulse left to defend himself. Never in his life did he think someone would have such a vigorous affect on him to the point of breaking him apart. You succeeded in doing just that.

Levi angled his head up to stare at the ceiling, a groan passing from his lips due to the soreness in his neck. Fuck, he was in so much pain right now, and it was all because of that blonde idiot. What was his name again?

Zeke.

Zeke. What an unpleasant name. If he ever saw that bastard again, he'd make sure he'd pay for what he did.

God, and the way he fucking touched you, the way he grabbed your jaw so roughly... fuck, it drove him insane that he couldn't do anything.

It didn't matter anymore, though. You were just as vile. Levi didn't give a fuck if you apologized or showed remorse; it didn't change what you did.

You helped them break down the walls. You helped all those people die. You helped them by playing as a spy in the Survey Corps.

You were a piece of shit just like the rest of them.

Fuck, just even admitting that to himself didn't feel right. This was you he was talking about.

He loved you. He trusted you. He was completely devoted to you.

God, he loved you in a way he never thought he'd love someone before, but it was all a lie. He fell in love with a lie.

You made him out to be a damn fool.

Love was something he never once thought would be achievable until he met you, and it wasn't until chasing after you that he really began to understand his emotions. His feelings towards you were so profound; there was no doubt that love was how he felt towards you. He would have gone as far as giving his life for you to make sure you made it out unscratched.

"You'd give your life for him?" Zeke asked curiously.

"Yes," you answered immediately. "In a heartbeat."

Levi's eyebrows shot up when he recalled that conversation.

When you were being held back, you were trying to fight the person off - screaming and begging for Zeke to spare Levi as you cried insistently. It was obvious that you were against everything the blonde bastard was saying and doing.

And you told him you would give your life for Levi.

Levi furrowed his eyebrows, his gaze lowering to his lap again.

Did you really love him back? Was he wrong?

"That's why everyone always leaves you in the end, Levi." You leaned in until you were only inches away from his face. "Because no one ever loved you, and no one ever will."

Did you really mean that, or was that your way of protecting him? Were the bitter insults you spat at him something you really meant or just a way to drive him out of the forest into safety?

He remembered walking away from you after the argument, but then he stopped in his tracks when he heard you sobbing loudly from several feet behind him. He whipped his head around, watching the way you collapsed on your knees like your emotions were outweighing your physical strength and weakening your muscles. He contemplated going back to you again, distressed by the way the woman he was in love with was completely broken about something she wouldn't tell him about, but that moment of distraction nearly cost him his life. The dart shot him just a few seconds after he had halted in his steps.

Levi shut his eyes, taking a deep breath in at the memory. It didn't matter anyway. It didn't change what you did or what you came here to do, which was to kill him.

What the hell did you even need to kill him for? What was the reason? Fuck, he had so many questions he wanted answers to that made his head throb. The worst part about it was that he'd likely never get the answers he desired because you were gone now. You left with them.

In spite of his curiosity, he wasn't entirely sure if he really wanted to know the answers. He had a gut feeling it would have broken him even more than he was now. Even then, there was still one question that lingered in the back of his mind that he so badly wanted to know.

Why didn't you do it? Why didn't you kill him? You had him wrapped around your damn finger with so many opportunities to do it, yet you didn't. Why?

That question was precisely the reason why he was so conflicted about how he should feel about you. He wanted to hate you; shit, hate wasn't even the right word he felt towards you right now. You were a part of something so detrimental and nothing would ever change the past, but there were still many moments where you went completely against what those other bastards did. It wasn't even just about him, it was about all the others too. Was it all an act? The way you'd look out for the scouts? The way you'd protect them as if they were family? All those connections you formed with Petra, Hange, the rest of his old squad... was it all just an act?

It didn't seem like an act. It felt so real.

Maybe you had a change of heart somewhere down the line. Maybe you decided to go against what you came here to do.

"What are you supposed to do when everyone is depending on you to do something because you're strong, but then you realize you don't want to do it anymore because it isn't what you really want?"

"That's simple," Levi had responded. "You be selfish."

Suddenly, every deep conversation with you was starting to make sense.

Fuck, was that why you cried all those times you wouldn't say anything? Because you felt guilty about what you did? Was that why you were overthinking so much?

Was he comforting you for letting people get killed?

Levi genuinely felt so nauseous. Maybe Hange was right - he needed to take some medicine or anything to just numb the pain he was feeling.

Someone knocked on the door.

"Come in," Levi responded hoarsely. Hange and Moblit had returned, Erwin and the rest of Levi's squad following behind them. Levi was suddenly starting to regret telling Hange to invite everyone in here. Having everyone stare down at his beaten up body was an uncomfortable feeling.

Erwin spoke first. "Levi, how are you feeling?"

"Shitty." Levi wasn't sure why they'd ask that same stupid question when it was obvious what the answer was. "Can we cut to the chase?"

Erwin's serious expression was unwavering as he stepped further into the room, already accustomed to Levi's impatient and exasperated nature. The rest of his squad stood behind the commander nervously. Armin walked over to stand beside Erwin and Hange, purposefully avoiding eye contact with Levi.

"Well, I think we should start with what you remember, Levi," Erwin suggested. Levi sighed. He really didn't want to recall his memories out loud, but if it would be useful with regards to taking back the walls, so be it. It had to be done.

"Fine," Levi responded begrudgingly, adjusting his position again. "I was- I was with Eden trying to get the key back. We succeeded, so we went back to the hotel earlier than anticipated. I went to take a shower after we settled back in, but when I came out, she was gone so I- I went to look for her, and that's how I got into this shitty mess."

"The people who captured you, how did they do it?" Erwin inquired.

Fuck. Levi was going to have to be a little vulnerable with them, and that was the last thing he wanted.

He was positive everyone in the room had a feeling something had been going on between you and him, but that was something personal and intimate between the two of you. It wasn't anything he wanted to discuss. Hange was definitely the first to pick up on hints, and ever since then, they would never stop teasing him about it.

The two of you hated each other's guts in the beginning, after all. From an outside perspective, he, too, would have found it suspicious how quickly your relationship shifted gears into something much more friendly in such a short period of time.

"I got shot by a dart infused with something that delayed my movement." He decided to omit the part where he was distracted because of how he saw you crying. "After that, I got tied up against a tree and then that blonde idiot started his abuse."

"Do you remember his name?"

"Zeke," Levi answered immediately. He suddenly remembered something else about him. The memories were starting to become more clear now. "He claimed to be the Beast Titan."

Several gasps were heard across the room, but Erwin's expression remained unmoving as it always did.

"Hm," Erwin hummed. "So it seems that all the people Eden is associated with are titans. Do you recall anything about her claiming to be a titan too?"

"No," he said instantly. He fucking hoped not. "From what I can remember, they never mentioned her being a titan too."

"I see. Well, I don't think we should rule out that possibility completely, but given that there was no mention of it, and none of us have seen her transform, we'll ignore the thought for now," Erwin continued. "What else do you remember?"

Levi lowered his eyes down to his lap again, musing to himself.

"Well, apparently she was sent here to kill me. I remember the Zeke guy pushing her to tell me the truth, and-"

"This whole time you... you were with them? You helped them?"

"I did."

"You helped them break down the walls?"

"I did."

"Everyone that died... you helped with that?"

"I did."

Levi squeezed his eyes shut, letting the painful memory subside on its own. "She admitted it out loud to me."

"Did they tell you why she had to kill you?"

Levi shook his head. "No. Honestly, it seemed like-" Levi cut himself off again, wondering if he should say the next bit. He didn't want it to sound like he was defending you, but if they were asking for the truth about what happened, he was going to say exactly what he remembered. "It seemed like she was against what he was doing to me."

Erwin nodded. "That was how it appeared when we found you."

Really?

He didn't remember a damn thing after going unconscious.

"She..." Levi trailed off, collecting his thoughts. "She was begging for him to spare me."

Silence. It was clear that no one knew how to respond to that.

"What was the last thing you remembered before passing out?

Giving up. "She was apologizing profusely."

"So you don't recall seeing us come to your rescue, correct? Or the peculiar titan that transformed when we weren't looking?"

What the fuck? How much occurred when I was out?

"I don't. No."

"Well, I can say with confidence that it seems like you were right all along, Armin."

Levi furrowed his eyebrows. "Huh?"

Reluctantly, Armin moved up and passed Levi a small sheet of paper.

"The hell is this?" Levi peered down at the crumbled sheet, his eyes scanning through the written words after unfolding it.

A list?

"This was in Eden's journal. She dropped it a few weeks ago when she wasn't looking," Armin answered. "I determined it to be a list of methods used to kill someone. At the time I found it, I couldn't wrap my head around who she wrote this list about, but after I read the scribbled writing, I was positive about my assumptions."

"What does it say?"

"Um." Armin averted his gaze, face turning pink. "Just hold it up to the light."

Levi didn't understand why he couldn't just tell him verbally, but he was too tired to pressure him. He lifted his hand to hold the writing under the light, squinting his eyes to focus.

Make them fall in love.

And then right beside those words was an arrow pointing to it that indicated the idea was gross.

Well, now he understood why Armin didn't say anything out loud.

Levi passed the list back to Armin straight away, the painful pressure against his heart returning again.

Was your love a lie, then? Was he just making excuses to comfort himself?

"I think this pretty much confirms our suspicions, especially since you mentioned Zeke. None of us could figure out who the man she mentioned on the list was until now, and based on what you said, it seems like she doesn't like him, which reflects what she commented about him on the paper too-"

"Yes, Armin. I think we were all able to deduce that," Levi rudely interrupted. He could see Armin step several feet back in defeat from his peripheral.

"But," Erwin chimed in again, "there are some other things I want to point out. I think it's pretty clear that Eden is indeed working with them, and the list Armin found only further supported that notion. Not only that, but Armin was able to discover the differences in the composition of her clothing that confirmed she didn't come from here. She is an enemy, there is no denying it."

Way to rub more salt on the wound, Erwin...

"However," he continued, "I think she might be willing to help us."

"What?" Levi said. Quite literally everyone in the room glared at him in confusion. "Are you insane? Did you fill your mouth with shit today? After everything you just heard, what the fuck makes you think we can trust her again?"

"I'm not saying we need to trust her completely, Levi, but judging by her behavior yesterday, she seems to be against what the others are doing now. If we try to capture her and interrogate her, she might be willing to help."

"For fuck's sake, Erwin, she helped them. She helped kill people-"

"I'm not ignoring that, Levi, but it's possible she had a change of-

"If you think I'm going to work alongside her again, you're mental."

"Working with her again might ensure humanity's victory. She could feed us useful information about the enemies if we interrogate her. I feel confident that she'd tell us the truth since she tried to save you, after all."

"So what if she pleaded for my survival? It doesn't make a damn difference."

"I'm not talking about that, I'm talking about what happened after you passed out."

Levi raised an eyebrow at him.

"There was another titan involved with them we hadn't seen before; it ran on all fours and seemed to be a titan mostly used for transporting items. Regardless, it came charging right at us when we thought they all retreated. The reason it came back was to get you, but Eden didn't let that happen."

"What do you mean?"

"She stabbed the titan while on top of it to prevent it from clamping down on you. She attacked one of the people she was working with to save you and let us all get away."

Oh. Levi wasn't sure how to feel about that. He remained quiet.

"I'm not asking you to trust her, Levi. If you think we're going to welcome her back with open arms, you're mistaken. What I'm saying is that it's obvious she isn't fully in agreement with the others, and we can use that to our benefit."

"And how the hell do you suppose we'd do that? We don't even know where they are right now."

"My guess is that they're headed to Shiganshina."

"Wait, why?" Hange inserted.

"Eden could have divulged information to them, but truthfully, I have a gut feeling they've known about our plan for far longer than we'd assume."

Levi's eyes widened. "The blonde guy - Zeke, or whatever the fuck - he was at the bar when we were getting back the key. When Eden saw him, she dropped her glass. She likely didn't expect to see him there, so that means that he was probably following us this whole time."

"Well, then that further supports my theory."

"Do you think he knows about the key?" Hange asked.

"To my knowledge, he never mentioned anything about a key, but I, too, have a gut feeling he knows something about the plan in Shiganshina. At the very least, he knows that we're going there," Levi answered.

"So then it seems like we're going to have to modify some things." Erwin gestured his head at Armin to pass him a pen and paper. Armin brought it to him, and Erwin grabbed the writing objects while taking a seat on the small table beside Levi's bed.

"We don't know what to expect, but we have to expect the worst." Erwin tapped the pen against his head. "Eren's hardening ability has improved, but we don't know how that'll be up against the others. With regards to the Armored Titan, we know that its tough shield will be hard to break through; however, if we can fix up those thunder spears by the time we go, we could succeed in taking him down."

He set the pen down in front of him. "As for the Colossal Titan... that I am not too sure. Its transformation would not only affect us, but all others too, including Eren. And it's obvious that they want Eren, so the chances of his transformation might be low. However, that shouldn't be ruled out completely."

"What would we do in the case he transforms?" Armin inquired.

"Our main objective is to protect Eren, so whatever happens, we have to make sure nothing happens to him," he answered. "Regarding the Beast Titan, we know that he has an ability to call titans, and he seems gifted at pitching. With our regiment growing in number, we might be able to take him down if we work together. As for its Cart Titan friend, I doubt it would be used out in the front lines, so if we find a way to sneak up on it to defeat it, it could slow them down."

"So what I'm hearing is that this is all wishful thinking and the best case scenario is likely not going to happen," Levi said abruptly.

Crickets.

"It's the best we can do," Erwin responded quietly. "We can't afford to waste anymore time."

"With the way you're thinking, you're gonna end up losing another limb. At the very least, I think that you should stay behind."

"No." Erwin was stubborn in his response. "I must go."

Levi decided not to say anything for now. He was still feeling too tired and weak to start arguing with him, and he also didn't want to do it in front of everyone else. He'd rather find another time to speak with him privately to try and whack him out of his bullheaded state. Erwin would get too immersed in his ideals to even consider his own safety.

"What about Eden?" Armin questioned next.

Levi so badly wished he could block out his hearing right now.

"Well, we have no idea how she'd be involved in this situation since we don't even have a clue as to what plan they might be brewing up. Truthfully, she is the least important person we need to concern ourselves with because, to our knowledge, she is not a titan," Erwin answered. "But if we find her, we must capture her. That is all I ask of anybody who finds her."

"What if she tries to fight against us? What if she starts attacking us?"

"Then I'll kill her if I have to," Levi responded. Everyone turned to him with their eyes blown wide.

Hange furrowed their eyebrows. "Are you sure?"

"If you think I have any ounce of sympathy left for her, you're wrong. If she is actively fighting against us, I won't hesitate to take her life."

More silence. All this damn silence was making him feel uneasy.

Hange stared at Levi intensely, clearly unconvinced by his comment, but then they averted their gaze; they decided not to press any further.

"May- may I add something, sir?" Connie asked, raising a timid hand.

"Go on," Levi said.

"I know we just found out Eden is also a traitor, but I just can't see her fighting against us after seeing the way she behaved last night. It really looked like she wanted to help us in some capacity. I think Commander Erwin is right - I feel like if we capture her, she would be willing to tell us the truth."

"We don't know a damn thing about her relationship with them, Connie. Even if she did show some remorse and wants to help, there's no guarantee she'd willingly choose our side. She's obviously here for a reason."

"You'd give your life for him?"

"Yes. In a heartbeat."

"What if his survival cost your sister's life?"

He remembered the way you couldn't answer that. Why did Zeke ask you that? What did your sister have to do with anything?

"The captain's right, Connie," Jean entered the conversation. "I know you're feeling conflicted because she saved you that one time, but so did Annie, remember? And look at what she ended up doing."

"Yeah, but we haven't exactly seen Eden do anything just as catastrophic," Sasha defended. "I don't know. This all still feels weird to me. I just can't picture her being one of them too. Not after how helpful she's been these past few months."

"That's how I felt about Reiner," Eren added. "But that's something we need to look past in order to do this mission. Eden may not have done anything directly detrimental like they have, but she is still associated with them. She is just as much to blame. If we want to succeed, we have to consider the possibility of killing her if she gets in our way."

Levi was surprised with Eren's response; he was maturing.

Connie sighed. "I know. I'm just giving a different perspective, that's all."

The look on both Connie and Sasha's face was truly heartbreaking. This wasn't just affecting Levi - it was affecting his squad too. He hadn't realized how deep of an impact you left on them; hell, you probably didn't realize how much this really hurt them too.

They looked up to you the same way they looked up to him. You were someone whose level of strength and dexterity they aspired to reach, and you ended up betraying them just like the others. This was the fourth person they trusted and practically grew up with that was lying to them this whole time.

"I guess it's settled, then." Erwin rose from his seat. "We'll come up with a more refined plan soon, but for now, I wanted to give you guys an idea of what we're working towards. Everyone is dismissed."

"Yes, sir," they all replied in unison. Everyone sauntered out of the room at the commander's orders, but Hange still lingered by Levi's side.

"What is it, Four Eyes?"

"Do you really think you could do it?"

Levi narrowed his eyes. "Do what?"

"Kill her."

The uncomfortable pressure in his chest returned. "I said I would, didn't I?"

"I know, but-" they cut themselves off to walk up a little closer. "You cared about her a lot."

"I cared about her just as much as I cared for any other soldier. If you really think I can look past something this significant, you're mistaken."

That wasn't entirely true; he knew that. It was true that he couldn't look past the truth, but it was a lie that he cared about you just like anyone else. His love for you exceeded normal levels to the point that the thought of losing you was just absolutely painful for him.

And it had already happened, but he didn't want to face that reality just yet.

"I'm not saying it shouldn't be done, I'm just asking if you can do it. We could always ask someone else if it's too much for you - Mikasa, for instance."

"I couldn't give less of a fuck what happens to her. She could be dead for all I care."

"You're deflecting, Levi-"

"She betrayed us, Hange," he interrupted harshly. "Are you trying to defend her? You and Erwin, I fucking swear. Is your mouth full of shit today too?"

"I am not defending her," Hange snapped, fist clenched on either side of them. "Believe me, Levi, I'm extremely hurt and upset about what happened too. You can argue with me and insult me all you want, but I'm not an idiot. She obviously meant a lot to you. I'm asking you this question as a friend because your feelings matter."

Levi parted his lips, but then snapped them shut again and turned his gaze away. Hange could be eccentric and irritating at times, but they were never dumb. They were always good at picking up the subtlest of things.

Hange sighed. "I know I always teased you about it, but the relationship you had with her is none of my business. That's between you and her. What I'm saying is that it's clear you cared for her a lot and it's okay if this is a task you need to pass on to someone else. You always try to evade your emotions, but I'm not sure if this is something you can just shove under a rug."

"I can do it, Hange," Levi replied stubbornly. "My emotions don't mean shit when her actions have caused far more damage."

"Okay," Hange replied. "If you say that you can, I will trust your judgment."

They started walking towards the door, placing a hand on the knob. "I'll grab you something to eat so you can take some medicine," Hange told him.

Levi nodded. "Thank you, Hange."

Hange exited through the door, and then Levi was left alone with his thoughts again.

I can kill her. I know I can.

But deep down, Levi questioned if his thoughts were telling the truth.

"You told me he had no weaknesses, Eden." Zeke swiped the knife on the other side of Levi's collarbone just as he did the other. You flinched as Levi moaned in pain again. "But that's a lie."

He brought up the now bloody knife and pointed it at you. "You're his weakness."

Levi sincerely hoped that wasn't true...

Notes:

Thank you so much for 700 kudos and 19k hits ahh, it means a lot :). I feel so loved.

Fun fact: it's my birthday today :D. I turn 23 - sounds like such an adult age yet I still have absolutely no idea what I'm doing with my life aha. Not doing much today because I've been sick with an upper respiratory infection :'). It's also Mother's Day in the U.S., but I am not a mother (unless being a cat mom counts???). Anyway, idk if there are any moms reading this story, but if there are, happy Mother's Day! xoxo.

We're gonna switch back to Eden's POV next chapter. Have a nice week! See you then 3

- Mar

Chapter 33: Trust

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

There wasn't a single day since arriving in Shiganshina that you didn't cry yourself to sleep.

Everything around the vicinity was abandoned and nearly destroyed, shards of glass and pieces of bricks littered across the ground. It amazed you to find a few houses that hadn't fully crumbled yet, but just even glancing at the houses felt unsettling to you. People used to live in there - they had a family, friends, hobbies, aspirations... all of them had a normal life before you all came in and sabotaged it. You had no right to waltz into their home unwelcomed to claim it as your own, yet here all of you were, intruding their town by setting up tents atop the wall to rest in.

Zeke only brought along two tents - Bertholdt and Reiner shared one, and Zeke offered to share the other with you since Pieck remained in her titan form; however, you knew he asked that question as a joke, because you'd much rather pitch yourself off the wall than sleep in the same tent as him. Considering the fact that Zeke had never once been a gentleman his entire life, you weren't surprised to see the way it never bothered him to know you made a makeshift bed and slept outside. Reiner and Bertholdt at least had the decency to ask if you wanted to rotate sleeping in their tent, but you were too stubborn to agree to that.

Sleeping outside was rather uncomfortable and chilly, but it felt safer than sleeping with that blonde-headed idiot. There was also the option to rest in one of those houses below, but the guilt of sleeping inside of one of them would have never permitted you to sleep. Not only that, but you'd still encounter some titans every now and then. You didn't have anything to protect yourself with and could only depend on the others to defend you.

Besides, you'd rather not have the others hear your constant weeping and sniffling inside the tent. Even though you were all settled on top of the same wall, you set yourself several feet away from them to make sure you hardly encountered them. Showing your vulnerability was the last thing you wanted them to see.

To put it bluntly, you were a fucking mess. You hardly ate, hardly drank water, and hardly slept. You may as well be fucking dead already.

A part of you wished you were.

No. We have to go back to Paulina, remember? You can't give up.

Paulina was the only reason you were hanging onto the last bit of strength you had left. If she at least got to live a better life, then the pain you were enduring would be worth it.

Given that you made it abundantly clear to Zeke that you wanted no part in capturing Eren, you avoided the others for most of the day. In truth, it surprised you that he hadn't kicked you out already. You were absolutely useless to them - you had no titan power, you didn't offer them any help with the mission anymore, and you actively countered every little detail of their plans. There was no point in keeping you, yet for some reason, Zeke never once brought up the idea of letting you go.

Unless he's arranging something behind my back...

You shuddered at the thought. Well, there wasn't anything else you could do about it. You were stuck in this situation because there were no better options. All you could do was hope that nothing went wrong.

The sun was shining high above when you fluttered your eyes open today; it must have been noon already. You'd been oversleeping far too much since arriving here, but for whatever reason, you still felt drowsy. Sitting up from the sleeping bag, you placed a hand on your back to ease your back pain. Your entire back was killing you, and sitting on the solid concrete for the past few weeks really made your ass hurt. You swallowed some saliva as you straightened your back a bit more, and that familiar scratchy feeling in your throat made your body tense up.

You had a sore throat. Fantastic.

Obviously. That's what happens when I sleep outside and don't take care of myself - I get sick.

The wind was exceptionally chilly today, which didn't help ease the anxiety from your sore throat discovery. You wrapped the warm blanket Reiner gave you closer against your body as you wrapped your arms around your knees, staring down at the demolished structures below. Your mind began to wonder about how much longer you'd have to wait before you could officially go home.

Is it really home ,though? I don't know what's home anymore.

The only thing you did to ease your mind these days was write. It wasn't like the others needed you, anyway; you weren't of any help. They had each other, and all you really had was yourself and your journal.

That stupid journal. You weren't sure why you still clung onto it, but it offered you some bout of solace to take a glimpse back at certain memories. Even just jotting your thoughts down helped with your current mental instability.

There was something new you decided to try with your writing. Instead of writing like you were directing it to yourself, you started writing like you were addressing it to someone else.

That someone was Levi, of course.

When you were younger, you used to address your journal entries to your mother after she passed away. It took a while to transition out of that phase before you began writing to yourself again, but it seemed like you had regressed back to that state again. There was something comforting about pretending like you were talking to someone significant to you even though you weren't.

You'd begin the journal entry by writing the date, followed by addressing him by name, then you began scribbling every little thought spilling from your brain - how sorry you were, how much you loved him, how much you missed him. You knew he'd never read it, anyway, but it was therapeutic just getting it out there in some way. It wasn't like you could vent to the guys about this; they would never understand. The words written on each page were so pathetic and vulnerable.

You dedicated one page to just doodling Levi's name.

Ackerman was his last name. His surname was a complete mystery until Kenny's death; well, that was what he told you, at least. When he initially revealed this information to you, the first thing you asked him was if he was related to Mikasa, to which he responded by shrugging. The second thing you said was that you thought it was a nice last name.

Ackerman.

Levi Ackerman.

Eden Ackerman.

Huh, it has a nice ring to it...

You had that written down on one page but then crossed it out. The thought of it made you huff. You always thought marriage was a silly and unimportant concept, yet here you were, writing your name directly beside his last name. For a split second, you just wanted to feed into your delusional fantasies before you had to face reality once more.

Love is a weakness and it makes you delusional. Good to know.

The longing you had for Levi was almost excruciating. You didn't realize how little you appreciated his gentle touch and soothing words until you could physically feel the empty pit in your heart from his absence. To wake up with his arms wrapped around you, his lips pressing against your hair, and his thumb tracing circles against your head again was all you were desperate for. You didn't want him - you needed him.

You missed him so deeply, and it pained you even more to know that you'd never experience that tender side of him again. His gentleness was only reserved for those who earned it, and you had now completely shattered his trust. When the time came, the Survey Corps would arrive in Shiganshina, and if he spotted you, it would be over.

You'd be dead. Plain and simple.

Levi was always mature enough to handle these types of situations. His reaction in the forest during your first expedition was one of the first times you were able to witness that. He kept his composure so well after seeing the dead bodies of his squad members that you misinterpreted that as him not caring, but you quickly realized that was not true. He was just excellent at suppressing his feelings.

Levi was the type to see a task through no matter how difficult or taxing. Despite the love he had for you, you knew you were no exception to this. If and when he found you, he would not spare a moment to sympathize with you. He'd draw his sword and begin his brutal assault. He would be capable of looking past his feelings for you knowing that you were an enemy.

You, on the other hand, would not be able to do the same. The fact he was still living and breathing was already proof of that. You already let him get away, but he wouldn't allow you to slip away like you did him.

Your death would be inevitable.

The noise of shoes padding against the cemented ground intruded your ears, breaking you away from your wandering thoughts. Someone was approaching you.

You twisted your head to the right - Reiner was towering over you, blocking the illuminating sun from hitting your face. He was holding a silver cup by the handle and a small container holding what seemed to be food.

"Brought you lunch," he said, stepping closer. He knelt down and extended the objects out towards you. You turned your head straight again and shook your head.

"Not hungry."

"You're barely eating."

"I don't have much of an appetite."

"You look incredibly sick, Eden." His tone was harsh. "You need to put something in your system."

"Just set it aside and I'll have some later."

"The last time I did that, I came back to bugs crawling all over the sandwich while you were knocked out on the sleeping bag. I'm not doing that again."

You didn't quite know how to respond to that; you just remained quiet.

Reiner let out a loud sigh and placed the mug and container beside you. Instead of leaving you alone this time, he decided to sit next to you. He hugged his knees against his chest as the two of you basked in silence for the next few minutes.

Just pure, unadulterated silence.

It was kind of nice. You had surrounded yourself with nothing but quietness for the past few weeks, but just having someone beside you undergoing the stillness with you felt a little less lonely. The silence was so loud due to the lack of humans in the area. It made nights easier to fall asleep, but it also caused your mind to run more.

How ironic that this was once a bustling, lively town before it was destroyed. All that was left were the remnants of innocent souls coursing through what was once their home. Sometimes you thought you could feel their presence - it amplified the pressure in your chest and flowed through your veins. You wondered if all their melancholy was purposefully placed onto you. The longer you stayed here, the more sorrowful you became. The depression was rapidly overtaking you.

Was it bad that you didn't care?

"Reiner," you muttered, breaking the silence. He hummed in response. "Do you feel it too?"

"Feel what?"

"The dread and sorrow."

He paused. "All the time."

More silence. It took you a while before you parted your lips to speak again. "Does the guilt haunt you too?"

Another pause. "Always."

A forceful breeze brushed against your face. You swaddled the soft blanket tighter against your chest once you felt the goosebumps emerge on your skin.

"I feel like I don't know who I am anymore," he admitted.

You nodded. "Me neither."

Reiner reached down to grab the cup, passing it to you again. You didn't decline it this time, pulling out a hand from underneath the blanket to wrap your fingers around the handle. You brought the warm cup close to your chest while you bent your knees closer into your chest from the cold. The silver was extremely hot to touch, steam twirling out of the cup and dissipating as it flowed into the air. You hadn't had coffee in a while; it smelled good. It was probably not the best liquid to drink, considering the fact you were dehydrated, but you needed to warm yourself up somehow. You blew against the steam before taking a sip, the scalding coffee burning your tongue as you brought it to your lips.

"I'm sorry, Reiner," you apologized as your mouth separated from the rim of the cup. You felt his gaze shift towards you.

"What are you apologizing for?"

"For not being a better role model," you responded faintly. You swallowed more of the coffee to soothe your sore throat. "I should have known better."

"What do you mean?"

You set the cup aside to grab the container holding the sandwich next. He was right, you needed to put something in your system or you'd end up killing yourself before you even arrived back at Marley.

You chewed on your food for a few seconds, then swallowed. "I didn't realize how much this affected you until now."

Reiner was only nine when you first met him. You had recently turned eighteen and were still grieving your mother's death. His mother, Karina, kindly took you and Paulina in as a way to pay back your mother's kindness. The two of them had grown up together as children and experienced similar love lives. Your mother always described Karina as a strong woman with hard headed beliefs. It wasn't until living with her that you completely understood what she meant by that.

Karina was kind-hearted to her family, but held a deep resentment towards the Eldians living in Paradis. She never failed to make her opinions known, especially when she initially found out you and Reiner were chosen to be titan inheritors. The day you lost your honorary status because of attacking your father was the day you thought she'd kick you out for sure. You fully expected her to no longer want to associate with you because you behaved how one of the 'island devils' would, but she did the exact opposite. She was visibly on edge the day you returned from trial, but still welcomed you back with open arms. She remained loyal to you even in spite of your mistake.

Reiner must have inherited that loyalty from his mother; you were able to see that from a very young age. He was determined and motivated to reunite with his father, therefore, inheriting a titan was his main goal. That was when you first started feeling some sympathy for the kid - you could see yourself in him. He just wanted a happy home with his two parents just like you did, but because you'd seen what that had done to you, you wanted to break him out of that delusion. You tried being blunt with him about it, but he was too blinded by his desires to listen. You didn't have the heart to blame him, though. He was extremely driven to meet his goal, so he wanted to do whatever it took to reach it.

Due to your strong background in combat, you were the first person Reiner came running to to ask for help. You never once denied assisting him, but he was absolutely horrible to train. You were more than surprised when you found out he was chosen for the Armored Titan because the kid just had god awful endurance.

Commander Magath chose you to assist the chosen warriors with their combat training after you were demoted from your position, and Reiner was easily the worst of the bunch to work with. Even Zeke was slightly better than him, but maybe that was just because he was older already. Regardless, it was absolutely frustrating to work with him because he was just never able to grasp things the way Annie, Bertholdt, and Marcel would. If anything taught you patience, it was him and Zeke.

However, in spite of the many flaws he carried, you always admired his loyalty and determination. That was something that could never be stripped away from him no matter how hard anyone was on him.

Until now.

Reiner's personality completely shifted when he arrived in Paradis. You knew why, of course, but it just took you far longer than necessary to realize it. He put up a 'big brother' act during cadet training, which you found absolutely ridiculous, but looking back, it was likely never a facade at all. You, Bertholdt, and Annie would berate him constantly for it; the plan was to blend in, not stand out. None of you were here to make friends, after all, so the fact he was acting like a role model to the other soldiers pissed you off. However, the 'act' you thought he put up must have been truly genuine. The way he'd put his life at risk to protect others depicted his loyalty to them.

You didn't understand it then, but you completely understood now. It all made sense to you once you officially joined the Survey Corps. You had done the exact same thing he did by putting others above yourself. You used to think his actions were pathetic, but if that was the case, then you were just as pathetic as he was.

Yeah, I understand you now, Reiner.

"But you were never wrong about what you said, Eden. I'm a warrior first." His gaze burned into the side of your head as you took another bite. "And so are you."

You stopped chewing after processing his words, lowering the container on your lap.

"You're a warrior first, remember that," was what you told him in Trost after finding out he helped kill Marco. Chills ran down your spine at the memory. It seemed so long ago, but it had only been a few months. You were a completely different person back then. Well... all of you were. So much had changed since then.

"I don't consider myself to be anything anymore," you said next. "I don't want to be a warrior, or a soldier. I just want to be me."

You didn't mind confessing this to Reiner. You were never the most vulnerable with him, but you had seen a number of his lowest moments when he was a kid. There was a bond you both had that was never acknowledged. An unspoken trust was carried between you two even despite the many times you had butt heads the past few months.

He was always like a little brother to you, after all. It was your fault for not appreciating your relationship enough. You should have been there for him more.

"Is it because of him?"

You didn't need to ask to know who he was referring to.

"He was part of it, but not all of it."

It was never just about Levi; you'd known that the moment you stepped foot in Paradis. It was about watching all the innocent lives lost. It was about feeling proud to watch all the younger scouts grow up into valiant soldiers. It was about meeting people like Petra, Oluo, Eld, Gunther, Mike and all the others. It was about every single person you shared a meaningful moment with.

Falling in love with Levi was just the final nail in the coffin. That was the moment you realized that there was no way you'd be able to turn your thoughts around no matter how hard you tried to convince yourself that you could. The guilt and remorse never left even months later. It continued building up until you could no longer abstain from your true emotions.

"So it's true, then?" he asked. "You're really in love with him?"

"Yes," you responded, the word passing through your lips like a whisper.

Reiner huffed. "Never thought I'd see the day."

His comment made you snap your head around to face him. You were expecting him to express disappointment, but instead, he seemed to be a bit more lighthearted about it.

"What, you never thought you'd see me in love?"

"Hell, no. I always pictured you living the rest of your life alone with maybe a stray cat or two. I could never picture you settling down with anyone."

You rolled your eyes at his comment. "Gee, thanks."

"Can you really blame me for assuming that?" He raised an eyebrow at you. "The only thing you were in love with was ambition."

You bit your lip nervously at that. He wasn't wrong. You were always overly ambitious when you were younger. It wasn't until arriving in Paradis that you saw the value in so many other things other than being the best and getting ahead. You began to see the importance in justice.

Levi had called you a coward once when the two of you were still constantly squabbling at every given moment. That comment stuck with you even now because he was right all along.

You were a coward then, and you were a coward now - too scared to pick a side and stick with it.

"You're not wrong, but my values have shifted since then," you replied.

"I can see that." He propped a knee up and rested his arm on top of it. "Zeke had been telling us for weeks that he saw a change in you, but I just couldn't get myself to believe it. You were always determined to see your tasks through, and that's why you were so hard on us about getting our part of the mission done. When I saw how distressed you became after we caught Levi, it felt like I was watching a completely different person. It didn't feel like the Eden I grew up admiring and wanting to be like."

"You sound disappointed."

He sighed. "I should be, but honestly, I find it more reassuring than anything else."

"How so?"

"Because now I have someone who can understand me," he said with confidence. "You, Annie, and Bertholdt would always tell me off when I behaved too much like a soldier. You three used to think I was putting up an act, but it was never fake. I genuinely did care about the other soldiers the same way I cared for you guys. My morals were skewed and I lost myself along the way. I used to think I was alone in the internal conflict I was feeling, but now there is someone else I can share that burden with. You shattered the same way I did. I'm not alone."

A long, breathy exhale flowed past your lips. "I hate to say it, but you're right. I understand you now, Reiner."

You continued munching on your sandwich, placing the container between the two of you after you finished. You grabbed the coffee cup next, bringing it back to your lips. It cooled just a tad, making it easier to swallow.

"You know, I never thought it would be you. I always thought that maybe Bertholdt would be the first one to crack after me, but even though he also feels guilty and remorseful, he's always been able to manage his emotions pretty well."

"Well, I'd say I've been pretty good at managing my emotions up until now."

"You sure about that?" he questioned.

"Well, I cried a lot, sure," you responded. "But I definitely didn't reveal my identity out loud for everyone in the damn vicinity to hear. Dumb move, by the way."

"I know," he said quietly. "I feel like my personality was split for a moment, and all the guilt trickled out. I couldn't contain it. I exploded."

You took another sip, sighing again. "Yeah, I guess I can relate to that."

You waited until you finished the rest of your coffee before speaking again. "Do we really have to go through with this?"

"What, catching Eren?"

You nodded.

"Are you seriously asking that question?"

You bit your lip nervously, lowering your head. "I can't bring myself to do it."

"I'm just as conflicted about it as you are, but we still have to do it, Eden. Our loyalty still lies with Marley-"

"I couldn't give less of a fuck about Marley right now," you spat, the insult slipping out of your mouth without warning.

His eyes widened at your reaction. The grip you had on the handle of the cup tightened.

"Please don't look at me like that." You shut your eyes for a moment, unable to bring yourself to look at him, but you knew he was dismayed by your response. "They stripped away our freedom and forced us to come here for their own benefit. Now we have to live with the burden of killing innocent lives forever. I don't want to go through with it anymore."

"There is no other option right now. Either we capture Eren, or we get punished."

"But it's wrong," you snapped at him, tears forming at the edge of your eyes. "I can hardly live with myself anymore. I can't even look at my reflection without feeling disgusted with what I see. I don't wanna do this anymore."

"Your feelings don't matter in this."

You scoffed. "Well, aren't you one to talk? Why did you fight so hard to get Annie back, then?"

Reiner snapped his lips shut and turned away.

About a week after arriving in Shiganshina, Reiner and Zeke got into a dispute that resulted in a physical fight. Reiner and Bertholdt wanted to prioritize getting Annie back, while Zeke said it was more important to capture Eren. Zeke won the brawl, meaning you all had no choice but to leave her behind.

"That's different. She was a part of our team."

"You put your own feelings above the mission."

As much as you hated to admit it, Zeke was right. Realistically speaking, it was necessary to prioritize the mission over getting Annie back. Both Reiner and Bertholdt were willing to fight against Zeke's orders to get Annie back, but they lost in the end.

You didn't have the heart to blame them, though. You, too, wanted to make sure all of them were safe. Although you didn't have much of a close relationship with Annie, there was still a slight attachment you had to her that made you feel guilty for not going back for her either. She was certainly the quietest of all the warriors you'd trained, but definitely had the best technique. You never failed to compliment her on it, but she was never one to really make the effort to form conversations with others. Your relationship was strictly professional.

Bertholdt and Marcel weren't as advanced as Annie in terms of combat, but they both excelled quite a lot under your training. They always asked the right questions and put in the effort to improve.

Regardless, there was a bond you formed with these kids that wasn't fully acknowledged by you until now. Truthfully, there were so many connections you didn't realize you valued so much until seeing all of the dire situations you were put in. There were still so many others you failed to recognize because of how blinded you were with making sure you completed your mission so your sister would be safe.

"Whatever. We can't do anything about it now. We just need to focus on capturing Eren. That's the most important thing right now," he said, standing up from the ground and brushing off the dirt from his pants. "By the way, Zeke wants to see you."

"He can piss off. I already made it clear that I'm not helping you guys out with this."

"I don't know. It seems important. I honestly feel like you should communicate with him a little. Doesn't it feel odd to you that he hasn't once reprimanded you for going against him?"

The anxiety built up in your chest at the thought. "Yeah. I feel like he's plotting against me somehow and it's been making me feel uneasy."

"Then that's more of a reason why you should go talk to him." He lightly kicked your back with his foot. "Find out his motives. See if you can find any clues."

"Why are you trying to help me? I'm going completely against orders."

"Because as much as I disagree with you, I understand your perspective and I don't want anything to happen to you either." He straightened his head to look out into the demolished town. "What happened to Marcel isn't something I want to happen again. We're a team. We have to protect each other."

"Yeah," you replied plainly.

He paused before speaking again. "By the way... about what I said regarding Marcel's death being your fault... I didn't mean it." His cheeks turned a light pink. "I shouldn't have blamed you for that. None of us saw that coming."

"Nah, you were right," you said. "I was honestly really careless with you guys. I should have been there for you more. I was the adult in the situation, after all. Instead, I kept scolding you for not doing enough when I wasn't even faring any better. I wasn't being fair."

You sighed. "Now is when I'm starting to realize how much of a hypocrite I am. I've never been the powerful, brave person some people see me as. I'm just a coward who puts up a tough facade because I can't figure out where my morals lie anymore."

"Well, if you're a coward, then I am too." He extended a hand to pick you up. "Come on, let's go."

"Fine," you responded begrudgingly as you placed your hand on top of his. You threw the blanket aside and stood on your feet as he hauled you up.

The two of you kept walking towards the center of the wall until reaching one of the tents. After walking past it, you found Bertholdt and Zeke sitting crossed legged beside a makeshift fire heating up a pot of coffee. Zeke twisted his head around when he heard your footsteps, shooting you a wide smile. You quickly averted your gaze and rolled your eyes.

"Finally awoke from your slumber?" he asked.

"Sure." You remained standing with your arms crossed over your chest while Reiner plopped down to sit next to Bertholdt. "You needed to speak to me?"

"Ah, yes. Come with me." He sat up on his knees, then onto his two feet. He stretched both arms while walking towards you. You trailed behind him leisurely as he brushed past you.

"What's this about?"

Zeke halted in his steps after finding Pieck's titan in a deep slumber in front of him. He brought up a hand to gently wake her up.

"Well, I figured you needed a way to defend yourself for when the others arrive in Shiganshina, right?"

You raised an eyebrow at him, but he wasn't able to see due to his back facing you. The Cart Titan's eyes fluttered open, then unwillingly stood up on their four feet. This was the first time you'd seen Pieck's titan form awakening, and it was a bit bewildering to witness. It felt too human.

"I've got some items in one of the houses below that might be of help to you. You're at the highest disadvantage since you're not a titan, so you'll need all the help you can get." He climbed on top of Pieck's titan, then gestured his head for you to climb after him. You sighed but complied with him.

"I don't understand why you're helping me." You settled your legs comfortably over the titan's back, hands gripping tightly on the straps wrapped around it. "I made it clear that I'm not going to help you with this, so I'm literally useless to you right now."

"Because I worry about you, Eden." The sarcasm was evident in his tone. "I always have to make sure my dear Eden is protected from harm."

"Fuck off with your sarcasm," you spat. "You need me for something, don't you?"

You could almost feel the smirk exuding from his face despite his back facing you. "You're just a very special person, Eden. Let's leave it at that."

There was no time to continue questioning him or to fire back another insult, because any words willing to leave your mouth were swiftly replaced by a loud scream erupting from your throat the moment the Cart Titan hopped off the wall. Your heart immediately leaped into your throat as you fell from several meters high.

Pieck's titan landed abruptly on the ground, feet skidding and stumbling on the ground. Dust floated into the air, shielding your surroundings momentarily. Your heartbeat gradually returned to its normal rate.

"You could have given me a warning, asshole," you told Zeke furiously. A quiet laugh rumbled in his throat as he jumped off of Pieck's titan, extending out a hand to help you down. You ignored his help, finding a way to land on the ground by yourself.

"What are you trying to show me down here that required you to nearly give me a fucking heart attack?"

"Have some patience. We're almost there." He continued walking ahead of you with bold strides. Your stomach started to twist with anxiety. Something didn't feel right about this.

Nothing felt right when Zeke was involved.

Everything will be fine. What's the worst that can happen?

Unfortunately, your pessimism always overruled your attempts at being optimistic. Quite literally everything could go wrong if Zeke was there.

Zeke finally paused in his steps directly in front of one of the houses. This one was placed on the furthest left side of the walls, close to where the walls were originally breached. It seemed the most intact compared to the others surrounding it, with only a few pieces of brick missing from the roof. He turned the doorknob and entered. You swallowed nervously before continuing to follow behind him; your throat was feeling dry and scratchy again after screaming.

Immediately, you could feel your heart drop to your stomach when you examined your surroundings. Multiple pieces of ODM gear and swords were lined up against the walls, and several blood-stained scout uniforms were scattered across the floor. That uncomfortable pressure in your chest returned.

"Where did you get these, Zeke?" You weren't sure why you asked that, already knowing the answer.

"From all of your fellow soldier friends, of course." He slammed the door shut behind him. You whipped your head around to face him.

"This is sick," you told him. "You're disgusting."

His haughty smile remained in his expression. You furrowed your eyebrows in disgust and shook your head.

"What happened to you, Zeke? You weren't always like this."

You were never really close with Zeke back in Marley, but his current behavior didn't match that of the kid you first knew. For one, he used to be extremely frail and lacked confidence. That was the reason why he would cling onto you for support as kids all the time. He always made it known to everyone that he wanted to be just as strong as you were.

"You think you can give me some pointers?" you recalled him asking you the first day he gained the confidence to approach you. Zeke was about five when you met him, and all of the training warriors were jogging around the track that day with a fully packed backpack and a heavy gun in hand. He struggled to fall into step next to you; it was obvious with how heavy he was breathing.

"What pointers would I give? Not my fault you can't keep up," you had responded, picking up your pace. You weren't exactly known to be friendly, seeing as you mainly focused on your ambition to become the best.

A fatigued sigh had escaped his mouth from your response, his legs unable to catch up to you until you finally heard a loud thump come from behind you. You paused, twisting around to find him collapsed on the dirt.

For a moment, you thought to leave him alone to suffer his failure to himself, but instead, you felt some sympathy for him. Truthfully, you pitied him more than anything else.

"What's your name?" you had asked him, dragging your feet closer to him.

His eyes slowly trailed up to meet yours before he replied with, "Zeke."

"Well, Zeke." You grasped the back of his backpack roughly and hauled him up. He yelped at the sudden force. "You want a pointer?" You shoved him forward. "Don't give up."

After that day, the two of you had a bit of an odd relationship. Zeke wasn't exactly what you would call a 'friend,' but he was just there. In truth, he was the only person who was able to put up with you because all the other kids in your class were either scared of you, envious of you, or just straight up disliked you because of your disdainful attitude and favoritism from the commander.

Similar to Reiner, his endurance was absolutely horrible, and his grades weren't the best either. You didn't mind helping him out when he'd ask, but he was never able to keep up with you. You wondered how the hell he still hadn't been kicked out of the program when he couldn't even reload a damn gun.

Even despite that, you were still able to tolerate him somehow. You felt some sympathy for him, given his situation with his parents, but it wasn't until he ratted them out to the government that you saw a shift in him. He gained a cocky and arrogant persona, and that was when he became absolutely intolerable to be around.

Zeke always took your angry outbursts as a joke, continuing to provoke you even if it meant hurting him physically. You always swore the man was a fucking masochist, because he found absolute joy in pissing you off.

It was a shame to see someone who worked so hard to reach a high potential use it for awful things.

"I've always been the way I am," Zeke replied to your comment, lacing his fingers behind his back as he approached you. "I just didn't have the confidence back then to reach my full potential. Now I do."

"If this is what you're using it for, it's really disappointing to see."

He was merely inches away from your face when he stopped moving his feet. "If only you could see how much potential you carry too, Eden. It's your heart blocking it out of the way."

You averted your gaze at his words, eyebrows still furrowed in repugnance.

"Take a look at that gear over there." He pointed his index finger behind you. You whirled your body around at his motions. "That one belongs to your friend from the field."

Your eyes widened, hands extending out to touch the shiny silver object. "This was Mike's?"

"Indeed." His breath was far too close to your neck. It caused shivers to run through you. "Really interesting equipment they use here to fight titans. The Eldians here are much wiser than I anticipated."

The sandwich you had from earlier was crawling its way back up your throat. You felt sick to your stomach being surrounded by the equipment of your dead comrades. The heaviness of their innocent souls were still lingering in the room.

"I- I don't want to see this anymore. I want to leave." You took a step back, but you bumped into Zeke's back. He immediately grabbed you by the shoulders to still you.

"Zeke, let go of-"

Panic rushed through your body as soon as you felt a hand cover your mouth and nose with some sort of fabric. Your protests were muffled behind his hand, and the moment you inhaled the scent from what was being held over your mouth, your eyes began to droop.

No, I have to keep fighting. I can't give in.

You stomped on his feet and attempted to bite his hands, but it was no use. He held you firmly against him, and the chemicals you had inhaled were rapidly overtaking your body, slowing you down.

You collapsed onto your knees, feeling lightheaded and dizzy.

"Zeke," you forced out of your throat. "W-What are you doing?"

Black spots were all you saw through your eyes. The loud footsteps of his boots were overwhelming your senses as he approached you. He stopped a few inches away from your body, kneeling down.

"If you can't trust me, I can't trust you," he said in an eerie tone.

You forced your eyes to meet his. Stormy, grey eyes stared back at you. His eyes were a similar color to Levi's, but they didn't fill you with comfort and security the way Levi's did. All you could feel was anguish and fear when looking into them.

No longer having the energy to keep your body straight, you fell over on your side, arms sprawled over your head. The only thing you were able to feel were the rapid beats of your heart.

He chuckled at your actions, grinning with arrogance. Not even witnessing his cocky grin was enough to give you the fire to fight back. He had drained the strength out of you.

Fight back.

"Nighty night, Eden," he whispered, eagerly awaiting for your eyes to shut. "Sweet dreams."

Fight back, damn it. Move.

Those grey eyes weren't Levi's, but for just a moment, you wanted to pretend they were. Your thoughts always traced back to him in moments of danger. His presence always offered you solace, and although he wasn't here, just thinking about him was enough to help you set your mind straight.

"It's okay. It's okay." Levi's words meandered through your body and alleviated the anxiety flowing through your veins. You thought of his thumb tracing circles against your hair. You thought of his body pressed against yours as he gripped you tightly in a hug.

"You're okay. You're okay."

You'd be okay. You'd make it out of this, maybe not right now, but you'd find a way.

Let go. Believe in yourself.

You allowed your eyes to flutter closed while Levi's words continued to echo in the back of your mind.

Notes:

Apologies for any grammatical errors. It is late and I have to be up early lol. I'll check back later when I have more energy.

Have a nice week folks!

- Mar

Chapter 34: Shiganshina

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

One more day.

Tomorrow, the soldiers of the Survey Corps would arrive in Shiganshina to take back Wall Maria and fight against their enemies. To make sure they were well-fed for tomorrow, they were all given a plentiful feast today.

Levi's squad was ecstatic to see the bounty of food at dinner, especially the mound of meat on the table. Sasha had to be ripped away from her seat before she devoured the whole damn thing, and eventually, the whole room broke out into a ruckus. Levi couldn't stand to continue eating while listening to the infuriating noises coming from the room beside him, so he had to intervene and shut it down like he always did. He found himself without an appetite after that, choosing to step outside with a drink in hand to clear his mind.

He made a discrete exit before Hange could interrogate him about why he wandered off. It was no surprise to anyone seeing Levi wander off on his own, but Hange had been particularly intrusive with him lately. He knew why, of course, and although he always appreciated their concern for him, he just wanted to be alone. That was always how he coped, after all - by isolating himself.

Until he met you, that was.

Levi hadn't realized how much comfort you brought him until you were actually gone. Your absence lingered heavily next to him, each day draining him the longer he was away from you. He knew it would have been difficult to let you go, but he never thought it'd feel like a part of his soul was ripped out of him.

There was an empty corner by an alley outside. He slumped down against the wall beside it, waiting for the night to pass while he drank a bit of whiskey from his cup. Levi normally didn't drink, but he found himself drawn to the bottle on the shelf tonight. Maybe it was because it reminded him of you, or maybe he just wanted to get rid of the numbness in his chest. Maybe it was both.

He pictured you finding him sitting here. He wouldn't have told you where he went, but you'd have still been able to find him anyway; you always seemed to find each other, somehow.

And he knew exactly what you'd say. You'd tease him for getting a drink, then call him a 'lightweight' for feeling a little tipsy already. You'd probably snatch the drink from his hand to take a swig at the cup yourself. He wouldn't have minded. He liked sharing things with you; it became natural to share things with each other in the little time you were together.

You would have said the whiskey was too bitter for your taste, which would have made Levi laugh to himself. You'd have smiled in response, then flopped down to sit next to him. The two of you would've been listening in on the conversation Eren, Mikasa, and Armin were having a few feet away. Armin was talking about that damn sea again. Levi would have made a snide joke about it; you would have shut it down by saying Armin just had big aspirations like any kid did.

You'd also ask him about Erwin and if Levi was still mad at him. Levi would reply by saying he wasn't mad, just upset that Erwin was being careless. You would have said that Erwin was the type of person who saw a goal and did anything he could to achieve it - that he would do anything to see what was in that basement because his biggest aspiration was to find out the truth about the titans.

Levi would have said he was being stupid and toying with his life. You would have said, 'Some people are blinded by their passions and there isn't anything you can do to change that.' Levi would have nodded, agreeing with that statement. You were stubborn, but could be level-headed when necessary. Erwin already made his choice, and Levi had to make peace with that no matter how anxious it made him feel.

And then you would have shifted closer to him, resting your head on his shoulder while he wrapped his arm around you to pull you in closer.

He scoffed to himself, taking another sip of the whiskey. How pathetic of him to still envision you sitting next to him as a way to comfort himself even after all the bullshit you did.

He saw you next to him in everything that he did. Even having tea without you felt wrong, and tea never used to be something he'd share with anyone. Levi was accustomed to keeping everything to himself and only feeling inclined to open up when he had to, but then you entered his life and made him see things in a different light.

How were you able to have such a vigorous effect on him in a short period of time? You used to make his day a little brighter, offering him solace in the hell he was placed in, but then you completely set it on fire when he found out the truth.

Why? Why did it have to be you?

Levi sighed, tipping his head back and staring up at the sky. It wasn't cloudy tonight, so the stars were in full view. Suddenly, he was brought back to the day he had a picnic with you on the roof.

I can't ever get her out of my mind, can I?

That was one of his favorite memories with you - just the two of you talking, eating fruit, drinking tea, and laying next to each other while enjoying the stars.

He swore he could see that same star you pointed out from before - the one that seemed distinct from the others, shimmering faintly by itself.

"It almost gives me the impression that it's begging to be noticed by something, like its flickering any light it has left for someone to finally notice it before it dims completely."

He wondered if what you said about that star was actually just a cry for help all along.

Something was burning.

The smell of smoky wood intruded your senses, causing your nose to crinkle, but all you could see was the darkness behind your eyelids. The scorching smell intensified as the noises of destruction grew closer. What was happening? Was this all a dream?

Where were you?

Slowly, your eyes fluttered open. They widened immediately after darting your eyes around the room to inspect your surroundings. ODM gear was lined up along the walls, uniforms scattered messily on tables and the ground, and a bag - your bag - was tossed carelessly into a corner with some of your items spilling out onto the floor.

You opened your mouth to speak, but your voice was muffled behind a blindfold wrapped around your mouth. Panic built up in your chest as you made the attempt to move your arms and legs next, but to no avail. You were tied up against a wooden chair - wrists bound behind you, ankles wrapped together underneath the seat, and your chest tethered around the back of your chair.

Who did this to you?

Zeke.

The memories all came flooding back. It was him who brought you down here and drugged you. Who else could it have been but Zeke?

"If you can't trust me, I can't trust you."

Anger burned in your stomach. He knocked you out for the sole purpose of making sure you weren't going to interfere with his plans. The worst part about it was that you weren't exactly sure what plan he had come up with, but it had to have been horrible from the way you could smell smoke from close by. He also wouldn't have restrained you if it wasn't.

You continued struggling under the tight grasp of the rope, shifting and skidding the chair along the hard floor.

Fuck, how do I get out of this?

The smell of smoke grew more intense while your heart began to beat out of your chest.

Did Bertholdt transform? Was that why you smelt so many fumes?

You groaned as you tried pulling your wrists from the rope, but it was no use. There was no way out of this unless someone came by to help.

Hang on a second.

A lightbulb turned on in your head.

My knife. My fucking knife.

You almost laughed in relief at the revelation. Your pocket knife was still in your boot, so if you just found a way to get it out and grab it, you could cut yourself out of the bind.

Using the right side of your left boot, you began to rub against the other, forcefully pushing down on the sole to pull the shoe off. Considering the fact you would tie up your laces quite tightly, it took a lot of effort to pull it off, but eventually, it popped right off of your foot. Exhaling in relief, you planned your next move.

Since you were unable to reach your shoe with your entire body restrained, the next thing you did was tip the chair over on its side. You grunted as you slammed to the ground, but then began moving your hands to reach for your shoe. After a few more seconds of shuffling, your fingertips touched leather, and you sighed in relief. You yanked the knife out of the boot and grasped it in your palm.

Thank fuck.

Despite how uncomfortable this position was, you still found a way to make it work. The knife clicked open and you started grinding the sharp portion against the rope holding your wrists together. The rope ripped apart after a few minutes, and the tension from your wrists was finally relieved. You cut open the rope to release your chest and ankles next, then finally pulled off the blindfold from your mouth.

"Fucking finally," you breathed out, standing up from the ground. "Did he really have to tie me up so tightly?"

The booming noise of flaming wreckage landed on the building next to you. A gasp escaped your mouth when you observed the situation from outside of the window. You needed to leave, and fast.

I can't go outside without protection.

You sighed at the thought. It would not only be incredibly risky stepping outside without shielding yourself from the flying fragments, but you also needed to find something to defend yourself with in case an unexpected situation arose.

Your eyes flickered over to Mike's ODM gear.

No. No, I can't.

You bit your lip as you thought about it some more. Zeke had only taken the main unit of his gear with the wire reel case. The tanks, swords, and straps from other soldiers were scattered across the room. You'd have to take parts from every dead soldier Zeke murdered in order to protect yourself.

The thought of doing that made you feel sick to your stomach. Would it be selfish of you to do that? To take the gear of all your dead comrades just to protect yourself?

No, it doesn't have to be.

You weren't only going to use that gear to save yourself from harm, you were also doing it to stop the others - to make sure they didn't cause anymore destruction and left all those innocent soldiers alone. You wanted to make sure all the soldiers were spared from death too; that was the least you owed the soldiers who gave their lives unfairly because of the knowledge you withheld. They didn't deserve to suffer from this cruel injustice either.

I'm sorry I couldn't save you, Mike.

You quickly pulled on the gear and adjusted the straps to your body.

But this will be my way of avenging your death.

You bolted through the doors after putting the ODM gear on, nearly stumbling from the dizziness in your head.

"Fuck," you muttered, holding your head. How long were you out? You were dehydrated, starving, still had a sore throat, and had the worst fucking headache of your life.

I can still push through. I have no choice.

You attached your grapples to the roof of a crumbled house, landing on top of the bricks to gain a better view of the situation. Your eyes were blown wide when you saw the Colossal Titan stomping towards the wall.

"No," you said to yourself, shaking your head. He was going to destroy the wall. You couldn't let that happen.

At lightning speed, you maneuvered through the air to catch up to him, flying up on top of the wall to face him.

"Bertholdt!" you called, running in his direction. "Don't do it!"

It took him a few seconds to notice you, his beady eyes glaring at you when he finally did. Short of breath, you stopped directly in his line of vision, his titan body still several feet away from where you were standing.

"D-Don't do it," you breathed out heavily. The running had already exhausted you. "Come on, Bertholdt. I know you don't want to do this. We don't have to-" you cut yourself off when you saw his hand raise. You knew immediately what that meant - he was preparing himself to swat you away like a fly. Lucky for you, the Colossal Titan wasn't very fast due to the height and weight of its body, so you had more than enough time to evade its attack.

You latched your gear on the wall to fly down, waiting for him to lose track of you before retracing your steps. You returned to the top of the wall again after the coast was clear, fury coursing through your veins.

"What the fuck was that?" you yelled at him. He turned his head at your voice. "Were you just trying to kill me?"

He raised his arm again. You rolled your eyes and flew down the wall with your gear again, choosing to give up on trying to persuade him.

"How fucking embarrassing," you said as your two feet hit the ground. It was clear you weren't thinking straight at all, because thinking Bertholdt was going to side with you after hearing him and the others spew about the importance of this mission was just never going to happen. You couldn't even get Reiner to change his mind, so what made you think Bertholdt would listen?

Reiner.

Fuck, where was Reiner?

No, more importantly, where was Zeke?

The anger burning through your body prompted you to zoom back up the wall in search of Zeke. As long as you handled Zeke, the severity of this situation could be diminished. If you took down the war chief, the others had no choice but to listen to you.

You made sure to keep yourself a safe distance from Bertholdt as you touched down on the far right side of the cement wall again, looking in the opposite direction. You hovered your hand over your forehead, squinting your eyes to try and decipher what the hell was happening on the other side.

The piercing screams of soldiers invaded your ears while you forced yourself to watch their bodies soar up into the air due to the harsh impact of boulders crushing against the buildings. Blood flew and splattered everywhere down below, and hundreds of soldiers hid behind buildings to shield themselves from the fate of their other comrades.

"No way," you said. Zeke crushed up another boulder and sent it in the same direction as before, killing another dozen soldiers from the impact. Your lips parted at the scene, tears nearly spilling from your eyes at the horrific brutality being displayed in front of you.

The mission was to capture Eren, not to kill thousands of soldiers for no reason.

"All Eldians must die in order for this hell to end," Zeke had told you one night. "We need Eren to exterminate all Eldians." The two of you were arguing about what happened at Utgard Castle. You called him a sadist for the way he sent those titans towards the castle and murdered your horses. That had been his response. Recalling the conversation made you feel queasy in your stomach.

Fuck that. He was doing this for fun to fulfill his sick fantasy. You never thought he'd stoop this low, but as always, you were horribly wrong.

"Zeke" - you drew your swords - "I'm going to fucking kill you."

You slid down the wall, your grapples clamping onto the buildings from the other side. It was tough to gain leverage from just the houses, but Zeke had an army of titans charging towards the soldiers. You were going to use that to your advantage.

You sliced the napes of each titan you encountered, using their height to get closer and closer to the Beast Titan. He hadn't taken notice of you yet, too preoccupied with pitching the boulders like he was playing a game of baseball. However, Zeke always had good intuition, so you could only hold onto hope for so long.

The Beast Titan turned its head when it sensed you, lifting its arm to attack. The Beast Titan had much quicker reflexes than the Colossal Titan, making it much harder to dodge Zeke's attack like you had Bertholdt, but it wasn't terribly difficult. There was a reason you were always the better warrior.

You dipped down the moment you saw his arm raise, taking your swords and cutting through his ankles.

But the laceration wasn't deep enough. He was still able to stand.

"Have you ever thought of holding your swords in reverse?"

A smile crept onto your face.

Zooming through his legs, you inverted the position of one of your swords as you charged forward towards his ankles again. A grunt slipped past your lips as you drove all your energy into your arms to slice into the same area as before.

It worked. The Beast Titan couldn't contain its balance as it began to fall forward.

What you weren't prepared for was the way his claws carved into your back and pounded your body onto the ground along with him. You could feel your brain bounce forward in your skull from the harsh impact, causing a groan to escape your mouth.

"Fuck," you moaned in pain. You weren't sure of how high you fell, but considering the fact you couldn't even get yourself to move, you likely fractured or broke a few bones from the fall. "Fuck, that hurt so much."

"You're an idiot," the Beast Titan's voice boomed in your ears while he pinned you down with his giant hand. He was regenerating the injury from the tendon of his ankle; you could hear it from a few feet away. "You make it so hard for me to not want to kill you."

Swiftly, you sliced through his fingers to escape his grasp, but he seemed to have preconceived this notion. The moment you broke away, his other hand was ready to grab you. You squawked in protest as he elevated you up high like a ragdoll. Your swords fell from your hold as you wrestled under his grip.

"I can't kill you," Zeke said. "But that doesn't mean I can't hurt you."

What does he mean he can't kill me?

A devious smile emerged on his face. The rage you once felt was soon replaced with anxiety and fear.

"What do you mean?" you dared to ask, but then his grin dropped into a frown; you suspected that something else must be wrong.

He said nothing, unexpectedly loosening his grip on you and allowing you to fall from the air. You acted fast by using your grapples to latch into his legs to prevent another cruel impact, then tripped and fell once your feet hit the ground. You forced yourself to angle your head up to observe what resulted in his distraction - a small figure raced through the sky as they expertly attacked the Beast Titan's limbs.

It had to be no other than Levi Ackerman.

You exhaled in relief, smiling to yourself. There was no need to worry about Zeke now; he'd be taken care of.

It was only a matter of time before Zeke was defeated and Levi would come after you, so your next goal was to reach the wall again to find Reiner. Bertholdt wouldn't listen, but maybe Reiner would.

It was all wishful thinking, but what other choice did you have? Either you tried to convince them to turn their thoughts around and just head home, or joined them in their assault. It was clear you weren't okay with doing the latter, so only the first option made sense.

Zeke was about to be defeated. They may be willing to listen to you.

The journey back towards the wall was a lot safer than before since you took down most of the titans, but it still took an immense amount of energy. Fighting all those titans, including Zeke, took a huge toll on your body, especially the injury from the fall. Blood started dripping down your back after you were slammed to the ground, and your legs were stinging painfully; you were wobbling from exhaustion.

"Maybe if I just... sit for a few seconds," you said, flopping down on the grass before your vision turned black. You pressed the back of your head against the wall as you shut your eyes. Flying up the wall took a lot of effort, and you had a gut feeling that you'd pass out in the middle of the air if you tried going up immediately; it just wasn't doable. You needed to rest for a bit to regain your strength.

But like always, rest was only a short lived concept for you. After a few minutes, you yelped as you felt someone grab you from the straps of your gear to yank you up in the air. When you opened your eyes, you were flying, but it wasn't from your gear - someone had taken you. A scream erupted from your throat when the person didn't spare a second to take a pause after landing on top, instantly dropping down the other side to go back into the town of Shiganshina. They released you on the ground, and you grunted as your back hit the wall of one of the houses. If your throat was hurting before, it felt absolutely painful after screaming that loudly.

When you raised your head, you weren't at all surprised to see who had been the one to snatch you.

"Levi."

"Whose gear is that?" he asked.

There was some movement from the corner of your eye. Distracted, you turned your head and saw Zeke going towards Eren.

Levi didn't take him down?

"Levi, y-you have to go after him-"

"Whose fucking gear is that, Eden?" His eyes were filled with rage, his knuckles white from the tight grasp on the hilt of his swords. The thumping in your heart picked up its pace as you stared back at him.

This was it. He finally found you, so you knew exactly what that meant for you.

You were about to die.

"It's..." You took a deep breath in before revealing the shameful confession, knowing it was going to cut through him like a knife. "It's from several different soldiers... including Mike."

Levi's eyes widened, pupils dilated and lips parted as he took a step back in disbelief.

"But I- I swear it's not what you-"

"Get up," he ordered sternly.

Your legs were hardly operable in the current state you were in. Standing on your two feet would not only further damage your cracked bones, but also be absolutely painful. "I can't-"

"Get the fuck up, Eden." A sword fell from his grasp, clattering on the concrete while his hand surged forward to seize you by the collar of your shirt, pulling you upwards. You grunted painfully as he forced you to stand, slamming your back brutally against the wall. The grip he had on your shirt was so firm it was nearly choking you.

"What the hell did you do to Mike?"

"I- I didn't-" You brought up your hands to try and shove him off, but he wouldn't budge.

"Answer me."

"Can't talk," you forced out of your throat. He must have started to notice the lack of oxygen going into your brain from your expression, because his grip loosened when he watched you struggle to gasp for air. He let go abruptly, and you nearly collapsed on your knees. His hand reached down to grab your elbow to steady you, pressuring you to keep standing.

"You're not gonna give out," he said. "Not until you tell me everything."

"It hurts," you admitted pathetically. Everything hurt so fucking badly.

"I don't care." His voice was apathetic. "Stand." There wasn't even a trace of compassion behind his eyes. The sympathetic person you once knew was gone, replaced by the fury of a broken man.

You nodded, complying with his orders and forcing your legs straight. You leaned your back against the wall while shifting your legs into a position that would help you stand upright. It was absolutely painful, but you could handle it for now.

"Now, answer me," he repeated. "What did you do to Mike?"

"It was Zeke, not me."

"Stop lying."

"I'm not lying."

"How do you expect me to believe any goddamn word you're saying right now?"

"Then why ask me anything at all?"

Your ankles began to buckle from the pressure you were putting on your legs. He quickly pinned his free hand against your shoulder to keep you stagnant.

"Tell me the truth."

"I'm telling you the truth," you snapped at him. "I swear I- I didn't do anything to him."

"You let him die, didn't you?"

You paused, turning your eyes away from him while trying to formulate a response.

The memory of Mike's death was one of your many intrusive thoughts. It would appear in your brain unwelcomed, forcing you to recall his shattering screams as titans would chomp down on his body parts. You'd always attempt to block it out, but it became harder as time passed due to the overwhelming guilt of watching him die.

Could you have saved him? That was a question you weren't entirely sure you knew the answer to. Zeke could be unpredictable when he wanted to be, and you weren't fully prepared for what he had up his sleeve that day. He had shown you just how barbaric he could be, and it fucking terrified the shit out of you.

Even then, maybe you still could have interjected some more. In the past, you were never afraid to defend or attack others even if it went against rules. That was the sole reason you were in this situation in the first place - for nearly killing your father due to his shitty remarks about your mother. People didn't call you a spitfire for nothing, so why was that situation any different?

The problem was that you were afraid - you were afraid to protect Mike knowing that you would be going against what you had come here for, and afraid of the consequences if anyone in Marley knew about it. You were raised one way, learning to only remain loyal to the people from Marley, but then your heart started playing a game of tug of war as it struggled to pick and choose what the correct thing to do was. The decision was made at the very last second when Zeke called those titans to attack you both. You wanted to save Mike, hell, you gave your fucking all trying to finish off those titans by yourself to make sure he made it out alive, but you made that decision too late.

So in the end, you let Mike die because you took too long to conclude where your loyalties lied. Your loyalty was with Marley, but you switched sides too late and it wasn't enough time.

Coward. I'm a fucking coward.

Had you been put in that same position now, you wouldn't have spared another chance to think. You would have done so much more to save him. It was no longer about 'sides' to you anymore. It was about doing what was right - it was about justice.

"I- I didn't know what to do," you replied truthfully. "I wasn't sure what was right at that moment."

He dropped his hand, moving his feet away from you again like you were something shockingly revolting.

"You watched an innocent man die, and you're telling me you didn't know what was right?" The expression on his face was gut wrenching to witness - eyes unblinking and brows furrowed while trembling. "And you have the audacity to take his gear?"

His whole body was shaking. You'd never seen anything like it before.

"It's hard to explain-"

"How could you?"

You lowered your head in shame, eyes welling up in tears. Levi moved forward to grab your jaw with his hand, yanking it up so you would meet his eyes.

"Look at me," he demanded harshly. "And don't you dare cry right now. You don't get to fucking cry."

"I'm sorry-"

"Stop fucking apologizing." His tone was impatient and grating as he let go of your face abruptly. Although he was evidently trying to intimidate you, the fact he was shaking as he spoke gave you the impression that he was feeling conflicted about what was going on. Finding out you were a traitor must have hindered his thought process, and knowing Levi, he was coping by being outwardly menacing while shoving the denial deep down in the abyss of his mind.

But that was okay - if he needed to scream at you, he could. If he needed to hurt you, he could. If he needed to kill you, he could. You accepted your fate a long time ago.

I'm sorry, Paulina.

Levi stared at you for what felt like an eternity, each second amplifying the affliction in your heart the longer you looked into his woeful grey eyes. You could see the suffering and resentment behind them, and it was all caused by you.

"He trusted you, you know that?" he finally said, pointing his index finger behind him towards the wall. "Erwin. He even offered to give you a second fucking chance if one of us found you. He ordered us to capture you to see if you could help us. Even after finding out the truth about you, he still had an inkling of trust in you. I told him he was fucking insane. He's probably dead now because of the people you worked with."

Your heart sank at his words. Levi dragged his feet a few inches closer to you. "Hange trusted you too. You should have seen the fucking disappointment in their eyes when we had a meeting about what happened. All the kids too - Connie and Sasha were still in denial about the whole thing and even tried to defend you. All of them - every single one of those kids were just as hurt and betrayed about what you did."

Your lips parted. "I- I didn't know they cared about me that much-"

"Petra, Oluo, Mike, Nanaba, and all those other soldiers that trusted you and relied on you to help save humanity... how do you think they would feel right now? How do you think they'd feel knowing that the person they saw so much potential in actually helped the people that killed them?"

A tear slipped past your eye. "I- I know. I'm sorry-"

"They trusted you," he said softly, shaking his head.

"I'm sorry." You choked back a sob. "I'm so sorry-"

"I trusted you!" Your body jolted at the harsh impact his fist made beside your head, only inches away from almost pounding your face in. His knuckles collided with the brick building behind you, undoubtedly creating an indent from how forceful the punch was. His head was lowered with black strands dangling over his head, making it difficult to read his expression. Your body grew tense, terrified that any sudden movement would trigger him to do much worse. All you could do was stand there with rapid heartbeats as you watched him breathe heavily.

"I trusted you," he repeated quietly, shaking his head. His gaze was still set down, but the shakiness in his voice sounded like he was on the verge of crying. You watched him take a deep breath in, collecting himself before raising his head again. His eyes were brimming with tears, but he refused to release them.

"I hope it haunts you," he said eerily, lowering his arm. "I hope all their deaths fucking haunt you for the rest of your life."

"It does," you admitted. "Trust me, it already does."

"You made me out to be a fool," he said next. The harsh tone of his voice was replaced by the fragility of a shattered soul. "This whole time... Fuck, if I had only trusted my gut sooner. I knew something was wrong with you the moment you waltzed into my life. I made that known to fucking everyone but they all made me feel like I was crazy, and then I let you deceive me too. How? How did you do it?"

"I- I didn't... I wasn't trying to deceive you-"

"That doesn't make any fucking sense. Stop lying."

You shut your eyes and sighed. "There were times where I was trying to be deceitful, but then my perspective changed along the way. Those last few moments I had with you and the others... that wasn't me trying to be deceitful. It was real."

"Were you planning to kill me at the hotel?"

Your eyes widened at his question. "No. God, no, Levi. I swear I wasn't-"

"Zeke said you were sent here to kill me," he continued. "Why?"

The more you spoke, the harder it became to maintain your energy.

Whatever.

If he needed answers, you were going to give them to him. There was no way out of this.

"Y-You were a threat to the land I come from, so they sent me as a spy to kill you and to... and to aid the others."

"By 'the others' I'm guessing you mean the shitheads that ruined all of our fucking lives?"

You nodded as an alternative to speaking while placing your hands flat against the wall behind you, your nails scraping against the bricks as a way to distract you from your racing heart.

"What's the name of the land you come from?"

"Marley."

"Where is it?"

"I-It's..." you trailed off. It was becoming harder to breathe properly. You needed to choose your words wisely before it was too late. "Levi, you have to find Zeke."

"Stop deflecting. Answer my question."

"It's not important right now," you explained. "I swear I'll- I'll answer anything you want, but you have to take care of him first."

"You want me to leave you so you can escape, don't you? I can't let that happen."

"I'm not as big a threat as you think I am, Levi. I'm severely injured, I have no titan powers, and I- fuck, it's so hard for me to speak... Zeke wants Eren. Go after him."

He scoffed, turning away from you for a moment as he raked a hand through his hair in distress. The two of you looked in the direction Zeke went; he was still talking to Eren and hadn't noticed both of your positions. It was the perfect time to sneak up on him.

But Levi wouldn't budge. You knew exactly why. He was stuck between two decisions: holding you hostage or taking down Zeke. It had to be one or the other. If he tied up and captured you, he'd risk Zeke taking Eren and running away. If he went after Zeke, he'd risk you escaping and going behind his back to help them with the plan to catch Eren. You obviously weren't going to do such a thing, but he didn't trust you enough to believe that; it was too much of a risk to take. He needed to make a decision immediately before Zeke made a smooth exit.

If he can't make the decision on his own, I'll make it for him.

"Finish me off," you said.

He snapped his head forward to face you again, eyebrows knitted in confusion.

"What?"

"If you haven't already noticed, I'm in pretty bad shape right now. I wouldn't be able to fight back even if I tried. Might as well get it over with."

"You're talking out of your ass. You look good enough to me."

"Did you see my back?"

The perplexion on his face prompted you to rotate your body, revealing the fatal injuries of your back. You held in your painful groans as you turned to show him.

"Holy shit," he whispered.

"That bad, huh?" you responded casually, moving back into your original position, leaning back against the wall. "Pretty sure I fractured some bones too."

"How?"

I guess he didn't see me attack Zeke.

"Zeke," you answered. His jaw clenched from hearing his name, his fist rolling up into a ball.

"Why?"

"Because I fought against him." Hot flashes crept up on your skin as you continued to speak. You could feel it - you were about the pass out soon.

You brought up a hand to hold your forehead, trying to ease the pounding in your head and the warmth that was quickly spreading all over your body. The feverish symptoms were starting to overtake you, and it made your limbs grow weaker than before. Your legs buckled and you fell on your knees. Levi immediately reached out his hand.

"I told you to keep standing-"

"I- I told you that I- fuck." The pounding in your head was getting worse; your vision was growing blurry. "I can't- I'm..."

So much blood was dripping from your back; it slid down your legs and pooled on the ground. The condition you were in was beyond dire - you were losing blood from the fatal lacerations in your back, you likely fractured or broke some bones from the high fall, you probably had a concussion, you couldn't breathe properly, and your vision had become spotty.

It felt like you were on the verge of passing out... but what if it wasn't that? What if the weakness in your body wasn't temporary? What if this was your body completely shutting down?

What if you were about to die?

The irony of dying in the land filled with your 'enemies' - the same people you ended up befriending and trying to save.

What if you did die here? Directly in front of the man you fell in love with who could no longer look you in the eyes and see adoration but only pain and betrayal?

What a cruel, cruel fate the world had given you.

You thought of your sister and how she must be doing. Would she be okay without you? She was a teenager now - one of the most crucial times of life. You wished you could have been around for that... oh well. Hopefully Karina was raising her well. You hoped warrior training wasn't taking a toll on her either. The last thing you wanted was for her to overwork herself the same way you used to.

Paulina was a bright girl, always glued to those damn books you'd tease her about. You knew she could excel in anything she put her mind to as long as she believed in herself. She'd be okay without you, right? She could have a good life without you. Mom would be proud of her.

Would Mom be proud of me? I haven't accomplished a goddamn thing.

You thought of Reiner and Bertholdt next. You hoped they were still alive, but it seemed like Bertholdt's life was about to end too. Although he'd never have the chance to hear it, you forgave him for trying to hurt you. He was still blinded by his loyalty to Marley just like you once were, so you understood why he did it. You also didn't want to hold anymore grudges as you reminisced about your final moments.

Maybe Reiner was still alive. You had hope in him to change his goals. He, too, was still not completely detached from his loyalty to Marley, but the conversation you had with him earlier already told you he was shifting away from that mindset. He just needed to have the guts to go against Zeke the same way you did in order to stop him. He was capable.

Levi hadn't said anything yet, just watching you struggle to keep yourself awake as he contemplated his next move. He hadn't come to terms with what he knew he needed to do yet, so you took advantage of his silence to run through any other final thoughts before accepting your demise.

Images of all the people you met in Paradis emerged in your brain. You thought of Petra and how grateful you were for your short-lived friendship. You thought of Hange and how easily they'd boost your mood the moment they'd enter a room with their optimism. You thought of all the other scouts in Levi's squad and how you wished you could have told them how proud you were to see them grow up so resilient and brave.

And then you thought of Levi. There was so much you wanted to say to him right now, but you could hardly bring yourself to speak. Time was also running out. You had to choose your words urgently, but your mind was blanking. Everything you wanted to say was already in your-

Wait, of course.

"Journal," you muttered, raising your head to look at him at the revelation you just had.

"What?" He furrowed his eyebrows.

"My bag." You raised a finger to point behind you, arm trembling as you lifted it up. "Last house... c-corner of room." Zeke likely placed your bag in the room to hide evidence, but you were so glad he did because now you knew exactly where it was.

"What are you talking about?"

"Read it."

"Can't you just tell me what it says?"

You shook your head. "Can't go on." Your eyes started to droop, and you could see now that he was beginning to realize just how bad your condition was. The anger and fury in his expression was replaced by concern.

"Yes you can," he said, kneeling down in front of you. "You can go on."

"Can't." You only had enough energy for simple, one word responses, but because this was the last time you'd probably ever see him, you pushed yourself further. "The journal has everything you need to know about Marley and why I'm here. I can't- can't help you right now. I'm sorry."

"Hold on." His voice had gone gentle as he grabbed your blood-stained hand. "Just a little longer, please." The tenderness in his eyes returned, the small tinge of blue appearing in his irises.

He still cared. Even after everything, he still cared.

Zeke was right. You really were his weakness.

"Don't be stupid, Levi," you whispered, shaking your head. "Finish me off, and then go after Zeke."

His grip on your hand tightened slightly. "I'm not- fuck." Tears built up in his eyes again. "W-We need you. There's so much we need to ask you-"

"It's in the journal."

"It's not enough-"

"You can't save everyone, Levi," you snapped, tears spilling from your eyes. "I- I already told you this. Some people can't be saved."

His eyes widened at your words, his grey eyes filled with sorrow.

"Prioritize your task and kill Zeke. I betrayed you, remember? Think about how much pain I caused you and the others. Think about all the lives I cost because I withheld information," you said rigidly. "Do it. Kill me."

"I- I can't." He choked behind his words, the tears breaking through his eyes directly in front of you. "Fuck, how- how did you manage to ruin me like this?"

His words struck right through you like a bullet. "I'm sorry," you continued, voice cracking at the sight of seeing him cry. It was one of the most heartbreaking things you ever had to witness. "You have to let me go."

He sniffled, lowering his gaze to your hand while he traced circles with his thumb. His touch eased your pain faintly.

You brought up a hand to cup his cheek to wipe his tears; he leaned into your touch like he always did, and the two of you spent the next few seconds in this position until he pulled himself together again and backed away. He snapped back into his stern soldier persona, releasing your hand and standing up on his two feet.

He wiped his tears as he glared down at you from above with red, puffy eyes. The anxiety built up in your stomach when you saw him draw his sword.

"I'll make it quick," he said gruffly. "But I have one more question to ask you."

You nodded.

"Why didn't you do it? Why didn't you kill me?" he asked. "You had so many opportunities to do it, but you didn't. Why?"

"B-Because..." Your vision was rapidly turning black. "By the time I knew I could, it was too late already."

"What do you mean?"

You focused your attention on him one last time, staring into those grey eyes you'd come to love so much. You wished you could say more; you wished you could tell him that your love for him was never a lie - that he could torture you for the rest of eternity for what you did and you would still love him.

"I had already fallen in love with you," you finally said. His eyes faltered for just a moment.

Maybe in another lifetime, the two of you could meet again and start over. Maybe you could both love each other the way you were supposed to and not have to suffer such a cruel destiny that forced you to choose sides.

Yeah, in another life. That sounded nice.

"I love you," you said out loud for a final time.

Your body slumped to the side, your eyes rolled back, and you were no longer conscious.

Notes:

...have a nice week?

Chapter 35: What Could Have Been

Notes:

Song recommendations:

i love you - Billie Eilish

my tears ricochet - Taylor Swift

Six Feet Under - Billie Eilish

loml - Taylor Swift

Playlist.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

The day Levi's mother died was a day he could only recall vaguely. He must have been seven years old, maybe. Blinded by his innocence, he had assumed she was just extremely fatigued and needed extra rest because of her job, but Levi quickly learned that sleeping for multiple days in a row wasn't anything normal, nor was the disgusting smell of rotting flesh. Death wasn't a concept he had completely understood at the time. All he knew was that his mother was gone and she had taken his youth along with her.

Death became a familiar trend in his life after that. It wasn't uncommon for him to see rotting corpses in the Underground. Eventually, Levi tossed more corpses onto the pile, no longer feeling sympathy for killing the bastards that tried to make his life a living hell in that shithole. After Kenny left, he made the decision to trust nobody but himself, because only one of two things could happen if he made allies: they'd die like his mother or leave him behind like Kenny.

Furlan and Isabel changed his perspective. They were living proof that good people existed in that shithole despite the awful circumstances. Although he had trouble putting trust in them at first, he soon found himself opening up steadily when he saw that neither of them were threats. The two of them brought a little hopeful light in the darkness.

Their deaths struck him hard. That was when Levi realized that his fears were true - everyone always left in the end, whether it be by death or by choice. He remembered the frustrated tears spilling from his eyes that day; he projected his tempered feelings onto Erwin, but in reality, he was most infuriated with himself for not coming in time to save them. Following that day, Levi swore he wouldn't let such a thing happen again. He couldn't stand to see more innocent lives meeting death.

But then the same tragedy had been replicated during the 57th expedition outside the walls when his squad was brutally murdered. He had faith in his team, but underestimated the enemy. Levi couldn't even get himself to cry again after that. The grief became desensitized behind the numbness in his heart.

Then Kenny died, and as much as he hated the fucking bastard, Levi felt his heart tug a bit at the sight of his feeble, unmoving body. His emotions were trapped behind a cage, unwilling to release. Death didn't come as a surprise to him anymore; it was something he just needed to accept. All he could do was wonder why this always seemed to happen to him. What did he do to deserve this?

When you knelt down beside him that day, all the painful emotions unlocked. He dropped his head on your shoulder, allowing himself to be vulnerable around you, because that was when realized that holding it in was absolutely painful. The only person he could comfortably display these feelings to was you. You were his comfort - his solace.

That was why he couldn't bear to lose you.

Was it selfish of him to tell you that? Maybe. Levi was a bit overbearing at times, constantly making sure you were eating enough, drinking enough water, and protected from harm. Perhaps it was a bit too overprotective, but it was all because he cared about you that much. Little by little, his concern for you grew into something more passionate, and that was when Levi knew for sure that you needed to be safe and secure. He didn't want to imagine anything happening to you. You needed to be protected.

He couldn't lose you. Not you too. He refused to add your name to the list of deceased. He needed you to be okay.

So then why were you currently slumped over on the ground with your eyes glued shut and blood seeping from your back? Why were your limbs sprawled awkwardly on top of the concrete with your lips parted as if you had taken your last breath?

Why did it look like you were dead?

Levi's sword clattered on the solid ground when he let the situation sink in. He just witnessed the energy drain from your body right in front of him.

Is she dead?

He hadn't stabbed you yet. There was a chance you only passed out. He could still save you. You could still live. All he had to do was bend down and check your pulse.

But he couldn't get himself to move.

Why can't I move?

Frozen in place, his body shook with nerves at the sight of your unmoving body. His conscience was telling him to move his legs, but he was unable to drag his feet forward. All he could do was stand there and stare at the way your blood pooled on the ground.

No, he knew exactly why he wasn't budging. He was too terrified to find out if his fears were true - too scared to see if you really were dead.

Why should I give a shit if she lives or not? She betrayed us. She deserved to die.

Right. You betrayed them. This was your fate, and you were already well aware of this. Your death was the only way to move on with his task smoothly, and you had accepted that moments before you collapsed. Like you said, he needed to finish you off first before going after-

Shit, Zeke.

"Captain, look out!"

Levi's brain snapped back into reality when he felt the ground tremble from underneath him. Booming stomps charged towards his direction, and he immediately jumped out of the way to save himself when he locked eyes with the quadruped titan running on all fours. It opened its mouth wide to grab you.

Levi may have evaded its attack, but the titan succeeded in snatching your unconscious body. It was only then that he noticed that the blonde bastard was sitting on top of its head, nearly fully regenerated from the injuries Levi had given to him not that long prior.

"No," Levi said to himself. "I promised Erwin I would take him down." Levi grasped his swords and attempted to surge forward with his gear, but he no longer had enough gas to chase after him. All he could do was watch the harrowing grin grow wide on Zeke's face the further the titan ran away.

Then they completely disappeared, taking you along with him.

You were gone.

"Fuck," he muttered. He failed both of Erwin's requests - defeating the Beast Titan and capturing you. He had no one else to blame but himself. If he hadn't spent the last few minutes moping around while standing like a dumbass, he could have defeated Zeke. The moment you knocked over on your side, he should have switched out his gear with yours to go after him, but his feelings got in the way.

You really were his weakness.

"Captain!" a voice shouted. "Up here!"

Levi turned his head in Eren's direction, watching as he waved at him frantically. Eren beckoned for him to come.

With a sigh, Levi bolted forward to reach Eren, pushing down the thoughts of you deep into his mind in order to deal with the present situation.

And then, Levi had to suffer yet another loss as he watched Erwin take his last breath in front of him.

Erwin's hunch had been right all along. What was discovered in Eren's father's basement proved his theory correct - there were more humans living outside the walls, and titans were once humans themselves. Levi, Hange, Eren, and Mikasa gathered up as many items to take back with them to continue investigating at a later date. They discovered that Eren's father was from a land called Marley, the same place you claimed to be from. The books he left behind detailed Grisha's backstory and the history behind the Eldian-Marleyan conflict. Although the four of them had only skimmed through the books due to the lack of time, Levi finally started to understand your internal conflict a little better based on what he read.

Apparently, Marleyans were punishing the current Eldians for what their ancestors did. This was why those idiots decided to infiltrate the walls - because they were taught that their own kind was evil and deserved to die. Eren was particularly important, due to the fact he clearly had a titan that was significant to Marley. It was evident that this was a power that needed to return to Marley, since it was technically 'stolen' by Grisha.

Although this new information made sense, it still didn't change how pissed off Levi was at the situation. Just because he understood, didn't mean it was still fair.

"Well, I think that's all," Hange said, tossing the last set of books in their bag. They only took back the three books, and of course, the new discovery that was found called a 'photograph.'

"If I had a camera, I'd take a photograph of this moment."

Levi felt like an idiot for not finding that suspicious at the time. He was too blinded by his infatuation with you to question it more, clearly.

The four of them started to emerge from the basement underground. "It's time we head back home," Hange continued.

"Hang on, Four Eyes," Levi interrupted, shutting the wooden trapdoor from the ground. "There's still something else we need to find out here."

"Three Eyes now, Levi." Hange laughed sheepishly, pointing at their injured eye. "What else do we need, though?"

Although it came to no surprise to see Hange making light of their injury, the thought of Hange now being partially disabled because of those bastards made Levi's stomach burn with anger.

"We have to search through those houses on the left." He gestured to the houses closest to the left side of the wall. "There's something important over there."

"What?"

He paused. "A bag."

"A bag? Whose bag?" Hange fell into step next to Levi, who was already walking urgently ahead. Eren and Mikasa slowly trailed behind them.

Levi didn't answer their question, only giving them a glare in response. Hange's eyes widened, immediately reading Levi's mind; they nodded while picking up their steps.

"Alright, then," they said. "Lead the way."

Because you weren't entirely specific when revealing the location of your bag, it took quite a bit of searching and inspection to find the house you were talking about. The four of them ran through at least five other nearly demolished buildings, lifting pieces of rubble and digging through dirt to find any indication of a bag.

"Are you gonna tell me later?" Hange whispered to Levi, raising a large plank of wood to peek underneath.

"Later," Levi responded firmly, but truthfully, he didn't want to talk about it at all.

A few more minutes passed, and Eren finally discovered a house that was still mostly intact. He motioned for the others to come over, and Levi cut in front of him to twist open the knob to enter. Their eyes were blown wide immediately upon entering; the entire room was a mess of ODM gear, uniforms, and some rubble. In the center was a chair tipped to the side with rope that was ripped apart. Levi furrowed his eyebrows.

Was she restrained?

Levi approached the scene closer, kneeling down to investigate the ropes.

"It looks like someone was tied up here," Eren remarked.

"Are these the gear and uniforms of our soldiers?" Hange asked, lightly grazing their fingers over one of the clothes. "This is... disturbing."

Levi concluded that this must have been the house you were talking about; it had to be. You had easy access to gear and uniforms. He didn't entirely believe you when you said Zeke had caused your injury, but seeing now that you were probably restrained by him, it was likely true. Judging by the way you spoke to Zeke when Levi was dazed and tied up to the tree, he could see that you didn't like him in the slightest. Some sort of dispute must have occurred that caused him to distrust and confine you. Levi wondered if it had anything to do with himself...

"There's a bag here," Mikasa's voice proclaimed from behind him. Levi whirled around immediately. "It looks kind of familiar."

"Let me see." Levi stepped forward, bending down to grab the bag. There was no doubt that it was your bag from the leather design and black pen you kept hanging from the loops. Levi lifted it from the straps and placed it on the table.

"It's Eden's, isn't it?" Hange asked. Levi didn't respond, sticking his hand through to search for the journal.

At first, he was unable to find it from the mess of items you had in there. It contained female hygiene products, some extra clothes, and then he felt his heart drop into his stomach when he pulled out a soldier's badge. He held it out in front of him for a bit longer than intended.

"A soldier's badge?" Eren asked. "Did she take it off?"

"There's blood on it." Hange leaned over Levi's shoulder to take a better look. "I'm not sure if it was hers."

Levi dropped the badge alongside the other items like it was nothing important, but the stinging in his heart knew that seeing that badge wasn't anything insignificant.

It was Petra's badge. You still kept it with you after all this time.

Well, not anymore.

Levi shoved the thought away to continue pulling more items out of the bag - some more pens, chamomile tea bags (which Levi acted like was unimportant too), and then finally, he pulled out the journal that was pushed deep into the depths of your bag.

"A journal?" Hange asked.

"Armin said she always carried around a journal," Eren said. "Maybe there's some usual information there."

"I'll keep it with me." Levi stuck the journal back inside the bag along with all of the other items that were inside it. He slung your bag over his shoulder. "I'll take the bag too to make sure we don't miss anything."

Hange nodded. The four of them moved around the room to see if there was anything else they may have missed that could have been useful, but it seemed like your bag was the only thing of interest.

"Alright, we can go now," Levi told Hange. "I think that's everything."

"Right," they responded. "Let's go gather the others before the night falls upon us." The three of them nodded in agreement, walking back towards the wall to meet back with the others.

"Hange- err, I mean, Commander Hange?" Eren asked hesitantly, breaking the silence.

"There's no need to stress about honorifics, Eren. I already told you this," Hange said. "But what's the matter?"

"How did you know Eden's bag was in here? Was she also in Shiganshina?"

Levi paused his walking, causing the three other soldiers to halt in their steps. He lowered his head; the three others turned their attention to him.

"We can discuss it later," Levi responded, picking up his pace as he forced his legs to move forward again. He was in no mood to bring you up. Frankly, he didn't think he'd ever be in the mood to talk about what happened.

For one, he was ashamed of letting you get away. There hadn't been a single time in Levi's life that he'd been so distracted by something to the point that it was absolutely impossible for him to think coherently. It was utterly humiliating to look back on the memory.

The second reason he refused to discuss it was because he didn't want to recall that whole conversation just yet.

"I love you."

Levi chewed the inside of his cheek, shutting his eyes for just a few seconds.

Those were your final words to him before you-

Shut up.

What did it matter if you died? It would be better off this way.

But what if she's alive?

His heart glimmered with hope at the thought. He was utterly insane for the way his body reacted positively to envisioning you still alive. He should want you dead. You deserved to be dead for what you did.

It was wrong for him to miss you as much as he did.

The first thing Hange asked Levi after arriving to shelter once the other kids left the main room was, "Did you kill her?"

It seemed like Levi was going to have this conversation sooner than he had hoped. He should have known Hange would ask about it. It wasn't like he could keep this a secret his entire life. Plus, Hange was the commander now. Your status was necessary information they needed to know about.

Levi's grip on the strap of your bag tightened, his back facing Hange. "No."

Hange stepped up a bit closer. "So then what happened?"

Levi sighed, still refusing to glance over at Hange because he didn't want to see the disappointment in their face when he explained the truth, nor did he want to hear their 'I told you so' because they were right all along. Hange was right to ask if this was a task he could do, because in the end, he just proved their point. He really couldn't kill you.

"It's my fault," he admitted. "I let them take her."

"They took her? What do you mean?"

Levi finally gained the courage to turn around and face them. They didn't seem let down or infuriated - just curious to understand what happened.

Levi still didn't want to revisit that full conversation just yet. It was too fucking painful, and he'd rather sleep in a worn-out shack than have Hange see him get teary-eyed.

So instead, he decided to cut it short by saying, "I couldn't kill her."

Their eyes widened from hearing the revelation, lips parted in surprise. Levi turned on his heel and walked into his room, slamming the door shut.

Levi left your journal to rest atop his table top. He left it there for at least two hours, reading the newspaper to distract himself from his nerves. His thoughts were racing in a million different directions, filled with both curiosity and fear. Whatever was in that journal would likely shatter his heart even more than it already was, but he knew it was a task he needed to do.

The worst part about this whole situation was that he couldn't even mourn Erwin or the other deceased soldiers properly; it pissed him off. Not only was it impossible to give Erwin a proper burial because of the lack of time, but he couldn't get what happened to you off his mind.

At least with Erwin, Levi had accepted his death the moment he told him to give up on his dreams. It absolutely crushed him to say it, but it was necessary. At that moment, Levi knew Erwin was likely not going to survive. He had an inkling of hope when Floch brought his body back, but he knew it was his own personal desires pushing him to choose Erwin over Armin. In the end, Armin was who Levi picked. Shiganshina was the place he chose for Erwin's place to rest. No matter how painful it was to accept, Levi had already prepared himself for it.

But he wasn't prepared to hear you tell him to kill you so he could go after Zeke. He wasn't prepared to hear you confess your love to him knowing it would likely be the last chance you had to do it. He wasn't prepared to watch you slump over, bleed, and go unconscious directly in front of him.

It destroyed him completely.

Levi sat in his chair, finally finding the strength inside himself to grab the journal from the desk, inspecting the cover. There was nothing of interest in the front, likely because you didn't want it to be easily identifiable to anyone who found it. That didn't matter now, obviously.

Levi shut his eyes. He was trembling.

Breathe.

Levi took a deep breath in, then released it leisurely. His eyes opened slowly.

He flipped open to the first page.

Monday, 845

Today's the day. We're finally leaving Marley to go on this stupid, god-forsaken mission in Paradis.

How many years will we be gone? One? Two, maybe? I hope it won't take too long. The thought of leaving Paulina behind for so long makes me nervous. It feels like I'm betraying her in some way - like I'm replacing her with a bunch of other kids around her age.

No, I'll come back. I have to. I'm doing this for her, after all. I refuse to return without succeeding with my task. It's not like I've ever failed before. The task sounds a bit tedious, but it shouldn't be any much different than anything I'd be chosen for in the past. How hard can it be?

This Levi person has no idea what's going to come at him, and neither do any of these other island devils.

- Eden

Levi already didn't want to continue, his grip on the book tightening from anger. He was going to have to ignore his feelings and push through anyway. If you said there was useful information in there, then he was going to search for it.

The first few entries were about what you did with Reiner, Bertholdt, Annie, and some kid named Marcel. It stated a bit of the plan you all had in mind, and you even referenced back to a commander from Marley - someone named Magath.

The Marcel kid died at some point by another titan. You wrote an entry about it, but then skipped a few days of writing after that. His death must have impacted you pretty hard, whoever he was. Your journal entry described your guilt for not saving him in time.

Well, that was something Levi could relate to, at least.

You mentioned Paulina a lot, too. Levi was glad your sister wasn't also a made up fabrication like your other lies. According to what he read from your entries about her, the reason you were trying to fulfill this mission was to give her a better life. He wasn't exactly sure what a 'better life' meant for her, but it was clearly very important to you.

Levi continued on.

Thursday, 845

We breached the wall today; well, Reiner and Bertholdt did. This was the first time we actually saw the Eldians from Paradis.

...I'm not sure how I feel about the whole thing.

I haven't spoken to the others about this, nor do I ever plan to, but something about this whole thing felt a little off. When I entered the walls after the atrocity, I felt unsettled. I should feel some type of accomplishment, right? They are island devils, after all. It was deserved.

But when I looked at their faces and saw the horror and tragedy behind them, my heart felt heavy. Something didn't feel right about this.

I don't know what the hell I'm thinking. If the Marleyan superiors are saying this is the right thing to do, then it must be followed. These people needed to die. Our history dictated that-

Levi didn't finish the journal entry, choosing instead to shut the journal, get up from his chair, and walk away.

Levi returned to his desk after two whole hours. He knocked on Hange's door to ask if he could borrow the books they found from Grisha's basement. Hange didn't hesitate to give them to him.

Levi grabbed the books and placed them in front of his desk, still too anxious to immerse himself into that world again. Alternatively, he preoccupied his mind with cleaning and brewing some black tea for himself. He wasn't going to sleep tonight, not like he ever did. He only started having a reasonable sleep schedule after he started sleeping with you.

His eyes lingered over his bed. His heart felt heavy.

He was never going to sleep in a bed ever again.

Pushing away the thought, he extended his arm out to open up the book about the history of titans. His eyes skimmed through the pages to get a decent gist of it. After a good thirty minutes, he shut the book and shoved it away.

"You watched an innocent man die, and you're telling me you didn't know what was right? And you had the audacity to take his gear?"

"It's hard to explain-"

Levi reflected back on that conversation. He understood why you responded that way now. You were battling with your morals, unsure if you should fight against the beliefs you were brought up with.

"There were times where I was trying to be deceitful, but then my perspective changed along the way."

Levi tried to keep an open mind. He needed to understand that you were raised with the horrid beliefs depicted in these books and that was the reason your journal entries were so hard for him to stomach. Knowing this didn't justify what you did, but it was a reasonable explanation for why you wrote these things.

He reached out for the fuckass journal again, searching for the last page that he left off of.

You wrote a fuck ton of words justifying the actions you and the others did. It irked his soul, but he knew that the reason you did that was because you were trying to convince yourself it was right; that was what he assumed, at least. If you claimed to have changed your views like you said he did, then it was clearly too soon in your journal entries to see that type of growth.

He continued on.

Wednesday, 847

It's been a week since we started training as cadets. I'm surrounded by literal children... CHILDREN. Not a single person my age is in this group, aside from maybe two or three, but some of the men are a bit creepy.

I don't know how I'm going to handle doing this for another three years. I was hoping it would be less, but plans change, I guess. Not only would this help the other three with their mission to obtain the coordinate, but it's necessary for me to climb the ranks in order to find Captain Levi. Once I prove my strength, I'll encounter him and get the job done.

Soon. I just have to hold on a bit longer.

- Eden

The rest of the entries during this time spoke of your experience working with the other cadets. Most of it was expressing your annoyance. However, even despite that, you clearly seemed to care about them even if you didn't want to admit it.

Thursday, 848

Sasha nearly passed out during training today. I'm not sure why Shadis even continued pushing her when it was clear her face was turning purple from exhaustion. I called him out on it; he wasn't very happy about it. I suggested switching out with her, to which he didn't disagree; however, he made me run twice as much as Sasha was supposed to for 'talking back' to him.

Whatever. I knew I could handle it. I've dealt with far worse during warrior training. Sasha's the one that really needs to step up her game.

- Eden

The next entries that caught Levi's attention were your memories of Trost District. Your first impression of him was depicted here.

Friday, 850

I finally met him - the man I'm supposed to kill, or 'humanity's strongest soldier' as they call him. He's a lot shorter than I anticipated, like WAYYY shorter. He's barely five feet tall; I could hardly take him seriously when he was trying to boss me around.

Did I mention how he's also rude as hell? Like seriously, who does he think he is? He carries himself with so much pride and arrogance. I'm surprised no one else has put him in his place about it. I guess they're too scared.

Well, as long as I'm around him, I will not tolerate that bullshit. If he thinks he can continue speaking to me the way he did during our first encounter, he is sadly mistaken.

I genuinely cannot wait to kill this guy.

- Eden

Levi wasn't surprised with your first impression of him. It wasn't like he felt any different towards you. He could tell you were careless the moment he found you stranded by yourself. He knew immediately that you were going to be hard to put up with.

A lot of the next entries pertained to him and how much you detested him. Was it bad that Levi found it slightly amusing? Something about you being this passionate about hating him was a little entertaining to read about. It was also fun to read your compliments about his strength and agility while simultaneously cursing him out in so many different ways he didn't know were possible.

He flipped through the next pages; the entries had changed into something a little more lighthearted. They depicted your relationship with Petra, Oluo, Gunther, and Eld. He knew you were fond of them, but he hadn't realized how close you really were to them until skimming through your memories of them.

Petra, especially, meant a lot to you. He could see it from the way you described her in your writing. It seemed like your guilt started to stem from her before anyone else. It was one thing to watch innocent strangers die from the brutality of the people you worked with, but it was another to actually form a friendship with someone who was supposed to be an enemy in your eyes. Petra was the first crack in the glass before it completely shattered.

Levi's mood shifted into something much darker when he read the next entry.

Friday, 850

They're dead. All of them - Petra, Oluo, Gunther, Eld, and so many others. I had a hard time getting myself to write about this because I just couldn't get myself to relive those memories, but I feel like this is the only way I can cope. It's not like I can talk to anyone else about this, so writing is the only way I can get my thoughts out.

I feel terrible. I don't feel great at all. I know I'm supposed to feel nothing, but I can't deny this awful pit in my stomach. I feel like I'm to blame for the tragic way they died.

I grabbed a bottle to drink last night - like father, like daughter, I guess. Sometimes you pick up on behaviors from your parents you wished you hadn't. If Captain Levi hadn't come by to take it from me, I know I would have blacked out completely.

Captain Levi's another topic of discussion. Although he reprimanded me for being stupid enough to get drunk and go off on my own in the dark, he was still kind enough to take care of me and make sure I was okay.

Kind... How strange of me to describe him that way.

It felt weird talking to him last night. He wasn't the stoic, arrogant captain I had gotten accustomed to being around. He was actually very compassionate and understanding, which was strange to see.

He gave me Petra's badge to make me feel better. I almost cried in front of him. It was so humiliating.

But still, I thank him for doing that. Despite my distaste for him, I was grateful for his sympathy in that moment. It meant a lot.

I can't believe I'm saying all this nice shit about him. It's well into the morning already, but I'm still a bit drunk, clearly. I barely slept at all. I need to get some rest.

- Eden

Saturday, 850

Mike is dead. Nanaba is dead. Everyone in the squad I was a part of is now dead. I'm the only survivor.

I don't deserve to be alive after all that's happened.

I feel torn. Is something wrong with me? Shouldn't I feel nothing?

I don't know where Zeke came from, nor why he's here in the first place. Zeke can be a lot of things, but I never suspected him to be as barbaric as he was yesterday.

I don't know how to feel anymore.

These people were not as bad as they deemed them to be in Marley. I came here expecting them to be as vile as they said our ancestors were, but instead, I was met with people who behaved the same way I and the others have. We eat similar foods, have similar interests, and most importantly, we mourn our loved ones the same. To witness their families' reactions to seeing their loved ones dead... it absolutely tore me to shreds. I can't help but pin the blame on myself for keeping my mouth shut.

I tried to push down the thoughts of Petra and the others dying to focus on the real reason I'm here, but once I saw Mike on the verge of death in front of me, I didn't know what to do. I wanted to save him; hell, I even told Zeke to spare him, but as always, he didn't listen.

I let Mike die. I took too long to make my decision and I let him die.

I acted like his death didn't bother me - burying the guilt away, but then I saw my other squad members dying, and I knew I couldn't contain it anymore. I tried so hard to make sure Mike's death wouldn't be repeated, but I couldn't even do that either. I failed miserably. I'm lucky to even still be standing.

I continued pushing the notion in my head that this wasn't anything I should be worrying about - that I needed to get my head together and focus on finding a way to kill Levi, but I just couldn't. He's become another issue. I thought I hated him, but now I'm not so sure anymore.

There's something about Levi I didn't fully see about him until now. Little by little, I saw him let down his stern facade into someone more compassionate. His actions have shown me time and time again that he is so much more than a valiant soldier; he's a human who conceals his emotions and puts others above himself.

I don't know if I can kill him anymore - not after everything that's happened. I can't stand to see more innocent lives die, and Levi is no exception.

He's a good person, and I don't want to kill good people. That's the least I owe to all those lives that were lost.

I'm sorry, Commander... I don't know if I can go through with this anymore.

- Eden

Levi could feel the water brimming in his eyes.

He shut the journal and set it aside to read for another time.

Another two hours passed. It was well past midnight now - probably two in the morning. Levi spent those hours distracting himself again by organizing his desk

Enough with the bullshit. Just sit down and read.

Levi was going to force himself to get through the whole journal before the morning. He was going to be restless about it regardless, so he may as well rip off the bandaid and get it over with. The problem was that he wasn't ready to face the full truth about your feelings. If he could hardly handle what he had read already, he couldn't imagine how he'd feel once he made it to the final page.

He sighed, searching for the last page he left off of. To Levi's surprise, most of the next entries were mainly about him in its entirety.

Wednesday, 850

I did something stupid today... like really, really stupid. God forbid anyone in Marley finds this journal, because I would surely be ripped apart.

I kissed the captain.

I fucking kissed Captain Levi.

It wasn't just a quick little peck either, it was a full on makeout session. We were just sparring, then one thing led to another, and I don't know what being possessed me to act out in that moment, but we kissed... and I liked it.

He was surprisingly really gentle and sweet. I didn't expect that of him. I guess he just always seemed like the aggressive, assertive type, and hey, maybe he kinda is and I just haven't seen that side of him yet.

I'm not sure why I wrote 'yet'... as if I'd ever let this happen again. I'm going to disregard that.

I haven't had sex in a long time... maybe it was just lust?? I mean, he is kinda attractive... okay, he's really attractive, I won't lie. It's something about his eyes, I think; they're very calm and alluring. His hair is really soft, and he smelled nice too. I always make fun of him for being a clean freak (it can be really annoying at times), but it's always a plus when a man is well-groomed. He's also a really good kisser... like too good. It shocked me, honestly.

Whatever. It doesn't matter if it was good. This can't happen again, and I'm glad that we're both in complete agreement about this. It's one thing for me to gain sympathy for him, but KISS HIM?? I need to control my desires better. Just because I'm still hesitant about killing him does NOT mean I can just go and hook up with him.

I really am an idiot.

- Eden

The corner of his lip curled upwards. Something about seeing you in a state of denial was exceptionally entertaining to him.

Friday, 850

I fucked up... again.

I let him touch me... and it was surprisingly really good.

I'm too embarrassed to jot down the details, so... I'm just going to accept defeat and hope this doesn't continue to be a trend.

Is it bad I really want to sleep with him, though?

- Eden

Levi actually laughed slightly at that one, but then his smile dissipated immediately after reading the next few entries. Although some of them were filled with your amusing denial of your attraction to him, other entries were detailed accounts of your nightmares.

Suddenly, your behavior during that time made a ton of sense now.

He remembered asking you if you wanted to talk about the bad dreams you had, but you always deflected discussing the topic of your nightmares. He always assumed you'd talk about them when you were ready, but you never did. He knew why now.

Those dreams really portrayed how badly everyone's deaths haunted you.

Good.

You should have been feeling guilt. You should have been feeling remorse.

Your journal entries gradually became more depressing and a lot less amusing to him the more his eyes skimmed through the writing. There were a lot more entries about him than he anticipated.

You admitted to your feelings for him in one entry. Levi pretended that it meant nothing to him, only choosing to skim through it. It was around the time you were both talking on the roof that one time, reminiscing on the past. You brought up how you missed Petra and the others, and Levi decided to open up about Furlan and Isabel.

Levi never talked about those two with people who didn't know them. It was a line he never wanted to cross, but with you, he felt comfortable enough to discuss their memory.

That day on the roof was also the day he realized his feelings for you were rooted far deeper than that of a captain and their subordinate. Levi didn't know much about love, but that was the first time the thought crossed his mind.

"Sorry for interrupting your little date in the kitchen," Hange had said later that day with a teasing smirk. Levi only rolled his eyes in response. "Come on, Levi. I won't tell anyone. I promise."

"We were just having tea. Calm down," Levi had replied, unsure if he was convincing them or himself.

"With the way she was looking at you? Absolutely not. I'm not stupid."

Levi had raised a brow at their comment.

"She was staring at you like a lovesick puppy the whole time."

Levi wasn't able to find a response to that, knowing full well that they were right. The way you were staring at him in the kitchen that day was so intense - not enough to make him uncomfortable, but intense, nonetheless. Heat had risen on his face, and he even asked you why you were staring at him that way. He wasn't able to catch the answer because Hange interrupted your conversation only seconds later.

Stop getting distracted. Keep reading.

Right. He needed to focus.

At this point in your entries, you accepted your feelings for Levi and decided you wouldn't go through with your task of killing him. You were extremely conflicted, struggling to come up with a plan to leave discreetly.

Was it bad that he actually felt a little bad for you? He was still absolutely furious, but reading your journal allowed him to understand your dilemma a little better. You were most worried about your sister suffering the consequences of your actions for deciding not to kill him. The dedication and concern you had for your sister was something he could admire and respect.

Tuesday, 850

I'm in love with him.

Deep down, I think I've always known. I knew I was screwed the moment I rested my head on his shoulder that one night at the fortress. That was the day I realized he had become a comfort to me. I was scared - terrified, really. I kept feeding my brain thoughts of how awful it was to have sympathy for a man who is supposed to be my enemy, but how can I not care about him when I see his suffering and know he doesn't deserve it?

He is such a good man, and I don't deserve him one bit.

I had a dream last night. I think it was the most horrifying one yet. Paulina had been taken away by a titan, and Levi was holding me back to prevent me from going after her.

He told me he loved me. I fell into the trap, confessing my love for him too, and then he slit my throat.

It made me wonder if this dream would become a reality. It petrifies me. The campanula I saw gave me some reassurance that it wouldn't, at least.

I still have to continue keeping my distance from him until I find my way out. I can see the confusion and hurt behind his eyes every time I push him away, but I have to ignore it.

I can't allow him to love me. I don't want to hurt him.

- Eden

Levi raised his head when he reflected back on the exact day you wrote that entry. It was the day his squad recruited Hitch and Marlo to work with them. He had allowed you to sleep in for a bit, and when he came back to wake you and bring you some water, you were sweating, convulsing, and mumbling in fear. He rushed towards you immediately, assuming the worst, but then he realized you were just having another really bad dream.

"Hey," he had said. "It's okay. It's me."

He had placed a hand on your shoulder to calm you. The touch eased your panicking for a bit, but your eyes were still shut. He could feel your rapid heartbeats against your chest, and your eyebrows were furrowed in distress. Levi boldly reached down to grab your hand.

"Levi," you had mumbled in your sleep. It astounded him that you could sense him just from his touch without opening your eyes.

"It's me," he had repeated, tracing circles around your hand with his thumb. You always seemed to like when he did that.

You were silent for a while, but then the next words that slipped out of your mouth that day were, "I love you."

Levi's eyes had widened, and he pulled his hand away. Panicked, he knocked over the flask he had brought over for you; this jolted you awake.

He acted like nothing happened after that.

You continued ignoring him like you said you would, but at the time, Levi blamed it on fear and stubbornness. Knowing you, he had assumed you were either too scared to fall in love because of getting hurt, or you were too hardheaded to admit your feelings for him. Hearing you confess your love for him during your sleep confirmed how you felt for him, and it wasn't very long after that that Levi was finally bold enough to confess his own feelings for you.

When Levi had revealed his own feelings, he knew he was already in love at that point, but he couldn't get himself to say it just yet. He was nervous that he may have misunderstood your confession and he didn't want to freak you out.

But the moment you kissed him back, he knew you had to have felt the same.

Levi didn't think he'd ever forget the day he first made love to you. Nerves overtook him due to his lack of experience, but seeing just how much you enjoyed the pleasure he was providing you gave him reassurance that he was doing it all correctly. Watching you writhe in bliss underneath him was a beautiful image that would forever be imprinted in his brain.

His heart started to ache, tears brimming his eyes again.

Keep reading.

There was a series of ripped out pages after that. Levi wondered what that was all about, but the next entry after that answered his suspicions. His heart rate escalated when he saw that the entry had been addressed to him.

Friday, 850

Dear Levi,

I never thought I'd be addressing you by name here, but here we go. I did this once before when my mom died, and then never again. Consider yourself special, because I only write imaginary letters to people I really care about (not that you'll ever actually read this).

I'm sorry I let Zeke hurt you like that. I didn't expect him to come after you that night. The plan was for me to leave while you showered so you wouldn't have to deal with any of them. I hadn't expected you to go look for me. On the one hand, I was so flattered to know you cared about me so much that you went to go look for me, but I was also extremely frustrated. I'm sorry for the insults I spat in your direction. I didn't know what else to do. I just needed to drive you out to make sure you were safe. I hope you didn't believe any of it. I didn't mean a word I said, I swear. I wasn't prepared for what happened next, and for that, I'm truly sorry. I promise I won't let him touch you like that again.

My words probably don't matter to you anymore after finding out the truth, but I swear that until the day I die, I will not let anything happen to you. Not just because I love you, but because I owe this one favor to the soldiers I watched die. You may think you don't need my protection, but I fear what my superiors in Marley would do if they found out I didn't actually kill you. I will protect you no matter what it takes, even if I were to give my life.

Love,

Eden

Sunday, 850

Dear Levi,

It's only been a few days, but it feels like I've gone weeks without you. I miss sleeping in bed with you the most. I miss the way you would hold me, the way you'd caress my hair, the way you'd kiss me. You'd probably call me a sap if you read any of that, but you know that I mean it.

I really miss you. I never thought it'd feel like I have an empty pit in my heart because of your absence. I guess it's because I love you that much.

Love,

Eden

Monday, 850

Dear Levi,

Reiner offered me tea today. I declined. It reminded me too much of you.

Love,

Eden

Tuesday, 850

Dear Levi,

Do you believe in reincarnation? Do you know what reincarnation is? Well, if not, I'll try to explain. Reincarnation is the concept that after you die in this world, you will be born as a brand new person somewhere else. This was something Paulina used to read about. I always thought it was kinda interesting. Do you believe it?

I always wondered if the people we encountered in this lifetime were people we met in another - like what if my mother was originally my daughter in a past life? Or my sister?

If it's real, do you think we'd meet again someday? Do you think we'd get a better chance at love next time? That is my hope, at least, but I'm sure you think otherwise. You probably want nothing to do with me. I've accepted that. This is just something I've been thinking about lately.

Love,

Eden

There were at least ten other journal entries addressed to him after that. Some of it included memories between the two of you, others about your guilt and remorse, and your love for him.

Was it bad that Levi appreciated them? All his life, people had looked to him and saw only his strength and nothing else. Put off by his stoic demeanor, his strength was all people would associate him with. It felt dehumanizing in some capacity - like people only saw him as a weapon instead of a person.

But you... you saw him as much more than that. You saw him as someone who cared deeply for others but had trouble expressing it. You saw his efforts at connecting with people when it went unnoticed by others. You saw a side of him that was a lot more tender than the facade he usually put up.

While there were only a few others that Levi would express his true self to, you were the only person that truly saw him for who he was, and seeing the way you'd describe him made him feel treasured.

Levi felt a tear slip past his cheek the more he thought of you. He pretended not to feel it, flipping to the last page.

One final page.

He could feel his heart race again.

Just get it over with.

He trailed his eyes down to the page, holding his breath.

Friday, 850

Dear Levi,

I'm running out of pages, so this will likely be the last entry for a while (until I find more paper... whenever that'll be).

I think about you a lot. I'm sure you know that already. The way I'm writing all of these entries as if I'm sending them to you is a bit pathetic, I know. I'd probably die on the spot if anyone like Zeke, Reiner, or Bertholdt found it. It's very personal and intimate to me.

I hope you're doing well. I know that's likely not the reality, but I do hope you find peace one day. I'm sorry for breaking your heart. I shouldn't have kept leading a false narrative while knowing full well our relationship wouldn't last. I'm sorry for being selfish and feeding into my desires. If I had stopped myself sooner, you wouldn't be as hurt as you probably are right now. It's my fault. It's all my fault. I should have pushed you away. Hell, I did try at first, but you made it so damn hard. I couldn't resist you.

Sometimes I feel resentful of you. You probably think the same of me. I get mad at how easily you lead me into your heart, completely overtaking my mind. I was supposed to hate you, but instead, I ended up falling in love.

I cry a lot these days. If you see any water stains on the pages, you know where they came from. I just feel so empty inside - like I'll never find joy again.

I wish things were different. I always wonder what could have been.

Maybe things could have gone differently between us in another life.

I love you. In this life, and the next.

With so much love,

Eden

Levi couldn't detach his eyes from the last few sentences, ignoring the way his tears were staining the pages. His chest heaved, anxiety rushing through his veins and causing his heart to beat rapidly. Slowly, he closed the journal and raised his head to stare at the wall.

If you hadn't passed out, would he have stabbed you? Would he have been able to bring himself to kill you?

No.

No, he wouldn't have been able to. He knew that. That wasn't an image he wanted burned into his brain for the rest of his life. Maybe it was for the best you went out this way. It was one less burden for him to carry.

Levi was trembling in his seat. It was pathetic. He didn't want to be crying over you. He didn't want to mourn you. He wanted to hate you entirely and forget you ever existed.

But the fact that you were gone completely tore him apart. He couldn't just ignore that.

Would it be wrong if he did mourn you?

"Just know that you can hate a person for what they did to you and still mourn the person they could have been."

Levi grabbed your journal, clutched it against his chest, and sobbed for the first time in years.

Notes:

I cannot believe I gained about 80 kudos within the last week... I did NOT expect to receive as much love as I did last chapter, thank you (I thought all of you would hate me skhfdbfkjd some of you still might...). I really appreciate all the love 3. Thank you so much.

Not sure how I feel about the structure of this chapter, so if anything feels confusing, don't be afraid to let me know :).

See you next week!

- Mar

Chapter 36: New Beginnings

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

You were having a dream - a very strange dream.

Light was burning your irises from above, the gentle breeze tickling against your skin, and the color purple overwhelming your vision.

Campanula. More of them again.

Immediately, you could feel your heart race as you sat up, shuffling away from them due to fearful memories of the other dream you had not so long ago.

But then you saw your mother's shadow, and that was when you knew for sure that this was only just a dream, because it wasn't everyday you saw the silhouette of your dead mother towering over you.

It was either a dream, or you were dead.

"You're not dead, my love," came your mother's words to reassure you. There was no doubt this was your mother; the tenderness in her tone said everything.

She made her appearance, kneeling down to pick a bundle of flowers and twirl them around by the stem. She looked as beautiful as ever, glowing like an ethereal being. "There's no need to worry."

"W-What's going on?" you asked her. You couldn't remember what led you up to this point, completely surrounded by a field of campanula again with your mother shifting her body to sit crossed legged next to you.

"Something like a dream," she responded, passing you the flowers. You grabbed them from her hesitantly, dissatisfied with her response. When she noticed the questionable look on your face, she spoke up again. "You have a chance to live."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Well, it's up to you." She turned her gaze to face you. "Do you want to live?"

That question bothered you. Wasn't the answer obvious?

"Well, of course I do. I need to go back to Paulina and make sure she's okay. I also need to keep an eye on Zeke to make sure he doesn't-"

"No," she interrupted. "I'm asking if you want to live. Not for Paulina, not for Zeke, but for you ."

Your breath got caught in your throat. You pulled your knees into your chest and hugged them tightly, pondering her question.

"I mean... I've never been able to live for myself, have I? What difference does it make if I choose to live? I'll just keep living the same way I always have - as a tool for Marley to use at their leisure." A harsher breeze hit your skin, goosebumps emerging. "But the least I can do is make sure Paulina doesn't have to suffer what I had to. I don't want her to feel used. I don't want her to feel like she's only good for her strengths and not as a person. I want her to live a life where she can at least feel like her own person."

"And that's admirable, but what about you?"

"Well, what about me?"

"You say these things like you don't have a chance to make a difference for yourself either."

"How?"

She sighed, turning away to look out into the field. "You are much more capable than you give yourself credit for, Eden."

"I've done nothing to be proud of. All I've done is hurt people over and over again."

"You can't change the past, but you can move forward to change the future," she continued. "If you really feel remorse for your sins, then the only way to pay it back is by striving for change."

You huffed. "Sure, but I deserved to be punished."

"My dear, you've already been punished. You lost all your true friends, your lover, and there is still more to tackle back at home that you haven't even the slightest clue about yet."

"Then why on earth should I even want to continue living at this point if not for someone else?"

"Because you will get through it, and you will change. You will make a difference if only you decide to take the risk." She stood up from the ground, brushing off the dirt that stained her pants. "You are only a coward if you choose to be. With change comes sacrifices too, but it is up to you to juggle what is right in your eyes."

Your eyes stared up at her with curiosity and intrigue.

"You are never alone, remember that. There are things you simply cannot do by yourself. Don't pile up your burdens onto yourself. Help is always there if you need it."

"Mom." Your eyes were brimming with tears. "Thank you for making me feel capable."

She smiled at you, kneeling down one last time to hold your cheek gently. Instantly, a fuzzy warmth surged through your body at her touch.

"I'm always here," she said. Her touch was feeling faint, her figure becoming more transparent the longer you looked at her. "I love you."

"I love you," you replied, watching her become a ghost in the wind.

Her body completely faded away, but you knew she wasn't fully gone.

With a somber smile, you trailed your eyes down to gaze at the beautiful purple flowers in your hands. A tear slipped past your cheek.

Love and death were the two meanings behind campanula from what you recalled, but you decided that you were going to add another meaning to it.

Hope.

"I think she's dead."

"Shut up, Ymir. She's not dead."

"She's been out for a whole day. Her pulse will stop soon."

"Will the two of you be quiet? She's concussed. You'll make it worse."

Noisy. So damn noisy.

"Wait, I think she's awake."

With a groan, you slowly fluttered your eyes open, squinting to adjust your eyes in the bright room. Your back was facing up, your chest pressed down against the soft cushion of the mattress. You attempted to pull your body up, but you were pulled back down by the metal encased around your wrists that you hadn't noticed until now. Anxiety rushed through your body when you continued yanking against the chains, failing miserably at detaching yourself from its strong hold. Your legs squirmed in panic, but one of your ankles had been clamped down by the metal too; the other was wrapped in a cast.

"W-What's going on?" you asked whoever was in the room, turning your head to look behind you. Your vision was slowly adjusting, trying to identify the six people in the room- no wait, were there three?

Yeah, three people. You were seeing double, but your eyes finally returned to their normal state. A person with short, blonde hair was sitting on your right. You nearly panicked again, thinking it was Zeke, but after seeing the lack of hair under this person's chin, you knew it was Reiner.

Pieck sat on a wooden chair on the other side of you, black hair tied back with her bangs hanging out the front; her tired eyes watched you intently. The other person sat far from the rest of you, arms crossed over their chest. They were slumped down against the wall with a knee propped up, their arm resting on it. You could recognize the short haircut now - it was Ymir.

You turned your head forward again when the pain from holding your neck in this position became more pronounced. Still frustrated by the chains, you continued struggling under its hold.

"Hey, take it easy. You're still in recovery," Reiner said, gently placing both of his hands on your shoulders to halt your movements. He brought the back of his hand on your forehead then sighed in relief. "At least your fever is gone. I'm glad. Seems like the medicine and IV is working."

"Huh?" You lowered your gaze to your arm, looking at the needle inserted in your veins. To your left was a stand holding IV fluids connected to the tube in your arm. The nightstand just next to it held pill bottles on top. Your eyes shifted to Reiner again.

"What the fuck is going on? Why am I chained to a bed?"

"Relax" - he placed his hand back on your shoulder to try and calm you - "you're going to make your injuries worse."

"How can I relax when I'm literally being restrained?" The aggravation was clear in your tone. "And why the hell am I facing down?"

Your question was answered the moment the door swung open, revealing the bearded idiot carrying a tray of what seemed to be food and some water. Instinctively, you writhed under the restraints, wanting nothing more than to pummel him in the face.

You understood why your back was facing up now. Zeke had sliced your back when you were trying to fight him. Laying down on your back would likely be painful.

Zeke met your eyes with an amused grin, setting the tray down on the nightstand while standing next to Pieck.

"Glad to see you're awake. Almost thought we lost you out there."

"Let me go, Zeke," you said through gritted teeth.

"Easy, girl. I wasn't planning on keeping you chained up forever, don't worry. I had to do it as a safety precaution."

"Safety precaution? For what, exactly?"

"Well, that depends." He pulled out a key from his pocket. "Are you going to promise not to attack me when I unlock you?"

No. "Yes."

He raised an eyebrow at your response. "I'm not sure if I entirely believe that."

You chewed the inside of your cheek at his words. "You're the reason I'm as injured as I am. The least you can do is give me the decency to move around."

He leaned his head down closer to your face. "I think you're forgetting the reason why you're even alive right now. I could have left you to the wolves if I wanted to, but I made Pieck go and capture you."

Your eyes faltered when you reflected back on that memory. The last thing you remembered was confessing your love to Levi before everything went black. Anything that happened afterwards was a mystery to you.

"Did you hurt him?"

Zeke frowned at the mention of Levi, knowing that was who you were talking about. "As much as I would have liked to, no."

"If you're lying to me-"

"He's not lying," Pieck's soft voice interjected. "We only took you and ran away. Engaging with him again would have been too risky since both Reiner and Zeke were in no shape to transform."

"What about Bertholdt?"

Pieck exchanged a nervous glance with Reiner.

"He's gone." Zeke had no problem replying to your question. "We couldn't save him."

"What?" you said incredulously. "How did you end up saving me but not him?"

"Because I had to choose between the two of you."

You furrowed your eyebrows. "Why the fuck would you choose me? That doesn't make any sense. You literally just lost another titan because of making that decision. How the hell is General Calvi gonna react when he discovers that you not only failed in capturing the coordinate, but lost both the Female Titan and the Colossal Titan?"

Zeke seemed so intent on this plan succeeding. He had such a focused outlook on this mission; it surprised you to see his mind skew off track. This decision of his completely contradicted what you'd expect of him.

He paused, glaring at you, then reached his hand down to unlock the cuffs holding your wrists. "There's an important reason behind my choice. You'll find out once we're back home."

You exhaled in relief once your wrists were free, rubbing them to ease the soreness as you turned your body to the side. "Why can't you tell me now?"

"Trust me. It's best if we wait until we're back home."

Your ankle was released at last, and you could now move your limbs at your leisure. A groan escaped you as you sat up, trying to make yourself feel more comfortable after laying down for so long. The deep cuts on your back stung as you shifted your body, your legs hanging over the edge of the bed by Pieck's chair.

"Eat and take your medicine. You're still not in good condition, so you need to make sure you get plenty of rest before we can get you proper medical care. We stitched you up, got you hydrated, and wrapped up your injuries, but you'd still need the attention of a medical doctor," Zeke said, placing a hand on the doorknob. "Rest up, we'll be there soon."

With that, he shut the door and left. You immediately went to drop your feet on the ground to get up from the bed, but Pieck's hands instantly grabbed your arms to stop you from standing.

"You need crutches to walk, Eden. We don't have any here," she said.

"I'll be fine."

"No you won't," Reiner's firm voice projected from behind you. He rushed a hand over to pull you back onto the bed. "Don't play around with this, Eden. I don't think you realize just how badly you were injured. It's gonna take you a long time to fully heal."

You sighed, deciding to comply and move your body back on the bed. He was right. The only reason the pain wasn't excruciating right now was because it was blindsided by your anger towards Zeke.

That fucking prick.

Pieck handed you the tray; you grabbed it hesitantly. It was a sandwich with some water.

"How long have I been out?" you asked, taking a bite of your food.

"The whole damn day," Ymir's voice asserted from afar. "I thought you were dead when they first brought you back."

"I'm just as surprised to see you alive, Ymir," you responded. "I thought you were already dead after Reiner and Bertholdt took you away."

"Well, unfortunately, plans changed and I had to wait out here until they got Eren back. At least your superiors can rest contentedly knowing they didn't lose the Jaw Titan," she said, tipping her head back against the wall. "Historia better have received that letter, Reiner."

"I told you already. I gave it to Hange to give to Historia. What they did with it, I don't know, but I already did my part." Reiner remained staring down at his shoes.

She rolled her eyes, pulling her knees in to stand up. "Whatever. I'm going back to my bed to sleep some more. This entire boat ride has been making me feel sea sick."

You scrunched your eyebrows after watching her leave through the door. "We're on a boat?"

"The commander always sent you guys ships every month or so, waiting for when you completed the mission. This one has been waiting for about a week or two already," Pieck answered. With a sigh, she stood up from her chair to head towards the door. "I'm going to see how close we are to land. Stay in bed in the meantime. Reiner will give you the pills you need after you finish eating."

At the sound of the shut door, it was now you and Reiner completely alone in the room.

"By the way, it would have been nice if you warned me about those explosives they used on me," Reiner said.

"What?"

"The reason I nearly got killed was because of those bomb devices they threw on me. It nearly killed me."

Oh. The thunder spears.

"They were still learning to construct them when I found out about it. I didn't think they were gonna have it ready by Shiganshina."

"Whatever," he grumbled. An awkward silence surrounded you for a few seconds.

"I'm sorry about Bertholdt," you apologized, chewing down on your food slowly. "I'm not sure why Zeke picked me."

"It's not your fault," he responded dejectedly. You could see the somberness in his eyes. "But I'm not sure why he picked you either."

You took a large gulp of your water and continued to ponder Zeke's intentions with you.

He knew something you didn't; that much was obvious. You doubted that any personal feelings were involved. Your mother used to think Zeke had a crush on you as a kid because of how much he liked to tease you, but you always dismissed the thought. Truthfully, he was more in love with power and ambition than anything else. That might have been the reason why he was drawn to you to some extent. Power and ambition was what you craved once too, and it was clear from the moment you met him that he looked up to you for that - he wanted to be that. He saw how much potential you had to be powerful, and that was likely why he always followed behind you.

You weren't exactly friends, but there was something about you that he liked. It wasn't love though - it was your strength.

"If only you could see how much potential you carry too, Eden. It's your heart blocking it out of the way."

Quick realization seeped out of your brain. "He wants to use me for something."

Reiner snapped his head to face you. "For what?"

"I can't kill you," Zeke said. "But that doesn't mean I can't hurt you."

"I- I don't know." You lowered your gaze to the tray. "Either he does, or the superiors do."

"What makes you think that?"

"When I went to attack him and he injured me, he said he couldn't kill me. Clearly I'm needed for something, or else he would have just left me to die. He wouldn't have chosen me over Bertholdt either."

"Hm," he hummed. "That is a bit suspicious."

You couldn't stomach eating the rest of your sandwich from the anxiety, so you set the tray back down on the nightstand. "Has he told you anything?"

Reiner shook his head. "No, I swear he hasn't. The only time me and Bertholdt would speak to him was to organize the plan to take Eren back. He never mentioned you at all."

You exhaled, feeling uneasy about this situation. You always thought that the day you would return to Marley would be the happiest day in your life since you were so confident this mission would succeed, but you were filled with nothing but dread and anguish. The situation was incredibly dire for all of you - you had lost both the Female Titan and the Colossal Titan, nearly lost the Jaw Titan, failed to capture the coordinate, and you couldn't kill the man you were ordered to murder.

There wasn't a single win in this situation.

Reiner clasped his hands together on his lap, staring at the wall. "The only thing Zeke said about you was to say that you killed Levi when we returned, even if you didn't."

"So then that further supports my theory. He wants to use me for something, because why else would he want me to appear good in front of the commander and general?" you responded. Reiner chose not to respond to that, rising from the side of the bed and walking over to grab the pill bottles and pouring out two capsules. He reached out for your water and extended out both objects to you.

"Take these, please. I'm worried you'll pass out again."

You took the pills and glass from him reluctantly, immediately throwing the capsule down your throat and using the water to guide it down smoothly. You set the glass back down on the flat surface next to you, looking at Reiner again.

"Can I ask you something?" you asked.

"Hm?"

"Do you know if... Levi is okay?"

Levi never fully left your mind. Although you were currently most concerned about your fate once setting foot back into Marley, his status still concerned you. He was still alive right before you passed out, but you were worried that Zeke did something without informing you.

And there was still one thing you found extremely odd - Levi didn't kill you. That was the sole reason you were alive right now.

Why didn't he kill me?

You trailed your eyes down your body, fingers grazing over the cloth to feel for any stab wounds.

Nothing.

He didn't even try to kill you. He let you go.

Reiner glared at you. "Is that all you really care about?" he asked, some annoyance laced in his tone.

"It's not. You know that, Reiner. I'm just worried that Zeke is keeping stuff from me about him, that's all."

He sighed, turning his gaze away. "I was nearly unconscious by the time they rescued you, so I'm not so sure what might have happened to him. I'd take Pieck's word for it, though. Besides, all Zeke's been doing since we hopped on this ship was complain about how someone like him was able to nearly defeat him like that. Bertholdt and I tried to warn him before he set on his task, but he refused to listen. I think he experienced Levi's full power back in Shiganshina, and now he's angered by him. If Zeke had done something to him, he would have gloated about it like he did in the forest when we tied him up."

You nodded in agreement, feeling slightly at ease. "You're right. Maybe he is fine."

"I'm surprised he let you get away, though," he admitted. "I never met the captain myself, but from what I was told, he always gets the job done. If I hadn't transferred my consciousness to my body, I would have been dead."

"He tried to kill you too?"

He scoffed. "He fucking stabbed me through the neck. One more second, and I would have been dead."

You nodded your head. "Sounds just like him."

"And yet, you got let off so easily. What did you get, a slap on the wrist?"

"Oh, no. Definitely not. Believe me, he wasn't happy to see me. He may not have killed me, but he didn't fail to make it known how much he despised me now."

"Yet he still let you go," Reiner emphasized. "If he hated you that much, he would have stabbed you without hesitation."

You bit your lip nervously. "Yeah, well, that's what love does to you, I guess. It impairs your sense of reason."

You were so sure Levi would have pushed aside his feelings to kill you, but the moment he broke down in front of you, you understood that doing that was too heartbreaking of a task for him to do. He loved you much more than you realized. You assumed that after a few weeks, he would have been able to get over you to some extent, but that was clearly not the case; he spared you because he still loved you.

Reiner stood up from the bed, walking towards the door. "I guess I can't fully blame you. I relate to your feelings in some way, but I was able to push them aside to focus on the mission to some extent."

You huffed. "It's even worse when the person you're in love with is involved."

"Yeah... I almost got blindsided by that too."

You narrowed your eyes. "Huh?"

Reiner turned pink, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. "I mean... you know... me and Historia."

You raised an eyebrow, lips parted. "Did I... miss something?"

"Not really. I just really wished I had gotten to know her better."

"Reiner... I mean this in the nicest way possible, but you do know that she's gay, right?"

Evidently embarrassed, Reiner turned his gaze towards the wall. "She might like men too. You don't know that."

"Sure, I guess, but her and Ymir seemed pretty-"

"Forget I said anything. Just rest up and I'll check on you soon," he interrupted abruptly, shutting the door with a bang. You chuckled slightly yourself, but that amusement quickly turned against you when you felt your head pulse again. You groaned, placing your palm on your head in pain. You'd never had a concussion this horrid before.

"Fuck," you muttered, rubbing your temples with your fingers. Hopefully the pills would do the trick.

With all the effort you could muster, you moved your body to switch to the other side of the bed, shifting towards the window. The window was only a few feet away, but you could still see the outside relatively clearly.

The vast, blue ocean was all you saw, waves rippling from the wind. It looked quite peaceful, but not even that was able to ease your apprehension. You hugged your arms tightly as a way to comfort yourself.

You wondered how Levi was doing. You hoped he was okay.

Did he read my journal?

A shiver rippled through you at the thought. Knowing him, he must have read the whole thing by morning. You didn't even want to begin to imagine his reaction to some of the entries. A part of you was reassured that he finally knew the full truth about you, though. Keeping it a secret for so long was excruciating; you no longer had to live a lie.

You sighed, staring down at the cast on your leg as you swung both legs around. You'd never forget all the people you met in Paradis, but in order to re-immerse yourself into the world you once knew, you were going to have to suppress all the memories you gained and forget they ever existed.

But one thing was for certain - you were never going to be the same person you once were after all you had experienced. No matter how hard you tried to push back the thoughts, you knew they would never fully go away. The guilt would forever stick with you, glued against your heart without a way to remove it.

The door jolted open; you snapped your head up in surprise.

"We're here," Reiner said. Your stomach twisted with anxiety. "Let's help you up."

Reiner and Pieck went on either side of you, holding you by your back as they lifted you up to walk. You hopped on one foot as you exited the door, the sun piercing your eyes and worsening your headache.

"Fuck, it's so bright out," you stated. "What time is it?"

"Noon," Pieck answered. "It is always the brightest at this time."

The ship hit against the dock, and the three of you nearly stumbled to the ground from the impact. Three Marleyan officers - whom you were unable to recognize - emerged from the control room and headed towards the dock to make sure the ship was secure and stable. Zeke trailed leisurely behind them with Ymir secure in his arm. He shot you a harrowing smile when he noticed you.

"Enjoyed your rest?" he asked sarcastically.

"Just wait 'til my fucking leg heals," you threatened. "I'm not letting you get away with your bullshit again."

He chuckled, turning away from you to head towards the dock with Ymir. "Can't wait."

Reiner and Pieck continued helping you down the ship while Zeke and Ymir went ahead quickly; Zeke was already speaking with the general and commander on the wooden dock, likely discussing Ymir's identity and what she was doing with the rest of you. Your stomach continued twisting within you the closer you approach the two superiors, unwilling to make eye contact with them.

Your stable foot hit the ground; all heads then turned to the three of you. It was almost like they had all seen a damn ghost.

"Eden!" a cheery voice bellowed from afar. From the corner of your eye, you could see a female figure running towards you in urgency, arms spread open to give you a hug. Your mouth curved into a smile immediately.

"Paulina," you sighed in relief. Thank fuck she was okay - she looked more than okay. She had grown much taller, and looked so much like your mother. She was honestly beautiful for her age, and the smile on her face told you that she must have been faring somewhat fine since you were gone.

However, that smile immediately diminished when her eyes flickered down to the cast on your legs. She set her arms down.

"What happened?" she asked in concern. Before you were even able to open your mouth to speak, Zeke beat you to it.

"She almost got caught killing the captain. You should have seen her. She took down at least ten of those island devils at once and got injured in the process, but she did a damn good job at completing her mission." He turned to you with the widest grin. "Isn't that right, Eden?"

You shot him a deadly glare, but knew better than to give in to your temperament in front of the others. You had to play along, so with a joyful grin, you said, "Absolutely."

"We need to take her to the hospital immediately. We stitched her up the best we could, but her wounds could be fatal. She also broke a leg and is severely concussed," Reiner intruded. You were thankful he spoke up, otherwise, you were so sure you'd puke from the facade you had to put up.

"Will she be okay?" Paulina asked. Two officers stepped up to take you from Reiner and Pieck, likely helping you get to the hospital.

"Well, she already made it this far. It'd be a shame if she suddenly gave up on us."

Paulina nodded at him in understanding, then whipped back around to follow in your steps. "I can show you to Dr. Bauer's room. He'll know what to do."

"Who's that?"

"One of the top Eldian medical doctors we have. I've been studying under him."

Your eyes were blown wide. "Studying?"

She smiled at you shyly, turning away. "I'm studying to become a doctor."

Your face lit up immediately. "No fucking way. You smart ass," you said. She giggled in amusement. "What happened to warrior training?"

"Commander Magath felt like I wasn't suited for it, but my grades were more than exceptional to him, so he offered me medical school as an alternative."

There were a lot of things you didn't like the commander for, but this you could respect him for.

"I'm proud of you," you told her with a smile. "I really am."

She didn't need you after all. She found a way to use her strengths to her benefit.

Good for her.

The officers placed you into a carriage alongside your sister to take you to the hospital. The two of you chit chatted on the way there, trying to make up for lost time.

She was still as talkative as she always was. It made you happy; she hadn't lost her childlike wonder yet and you hoped she never did.

You asked about Karina, and Paulina said she was doing fine, just worrying about Reiner like crazy. That didn't sound out of the ordinary to you at all.

"She's been babysitting her brother's daughter quite a bit too."

"Oh, right. I forgot her brother had a kid before I left. What was her name again?"

"Gabi," Paulina answered. "She's eight right now."

"Wow. Time flies, huh?"

"Sure does."

Your conversation was cut short after the wheels of the carriage stopped turning. The officers helped you down begrudgingly, and Paulina rushed to your side to help guide you to the right room.

She held the door open as you entered the medical building. Before you knew it, you were placed in a hospital room alone with your sister. A nurse walked in to hand you a hospital gown, which you quickly changed into. Paulina offered to help you dress, but stubborn as you always were, you simply told her to look away as you undressed. It wasn't too much of a hassle, thankfully.

The moment after you slipped on your gown while sitting on the edge of the bed, you immediately yanked Paulina's arm in for a hug. She stiffened, clearly taken aback.

"I'm so happy you're okay," you muffled into her neck. "I was so worried about you."

She brought her arms up and hugged you from underneath your shoulders, returning your embrace. With a huff, she asked, "Since when did you become a hugger?"

You pulled back from the hug, laughing at her question. "I haven't seen you in five years. I can't hug you?"

"I expected you to ruffle my hair and pat me on the back. You were never this affectionate before."

Your smile subdued, knowing exactly why you had that sudden change in physical affection, but you were obviously not going to divulge that out loud.

"A lot can change in five years," was what you settled with.

Just a few seconds later, a man knocked on the door, then barged into the room.

"Ah, Paulina! What brings you here? Is it a question about one of your assignments? Let me help this client here first then I'll gladly assist you," the doctor, who you presumed was Dr. Bauer, asked. Visibly, he was a tall, lanky, middle-aged man with a balding head and glasses. The wrinkles on his face made him appear much older than he likely was.

"No, not today. I've brought my sister. She just came back from Paradis from her mission and needs to be treated for her injuries."

He whipped his head around in intrigue, eyes widening at the sight of you. He wasted no time in approaching you, eyeing you with his glasses.

"So you're Eden? Paulina has told me so much about you. How was your trip?" He bent down to inspect the cast on your leg.

He asks that like I just went on vacation...

"It was... something," you replied. You knew he was only trying to make conversation, so you hoped he wouldn't press further. He stepped behind you to take a look at your back. His fingers light traced over the cloth of your gown.

"May I? I want to see how bad the lacerations are."

You nodded and felt him lift the gown to reveal your back.

"Oh dear. The Eldians on that island did this to you?"

You chewed your cheek in aggravation. "Yes," you lied.

"My, my. It really does seem like they carry their reputation of being island devils. This is brutal."

Angered by his comment, you kicked your spare foot against the side rail of the bed, grunting from the harsh impact.

"Are you alright?" Paulina approached you. You forced a smile on your face.

"I'm fine. Just need to be more careful."

The doctor continued with his inspection, prodding at your skin and using his stethoscope to check your heartbeat and breathing.

"Those cuts need to be restitched for sure, and I'll need to cut open that cast to see how your leg is. It should take a few hours, but you'll be fine. Just know it will likely take months for your body to return to normal."

"I'll wait," Paulina said, sitting down on the patient chair beside you. You shook your head.

"Don't worry about me. Go take care of your school work and errands. You probably have a lot of work to do."

"They can wait. I want to make sure you're okay."

"It's alright Paulina. I'll be okay, don't worry." You smiled at her reassuringly.

She exhaled, stepping up to you hesitantly. "Okay, fine, but can you promise me something?"

"Anything."

"Promise me you'll tell me everything when you're feeling better."

You swallowed nervously, your heart dropping to your stomach. "Yeah, of course. I'll tell you everything."

With a grin and nod, she headed out the room to allow Dr. Bauer to do his job. A sigh escaped you as you stared down at your feet.

"I'll have to inject some anesthesia so the restitching isn't so painful. That okay?"

You nodded in approval, laying down on your chest to allow him to begin his treatment.

It was time to leave behind the life you built in Paradis. You were no longer Eden, the soldier - you were back to being Eden, the warrior.

Notes:

Anddd with that, we are officially in season 4.

If you've been reading this far into the story, thank you 3. The last few chapters were definitely my biggest worry because I know everyone was anticipating the reveal and I was nervous it wouldn't be satisfactory. I honestly had so many different scenes envisioned for the reveal and for Shiganshina before I settled on what I had written for these last chapters. Now it's time for me to continue putting in the same effort from the past 200k words into these last arcs. I've got some big plans ahead ;). I wanna make sure I execute them properly (or at least try my best to).

Also, Levi is gonna be gone for a while, but he'll be back eventually, I promise. These next few chapters are going to be very Eden-centric; you'll find out why soon...

Sending you all so much love 3. Your support means the world to me. I know this is just a silly little fanfic, but to know there are people looking forward to reading this makes me ecstatic.

Enjoy the rest of your week :).

- Mar

Chapter 37: Tybur

Notes:

Content Warning: description of panic attack

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

To your misfortune, it was going to take at least two months until your leg would fully heal, and you were going to have to use a wheelchair for a few weeks until you'd be able to use crutches.

Fantastic.

"I hate this," you confessed to Paulina, who was pushing your wheelchair from behind.

"I can see that," she replied solemnly.

It was noon the following day already. Dr. Bauer had suggested you stay in the hospital overnight to not put pressure on your injuries. The moment Paulina made a reappearance by the door the next day, you were nothing more than ecstatic.

Clearly absentminded, Paulina rolled one of the wheels over into a large pothole on the ground, nearly toppling you over. You gasped as you felt the chair tip to the side, leaving it in an incline.

"Sorry, sorry!" Paulina said frantically, reaching down to lift the wheel from the hole. After a bit of effort, your wheelchair was finally standing straight again.

"Looks like you still need a bit of practice with patient care, Ms. Doctor," you teased. "I could have fallen over and died." She rolled her eyes at your comment as she continued guiding you down the sidewalk. You snorted at her reaction, but then felt your head pulse again from your concussion.

"Ow," you groaned, grabbing your head.

"I'm sure Karina has an ice pack at home to use for your head. You'll need plenty of rest these next few weeks, so try not to do anything crazy."

"I can't get anywhere without rolling myself around. What could I possibly do if I can't even walk?"

"You're the type to get up and start exercising within a few days. I'm gonna have to keep an eye on you to make sure you don't do anything to worsen your injuries."

"So in other words, my fifteen year old sister is going to be babysitting me."

"Yes, ma'am," she chirped. With a sigh, you rested your elbow on the arm of your wheelchair, placing your chin in the palm of your hand. You couldn't wait to get back on your two feet again, but that wasn't going to be for a long while. Getting your strength back was going to be a bitch. You were going to have to workout like crazy once you were healed.

Paulina reached the door to your old home. The outside still appeared the same way it had five years prior - dull and crumbled. Nothing new.

She pulled out her keys to open the door.

"Your side of the room still looks the same, by the way. It remained untouched, but I always made sure to keep it clean," she stated.

"Cool, thanks."

The two of you used to share a room after moving in with Karina. There weren't enough rooms in the house to each have your own room, so Karina was able to squeeze in a spot for the two of you. It was a tad small, but it worked, nonetheless. Reiner was obviously lucky enough to have his own private space.

The door clicked open and she pushed it outwards. The wood creaked as she peeked through the gap. You were met with multiple people sitting in the living room immediately after the door was spread open.

"Eden! Oh, it's so nice to see you, my dear." Karina approached you with open arms, bending down to give you a hug. You reached your arms up to return the embrace. She pulled back and placed her hands on your shoulders. "How are you feeling? Are you okay? Tch, those island devils could have killed you."

There it was again - the feeling of boiling blood in your veins at the crude comments about the Eldians from Paradis. Unfortunately, this was something you were going to have to get used to again. You had to accept it.

"Don't worry. I'm alright. I'll be sitting out for quite a while, but not forever," you responded reassuringly. Paulina wheeled your chair further into the room. Four other people were in the room with you all - Reiner, Karina's brother, his wife, and the little girl who you presumed was their daughter. Her eyes lit up immediately when she made eye contact with you. Her father nudged her by the elbow.

"Don't be shy, Gabi. Go say hi," he whispered to her. Her face turned red as she averted her gaze from you shyly.

Huh?

Finally gaining some confidence, she slowly rose from her chair to approach you.

"Hello, um..." she trailed off nervously. You furrowed your eyebrows, waiting for her to continue. "I just wanted to say that I- I really admire your work and that I think you are very brave."

"Uh, thank you," you responded.

She kept going. "I respect you a lot and I know you must have worked hard to complete your mission. Your injuries already tell me everything."

"...Thank you," you repeated, hoping she wouldn't continue praising you like this. It made you uncomfortable.

"Gabi here hasn't been able to shut up about you since you arrived," her father added.

"Oh, really?"

"Dad!" she scolded.

"Commander Magath said her abilities reminded him of you at that age, so she did everything she could to reach your level."

"Oh, that's- that's great."

No, it wasn't great at all, actually.

"We can see how much you've grown from your mistakes," his wife continued. "At first, I was hesitant about her sudden fixation with you because of your history, but seeing you return with the injuries you have, I can see that you've proved yourself tremendously. You were the only one of the warriors to return with success, after all. It is very admirable. You truly do carry a respectable work ethic."

"I wanna work just as hard as you!" Gabi exclaimed. Her eyes were glowing with determination and pride. "One day, I'll inherit Reiner's titan, and I'll be just as strong as you are!"

You raised your eyebrows at her sudden elation, not knowing how to respond to that.

"Yeah, that's... that's really great. Keep working at it," you finally said, uncertainty evident in your tone.

You wanted nothing more than to crawl into a hole and die.

"Um, I'm gonna take Eden into her room to rest now. She's still pretty concussed, and it was recommended by the doctor to minimize social interaction to avoid speaking so her head doesn't hurt," Paulina said.

God bless Paulina for reading the situation perfectly.

"Yes, but it was so nice to see you all again." You forced a smile on your face, meeting Gabi's eyes. "And you as well, Gabi. You've grown up so much."

She grinned at you with a nod, watching as Paulina rolled you out of the room.

"Oh, hang on!" Karina called. Paulina halted her movements, turning you back around. "The general and commander want to hold a conference with all the warriors and their families tonight at 8 pm. It's mandatory."

"Can't I get a pass? I'm still not in full recovery since I can't heal as quickly as the others."

"It's urgent." Reiner stood up from his seat to step towards you. "It's regarding the future of this mission, and he wants all of us there."

You sighed. "Fine, okay. I'd still like to get a bit of rest, though."

Karina nodded. "Of course. I will inform you when lunch is ready."

"Thank you," you replied. Paulina shoved open the door to your room and wheeled you in.

"I could tell you were in no mood to talk to guests, so I tried to cut it short," she said, shutting the door behind you.

"You'd think they'd understand after seeing me in a wheelchair and finding out I'm severely concussed, but nope," you replied, watching Paulina sit on the edge of her bed. "Didn't expect their daughter to see me as a role model either."

"Oh, she's literally obsessed with you," she explained. "She would not stop asking me questions about you."

"Really?"

"Yes, really. It was getting on my nerves, but she's only eight so I tried my best not to be rude. I guess since you were probably the most advanced out of all the other Eldian warriors, she wanted someone to look up to."

"Huh." You glared down at your legs. "Didn't expect that." The idea of someone idolizing you made you feel nauseous. There was nothing to idolize. You sincerely hoped this was just a phase she'd grow out of soon.

A few moments later, Paulina began setting up your bed on the other side of the room. You glanced over at it, a wave of nostalgia hitting over you. She wasn't lying; your side really was left exactly how it was five years prior - your stack of journals tucked into a corner, your shared nightstand holding your mother's lamp, and the same dull bedsheets thrown over your bed.

"There. That should be comfortable enough for you." She folded up the comforter so it would be easy to slide underneath the sheets, then she fluffed up your pillow. "Now go lay down and shut your eyes. I have a feeling this meeting is going to be long."

"I've been sleeping all day. I'm not tired anymore."

"Well, there isn't much else you can really do." She pushed your wheelchair towards your bed, helping you stand to get you in the bed. "Come on. Get some rest."

"Can't we at least talk or something? We haven't really talked since I got here." You sat down on the edge of the bed, then shifted your body down to lay on your side. Paulina moved the wheelchair away and flopped down on her bed with a sigh.

"You wanna talk about your experiences in Paradis? You know I'm eager to listen."

Your face fell. "Later. I wanna know what's up with you. Aside from the whole medical school thing, is there anything else new? Any boyfriends? Girlfriends? New friends?"

She laughed slightly. "I hate to break it to you, but I haven't changed much at all."

"So, you're still married to your books is what I'm hearing."

"Yep!" She crouched down underneath her bed to pull out a stack of books. A part of you was surprised she was even able to lift all of that. "These are my favorites right now! It's a series about a princess who fell in love with her knight - five books and I've reread it about three times already."

You rolled your eyes, a hint of a smile growing on your face. "You and your damn romance novels."

"I have others, look!" She dropped the books and searched for another one beneath her bed. The fact she had to use the space underneath her bed to store more books because her bookcase was already full was absolutely insane to you.

"This one is a standalone. It was written years before the titan war, and it was about a girl assimilating to a new country and her experiences. Really interesting read."

"Where the hell are you finding books that old?"

"In the library."

You raised an eyebrow suspiciously. She averted her gaze sheepishly.

"Okay, it was... in the restricted section."

"What the hell?" You sat up straight. "You're taking stuff without permission?"

"Shh, lower your voice." She glanced over her shoulders to make sure no one would barge in unexpectedly. "I- I was just curious. The locks they have on the cases are pretty old and rusty, so picking them wasn't really any issue."

"You're picking locks?" you asked incredulously. "Who the hell taught you that?"

"Uh, I'm gonna go see if Karina needs help with making lunch." She stood up from her bed to reach the door knob, but you continued calling after her.

"Hey, get back here! I'm not done questioning you!"

However, she ignored you entirely and shut the door behind her, leaving you alone with your thoughts.

She was lucky as hell you didn't have walkable legs right now.

The rest of the day passed by far too quickly for your liking. You took another nap after lunch, then were woken up for dinner a few hours later. After a quick shower, you were sitting back on the wheelchair being guided by Paulina again on your way to that dreadful conference meeting.

"Paulina?" you called. Karina held open the door for you both to exit her house.

"Hm?"

"Thanks for taking care of my stuff after all these years," you said with a smile. You really appreciated the way she kept your stuff nice and tidy after so long. She had made your area completely spotless, which wasn't anything she needed to do.

She returned the same expression. "Of course."

It took about fifteen minutes to arrive outside of the Marleyan conference hall building. The structure still looked the same as always - pretentious and pompous. All these damn Marleyan buildings held such an egotistical aura, or maybe it was just your withheld anger making it appear more infuriating than normal.

"Alright, I've got it from here," you told Paulina, hanging your arms down to grab the rims of your wheels. She eyed you skeptically.

"Are you sure?"

You gripped the rim of your wheels to propel forward. Although you appreciated her help, you didn't want to have to depend on her to get everywhere all the time. "I've got this. Don't worry."

She obeyed your request, but still chose to stay close next to you out of worry.

Shivers ran through your spine the moment you pushed past the main doors of the building. They had made quite a few renovations since the last time you stepped foot in here, but it all still gave you that same queasy feeling in your stomach. The walls were a lighter shade of orange, and the furniture all contained cushions now, making any visiting guest feel welcome and comfortable at the lighthearted designs, but you knew that was never the case at all.

The halls were as wide as always, footsteps echoing down the hall from Paulina, Karina, and Reiner while your wheels squeaked as they rolled over the glossed floors.

Two Marleyan officers stood guard outside the conference room. Once their eyes darted towards you, one of them knocked on the door then twisted the knob open for you all to enter. Immediately, you could feel your heart beat rapidly at the sight of both General Calvi and Commander Magath standing at the end of the room by a chalkboard and podium. You couldn't quite decipher what writing was depicted on the board just yet, but you knew you'd find out in due time.

Two more officers stood at the two ends of the room for protection - one being your father, of course. Noticing his presence was unsettling, but you still glimpsed in his direction for a little longer than you intended. He had definitely aged since you left - some grey hair was littered across his head. It was a bit strange to see.

The conference room was huge - chairs and tables lined up in rows and the ceiling ten times higher than you recalled. It was no wonder everyone turned their attention to you when you walked in, because the echo sounds were even greater in this room due to the massive empty space between the floor and the ceiling.

"Ah, good. We've all arrived," the general acknowledged. "Let's get started then. Go on, take a seat."

Shit, were you four the last to arrive?

This is gonna be awkward as hell.

Karina and Reiner found seats in the back row, but Paulina remained stiff next to you in the far back. Commander Magath took notice of this immediately.

"Why don't you two come towards the front?"

"I'm quite fine up here, thank you," you replied instantly. You wanted to be as far away from the two of them as possible. Any close proximity to them would surely cause your heart to beat right out of your chest.

"What about you, Paulina?"

"I'm okay here. I want to make sure Eden is okay," she said. You were glad she chose to stand next to you, because she brought you some sense of ease. Magath was clearly discontent with the two of your responses, but it was the least urgent thing to worry about at the moment. Whatever they wanted to talk about was far more important, so he chose not to press further.

"Very well. Let's get started."

Here we go...

The beginning portion of the meeting was mostly a recap of what you had already known about the mission.

Blah, blah. "The warriors suck." Blah, blah. "They are a disgrace to this land." Blah, blah.

Well, that was how you were interpreting it, at least. "We are displeased with the results of this mission" likely translated to, "The warriors are an immense disappointment to Marley and they deserve hell."

You tuned out for most of it, staring down boredly at the rows of chairs while they continued speaking and pointing at the chalkboard to discuss potential future plans. They seemed to be most disappointed in Reiner for the majority of it. It almost felt like a Reiner bashing contest with the way the general and commander interchanged speaking. Poor kid.

You hadn't been mentioned once yet; you wondered why. Sure, your focus wasn't to capture the coordinate, but you were still involved, weren't you? Shouldn't you have been getting bashed too? You and Reiner were the only two out of five warriors to return to Marley. That wasn't a good look at all.

"But with all failures, there is still some success."

Paulina poked you lightly on the shoulder to make you straighten up. "I think you're about to be mentioned. Pay attention."

You bit down on your bottom lip nervously, leaning back on your chair to give your full attention to your superiors.

"As you all know, Eden Barlowe was selected to take the life of one of Paradis' most dangerous threats - Captain Levi. She proved her strength and resilience through her actions, succeeding in her mission and enduring through her injuries," Commander Magath stated. The room broke out in applause; heat rose on your face as you tried to look anywhere but forward.

General Calvi stepped forward, taking the commander's spot at the podium. His expression was stoic as it always was. "Eden has exceeded our expectations by taking out a difficult opponent and demonstrated her loyalty to the cause. Because of this, it is with great honor that I reinstate her status as an honorary Marleyan alongside her sister, Paulina Barlowe, allowing the both of them to receive the best benefits offered in the country as an Eldian."

More applause. Your heart continued to race.

You should be overjoyed at hearing the news; this was quite literally your dream for so long. This was the moment you were waiting for, and it finally happened. All those years of beating yourself up for being careless and trying to work hard to mend it had paid off, and your sister could live the best life she possibly could as an Eldian now that your honorary status had granted her a surplus of benefits. You did it. You succeeded in giving your sister the life she so desperately deserved.

But you didn't feel one bit of joy. All you felt was apprehension and guilt. Not only were people cheering you on for a lie, but to know you were standing here receiving such a grand reward for letting innocent lives die didn't feel great at all. You didn't deserve such praise; you deserved punishment.

"I will now allow Willy Tybur to take the platform to discuss other intriguing matters." General Calvi took a step back while a tall man with long, blonde hair stepped forward to the podium. You furrowed your eyebrows.

Tybur? What is he doing here?

"Good evening," he began, flipping through some pages of a packet.

Why does he have a whole damn script? This is gonna be a long night...

"Yesterday, we were met with great disappointment after hearing that our warriors did not succeed in capturing the Founding Titan, and lost two of our titans in the process."

You fought the urge to roll your eyes. He was just repeating what was already said a million times before.

"Because of this misfortune, we must immediately embark on our next plan to take back all of our titans to, in turn, finally show the world how powerful of a nation Marley is. While we might have lost some of our major titans, we can still make use of the ones we have - the Armored, the Jaw, the Beast, the Cart, and of course, the one currently occupied by my sister, the War Hammer."

He flipped to the next page. "My sister is reaching the end of her time as the War Hammer, and as we know, this titan can only be inherited by someone who is a Tybur - someone with the blood of those who are fully devoted to Marley and have shown it through their history and actions. My ancestors fought against the rule of Eldians, and that is why we are so praised and honored today. To be a Tybur means to fight against your own kind."

The speech he was making was making you nauseous.

His light-colored eyes flickered up towards you. "It is why I was more than eager to find out that the same person who was just reinstated as an honorary Marleyan actually shares the same blood as I."

What?

"Our suspicions were true. Both Eden and Paulina Barlowe's blood work revealed that they are, indeed, related to my family. After centuries of searching for Larry Tybur, a family member that was missing so long ago, we finally found small remnants of his body in a forest out west. He left behind a journal, revealing that he had fallen in love with an Eldian and had children. We looked into the family history of both families, and due to extensive research, we were able to find out that Eden and Paulina's late mother, Luna Barlowe, was related to Larry Tybur. In turn, this means that both Eden and Paulina are Tyburs by blood."

What the fuck is happening?

His lips curled up to form a smile. "Eden Barlowe, after much consideration, I am happy to reveal that we have selected you as our next inheritor of the War Hammer Titan."

The world stopped.

You couldn't hear.

You couldn't speak.

You couldn't see.

Everything began to slowly fade out.

It felt like you were stuck inside a never ending tunnel, listening to the echo of muffled voices and clapping from a distance and only being able to see a tiny speck of light at the end. But it was fading. It was disappearing. Everything was turning dim again.

You needed to get out before you were fully encased in darkness.

"Open the door," you said quietly. Willy Tybur continued speaking to the audience, but everything that came out of his mouth was incomprehensible to you.

"What?" Paulina asked incredulously.

"Open the door," you repeated.

"Why?"

"Please."

She hesitated. It would be unprofessional and rude to do such a thing when someone of high status was speaking, especially as an Eldian. She would not only get reprimanded, but likely punished too.

But she was always your sister for a reason, and one thing you always shared in common was remaining loyal to one another no matter what the consequences may be; so she twisted the knob and pushed the door open.

You gripped the rim of your wheels and rolled yourself out immediately. Heads turned in your direction once people heard the squeaking of the wheels on the ground.

"Where are you going?" you heard Commander Magath's voice call. Without responding, you wheeled yourself out of the room as swiftly as you could to find a spot to collect yourself.

You were hyperventilating, the air you were breathing only coming out sporadically in small bursts. It was becoming harder and harder to breathe as black spots scattered across your vision.

"Eden!" you heard them call after you.

There was a bathroom just a few doors down. Perfect.

You thrust the door open and locked yourself inside, placing a hand on your chest to try and regulate your breathing.

"Breathe," you whispered to yourself. "Breathe."

It felt like your heart was about to explode - like you were about to die from a heart attack.

"Fuck." You shut your eyes and tossed your head back against the door. "Breathe."

Your heart was racing so fast, chills running through your entire body. It was a good thing you were in a wheelchair, because had you been standing, you were so sure you would have passed out from how lightheaded and dizzy you were feeling.

"Come on. Breathe," you said to yourself again. Choking sensations overwhelmed you. It was as if someone had strangled you and left you with a tight throat. Air was desperately trying to crawl its way out of your lungs, but it was being suppressed by panic.

A bang hit the door from behind you; a shock jolted through you.

"Open the door!" the commander's voice boomed from the other side. You shook your head to yourself, chest still heaving. Fuck, it felt like your chest was about to cave in itself.

"Eden, open the door!"

"No," you said softly. His forceful punches against the door only escalated your anxiety, heart hammering relentlessly against your ribcage.

"Eden, let me in," came your sister's gentle voice. She knocked against it softly, as if she knew anything more intense would only continue pushing you away.

"Go away," you told her. You didn't want her to have to see you like this. Your dramatic exit was already embarrassing enough for her to witness; this would be far worse.

"Everyone is waiting for you inside," she continued.

"I- I can't go out there." Your body began to tremble, eyes watering with tears. Paulina pushed against the door by the knob.

"Let me in," she repeated. "Talk to me."

You couldn't bring yourself to speak, only covering your mouth to conceal the choking sobs threatening to spill out. You shut your eyes tightly as you weeped to yourself quietly, trying to figure out what you did to end up in this situation.

There had to have been some sort of mistake. How could you be related to the Tyburs? And of all people, they wanted you to inherit the War Hammer Titan?

This couldn't be real.

Suddenly, the door unlocked and it was shoved open. It remained stuck due to the pressure the back of your wheelchair was putting against the door.

"Let me in, Eden," Paulina demanded again.

"How'd you open the door?"

"Not important," she replied, evading your question. "Now, let me in."

"I'll be out in a minute," you lied. "Just leave. I'll be fine."

"I'm your sister." Her voice became more assertive. "Either you let me in, or I'll break the door down myself."

You chuckled to yourself, turning your head at her voice. "You don't even have the strength to do that."

Determined to prove you wrong, she groaned as she put all her weight against the door to shove it open. She failed miserably, of course, but the amount of effort she put in brought a smile to your face. It made your anxiety subside just a bit.

"Come on, Eden," she pleaded impatiently. "Let me in."

You sighed. Truthfully, there was no way out of this. You had to leave the bathroom eventually, so you may as well just let her inside. Hiding forever wasn't an option.

You wheeled yourself forward to allow her space to enter. She rushed in immediately, shutting the door behind her and leaning her back against it to make sure you didn't escape.

"What's going on?"

You exhaled, turning your gaze away from her. Your face met your reflection in the mirror, but seeing yourself felt even worse somehow, so you trailed your eyes to the floor instead.

"Eden." She stepped up closer. "Tell me what's wrong."

"Is he outside the door?" you whispered. "The commander?"

She nodded. You bit your lip nervously.

You'd only met back with your sister for a day. There had been no time for the two of you to sit down and talk about all that had happened to you in Paradis. That wasn't a conversation you were ready to have yet.

Paulina's views were a complete mystery to you, but you never really deemed her as the type of person who leaned on one belief over another. She always liked to see the different sides of things. You'd known this ever since she picked up her hobby of reading when she liked to analyze counterarguments in texts.

Hell, you were always kind of the same. Of course, the notion that Paradis held 'island devils' was a belief that stuck with you all these years, but that was due to blind ignorance. It wasn't until you arrived in Paradis that you realized it was all just propaganda. You always questioned the treatment of Eldians in Marley, but only ever made that known to your mother and nobody else out of fear of being punished. Paulina was too young at the time to truly grasp what it meant to be born Eldian, so you never had that discussion with her, but she was definitely old enough now to form her own opinions about it.

But was now a good time to talk about it?

Unexpected to you, the door burst open again to reveal both the commander and Zeke standing behind him. Fury coursed through your veins the moment you met the blonde's eyes.

"This is your fucking fault, isn't it?" You rolled your wheels forward, ignoring the way you cut past the commander to meet in front of Zeke. Blinded by your rage, you continued speaking. "This is why you wanted me alive, isn't it? This is why you-"

"Lower your voice," Zeke interrupted, placing both hands on your armchair to push you backwards inside the bathroom. You smacked his hands away immediately.

"Don't you dare fucking touch me," you spat.

"In the bathroom. Now. All of you," the commander ordered sternly. Paulina took it upon herself to grab the grips from the back of your wheelchair to pull you back in. Zeke stepped in afterwards and secured the door behind him.

"What has gotten into you?" Commander Magath asked in aggravation. Furious, you grinded down on your teeth while trying to withhold your temper, fingers curling into fists on both sides of your arms. "You are making a fool out of me in front of the general and everyone out there."

You pulled your eyebrows together in indignation, the next words slipping out of your mouth without warning. "No, you made a fool out of me."

The room went quiet. Zeke's eyes widened at your boldness.

"You brainwashed me," you continued. "You brainwashed all of us."

"Eden, stop it," Zeke intruded, approaching you.

"Shut up, Zeke." You turned to him. His eyes stared back at you in concern. He wasn't entertained at watching your rage like he usually was; he was genuinely worried about the consequences this time. "Stay the fuck out of this."

"What are you talking about?" the commander questioned.

"What am I talking about?" You scoffed. Any sense of reason was completely overridden by the frustration and exasperation pulsing through your body. "I'm talking about all the bullshit propaganda you fed us as children. I'm talking about the awful treatment we experienced that you convinced us was justified-"

"Eden-"

Zeke's attempts to shut you up were failing miserably.

"I'm talking about the way you used me and all the other warriors as weapons our whole lives. My entire life, I was nothing more than an object to you."

"Do you even hear yourself right now? That damn devil island has clearly messed with your head. Have you forgotten the reason why you Eldians are treated the way you are?" the commander asked.

"What our ancestors did is not our fault," you refuted. "None of us deserve to be treated like absolute garbage for something we had no control over centuries ago."

"Eden, stop-"

"Zeke, go back into the conference room. Tell them we'll be there in a moment," Magath ordered. Zeke raised an eyebrow to receive confirmation; the commander nodded and Zeke complied with his orders, walking through the door. Paulina locked it once more after he left.

The commander continued speaking. "What your ancestors did was unforgivable. How do you expect us to treat you with fairness and equality when you subjugated us so long ago? I thought you understood this."

"And now all you're doing is repeating history," you defended. "It's hypocrisy."

"You're wrong. It's justice."

"We are all human," you said a little louder, tears slipping from your eyes in frustration. "The only thing that distinguishes us is the circumstances of our birth. This isn't justice, it's discrimination for something out of our control."

He shook his head in disagreement. "No, we are not alike. We do not carry the same blood. Your demonic ancestors plagued your blood which allowed you to turn into those disgusting titans. It's more of a reason to see you as devils."

"But why is that our fault? Do you think I asked for this?" The comprehension was brushing way past his head and it was aggravating to watch. "All those people you deem to be 'island devils' in Paradis are completely clueless as to why they have to suffer the way they do. They don't behave like devils, and they certainly don't deserve to be punished for what they have no control over."

"I don't understand. Did you not kill one yourself? How can you sit there and profess such accusations when you killed one yourself?"

You paused for a moment. Telling the truth about what really happened would not be in your favor. As much as you did want to continue arguing against him, saying Levi was still alive would just make things even worse. And who knew - it could put Levi in danger too.

And fuck, Paulina was right here listening to every word you were saying. You didn't want her to get involved.

She already became involved the moment I opened my mouth. You fucking dumbass.

"I did, but that doesn't mean I was okay with it," was what you decided to reply with.

"Then it seems like the hypocrite is you."

"Alright, then let me ask you a question." You rolled your wheels closer to him. "If we did come back with the Founding Titan, then what? You use it to dominate your military, then eventually eradicate all the Eldians within the walls, and even the ones in Marley, right? That was the plan all along - to use us to kill our own, including ourselves."

He glared down at you, tight-lipped.

"You have been raising us as pigs for slaughter. The least you can do is admit that."

He took a moment to ponder his next words, then he said, "It is your fate."

"It is, and it's quite a dreadful one, isn't it? It seems unfair."

"And what do you expect to happen now after this conversation? Do you realize the risk you just put yourself in?"

"You'll kill me," you replied immediately, "or inject me and turn me into one of those mindless titans, right? There's no way you could trust me to inherit a titan anymore. I'd become a threat to Marley myself."

Being chosen to inherit a titan was the last little push you needed before you finally exploded. You did your best at hiding your emotions since arriving for the sake of your sister, but this was something you couldn't just brush past. It was honestly your worst nightmare.

A titan. A fucking titan. They want me to inherit a fucking titan.

This can't get any fucking worse, can it?

"Your entire life, you wanted to inherit a titan, and now that you finally have the opportunity you always wanted, you'd rather go against my word and risk death than fulfill this."

You swallowed nervously. "I'd much rather die than be forced to fight for something I don't believe in."

Paulina grabbed your shoulder gently. "Stop."

You shifted your gaze to face her, and it was only now that you saw how much this conversation was affecting her. Her eyebrows were trembling in concern and tears were threatening to spill from her eyes.

"Paulina, I'm so sorry," you said, grabbing her hand. "I didn't mean to- I didn't want to make you cry."

You could feel the commander's hard stare between the two of you.

"I should send you to become a mindless titan for going against a superior... but I will not."

That drew your attention; you whipped your head forward again.

"You are going to inherit the War Hammer Titan, Eden."

You shook your head relentlessly. "No. No, I refuse."

"This is not just about you." He approached you. "It's about her too."

You snapped your lips shut, remaining quiet.

You were such an idiot, a goddamn idiot. All of this stress about needing to protect Paulina was for what? To blow up in front of the commander and put her in danger too? What else did you expect?

"If word goes out that you share such offensive beliefs, it will not only be you getting punished, it will be your sister too."

"But she has nothing to do with this, sir. It's me. It's all me. She doesn't deserve to be punished for what I did wrong." You could see the tears running down Paulina's cheeks from the corner of your eye. "Please, if anyone deserves punishment it's me. Leave her out of this."

"Eden, please stop. Just stop," Paulina cut in a little louder, voice shaking from her sobs.

"This decision would not be just up to me. It's up to the general as well," Magath elaborated. "You of all people should know how unforgiving he can be. He would not hesitate to send you and your sister to become mindless titans if he heard of this. Paulina would be guilty by association."

Fuck. This was all fucked. You should have just kept your mouth shut - should have just sucked it up and accepted the news for what it was.

But I have to be a titan... I have to fight for something I don't believe in.

I have to spend the rest of my years fighting for a cause that is unjustified and caused the pain of everyone I ever cared about back in Paradis. I have to become everything I hated about myself right after I was just trying to build a path of changing my ways to seek justice. How can I do that when now I'm forced to regress back to who I was back then?

"But," he continued, "we need Paulina. There are simply not enough Eldian medical doctors, and her knowledge has potential to even surpass some of the Marleyan doctors. She is a useful asset, and it would be a damn shame to lose someone with her intelligence."

"But how can you even trust me after all you just heard?"

"I do not, but I trust the loyalty you have for your sister. If you truly love her, you'd sacrifice your disgusting beliefs and inherit the War Hammer. There are no other exceptions, unless you'd rather your sister be punished alongside you."

You stared down at your feet dejectedly.

This was really the only option.

He knelt down in front of you to meet your gaze. "Consider this your punishment. There is nothing more infuriating than being forced to do something you don't agree with, is it? Let's hope that inheriting this titan and reflecting on the memories of the past inheritors will help jolt your mindset back into place. I'd like to hope so."

Your eyes were burning into his gaze, eyebrows knitted in anger.

He stood on his two feet again. "Now, you're going to go out there, apologize for your interruption, and tell them you were just overwhelmed by your emotions at receiving such a grand honor. Is that understood?"

You hesitated for a moment, averting your gaze.

"Is that understood?" he asked a bit more assertively.

"Understood," you finally said.

"Get cleaned up. I expect you to be back within five minutes."

With that, he closed the door with a slam. Paulina instantly walked over to the mirror to start wiping her tears and washing her face. Guilt started creeping up on your skin.

"Paulina-"

"Later," she interrupted abruptly. She reached her hands down to wipe your tears with the tissues that were neatly placed on the counter. "We'll talk later."

The two of you were silent on the way back to the conference room. You took a deep breath in before re-entering; Paulina held the door open for you.

A fake grin emerged on your face as you rolled yourself inside. "My apologies for my rude interruption. I was just so overcome with emotions that I- I was too embarrassed for people to see me cry. I hope you can forgive me."

That seemed convincing enough. Willy Tybur shot you a smile, then jogged up the aisle to come towards you.

"Not to worry. It is the greatest honor, after all. I know you will make good use of this titan."

"Of course. Thank you so much for giving me this opportunity."

Your mother's words rang through your ears.

"Because you will get through it, and you will change. You will make a difference, if only you decide to take the risk. You are only a coward if you choose to be. With change comes sacrifices too, but it is up to you to juggle what is right in your eyes."

Right, of course. It wasn't too late.

This was only a setback - a shitty one, at that - but you would get through it, right?

You had to. You had no other choice.

Willy Tybur grabbed your hand to shake it. His touch was cold; it brought chills to your body.

"We shall hold the ceremony tomorrow morning."

Oh, fuck. Okay. This was happening sooner than you anticipated.

"I am looking forward to it," you responded. He let go of your hand, and you curled your fingers into a tight fist after he walked away.

Who knew that your world would change drastically within just a few more hours.

Notes:

So Eden's gonna become the War Hammer Titan... oop.

I'm curious... did anyone see this coming? I attempted to somewhat foreshadow the War Hammer's significance all the way back in chapter 1 when Paulina pulled out the book about it, but it was definitely very subtle and vague. I always intended for this to happen though :) I just keep piling on more trauma on top of her.

I think this also debunks some of the pregnancy theories I saw in the comments. To my knowledge, I don't think titan holders can get pregnant. Once she transforms, I'm pretty sure any hint of an embryo would be gone...

EDIT: I LIED. TITAN SHIFTERS CAN GET PREGNANT BECAUSE YMIR FRITZ IS PROOF. My guess would just be that they can't transform for a while because it would put the baby in danger?? Idk OSFJEKEK I need to brush up on the manga y'all.

Also, bear with me regarding the War Hammer's powers. I feel like there is not enough info out there about it. I'm going to base its powers on the information there is online while also adding my own little twist to it myself ;).

Thanks for reading! Enjoy your week :).

- Mar

Chapter 38: Proposition

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

It all felt like some dreadful hallucination.

A woman with dark hair styled in a low bun was chained up high above. Her stare was grim and hollow, her solemn eyes glued to your appearance down below.

A needle poked at your skin. You swallowed nervously, anticipating the fate you could no longer escape from. The injection was inserted, then a blast of white invaded your vision. Your blood bubbled and your body expanded.

It was all a blur after that.

You woke up in a hospital bed hours later. Your leg was healed, your wounds were gone, and the headache you once had fully disappeared.

But they still weren't done with you.

To ensure the procedure went correctly, you were asked to perform a transformation. They passed you a knife to use, but you shook your head.

"I have my own," you said.

You returned to the same, vast location from before, your pocket knife placed on the inside of your palm. Frantic footsteps padded away from you to evade the explosion being anticipated.

Slice.

Crimson seeped from your hand, but that was all that happened. Your first attempt had failed; you knew exactly why that was.

You needed to want to transform.

You shut your eyes and concentrated, repeating the same actions as before, then a massive shock jolted through you. It felt like lightning struck down from the sky and electrocuted your entire body. You groaned and you squirmed. It was painful, like your blood was boiling from being dipped into fire.

But then it faded away, replaced by a coolness that soothed your body.

When you opened your eyes, your head was almost touching the ceiling. You were tall - abnormally tall. Dipping your head down, you witnessed smiles expressed on the faces down below.

"It worked!" someone shouted excitedly. Everyone looked like ants from up here. It was hard to make out who was who.

Your gaze trailed down to your hands; they were white as snow and hard as a rock. You brought your fingers up to graze over your skin and face. Your body was guarded by what looked and felt like white armor, and your mouth was stuck behind a cage.

For some reason, you were inclined to raise your hand and summon a large hammer. You weren't sure where that instinct came from, perhaps from the past inheritors. That seemed like the only reasonable explanation.

The hammer formed from thin air, but you could somehow feel its formation within yourself, like it had to take a piece of you in order for it to form. It didn't hurt, though. It made you feel fulfilled.

The weapon was not only huge, but spiky as well. Surely, any opponent would have difficulty going up against you with it, and there was so much potential to create so many others. The thought excited you.

No. No, this shouldn't be exciting to me.

You shook that thought away. Some of the memories of the past holders were flowing through your mind and it was hard to ignore. You hoped it wouldn't continue to influence your thoughts.

"Detransform!" a person called from below.

You pondered it for a moment. This titan was much different from the others; you didn't reside in the nape, you resided in a crystal. Your normal body went nearly unconscious while encased in the cocoon-like ice, and to detransform was something you weren't fully sure how to do yet.

Maybe it was all in your head. Maybe all you had to do was envision yourself going back to normal. Maybe if you just pictured your body getting out of the crystal, you could do it.

Well, you did it, but it went a lot differently than you had hoped.

While gasping for air, the crystal shattered and your body fell to the side. The titan collapsed to the ground, limp like a ragdoll. You coughed up water as you rolled your body over on your stomach, bending your knees in to sit up.

"Are you okay?" Paulina rushed to your side immediately. You placed a hand on your chest to continue coughing. She pat her hand on your back to help you get the water out of your system. Two intimidating feet stepped up towards you. You angled your head up to meet their eyes.

"You'll need a bit of practice before you can master its use," Willy Tybur stated, "but the procedure was successful. The power of the War Hammer Titan is now fully yours."

He extended out an arm to help you stand. You reached for it reluctantly, standing up on your two feet again. A smile crept onto his face.

"Welcome to the Tybur family, Eden Barlowe."

The first thing you did after being freed from the Tyburs was search for one person in particular.

"Where's Zeke?" you asked Reiner, who had been doing sit-ups in one of the fitness rooms. Reiner had told you he was going to the gym later in the day after your ceremony to get his mind off things. Your assumption was that Zeke had to have gone there too.

"In the weight room. Why?" he replied.

You ignored Reiner's question, rudely brushing past his shoulder to make your way to Zeke's current location. Your fingers curled into tight fists on both sides of you, your jaw clenched in anger.

Right after you burst in unexpectedly, you saw Zeke wearing a grey tank top and beige shorts while lifting some dumbbells in the weight room. He whipped his head around at the sound of the creaking door.

"Eden? What are you-"

Your fist made impact with the side of his face, sending him falling to the ground. The weights dropped from his hands and onto the mat, just barely missing his toes. He lightly grazed his fingers on his cheek before looking up at you.

"What the fuck is wrong with-"

You swung your leg to kick him ruthlessly in the gut. He clutched his stomach in pain, a groan slipping past his lips while he shuffled away from you.

"This was all your fault, wasn't it?" you asked. He adjusted his body to sit up against the wall, one hand still covering his stomach from your assault.

"No. No, it wasn't-"

"Stop fucking lying," you cut him off. You clicked open your pocket knife that was tucked into your back pocket, then kneeled down in front of him to tip his chin up with the sharp end. "You just love making my life a living hell, don't you? You thrive off of my suffering."

"Eden, listen to me. I'm telling the truth."

"Bullshit." You pushed the knife into his skin a bit more. "Who else could it have been but you to suggest I inherit the War Hammer?"

"It wasn't me!" he repeated in frustration. "How could I have known you were related to the Tyburs?"

"How else would they find out?"

"Ask your sister!"

That caught your attention. You lowered your knife.

"What are you talking about?"

"The reason everyone suspected you were related to the Tyburs was because of her."

"You're lying."

"Think about it." He straightened his back. "You've always said she was glued to her books, right? She's a reader - an investigator. I'm not sure how the whole thing came about, but I do remember her being involved in Larry's investigation."

You knitted your eyebrows in confusion, standing up from the ground. With one hand still clutched against his stomach, he used the other to push himself up to stand.

"The only reason I was told about it was so I could make sure that you made it back here in one piece. I don't know how they figured it out, but I was just following orders."

"That's why you made me lie about killing Levi," you stated, voice low to make sure others wouldn't eavesdrop. "You wanted to make sure I was alive to inherit it."

He swallowed, nodding nervously.

"But why?" you asked. "If you knew my views had changed, why did you keep me alive? I could become a serious threat to Marley with the power I hold now."

"You wouldn't, because doing anything careless would put your sister in danger."

You shot him an annoyed glare, chewing the inside of your cheek. The grasp on the hilt of your knife tightened, and the corner of his lip curled upwards in amusement at your reaction. Indignation took over your body as you approached him again to aim the knife at his stomach; however, he was quick with his defense, grabbing your wrist firmly just inches away from impaling through his skin.

"There's more to this," you retorted, desperately trying to break out of his grasp to hurt him. "You're not telling me something."

"You're not gonna get any answers from hurting people, Eden." His face bore a harrowing smile, continuing to escalate the frustration coursing through your blood. With a grunt, you swung your arm upwards and sliced his shoulder, breaking out of his grasp. A moan escaped his mouth as he stumbled backwards, extending one arm out to block you from going after him again. Swiftly, you swiped your foot under his leg to cause him to fall on his back. His head hit the mat hard, and you stepped over his body to straddle him, pinning him down while putting pressure against his now wounded shoulder.

"Back when you captured Levi, you were trying to give me a proposition in exchange for his life." You placed your knife on his throat while he struggled under your grip. "What was it?"

"It's not important now."

"I don't fucking trust you," you replied. "Tell me."

"It doesn't matter anymore-"

"Tell me, Zeke."

"It- it was just wishful thinking."

"Fucking tell me!"

"I wanted you to marry me!"

You froze, lips parted. Your grip on him loosened as you slowly stood up from his waist and took a few steps backwards. His chest was heaving heavily while his grim eyes stared in your direction.

"I- I wanted you to marry me," he repeated, his voice rendering a somber tone that you never thought you'd hear from him.

"The fuck are you talking about?" you questioned.

"Do you even realize how much power we could hold together, Eden?" He rose from the floor, his legs reaching you in small strides as you continued backing away from him in shock. "Think about it - a Tybur, and someone with royal blood. Just imagine what we could do... all the things we could change."

You shook your head. "Stop this."

He surged forward and grabbed both of your hands gently, holding them up near his chest. His touch was a lot more tender than you expected, and something shifted in his eyes; his gaze softened. There wasn't malice behind his eyes this time - it was yearning.

"We could finally put an end to this, Eden. We could put an end to this suffering," he whispered. He was far too close to your face to your liking. "With your strength and my blood, we can finally get rid of all Eldians and free everyone from the titans."

You were too shocked to even come up with a response, just choosing to stare at him while blinking stupidly.

Am I hallucinating? Is hallucination a symptom of being a titan inheritor?

"We can still do this, Eden." Your back hit the wall as his face inched closer. "There's still time for you to change your mind."

"No," you finally said, shoving him off. He looked utterly defeated by your rejection. "No, you're insane."

"Eden-"

"Do you really think I'd ever agree to commit such an atrocity?"

"It's for the sake of humanity."

You scoffed. "For fuck's sake, you're asking me to commit genocide."

He shook his head. "You don't get it. I'm not just doing it for the rest of the world, I'm doing it for us, too - for all Eldians. By getting rid of our kind, the world can then rest peacefully, including us. There would no longer be titans. As long as we continue to exist, there is no end to this."

"We weren't asked to be born this way. We don't deserve to be punished for what we had no control over."

"We would be putting our kind out of their misery."

His comment jolted you. Your eyes widened and your mind rummaged through a plethora of different memories from months prior.

You had a conversation with Levi about titans once. It was the night you had that awful dream about Marcel. You went into the kitchen to drink water, and somehow, titans became the topic of discussion. He asked what you thought about the theory of titans being humans and if you felt conflicted about killing them after hearing that. You had said, "If the theory is true, then yes, I do feel conflicted; however, I try to look at it as putting them out of their misery rather than murdering an actual human."

Good god. A part of you couldn't even believe you used to feel that way. Although you weren't exactly talking about the same thing as you were with Zeke, your response sounded exactly like something Zeke would say. Levi's response made so much sense now.

"Still, if they were once human, it doesn't really make me feel ecstatic knowing I've been running around killing people this whole time. How and why they became a titan, I don't know, but it feels sinister and unnecessary. Even if we are putting them out of their misery it doesn't make me feel any better knowing they had no choice but to accept that fate."

"To think that we have no choice but to accept death as our fate doesn't sit right with me," you responded. "And it makes me sick that you think killing all of us is the solution."

"The short captain has really tampered with your mind, hasn't he?"

"This isn't about him."

"But it's the truth, isn't it? All this change for a man you only knew for what, a few months? It amazes me just how fast he succeeded in brainwashing you."

"That man has done more for humanity than you ever will," you said in irritation. "You can express your frustration all you want, but my mind is made up. It was never just about him - it was about every single person back in Paradis. My sympathy for them is something you will never understand because you weren't there to see it yourself."

"You're wrong. I take pity on them because they are unaware of our history, and I'd be doing them a favor of just-"

"Enough with your genocidal bullshit," you interrupted. "I will never agree with you on this, Zeke. Ever."

"Fine, then." He clenched his jaw in aggravation, choosing to walk past you to head towards the door. Just before wrenching the door open, he paused to say one last thing.

"But you would have done it though. You would have married me if it meant saving his life." He looked past his shoulder to catch a glimpse of you. You avoided his gaze while biting down on your lip nervously, knowing full well that the answer to that was, 'Yes.' Your heart raced at the mere thought of being forced into a position to marry Zeke. Thank goodness the others came when they did, or else Zeke would have likely been trying to continuously shove these horrendous ideals down your throat while planning a whole matrimony.

Or worse. He'd do that while also trying to impregnate you. You shivered at the thought.

Gross.

"Well, thankfully I didn't have to," you said. "I probably would have taken my life within the first week of marriage."

He frowned at your comment. "Believe it or not, I wouldn't be a malicious kind of lover."

You knitted your eyebrows at him. "Are you forgetting that you drugged me and tied me up to a chair?"

"I did it to help you. It was for the sake of this mission. If you would only just open your mind a bit more, you'd understand why it was necessary."

You huffed. "I don't think I'll ever understand how your brain works, nor am I interested in even finding out. I think I'd be terrified and revolted."

Zeke never learned what it meant to be loved correctly, and that was your assumption as to why he turned out the way he did. His parents used him as a weapon, and the only other person who ever showed genuine concern for him was the previous Beast Titan inheritor, Tom Ksaver. After Zeke inherited the Beast Titan, Zeke no longer had that mentor to look up to. He remained living with his grandparents, but Ksaver's beliefs were fully instilled in Zeke's mind. All he learned was wanting his kind to be dead. That was all he was obsessed with.

It was why you were thankful that even despite the toxic relationship of your parents, your mother's love for you always continued to flourish. You didn't always appreciate it as an immature teen, but as an adult, you saw the sacrifices she had made for both you and your sister. She made sure you understood what love was like from a mother in the best way she knew how.

And then you met Levi, and that was when you learned that romantic love wasn't always going to appear the way your parents' relationship was. It made you lose that doubt that falling in love was a foolish thing. Even despite the obstacles you faced and the resentment you initially felt after your feelings for Levi came to surface, you didn't regret falling for him. You knew you would always love him. Nobody else could ever replace him, let alone someone like Zeke.

Zeke would never understand what true love was supposed to be like, whether it be familial, platonic, or romantic. For that reason, you weren't surprised he carried such problematic beliefs.

"I really pity you, Zeke," you said quietly. "I don't think you'll ever understand what it means to be genuinely cared about, and that's the reason why you'll never come to see my perspective."

He huffed at your response. "You really do amuse me, you know that? If anyone is pitiful, it's you - all these ridiculous statements you're making because of a man that you'll forget about in a few months' time."

"I won't forget him."

"I would have made you forget him," he said sternly with a tight-lipped expression.

You scoffed. "You don't even love me, Zeke. Your attraction to me is solely based on what I have to offer with my strength and power."

"That's not-" He cut himself off to turn his gaze away, red coloring his face. "This isn't easy for me."

"Alright, well, then let me make it easy for you, then." You took a step towards him. "You will never be him, Zeke. It doesn't matter whether I married you or not; my love will always remain with him, and that is something you need to accept. That is something you will never be able to take from me until the day I die."

He scowled, a hint of hurt shown in his expression. For a moment, you actually felt a little bad for your bluntness with him, but then you remembered he had done far worse.

"For your sake, I hope you never do see him again, or else, the Marleyans would certainly do something about his sudden appearance," he said. He twisted open the door knob to open it. "By the way, you'll probably start to have dreams about your past inheritors soon. It happened to all of us when we first inherited our titans, so good luck. I truly hope it can shift your mindset."

"Fuck off."

He said nothing after that, only pulling the door open to disappear into the hall. You sighed to yourself after he stepped out, smacking your forehead with your palm.

What the actual fuck was that?

Did Zeke just confess his feelings for you? Was that what that was? Was it love he felt towards you or just the thirst for power?

Whatever. You just hoped you never had to have this conversation with him again.

You dragged your legs out of the weight room to head back outside. Just as you were about to head out the door of the weight room, your chest bumped into a person in front of you. Your heart started beating rapidly as your eyes traveled up - it was your father.

"Something wrong?" you asked him, unable to ignore the way he was looking at you skeptically.

He paused for a moment, then shook his head. "No."

"Good," you replied, walking past him towards the exit.

Did he hear any of that conversation?

You bit your lip and clenched your fists tightly, silently praying that it was only your anxiety making you worried that he may have heard something.

I'm sure he didn't hear anything. Everything will be fine.

But nothing was fine, actually. Nothing.

For fucks sake, you were a titan now. A fucking titan. The thought hadn't fully processed until now because the first thing you thought about after having healed legs was to go after Zeke and interrogate him.

Well, at least your injuries were healed now. There was a little light in everything, right?

"Hey, Eden!" a man from the street called. "Come over here!"

Huh?

You turned your neck at the voice after exiting the gym, narrowing your eyes at some tall guy with blonde hair beckoning at you.

"Who are you?" you asked bluntly. He heaved out a laugh.

"Come on. You don't remember me?" He approached you from afar; he was beginning to look slightly familiar. "We used to get drunk together all the time."

Oh. Well, now you knew why you couldn't completely recognize him.

"Gary?"

"Ah, so you do remember." His mouth curled up into a smirk. "Word on the street is that you got your honorary status back. Congrats. Why don't you come have a drink to celebrate?"

You should say no. Those days where you'd come back home absolutely blasted to cope with the distress you felt in your mind were over. You weren't some young teen anymore - you were an adult who needed to make better decisions.

But ever since you returned to Marley, it had just been setback after setback. You were forced to become a titan, found out that one of the men you'd despised your whole life probably had feelings for you, and your father may have heard the entire conversation with Zeke in the weight room just now, which meant that you and your sister's life could be in danger if he decided to open his mouth. Not one thing had been on your side since arriving.

Just one drink couldn't hurt, right?

"Just one drink," you replied. Gary smiled as he tossed an arm over your shoulder to guide you into the bar. You shoved his arm away. "I didn't say you could touch me."

"Still as fierce as ever, I see." The smirk on his face was starting to make you rethink this decision, but seeing the rows of alcohol lined up in the bar just a few feet away from you was enticing you.

"One drink," you said firmly. "And don't touch me like that again."

"Yes, ma'am." His cocky grin never dissipated even after entering the bar.

It was 2 am when you arrived back home- or was it 3? Shit, you weren't sure. What was supposed to be one drink turned into who the hell knew how many more. You stopped yourself at one drink at the bar, so at least you had enough discipline to do that, right? Well, in truth, Gary was getting a little too touchy for your liking, so after he paid for your first drink, you made a swift exit and found alcohol elsewhere. Like the repulsive mess you were, you bought a small whiskey bottle and hid yourself in the corner of an alley to drink it by yourself the rest of the night.

Then you cried. And you cried a lot.

You cried about Levi. You cried about Paradis. You cried about your sister. You cried about your parents. You cried about being a titan. Every single emotion you had held in ever since coming back to Marley finally escaped from their cages and flooded out through your tears. You hugged your knees into your chest while you sobbed, staying in this position for hours until you finally gained the strength to lift yourself from the solid ground to walk home.

What a fucking life the world had given you. How fucking pathetic.

As you reached the steps of Karina's home, your fingers fumbled with your keys, failing miserably at inserting the right one in the keyhole. The drunkenness mostly wore off, but you were still acting extremely sluggish. You sighed in exasperation at your third attempt of trying to enter, listening to the thud of your keys on the steps. The door pulled open right after you bent down to grab them; Paulina was at the door wearing her pajamas staring down at you in anger.

"Where have you been?"

You shrugged, pushing open the door to walk past her. "Out."

"Are you drunk again?"

Hearing the word 'again' caused an ache in your heart. Sometimes you didn't realize how often she had to view you like this a few years ago, and here she was, watching you do it all over again.

"So what?" you grumbled stubbornly, stumbling towards your room. Your feet tripped on a protruded wooden plank on the floor, causing you to fall against the wall. Paulina rushed to your side to straighten you up immediately. She pushed open the door to your room to bring you to your bed. You dropped onto your bed with a groan and rolled onto your back, one leg draped off the side of the bed. She slowly shut the door and locked it.

"Just because your body has now fully healed doesn't mean you get to go and sabotage it again." She crossed her arms over her chest sternly.

"Sounds like something Mom would say."

She walked up to you and lightly kicked at your hanging leg. "Sit up."

You groaned in response, turning on your side to face away from her. She placed both of her hands firmly on your arm and shook you.

"Sit up, Eden," she ordered firmly.

"When did you get all bossy?"

"I'm being serious. This isn't funny." Her forehead was creased in anger. "I thought you let go of this habit."

An exhale slipped past your lips, but you still obliged. You averted your gaze as you sat up, staring at the wall. A heavy silence welcomed itself in the room, then you felt some movement near the end of your mattress. Turning your head forward again, you saw that Paulina planted herself in the corner of your bed, eyes intent on you. Instead of fury, her face expressed concern.

"Were you crying?"

You chose not to respond to that, still avoiding her gaze.

"Something happened in Paradis," she said. "Let's talk about it."

With a sigh, you kicked your shoes off and criss-crossed your legs on the bed. "Now isn't the time. Let's just go to bed."

"I'm worried that if we put it off for any longer, I'll find you doing much worse to yourself tomorrow."

You paused, furrowing your eyebrows. Did she think you would kill yourself?

"I'm not- I wouldn't do whatever you're insinuating, Paulina," you countered immediately.

"You've been acting so strange ever since the conference, and now you've come home disgustingly drunk like you used to. You always used to go out drinking whenever you were distressed about something. That was all you did after Mom died, and again after what you did to dad. I don't want to find you dead one day because of alcohol poisoning. If you keep internalizing your emotions, it'll kill you one day. I can't stand to see you like this."

Hearing Paulina's response made you realize just how much she had to mature since you were gone. She was only fifteen, yet she was calling you out like a mother would. You were supposed to be her protector - someone she could look up to, and yet, you were just giving her more of a reason to resent you just like you how you felt about your father.

You didn't want to replicate the relationship you had with your father with her. You didn't want her to feel disappointed in how you'd turned out. The way you'd been handling yourself was not commendable at all.

"I'm so sorry," you apologized. "I didn't want you to have to see me this way."

"Then tell me what's going on and let me help you." She shuffled her body a little closer. "I know you, Eden. I know you probably don't think so, but I've always been an observant child, and I've seen the way you've dealt with certain things. I wasn't old enough then, and I know you probably think I'm not old enough now, but I really want to understand what's going on."

"I..." you trailed off, your words being consumed by hesitation. "I don't know, Paulina. This is just... this isn't easy to talk about."

"Remember what Mom told you." She grabbed your hand reassuringly. "If you bottle up all your emotions, you'll explode."

You nodded, reflecting back on that memory. She was right; you couldn't hold in your feelings about this for any longer, or else you could end up even worse than you were now. But then again, could you trust your sister with your true feelings? How would you know if she'd understand your stance if she helped with the Larry Tybur investigation?

"Can I ask you something?" you asked. She nodded in response. "Is it true that you helped with the Larry Tybur investigation?"

She pulled her hand away from yours, then turned her gaze to the floor. "Yes, but I- I didn't know we were related to him. I had been taking books from the library without permission, then one day, the commander found one of them when it fell out of my bag during warrior training. I thought I was done for, but instead, he just asked me to recount what I knew and used it to his advantage. It was only then that I aided them with the investigation, and that was when he offered me medical school as an alternative to warrior training. Before that, he hardly bat an eye at me. He treated me just like the other warriors in training, if not, even worse because I didn't possess the strength you did. In a way, being involved with this investigation was what saved me. It allowed me to be seen in a better light." She shifted her gaze to look up at you. "But I had no idea they would find out we were related to them. They asked me for a blood sample and I couldn't just say no. I wasn't sure what they were going to use it for until the meeting yesterday. It's my fault that you had to be forced into this position. I'm sorry. If I hadn't been careless about-"

You placed a gentle hand on her shoulder to stop her rambling. "I'm not mad at you, Paulina."

She stared back at you skeptically. "But you were furious after hearing the news yesterday. It was clear you didn't want this."

"What you did wasn't intentional, and like you said, being involved this way was what ended up saving you. You found a way to use your strengths to your advantage, and I could never be upset at you for that. If anything, I'm proud that you were able to do it on your own without my help."

She grabbed your hand from her shoulder and lowered it. "You have only thirteen years left to live and it's all because I accidentally dropped a book in front of the commander. You should be furious."

"Trust me, Paulina, it could be much worse for me right now."

The thought of marrying Zeke popped up into your head again. You fought back a gag at the thought. Inheriting a titan you didn't want was one thing, but doing that while also getting married to a man you despised? That would have been your final straw.

"Okay," she responded dejectedly. "But I'd still like to talk about this more with you. I meant what I said before. I want to help you. You don't have to bear your burdens alone."

"You don't have to bear your burdens alone."

Levi's voice invaded your mind again.

"It's okay to have help. You don't have to do it alone."

"Okay," you finally responded. "Tomorrow we can talk. I promise."

A shy smile morphed on her face. "Promise?"

You returned the expression. "Promise."

She nodded in contentment, rising from the bed. "I'm gonna go grab you some water, then you better be going to bed."

"Yes, Mom," you quipped. She rolled her eyes as she headed towards the door. You laughed to yourself as you extended your legs out on the bed, but then knitted your eyebrows when another realization came about.

"Hey, Paulina?"

"Hm?" She paused her movements and whipped her head around, one hand on the doorknob.

"How did you know Mom said that to me? About not bottling up my emotions? I never said any of that to you."

Well, you hadn't said any of that to anyone, actually. How the hell did she know about it?

She snapped her head back around in embarrassment. "Uh... I mean... I've overhead mom talking to you sometimes. I know I was really young, but I still remember a few things."

Her response was far too suspicious. "I don't even think you were born when she said that to me."

She remained silent, her grip on the doorknob tightening.

Your eyes widened when you finally registered how she must have found out.

"You read my journals, didn't you?"

"No," she answered immediately. You stood up from the bed, crossing your arms over your chest.

"Look at me, Paulina."

Very slowly, she turned around to face you, embarrassment written all over her face. "Okay, I might have," she finally replied.

"You little shit-"

"I was just curious, okay!" Heat rose on her face. "I know I shouldn't have, but there was so much more I wanted to know about you and I just really looked up to you and I wanted to know more about Mom and Dad too because I don't really remember them and-"

"Paulina-"

"You always kept stuff to yourself and I know I was probably too young to understand some things, but I feel like I didn't really know you and the only way to learn about you was to pry into your journals-"

"Paulina-"

"But I only read through them once, and once only, I swear! I just missed you a lot and this was the only way I could connect with you so I-"

"Paulina!" you snapped, placing both of your hands on her shoulders to shake her. "My goodness, please take a breath. You've been rambling for so long."

She let in a deep inhale after her long defense, stabilizing her breathing.

"I'm sorry," she apologized. "I read them right after you left, and I know I shouldn't have invaded your privacy like that, but a part of me was worried that I'd never see you again."

You sighed, staring back at her with sympathy while lowering your arms. Although you were a bit annoyed that she decided to pry into your personal life like that, you had to remember she was - and still was - just a kid. Kids were always going to make stupid decisions like these.

That still didn't mean you weren't upset about it, though.

"It's fine. I forgive you, but now that I'm here, please just ask me instead of poking around at my stuff." You poked at her chest playfully. "I swear I'll answer."

"So you'll keep your promise then?" she inquired. "You'll tell me everything tomorrow?"

You grinned at her. "I promise."

"Okay." Twisting open the door knob, she pulled open the door. She extended one foot out the door, then paused, glancing at you from over her shoulder. "And for the record, everything you said in your journals, including what you said to the commander... I agree."

"We'll talk more tomorrow," you whispered, making sure you wouldn't wake up Reiner or Karina. She nodded and shut the door, making her way to the kitchen to grab you a glass of water. You leaned your back against the door, tipping your head back and sighing in relief.

A sense of ease washed over you knowing that you now had your sister to confide in. You didn't need to harbor these intense emotions anymore; you could freely express them with someone who was willing to listen.

You silently thanked your mother for granting you not only a mother's love, but a sister's love, too.

Notes:

Hey folks! I've got some good news and bad news...

Good news - I'm gonna update earlier this week. I should have it up by Friday the 28th :).

Bad news - Next update after that will be July 14th... (or 15th because I do tend to miss my Sunday deadlines sometimes V_V).

I'm going on a trip, and I leave this weekend. I know July 14th is a bit far, but I won't have much writing time and I wanna make sure I have enough leeway to write again when I return.

As always, thank you all so much for the support 3. It means more than I can ever say. I love you all MUAH xoxo.

See you Friday!

- Mar

Chapter 39: Like Father, Like Daughter

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

"You brought me juice?"

With a huge grin adorned on her face, Paulina held two bottles of juice in her hands while adjusting herself on top of the thick branch you were seated on.

"We always used to drink juice when watching the sunset."

"Yeah, because you were like five years old," you teased.

Her face fell. "...Oh."

Shit, did you just hurt her feelings unintentionally?

She was already shuffling to hop off the tree. "I'll go get something else-"

"I didn't say I didn't want it," you replied, stopping her movement by the shoulder. "Pass it to me."

Her face lit up immediately, passing you the juice bottle as she repositioned herself on the branch. Eagerly, you grabbed the bottle and twisted open the top to take a sip.

"Hey, these taste kinda better than they used to," you proclaimed, savoring the flavor.

"This one is mixed berry. It's a lot better than the apple one. That one used to taste like piss."

You nearly choked on your next sip. "Since when did you curse?"

"Piss is hardly a curse word."

"Coming out of your mouth, it is."

"Whatever, whatever." She waved you off. "Let's talk about the real reason we're up here."

Your smile dissipated.

Man, where the fuck do I even start?

A sigh escaped your mouth. "I don't know where to begin, so... just ask me questions and I'll do my best to answer them."

"Oh, don't worry" - she pulled out a folded piece of paper from the back of her pocket - "I came prepared."

You raised your eyebrows, darting your eyes across the copious amount of words scribbled on the page when she unfolded it. "You're gonna keep me here all night, aren't you?"

"That depends on how much you're willing to answer." She straightened out the sheet in front of her, narrowing her eyes while scanning the page. "Let's see... aha, okay. I'll ask this one first."

You were already dreading this.

"What made you change your mind about the people in Paradis? Wait, no. That's too vague. When did you first start to question your beliefs?"

You took another sip from your bottle, then answered, "Right when the others broke down the walls."

"Why's that?"

Chills shocked your spine at the memory.

All the blood. All the destruction. All the petrified faces-

You scrunched your eyes shut for a moment, then reopened them. "That's when I saw that the people from Paradis were people just like us."

"So, in other words, 'island devils' was just a term to further antagonize Eldians, right?"

"Right," you said plainly.

She hummed in response. "That matches with what I read in the documents."

You raised an eyebrow. "Documents?"

"The restricted section of the library also contained detailed accounts coming from the spies we sent to Paradis throughout the years. A lot of it was very misleading, and I was able to piece together some of the inconsistencies. Some of the ways they'd describe the Eldians in the books were just... bizarre. It never made sense. A few of them did actually jot down unbiased notes, though. It was quite helpful."

"You're gonna have to show me how you get into this restricted section one day," you proposed, "because the way you're finding out all of this information astounds me."

She huffed. "Oh, believe me. It's not easy."

Her comment made you laugh slightly. "No?"

"I had to sneak out at night and steal the keys from the librarian to open the door. Some of the books had locks she didn't even have keys for, so I had to learn to pick them with a lock pick I made to open them."

"Jeez. You really are my sister." She smiled at your response; you punched her in the arm playfully. "That wasn't supposed to be a compliment. You're not supposed to follow in my footsteps."

"Even the smartest minds have to take risks too, you know," she defended. "But anyway, we're getting off track. Let's continue."

"I'm not stopping you."

"Did you make any friends over there?"

You bit your lip nervously. "Quite a few. Yeah."

"Did they find out the truth?"

You pondered that for a moment. "Some of them did. But some... some didn't."

"What do you mean some didn't?" She pulled back, hesitating to continue. "Oh... the ones that didn't... they- they died, didn't they?"

An exhale escaped through your nose, your mind unsure of how to respond to that.

Paulina's face morphed into a somber expression. "We don't have to talk about it," she said.

You shook your head. "I promised you that I'd tell you everything, so I'm going to talk about it."

You began by telling her about the younger soldiers you met in cadet training, explaining how annoyed you felt by them initially, but also how your heart broke when you heard about the number of them that died in Trost District.

"There was a kid named Marco," you said. "Really smart kid - amongst the top of the class. I wasn't very close with him, but Reiner and the others kind of were. Next thing I knew, I found his dead body out on the street."

"Wow." Sympathy was expressed on her face. "That must have been really painful for Reiner and the others to see."

"Well, there was a lot more to it."

Revealing the true story behind Marco's death was hard to revisit. The shock on Paulina's face was evident when she learned that Reiner, Bertholdt, and Annie had to essentially set up Marco for death because he found out about the truth.

"Oh my gosh. That's- that's horrible."

"I know. I couldn't even believe it when they told me what happened. That whole experience traumatized Reiner."

"He must have felt conflicted."

You nodded. "Yeah, he did." Angling your head up, you focused your attention on the swaying green leaves blowing against the wind. "I didn't understand how painful it must have been to lose him until I made my first friend when I joined the Survey Corps."

"Really? Who?"

You paused. "Her name was Petra."

Talking about Petra was painful, but oddly alleviating. You didn't really take the time to reminisce on your memories with her or the others originally a part of the Levi squad. Instead, you chose to block them out to focus on the mission you had.

But fuck, you really missed them.

But fuck, you really missed them. For once, it felt nice to meet people that didn't want to be friends solely because of your strength, but because of who you were as a person. The way they looked up to you without knowing who you truly were absolutely consumed you with guilt.

Paulina placed a soothing hand on your arm after she noticed the tears slipping from your eyes.

"Sorry," you said with a sniffle, wiping your nose.

"We can talk about something else, if you'd like."

"Just ask me another one of your questions," you suggested.

"Are you sure?"

"Positive. I think talking about it is helping me too."

"Okay..." she trailed off, her eyes skimming through the page again. "The injuries you returned with, was it really caused by the Eldians of Paradis, or something else?"

Yikes.

"I'm curious, what do you think?" you asked while turning your gaze to her. She stared down at her sheet inquisitively, pursing her lips.

"Since you claim that the Eldians there did not behave the way Marley depicted them to be, my guess is no; however, I could be wrong because maybe they found out your intentions and punished you for it. But judging by the look you gave Zeke when he spoke over you the day you returned, my guess is that he was covering up some tracks and lied by saying it was the Eldians that hurt you like that."

"Good observation," you complimented. "That's exactly what happened."

"So then, how did it happen?"

Recalling that day made your stomach twist with anxiety. "Zeke."

"Zeke did that to you?" she asked incredulously. "I knew something was off about that guy."

"Oh, believe me. I know."

You relayed the whole story about how he tied you up in a chair to prevent you from meddling with his plan, then how you immediately fought against him when you escaped, which resulted in your injuries.

"I'm surprised you even survived that assault. That sounded brutal."

"I'm just as surprised as you are."

"So, based on the timeline of events, my guess is that after you did your mission, you joined up with Zeke and the others to head home, right? Maybe you killed the Levi guy, felt remorseful about it, then wanted to pay it back by stopping the others from causing more destruction and capturing the coordinate."

You paused again, nervously fiddling with the top of your bottle. You could feel your sister's skeptical eyes burning into you.

"Or maybe," she began again, "you didn't kill him at all."

Not a word passed your lips. She shuffled closer to you.

"You didn't kill him, did you?" she whispered.

Instead of responding, you raised your head to meet her eyes. There was no judgment or disappointment behind those eyes of hers, just a thirst for understanding your point of view.

Finally, you shook your head. Her eyebrows shot up, eyes widened.

"Wow," she said. "I didn't... Would it offend you if I said I'm honestly really shocked?"

"No. Everyone else has had the same reaction."

You were the person known to always complete a task no matter how hard or taxing. The commander had always put you up to the challenge time and time again when you were younger, and you never once failed. Even if it proved difficult, you always accomplished them. You were ambitious and driven - terrified to disappoint those who were depending on you.

But sometimes, you had to think of yourself and what was important to you.

"You have to be rational while also keeping your best interest at heart. If something goes against what you stand for, you find another way."

"I didn't agree with it, so I didn't do it," you said. She nodded in understanding, turning her head to look out into the sky; you mimicked her actions.

You didn't really take the time to appreciate the sunset with her right now. Your mind was preoccupied with too many distressing thoughts that consumed you entirely. Truthfully, when Paulina suggested speaking during the sunset, you wanted to say no. It reminded you too much of Levi, but you also had to remember that watching the sunset was you and your sister's thing first.

You didn't regret agreeing to it now. Watching all the different colors blend and then slowly fade into the darkness of the night was enamoring. It was like witnessing a beautiful departure as the colorful hues rested until the following day.

Paulina stared down at her lap, swinging her legs as they hung from the branch. "This Levi person... did you consider him a friend?"

The thumping of your heart rapidly increased. You weren't entirely sure if you wanted to tell Paulina your true feelings towards Levi. Not only was it a long story, but a part of you was a little too shy to express yourself this way with her. You'd never been one to obsess over romance, and she was well aware of that when you were still living with her as a teen. It was all stupid and ridiculous to you at the time, and you used to try and inflict those ideals onto her to make her see why her independence was more important.

While reflecting back on that, you sort of regretted making her feel silly for being interested in romance. She loved reading romance novels, and you used to make her see the negatives in them. With the parents you grew up with, you just couldn't see the appeal behind love and romance; because of that, you didn't want your sister to grow up with these hopes of falling in love, only to get taken advantage of. You wanted her to embrace her independence.

But now you did see the appeal in romance. You realized that you can value your independence while also being in love. Obstacles would always be thrown in your way, but there was nothing wrong with craving the desire of another person. Paulina's interest in romance was never stupid, and you wished you could go back in time to take back your crude words.

"Hey." Paulina nudged you in the leg. "You didn't answer my question."

"Right, sorry." You took another sip of your juice nervously. "He was... yeah, I considered him a friend. A really close friend."

She raised an eyebrow at you. You could already tell she wasn't convinced. "A really close friend?"

"That's what I said, didn't I?"

"How close are we talking?"

Shit. She's on to me.

"Like, we'd just... I don't know..." You scratched the back of your neck sheepishly, warmth spreading across your face. "We just talked a lot."

She was smiling. This wasn't good.

"About what?"

"Just... stuff."

"Stuff?"

"Yes."

"You're being suspiciously vague."

"Well, I answered your question, didn't I? Just ask me the next one."

"Okay." She crossed her arms over her chest. "Was Levi really just a friend or something more?"

For fuck's sake.

"Just a friend."

"Liar."

"Why are you accusing me of being a liar?"

"Because if he really was just a friend, you would have immediately described him the way you described Petra and the others. Instead, you're just evading my question, which is suspicious."

"You're annoyingly observant sometimes."

"So you admit it then. You admit that there was something more with him."

You rolled your eyes. She wasn't going to back down on this, so you may as well just be honest.

"Fine, yes. Our relationship was more than friendship."

"I knew it!" she exclaimed. "I knew it! I knew it!"

"Keep your voice down!" you told her, scrambling to cover her mouth. "Someone could hear you!"

"Right, sorry," she said, her voice muffled behind your hands. Heat rose on her face. "I'll keep quiet now."

You sighed in relief, lowering your hands. That cheesy little grin of hers was still plastered on her face.

"I knew it," she said again, quietly this time.

"How could you have possibly known?"

"Just a gut feeling. When you admitted to not killing him, I had a feeling there was something more to it."

You continued playing with the top of your bottle, avoiding her gaze. It was strange; you never really talked to anyone about Levi like this. Sure, Reiner and the others knew about it, but this was different.

"So you guys were dating, then?"

"Something like that."

"Give me details." She scooted closer next to you until your legs were touching, slouching over to rest her elbow on her knee and dropping her chin on her palm while watching you intently.

"You're really that interested in my love life?"

"Are you kidding? I've been waiting for this moment my entire life so I can finally say the one thing I've been itching to tell you."

"What?"

"I told you so." She bumped her shoulder on your arm lightheartedly. "You always said I was stupid for being so obsessed with the idea of romance, and now here you are, getting all bashful over a guy."

"I am not getting bashful. Don't be ridiculous."

"Yes you most certainly are. I can even see the sweat forming on your forehead from your nerves."

"Shut up."

She giggled at your response, causing a small smile to form on your face.

"Alright, you were right," you admitted. "I still think those little romance books of yours can get a little too unrealistic, but... you were right. It was wrong of me to make you feel dumb about wanting love."

"You loved him?"

"...I do," you replied.

"Awww." She nudged you again. "My sister is in looove."

"Pipe it down before I push you off this tree."

"Fine, fine," she agreed. "But can you at least tell me about him? I'm curious."

And so you did.

You started with the moment you first met him in Trost District and continued up until the day he confessed his feelings for you. You told her about his stubbornness, his bluntness, and his stoicism, but you also told her about how kindhearted and gentle he could be. You told her about the time he gave you Petra's badge, the tea, and how gradually he opened up to you.

Of course, you left out details about your intimacy with him for obvious reasons. Your sister did not need to know about that.

Still, it was slightly therapeutic recounting your experiences with him out loud. It made you appreciate them more.

"Oh my gosh. You guys are literally textbook enemies to lovers," she said.

You snorted. "You're so ridiculous."

"No, seriously," she defended. "All the tension, the build up of trust, the pining - that's literally like every enemies to lovers story I've ever read."

"Right, whatever." You waved her off, leaning your body over to rest your arms on your knees. "It's not like it matters anymore."

Her face grew dismal, realizing what you meant. "I'm assuming he found out about it?"

You nodded. "Literally in the worst way possible."

You told her about what happened in the forest and the way Zeke tortured him. From your peripheral, you could see Paulina's grip on her bottle tighten in anger.

"That idiot," she said. "He didn't have to torment him like that."

"I wanted to kill him," you replied, "and I still do."

"Did you at least beat him up?"

You huffed through your nose. "Not nearly as badly as I wanted to."

"Well, I don't blame you. Zeke always seemed like such a weirdo to me."

"I should have seen it coming, honestly."

It was difficult to block out the memory of the conversation you had with Zeke the day prior; you shivered at the thought of marrying him. You decided you'd spare your sister those details for now.

"I'm sorry that happened to you, though," she said sympathetically. "You didn't deserve all that."

"Levi didn't deserve it, but I sure did."

"Don't say that-"

"Paulina, do you even understand how much I could have prevented? How many lives I could have saved?"

"You didn't know what was right then."

"It doesn't matter. I can't change all the horrific stuff that happened. I can't take back all the horror I allowed."

"Exactly." She placed a gentle hand on top of yours. "You can't change the past, so don't dwell on it. What you did was wrong, but there is nothing you can do about it now. All we can do is focus on the present."

You let out a sigh, staring back out at the horizon. About an hour or two had passed now, and it was starting to get dark.

"We should get going. I think I've said enough for today." Without waiting for her response, you hopped off the tree. You took a few steps forward, then paused when you didn't hear her feet plop on the ground. Your head twisted over your shoulders to find her still seated in the same spot, fiddling with her empty bottle of juice.

"You coming?" you asked.

"Yeah, I just-" She sighed, turning her head to avoid your gaze. "Eden, I won't ever fully understand what you're going through right now, but we will get through it together."

"We?"

"Yes, we." She finally jumped down from the tree, grunting as she nearly fell over the moment her feet impacted the grass. "You have protected me your entire life, and I know the main reason you were so determined to complete this mission was to make sure I had a better life because that was the last thing you wrote in your journal before you left. All the guilt and remorse you feel for not doing anything to help Paradis is due to your concern for my safety because I know that going against Marley would have risked a terrible fate for me-"

"Paulina, this isn't your fault-"

She spread a palm in front of you to halt you from speaking. "My point is, I want to help you, and I will help you no matter what. You've remained loyal to me even when we were separated, and for that reason, I can't just stand by and let you wallow in self pity. Although I appreciate you looking out for me all these years, it's time you start looking out for yourself too. We will figure it out together. I'm not letting you do this alone."

Fuck, am I getting teary-eyed right now?

She surged forward and hugged you tightly from the waist. "I love you."

With a slight laugh, you returned her hug and kissed her on the side of her head. "I love you too, kid."

She craned her head up to take in your expression. "Are you crying?"

"No," you said, but the small tear that slipped past your eye completely contradicted your statement.

"I always knew you were secretly a sap."

"Shut up," you grumbled.

With that, you swung an arm over her shoulders and started walking back home.

"Where's Reiner?" you asked Karina after you and Paulina greeted her at the door.

"Off to the gym again," Karina responded. "He said he wanted to work back the muscle he lost in Paradis."

"But it's already dark out. How long has he been there?"

"Few hours. Maybe more than that."

It was very like him to go out and do something on his own to get the stress out of his mind.

"I'll go check on him," you told her while grabbing your keys again to head out the door. "I'll be back soon."

"Alright, stay safe, my dear," she said. Paulina gave you a nod in reassurance.

Truthfully, Reiner had been worrying you quite a bit lately. It had only been a few days since arriving back to Marley, but he hadn't taken the time to speak to you, or anyone else for that matter. You didn't exactly know what was running through his mind.

After the short walk to the gym, you pushed past the doors in search of Reiner. He was in the fitness room the day prior, so your guess was that maybe he'd been in the weight room today. He always liked to switch between exercising in different areas.

Just as you predicted, you shoved open the door to find Reiner attempting to lift a heavy barbell off his chest, his back laying against the chair that was part of the machine. You knitted your eyebrows at the scene.

"Since when did you lift weights that heavy?"

"A little help, maybe?" he asked hoarsely. It was now that you were beginning to notice the color red rapidly taking over his face. "I'm a bit stuck."

You reached your hands down to help lift the metal rod that was stuck against his chest, using all your strength to raise it up and place it back on the rack. He let out a sigh of relief and shut his eyes when the heaviness was no longer crushing him.

"How long were you stuck like that?"

"A few minutes," he responded. "Thought I was done for."

"Yeah, well, that's because you're not supposed to lift weights that heavy without someone spotting you."

"You live and you learn, I guess." With a groan, he sat up from his chair and went to grab the towel by his bag to wipe off his sweat.

"Hey" - you kicked him in the leg lightly - "you okay?"

"Fine," he said bluntly, refusing to meet your gaze. You rested a hand on his shoulder to whip him around to face you.

"You've been practically living at the gym since we got here."

"It's a good way to get my mind off things."

"Yeah, but it becomes an issue when you're overexerting yourself to the point of nearly injuring yourself on that machine."

"I'm fine, Eden." The sound of his voice became harsh. "There's nothing to worry about."

His tone caught you off guard. "I'm just trying to look out for you. Bottling up your emotions like this isn't going to help you, Reiner. If you want to talk-"

"There's nothing we need to talk about." He walked past you discourteously, already reaching down to grab his bag to head towards the door.

"But Reiner, everything that happened-"

"There's nothing we can do anymore, Eden." He whirled his body around to face you again. "We're back in Marley, which means we have to go back to how things were."

You pulled your eyebrows together in confusion. "But, the things that we talked about-"

"I'm not happy with the way things turned out, Eden. Believe me. The shame and regret still continues to eat me up inside, and I've been having constant nightmares about everything that's happened, but there's nothing we can do about it anymore. We're here. There's nothing we can change."

"The least we can do is talk it out, Reiner," you said. "And then maybe we can figure something out together."

"Eden, you just inherited the goddamn War Hammer Titan. What makes you think we can still make a difference when you're still being forced into positions you don't agree with?"

"Because I'm not going to lose hope." You stepped up closer to him. "I'm not gonna sit here, mope around, and pity myself for the rest of my days. I'm done being a coward."

"Well, I sure hope that your courage doesn't result in losing what's important to you. I'm not going to risk putting my loved ones in danger because of this, and I don't think you should either." He pulled open the door. "I'll see you later."

He closed the door and sauntered off, rendering you completely speechless.

Wow... okay, then. Not how I expected this conversation to go, but fine.

If Reiner wasn't willing to talk about it, you weren't going to force him. Maybe one day he'd come around, but clearly right now wasn't a good time. You didn't blame him; he had legitimate reasons to block out those thoughts. You, however, just couldn't handle your thoughts for any longer.

Still, all you wanted to do was talk, not actually do anything risky. You knew better than to immediately throw yourself into fire. You could be careless, but not that careless. If you were to do anything risky, it would require a lot of time and planning.

It did kind of hurt a little to see Reiner turn his back on you, though.

Oh, well.

At least you had your sister. The important part was that you weren't alone.

You dragged yourself out of the gym just a few minutes after Reiner made his dramatic exit and speedily walked down the street, hoping to get home soon before any weirdos popped out during the night time. The walk back was fairly calm, but when you passed by the Marleyan headquarters, you heard a voice call you by the doors. You paused in your steps and turned your head to your left to search for the voice.

To your dismay, it was your father standing guard outside the door, arms crossed against his chest while leaning his back against the door.

"Something wrong, officer?" you asked.

He paused for a moment, taking in your appearance for whatever reason, then he said, "You shouldn't be out this late."

"Since when did you care?"

He kicked himself off the door and dropped his arms to his sides. "I just assumed with your high standing now that you'd be a little more careful with navigating the streets knowing you possess something important."

"I can easily defend myself, officer, but thanks for your concern," you replied sarcastically. Rolling your eyes, you turned forward to keep walking, but then he called for you again.

"What?" you snapped.

His expression faltered. He didn't seem as strict and stoic as he was two seconds prior. Leisurely, he walked down the steps to approach you. You could feel the anxiety rise in your chest.

"We need to talk."

"About what exactly?"

"I overheard you and Zeke yesterday."

Fuck.

Your teeth clamped down on the inside of your cheek in apprehension. "What did you hear?"

"Why don't we have a chat about it in my office?" He stepped back up the stairs and placed his hand on the doorknob to pull it open.

You didn't really have a choice, did you?

Reluctantly, you obliged his request and followed him up the stairs.

Fuck, this is all fucked. He knows.

The halls were completely empty, the lights were dim, and the squeaking of your shoes were far too loud to the ear. It was usually packed during the day, but it seemed like the night time had much less activity. You wondered if your father was the only officer on duty right now. A part of you wanted to ask him about it, but that would sound too suspicious, so you decided against it.

The two of you finally stopped in front of his door, the he inserted a key. Two potted cypress plants were placed on both sides of the door the moment you both entered; it made your heart twist a bit. He always had an affinity for plants when he lived with you. He used to bring home a bunch of different species of them, and that was likely why he'd always buy your mother-

"Campanula," you said. There were three sets of potted campanula set by his window behind his desk. It was the first thing that drew your attention after the cypress. Just the sight of them made it feel like someone squeezed your heart.

"You know of them?" he asked, walking to sit on his chair. You remained frozen in place, staring at the flowers with your lips parted.

"Why do you have them?" you inquired, ignoring his question entirely.

He was silent for a moment, the look in his eyes seeming to reveal the answer, but you refused to believe it. Whatever you were interpreting just couldn't be true.

"I like plants," was the answer he settled with. "Why don't you have a seat?"

Still evidently anxious, you followed his orders and sat yourself directly in front of him. This whole situation made you feel uneasy. The last time you actually had a full conversation with him was about a decade ago when you begged him to help with expenses, to which he turned away.

Anger burned in your stomach at the memory.

"So what did you bring me in here for?" you asked bluntly. "I already know you're going to tell on me, so what's the point? You just want to hear my side? You want to tell me how disappointed you are with the way I turned out?"

"No." He shook his head. "I'm here to apologize."

Huh?

You furrowed your eyebrows. "What?"

"Eden, there is something I must tell you, and I'm not sure how you're going to take it." He avoided your gaze by staring down at his desk. If you were nervous then, you were absolutely shitting yourself now.

"What are you talking about?"

"I have never been a good father." Yeah, no shit. "And everything I've done since then has been my way of trying to make up for it."

"Done what, exactly?"

He scratched the back of his head, still choosing not to look you in the eye. His obvious discomfort was really unsettling you. "Do you remember that dinner from a few years ago when you were supposed to inherit the Beast Titan?"

"You mean when you insulted the woman that would have literally given her life for you? Yeah, I remember quite vividly, actually."

"What I said about her... I didn't mean it."

You scoffed. "Right, okay."

"Eden, everything I'm about to say, you will find hard to believe, but I really ask that you listen. You deserve to hear the truth."

With skeptical eyes, you straightened yourself up on your chair while awaiting his next words.

"The reason I said those things was to elicit a reaction out of you. I wanted you to react poorly so the general would take back his decision of choosing you as a titan inheritor."

What?

"What are you talking about?"

He sighed, skidding back against his chair while still refusing to meet your eyes. "I'm the reason you weren't able to inherit the Beast Titan. I wanted to do whatever I could to make sure you didn't suffer that fate."

You shot an incredulous look at him. "I- I don't understand."

"That was my way of apologizing for my actions as a father, and what I felt like I owed your mother - to make sure you didn't inherit that titan."

You shook your head in disbelief. "W-What are you even talking about?"

He exhaled again. "I knew you would find this difficult to believe."

"Because it doesn't make any sense," you said in a rigid tone. "You were training me my entire life to become the strongest warrior, and the second I finally received the reward I had always wanted, you're saying you ripped it away from me on purpose?"

"Because your mother was right. I was too hard on you, and I shouldn't have used you as a tool for the sake of living a better life with her."

"Are you fucking kidding me right now?" Fury started coursing through your veins. "You're trying to convince me that what happened at that dinner was your way of saving me?"

"Eden, I know-"

"No, let me speak," you interrupted abruptly. "How could I believe a word you say when you didn't even bother helping me when I came to you practically begging for money to help my mother? I swallowed my pride to find you, only for you to turn your back on me, and now you're telling me you were trying to 'save' me this whole time?"

"I tried, Eden." His voice rose as he shifted his gaze to look up at you. "Believe me, the moment I found out she was sick, I went to find her myself, but she refused."

"I don't believe you."

"I know you were stealing money from the officers during that time," he said. You snapped your mouth shut. "That included me. Why do you think I left so much cash in my wallet?"

It was true. You always did find it suspiciously odd how he always carried so much cash on him every time you'd pickpocket his uniform when he had taken it off and hung it up on the clothing rack.

"That still doesn't mean anything," you replied stubbornly.

"Who do you think brought all those items outside her doorstep? All the food? All the medicine? I bet she told you it was Karina, didn't she? That was the name I had written down on the bags, but by now you would know that her salary would have never been able to afford all of that."

You hated the way certain pieces were connecting. The bags did have Karina's name on them, and you even went as far as thanking her for them, but she didn't recall ever putting those bags there. At the time, you never thought to question it; you just assumed that maybe she had poor memory because she did actually send a few things herself, but the stuff she actually sent was never the surplus you used to find weekly outside your doorstep.

"Your mother wanted to refuse my help, so I did what I could to make sure she received the care she needed even if it meant deceiving her."

"I just- I don't understand." This was all too distressing to take in. "How could... I just can't get myself to believe you."

"Your sister knows," he said. "You could ask her."

"What do you mean she knows?" Was Paulina keeping stuff from you?

"I've spoken to her about this... even helped her with a few things."

What the actual fuck?

"With what?"

"Bought her a few things - helped her find novels she wasn't able to check out as an Eldian. My guess was she didn't tell you about this because she knew you would react negatively. I don't blame either of you."

"This is- what the fuck?"

You were completely dumbfounded.

"When I found out they wanted you to become the War Hammer Titan, I did everything in my power to make sure they rethought their decision, but clearly, I had failed. The commander and general refused to hear my pleas and still thought it was the best decision. I'm sorry. It's my fault that you're in this position. If I hadn't been so hard on you-"

"No," you cut him off. "No, you don't just get to- you don't just get to sit there and try to act like a hero after everything you made me go through as a child."

"Eden-"

"Fuck this." You stood up from your seat. "Did you think I was going to forgive you after this? You thought I was just gonna run into your arms and act like nothing happened?"

"No, Eden-"

"Fuck you." Your eyes started to water with tears. "You should have made it up to me a long time ago, not when it's already too late."

"I know." He rose from his seat to approach you; you took a step back. "I wish I did a lot of things differently, but all I can do is focus on the present. I am not asking you to forgive me. I'm asking you to understand."

He appeared subdued in his stance, like he genuinely felt horrible for his sins.

But there was not an ounce of sympathy you felt in your heart for him. Paulina may have forgiven him, but you could not. She never had to bear witness to his awful behavior you witnessed as a child.

"You made me hate myself for years," you said quietly, no longer withholding the tears that were brimming in your eyes. "I spent all these years wondering why I wasn't good enough for you. I overworked myself as a child because your opinion was who mattered the most to me. Not Mom's. Not the commander's. Yours." You stopped to take a breath. "I just wanted you to love me."

"I do love you, Eden. I always have."

"So then why did you leave?" you shouted.

He paused, staring down at the floor while gripping his hand on the top rails of the chair you were just sitting in to distract himself. Apprehension was visible on his face. "The commander found out about me and your mother. I had no choice but to leave or else higher authorities would have intervened and put you all in danger. He did me a favor by giving me the chance to leave when I could, and I could never thank him enough for keeping this secret."

So we're trying to make out the commander as a hero too? What a fucking day.

"Eden, I could never blame you for doubting my love for you. I set a poor example of what a father should be, and I affected you in the process. The truth is, I was a coward. The love I had for your mother was genuine, but the fact she was an Eldian was what caused this divide between us. I wanted nothing more than for us to live a happy life together, but she knew better than anyone that that was just never going to happen. The day you were born, I was ecstatic. You gave me hope that we could finally live the life we always wanted and that was why I was so hard on you as a child. I wanted you to become an honorary Marleyan so that maybe our family could live freely."

You brought up a hand to wipe your tears as he continued, "You're right. I used you as a tool to fulfill my own selfish fantasies. When your mother became aware of this, she wanted to pull you out of warrior training completely, but I fought against it. In truth, I had manipulated her into making sure you would stay in training. I am not proud of my actions, but I said I would be honest with you, so I will."

This conversation was too much to take in. It made your stomach feel queasy.

"Your mother never wanted you to suffer the fate of being a titan inheritor, so after she passed away, I made it my goal to make sure you would avoid that fate. I caused you to suffer in the process, and I'm sorry for that, but everything I've been doing since your mother died was my way of protecting you and your sister. It is the least I owe your mother. She had given me several chances to better myself, and I- I failed her every time. I didn't have the time to fix my relationship with her, but... with you and Paulina-"

"I will never forget the way you treated her," you said. "I could never look past the insults you spat in her direction, or the drunken nights where I was so scared you'd lay a finger on her-"

"I never hit her, Eden. I promise-"

"It doesn't fucking matter. How do you think that looked to me as a kid? God, this is so..." you trailed off to take a deep breath. "I just can't believe this."

"I don't expect you to forgive me, Eden, but with time, I hope you can come to trust me."

"Like hell I will."

"I can help you." He walked up even closer. "Anything that you need from me, I can help you with. With my standing as a Marleyan officer, it is easier for me to access things."

"I don't need your fucking help. I can do things on my own." Your feet started pulling you towards the door. You wanted to put an end to this discussion immediately; all this new information was giving you whiplash. "This conversation was useless."

When you turned your body to face the door, he grabbed you by the shoulder.

"Don't fucking touch me!" You whirled around and shoved him by the chest with all your strength, sending him falling to the floor. "Fuck you. You should have fucking died when you had the chance."

Something shifted in his eyes. You recognized that look - it was never good.

Steadily, he stood up on his two feet. "I always knew it was wrong of me to fall in love with one of you devils."

"Don't you dare fucking talk about my mother that way!" You drew near him again, fully prepared to shove him again, but he grabbed your wrists firmly before you even had the chance.

"Don't shove me again," he ordered. Without thinking of the consequences, you gathered up spit and hurled it in his face. He flinched as soon as it hit his face, and his grip on you loosened. You took that chance to free yourself from his grasp and smacked him in the face.

That felt good. It was freeing.

However, to your misfortune, he always had annoyingly quick reflexes. He surged forward and pinned your back against the wall by holding your wrists.

"Let me go, you fucking asshole!" you shouted.

"Do you know how much resentment I felt when I first realized my feelings for your mother? How frustrated I felt that I fell in love with someone who was supposed to be an enemy? A devil in my eyes?"

"Fuck you!" You continued struggling under his hold.

"You of all people would know, Eden!" he yelled, pushing you further against the wall to limit your movement. His sudden change in demeanor caused your anxiety to escalate.

"You're wrong," you shot back.

"Then what was Levi to you?"

You paused your motions, taking in his words.

"I bet you thought those Eldians living in Paradis were devils too until you actually got to know them, right?"

"That's not... that's not the same."

"That was exactly how I felt when I met your mother."

Oh.

Oh.

You did not like where this was going.

"Don't bring him into this."

"You understand what it's like to fall in love with someone you know you shouldn't be with."

"Let me go."

"All I want is for you to admit it. Admit that you understand how I feel."

"Fine." you retorted. "Everything you heard between me and Zeke last night was true. So fucking what? It doesn't change anything."

"You understand the feelings of guilt and remorse just as much as I do," he said. "And the only way to combat those feelings is to strive for change."

Building up your strength again, you were finally able to succeed in breaking from his grasp by pushing him forward. You strode towards the door again.

"Eden, please-"

"Don't." You held up your hand to stop him from talking further. "Maybe I do understand what it feels like to fall in love with someone I'm not supposed to. You're right. I hated him at first. I hated the way I quickly fell for him when my one job was to kill him. I hated how weak I felt initially to know I relied on him so much for my comfort. I hated the fact I fell in love with him, but I do not regret it. And you know what?"

He stood there quietly, awaiting your response.

"I have never, and would have never made him feel like he was a burden to fall in love with. That is the difference between you and I." Before he could stop you, you pulled open the door and made a swift exit. "Goodnight."

Fortunately, he decided to let you go. You exited the building with quick steps, making your way outside. The moment the wind hit your face after returning outdoors, you halted your movement and allowed your overwhelming emotions burst out of your chest. Your legs nearly gave out as you sat down on the stairs, shielding your face with your hands as you sobbed.

All you'd done since coming back to Marley was suffer. The titan, your father, Zeke, Reiner - it was all too fucking much to deal with. Why would anyone bring you into this world if all you were going to do was suffer? All the work you'd done as a child was for what? To sit on the steps and cry as an adult? To feel absolutely miserable?

It was all for fucking nothing.

"I want to die," you moped quietly to yourself while hugging your knees against your chest. "I just want to fucking die."

Your heart raced as you continued to cry, the anxiety in your chest becoming overbearing again.

"Fuck, I can't do this anymore," you sobbed. "Why did it have to be me? Why is it always me?"

No, I can't give up.

You shut your eyes, steadying your breath.

"You are so much more capable than you give yourself credit for, Eden."

It felt like your entire life was collapsing, but because of all these setbacks, you failed to see the light - a very, very dim light, but a light, nonetheless. You still had a sister who loved and trusted you; you couldn't just leave her behind. If there was any reason to continue fighting, it was for her.

You were not alone.

You took a deep breath in, wiped your tears, and walked home with a new sense of hope.

Notes:

Sorry for any errors. I scrambled to get to this posted because I leave for the airport in an hour ahh. I will check back again when I have the time because there are definitely some things I might wanna revise T_T.

Also, GAHHH 1,000 KUDOS??!?! Dude this is crazy. My performance anxiety and imposter syndrome are kicking in all at once.

Genuinely, thank you. This feels pretty big for me and I never thought I'd get this much engagement for this story. I tend to get very insecure about my writing because I'm not really as experienced as other writers on here, so this means a lot to me :'). I hope my writing will continue to improve and evolve. Thank you for showing me this much love on my first fic on here 3.

Next chapter we'll FINALLY have a Levi POV, and then after that, we'll finally be in the 4 year time skip. See you July 14th :) (or 15th...). I'll still reply to any comments when I get the chance, or you could also leave me an inbox on my tumblr too. (I swear I'll make a better layout eventually... I haven't used tumblr properly in literally a decade...). Enjoy your week and stay safe!

- Mar

Chapter 40: A Mysterious Medic

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Year 853

Marley

"Ah! What's with that horse? Or wait. Is that- what was that?"

"Nah, no horse ever looked like that. I think it was a Marleyan cow!"

"It's a car! We heard about them before coming! Hello, Car! Hi, hello!"

"Tch." Levi scowled while glaring at the three idiots running after the four-wheeled contraption. "If we don't stop them, they're going to try to feed carrots to that lump of iron."

Onyankopon chuckled at Levi's sarcasm. "Hah, yeah, right." The joyful amusement in his expression dissipated when he saw Sasha and Connie walk up to a vegetable stand. "Wait, are they actually buying carrots?"

"Oi." Levi snatched the carrots from Sasha's hands and dropped it back in the basket before yanking her and Connie away from the vendor as far away as possible. Sasha nearly protested until she saw it was the captain who pulled her away. "You two are acting like a pair of idiots. You're making it harder for us to blend in." Levi switched his gaze to Hange next. "You too, Hange."

"R-Right, sorry," they replied sheepishly. Levi glanced over his shoulder to make sure everyone was following close behind him. Eren, Mikasa, and Armin had stopped to have a conversation; Levi could already feel himself lose patience.

"Hey, stay with the group," he ordered, focusing his gaze on Eren specifically. "You especially."

"We'll be right there," Armin answered. Levi decided to trust his word and kept walking forward.

"Gah! This thing is cold!" Sasha shouted from afar. Shit, when did she leave his side?

"What is it? I wanna try it!" Connie asked in intrigue.

For fuck's sake.

"Those brats. I told them not to draw attention," Levi grumbled.

Hange smiled in reassurance. "It's fine. No one's going to think we're those island devils if they continue behaving like overgrown children."

"Hi, little fella. Got some tasty candy for ya. Wanna try it?" Levi completely stilled when he felt a dark, menacing shadow towering behind him. "It's real good."

His eyes widened in apprehension before turning around to face the disturbing figure.

"Sharp suit there bud. Are you and your friends playing gangster?"

What in the actual fuck is that?

Levi had never seen such a ridiculously dressed person. The man wore a purple vest with yellow buttons and a long sleeve shirt with stripes. His hat, shirt, and pants were painted with yellow and red lines, and he was dressed in a red bow tied around his neck along with a ruffled white collar. He was even wearing some sort of makeup that made his face powdered with white. To top it off, he had a comically large red sphere encased over his nose. The style was a horrendous mix of colors, and all the clothes were just absurdly baggy. It was atrocious.

Hange tugged the side of Levi's suit and dragged him away before his anger took over. "Let's just keep walking," they whispered. Levi obeyed, knowing shooting any insults in that man's direction would only cause a scene, which was not ideal right now.

He silently strolled down the sidewalk while examining his surroundings. These types of festivities were never seen back in Paradis; well, not like this. There were multiple stands of fruits, vegetables, deserts, and other unknown snacks he'd never seen before. Kids ran around joyfully while yanking at their mother's dresses to lure them to a food stand, merchants were hauling goats off of boats, and elderly couples sat on benches while smiling as they watched everyone's glee. Oh, and there was some guy using that invention called a camera to take photographs of couples.

Setting foot in this unfamiliar country was such a contrast to what he was used to, and only one thing plagued his mind as he absorbed the culture.

So this is where you're from, Eden.

Levi tried not to think about you when this trip was first planned, but the moment the ship docked and his eyes flickered towards the bustling crowds in the country he knew you were born in, the first and only thing he could think about was you.

Three years had passed since you were last seen. Levi had already accepted that you were more than likely dead. It wasn't easy, but he made peace with it. Had you lived, it would have been much harder to deal with.

It was for the best, was what he'd tell himself.

The first year was extremely tough for him. Whenever he wasn't distracted by his duties as a captain, he'd shamelessly pull out your journal from his drawer just to reread some of your entries about him with a cup of chamomile tea. He'd click open your pen sometimes too, just to feel connected to you again, somehow. He let that poor habit go after a while. It wasn't serving him at all; it only made him more stuck in the past.

There came a time where he was finally adjusting to life without you. He knew he had other things to focus on - far more dire things - so it became an easy distraction for him. There was so much development going on in Paradis after Yelena and Onyankopon made an appearance a few years ago, and it was mentally taxing at times. So much of the world was kept from them, and now they were slowly starting to catch up. It was extremely daunting work, but it helped keep you off his mind by worrying about other things. He'd rather stress out about creating a railway line than think about his memories of you.

But then three years after what happened to you, he fell apart again. Hange motivated him to talk to another woman, and that was when Levi knew something must have been wrong with him.

"How did things go with Annabeth the other day?" Hange asked while falling into step next to Levi. The others had gotten distracted by yet another unfamiliar contraption, but it seemed like Jean was able to take care of the situation this time. Levi paused in his steps to face Hange, letting out a sigh.

"I told you I didn't want to talk about this again, Hange."

"Gah, I know, but I can't help but feel a little curious." Their eyes were beaming with fascination. Although Levi felt slightly irritated about being asked about this, he knew Hange wasn't doing this out of malice, but as a way to see if he was finally moving on. He never discussed his personal relationship with you, but he knew Hange wasn't stupid enough to think that you were someone he'd just forget about within a few days. They knew him long enough to know that he just always chose to never talk about his trauma out loud. Hange just wanted to look out for him in whatever way they could.

Annabeth was a travel medic they had recruited into the Survey Corps about two years ago. Hange had introduced him to her without the intention of pairing them up, but then Levi made one small compliment about how he liked the way she disinfected her medical gear, and he never heard the end of it after that.

In truth, he wasn't all that into her at first, but very slowly, a curiosity sparked. She was about your age, and well, she was quite pretty. She definitely wasn't as stubborn as you were, and a lot nicer during their first encounter. She was intelligent, calm, and never raised her voice either. On the surface, Levi could see why Hange was intrigued in seeing the two of them progress. Even he was slightly interested about what it would be like with her. After all, who said he wasn't allowed to move on from you?

He spoke with her a few times after knowing her for a few months - tried getting to know her a little better. Her story was inspiring; he quickly came to see just how dedicated and hardworking she was.

And best of all, she was not someone planning to kill him (at least, he hoped not).

Levi finally accepted Hange's suggestion and gained the courage to ask Annabeth out for tea a few days before departing for Marley. It was... interesting. He always liked talking casually with her, but he couldn't help but feel like something was off the whole time. There was so much discomfort in his stomach when trying to open up to her. It just wouldn't come out of his mouth fluidly like he had hoped.

Then came the end of the date when he walked her home - after stopping at her door, he knew he should have done something like hug her, hold her hand, or kiss her cheek, but all he said was, "I will see you at work tomorrow. Goodnight."

Needless to say, Levi didn't sleep that night.

He spent the entire next morning reflecting on his actions the day before. Why couldn't he open up around her? Why did he find it difficult to be himself? To tease her jokingly? To hug her? Kiss her? Hell, why did the thought of even touching her feel wrong to him?

That was the moment he realized that the reason he couldn't picture himself like that with her was because she wasn't you.

That was a painful realization for Levi to accept. He finally had the chance to move on with a beautiful woman who wouldn't hurt him the way you did, but still, you continued to intrude into his heart like a goddamn knife after so long. For fuck's sake, you had been gone longer than he knew you, and yet somehow, you still had such a vigorous affect on him.

How fucking pathetic.

Coming to visit your homeland almost felt like he wanted to return back to his pitiful state from three years ago. He had the urge to take out your journal and read it again. He had an urge to brew your favorite tea and eat your favorite fruit just to feel like you were there with him again. He had an urge to look into the crowd to see if he'd find those familiar eyes again. All his thoughts just flooded to you just like it always did, and it fucking irritated him.

"It didn't work out," Levi answered Hange. "Just too much on my plate."

"Is it that, or are you just being a stubborn old grump again?"

"Piss off," he muttered, turning his back to them.

"Or" - Hange grabbed his shoulder to halt him - "is this about something else?"

Levi hated that look - that pitiful, woeful look people would give him whenever you were vaguely mentioned.

"Don't bring this up again, Hange," he threatened. "I'm already pissy enough with you lot causing a scene here."

"Well, if you don't talk to me, I can never know what you're really feeling, Levi. I encouraged you to explore with Annabeth because I thought that was what you both wanted. You seemed interested in her, but if I was wrong about that, that's fine too. I just-" Hange paused, looking down at their feet. They were clearly anxious about bringing up whatever they wanted to talk about next. "Levi, I really think it's time you talk about Eden-"

"Don't," Levi interrupted abruptly. "Don't even say her fucking name in front of me. I already told you how I felt about talking about her. I'd rather have her wiped from my memory than have to think about her."

Hange exhaled in exasperation. "God, Levi. You always do this."

"She's gone, Hange - completely dead. She's not a threat to us anymore, so why even bring her up? It's irrelevant."

"This isn't about that, Levi. This is about you!" they snapped. "You've been more short-tempered and irritable since what happened, and I spent all these years just waiting for you to talk about it with someone - anyone. It didn't even have to be me. I just wanted you to talk to someone about this because you keep building up these suppressed feelings about her and then you blow up on people who don't deserve it. It's not fair to us, and it's not helping you either."

There they were - being logical again. He hated when Hange made reasonable points.

"Sorry for snapping at you like that. It's just... when Moblit died, the only thing that helped me was talking about it with people. You can't just bottle up your emotions like this, Levi. It's okay to be vulnerable and talk. I know these aren't exactly the same situations, but my point still stands." They sighed. "But if you don't want to talk about it, that's fine. I'm not going to force you to discuss something that makes you uncomfortable. All I'm saying is that you can't just take out your emotions on people."

Levi pondered their comments for a moment, but then his thoughts were momentarily distracted when he saw a short boy with a red hat and bangs dip his hand into Sasha's pocket.

"Hey" - he firmly grabbed the wrist of the boy holding Sasha's coin bag and held it up - "that's not your purse."

"A pickpocket!" someone bellowed.

"Must be another immigrant from an enemy state," another added.

More people chimed in.

"How'd you get into Marley?"

"He can't understand us, can he?"

"Bet he snuck onto a ship."

"How about we toss him into the sea?"

"Nah, let's smash his right hand."

"Let's tie him up somewhere everyone can see and let him dangle for a little bit. That'll teach 'em how to quit stealing!"

Sasha cut in immediately. "What? That's going too far! I got my purse back, it's fine!"

"This isn't just your problem, missy. If we don't set an example by punishing him, it'll be a problem for all us merchants making a living here."

"Who knows. If he's an exiled immigrant, he might even be one of the subjects of Ymir. This is why countries around the world have been running blood tests for years. I couldn't sleep at night with devil blood tainting our community."

Wow.

What you and Grisha had said in your accounts was never a lie, then. This was exactly how they treated Eldians outside of the walls - as absolute scum.

The little boy was shaking with nerves as his eyes darted in every direction in search of a way out of this unfortunate situation. Levi looked down at the kid and could only see a boy just doing what he needed to do to survive. He didn't have the heart to feel hate towards him when Levi was once the same.

Without a second thought, Levi grabbed the boy by the waist and carried him on his side.

"Hey, what're you doing?" one of the Marleyans asked.

"Who said he was a pickpocket? I just said that wasn't his purse." Levi shot a glance at Sasha. "The purse is his older sister's."

Hange entered themselves in the conversation to give Levi time to make his exit. "Yep. They've got a real complicated family situation, isn't that right?"

Sasha laughed nervously. "Y-Yes! I'm sorry about my little brother!"

"That sounds like bullshit!"

Suspicions were rising rapidly now, so Levi had no choice but to bolt for it.

"Let's go!" he shouted.

Everyone from Paradis sprinted away from the scene as fast as they could to avoid being caught up in the drama. They kept running for what felt like over a mile until they discovered the least revealing area they could find. It took an exhausting amount of exercise, but eventually, all of Levi's squad, along with Hange and Onyankopon, were able to lose the other Marleyans. Slightly out of breath, Levi let go of the kid and turned around to make sure everyone else was fine. Most of them had made it, but it seemed like Sasha and Connie were trailing a bit behind. When Levi whirled forward again, he noticed that the little boy was gone.

"Where'd the kid go?" Levi inquired with furrowed eyebrows.

"Over there." Hange pointed out. The child was on top of a crumbled wall with a huge grin on their face, holding up what seemed to be- wait, what?

Levi peered into his suit to search for his coin bag, only to find it completely missing.

That little shit...

"Well, that's the pocket change I got from the Azumabitos, anyway." The kid probably needed it more than him.

"Ow!" Sasha yelped. Levi whipped his head around immediately at the sound of hearing Sasha's pain.

"What is it? What happened?" he asked in concern, worried if any of the other Marleyans had caught up to them. When his gaze shifted down, he observed Sasha hunched down on the ground gripping her ankle tightly.

"I think I twisted my ankle," she said. "Or broke it. I don't know, but damn does it hurt like hell."

"Can you walk?" Jean asked.

Sasha attempted to stand, but her leg wobbled; she flopped down on her knees with a groan.

"Shit," Levi muttered. "Someone's going to need to take a look at that, aren't they?"

"Damn it. I knew I should have asked Annabeth to come with us," Hange said in frustration.

"Alright, in the meantime, we're just going to have to help her walk until we meet with the Azumabito family again," Levi ordered. "It's too risky to seek medical attention here. We'll have to wait until we meet up with them."

"But that'll take over an hour!" Sasha protested.

"I'm sorry, but it's the best we can do right now."

"Are you all alright?" an airy voice asked from behind them. When Levi turned his attention to the stranger, his heart almost stopped.

Something about this girl looked familiar, but he couldn't pinpoint what exactly.

"Uh, yes! Nothing going on here!" Hange's tone was far too suspicious. Levi almost rolled his eyes at their failure at acting normal.

The girl knitted her eyebrows and approached Sasha who was sitting on the ground while cradling her ankle. "Are you okay?"

"She's fine." Levi stepped up and placed a hand on the girl's shoulder to pull her back gently. "Just tripped on something."

"Nonsense." The girl shoved him off and dropped her bag on the floor. "Let me take a look."

Sasha didn't appear reluctant at the thought of this random stranger inspecting her injury, clearly just wanting someone to take the pain away. With heedful hands, the girl knelt down and lifted her foot.

"Hey, she's kinda cute," Connie whispered a little too loudly. A grunt escaped his mouth seconds later, which Levi presumed was Jean jabbing him in the stomach.

"Shut up, Connie," Jean said.

"Quiet back there," Levi ordered. The two soldiers turned red and averted their gaze from the captain.

"I think it's dislocated," the girl said. "I might be able to pop it back in, but it'll hurt."

"How long will it take?"

"Should only take a few seconds."

Levi didn't like the sound of this. This girl looked too young to be performing procedures like that. She could seriously damage Sasha's ankle further if she wasn't careful.

"Hold on," Levi cut in. "We don't even know you, and you look a little too young to be acting like a doctor. How do you expect us to trust you?"

The girl straightened herself up, dusting herself off. "My name is Paulina. I'm a fourth year medical student here in Marley." She pulled out a badge from her pocket and passed it to Levi. It included her full name and the school she was studying at in Marley. His eyes widened.

Paulina Barlowe?

"You guys aren't from around here, right? I can understand the fear of allowing help from someone foreign to you, but if this girl doesn't seek help immediately, her injury could lead to an infection. I can fix it to the best of my ability until you head back to wherever you're from."

Levi stepped a couple feet back from her, still in shock at the revelation of her identity. Hange took the badge from Levi to inspect it, then approached the girl after her greeting.

"What makes you think we aren't from here?"

Paulina chuckled slightly. "Your accents are a little different, and you look out of place, no offense. Some common folk around here probably wouldn't notice, but I definitely can."

Levi continued staring at her with parted lips, unable to form a response.

"How do we know you're not a threat?" Hange asked, passing her back the badge.

"Well, there's one of me, and a multitude of you, right? If I were to try anything risky, you'd all be able to take me down immediately," she replied. "And to be quite honest, I'm not the strongest person physically, so it wouldn't be the hardest thing."

"Hm." Hange glanced over at Levi. "What do you think?"

Levi was still a bit dazed at discovering this girl's name, but he shook his thoughts away and returned to the present.

Could he trust your sister?

"Can we make a decision quickly? My ankle is really killing me here," The impatience was clear in Sasha's tone.

"Right, um..." Levi looked at the girl again. Her appearance resembled you in some way, but she carried herself in a much more cheerful manner. She was intelligent enough to be a medical student, and he could tell she wasn't a fighter like you were. There wasn't much muscle on her, so she wasn't lying when she said it would be easy to take her down if she tried anything stupid. She seemed trustworthy enough.

"Make it quick," Levi finally said. Paulina nodded in approval and bent down to hold Sasha's ankle again, pulling off her shoe and sock. He watched as she gently placed one hand under her heel and used her fingers to feel the pulse on the top surface of her foot. Once she felt like it was safe to begin the close reduction, she wrapped her other hand around the top of her foot just below her toes.

"Ready?" she asked. Sasha gave her an unsure nod. "3... 2..."

"Ow!"

"Sorry! Sorry!" Paulina apologized frantically. "Just one more! I promise!"

Paulina didn't even give Sasha another warning as she pulled on her foot again. Sasha continued shouting a combination of groans and curse words from the agony.

"That's it! It's done!" she reassured Sasha. "I have a splint you can use until you can see a proper doctor soon. You should get it looked at by a professional just in case, but I think your case is really mild."

There was a glow in Sasha's eyes as she lifted her leg up and spread her toes to see her foot back in a straight position. Paulina rummaged through her bag to pull out a medical splint and securely wrapped it around the injury. Unexpected to her, Sasha threw her arms around the stranger in excitement.

"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" she exclaimed. Levi could practically see the embarrassed warmth spreading across Paulina's face.

"It's no problem, really. I'm glad I decided to bring my extra supplies with me today. I had a gut feeling I'd need it."

"You're a lifesaver," Sasha complimented. Paulina turned away shyly.

Connie cleared his throat and walked up to the two girls who were still knelt on the floor. "You know... my arm's been hurting a little since we arrived here. You think you can take a look?"

Unconvinced by Connie's request, Jean intervened and pulled him away. "Cut it out, Connie."

"What? I'm being serious!"

Paulina and Sasha only laughed in response. The two girls stood up from the ground, and Armin was the first person to assist Sasha in standing.

"Thank you for the help. It would have been hard leaving her injury untreated," Armin thanked her with a smile.

"It was really no worries. I'm happy to be of help. Just make sure she gets a ton of rest, uses ice, and elevates her leg."

He nodded. "Of course, thank you, Paulina."

Everyone began to depart from the location to keep walking further ahead, Armin and Connie helping Sasha hop on her foot. Levi stayed behind as he watched Paulina gather her belongings. When she turned around, she appeared puzzled to see Levi still standing in the same place as before.

"Is something wrong? Do you need help too?"

He shook his head. "No, it's just... your last name is Barlowe?"

"Yes. Why?"

A million thoughts rushed through his head all at once. His lips parted with the intention to ask so many things, but words refused to pass through.

"Nothing, it just reminded me of someone."

She quirked up an eyebrow at him inquisitively, tossing her bag over her shoulder. "What's your name?"

Does she know?

He wasn't supposed to reveal his real name to anyone here. It would be dangerous if someone figured out who he was.

But for some reason, he felt inclined to trust this girl.

"Levi," he responded. "My name is Levi."

Her eyebrows shot up, and her lips curled up into a grin. "Well, it was very nice to meet you, Levi."

He swallowed nervously. "Likewise."

She nodded at him once more, then turned on her heel to walk away.

Words were desperately clawing up his throat while he watched the young girl saunter away from him. She had already gone too far ahead; it was too late to ask her the one question that was burning his mind for years.

Is your sister alive?

That was his one chance to find out, and he lost it. Paulina disappeared into the crowd, and the question was reeled back into his mind, never to be released again.

"Levi!" Hange called. "You coming?"

"Yeah," he responded, finally joining the group. "Sorry."

It was going to be impossible to convince other nations to form friendly relations with Paradis. Levi's experiences in Marley these past few days further proved what you had written in your journals. It wasn't just that the world hated Eldians, they hated the Eldians from Paradis more than anything else. It was clear to him now that all of you had infiltrated the walls to redeem yourselves and make Paradis the enemy. To the entire world, Paradis was the main culprit.

"Gosh, what an exhausting few days." Hange plopped down on one of the chairs in the kitchen of the Azumabito residence. Tomorrow, they would all board the ship again to head back to Paradis. The reason they all came to Marley was to see if there was any hope for a peaceful negotiation amongst other nations, but that was out of the question. Levi had his doubts from the beginning, but Armin was extremely insistent on at least trying. It was clear to everyone now that peaceful relations were never going to happen.

"Well, I still wouldn't consider it a waste of time," Levi stated, leaning against the wall while holding his cup of tea. The tea tasted a lot different in Marley; it was actually pretty good. "We gained a good insight on the perspective of those living outside of Paradis."

"Yeah, you're right. Makes me feel ignorant, though." They blew out an exhale and rested their chin on their palm, staring at the wall.

Levi took a sip of his tea in silence. He liked this brand of black tea. He made a mental note to ask Miss Kiyomi if he could take some back with him tomorrow.

"Hey, Levi?"

"Hm?"

"Can I ask you something and will you promise not to get all snappy with me?"

"That depends on what you're gonna ask."

"Screw it. I'm just gonna ask." They straightened their back and met Levi's gaze. "Do you know if Eden has a sister?"

His heartbeat picked up. He forced himself to take another sip of tea before answering them. "She does."

"That girl- that medical student we met the other day, do you think that was her sister?"

Anxiety rose in his chest, the grip on the rim of his tea cup tightening.

Hange made a good point earlier - it wasn't right of him to blow up on people just for mentioning you, especially in a situation like this. He needed to learn how to contain himself when it came to you, because his anger towards others was not justified.

And maybe Hange was right - he did need to talk about you instead of bottling it all up.

"I'm more than certain it was," he responded. "They share the same last name, and I remember Eden telling me her sister's name was Paulina. Not only that, but her journal entries have all the evidence. The girl is supposedly very smart, so being a young medical student seems extremely fitting."

Hange smiled at him. "Look at you, finally opening up."

"Shut up." He rolled his eyes.

"That makes sense, though. I didn't put two and two together until I saw her last name, then I examined her appearance a bit more and realized she did resemble Eden a little bit."

Levi hummed in response.

"Seems like a sweet girl, almost the exact opposite of who Eden was, but they both seem to have the same drive to help others. They just express it differently."

He didn't think about it like that, but it made sense. Paulina was more friendly and approachable when offering help. You, on the other hand, would appear visibly annoyed and agitated about the thought of offering a hand to someone, yet you'd still come out doing far more than one would expect of you. It was like you refused to admit you were trying to be nice.

He nearly smirked at the thought. He found it amusing.

"You think she knew who we were?"

Levi's amusement died down. He was afraid to tell Hange that he actually exposed his name to her. In hindsight, it was pretty dumb; however, she seemed like an honest person. A part of him also had the selfish urge to just reveal his identity to her.

Well, if he was wrong about her too, then this would be the second time a Barlowe would deceive him. That'd be his fucking luck.

"I'm not sure, but I'm hoping she won't tell on us."

"Well, there's no telling what she'll do. If she's as deceitful as her sister was, then we're all screwed. But, if she is as open minded as Eden was, then maybe we'll be fine. She knew we were foreigners and still decided to help us. Her kindness seemed genuine, so my money is on the second option."

"Yeah, maybe."

Levi wondered how you went from being deceitful to open minded. He tried to picture himself in your shoes. It wasn't an easy thing to do at first, but after witnessing how Eldians were treated in Marley, he had a better idea of what it may have been like for you. He'd never know how excessive warrior training was, nor would he ever fully experience the internal conflict of choosing sides, but at the very least, he was able to understand it a little better now.

Had he been in your shoes, would he have done the same? Would he have infiltrated the walls to kill an innocent person like you were supposed to? Or would he have found a way to avoid it like you did? Would he have been stubborn in his beliefs, or would he have allowed himself an open mind to see another perspective like you did?

He would never know.

"Well, it's getting late. I should probably head to bed soon." Hange rose from their chair to walk towards the door. Levi set his tea on a side table and called for them.

"Hm?" They whirled around.

He paused for a moment, feeling a little ashamed about what he was about to say. "Do you have some time?"

"Sure, what's up?"

Levi clutched his hand tightly on the top rail of one of the dining chairs, averting his gaze and ignoring the way his face had likely turned pink now.

"What is it, Levi?" they inquired, obviously noticing his apprehension.

"I'm ready to talk about her," he finally said. Hange didn't respond, but when Levi shifted his gaze to meet their eyes again, a huge grin had emerged on their face.

"I'm happy you've decided to confide in me," Hange said. "Let's sit down."

Notes:

Hello hello! I'm back from vacation and back to the laptop again lol.

I also took this vacation to reread through the last 50 or so chapters of the manga and I've now come up with a rough estimation as to how many chapters are left - it's looking like this story will have 50 chapters total, so 10 chapters are left.

While brushing up on the story, I've become very aware that I've made a few mistakes here and there regarding following what is true to canon... oops. The last 50 chapters of the manga have a ton of information I didn't fully digest the first time I read it a few years ago but I'm really trying my best now T_T. I know no one is perfect, but I just wanted to point that out because I was a bit mad at myself about certain things lmao. I'm going to attempt to fix a few of my inconsistencies in the future chapters.

That was all. I'm happy to be writing again and I feel a little more confident now that I've written a pretty solid outline for the end. I'm gonna stick to my Sunday upload schedule (EST) unless otherwise stated. Just 10 more weeks - I'm gonna force myself to remain consistent with my upload schedule.

Next chapter we're finally in Year 854. See you then ;).

- Mar

Chapter 41: A Secret Plan

Notes:

Content Warning: character with suicide attempt

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Year 854

"So, what are the best weapons the War Hammer Titan can conjure in battle?"

"Literally anything," you said with a yawn, your eyes nearly drooping. A hard smack on your head with a stick shook you awake. "Ow!"

"Focus!" Paulina said sternly.

"Paulina, it's like 2 a.m. Give it a rest. I beg you."

"This is important," she said. "The festival is within a month, and there's no telling what will happen."

"Exactly. One month." You rose from your chair to head back into your room. "Seriously, you've been driving me crazy with this."

Paulina let out a sigh of exasperation. "Can I at least summarize it for you before you leave?"

"Fine," you replied begrudgingly, plopping back down on your chair. She pulled open the teaching baton again and pointed it at the bullet points she had on the chalkboard.

"The best weapons the War Hammer Titan can conjure in battle are the sword, battle axe, crossbow, and of course, the war hammer. A shield can also be constructed to protect oneself." She gestured to a drawing on the board next - it was a circled stick figure. "In very rare cases, the holder of the War Hammer Titan can also conjure items without being transformed or inside the crystal, but it is not recommended. According to one of the texts I read, it can be fatal since creating hardened objects in human form requires so much energy. Even when the War Hammer is in titan form, creating items in excess can take a huge toll on the body. This is why the War Hammer's armor encasing is not as strong as the Armored Titan."

"Because the War Hammer needs to have thinner armor in order to conjure weapons and other objects from the ground up," you continued. "They need to put more energy elsewhere."

"Exactly." Paulina grinned at your willingness to participate. "So in battle, you have to use weapons sparingly. It can be very dangerous if you overexert yourself. The War Hammer Titan is a powerful asset, but can only be used in moderation. Out of all the nine titans, its stamina depletes the most quickly."

You nodded, already knowing this because she had repeated this to you a thousand times, but you were too tired to snap at her.

"Maybe tomorrow we can practice forming those pikes in the cavern. It would be convenient if you learned how to do that as a distraction while also using your weapons simultaneously."

You shook your head. "We can't tomorrow. We have to be up early to greet the warriors coming back from the war, remember? Reiner, Colt, Gabi, and all the other kids are coming back."

"Oh, right. I forgot about that." Paulina shoved in the stick from her baton and set it neatly on the table beside her. "Karina told me that Gabi had apparently proved her worth to inherit the Armored Titan."

You scoffed. "Yeah, I heard that she distracted the other soldiers from the enemy nation while dragging along a cluster of grenades on her feet, then tossed it on their trains to blow it up."

"Damn, does she have a death wish?"

"That girl is even more nuts than I was. Her marks even surpassed mine at that age. It's insane."

"I've been telling you since you came back." She flopped down on the chair across from you. "You have always been her biggest role model."

Before the warriors departed for war, Gabi refused to leave your side. She always had a plethora of questions regarding your strength, secret tricks, and how you could help her become stronger. Part of you was glad she left only a few months later, or else you likely would have snapped at her in frustration. Her fascination with you was annoying.

"She is so hardheaded in her beliefs, though. I've never met anyone like her."

"Don't tell me you tried to persuade her she was wrong..."

"No, I'm not dumb enough to do that, Paulina. With her fierce devotion to Marley, that would be too risky. I just... subtly slipped her some hypothetical scenarios to see if she would hit the nail on the head, but she missed the point every time."

"Well, she is just a kid."

"So?"

"So, she was raised with these horrid beliefs about our kind just like we were, and just like you at that age, she wants to be the best and prove herself to her country. The difference is, she never got to experience Paradis while you did."

"Yeah, I guess you're right. I still wished she'd opened her mind a bit more."

If you had never gone to Paradis, would you have been as stubborn as Gabi was? You weren't exactly as passionate as she was about this conflict; your main goal was to gain a better life for you and your sister. Gabi's main goal was to prove that the Eldians in Marley were good people, and that Paradis Eldians were the enemies. The loyalty she had for Marley was rooted far deeper than yours ever was. That was the drastic difference between you too.

No longer wanting to ponder this topic anymore, you got up from your chair and walked back towards the door. "Anyway, goodnight."

"Wait."

You groaned. "What now?"

"Did you start writing your speech?"

Shit.

You averted your gaze sheepishly.

"Eden-"

"Soon, okay? I promise. There's still a month left before the festival."

"Yeah, but this speech is super important - probably the most important thing you'll ever have to do, ever. What you say at that festival will determine how all the other nations will perceive Marley and Paradis for years to come." She walked up to you with her arms crossed. "And remember that you have to write two speeches - the one you'll show Willy for approval, and the real speech that you have to memorize."

Your relationship with Willy Tybur throughout the past four years had been a bit... odd, to say the least. If you were going to be completely honest, you couldn't really stand the Tybur family. They grew up privileged and never once had to deal with the hostility the other Eldians faced. Happiness and security in their little mansion was all they had ever known. They were prime examples of nepotism - only living in luxury because of their ancestors.

Well, until you figured out that their history was a lie.

A variety of flashbacks came to you in dreams these past few years, all from previous War Hammer Titan inheritors. It was a constant headache to deal with, but it actually provided useful information. One important detail you discovered was that the person who actually stopped the titan war was not the Tybur family, nor that made up hero named Helos - it was actually King Fritz himself.

The Tybur family were frauds this entire time.

That was quite a difficult memory to stomach. To know that the Tybur family were living lavishly despite the reality of their background unsettled you. This knowledge shocked you at first, but could you really be that surprised? You'd dealt with so many appalling realizations throughout the years that this one was just one other to add on to the pile.

The real issue was bringing it up to Willy. At first, you thought about keeping it to yourself out of fear he wouldn't believe you, but Paulina advised you not to. She said it would give you a chance for him to trust you, so you followed her advice.

Unexpectedly, he was a lot more understanding and willing to listen. He believed every word you said, and had a long conversation with you about it. That discussion led to his blooming trust in you.

Eventually, once you felt like the time was right, you brought up the idea of speaking at the festival that was planned to occur in one month. Even though you were still irked by how spoiled this family was, you played along with their beliefs just to get closer to Willy in order for him to trust you to speak at the festival, and it worked.

The plan was to create a speech to discuss your experiences at Paradis and why you thought going after them was not the right decision. This was really going to be the most significant event in your entire life if it all went accordingly. People would likely give perplexed responses at your defense of Paradis, but you were hoping your standing as a Tybur would allow them to hear your perspective.

Of course, because you knew Willy and the other Tyburs were not going to approve of that speech, you had to create a decoy speech that portrayed Paradis in a negative light. This speech had to include fabricated lies about your experiences in Paradis so it could meet their approval. Once your speech passed the inspection, you were going to memorize the one you intended to say.

Both you and Paulina had a horrible feeling about it, but this was the best you could do. You could only do so much as an Eldian here, but now that you had an elevated status as not only an honorable Marleyan, but as a Tybur too, you wanted to use your privilege for good.

"If you want, I can help you write it," Paulina suggested.

"No, I want it to come from me. It's about my experiences, anyway. I want my voice to stand out," you replied. "But maybe you can proofread it."

She nodded. "What about the other one? The fake one?"

You chewed on your bottom lip at the thought. The idea of writing poorly of Paradis made your stomach feel queasy. "Yeah, maybe you could help me with that one. I don't feel super comfortable about it."

"Got it." She began gathering her belongings to head out the door. "I'll go over some of the previous journal accounts from the spies who went to Paradis to gain a perspective of what someone who despises Paradis is like. That should give me a good idea."

You nodded. "Thanks, Paulina. I'll see you tomorrow."

"What time were the warriors supposed to arrive again?"

"9 a.m." You glanced down at your watch. "It's almost 10 now."

Paulina sighed in impatience, arms crossed over her chest. "I could be reading my novels right now."

You snorted. "Do you ever get tired of reading?"

"Not really. It's just that I've been a lot more busy lately with school and finding stuff to write for your speech, so I've had to sacrifice my casual reading time to make time for other things."

"You know, if helping with my speech is too much to handle, I wouldn't be mad if you decided to opt out."

She shook her head. "No. I promised you I'd help."

"Yeah, but I don't want you to overwork yourself, especially since you're still in school."

"It's fine, really. Besides, dad's been a huge help."

You grimaced at the mention of your father, fists clenching on either side of you. Paulina looked away sheepishly, noting your tension. Ever since you had that conversation with your father in his office four years ago, it was difficult to view him the same way you once did. You had a deep conversation with Paulina about it, expressing your frustration about the whole thing and being a little upset she hadn't told you anything. The fact she was voluntarily taking his help bothered the hell out of you, but you had no control over that. He was her father too, and her perception of him was different compared to yours since she didn't really grow up with him. That was something you needed to accept.

He tried reaching out to you again throughout the years, whether it be from stopping you during late night strolls or through Paulina herself. You declined each time. Maybe it was your stubbornness preventing you from exploring a relationship with him; you really didn't care. You didn't think there would ever come a time that you'd truly give him a chance.

"Sorry, I forgot that you didn't want me to mention him anymore," Paulina apologized.

"Stop apologizing for that. It's me that just needs to accept it. I may not like that you seek help from him, but I can't control that."

She refused to meet your eyes, staring down at her shoes awkwardly as she kicked a small pebble on the floor. The sound of opening gates caught both of your attention.

"They're back!" someone bellowed enthusiastically. All of the Eldian warriors stepped through the entrance, eyes darting around to look for their families. Mothers called for their sons and daughters, and partners rushed up to tackle their lovers in hugs. A sense of ease and reassurance washed over everyone as they saw all of their loved ones return safe and sound from the war.

"Reiner!" Paulina called eagerly. "Over here!"

Reiner met both of your gazes at the mention of his name, but his expression didn't shift. Still, he sauntered over to you both.

"Come here," you said, immediately embracing him in a hug. He stiffened at your touch, but you chose to ignore that. It had been so long since you last saw him, so he was going to have to deal with your affection for just a moment longer. "I'm so glad you're okay."

You drew back to observe his appearance. He was a little taller now, and the bags under his eyes had become more prominent and dark. Some facial hair had grown around his mouth and under his chin, which made him appear much older for his age, and he was only twenty-one.

In truth, he looked abysmal.

"It's good to see you," he replied, but his poker face stayed intact. You frowned at the lack of joy radiating from his eyes. Of course, you didn't expect him to come home jumping in glee, but this gloomy impression of him really concerned you. He was visibly more miserable than the last time you saw him.

Sympathetically, you brought up your hand to caress his arm. "You okay?"

His hazel eyes melted into something darker while he shrugged off your arm. You furrowed your eyebrows at his actions.

"Well, I'm alive - barely, but still alive. I'm sure I don't have to ask the two of you how you've been doing, since you've probably been living in opulence as Tyburs this whole time I've been gone. You must feel at peace knowing you no longer have to deal with being at the forefront of war. How lucky."

Oh... was this why he appeared agitated with you? Was he jealous of you?

Because you were discovered as being a part of the Tybur family, as well as now being in possession of the War Hammer Titan, you were not obligated to go to war. In fact, the Tybur family was strongly opposed to the idea because of how valuable this titan was to their family. Even despite your high marks as a warrior, losing you was clearly not a risk they wanted to take. Due to this, you and Paulina were fortunate enough to stay home during the war.

The same could not be said about Reiner. Not only did he have to deal with the trauma of what happened in Paradis, but he had to go straight to war directly after. Due to the failure of capturing the Founding Titan, the Mid-East Allied Forces declared war against Marley, which lasted these entire four years. It was finally put to an end after so long once Marley won.

You didn't even want to begin to imagine the mental turmoil Reiner must have been feeling all these years you hadn't seen him. The mental baggage he carried was likely even worse than your own.

"We should talk later," you told him. He paused to stare at you for a moment, evidently considering your request. Before he could answer, the sound of his mother's voice boomed throughout the crowd.

"Mom," he answered her. A tired smile formed on Karina's face at the sight of her son.

"You must be tired. Come home and rest," she said.

A small, subtle smile grew on Reiner's face. "Yeah, I think I will."

"Eden!"

There was no time to process whose voice that was until you saw Gabi sprinting towards you at full speed to nearly tackle you in a hug.

"Gabi," you said rigidly, very calmly detaching her from your body. "How are you?"

"Great! Did you hear how good I did at Fort Slava?"

You nodded. "Yeah, sure did."

Her grin slowly diminished when she noticed the lack of enthusiasm in your tone. "Aren't you proud of me?"

Gabi was a little older now, so it seemed like brushing her off like you used to wasn't going to work anymore. The girl was extremely intelligent, so she could definitely pick up on your apathy.

She's just a kid. Remember that. She doesn't know any better right now.

You forced a smile on your face and bent down to place your hands on her shoulders. "Of course I'm proud of you."

Her smile grew immediately upon your praise.

"Hey, Eden," another voice greeted. Raising your head, you found Porco and Pieck waving at you from a few feet away. You walked up towards them to greet them next, and soon enough, you had met with all of the other warriors that had returned from battle too.

"Where's your brother?" you asked Falco.

"Sick," he replied. "He drank a lot."

"Yikes." Your nose crinkled, your mind reverting to memories of your various hangovers of the past. "Make sure he drinks lots of water."

"Will do." He nodded, stepping away to go speak with Gabi. You let out a sigh as you scanned the crowd to search for Paulina, who had wandered off. When you shifted your eyes in her direction, you saw her in a deep conversation with Pieck; you decided not to interrupt for now.

"Eden," a deep voice said from behind you. "How lovely to see you again."

You shut your eyes and blew out a long, resigned exhale before turning around to face the last person you wanted to see returning from this war.

"Hi, Zeke," you responded with a fake smile. Zeke still appeared the same as always - same glasses, same beard, and same egotistical stature. Nothing about his appearance or personality seemed to have changed one bit.

He beamed at you with amusement, spreading open his arms. The reaction you had was immediate, your legs dragging you backwards into the crowd as you ignored the way you stomped on a few people's feet just to get away from him. You'd much rather get lost in the horde of people than have to get physically affectionate with Zeke, but unfortunately, he kept following your movement until your back hit the wall and there was no longer an escape.

"Come on. I haven't seen you in years, and this is how you react to seeing me?" he teased playfully. "At least look like you're happy to see me."

"Be glad I even said hello to you," you shot back. His grin grew wider at your response.

"Oh, how I've missed our bickering."

"Well, that makes only one of us." You attempted to make your escape into the crowd again, but his fingers swiftly latched onto the cloth of your jacket.

"Let's have a little stroll, shall we?"

You shoved his hand off. "I'd rather not."

"I think you'll be interested in hearing what I have to say." His expression merged into something a little more serious. "It should only take a few moments."

You stared back at him with knitted eyebrows, contemplating a decision. Whatever he wanted to tell you was clearly something he knew was important to you, or else he wouldn't have approached you so humorously.

Your eyes examined the crowd to find Paulina again. Her eyes finally met yours, then concern emerged in her face once she saw who you were with. You gave her a nod of reassurance to indicate that the situation was being handled accordingly; she returned the same gesture before turning to continue her conversation with Pieck again.

"Make it quick," you told him.

He led the way into the streets of Liberio, avoiding sidewalks that contained large crowds. The apprehension built up in your chest the further you walked away from the entrance gate.

"I've been thinking a lot about our last conversation from a few years ago," he said casually, his back facing you as he strolled forward.

Oh god, is he gonna bring up the whole marriage thing again? I need to get out of here.

"If this is about the proposition you gave me, then there's no need for this conversation." You halted in your steps. "I already told you my answer to that."

"If you think I took you on this walk to go down on one knee with a ring, you're sadly mistaken." He stopped in his tracks and glanced at you from over his shoulders. "I took you here to tell you that you were right about what you said all along."

"Huh?"

He whirled his body around to face you, checking his surroundings to make sure there were no bystanders to eavesdrop. "I was wrong about what I said about getting rid of all Eldians. You were right - it is an unfair fate."

Confusion took over your face. "What?"

"You see" - he leaned his arm against the brick building beside you, -"I've been doing a lot of reflecting since I've been away from you, and I've realized that my desire for genocide against Eldians was really just due to the unfair circumstances of my birth. I justified this belief because of how horrible my upbringing was, and it wasn't until you explained how horrid it was to me that it finally clicked."

Your lips parted in shock. "Are you being serious right now?"

"Why would I joke about something like this?"

His lips weren't curling into a grin, nor was the grey in his eyes flashing with amusement.

Was he actually being sincere?

He kicked himself off the wall and started leisurely pacing around you. "I've pondered this thought so much that I even considered your opinions about your perspective of Paradis. It was a difficult thing for me to digest at first, but both yours and Reiner's experiences really opened my eyes. This new realization of mine has caused me anguish, so much so that I was even willing to devise a plan to potentially help the Eldians in Paradis."

"What do you mean by help?"

He stuffed his hands into his pockets, glaring down at his feet before trailing his eyes back up to you. "There's a soldier here from Marley that has been actively supporting Paradis behind our army's back. She has been doing this for years now without a single person batting an eye, and I've been working with her."

"Who?"

"Yelena. She has organized an entire group of Anti-Marleyan volunteers willing to assist Paradis."

Hm. The name was slightly familiar, but didn't ring much of a bell.

"She has been helping Paradis with advancements in their equipment and infrastructure. I've been informed that they are very slowly catching up to other nations in development."

"How do I know you're not lying?"

He smirked. "I knew you were going to ask that. Here, let me show you."

He pulled out a small stack of photographs from his jacket. The first image he showed you was of a railway line. "They constructed their first railway line about a year or two ago. You could see here that the walls are in the picture in the far back. See?"

You squinted, taking the image from him and inspecting it. Nothing seemed faulty about it - it seemed legit.

He passed you images of people next. The image was a little blurry, but after finding the right angle, you were able to make out the soldiers in the photograph - it was Connie, Sasha, Armin, and Jean wearing straw hats and standing directly in front of the railway line with shovels and pieces of wood scattered on the floor. Connie and Sasha had big toothy grins - one posing with a peace sign and the other with a thumbs up. Armin stood naturally with a relaxed grin, and Jean stared back stoically into the camera lens. Your lips quirked up into a smile.

They've gotten so much taller now.

The next image he showed you included more soldiers. Mikasa and Eren were in the image this time, albeit Eren appeared much more solemn than you remembered, and his hair had grown to his neck. On the far right was Hange laughing while staring into the camera with an arm thrown over Levi's shoulders. Levi had his arms crossed over his chest, averting his gaze from the photographer with a stern expression. You nearly laughed at the chaos depicted in this image.

They all haven't changed one bit.

"You can keep these. I know seeing them must mean a lot to you."

You weren't going to fight against that, securely placing the photographs in your jacket so they wouldn't wrinkle.

Zeke pulled out more images, this time of ODM gear and uniforms, but way more evolved compared to the last time you used it. There were also images of rifles and body armor.

"All of these were created within the past four years all because of their collaboration with Yelena, and Azumabito as well."

"They are working with the Azumabito family too?"

"Yes." He shoved those images back into his pockets. "I spoke with Miss Kiyomi about it just before I departed for war."

"How the hell were you able to convince another nation to help Paradis?"

"Well, I may or may not have confessed to her something important regarding my royal blood."

Your eyes widened. "You told her you have royal blood? Are you insane?"

He smiled at your incredulity. "Is this your way of showing me you care?"

You scoffed. "Don't flatter yourself. I'm just shocked that you gave out such a vital piece of information that not even Marley knows."

"Well, I needed to convince her somehow, right? I gave her a piece of knowledge that would make me vulnerable in the eyes of Marley in order for her to trust me."

Zeke had told you a variety of secrets as children, including the way his parents were Eldian restorationists and that he had royal blood. He made you promise not to tell anyone, and as much as you couldn't really stand him, you respected that request. You didn't think it was your place to divulge it, and you also didn't know or understand the significance behind having royal blood. Arriving to Paradis was when you realized it must have meant something important, especially with Historia taking the crown. Regardless, you chose not to mention this to the higher ups in Marley upon return because you were sure they'd find a way to use Zeke's royal blood to go against Paradis in some way; your gut feeling was that they would have forced Zeke to have offspring to indoctrinate them, and you had an idea of who he would have sought to help with that...

"And what about Yelena?" you said next. "What made her want to oppose Marley?"

"She, too, believed in my secret plan to save all the Eldians."

"Which is?"

"Well, it wouldn't be much of a secret if I told you now, would it?"

You huffed. "Where are you going with this?"

He laced his fingers behind his back, approaching you closer. "Since I know you, too, are very vocal and passionate about the injustice the Eldians in Paradis are facing, I wanted to give you the chance to help them as well."

This was all feeling very fishy.

"I knew the scouts were not going to trust me off the bat because of what I had done in Shiganshina, which is why I told Yelena to give them a condition - they must agree to work with me, and in exchange, they would be able to develop advanced weaponry."

"They agreed to it without knowing your plan?"

"The plan I have in mind is going to benefit them, but I didn't want to reveal it just yet because it is still in the works. That is why I told Yelena not to mention it just yet. Regardless, it is an excellent deal if you ask me. You of all people would know how behind Paradis is on advancements."

Well... he wasn't wrong about that.

"And well... I may or may not have offered them another reward in exchange for working with me."

"And what was that?"

"To have the War Hammer Titan help them protect the Founding Titan."

Your eyebrows shot up. "You used me as a way to persuade them?"

"I never mentioned your name, just that they had a chance to gain another titan on their side if they agreed to my conditions."

"Zeke, this is insane. If they find out I'm the War Hammer, there's no doubt they'll just have one of their soldiers consume me."

"That's the other thing." He leaned in a little closer to your face. "I made sure to let them know that you would willingly defend their side so long as they don't have someone eat you."

"They are going to take that back the second they know it's me, Zeke."

"Trust me, Eden. With the way I have this plan set up, you won't need to worry about that."

You remained silent for a few seconds, digesting all this new information. Once again, Zeke had a plan he wasn't telling you and already inserted you into it with your knowledge. Although it did appear that he was helping Paradis, you knew there was some sort of catch there he hadn't made known yet.

"I'm having a meeting with the other warriors tomorrow to come up with a plan to return to Paradis and reclaim the Founding Titan," he continued. "Obviously, I don't really intend for this to happen. The Survey Corps have other ideas in mind."

Your eyes widened in apprehension. "Don't tell me they're coming to Marley."

He nodded in response. "It would be your job to protect Eren during the invasion to make sure our Marleyan soldiers don't take him down."

"This is... They can't."

He furrowed his eyebrows slightly. "I don't understand. I thought you were against Marley."

You looked away from him, heart pounding relentlessly against your chest. "Of course I don't agree with the ideals in Marley, but the Survey Corps coming here so suddenly would only rush them into war."

"This all happened because of you and the others infiltrating the walls so many years ago. What else did you expect to happen? Did you think they were just going to sit pretty and accept their injustice? I thought you were brighter than this, Eden."

"I- I know, but..."

Were you stuck between choosing sides again?

No, this wasn't about sides anymore. This was different. Frankly, Marley did deserve this attack after what the warriors did, but going through with this invasion would only put Paradis at an even higher risk. They would become an enemy to the entire world, and then no other nation would ever consider their perspective. This would change absolutely everything for them. You didn't blame them for wanting justice, but them invading would just make them look like the villains. There had to be another way to fight for their justice that didn't depict them in such a negative light.

"It's such a risky plan," you said in a hushed tone. "I don't think they're completely aware of how this invasion will affect them.

Zeke watched you intently, a slight breeze blowing against his blonde bangs. "If they come and you choose not to defend them, you do realize what that'll mean for you, right? Not to mention poor Paulina."

You clenched your fists at his mention of your sister. He wasn't entirely wrong about that, but you knew he only mentioned her to persuade you. It was obvious he really wanted you to join him on this.

Truthfully, this plan seemed a little out of character for the Survey Corps. It didn't seem like them to just rush into battle, especially since they were still behind on advancements. With the knowledge they possessed of other nations now, you would have thought that they'd put off an attack for at least another few years until they were fully prepared.

You wondered if this was Zeke's plan as a way to sabotage them or if this had to do with his secret plan. God, this was all so stressful to think about.

"Give me a month," you finally replied. "I have a peaceful alternative plan I would like to try first, and if it fails, I will consider your request. Please tell them to put off the invasion until then. That should be the very last option. I don't want the entire world to view them as the true enemies. Invading wouldn't be in their favor right now."

"And what's your peaceful alternative plan?"

"You have your secret plan, and I have mine." You had no intention of speaking about your speech to Zeke. He had not earned your trust.

"I see." He frowned at your words. "Well, I am not going to force you to join me. I can understand your hesitation to work with me. I don't deserve your loyalty, but I do hope you will take this month to allow me to show you how much I have truly changed."

Suddenly, he reached out one of his hands to grab yours tenderly. His grey eyes were fond and full of warmth. For once, you allowed this affection only because letting it happen would likely garner a more honest response from him. As much as you would have liked to shove him away again, doing that would only provoke him to get spiteful. You needed to play along.

"I can keep you up to date with advancements throughout the month and show you how everyone is doing over there. There is so much more I haven't shown or told you yet. I promise you that I am keeping all the Eldians best interest at heart. I'm not trying to get rid of us. My actions with helping Paradis' advancements are as much as I can atone for now until I can solidify my plan. Right now, I am not asking for anything in return. All I ask is for you to take out a few days out of these next few weeks to sit down and listen to me speak about these changes I've made to help Paradis. You don't have to agree to work with my plan just yet - just listen to me speak. If your plan does not work, then you can decide whether or not you would like to join me."

You pulled your eyebrows together in deep thought, mulling over his comments. If all he requested of you was to just listen to him, then that was doable. You didn't gain or lose anything from doing that.

His thumb started rubbing the skin of your hand, sending chills down your spine; your breath hitched as you yanked your hand from his grip.

"Don't do that," you said strictly.

"Sorry," he apologized, moving to keep his distance from you. "I overstepped."

You brought both hands behind your back to conceal them, rubbing your fingers over the skin of where he made contact.

That gesture reminded you too much of Levi. It felt so incredibly wrong having someone else replicate it with you, especially someone like Zeke.

Damn it. I thought I had gotten over him already.

Four years. Four damn years had passed, and it was clear that you were still not fully over Levi. You'd think being apart for so long would have influenced your thoughts about him, but they still remained as true as they were back then.

You wondered how he was coping with your absence. Better than you, probably.

He probably hates me.

"We can talk more later, if you'd like," he said. "Perhaps over some tea?"

Tea. That reminded you of Levi too.

"Sure, whatever. If listening is all you want me to do, then I can do that." You dragged your legs forward to slide past him. "I'll see you later, I guess."

He grabbed the thin layer of your jacket again to stop you. "I meant what I said earlier." His body was not facing you, but his tone was sincere. "It was lovely to see you again."

You shrugged him off without saying a word, facing forward to return walking towards the entrance gate. Once you rounded the corner, you paused and pulled out the photograph that included everyone in front of the railway line, your fingers grazing over Levi's grumpy figure.

I'm still keeping my promise from back then. I won't let them hurt you, Levi.

The next day, Zeke called for a meeting with all the warriors to discuss the next step - reclaiming the Founding Titan. He explained how the primary goal was to save Marley and get rid of the Eldians in Paradis Island. This would then portray all other Eldians from other nations as good people.

Zeke seemed immersed in this discussion, but after your conversation with him yesterday, it was hard to see which side of him was genuine anymore. After the other warriors left, he asked you to stay behind to further discuss what you talked about yesterday.

You left only a few minutes later, not really in the mood to continue speaking about it, but you had to admit that the evidence he had supporting Paradis was pretty believable. Still, you didn't think there would ever come a time that you'd ever fully trust him.

This was the same man who drugged you, tied you up in a chair, and tortured the man you were in love with right in front of you. Yeah... it would take a whole lot more than just assisting with Paradis' advancements for him to truly earn your trust.

You exited his office and shut the door. Upon stepping outside, the first thing you noticed were the younger warriors practicing hand to hand combat. Gabi had knocked Falco onto the ground, pressing her boot down against his chest and aiming her rifle at him. Her eyes were fiery with determination, but then her focus was impaired after hearing you walk outside; her demeanor changed immediately.

"Eden!" She ran towards you eagerly, dusts of dirt flying off of her shoes. "Man, you should have seen the way I pinned Falco down just now! He can't stand a chance against me!"

Falco steadily rose from the floor, sending a timid wave in your direction. You returned with a tight-lipped smile before turning your attention to Gabi again.

"I'm sure you did very well," you assured her.

Once again, her smile vanished when she noticed the lack of joy in your expression.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

Gabi seemed to be picking up on your mannerisms. Karina held a dinner the night before, and you could tell she was eyeing you and Reiner a lot more than usual. Reiner appeared much more distant than you did, however.

"I'm fine. Just tired. Don't worry about it." You ruffled her hair playfully.

She brought up her hands to fix her bun. "I don't know, it's just that... you and Reiner have been acting so differently since returning from that devil island. Karina said it herself."

"Well, a lot can change when you're gone for so long," you defended.

"Yeah, but... I don't know. Will you promise to tell me everything one day?"

"Yeah." You forced a smile onto your face. "Of course I'll tell you everything."

She grinned. "I'm sure we can all put our strengths together and create a better future once all those island devils are defeated."

You turned your head to the side to let out a sigh, ignoring the little stab in your heart from hearing her comments. "Gabi, what's your goal in life?"

"My goal? To obtain the Armored Titan and create a better life for Eldians by destroying Paradis, of course."

"Aside from that. Do you have any goals for yourself?"

"Those are goals for myself."

"No." You shook your head. "I want you to forget about this conflict for a moment. If this world contained nothing but peace, what do you see yourself doing? What kind of life do you picture for yourself?"

She knitted her eyebrows in deep thought. "I mean, I don't know. That's not the reality though, so why even picture it? Right now, I'd rather focus on the important stuff. There's a reason the commander sees so much potential in me. I need to show him how dedicated and loyal I am to Marley."

You didn't see it then, but now was when you were really starting to see just how similar you were to Gabi when you were that age. She was definitely more passionate about this conflict than you were, but your goals were very similar to some degree.

"Just ponder that question whenever you get the chance," you told her.

"Eden," Pieck's soft voice lingered behind you. "Porco and I were thinking about grabbing some lunch. Do you care to join?"

"No, I'm alright. Thanks, though." You narrowed your eyes at them when you noticed Reiner wasn't with them. "Where's Reiner?"

"He stayed inside. He said he needed to check for something in his office. Something like that," Porco answered unwillingly.

An exhale escaped your mouth. "I'll go get him. Maybe we can all grab lunch together. Just wait out here."

Pieck nodded, but Porco rolled his eyes at your suggestion, clearly unexcited to join Reiner for a meal.

When you entered the building again, you climbed up the steps and searched for his room. Since Reiner had been a warrior for so long, he gained a much higher standing in the military now, only second behind Zeke, who was the war chief. This resulted in him having his own office.

When you approached his door, you noticed that it was already slightly open.

That's odd.

The door creaked as you pushed it open, but Reiner was still nowhere to be seen.

"Reiner?" Your call garnered no response. You flickered your eyes around the room to check for any sign of him lingering in the room. It was only then that you noticed that the storage room was unlocked. Placing your hand on the door knob, you slowly peered into the gap. "Reiner, are you-"

It felt like your soul had just been ripped out of your body. The door was thrown open, and your body flew forward as an unconscious instinct, yet your mind was still not fully processing the situation set before you; you just knew that you needed to take action immediately upon witnessing the tip of the rifle aimed in Reiner's mouth.

You fell on your knees as the gun clattered onto the floor. Quietness surrounded the room with no other noise other than the sound of your chest heaving filling the air. You couldn't even look up at him - couldn't even get yourself to move from your position. All you could get yourself to do was grab the rifle and move it as far away from him as possible.

"Reiner..." Your voice was feeble and soft as water filled your eyes. "Please talk to me."

He didn't respond, glued against his chair as you felt his gaze burn down on the back of your head. You pulled your knees into your chest, hugging them tightly.

"I'm sorry," you said quietly. "I should have known. I should have fucking known."

The signs were always there. How couldn't you see it sooner? Why did you let it get this bad?

You buried your face into your knees, allowing the tears to break through your eyes. "I just want you to talk to me, Reiner."

More silence. His lack of words were unsettling you.

"Please just say something," you begged him. "Anything."

Nothing. You raised your head and wiped your tears with the back of your arm, sighing profoundly.

"Please," you pleaded quietly again.

He breathed in deeply. "I don't know what to say," he finally said.

Sniffling, you craned your head up to look at him. He was staring at the blank wall, his face pale and emotionless. "I care about you, Reiner. I'm sorry I didn't do a good job at showing it before, but I really do care about you."

He continued staring at that dreadful, beige wall, sitting still as a statue. You lowered your head again.

"I wanted to do it too, you know. I never told anyone that," you admitted. "I was so close to doing it the moment we came back four years ago. I just couldn't stand the life I was living, and even now it's still hard."

You tipped your head back to look up at the ceiling. The paint was cracked and the corner had a leak stain. "But even after everything, I'm trying to find hope. I know it might all be delusional thinking, but I just- I can't give up. I know our experiences are not the same, but we both share one thing in common - the inability to forgive ourselves. I haven't been able to move on after everything, and I know you haven't either. The only way I've been able to cope with that is by doing what I can to make a difference. I'm trying."

From your peripheral, you could see that he shook his head slightly. "That's the difference between you and I, Eden. You've always had the guts to do the unthinkable no matter how risky. That was why I always looked up to you, because you were never afraid to stand for what you believed in. Other people shamed you for it, but I always admired you for it." He leaned his back against the chair. "But me? I'm nothing but a coward. I always have been. I've done nothing but continue to perpetuate the beliefs I secretly do not agree with and have done nothing to make up for what I did. I could never be like you."

You scoffed. "You're wrong, Reiner. God, you're so wrong." He whirled his head to the side to observe you. "I've always felt like a coward, especially back in Paradis. I did nothing to help the people over there, and even now I don't know how to. I'm really trying but... I still feel hopeless. Standing up for myself didn't always have the effect I wanted. Sometimes it was just my impulsivity taking over. Besides, I almost put my loved ones at harm because of my stupid urge to stand up for myself. I might still have hope, but that doesn't mean I don't have doubts."

He took a moment to mull over your comments. "I guess neither of us are the honorable warriors people see us as."

"Not at all," you responded weakly.

The two of you sat in silence until you heard banging on the wall behind you. Startled, you whipped your head around at the noise.

"Damn it... at this rate, I won't make the cut," the voice behind the wall said.

Was that Falco's voice?

Reiner shifted in his chair, then quickly stepped toward the barred window. "That's right. I still have... them."

You parted your lips while watching him intently, confused by his realization. He turned his head and stared at you from over his shoulder. A very subtle, but very real smile formed on his face.

Oh. I get it now.

He found his light in Gabi and Falco the same way you found your light in Paulina.

A sigh of relief escaped through your mouth as you returned the same hopeful grin in his direction.

Notes:

Next chapter is the festival. You know what that means ;). Chaos will ensue.

Also, that little explanation of the War Hammer Titan's powers in the beginning included some stuff I made up - aka the part about the holder of the War Hammer Titan being able to create stuff as a human without being transformed or inside the crystal. Don't think it's possible in canon (???), but it is in this fic ;).

PSA: I've been doing a TON of editing for this story. I've already been editing along the way, but I'm really taking the time to sit down and fix some of my grammar and flow now. I've been rereading from the very beginning. There isn't any new content, but some sentence structures and dialogue will be slightly different if you ever go back to older chapters. I've also added some more descriptions to some parts (nothing crazy though).

See you next week!

- Mar

P.S. - *mini spoiler for next chapter* they finally meet again. I promise.

Chapter 42: The Festival

Notes:

nearly 14k words of action, angst, and drama. Strap in, folks.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

"This is so interesting. Isn't your sister speaking today, Paulina?" Colt asked.

"Yeah, she is." Paulina shook her leg anxiously, fiddling with her fingers on her lap. One month passed way too quickly. She could hardly believe that today was the day you'd be speaking on stage in front of thousands of people.

Paulina patiently waited for Willy's speech to begin so she could make a subtle exit and meet you behind the stage. If she was feeling anxious, she couldn't even begin to imagine the nerves you must have been experiencing backstage.

"The Tybur family's influence is incredible," Colt stated.

"Although they're Eldians just like us," Porco added with an eye roll. "Must feel amazing to live in luxury, huh, Paulina?"

"Mhm," Paulina mumbled, completely blocking out his words. Unblinking, her eyes were glued to the stage as she bit down on her nails. Her body jolted when Colt placed a hand on her shoulder to halt her jitters.

"Are you alright? You seem more angsty than usual."

"Probably just nervous to see her sister," Zeke responded for her, glancing in her direction. Paulina was glad she was sitting between Colt and Porco, or else Zeke's close proximity would have likely caused her to have a panic attack.

She swallowed nervously, forcing a grin on her face. "Yeah. It's her first time speaking in front of so many people. I just hope it goes well. That's all."

The rich, harsh timbre of the brass instruments boomed into the air. Zofia yelped and covered her ears at the loud volume.

"It's starting," Gabi said.

"But Falco and Mr. Braun haven't come back yet," Udo stated.

Alright, time to make my exit.

"Uh, I have to go use the bathroom. I'll be right-"

"Marleyan warriors," a smooth voice interrupted. "Commander Magath needs you."

Paulina turned her attention to the voice, knitting her eyebrows.

Who is this person?

"What for?" Porco questioned.

"There should be no need to question it, Porco. If the commander needs us, we go," Zeke said curtly, rising from his chair. Something about the way he responded to that didn't sit well with Paulina.

"It's just a question. He's making us miss this speech, so it's only fair that we know."

"Let's just go, Porco." Pieck placed a gentle hand on his shoulder to calm him. He groaned, yet still obliged to Pieck's demands.

"The commander requests you as well, Paulina," the officer said, noticing the way Paulina didn't stand from her seat like the others.

Alright, now she was really suspicious.

"But I'm not a warrior."

"It does not matter. It's urgent."

She sighed, taking one last glimpse at the stage before following behind the others. The anxiety built up in her chest the farther she walked away from the stands.

The officer took them all out to the streets of Liberio. They sent Zeke to the gates, but requested that Paulina, Porco, and Pieck remained following them.

"I feel like I've seen you before, but I can't quite place you," Pieck said observantly, narrowing her eyes at the officer. "Where are you stationed?"

"My unit's out west, near Lakua. They sent me to help bolster security," they answered. "I'm not interested in chatting with an Eldian, even if you are a warrior."

"Well, isn't that a shame," Pieck replied playfully. "I'd started to take a real liking to your beard."

Based on her response, Paulina knew Pieck must have suspected something was wrong too. She was grateful she was as vigilant as she was.

"Oh, Pieck!"

"It's the Panzer Unit!" Pieck ran up to the boys that had called her and tackled one of them in a hug. "Thanks for all your hard work, guys!"

"What are you doing? Let's go," the officer said sternly.

"What was that?" Porco asked in confusion, waiting for Pieck to return to his side.

Pieck smiled in satisfaction. "What? Those soldiers ride the Cart Titan into battle. I need their support, so I try to build a bond with them."

Paulina thought her actions were a bit out of character, but she had enough trust in Pieck to know she must have done that for a logical reason.

After a few more feet of walking, the officer stopped in front of a building and opened the door for the three of them to enter. "In here. Go."

Huh?

"Wait a minute." Paulina paused in her steps as she entered. "Something doesn't feel right."

"Where's Commander Magath?" Porco asked.

The officer didn't respond, pulling out a knife and slicing a rope to open up the floor. Screams erupted from all three of their throats as they fell from who knew how many feet down - 10 feet, maybe? All Paulina knew was that it hurt like hell when she landed on her behind on the solid ground.

A trap. It was a trap.

"We're trapped," Paulina said in alarm. "Holy shit, we're trapped. We're doomed. We're going to die here, aren't we? Oh my god, I knew I should have said something. I knew something was wrong. What if they come back and-"

Paulina gasped when she felt Pieck's hand grab her shoulder. Her touch relieved the tension in her body. Paulina was always grateful for Pieck's calm and gentle aura. She always knew how to bring peace in a situation like this.

The same couldn't be said about Paulina. She panicked about everything.

"We're going to be okay," Pieck reassured her. "I promise."

Where is she? She should be here by now.

You tapped the upper part of your heel against the wooden floor, arms crossed over your chest as you bit your nails anxiously. Your eyes were glued on Willy's mannerisms and the actors he had invited on stage, but you had a hard time paying attention to the words he was saying to the thousands of people out there. You were well aware that he was discussing the history of the Eldian Empire, but you were unable to fully immerse yourself into his speech because of the anxiety of knowing you were speaking next.

Being dressed in fancy clothing made it all the more uncomfortable. From how much you were shaking from your nerves, you wouldn't have been surprised if you had tripped over your heels before walking on stage. Your black dress was long as hell, too; you made a mental note to be cautious when you walked on stage to make sure you didn't accidentally step on the end of your dress and rip it.

You blew out an exhale. These past four years had all led up to this moment. All the trust you earned, all the connections you made, all the research you did - it was all to arrive at this moment. What you would say today would affect how others would view Paradis for years to come. This would change everything. Thousands of people showed up to hear what you and Willy had to say.

But fuck. It was terrifying.

Breathe.

You shut your eyes and inhaled deeply.

Everything will be okay.

Although you knew to brace yourself for the worst, you had to keep reminding yourself that you were still a Tybur. Having that name was enough for people to listen to what you had to say. You had privilege. You had an influence. Whatever came out of your mouth had an impact whether or not they agreed.

You could do this. You could create a better world for Paradis.

"Some hundred years in the past, the Great Titan War was ended - not by Helos, nor by my Tybur forebears," Willy's voice bellowed throughout the vicinity. "The savior that ended the fighting - the hero who saved the world - was King Fritz himself. This truth was revealed by our current War Hammer Titan holder, Eden Barlowe."

Shit.

This caught your attention. Your ears were in full focus now.

Willy had told you he was going to go off script, but he didn't exactly tell you what it was pertaining to. You didn't realize he was actually going to reveal what you had told him years ago.

What was his goal here?

You swallowed nervously, pressuring yourself to pay close attention to the rest of Willy's speech. Staring at the actors portraying the scenes he'd describe helped ease your nerves a little.

"It's true. To secure our own safety, my family joined hands with King Fritz. We became heroes to the world while our fellow Eldians became devils. Put plainly, we Tyburs are petty thieves, growing fat on honor we did not earn."

Hm. You were skeptical, but you had to admit that you respected the way Willy was accepting the truth - that the Tyburs did not deserve their honor. You thought his ego was too big to confess something like that.

Willy paused his speech while the audience talked amongst themselves. For a moment, you thought it may have just been his nerves because of the mixed reactions in the crowd, but then he looked over in your direction. The expression he had looked almost... apologetic.

Huh?

He faced forward again. "With the Founder's might, King Fritz erected three walls, using a great host of Colossal Titans. Counted together, the walls surely contain tens of millions of Colossal Titans. They guard the king's peace as his shield and his spear. Or they did, but now that peace is being threatened from within, an uprising has taken place on Paradis. The King has been deposed. The Founding Titan: stolen. The thief is an enemy to every man, woman, and child outside of his island. An enemy of peace."

Wait, what?

"His name... is Eren Jaeger!"

You gasped, your heart beginning to race. You finally understood what was going on now.

His speech was a declaration of war.

Willy was never going to let you speak in the first place. He lied to you. That was why he didn't tell you what the rest of his speech was going to be about.

You knew something felt off when he told you to speak after him. The leader of the Tybur family should have been closing off the event, not starting it. It didn't make sense for you to be the one to speak last.

Did he know something? If so, how? You had done nothing but feign support for him since the revelation of your connection with him. What could you have done wrong?

Unless the commander said something recently...

Damn it. I should have known.

Willy carried on with his speech, describing Eren as a horrifying enemy and revealing that he would cause the Rumbling across the earth. The things he was saying about Eren... it just didn't seem believable to you. Sure, Eren could be blinded by his range when it came to wanting to eliminate the titans, but-

He always desired revenge.

Your eyes widened at your realization.

"I have always hated my blood, and more than anyone, I have wished that my race would disappear. However, I confess that I want to live. That despite everything, I believe this world is my birthright, just as it is yours. The people gathered here may belong to different races, different nations, but if we're to survive this crisis, then for the first time in history, we must join as one. So please. If you wish to live, then lend me your strength. Help me protect our world's future. If we work together, we can overcome any obstacle. Any threat! I ask each of you to join me as I go to fight the devils who would plunge our world into hell. Help me defeat them! Here and now as a representative of Marley's government, I send this message to the devils of Paradis."

Holy shit. I need to get out of here.

"Consider this... a declaration of war!"

There was no time to process the next few seconds. The stage broke apart, sending you flying back several feet in the air. Your back brutally hit against a piece of wood with a thump, and your leg got trapped underneath a giant piece of rubble that rained from the air. As more wreckage fell from the sky, more landed on top of you, crushing your leg and preventing you from escaping.

"Fuck," you groaned. "Fuck. How do I-"

You yelped when you heard a familiar titan roar from merely a few meters away. Trailing your eyes up, you saw the Attack Titan standing where the crowd once was, its body facing the Marleyan military officers in the stands as civilians scurried away in fear.

Willy was dead, wasn't he? Eren must have killed him already, and judging by his stance, you knew who his next victims were. He sprinted forward and destroyed the stands, likely killing hundreds, if not thousands, of the Marleyan military officers that were seated there.

Frantically, you placed both hands on your thigh to start yanking your leg out from underneath the giant pieces of wood. Pushing past the pain, you shut your eyes and bit down on your lip.

"Come on," you muttered impatiently. With one final pull, your leg was finally set free and you escaped from the rubble, ripping a portion of your dress in the process. Steadying yourself, you crawled on your hands and knees, then forced yourself to stand on your good leg, but the heels were making it much harder to maintain a good balance. You squawked in pain when your ankle tipped on its side, causing you to flop onto your behind.

"Stupid fucking heels," you said in frustration, unstrapping them and tossing them away. After feeling relief in your feet, you turned your attention back to the horrifying scene that was playing out in front of you.

The Attack Titan slammed its fists down against the already demolished stands, splattering more blood everywhere without letting a single Marleyan soldier escape his wrath.

Eren really meant what he said all those years ago - he was really going to get his revenge on the titans; you just didn't think it would have been like this, and now you had no choice but to intervene. You needed to do something before it got even more out of hand.

I'm going to have to fight against him, aren't I? I have to transform.

"Damn it," you mumbled. "I didn't want it to have to be like this."

This was what Zeke was talking about. You had hoped he would have been able to put off the invasion until after seeing the results of your speech, but it seemed like the scouts didn't listen - either that, or Zeke didn't stop them at all.

Zeke still hadn't earned your trust even despite all the effort he had shown you this past month. You found it suspiciously odd how insistent he was on trying to persuade you to support the idea of the invasion these past few days, but you kept telling him to back off until you had done your speech.

Well, now you knew why. They were going to come regardless of the fact if you agreed or not. Zeke had just hoped that one month would have been enough time to convince you, but it clearly wasn't.

This whole thing didn't sit right with you, and you had a gut feeling it was partially Zeke's doing. You just still couldn't get yourself to believe that Zeke had changed his views so quickly. There had to have been something behind his motives and why he so desperately wanted you to agree with this invasion.

What did he want from you?

Fuck. Snap out of it. I have to act fast.

"Sorry, Eren," you whispered to yourself. Electricity jolted through you as your human form had become encased in crystal and dug its way underground. The formation of the War Hammer Titan began slowly from the ground up, grasping the attention of Eren immediately.

What you hadn't expected was Eren immediately hitting your titan face-first while you were still in mid-transformation.

Holy shit.

His fists were solid as ice from his hardening power, pounding you relentlessly and halting your transformation. His assault made it difficult for you to think coherently and plan your next attack.

You didn't want to hurt him. Hell, the thought of even killing him was unsettling to you. You couldn't blame Eren for wanting vengeance. His home was destroyed because of what the Eldian warriors were tasked to do so many years ago.

But he just murdered thousands of innocent civilians, some even children. Reiner, Bertholdt, and Annie had done the same thing almost a decade ago, and you couldn't let the cycle keep repeating itself. You needed to stop him before it got worse.

Regaining your strength, you formed a large pike from the ground and stabbed through the Attack Titan. Eren was sent several feet above, unable to escape from the object you created. This gave you time to fully complete your transformation. Once your armor was fully formed, you brought up a hand to conjure a war hammer. The glint in his eyes indicated that he assumed you were going to smash his face in, so he broke off from the pike and jumped to the ground.

Still impaled by the top portion of the pike, Eren was getting ready to charge right at you, but you were quicker to think ahead and created small spikes on the ground to delay his movements.

Thank fuck for Paulina going into 'crazy teacher' mode with making sure you studied and practiced the abilities of the War Hammer Titan. She was a damn lifesaver for that. You would have been a lost cause if it weren't for her.

The Marleyan army began shooting cannons at Eren to take him down. In one final attempt to knock him out, you swung your hammer in the air to lob his head off. He was quick to block you with his arms encased in crystal, but your strength still overpowered his own - you broke off both of his arms, resulting in his guard being let down. He was completely defenseless in this position.

You just won.

The officers on the roofs paused their shooting upon witnessing your victory; Eren emerged from his nape, his long hair blowing up from the steam.

Goodness. His appearance looked absolutely awful. What happened to him?

You lowered your hammer next to you. "Eren Jaeger," you began. The War Hammer's voice was much deeper and profound than your regular voice. "I am not here to kill you."

The War Hammer's vision wasn't perfect, but you could have sworn you had just seen the corner of Eren's lip twitch upwards.

"I know you're not," he said.

Your grip on the war hammer tightened. What the hell did he mean by that?

He raised his hand and pointed to the moderately demolished city of Liberio. "Your sister has been locked up and trapped along with your other fellow warrior friends. Want her to live? Let me take your power."

The weapon nearly fell from your grasp. So many questions flooded your mind all at once: How did he know you were the War Hammer Titan? How did he know where your sister was? Was this all a setup?

Zeke. This all has to be Zeke's doing.

Eren was his brother. It was pretty obvious given the last name, but you knew for sure there was something peculiar going on between them when Zeke stopped to talk to him for a long period of time in Shiganshina. A few weeks after returning from Paradis, you had asked him about it, to which he replied with, "Very observant now, are you?" He never elaborated on it further, but despite his elusiveness, his response still answered the question you were curious about.

So then Zeke wasn't lying. Was he really working with Paradis? Or maybe he was just doing it as a way to reach Eren for something. And maybe all that "I've changed" bullshit he spewed was for him to put you in this position.

Did he set you up to get killed? But then what was the point of him trying to convince you to side with invasion if you were going to end up killed anyway?

God, what a fucking headache. This was all too much to think about. You were immensely confused.

"Where is my sister?" you demanded of Eren.

Killing Eren wasn't something you wanted to do, but now your sister was involved. If anything happened to her because of him, you didn't think you would able to fall back on your impulses.

"I'm afraid I can't say," he replied.

Anger rose rapidly in your chest. With a guttural scream, you swung the hammer up high and slammed it onto the ground out of frustration. The ground rattled from the impact - almost like an earthquake. Eren's titan nearly tipped over from the shaking, but Eren didn't even flinch from his position. He knew you weren't going to harm him knowing your sister was in danger.

It felt like your brain wanted to cave in. So many emotions were bubbling up inside of you: fury, aggravation, and disappointment. You finally had a chance to make an impact - to use these past four years of privilege to finally make a difference, and all of it was now ripped away. All of it was in vain.

"Please, don't hurt her." The tone of your titan's voice had gone feeble and soft as its body slouched over, the muscles of your body growing weak.

You wanted to completely give up. You felt defeated.

"Now, Mikasa."

Thunder spears were thrown into the nape of your titan's neck, blowing it up and sending you sailing to the ground. The familiar whirring sound of ODM gear intruded your senses as you tried to regain your strength. More bombs were thrown into the distance, likely killing hundreds of other officers.

You knew what this meant. The invasion had just begun.

I can't... can't give up. There has to be another way...

You forced yourself to get your titan to kneel, holding your falling head in place as it slowly regenerated. It was only a matter of time before Eren took notice of you again, so the next thing you did was conjure another weapon.

The crossbow never failed you. You shot an arrow, just narrowly missing Eren's body. You never intended to land a direct hit on him; you just wanted to make a statement to scare him, but Mikasa, protective of Eren as she always was, grabbed him and flew away before you even had a chance to shoot another arrow.

You conjured a sword next, holding it firmly as your eyes traveled along with Mikasa's movements. She dropped Eren off somewhere else and was now visibly trying to fight you directly.

"I don't want to hurt any of you," you stated. "Think about what you're doing."

Mikasa hurled more thunder spears at your legs and head. The explosion delayed your movement momentarily, but then you grabbed the sword and stabbed into the wall that Mikasa had just flown past.

You didn't want to injure any of them; you just wanted to talk, but talking wasn't going to get you anywhere, was it? Even if you were able to get through with them, Eren could not take back all the destruction he had just caused. Any hope of creating peaceful relations with Paradis was now ruined.

Suddenly, the sound of another transformation was heard from behind you. Before you even had time to defend yourself, a disruption was felt down below - an intrusion had occurred underground.

No way.

Eren retransformed and had figured out that you didn't reside in the nape; he knew that you resided in a crystal underground.

The Attack Titan dug its hands beneath the ground to grab your crystal, ripping off the cord attached to your titan. Your titan body fell limp, and now you were completely exposed and vulnerable.

Your apprehension had now doubled - no, tripled. Your only hope was making sure that the crystal was secure and hard enough for him not to break.

His mouth opened wide to consume you. In desperation, you used all of your energy to amplify the strength of the crystal.

Just as you were about to shut your eyes to brace yourself for the worst, some movement occurred on Eren's end, nearly dropping you to the ground.

It was the Jaw Titan. Porco had just bit down on the nape.

Holy shit. Is he about to-

Someone swiped the jaw before Porco had the chance to completely chomp down. The soldier flashed by like a lightning strike.

There was only one person you knew that was able to move that fast.

Your thoughts vanished out of your concern for Porco, who was now trying to fall back after the injury to his mouth, but the scouts were not letting him get away that easily. They threw more thunder spears in his direction, preventing him from escaping and causing him to fall to the ground. Weary and weak, he was unable to find the strength to keep himself standing; dozens of scouts were flying in his direction to finish him off.

Holy fuck, this is bad. This is really bad.

Just in time, bullets came flying from the top of a roof like flying balls of light, striking members of the scouts and protecting Porco. The soldiers had no other choice but to retreat, allowing the Jaw Titan to take this time to restore their stamina before reimmersing in combat.

From your peripheral, you could see that it was the Cart Titan on the roof with heavy machine gun armament. It must have been the Panzer Unit inside that had shot those bullets in defense.

"Eden!" the Cart Titan's ghoulish voice bellowed. "Paulina is safe! Don't worry about her! Take care of the Attack Titan!"

She's safe.

Relief washed over you for just a moment, but then you had to let reality settle in.

Were you going to have to kill Eren?

Eren's gaze flickered over to Pieck, then back to you.

When Eren removed the cord attached to your titan, it had depleted some of your energy, but not completely. Unexpected to him, you created another object to stab right through him. It was more massive than the pike, and spread out like branches on the top - like a tree. You created a hardened version of the War Hammer Titan to sustain the structure, but even then, Eren's grip on you still wouldn't waver.

You could feel the energy rapidly draining from your body, but you still refused to give in. Eren got your sister involved in the most dangerous way possible. That was something you had never imagined he'd do. For that reason, you couldn't just let him get what he wanted.

Loud stomping emerged from behind you. You recognized those long, dragged out steps - it was the Beast Titan.

"Kill all of them," Zeke ordered. "Let none escape."

Zeke, Pieck, and Porco all engaged in combat while Eren contemplated his next move. Mikasa would continue hurling thunder spears at your crystal, but to no avail. Your crystal protection was too strong to destroy.

The protrusion you created definitely bought you some time to regenerate your energy since it hindered Eren's movement. From the outside, it appeared as though you no longer had any tricks up your sleeve, but you were never one to completely back down. You almost gave up out of concern for your sister's fate earlier, but now that you knew she was safe, you had to think of yourself now.

The War Hammer Titan was never known for its endurance - its strength and stamina wore out too quickly. That was its biggest weakness; however, despite the reality of that fact, you also believed that this in part had to do with the wielder.

Throughout the years, the Tybur family had passed on this power like a family heirloom - never intended to be touched or used in battle. It was only meant to be kept for safekeeping. This was why they never even considered bringing the War Hammer on a mission to Paradis or into direct war. None of the Tybur family members in recent years knew what it was like to experience danger headfirst, or how to defend themselves. They lacked knowledge of combat and training.

But you didn't. You'd been exposed to that world the moment you were born. You learned to push through even despite exhaustion. It was all you had ever known. Had it been any other Tybur, Eren would have likely outlasted them by now.

But you weren't going to be easily beaten.

With immense concentration, you caused the structure you created to break apart and collapse. Eren had no choice but to let go of your crystal as he fell from several meters to the ground. You took this chance to quickly reestablish your titan, digging your crystal into the ground as the War Hammer Titan reconstructed from the ground up. The Attack Titan was too dazed to even comprehend what you had done, so it hadn't expected the War Hammer to return just merely seconds later with its signature hammer in hand.

Just as you were getting ready to swing, Eren emerged from the nape and hopped off, transforming yet again.

What the hell?

Shit. Even after all of that, he still had that much fight left in him? It seemed that you had underestimated him.

For a moment, you thought that he was going to charge right at you again to engage in hand-to-hand combat, but the both of you were distracted by the sound of multiple rocks being thrown midair. You twisted your head to the side, your eyes catching the Beast Titan in a pitching stance as it continued hurling boulders at the scouts.

Flashbacks of Shiganshina replayed in your mind; anger burned in your stomach.

"I'm not here to fight you, Eren," the Beast Titan's harrowing voice boomed from a distance. "I have another opponent." He straightened his back and lowered his arms, head turning in each direction in search of one person in particular. "Let's have our rematch, Levi. Come on, show yourself. You're running out of time, right?"

You swallowed thickly, anticipating the worst. Zeke had no idea what he just called upon himself. It seemed like he never learned from his experience in Shiganshina. Levi was not someone who was easily beaten.

Another disruption - a loud detonation roared from a distance. Light shot up into the air, creating a ring of fire, then, it was like another lightning strike came down from the sky. Orange and yellow invaded the atmosphere, creating the illusion that it was the daytime, and before you could think properly, a massive wind blasted in your face. The War Hammer could hardly withstand such an intense force.

Shit.

You fell over and blew several feet back. The only reason you hadn't fully flown away was because of the cord attached to your foot. Your hand had no choice but to let go of the hammer in your hand to grab the first object you saw as a way to balance yourself.

So Bertholdt didn't just die - they took his titan too. You weren't surprised to hear this news at all, but all you could wonder was who the hell had his titan now.

The breeze and light died down, allowing yourself to pick yourself back up; however, it was apparent to you now that the wind hadn't halted Eren as much as you thought it would have. His hand broke through the ground again to grab your crystal, but you were quicker to react. You conjured a boomerang blade and hurled it in his direction, chopping off half of his arm to prevent him from clamping his hand down on you; you took this chance to rise on your feet again.

Alright. Focus.

Before you could come up with another attack, the Jaw Titan bolted off the roof to run in Eren's direction. It looked like he was ready to pounce on Eren's back. Your eyes widened in apprehension.

Porco was always too impulsive. He never fully thought about the consequences of his actions. He needed to tread carefully at a moment like this, especially since Mikasa was right next to Eren.

Another booming sound was heard from several feet away. Where the Beast Titan once stood was now an exploded, bloody mess of an ape.

Levi had gotten him. There wasn't any other person who was capable of such a feat.

And shit, were you gonna be next? If you didn't let Eren consume you, then they'd kill you. It was clear that the scout's goal was to kill all of the titan inheritors.

Another detonation occurred. More light. More fire.

The Cart Titan had just been defeated.

"Porco!" you called. "Fall back!"

You could already hear his response in your head: "Are you fucking crazy?" The two of you were the last ones standing. You needed to come up with a plan to approach this correctly.

But stubborn as he always was, Porco threw himself forward and attacked Eren without your acknowledgement. The two of them brawled, and for a moment, it appeared like the Jaw Titan was winning, but Mikasa was doing a great job at defending Eren from anything fatal. Porco had no choice but to step back for a moment.

What you needed to do was knock Eren out. You didn't intend to kill him or take his power - you just wanted to win this battle so the Survey Corps could retreat.

You conjured a small sword and sprinted forward, readying yourself for direct hand to hand combat. The War Hammer Titan was hardly used in this way - it was only known for its hardening ability and creating weapons out of thin air - but you were always a firm believer in the fact that a good titan was determined by its inheritor, and as an inheritor now, you weren't not going to use your own strengths.

Eren was able to sense you from behind. He whirled around and brought up a fist to hit you, but he narrowly missed as you ducked. You turned around and lifted your leg to kick the side of his head. The impact caused him to stumble and fall to the ground.

Mikasa hurled more thunder spears in your direction as you approached Eren, but you were better at avoiding her attacks this time. She missed each shot every time you dodged.

Just as you were about to finally knock him out, Porco ruined your chances. The Jaw Titan returned with an ambush, slashing and biting against the Attack Titan's limbs. And wait, where were his feet? The Jaw Titan's feet were gone.

Mikasa took your moment of distraction to toss more thunder spears at you, destroying your armor and causing you to fall on your behind.

Porco was becoming more and more brutal with his slicing - desperate to retake the Founding Titan, but he was not aware of how passionate Mikasa was about keeping Eren safe.

She swooped down and sliced open his jaw like Levi once had, then cut off his wrists. Eren took this moment to grab him from the skull and launched him across the vicinity like a rag doll. To give him time to regenerate, you surged forward and dug your sword into Eren's abdomen to stop him from going after him. Had it been any other person, this assault would have forced them to at least fall back for at least a few seconds. But Eren completely ignored it, behaving as if it was nothing but a scratch that you had left him.

He approached the Jaw Titan again, digging his foot onto his chest and ripping off his arms.

What the fuck?

You were perplexed at how much energy Eren was able to sustain. It was taking a whole lot for you to remain standing. How was Eren able to do it so easily?

Eren lifted the Jaw Titan and brought the nape near his mouth.

Shit. He's about to eat him.

You sprinted forward and shoved Eren's body to the ground, causing him to lose his grip on Porco. Porco's limp titan body fell to the ground, completely unmoving. He had no more fight in him.

The Attack Titan roared, then curled his hand into a fist and punched you in the face. He didn't use his hardening power this time, indicating that he didn't have as much energy like he was letting off.

Good.

His punches were still as strong as ever, however. It was enough to stagger your movement. When he drew closer to you again, you created more small spikes on the ground to stall his movement.

Another thunder spear flew into the air - you stopped its movement the moment you were able to conjure a shield. The thunder spear hit against your hardened shield and changed course, blowing up the ground and causing Eren to lose his balance. You raised your right hand next to conjure a battle axe.

"Eren!" you could hear Mikasa scream.

You swung your axe down and sunk it deep into the Attack Titan's shoulder. Another horrendous scream escaped Eren's mouth, and Mikasa dipped down to hurl another thunder spear - her final one - to blow up your armor. You were able to block it again successfully, sending it flying to the ground again.

Just as you were going to make one final swing to knock him out, Eren found the strength and courage to grab your wrist and yank you to the side. You stumbled to the ground, Eren's grip still firm on your wrist as he striked you in the face yet again. He sunk your body down against the spikes you had just created, breaking through your armor.

Fuck did that hurt.

He began to pound your face in just like he had before. His punches were becoming more and more brutal, the crystal forming on his fists again.

How?

You had used the last bit of your energy. This was the best you could do. How was he able to go over his limit? It didn't even seem plausible to you.

After one final punch, he searched for your cord and ripped it off of your titan again.

Shit, this was it. He just won.

The crystal was back in his hands. All he had to do was crush it into his mouth, and the power of the War Hammer would be his.

Was this really going to be your end?

Eren opened his mouth and clamped down on the crystal, but to his dismay, the crystal was still too hard for him to break. He twisted his head around to search for any clues; his gaze lingered over the Jaw Titan's defeated body.

No. There is no way.

He grabbed the Jaw Titan by its head, then shoved its mouth open to sink it down on the crystal. Its teeth were strong enough to leave scratches on it.

Holy shit.

"Reiner!" you heard a girl's voice scream. Was that Gabi's voice? "Reiner, we need you! They are going to take the War Hammer! Reiner!"

Falco joined in on the screaming, desperately calling for Reiner to come save the day.

Where was Reiner? You were surprised he hadn't shown up at all.

Had he given up?

The shouting distracted Eren from the current situation, but once he saw that Reiner was not responding to their calls, he resumed with his task.

His idea was working - the Jaw Titan's teeth were starting to crack the crystal. He was going to use him to crack the crystal to consume you fully.

"Reiner!" the kids continued bellowing.

Out of the blue, another transformation was heard right behind Eren. Eren turned his gaze at the noise, clearly in shock to see the Armored Titan face him.

He actually came?

Reiner immediately charged forward and planted a hard fist in Eren's face. The collision took the Attack Titan off balance, causing him to release Porco, as well as the crystal you were encased in.

The crystal shattered the moment you hit the ground, meaning you were completely exposed and vulnerable now.

"Shit," you cursed quietly to yourself. "Shit. Shit. Shit."

You twisted your head around to observe Eren's next actions. His focus was completely on Reiner now as they brawled against each other.

You had no more fight in you. There was no way you could transform again. You needed to escape.

While practically dragging your injured leg, you ran to hide behind the nearest building you could find. Your leg was still crushed and bleeding, your bare feet could hardly handle stepping on all the sharp rubble on the floor, and you were positive you had at least three splinters in your foot already, but it all had to be ignored. You needed to focus on retreating somewhere safely.

Finally, you reached the back of a building and sank down on the floor, shutting your eyes. Your leg had been slowly healing inside the crystal, but you still needed some time to let it fully regenerate.

The sound of zooming wires caught your attention, causing you to snap your eyes open.

It was Mikasa hovering above you, staring directly down at you.

Shit. I'm fucked.

Your heart rate tripled at the sight of her. Her gaze was stoic and stern as it always was, but there was... a different glint in her eyes this time. Her stare lingered for longer than you expected.

Then, to your surprise, she latched her gear elsewhere and zoomed away.

She let me go?

Why did she let you go?

A loud thud was heard from a few meters away, rumbling the ground. You peered over the wall to continue watching the fight - Reiner was now defeated.

Eren had just won.

Luckily, it seemed like Eren had officially worn out all of his energy. He emerged from the nape and was scooped up by Mikasa to finally make his exit. He didn't consume any of your titan powers, but he still defeated each of you in battle individually. This was a victory for him. You would have never expected such an outcome.

"Psst," a voice whispered. "Over here." You turned your head at the sound. It took you a few seconds to decipher the voice; your eyebrows raised when you saw the man standing at the corner of another building right across from you.

Dad?

"What are you doing here?" you whispered loudly.

He chose not to answer, and instead, motioned for you to come over. You hesitated for a moment, but then you decided to trust him. Carefully, you jogged towards him. He grabbed your arm and led you into a building, slamming the door shut.

"What are you-"

"I have some socks and combat boots for you," he interrupted, digging into a closet and passing you the items. You furrowed your eyebrows.

"...Thanks?" you said. Where the hell did he get all of this?

"I wanted to grab you better clothes, but I had no time." He passed you a large hoodie. "This should cover you for the time being."

Your eyes inspected the room as you tossed on the clothing, realizing that this must have been another one of his offices - or something of the sort. The chair was knocked over, vases destroyed and shattered, and... blood?

"What happened in here?"

"Don't know," he answered, searching through some cabinets. "I think some of those soldiers of Paradis broke in here during the shooting. I was standing guard by the gates and sensed something must have been wrong. When I arrived here, everything was a mess."

He pulled out a knife - your pocket knife - and passed it to you. "Take this. Go find Paulina. They could be going after her to try and get to you. Last I heard, they left Paulina with the Panzer Unit until they were arming up their equipment. Knowing her, she is likely headed to the infirmary to help the wounded civilians." He took out a key from his pocket. "This is the key to my office. It is not a short distance from the infirmary, but I believe this is the safest option, assuming you haven't told anyone in Paradis that I was your father."

"You're right. I haven't told anyone." You shoved the knife inside your boot.

"Good" - he shoved the key into your palm -"so the two of you can hide in there until the scouts retreat."

So many questions were running through your mind - like how the hell he was able to survive the attack, how he knew of Paulina's whereabouts, how he had your pocket knife - but there wasn't much time left. And he was right, Paulina could have been in danger. She needed to be your first priority.

You nodded, dropping the key into the pocket of the hoodie. He placed both hands on your shoulders, staring down at you with so much worry in his expression.

"I know you've likely exhausted your energy, but I need you to push yourself a little more, okay? I know you're capable of it. I need the two of you to be safe."

"What about you?"

He dropped his arms. "I have to defend the gates until they leave. I should have been back out there by now, but I needed to make sure I caught you before I did." Your father turned you towards the door and started guiding you out. "I'm sorry I couldn't gather more items for you. I had no time."

"No, this is- this is just fine," you assured him. You placed a hand on the knob, glancing over at him one last time. "And, thank you." The words felt weird and foreign coming out of your mouth, yet natural at the same time.

He smiled at you somberly. "Stay safe. I love you."

You gave him a light nod before exiting through the door. You weren't prepared to return the same affection just yet - you didn't think you'd ever be.

Immersing yourself back outside, you began to make your way to the infirmary. Your father was completely right - you did exhaust all of your energy, but the desire to find your sister outweighed that, so you rushed through the streets of Liberio in search of your sister, hood draped over your head to hide your identity.

When your eyes darted towards the infirmary, you completely froze. The crowd was massive. People were scattered in front of the building - mothers holding severely injured children, kids crying at the loud commotion outside, and some dead bodies littered across the ground. It was one of the most disturbing things you ever had to witness in Marley. You had never seen it this bad.

"Eden?"

You whirled around. Your sister's figure emerged from the corner of a building right behind you. Immediately, you bolted forward and threw your arms over her neck and encased her in a hug, your hood falling to your shoulders.

"Thank god you're okay." You cradled her head as you continued holding her tight against your chest, shutting your eyes. "Fuck, I was so worried. Oh my god."

She returned the hug, sighing into your neck. "Forget about me. I thought you were going to get killed just now. I overheard people telling me what happened."

You pulled back, placing both hands on her arms. "You're not injured, right? Did anyone try to hurt you?"

She shook her head. "No. They just trapped us. If it weren't for Pieck being deceitful about the whole thing, the Panzer Unit would have never found us."

"Okay, I'm glad. What's important now is that we're both okay. Now, we have to go hide in case the scouts come looking for us." When you tugged on her arm, she wouldn't budge from her position. Her gaze was fixed on the infirmary.

"They need help," she said. "I need to go help them."

You pursed your lips, holding her chin to turn her head to face you. "I know you want to help them, Paulina, but you also need to think about yourself. Neither of us are in a safe position right now. Until the scouts retreat, we need to secure ourselves somewhere to hide. Eren knows you would be here - he knows you're a medical student, likely because of Zeke. There isn't any telling what he's capable of anymore. I wouldn't be surprised if he sent people to find us. Once they give up and leave, then I'll take you back here to help the others."

"But, Eden-"

"You don't have a choice," you said sternly. "I'm not letting you get killed, Paulina. You're coming with me. They are capable of-"

Your words were cut short when some movement distracted you from over Paulina's shoulders. Scouts were hiding along the walls, peeking over to observe the infirmary.

So your father's fears were right. They were trying to look for Paulina too.

Shit.

"We have to go." You pulled the hood back over your head again and yanked her arm forcefully to start running.

She had difficulty catching up at first, but she soon picked up her steps when she sensed the urgency in the situation.

"Where are we going?" she whispered.

"Dad's office," you replied. "Not everyone knows he's our true father, so no one would suspect us to hide in there. It's quite the distance, but it's our best bet."

The two of you gasped and halted your steps when you heard a crash from above. Scouts had broken into the windows of a building above due to Marleyan soldiers shooting rifles at them from the roofs.

"Shit," you muttered. More scouts zoomed in the air towards the direction you were headed. This path was no longer safe.

You turned your head to the right - a long alleyway led up to the other side of the street towards your father's office. This could be a safer shortcut.

"Come this way," you suggested, guiding her arm into the alley. Immediately, a sense of dread overtook you. There was something unsettling about heading through such an empty, narrow alley, but running down the street was not a safe option either. It was one or the other, and you had no time to ponder the thought.

"Eden," Paulina called, nearly out of breath. "Can we just stop for a few seconds?"

"We're almost there," you replied, completely ignoring her. She jerked her arm out of your grasp, forcing you to pause in your steps. When you twisted around, she was bent over with her palms resting on her knees, panting heavily.

"I'm not- I'm not used to running this much," she admitted. You exhaled in apprehension.

"We can't stay here for long," you told her impatiently. "It's not safe here."

"I know. I know, but..." She drew out a relaxed exhale before responding again, standing up straight. "I'm literally exhausted from running, Eden. I don't have the stamina that you have. Frankly, I'm not even sure how you are able to manage it right now when you were just in battle."

"Because my urge to protect you is so much stronger," you told her. "If I need to carry you there, I will."

She shook her head. "Stop that. I just need a few seconds okay? I'm just-" Her eyebrows knitted when she looked past your shoulder.

"What is it?" you asked, turning to see what caught her attention. All you were met with was the other end of the alley, completely desolate.

"Nothing, I just- I thought I saw something."

You didn't like the sound of that. With anxiety coursing through your veins, you grabbed her wrist forcefully again. "We're going."

"Eden, I can't," she retorted. "Just give me a few minutes. His office is only a few blocks away."

"We can't waste a few minutes, Paulina." You tugged on her arm again. "Let's go."

"We got 'em!"

Your heart dropped to your stomach at the sound of gear whirring just around the corner. You whipped your head around, fearing what would be standing before you at the other end.

"Looks like we got the War Hammer Titan cornered," one of the scouts said. There were two of them, both with their swords drawn out. Instinctively, you shoved Paulina behind you to protect her.

"We're not here to kill you ourselves, missy. We're just here to bring you back to Eren so he can finish off what he started." The tall man slowly stepped forward, boots crushing the rubble dispersed across the ground. You walked backwards apprehensively, your grip on Paulina's hands tightening.

"If I comply, you have to agree to let her leave untouched," you proposed.

"Stop it," Paulina whispered.

"Afraid we can't do that," the other soldier said. "We can't trust that she wouldn't conspire against us. You're sisters, after all, right? The bond and loyalty between two siblings is difficult to break."

You chewed the inside of your cheek angrily; you could feel Paulina trembling in your hands.

"You think we should follow Floch's suggestion?" the tall one asked. The second man, visibly shorter, pondered the thought, then nodded. "Let's grab the gun."

Your eyes widened, unable to come up with a plan to escape. Paulina's rapid heartbeats were pounding against your back.

"What the hell are you doing?" you asked incredulously as the tall man stepped back a few feet and aimed the gun at your head.

"Getting you to comply."

"You do realize what I'm capable of, don't you?" you continued. "I'd kill you before you even get the chance to shoot me."

He smirked. "Now Michael!"

A gun went off.

You braced yourself for the impact, closing your eyes.

But the bullet never struck you.

Everything happened too quickly to comprehend - the gun was shot, Paulina's grip on you loosened, and now she-

No.

You whirled around, watching the way your sister's body slammed to the ground, blood seeping from somewhere near her shoulder. When your eyes trailed up, you saw another soldier standing all the way at the other end of the alley, gun pointed directly at you.

There were three soldiers this whole time. Two of them distracted you so the third one could find an opening to shoot Paulina.

No. Fuck this. Fuck all of this.

Any exhaustion you once felt was replaced with pure, unadulterated rage. Tension rose in your neck, and fury coursed through your veins. Nothing else mattered to you in this moment except the idea of brutal revenge.

Your hand conjured three boomerang blades within seconds. The soldiers stepped back in apprehension, noticing the change in your demeanor instantly.

You took no mercy on them, immediately sending the knives flying in the air in each direction. The men attempted to run from the blades, but your aim was too good for them to dodge, slicing them directly in the abdomen. The three of them groaned and fell to their demise, clutching their bleeding stomachs in pain. Your attack would cause them to bleed out soon. They were going to die.

You didn't care.

Quiet sobbing caught your attention from right below you. When you lowered your head, Paulina was shifting her body up against the wall, clutching her shoulder in pain.

"Paulina," you said softly, kneeling down in front of her. "Where did it hit you?"

"S-Shoulder," she responded, voice strangled.

Just the shoulder - like Nifa's injury. So she could survive. There was still a chance.

You removed her hand from the wound to inspect it. Blood was dripping rapidly down her body.

"Holy shit, I'm bleeding." Her voice was filled with panic, eyes widened and full of tears. "Shit, am I about to die? I'm about to die, aren't I?"

She was hyperventilating. You cupped her cheek with one hand and pressed down on her wound with the other to keep it from dripping even more.

"It's just the shoulder," you reassured her, though you were trying to reassure yourself more than anyone else. "You'll be okay."

She shook her head. "Eden, I'm bleeding so much. Oh my god. I-"

"Paulina," you interrupted. "Breathe."

Her breathing had gone erratic. You could see the lack of oxygen running into her brain.

Paulina always had issues with anxiety. You did as well, but her anxiety was on a whole other level. Since you were always facing danger headfirst, you learned how and when to keep your composure. Paulina was the exact opposite. She'd suffer panic attacks simply for failing a test or missing an assignment.

She was never built to live in the world you currently resided in. She was not meant to live at the forefront of war, and this situation was a solid reminder of that.

"Eden," she cried. "It really hurts."

"I know. I know." You rubbed her cheek with your thumb gently, forcing back the tears in your eyes. If you started breaking down in front of her, you knew it would only make things worse for her. She needed to see you composed in order for her to calm down.

Her breathing continued to stagger even despite your attempts at soothing her. "If you don't relax, it's only going to make it worse."

"How can I relax?" she snapped, tears continuously spilling from her cheeks. "With all this? I- I can't."

"I need you to hold on, Paulina. Please do that for me." There was a shakiness in your tone that was difficult to ignore. You took both of your hands and ripped a portion of your dress underneath the hoodie to tie it up around her wound.

"I'm going to find you help." You tied the piece of cloth around her arm securely to stop the bleeding. "I promise. Just please, hold on for a little longer."

"It's impossible right now. You saw the infirmary, Eden."

You did see it. You did know.

But that wasn't something you were willing to accept.

"Eden, you have to leave before-"

"Stop talking like that," you interrupted, raising your voice. "Stop talking like you're- like you're about to-"

Maintaining your composure was becoming impractical. You had to take a deep breath in to prevent yourself from completely choking up in front of her.

But she knew. She knew you were starting to lose hope.

"I'm not leaving you," you told her. "So don't even start talking like that. I just need to-"

You cut yourself off to mull over your thoughts. What could you do? The infirmary was overpacked, all of Paulina's medical supplies were back home, and your father's whereabouts were too far. Liberio was a complete danger zone right now, so you couldn't just leave her by herself while you searched for something, especially since she had no way of defending herself. You couldn't exactly carry her with you either, knowing another bullet would fly in your direction in no time. All the titan inheritors were the main targets.

So then, what could you do? How could you save her?

Fuck.

There had to be a way. You had to find a way. There was no way you were just going to-

"Eden, look out!"

Paulina warned you too late. A blade came down hard from above and sunk deep into your shoulder. A painful scream erupted from your throat as you turned your head to face the person who caused your injury.

One of the soldiers was still alive and used the blade you conjured to attack you; he still had some fight left in him, and he was going to use his very last breath to take you out.

Aggravated, you elbowed him in the stomach to knock him to the ground, then whirled around and straddled him, pinning him down. His injury was far more fatal than yours, and to his misfortunate, you were able to sustain brutal injuries much better than him because of your titan power.

You pulled out the blade from his hand and pressed it down against his throat. His pupils dilated as he writhed underneath you in fear.

"Please!" he begged. "Please don't! My wife is expecting a child! I have a family!"

"She was my family too!" you shot back, sinking the knife deeper into his throat. "And she might die because of you!"

He yelped at the pressure, sensing the blood dripping down his neck; you sunk the knife even deeper.

One slice and it would be all over for him - one slice, and he'd be dead.

You no longer cared.

Just as you were about to swipe the blade, an unexpected force came from your right, pushing you to the ground and yanking the sharp object from your hands. They rolled you over to pin you down, but you were quick to kick them off with your feet; you pulled out the pocket knife that was still secured in your boot to hurl it at them.

But once you saw who the person was, the knife clattered onto the ground.

"Levi," you said softly.

You had kicked against his sternum hard. He fell on his back, knees bent in, but propped himself up on his elbows to stare back at you after he adjusted himself.

For a moment, the two of you just... stared.

His hair was disheveled, his eye bags were deeper than the last time you had seen him four years ago, and the grey in his eyes were just... dull. There was a lack of light in them - a lack of joy. All you could see was pure misery behind them.

He glared back at you, lips parted and eyes widened. He was completely still for a moment, and then he asked, "You're the War Hammer Titan?"

You separated your lips to answer, but the words got trapped in your throat when you were distracted by the rushing steps coming from the other end of the alley. There were two other soldiers - a blonde man, and a woman with black hair.

"Captain!" one of the soldiers called. "Is everything alright?"

"Is that the War Hammer inheritor?"

"Hey, there's another girl here too. She probably helped kill those soldiers. Let's take care of her." The black haired soldier drew her gun from the handle and aimed it at Paulina's head.

"No!" you shouted, grabbing your knife from the ground. The woman's eyebrows shot up when she saw you coming towards her at full force with the knife, but Levi was quick to rise from the ground and slam you against the wall by the shoulders.

"Give me the knife," he demanded.

"Tell her to lower the gun," you said sternly.

"Knife first."

"Not until-"

"You just killed two of my men," he spat, leaning into your face menacingly. "You haven't earned my sympathy. Now give me the damn knife."

"Three," one of the other soldiers corrected. "She killed three. David's gone."

When you glanced down at the person that had assaulted you, his eyes were shut and lips parted, blooding pooling rapidly from the area you had sliced. Levi lowered his head for just a moment, visibly dejected at hearing the news. A small twinge of regret sparked in your chest, but then you remembered the reason you had even killed them in the first place.

"They shot my sister," you told him. Levi raised his head, waiting for you to elaborate. "I took her to this alley to drive her away from the chaos, and they followed us here when I didn't notice. They were trying to capture me, but then they-" You swallowed nervously, trying to push back the tears brimming in your eyes. "They shot her when they saw I wouldn't comply."

Something shifted in his expression, but not a word would leave his mouth.

"I was just trying to defend her. If you want to punish me or kill me for that, I can accept that. But please, please don't punish her for what I did." Your lips started trembling. It was becoming harder and harder to hold in the tears. "She has nothing to do with this war. She's training to become a medic. She just wants to help people. I'm the one you want to kill, not her." A tear slipped past your eye. "So please. I'll do anything. I'll give my life for her, just please leave her out of this. She needs help."

Levi paused, eyes widening at your response. Nothing but the sounds of bombs going off and civilians screaming invaded your ears for a while.

"Scarlet, lower the gun," he finally ordered.

"But sir-"

"Lower it."

Slowly, the woman obliged to the captain's orders. When you glanced over at Paulina, her eyes were already shut and head drooped to the side; she was passed out, or at least, you hoped that was all it was.

"Now, give me the knife." He opened his hand in front of you. Clenching your jaw, you passed your pocket knife to him; he stashed it in his pocket. Leaning away, he looked over his shoulders to face his soldiers.

"Cuff the War Hammer. I'll grab the girl."

"What are you going to do with her?" you asked, fighting the urge to shove off the two soldiers who were binding your wrists together.

"There's a medic on the airship. You want to save her, right? Then she's gonna have to come to Paradis with us," he responded. "If she survives, she'll be locked up in a cell."

Carefully, Levi placed an arm underneath Paulina's legs, and another behind her back to lift her. Your heart started beating rapidly at the way her body just fell limp in his arms.

"Does she have a pulse?" The soldiers started shoving you to walk forward, causing you to snap your head around. Levi remained silent, escalating your anxiety.

After an agonizing thirty seconds, he finally replied with, "She has a pulse."

Your shoulders relaxed.

Thank fuck.

"What are we gonna do with the War Hammer, sir?" the blonde soldier asked.

"Haven't decided yet," Levi replied. "For now, we tie her up and set her next to the Beast Titan holder. We'll figure it out when we get back to Paradis."

"But sir, she's-" Scarlet cut herself off nervously. "With her power... well-"

"We've met before. She knows I can end her in a second if she tries anything," Levi interjected. "And we have her sister with us. It doesn't seem like she's willing to put her at risk."

The two soldiers nodded at his response, facing forward again.

It took about five minutes to reach the airship flying above. Levi latched his gear to the ship first, Paulina tight on his side as he zipped through the air. The other soldiers followed suit, Scarlet holding you securely on her side as you reached the railings. The blonde soldier extended out a hand to haul the woman up with you.

"What's going on, Captain? Who is this?" a familiar voice asked. When you entered the ship, Armin's eyes widened immediately at your appearance.

"We've got the War Hammer," the other blonde soldier said, shutting the door. Scarlet made sure to hold your wrists tight behind your back. "She killed three of our men."

On instinct, all soldiers in the vicinity drew their guns to aim it at your head.

"Settle down," Levi demanded roughly. "We'll deal with her later. Just stand back."

"Who's the girl?" Jean asked, eye darting towards Paulina who was still held in Levi's arms.

"Where's Annabeth?" Levi inquired, completely ignoring Jean's question. Some scuffling was heard in the horde of soldiers, then a woman with tied up, hazel-colored hair appeared. She wasn't dressed like the other soldiers, but still had some armor to protect her body. Your guess was that this had to have been the medic Levi was talking about.

"I'm here." She was soft spoken, her voice as gentle as a mother talking to their child. "What's wrong?"

"This girl was shot and is losing a lot of blood. Please tend to her."

She furrowed her eyebrows slightly, inspecting Paulina's appearance. You could tell that she was hesitant to complete this request because Paulina was clearly not one of them. "But, isn't she-"

"That girl did me a favor once," he interrupted. "Make sure she lives."

A favor?

"Of course. I will do my best," she agreed. "Take her to the other room for me."

"Thank you." He glimpsed over his shoulder to glare at his squad. "Watch the War Hammer for me until I get back."

"Yes, sir," they responded in unison.

The woman disappeared into the room with Levi following close behind, taking your sister along with him.

"Long time no see, Eden," Jean stated. Hesitantly, you twisted your body around to face the five kids who looked up to you so many years ago.

Well, actually, they definitely weren't kids anymore. All of them had changed - Jean grew his hair into a mullet, Armin and Mikasa had cut their hair shorter, Sasha grew out her bangs, and Connie had grown taller. Well, all of them had grown taller, really. You were proud to see how far they had come, but you knew those feelings weren't reciprocated.

"We thought you were dead all these years," he continued, arms crossed over his chest. "Seems like you were scheming up with the Beast Titan this whole time, huh? Faked your death to sabotage us?"

You shook your head. "It really isn't how it looks-"

"Did you really kill three of our soldiers?" Connie interrupted abruptly. You averted your gaze from him, too ashamed to meet his eyes. A loud huff fell from his mouth. "To think that I even considered the fact that you might have changed."

"That girl the captain was carrying, who was she?" Armin interjected.

"My sister," you answered quietly. "One of your soldiers shot her. You guys can hate me for what I did, but I- I was just trying to protect her."

Their expressions faltered. Jean furrowed his eyebrows, turning away from you. They were all clearly too conflicted to form a reply to that.

Armin pulled his eyebrows together in deep thought, turning to his squad. "That looked like the girl from before, didn't she?"

The girl from before?

"Oh, right!" Sasha exclaimed. "The foot girl!"

"Foot girl? That's how you remember her?" Jean said incredulously.

Sasha scratched the back of her head sheepishly. "Sorry. It's been a while. I kinda forgot her name."

"Paulina," Connie answered. "I remember her."

"You guys knew her? How?" you asked curiously.

Sasha opened her mouth to speak, but a loud thud against the bottom of the airship distracted her. "Hey, did you guys hear a sound just now?"

"Hey, quiet down for a second," Jean ordered the other soldiers who were all conversing amongst themselves, but the chattering still remained. Armin and Mikasa hadn't caught Jean's request either, leaving to go into the other room. Jean continued trying to get the attention of all of the other scouts, but it was a lost cause.

Sasha's senses were always on point. If she heard even the smallest of noise, you knew to trust her instincts. Whatever she just heard was not anything to ignore.

You kept your gaze fixed on the door you had entered from as the others continued chatting. Something didn't feel right. Your gut was telling you so.

An arm appeared from the ledge, then a leg. The clothing of this person didn't match that of the scouts. They were wearing what looked like a skirt or dress, along with a long sleeve hoodie.

The person rolled inside, then lifted their gun to aim it at-

"Gabi, no!"

The rifle went off, and the bullet hit you directly in the stomach as you shoved Sasha against the wall by the shoulder. You hit the ground with a loud grunt, blood spilling from your stomach with no way to stop the bleeding because of the rope holding your wrists behind your back. Gabi lowered her gun in sheer shock, eyes blown wide.

"Eden," she said feebly. "Why would you..."

She released that moment of distraction to refocus on her next target. With a huff, she furrowed her eyebrows in indignation and reloaded the gun to aim it at Jean next; Jean raised his pistol in defense.

"Stop," you said wearily, "please stop this."

Two kids you watched grow up right before your eyes were aiming guns at each other to end the other's life - two kids you didn't want to have to see die.

When would this madness end?

Falco's figure emerged from the door only seconds later, tackling Gabi against the wall to protect her from the incoming bullet that came from Jean's gun.

And then, pure chaos ensued.

The soldiers took no mercy on the children, punching and kicking them in the face as punishment. All you could do was watch and do nothing. Your energy was depleted, and you had too many injuries. The pain and exhaustion made it hard for you to even keep your eyes open.

Everything was fading out, and your ears were starting to ring. The only words your ears could comprehend were, "I'll toss 'em outside. All right?"

"Stop... no," you said. "D-Don't." You turned your head in the direction of the person's voice - some guy with ginger hair was speaking. He looked familiar, but you couldn't recall his name. He was holding up Gabi and Falco by the hair roughly. The two kids were tied up by rope.

"You don't get a say in this, War Hammer girl. You're nothing but a traitor. It's only a matter of time before the captain decides who gets to take your power."

You exhaled in pain. All the aching from your injuries and the frustration of everything that happened today came crashing down all at once.

"When will this end?" you said. "The soldiers that shot my sister... the kids... why is it that everyone is the enemy? Why is everyone seen as the bad guy?"

Jean slammed his palms against the wall with a grunt. "Is throwing two kids off an airship really going to end this cycle of violence and murder?"

The room became encased in silence at his comment, then, you felt someone turn your body over to the side.

"What are you doing?" a soldier asked. You couldn't tell whose voice was whose anymore.

"Bandaging her." That voice you knew - it was Sasha's. She carefully lifted your waist to begin wrapping the white covering over your wound. Your eyes were already drooping closed.

"What are you helping her for?"

"She saved me," she answered, securing the bandage. "Doesn't mean we have to trust her, but it counts for something."

"Is she dead?" Connie asked, noticing the way you allowed your eyes to fall shut.

"She's a titan, you dumbass. She'll probably heal within a few hours," Jean said.

"It's just a question, jeez! She lost a lot of blood."

"Shut up," you muttered. "T-Too loud."

Sasha giggled to herself slightly. "I see that you haven't changed a bit, Eden."

Her response almost, almost made the corner of your lip quirk upwards.

"Let go of me!" Gabi's despicably loud voice shouted. "You haven't defeated us yet, you filthy island devils! You might have killed Zeke, but not his spirit! We'll carry his will forward!"

"Gabi, stop!" Falco retorted.

There was absolutely no way Zeke was dead. He always found a loophole in everything. However, you were extremely curious to know about his whereabouts. Levi made it sound like he was on the airship, so you wanted to see him for yourself.

You let that piece of shit get away with far too much. To even think that he was starting to change his views even a little... Sure, you never trusted him from the start, but the way he was actually showing you evidence of helping Paradis seemed genuine.

You never hated him more than you did now.

"What do we do with them, Jean?" the ginger asked.

"Us true Eldians are gonna haunt you till you're all rotting in the ground! You tell that to the bastard who planned this once I'm dead!"

"Gabi," you called, opening your eyes very faintly. Gabi was bruised up and bleeding from her nose while being held back by Jean. "Be quiet."

"No, I won't be quiet!" she continued. "And you! What are you, Eden? How could you save one of them? Didn't you see what they did out there? They're complete demons!"

"I'll just take you to the others," Jean said in a low tone. "They'll figure it out."

Jean brought the two children into the other room, practically dragging Gabi by the legs. She was still putting up a fight even after the scene she had just caused.

Her devotion to Marley was something you would never fully comprehend.

"How are you feeling?" Sasha asked you.

"Fantastic," you muttered sarcastically. More than anything, you just wanted to just change out of the damn dress and hoodie you were still in. It was ripped apart and stained with blood now.

Sasha placed a reassuring hand on your shoulder. "I'm sure you'll heal soon."

Suddenly, the door to the front room burst open. "Where is Eden?"

"Captain," Sasha acknowledged. "She's right here."

The sound of footsteps grew louder and louder until you saw two pairs of shoes stopping directly in front of your line of vision. Slowly, you trailed your eyes up to meet Levi's pretty grey ones.

Now is not the time to admire his eyes...

"Get up," he demanded.

Is he serious right now?

Yeah, his eyes weren't looking so pretty anymore.

"I can't," you responded.

"You're a titan, right? So you can heal in no time. You can get up."

"Yeah, within a few hours, not seconds," you replied, irritation laced in your tone. "You try getting your arm nearly chopped off and shot in the stomach, then we can talk."

"If you have enough energy to speak spitefully, then you can stand. Do it."

You exhaled in exasperation, rolling yourself over to sit up.

"Fuck," you groaned. Shifting your body up only tripled the pain in your stomach.

Levi and Sasha assisted you in standing, then Levi guided you to the door.

"How sweet of you to walk me to the door," you quipped. "What a gentleman."

You could see the way he rolled his eyes from your peripheral. You huffed in annoyance, still irked at the way he was forcing you to push past your wounds knowing they were extremely painful to you right now.

And fuck, everything felt spotty, and your head was dizzy. You needed to lay down, or at least sit somewhere until your injuries healed.

Levi pushed open the door. All eyes darted in your direction, only worsening your apprehension. Literally everyone was in here - Zeke, Eren, Armin, Mikasa, Jean, Gabi, Falco, and some really tall blonde lady.

"Where's my sister?" you asked.

"Annabeth is performing surgery on her," Armin answered. "I told her it would have been better to wait until we landed so she could be in a more comfortable setting, but she claimed that it would have been too risky to let the bullet stay stuck inside her for so long. Luckily, she brought pretty much all her supplies with her out of fear that something like this would happen."

"Will she be okay?"

"She lost a lot of blood," he continued. "She passed out from the blood loss, but she still has a pulse. Annabeth is very skilled at what she does. I'm more than positive your sister will make it out okay."

You nodded. "Thank you. Thank you so much."

The door to another room creaked open. Another person stepped through, and their gaze immediately shifted towards you.

"Well, who would have known," the voice chimed in. "All this time, the War Hammer Titan inheritor was the person we presumed dead for the past four years."

Your eyes widened. "Hange." They had lost an eye; an eye patch was fastened around their head.

"A lot can change in four years, huh?" They stepped up closer to you. "Here's some news for ya - I'm the commander now."

"What?" you responded. "But then... what about-"

"Erwin?" they interrupted. "Dead like the thousands of others that gave their lives in Shiganshina."

Heat rose on your face as you averted your gaze.

"Seems like we have a lot of catching up to do." They crossed their arms. "But that's something I'll let Levi take care of."

You swallowed nervously as Levi led you further into the room. When Hange moved out of the way, your eyes met Zeke's. Tension rose in your body.

He shot you a grin. "Happy to see that you're alive, Eden."

"I'm surprised to hear that coming from you, considering the fact your brother was trying to kill me this whole time."

His grin dissipated, and his eyes slowly shifted to look at Eren. Eren had his wrists tied up by ropes on either side of him as he looked down at the ground dejectedly. A small smirk appeared on his face, then a light chuckle rumbled in his chest.

You furrowed your eyebrows at him. "What's so funny?"

"I just find Zeke amusing. That's all," he responded eerily. Zeke averted his gaze elsewhere.

The hell is that supposed to mean?

"Are you a traitor too, Eden?" Gabi asked from behind you. You turned your head to stare at her from over your shoulder. "Did you know Zeke was working with them?"

"I..." You lowered your head. "Not in the way I was expecting."

"What?" she shouted. "So you... This whole time..."

"Gabi, please stop," Falco pleaded.

"I trusted you!" she exclaimed. You didn't even dare to look at her again, unwilling to deal with more disappointed stares. "W-We all did! You were a Tybur! You set an example of everything I wanted to be! How could you?"

A traitor to the land you were born in and a traitor to the land you wanted to save. You could never win, could you?

"You and Zeke." She choked back a sob. "We trusted you!"

"Send the kids back out, Jean," Levi ordered. "We'll bring them back in once the girl's settled down."

"Screw all of you!" she continued shouting. "All of you will pay for this! Just watch! You filthy island devils will get what you deserve!"

The door finally slammed shut, and her screams were muffled behind the door.

Although you never agreed with Gabi's ideals, you couldn't help but feel a little guilty. In her eyes, you were someone she looked up to her whole life, only to find out that you were never the person she thought you were this entire time. Granted, she didn't know the full story, but you couldn't blame her for the anger she exhibited just now.

But fuck. She almost killed Sasha today. The girl was not just any normal kid. She did not fuck around.

"Sit down over there," Levi suggested, gesturing his head at the wall to your right. "We'll figure out what to do with all of you when we get back. Stay quiet and don't mess around."

With a sigh, you slumped down slowly, uncomfortable by the way your wrists were still tethered behind your back with rope.

"I'm going to go check on the others. I'll be back," he told Hange.

"Wait," you called. He turned his head around before heading through the door. "Thank you for helping my sister, Levi."

His face didn't waver, and there was a small pause before he said, "I didn't do it for you." He placed his hand on the knob and pushed the door open. "And call me Captain. You haven't earned the right to address me by name."

He vanished out the door, leaving you with a painful twinge in your heart. You lowered your head to stare at your lap.

He completely hated you, didn't he? Things would never return to the way they were between the two of you. He lost every ounce of trust in you.

From lovers, to enemies.

Back to square one.

Notes:

Levi will be in every chapter going forward I PINKY PROMISE 3. I know you all missed him (as did I). Thanks for sticking through with my OC-centric chapters. I know this is a levi x reader fanfic, but I feel like Eden needed to have some self-development, you know?

Anyway, I'm super excited to write these two again. Lots of tension coming ;).

See you soon!

- Mar

Chapter 43: Distrust

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

"This whole fucking time she's been alive and you knew?" Levi rose from his seat and slammed his palms against the desk in front him, eyes burning with anger. "Not only that, but the fact she holds the War Hammer Titan? What kind of bullshit-"

"Levi, please settle down," Hange cut in.

Levi scoffed. "I knew there was more to it than just complying with that bearded piece of shit. This is fucking insane."

Yelena remained calm while sitting in front on the other side of the desk, face solemn and lips pulled into a straight line. "I was ordered not to reveal that information, Captain."

"Of course not, because you knew we wouldn't have immediately agreed to it if we had known it was her."

"Well, yes," she continued. "But I was told not to tell you specifically, because Zeke had a feeling you'd react this way."

He huffed, pulling away from the desk and sitting back down while crossing his arms over his chest. "We were told the War Hammer Titan would be willing to work with us. It sure as hell didn't appear that way in Liberio when she was fighting Eren."

"It appears that there was some miscommunication involved. I suggest you speak with her and Zeke about it," she answered, rising from her seat. "You still agreed to follow Zeke's secret plan, so deciding to drop out of it would not be in your favor right now, especially with what happened in Liberio. What you decide to do with Eden is up to you, but Zeke must remain untouched until we receive more information. I must go now. The guards are waiting for me."

"Fucking bullshit," Levi muttered quietly as Yelena exited the room, shutting the door. Hange approached Levi to stand next to his chair.

"Levi, I know you're in distress about this whole thing, but-"

"But what, Hange?" he spat. "They made us blindly agree to working with someone we presumed dead this entire time. Do you know how suspicious that looks? It's not just Zeke we have to deal with anymore, it's her too. We have two titans to maintain that we aren't even completely sure are on our side."

"I think it would be in our favor to speak with Eden privately," Hange suggested. "We didn't really get a chance to find out what's going on with her."

"And what if she's as conniving as Zeke?"

"You're not wrong to be skeptical, but those two are not the same people, and you know it."

He paused for a moment, mulling over their comment. "Four years is a long time, Hange."

Levi had absolutely no idea how to feel about you. The moment he locked eyes with you in that alley, he felt a spark in his chest - like his heart was about to burst. It was like time had stopped just for the two of you. So much death, so much destruction, and yet, both of you took those few seconds to just stare at each other. When your knife clattered on the concrete, he knew you felt that spark too - that small sense of relief and comfort of seeing him again.

That feeling absolutely infuriated him.

He snapped back into reality when he realized how serious the situation was - you had killed three of his soldiers. Granted, your reason for it made sense, but that still wasn't something he could just ignore. You were still considered a threat, and there was so much about you he had questions about.

Could you really blame him for feeling cautious around you? You were a fucking titan and a Tybur. Levi didn't know much about the Tybur family until more recently, and to learn that you were someone of high standing this entire time pissed him the hell off. All this time when Levi was suffering emotionally from losing you, you were living in privilege and luxury in Marley. How rich.

Levi felt like his life was some plot of a really ridiculous novel. He still couldn't believe that the woman he tried to bury so deep in his heart was still alive - the woman he had such a hard time learning to let go of. Right when he thought he had been making some progress throughout the years, it all went down the drain the moment he saw you again.

The feelings he harbored for you weren't black and white - it could never be anything as simple as him hating you entirely or admitting that he still cared. Although he wished it could have been one or the other, he was stuck in a grey area instead. He kept his stoic facade in front of you knowing that was the right way he needed to react in the moment, but deep down, there was a strong urge to comfort you, protect you, and listen to what you had to say. He so badly desired to take away your pain and hold you again, but he couldn't do that. Not with everything you were just involved with. It wouldn't have been right of him.

So much new information about you hit him all at once - you being a titan, being a Tybur, and the fact you were working with Zeke. His trust issues were running absolutely rampant now. He didn't know who or what to believe.

What if all this information was already present before he met you? What if you were a titan this whole time and you just didn't mention it in your journals? Or the fact you were a Tybur?

What if everything about you really was a lie?

"Four years is a long time," Hange repeated. "But as it stands, we need to work with her right now. I think it's only fair for us to listen to her perspective."

Levi sighed in exasperation, still feeling conflicted about the whole situation. "What if she hasn't actually changed? What if everything in that journal of hers was just bullshit? I have no idea what to believe anymore."

"She saved Sasha, Levi," Hange stated. "Taking a bullet for someone isn't easy. Sure, she's a titan, so she can regenerate, but had she not been a titan, then that bullet would have cost her her life. She was enduring a lot of pain from that injury."

"I guess... I guess you're right."

People didn't just risk their lives for others for no reason. Your first instinct being to protect Sasha wasn't something he could brush past either - it meant something. Your actions indicated how much you valued her life, and he was thankful she survived because of you. Had you not been a titan, Levi knew he would have reacted much differently in that situation when you were bleeding from your stomach, but since that wasn't the case, he had to put up the front of being a stern captain again and force you to stand. You could heal yourself, so he wasn't going to spoil you with sympathy. There was a reason he still held some resentment towards you in the first place.

You lied to him, led him on, and planned to leave Paradis without saying a damn word. That was something he would never let go of, even if he did have an ounce of fondness for you after so long.

"Do you want me to bring her in?" Hange asked.

Levi felt his heart skip a beat. "Yeah, might as well."

Hange disappeared through the door, leaving Levi to quietly deal with his anxiety. He shut his eyes for a few seconds, waiting for his heart rate to settle back down. That all changed the moment the door was pushed open again, revealing you standing by the door frame.

Your eyes widened just a bit when they flickered towards him - his eyes did too. You were dressed much more comfortably compared to the day prior, wearing a large black hoodie and beige cargo pants.

"You can have a seat," Hange said, breaking the two of you out of your trances. You obeyed politely, plopping down on the chair with a low sigh. Your eyes refused to meet his again; he wondered if you were feeling as anxious as he was.

"Have your injuries healed?" Hanged asked. You nodded slowly, lifting your arm to rub your eyes with your sleeves. It looked like you hadn't slept at all. The puffiness in your eyes indicated you were likely crying all night in that cell you were placed in.

That stupid urge to comfort you reemerged again. He waited for the thought to pass before choosing to speak up.

Focus.

"We've got questions to ask you," Levi began. "You better answer honestly."

"I've got nothing to hide," you answered dejectedly, staring down at the desk. "Go ahead."

Levi spared a moment to glance at Hange in reassurance; they nodded at him firmly. Levi straightened his posture and clasped both hands on his desk.

"Why were you working with Zeke?"

Your eyes traveled up again, locking him in your gaze. His heart started beating a little faster.

Get it together, you dumbass.

"I wasn't," you answered. "I was against the invasion from the start."

"Why is that?"

"Because I knew it would have put Paradis at risk."

Hm. "So you're telling me you were trying to look out for us?"

"I had another plan in mind, but never got the chance to try it," you continued. "I asked Zeke to tell you to put off the invasion until then, but he clearly had no intention of doing that."

"What was your plan?"

"A speech."

He scoffed. "A speech?"

Heat rose on your face while you averted your gaze from him. "I was supposed to speak at the festival. I wanted to use my standing as a Tybur to try and make amends with Paradis."

Levi leaned back in surprise. He was having a tough time trying to decipher your words and mannerisms. Were you telling the truth, or was this a lie to get you back on their good side?

"So then what the hell was going on with you and Eren?"

"You tell me," you said more firmly.

"Zeke had informed us that the War Hammer Titan was going to protect Eren during the invasion. This is why we were beyond confused to see the two of you fighting against each other," Hange added.

"I'm not sure if you noticed, but Eren was trying to consume me the entire time." Your tone had become a little more harsh. "His goal for the entire night was to take my power. He locked up my sister to get me to comply, but when that didn't work out, he sent your soldiers to come find us. My sister was shot as a way to distract me, but all it did was get them killed."

Well, that did make sense. No one in the Survey Corps was informed that Eren was intending to consume the War Hammer Titan's powers since the War Hammer Titan was supposedly working alongside them, so Levi had just assumed Eren was trying to consume you because you were trying to consume him too. He had not been aware of the fact that your sister was locked up alongside the Cart Titan and Jaw Titan inheritors as an ultimatum.

Yelena loved to keep shit to herself, clearly.

"As for Zeke, I can't tell you what his intentions were with me," you continued. "I'm just as confused as you are. He brought up the idea of me supporting you all with the invasion about a month ago, telling me that he was helping you all with advancements and whatnot as a way to convince me. I was skeptical and chose not to immediately agree with him. It seemed like he knew I was going to get killed anyway, so I'm not sure what his aims were."

"What else did he tell you?" Levi inquired.

"That he apparently has a secret plan he won't tell me about."

"Well, I suppose if you did know, you wouldn't tell us anyway."

"It's up to you to decide whether you trust me or not. I'm not gonna sit here and beg for your trust when I also have my right to be distrustful after what happened to my sister."

"Guess we're both on the same page, then."

"Lovely."

Your firm expression didn't waver, nor did his. Hange shifted uncomfortably against the wall, sensing the tension oozing between the two of you.

"Um," Hange said, breaking the silence, "I also want to make a point to say that we had no idea what was going to happen with your sister. It seems like a select few soldiers were aware of your identity and created their own plans to support Eren. He has a few... devoted fans. That's something we have to investigate further."

"Can I see her?" you asked. Your eyes sparkled with hope. This was obviously something keeping you up at night.

As much as Levi felt bitter about you, he didn't have the heart to rip your sister away from you so suddenly. The two of you would have to be separated for some time; he informed you this on the airship. Once Paulina had fully healed, she was going to be locked up in a cell like those other two kids from Marley. You, on the other hand, were going to be under close watch by Levi. Within an hour, he would be taking you and Zeke to a secret location in the forest to keep you both away from society until things settled down. He may as well have allowed you one last conversation with her until he had to take you with him.

"I can ask the nurse if she's ready to have visitors," Levi said.

You nodded. "Thank you."

"There is much more we need to discuss, but I'll save it for when we arrive at your new secret location. I'm sure you have much you're eager to catch me up on," he said sarcastically.

"Oh, for sure," you replied, matching his tone.

He rose from his chair, shifting his gaze to Hange. "I'll take Eden to the infirmary. Bring in Zeke in the meantime. I'd like to have a chat with him before leaving."

Hange nodded. "Got it."

Levi was quiet - too quiet. Well, he was always quiet, but his current silence was almost deafening. The walk to the infirmary was so unbelievably awkward and tense. He didn't utter a word to you, nor did you to him. All you heard were the padded steps of your shoes hitting the ground.

You had a feeling this would likely be the norm between you for a while.

Feels just like our first encounter.

Levi finally stopped in front of a door. When he knocked, a woman in a nursing uniform appeared from the door just a few seconds later; her hair was tied up loosely in a ponytail. You recognized her as the medic from the airship - Annabeth was what Levi had called her, right?

"Captain," she greeted, placing a gentle hand on his arm. "Is everything alright?"

Oh.

Oh, you didn't like this.

The way she was looking at him so lovingly, the way she was touching him so tenderly, the sweet tone she was just using on him - all of it ignited a pit of fire inside you. You forced yourself to look away, curling your hands into fists.

No, this reaction wasn't fair of you. If Levi decided to find someone else after so long, then that was perfectly fine. He had every right to move on after you, especially after how much pain you had caused him. It was selfish of you to assume you would be the only one he would ever truly fall in love with.

You just wanted him to be happy, and if she made him happy, then...

Fuck, who am I kidding? How can I not feel jealous right now? Was I that easy to move on from?

You took a deep breath in. Maybe you were just jumping to conclusions; maybe she acted this way with everyone. Besides, it wasn't really your business, was it? What he did with other women was no longer your concern. You had your chance with him and you completely ruined it.

"Eden," Levi called. "She said you can go in."

"Oh." Heat rose on your face, embarrassed that you hadn't been paying attention. "Sorry." Levi stepped aside to let you pass. You peered into the room; Paulina turned her head to face you, shooting you a huge smile and a wave. You bolted forward immediately, pulling out a chair to sit beside her.

"I'll be back soon after we finish talking to Zeke," Levi stated. "Shouldn't take too long."

You glanced at him from over your shoulder, giving him a nod. "Okay."

"I'll give you two some time alone," Annabeth said, carefully shutting the door behind her. You turned your attention back to Paulina, reaching out for her hand to hold it. Her other arm was wrapped up neatly in a cast.

"How are you feeling?" you asked.

Her joyful smile remained. "Better - tired and weak, but better."

You grinned at her somberly. "I'm glad."

For a while, the two of you just continued smiling at each other in silence while you stroked her hand with your thumb, but then water started forming in your eyes. Seeing her like this absolutely broke you. This exact scenario was what you were most petrified of, and your fears had come true.

"Gah, don't cry," she said, noticing the way your eyes were glistening. "You're gonna start making me cry too."

"I'm sorry. I just-" Your voice cracked as you lowered your head and let a few tears drip down your cheeks. The grip you had on her hand had tightened. "God, I thought I was gonna lose you. I was so scared - so fucking scared. I don't know what I would have done if I had lost you. I'm so sorry this happened to you, Paulina. You don't deserve this."

She pulled her hand out of your grip and placed it on top of yours reassuringly. "I'm okay now. You don't have to worry about me."

You heaved out a laugh. "I'm always gonna worry about you. You know that."

She sighed. "Can I be honest with you for a second?"

You nodded.

"Back in that alley, right after I got shot, I was so sure that was gonna be it for me. I started mentally preparing the last words I was going to-"

"Stop," you cut her off, shutting your eyes. "Don't make me picture that."

"Let me finish. It's important."

You exhaled, opening your eyes again. "Okay."

"Do you know what my final words were going to be?"

You stared at her curiously, anticipating her response.

"I was going to tell you that you could finally live for yourself."

You furrowed your eyebrows. "What do you-"

"You spent all these years making sure I had a good life, but you didn't even take the time to think of yourself. I don't want you to have to worry about me all the time. I'm doing my own thing, and I've been able to figure it out along the way. Like you said - I used my strengths to my advantage and that's how I've been surviving. You don't need to worry about me right now, you need to worry about yourself."

Her words astounded you. You hadn't expected such a long and meaningful response to come out of her mouth.

"This is gonna sound a bit morbid, but a part of me was almost glad that I was dying, because I thought that you'd finally have one less burden to carry."

"Don't say shit like that," you interjected. "You're not a burden to me. Don't ever say that."

"I just didn't want you to spend your whole life focusing on everyone but yourself," she elaborated. "So please, listen to my advice. I know I'm not as physically gifted as you are, and I don't possess the stamina that you have, but I was able to make it five years without you somehow. That counts for something, right? I'm not saying I don't need you, but all I'm saying is that I feel like you deserve to be a little selfish. The situation with Marley and Paradis is a little dire right now, but I think that's even more of a reason to think of yourself. We're going to be apart for a while. Instead of ensuring my survival, I want you to worry about yours. I'll figure it out somehow. I always do."

A weary smile formed on your face as another tear slipped out. "You're such a smart girl, Paulina. I always wished I inherited that genius gene of yours."

"And I always wished I inherited that fighter gene of yours. Can't have everything in life, can you?"

You laughed slightly. "Nah, I guess not."

"Now, let's change the subject. I'm not in the mood to cry. I wasted all those tears after getting shot and I don't have the energy to keep sobbing."

You smiled. "Alright, fine." You lowered your head for a moment to ponder, and then a memory from the day before popped up in your head. "Actually, I do have something to ask you."

"What?"

"When Levi brought you inside the airship, some of the people in his squad said they recognized you," you said. "One of them even said your name without me saying anything."

She averted her gaze, heat rising on her face. You narrowed your eyes.

"Alright, I was hoping it was some weird coincidence, but your reaction already answered my suspicions. Now, spill. How and when did you meet them? And more importantly, why the hell didn't you tell me?"

She bit her lip nervously. "It wasn't intentional. I was attending one of the Marleyan festivals last year to meet up with Dr. Bauer until I came across a really... strange group. They were causing a scene in front of everyone, so naturally, I got suspicious. I could tell they were foreigners, but they didn't seem like bad people. They even saved this one kid from getting killed for pickpocketing. It was pretty heartwarming."

You nodded. "Sounds like something they would do."

"I saw one of the girls in their group get injured and I felt a little bad, so I decided to help her. They were skeptical of me, so I showed them my ID card to get them to trust me. At the time, I had absolutely no idea who they were."

"So they knew who you were, but you didn't know them?"

"Well," she continued. "I didn't know until I spoke to Levi privately."

Your eyebrows shot up. "Privately?"

"It was a short conversation. I was gathering up my items to leave but he stayed behind to just... stare at me. It almost looked like he wanted to kill me or something." She lowered her voice into a whisper. "He's a little scary, no offense."

You chuckled. "You're not the first person to feel that way. Trust me. He always has that look of wanting to murder someone."

"Anyway, I was a little confused as to why he stayed behind, so I asked him if he needed help. He said my last name reminded him of someone, and that was when I knew this must have been your Levi. My suspicions were confirmed when he revealed his name to me."

"Did he- did he say anything else?"

She shook her head. "I just said it was nice to meet him and all he said was, 'likewise.' After that, I never saw him again."

A part of you was a little hurt to know that he didn't ask about you, but you had to keep reminding yourself that he had likely moved on from you already. Four years could change a person - the same way five years changed you. You had only known him for a few months. Four years was much longer than just a few months. That was more than enough time to learn to continue life without you.

He didn't care about you anymore. That was something you needed to accept. He let you go just like you had told him to.

But fuck. It hurts a lot.

"I didn't tell you because... I don't know. I feel like it would have made you upset. I didn't want to remind you of your time in Paradis because then you'd sink back into a depressive episode and I didn't want that."

"I understand," you responded. "I wonder what they came here for, but I guess that doesn't matter anymore."

"Yeah." She focused her gaze on the wall. "I really hope they'll come to see your perspective in due time."

You huffed. "Might be a little tough with Levi, but he can be rational when he wants to be. Guess we'll have to wait and see."

Light knocking on the door interrupted your thoughts. "Sorry, can I come in for a second?" Annabeth's voice asked from behind the door.

"Yes," you called back.

She opened the door slowly, peeking through the gap. "I'm so sorry. I realized I forgot to take my items to help my other patient."

"No worries."

She smiled, entering the room. Paulina began shifting in her bed. "Uh, can you move over? I wanna get down. I kinda have to pee."

You laughed slightly, skidding the chair across the floor to let her stand. "Yeah, sure."

Paulina strolled calmly towards the bathroom, locking it behind her after shutting the door. You turned your attention behind you, watching Annabeth dig through drawers to search for specific equipment. She groaned silently to herself when it was clear she couldn't find a certain item.

"Hey, Annabeth, right?" you asked nervously, standing up from your seat.

"Mhmm." She paused her search to glance at you from over her shoulder, her hands reaching up to fix her hair. When she couldn't adjust it to her liking, she decided to let her ponytail loose and allowed her hazel waves to cascade down her shoulder while combing them out with her fingers.

The woman was beautiful. You couldn't deny that. Even despite the deep bags beneath her eyes, there was something calm and gentle about her that drew you in. She appeared visibly exhausted, likely because of the nature of her job, but it suited her somehow. She carried a tranquil aura to her that made her glow.

"I, uh-" You cleared your throat, reorganizing your thoughts. "I just wanted to thank you for saving my sister."

Her lips slightly curled upwards. "It's just my job. No worries."

"No, seriously," you continued, approaching her while fiddling with your fingers. "Thank you. I don't know what I would have done if I had lost her, so your help really means a lot, especially since I know we're- we're not exactly from here."

She pulled her hair back up into another ponytail, her expression growing serious again while she resumed her search, probing around the table. "It wasn't a bother."

An awkward silence filled the room for a while. You leaned your back against the tabletop she was standing by, lowering your head. "So... how long have you been working with the Survey Corps?"

She eyed you suspiciously, confused as to why you had taken a sudden interest in her, but then she replied with, "Three years."

Three years. So she had been working with Levi for longer than he had even known you. Your grip on the table tightened the more you thought about it. "I see. That's- that's nice."

"Your name is Eden, correct? Oh, there it is!" The elation was clear on her face after finding what seemed to be a bottle of pills; she placed it neatly on a tray along with a few other items.

"Yeah," you answered after a while, staring down at your feet. There was still some blood on your combat boots. You wondered if Levi would make a comment on them later.

"Ah" - she dropped another item onto the tray - "so you're the one."

The hell does that mean?

"Hange and Levi had spoken briefly of a scout from Marley that used to work under them a few years ago that had betrayed them. They mentioned your name, but never chose to elaborate when I inquired about it. I always wondered why."

"Oh," you replied dejectedly. "So you probably hate me then."

"Well, I don't know you," she said, turning her body to face you. "All I know about you is that you betrayed Paradis, are a titan, killed three of our soldiers, yet also saved one. Hate probably isn't the right word to use, but maybe more the word skeptical."

You nodded. She seemed quite level-headed. "Fair enough."

"Your sister is very sweet," she complimented, her eyes trailing towards the bathroom Paulina had disappeared into. "I can see why you care about her so much."

"She's all I really have left," you admitted to her.

She smiled very faintly. "I respect that. I can't really blame you for what you did."

Damn it. She's nice too.

Beautiful, level-headed, and nice. There wasn't anything about Annabeth you could really dislike. The small inkling of hatred you felt towards her was out of jealousy and insecurity. If Levi really did fall in love with her after you, then...

Stop thinking about it.

"Well, I have to go see another one of my patients. I think I found everything that I needed. If Paulina needs anything, I'll be in the room right across," Annabeth stated.

"Got it."

She grabbed her tray to leave, but there was still an uncomfortable feeling lingering in your stomach while you watched her head towards the door.

You wanted to know - no, you needed to know if there was something going on between her and Levi. You'd be damned if you brought up the question to Levi. The last thing you wanted was for him to see your jealousy. You just needed confirmation so you could just accept the fact that he let go of you so you could move on.

...No, this wasn't your business. It wouldn't have been right for you to pry. This wasn't necessary information to know. You were just being nosy.

Nah, fuck it. I really need to know.

You whirled around. "I have one more question."

Annabeth halted in her steps right before opening the door. "Sure."

"You and the captain... are you two... you know..." You definitely could have worded that better.

She paused, face flushing as she averted her gaze from you. Her lack of response and shyness only escalated your anxiety.

She finally let out a small laugh after a few seconds. "I guess my fondness for him didn't go unnoticed, huh? But no, we aren't together. Not exactly."

Not exactly?

You wanted to dive straight into a pit of a fire. What the hell did she mean by 'not exactly?' That could signify anything. Were they both aware of their feelings for each other and just didn't drop the question? Were they hooking up with each other without putting a label on it? That was sort of what the two of you were doing for a while, so you wouldn't have put it past him to do it again with someone else.

The thought of him making love to someone else other than you made you want to just rip your heart out of your chest. You were his first everything - his first kiss, his first time, and his first love. He learned how to be affectionate through you. He learned how to love through you. For him to experience that with someone else absolutely tore you apart.

I'm jumping to conclusions again. Maybe I should just let her finish.

"Sorry, let me rephrase that," she corrected, noticing the skepticism behind your eyes. "Nothing ever happened between us. He isn't exactly... open about his feelings, which I'm sure you know since you've worked with him."

"Yeah, I know that very well," you replied.

"For a while, I thought he was interested in me. We had some playful conversations throughout the years, and he even invited me out for tea, which was very out of the ordinary for him to do. It wasn't everyday that I saw him drinking tea with his comrades."

He invited her out for tea? That used to be our thing... Why does it feel like I'm being cheated on right now?

"But then... that was it. He never invited me out again after that, so I guess I wasn't really what he was looking for." She lowered her head sorrowfully. "Either that, or he just preferred to focus on his duties as a captain. I admire his work ethic greatly. He is truly a great man; he just chooses to seclude himself, I suppose."

Her somber expression seemed genuine. It didn't seem like she was making this up.

Why did he reject her? The woman was beautiful, gentle, and clearly passionate about her work. You were so sure any other man would have surely been pining after her. She seemed like the perfect partner.

The way she described him made it seem like he was interested in her initially. Hell, he invited her out for tea. That used to be your thing. He was clearly intending to pursue her at some point, so then what happened? You found it hard to believe that he simply lost interest in someone like her. There had to have been something else that stopped him.

Was it because of you?

She laughed sheepishly, still refusing to meet your eyes. "I'm not sure why I'm telling you all this. I- I should go." She scurried out of the room before you had a chance to say anything else.

Shit, now I feel bad.

She clearly had feelings for him. You knew it from the moment she opened the door for him. Her eyes lit up immediately upon seeing him, but his feelings didn't appear to be reciprocated, or rather, he wasn't making the effort to pursue her. She was hurt just thinking about it.

All you could keep thinking about was how this was all very likely your fault.

"I'm back," Paulina said, staggering out of the bathroom. "Did I miss anything?"

You shook your head, grinning at her. "Nothing to worry about. Just keep resting, okay?"

"Don't have to tell me twice," she replied, eagerly getting back to bed.

Another knock on the door - this one was much more assertive. "Can I come in?" Levi's voice projected.

"Come in," you said.

The door pushed open. "We're done speaking with Zeke. We're about to head out."

"Oh," you said dismally. "Okay. Let me just speak to her one last time."

"I'll wait outside the door," he replied, pulling the door shut. You walked over to Paulina's bed again.

"Take care of yourself, okay?" You grabbed her hand gently. "I'll try not to worry about you so much, but you know I'm always thinking of you."

She smiled endearingly. "I know."

"I love you." You pressed your lips on her forehead. "I'll come back for you. I promise."

"I love you too."

With one final nod, you made your way back out the door. Levi was waiting against the wall sternly, arms crossed.

"Alright, let's go."

"Wait."

He sighed. "What is it now?"

You paused for a moment. "I also want to see the kids before I leave."

"You should have said that before."

"It didn't cross my mind in the moment because I was most concerned with my sister."

He exhaled in exasperation, looking down at the floor. "Fine, I'll take you to them, but make it quick."

"Thank you."

Levi took you to the prison within ten minutes. You expected it to be a little more noisy and crowded, but it was eerily quiet instead. All you could hear was water dripping from a broken pipe a few feet away.

Levi stopped in front of a door, knocking on it. A younger man made an appearance upon opening it; it was the ginger-haired guy from the plane.

Why is he so familiar?

"Captain," he greeted. "May I help you?"

"Take Eden to see the kids. No more than five minutes. I'll be waiting out here," Levi ordered.

"Got it, sir." The orange-haired guy was a lot rougher with the way he grabbed your arm to guide you. You didn't like it at all.

"Do you mind loosening your grip on me a little?"

"I'm not interested in speaking with a traitor," he responded. "The kids are right there. Make it quick."

You rolled your eyes at his bluntness, moving forward to face the cell you had stopped at. Gabi and Falco were both sitting on separate beds that were parallel to each other. Falco was first to take notice of you, his eyes blown wide.

"Eden?"

Gabi's head snapped up immediately. "You. What are you doing here?"

She looked like a complete mess. Her eyes were red from exhaustion, and her hair was frizzy and full of knots. It seemed like she didn't get a lick of sleep last night either.

"I wanted to make sure you two were okay," you said.

Gabi stood up from her bed, stomping forward to get closer to you. Her hand gripped the cell bars tightly as she leaned her face in. "You're a goddamn hypocrite and a traitor."

Falco rushed to her side immediately. "Gabi-"

"Not only did you take a gunshot wound for an enemy, but it seems like you spared the Captain you supposedly killed too. Have you been working against us this whole time?"

"It's not as black and white as you think, Gabi."

"That girl you saved killed our men," Gabi spat, her voice laced with venom. "She deserved to die for what she did, and you saved her!"

Gabi's actions made a lot more sense now. She was trying to defend her country the same way Paradis was. She didn't know Sasha like you did; she probably just saw her shoot some Marleyan officers and based her opinions of her on that. You couldn't blame her for that.

"Gabi, they lost people because of us too-"

"Because they are devils!" she screamed. "They destroyed land and killed thousands of people! Of course they were going to reap the consequences!"

"That happened centuries ago."

"Didn't you see what happened yesterday? Are you blind?"

"Eren did it because we attacked them first nearly a decade ago," you said sternly. "I don't agree with what he did, but his goal was revenge."

"Revenge for what? For what they brought up on themselves?"

Frustration built up in your chest. You bent down and grabbed her shoulders through the bars. "He watched his mother get eaten in front of him, Gabi. He had to watch his mother die because Bertholdt and Reiner broke down the walls. All those soldiers you saw - including the girl you almost killed - have all lost someone because of what we did years ago. Reiner, Bertholdt, and Annie have killed hundreds of people in Paradis, the same way the scouts killed hundreds yesterday."

"But why did Udo and Zofia have to die, then?" she said incredulously. "They didn't do anything to deserve that!"

You furrowed your eyebrows in concern, upset to hear this news. "Gabi, I'm so sorry that happened."

"Stop acting like you care all of sudden!" She shoved your hands off, tears brimming in her eyes. "You're just as much to blame for everything that happened!"

"Gabi-"

"Stay out of this, Falco." She whipped her head around angrily. "You might be willing to hear her out, but I won't." She turned forward to look at you again. "Is Paulina in on this too? Did you brainwash her?"

You sighed. "Gabi, I need you to understand that-"

"So she's supporting them too?" she asked in disbelief. "Wow. I can't believe this crap. Maybe she should have stayed dead. That would have set your mind straight again."

Oh, hell no.

"If you actually let me speak, then maybe my words would finally get through your thick damn skull," you said spitefully. She was taken aback by your sudden change in demeanor. "I was just like you once, Gabi - so convinced that everything they told me about Paradis was true. It's one thing to be taught this from a young age, and another to actually experience it for yourself. That is something you will never understand because you didn't have the opportunity to see what these people were like firsthand."

"Bullshit-"

"They didn't even know of their history. They didn't know why their walls were breached or why their family and friends had to die. Do you think that's fair to you? Being punished for something your ancestors did centuries ago that you aren't even aware of?"

"You're just finding excuses."

"No, you're just finding excuses to brush past my perspective," you continued. "And you know what? When I went to Paradis, I felt accepted for the first time in my life. For once, I wasn't treated like scum for my blood or forced to think of everyone else's convenience but my own. Those people weren't devils; they were people who were just like us. You're right about Udo and Zofia not deserving to die. They didn't do anything to deserve that, but neither did the people in Paradis when we invaded. No one deserves to die over something they didn't do."

"Gabi... she's not wrong," Falco added timidly. Gabi eyed him skeptically. "I told you what happened between Eren and Reiner. Eren invaded because his land was crushed and all of his friends and family died. It doesn't mean what he did was justifiable, but it makes sense. Reiner did the same thing to them."

Gabi paused for a moment, then shifted her gaze back to you. "I will never forgive Eren Jaeger, and I will never forgive you. You can spew your bullshit rhetoric all you want, but I will never, ever trust you again."

"Fine, then," you stated, pulling back from the bars. "I just hope to god that you don't make the same mistakes I did that'll lead you on a self-destructive path of hatred and guilt before it's too late. Take care."

You turned around to walk away from them. The orange-haired guy was leaning back against a wall a few feet away, legs crossed. You hadn't even realized he was listening in the entire time.

"You done?" he asked impatiently. You nodded; he grabbed you roughly by the arm again to guide you out.

"Hey, Floch," another guard called him. The ginger-haired boy paused in his steps.

Floch. That's his name.

"Are you watching the cells tomorrow too?"

Floch nodded in response. "I volunteered."

"Got it. I'll see you later, then." Floch turned his neck forward to keep walking with you towards the door.

Floch. Why was that name familiar?

"You think we should follow Floch's suggestion?"

Your body tensed up at the memory. That was what the soldier said right before your sister got shot.

"You," you said, stopping in your tracks. "You're Floch?"

He raised his eyebrows. "You don't remember me?"

You knitted your eyebrows at him for a moment. "Hardly. Am I supposed to?"

"What a shame." He straightened his posture. "We studied together as cadets. I thought you'd at least have the decency to remember the comrades you betrayed, but I guess not."

Your eyebrows shot up, recalling him now. His hair was styled differently back then; that was why you could hardly recognize him now. "Oh, right. I remember now. You hardly placed in the top 30 of our class."

He frowned at your response. "At least I'm not a dirty traitor. Some of these people here are insane enough to overlook the fact you killed three of our men, but I certainly won't. I don't care if you saved Sasha, and I don't buy that little heartfelt speech you were just telling those kids. Your life should have ended in Liberio the moment Eren grabbed your crystal."

"Your soldiers died because you brought up the suggestion to shoot my sister," you spat. "If you had known me at all, you would have found a much better alternative to capture me. My first instinct wasn't going to be to mope around. I was going to defend her."

He narrowed his eyes, fury seeping out of them. "The plan would have worked if those soldiers didn't run away like cowards. I should have been there. Things would have gone much differently, but it doesn't matter anymore. If Eren can't take your power, I sure as hell hope that Captain Levi finds a good candidate as a replacement."

"Whatever. Just take me back out." Your temper had already risen after talking with Gabi; you didn't want to make it worse by arguing with Floch.

"She's done." Floch practically shoved you forward towards Levi after opening the door. You whirled around in anger.

"Don't fucking touch me like that, you asshole."

Floch only smirked in amusement, shutting the door behind him. You exhaled in exasperation before facing Levi again.

"Alright, we have to go," he said with urgency. "We can't afford to waste anymore time."

You nodded. "Lead the way."

If anyone told you a week ago that you'd be stuck inside a carriage with two men who were both once fond of you romantically, you'd think it was a damn joke.

The tension was unbelievably thick - it unsettled you. You were sitting beside Zeke while Levi sat in the seat directly in front of you. His eyes were absolutely scorching you. You had to avert your gaze elsewhere to not get caught up in the venom behind his eyes.

Zeke peered out of the window as a distraction, then pulled the curtain back over to look at Levi again. "How interesting. They're calling it a victory. Ignorance is scary, but delusion is even worse."

"I'm going to kill you and ship your corpse back to Marley, with a note about your little plot. Should spell the end for your grandparents. That said, if this secret plan of yours isn't bullshit, I can wait and chop you up once it's finished," Levi said. "I don't care much either way."

"Well, I appreciate your willingness to accommodate. But hey, I do get to meet Eren soon, don't I?"

"There's no need to rush. We've prepared a nice little place for you to stay here. A beautiful hotel that you can relax at," Levi replied sarcastically.

Zeke didn't respond for some time. Levi was shooting the deadliest glare you had ever seen in Zeke's direction.

"So... could I ask you to stop glaring?" Zeke asked awkwardly, red starting to emerge on his face.

You sighed deeply, pulling your hood up and leaning against the window to shut your eyes.

You slept for the entirety of the ride. The hoodie you were given was comfortable enough to lull you to sleep, and the remainder of the trip was spent in silence, anyway. Zeke was entertained looking out the window and Levi would take turns just glaring between the two of you.

Levi wanted to absolutely obliterate Zeke. You didn't think you had ever seen his eyes so filled with hatred before. His distaste for you was absolutely nothing compared to the way he treated Zeke. His self control was almost admirable to watch.

The wheels of the carriage rolled to a stop; you fluttered your eyes open to look outside.

"A forest?" you asked quietly.

"What, not up to your standards?" Levi asked sardonically. You had a feeling he was going to be this sarcastic with you throughout the entire time staying here.

"I was just making an observation, Captain. I can't wait to see the setup you must have for me," you shot back.

"Great to hear."

From your peripheral, you could see Zeke smirk due to your banter with Levi. You just knew that Zeke was entertained with the broken relationship you had with Levi now. It absolutely irked you.

Levi unlocked the door and pushed it open. "Both of you stay here. I'll come back to get you once I check in with the other soldiers."

"Okay," you replied. The moment he closed the door after leaving, your eyes flickered towards Zeke.

"So then," you began, "care to explain what the fuck happened yesterday?"

His smirk immediately died down, choosing to avoid your gaze and looking into the small, rectangular window in the door.

"You're a fucking piece of shit, you know that?" you told him spitefully. The urge to run him over with the carriage was strong, but you had to fall back on your impulses. "All that crap about helping Paradis and telling me you changed - what was that for? What was the point? You set me up to get killed anyway, didn't you? Were you just trying to fuck with me to see if I was gullible enough to believe you? Were you just looking at me like a joke? Was getting Eren to take my power part of your secret plan too?"

"No," he answered dejectedly.

"You're a bad liar, Zeke."

"I was trying to save you.'

You scoffed. "Don't make me laugh-"

"I never intended for Eren to kill you." There wasn't any hint of amusement in his eyes, nor were his lips curled upwards in enjoyment. "I wanted you to believe me so I could convince you to work with them - not only to protect Eren, but to protect yourself too. I didn't reveal your identity to Eren at first, but when he brought up the idea of taking the War Hammer's power, I had no choice but to intervene. I told him to let me convince you to work with him so he didn't have to kill you. When I failed to convince you, he refused to hear my pleas and just took matters into his own hands. I couldn't stop him."

You parted your lips slightly, staring at him in disbelief. For the first time in your life, he appeared incredibly serious. You had never seen this look from him before.

"I thought I would have been able to convince you because of how guilty you felt from what happened in Paradis; that was why I was so desperate to persuade you these last few days - because I didn't want to see you die."

You furrowed your eyebrows, still in shock at his reply. Suddenly, Eren's comment about Zeke being amusing on the airship made a lot more sense. "So if I had agreed to work with them, they would have spared me, but since I didn't, you're saying Eren had no choice but to try and kill me to take my power?"

"Yes," he answered solemnly.

"When you asked me to work with them, which 'them' were you referring to? The Survey Corps as a whole, or you and Eren? It didn't seem like they were exactly in agreement with what Eren did, the same way I was skeptical about it."

That made the corner of his lip curl upwards slightly. "Always so analytical. I've always admired that about you."

You rolled your eyes. "What the hell are you and Eren up to?"

"You'll find out in due time," he said ominously. "All I can say for now is that I'm happy to see you alive."

"Can't say the same for you."

"Aw, come on. I was trying to look out for you. At least give me that."

You leaned into his face menacingly. "My sister almost got fucking killed because of your brother trying to capture me. You didn't do shit to protect me, or her. You don't deserve my kindness, and you never will, Zeke."

His lips pulled into a straight line again.

Levi unlocked the latch and opened the door. "Alright, let's go."

He guided you out first, then Zeke. After the two of you hopped out, Levi pointed at a box surrounded by wood in the center of the forest setup. "That's your bed, beardy."

Zeke raised his eyebrows in amusement. "A box out in the fresh air? How sweet of you."

"Glad you like it. It'll be your home for the next few weeks. Hope it's cozy."

"Where am I staying?" you asked. You sincerely hoped he had the decency to at least separate you from Zeke. That would have been torture for you.

"Come with me," he replied. You followed close behind him until he paused in front of a tent. He reached for the flap to open it, giving you space to go in. You brushed past him to enter.

It was actually kind of spacious for one person. It was big enough for you to be able to stand up straight, and he had even laid out a mattress for you on the floor with a wool blanket. It was bare and abysmal to look at, but much better than what Zeke was given.

"Up to your standards?" he asked.

You turned. "Considering I'm not sleeping on a wooden box, I'd say this is fantastic."

"Good," he said. "After hearing about Zeke's affections towards you, I had to make sure you were both in separate areas so I don't have to listen to the two of you procreate."

You knitted your eyebrows. "Wait, what?"

"Our meeting with him was interesting." He crossed his arms. "He told us he was trying to protect you from getting killed. How romantic. It seems like the relationship the two of you have is much deeper than I expected."

"Woah, woah, woah." You approached him while shaking your head. "Let's get a few things clear. One, his feelings are completely one-sided, and two, Zeke and I have never, and would never procreate."

Who even uses the term procreate, anyway?

"Four years is a long time. For all I know, you could have already had children we just aren't aware of."

"God, please don't put that image in my head again." Intrusive images of the time Zeke confessed to wanting to marry you popped into your head. "It's not like I can really have children, anyway."

He raised an eyebrow at you, curious for you to elaborate.

"It's hard for titan shifters to get pregnant. It's not impossible, but it does put the child at risk when you transform," you answered. "I'm not sure why I just told you that... anyway, my point is, don't believe everything Zeke says, especially about me. If there's anything you want to find out about me, go through me, not him."

"...Very well," he said solemnly. "But I do have one question."

You nodded, flopping down on the mattress.

Hm, it's actually pretty comfy...

He clenched his jaw before speaking. "How many years do you have left?"

He didn't ask when you became a titan, how you became a titan, or why you became a titan. All he wanted to know was how much time you had left.

Interesting.

"Nine," you answered.

His expression wavered, and his jaw tensed up. You could read his mannerisms like a book.

Finding this out bothered him. He'd never say it out loud, but his eyes said everything - dark clouds were swirling in his irises. Knowing you had nine years to live visibly upset him.

"I'll be back in an hour to give you another change of clothes," he said, changing the topic. He took one more second to glance at you before leaving, glimpsing down at your shoes. "And wipe off those boots with the rag I placed next to you. The blood on them is disgusting to look at."

You rolled your eyes. "Yes, sir."

Notes:

Thank you for the love all of you showed me last chapter. I appreciate it so much :'). I'm writing so much more than I'm accustomed to now, so sorry for the delay!

Anyway, I hope you all have an amazing week. MUAH 3

- Mar

Chapter 44: Resentment

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

As promised, Levi brought you some spare clothes later that day. It was nothing out of the ordinary - just a T-shirt and some sweats.

"Change into these, but bathe first," he ordered. "I'd rather you not taint the air with your titan smell."

You fought back the urge to roll your eyes. "Bathe where, exactly?"

"Outside," he answered firmly. "We have buckets and a sponge for you."

"Excellent hotel service," you said. "I'm assuming someone will be accompanying me as well?"

"It's a part of the service," he threw back.

"How wonderful."

He waited for you outside of the tent before passing you the items - a large bucket full of water, and a smaller bucket containing a sponge, towel, and some soap; you dropped your clothes inside with the other items.

When you looked up into the sky, you noticed that the sun was just starting to set . Levi had picked a good time for you to bathe before the entire forest was enveloped in darkness. You would have hated bathing next to a candle or lantern.

"I can't help but notice that most of your soldiers here are men," you stated, grabbing the items. The bucket of water was weighing your arm down a bit, but you pretended like it was as light as a feather. "If someone's watching over me, I'd prefer for them to be a woman."

"Never said they weren't." He pointed to a tree some feet behind the tent. "She's down there. Be quick."

"Yes, Captain," you said begrudgingly.

You couldn't really identify the soldier from afar. All you could hope was that they weren't going to be bitchy or hostile with you. Although you had accepted that not everyone from Paradis would forgive you, you also just didn't have the patience to deal with bitter behavior. Their job was to just watch over you while you bathed, nothing else. As long as they kept quiet, there wouldn't have to be any issues.

Well, at least he assigned me a woman... he respected me enough to make me feel comfortable, at least.

The bar was very low for you right now...

The woman was leaning her back against a tree, one leg bent with their foot resting on the bark and arms crossed. You squinted your eyes at their figure, trying to decipher if they were familiar to you somehow. Their orange hair was medium length, stopping just below the shoulders.

The girl whipped her head around when they heard the sound of your boots crunching down on a thin stick on the ground. Your eyes widened.

"Nifa?" You hardly recognized her from how long her hair had grown. It suited her nicely - she looked pretty.

A hesitant smile emerged on her face. "...Hi."

Well, you felt a little less anxious now. At least you knew the person, and it was someone you were able to tolerate.

"Long time no see," you said, glancing down at her arm. Her injury appeared completely healed now. "How's your shoulder?"

"A lot better. It'll never be the way it once was, but I can participate in battle like I used to now."

You nodded. "That's really good to hear. I'm glad."

Her smile grew a little wider at your words; you returned the same expression.

"Well, I suppose I should just get started then," you said awkwardly, walking in front of her. "Where am I supposed to-"

"Just a few feet down by that tree over there." She pointed with her index finger. "Just so none of the soldiers guarding on top of the trees by the tents would be able to see you."

"Thanks," you responded.

You strolled down the small hill towards the tree, setting down the items and taking off your shoes. You glanced over at Nifa who was turned away, staring at the bark of a tree.

"You're not gonna watch me?" you asked curiously. She turned her head to the side, not quite looking at you, but peeking only slightly to see if you had undressed yet.

"I'm giving you privacy," she answered.

"I'm surprised. Aren't you supposed to make sure I'm not doing anything suspicious?"

"You know the captain," she said. "Doing anything suspicious would be too much of a risk, and he wouldn't let you get away with it. He just needed someone to stand close by to make sure you didn't wander off. I don't need to stare at your naked body to do that."

This is the same captain that let me get away four years ago, you wanted to say, but you decided to keep your mouth shut.

"You're right," you said casually. "I promise I'll be quick."

You were true to your word, shedding off your clothes immediately and lathering your skin with soap and water. Nifa remained quiet behind you, staring blankly at the tree in front of her.

"Also," she said timidly after some time. "Would it be okay if I asked you some questions?"

You huffed silently. "Did the captain send you to interrogate me?"

"No. I'm just curious about some things. That's all."

You looked over at her again, squeezing out some of the soapy water from the sponge. She was still facing the tree, but her arms were crossed with her fingers latched onto the coat of her jacket tightly. She appeared apprehensive.

"Go ahead," you responded.

"Was it really all just an act?" she asked. "The way you- the way you behaved with all of us?"

You lowered your head. "It was... until it wasn't."

"I think about the day you saved me a lot," she continued. "When they told me who you really were... I just couldn't wrap my head around it. It just didn't make sense to me, because if I really was your enemy... why did you let me live?"

"For the same reason I saved Sasha." You poured some more water on yourself. "Because you didn't deserve to die."

"So then... why did you let all those soldiers die, then? Did you just pick and choose who to care about?"

You sighed to yourself while you scrubbed your arms. "It was never like that, Nifa; though, I guess I can't really blame you for thinking of it that way."

"And the way you greeted me just now... it was just like before - like you haven't changed at all."

"I carry no animosity towards you, Nifa." You scooped more water into the small bucket, dumping it over your body to rinse off the soap. "I never have."

She remained silent for a moment while you dried yourself off with your towel.

"Although I'm thankful that you saved me, I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to look past everything that you let happen." Her voice wavered. "It just hurts me whenever I think about everyone that I lost. I'm sure you might feel frustrated with that, but I-" she cut herself off to cover her mouth to conceal a sob.

Her words struck you deeply, but you maintained your composure. You were so relieved to see Nifa again, but she, like everyone else, was still hurting from the damage you allowed. They didn't feel the same relief you did.

"That's okay," you replied dejectedly. You tossed on your shirt, then pulled up your pants. "I've accepted that not everyone will trust me again. Some things will never be enough to atone for."

Some people may forgive you, and some may not. That was something you were very slowly accepting. You couldn't reverse your actions, and the people in Paradis had every right to hold a grudge against you for the rest of your life no matter how much you tried to make reparations. Some things were difficult to forgive.

"I'm finished," you told her, grabbing your items. She wiped her eyes against her sleeve before facing you again.

"I'll go bring you to the captain," she said.

You nodded, dumping the water out onto the grass and trudging back up the hill.

The first few days were repetitive - you'd wake up, eat whatever fruit Levi tossed you, stare up at the ceiling of the tent to ponder, eat again, bathe, eat once more, then go back to sleeping on the mattress. Levi left you be for the majority of the day, only speaking to you when it was necessary. It was a bit of a lonely experience. Although he was being particularly sardonic with you, you still enjoyed his company whenever he came around.

That all changed on the fourth day.

Levi entered the tent the same way he always did, scrunching his eyebrows when his eyes flickered towards you. "The hell are you doing?"

You were laying down with one leg sticking straight up and the other flat against the mattress. Once you sensed his presence, you lowered it and twisted your head to the side to face him. "I was stretching," you answered casually.

He stared at you peculiarly. You rolled your eyes while pulling your body up and sitting cross-legged.

"I do nothing in here all day. What else do you expect me to do? Next time you come in, don't be surprised if you see me talking to the ceiling," you said. "Actually, I have something else to say about this. Why does Zeke get to have a book and I don't?"

"Because I'm the one watching over him the entire time and I'd rather he sit quietly and read his book than try to start a conversation with me."

"Aren't you supposed to be watching over the both of us, though?"

"That's why I'm here now." He secured the entryway to move more inside. "He's more of a threat than you are, so I needed to give my full attention to him first."

"So what are you gonna do with me now? Stare at me silently while you watch me start muttering words to the ceiling?"

You could tell that he had already gotten agitated by your sarcasm. "No, I said we were gonna catch up, didn't I? So that's exactly what we're gonna do."

"Well, then you better pull yourself a seat, because I've got a lot of lore to unveil to you."

He didn't take you seriously at first, but the more he pondered it, the more he knew for sure that listening to your story was going to be time consuming.

"I better grab some tea, then." He turned to leave.

"Wait," you said, stopping him, "can I have some?"

"You don't like black tea," he said. "And we don't have milk and honey."

Maybe it was dumb, but your heart fluttered at the thought of him still remembering how you liked your tea.

"No milk and honey? You really are torturing me, huh?"

The corner of his lips almost curled upwards, but he refused to allow it. "It's either black tea or nothing at all."

"Fine, black tea it is," you agreed.

Levi left, then returned within ten minutes. He came back with a metal tray and set it down on the floor between the two of you.

"We only have sugar," he stated, glancing over at the sugar canister while he sat on the floor. "So do with that what you will."

"How sweet of you to think of me," you quipped.

"Anything to make sure that you don't have to moan about how shitty my tea is."

Warmth spread across your cheeks. You lowered your head to hide the small grin that had formed on your face. For a split second, it almost felt like you were both back to the way you were four years ago, but that second vanished the moment he spoke up again.

"Alright, I don't wanna waste any more time. I got you your tea, so I'm gonna start now," he said.

You let out a sigh. "I'm an open book."

He started by asking questions about how you became a titan. You explained your relation to the Tyburs, how you never once knew you shared the same blood, and how that ultimately led up to you obtaining the War Hammer Titan.

"So, you had no idea?" he asked.

"If I had known, I would have lived my life much more luxuriously," you stated, taking a sip of your tea. It was really bitter, but you tried not to make that apparent to him. "I also would have never needed to come to Paradis if that were the case. The Tybur family doesn't involve themselves in conflict."

"But after they found out you were a Tybur, I'm sure you lived quite lavishly."

You pursed your lips. "Yeah, I mean... I did have a ton of benefits, but I still chose to live similarly to the way I always had. For one, I still continued living with Ms. Braun."

"Ms. Braun?"

Right. You never really did tell him about your relationship to Reiner, and it wasn't something you emphasized in your journal.

A part of you wanted to bring up the journal just to see if he read it, but you were positive that would have led up to another conversation the two of you weren't quite ready to have just yet.

Baby steps.

"Reiner Braun's mother," you elaborated. You could see the way his fingers tensed around the rim of his cup.

Yeah, this is going to be a long night...

You told him the story of how you ended up living with Reiner and his mother after your mom passed away, and the way you always viewed him like a sibling.

"So you're sympathizing with the person who willingly murdered hundreds of people?"

"It's complicated, Levi."

"Captain," he corrected.

"Captain, whatever." You rolled your eyes. "But anyway, I grew up with him. We grew up similarly, and we went through similar conflicts in Paradis. I could relate to the guilt he felt upon returning home as well as the struggle to adapt to the Marleyan customs again."

"Yeah, it seemed like he suffered a lot of guilt with the way he was trying to kill my squad in Shiganshina. I could really see the shame." His tone was laced with sarcasm.

He wasn't wrong to think of Reiner that way. Reiner was a lot less inclined to stand up for himself compared to you. He pushed back those conflicting thoughts knowing that he still had a mission to complete in order to return home, the same way you had to push back those thoughts to make sure your sister wouldn't get punished due to your failure to complete your task. You all had a reason for it - it didn't mean it was okay, but it explained why you and Reiner hesitated to come forward.

"I'm not really any better for allowing him to do everything that he did."

He brought his cup to his lips. "Not by much, anyway."

"What do you mean by that?"

"He didn't make any attempt to make amends. You tried to make amends, but it was already too late."

"Yeah..." You averted your gaze. "But my wish is that one day he'll learn to stand up for what truly believes in."

"I'll always view him and Annie as murderers. I hope you realize that."

"Do you think the same of Eren now?"

He paused for a moment. "I was never in agreement with what he did from the start."

"You still followed through with the plan regardless."

"I didn't have much of a choice."

"Neither did I."

He avoided your gaze, then placed his cup back on the tray. "I think that's enough for tonight."

"Okay," you replied, passing him your cup and watching him exit the tent without saying another word.

The next day, Levi brought you a book.

"What's this?" you asked.

"Read it and find out," he said stoically.

You weren't going to complain. You did ask for a book, and well, you were bored as hell just talking to yourself all day whenever Levi wasn't around. It could entertain you for a while.

"Thanks," you said, setting it aside. He pulled open the flap of the tent to leave. You furrowed your eyebrows.

"You're not staying?" you asked.

"Why would I?"

His words caused a pang in your heart. "I didn't mean it like... whatever, I just assumed that you were going to ask me more questions today."

"I will, just not now," he said. "Sit tight and read your book for now."

You exhaled quietly. "Yes, sir."

You spent the next hour or so reading through the novel. It was a nonfiction book about the advancements that had occurred in Paradis the last few years. It was kind of interesting, given that you missed out on a lot these past four years. You wondered if this was his way of getting you to catch up from your absence.

Levi returned momentarily after you stopped at the sixth chapter. You bent the edge of the page to bookmark it, then set it aside. When you took in Levi's expression, you knitted your eyebrows.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he said curtly.

You knew that look on his face - he was pissed about something, but it wasn't in your right to probe it out of him.

"Let's just resume from where we left off before."

"No tea today?" you joked.

His face didn't waver. "I'm not in the mood for your sarcasm."

Oh, he was really pissed.

"Alright, sorry."

He didn't even sit down in front of you like he had the day prior, just choosing to stand with his arms crossed while staring at the inside of the tent. The atmosphere was incredibly tense and awkward.

"Are you just gonna stand there and mull to yourself the whole time?"

"I told you that I'm not in the mood for your shitty sarcasm."

"I'm just asking a question. You barged in here with an attitude and won't tell me why."

He remained tight-lipped, refusing to even glare in your direction.

"Is it Zeke?" you dared to ask. His muscles grew more tense. "If he said something about me again, I told you to run it through me first."

"Not everything is about you, Eden," he replied with indignation. "Why do you just automatically assume my feelings have to do with you?"

You were taken aback by his reply. "I- I didn't mean it like that... I was just wondering."

"Maybe it has to do with the fact that I'm stuck babysitting two enemies who haven't shown an ounce of remorse for what they've done."

"What?" You sat up straight. "Lev- Captain, I already told you that my ideals do not align with Zeke's. I promise that I'm on your side."

He scoffed, approaching you. "Yeah, you keep saying that, but have done nothing to show for it."

You rose from the mattress to meet him face to face. "I've been trying to atone these past four years, and I'm still trying. That's all I've been working towards."

"Well, it isn't enough."

Not enough. Nothing you ever did was enough.

"You're right, it's not enough," you said quietly. "And I know you don't care, but I tried; I really tried, but something always blocked my path - Zeke stopped me from interfering with his plans in Shiganshina, I was made to inherit a titan against my will the second I returned home, and then once I finally started to have hope again after trying to using my high standing as a Tybur for good, it was ripped away from me before I even had the chance to do it. None of it was in vain."

You stepped up closer to him. "But I promise that my intentions are sincere. I can understand the hesitation to trust me, especially because of my association with Zeke, but we are not the same people. Please don't compare me to that poor example of a man, because I am not like him at all."

He remained quiet for a moment, pondering your comment.

"I don't just kill people for the hell of it like he does," you said. "You know that, Levi."

"Captain."

You pressed your lips into a straight line. "My point still stands, Captain. I don't enjoy having to kill. I never have. You know that more than anyone else."

He was the first person to notice your hesitance in killing all those years ago during sparring practice, and it was him who made you realize that it was sometimes necessary to kill people even if you were against it.

Zeke thrived off of killing people. That was one of the main reasons you could never fully trust him or his intentions. To be compared to him made you feel sick to your stomach.

"Maybe I do see the difference between the two of you," came his next reply. "But it still doesn't change the way you had no problem letting him and all the others kill all those innocent people before what happened in Shiganshina."

"I know..." you said dispiritedly. "I can't change what I did, but my hope is that one day you'll allow me to atone for my mistakes."

Although you still yearned for the old Levi - the one that would be so soft and tender with you - you knew that that version of him was never coming back. He wasn't the type of person to look past those who had wronged him. He held grudges. He had valid reasons to have trust issues.

"I'll come back later," he said bluntly. "I don't feel like having this conversation right now."

You nodded, slowly sitting back down on your mattress. "Okay."

Levi didn't return that night, and all you could do was wonder about what the hell Zeke told him that triggered him so much.

Levi came back promptly the next day to continue the same routine you'd had for the past week - eat, bathe, and sleep. You were almost done with the book he had given you at this point, so you were happy to see his presence again.

"Bathing time already?" you asked when he peeked his head inside the tent.

"Just come outside," he said impatiently. You obliged, grabbing your clothes and walking towards the exit of your tent. He passed you the same two buckets with bathing items like before.

"Nifa's not gonna be watching over you today. We sent her back to the headquarters to receive information from Pyxis. She won't be here for a few days."

"So who would be watching over me until then?"

He looked away for a moment. "The thirty soldiers we brought to the forest are all mostly male, aside from Nifa and the other soldier I sent along with her."

"So you assigned me some random male soldier?" you asked incredulously.

I get that he must hate me, but... at least spare me from this.

A random guy watching you while you were naked? Yeah, no. You were going to be absolutely insufferable if he actually assigned some random guy to watch you bathe.

"I was intending to watch over you," he answered faintly. "Unless you have complaints about that too."

Oh.

Your lips parted slightly. "N-No. I have no problem with that."

The anxiety dissipated from your shoulders. You felt more comfortable knowing it would be Levi as opposed to any other man...

The two of you walked to the usual spot; Levi walked ahead before stopping in front of the tree Nifa would stand at. Despite the fact that you were relieved to know Levi didn't just assign you some random man, you were still nervous to be undressing in front of him, especially with the strained relationship between the two of you now.

You sauntered down the hill just like before and began undressing. When you peered over at Levi, he was doing exactly what Nifa was doing before - staring at the bark of that godforsaken tree with his back turned towards you.

"I'm surprised you're not watching me," you joked, trying to ease your nerves. "I thought you needed to keep an eye on me at all times."

"I don't need to when you're naked," he said with his arms crossed, staring at the tree. "Just hurry up."

"Well, it's not like it's anything you haven't seen before," you teased, smiling to yourself slightly.

He paused for a moment. "Stop doing that."

Your smile subsided. "Doing what?"

"Talking to me like you used to." His arms were tense. "Like you did nothing to make me hate you."

"Do you hate me?"

He didn't reply to that. You took his silence as a 'Yes' to that question.

"You can just say it, you know?" You poured water on yourself. "I've accepted it already. I don't blame you for the hatred you feel towards me."

"I just don't like the way you behave like you did nothing at all."

"I'm not sure what else you expect from me." You began scrubbing your body with your sponge. "I don't carry any animosity towards you, or anyone else here. Do you want me to act hostile?"

You saw him shake his head from your peripheral. "No, I just... it just bothers me."

You sighed to yourself. A variety of potential responses to that ran through your head, but now was not the right time for them. Instead, you settled with, "Fine, I'll just keep quiet for now."

The next ten minutes were uncomfortable. The only sounds heard were the pouring of water and squeezing of your sponge. Once you finished cleaning yourself, you dried your body, dressed into your clothing, then twisted your body around to face him. His eyes were still glued to the tree.

"I'm finished. You can look now."

Slowly, he turned, watching as you knelt down to squeeze out more water from the sponge into the bucket. You could feel the tension oozing from his body, setting you on fire.

"That night at the hotel," he began. "You were just going to leave without saying anything?"

You hadn't expected him to start questioning you again, let alone outside when anyone could hear. You remained silent for sometime, well aware that the answer to that question was only going to amplify his resentful feelings towards you.

"Yes," you finally said. "I was."

He curled one of his hands into a fist. "So you were just going to disappear without leaving a trace? Have me assume something horrible must have happened to you when in reality, you just went to play cards with monkey man over there?"

You set the sponge aside to look up at him. "I- I wanted to leave a note, but my plans got skewed and-"

Levi interrupted you with a loud scoff. "A note? A fucking note?" He raked a hand through his hair. "You've got to be fucking kidding me."

Discomfort settled on your shoulders. You lowered your head dejectedly.

"You're nothing but a fucking coward, you know that?" he spat. You could tell that he had been holding this in for a long time. "All that crap you spewed about feeling guilty and remorseful in your journal was for what? What the hell did you have to show for that? What did you do to make up for that? You waited until you were caught to confess."

Anxiety built up in your chest. You rubbed your hand on your arm nervously, still staring down at the water swirling in the bucket.

"Fucking look at me when I speak to you," he demanded.

You obeyed politely, standing up and turning your attention to him again. Disappointment and fury were seeping out of his eyes.

"If you really cared, you would have confessed on your own accord. You would have allowed yourself to receive the punishment you deserved. Instead, you were too cowardly to face the consequences and chose to leave," he continued. "Five fucking years. You had a chance to come forward for five fucking years, but you chose to stay quiet instead."

Although you were dreading this conversation, you knew it needed to happen - for both him, and for yourself. You were both hiding your true feelings towards each other behind sarcastic, snarky remarks. Now, he was finally addressing how he truly felt about what happened between the two of you.

"All those lives we lost, everything I was fighting for - you always knew the reason for it, and you said nothing." He began approaching you. "I've never been able to let go of that, no matter how much I've been trying to understand you."

You inched up timidly. "I- I had no choice-"

"No, you had a fucking choice," he said a little louder, walking up closer. "You had a fucking choice, and you chose to save yourself because you're a fucking coward."

"I chose to save my sister!"

His mouth snapped shut.

"I understand that may not be what you want to hear, but I was not going to abandon my sister, Levi. I couldn't. I didn't keep quiet to save myself. I kept quiet to save her."

He continued staring at you silently, forehead slightly creased from frustration.

"I suffered a lot in Marley. I was abused, taken advantage of, and brainwashed. My entire purpose was never my own, and at the very least, I wanted to save my sister from that fate. I wanted to give her a better life. I didn't want her to deal with the life I had because she was not meant to live in a world like that. If I didn't complete my mission... I was scared that they'd punish her on my behalf, and I just couldn't let that happen," you said. "But then I came here, and then the conflicting feelings I experienced became overwhelming. I wanted to spare you, but protect my sister... so I did both. I did what I knew was the only option - stay quiet and leave."

He let your words sink in before speaking again. "You just made it worse by not saying anything."

"I wasn't going to risk being detained or even killed. I would have never been able to see my sister again to protect her. Don't act like you would have made it nice and easy for me."

He clenched his jaw, knowing that your response was a logical reason. "Then why did you stay for as long as you did? Why did you keep leading a false narrative even after your feelings changed? Wouldn't you have left the moment you felt remorse?"

"I wanted to believe that my thoughts were temporary - that I would have been able to overlook them eventually to complete my mission and go home to my sister, but clearly that wasn't the case," you said. "The other reason was because... I enjoyed spending time with the people I had met here. I felt accepted for once, and it was a feeling I didn't want to let go of."

"All you did was hurt people by doing that," he stated curtly.

You nodded. "...I know."

"You lead me on," he continued. "You... you gave me blind hope of what I thought would have been a nice future for myself despite the brutal side of battle - something I never would have imagined for myself, but with you... with you I did."

You hesitated before speaking again. "...I'm sorry."

"You said you loved me," he said, "but if you truly loved me, you would have stopped what we had the moment you knew I had feelings for you."

"Love isn't always that simple."

"I know it's not," he said bluntly. "But you disregarded my feelings to fulfill yours."

"...You're right," you said. "It was wrong of me."

His eyes were glistening, but you knew that he was not going to allow himself to release the tears; he was just going to blink them away like he always did. "So then why did you keep doing it if you knew it was going to hurt me?"

You paused for a moment to collect your thoughts. "Levi, my entire life was chosen for me the moment I was born. I was born to be used, and I always had to think of others before myself," you answered. "But with you... you made me feel like I had a choice. You made me feel like I had a chance to live for myself."

His expression softened very subtly.

"Loving you made me feel free," you said. "And I know it was selfish of me to continue what we had knowing it would have never lasted, but I just..." Your eyes were watering now, and unlike Levi, you always had trouble holding in your tears.

Come on. Blink them away.

Several tears slipped out as you blinked. "I just wanted every single second that I spent with you to last for an eternity because I knew that I'd never find that feeling in anyone else again. And even after everything, I still don't regret falling in love with you."

You could see how heavy he was breathing from the rise and fall of his chest. His heart rate likely skyrocketed after hearing everything you had just said.

"Things will never return to the way they once were between us. You know that, right?" he finally responded.

Your heart shattered at his words. If you were holding back any tears before, there was no way you'd be able to hide them now.

This was the conversation you both needed. He needed this closure, and so did you. You both finally talked about your true feelings about each other; now, you just needed to accept that the damage had been done and there was no way for him to look past that.

"I know," you responded faintly, your voice cracking.

You hated crying. It always made you feel weak. No matter how many times your mother used to say it was a sign of strength, nothing convinced you of that. There was nothing strong about you completely surrendering to your emotions in front of the man you completely broke. Your tears were because of what you did, not him. If anyone should have been crying, it was him.

"And you know what else?" he said menacingly. "Sometimes I wonder if it would have been better if you stayed dead."

Oh.

Your entire body was trembling after hearing that. The urge to explode was rising rapidly in your chest.

"I'm alive because you didn't kill me," you spat, leaning into his face. Your eyes were burning with fire. "So if you're gonna be mad at anyone about that, then be mad at yourself."

Indignantly, you grabbed your items and trudged back towards the tent without another word passing your lips.

Notes:

Got a bit stuck on this chapter (writer's block is a curse). Hopefully I'll be better for next week - should be about the same chapter length as this one. If I ever experience a long delay, I'll make a post on my tumblr about it. My goal is always Sunday (EST) by the end of the day. I cut it close today...

But hey, they finally talked some stuff out - it was a bit rough, but at least they talked, right? That last conversation was most important for me to put out there. Although Eden has valid reasons for keeping quiet, Levi still has every right to be upset about it (he probably didn't need to tell her she should have stayed dead, though...).

Have a nice week everyone!

- Mar

Chapter 45: Hate

Notes:

Content Warning (18, mdni): rough sex with choking, face fucking, hair pulling, overstimulation, and orgasm denial

Song recommendations (because why not?):

Dissolve - Joji

Like You Do - Joji

Playlist.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

The next few weeks flew by. It had now been nearly a month since Levi took you and Zeke into the forest to shelter you from the outside world. The hours were repetitive and boring; Levi having to spend most of the day sitting outside with Zeke was the most excruciating part.

He'd much rather experience your snarky sarcasm than listen to Zeke's attempts at provoking him. There were days where Zeke would raise Levi's temper so much that he would have to go to the one place that he knew would ease his discomfort, even for just a little bit - your tent.

There were a few days where you were nearly completely silent with him, only replying with one or two word answers. He assumed it in part had to do with the hurtful words he said to you by the trees.

"Sometimes I wonder if it would have been better if you stayed dead."

He knew that comment must have shattered something inside you. Your eyes went dim, and your hands began to tremble. You weren't prepared to hear those words from him after making such a vulnerable confession.

"Loving you made me feel free."

There wasn't a single day that Levi didn't replay that conversation he had with you. Your words fulfilled something inside him. Listening to you profess your love for him made the lonely pit in his heart fill once more. No one had ever described loving him the way you did. It made him feel special and important.

But the thought of it also made him angry. It angered him to know that your words were enough to still sway him, and it angered him that he sympathized with your selfishness. By giving in to your selfish desires, you hurt him terribly. Just because you apologized and offered him an explanation didn't mean he had to forgive you.

Despite that, he still wondered if he meant the spiteful words he had said. Did he truly mean what he said, or was trying to convince himself that he meant it in order to protect his heart?

You started speaking to him again three days after that dispute. Your responses were still short and straight to the point, but what you said at the end of that particular day almost left him speechless.

"I'm sorry about what happened to Erwin," you had said. Levi had stiffened, his back facing you. "I know he was important to you. I just wanted to tell you that."

Levi immediately felt agitated again upon listening to your words. The memory of Erwin's death emerged in his mind again, and it was something he didn't want to be reminded of.

This was a man that was willing to give you a second chance, only to die by the hands of the shitty blonde you were secretly working with - the one Levi was unable to kill.

If you had just said something sooner... just confessed the truth months before...

She had to think of her sister.

Levi wanted to hate you because hating you was easier. Despite your valid reasons for what you did, he still found it difficult to completely allow himself to pardon you for your mistakes. Forgiving you and treating you the way he once had just didn't feel fair to him, and for that reason, Levi had responded with, "Never fucking mention him again."

You were silent for a few more days after that, unwilling to make an attempt to crack his facade.

It wasn't until last week that you started speaking up again, but instead of being polite and keeping yourself relatively quiet, you returned to behaving like the same person he remembered meeting the first day he encountered you in Trost District. Levi always knew you were never the type to just allow yourself to be treated poorly, so he wasn't surprised to see your anger gradually rise the longer he continued speaking spitefully towards you. In fact, he was surprised you put up with his attitude for as long as you did.

The two of you began arguing a lot. Some days were manageable, and others were hard to reach an agreeable consensus. Levi hardly ever needed to raise his voice... but with you? It almost felt like a competition to see who was being the loudest. You brought out a side of him he never even knew he had. No one ever had the courage to argue with him as much as you did.

It saddened him a bit. The two of you didn't always get along, but it never reached a point where you couldn't even have a conversation without having some sort of feud. He never thought it would reach this point.

It was just easier to hate you than to forgive you, so that was the notion he kept trying to push as right.

"A lot on your mind today, huh?" Zeke said suddenly. Levi broke out of his thoughts, raising his head. Usually, it was him breaking people out of their thoughts; now, it was him being too immersed in his thoughts to pay attention to his surroundings.

"I told you to just keep quiet and read," Levi said in annoyance. Zeke's sadistic smile emerged on his face.

"It gets a little boring having to read the same words every day. Besides, I enjoy speaking with you."

Levi fixed his posture, sitting up straight. "What you enjoy is bragging about the lack of remorse you have knowing you've had absolutely no consequences."

The fact Levi wasn't allowed to kill Zeke yet absolutely irritated him. Each day he had to watch over him left him feeling unsettled and uncomfortable. He didn't buy this 'kind' and 'helpful' act he was putting up in order to gain the trust of Paradis. Levi didn't trust him one bit after all the shit he'd done.

"I had to do what was necessary to make sure Marley would think I'm loyal to them," he said. "But trust me. I am on your side."

"You're not convincing at all, you bearded shit."

"Sure. Sure," he said, waving him off, "how's Eden, by the way?"

Levi's fists curled in his lap. Zeke seemed to absolutely love bringing you into conversation when it wasn't necessary. "She's alive. That's as much as I'll tell you."

"I'd love to have a chat with her. I miss her dearly."

Levi's body tensed up. "Not happening."

"Aw, come on, Captain. Still heartbroken that your ex-lover chose her country over you?"

"You know, I may have been ordered not to kill you, but that doesn't mean I can't torture you," Levi threatened. "You can always regenerate your arms and legs if I chop them off."

Zeke chuckled. "My apologies. It's just so amusing to me that you actually thought you had a future with her when you were never important to her at all."

"Not sure why you're mocking me when she's made her disgust with you apparent."

His lips wavered. "You don't know of our history."

"I know enough to know that she can't stand you."

"And I know enough to know that she didn't care about you enough to stay and confess."

Levi's nails were digging painfully into his palm. "Not sure what point you're trying to make by bringing her up."

"Because you people of Paradis seem to carry all these delusions, you see," Zeke elaborated. "I see it in the way you look at her, and the way you speak with her."

"What do you-"

"She was never yours, Levi," he cut him off. "She never will be. She was always meant to live her life according to others."

That comment caused an ache in his heart. "You speak of her like she's an object without a mind of her own."

Zeke huffed. "See? Already proving my point that you are still fond of her."

"Calling you out for your choice of words doesn't correlate with my feelings towards her."

"You care enough to defend against the way I describe her." He smirked. "The two of you really do entertain me sometimes. You may act like you don't care, but I'm sure the idea of me pursuing her boils something in you, doesn't it?"

Levi steadied his breath. Zeke did this every week with him - he'd rile him up and start talking about you to push his buttons. Although you made it clear to him that he should always go to you to confirm things, he couldn't help but wonder if there was some truth to the things Zeke would tell him.

"I couldn't care less. It won't matter in the end," Levi lied.

"It really didn't seem like it when we had my interrogation a month ago. You didn't seem very ecstatic to know I was trying to protect her in Liberio, or to know that our relationship had gotten much closer since we came back to Marley."

"You were trying to get a reaction out of me."

"Maybe so, but I was telling the truth," Zeke continued. "She's upset that I hid information from her, but I was doing it to protect her. It might be a hard pill to swallow for you, but I've been fond of her since we were children."

"You don't love her," Levi spat. "Because if you did, you wouldn't have caused her all that pain four years ago."

There was a fair amount of distance between Levi and Zeke due to the fire pit in front of them, but Zeke leaned in a bit closer to get a better look at Levi's face. "And she doesn't love you. You said it yourself. If she had, she would have confessed instead of leaving like a 'coward,' as you said. Not sure why you are so concerned about my feelings for her when you even wished for her death. You hate her, after all, don't you? I cared enough to try and save her, at least. I couldn't bear to see her die, unlike you."

Levi never wanted to murder someone so much in his entire life. "Just keep reading your damn book."

Zeke smiled. "Aye aye, Captain."

To set aside his temperament, he removed himself from the situation and did what he always did after getting agitated by Zeke.

"Ever heard of knocking?" you asked bluntly the second Levi entered your tent. "Are we just barging in without warning now?"

"You can't knock on a tent," he said, shutting the entrance, "and I just saw you like thirty minutes ago."

"That still doesn't mean I can't have my privacy."

"You haven't earned your privacy."

"Clearly. You've made that apparent to me for the last four weeks."

He rolled his eyes, making his way further into the area. "Whatever."

You scoffed. "Don't give me that response. You just waltzed in here with an attitude without warning. What did you come in here for, anyway? You do this all the time and I don't know why."

"Because as much as I can't stand you, I'd prefer your company over that bearded shit any day."

"Oh, you can't stand me? That's rich coming from you."

"You're lucky I even gave you some type of shelter instead of resting on a wooden box."

"Right, of course. I forgot that I should be kneeling down and kissing your feet for giving me such a luxurious tent."

Levi sighed in annoyance. "I'm not in the mood for your remarks."

"Maybe if you actually came to your senses and spoke to me respectfully, you wouldn't need to deal with my sarcasm."

"I don't owe you any respect," he said spitefully.

"We've been over this." You rose from the mattress. "I get that things will never return to how they were between us, but you're acting irrational."

"How?"

You scoffed. "Please tell me you're joking."

"I'm not laughing." His tight-lipped expression didn't waver.

You let out a sigh. "Your stubbornness against me blinds you from actually being rational enough to see how big of an asset I can be to you guys."

"I'm already aware of that."

"Then why haven't you done anything about it?"

He paused for a few seconds. "We haven't chosen someone to take your power yet."

Something shifted in your expression. Your confidence clearly plummeted.

"So that's your plan, then?" you questioned. "Finding someone to take my power?"

"That's how it's always been." He turned to face you, arms crossed.

"I find that hard to believe."

"How so?"

"Because you would have found someone already."

"The choosing process isn't easy."

Another scoff escaped your mouth. "Right, okay."

He raised an eyebrow. "You find this amusing?"

"Yeah, I do actually," you said, stepping up closer to him. "Because you wouldn't hesitate to get Zeke killed if it weren't for the government's orders, but with me, you do. You're free to kill me. You always have been. Why haven't you done it yet?"

"I just told you."

"Bullshit." You shook your head. "There's more to this that you don't want to admit."

He knitted his eyebrows in irritation. "I couldn't give less of a fuck what happens to you. I thought I made that clear."

"Then what the fuck are you waiting for?" you said louder. "You wished I stayed dead, right? Then prove it. No one's gonna stop you. Take my life like you so badly said you wanted to."

"Why do you always have to be so damn difficult?"

"I wouldn't have to be so difficult if you would only just be honest with yourself!"

"Who are you to tell me how I actually feel?" he continued.

"Then tell me." Your eyes were burning with fury. "Tell me how you actually feel about me. Tell me how much you hate me."

"Fine. You want honesty? Then I'll fucking give it to you." His entire body grew tense from agitation. "I fucking hate you, Eden. I hate the way you seem to get away with everything. I hate the way you were forgiven so easily by others. I hate the way you expect me to look past how deeply you hurt me. And most importantly, I hate the way you're still fucking alive after all these years because then maybe this situation wouldn't have been so damn difficult to deal with if you had died that day. I can't fucking stand you."

Levi wasn't exactly sure what reaction he had expected out of you after saying that - he half-anticipated you to argue back, and half-anticipated you to cry. Given your persistent behavior during the past month, those were the only two reactions that seemed plausible to him.

What he definitely wasn't expecting was you staring back at him blankly like all emotions had just been rid of your body. There wasn't a hint of shock, sadness, or rage in your face - you were completely expressionless. All it did was amplify his confusion; his stomach felt unsettled. It almost seemed like you had given up... like he had drained your energy and left you empty with no more willingness to fight back.

The perplexion on his face became more apparent when your tight-lipped expression converted into an amused smile.

Huh?

"Okay," you said casually, plopping back down on your mattress. "Then show me."

He furrowed his eyebrows. "What?"

"You said you hate me, right? Then show me," you elaborated. You spread your palms behind you, leaning back while tilting your head playfully. "Go on. Punish me."

He knew that look on your face - it was inviting him to do something incongruous. His heart raced at the potential message you were trying to send him. "Are you saying... you're fucking insane, you know that?"

You laughed slightly. "Yeah, but you've always kinda liked that, didn't you?"

Levi didn't know how to respond to that. All he could do was try to maintain his stern composure while ignoring the way his heart was beating out of his chest.

"Come on, Captain. What's stopping you?" you teased. "You hate me, right? So take out your frustrations on me."

"I..." Levi was visibly flustered, unsure of what to say. It only made the smile on your face grow wider.

"What difference will it make?" you said, your voice laced with sultry. "I'm gonna die anyway, right? Once you choose who takes my power, I'll be gone. What you do with me won't matter in the end."

"And what makes you think you deserve to be touched by me?" he asked.

You leaned forward. The way you were looking up at him made him swallow nervously. "I just want you to use me. Hurt me. Discipline me. Take it all out on me. Show me how deeply you hate me."

He had to avert his gaze due to the intensity of your stare. Your devious smile was seen from the corner of his eyes.

"Don't you want to see me punished for my behavior, Captain?" you continued. "Don't you want to see me beg for your touch?"

Erotic thoughts began swirling around in his mind. "Shut up."

"Then make me."

He twisted his head forward again, taking in your appearance. The seductive smile that was once adorned on your face turned stoic again due to the seriousness of your request. Even despite that, your eyes indicated the strong longing you had for him - they were twinkling with desire and reeling him in.

Levi pondered to himself, contemplating his decision. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't intrigued, but that made it all the more frustrating for him - it meant that your provocation was working on him. It was apparent that the effect you had on him was still as vigorous as it was years ago, and that was something he didn't want to accept just yet.

But since you were clearly amused with the way you were leaving him flustered, he decided that he'd give in; however, he wasn't going to make it easy for you.

"Strip," he ordered.

Your eyes were blown wide. You were clearly not expecting that to be his first request, but you obliged regardless. The first thing you did was unbutton your pants, pulling them down with such ease and tossing them aside. Your fingertips grasped the hem of your shirt next, very slowly pulling it over your head until all that was left were your undergarments.

His breath hitched at the sight of your body, temporarily distracted by just how breathtaking your shape still was. His eyes lingered over you for a little longer than he'd care to admit.

"I want to see all of you," he ordered again. "Strip off everything."

You smiled and obeyed, reaching your arms back to unclasp your bra. You allowed the straps to slip down leisurely, cupping your bra with your hands before finally revealing what you had been hiding from him; the bra dropped to your lap before you flung it on top of the rest of your clothes.

The feeling he had upon seeing your breasts was almost animalistic and vulgar. His craving for you almost tripled inside his chest while his bulge pressed up painfully inside his pants. He resisted the urge to rush forward and pin you down immediately.

No, he couldn't do that. Not yet.

You pulled off your underwear next, and his mouth nearly gaped at the sight of your glistening arousal. Clear liquid traveled down from between your legs like thick honey.

Fuck.

This almost felt like a dream.

"Touch yourself," he demanded next.

You leaned back on one elbow, bringing your other hand to your chest, squeezing and massaging your breast before slowly trailing your hand down. Your hips pushed up the moment your fingers met your pussy, then you slid them across your soaked folds.

"If only you knew how much I missed you," you breathed, rubbing your fingers against your clit. "How much I touched myself wishing it was you."

His hand curled into tight fists, his nails digging painfully into his palm.

Not yet.

You slipped one finger inside you, and your reaction came instantaneously; you threw your head back while exhaling in relief, slowly pumping your finger in and out of you before inserting the other. Your moans were quiet and meek, clearly very cognizant of not drawing too much attention.

He walked up in front of you, still admiring the beauty of watching you pleasure yourself. You lowered your head to look at him at the sound of his approach, eyes fixed on his while you continued fucking yourself with your fingers. He didn't think he had ever seen you look this needy before.

"Captain, I need you," you pleaded. Your eyes were seeping with arousal. "Please."

"Lean back," he said. You immediately complied, setting down your elbow further back while you continued touching yourself. He hovered above you, eyes traveling up and down your body.

"You want me to touch you?"

"Yes," you answered instantly. "Please, Captain."

His cock nearly twitched from just hearing you continue to plead for him. He swallowed thickly, pushing back his desires. He couldn't allow himself to give in to you completely yet.

But then, an idea occurred to him.

He reached down and grabbed your wrist, setting it aside to halt your movement. You didn't fight him off, eagerly anticipating his next move. His right hand floated above your pussy, just barely touching your lips; then, you hissed when he lightly brushed against the sensitive skin.

"Beg," he ordered.

"Please, Captain," you pleaded. "Please, I need you so badly."

His fingers glided across your wet folds. "So fucking wet." His tone was a mixture of surprise and amusement. "You missed me this much?"

"So fucking much." You grinded against his fingers, desperate for him to touch you like he used to.

"Yeah?" Steadily, he slid one finger inside of you, causing a breathy moan to escape you. He pushed in at an agonizingly slow pace.

"M-More," you stammered. Entertained by the effect he had on you, he plunged another finger inside and curled it up. Your back arched, head tossed back, and the moan you released was fucking glorious.

He sped up his actions, pressing his thumb against your clit while he pumped his fingers. You were completely unraveling in front of him, your fingers grasping the sheets of the mattress cover while you tried to suppress your moans.

It was the most beautiful thing he ever had to witness.

"Fuck, Captain," you moaned. "Oh my- fuck I'm-"

Your muscles began tensing around his fingers as he continued thrusting. "You're close?" he asked.

"Y-Yes," you forced out. "Fuck- I-"

At the very last second before you came undone, he pulled out. A loud whine erupted from your throat when he parted from you. You brought your head down to stare at him in shock and disappointment, evidently frustrated that you had been suppressed of your ecstasy.

"Not yet," he said, standing up straight. "You haven't earned it yet."

"Captain-"

"Get on your knees."

Your eyes went from dismal to full of lust again. Without sparing another second, you did as you were told - resting on your knees and shuffling closer to him. Levi tilted your chin up with his fingers while his thumb lightly brushed over your lips.

"Open," he ordered. When your lips parted, he inserted his thumb inside steadily. Without being given the order, you wrapped your lips around his thumb, sucking and licking around the skin. He held his breath while your eyes stared up at him seductively.

Levi couldn't hold back any longer, using his other hand to start fiddling with the belt around his pants. He yanked it off within seconds, then unbuttoned his pants. When the pants dropped to the ground, all that was left were his briefs. You pulled away from his thumb to trail your eyes down at the obvious bulge pressing against his briefs; you smirked.

Eager to not waste any more time, he pulled his cock free, allowing his briefs to hit the ground. The desire was oozing from your eyes as his length sprang up.

"Can I?" you asked hopefully. It appeared as though you were just as impatient as he was.

"Yes," he replied.

You raised your hand up to grasp his length gently. He nearly hissed at the contact, and it was only now that he noticed the slight precum spilling from his pink tip.

How embarrassing.

He didn't want to show you proof of just how aroused he was by you. Seeing his precum was only going to amplify your ego.

You began sliding your wrist back and forth to pump his shaft slowly. "You're such a hypocrite, Captain," you said. Tauntingly, you stuck out your tongue and flicked away the small drop of cum that had leaked from his tip. "All that talk about wishing I was dead, and yet just look at how much you missed me."

Wicked woman.

You trapped him in your gaze while you swirled your tongue around him, leaving him soft kisses all over his cock. Levi could feel his chest build up from frustration.

"Stop fucking teasing" he said, his voice strained.

"Then make me." You swirled your tongue around his tip again. "Stop holding back."

Levi brought his hand up to cup the back of your head. "Open," he ordered again.

You parted your lips like you had once before while he pressed the tip of his cock between your lips. He pushed in slowly at first, measuring how much you could handle according to your expressions. You took in more of him than he had expected, going way past your gag reflex. He let out a soft groan when he felt your tongue dance around his length while you sucked.

"Good girl," he praised. You hummed around him at the compliment, sending chills down his spine; he formed a grip around your hair. "Gonna fuck your mouth," he said while inserting more of him inside your mouth. He used the firm hold on your hair to help you bob back and forth.

You lowered your hands to your sides to give him easier access, sucking and dragging your tongue across his cock as he sped up his thrusts. Your eyes were completely locked on his, unblinking as you took him with certainty.

Tears started brimming in your eyes the deeper and faster he thrust. He pulled out to give you a chance to breathe; you released a loud exhale while saliva dripped down your chin. He tugged down on your hair to tilt your head up.

"Can you take it?" he asked.

Still settling your breath, you nodded in confidence. "Mhm."

Levi repeated the same actions from before, ordering you to open your lips to insert his length again. He could see the determination in your eyes to take him in fully, and his eyes nearly rolled to the back of his head when he witnessed you bury his entire cock inside your mouth. He was unable to resist hiding the pleasure you were rewarding him.

"Fuck," he moaned as he felt his tip hit way past your throat. "Fuck, you're-"

He lowered his head again to watch you, the grip around your hair even tighter than before. Your eyebrows were furrowed intensely while you blinked up at him, water forming in your eyes again. It was clear that you were insistent on holding him in your mouth for as long as you possibly could to continue eliciting this reaction from him.

Levi yanked your head back when he felt the build up near his groin. He didn't want to give you the satisfaction of finishing him so quickly, even despite how good you were with your mouth. You let out another breathy sigh when you pulled back, smiling up at him mischievously and wiping your mouth with your arm.

"Turn around. Hands and knees," he demanded sternly. You were eager to obey again, holding yourself up by your hands and knees on the mattress, ass facing up - plump and round. He had never taken you from this angle, and just the sight of it was making it more and more difficult for him to hold himself back.

He skimmed his hand on top of your ass while he snaked the other hand down to your heat. Your breath hitched when his fingers glided between your folds again.

Still just as wet as before.

He pushed in two fingers. Your elbows nearly gave out.

"Fuck, please, Captain," you begged. "Need you inside."

"Don't know if you're ready for me yet," he stated, spreading you open with his fingers. He inserted a third finger, and you leaned your ass back at a higher angle as a pathetic whine slipped past your lips.

"Please, Levi," you pleaded pitifully. "N-Need you."

He leaned forward to whisper in your ear. "What makes you think you deserve it if you can't even address me correctly?"

"C-Captain," you begged. "I'm sorry, just... please. I'll do anything."

He smirked at the desperation in your voice. "I don't know if you've earned it yet." His pumping became faster as he spread his fingers further apart. It was becoming harder for you to maintain your balance, and as a result, he formed a grip around your hair again to steady you.

"Y-You want me just as bad," you fought back. "Don't lie." He yanked out his fingers and stood up straight again, grabbing his hard cock.

"Maybe" - the tip of his cock slid between your soaked cunt - "but torturing you like this has been fulfilling enough."

"Fuck," you moaned while his tip continued to tease your entrance. "Please fuck me, Captain."

"Yeah?"

"Yes, fuck, just- please," you nearly cried out.

"Are you gonna behave?"

"Y-Yes," you said, voice desperate and strangled. "I promise I'll be good. I promise I'll-" The words got caught in your throat and were replaced with a loud gasp the second Levi pushed into you almost halfway. He groaned as he felt you tense around him.

"Fuck, you feel so good," you admitted shamelessly. The praise rushed straight through his body as he pushed in further. He could see the slight tremble in your legs from how overwhelming the feeling was from taking him at this angle.

"Think you can take it?" he asked mockingly, pulling out to push in again. Your nails were clawing at the mattress the deeper his cock went.

"Y-Yes, Captain," you answered. "Fuck, oh my god, you're..."

"I'm what?"

"B-Big," you said quietly. He pulled your hair up roughly to keep your head straight.

"Can't hear you," he said, leaning down to whisper in your ear. Another moan fell past your lips when he started picking up his pace.

"So big," you said a little louder. "Missed you so much."

"Bet no one could ever fuck you like I did."

"No one," you answered. "Just you."

He thrust his entire cock forward. You were unable to keep your elbows propped up, collapsing your upper body on the mattress. He pushed your head down to keep you steady while he maintained his rhythm.

"Harder, Captain," you pleaded, head turned to the side.

He obliged to your request, using both of his hands to grip your hips and hammer into you. All that could be heard were the slapping of skin and your vulgar moans.

"Louder," he ordered. "I need to hear how good I'm fucking you."

"Y-Yes, Captain."

He rammed into you rougher and faster as your moans escalated in volume. The lewd noises you were making were bringing him to his peak.

"Captain, I'm so close," you said. Your muscles were tensing around his cock; he took that as a warning. "Please let me..."

Because he was close to finishing too, he decided that he had tortured you far enough.

"Come for me."

You allowed your muscles to relax, and your legs nearly gave out. The moan you let out could almost be described as guttural - it was so satisfying to his ears.

"Gonna cum," he said, unable to hide how strangled his voice sounded. He pulled out from inside you, pumping his cock to get ready for release. "Open your mouth."

Mustering up the energy, you whirled around and parted your lips, sticking out your tongue. Levi moved closer and placed his swollen tip against your tongue, breathing out heavily as soon as cum shot out. You didn't flinch at the contact, grinning as you shut your mouth to savor him.

"Fuck," he breathed. Your chest was heaving as you stared back at him.

"Feel less stressed now?" you teased. He ignored your comment, turning around to pick up his clothes.

After a moment of silence lingered in the air, you said, "You can deny it all you want, but I know that you missed me too. I could feel it."

You were right, but stubborn as he always was, he would never admit that to you.

"Alright, go on and give me the silent treatment, whatever," you continued once you realized he wasn't going to respond. He heard some shuffling behind him, presuming it must have been you getting dressed into your clothes again. "I know you're gonna act like this never happened. You can just say it. I knew what I was getting myself into by provoking you."

But I don't want to, that's the problem, he wanted to say. His mind continued to race as he adjusted his belt into the loops of his pants.

Levi felt stuck again. The conflict he felt regarding his feelings towards you was never easy to maneuver, and what he did just now further proved that. He gave in to the desires he had suppressed for the past four years.

And now that he gave in, he didn't want to let go of them.

Levi knew you very well, and he knew that your behavior just now was not just due to lust, but mainly because of desire - the desire for his intimacy in whichever way you could obtain it. That blank stare you had given him prior to having sex was starting to make sense to him now.

You were expressionless because you knew you had lost him, and provoking him would have been the only way to reel him back again. It was the only way for him to crack from the hateful facade he had put up in front of you. You knew that he still longed for you deep down, and this was your only way of finding that side of him again. You just wanted to feel him once more, even if it wasn't the loving, tender side of him he had shown you in the past. You wanted him even if he was being rough. It was the only way you were going to get a piece of him back.

To know that you had been trying so hard to show your growth this entire month only to hear that he hated you must have shattered something inside you. He brushed past your feelings, still blinded by the hurt you had caused him and the others. He still believed his feelings were valid, but he wondered if the way he was treating you was rational and justified.

The past could never be changed, but the future always could be.

"Are you okay?" you asked timidly from behind him, noticing the way he hadn't moved from his position.

Why couldn't love be easy? Why couldn't it be something as simple as a child losing their favorite toy? - there would be an attachment to the object at the start, but once it disappeared, the toy would be forgotten and could be replaced. Levi desperately wished love could work the same way.

For him to still garner this desire for you after so long meant something, and the fact he had succumbed to it was not something to ignore.

He yearned to kiss you again, to lick and suckle against your chest, and to savor you between your legs. He yearned to worship your body like he had once before, pressing his lips to each area of skin to mark his touch. He yearned to make love to you just like the first time - to be kind, tender, and passionate.

Zeke's image popped up into his head again. Anger coursed through his veins.

"She was never yours, Levi," Zeke said. "She never will be."

"Captain?" you called again.

Levi was overwhelmed with possessiveness, blinded by the fury and jealousy caused by the bearded shit sitting outside. The thought of anybody else providing you with pleasure and love other than him boiled his blood.

Hate and love consisted of the same amount of passion, and perhaps that was why his current emotions were overbearing to him. He hated you, but he also didn't want you to be with anybody else. It had to be him.

Only him.

Levi pulled out the belt from his loops and dropped it, whirling around and surging forward to plant a hard kiss on your lips.

You sucked in a breath at the sudden contact, but within seconds, you melted right into him. He leaned forward to signal you to shift back, and you obliged. Shuffling upwards, Levi hovered above you and trapped you beneath him with his arms resting on either side of you, parting his lips to taste you.

You tasted just like he remembered.

There was a sigh of relief from both of you the moment your tongues brushed against each other. Your hands wrapped around his neck, then traveled up to his hair to massage it.

Fuck, he missed the way you'd touch him like this.

Levi could feel heat rushing to his core again, grinding down against you to transfer the feeling to you. You moaned quietly in his mouth as he began tugging your shirt to undress you again.

The two of you were impatient, rushing to get rid of your clothing. It wasn't very long until the two of you were unclothed again, then it was just you and him - mouth to mouth, and skin to skin, just like he wanted it to be.

His chest was burning with passion and envy, still being set off by Zeke's crude words. He found himself growing rigid at the thought of you being taken by someone else, imagining someone else's hands and mouth roaming your body.

Zeke had to have been lying about how close he had gotten to you. He had to have been.

"What is it?" You broke away from the kiss, clearly aware of Levi's sudden change in attitude.

"Did he touch you?" he asked without warning. You pulled your eyebrows together in confusion.

"What?"

"Zeke," he said roughly. "Did he touch you?"

Your eyes widened, shaking your head instantly. "No. No, I promise."

"Don't lie to me-"

"I swear, Levi," you reassured him, cupping his cheek. He didn't feel the need to correct you, warmth spreading throughout his entire body upon the sound of his name spilling from your lips. "I'm yours. I always have been."

I'm yours.

Unexpected to you, he resumed his actions from before, lips trailing down to your neck. His scalding tongue dragged across your skin, sucking and leaving faint bruises that he knew would disappear within a few hours. Aware of this, he decided right then and there that he would mark your entire body with his mouth.

His mouth continued to travel down your body - rough, yet passionate while he used your waist as a grip. Your quiet moans offered him reassurance to keep going with the light love bites he was producing. When his lips clamped over your nipples, you tossed your head back and exhaled softly.

"Captain," you moaned.

"Say my name," he demanded, no longer wishing to hear you address him formally. "Need to hear you say it."

He could immediately sense your body ease in his hands at his words. "Levi," you breathed, hands running through his hair as he moved lower. "Please don't stop."

I won't.

He had fully immersed himself into his desires. There was no going back.

"So" - he placed a kiss between your chest - "fucking" - his lips traveled lower, sucking on the bottom of your breasts - "perfect."

Every mound. Every curve. Every piece of flesh - it was perfect, and all his.

His eyes trailed up to stare at you as he left a bold lick near the bottom of your stomach, one hand cupping your breast and massaging it. You always said you loved his eyes, so he was going to make sure you had the perfect view of them.

He shifted down lower, getting comfortable and placing both of your legs over his shoulders. He could see your chest heaving fervently from his tight grip. His lips started kissing down the inside of your thighs. He could see your arousal seeping from your cunt from his peripheral.

"Already wet again?" he questioned, raising his head.

"Only for you," you answered. "Just for you."

Your response ignited more of his confidence. He dipped back down and plunged his tongue straight between your folds, holding you down by your thighs as you arched your back. Your reaction to him was fucking glorious - squirming, moaning, and bucking up against his mouth. He lapped against you like it was the last time he'd ever have the chance, savoring you whole without breaking eye contact.

"Fuck," you moaned as he sucked your clit. "I missed you so much."

Levi allowed himself to admire you for another minute before his lips parted from your cunt. He moved from his position to hover above you again, promptly grabbing his shaft and teasing your entrance.

"Please," you pleaded quietly.

Levi felt immediate relief at the first push, relaxing his body against you. Taking you in this position felt more intimate, and watching the clear euphoria plastered on your face made it all the more overwhelming for him. You sucked in a breath as he thrust in all the way. He could tell you were still feeling sensitive from your last orgasm, the same way he was.

After adjusting to him again, you reached for his hand and brought it over your throat.

"Choke me," you said. "You know I deserve it."

Levi stared at you in disbelief.

Wicked, wicked woman.

He gave your throat a light squeeze; you smiled mischievously in response. Levi nearly huffed.

"Still as wicked as always," he said in a raspy tone.

"Apparently you love it, though," you teased. Levi's lips curved into a shy smile.

For just a moment, it felt like Levi was transported back to four years ago - it was just you and him, completely in love and melting into each other's bodies.

His thrusting became more assertive and passionate, eliciting more noises of pleasure from you.

"Just like that," you heaved out. "More."

He slammed in rougher, tightening his grip around your throat a bit more. Your eyes fell shut as you furrowed your eyebrows, moaning in ecstasy. This carried on for a while until he could feel the shakiness in your legs.

"F-Fuck," you whined loudly.

"Close already?" he mocked.

Your moans became ragged and whiny; you grasped his hand that was over your throat.

"Close," you let out, eyes still shut. He had never seen you so overwhelmed before.

"Hold it," he ordered. "Wait for me."

You shook your head insistently, trying your hardest not to completely fall apart in front of him. "Can't," you struggled to say, "s-so close."

Levi's peak was slowly creeping up on him too, but he found himself wanting to cherish this moment with you for a little longer. He loosened his grip on your throat and brought his hand up to cup your cheek sweetly.

"Look at me," he said. Your eyes fluttered open, pupils dilated in adoration. "Just a few more seconds, can you do that?"

The tremble in your legs and clenching of your muscles around his length was enough indication that you couldn't hold it in for much longer. "Please, Levi-"

"Just a few more seconds, I promise." He caressed your cheek with his thumb. "You're doing so good for me."

Your chest heaved in impatience, but eventually, you nodded in compliance. Levi continued with the same pace, taking in the moment.

"I want you to finish in me," you said suddenly. "...want you to fill me."

His eyes widened slightly, his cock twitching at your words.

Levi always fantasized about this moment. The idea of finishing inside you always crossed his mind, but never occurred for obvious reasons - the risk of having a child during dangerous times was not ideal. He always envisioned that it would happen eventually when the two of you were ready for that risk.

He never thought the moment would be like this.

Levi snapped back into reality. His desires had shielded him from the truth, but his mind started returning to its senses.

He had no future with you. He couldn't marry you, have children with you, or grow old with you. You only had nine years left to live - likely less if the decision to take your power became more favorable to the higher ups. You wouldn't be able to live freely even if you tried. You were an enemy to both nations now, both sides unwilling to put their full trust in you again.

"She was never yours."

You were never his from the start, but right now, he wanted to pretend that you were.

"I'm ready," he breathed. Relief emerged on your face. "Now."

Your back arched, your head tossed back, and your mouth let out the most satisfying moan he had ever heard come from you. He groaned as he finished inside you, his head dropping on your shoulder as his length went limp inside you. Your legs settled down from the orgasm as you breathed heavily, then you wrapped both arms around Levi's neck to press him closer against you.

"I love you, Levi," you said. Levi could feel a spark in his chest. You caressed his head with your hands. "God, I missed you so much."

Levi remained still, unsure of how to respond. His orgasm had cleared him of his blindness, returning him to the mindset he had not that long prior.

What was the point in engaging with you if he knew it wouldn't last? It didn't matter whether or not he forgave you. Your fate still remained the same.

You would never be his; you never were, and maybe it should remain that way after everything you did.

He turned rigid, detangling himself from your arms and moving off of you.

"This doesn't change anything," he said gruffly. When he turned his gaze to you, he swore he could see the light leaving your eyes - like someone had come over and slapped you unexpectedly.

He just completely broke you by saying that.

Levi twisted his body away, dressing into his clothes quietly. He turned his head slightly after finishing to look back at you changing. You refused to meet his gaze, eyes brimming with tears.

"Stop looking at me," you told him angrily, your tone wavering.

He shifted his body to face you. "I was just gonna say goodnight."

You raised your head to look up at him, eyes full of fury. "You're a fucking asshole."

Guilt swirled in his stomach at the sight of your pain. He turned his head away.

"Goodnight," he said casually.

"Fuck you," you replied as he walked out. He paused outside of your tent for a few moments, finding the urge to apologize and take back his comment, but not having the guts to do it. His heart became more distressed at the sound of your sniffles and quiet sobs inside the tent.

It seemed like you were both on even grounds now - he hurt you, and you hurt him. He had just given you false hope the same way you did.

But hurting you like this didn't feel good at all.

"Well, it seems like the two of you had quite the time in there," Zeke said from a few feet away.

"Just keep reading your book," Levi responded as he turned to walk away.

Notes:

We finally got smut again, but at what cost? - absolute pain.

So much toxicity going on... but there are still five more chapters to see if these two will come to trust each other again, so DON'T LOSE HOPE!!!

Super thankful for all the love you've shown me. It truly makes each of my weeks, I appreciate it immensely. MUAH xoxo.

Have a nice week!

- Mar

Chapter 46: Savior

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Light forced its way through the small, open gap of the entryway of the tent, striking you in the face. You squinted your eyes at the blinding sunlight, rolling your body over to face the other direction. The entire tent was glowing yellow due to the intense sunlight bleeding through the thin material.

You felt incredibly groggy - your head was throbbing against your skull. It was surprising that you managed to get yourself some sleep after what happened last night. Levi's words still continued to linger in your mind.

"This doesn't change anything."

You huffed at the memory.

How could he say that? How could he kiss you, touch you, and make love to you the way he did only to take all of it back with that one comment?

He still loves me... I know he does...

You hadn't felt tenderness like that in so long. There was no way he could have just acted the way he did without feeling some sort of fondness towards you.

Had he left after the first time, you wouldn't have felt as heartbroken as you did currently... but the second time? That second time wasn't just sex. You were completely caught up in his sweet affections the second time - ensnared in a trance.

God, he was so perfect... until he ruined it at the very last second.

You decided right then and there that you were no longer going to keep trying to pry him open anymore. If he believed that someone else taking your power was the right decision, then so be it. You had called him out on his behavior consistently for the past month, only to see little improvement. With the way he had carried himself last night, you would have thought that he would slowly begin to trust you again, but you were so unbelievably wrong.

If he truly hated you like he said he did, you wished he would have committed to that thought instead of playing with your heart. His actions weren't fair to you at all, but then again, maybe that was his goal - to hurt you. After all, you had caused him pain that you could never make up for. Maybe he did this as some sort of revenge.

Well, if that was his goal, then he succeeded.

Some motion was heard by the entryway. You glanced over your shoulder to see what was causing it - Levi's head peaked through.

"Good morning," he said, his voice monotone.

Fuck you and your good morning, you wanted to say. Instead, you ignored him by turning your head around to face the other direction again. The soft padding of his boots on the ground grew closer to you.

"I brought you fruit," he said casually, placing a tray down on the floor like he always did every morning when he brought you breakfast.

"Take it back," you said. "I'm not hungry."

"I can't let you starve."

"You might as well. You're gonna feed me to someone anyway, aren't you?"

"I need to keep you alive for now," he responded. Silence surrounded the two of you for a moment while he stared down at you. You refused to meet his glare.

"Can you look at me when I'm speaking to you?" he grumbled.

Anger rose in your chest. He really had the audacity to ask you that?

"No," you said bluntly. You had been putting up with his shitty behavior for the past month because you had accepted that your actions may not be forgiven by him, but for him to toy with your feelings the way he did last night was just too far.

You told him how remorseful you felt, and you tried to show how you changed. There was only so much you could do now, and if he wasn't willing to look past that, you respected that. What you couldn't tolerate was the inconsistency behind his words compared to his actions. If he said he hated you, his actions hadn't fully shown that. He kept making all these excuses for his behavior, but you were able to look right past them. He hated you for what you did, but deep down, he still loved you. You wouldn't be alive right now if he didn't, and he certainly wouldn't have made love to you last night either.

These back and forth emotions he was exhibiting towards you were unfair. You were not going to allow yourself to put up with his childish behavior anymore just because of the guilt you felt. The situation was dire - war could break out at any second, and who knew what Zeke and Eren had planned without anyone's knowledge. You could be a useful asset to their plans, but he was too stubborn to believe that.

"Nifa returned just a few minutes ago telling me that Eren requested to see you," he said. "I told her you'd eat something first."

His first sentence caught your attention; you whipped your body around immediately. "Wait, what?"

"Eren wants to see you," he repeated. "I'm not sure why, but you don't have any other choice but to go."

"Sounds like a setup." You sat up, sitting cross-legged. "Are you sure you want Eren of all people to take my power? He went utterly insane in Liberio."

"I don't know what he wants you for, but it's apparently urgent. There was no mention of him taking your power."

"Did you forget what happened to my sister after I didn't comply with getting eaten? It sounds like the perfect way to lure me to my death."

"You nearly defeated him the first time. I doubt he would be stupid enough to engage in another battle with you again. If anything, it sounds like he may want to compromise with you."

His response reassured you slightly. "Maybe... I'm sure it'll be a waste of time, though."

"Either way, you have to go." He lightly kicked the side of the tray in front of you. "Eat."

With an annoyed sigh, you glared between him and the tray he set out in front of you, which contained an apple, banana, and-

"Strawberries?" you asked in shock. "You got me strawberries?"

His face flushed while he averted his gaze. "It was all we had."

Your mouth curled up slightly. That was a complete lie.

Was this his way of apologizing?

No. No, you're mad at him right now. Strawberries shouldn't fix a damn thing about what he said to you. He owes you a proper apology.

Your smile dropped, and you cleared your throat before grabbing the tray to place it on your lap. "I'll be out soon."

He gave you a quick nod before exiting the tent. Calmly, you began picking up the fruit and popping them in your mouth.

It was all we had.

Yeah, right.

Not wanting to waste any more time, you finished the fruit, set the metal tray aside, and sat up on your knees. A groan escaped you the moment you stood up on your feet.

Fuck, why were you so sore?

Oh, right.

Heat rose on your face at the memory of the night prior. You bit down on your lip to suppress your smile.

Stop it. He's an asshole, remember? I mean, it was really hot... but still...

You took a deep breath in before changing your clothes, then stepped outside. You turned your head in both directions in search of Levi, eyebrows furrowed - he was nowhere to be seen.

"Eden!" a voice exclaimed excitedly. "How exciting that you've graced me with your presence again."

You sighed, rolling your eyes at Zeke's sarcastic tone. "Fuck off."

An amused smirk emerged on his lips. "Someone's grumpy. I thought you'd be in a better mood after your time with the captain last night."

You crinkled your nose at the thought of Zeke overhearing your intimacy with Levi. Well, you should have known better - tents weren't sound proof. The soldiers were far enough up in the trees to likely not hear everything, but Zeke definitely had a front row seat to the whole thing.

Zeke rose from the box he was sitting on and approached you. "What's the matter? Did the captain hurt your feelings?"

You averted your gaze in embarrassment. It seemed like Zeke heard way more than you thought. "That's none of your business."

"So he did." He halted his steps only a few feet away from you. "He's said some pretty nasty things to you, hasn't he?"

When you turned your attention to him again, his gaze softened very subtly. His grey irises appeared as though they were brimming with concern, but the smirk in his expression contradicted that.

He didn't care that you felt hurt by Levi's words; he just enjoyed seeing the two of you fall into this toxic relationship cycle so he could have a chance to swoop in.

One of his hands raised to caress your arm. You shrugged him off. "Fuck off. Stop acting like you care."

"But I do care, Eden," he defended. "I always have."

"I don't trust you, Zeke. You haven't once shown me why I should believe a word that comes out of your mouth."

"Yet you still trust him?"

There was a pause before you replied with, "Yes."

"Even after he said he wished you stayed dead? Even after he made it clear he no longer cared about your feelings?"

Yes, but also no.

"I trust that he could save humanity," you answered, "unlike you."

His smirk dissipated. "Seems like the delusions have caught up to you as well."

You crossed your arms over your chest. "I hope he kills you when he gets the chance. I don't trust this plan of yours one bit."

"And I hope that one day you'll see how I'm doing this to benefit all Eldians." Unpredictably, he raised his hand to cup your cheek. "And I hope you'll learn to trust me when the time comes."

Before you had time to react to his unwelcomed touch, a sword came flying from the air and stopped right above Zeke's wrist. Turning your attention to your right, you witnessed a fuming Levi pointing his blade between the two of you with a tight grip on the hilt.

"Hands off," he ordered sternly.

Zeke smiled in response. "I just wanted to greet my dear friend, Eden. It's been a month since we've spoken, after all."

Levi pressed the blade on top of his skin. "Hands off. I won't say it again, unless you want me to take them off for you."

Zeke obliged, bringing down his hand while taking a step away from you. "Very well, Captain."

Levi finally lowered his sword after watching Zeke walk back to his wooden box, then his gaze shifted towards you.

"You should have called me when you were ready, not spend your time chatting with that blonde bastard."

"He's the one who approached me," you clarified. "I was looking for you, but you were nowhere to be seen."

"He knows he's not allowed up from his box unless given permission to."

"Well, then maybe you should have come sooner." You brushed past him to walk towards the horses. "Where's Nifa? The sooner I talk to Eren, the better. I just wanna get this over with."

"I was just checking in with her - she was having tea. She said she'd be ready soon."

"I'll just wait in the carriage, then." You whipped your body forward to make your way to the carriage, Levi following close behind.

"Wait," he called just as you placed a foot on the step. You glared at him from over your shoulder, raising an eyebrow. "What did he tell you?"

You rolled your eyes and sighed. "It's none of your business."

"It is my business," he said harshly. "I'm the one watching over the two of you. I have to make sure you weren't secretly conspiring against us."

A dry laugh slipped past your lips. "Alright, you wanna know? Then I'll tell you." You removed your foot from the step and twisted your body to face him again. "He was trying to console me after hearing everything that happened between us last night."

There was a shift in his expression. His fists curled into a ball. "Bullshit."

You grinned. "You think I'm lying? Go speak to him yourself."

His eyes were narrowed in irritation, but not another word would pass his lips. You took that as a sign to open the door to enter the carriage, but he grabbed your wrist.

"What did he tell you?" he inquired again.

You shoved off his hand. "Go ask him. I don't feel like talking to you right now."

"I'd rather hear it from you."

"No."

"The least you can do is tell me."

Agitation coursed through your veins; you whirled on him. "I don't owe you a damn thing anymore. I put up with your shitty behavior for too long now. You made it clear to me last night that you don't respect me, so I'm not gonna stand here and keep begging for you to see my perspective when I know I've been doing the best that I could to atone for my actions. I never once said you had to forgive me, but if you aren't willing to at least look past your hatred for me knowing how dangerous the state of Paradis is right now, then fine - just don't expect me to keep putting up with your crap until you choose someone to take my power. I'm done with this back and forth bullshit. It's giving me whiplash."

With that, you hauled yourself up into the carriage and slammed the door shut. Immediately, you hunched over and held your head with both hands.

What a fucking headache.

Never in a million years did you think you'd be in a position where you found Levi more irritating than Zeke. He was usually way more rational than this.

Well, I did break his trust... and trust is a huge thing for him... but still...

It seemed like there was no way out of the fate that was placed upon you - someone was going to take your power whether you agreed with it or not. There was no way for him to look past his conflicting feelings for you. He made that very clear last night.

The door to the carriage was pulled open. Nifa emerged with a timid smile. You fixed your posture and sat up straight.

"Hey," she greeted, locking the door. "Sorry for taking so long. The soldiers out there were practically begging me to take a swig of their wine, but I said no. I'm not sure why the captain even let them drink wine in the first place."

"It's fine. No worries," you replied.

The wheels of the carriage began turning, and the two of you took off.

The ride back into town was much less awkward compared to the last time, considering neither Zeke or Levi were here to amplify the tension. Nifa's presence was refreshing after having to deal with Levi's shitty behavior for so long.

Confusion was expressed on your face upon stepping out of the carriage, only to see that the two of you had stopped in front of a restaurant.

"A restaurant?" you asked. You were more than positive that the reason you had stopped here was not to have lunch. "Why are we here?"

"Part of the HQ has blown up, killing Darius Zackly," Nifa elaborated, guiding you through the door. Your eyes widened at her revelation. "Hange and the others relocated here to get leads about Zeke's intentions, and Eren escaped from his cell to come here. I was told by Floch to come get you while Eren spoke with Mikasa and Armin."

You hummed at her response. Anxiety continued swirling in your stomach. Everything about this situation was worrying. "Okay, then."

The dread immediately poured over you the moment you stepped inside of the restaurant. Chairs were tipped over, glasses and plates shattered, and utensils scattered across the floor. There were at least seven people in the room whom you could not recognize, but then six more people walked out of another room - Hange, Jean, Connie, Sasha, Annabeth, and a blonde man you couldn't recognize.

"Eden? What are you doing here?" Hange inquired.

There was no time to offer a response to that question. The other doors in the room were shoved open, revealing at least a dozen scouts raising their rifles to point it at all of you.

"Floch?" Hange asked incredulously. "What's going on?"

"Commander Hange." Floch approached them confidently. "You must know where Zeke is being held. You will guide us to him."

"We have no intention of fighting with you. Didn't you get the military's proposal?"

"We did and we promptly rejected it. We refuse to negotiate with your military."

Hange furrowed their eyebrows in anger. "And why is that?"

"It was Eren's decision. He knew that Commander Pyxis would never leave the fate of the island in our hands willingly, and I agree. I'm sure Pyxis is frantically devising a plan to ambush Eren and steal the Founder, even as we speak."

What on earth is happening?

The two of them continued to discuss the matter, but all you could do was stare between the two of them in puzzlement. From what it sounded like, Paradis was becoming divided. This must have been what Hange was talking about when they said Eren had 'devoted fans.' Floch was clearly one of them, and it was quite apparent that he wasn't going to let anyone get in Eren's way.

"Floch, listen! We can't afford to waste time fighting amongst ourselves right now! Wine that's been tainted with Zeke's spinal fluid has been disseminated throughout the military!" Hange snapped, catching your attention.

Wine?

The soldiers in the forest... Nifa said they were drinking wine...

You gasped, shifting your gaze to Nifa in panic. Her widened eyes told you she came to the same revelation as you did.

"Levi," you whispered to her. "Fuck. Fuck we have to-"

"Ah, Eden. I was so caught up in my conversation with Hange that I almost didn't notice you were here." Floch smirked, dragging his feet towards you. "Well, I suppose if Hange doesn't tell us of Zeke's location, you can."

Panic built up in your chest; your eyebrows knitted in anger. "Why on earth would I ever reveal such a thing to you?"

He clicked his tongue, grinning evilly. "Because I'm sure you don't want anything to happen to her, right?" He slid aside and pointed his gun at the soldier behind him. The tall, black-haired soldier stepped forward, holding Paulina tight against his chest and aiming the tip of his gun against her temple. Your fists curled tightly while you watched her tremble under his grip. Her arm was still wrapped neatly in a cast - she was completely vulnerable right now.

"You're a piece of shit, Floch."

"The way I see it, if she dies, then the two of us will be even," he stated. "You killed our men to save her. It would only be fair that we return the favor."

"I'm not afraid to kill you myself," you threatened.

"I know." He smirked. "But you're afraid of letting anything happen to her, so you wouldn't."

You blew out a resigned breath through your nose, looking between your sister and Floch. Based on his behavior, you knew that he wouldn't hesitate to pull the trigger to finish her off himself.

You were going to have to comply. It was the only way out of this. You needed to save your sister first before running off to find Levi. If you ran off now, she'd be dead.

All you needed was luck and time. Zeke hadn't transformed the soldiers into titans yet, so there was still a chance.

"Just take me to Eren. I know that's what you need me for," you said. "I promise I'll say everything."

"Eden, you have to find another way!" Hange shouted as they were being dragged away by the soldiers along with the other scouts. "You can't trust them!"

"Take them away," Floch ordered the soldiers. "I'll hold onto the War Hammer." Floch looped his arm through yours. You fought the urge to shove him off; instead, you glanced over at Paulina to give her a reassuring nod. Knowing her, that nod meant nothing - she was absolutely shitting herself right now and there was absolutely no way to calm her anxiety.

I'll find a way out of this. I always do.

Floch and the black-haired soldier holding your sister thrust you inside a random room. The first thing you noticed while you stumbled was shattered glass and bottles all over the floor. Trailing your eyes up, you were met with Eren, except it didn't really seem like Eren. It was him physically, but his presence was much darker and foreboding.

"Thanks," he told Floch solidly.

"I'll be standing guard outside." Floch nodded at him, then turned to the other soldier holding Paulina. "You know what to do if she says no."

"Yes, sir," the man said as Floch exited the room.

"What happened in here?" you asked Eren.

"Had a dispute with some old friends," Eren said casually while displaying his bruised hand. "Why don't you have a seat, Eden?"

In the past, you used to feel relatively safe around Eren. He was just a boy with an ability that was forced upon him without his consent, trying to find a way to make a difference in the world. Sure, he was a bit hardheaded and immature at times, but his heart was always in the right place. Looking into his eyes now, you could sense that that version of him was gone.

You were in part to blame for that.

Following his orders, you took a seat directly across from him. You inspected his appearance some more - he was dressed in a grey shirt and a large, black hoodie with his hair pulled back into a bun with a few strands hanging loose. The bags under his eyes appeared much heavier up close.

"I know what you need me for," you began. "You want my power, don't you? You're toying with my sister's life again as a way to convince me."

His face didn't waver - it unsettled you. "You were always very analytical. I used to admire that about you."

"What do you need my power for, Eren? Don't you already have a hardening power?"

"I do," he responded. "But it's not as useful as your powers."

"Which brings me back to my first question." You leaned forward and rested both arms on top of the table, hands clasped together. "What do you need my power for? What the hell do you and Zeke have planned?"

He hesitated before answering. "You'll find out in due time."

"God, you sound just like him now." You shook your head in disappointment. "What happened to you, Eren?"

His eyebrows furrowed very slightly in irritation. "Marley happened."

You averted your gaze for a moment, clearly feeling ashamed. "Eren, no amount of apologizing will ever make up for what me and the warriors did, but there can still be another way to go about this."

"The damage has been done already," he said rigidly. "I'm just as bad as you now, aren't I?"

"But that's not the point, Eren-"

"Eren!" Floch barged through the door without warning. "Someone's infiltrated the cells! The Marleyans escaped!"

"It's a distraction." Eren's expression didn't even shift. "Someone must have known Eden was here and is trying to protect her."

"The only other people who know about this are Captain Levi and Nifa. You took Nifa away along with the other scouts, and Levi is still in the forest. Who else could it be?"

Eren's eyes widened suddenly. "They're here." He rose from his chair to head towards the door. "Shane, stay here and watch the two of them while Floch and I go investigate the situation. I have to go find the girl who nearly shot Sasha - I have a feeling her friends are here."

"Yes, sir," Shane said firmly. Eren and Floch bolted out of the room and down the hall, leaving you behind with the soldier whose name you just learned was Shane. You crossed your arms and glared at him.

"You wanna do this the easy way, or the hard way?" you asked. At first, he appeared to carry himself well, but then you started noticing the slight tremble in his hand while holding the gun; you smirked.

"Aw, what's the matter? Your friends aren't here to protect you now, are they?" you mocked, stepping up closer to him. "Come on, I'll make it easy for you. Just hand me my sister and then I won't have to kill you. Sounds like a good deal, right? No one dies."

"Why would I trust anything coming from a bitch like you?"

The amusement was wiped off your face at his words. "I can kill you without even touching you. In fact, I could have done it the second those two shitheads left the room, but I chose to make it easy for you instead. Let go of my sister or I'll make sure you regret pulling that trigger."

His hand was still trembling from anxiety, his eyes brimming with fearful tears. Unexpectedly, you watched his grip tighten on the trigger, causing your heart to beat faster.

"Don't you fucking dare-"

"We lost people because of you," he said shakily. "You deserve to feel that pain too."

"No!"

The piercing noise of the gun shot caused your ears to ring. You flinched, shutting your eyes and allowing yourself a few seconds before opening them again, frightened about what you were about to see.

However, what you saw after opening them was not what you had expected at all. The same soldier who had threatened you and your sister had fallen on the ground, blood spilling from his head.

He had been the one shot, not Paulina.

Where did that come from?"

You raised your head to stare at your sister in disbelief. Her eyes were blown wide.

"W-What just..."

"I don't know," you answered, evidently just as perplexed as she was.

A hooded figure stepped into the room. Instinctively, you grabbed Paulina by her free arm and hid her behind you. You furrowed your eyebrows when the man pulled down his hood.

"Dad?"

"Are you two okay? Are either of you hurt?" he asked worriedly while approaching the two of you.

"What are you doing here?" you asked incredulously.

He stepped forward and took Paulina from your hand. You pulled your eyebrows together in confusion, reaching for her again - he pulled her farther away from you.

"Go. They'll start looking for you again soon," he demanded.

"I have to protect her." You reached for her again, but he shoved your hands away.

"I will protect her. Just go. Marley has just invaded Paradis."

"But-"

"Go save, Levi," Paulina cut you off. "I'll be fine."

You parted your lips, hesitating to agree with this decision. "But I can't just leave you."

"I won't let anyone touch her. You have to trust me, Eden," he said. "The two of you running around together would be too dangerous, and it would only hold you back. I know I haven't given you much reason to trust me again, but this is the one time I'm asking you to put your faith in me. That is all I ask, Eden. I promise to protect her with my life."

You remained quiet for a while, still undecided.

"Please, Eden," he said quietly. "Go save, Levi. I couldn't save your mother, but... you still have time to save him. Be the person I was never able to be. You still have a chance."

His words struck you. You mulled to yourself, then finally, you replied with, "Okay. Okay I will trust you. Please stay safe."

He nodded in relief, tightening his grasp around your sister. "Be safe. I love you."

You nodded in return. "I..."

I love you too, you almost said, but it was still too difficult for the words to slip past your lips.

"You don't have to say it back," he said. "I just wanted you to hear that. Now, go. You're running out of time."

Right, of course. "Thank you, stay safe."

At that, the three of you split up and sprinted in opposite directions. You ran through the halls, dodging and hiding from different soldiers. It wasn't as difficult as you had imagined it to be - most of them seemed to be drawn by the ruckus that was being heard outside. You were able to slip past most of them with ease.

After a few minutes went by, you bolted out of the front doors of the restaurant and checked your surroundings to make sure none of the soldiers were around. Once the coast was clear, you grabbed one of the horses that was still attached to the carriage - it squirmed at your touch, sensing your stress.

"It's okay," you reassured it, stroking the side of its face. "I'm not here to hurt you."

After some moment of adjusting, the horse finally eased under your touch.

"Good boy," you said, hauling yourself up and throwing a leg over its back. "Let's go."

The horse surged forward at full speed. Your urgency seemed to have transferred to him, discerning the fast steps of its hooves.

You entered the forest in no time because of its fast pace. Your horse was practically floating in the air as it galloped.

And then you heard it - a scream.

Zeke's scream.

"No, no, no," you said in panic. You lightly kicked the side of your horse to encourage it to speed up. "Faster."

Your horse picked up its galloping, and then you were finally able to make out the small figure standing like a deer in headlights from afar. Scouts rained down from the trees above, transforming into titans just before hitting the ground.

"Levi!" you called in distress, anxiety coursing through your veins. His attention was diverted to you, eyes blown wide.

"Eden?" he asked in confusion. "You're back?"

Without waiting for your horse to come to a full stop, you hopped off and stumbled, jogging towards him. "Levi!" you shouted again.

A giant titan landed right in between the two of you, followed by several others slamming to the ground. The titan rolled its body over, focusing on its target - Levi. It felt like your heart was going to beat out of your chest.

"Levi! Look out!"

"Protect yourself!" he shouted, zooming up the trees with his gear. "Go!"

You didn't hesitate to his demands, biting down on your hand and immediately forming into the War Hammer Titan while your crystal dug into the ground. All of the titans seemed to have ignored your transformation, chasing after Levi who was still flying up the trees.

Holy fuck. They're fucking fast.

One of the titans opened its mouth wide to consume Levi's body. He was quick to evade its attack, latching his grapples on another tree to swing to another branch. You immediately stabbed the nape of the titan with a spear you conjured, leaving it stuck against the tree as it took its last breath. Levi continued dodging the grasp of the other titans, but he still avoided killing them. You recognized that expression from afar - he was hesitant to kill them because they were his comrades.

"You have to kill them, Levi," your titan's voice boomed into the air. "I'm sorry. There isn't any other way."

He cut off the fingers of a brown-haired titan that was only seconds from crushing him with his hands. He flipped over in the air, staring at the titan's nape with dejection clear on his face.

"I know," he said hopelessly, surging forward to cut into the back of its neck. He didn't need your order to kill them, he knew it had to be done - he just didn't want to accept it just yet.

With the two of you working together, you were able to defeat the thirty titans in a short period of time. You could tell this was much harder for Levi than it was for you. Although you didn't like the idea of having to kill all these soldiers, you never knew them the way Levi did. He had worked with some of these soldiers for years; it must have been difficult for him to build up the courage to kill them as titans. The people he knew were no longer in there, which was a painful concept to accept.

Levi sliced one final titan before landing on a high branch to meet your titan at eye level. "You still got enough fight in you?" he asked, catching his breath. "Cause I'm gonna need some help getting rid of that blonde bastard."

You smirked to yourself. He was finally putting some trust in you again. "Don't have to ask me twice."

He took off first, equipping some thunder spears on the way; you followed close behind. Luckily, your cord could be extended while you ran forward full tilt, but it was still difficult to keep up with Levi. He was racing between the trees like a damn bird.

Three titans were running up ahead directly out of the forest. Levi zipped forward immediately to take one of them out. Judging by the evident fury in Levi's attacks, you knew Zeke was among them.

"Kill him!" Zeke shouted.

The taller of the two titans left sprinted after Levi, but Levi was quick to draw his swords and cut the titan from its wrist to its upper arm in a spiral. He sunk his knives deep into the neck after reaching the top.

"Come on, not again! Damn it! What the hell are you made of?" Zeke yelled in exasperation, chomping down on his hand to transform. A blinding light of electricity enveloped the air for a few seconds, forcing you and Levi to fall back, and then, a loud slam invaded your ears.

The Beast Titan lowered his arm to rip off the head of the other titan. "Where did you go? Come on out, Levi. Fight me!"

Levi revealed his location, whipping behind Zeke as a way to taunt him.

"There you are." Zeke squeezed the head of the titan in anger, then raised his arm to send the pieces of bloody flesh flying in his direction. You formed a shield to prevent the red meat from striking him.

"Eden," Zeke said with gritted teeth. "Stay out of this."

"I'm afraid I can't do that." Spikes protruded from the ground, sinking into Zeke's feet and holding him in place. Panic struck his body as he squirmed under the painful attack.

"You're making a mistake, Eden!" he shouted in frustration. "If you could only just- huh? Branches?"

Zeke was distracted upon witnessing Levi slicing the branches off the trees, sending them falling to the ground.

"You look desperate, hairball." Levi picked up his speed as he continued slicing the wood. "All you had to do was read your damn book. What gave you the idea that you could escape from me? If you really thought I'd hesitate to kill my comrades once you turned them, then you have no idea how many friends I've had to kill."

Predicting Zeke's next moves, you conjured two spiral blades and hurled them towards both of his arms, chopping them off. Levi swooped down seconds later, tossing the thunder spears directly into the Beast Titan's nape.

You could hear Zeke's piercing scream at the explosion - blood and guts flew into the air. Once you saw his disgustingly mauled body hit the ground, you took that as a sign to return to normal form. You shortened the cord to your crystal, allowing yourself to let your titan fall limp while you emerged out of the crystal. You took a deep breath in as soon as you stepped out, already feeling exhausted from all the energy you had just used up.

Levi approached Zeke's body arrogantly, roughly yanking him up by the hair. Zeke appeared nearly unrecognizable after the detonation.

"Hey, beardy" Levi said. Zeke vomited blood at Levi's touch. "Amazing. You've gotten uglier somehow. You even smell worse, shitbag." Levi started dragging him by the hair to exit the forest. "Well, don't worry. I'm not gonna kill you. Not yet."

"Where are you taking him?" you asked, dragging your feet towards him. Suddenly, an overbearing dizziness overtook your body for at least ten seconds; you planted a hand on the tree beside you, waiting for the faintness to pass. You hadn't realized how fast your energy depleted.

"Wagon," Levi said simply, unaware of your fatigue. The grip he had on Zeke's hair was firm. "I better hope he didn't kill any of the horses."

"I've got a horse," you reassured him, finally adjusting to your lightheadedness. You placed two fingers in your mouth and blew out a loud whistle, signaling for your horse to appear from behind the trees. The horse galloped in your direction, hooves skidding on the dirt as it came to a stop in front of you. You brought up a hand to pet the side of his head, then grabbed its halter to guide him out of the forest.

"Perfect," Levi said, tossing Zeke's body on the grass while he walked towards the wagon. You approached him, handing him the horse before turning back around to stare down at Zeke; however, it seemed that you moved too fast. The dizziness returned, and you collapsed on your knees while black dots littered your vision. Levi whirled around instantly, grabbing you by the arm to help you up.

"Are you okay?" he asked in concern, wrapping an arm around your back to keep you standing upright. Your heart fluttered at the contact.

No, I'm still mad at him...

"The War Hammer Titan doesn't have the best stamina," you replied. "I just need to sit down for a bit."

He nodded, hauling you up into the wagon. "Rest while you can. I'll watch over Zeke, don't worry about it."

"Thanks," you responded, lowering your head. You allowed your eyes to fall shut for a few minutes while you hunched over and covered your face with your hands. The headache and eye strain you were experiencing was excruciating.

Some quiet groaning interrupted your short rest. You raised your head and pulled your eyebrows together in concern upon seeing Levi shoving a thunder spear in Zeke's side - just above the hip - then tying it with a cord to hold it up with his neck.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" you asked him.

"You think he deserves more of the cozy treatment we gave him in the forest? I'm done holding back."

You shook your head, sitting up straight. "No, it's just... you don't think placing the thunder spear there is a little dangerous?"

"It's fine, Eden."

"But what if he-"

"I said it's fine," he snapped. The look in his eyes was almost frightening; you had to force yourself to look away. There was no way you were going to get through with him right now. He was completely blinded by rage.

"Fine, whatever you say," you muttered quietly.

Maybe I'm just overthinking it.

Zeke grunted, catching both of your attention.

"Are you awake?" Levi asked while Zeke attempted to twist his constrained body. "Hey, stop that. No sudden moves. I stuck a thunder spear in your gut and attached the fuse to the wire wrapped around your neck. Squirm too much, and you'll be blown in half, at least."

The panic and anxiety was clear in Zeke's expression - vomit burst out of his mouth from his discomfort. You shut your eyes and looked away.

Gross.

Levi, however, had his eyes fully trained on him. Zeke was finally being punished for the pain he had brought upon others, and Levi was enjoying every second of it.

"I bet you wish you were dead right now, don't you? Not that I sympathize. Bastard." You could see the temper gradually rise in Levi's chest as he stood up from his seat. "You used my comrades like cheap toys. When you planned this, did you think you'd end up here? Sobbing into your own filth?"

When Levi drew his sword up, you immediately intervened and grabbed his arm.

"The hell are you doing?" he asked in agitation, shoving your hand off of him.

"You're being careless, Levi. You stabbed a literal bomb in his gut. One wrong move, and it's over."

Levi ignored you completely, bringing down his blade hard and slicing Zeke's feet. Zeke's groans were distressing to the ear.

"Shut your mouth," Levi told him as he sliced more of his limbs. "I have no choice but to hack you into pieces. If I don't, you'll turn into a titan again."

You became more and more anxious while watching the thunder spear fidget from the impact of Levi's brutal assault. "Levi, stop."

"I'm not fucking stopping!" he shouted, slicing off both of Zeke's legs. Boldly, you approached him again and pulled him back by the arm. He stumbled slightly, meeting your gaze.

"I promise you'll get your revenge later. It's too risky right now with that thunder spear. Just lead us back to town."

The anger and fury slowly disappeared the longer he looked at you. His chest heaved in silence. "Fine," he grumbled.

Relief engulfed your body.

"Hey, Levi. Where are my... glasses?" Zeke forced out of his throat.

"Huh? What's it matter? You don't have any need for glasses anymore."

Zeke didn't respond.

"I think he's nearly passed out now. Let's get the wagon going," you suggested, desperate for Levi to put his mind elsewhere.

Just when Levi turned to get the horse to begin strolling forward, the two of you heard Zeke mumble something quietly to himself.

"What did he say?" Levi asked.

You shrugged. "I'm not sure. Just ignore it."

Levi finally decided to comply with your demands, twisting his body forward and motioning for the horse to begin the journey.

About half an hour had passed. Rain started pouring down harshly from the sky, completely drenching the three of you. Feverish symptoms began creeping into your body; you were completely underdressed and weak from using up your titan power. Had it not started raining, it may have been easier to recover, but the rain only halted your recovery.

You tried hiding your discomfort for the first few minutes, but after a while, you were unable to suppress your shivering, rubbing your arms for warmth. Levi side-eyed you. Unexpectedly, he decided to halt the horse's movement, rolling the wagon's wheels to a stop. You stared up at him in confusion.

"Why did you stop?"

"Here," he said, unbuttoning his cape and passing it to you. "It's probably drenched by now, but it should still cover some of the rain."

Your eyes were blown wide; you grasped the wet material hesitantly, wrapping it around you. "Thank you."

He held your gaze for longer than you expected. Something was different about the look in his eyes - sympathy, maybe? Understanding? Either way, it didn't appear as hateful as it once was. To you, this felt like a step forward in regaining his trust; he was showing his concern for you.

However, that moment was only short lived, because Zeke interjected only seconds later with, "The only way to save us Eldians... is to put us out of our misery."

"That was your plan? Mercy killings? Well, you're about to die inside a titan's stinking mouth, listening to your body being chewed into tiny pieces," Levi responded. "I'd say that's a pretty merciful way to kill you, right? When you consider the way that you stole my comrades' lives."

"I stole nothing. Actually, I saved them." Zeke's tone was weak and breathy. "Them, and the children they would've borne. Their deaths saved them from this cruel world."

A lightbulb turned on in your head. You sat up straight while observing him. "That's your plan, isn't it? You want to make Eldians infertile."

You could feel Levi's hard glare on you, waiting for you to continue. A huff escaped your mouth at this sudden realization. "You're fucking sick, Zeke."

"I'm saving you-"

"You want to strip away our right to bear children. That's not saving us, that's just further oppressing us," you cut him off. "We shouldn't have our rights stripped away from us just because we were born with a power we have no control over. That isn't the right solution."

Zeke scoffed, but it turned into a cough. You cringed when you saw blood spurt out of his mouth.

"What do you propose is the solution then, Eden?" he asked.

You mulled over that question to yourself, unable to find a correct response. "I just don't think we should have to pay the consequences for something we didn't do."

"Right," he choked out, coughing up more blood.

"It looks like your legs are starting to grow back," Levi said while pulling out his sword.

"Mr. Ksaver! I hope you're watching!" Zeke bellowed, twisting and wriggling under the tight hold of the rope.

You preconceived what was coming before Levi did. Panic rushed through your veins; you grasped the back of his uniform to tug him back while the thunder spear detached at Zeke's movement. Setting yourself in front, you formed a wall of crystal from beneath the ground to protect the two of you from disaster while you felt Levi yank at your arm to hop off the wagon.

The wall wasn't strong enough.

The weapon exploded, sending fire, smoke, and wood into the air. Your lack of energy summoned a far too thin wall of ice that broke apart within seconds. Both of your bodies flew into the air, and scorching hot metal grazed your skin - the pain prompted you to push yourself to create another crystal structure.

Everything was happening much too quickly for your liking, and you didn't have enough energy to summon the exact structure you envisioned in mind. It required substantial thought and power. Too many things were running through your mind all at once to concentrate.

But one thing you knew for sure was that you were going to make sure Levi made it out alive.

You conjured a cocoon-like encasing to surround Levi before the flaming debris hit him. There wasn't enough time for you to know if it worked - something large and pointy pierced you straight in the chest, then a slightly smaller object in the stomach.

Then something else got lodged deep into your neck.

Your body landed on the ground abruptly; Levi hit the ground after you, the crystal shattering upon the impact. Clearly, the ice was still too thin.

His eyes had fallen shut, his body as still as water. You opened your mouth to call out for him, but all you were met with was blood spilling past your lips and dripping down your chin. Your vision started turning black as you reached your hand up to feel around your throat - a sharp piece of wood had sunk through.

Fuck. Can I even heal from this?

Gathering the rest of your energy, you crawled towards his body while pushing past the pain of your injuries and the rapid blood loss you were experiencing. You extended out your hand to grasp his unmoving one. Trailing your hazy eyes up, he appeared nearly untouched with only a few cuts caressing his skin. You had taken most of the blow since you set yourself in front of him.

He looked beautiful. Peaceful. And most importantly, he looked well enough to live.

You fulfilled your promise to the fallen comrades you had betrayed. Their deaths were not in vain - you were going to make sure of that by making sure humanity's strongest soldier lived. As long as he lived, humanity could be saved.

Even if it meant that you would suffer.

The pain overtook you completely. Feeling your body starting to shut down, you let go of his hand and allowed your eyes to flutter shut.

Notes:

I'm SO sorry for this delay (and I also apologize for posting later than the time I had said I would post today... I got caught up with some school stuff last minute. Sorry.)

I'm gonna give myself another two weeks to post the next chapter. Life is busier again, and I need to take a slight step back from writing. Hope you understand. Thank you so much for your love, patience, and support. I promise I will wrap up this story the best way I can 3 xoxo I love you all so much.

(also, sorry for any errors. I will check back again soon)

(I accidentally put this as the chapter summary, OOPS. If you saw that, no you didn't...)

- Mar

Chapter 47: Chance

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

It took an immense amount of energy for Levi to force his eyes open again - the pain was heavy against his eyelids. While he adjusted to his sight, a smoky smell invaded his nostrils. The scent reminded him of wood being thrown into a fiery pit, but he was met with confusion when nothing within his proximity indicated that there was burning wood nearby. The rain pouring down from the sky contradicted what his senses were telling him.

Levi propped himself up by an elbow, groaning at the intense pain in his back as he sat up. Why the hell did it hurt so much?

He flinched when his left palm sunk down on something sharp. His weary eyes trailed down towards his left, examining his surroundings. Blood gathered on his skin when he removed the shattered piece of glass that had prodded him... or was it crystal?

The red on his palm prompted him to take notice of the pool of blood he saw from his peripheral. Turning his head, his eyes searched for the same deep color that was on his palm.

His heart dropped to his stomach.

"Eden," he muttered faintly. He could hardly recognize you from all of the blood stained on your clothes and skin. At least three pieces of wood had been lodged deep into your body with crimson dripping out of each wound.

The placement of your hand stood out to him - he wished he hadn't noticed it. Your arm was extended out like you were reaching out for him before you-

"Eden, wake up," he demanded, sitting up on his knees to shift closer to you. Carefully, he slid a hand under your waist to turn you over and lift you up slightly. "Come on, wake up."

He pressed you against his chest, shaking you gently. "This isn't- this isn't funny, Eden. You're a titan, aren't you? Why aren't you healing?"

It was like talking to a solid brick wall. There wasn't a single sign of movement on your end - your eyes were glued shut, your arms hung limply from his grip, and the blood spilling out of your body at an alarming rate indicated that you didn't have enough energy to heal. Levi's arms trembled at the severity of the situation.

"Please, Eden," he begged. "I know you're still alive. You have to wake up."

You still wouldn't answer. His fingers curled tightly around the cape you were wearing - the one he had given you to shield yourself from the droplets of rain. Red had seeped into the green coloring of the cloth, dying it permanently.

This scene was all too familiar to him - the blood, the hopelessness, the anxiety. His heart began to race out of fear.

Levi was suddenly thrust back into the Underground again. He was a child, tiny hands firm on each of his mother's arms while trying to shake her awake, begging her to answer - begging her to show some sign of life. Then he was in his twenties, still in denial after watching his two closest friends get completely mauled by a titan in front of his own eyes due to his decision to leave them behind. Then he was in his thirties, unable to allow himself to properly mourn the dead bodies of his soldiers or of Erwin because there was no point in mourning when death was all he knew at that point.

Death was all he ever knew. From the beginning of his life, to the end - death, hopelessness, and abandonment was all he would ever know.

Now he was back in the present, observing the way your limbs hung loosely from his hold while your weight was being pulled to the ground. All of those same emotions from the past barged in uninvited.

"Eden." His voice trembled. "Come on..."

Frustration and nerves built up in his chest when his attempts were eliciting no response. Water started brimming in his eyes, breaking through them abruptly like a waterfall.

"Come on, Eden. You have to-" His voice cracked. He took a deep breath in before speaking again. "I'm sorry. I should have- I should have listened to you. You were right. I was being careless."

His heart was hammering harshly against his chest as he allowed more tears to slip past his eyes, staring down at your unmoving body. "Please wake up. Scold me. Yell at me. Be angry at me... tell me how you were right and that I was being stubborn."

He brought up a hand to cup your face when you still wouldn't answer, trying to wipe off some of the blood that had stained your skin. He sniffled, his lips trembling. "I didn't mean it, Eden. Everything... everything that I said to you, I- fuck, I'm such an idiot, I'm sorry."

The second Levi realized that nothing was able to wake you from your unconscious state, all of the feelings he had been harboring for you since you intruded into his life again finally unlocked from their cages.

But it was too late. He accepted his feelings for you when it was already too late.

This whole situation was his fault. If he had just decided to listen to you... if he had been a little more open minded... if he hadn't said all those things to you before... then, maybe...

"I need you, Eden," he confessed aloud, no longer caring if he sounded foolish. "I can't- I can't lose you again. I'm sorry, I should have- fuck, I love you. I still love you and I hate that I still do because you hurt me so badly, but... I can't watch you die again. I- I can't. I love you... so please, wake up. If not for me, then do it for your sister, or all the others. Please. You have to wake up. Please."

'Please' was the only word he knew how to say at that point - that, and 'I love you.'

"I love you." He lowered his head, holding you tighter against him as his teardrops dripped from his cheeks and into your hair. "I love you. I wish I had said it back before, but I was so scared because I just didn't want to admit it to myself. And now... it's too late already. I should have done more to protect you. This is my fault."

Levi didn't think he had ever felt so vulnerable in his life. The worst part was, he wasn't even sure if you could hear him.

He raised your upper body closer to him, holding your head to place it on his shoulder.

"I love you," he repeated quietly, cradling your unmoving head against him. "You... you've captured me in a way I never imagined anyone would. If you leave... a piece of me dies with you. Please come back to me. Please."

You remained still and silent. His heaving chest gradually returned to normal when he made peace with the situation - he had to sit with the uncertainty of not knowing if you'd wake up. It was the only way he could move forward.

"You have to let me go," your voice echoed in his brain.

"I can't let you go," he choked out. "...I was never able to."

His grip around you was firm against his chest while the sound of the pounding rain grew stronger, shielding his quiet sobs. His vision became blurry from the tears stabbing painfully in his eyes.

And then, he felt a beat against his chest that wasn't his own. His eyes widened.

He laid you back down on the mud gently, placing a palm against your chest. Unsure if he was just imagining the light thumping of your heart, he pressed his two fingers by your jawline near your ears, searching for a pulse.

"You're alive," he said in relief while feeling the faint throbbing in your neck. "You're unconscious, but you're alive."

However, that moment of relief was short-lived when he heard a band of horses marching by. He snapped his head around in search of the noise.

"What on earth happened here?" a familiar voice asked incredulously from afar.

"Shit," he muttered. Without sparing another second, he ducked down and sprawled his body flat on the ground to hide himself in the bushes, grabbing your arm to pull you near him. His eyes darted out across the field through the tall grass - there was a forest of trees there, but bolting for it would be too risky. The scouts would spot him in no time.

He turned his head in the opposite direction next, eyes traveling along with the flowing stream of the river beside him that he hadn't taken full notice of until now. Crossing the river seemed to be the only option.

The sploshing sound of the boots against the mud drew closer to him. Nerves built up in his chest.

This better work.

He didn't bother stealing a glance behind him as he lifted you bridal style and dragged his feet towards the running water, completely submerging himself inside. The current was pushing hard against an injury in his left leg that he hadn't fully realized until now, but Levi plunged through nonetheless.

For you, he needed to push through.

He was cautious to make sure your head didn't dip into the water while he trudged through the muddy rocks. By some luck, Levi managed to make it to the other side of the riverbed, grunting as he used his last bit of strength to place you carefully on the ground. Although the bushes were still high enough to conceal you from afar, Levi could still feel a pair of eyes burning into the back of his head. Fearfully, Levi glimpsed over his shoulder to see who had caught him in his attempt to escape.

It was Hange - eyes blown wide and jaw slipped open.

Levi felt at ease upon witnessing their presence, but when he noted how many other soldiers were behind them, he knew there wasn't much else he could do but continue to hide behind the tall grass. He sprawled his body down in a prone position again, grabbing your arm.

"What is it, Hange?" Floch's demanding voice inquired. Anxiety coursed through Levi's veins.

"N-Nothing," Hange stuttered. "I was just trying to see if there were any leads on this side, but there's nothing. Just grass and currents."

Levi didn't move an inch, his hand tight around your wrist to pull you near his chest.

"Alright, then," Floch answered. "Let's just keep searching."

Levi started shuffling farther away, mud staining his shirt while he tugged you along with him. Minutes had passed now, but he still felt like it was too much of a risk to peek his head up, unsure if Floch truly trusted Hange's words and decided not to investigate across the river.

"You alive?"

Levi let out a soft gasp when he craned his head up. He sighed in relief when he realized it was Hange who had knelt down beside him.

"You scared the hell out of me, Four Eyes."

"I told you to call me Three Eyes, Levi," they joked, grabbing his elbow to help him up. "Now, come on. I managed to escape the others because of a distraction, but they'll catch on eventually. We have to go quickly."

"It's not just me," Levi confessed, sitting up to create a view of you for Hange to see. Their eyes widened.

"Come on, find them! They have to be here somewhere!" Floch shouted from a few feet away.

"I have so many questions, but I'll ask them later. Grab her and follow me into the forest," Hange ushered urgently. Levi complied, hauling you up in his arms again and limping towards the group of trees directly behind Hange.

Once the coast was clear after entering the forest, the two of them slowed down their pace. Hange shot a glance at Levi from over their shoulder. "Is she dead?"

"No," he answered immediately, reassuring himself more than them. "I checked her pulse. She's alive."

"It doesn't look like she's healing-"

"She's alive, Hange," he snapped. Hange eyed him skeptically, then turned their head to continue walking forward.

"Are there still supplies in the camp you held her and Zeke at?" they questioned, changing the subject.

"There should be." He crossed over a large branch. "Unless the titans destroyed everything."

Hange whipped their head around again, swinging their ponytail. "Is this how Eden ended up like this?"

Levi made a stop when he decided they had walked close enough to the camp, setting your body down carefully against a tree. "No."

"Then what happened?"

He pondered to himself, then said, "Can we just take care of her first?"

"We'll just have to take out the lodged pieces and wait to see if she heals. The wood is probably preventing her from healing properly. Once we pull them out, we'll see how her body reacts."

"What do we need the supplies for if we can't even stitch her up, then?"

"For you."

"Me?"

"Levi, you're bleeding," they replied, pointing at his forehead.

He knitted his eyebrows, then brought up two fingers to feel around his forehead. He flinched at the pain that shot through him when his fingers made contact with the laceration on his skin, staining his fingers with crimson.

"Besides, you've been putting a lot of weight on that injury on your left leg. It was hard not to notice you limping while entering the forest. You also have another cut on your arm, but the one on your forehead is worse. You'll need some stitches. Whatever cut you could have taken an eye out." They huffed quietly. "We could have been twins. You're lucky we aren't."

They turned around and started walking towards the destroyed tents. "Wanna tell me where the supplies are?"

"Should be by the tent near that tall tree down there." He gestured with his head. "Unless it got completely destroyed too."

"I'll go have a look, but first, I'll check to make sure no one else is trying to follow us. See what you can remove from Eden's injuries until I get back."

He nodded, watching them turn away before shifting his gaze back towards you. He cupped your face softly again, taking in your appearance before lowering it to grab onto the piece of wood lodged in your throat.

"God, I hope this doesn't kill you," he mumbled to himself. With a sigh, he held you down and slowly began to pull out the wedged piece. More blood spilled out of your neck as he tugged, then finally, he managed to get the piece out. Instantly, he placed his palm over the gaping wound to put pressure on it, blocking some of the blood. He took a few seconds to wait before repeating the same actions with the sharp piece stuck inside of your stomach, covering it with his other palm to stop more blood from spurting out.

"Any bandages?" Levi asked Hange once they returned with a health kit. They nodded, unclasping the box and rummaging through it before kneeling down and taking over. They commenced wrapping the white bandages around your neck tightly, then your stomach.

The two of them focused on the final piece next, cautious while Hange started tugging it out. The other two were fairly easy to remove, but the one in your chest proved more difficult. Using all their strength, Hange grunted when they yanked it out; however, a few other pieces were still stuck inside.

"Damn it," they grumbled. "This is the worst case of splinters I've ever seen."

Hange dug through the medical kit again and brought out medical forceps. They returned to their original position, removing your shirt to make it easier, taking out each ripped piece of wood individually. After a few minutes of digging into your wound, they managed to completely clear it out.

"Done. Hopefully this'll do it," they said, putting the forceps away.

Levi lifted your body to wrap the next bandage around you, securing it. He pressed his palm against your heart again, then his fingers under your neck. Your pulse wasn't as faint as before - it was returning to normal again. His shoulders relaxed.

"Now that she's taken care of, I'd like to take care of your wounds next," Hange said, pulling out some stitching supplies. "I'd like to hear you tell me everything that happened while I do it."

Although hesitant, he nodded in reply.

Hange had Levi lay down on his back on top of a pillow and soft blanket, requesting him to tug off his shirt to check for any other injuries; there was another slight cut under his chest, but nothing too fatal.

"By the way, I got rid of the rest of our pursuers, Levi," they said, kneeling down beside him.

"You killed them?" he asked gruffly.

Hange averted their gaze in shame. "I had to. They would have finished you off."

Levi chose not to respond, waiting for Hange to loop the needle through his skin. He winced slightly at the pricking on his skin, trying to ignore the stinging pain.

"You know, it doesn't surprise me that you survived. You're an Ackerman, after all." They cut off the loose piece of thread after tightening the skin together. "I'm surprised to see Eden in this condition, though."

"She saved me," he said, voice deep and low. "I was being careless - blinded by my rage because of Zeke, and as a result, the wagon blew up, and now she's- well..."

"I see." They began stitching up the wound on his stomach next. "That makes more sense to me now."

"Did you see Zeke? Did the bastard survive?"

Hange exhaled through their nose. "Unfortunately, yes."

Immediately, Levi began rising from the ground, but Hange placed two hands on his shoulders to lay him back down. "You are in no condition to go after him right now, Levi. None of us are. You need to rest, and so does Eden."

"Fine," Levi grumbled. "But don't expect me to get comfortable for too long. I'm killing that bastard one way or another."

"I know," they said, wrapping bandages around him.

Hange finished tending to his wounds, leaving him to rest peacefully to himself while they concentrated on other matters. Levi shut his eyes on the blanket, listening to Hange clang stuff together. He wasn't sure what they were coming up with, but he was too damn exhausted to intervene

He managed to get some rest for a while up until he heard Hange say, "I don't know what to do anymore."

His eyes shot open, glaring at the back of Hange's head; they were facing a fire. "We can't do anything about Zeke. We have no choice but to depend on Armin and Commander Pyxis. Even if Eren is planning to turn on Zeke to hijack the Founder, the Jaegerists would still retain control of the island. We'll be on the run for the rest of our lives. I- I kept trying to do what I thought was right, but after everything that's happened, it could land me in a cell."

They huffed quietly. "Or what if we just camp out here for the rest of our lives away from everyone? Sounds like a pleasant alternative."

Levi was about to muster up a response, but it felt like his body got transported elsewhere as a blast of white overwhelmed his vision. Suddenly, his back was cushioned by sand, and a tall, glowing white structure stood from several meters away.

Hear me, Subjects of Ymir. My name is Eren Jaeger.

Levi knitted his eyebrows intently, focused on understanding the message Eren was conveying. Levi could hardly believe what he was listening to.

My only goal is to protect the lives of the people in Paradis - the island where I was born.

What was Eren insinuating? It sounded like... but, no. Levi had known him long enough to know he wouldn't stoop to such a low level... right? Was he really trying to commit genocide?

The titans of the walls will continue their march until every trace of life beyond the walls is trampled flat, and the people of Paradis are all that remains of humanity.

Levi was returned back to the forest within seconds after hearing the final sentence. He bolted upright in concern after the weird hallucination was over.

"The hell was that?" he asked gruffly.

Hange jolted slightly, whipping their head around. "Levi, there's no need to get up. You have to rest-"

"You heard what Eren said, didn't you? Do you really just expect us to just run and hide? If we do, what'll that get us?"

They sighed. "So you heard all of that, huh? I thought you were asleep."

"I never sleep, Hange." An object from behind them caught his attention. He raised a finger to point towards the two-wheeled structure. "What's with your little project there? You gonna pull me and Eden around with a horse? Yeah, that sounds like you. There's no way in hell you're gonna be staying out of the action."

They smiled solemnly. "That's right. You know me far too well."

He pulled himself upwards, forcing himself to stand despite the pressure on his leg worsening the pain. His gaze shifted towards you; you hadn't moved an inch from your position yet.

She'll make it. If she could cheat death once, she could do it again.

"Leave the wagon for her," Levi said, limping towards you. He picked you up and hobbled back in Hange's direction. "I can ride the horse with you."

"But you need-"

"She's the one unconscious, not me," he interrupted. "She'll need that room more than me."

"Alright," Hange complied, helping Levi strap you onto the plank of wood. He made sure to wrap you securely, checking your pulse one last time before departing from you.

"Her pulse is picking up again," he told Hange, throwing a leg over the horse to get behind them. "It's a good sign."

Hange gestured for the horse to stroll forward. "I don't mean to pry, but judging by your concern for her, I'm assuming the two of you made up, correct?"

"...Not exactly."

"Why's that?"

He paused, then he asked, "Hange, do you trust her?"

"Eden?" They took a moment to ponder over the question, seemingly unsure. "Well, put it this way - the world could end within a few hours, and she could be useful in preventing that from happening. There's just no time for me to sit down and mull over how I really feel about her. Given the fact she saved you and Sasha, I'd say that's enough for me to trust her."

They tucked a loose strand of hair behind their ear. "Also... we sorta helped kill innocent lives the same way she did, so can we really sit here and fully pin the blame on her anymore? Maybe four years ago, sure, but now? I don't know... I know it's not exactly the same situation, but I started to understand her a little better after we raided Liberio because, well... Eren killed loads of people, and we just let him. I feel remorseful about it too. That just isn't what I stand for, even if I do feel nothing but hatred towards the people who oppressed us like this. I don't agree with genocide as the solution, and it's my job as the commander to find a way to stop this."

Levi nodded to himself. "You make a good point, Hange."

"I always make great points. You've just always been too hardheaded to admit it," they teased. Levi rolled his eyes.

"Whatever," he grumbled. "But, you're right. At the end of the day, all of our hands are stained with blood now."

"And just to add something, I'm not saying you need to forgive her. I don't know what happened in that forest between the two of you, but it's okay if you haven't reached a point where you forgive her. All I'm saying is we can't fully fault her anymore when we've done some pretty unethical crap too. We need to put some trust in her in order to find a solution to what's going on."

"Yeah," he responded. "I know."

Suddenly, Hange hit the side of their horse lightly with their leg to signal it to stop. "Do you hear that?"

"What?" Levi asked.

Hange didn't bother to offer an answer, hopping down from their horse to start walking forward. When Levi's eyes traveled in their direction, his eyes widened immediately. There was a body of an unmoving titan a few feet away, steam swirling into the air.

"Hange, what are you-"

"Excuse me," they said politely to the two people conversing on top of the titan. Immediately, the Cart Titan surged forward and snapped open their giant mouth in an attempt to consume Hange. Levi hopped off of the horse and stumbled in their direction, equipping a gun in his pocket.

"Wait!" Hange called out desperately. "There's no need to eat me! I'm unarmed!"

Levi could hardly make out the two people they were talking to - a man and some girl. The older man drew a gun on Hange; Levi picked up his pace as a result. Both the man and the girl shifted their attention towards Levi who was still hobbling over to them with a tight grip on the gun on his side. Hange took a glimpse back to see what caused their distraction, then turned forward again.

"What? You're wondering who that is?" They pointed behind them. "He's just a poor bastard who refuses to die."

"Lower the gun," Levi ordered. "We're not a threat."

The man didn't shift from his position. "Names?"

"I'm Commander Hange of the scouts, and this is Captain Levi Ackerman. You must be Theo Magath and Pieck Finger, correct? We have learned quite a lot about the two of you."

Magath's eyes widened fearfully, glued on Levi. "Impossible..."

"I told you after Liberio, sir." Pieck spoke softly next to their commander. "Levi never died."

"You are supposed to be dead," the man said roughly. "Eden was supposed to... you're not supposed to be alive."

"Look, we're running out of time. If you want to stand here and argue about taking off my head, go ahead, but doing that isn't gonna stop Zeke or Eren." Levi stepped up a little closer. "I'm after one thing now. My goal is to kill Zeke. Theo Magath, Pieck Finger - our interests are aligned."

Magath's glare on Levi was intense. "Levi Ackerman. They say you have the strength to match one of the nine titans, yet you've got bandages wrapped all around you, and could hardly walk on two feet. Not sure how you plan on dodging a bullet right now, given the shape you're in. "

"And yet, I still chose to stand here before you in this abysmal state. Shoot me, or hear me out. The choice is yours." Levi glared over his shoulder, keeping an eye on you to make sure you were still secure in the makeshift wagon. "Although, I'm not sure you wanna do that while knowing one of your precious titans is laying down unconscious while strapped to a broken piece of platform just a few feet away."

"Eden is there?" Pieck asked in concern.

Magath's grip on the gun tightened. "What did you do for her to end up like this?"

"She saved me - put her life on the line to make sure I made it out alive. So if I were you, I'd put that gun away, because the moment she wakes up to find me and Hange bled out without a pulse, she's gonna turn that anger out on you." Levi raised his index finger to point at Magath. "And I mean you specifically, because you're the one pulling the trigger. Your choice."

Magath lowered his gun very slowly. "Well, hell. I can always shoot you later. If you two are planning to kill Zeke, does that mean you already know where to find him?"

"He'll be with the Founder," Hange responded. "The fact that this is happening indicates Zeke's royal blood is in contact with Eren, or rather, the Founding Titan, I should say."

"I never would have guessed that you would be this knowledgeable about titans, Hange. You know more than Marley's guys. I don't suppose you've laid eyes on the Founding Titan yourself?" Pieck added.

"I know that the thing is humongous. So big that it seems like nothing would ever be able to slow it down, but we've gotta try. Let's give ourselves the best possible chance. Our only option now is to join forces. So, what do you say?"

Magath and Pieck exchanged a nervous glance before facing the two of them again, then finally, Magath responded with, "Very well."

Commander Magath filled Levi in on what happened while he was in the forest guarding you and Zeke. The casualties were immense, and Levi didn't even want to begin to imagine what those Colossal Titans from the walls were doing now. He could hear their booming stomps echoing from a distance - it distressed him.

While Magath conveyed this information to Levi, Hange took off with Pieck in search of the others to bring them here. Being left alone with him was painfully awkward, especially knowing that Magath looked at Levi like he was a disgusting monster that deserved to be put down. After all, that was why you were sent to get rid of him in the first place.

"Eden... she is fond of you, isn't she?" Magath asked suddenly. Both men were sitting cross-legged in front of a fire. Magath laid his rifle on his lap.

Levi stared down at the crackling flames in between the two of them, clasping his hands together in deep thought. "Depends what you mean by fond."

"She cares for you," Magath elaborated. "That's why she saved you, isn't it?"

Levi chose not to respond, rubbing his knuckles with his thumb nervously.

"And you feel the same," the man continued, "or else you would have just left her for dead if you didn't."

Levi finally gazed up at the man. Not a word went past his lips, but his eyes said it all. Magath huffed through his nose, the veins in his neck tensing up in agitation.

"This is absolutely shameful," he said. "To think an island devil managed to brainwash one of my top warrior candidates-"

"If you think I'm the only 'devil' that brainwashed her, you're sadly mistaken," Levi corrected. "I'm not the only one she cares about here."

The commander shook his head in disapproval. "It's preposterous."

"Sure, if you say so."

Magath narrowed his eyes cynically. "That's all you have to say?"

"What else is there to say? You're gonna see me as a devil no matter what I do, right? There's no point in me fighting against it. If a monster is how you see me, go ahead and keep it that way. We're only working together temporarily; you're not my comrade, so how you view me doesn't matter to me."

Magath trailed his eyes down to observe the dancing flames, forehead creased as he mulled to himself. "You devils are something else."

Unwilling to probe the conversation further, Levi remained quiet for the entirety of the time they were alone.

Hange and Pieck returned with Jean, Onyankopan, and Yelena about an hour later. More familiar faces strolled in as the darkness of the night snuck up on all of them, and yet, you still hadn't woken up; however, your wounds were healing, which was a good sign.

The last group to arrive close behind Armin and Mikasa were Reiner, Gabi, Falco, and your sister.

She'd be happy to see her, he thought.

There was one more figure he couldn't quite make out just yet, but their image became more and more familiar to him the closer they approached.

"Annie," Commander Magath called out in shock, setting down his bottle. Levi's eyes were blown wide upon recognition; his jaw clenched, and his hands balled up into a fist.

No, he couldn't act out. They had a job to get done, and if it meant working alongside the person that brutally murdered his squad, then so be it.

But that doesn't mean I have to like it...

Levi pushed back his feelings like he always did, ignoring them to focus on what was important right now - stopping Eren. He could deal with his hateful emotions later.

Things were tranquil for a while as Hange brewed vegetable stew for everyone, but then a heated argument emerged between Jean and the commander. The harsh tone of their voices was irritating to his ears.

"Ah, can we stop? I'm tired of hearing about stuff from two thousand years ago that none of us ever actually saw," Hange interjected, explaining the reason why there was no point in having a dispute. This seemed to somehow resolve the discourse, but then another commotion occurred when Annie brought up the suggestion to kill Eren. Mikasa was ready to draw her swords, but once again, Hange settled the situation by finishing up the stew and ordering everyone to eat.

The group of them decided to have their supper in the forest instead of out in the open field where they would be vulnerable. Hange used the horse to drag you into a safe corner, not too far from everyone else. Everyone discussed important matters amongst each other, but all Levi could do was keep his gaze fixed on you. He listened in on the discussion, but remained distracted by your strapped body from a few feet away. He just wanted to see some sign of movement - a twitch of a limb or something, but alas, there was nothing.

His attention was brought back to the group when he saw Jean swing an arm at Reiner's face. Armin and Connie intervened to yank Jean back, and the two kids jumped in to protect Reiner. To Levi's surprise, the bullheaded girl that nearly killed Sasha was apologizing profusely and asking for forgiveness so they could work together. Jean was still visibly shook up; he chose to step away from the group to take some time for himself.

And then, Levi heard a quiet groan coming from his right. He whipped his head around within seconds, searching for the noise. You were shifting under the blankets they had wrapped you in, eyes still shut. Levi dropped his unfinished bowl and jogged in your direction, nearly tripping on his injured leg.

"Eden," a voice whispered. Something soft touched your face - it soothed you immediately. You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion, feeling the sweat form on your forehead from the anxiety of being unaware of what was happening. "Eden, open your eyes."

On command, your eyes twitched open. Everything was hazy and unclear upon adjusting to your eyesight, but then your pupils dilated when you recognized the person holding your cheek.

"W-What happened?" you asked, sitting up. You turned your head in both directions to take in the scenery - several pairs of widened eyes were staring back at you. Something didn't seem right about this scene being played out in front of you, or rather, it just didn't make sense. It looked like the scouts were having dinner with the warriors and the commander. Were you just having some sort of weird dream?

"What's going on?" you questioned anxiously. Levi grabbed your shoulders to lay you back down gently.

"We're okay," he reassured you. "There's a lot we need to fill you in on, but we're all okay."

You nodded, trusting his words despite being perplexed. "Okay..."

He sighed. "I'm sorry. I should have just listened to you about the thunder spear."

Brutal flashbacks flooded your brain - Zeke, the explosion, the blood.

"You're okay?" You brought up a reassuring hand to stroke his arm. "You didn't get hurt?"

He shook his head in reply. "Nothing that can't be healed in time. You took most of the damage for me, and for that, I wanted to apologize. I was being careless. I'm sorry."

His apology was sincere, yet unexpected coming from him. There wasn't much you could remember, but the way he found you had to have been horrible judging by the profound look on his face.

"I don't remember much of what happened," you said. "Well, I remember having some sort of weird dream about Eren. He said something about using the titans of the walls to wipe out all of humanity."

"Sadly, it wasn't a dream," Hange's familiar voice interjected from behind you. "That's why we're all working together - to stop Eren and Zeke."

"You were able to convince the commander?"

Hange shrugged casually. "Our interests are aligned." They placed a hand on your shoulder. "We're headed out tomorrow to follow the plan. I'll give you the details about it later."

You nodded, pulling yourself up from the rough platform. Your back was aching tremendously.

"Careful. I'm not sure if you've fully healed yet," Levi said.

"I'll be fine," you breathed out, trying to hide the pain from your back. "I can deal with it."

Levi helped you off the platform, guiding you as you walked towards the group. This mixed group of people still puzzled you. Never in your life did you think two opposing sides would be willing to work with one another. Hell, even Gabi and Falco were here. Where the hell did they come from?

"Eden!"

You were nearly thrown back as you felt an arm wrap around your neck tightly in a hug. When the person drew back, Paulina's cheerful smile was beaming at you.

"Holy shit." You grinned, pulling her back into the hug, engulfing her completely as you cradled her head. "I'm so glad you made it out okay, kid."

"I told you I'd ensure my survival. I always figure it out somehow."

"You sure do." You detached from her, placing both hands on each of her shoulders while you looked around your surroundings. "Where's dad? Is he here too?"

Her face dropped as she lowered her gaze. The smile on your face was wiped away in an instant. You suddenly felt nauseous.

"He didn't make it?" you asked softly. When Paulina raised her head again, her eyes were brimming with tears. Reluctantly, she shook her head.

Your lips parted slightly, and the only thing you could do was encase your sister in a hug again. She sobbed against you, hyperventilating as the tears stained your shirt. You stroked her hair to comfort her.

"I-It's my fault," she said, muffled behind your chest. "We were so close to leaving the building until- until one of the soldiers found us and started shooting. I- I couldn't run fast enough, and eventually, the soldiers caught up, and right when the gun fired, Dad... he..."

"I get it," you told her softly. "You don't have to say it."

She curled her fingers around your shirt tightly. "It's my fault. Why couldn't I run fast enough? Why can't I be as strong as you?"

"Stop that, okay? Neither of you could have pictured what would have happened. You were stuck in a stressful situation and you did the best you could."

"But-"

"You know he would have said the same thing, Paulina," you cut her off.

She pulled away from you, wiping her eyes with her sleeve and nodding. She exhaled deeply before continuing, "I found Armin and Mikasa after that. They took me along to see if they could convince you to join forces. That's the only reason I'm alive right now."

You peered at the two of them standing behind Paulina and gave them a nod. "Thank you."

"Of course," Armin replied.

"But what about you?" Paulina asked. "Are you okay?"

You blew out a sigh. "We can talk about it later. I uh- I need Hange to fill me in on some stuff."

She smiled weakly. "Got it."

While all the others were getting ready to go to bed, you saw Hange still sitting by the fire, finishing up their stew. You sauntered up to them hesitantly.

"You ready for me to fill you in?" they asked eagerly.

"Yeah." You plopped down on the ground, sitting cross-legged. "I'm ready."

"This might take a while, so here" - they passed you a bowl - "have some stew."

Your conversation with Hange took a little less than an hour. Everyone else had gone to sleep by the time you finished, and considering the fact you were passed out for the majority of the day, you knew you were going to be up all night.

Well, that, and because hearing the news about your father made your stomach feel queasy. Just thinking about it made your head pound. You decided that you needed to step away from the group temporarily, just so you could settle down from the intense emotions affecting your body. Tomorrow was going to be a stressful day, and you wanted to handle your feelings before putting yourself out in danger again. After all, you may never get the chance to reflect on your feelings again - might as well allow yourself to do it now instead of burying them like you always did.

You equipped a lantern and strolled into the forest. The breeze was chilly on your skin, but all you had on was a t-shirt and cargo pants, which was likely what Levi and Hange had dressed you in after the explosion. You couldn't recall a damn thing.

Your foot touched something rubber on the ground; you gasped when you saw that it was a human foot. Your lantern illuminated the body to reveal Jean fast asleep by a tree. What was he doing here so far out?

You tapped his foot lightly to wake him. He opened his eyes begrudgingly.

"You shouldn't be sleeping out here. Stay close with the group," you told him. He rubbed his eyes to adjust to his sight.

"You're awake now?" he asked, voice raspy. You grabbed his arm to haul him up.

"Why did you walk so far out? You need to stick with us."

"Then why are you out here?"

"...Just needed some time alone."

"So did I." His tone was a little harsh as he brushed past you. "But whatever, I'll go."

You kept watching him to make sure he made it to the other side, but then he paused in his steps, turning his head. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Were you involved in killing Marco?"

The question made your heart race. Intrusive memories of that same day in Trost emerged in your brain. "No. I found the others after it was done, but I still... I still feel partially responsible for it, so I'm sorry. I know the two of you were close."

He said nothing in return, walking forward again to leave the forest. Just before making it to the others, he stopped in his tracks again.

"Thank you for saving Sasha," he said out of the blue. "I'm still learning to understand you and the others better, and it's been difficult for me, but I just wanted to say that. She means a lot to me, and I can tell her life meant something to you. So, thank you."

"You don't have to thank me for that-"

"I do. So just accept it," he said.

"...Okay," you replied quietly. He stepped forward once more and finally made it to the other side. After feeling confident that he made it safely, you continued your journey further into the forest.

There was a group of large trees not too far from where you entered, with a space big enough for you to situate yourself for a few minutes. You set the lantern beside you and sat down on the ground, pulling your knees into your chest. You gazed up at the stars while you thought to yourself, admiring every shine and twinkle. Stargazing was something you hadn't done in a while. You missed it.

A silhouette emerged from your left; you turned your head to discover Levi standing by a tree from afar. There was some sort of grey blanket draped over his arm, and a lantern in one hand.

"Hey." His voice was almost inaudible - faint.

"...Hey," you repeated softly.

He glanced down at his shoes for a moment. "It's late. You walked pretty far from the group, and it's nearly pitch black out."

"I know," you replied, voice monotone. You turned your head forward to watch the leaves blow against the wind. Nothing but the chirping of crickets surrounded you for a few seconds, but then you heard the sound of crunching leaves draw closer to you. Levi stopped walking just a few feet away from where you were seated at.

"I brought you a blanket." He extended out the warm wool towards you. "It's pretty cold out. We can't let you get sick. It'll be hard for you to recover again."

You ignored his offer, shaking your head. "What's the point? Don't you wanna kill me anyway?"

He blew out a resigned exhale, then to your surprise, he flopped down on the tree beside you and placed the lantern next to him, holding the blanket to his chest while he pulled his knees in.

"I owe you an apology," he began. "Not just for what happened in the wagon, but for how I've been treating you. I'm sorry."

Your head whipped around briskly, curious to hear the rest of his response. His mannerisms indicated the nerves being built up within him; he stared down at his lap to avoid your eyes while rubbing his hands to ward off the cold.

"You were right. I was still blinded by the pain of your betrayal, and because of that, I ended up being careless and irresponsible. The world could fucking end today, and I don't want it to be because I was being too stubborn to work with you."

He let out a deep sigh, straightening his back. Timidly, he turned his head to meet your gaze. His expression had softened subtly, and his eyes seemed a little more vibrant. "You've changed. I can see that. Deep down, I've always known... but I was just so hurt by what you did. And shit, I'm still upset about it. Everytime I think about it, I just feel like an idiot for not being able to catch it sooner."

Heat emerged on your cheeks in shame. You averted your gaze, looking at the floating leaves in front of you again.

"But... you're trying to make up for it, and that's not something I can just completely overlook. Dwelling on the anger I felt from four years ago will get us nowhere right now - not when everyone's lives are at risk. Unlike Zeke, I can see that you truly do feel remorse for what you did. I had my reasons for being skeptical of you, especially after you killed three of our men, but I understand that you were trying to protect your sister. I... I know you, and I know you never liked to kill. You were put in a position that put your sister's life at risk, and you were enraged. I'd be a hypocrite to say I haven't done the same."

He tipped his head back, sighing. "I guess what I'm saying is... I'd like to give you a chance instead of just shunning you. You put your life on the line for me. The least I can do is allow myself to put some trust in you again."

More warmth spread throughout your body at his words, but for an entirely different reason this time. You curled your fingers into your palm, trying to withhold the intense emotions coursing through you.

He not only apologized, but also finally offered to give you a chance to atone for your mistakes. He acknowledged your efforts and was now willing to work with you.

He was showing you respect.

"It means a lot to hear you say that," you told him, "really."

He shuffled a little closer to you, offering you the blanket again. "Thank you," you said, taking the wool and wrapping it around yourself. The soft fabric embraced you in warmth immediately.

"I hope you can forgive me for my behavior." He scratched the back of his neck. "Or atleast, look past it until we handle everything with Eren and Zeke first."

You huffed slightly. "Levi, I just wanted you to recognize my efforts and realize how much of an asset I could be to you guys. I never expected you to welcome me back with open arms - I betrayed your trust. I know you well enough to know that trust is the most important thing in any relationship to you, and I completely shattered that. I just wanted you to be rational enough to push past whatever hateful feelings you had for me so we could all figure out how to solve the predicament we're in right now, and you finally did."

A chilly breeze hit against your skin. You held the blanket around you tighter. "And when all of this is over... I want to have a longer discussion with you about other things... about us."

You twisted your head to face him again. His intent gaze caused goosebumps to erupt on your skin. "But if you want nothing to do with me after all of this is over, I respect that too. You're putting your trust in me because you know I'm capable of helping to stop what Eren and Zeke might be up to, but that doesn't mean you still want what we had before. I get the sense that you don't know how to feel about me, and I- I understand if you just choose to- "

"You didn't hear anything, did you?" he interrupted.

You furrowed your eyebrows slightly. "What?"

"After the explosion," he elaborated, "you couldn't recall a thing I said, could you?"

You shook your head. "No. I was practically dead. I couldn't sense a thing. Well, except the whole Eren thing."

His expression shifted. He appeared... disappointed. "Right, of course."

Seemingly confused, you decided to probe him further. "Was there something I should have remembered?"

He went quiet for a few seconds, then just when he opened his mouth to respond, the two of you were distracted by a pair of shoes running towards you.

"Oh, there you are!" Paulina exclaimed, her face filled with relief. Her eyes widened slightly when she saw the proximity between you and Levi. "Did I... interrupt something?"

"Uh, no. Don't worry," you answered, smiling somberly. "I just needed to step away for a bit, and Levi found me."

Paulina eyed the two of you skeptically. Observant as she always was, she took the hint that she needed to step away. "Right, I'll leave you be, but you should get some rest. We have to leave in a couple hours."

You huffed. "I practically slept the whole damn day."

"It's best that you get all the rest you can before tomorrow. We don't know how long everyone will be fighting."

"She's right," Levi defended. "The stamina of your titan isn't the best either, so you need to make sure you're well-rested before you need to transform again."

"You need rest too, Levi- I mean, sir- I mean, Captain-" You could practically see the embarrassed warmth shoot into Paulina's rigid body. She scratched her neck nervously. "Sorry, I don't know how you prefer to be addressed..."

The corner of Levi's lips curled up very slightly. "Levi is fine."

"Got it." Paulina nodded, smiling shyly. "But I meant what I said to the both of you. Get some rest."

"Yes, Mom," you teased playfully. "But that means you need to rest too, so go. I promise we'll be back soon."

"Okay. Okay," she said. "Goodnight, then."

"Goodnight."

Paulina turned on her heel and disappeared into the darkness of the forest with her lantern, leaving you and Levi alone to linger in the noiseless tranquility yet again.

"Your sister seems like a good kid," Levi said, breaking the silence.

"She is," you agreed. "I'm proud of her."

"You should be" - he rose from the ground, dusting off some of the dirt before turning back towards the direction of the rest of the group - "and she's right. We should head back and get some rest."

Your shoulders deflated, recalling the reason you had even stepped so far from the group in the first place. "You can go. I just need a moment to myself."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. Don't worry about it."

He paused for a moment, then said, "This is about your father, isn't it?"

His casual way of bringing up that topic caused your heart to drop. You turned to him in slight shock at how easily he was able to read you. He lowered himself back on the ground, kneeling beside you.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

You felt undeserving of his sympathy, still caught in the web of guilt for hurting him, but something about the way he was considerate of your feelings made your heart bloom again - it comforted you.

Would it be selfish of you to say yes?

...No

No, this wouldn't be selfish of you. You both had an open and honest conversation about how to handle your current relationship despite your mistakes, and he said he was willing to give you a chance. You shouldn't be feeling guilty for receiving his compassion if he had now made it clear where he stood with you.

You weren't being selfish anymore. If he wanted to offer a shoulder to lean on, it was okay for you to accept it now.

"Yes," you answered. "I do want to talk about it."

Levi returned to his old sitting position, adjusting his legs to get more comfortable. Your heart felt warm when you felt him scoot a little closer to you, knees nearly touching. He leaned his back comfortably against the tree, waiting for you to begin.

You weren't sure how long you were sitting there telling him your history with your father, but Levi didn't move an inch from his spot while staring at you intently - completely enthralled by the words leaving your mouth.

You told him about your upbringing, explaining how your father treated your family, and how it led up to the conflicting relationship you had with him today. It felt odd venting about it out loud; you usually got your thoughts out through writing in your journal, but it came out fluidly with Levi on the receiving end. You tried to make it short and sweet to get to the point, but he always prodded a little further - curious to understand the situation better.

"So he claims that he was actually trying to protect you and your sister all these years?" he asked for clarification.

You nodded in response. "It's been hard to believe, and even now I'm just... not happy with how he went about it, but I can tell that he's trying to make up for it."

"How does that make you feel?"

You chewed the inside of your cheek. "I was mad at first. Hell, mad is an understatement - I was furious. How could he come and try to act like a hero after all those years he made me feel so unloved? It just didn't seem fair to me at all. And sure, he apologized profusely for it, but... I don't know. It's complicated."

You rested an arm on your knee, leaning your head against the palm of your hand. "When Paulina revealed the news to me, I knew I needed to step away at some point to let it sink in. I didn't want to admit it to myself, but hearing what happened to him just... shattered something in me." Your eyes glistened with tears while you gazed down at the grass wistfully. "I hated him. I fucking hated him for so long, but I guess a part of me was willing to give him a chance. I still wasn't at a point to forgive him yet... but I think I would have liked to eventually."

"There's nothing wrong with feeling that way," he reassured you.

"But it feels so wrong," you continued, a tear slipping past your eye. "I still hold so much resentment from all the shit he's done, and yet, I still feel like that same little girl who was yearning to see her dad after training. I keep picturing that little girl finding out what happened to her father, and I just-" You choked back a sob. "I hate him for the shit he put me through, but I didn't want him to die."

"Do you remember what you told me after Kenny died?"

You shook your head slowly, staining your cheeks with salty tears.

"You can hate a person for what they did to you and still mourn the person they could have been."

Your eyes widened.

That did it for you.

A anguished sob escaped your lungs while you struggled to steady your erratic breathing; you cupped a hand over your mouth to suppress the noises.

Unexpectedly, Levi wrapped both arms around you to pull you into his body. Your sobs grew louder in volume as you poured your entire soul onto his chest. He trailed a hand up into your hair, gently resting your head on his shoulder. You slid your arms around his torso to hold onto him, grasping tightly at the fabric of his sweater. He stroked your hair tenderly in an attempt to calm your nerves.

"It's okay," he said softly. "It's okay."

You sniffled against him, still buried into his neck. He remained intact and still, unwilling to move from his position until you gave him a sign to shift away.

"It's okay," he kept repeating as you continued to cry. His tender voice and gentle touch soothed you, lessening your anxious state.

"I'm sorry," you said into his neck. "I- I didn't mean to-"

"I don't mind," he said, still holding you tighter. "You did the same for me."

"Right," you breathed out, recalling the consolation you offered him when Kenny died. "I guess I did."

Your sobs became subdued overtime. The two of you remained in this position for longer than you intended - arms firmly encased around him while your head was nestled into his neck like a pillow. He seemed to feel the comfort too, stroking your head with his thumb.

You missed when he'd do that. You missed this.

A placid sleepiness crept up on you, causing your eyes to flutter shut. Everything after your eyes shut became a blur... or maybe it was just a dream.

You could have sworn you felt Levi detangle himself from your body to turn you over carefully. One arm was placed behind your back while the other arm was brought under your legs to lift you up slightly. He placed you on his lap horizontally, then pulled you closer into his chest to lean your head against his shoulder while he tucked the blanket around your neck to keep you warm.

Then, a soft pair of lips pressed against your forehead before you completely surrendered to your slumber.

Yeah, this isn't a dream at all.

Notes:

We've made progress, folks. See? You just had to put some faith in me (unless I decide to sabotage it in 3 chapters…)

Okay, on another note, as many of you know, this fic is coming to a close soon, and I intend for my next fic to be a short, fun, little gojoxreader fanfic (info on my tumblr). If you are strictly a Levi simp (valid), don't worry, I still have other fic ideas underway for him. I wanna write another Levi fic after the gojo one, so lmk if any of these ideas intrigue you and I'll get to drafting!

1. Squid Game AU - I've had this in mind since 2021, but idk if I could pull it off. I do have a small draft/outline of it though… so perhaps. Gotta rewatch the show for this, but the angst potential here would be so good :). No character would be safe in this story. Strangers to lovers/enemies to lovers kind of thing. (Hurt no comfort hehehe)

2. Classical musician AU - so hear me out… I have a headcanon that Levi's favorite genre of music is classical, so just putting him in a world where he's a classical musician intrigues me. Not sure what instrument I'd use - either piano or violin since I have a little bit of background in those areas (mostly violin… I can't actually play piano. I can play some scales and read a little sheet music, that's about it AFJGGJ but I used to play violin and I minored in music theory). This'll be much less angsty than this fic. I don't have a solid plot line for this one yet though, but the idea intrigues me.

3. Celebrity/Fake dating au - THIS IDEA CAME TO ME RECENTLY. I could even possibly combine this with the classical musician thing? Idk. Basically, reader and Levi are celebs and their management teams are making them fake date for publicity. This one would be fun lol.

4. Canonverse childhood friends (sorta?) to lovers - not sure if anyone will vote for this since I'm already writing a canon universe fanfic, but MAN I have a pretty good plot line for this one. I had to fight back the urge to post it a few months ago bc I knew I would have gotten distracted and taken even longer to finish IAL. Ig I just really love the canon universe of AOT lmaooo, but keep in mind this particular story would not have much focus on the AOT lore like IAL has. It would have more of an emphasis on the Levi and reader relationship and will probably be in Levi's POV all throughout. It'll be shorter than IAL too. This one would have a Grumpy x sunshine sort of dynamic. Reader is cheery and annoys the hell out of Levi, and he has wanted nothing to do with her since they were kids. This description doesn't do it justice but I don't wanna reveal too much. I have a title for this one too - Invisible String because fate keeps bringing them back even if he chooses to push her away ;). Also, this one would hurt quite a lot :D the angst is heavy in this one yes yes.

Keep in mind, which ever gets chosen will not be posted any time soon. It'll take me a few months before I start posting it since I'll be working on my other fanfic, going to school, work, etc. I'll (hopefully) get to all of these ideas eventually if time is on my side (and my mental health doesn't screw me over), but lmk if any of these intrigue you, or if you have any other fanfic ideas :). I'd love to know.

If you read all of this, I love you. As always, thank you for all your love and have a nice week 3 I appreciate your patience tremendously.

- Mar

Chapter 48: Last Breath

Notes:

20k words. Will probably edit later. Take your time! I have a few line breaks in there.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

The next day, you woke up with an overwhelming sense of fuzziness and warmth. Initially, you had assumed it was due to the intensity of the sun beaming down on you from above, but you were proven wrong the second your eyelids parted open.

"Morning," Levi greeted you in a raspy tone. His hand brushed over your head softly. Your lips curled upwards at his touch.

"Morning," you replied with a grin, staring up at him with adoration. He returned the same expression while he continued stroking your hair. Your head was pressed up against his shoulder while the lower half of your body was resting on top of his lap, covered in a blanket; his other hand was holding up your back.

"Didn't want to wake you so early, but your sister came by to give us some more stew Hange made for breakfast. We've gotta leave soon."

The smile gradually dissipated from your face, reminded of the amount of danger you and everyone else would be put in today. Being in his arms made it easy to forget.

"Right." You sat up from the comfort of his lap, unraveling yourself from the wool blanket. "I should hurry up."

Your body felt empty and incomplete in the absence of his touch. The longing look in his eyes indicated he felt bare at the separation too.

You folded the wool blanket and set it on the grass, grabbing the two bowls of stew for the both of you. He thanked you for passing him the bowl as you sat cross-legged next to him.

The forest was much livelier in the morning as opposed to the night - it unveiled a cluster of pink and purple flowers you hadn't noticed previously. Birds were chirping in the air, leaves floating down from the trees, and animals scurrying across the branches. It was a peaceful ambiance to take in, considering the mass destruction occurring not so far away from where you were situated. The thought of it made it hard for you to even digest the stew.

Here you were - calm and well-rested - appreciating the beauty of nature while millions of other people were currently running for their lives to prevent themselves and their loved ones from getting crushed to death. If you didn't stop this soon, you could very well be crushed yourself.

"Your sister informed me that Nifa will be arriving with us shortly," Levi said, sipping from his bowl. "She's going to be joining us."

"I'm glad she's okay." You mimicked his actions. "I'm happy she didn't drink the wine, even though the soldiers were trying to influence her."

"She's always been careful with that stuff," he replied. "But anyway, it was my fault for even letting them have the wine. I don't know what I was thinking."

"Hey." You reached down to place your hand over his own, staring at him intently.' "Don't start blaming yourself for things you can't control again. You couldn't have known what Zeke was up to."

He shook his head, pulling his hand from your grasp. "It was stupid of me to even let them drink wine on a mission."

You sighed, tipping your head back on the bark. "You just wanted to please them a little. You didn't know."

He chose not to respond, sipping his stew quietly to himself. You decided it would be best to change the subject.

"By the way, thank you for... last night." Warmth spread across your cheeks. You felt like a shy schoolgirl in love again. "I appreciate you looking out for me, even after everything that's happened."

"If we're going to work together, I have to make sure you're okay too," he replied. Your lips split into a wide grin at his words.

"Thanks. I'm sure your arms must be cramping, though."

Now his lips split into a grin, but it was much more subtle to the eye. A hint of pink appeared on his cheeks. "For you, I didn't mind."

With the combination of your steaming stew and his charisma, you were more than likely going to start sweating soon. The stupid grin on your face made it hard for you to take your last few sips.

You weren't exactly sure what this meant for your relationship now. Sure, the two of you talked, but you didn't exactly talk about other things. You were glad the two of you were now mature enough to acknowledge how necessary it was to work together to stop Eren, but his exact feelings towards you were still perplexing. Just because he was warming up to you again, didn't necessarily mean he was willing to give you a second chance romantically.

The two of you finished the stew promptly, rising from the ground to meet back with the rest of the group. Sure enough, everyone was just about ready to take off. All heads turned in your direction the second you and Levi stepped out from the forest. Your sister smiled at your arrival.

"Hey," she greeted, approaching you. Levi stepped away after hearing Hange's call for him. Your sister took his departure as a chance to lean into your ear to whisper, "I take it you had a good rest, right?"

You rolled your eyes, lightly bumping her uninjured arm. "Yeah, yeah." She giggled at the sight of your bashfulness.

"Hey." Armin jogged towards you, turning his attention to Paulina. "Did you tell her yet?"

You furrowed your eyebrows, glancing between the two of them. "Tell me what?"

"I was waiting for you," Paulina said to Armin, shooting a deadly glare at him. "I suppose we have no choice but to talk about it now."

Her tone concerned you. You kept eyeing the two of them skeptically. The intensity of your stare burned Armin's face with pink.

"I was... I was talking to your sister this morning," Armin began. "We both made a discovery we didn't quite catch at first, but it hit me the second I woke up today. I brought it up to her first, and well... we both agree."

"What discovery?" Their elusiveness was amplifying your impatience.

"Eden, do you remember what Eren said when he called all of us?" Armin continued.

"To some degree, yes. I mostly remember him saying that his top priority was to defend Paradis, so he called all the Colossal Titans from the walls."

"Right." Armin answered. "So, you understand what that means, right?"

You narrowed your eyes at him, evidently not catching on. He sighed to himself, then looked towards Paulina for consolation.

"When Eren called the titans from the walls, Reiner's armor from his titan was stripped away from him, and Annie managed to escape her crystal," Paulina added.

"I was wondering how she got out of there." You shot a glance behind you to observe Annie sitting in one of the wagons, mulling to herself quietly.

"Do you get what I'm saying, though?"

"Why can't you just tell me?" you asked impatiently.

"It means Eren got rid of all hardening," Paulina finally announced.

Oh.

It finally clicked for you.

"So, wait, you're saying I'm not able to use my powers anymore?" you asked with widened eyes.

"That's what we propose," Armin replied, avoiding your gaze out of fear of seeing your reaction. "You were still able to completely recover from your injuries, so you're still technically a titan, but you are likely unable to use your hardening powers to create objects now."

Well, shit.

"So what does this mean, then? How am I supposed to help you guys?"

"I sure hope you remember how to use ODM gear, cause that's our only hope," Hange interjected, creeping up behind you. You whipped your head around to face them. "I had to do some tweaking with the plan after Armin and Paulina brought this up to me. Looks like you're gonna have to go back to your roots."

"Guess I don't really have a choice." Although you were dreading to see if you remembered how to use ODM gear again, there was something oddly nostalgic about it. "I'm afraid I'll be rusty, though."

"You were one of the first people in training to grasp the equipment with ease," Armin reassured you. "If anyone could do it, I know it's you. Besides, you aren't gonna be alone in this. Annie and Reiner will have to wear it too just in case."

"Speaking of Reiner, is he up yet?" Paulina asked. That question was answered momentarily after you saw Jean haul him up by the cuff of his shirt roughly.

"How long are you going to keep sleeping, Reiner? Your wounds are long gone, aren't they?" Jean's voice projected from a few feet away. Reiner opened his eyes begrudgingly.

"Well, it certainly looks like he's up now," you pointed out, watching Jean yank him up on his feet forcefully.

"Commander Hange!" a gentle voice called from afar. All eyes shifted towards Nifa as she sprinted in your direction.

"Goodness, I'm so glad you made it in one piece," Hange said in relief. Her shoulders relaxed at her presence, but then their eyebrows furrowed when they peered over Nifa's shoulder.

"Annabeth?" Armin asked in confusion. All of you watched the medic with narrowed eyes as she struggled to keep up with Nifa's fast pace. She slouched over after stopping in front of all of you, breathing heavily.

"Sorry I... gosh, I'm not suited for this type of exercise," she said in a breathy tone.

"Yeah, you're not alone. Me neither," Paulina muttered in reply.

"What are you doing here, Annabeth? You're not supposed to be coming with us. It's too dangerous," Hange replied sternly.

"That's what I told her, but... she kept insisting," Nifa clarified.

Annabeth straightened her posture, steadying her breath. "Some of you have injuries I need to treat. I am not going to let anyone go out into battle without making sure you don't risk getting a limb ripped out. I understand I'm compromising my safety by coming along with you all, but it's my duty as a medic to ensure you are all well equipped to fight in battle."

"That's a massive risk you're taking, Annabeth," Armin continued.

"If it means making sure all of you are okay, then it would be worth it."

Her resilience was truly admirable. You couldn't help but respect her for her willingness to put herself out there despite her lack of skill in battle. It said a lot about her as a person.

It was no wonder Levi was drawn to her at some point...

Hange let out a sigh. "Well, I suppose I can't really send you back since you're already here. And well, Levi probably does need some assistance with his leg."

Her eyes widened immediately. "Where is he?"

"Well, I told him to go sit in the wagon while we-"

Annabeth didn't even let Hange finish their words, bolting towards the direction of the wagon while grabbing her bag of medical supplies. The five of you watched her in bewilderment.

"What is it about that short man that makes these women swoon?" Hange whispered jokingly, yet shifting their gaze to you. You averted your eyes, heat emerging on your skin due to your sudden shyness.

"Hange, the wagon's all set up. We should get going now," Onyankopon - the man you met very briefly last night while discussing the plan with Hange - called from afar.

"Great, let's get going. We have to meet with the Azumabitos as soon as possible," Hange urged all of you.

The large group of you crowded into the two wagons; it fit all of you just right. You were squished up between Levi and Hange while Onyankopon, the other woman you met named Yelena, and Commander Magath sat in front of the three of you. Annabeth sat on the edge of the wagon on Levi's left, and Nifa was on the opposite side on Hange's right. The rest of the younger scouts and Paulina rode in the wagon beside you all while Connie rode the horse up front.

You hadn't had the chance to speak to Reiner, Annie, Gabi, or Falco just yet, but you hoped you'd find a chance soon, despite all the chaos you were all experiencing. You were most curious to find out how the hell Gabi and Falco made it in this situation. Gabi's behavior had been especially strange, too. She had been avoiding your gaze from the moment you opened your eyes after being passed out.

However, that wasn't even the main source of discomfort for you. The most uncomfortable part about this wagon ride was having to watch Annabeth get touchy with Levi as she knelt down to tend to his injuries. It was hard to ignore.

She's just doing her job. Cut it out.

Jealousy was a curse...

"Does that feel alright?" she asked him while adjusting the medical tape around his leg, eyes twinkling up at him. It took everything in you not to jump out of the wagon at that very moment.

"Yes, thank you, Annabeth," he said from next to you. "But don't worry about the splint. I'll do without it."

"But you could seriously hurt yourself if you land from high above. You need something to hold the fracture in place, or else your bone could completely snap apart. The bandages won't be enough."

"The splint will only weigh me down," he continued. "I need to be able to move as fast as possible."

"But, you could break your-"

"My limbs are not as important as what we need to do right now," he interrupted. "I appreciate you for fixing what you can, really, but I will have to manage without the splint."

His stubbornness clearly never wore away after all these years.

"Maybe you should just wear it for now," you suggested. "Take it off when we need to change into ODM gear. She's right. You shouldn't put too much pressure on it, Levi. Let it rest for right now."

He exhaled through his nose softly, then replied, "Okay."

Annabeth glared over at you. There was something different about the way she was looking at you this time. Before, she'd glance over at you with a sense of neutrality - like you were just another person she'd have to work with like Onyankapon and Yelena. The way she was looking at you now seemed like she suspected something. Her intense stare didn't exactly feel negative, but it wasn't comfortable either.

While Annabeth resumed adjusting the splint over Levi's leg, another hard glare was burning into your skin from in front of you. Turning your head to the right slightly, you witnessed Magath staring directly at you with fire in his eyes. It felt like his eyes were sending flames in your direction.

"I'm surprised to see that you're working with us willingly, Commander," you said. "You're surrounded by the people you deem as evil, after all."

"If it means getting rid of the two Jaeger brothers, then I will comply," he responded. "I can always deal with the devils afterwards."

"Jeez, you're still on that? Did you learn anything from that conversation we all had by the fire?" Hange interjected.

"What conversation?" you asked curiously.

"Nothing you should concern yourself with," he said. "You were too deep into your slumber after you foolishly made the decision to nearly give up your titan for a devil."

"That's all you see me as, don't you? A weapon." You huffed. "You weren't concerned about whether or not I was alive. You just wanted to make sure my titan was safe and out of their hands. My actual safety has never been your concern."

The tension grew as thick as a knife. Everyone's ears tuned in on the heated conversation between you and your former commander. "Well, you might as well toss me aside and call me useless now. I can't use my powers anymore, so transforming is out of the question. I'm just another disgraceful, untrustworthy Eldian now, right? That's why you interfered during the festival, after all."

He leaned forward, his body rigid from aggravation. "You would have caused a rebellion - an uprising. I was doing you a favor by making sure Willy didn't let you speak on that stage, or else, you would have faced far worse consequences."

"The only reason a rebellion hadn't happened yet is because people were too cowardly to come forward after what happened to the Eldian Restoriationists," you shot back. "If you don't think every Eldian in Marley has questioned the morality of how they've been treated at least once, you're more ignorant than I thought. I could have been the perfect person to lead up to a peace agreement to avoid another war, but you didn't let me try."

Magath didn't offer a response, averting his gaze to look out into the empty desert all of you were traveling through. After a few more seconds of excruciating quietness, Hange broke the silence by saying, "You know, it's a shame your powers got taken... I wanted to see them first hand."

Their comment eased you out of your fuming state, a smirk emerging on your lips. Your reaction seemed to prompt them to continue.

"Did your body feel cold when you crystallized stuff? Did it hurt? I know your stamina sucks, so I wonder if that might correlate with pain. Oh! Also, did it hurt when you got attacked in titan form? ...You know, since you're attached to the cord and stuff? Or do you feel no pain because you're not in the nape? Or what about-"

"Enough, Hange," Levi cut in. "You're being overbearing."

You laughed slightly in response. "I'm glad you haven't changed at all, Hange."

"I knew you'd get it," they replied enthusiastically.

"Hold up," Connie said suddenly. Everyone turned their attention to him out of concern. "The Cart Titan's coming this way."

"Looks like something's wrong," Magath said. "Stop the cart."

Connie motioned for the horse to stop moving, allowing for the Cart Titan to halt in front of him. Pieck emerged from her titan immediately, hair flying wildly from the steam.

"The port's been taken over by the Jeagerists," she said, worry laced in her tone. "They probably used the train to get here before us. There are tons of soldiers posted all over the port in anti-titan gear."

"Shit," Hange grumbled to themself.

Pieck lowered their head dejectedly. "It seems they anticipated our move to stop the Rumbling, and they're ready to shoot us down upon arrival."

Commander Magath was the first to rise from his seat. "Then we can't waste anymore time. Let's go."

On cue, all of you dispersed from the wagon. While Hange and Commander Magath took it upon themselves to investigate the situation from above a tall rock structure, the rest of you changed into your uniforms and gear from behind the rock, hidden from the Jaegerists lingering around the vicinity.

"Damn it," you muttered quietly, struggling to figure out how to tighten the new metal bands from the ODM gear. You turned away from the group as they adjusted to their uniforms swiftly, embarrassed that you just couldn't wrap your head around the new equipment. The leather straps from the old gear used to be tedious to put on, but this new metal gear against your body felt foreign and slightly uncomfortable.

"Need help?" Levi's voice asked from behind you.

Your head spun around at the sound of his voice. "It's fine. I can do it."

Ignoring you entirely, he approached you from behind, immediately setting your arms down so he could help you. He touched the metal against your back, and you could suddenly feel a tightness around your chest.

"You can't put on this new gear without help, dumbass," he said snarkily, continuing to adjust the silver material wrapped around your chest. "Tell me if it's too tight."

"It's been four years. Give me a break. I thought it was like the old one," you defended. He let out a huff behind you. "Also, you can stop tightening it there."

He obeyed, letting go of the gear. "Go sit on that rock. I'll help you put on the rest."

"I think I can adjust the leg portion myself. Besides, you're injured."

"Don't care." He gestured his head towards the rock. "Sit down."

"Fine," you replied begrudgingly. You complied with his demands by moving your feet back to sit down against the smooth rock from behind you. You opened your mouth in protest again when you saw him kneel down on his injured leg, but he held up his palm before you allowed the words to escape you.

"You're gonna make your leg worse," you said anyway. "I could have done it myself."

"Clearly, you couldn't," came his next reply. "And my leg is fine. The splint is helping."

You let out a sigh, simply allowing him to help you knowing that nothing would be able to convince him out of it. Gently, he lifted your leg and placed it on top of his knee, adjusting the tightness like he had with the chest portion. He used two fingers to slip underneath the bands on your calves, then your thighs - pulling against it to test the tension.

"Is it tight enough?" he asked, grey eyes staring up at you. You could feel the heat burning your thighs at the very slight contact his fingers made in that area.

"Perfect," you replied, trying not to act like the mere contact of his skin filled you with embarrassing thoughts.

He repeated the same actions with the other leg, adjusting the stiffness; then, he motioned for you to stand so he could help with the rest of your gear, his hands moving to your hips to make sure he was able to fasten the clasp around your waist. He trailed them up to adjust the clasps by your chest next.

"Do you remember how to use the grapples?" he asked next.

"Uh..." You peered down at the new equipment, picking it up and knitting your eyebrows while trying to decipher the use of the new triggers. "There are some new triggers here that weren't there before."

He moved around to stand behind you, placing a hand on top of yours to guide your fingers through each trigger. Goosebumps fired up in your skin at the close contact of his chest against your back.

"This one is to shoot with the firearm," he said, tapping your index finger on the top trigger. He repeated the same actions with the finger below that trigger. "This one is to launch thunder spears."

"So the last one must be for the grapples, right?" you asked, raising your head to look at him from behind you. Heat rushed through your body upon witnessing his proximity to your face. His eyes briefly scanned your lips before trailing up again.

"Yeah," he answered quietly. "You fire and reel in with that trigger. There's a button on the side for the gas."

"You guys have gone pretty far with equipment in four years."

"We developed it from the Anti-Personnel Control Squad's gear, but we still have a holster for the swords too."

The memory of fighting against Kenny and his squad caused your eyebrows to raise. "That makes sense now."

He nodded. "It took a while to get used to the new triggers and buttons, but you pick things up fairly quickly, so I'm sure you won't have any issues."

You smiled slightly at his reassurance. "Thank you."

"Levi," a voice called. Both of you turned in the direction of the sound, watching as Annabeth stared between the two of you with such an intensity. She cleared her throat before continuing, "Sorry for interrupting. I, um- Annie had something to say."

Levi released your hand and stepped away. "Right. We'll be right there."

She nodded, whirling around immediately and lowering her head as if she had seen something she wished she hadn't seen. Well, that was what you presumed, at least. You could tell she was a bright woman, so the look she had given you now, as well as the one in the wagon, definitely signified something.

"We have no choice but to kill all of them," Annie stated firmly while the two of you sauntered up to the group. You didn't need to question that she was referring to the Jaegerists. "That's the only way we'd be able to secure the flying boat. That means using our titan powers, and your weapons. Understood?"

Annie didn't appear to have any new shift in her personality since coming out of the crystal due to the bluntness of her words. Her demands didn't surprise you, nor did the hesitation on everyone's face at her words.

"Just hold on a second," Connie interjected.

"What's the problem?"

He sighed in exasperation, clearly ashamed to admit what he wanted to say out loud. Instead, Mikasa decided to counter Annie's suggestion by proposing, "The Jaegerists are holding the Azumabito hostage. If we attack the entire port indiscriminately, we might hurt the Azumabito too."

"Yeah, exactly!" Connie agreed.

"We won't protect people that attacked our homeland. You really expect us to care? They're practically our enemies."

"No, Annie," Pieck chimed in. "The whole plan falls apart if we let the Azumabito die."

"She's right," you added. "Besides, I don't think it's fair to just lump them as enemies right now with all the crap we pulled. We were enemies once too, yet look at where we are now. We have to protect them."

"Yeah, we need them alive," Onyankopon stated. "I should be able to pilot their boat, but first, we gotta get it into flying shape."

He continued explaining the makings of the ship and how dire it was to make sure the Azumabitos remained alive so their mechanics could assist with making it function properly. All of you were already skipping a ton of steps because of how fast you needed to move, and there still needed to be a test drive before taking off.

"How long is it gonna take to service?" Reiner asked.

Onyankopon averted his gaze. "Hard to say. It all depends on the mechanics."

"So basically, we buy ourselves time for them to work on the ship while also protecting them," Annie reiterated. She shifted her gaze from Onyankopon to her former comrades. "The Jaegerists are gonna get in our way, and you lot don't want to cause any casualties."

"Of course not," Jean defended. "We've known them since training."

"So?" Annie continued bluntly. "What do you suppose we do then?"

Annie seemed to lack empathy in the way she was conveying this idea, but she wasn't entirely wrong either. The goal was to secure the boat, and the only way to do that was to hurt their former friends.

That still didn't mean it wouldn't be difficult for them, though...

"Aren't we here to save people?" Connie said incredulously. "You're saying that in order to do that we have to kill people on this island? Why does it have to be like that?"

Annie sighed, her expression shifting slightly as she realized she had been going about this situation without truly looking at it from their perspective. "You're right. Forcing you to make a decision like this isn't right... if it had been you guys in our place, I don't think you would have destroyed the walls like we did. You guys are different from us."

There was an awkward pause, then, Reiner suddenly said, "The seven of you don't have to fight." Based on his stance, you could tell that he was referring to Jean, Sasha, Connie, Armin, Mikasa, Nifa, and Levi. "You can watch from a safe distance with the others. Those of us who were already responsible for the murder of people here should be the ones to fight, not you. You don't deserve to carry that weight. If the Jeagerists find you, you'll be forced into a decision you don't want to make, so... don't intervene. Let us carry that weight for you."

Your eyes widened at Reiner's words. Hell, you were really fucking proud of him for conveying his atonement by trying to help them avoid the guilt of killing others. He knew what that guilt did to him, and he cared about them enough to ask them to sit aside so they wouldn't have to live with it like he did.

"So you want us to step aside and watch you guys kill each other?" Connie asked.

There was a moment of silence when nobody offered a response, then Hange intervened with, "I don't want to be a spectator in this. I've already killed four Jaegerists before, anyway. Did I want to? No. But did I have to? Well, put it this way - if I hadn't, neither Captain Levi or Eden would be here right now." They slid down the incline of rocks to land in front of everyone. "The important thing is that humanity has no time left. Hundreds of titans are out there destroying land and killing people as we speak, especially those in Marley."

The realization that Marley was currently being destroyed struck the warriors all together. Unexpected to everyone, Magath brutally shoved Yelena down against the ground. "Tell us where Eren Jaeger is going, now! Or else I'll break every single bone in your damn body!"

"Commander-"

Yelena yelped in pain at the pressure the commander was putting on her limbs, and then there was a snapping sound. You cringed at the way he had just broken her arm.

"Don't be afraid," he said. "I won't kill you, but I'm not afraid to break each of your limbs if you don't tell me."

"What a relief." Yelena smiled eerily. "I changed my mind. I don't want to die until I see how this plays out. If you take me with you, I might tell you where Eren is going."

Hange clasped their hand on Magath's shoulder. "Come on. We have to secure the flying boat first. We don't have time for this. We'll deal with her later."

Magath drew back, pulling his lips into a tight line while his face flamed red. He took a deep breath in and collected himself before he turned in the direction of the other scouts and started to... apologize?

Huh?

You'd never seen the commander look so sympathetic in your life. The softened expression in his face and the clear shame in his tone signified that he was being genuine. Was he finally understanding the weight of damage he had done?

"You are not responsible for what happened centuries ago," the commander told them. "Even if your blood is the same as those who committed these crimes, it's not right to blame you for them. I was wrong."

He turned his head to face you, Paulina, Reiner, Annie, and Pieck next. "The five of you... There's no reason for you all to shoulder the whole world's hatred either. I've taught all of you to hate yourselves the moment you were born. It's inexcusable... but still. We have a responsibility to make sure this history doesn't get passed onto future generations. Eren Jaeger wants to erase it all, but... we can't let him do that. If we keep running away from the mistakes of the past, this hell will never end."

He bowed his head at the seven Eldian scouts apologetically.

What a sight.

You never imagined you'd see Commander Magath - the Marleyan man that was so stubborn in his harmful beliefs - bow down to the very people he deemed as devils his entire life.

"Just for now, please look away from the atrocious acts we are about to commit," he pleaded.

The seven of them stared at him with parted lips, completely dumbfounded. There was a shift in

Armin's expression - it became more firm. He opened his mouth to refuse Magath's demands, which came as a surprise to you. He didn't find it reasonable to stand aside like he was in the right when he was letting people get killed anyway. It didn't make sense to him.

His confidence to speak his mind grew over the years. You were proud to see it.

Armin then conveyed the plan he had in mind, and all of you agreed. He was going to try and manipulate Floch into thinking he was on his side as a way to secure the boat. His manipulator mindset was a bit frightening to see sometimes... but it got him out of several problems in the past. His plans always worked, so you had no doubt this one would succeed too.

He explained everyone's role in the plan, but Levi was visibly agitated by the role Armin had given him. Armin requested for Levi to stand behind with the non-fighters: Annabeth, Paulina, Onyankopon, Yelena, Gabi, and Falco.

And as always, Levi tended to win any argument he was in due to his intimidating nature; however, you always seemed to be the only one willing to counter him.

"He's right, Levi," you said.

"What?"

"I think you should stay back."

"You're insane if you think I'm-"

"You're going to end up losing a damn leg if you keep pushing yourself when you don't need to," you cut him off angrily.

"You need all the help you can get." He lumbered over to you. "I can handle it."

You shook your head, pressing your palm against his chest to keep him from walking further. "You're not fighting. Keep watch with the others. Let that leg rest while it can."

"She's right, Levi," Hange butted in. "I don't think right now is the time for you to fight. The injury is too recent."

He chewed the inside of his cheek in agitation, then with huff, he said, "Fine." He turned around and trudged up the hill to group with the others; Annabeth scurried over to his side to help him up. That didn't come as a surprise to you.

You whirled back around after making sure Levi made it up safely, facing Reiner and Annie. "Let's go," you said with a nod.

At that, all of you dispersed.

Somehow, by a miracle, the plan worked out - it didn't go exactly as planned... but still worked, nonetheless. The flying boat wasn't ready to fly just yet, so the best all of you could do was land on the ship to sail away towards the mainland. Most of the Jaegerists were defeated by now, which gave you all enough time to board the ship.

You were a bit rusty with the new gear, and seeing as you could no longer transform, it made it far more difficult to attack the others. You'd never thought you'd actually miss your titan power, but shit, it would have bought you far more time if you still had it. You garnered a few injuries throughout the battle, but luckily, you were able to get the hang of it again in no time.

"Are we all good?" you asked, landing on the dock beside Onyankopon once the coast was clear.

He gave you a subtle smile and nod. "Yes, everything is all set up."

"Good." You turned behind you to see Commander Magath carrying Falco in his arms. "How's Falco? Is he alright?" It was a valid question to ask, given the fact that his titan went out of control during the battle just now. Hange filled you in on what happened to him the night prior, but seeing him transform still came as a shock to you.

Porco was dead now. Another life lost. You didn't even have time to sit down and comprehend it.

Luckily, Pieck and Magath handled the Jaw Titan situation successfully, and everyone made it out okay.

"He'll be fine. Just needs to rest. Take him." Commander Magath placed Falco's unconscious body in Onyankopon's arms. "And tell them to set out."

"Huh? Aren't you coming?" Onyankopon asked.

"No, I need to hold the rear," the commander replied casually.

"What?" you said incredulously. Magath took off running before providing you with a response.

"Commander!" you called for him. Still no response. Despite the fatigue and exhaustion weighing your body down, you ran after him in an attempt to catch up. "Commander! What are you doing?"

He shot a glance from over his shoulder. "You have to leave immediately! Go!"

"Why aren't you coming?"

He finally stopped in his tracks; you paused a couple feet behind him. He stepped forward and brought down both of his hands on your shoulders. "Listen to me, Eden. Go! It's only a matter of time before the other Jaegerists come to attack."

"But what about-"

"I'm blowing up their ship so they don't go after all of you."

"You're willing to sacrifice yourself?"

"It's the least I can do." He sighed, lowering his head for a moment. "I've done nothing to be proud of. Everything you told me in that bathroom that day four years ago... it stuck with me. I didn't want to admit it then, but now... now I see it. You were right, Eden. No amount of apologizing will ever make up for the damage I had caused you and the others, so let me do this."

He gave your shoulders a light squeeze. "You have a chance to turn this all around. I know you can do it."

Your eyes started watering. This felt just like the situation with your father all over again. Why did he have to apologize now? All the damage had been done already...

But then again, you respected the fact that he was willing to risk his life to make sure you all got away. He was sacrificing himself for Eldians - the very people he deemed as morbid his entire life. You hated him for how he treated you, but this you could respect.

You placed a reassuring hand on his own, a tear slipping past your eye. "Thank you, Commander."

With that, he gave you a nod before ripping his hands from you and bolting away. You spared a few seconds to stare at him before accepting what he was about to do. Unwilling to waste any more time, you pressed your fingers on the trigger of your gear to zip away.

You landed on the deck of the ship abruptly, stumbling to catch your balance. Getting used to this new gear was going to suck.

"Eden," you heard a voice croak. Your eyebrows raised when you saw Pieck's beaten up state sprawled down against the side of the ship. Right beside her was Gabi, who was helping Falco rest comfortably. "Glad to see you're okay."

You kneeled down and took Pieck's hand in yours. "What about you? You suffered a pretty intense blow there."

She heaved out a weak laugh. "Fine. I've been through worse. Falco's alright too."

"Where's the Commander?" Gabi asked.

Shit. How the hell would you be able to explain what he was about to do? Especially to the very child that respected him and loved him the most?

"He's..." you trailed off, staring between the two of them anxiously. "He's gone to blow up the other ship so the Jaegerists wouldn't come after us."

The two young girls stared back at you with their pupils dilated, then scrambled over to the railing to look towards the direction of the ship.

"No," Gabi said, almost inaudibly. "He can't. He just can't-"

"Gabi-"

A boom resonated from a distance, along with the visuals of a horrific explosion. Hearing the shriek that escaped Gabi's mouth was one of the most distressing things you ever had to hear.

"No!" she kept screaming. "Commander! You have to be alive! You have to-"

"It's okay, Gabi," Pieck reassured her, voice shaky. She held Gabi back to prevent her from getting too close to the edge.

Despite Pieck's attempts at calming her down, Gabi kept screaming in protest, kicking and sobbing as she watched the ship go up in flames knowing that her former commander had just given his life for all of you.

And then, to your surprise, she broke out of Pieck's hold to wrap her arms around you, engulfing you in a hug.

She didn't seek this comfort in Pieck, or Reiner, or anyone else. She sought this comfort in you.

You grew rigid for a moment, not at all expecting this from her, but then you reciprocated the hug and stroked her hair softly. "It's gonna be alright," you told her gently. Her sobs were muffled against your chest. "You can let it out. It's okay."

Neither of you moved an inch from your positions while the others continued staring out into the sea in horror. The flames appeared tinier the further away the ship moved.

"You were right, Eden," Gabi cried against you, curling her fingers around your shirt. "I'm sorry, you were right. I was wrong about what I said before. We're all... we're all just people."

You pressed her closer against you. "It's okay. I'm just glad you were able to come around."

She shook her head. "No, I- I said so many horrible things to you. I thought I was right. I was convinced that everything they told me in Marley was right, but then I saw it for myself. I had to experience it firsthand to really understand, just like you did. I wish I could take everything back."

You drew back and placed your hands on her arms. "What's important is that you were willing to change your perspective now. Better late than never, right?"

She wiped her tears with her sleeve, nodding.

"Go take Falco and rest, okay? It'll be a long time before we land. Rest while you can."

She nodded again. "Got it."

Gabi helped raise Falco off the floor with Pieck's assistance, both of them entering the inner portion of the ship to search for a place to lay him down.

"Eden," Paulina's voice called from behind you. "Are you alright?"

You sighed in relief at her appearance, embracing her in a hug. "Forget about me. Are you okay? I'm so glad you made it on the ship okay."

"Of course." She returned the affection for a few seconds, then pulled away. There was a subtle smile spread across her face, but something about it seemed forced.

You knitted your eyebrows slightly, placing a hand on her arm in concern. "What's wrong?"

She turned her head away at your question, clearly internalizing whatever feelings must have been swirling in her mind.

"What's bothering you, Paulina?" you asked again. She shut her eyes, letting a sigh escape her before turning to you again.

"I feel useless," she admitted faintly. Your lips parted at her confession.

"What are you-"

"I'm useless," she repeated, lowering her head. Dejection was clear in her face. "What use am I in this battle? What good am I to all of you? All I do is drag you all behind."

"Where is this coming from?"

She paused, then she answered, "I almost got killed by a Jaegerist out there. One of them had been following us while we were on Pieck's titan, and I seemed to have been the easiest target. I couldn't fight back, nor could I even think clearly. I just froze when he grabbed me. All I kept thinking was that if it was you that got caught, you would have been easily able to break out of his grasp. Honestly, I'm sure anyone else would have found it easy to fight back, but I couldn't. If Levi hadn't caught him before it was too late, I'd be dead."

You stared back at her in bewilderment. "Paulina, you have an injured arm-"

"Don't make any excuses to make me feel better, Eden. I've been nothing but a coward my whole life," she interrupted. "I can't fight, can't argue, can't defend myself. What good am I even for? I'm useless. That's why I almost died in that alley. That's why you become a titan against your will. And that's why Dad died. I'm not strong, I never have been, and everyone else around me has always had to pay for that."

"I didn't know you felt this way," you said sympathetically. "God, I'm so sorry, Paulina. I had no idea."

"Why are you apologizing?" she asked incredulously. "Honestly, I feel like you should hate me."

You shook your head. "Stop that."

"I'm just a burden," she said a little louder, eyes starting to shine with tears. "And I'm terrified that people might die because of me - because I can't fight and protect people like you can."

"Hey." You cupped her face with both hands. "Take a breath. Please."

She obeyed your commands, taking a deep breath in through her nose, then exhaling from her mouth.

"You're not a fighter. You're right," you said bluntly. "Physically, you aren't strong, and yes, you did have a few setbacks because of that, but you're completely overlooking what you are good at, Paulina."

She sniffled, trying to draw back the tears threatening to spill from her eyes.

"If it weren't for you, I'd have been dead during that battle with Eren. You made sure I knew everything I needed to know about the War Hammer Titan before going out there. That knowledge of yours saved me," you said, stroking her hair. "If it weren't for you, I honestly think I would have taken my life. You always made sure to keep me in check by making sure I was waking up every day, eating, drinking water, and giving me a reason to live. You gave me purpose. Hope."

Her gaze softened while you continued speaking. "You are such a bright girl, Paulina. Just because you're not a fighter doesn't mean you're useless. You're training to become a medic. You've already helped dozens of people by doing what you do. Hell, you even helped Sasha when she broke her ankle. Stop downplaying yourself because you can't fight. Your intellect and desire to help others is your strength."

"I guess..." she said, unconvinced.

A strong breeze blew between the two of you. You lowered your arms. "I think you should talk to Armin. You two would get along, I think."

"I did," she replied. "He actually wanted me to help him and Hange strategize a plan, but I don't know if I can do it."

Your eyebrows raised. "Paulina, are you kidding?"

She shrugged. "I didn't say no. I was just hesitant."

You sighed in annoyance, grabbing her shoulders and turning her around to face Armin's direction. "You're going to go over there and tell him that you're willing to help him."

"But what if I-"

"He used to be that way too, Paulina," you cut her off. "He had no confidence in his abilities because he's not a fighter either, but look at him now. I'm sure he still has his doubts, but if anyone can understand the fear of feeling useless, it's him."

She exhaled through her nose, pondering it for a moment, then she replied, "Okay."

"Believe in yourself," you told her. "I know you can do it."

She gave you an uncertain smile before turning away. You gave her a nod in reassurance.

"She really does remind me a lot of Armin, you know that?"

You turned your head at the voice, completely surprised to see Reiner being the one to stand behind you.

A grin emerged on your face while you stepped up closer to him. "Well, look who it is."

He turned his head away, red tinting his cheeks. You playfully smacked his arm out of endearment. "I'm proud of you," you said.

He curled up an eyebrow. "Proud of what, exactly?"

"For what you said out there," you elaborated. "And for apologizing for what you did to Marco. I wasn't there to see it, but Hange filled me in last night. I heard Jean didn't take it well, but I'm glad you gave them that closure, even as painful as it was. The fact you're even standing here fighting to defend them says a lot. I'm glad you came around eventually."

For the first time in years, he smiled - genuinely smiled. It didn't seem forced or somber.

"I learned from the best," he said.

You huffed. "Don't give me too much credit. It took me a while to come around too."

"Yeah, but you had more guts than I did," he clarified. "You were right about what you said. I shouldn't stand here and do nothing. I have to fight for what I believe in, even if I fail. I'd rather die trying than die with regrets."

"Yeah," you agreed, "me too."

His lips curled downwards very slightly. "You should talk to Annie, though."

"How come?"

"I'm not sure if she wants to come along."

"What?" You whipped your head around in search of her. She seemed to be in deep thought, staring at the wooden ground with her knees tucked into her chest.

"I'm not entirely sure, but you should talk to her when you get the chance," he said.

"Yeah," you said. "Later." She didn't look like she wanted to be disturbed; frankly, she never looked like she wanted to be disturbed, but you decided that it would be best to give her some space for now.

"I'm gonna go lay down for a bit," Reiner said. "You should too."

You nodded in reply. "Yeah, I just..." you trailed off, embarrassed to continue the sentence.

"You just want to talk to Levi," he finished for you. "I get it."

"Yeah," you admitted shyly, glaring away from him. "But I definitely need rest too."

"I hope it goes well." He twisted his body in the other direction. "I'll talk to you later."

"See you."

He disappeared to the other side, leaving you standing alone while the chilly wind hit against you. You hugged your chest to rub your arms in an attempt to warm yourself up. While you did that, you darted your eyes around the deck in search of Levi, but he was nowhere to be found.

Maybe he's gone to rest already.

Nah. You knew him better than that. He was too stubborn to just lay down while knowing the world was doomed right now.

Still feeling cold by the sea breeze, you decided to enter the main room inside the deck. You heard voices chattering up the stairs in the middle; you deduced that it was Pieck and Gabi. This must have been where the bedrooms were.

There was a small seat hidden behind the steps with a small desk table positioned in front of it. Your legs dragged towards the chair lazily, then you dropped your ODM gear on the floor and flopped down on the seat while laying your head on the table. Exhausted wasn't even the word to use to describe how you were feeling right now. You wished you could just sleep this whole situation away.

After a few moments of calmness, your head shot up at the sound of the door opening in front of the steps.

"You shouldn't be walking on your leg so much, Captain," a familiar voice said.

It was Annabeth.

"Bringing me here is useless," a male voice, presumably Levi, forced out. His voice was strained, likely from the pain in his leg catching up to him. "I'm only going to barge out of the room you put me in."

"Please think of yourself for once," she begged him. "We have a few hours until we land."

"I can't just lay down and do nothing."

"But Captain-"

"I'm sorry, but-"

"Why do you never listen to me?" she snapped. "I'm trying to help you because I care about you, but you never take me seriously."

Her tone shocked you. You could tell it came as a surprise to Levi also, given the fact he hadn't responded.

She sighed. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap like that."

"No need to apologize," he replied. "I didn't realize I was making you feel that way. I'm sorry."

The mood shifted into something more tense. It caused anxiety to rise in your chest the longer the silence lingered.

"Levi, there's something I need to tell you," she said softly. "I've been holding it in for all these years, and I just- I think I just need to say it."

Being nosy was never ideal. You'd never want someone to invade your personal conversations like this without your knowledge... and yet, your feet remained glued to the ground, unwilling to rise from your seat and give them their full privacy.

"I'm in love with you," came her next response.

Your heart dropped at her words, jealousy burning in your blood while your limbs trembled due to the fury building up inside you.

Stop it. You're not being fair.

You couldn't blame her for falling for him. In her eyes, he was a single, strong, respectable man who had a hidden heart of gold. Very few people were able to see past his brash facade, and it seemed like she was one of them.

Too caught up in your thoughts, you failed to recognize how quiet it had gotten. Levi still hadn't answered.

...Why?

Your mind went through thousands of different potential reasons for that. Did he still hold some type of attraction towards her? Did her confession make him realize something about his feelings? His treatment of you had shifted after what happened with Zeke in the wagon, but what if that was only because of the guilt of watching you almost die? What if he confused his feelings of guilt with love? What if he didn't actually still love you at all like you had thought and held stronger feelings towards Annabeth?

He did keep pushing you away... and he was a dick about it. You wouldn't be surprised if he switched back to being hateful again, and if he did, then you would know for sure where he stood with his feelings towards you - it would signify that he wanted to hate you, even if love was still lingering in his heart. That knowledge would hurt you even more than actually being told he didn't have feelings for you anymore. To even think about the idea of him wanting to loathe you in an attempt to get rid of any feelings towards you absolutely crushed you.

Here we go again...

You leaned your back against the chair, shutting your eyes and releasing a quiet exhale. You were always jumping to the worst scenarios. Sometimes, you just needed to accept that any outcome was possible, even if it wasn't to your liking. You'd deal with it the moment it happened. Mulling over something that hadn't happened yet would just get you nowhere.

"I get it," Annabeth said dejectedly when he wouldn't respond. Although the stairs were blocking your view of them, you could imagine her lowering her head in shame. "You don't have to say anything."

"Annabeth-"

"I get it," she interrupted, voice wavering. "I don't need to hear you tell me the truth. I just thought you should know because I don't know if I'll ever get another chance to tell you after this."

Her padded steps started echoing towards the door, but something stopped her. You pictured Levi's hand extending out to grab her wrist; it made your stomach feel queasy.

"Annabeth," he called, his tone sweet and soft. It was a similar tone he'd use on you. "You deserve a response."

Some mild scuffling was heard, which you presumed was her moving back to her original position. You curled your hands into fists while anxiously awaiting his answer.

"I think... you're an outstanding woman."

Not even getting several pieces of wood lodged into your body compared to the heavy pain throbbing in your chest from just hearing those words.

"I have always respected you for your work ethic, and I never once doubted your loyalty and trust to the Survey Corps either. You're much stronger than people give you credit for, and I will admit there was a time that I... that I was drawn to you..."

You had no idea where his response was leading up to. It made you incredibly anxious.

"But I... I'm not sure if I-"

"You're not sure how you feel about me," she answered for him.

He exhaled quietly. "I don't think it's fair of me to say something to give you hope when I'm still trying to figure it out myself."

He was uncertain. He didn't know how he felt about Annabeth, nor did he know how he felt about you. Your reappearance only complicated things for him, and maybe he was almost willing to start something with her had you not shown up.

Why did that make you feel guilty?

"No, I understand perfectly," she said softly, yet firmly. "You like me, but you're in love with her."

Her response caused your heart to beat faster. Levi's silence only intensified the hammering in your chest.

She huffed silently. "I should have known."

"Who are you referring to?"

"I'm not stupid, Levi. You know who I'm referring to." Her sharp tone amplified your anxiety. "Just admit it."

He sighed. "It's complicated, Annabeth."

"I'm sure it is, but that's because you still love her."

He was silent for a moment, clearly pondering his next response, then delicately, he said, "She was my first love."

Now it was Annabeth's turn to remain quiet. A flutter sparked in your heart at his response, but you knew hearing that response must have crushed something in Annabeth. Being in love with someone who still had fondness for their past lover must have been gut wrenching.

"When the realization first came to me, I was admittedly furious." You could tell she was no longer holding back her tears due to the cracking in her voice. "My first thought was how someone as rational and level-headed as you would still be stuck on someone that betrayed and hurt your country - that betrayed and hurt you."

You bit your lip nervously at her criticism of you.

"But then I realized that I'm the one being irrational." The fury in her voice died down. "I don't know her like you do, and I'm sure you have your reasons for still not finding it in your heart to kill her. It's not... It's not up to me to tell you how you should feel about her."

"You're not wrong to view me as foolish, Annabeth. She made me out to be a fool. I fed into her lies and was completely blinded by the facade she was putting up. Although I saw her remorse, I still held so much resentment in my heart after what happened, and I thought those bitter feelings would finally allow me to let her go after presuming she was dead for years," he confessed. "But when I found out she was still alive... it was the first time I felt hopeful in a long time. Deep down, I knew I was relieved to see her, and knowing I felt that way also angered me. I took those conflicting emotions out on her in the forest - saying such crude things and making her feel like she wasn't anything important because it just felt unfair to me. It was unfair that I still held this fondness for her after how deeply she hurt me and the others, so I kept convincing myself that I needed to be harsh on her. Part of me just wanted her to stay dead because I thought that maybe... maybe it would have been easier for me to get through this."

"No," Annabeth continued. "It wouldn't have been, because even after all those years she was presumed dead, you were still unable to move on."

Another sigh escaped his mouth. Levi was definitely not used to handling these types of situations. He cared about Annabeth, and he wanted to make sure he was careful in finding the right words to say to not hurt her feelings.

"...I almost found it hard to believe she was an enemy when I had my first conversation with her," she admitted hesitantly. "She was very mature in the way she approached me, even thanking me for saving her sister. I didn't expect that kind of behavior from her. I thought she would have behaved more like the other one."

"Like Zeke?"

"Yes, like Zeke."

"No. The difference between her and that bearded shit is that she never liked the idea of hurting people while he always got a kick out of it. She's also at least trying to make up for what she did. That's why she saved Sasha, and why she saved me. He hasn't shown an ounce of remorse for what he's done," he said. "But I also wouldn't exactly call her a good person either, though. I think it's hard to define what makes a good and bad person now. She let innocent people die, but so did we. My hands are covered in more blood than ever before, so... I just don't know what to see as good anymore."

"We're all just morally ambiguous," she answered.

"Yeah," he agreed. "At some point, black and white thinking just doesn't exist anymore. If we continue seeing it that way, we won't find the solution we're looking for. Sometimes you're forced into situations where you have to question your morals, and it's up to you to decide what you think is right. It took Eden a long time to come to that realization, and while that knowledge still frustrates me, there's nothing she can do to change the past. The important thing is that she made her decision now, and she's willing to help us do what we need to do."

"That's a fair point, I suppose," Annabeth said. "I guess I'm starting to understand your perspective of her a little better, but I... I still have one question I'm curious about."

"Go on."

"I hope you don't take this offensively, but... do you ever wonder what your fallen comrades would feel about your feelings towards her?"

That question caused a pang in your heart - it triggered you. Everything Levi said made sense, but when you really put into perspective what you did... was it truly forgivable?

Would Petra forgive you? Mike? Nanaba? Erwin? Would they hate Levi for wanting to pursue you?

"Always," he responded. "It's part of the reason why I had such a tough time forgiving her. It didn't feel fair to have this fondness for her lingering in my heart knowing she was partially responsible for their deaths."

"Hm," she hummed curiously. "I see."

There was a pause, then he said, "It's hard to explain how I feel about her, but in the end, whether or not I forgive her is my decision, not anyone else's. Each soldier has their right to view her as untrustworthy and unforgivable, the same way I'm entitled to my willingness to give her a chance. I'm slowly learning to understand her and what she went through that caused her to make certain decisions. She had no control over her upbringing, and while that doesn't justify what she did, I can still respect the effort she's made to break out of those harmful beliefs and do what she thinks is right. It's not just about what she did anymore, it's about what she's doing now to make sure what she did doesn't happen again. I'm not willing to overlook that."

"You trust her very deeply."

"I do," he answered. "Because I know her better than anyone else."

There was a slight tug in the corner of your lips at his response. An awkward silence filled the air for a moment before you heard Annabeth speak again.

"Thank you for being honest with me." She was polite, yet evidently heartbroken in the way she was speaking to him. "And if everything turns out okay, I hope the two of you can live a peaceful life together."

"Annabeth, I'm so-"

"No need to apologize," she cut him off. "I knew for a while that you didn't feel the same way about me. I just needed to get it off my chest because I wanted you to know, and I guess I just wanted some closure."

You finally heard her feet tap against the wooden steps back up towards the dock. "You deserve to be with someone that doesn't hurt you. I won't question your judgment. As long as she loves you and treats you the way that you deserve, then I am content. I just want to make sure you're happy."

At that, the sound of her shoes faded away into the outside, leaving you and Levi to linger in silence as the door shut.

Guilt seeped into your skin, deflating your shoulders. Although it was nice to hear Levi acknowledge how much you've changed, hearing how heartbroken Annabeth was about him still having feelings for you didn't make you feel good at all.

He defended you. He gave reasonable explanations as to why he felt the way he did. Why did you feel so much guilt?

Maybe it's because she didn't do a damn thing to hurt him the way I did.

Levi had been nothing but sweet and affectionate with you ever since what happened to you in the wagon, and you'd welcome it every time. Well, of course you'd welcome it. You were in love with him.

But each and every time anyone would bring up your past, it would remind you of why the idea of still pursuing Levi felt wrong - of why you felt undeserving of someone like him. Annabeth didn't deserve this rejection over a woman who made such unforgivable mistakes. Maybe if you had died, he'd be living a more suitable life with her - a woman who'd never hurt him the way you did. He chose to defend you, but now you weren't so sure if that was the right choice.

He deserved better than you.

A door opened up abruptly from the hall right across from you, revealing Hange. "Oh, Eden! Just the person I was looking for!"

Damn it, Hange.

There was no doubt that Levi knew you were eavesdropping now. Hange just completely blew your cover.

Hange walked past the stairs to stand beside your desk, pausing when they turned the other way to notice Levi's figure standing by the other room adjacent to you. "Oh, Levi! I was looking for you too."

This couldn't get any more awkward...

The sound of Levi's one boot and splint touching against the floor drew closer. Hange's eyes widened, immediately rushing to his side to help him walk.

"I told you I don't need assistance, Hange," he grumbled.

"You're putting weight on your injury when you don't need to! I get that you don't have crutches right now, but you need to put that leg to rest before we go out there again!"

"It's not a big deal."

You rose from your seat while he emerged from the corner, fixing his eyes on you. His gaze on you was intense, yet delicate.

"Funnily enough, that was what I came to talk to the two of you about," Hange said.

You furrowed your eyebrows. "About what?"

"Both of you need to recover, even if only for a few minutes. We set up some rooms for you both to rest in."

"What good will lying around do for us right now?" Levi added.

"There's nothing for us to do right now except wait until we land, Levi. You've been putting weight on that injury all day. Let it rest, even if only for a few hours. Trust me. You'll need it," Hange said firmly. Their eyes shifted to you next. "You too, Eden. You looked like you were about to pass out after landing on the boat. Your stamina sucks, no offense."

You stifled a laugh. "None taken. It's my titan that's been weighing me down. I can't use the power, but I still seem to suffer all the side effects."

They pointed to a staircase. "There are two rooms back there you can use. The beds don't look the comfiest, but it's better than nothing. Oh, and don't worry" - they picked up the gear you left on the floor - "I'll be holding onto your ODM gear. Just keep the metal bands with you."

You nodded. "Thank you, Hange."

"Of course." They whirled around to walk away, but something prompted them to pause in their steps. They turned their head to the side to catch one last glimpse of you and Levi. "Just a suggestion... if there is anything you need to tell anyone here, don't leave it for later. Say it now. I'm trying to remain optimistic, but there might not be a later, so treat it that way."

Hange's ominous response caused shivers to crawl over your skin. They walked away and disappeared onto the deck without saying another word, leaving you and Levi to allow their words to infiltrate in your minds.

"I was looking for you," Levi said suddenly, breaking the silence. You turned your head to the side slightly.

"Why?"

He dug his hand in his pocket, rummaging through and pulling out a small object. He extended it out to you.

It was your pocket knife - no, it was more than that now. It was a sign of trust.

You took the weapon from him hesitantly, lips slightly parted. "I never thought I'd see this again."

"I held onto it," he said. "I felt like you deserved it back."

You smiled at him, placing the knife in your pocket. "Thank you. It means a lot to me."

"I know."

His stare was so fierce. You had to force yourself to look away. "They're right, you know," you mumbled. "Hange."

"You should get some rest too," he suggested.

"Yeah, but I was referring to the... other thing..." you trailed off. You weren't sure why you found it so nerve wracking to bring up Hange's advice, but maybe it was because you hadn't had a conversation with him about your feelings in so long. You portrayed your vulnerability to him last night regarding your father's death, but this was much, much different. It honestly terrified you.

Plus, after what you just heard between him and Annabeth, you definitely needed to talk.

"...Yeah," he agreed hesitantly. "That too."

You gained the courage to shift your gaze towards him again, trying to ignore the way your heart was racing at the way his grey eyes were sparkling as he stared back at you. Clearing your throat, you responded, "You should lay down first."

"Then come with me," he replied much faster than you expected, "and we can talk while we rest."

Heat rushed through your body at just how casual and forward he was being. "Are you sure about that?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

You looked away again, embarrassed by the way your feelings were making you question absolutely everything about your relationship with him.

Levi took a step closer. "How much did you hear?"

"Most of it..." you replied. "All of it."

Without saying a word, Levi grabbed your wrist and guided you up the stairs. You stopped him after the first step.

"Let me help you up, Levi." You slid an arm behind his back and lifted his arm to wrap it over your shoulders, pressing him close against the side of your chest. "Stop being stubborn. You're gonna lose a leg if you keep walking on your injury freely like this."

Levi didn't fight against it, holding his hand on the railing of the stairs with his other hand while he hopped up each step. After making it to the top, the two of you faced two doors. Levi gestured his head to point towards the one on his right; you complied with his demands, guiding him to the room. Levi pulled himself off of you and went to open the door himself. He entered first with you following behind.

The room wasn't anything extravagant. One twin bed was placed in the far left corner, a dusty vanity to your left when you walked in, a small nightstand with a lamp, and a tiny porthole to peek out at the ocean.

Once Levi made it to the center of the wooden floor, you turned around, gripped the knob with your hand, and pushed the door shut. Leaning your forehead against the wood, you closed your eyes and let out a deep exhale. The floor creaked below you, indicating Levi's approach.

"Let's talk," he said quietly, placing a gentle hand on your back.

Head still resting against the door, you asked, "Levi, do you resent me?"

"What?"

"Do you wish I hadn't been alive?"

"Look at me."

Tentatively, you raised your head to stare at him. His eyes were sincere and vulnerable as he brought up his hand to cup your cheek. Still feeling ashamed by your thoughts, you turned your head away from his hold, rejecting him. His gaze faltered.

"Eden-"

"You deserve better than me," you interrupted him, shaking your head. "You deserve better than what I did to you and everyone else here."

"You're not the same person from back then," he said. "You're doing what you can now to make sure history doesn't repeat itself. That's not something I'm willing to ignore, and neither should you."

"But that doesn't change the fact that I still did what I did, Levi," you retorted. "I couldn't even look myself in the mirror for months after coming back to Marley. I felt nothing but disgust towards myself. I don't even know how you can still look me in the eye and still say such redeeming things about me when I... I haven't done a damn thing to truly redeem myself. All I do is fail and hurt people. Nothing is ever enough."

He reached out his hand to grab your arm, but you shrugged him away, brushing past him. He caught your wrist before you could walk away any farther.

You whirled on him. "Just go lay down, Levi. Rest that leg before we have to go fight again."

His grip on your wrist tightened slightly. "Then come to bed with me."

You pulled your wrist from his grip. His face expressed confusion along with a touch of frustration. "I don't think I should."

"Eden-"

"There's no point in this, Levi," you said in a harsh tone. "There's no point in us. It's not even just about the severity of what I did four years ago. I only have nine years left. Nine. Do you really want to waste those years on someone you won't get to spend the rest of your life with?"

"With you, I would," he answered.

You huffed. "Think about it, Levi. You'd really waste nine years on me? You only knew me for a few months, and then I betrayed you. The only reason you're being kind to me again is because I saved you. You deserve someone better - someone like Annabeth."

"Stop doing this, Eden."

"It's the truth," you snapped, tears brimming in your eyes. "Everything you told me in the forest is true, Levi. I should have died that day in Shiganshina, and you know it too."

He reached out to grab your wrists again, but you shoved him off forcefully. "Eden-"

"You know it's true, Levi." You didn't even make an attempt to suppress the tears that were threatening to spill from your eyes. "I don't deserve your sympathy, or your kindness, or your love. I never have. I need to stop letting myself accept this love from you because I am not worthy of it-"

"Stop it-"

"You know it too," you continued, voice trembling. "That's why you kept pushing me away any time you felt a spark between us in that forest. You hated the fact you still loved me because it didn't feel right."

You expected another response out of him after that, but he remained still. He stared back at you with a stoic expression, clearly pondering his thoughts.

"I'm doing both of us a favor," you said quietly. "So just-"

Without warning, your back was slammed against the wall as his lips crashed into yours. His hands snaked over to your waist to pull you closer against him. Just like always, your body melted into him immediately, unable to resist him.

Your lips fit together like a puzzle piece, his lips parting to taste you completely. You sighed into his mouth while his grip around your waist grew tighter, pressing you against his chest. Goosebumps erupted at his touch, overwhelmed by the fervor in his motions.

His teeth captured your bottom lip, and your abdomen surged with warmth. Your reactions to him boosted his confidence; he grinded his lower body into you, resulting in a moan escaping your mouth. Still holding your waist tightly, he dragged his lips across your jawline, then to your neck.

But, no. As much as you enjoyed this... as much as you wanted him to keep going...to go further...

You didn't deserve it.

"Stop, Levi," you demanded, grabbing his arms to push him off. He paused his movements to raise his head, staring at you questionably.

"I'm yours, Eden," he said. Your heart fluttered at his words, but the shaking of your head contradicted those feelings.

"Stop-"

"I love you."

"You can't love me." Your fingers curled around his shirt, subtly telling him not to go away even despite the opposing words coming out of your mouth.

"That's not for you to decide." He brought up his hand to hold your cheek as he spoke to you. The glowing in his eyes was making it really hard to turn him down.

Damn him and his beautiful grey eyes.

"You know that I love you, Levi," you confessed. "I never stopped, but this... this can't happen."

"Do you want it to?"

"Of course I do, but-"

"Then stop trying to deny my affections."

"But-"

He cut you off with another kiss. It was not as fiery and passionate as before, but sweet and tender - just enough to get you to relax your shoulders and quiet your thoughts. He pulled away after a few seconds, eyes fixed on you intently.

"If I didn't want this to happen, I wouldn't have turned Annabeth down the way I did," he said. "I would have pulled her into this room instead of you, but I didn't."

"It just doesn't make sense to me why you'd even choose me when I-"

"Because she isn't you," he interrupted abruptly. "Eden, I was stuck on you for four fucking years. Just hearing the sound of your name used to make me irritable and nauseous because it reminded me of how I still loved you despite what you did and I'd get frustrated all over again. I will admit that there was a time where I considered moving on with Annabeth, but I just couldn't because... because she wasn't you. No one else would ever be able to replace those feelings I had whenever I was with you."

"You don't know that. You haven't tried."

"Maybe I don't want to try when I have you."

"I think you should."

He sighed. "Eden, I think you need to forgive yourself."

Your eyebrows furrowed slightly at his words. "Myself?"

"You let the guilt sink in. You've made an effort to atone for what you did. Now, you need to learn to forgive yourself."

"My forgiveness doesn't matter," you said incredulously. "I'm the one who fucked up. Why should I forgive myself when I brought this onto myself?"

"Because you have control over that," he clarified. "Some people might never forgive you, and that's something you have to accept, but you have control over creating change and forgiving yourself. You have to forgive yourself, or else you'll just make yourself miserable."

"But I don't feel like I deserve it," you told him. "The guilt sticks with me and never leaves. I mean, how could I just ignore it?"

He exhaled very subtly, gripping your waist to pull you close against his chest. His hand went up to stroke your hair, gently placing your head on his shoulder.

"Don't push me away," he ordered before you even had the chance to shove him off. You responded by wrapping your arms around his neck.

"Okay," you finally said, soothed by the warmth of his body glued against yours.

"If you want me to be brutally honest, then I will," he whispered into your hair. "But let me hold you while I do it."

You nodded into his neck.

"I did resent you," he confessed, "and I did want to hate you. I couldn't look past your lies. I couldn't look past the false hope you gave me. I couldn't look past all the death that happened because you kept your mouth shut. And to be blunt, when I read about the way you cared about Annie and Reiner in your journal, it just set something off inside me. I don't blame you for the bond you have with them, but I also just can't stand it. Annie just... fuck, it just pisses me off to see her standing after seeing what happened to my squad."

You tried to pull away from him again, but his grip remained tight around your waist.

"Stay," he demanded. "Please."

"But-"

"Just listen to what I have to say," he said gently. For him to express his anger towards you while also remaining tender said a lot about his patience.

He sighed through his nose. "You're not wrong about what you said. I feel like I should hate you. I feel like I should loathe you for the grip you still have on me years later, but I contradict myself every time."

His hands slid up to grasp your arms, very carefully drawing you away from him to fix his gaze on you. Your body shivered when you felt his hands lower to grab your hands.

"Every time I look into your eyes, I crumble completely again," he said softly. "I see your pain - your suffering. What I feel in my heart overrides any logic I feel in my mind the second you lock me in your gaze. I fall for you all over again, because I can see the real you."

His thumb brushed over your hand lightly. "Admitting this isn't easy for me, and I won't deny that forgiving you is one of the hardest things I've had to do, but I see your efforts, and that is enough for me to try."

A tear slipped past your eye; he raised a hand to wipe it away with his thumb. "I can't speak for our fallen comrades, so I can't tell you if they'd forgive you or not because truthfully, I don't know if they would. But at the very least... I think they'd understand."

You lowered your gaze to the floor, overwhelmed by the sincerity in his words. He tipped your chin up with his fingers. "You have to grant yourself some sympathy, Eden. You have to forgive yourself, or else, you're just going to get nowhere. The past can't be changed, but the future can be. That's what you're trying to do now."

It may take you a long time to reach a point to genuinely forgive yourself, but you couldn't deny the validity in Levi's words. There wasn't much time left, and you shouldn't spend the rest of it pitying yourself. If anything were to happen to you, you didn't want your last thoughts to be that you didn't make a big enough impact in this world. You wanted to make sure that your efforts did make a difference.

To strive for change - that should be your main focus, not feeling bad for yourself.

"So please come to bed," he said, "because if anything happens to either of us, my biggest regret will be not holding you one last time. Even if you feel like you don't deserve it, just let me. One last time."

You placed a hand on his cheek to lean in and plant a kiss on his lips. The rigidness in his body diminished at your affection.

"It won't have to be the last time," you reassured him, "because we're both going to get out of this alive."

His lips curled upwards slightly at your encouragement. You returned the same expression, grabbing his hand and leading him towards the bed. The realization of just how tiny it was hit you the closer you approached it.

"Not sure how we're both going to fit in there," you stated sheepishly.

"We'll make it work," he said with confidence, plopping down on the edge of it. The bed creaked at the impact of his weight. "Shit, these beds really are shitty," he grumbled, removing his gear and kicking off his boot. He used both of his hands to try and remove his splint. You placed a hand over his to stop him.

"Leave the splint on," you told him strictly.

"It's uncomfortable."

"I'm sure it is, but you need to preserve your leg before we go out there again."

He sighed in exasperation, deciding to listen to your advice.

"Lift your leg," you said. "We need to elevate it with a pillow so you're more comfortable."

He complied, removing the one pillow from the bed and passing it to you. Carefully, you slipped it under his injured leg and fluffed it up.

"Good?" you asked him.

"Perfect," he replied, grabbing your wrist. "Now, come." His tone was desperate.

Although seeing him plead for your affections was slightly amusing to you, you still couldn't help the somberness overtaking you so suddenly again. It wasn't about feeling undeserving of his love anymore - it was if he was certain about his feelings for you.

He sat up slightly, noticing the change in your demeanor. "What?"

"Are you sure that you love me?"

"Eden-"

"I'm serious," you said sternly. "Tell me you're certain that you want this, because if you push me away again, I don't know if I can handle that."

That night in the tent still remained burned into your brain. You'd never forget the hopelessness you felt after watching him walk away. That was the moment you were so sure you had lost him.

"I just want you to tell me the truth because going back and forth wouldn't be fair to either of us. I need to know you won't regret this."

"After everything I just said, you're still doubting me?"

His question made you pause. He reached his hand out to grab yours. "I love you, Eden. I promise I'll never deny it again. I was being an idiot before because I didn't know how to handle my emotions. I'll say it a thousand times if I have to. I've never been sure of anything more in my life."

Your lips curved up very subtly. "Okay. I trust you."

You took the next few minutes to take off your gear and set down your pocket knife on the table. Once it felt like your body was able to breathe freely again, you walked towards the end of the bed and crawled on top to lay on his right side, avoiding putting any stress on his injury. The bed made a mixture of a creaking and cracking sound.

"Do you think we're about to break this bed?" you asked jokingly, shifting your body up. He wrapped an arm around your waist and tugged you into his chest tightly. You rolled over to your side, bent your arms in, and settled your head into his neck. His touch was cozy and warm, and the way he was holding you felt like he was absolutely terrified of letting you go.

"Let's not jinx it because I'm quite comfortable where I am now," he said. A soft laugh vibrated in your throat.

"I missed this," you admitted to him quietly. He replied with a hum.

"Me too," he finally said, rubbing his thumb on your hip. You smiled to yourself.

"I really meant what I said before in the tent, Levi," you said. "I've always been yours. I can't picture myself with anybody else unless it's with you. I was already growing accustomed to the idea of dying alone."

"Seems like we both had the same idea." You peered up at him with narrowed eyes. He released a huff from his mouth. "What?"

"Liar. You were fond of Annabeth at some point, so you definitely pictured something with her."

He nearly rolled his eyes. "Okay, yeah, but there's a reason I rejected her."

"You still took her out for tea, though."

His eyes widened in shock. "You knew about that?"

"Girls find out about everything," you responded.

Red colored his cheeks, an embarrassed smile playing on his face. "It was just once to give it a shot, but nothing else happened. I didn't even kiss her."

"You swear?"

"Yes."

"And where did you take her?"

He paused, his lips curling into a mischievous smirk. "On the roof. I laid out a blanket with fruit and tea and everything."

Immediately, you began to unravel yourself from his hold to get up from the bed, but his grip on your waist was strong. "I'm kidding. I'm kidding," he said, pulling you back against him.

You surrendered to him, fixing your eyes on him again with your lips pressed together in a tight line. "Not funny," you said firmly.

"I'm sorry. I've just never seen you so jealous before," he defended, stroking your hair gently.

"And what if I told you that Zeke was planning to propose to me when I came back from Paradis?"

His arm tensed around you, the amused smirk dying off of his face.

"Yeah, not so fun on the receiving end, is it?" you said playfully, nudging him with your arm.

"Yeah, yeah." He resumed rubbing his thumb on your hip. "But I promise that nothing more happened with Annabeth. I had tea with her in my office, but that was it. Taking her to the roof wouldn't have felt right."

You let out a slight laugh. "It's fine, Levi. I'm not mad at you for exploring. I mean, sure, I won't deny that it hurt to find out, but I can't blame you for it. I couldn't just expect you to still be hung up on me for that long."

"But clearly, I still was."

You huffed. "Yeah, clearly."

He took his other hand to hold your cheek, smiling while he admired your features. "It didn't help that you're still just as beautiful as before."

It felt like your heart was about to burst. "Sap."

A laugh rumbled in his chest. "Not this again."

"You started it. Remember?"

He reached down to give you a quick peck on the forehead. "If anyone's an even bigger sap, it's you."

"Not true."

"With all those entries you wrote about me in your journal? Stop lying."

Your cheeks filled with warmth as you turned your head away shyly. "I remember calling you short and mean."

"Sure." He grabbed your chin to force you to face him. "But do you remember what else you said?"

"Amuse me," you urged.

His eyes flickered down to your lips. "You said I was a good kisser."

You were unable to hide your bashful smile from him. "Did I?"

"Mhm."

Your face was slowly gravitating closer to his. "I guess I did."

He leaned in first, cupping the back of your head while you shifted your body higher up to find a comfortable position. His lips moved smoothly against yours, and you welcomed him. He was quick and passionate in his movements, brushing his tongue past your lips. Caught up in his fervor, you boldly wrapped a leg around him to straddle his waist.

He flinched and groaned at your sudden actions. You froze, watching the way he clutched his thigh at the pain in his leg.

"Shit," you said, removing your leg. "Shit, I'm sorry-"

"I don't care."

Both of his hands seized your waist to lift you back on top of him. He didn't even wait to hear your protests, grabbing you by the back of your neck to kiss him again.

"Levi," you said in between kisses. "Your leg."

"Don't care," he breathed, dragging his calloused hands under your shirt. "Need you close."

His hands rode up your skin, which sent warmth to your lower region. He used his tight grip to push you down against him, igniting his desires. You pressed down with more confidence, eliciting a moan from him. He bit down on your bottom lip out of frustration while you repeated your actions.

"Fuck, I need you," he practically whined. You drew back slightly, pausing the passionate exchange.

"Not now," you told him, swiping his bangs away from his forehead. His strands of hair had grown much longer during that month in the forest, slightly falling over his eyes. It was clear he hadn't decided to trim them during this time. "I don't want to risk hurting you."

"I know." He exhaled in disappointment. "I got too caught up in the moment, but I'm fine just holding you like this."

You smiled at him, pressing your lips very gently over the bandages wrapped over his forehead. Your eyebrows furrowed slightly when you saw just how close the white wrapping was to his right eye. Your thumb ghosted over it lightly.

"You nearly lost your eye," you told him in concern.

"I did," he said, his voice raspy. "Thanks to you, I didn't."

"You're welcome," you said with a grin. However, his firm expression didn't waver.

"Don't do it again, though."

"If it meant saving those pretty silver eyes, I'd do it all over again."

"Shut up," he grumbled, squeezing the side of your waist while trying so hard to shield the smile on his face, but failing miserably. His bashful reaction elicited a laugh out of you as you kissed his cheek. "I'm serious, though. Never try to put your life at risk for me again."

"I'm sorry, but I can't promise that." You cupped his face and brushed your thumb over his cheek. "I made a promise to myself and all the fallen soldiers from Paradis that I'd make sure you lived no matter what. If that meant losing my life, I'd do it again."

His grip on you tightened. "There's no way I'm-"

"Nothing you can say will convince me out of it, Levi," you said firmly. "I'm not letting you die, and you can't stop me from preventing that. I made this promise to myself years ago and I still intend to hold up to it."

Concern was written all over his expression. "You won't get the chance to because there's no way in hell I'm gonna lose you again."

"Well, let's just hope we don't have to be put in a position like that," you said softly, resting your arm on his chest while stroking his hair. "Let's remain optimistic."

Although he was still visibly tense at the thought, he nodded in agreement. "For now, let's just rest."

"Yeah." You moved your body back to your original position, his arm wrapping around your shoulders to pull you in close. "Let's just enjoy what we have now."

He pressed his lips against the side of your head like he always used to before bed, and then the two of you drifted off into a slumber in no time.

A loud shriek jolted you awake.

"How can that be? They're all dead? Commander Magath. My family in Liberio. All of them?"

Of all things, you didn't expect Falco's voice in the room beside you to be the alarm to wake you and Levi up a few hours later.

"The fuck was that?" Levi grumbled in a raspy tone, sitting up after you.

"Falco," you answered, scurrying off the bed to put on your shoes. "It looks like he's woken up, which means we probably have to get going soon."

Levi took a few seconds to just sit there and stare at you solemnly, reluctant to get up from the bed.

"Come on," you urged him. "We have to get going."

"I know," he mumbled, rising from the bed to copy your actions. He somehow slipped on his one boot on his foot easily.

"You good?" you asked, grabbing both of your metal bands from the floor.

"Yeah."

You turned to leave. "Let's get going."

He grabbed your wrist before you headed towards the door. "Wait." You glanced at him from over your shoulder, awaiting his response. "I just need to know... the shit you said about Zeke wanting to marry you - you were joking, right?"

His question made you rigid. You broke out of his grip and averted your gaze nervously, completely giving your answer away.

He lowered his hand in sheer shock. "Tell me you're joking."

"Well, it's not like I said yes," you defended, still unwilling to look him in the eye. You already knew he was fuming.

"You're kidding me," he said in bewilderment. "I thought you were just saying that as a joke to see my reaction. You were serious?"

You finally found the courage to gaze at him again. "Yes, but it never happened, so don't worry about it."

"Of course I'm gonna fucking worry about it," he responded stubbornly. "Why the fuck would he ask in the first place? Is he stupid?"

A sigh escaped you while you leaned your back against the vanity, dropping the bands on the ground while placing both hands on the edge of the drawer. You were absolutely not prepared for this conversation right now.

"Somehow, this doesn't even surprise me," he continued. "He has some creepy attraction towards you. He never failed to let me hear about it in that forest."

"Is that why you used to barge into my tent with an attitude?"

"It was part of the reason," he admitted, "but his 'good guy' act was also just infuriating to watch, and I was tired of him trying to deceive me when he couldn't give less of a damn about those lives he took away."

You nodded in agreement.

"But anyway, why did he ask?"

"Do you really need to know, Levi? It's not important anymore."

"Yes," he answered. "It might make killing him much faster."

You bit your lips nervously, forcing yourself to keep your eyes locked on his. "He wanted to give me an ultimatum. That day he was torturing you in the forest, I kept begging him to spare you, so he was about to give me a proposition. Luckily, your squad came just in time to save you, so I never needed to agree to anything. When we returned to Marley, he finally revealed the truth to me about the offer he was going to give me - he was going to have me marry him in exchange for your life."

His hands curled into tight fists. "That fucking bastard."

"But it's fine now. It didn't happen, so don't dwell on it."

"I think I'd rather have died than to know you were going to be forced into a marriage with that bearded shit."

"You're being dramatic."

"I'm not being dramatic," he said furiously. "He would have treated you like shit and probably would have forced you to bear his children."

"I don't think he ever wanted kids. I mean, why would he if he wants to wipe away the Eldian race? Maybe the Marleyan government would have forced it on him because of his blood, but-"

"You're missing the point, Eden," he cut you off. "If you said yes, you would have been a slave to him for the rest of your life. You wouldn't get any ounce of freedom because he would have held my life over you to manipulate you. You would have never gotten the chance to truly live if you said yes."

"But it didn't happen, and even if it did, I would have found a way out of it. You know me well enough, Levi. I would never, ever let myself be stuck in a situation like that," you defended. "I know the idea of it infuriates you, but if it meant saving your life, I would have done it in a heartbeat. I'm glad it didn't get to that point, but I'm just being truthful. Your survival is one of the most important things to me."

"Start thinking of yourself too," he suggested. "Because you shouldn't have to suffer just to make sure everyone else is fine. You've been doing that your whole life."

"If it means protecting the people I love, suffering is a sacrifice I'm willing to commit."

He drew out an exhale through his nose, then stepped up closer to you, cupping your cheek and giving you a sweet kiss on the lips.

"I love you," he said gently. "But please don't do anything stupid to save me."

"I told you that-"

"Promise me," he said in a harsher tone. "I lost you once already. I can't handle losing you again."

You placed your hand over his, rubbing your thumb over his fingers while you stared back at him intently. That wasn't something you could promise him, but you also knew he wasn't going to take no for an answer.

"I'll try not to," was what you settled with. He was evidently not happy with that reply, but you said, "I love you" before he could argue again.

With a huff, he said, "You can be so damn careless." Unwilling to dispute further, he crashed his lips onto yours, overwhelming you with his passion and love. You didn't think you could ever get tired of kissing him. It immediately put your mind and body at ease.

His hands gripped your waist once again, and he lifted you to place you on top of the vanity. His movements became more feverish as your legs spread apart to make room for him, allowing him to settle between them. His chest was flush against yours while one hand grabbed your neck tenderly to hold onto you.

A loud banging on the door caused the two of you to break apart.

"Not sure what you two are doing in there, but it's time to go! Get your gear on and come outside!" Hange's familiar voice shouted from behind the wooden door.

Levi let out a deep sigh as his forehead dropped on your shoulder. "I wish we had more time."

Gently, you rested a hand on his shoulder to draw him back. You cupped his cheek sweetly, and his head instinctively leaned into your touch at your warmth. His response to you made you smile.

He grabbed the hand that was holding his cheek, then placed two kisses inside your palm; you laughed quietly at his affections.

This man was utterly obsessed with you. You prayed that you'd never be put in a position where you had to lose him again.

"Okay," you said, planting one final peck on his lips before reaching down to grab the metal bands again. "Let's go."

The energy upon stepping outside of the door was rigid and fretful. All the ease and comfort you felt in that one room immediately vanished. The reality of what was happening settled on your shoulders, overtaking your body with dread.

"I'm nervous," you admitted out loud. Levi grabbed your free hand, rubbing his thumb over your skin like he always did when you were feeling tense. Having him beside you was already enough reassurance that everything would turn out okay.

"We're gonna make it out of this together," he reassured you. "Just like you said."

You nodded to yourself, shutting your eyes and taking a deep breath in.

Positive thoughts. Positive thoughts.

"You're right," you replied. "Everything will be okay."

The two of you hopped down the steps, Levi holding onto the railing while you assisted him down. Right when you reached for the door to the deck, it swung open, revealing Armin standing before you. His eyebrows raised at the sight of the two of you.

"Captain Levi, shouldn't you still be resting?"

Levi scoffed. "If I keep resting any longer, you're all just gonna forget about me. Besides, Yelena must be up by now. We need to keep pressing her to tell us where Eren's going."

Armin nodded. "That's what we're aiming to do now."

The two of you wasted no time in following Armin out of the door, then off the ship. The sky had been consumed in darkness, with hardly a cloud floating in the sky. It was a bit eerie, considering how serious the situation was.

As the three of you drew closer to the building, a short figure caught your attention from afar, sitting down on the ledge of the dock.

Annie.

"You two go ahead," you told them. "I'm gonna stay back for a second."

"You sure?" Armin asked.

"Yeah."

"What's this about?" Levi inquired. Without saying a word, you turned your head in Annie's direction. Observant as he always was, Levi immediately caught on to what you were telling him.

"Alright. I'll hold the gear for you," he said, taking the metal bands from your hands. "I'll see you later."

At that, the three of you parted ways. Annie seemed too preoccupied in her thoughts to notice you lingering behind her like a shadow.

"Hey," you called. She didn't even turn her head; instead, she just glared at you from the corner of her eye. You settled yourself down next to her, letting your legs hang freely from the edge of the dock. "I've been meaning to talk to you."

"Why? Did Reiner send you?"

"No. I wanted to come talk to you."

"Well, go ahead."

You spread your palms behind you, leaning back while gazing up at the sky. "Reiner told me you're thinking of staying behind."

"I thought about it," she answered. "And I am staying behind."

"Why?"

"What's the point?" she asked incredulously. "Marley is gone, so even if we save humanity, we'll still be seen as monsters for the rest of our lives anyway. No one will be able to protect us from that fate. It's been rooted in us since we were born."

"So you think it's fine to sit by and let Eren kill everyone else off?"

"Don't do this to me," she said in annoyance. "I'm tired of people choosing my life for me. I don't want to fight anymore. I just want to spend the last of my moments in peace. Why can't I do that?"

You mulled over her comment for a few seconds, then you said, "You're right, I'm sorry. It's not up to me to force a decision on you, and I don't think I've ever properly apologized to you for the poor example I gave all of you when I first led you here, so I'm sorry. But..." you trailed off nervously. "I just want to offer you a different perspective to all this. You are well in your right to stay behind, but I do wonder if you ever considered differently."

"Why?"

"Because of all the people you killed," you said bluntly. "Innocent people. People you and I befriended."

She remained quiet for a moment, tucking her knees into her chest as the wind blew against her bangs. "Are you gonna sit here and reprimand me about it?"

"That's not what I'm doing," you disagreed. "That would be hypocritical of me. All I'm saying is that you should look at it from a different perspective. I'm fighting because it's the least I can do for Paradis after the damage I allowed. I'm part of the reason why the Eldians suffered here, and that's why I'm making it my duty to help them against Eren before he makes things worse for everyone involved."

"I helped them secure the ship, so that's where my fighting ends. I'm not going," she said stubbornly. "So don't bother trying to guilt trip me."

"Alright, then. I'm not gonna force you. As I said, I just wanted to give you a different perspective, but I will say one final thing." You rose from the ground. "You've always shown a lot of promise as a child, and if anyone could help stop Eren, I know it's you and Reiner. We all have a ton of blood on our hands now, and I was hoping we could be the ones to help stop more blood from spreading. Eren is doing this because of what we caused. We aren't fully to blame for our upbringing, but we can still stop this cycle of hatred from getting worse."

Silence. Her lips were sealed shut.

"Stay safe, Annie," came your final reply. You twisted your body away and started walking in the opposite direction.

To be quite frank, you were a little disappointed with how this conversation turned out. You were never a fan of trying to guilt people to do certain things, but it felt necessary in this instance. Annie murdered hundreds of people just like Reiner did, and yet, she hadn't really mentioned how she felt about it once.

Granted, she had been trapped in a crystal for four years, and she had never been an easy person to talk with emotionally... but still.

Well, if she wanted to stay behind, you weren't going to stop her. She had fought for many years already, so you were going to let her rest if that was what she wanted.

"Eden," Reiner called for you as you approached the floating boat. "Can you give us a bit of a hand with moving the fuel tanks?"

You began rolling up your sleeves. "Sure."

You spent the next few hours or so assisting the others with the fueling of the floating boat until the sun rose. It was fulfilling working alongside your former squad again - it almost felt like the old times. You were surprised to see them acting the same way they used to around you.

Connie and Sasha were especially a lot more comfortable with you again than you were expecting. Sasha started asking very personal questions about you and Levi, to which you completely ignored; then she randomly brought up Paulina by asking if she was single.

"Huh?" you asked, setting down another fuel tank. For a moment, you started to wonder if Sasha was asking that question for herself, but when you observed the way Connie scrambled to cover her mouth, you knew that question was somehow related to him.

"Connie has a crush on your sister," Jean said out of nowhere.

"Jean!" Connie said in protest.

You couldn't help the laugh that escaped you. "Wait, really?"

Jean's lips curled upwards. "It was bound to come into conversation anyway, Connie. It's pretty damn obvious."

"You better watch it," you told Connie half-jokingly. However, it was clear that he took your threat seriously when you watched the way his face turned as red as a tomato.

Yep. Just like the old times.

As if on cue, Paulina entered from one of the backdoors of the building, immediately jogging in your direction. Connie walked a few feet away from her timidly.

"Hey," you greeted her with a hug. "How are you?"

"I'm alright. I just finished solidifying a plan with Hange and Armin. I think you guys will take off soon, but I'm not going with you guys. I'm leaving with the Azumabitos along with Annie, Gabi, Falco, and Annabeth."

Your face dropped. "Oh."

You should have expected this. She was never a fighter, after all. There was no reason for her to hop onto the floating boat with the rest of you if she couldn't fight. She would only get herself killed.

She gave you a confident smile. "It'll be okay, though. You're a big group, and Nifa's joining you guys too. I'll be safe where I am. I know it will be okay. "

You forced yourself to return the same expression despite the anxiety you had about not being anywhere near her to protect her. "Of course it will be okay. You always find a way to survive."

"Yep, just like you," she said. "Now, let's get your gear on."

The rest of the Azumabitos finished wrapping up the adjustments on the floating boat while the rest of you assisted each other in putting on your gear. Levi had taken off his splint before adjusting the metal bands on his legs. There was no reason to reprimand him for it anymore - that man was going to fight until his last breath, and he wasn't going to let a splint weigh him down.

Once you all finished putting on your equipment, the group of you headed towards the flying boat to check in on it.

"Something's wrong," Sasha proclaimed suddenly, pausing in her steps. You furrowed your eyebrows in concern.

"Huh?" Hange asked.

"I hear something." Her voice was panicked. "I think it's a person. I hear movement. They're close."

"Maybe it's just your anxiety," Connie said.

"Where do you hear it coming from, Sasha?" you intervened. You knew to trust Sasha's instincts always. She was always right to be worried.

"By the dock," she answered. "I hear footsteps."

Immediately, you rushed towards that direction, ignoring the incredulous protests coming from several people in the group. You followed along the dock, deciding to enter from the entrance to the building in that area. Bile rose in your throat when you saw wet footprints and droplets stained on the wooden floor.

Sasha was right. Someone was here.

You inched up closer to the building, and right when you spotted the soaked figure inside, a gun went off.

You pressed down on the trigger of your gear and zipped forward, pulling out your swords to block the bullets from blowing holes into the boat. Once the intruder spotted you, he made sure to make you his next target.

Fucking Floch.

Unable to move away in time, one of his bullets grazed across your arm; you fell on your side and clutched your arm in pain. Luckily, Mikasa swooped in just in time and took matters into her own hands by stabbing him with her grapples to stop him from meddling any further.

Mikasa reeled in the wires once she saw that Floch was fully incapable of causing anymore commotion.

"Floch," Hange said dejectedly, approaching his bleeding body. "Don't tell me you clung to the ship all the way here..."

"Eden," you heard Levi's voice call. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Fine," you told him, standing up from the ground. "Just grazed me. Nothing serious."

All of a sudden, the ground started shaking beneath you. A collection of gasps echoed across the room in realization of what this meant.

"Hange!" Onyankopon called. "We have to leave now! The titans are drawing closer!"

"Did the bullets hit the boat?" you asked in concern. "Did I manage to block him?"

"The boat is fine. No bullets impacted it," Onyankopon reassured you. You sighed in relief. "However, this means we all have to leave now."

"That's right," Hange said, rising from the ground after inspecting Floch's lifeless body. "Let's head out before it gets worse. There's no more time to waste."

The soldiers listened to the commander's orders, bolting inside the flying boat to get ready for take off. You took one last second to wave goodbye to your sister, silently praying that all of this would turn out okay.

Positive thoughts. Positive thoughts.

The door to the flying boat shut, and all of you took off into the air.

Hange and Armin began relaying the plan they had in mind. Although Yelena did end up revealing Eren's location, the most distressing part about the situation was not knowing where exactly he resided in his titan. His form was no longer anything normal - it was in the shape of what looked like a centipede.

Hange proposed that killing Zeke may stop the rumbling, to which everyone agreed was possible. Not to your surprise, Levi jumped in to offer to kill him with everyone else's assistance. You didn't hesitate to say yes.

That bastard needed to die already.

Discussing the plan was both difficult, and emotional. It turned heartfelt and heavy, with Reiner trying to reassure his former comrades of the atrocities they had committed.

All of you were murderers. None of you were good people anymore. This final discussion all of you were having really put this thought into perspective.

And then, you were suddenly transported back to that weird, sandy land from your dream again, except everyone else was here with you this time. Everything was glowing blue and white; it was slightly overwhelming to your eyes.

Eren started speaking again. As one final attempt to stop the rumbling, the young soldiers started pleading for him to put an end to this, shouting into the air.

But nothing seemed to convince him. It was hopeless. There was no more point in reasoning with him. He had made his decision, and although no one had said it yet, you knew exactly what this meant: Zeke wasn't the only one you all had to kill now, it was Eren too.

Your bodies returned to the flying boat merely seconds later. Panic was clear on everyone's faces. All hope had been lost.

And as if things couldn't have gotten any worse, you were proven wrong when you felt your body dropping down from the air.

The flying boat was falling.

"What's going on?" you asked.

"It seems like the tanks weren't fueled enough!" Onyankopon stated. "We must have gotten distracted when Floch showed up. Everyone get ready to jump off! We're close!"

"Onyankopon! You get over here too!" Jean shouted.

"Not yet! I'll keep going till we're over the Founder! Afterwards, I'll make an emergency landing, so make sure you land on the Founding Titan! Got it?"

Large pieces of crystal pounded against the structure of the plane, sending it off course.

Shit.

"It's Zeke," you stated. "He's here. He's trying to stop us!"

"At least we know where he is. That saves us some trouble," Armin said.

"So then, let's take him out! All of us!" Hange shouted. "Let's go!"

Onyankopon increased the speed of the plane, dodging each shard of crystal Zeke sent flying towards his direction. Once he was close enough, he dipped down low to allow you all to jump off safely.

It was a whirlwind trying to maneuver the gear from such a fast moving object, but it came naturally to you in no time. You ducked and swerved each quick shard Zeke hurled at all of you. You were determined to help Levi kill him, no matter what.

However, there was one thing in particular concerning you right now, and ironically, it wasn't Zeke.

It was the strange moving Okapi Titan chasing after you.

What the fuck?

Each move you made only made the creature sprint faster towards you. The Okapi kept its pace much closer to you than you would have liked, even despite how quick you were moving. Your anxiety grew when you witnessed the titan quite literally catch up to your damn wire before you could even clamp the grapples onto the next bone in your path.

And then, you felt your body get tugged forward. The titan had grabbed onto the wire to stop you.

"Eden!" Levi shouted. He bolted by like a lightning strike, slicing off the titan's hands so it could release you. You recovered swfitly from its attack, zooming away.

"What happened?" Levi asked.

"I don't know," you said. "It's chasing after me. I have no idea-"

Something slimy and wet curled around your waist, yanking you away from the path you were headed towards. You were in such sheer shock that you hadn't noticed you were being lured into a mouth.

"Eden!" Levi's hand reached out for you before the mouth shut; you grabbed onto him tightly, despite the strong force trying to pull you apart.

Fuck. Whatever this creature was, it was pretty damn strong.

Your arm was becoming strained from how hard you were trying to hold onto Levi, and you knew he could feel it too.

"Let go, Levi," you told him.

"Shut the fuck up," he said angrily. "I'm not letting you go."

The titan's grip was growing exceedingly tighter. There was no way Levi would be able to pull you out. He was only going to get himself sucked in too.

You shut your eyes for a few seconds, then you said, "I'm sorry."

"No," Levi said. You used your free hand to push him off, and his grip broke free. "No!" you heard him scream a final time.

And then, you took one last breath before being immersed into complete darkness.

Notes:

I'm a hot mess, that's all I have to say. I hope this long chapter makes up for it :').

Two more chapters left!! This feels surreal. I appreciate all of your patience since I've slowed down with my updates. I'm gonna aim for two weeks for chapter 49, but chapter 50 might take a little longer than that - reason being that I don't want to rush the epilogue and want to make sure I hit everything I need to. It deserves my full, devoted attention, and you guys deserve a proper conclusion.

As always, THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for all your love and patience. You guys are amazing, and I truly appreciate you all. MWAH xoxo.

- Mar

EDIT: I made a poll on tumblr to vote for my next Levi fanfic! That way, I can accommodate everyone, especially those who might be too shy to comment :). The poll closes in a week, so hopefully everyone is able to catch it before then :).

You can vote here.

Chapter 49: Bittersweet

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Paths was nice.

No people. No hatred. No war.

Just peace and quiet.

It was just endless sand surrounded by the blinding stars - the perfect place to reflect on the transcendence of life while the blended colors of purple and white beamed down from the sky and cast swirling images on the ground. It was pretty to look at. It was tranquil.

But Zeke felt nothing but dread.

It felt like he had been cushioned by this sand for years. Time passed agonizingly slowly here; it was too much isolation for one person. Zeke had been alone all his life, but even this was too lonely for him.

He had no one. Eren betrayed him, and Ymir chose to listen to him instead of Zeke. His plan had gone to shambles, and now, Eren was going to cause far more destruction than Zeke had intended. There was no one he could trust anymore - no one he could go to.

Not even you. Especially not you.

Zeke should have killed Levi when he had the chance. He had him at his weakest point years ago, but he let him slip away from his grasp like the idiot he was.

He was close. So damn close.

Just one more stab in the chest, one more punch in the gut, one more slice in the throat - then he would have been gone. Zeke's ego and arrogance convinced him that he'd get away with torturing him first, but he underestimated the capabilities of the people living on the island; thus, he let him get away.

He just wanted to teach you a lesson - to show you what happens when you fall in love with someone you knew you weren't supposed to. How foolish of you to fall in love with another Eldian, let alone an island devil. How foolish of you to imagine a future with him. To one day marry. To one day have children. Why would you want to bring more Eldians into this tragic world?

Zeke was trying to protect the fate of the world and trying to protect you. The two of you were on opposing sides - Levi was fighting for the justice of the Eldians while you were on the side that subjugated them. There was no chance for it to end smoothly.

You would have gotten over him eventually, then you would have moved on. The heartbreak of his loss would have passed in time. You would have realized how detrimental it was to fall in love with an Eldian and how the idea of continuing the race would only put more harm on a child. The relationship you two had would have never worked out.

Well, it should have never worked out. There was still a subtle pining between the two of you. Longing glances were hidden behind snarky remarks. Passion was hidden behind tension.

The two of you were still in love, even after everything that had transpired.

Where did it all go wrong? How did he lose you so easily?

He missed you. He knew it was wrong. Deep down, he knew that. He saw what falling for an Eldian did to his parents, but he couldn't help it. There was always a flutter in his heart any time you spoke or stole a glance in his direction, even if it wasn't in good taste. Just the mere presence of you made him feel less lonely. It fulfilled him.

You were the only one that took him in as a child - befriended him. Maybe it wasn't friendship to you, but to him, it was. You were the only one to look in his direction and see him for who he was.

He wanted you back.

Why? Why wouldn't you come back to him?

Why did you choose him instead?

Zeke's sandcastle crumbled in front of him. The sand seeped right through his fingertips.

Just like you did.

He plunged his hands back into the sand in an attempt to recreate what was demolished. It would never return to the way it once was, but he could still try. Little by little, the tower started coming back to life. It gave him a sense of accomplishment.

There was a bright flash that came from behind him. He chose to ignore it, his eyes intent on finishing the project in front of him.

"Zeke?"

He froze. His heart began to race.

"What's going on?"

Finally, he turned. There you stood - fear and confusion evident on your face. You took four hesitant steps towards him.

He smiled. "Eden."

"Why am I here, Zeke?" you asked angrily. "What did you do?"

He shrugged casually. "Beats me."

You shook your head. "Bullshit."

"Ask Ymir," he suggested, twisting his body back around. "Wherever she is."

You strode over to him, gaining more confidence. Your eyebrows were knitted and arms crossed over your chest as you stood in front of him. "Tell her to take me back."

"I'm afraid that's not how it works." He poked a few holes in the sandcastle to form windows. "I'm not quite sure how to return either."

Your eyes were skeptical, but there was a hint of trust behind them. Paths was a difficult concept to grasp. Not even he understood the full extent of it. Eren seemed to have grasped it before he did.

"How long have you been here?"

He shrugged again. You were unhappy with that response.

"Come on, Zeke."

"Time moves slowly here. Could have been weeks. Could have been years. Who knows?"

"Enough with your deceptive bullshit." He loved it when you'd insult him. "You have to know something."

"On the contrary," he said with a smile. "I would have returned ages ago if that were the case."

You didn't reply to that, continuing to glare at him distrustfully. His sandcastle was coming together again. His chest filled with joy at the sight.

"I like it here," he admitted. "There is no trouble here. No war. No hatred. Just peace."

"Funny you say that, considering you're one of the main causes of those things."

He frowned very slightly. "For good reason."

You scoffed. "Sure, to fulfill your sick fantasies."

The ball of sand he had formed was crushed in his hand.

Why couldn't you see it? Why couldn't you see that he was saving you? Saving everyone?

He was the hero here. Not you. Not Levi. Him.

Unexpectedly, your foot came flying from above and crushed the fortress he had been working so hard to remodel. His heart shattered as he watched the sand sink back into the ground.

"You're miserable here," you spat. "I can see it in your eyes, and I can hear it in your tone. Stop bullshitting me."

He gazed up at you with fire in his eyes. "I am at peace."

"You're running away because your plan didn't work," you continued, leaning down to get closer to his face. He swallowed at your proximity. "You don't want to leave because the only other option for you is death."

"Why don't you have a seat?" he suggested. "Since you seem like you want to have a longer chat about this."

You were hesitant, but obliged anyway. You plopped down in front of him, crossing your legs. Zeke resumed restructuring the sandcastle for a third time.

"Feels just like old times, don't you think?" he said. "When we used to play in the dirt."

"You mean when I used to kick dirt in your face? Sure, if that's what you constitute as playing."

He smiled at your brashness. "We had fun together. Don't deny it."

"You were annoying."

"You still chose to seek me out, though."

"My options were very limited, considering the fact most of the other warrior kids hated the fact I was better than them."

"Didn't you have a crush on that one boy once?"

Heat rose on your face. "Sorta, I guess. I kinda scared him away."

"You trusted me enough to talk to about it."

You didn't offer a response to that.

He remembered that memory vividly. You confided in him about a crush you had on a boy when you were sitting in the middle of a field during break, and he promised not to tell. It was the first time he ever felt some sort of jealousy. The two of you were about seven years old.

To his luck, the boy didn't seem to appreciate your violent approach of portraying your feelings to him - not in the way Zeke did. Hitting and kicking as a form of depicting romantic feelings did not work the way you intended it to.

"I know you dislike me, Eden," Zeke remarked. He wasn't content with that knowledge, but it also exhilarated him at the same time. "But don't sit there and act like you didn't have any concern for me as a child."

"I'm not acting. I don't."

"Didn't," he clarified. "Past tense. We're not talking about the present."

"Does it really matter?"

He liked that you were questioning it. "Is that your answer?"

You paused. "Like I said - I didn't have many options. You were just the least irritable to hang out with. That's all."

His hands started reforming a dune again; he prayed he wouldn't watch you crush it again. "You cared enough to tell me secrets and to help me improve."

"Because I pitied you."

"Listening to your denial is more satisfying than hearing you admit that you used to care about me," he said boldly with a wide grin. From his peripheral, he could see your fingers sink into the sand to distract yourself.

"Fine," you finally said. "I did care about you."

He froze for a moment. Something about this revelation caused his chest to swell.

Love was such a strange feeling, wasn't it?

"Not in the way you probably think, but I did care about you," you continued. Zeke suddenly wished the two of you could stay here alone together forever. "And I was a bit mean to you as a kid." You cast your eyes down. "So, I'm sorry."

He scoffed. "A bit?"

He was met with an eye roll. "Alright, fine. I was really mean to you sometimes, so I'm sorry. I had a lot of repressed anger at the time, and I took it out on you... and that poor kid I had a crush on. Anyway, the point is, I was an aggressive kid and I'm not even sure how you were able to tolerate it all then."

He shrugged. "I didn't mind."

You quirked an eyebrow. "You didn't mind the times I kicked dirt in your face or shoved you to the ground?"

"Nope."

"Sounds masochistic."

Maybe.

He shrugged again. You crinkled your nose at him.

"Freak."

His sandcastle was turning out even better than it was the two previous times. "I considered you a friend, so I didn't mind."

There was something a little gentle in your glare. Sympathy, perhaps? Or more pity?

"Sometimes..." you trailed off suddenly. "Sometimes I wonder if it's my fault you turned out like this."

He paused again, fixing his gaze on you while waiting for you to continue.

"Maybe if I was nicer, or, I don't know... if I actually listened to you when you tried telling me about your family problems. I know we were kids, but maybe I could have offered you a different perspective to things that wouldn't have led you on this path."

Zeke had a hard time trying to formulate his next words. All he could do was stare at you with his lips slightly parted.

"For what it's worth, I did consider you somewhat of a friend," you said. His heart bloomed. "But I was being selfish about it, making it all about me without considering your feelings or what was going on in your life, and I... I think about the person you could have become if I had just been a little more considerate of you."

"Nothing you could have done would have changed me, Eden," he said firmly. "My father was the person who made me realize what the true solution to this problem was - to get rid of the Eldian race so the titan power can finally be exterminated and the world can come to peace. The only way to do that is by making it impossible to produce."

"How don't you see how fucked up that is?" you asked incredulously.

"The hatred and war against Eldians will never end unless we are all eventually wiped out," he said. "You know it's true. We've been taught that since we were born, and this is the only way the world can achieve peace."

"But it's not fair, Zeke," you explained. "Everyone else gets to live freely, yet we still have to be subjugated. You're still punishing us, not helping us."

"Why can't you see it?" he snapped suddenly. You were very clearly taken aback by his sudden shift in attitude, knitting your eyebrows at him. "I'm trying to save the world. I'm trying to save you. Everything I've been doing is to protect you, yet you still continue with these ridiculous beliefs and foolish decisions."

You stood up at his response. "Don't start with this."

"I'm being logical," he said sternly. "You know it's true, Eden. The main cause of all this hatred around the world is because of Eldians. The only solution is to stop producing."

"That is not justice, Zeke."

"We wouldn't have to suffer anymore." His voice raised.

"No, you want to make us suffer even more by doing that," you shot back. "We should be allowed to decide these things on our own, Zeke. Who are you to tell me if I should have children or not?"

"So you're telling me you'd want that child to suffer knowing the entire world hates them?" He rose from the floor to approach you. "Think of your childhood, Eden. Would you want to wish that upon them?"

"No-"

"My point stands."

"The solution should be finding a way to make amends - to find a way to make an agreement with nations to make them understand Paradis' perspective."

He scoffed. "Such delusions."

"It's the only solution that is fair," you defended. "It causes no harm to anyone. It's pretty much impossible now given the circumstances, but I was trying to work towards that until Eren decided to attack unprovoked."

"It would have never happened anyway," he said. "You know it would have never worked."

"Willy had amazing connections as a Tybur. I met so many people from different nations after joining the family, and I just knew that I could have made some sort of impact just by having this high standing. My voice would have meant something, but I didn't get the chance to try it."

"Ever since you went to that damn island, you've been irritatingly delusional. All because of him. Maybe if I hadn't pushed the general to recommend you to go, you would have never ended up like this."

Your forehead creased in anger. "No, actually. Just like you said nothing could have changed you, I don't think anything could have changed me either. Deep down, I never agreed with the way I was treated as an Eldian. My mother was the person who made me question it. I was fed false things about Paradis that managed to brainwash me, but then I realized I was dead wrong. It took me some time to get to that point, but once I did, I knew for sure that I needed to fight for some type of justice because it just wasn't fair that we had to keep suffering like this."

"I'm fighting for justice."

"You're not."

"There was absolutely no hope in the path you planned to take," he continued. "This world is fueled by war and hatred, and the animosity towards Eldians has never, and will never change. My plan was the only one that made sense."

"Your plan is to sacrifice ourselves to make sure everyone else is fine," you said. "Again - that is not justice. You're being selfish for thinking everyone would just be okay with a plan like that. We should have a say in what happens to us, not just you."

Zeke was never an aggressive person. He was relatively calm, always choosing to keep his emotions held in. His father was never violent either - he was prone to anger problems, but never laid a hand on anyone to take his frustrations out. Instead, he'd toss around objects, shattering them to satisfy the fury burning in his heart.

Zeke felt that anger within him too. It was like his father left him the weight of his fury as a gift before passing. The rage intensified the older and older he became.

So watching you stand before him telling him he was wrong - telling him that everything he worked so hard for was unjustified absolutely infuriated him. It boiled his blood.

His fists clenched on each side of him while you continued to reprimand him. Everyone had always ridiculed him his entire life. Everything he had been doing was wrong in everyone's eyes - his actions, his words, his beliefs. Mr. Ksaver was the only person to open his eyes to what was right.

Why couldn't you be like that? Why couldn't you be the person he so desperately wished you could be? Why couldn't you just blindly follow him?

His temper was rising - he could feel it. It bloomed in his chest and spread throughout his arms. Then it reached his fists, and before he could even consider the consequences for his next actions, he surged forward - completely destroying the sandcastle he neglected - and aimed his fist at your face.

His fist made an impact, but not in the location he had been aiming for. You stared back at him with fearful eyes, holding his wrist just inches before his hand landed on your face.

"Zeke," you said hesitantly. "What-"

Zeke shoved you off of him, turning away from you and raking a hand through his hair. He pulled at the strands out of frustration.

"Why?" he said softly. "Why can't you see?"

"Zeke-"

"Why can't you just follow me?" he shouted, approaching you again. You stepped back in apprehension, clearly fearing if he would risk the same actions as before. "This could have worked. If you had only just-"

"You're being irrational."

"You're the one being irrational!"

Your palms pushed against his chest to shove him away. He didn't take well to that at all - raising his fist again, but quick as you always were, you caught his wrist just in time.

And then, he felt your palm smack against the side of his face so damn hard that he nearly toppled over.

"Fuck," he groaned, finding his balance after you released his grip. "Holy shit-"

"You're a goddamn hypocrite, you know that?" You grabbed him roughly by the collar of his shirt to straighten him up. "You're telling me that I'm the one being irrational - that I should agree with the sterilization of our kind, and that I was stupid for falling in love with someone on this island. But guess what?" You leaned in dangerously close to his face. His chest heaved stiffly. "You wanted me to fucking marry you."

Zeke had trouble finding a response to that, finding it hard to breathe under your grasp. The close proximity to your face didn't make it easy either.

"You wanted me to marry you," you repeated. "So don't you dare criticize me for my choices when you seem to have had the same thoughts as I have."

He finally found the courage to push you off of him, nostrils flared in irritation. "You think I wanted this? You think I wanted to have these... these feelings I had towards you since the moment we met?" he said. "Do you know how much I loathed myself to know I actually pictured some type of future with you?"

"That's how I felt too," you responded dejectedly. "But instead of remaining close-minded with my thoughts, I decided to welcome them. I made my choice. I wasn't gonna remain stuck in a mindset I didn't agree with anymore."

"You chose a man over your morals."

"No. I fell in love with a man who made me question what was right, and that was how I made my choice."

He shook his head. "He's done- he's done nothing. All I've been trying to do is protect you. Save you. That's why I kept an eye on you. That's why I told you to come back with us. That's why I saved you from Eren. That's why I wanted to marry you. We could have been powerful together. I chose you."

"You have never chosen me," you said spitefully, approaching him again. "You chose your beliefs over me every single time."

He paused. "That's not true."

"You literally drugged me in Shiganshina so I wouldn't meddle with your plans. Hell, you were going to force me to marry you so I wouldn't have to watch you kill the man I fell in love with right in front of me," you said. "You've got some sick and twisted idea of love."

He didn't know what to say. He never knew what to say. All these conflicting thoughts were swirling around in his brain and he didn't know how to deal with it.

Why were you making him question everything?

"You can't stand that I love him," you continued. It felt like you just stabbed him with your words. "And instead of reflecting on why I never felt that way about you, you keep putting the blame on me. You've never once considered how your actions have made it difficult for me to even sympathize with you. I'm tired of trying to understand you."

His nails dug into his palm while you stared back at him sternly.

"You make me wish I never met you," was the last thing he remembered you saying before another bright flash erupted from behind where you were standing. The two of you turned at the interruption. It was that blonde boy - Eren's friend?

"Armin," you said in relief. Your reaction to seeing him caused a slight pang in Zeke's heart. When you found Zeke, you expressed nothing but anger and discomfort. Armin's appearance seemed to have eased your nerves. You trusted him more than Zeke.

Why? Why couldn't you just trust him?

"You've never once considered how your actions have made it difficult for me to even sympathize with you."

His actions?

Drugging you to prevent you from meddling with his plans. Nearly forcing you to marry him. Almost killing the man you loved right in front of your eyes. Almost landing a punch on your face. Mocking you for your feelings constantly.

Levi would never do any of that, would he?

Armin approached Zeke next after speaking with you. He was trying to elicit a conversation, but Zeke was finding it hard to speak.

"You chose your beliefs over me every single time."

Zeke never allowed himself time to appreciate the world and people around him. He was focused on fulfilling his goals from the moment he met Mr. Ksaver. Once the plan was complete, Zeke thought he would have been at peace.

But what if he hadn't placed so much attention on this plan? What if he had made more time to spend time with others? To spend time with you? Get to know you better?

You had relationships with multiple people - something Zeke had trouble forming since he was a child. Eren was his last hope, but Zeke was only being used. All his life he had been used.

But you never used him. You were a friend, and maybe he should have placed more value into his friendship with you instead of wondering why you refused to follow him.

"Sometimes I wonder if it's my fault that you turned out like this."

No. No, it was never your fault. He could have changed just like you did, but he was too blinded by his beliefs that he made it his top priority. Now it was too late.

Armin began asking Zeke the same questions you had about Paths. Zeke provided him with all that he knew with more detail this time. He knew you were likely glaring at him in irritation, annoyed that he was conveying much more information to Armin than he had with you, but it was for a reason.

He decided on a new plan; he was going to make sure you returned even if it would result in his death. You had people to go back to - people who would miss you if you were gone.

Zeke couldn't say the same for himself.

Armin seemed intelligent. Zeke was sure he could figure some method out to get out of Paths. Although a part of him saw no point in returning, his conversation with you opened his eyes just a tad.

Armin picked something off of the ground. Zeke's eyes widened.

"Where did you get that?" Zeke asked.

"It was buried in the sand," Armin answered.

This resulted in a small dispute. Armin saw a leaf, Zeke saw a baseball, and you saw a purple flower. The object was viewed differently by each person. The purpose of it seemed to be to portray a nice memory for each individual.

He thought about that ball. He thought about how nice it was to play catch with Mr. Ksaver. He wished he could do it all over again.

Maybe that was his purpose - to play catch. It was meaningless, yet significant to him. Those little moments in life were not cherished enough by him. All he focused on was brutality and war.

The three of you turned at the sound of more movement, shocked to see previous titan inheritors standing before all of you.

This was it. You had all found a way to return.

Zeke approached Mr. Ksaver, apologizing for not fulfilling his plan, but also thanking him for the experience he had with him. It was a short, yet meaningful conversation.

Then he pondered to himself, looking in your direction as you remained focused on your conversation with Lara Tybur.

He wanted to say something, but couldn't bring himself to do it. It wouldn't change anything; he knew that. His fate would remain the same no matter what words he said to you.

He was going to die and nobody was going to miss him.

He sighed, shutting his eyes before parting his lips to ask Mr. Ksaver to lend him his strength to return back to the real world.

Zeke wouldn't live, but he would rest content to know that you were going to go on and create a better future for yourself. You had a support system to help you.

He regretted not being a part of it.

Maybe if he had made different choices, you would have never looked at him with such fear and distaste. Maybe you would have given him a chance. Maybe you would have never fallen in love with another.

He'd never know.

A shockwave passed through him. When he opened his eyes again, he was met with a beautiful view of the sky. No clouds. No fog. Everything down from the temperature and blue of the sky was perfect.

What a bittersweet way to die.

He remembered you talking about reincarnation once when you were children. He never paid much mind to it then, but a part of him hoped it was real.

He wanted to see you again. He wanted another chance.

Maybe in another life.

A blade swiped straight through his neck, and his life came to an end.

You were falling.

You weren't sure from where, but you were drifting through the air for what felt like an eternity. Black spots littered your vision as your body continued descending against the harsh wind. It was difficult trying to grasp the situation at hand; it almost felt like a dream of some sort.

You were shaken awake from your stupor after a pair of arms captured you in the air. Your body went limp for a few seconds as the person balanced themselves on the ground, but then you craned your head up to find your savior.

"Hange?" you said, voice hoarse and shaken up. They beamed down at you with the widest grin.

"Glad to see you still in one piece, Eden," they responded.

"What happened?" They lowered you to the ground on top of something soft... feathers? When you whirled around, your eyes met Gabi and Annie. "W-When did you two get here?"

"There's no way in hell we were gonna let you do this alone," Gabi stated proudly with a clenched fist. She had a sniper rifle set down beside her.

"But, I don't understand-"

"Miss Kiyomi allowed Falco to transform. It ultimately sunk the ship, but we all made it out okay," Annie answered. She noticed the uneasiness in your face upon mentioning the sinking of the ship, so she continued, "And don't worry, your sister is okay. She's with Miss Kiyomi and Annabeth... and Yelena. But she'll be fine. We made sure of it."

"I'm glad you guys are okay," you said, facing Annie. "And I'm glad you decided to come. Really." Her lips curved up into a subtle smile - almost non-existent, but still there.

Two more figures flew in from above, landing directly between you and Annie.

"Hey, you made it out!" Sasha said excitedly. Nifa smiled in approval.

"These two here helped cut you out. We worked out a plan with Levi to save you."

"You guys saved me? But why? Shouldn't you have been focusing on getting to Eren?"

"Are you kidding? You saved us both in the past," Nifa clarified.

"Now it was our turn to save you," Sasha added after her. "We weren't going to leave you behind."

Oh.

You could actually cry right now... but no. There was no time for that. All you could muster up was an earnest grin with tearful eyes.

"Thank you," you said.

"Levi was also not willing to give up on you," Hange continued. "You should have seen him. He was in complete distress. The little guy was not going to abandon you."

"Where is he?"

As if on cue, the answer to your question zoomed in and landed in front of you. Levi stood there in shock with parted lips for just a second.

"You made it," he said.

"Yeah," you breathed out with a smile. "I did."

"See? The plan worked out just like you said," Hange said to Levi with confidence. "I wasn't gonna let you down."

Levi smiled. There was nothing subtle or hidden about it - he was full on smiling at you.

"I told you there was no way in hell I was gonna lose you again," he said. Your cheeks became warm at his words. "And they made sure of that too."

You felt so many emotions all at once - it was far too overwhelming. You didn't think you'd ever feel so much love from so many people in one place.

And for once, you felt worthy of it. For once, you didn't feel undeserving.

"Did you take care of Zeke?" Gabi asked.

Levi's smile subsided, then he nodded. "He's gone. We don't have to worry about that bearded shit any longer."

You felt a slight pang in your heart. It was strange - you outgrew your relationship with Zeke upon witnessing the person he molded into, but something about his death sliced at your heart a bit. Maybe it was your inner child.

He was somewhat of a friend until he went down such a dark path. Maybe this pang in your heart was simply out of pity - pity for the person he had chosen to become.

But that was all it was. Your one second of sympathy for his death was pushed away very quickly. He made no attempt to even correct what he had done, therefore, you couldn't find it within yourself to mourn him like you would a loved one.

He made his choices and stuck to them until the very end. You were not going to allow yourself to mourn him for that.

Your focus was brought back to reality when you heard Connie call out for all of the others to get on Falco's titan. Armin was about to transform now, which meant that all of you needed to step away from the situation as soon as possible. Jean hesitated to leave behind Reiner, but Pieck reassured him that the Armored Titan should be able to handle it.

Reiner already made it this far... it would be a shame if his titan couldn't withstand Armin's explosion.

Armin made his transformation after the rest of you reached a safe distance, then Falco made a safe landing on the ground. Smoke floated in the air, then cleared up and created a view of the skeletal structure all of you were just fighting in. Armin's explosion had just blown up the bones.

While the rest of you waited for the smoke to disperse, the warriors ran to greet their families. You didn't turn around once, already fully aware that there was no family left for you to greet. Paulina was your last family left, and she was somewhere far out. All you could do was just stand there and pray she made it out okay.

"Eden," a woman's voice called. Your eyes widened at the voice; you twisted around to face them. Karina stood in front of you, rigid in her stance.

"Reiner is still fighting," you reassured her, assuming that was what she had reached out to you for. She was always worried about him.

Her mouth spread into a sad smile. "I know, dear. That's not why I approached you."

Oh... well, this was unexpected.

"Whatever happens, I just wanted to say that... I'm proud of your bravery," she said. "I've never been very vocal about it, but it's a quality I always admired from you, and it's a quality I know your mother would have been proud of too. You've done things that I never had the guts to do, and I feel like I've hurt my own son in the process because of it."

"Thank you," you replied. "And thank you for taking me and Paulina in when we were vulnerable. We might have not always seen eye to eye when it came to certain things, but your generosity is something I've always appreciated. You could have left us to fend for ourselves, but you didn't. I could never ignore that."

"It was the least I could do for your mother," she replied. You shot her a weary smile at her response.

Another explosion resonated in the distance - orange and yellow flames shot into the air.

You should have known better than to think Eren would have died after Armin's attack.

"Looks like it's not over yet," you told Karina.

She sighed somberly. "I suppose not."

A very strong odor filled the air. You crinkled your nose when vapor swirled around you.

The hell was that?

"Eden!" Levi's urgent voice shouted. "Get on Falco's back! We have to go!"

You furrowed your eyebrows at his stern tone. "Why? What's happening?"

"Hurry up!" he urged. You didn't waste a second following his orders, hopping on Falco's back alongside Pieck, Levi, and Mikasa.

"Levi, what happened? Why aren't the others coming with us?"

"The smoke in the air has the ability to turn Eldians into titans," Pieck said dejectedly. "It was coming from the weird glowing centipede down below."

"Like what happened to Connie's family," Levi explained. "The only people unaffected are members of the Ackerman clan and titan inheritors."

"So you're saying it's up to us now?" you asked. Levi sighed, then nodded.

Well, shit.

Your heart dropped at the sight of everyone down below turning into titans. The transformation was so immense that you could feel the vibration from high above. The four of you stared down in sheer shock.

To make matters worse, it seemed like the titans had all ambushed Reiner. Annie and Pieck jumped in to do what they could to prevent the situation from getting worse.

Everyone was gone. None of this was sounding hopeful. Things just kept getting worse and worse.

"What do we do now?" you asked Levi.

"We have to kill Eren," he said bluntly. He turned his head to face Mikasa. "You have to get it together, Mikasa."

"I- I can't," she said, holding her head in distress. "Why..."

"Mikasa," - you grabbed both of her shoulders to straighten her up - "I know this is hard for you, but you need to make a choice."

The way she stared back at you reminded you of a child. She was so lost - so broken. The person she devoted so much of her life to was gone... Eren wasn't dead yet, but the person he was had already disappeared. He was not the same.

"Mikasa," you repeated. "You have to make your choice."

She lowered her head and blinked rapidly to get rid of the tears brimming in her eyes. After a deep breath, she grabbed her scarf and fastened it around her neck.

"Eren is inside the mouth," she said, sitting up straight. "I'll kill him. Everyone help me out."

You exchanged an astonished glance with Levi, then you both replied, "Understood, Mikasa."

You and Levi took off on opposite sides, thunder spears equipped while you dodged between the flaming debris in the air. He hurled his spear from the right side first while yours flew in from the left. The explosion created a wide opening inside Eren's mouth, allowing Mikasa to enter with ease.

This was it. It was all about to end.

You couldn't see Mikasa from the position you were in, but you could only assume she had finished her job because it felt like a weight had been lifted from you. You tripped as you landed on the rocky ground, falling on your knees; you held your head in your hands while trying to determine the cause of this sudden change in your body.

"You alright?" Levi asked, rushing to your side.

"I feel different," you admitted to him. "I feel... lighter."

Eren's voice was ringing in your head. Something about being free... free from the curse.

Your eyebrows shot up in realization. You lowered your head to stare down at your open palms. "I'm free."

"What?"

"I'm not a titan anymore," you explained, raising your head to look up at him with a shine in your eyes. "I'm free."

You couldn't help it - you cried. A small laugh of relief escaped your mouth while the tears trailed down your cheeks. Never in a million years did you think you'd experience such a miracle like this.

And Eren did this. There was much to fault him for, but this you could thank him for. You had so many conflicting emotions directed towards him right now; well, you supposed everyone did.

Levi bent down to grab your hand, hauling you up from the ground. He immediately pulled you into his chest while wrapping his arms around your waist.

"We did it," he mumbled against your shoulder. You brought your arms up to encase them around his neck, heaving out a laugh.

"We made it," you said as a tear slipped out of your eye.

Four years ago, you thought you lost everything. You had no hope, no optimism, and no joy. It felt like the weight of the world had crushed you. You felt like a complete burden.

Four years later, you were proven wrong. All those sacrifices you made. All the effort you made to change. All the repercussions you faced. It all led up to this moment - in the very hands of the man who was supposed to be your enemy.

Funny how life worked.

A figure- no, multiple figures caught your attention from behind Levi's back. You blinked stupidly to get rid of the tears blurring your eyes, adjusting your eyesight to identify the people standing before you.

"Holy shit," you muttered, detangling yourself from Levi's hold. He whirled around at your astonished tone.

"Well, look who showed up," he said. "Were you all watching?"

Your heart started hammering in your chest upon witnessing the deceased Survey Corps soldiers standing before you. Erwin, Mike, Nanaba, Oluo-

"Petra," you mumbled, approaching the group of souls hesitantly. "All of you... I'm- I'm so sorry."

You shut your eyes and shook your head. "I'm so sorry for what happened to all of you. I should have never... if I had just known better, then none of you-"

"Eden," Levi called. "Look."

You raised your head again, your eyes blown wide at the sight of every single soldier bringing their arms into a salute while their gaze was glued on you. Their expressions were firm and serious, but their actions said everything to you.

A sign of respect. A sign of understanding.

"Looks like this is the outcome you all dedicated your hearts for," Levi said, clutching his fist against his chest like the others. You repeated the same actions, bowing your head at your dead comrades.

"Thank you for your sacrifices," you said out loud. Your eyes traveled upwards again to glance up at them one final time. Petra's expression remained burned into your brain - a shy smile with a slight twinkle in her eye.

And then, they vanished like the wind.

You turned your body to face Levi again, watching a lonely tear slip past his eye. You wrapped both arms around his neck and embraced him tightly, kissing the top of his head.

"You did it, Levi," you reassured him. His hands curled around your shirt while he rested his head comfortably on your shoulder. "Now you can finally rest."

He drew back slightly, holding onto your waist. "You too."

You grinned faintly, nodding your head. "Both of us."

"Eden," another male voice called. You shot a glance behind you, letting out a sigh of relief after seeing Reiner's figure. You ran towards him and nearly pounced on him with a hug.

"You're okay?" you asked him. He nodded against you.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay."

You pulled back, beaming at him with pure glee. He smiled widely in return.

More and more people appeared through the smoke, conveying their relief of seeing you and Levi still alive. You didn't think you had hugged so many damn people in your life.

Levi didn't take particularly well to this affection from everyone, especially from Hange.

"Get off, Three eyes," he grumbled, standing as stiff as a piece of cardboard while Hange completely suffocated him in a hug.

"Come on, Levi. What if I had died?" Hange said sardonically. "Let me have this."

Levi grumbled something you couldn't quite catch, then reluctantly returned the hug. You laughed at his obvious discomfort. Hange drew back a few seconds later and found their next victim to engulf in a hug.

"Let's get out of here before they target one of us again," Levi suggested, grabbing your hand to pull you away from the crowd.

"Where do we even go?"

"Anywhere. Just need to rest somewhere with you."

"Let's take care of that leg of yours first." You pointed down at the leg he was still limping with. "You can't protest wearing a splint now."

"Fine, I will," he agreed. "But only if you come with me."

"You don't need to ask." You planted a soft kiss on his cheek. "You're stuck with me for the rest of eternity now."

He huffed, taking your hand while the two of you waited for the situation to clear up before making your exit.

-

Finding medical care took hours. Marley had faced immense casualties after the Rumbling, leaving the city in almost complete shambles. By the time the two of you found a doctor, the sun was starting to set again.

You both encountered Armin again along the way; he passed on information about where all of you would be staying until they figured out living arrangements. Until then, the best you and Levi could do was sit on a bench and eat whatever food was being offered to the two of you.

"How's the sandwich?" you asked him, watching him take dainty little bites. He shrugged in reply.

"It's alright," he said. "Why haven't you eaten yours yet?"

You bit down on your lip nervously, staring down at the unopened package. Before you could offer a response, he said, "I'm more than positive your sister is okay."

You didn't think you could ever get used to how easily he was able to read your mind. "Can you blame me for worrying?"

"No." He took another bite before speaking again. "But I know she wouldn't want you to starve yourself out of concern for her."

You sighed. He was right. You began unwrapping the foil to bring the sandwich to your lips.

The sound of a boat docking distracted you; you whipped your head around to investigate. There were multiple boats lined up near the dock. Marleyans assisted the passengers out of the floating objects. You could feel your heart race due to the familiarity of the people stepping out.

You dropped the sandwich on the bench and sprinted towards the direction of the water, ignoring the judgmental glances being shot in your direction. Paulina was taken aback by your sudden ambush, nearly tumbling to the ground as you encased her in a tight hug.

"We did it," you said to her. "We made it."

She curled her stable arm around your waist and patted you on the back affectionately. "Yes, we did... but I'd appreciate it if you could let me go because it's hurting my arm quite a bit."

You stepped back immediately, apologizing profusely. She scoffed while shaking her head. "It's okay. It was just a really long boat ride and I'm feeling sea sick and irritable."

You stroked her hair with your fingers. "Go sit down by Levi. I'll go fetch you something to drink. You can have a bite of my sandwich while I go try to find some pain relievers for you."

She shook her head in protest. "It's okay. I'll be fine. I actually... uh-" She averted her gaze sheepishly. "Do you know where the others are? Connie, Jean, and Sasha?"

You curled up an eyebrow suspiciously, but you still decided to answer her question by pointing at a set of tables behind you. "They should be by the outdoor tables over there. Why?"

"No reason," she said a little too quickly. "I'll see you later, okay?"

You said nothing in reply, only continuing to stare at her with furrowed eyebrows. You had been worried sick about her ever since seeing her depart with the Azumabitos, and the first thing she wanted to do was talk to the scouts?

Hm. She's not telling me something.

You'd prod it out of her sooner or later.

"Eden!" a cheery voice called. Hange appeared from beside you with Annabeth standing close behind them. "Did you eat something yet?"

"Yeah, I just came by to greet my sister. Levi's watching it for me." You could see the discomfort in Annabeth's face from the corner of your eye after mentioning Levi, but you remained focused on your conversation with Hange.

"The sandwiches are pretty good, right? I had about two of them already. I'm trying to settle into this retired lifestyle now."

"Oh, you're retiring?" you said. "I didn't know that."

"Of course. I decided to give my commander title to Armin now. These past four years have been hell. I think I deserve a rest."

You nodded at them with a smile. "You're right. I'm glad. You can fully devote your studies to titans now; well, what you knew of them, at least."

Their eyes grew somber at the mention of the titans. "Well, someone's gotta write about their history, right?"

"Right," you reassured them. "And if you need any help writing about the War Hammer's powers, you know who to talk to."

"Right." Their face shined brightly at your support. "Well, I'm going to go talk to Onyankopon about a few things, so I'll see you later, okay?"

"See you," you replied, watching them depart into the crowd. The tension grew heavy at their disappearance. Annabeth tried her best to avoid your gaze.

"Annabeth," you said nervously. "Can we talk?"

You could tell she was contemplating in her head, but ultimately, she nodded in agreement.

"I just wanted to say that... I'm sorry."

"For what?" she said. "You didn't do anything to me."

"I know about your feelings for Levi, and... I just wanted to say I'm sorry for what happened between the two of you."

"That's not your fault," she said reassuringly. "Nor is it his. I didn't know the two of you had history until more recently, and that's when it clicked for me. I don't know what happened between the two of you four years ago, but it wouldn't be right for me to say it's wrong for him to still have feelings for you. What happened between the two of you is your business, not mine. It would be selfish of me to convey my jealousy and anger as a way to talk you out of it."

"You're much more mature and understanding than I deserve," you told her truthfully. "Really. I admire your strength."

She huffed. "Well, I'm not going to waste the rest of my life dwelling on someone who doesn't feel the same for me. It always hurts when feelings aren't reciprocated, but I need to move on eventually. I deserve to find my own happiness too."

You smiled subtly. "Right."

"And..." she continued nervously, "if it's okay, I'd like to get to know you a little better too. Maybe not now, but I have a feeling we'll be around each other more often, so it would be ideal to get a feel of who you are."

"Of course," you said.

"I need to focus on myself first, though," she replied. "So... I'll see you around."

"See you around, Annabeth."

She gave you a quick nod and smile before entering the same crowd Hange had. You decided to walk back towards the bench you were sitting in with Levi.

"How's your sister?" he asked as you sat back down in your spot, unraveling the foil again. Levi had clearly wrapped it up again after you sprinted away, wanting to shield the sandwich from germs. These were the little things you loved about him.

"She's good. Annabeth is good too," you told him, taking a bite of your sandwich.

"You spoke to Annabeth?"

"Mhm," you hummed, still chewing on the bread. You swallowed before speaking again. "It was a little awkward, but I think we're on good terms... I think. Well, I at least hope we'll be eventually."

"I see."

The sky was becoming less colorful as the sun dipped lower into the horizon while you finished up your sandwich. The beautiful combination of orange and red was being replaced by purple and black. It was peaceful to look at. It reminded you of old times.

"I never thought I'd get this far," you confessed, setting the foil to the side. "It felt like my entire life ended for me four years ago when I returned to Marley. I lost all hope. This all just feels so... surreal. It doesn't feel real."

"I know." He wrapped an arm behind your shoulders, scooting his body closer to you. You dropped your head on his shoulder. "So what now?"

"Beats me," you replied. "I never pictured a proper future for myself."

"It's never too late to start."

You hummed against him. "I guess you're right."

There was a pause before he said, "I think I want to stay here." You raised your head to look at him, curious to hear him continue. "I want a new start somewhere else, apart from Paradis. I feel like I need a change."

"That's understandable."

"Is that okay with you?"

You huffed. "Like I said - you're stuck with me for the rest of eternity now, whether you like it or not. I'll be wherever you are."

He smirked, leaning down to kiss your forehead. "Then that settles it."

"We'll start with that teashop of yours," you suggested.

"You still remember that?"

You rolled your eyes. "Of course I do. I was never gonna let you live that down."

He laughed slightly, his chest rumbling against you. "Okay, we'll start with the teashop then."

The two of you sat there until the sun completely disappeared, revealing the shine of the moon and stars. You could have sworn you saw that same star from all those years ago - the lonely one that twinkled very faintly.

A shooting star flew right past it. What were the odds?

You didn't need to make a wish. There was nothing for you to wish for anymore. All your suffering was over.

You decided to see the shooting star as a sign rather than an object to make a wish on. It was a sign that all your desires had finally come true. Everything you had hoped for had finally come to reality.

This was your happy ending, and your new life started now.

Notes:

One more chapter, folks…

This chapter is technically the end of the story. The next chapter will be the epilogue - give me some time to flesh it out so I can post something I'm content with. I also want to make sure I finish editing this whole story before hitting that complete button. I'm about… half way done, I think? I still have some grammar issues to fix (if you've been reading from the very moment I started this fic in 2022, I apologize for all the grammatical errors you've encountered . I'm trying my best to fix them now lol).

I'm gonna have a much longer, sappier author's note for next chapter, but I'm gonna split it up here so I don't make it overwhelmingly long:

Thank you so much. I don't think I'll ever be able to thank you all enough for the support and confidence you've given me throughout writing this story. Your patience is also appreciated tremendously. I honestly felt very shitty about how I wasn't able to keep up with my weekly updates all the time, but I suppose that's something that comes with experience. I've never written as much as I have this year, and I'm honestly surprised with how much I've written during some weeks lol.

The next thing I'm about to say is gonna sound so damn corny and dramatic, but just bear with me… when I say that you guys have saved me, I genuinely mean it (so sappy, I know. Eden and Levi would tease me). I started this story as a way to escape my thoughts, and it truly astounds me to see how many people have connected with this story since then. This is also the first long fic I've ever written, so that just makes it even more shocking to me (my experience prior to this was my poor attempt at writing imagines/one-shots between the ages of 13-15 for a drastically different fandom…). I've been sitting on this fanfic idea since 2021, and I honestly regret not starting it sooner. I didn't really have the confidence or motivation back then, but hey, I'm just glad I even got it out there. Better late than never, am I right? I didn't think I'd be any good at this, but you guys have really encouraged me to keep writing.

That's all I will say for now. I will keep you posted on tumblr when I feel ready to post the epilogue. It feels so bittersweet to see this story come to an end 3.

Have a nice week! I'll see you soon :).

- Mar

Chapter 50: Epilogue: A Better Life

Notes:

I actually haven't finished editing the whole story yet, but screw it. I've made you guys wait too long.

EDIT: I think I'm done editing now... I'm sure I've missed a few things (sorry), but I'm going to step away from this story now.

My final song recommendations:

The Great War - Taylor Swift

The Archer - Taylor Swift

O - Coldplay (I really love this one!)

Playlist.

I really hope you enjoy :).

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Sleeping next to Levi every night revealed one major discovery about his character: he wanted to be held so damn badly.

The first few nights were just as you expected from him - he would lay down on the mattress first, pulling you into his chest and pressing you tightly against him. His grip around your shoulders remained solid throughout the night, and you never felt more safe being cuddled into his neck. You hadn't slept this peacefully in years.

After a few more weeks passed, Levi finally received the approval to remove the splint, which allowed him to move more freely in bed. He grew into the habit of turning on his side to spoon you, his arm wrapped firmly around your waist with one arm set comfortably behind your neck.

But as more time passed, his body loosened up tremendously throughout the night. He was likely so used to sleeping by himself (and on a chair, of all things) that he didn't exactly know what it was like to be in the presence of another person in bed every night. Although he had no issues cuddling with you, he always took initiative to be the big spoon. You assumed it was his protector instinct compelling him to be the one to hold you, but as the days went on, you'd start waking up with his head tucked into your neck.

At first, he was visibly flustered and embarrassed at the thought of you catching him so vulnerable and needy; all you could do was laugh and tease him for it. There were very few times in your life that you'd caught Levi like this, and you knew he absolutely hated being seen this way.

You'd ask him why he was so embarrassed, to which he would reply with, "It makes me feel frail."

You thought he was being silly for being so self-conscious about it, but the more you pondered it, the more you understood. To be vulnerable with someone and let your guard down meant to expose yourself. It was a sign of weakness, and the idea of that must have scared him. In his eyes, he always needed to be the protector, not the one being protected.

So you made it your duty every night to make sure he had a chance to be the protected for once. You curled your arm around his shoulders and pulled him into your chest; he melted into you every time, wrapping his arm over your stomach and shutting his eyes. Usually, you were the one to fall asleep first, but there was something beautiful about watching the rigidness diminish in Levi's body as you stroked his hair gently, and you just had to see it.

He was at peace for the first time in his life, and it was unbelievably beautiful.

However, that calmness was only experienced at night. The daytime wasn't particularly peaceful for either of you during the first few months, considering it was spent working on that teashop you promised him.

As it turned out, the process of owning a tea shop was much more strenuous than you expected. You had to find a building for sale, fill out a bunch of paperwork, then purchase a bunch of furniture for it. Luckily, Hange was able to pull some strings for the two of you to make sure everything was affordable - and they even found a shop with a vacant apartment on top - but the first two months were still a hassle. Regardless, you were just unbelievably grateful for the support network you had.

Today, you and Reiner were bringing all of the large furniture. Many of the scouts were busy dealing with other matters, so there weren't many options to ask for assistance. Levi - stubborn as he always was - insisted on helping bring in the tables and couches, but you refused his help every time.

"Do you wanna lose a leg?" you told him while you and Reiner carried a couch inside. It was heavy as shit, but you tried to hide your struggle in your tone.

"You look like you're gonna break an arm," Levi replied, approaching you. "Let me help."

"You're still recovering from that leg injury." You and Reiner dropped the couch in front of a table, both of you sighing in relief. "I'm not letting you pick up a damn thing until you're fully healed."

"They said three months. It's almost been three months."

"Almost," you emphasized. "I'll have Paulina take a look at it later. But for now, you're not gonna do any heavy lifting until I know it's safe."

"But-"

"I mean it," you said sternly, walking back towards the doorway to grab more items with Reiner following behind you. "You can start by cleaning the counters and organizing the table cloths and dishes for now."

He exhaled in disappointment, turning around and disappearing into the storage room to do as you told him.

"You guys act like an old married couple," Reiner said after Levi exited the room, picking up two boxes from the ground.

You huffed. "Do we?"

"Yeah." He set down the boxes beside the table and began rummaging through one of them to pull out the items from inside; it contained the parts to build a cabinet. "And he listens to everything you say."

"Not really. He loves to push back."

"Compared to how he is with everyone else, I'd say you're the only one he actually listens to."

"Well... I never really took note of that." Levi always loved to dispute when he was being stubborn, the same way you would too. But in the end, you both seemed to take each other's advice begrudgingly. "I guess he does."

You grabbed the second box, removing the contents; Reiner plopped down on the couch as he organized the pieces from his box. "Do you ever think he'll pop the question?"

"Woah." The teacup you pulled out nearly clattered on the ground. "That's quite the question you just asked."

He shrugged casually. "It's not that hard to believe."

"But that's... I mean, it's only been a few months." You carefully placed the teacup on the table in front of you.

"I'm not saying now, obviously," he elaborated. "But do you ever think he would do it in the future?"

You mulled over it as you emptied the box, then sighed while you plopped down on the couch beside him. "Well, we haven't exactly talked about that, so I don't know."

"Would you?"

Hm.

The idea of marriage never used to appeal to you in the slightest. What was the big deal about it, anyway? Wasn't it just a piece of paper? And if you ever wanted a divorce, the money and paperwork didn't sound fun to deal with at all.

But then you met Levi, and suddenly it all made sense.

Marriage wasn't just a piece of paper - it was a declaration of love and a sign of trust and commitment. Knowing that was likely why you were so put off by it initially; you were so positive that you'd never find someone with those qualities, but Levi swooped in and proved you wrong.

If it was with Levi, marriage sounded ideal. Sure, maybe it was too early to make such a serious judgment over someone you hadn't dated for very long - especially after everything the two of you had gone through - but you'd never been so sure of something in your life.

You spent four years mourning what you had together because you were so sure you'd never see him again. He was irreplaceable; there wasn't anyone else you could ever love as much as him. If you were to spend the rest of your life with someone, it would be with him.

"Yeah," you replied, smiling shyly. "With him, I would. But I'm also fine with what we have now. I'm just happy to have him in my life again."

"Well, if you ever do, I better get an invite."

You nudged his arm slightly. "Obviously. Why would I leave you out?"

"It's not you I'm doubting," he clarified. "It's him."

Your smile faltered slightly. Levi hadn't exactly warmed up towards Reiner or Annie at all, and you could never blame him for that. Your relationship with them was easier to navigate because you'd known them since they were kids. Levi had no relationship to them at all, so he felt no need to connect with them.

Well, it was that, and the fact that they murdered thousands of innocent people, including those that meant a lot to him. Levi wasn't an easily forgiving person. If his trust in someone was shattered, it was difficult to mend. You knew that more than anyone else.

"Well, he... tolerates you," you said, trying to reassure him, but clearly failing.

"It's progress, I guess," he said. "But honestly, I'm not offended by it. Can't really blame him, and I don't expect people to forgive me, especially those who never knew me."

You nodded in agreement.

"But I'm just mentioning it because if it ever happens, I want to make sure I'm there."

You turned to him, grinning. "I'll make sure you do."

The two of you resumed sorting through the items from the boxes. You organized the tea set while Reiner figured out how to put the cabinet together. It was all going fine for a while, until a small cockroach scurried only a few inches away from your foot.

You shrieked, dropping the teacup in your hand while you hopped on two feet on the couch. The cup shattered as it crashed against the floor.

"What is it? What happened?" Levi asked in panic, rushing in.

You could tell from his eyes that he was disturbed by the scene in front of him - there was shattered glass on the floor, and you were standing on top of the brand new cushions with your dirty boots.

"Over there!" you shouted, pointing at Levi's feet. "Kill it! Kill it!"

Levi smashed the roach under his shoes, glaring up at you in annoyance.

Heat rose to your face. "Sorry."

"You and your damn fear of insects never changed, huh?" he quipped.

"Unfortunately, no," you said sheepishly.

"Better hope a rodent doesn't get in here either. Not sure if I wanna see what you'd do then. Last time, you covered yourself in horse shit."

"Huh?" Reiner said in confusion.

You scoffed. "That's why I have you to make sure we don't."

"You're saying you're gonna use me as a maid?"

"Well, I promised you a maid outfit, didn't I?"

He rolled his eyes, trying to hide the smile on his face as he turned around to re-enter the back room. "I'll go get a broom."

"I have no idea what you guys were just talking about," Reiner said.

You laughed slightly. "Don't worry about it."

The teashop was finally completed after a few more weeks. You, Levi, and some of the other available scouts busted your asses to get it to reach a point where you were both content with the outcome. While Connie, Reiner, and Jean helped out with building some materials, Gabi and Falco assisted Levi in cleaning.

"Thanks for the help, guys," you told Reiner and Connie after making the final touches, extending out your arm to pass them some money. "We really appreciate it."

Connie looked extremely dumbfounded at your gesture, pushing your arm away. "What are you doing?"

"Thanking you." You shoved the bills in his hands. "You guys have been a big help."

"And so have you guys," he responded. "You guys don't owe us anything."

You rolled your eyes, shoving the bills in his palm. "Don't be stupid. Just take the money."

"But-"

"Just use it wisely. Don't make me regret it," you interrupted him. "Treat my sister to dinner or something."

Connie's face turned beet red while he averted his gaze.

Paulina and Connie had been dating for an entire month now; well, actually, no. They'd likely been dating for much longer than that. The only reason you found out last month was because Sasha accidentally let it slip when she and Connie were building one of the drawers for you and Levi. To say you were upset to know they kept it from you this long was an understatement - you were absolutely agitated.

"Why didn't you tell me?" you had asked Paulina after you met up with her the day you found out. The look on her face was something you would never forget - it looked like she wanted to die right on the spot.

"I didn't know how you would react," was her response. She didn't even dare make eye contact with you.

Your first thought when she said that was, Am I turning into Dad? Was she too afraid to speak to me?

But then your second thought was, There's no reason to be mad at this. Just let her explain.

In truth, you weren't upset that they were dating; you were just upset that she decided to keep from you this long. It made you worried that she didn't trust you enough, but then again, you were technically one of her parental figures. Although Karina became like a second mother, Paulina always looked up to you as a child; it made sense for her to start worrying.

She was old enough to make these decisions. As long as Connie didn't do anything stupid, you weren't opposed to it. You just wanted her to be happy.

"Okay," Connie replied nervously, taking the cash. "Thank you."

"And Reiner, I think you should use the money to buy a journal," you suggested.

He furrowed his eyebrows. "A journal? Why?"

"I think you'd make good use in writing your thoughts down," you said. "Trust me on this."

He hesitated, then nodded. Jean appeared from another room a few moments later.

"I finished arming the last chair. Should be sturdy," he claimed. "And, uh..." He pulled something from behind his back, handing it to you. "I made this for the two of you."

It was an "Open/Closed" sign, but it was crafted beautifully. He painted it in black, then traced over the writing with white, adding little swirls and designs on the edges. He even cut and sanded the shape of the sign to be more curved and unique.

"This is gorgeous, Jean," you said. "Thank you so much."

"Yeah, well, your old sign was pretty crappy, so," he said, scratching the back of his neck while avoiding your gaze. You grinned at him delightedly.

Jean wasn't fully comfortable with you again. You and Reiner both knew that his forgiveness may never come, or would come very slowly. He had a hard time trying to process everything, especially hearing about what happened to Marco.

Because of that, just knowing that he did this and decided to give it directly to you instead of Levi meant a lot to you.

"Here" - you pulled out another few bills from your pocket - "take this."

"Don't do that-"

"Take it," you said sternly. "I gave it to Connie and Reiner too. You've been a massive help, and this sign was very thoughtful of you, so please take it. It's the least I can do."

He hesitated, flickering his eyes from the bills, to your face, then finally decided to grab them. "Thanks," he muttered.

"Get home safe, guys," you told them, watching the three of them make their exit, but they all paused after hearing Levi call out for Connie.

"Yes, sir," Connie replied.

"Remember to send the letter I gave you," Levi stated. "I'm trusting you on this. Don't lose it."

Connie nodded affirmatively. "Of course, sir."

"Thanks. Get home safe," he said, watching them leave. After the door shut, you locked it and leaned your back against it.

"Did the other kids leave?" you asked Levi.

"Yeah, they left through the back. Gabi's been giving me a headache, though."

"How so?"

"Keeps asking me a bunch of questions about my past and how I got strong."

A quiet huffed escaped you while you recalled the way she used to have that same fascination with you before. "Sounds like her."

You walked over to the door and hung up the sign Jean had given you, switching it from "Open" to "Closed."

"I'm so glad all the hard stuff is over," you said with a relieved exhale, admiring the new sign. "Who knew building a coffee table would be such an arduous task?

"Everything came out much better than I anticipated," he said, taking a seat on the recliner chair.

"How does it feel to officially be living your dream?" you said, grinning widely.

He huffed. "My dream?"

"Well, yeah. You've been dreaming about this ever since you were a kid, haven't you?"

"I guess," he said unconvincingly. You rolled your eyes.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Is it not up to your standards?" you teased.

"No, it's just..." he trailed off, staring at the wall. "We're still not fully finished."

You raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

"The letter I gave to Connie is directed to Historia," he said. "Since it's too dangerous to go back to Paradis right now, I thought it'd be best to just send a letter. There are certain items I'd want to keep with me if she'd be able to find them and ship them here. Might take a while to receive them since I know she's busy, but I wanted to give it a shot."

You smiled mischievously. "It's your tea leaf collection, isn't it?"

He blushed. God, you loved getting him all flustered.

"It's not just the tea leaves... but yes."

"What else, then?"

"Things that are important to me." He met your gaze. "And that I think are important to you too."

You mulled over that comment for a moment, then said, "Wait... did you actually keep some of my things?"

He avoided your gaze, staring at the wall decorated with paintings again. Your heart was starting to feel so warm.

You approached him slowly. "I honestly thought you would have burned them."

"After I admitted that I haven't been able to get over you these past four years?"

You crossed your arms over your chest. "Well, considering the fact you said you wished I stayed dead and disrespected me the whole time we were in the forest, I think it's fair of me to presume you hated me this whole time."

He paused, evidently embarrassed by your comment. "...Sorry."

You huffed slightly, turning around to walk towards the sink. "It's fine. I've moved past it, and you had a good reason for it... sort of..." You turned on the faucet to start washing the dishes. "But anyway, it's actually very sweet of you to think of me, so thank you."

"Well, it would be pretty selfish of me to not think of you, considering we're together now."

Together.

You knew that was what it was, but it was the first time you heard it out loud. It really put into perspective how different your life was now.

What do I even call him? Boyfriend? Partner? Babe? - ew, not babe. Partner is fine, I think. But I'll keep calling him Levi.

You smiled to yourself. "So that means you're willing to consider any of my inputs, right?"

"Well, yes."

"So the maid outfit isn't completely out of picture-"

"Enough with that," he said in irritation. "I'm not wearing that shit."

"I think it would be fun-"

"I love you, but I'm not humiliating myself like that."

You laughed slightly. "Fine, fine."

"If you have any other suggestions that don't require me to embarrass myself in front of everyone, I'll be happy to listen."

"That's all I have," you replied, placing a plate on the dish rack. "When the other items come, we can figure the rest out."

"Okay," he said. "Yeah."

You continued washing the dishes as he sat in silence, likely watching you from behind. It wasn't a lot, thankfully, so you knew you'd be finished soon.

"There's something else I want to bring up," he said suddenly.

"Yeah? What's up?"

"I..." he began. "I want to take you out."

You paused your scrubbing in confusion. "What do you mean? You have taken me out - several times now," you said. The two of you had replicated your rooftop and balcony dates nearly every day now. It was almost unusual not getting the chance to watch the sunset or stargaze with him at least four days a week.

The floor creaked below you, indicating his approach. Two hands snaked around your waist while you felt his chin rest on your shoulder.

"I want to take you out properly," he clarified, placing a soft kiss on your shoulder. "Somewhere where we can dress nice and have everything set up for us. Somewhere where we won't be disturbed."

"What, are our rooftop dates not enough for you?" you teased, placing the final plate on the drying rack, then grabbing a towel to dry your hands.

"You know that's not what I meant," he said. "I just meant we should try something a little different. I want to take you out on a proper date, like something in those sappy romance novels you told me your sister reads."

You laughed slightly, turning around to face him. His hands still remained firm around your waist as you stared back at him. "You don't need to, though. I don't need anything extravagant and fancy; you know me. You've already done so much for me. Don't stress yourself out with this. I'm happy with the dates we've had already."

"I know." He leaned in to give your lips a quick peck. "But it's what you deserve, and I want to dedicate a night to giving you what I wished I could have given you since the day I first realized I had feelings for you. There was honestly so much I wish I could have done at the time, but I couldn't because there was no time, and well... a lot has happened since then."

"Yeah." You nodded, smiling shyly.

"But I don't think it was meant to happen then. Now... now we have all the time in the world, and I want to do it."

Your heart fluttered. His expression and words were so sincere and genuine. No one had ever made you feel more loved than the man standing right before you.

He cupped your cheek, rubbing your skin with his thumb. "So let me. I know you say I do enough, but I can do so much more if you just let me. You won't have to worry about anything, I promise."

You could no longer hide the wide grin that emerged on your face. He wasn't always this vocal about his feelings for you, and you didn't mind that at all. He never needed to say it, because he already made you feel loved in so many different ways, but whenever he did announce his feelings for you like this, it made you so unbelievably flustered.

"Okay," you finally agreed. "I'm not sure if you can top our first rooftop date, though. I don't think it can get any sappier than that."

He huffed. "Is that a challenge?"

"Maybe," you said. "But in all seriousness, promise me you won't go overboard with spending or anything like that."

He leaned in to kiss you again, holding it for a little longer than before. "Just wait and see."

"Levi," you protested, but he shut you up with one final kiss before pulling away.

"Be ready for this Saturday at 7 p.m."

You curled up an eyebrow. "You've had this planned for a while, huh? What if I had said no?"

"You still owe me for that teacup you broke, remember?" he said sarcastically.

You rolled your eyes. "Yeah, yeah... sorry about that," you said bashfully. "But anyway, what am I even supposed to wear that qualifies as dressing 'nicely?'"

"Like I said, you don't have to worry about anything. I'll have everything set up for you in your room."

Something about letting someone else take complete control of a situation made you feel anxious, but this was Levi. You trusted him more than anybody else, and he was the most reliable person you knew.

"Alright," you said assuredly. "But if you make me look like a clown, I'll kill you."

"Darn. I guess I'll have to return the red nose and giant boots."

You laughed slightly. "Let's just finish cleaning up."

The weekend rolled around much faster than you anticipated. After a busy day of helping Levi with the teashop, you took a nice, long shower to begin getting ready for the evening.

Upon exiting the bathroom with only a towel wrapped around your body, a small piece of paper on the bed caught your attention. Beside it was a beautiful, maroon-colored dress that resembled a dress you wore years ago - the one Hange had picked out for you for the event at the bar.

Who knew that you'd get the chance to wear something just as extravagant again?

Your fingers grabbed the piece of paper to read it.

Meet me in front of the gate across the street by 7 p.m. and wear the red dress I laid out for you. I'll see you soon.

I love you.

- Levi

You smiled to yourself, huffing slightly. Maroon and red were not the same color, but you decided to ignore the fact he mixed up the two because the dress was absolutely gorgeous. You raised the dress in front of you, grabbing it by the sleeves. It even had a small slit on one side just like the old one.

He really missed that dress on me, huh?

You set the dress back down to start working on your makeup. Your makeup skills were definitely lackluster, considering you hadn't picked up a makeup brush in years, so you just opted for a little eyeshadow, blush, and mascara. Just as your hand reached for your lipstick, another makeup item caught your attention; there was another note beside it.

Use this too.

- Levi

It was lip gloss. You twisted open the cap and pulled the wand out, eyeing it carefully. You never really wore lip gloss before.

Well, there's a first for everything.

You dragged the wand across your mouth, then smacked your lips together. The shininess on your lips definitely illuminated your look. It was better than you expected.

Where did he even get this?

You pushed back the thought to focus on getting ready in time, walking over to the mirror next to begin changing. The dress slipped on so easily, hugging your body just right. There was no zipper, no ribbon, no strap - there was absolutely nothing attached to this dress that needed to be fastened, and it wasn't necessary either. How did he get your measurements perfectly? You had so many questions running through your mind.

He lined up a pair of heels right beside the mirror too, and a maroon-colored purse was hanging on the coat rack. The amount of precision and detail he put into this made your face feel warm. You could tell he had this planned out for much longer than you expected.

After adjusting your hair to your liking, you finally made your exit in search of Levi. Your heart was hammering against your chest. You weren't sure why you were so anxious; you had gone on so many dates with him already, but this one felt much different. This was technically your first proper date. It genuinely felt like this was the first time you were going out with him.

Upon stepping outside and locking the door, you looked out across the street to find Levi in a suit with a bouquet of roses in his hands; he was facing the ground and tapping the sidewalk with his foot anxiously. You smiled to yourself, looking both ways before crossing the street. His head shot up when he heard your heels smacking against the concrete.

"Can murder, torture, and instill nothing but fear in others, all without a second thought, but make Humanity's Strongest Soldier go on a date with a woman, and he'll start trembling like leaf being pushed against the wind," you teased, stopping right in front of him. He rolled his eyes at your comment, but the pink that crept on his cheeks indicated just how nervous he was.

"You look beautiful," he complimented, holding out the bouquet in front of you. You grinned shyly, taking it from him and holding it against your chest. There had to have been at least a dozen roses - maybe even more.

This moment almost felt like that night before going to get Eren's key back. You wore a similar dress, he wore a similar tux, and he had given you a rose. That small gesture from him was never forgotten. It was so simple and subtle, yet so unbelievably sweet; and now, he decided to bring you a dozen more of the same flower. There was so much you were holding back at the time, and it was relieving to know you could enjoy this moment freely now.

"Thank you," you replied, giving him a kiss on the cheek. "The flowers are gorgeous. Where did you get them?"

"I familiarized myself with the neighborhood," he replied, taking your hand to lead you inside. "Took some advice from people."

"From who?"

His face flushed again. "Your sister."

You stopped in your tracks. "You asked my sister for help?"

"I remembered you told me that she liked reading about flowers, so I figured she was a reliable person to ask."

You shot him another grin, planting a quick kiss on his lips. "You put a lot of thought into this, didn't you? I mean, even the dress and accessories you got me fit perfectly."

"Well, I told you not to worry about anything, didn't I?"

"You are a man of your word." You smiled, squeezing his hand affectionately as he continued guiding you towards the building. After Levi rang the bell, a tall, blonde man revealed himself upon opening the door. He looked slightly familiar, but you couldn't quite pinpoint who he was. He was dressed in a white chef's outfit.

"Captain," he greeted. His eyes darted to you next, and he extended out an arm to shake your hand. "You must be Eden, correct?"

You nodded. "Yes."

"I'm Niccolo. I don't believe we've met, but Sasha's told me all about you."

You raised your eyebrows in surprise as the realization hit you. "Oh, you're Sasha's boyfriend! It's nice to meet you."

You recalled her mentioning dating a chef from Marley. You immediately thought about how much of a lucky coincidence it was for her to find her perfect match.

"Yes," he replied with a nod. "I... I wanted to thank you for what you did for her, so please, come in. Let me show you my gratitude."

"Oh, you don't have to thank me for that."

"I do," he answered immediately, stepping aside to let the two of you pass. "So please allow me to make your night special."

You smiled at him sincerely and gave him a nod of approval while he escorted the two of you to your seat. Levi pulled the chair for you to sit before taking his own seat.

Your eyes observed your surroundings, noticing how empty the restaurant was tonight. "I thought more people would be here."

"I made a special request," Levi said. "Just for tonight."

You set the bouquet down at the end of the table; the table was luckily spacious enough, so the bouquet didn't take up a ton of space.

"Please tell me it wasn't a hassle."

"I promise it wasn't," he replied. "Niccolo had even offered it to me. He said he wanted to thank you."

You bit your lip nervously, then nodded. "Alright, then."

Niccolo returned moments later. "May I get you started with something to drink? May I suggest some wine?"

A wide grin emerged on your face. "I'd love some wine, please."

Nearly two hours passed by. By the time you finished your meals - which were absolutely delicious - the wine bottle was about halfway finished.

"No more," Levi said sternly, taking the bottle to keep it out of your reach.

You rolled your eyes at him. "I'm not even that drunk."

"You very much are."

"How so?"

"Because you start smiling and giggling more when you're drunk."

You smiled at him teasingly, grabbing his hand. "That's just because I'm around you."

"And you get more flirty," he added, his serious expression unwavering.

"Only with you," you said, rubbing your thumb around his knuckles. "Would you prefer I behave like this with anyone else?"

He huffed. "Don't start."

"I'm just teasing," you defended, grabbing his hand tightly. "But in all seriousness, I've just been enjoying my time with you... with a dash of tipsiness, but I promise it's all genuine."

He smiled slightly, raising your hand to kiss the back of it. "I know. I'm okay with you enjoying yourself; I just don't want to see you vomit on the way home."

You chuckled. "Fair enough."

It was nice getting the chance to have this dinner with Levi. For once, neither of you had to worry about anything. Everything was already set up for the two of you.

You sat there admiring his features for a lot longer than you cared to admit, then a sudden thought emerged in your brain. "Can I ask you something?"

"Go on."

"When did you first realize you had feelings for me?" It was a bold question. You weren't sure you'd have asked it if you were sober, but it was a question you'd been curious about for years.

The question clearly made him ponder. He stared down at his wine glass for a few seconds before providing you with a response.

"When we kissed the first time," he answered. "But the first time I questioned it was that day under the tree."

"Wasn't that the same day?"

"No." He shook his head. "Not when we're watching the sunset. It was after the expedition."

Your eyes widened slightly. "You mean when you caught me drinking by myself?"

He didn't answer, but his expression said it all.

You furrowed your eyebrows. "How? I was a complete mess."

You remembered that day vividly. It was a miracle you didn't blackout, but you had drank so much that day. You didn't even change out of your clothes because of how shameful and depressed you felt. Of all memories, why did that moment stand out to him?

"Because that was the first time I saw you," he answered. "And I could tell that you saw me too."

You hummed in reply, reflecting on the memory. That was the first time you saw him as a person; it was the first time you actually saw him portray his emotions, and he was even using his feelings as a way to make you feel better. You felt a massive sense of respect towards him after that, especially seeing how badly the situation affected him.

"I think the first time I questioned it was a day or two after that," you said. "It was that night at the fortress."

"When you broke the mirror?"

"Yeah," you said. "And then I... dropped my head on your shoulder."

"You freaked me the hell out when you did that," he said honestly. "I thought you fainted for a second."

You huffed. "And yet, you still didn't push me away."

He smirked slightly. "Well, I kinda liked you at that point... so."

"I find it surprising, considering the fact you seemed to express your interest in me in very strange, mean ways."

"Like how?"

"Like when I asked you what you liked and you completely shut me down."

"But I answered it later, didn't I?"

"You did, but you were pretty standoffish about it before. And don't get me started with how you behaved after our first kiss-"

"Okay, okay," he interrupted. "I get it."

You giggled, grabbing his hand again. "I love you."

He rolled his eyes, but still gave your hand an affectionate squeeze. "I love you too."

Niccolo returned to collect the plates while you both thanked him. He offered up dessert, which you both declined. You hadn't expected to get so full from the meal he had provided you, but it was one of the best dishes you had ever had. Sasha must have been absolutely infatuated with him.

"Should we get going?" you asked Levi, grabbing your bouquet. He rose from his seat and grabbed your hand to help you up.

"There's one more thing I want to show you," he said.

You furrowed your eyebrows at him. "There's more?"

"I promise it won't take long." He offered no other explanation as he guided you through another door within the restaurant. The two of you had to walk up some stairs until he pushed open another door, stepping aside to let you pass. Your mouth gaped instantly at the sight in front of you.

You were on a balcony. There was a path laid out for you, illuminated by candles and campanula in vases. You walked through the path slowly and carefully, taking in its beauty.

When you reached the end of the path by the railing, there were rose petals littered on the ground forming a heart. Inside it read, "Love and Hope," and right underneath it was a single campanula on the ground. You bent down to grab it, holding it close to your chest while your eyes began to water.

God, you could cry. This was the sweetest thing anyone had ever done for you.

The most special thing about this was that he listened. He knew what kind of dress you'd like and how it would fit you. He knew you loved roses. He knew you loved wine. He knew what those campanula represented for you.

He did all of this knowing it would mean so much to you.

"Levi," you said almost inaudibly, turning around to thank him. "This is so-"

Your breath got caught in your throat. You hadn't realized he was following so close behind you. He shoved a hand in his pocket to pull something out, then got down on one knee.

Holy shit.

The bouquet dropped from your hands as you covered your mouth in shock.

"Eden," he began, voice shaking nervously. "I know our story hasn't been easy, and to many people, it seemed like a story that would end in tragedy, but... from the moment I met you, I knew you would be important to me somehow.

"Despite the obstacles we've faced, I still chose to remain loyal to you every time. I had my fears and doubts, but your resilience and growth is what made me fall in love with you, even though you can be stubborn, a bit irritable, and so damn careless sometimes." You laughed and rolled your eyes at his comment. "But I know I am too, and I think we do a good job in keeping each other balanced out whenever we know we're being irrational. There's no one else I could ever imagine spending the rest of my life with... so, Eden." He opened up the ring box and held it out in front of you. The rectangular-shaped gemstone twinkled under the moonlight. "Will you marry me?"

You nodded frantically, grabbing his arms to prompt him to stand up. "Yes. Yes, of course."

He stood up from the ground and engulfed you in a tight hug immediately as you burst into tears.

"She said yes!" an all too familiar voice cheered. A symphony of joyful screeches and applause broke out from the door you came out of, revealing at least eight other people - Hange, Paulina, Reiner, Connie, Sasha, Niccolo, Gabi, and Falco.

"Where did you all come from?" you asked. Levi whipped his head around immediately.

He sighed, then muttered, "I told Hange not to follow me."

"Hey, don't put the blame on me! Everyone else wanted to come too!" Hange defended.

"I couldn't miss my sister getting proposed to! Are you kidding?" Paulina added incredulously.

You laughed, kissing Levi's cheek to relieve him of his tension. "It's okay, Levi. Everything was perfect, I promise."

Just a few seconds after that, thunder rumbled in the sky.

"Shit," Levi muttered. "It looks like it's about to-"

"It's gonna rain! Everyone take cover!" Hange announced as soon as a few water droplets fell from the sky. The eight of them quickly ran down the stairs, leaving just you and Levi by yourselves to experience the sudden change in weather. Within seconds, the small drizzle converted into pouring rain. The droplets extinguished the fire from the candles and drenched the flowers he had set up, too.

"Damn it," Levi said in disappointment. "I'm sorry. I should have checked the weather. I didn't want to mess this up."

He twisted around and grabbed your hand to leave, but you remained frozen in your position. He glared at you from over your shoulder.

"No." You shook your head. "This is more perfect than I could have ever imagined."

You leaned forward and wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him into a deep kiss. He reciprocated your actions, holding your waist firmly against him.

Every part of your body was drenched, and you knew that your makeup and hair was more than likely ruined, but you didn't care. You didn't think you could have pictured this night going any other way.

A proposal, and a kiss in the rain. Maybe your sister wasn't so wrong about wanting to experience a cheesy romance, after all.

The wedding happened on a Sunday about two months later.

It wasn't anything massive; it was short and mostly private - you and Levi only inviting those who were near and dear to the two of you and happened to be living nearby.

Hange, Nifa, Paulina, and Sasha helped you pick out the dress while also helping you get your hair and makeup ready. Once everything was said and done, you followed Paulina and Hange right behind the doors that lead up to the aisle.

"What's with all the nerves, Eden?" Hange asked, noticing the anxiety in your eyes. "After everything you've gone through, this is what makes you anxious?"

You sighed deeply. "It's just... I'm..."

It was the fear of doubt. It was the fear of Levi changing his mind. It was the fear of Levi one day waking up and thinking he made the wrong choice.

But you were too embarrassed to say that out loud.

"You're scared of him regretting it, aren't you?" Paulina added. It was moments like these that you hated how easily she could read you.

Your lack of response was enough for them to know how you felt. Paulina placed a hand behind your back to comfort you.

"There's no way, Eden," Paulina said. "He wouldn't have asked you to marry him if he wasn't sure."

"That doesn't guarantee he's sure about the future, though," you muttered quietly, glaring down at the floor.

"Stop that," Hange interjected. For the first time in your life, their face looked unbelievably stern. "I've never seen that man so infatuated with someone in my entire life. You weren't there to see him those four years when you were separated. He was moping over you like every day - which I'm sure he wouldn't want me telling you, but still. I'd catch him rereading your journal and grazing over your materials constantly. And that was four years apart. I can't imagine him letting you go after seeing that for so long."

Their words offered some ease, relaxing your shoulders; you gave them a shy smile. "Thank you, Hange."

"Of course." They placed a reassuring hand on your shoulder. "Now walk down that aisle and let me marry the two of you. Don't doubt him for a second."

You nodded at them in confidence, watching them step out to go to their assigned position.

"You ready for this?" Paulina asked.

You took a deep breath in, then out. "More than ready."

The ceremony didn't last any longer than half an hour, with Hange being the officiant and Paulina being the one to bring the rings. You and Levi rented out a rooftop for the occasion, and luckily, the weather was absolutely perfect today (aside for the occasional breeze).

The moment you were both eager to get to, however, was after the ceremony during the evening...

As soon as the small gathering ended, the two of you rushed home, and Levi pushed open the door to your bedroom much rougher than you expected. He slammed your back hard against the door, smashing his lips onto yours desperately while shrugging off his suit and tossing it on the floor.

"Turn around," he demanded, kicking off his shoes. "Gonna take this dress off of you."

"Someone's eager," you teased, pulling him in for another kiss, but he broke it to run his hands up your back.

"Please," he begged. "Need you."

Although watching him plead was amusing to you, you, too, were desperate to get things going, so you weren't in the mood to torture him; you complied with his demands, whirling around to give him easy access to the zipper of your dress.

"This on your mind all day?" you whispered seductively, feeling his breath close against your neck as he slowly began to drag the zipper down.

"The moment I saw you in that dress" - he placed a soft kiss on your bare shoulders while pulling the zipper down - "I was already picturing everything I wanted to do to you."

"Like what?" You could feel his fingertips graze over your lower back; goosebumps erupted on your skin.

"I'm better at showing than telling." His hand reached just right above your hips. The dress cascaded down from your arms until it dropped to the ground. He paused before speaking again, his eyes likely sweeping all over your figure.

"You're wearing a thong?" he asked incredulously. You nearly laughed at how strangled his voice sounded. "Christ..."

"Special occasion," you answered nonchalantly, stepping out of the dress. He placed his hands on your waist again, his fingers lacing through the thin straps of your underwear.

"So much I'm gonna do to you tonight." He stretched the fabric, then released it, eliciting a small gasp out of you after feeling the elastic snap back on your skin harshly. "Gonna show you just how badly I want you."

"Yeah?" You pressed your ass further back, pushing against the tight bulge behind his trousers. He hissed at the contact, tightening his grip around your waist.

"Get on the bed," he said next, voice laced with sultry. You followed his orders, plopping down on the edge of the mattress. You furrowed your eyebrows when you saw him get down on one knee.

"What are you doing?"

"Taking off your heels." He went to grab your right ankle and placed it on his thigh to undo the straps. You laughed at the sudden change in his demeanor.

"You don't always have to be a gentleman, you know?" you quipped.

"Well" - he popped off one heel and repeated the same actions with the other foot - "we're gonna have a long night, so I need you to be comfortable."

You smiled at him endearingly, watching him drop the last heel on the floor before standing up and pulling out the belt from his pants.

"You're literally perfect, you know that?" you complimented. "Every single thing about you."

His ears turned red as he allowed his trousers to fall to the ground. You backed up to give him room, and he hovered above you while he unbuttoned his shirt. Your mouth nearly watered at the sight of his chest; he looked like a fucking god.

In desperation, you pulled him back down by the neck to kiss him again, immediately parting your lips to taste him.

"Perfect," you repeated between kisses. "God, I love you."

You could sense his urgency from the way his hands were caressing your body. His lips started traveling lower, down to your chest. You knew exactly where he was headed and what he intended to do - he always loved to finger you and give you oral to prep you for sex - but as much as you loved it, you didn't need it today; you grabbed his hand to stop him as soon as his lips met your stomach.

"Fuck the foreplay," you said strictly. "I'm ready. I need you."

He huffed, quickly taking off his boxers before resuming his position. "Someone's eager."

You scoffed, pushing your hips up to take off your thong. "Shut up."

He grabbed your left leg and draped it over his shoulder, the tip of his cock ghosting over your entrance. The lower half of your body felt so unbelievably warm.

"Please don't make me wait," you begged. He seemed in complete agreement, grasping his shaft and very slowly pushing himself inside.

You let out a satisfied moan the further he invited himself in. You had done this enough times for him to fit perfectly and comfortably now, but the euphoric feeling always felt the same, or even better. There wasn't a single person you'd been with in the past that had ever made you finish the way Levi had.

Maybe that was what love did - it made sex so much better.

"Fuck," he moaned, picking up the pace of his thrusts. "Fuck, your so-"

"Harder, Levi," you demanded. "Need to feel all of you."

He pushed in rougher, causing a whine to escape you. Feeling his tip hit the very end of your walls made your legs tremble.

"Shit," you cursed, shutting your eyes at the pressure.

Every time with him felt like the first. The passion, the love, the desperation - it was all still there. Every single movement he made was out of his devotion for you. It was never just lust.

Tonight was even more special. It was the night you both agreed to devote yourselves to each other until death, so you knew this time around was going to feel more intimate - more memorable.

And well, when things started to feel more intimate, you tended to get carried away too.

"Finish in me," you said suddenly. His eyes widened.

Having children wasn't anything you ever pictured for yourself until Levi came into the picture; hell, marriage wasn't anything you pictured either, yet look at where you were now.

Sure, you may have just been caught up in the moment, but this was a risk you didn't think you'd regret. You were in a good place now - no war, no titans, no lies. Life would always have conflicts, but you couldn't imagine anything from the past few years happening again. It just didn't seem plausible to you.

A child back then would have been disastrous, but a child now... a child now may be okay. It was a safe time, and both you and Levi had a strong support system to back you up.

You could do this. You were ready for this.

"Are you sure?" he asked after a few seconds, gauging your expressions.

"Positive."

"You want this?"

"As long as you do."

"If it's with you, you don't even have to ask."

"Then, yes." You smiled up at him in reassurance. "I want this."

He nodded in response, continuing his consistent motions until you felt him twitching inside you. He waited until he knew you were at your peak too before releasing himself inside you. The two of you groaned as he dropped his forehead on your shoulder, panting heavily. You brought up a hand to run your fingers through his hair as the two of you relaxed from your orgasms.

"I love you," he whispered in your ear. "Never doubt that, okay?"

You had a feeling Hange must have let your nerves slip based on the tone in his voice. "I won't."

"There's no one else." He placed a kiss on your cheek. "And there could be no one else but you."

"Okay," you responded, feeling him press his lips against your neck gently before hovering above your face.

"As long as I'm with you, I feel complete."

A surge of warmth spread throughout your body upon hearing those words. You cupped his cheek with your hand, kissing his nose. "I love you."

"I love you." He dipped down to kiss you again, slow and passionate. The fierce desperation from before had diminished, but you could tell his desire hadn't.

"Wanna go again?" you suggested.

"Yeah." He nodded, huffing slightly. "Kinda went by too fast before."

"Cause we're both two horny bastards," you joked.

"Right," he said. "I'll make sure to make you beg for it this time."

"Nah." Catching him off guard, you rolled him over to straddle him. "I think it's my turn to take the lead now."

His serious expression switched to amused within seconds, and the two of you were back to square one in no time.

Pregnancy was weird - scary, and weird.

Nothing could have ever prepared you for all the changes in your body; you knew weight gain was inevitable, but the pain that came with it was unbearable sometimes.

Levi forced you to sit out when you were already a month into your pregnancy. You didn't think it was necessary, but you also knew that Levi was going to do absolutely everything in his power to make sure this baby was okay. He didn't want to take any risks.

You scheduled consistent appointments with Paulina to check up on your health, as well as the baby's. Luckily, everything seemed to be in shape, and you hoped it stayed that way.

"My fucking back is killing me," you groaned, walking down the steps. Levi wrapped his arm around your waist to keep you balanced.

"If you're not feeling well, I told you we can just stay home," he said. You shook your head after making it to the final step.

"Hange put a lot of thought into this. I don't want to ruin it for them."

As soon as Hange found out about your pregnancy, they insisted on hosting a baby shower for you. Not only that, but they wanted to do a gender reveal too. You weren't extremely excited about the idea, but seeing the way their eyes lit up after telling you about the idea just made you feel guilty for even considering turning it down. They were so invested in it.

A car took you to the location within fifteen minutes. Hange had rented out a small salon for all the people they invited, which of course, wasn't too many. You could tell Hange spent far too much time decorating the place as soon as you walked in.

"You're here!" Hange exclaimed excitedly.

"Hange... what are you wearing?" Levi asked, his eyes traveling up and down their clothes. You had to bite back a laugh and their choice of outfit. It was a suit, but one side was completely blue while the other was pink.

"It's for the gender reveal, duh!"

"Your suit is gonna be the gender reveal?"

They rolled their eyes. "No, of course not. It's to fit the vibe. We ordered a cake! You just have to cut into it."

You were silently grateful the reveal wasn't going to be anything too crazy. "Cool. I'm guessing we're doing that at the end, then?"

"Well..." Hange averted their gaze in embarrassment. "Is it bad that I really wanna cut into now? It'll only take a second, then we can eat it at the end!"

You laughed slightly. Clearly, Hange was more excited about this than you were. "Alright, sounds good."

Hange began setting up the cake while you greeted all the guests. The guest you were genuinely surprised to see, however, was Mikasa; she was sitting right beside Armin and Annie.

"It's good to see you," you told her.

She smiled at you shyly. "Sorry I didn't make it to the wedding."

You and Levi sent her an invitation, but she chose not to come. You took no offense to it, though. Although you weren't entirely sure how she felt towards you, you knew that Eren's death was likely weighing down on her. The death was too fresh for her to go about her day acting like nothing happened. Armin had been handling his death a little better, but that didn't mean Mikasa was going to react the same way.

"Don't worry about it," you reassured her. "I'm just happy to see you here now."

"I'm- I'm happy for the two of you," she said. "I just want you to know that."

"That means a lot. Thank you."

"Eden, the cake is all set up!" Hange called. You whirled around and made your way to Hange, knowing they were going to burst into flames from anticipation if you didn't hurry up.

"I'm coming. I'm coming," you told them, stepping up on the podium. Levi rushed to your side to take your hand. Once you stood behind the cake, Hange handed you the knife. Whoever designed it did an amazing job. They split the colors blue and pink perfectly down the middle, adding tiny shoes of the opposite color on each side.

"Okay, okay. Are you ready for this?" they asked excitedly.

"Yes, I'm ready."

"Get the cameras ready!" they shouted.

"Huh?" A bright flash invaded your vision unexpectedly. A large camera was being pointed between you and Levi. "You brought photographers?"

"Well, I wouldn't say Onyankopon is a photographer, but close enough!"

Onyankopon shot a smile and waved in your direction behind the camera stand. You laughed in response.

"Alright, let's just cut into this thing." You grabbed Levi's hand and placed it on top of yours holding the knife. "We'll cut it together."

Levi nodded in agreement, the corner of his lips raising slightly.

"Ready?" Hange shouted. "3... 2... 1!"

The two of you sunk the knife down into the cake, then on the other side to cut a slice. Levi used both of his hands to carefully pull out the piece. For some odd reason, your stomach was twisting with anticipation.

It was pink.

"It's a girl!" Hange exclaimed a little too loudly; you covered your ears from the noise. "Shit, sorry."

A chorus of cheers and "Congratulations!" filled the room while pink confetti rained down on you from above.

"What..." You looked above you to see Gabi and Falco throwing the confetti over your heads, Gabi shooting you a thumbs up; you grinned widely at them.

"So, a girl," Levi stated, bringing your focus back to him.

"Yeah." You smiled. "Any ideas for a name?"

He paused, then said, "I was thinking about Kuchel for a girl."

Kuchel after his mother. It was sweet to think about.

"How about Luna for her middle name?" you suggested, deciding to add your mother to her name also.

"Yeah," he agreed. "Kuchel Luna Ackerman."

"Quite the name, isn't it?"

"I think it'll suit her."

"For sure."

The two of you spent the next hour trying to mingle with the guests, which was Levi's least favorite thing to do, but he knew it would have been rude if he didn't. While having a deep conversation with your sister, a strange structure caught your eye from afar. Onyankopon seemed to have been setting it up.

"What's that?" you asked, walking up to him.

"Oh, you came just in time. It's a photobooth!" He plugged in the cord into the wall, and the booth came to life. You had never seen anything like it.

"What does it do?"

"You just have to enter, tap a button, and wait a few seconds for the flash to go off. You should be the first to give it a shot."

Your immediate instinct was to call Levi over.

"What's wrong?" he said in concern.

"I wanna try this," you said, gesturing your head towards the machine.

"And this is... what?" he asked, inspecting the machine.

"A photobooth." You grabbed his hand and led him inside before he could protest, shutting the curtain.

"A photobooth," he repeated stiffly. His brooding expression already indicated he was not excited for this. You sat down on the bench inside, but he remained standing.

Levi still wasn't used to cameras and photographs, and you didn't think he'd ever be. He hated the idea of posing for pictures.

"Please," you begged, tugging his arm. "It's for the memories. We hardly have pictures together. It'd be nice to have this memory of the baby shower."

He sighed. "Fine."

You smiled eagerly, scooting over to leave him some room.

"How does this even work, anyway?"

"I think we just have to press this button and wait a few seconds."

Without warning, Levi pressed down on the button, and a timer of five seconds popped up.

"Wait, I wasn't ready yet!" you said, annoyance laced in your tone.

"Shit, can we reverse it?"

One second left. Panicked, you cupped Levi's chin and kissed him on the cheek as soon as the flash went off. You released him after the image was captured, leaving him flustered and red.

"We have five seconds until the next pose," you warned.

"I'm not suited for this," he admitted.

You threw your arms around his neck and nestled your head on his shoulder, smiling wide at the camera right before the next capture. Levi still remained rigid and frozen in his position.

"At least try to look like you love me," you teased, nudging his arm. "There's one more."

"You're a little too good at this shit."

You grabbed him by his tie and yanked him forward, planting a hard kiss on his lips. At the last second before the flash, Levi cupped your cheek. You drew back after the final image, waiting for the pictures to process.

"Please don't ever make me do that again," he said.

"I thought it was fun," you defended. "And I think Kuchel will appreciate it when she's older."

The film strip printed out after a few minutes. You took it carefully, observing each image.

You expected Levi to look stoic and brooding, but he exhibited much more emotion than you expected. He looked flustered and bashful when you kissed his cheek, and the way he timed the final photo came out perfect.

Your favorite, however, was the second one; his eyes were staring down at you when you dropped your head into his neck, and there was a slight smile on his face, too.

"I like this one," you pointed out, showing it to him. You couldn't stop staring at it. He looked like he was completely enthralled by you.

"Came out better than I expected," he admitted.

"Told you."

"I still don't ever wanna do this again."

"We'll see about that," you said slyly.

He rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

Kuchel was born in autumn.

Your water broke in the middle of the night, so Levi had to do his best to mask his apprehension and get you to the nearest hospital as soon as possible. As soon as the nurses rolled you into a room, Levi remained in the same spot beside you, watching you to make sure you were okay.

The contractions were absolutely killing you. You knew delivering a baby was painful, but fuck. You did your best to shield the pain to lessen Levi's worries, but at some point, it was just too much to hold in. Levi held onto your hand tightly, gently reassuring you that it was all going to be okay while you continued pushing.

And then finally, you heard a cry.

"I see her head!" the nurse said excitedly. "You're doing great! Keep going!"

You bit down on your bottom lip hard, trying to regulate your breathing as you continued pushing with all your strength.

"You're almost there, Eden," Levi said, reaching up his hand to caress your sweaty hair. "You've got this."

"It fucking hurts," you admitted.

"I know," he said. "But it's almost over."

Each push became easier as the minutes passed, and the cries became louder; then finally, a weight had been lifted.

"She's here," the nurse said, holding your baby up. You and Levi stared at the tiny infant in disbelief. "Just going to cut the umbilical cord and clean her up, okay?"

You nodded. "Okay."

You heard a snip, assuming that was the nurse cutting off the cord, then she exited the room.

"Are you okay?" Levi asked, rubbing his thumb on your hand. You knew he was in distress about this for months. He read up on stories of mothers passing away upon delivery or losing a ton of blood.

You smiled at him reassuringly. "I'm fine. Don't worry."

The nurse returned after a few minutes with Kuchel; she was all cleaned up and wrapped in a blanket.

"Would you like to hold her?" she asked. Your heart was racing the closer she approached you.

You nodded nervously. "Yeah."

Carefully, the nurse lowered your baby in your arms, showing you how to hold her. She was so tiny - you were terrified of somehow hurting her accidentally.

Her cries gradually diminished in volume as she leaned up against your chest. "It's okay," you said quietly, cradling her head.

"She's so small," Levi stated. You nodded in agreement.

"I know." Just staring at her made your eyes well up in tears.

You caressed her head softly as a tear slipped past your eye. "I promise we're going to take such good care of you."

You were going to do everything in your power to make sure this child had a much better life than you did, and you knew Levi was too.

You raised your head to look up at Levi. "Do you want to hold her?"

His pupils dilated - he was hesitant. "I- what if I hold her wrong? What if I hurt her?"

You shook your head. "You won't. Just place one arm underneath her and cradle her head. That's all."

Although still evidently uncertain, he gained the courage to try. Very cautiously, he wrapped an arm underneath her and pressed her against his chest as he held up her head. Part of you wished someone could take a picture of this moment for your memories, but that would have been far too distracting.

"She's beautiful," he muttered quietly.

"Yeah," you said. "She is."

This was the beginning of your next chapter: Parenthood.

Being a mother was not easy. All the crying, all the screaming, all the late nights - it was exhausting. You had an idea of what it was like due to partially raising Paulina, but this was different. Kuchel was yours. There were some nights where you weren't able to sleep at all.

This resulted in several disputes between you and Levi. Your exhaustion and irritability tripled after having this child, and it was hard for the both of you. Nonetheless, you were both able to resolve your issues after taking the time to communicate. This was the first time either of you were raising a child; it was bound to be stressful. You were thankful the two of you came to an understanding eventually.

Despite all the stress, the good thing was that you weren't alone. Levi did his best to help you, and you were lucky enough to have a strong support system that allowed the others to step in and help too.

Levi wasn't a fan of changing diapers. With his cleanliness, you knew it was going to be difficult for him to learn, but he was determined. He learned how to feed her, bathe her, and even took her down for a stroll in the stroller once Kuchel was old enough, just to let you have a break. It was relieving to know that you not only had a supportive husband, but that Kuchel was going to grow up having a supportive father too.

The love Levi had for his daughter was heartwarming to witness. She brought out a side of him you hardly knew existed. He would smile more, get creative by playing with her, and find ways to make her laugh. He grew comfortable overtime, no longer caring if others witnessed this side of him in public. It only made you fall more and more in love with him.

After Kuchel turned one, the idea of another child came to discussion. One child was already difficult, so you knew two was going to be exhausting; however, your love for them completely overrode any negative feelings you had. Kuchel was a prime example of that.

You got pregnant a year after Kuchel was born. After a second gender reveal party, the two of you found out you were having a boy. However, coming up with a name for him proved difficult.

"How about Zeke?" you proposed. Levi looked like he wanted to chuck knives at you.

"Don't make me divorce you after having our second child."

You giggled. "I'm kidding."

Coming up with a name for this child was genuinely difficult, though. You didn't really want to name him after your father; you still had mixed feelings towards him and it just didn't feel right. Levi felt the same towards Kenny.

The two of you ran through the possibility of naming him after Erwin too, but Levi didn't like the idea of it too much. He claimed it would just make him feel like he was calling for the commander.

"Peter, maybe? After Petra?" you suggested. "Or do you think Petra would curse me from beyond the grave for naming my child after her."

"I like Peter," Levi agreed. "I think Peter is fine."

"I figured I should honor her somehow," you said, staring down at Kuchel, who was already fast asleep in her crib. "But I don't know if this is the right way."

"You're not the one who killed her," he said.

"I know, but I'm still-"

"We're not gonna have this discussion again," he interrupted abruptly.

He was right. Every now and then, you would revert back to those kinds of thoughts. The guilt never went away - and you didn't think it ever would - but mulling over them did nothing to help you or anyone else. Forgiving yourself was a slow process that you didn't think you'd fully overcome, but the only way to navigate through that was accepting that the past couldn't be changed. You could only become better than the person that you were yesterday and years before.

When Historia had shipped your old items to Marley, a part of you wanted to burn everything, especially the journal. But the more you thought about it, the more you decided against it. Running away from the past wasn't helping anyone. It was shameful, but it was also proof of how you changed.

You kept thinking back to the end of the final battle over a year ago when you saw the ghost of Petra. She had smiled at you, and there was a look of understanding.

Was that truly her? Or were you hallucinating it?

"For what it's worth," Levi continued, "I think Petra would have felt honored to have you name a child after her."

You would never fully know her true feelings towards you, but despite that, you wanted to show her just how much she meant to you. This would be your way of doing that.

"His middle name could be Michael," you said. "After Mike."

"Peter Michael Ackerman," he said. "We gave our kids some interesting names."

You nodded with a huff. "Definitely."

Motherhood was coming to you easier now. By the time Peter was born, both you and Levi had a better grasp of things. It was still hard - Peter was a way bigger crier than Kuchel - but you were able to push through anyway.

However, you couldn't help but still feel like there was something missing. Yes, you got married to the love of your life and had children with him, but you still felt like there was something more you needed to do.

"Hey, Levi?"

"Hm?" he answered, sweeping up the shop after a busy day. Paulina and Connie were watching the kids while you and Levi closed up the shop today.

"Do you know when Armin and the others are going to Paradis?"

The previous scouts had now become Peace Ambassadors, visiting different countries for peace talks. Both you and Levi decided not to get involved; not only were the two of you tired of recalling memories of the past, but you were both busy with the kids and the shop.

But something was really prompting you to do one last thing.

"I think next week," he answered. "Why?"

"I want to go with them," you answered.

He furrowed his eyebrows, pausing his sweeping. "Where is this coming from?"

"I feel like I could do something." You stepped up closer to him. "Maybe not much, but maybe I could share my story."

"Eden, I told you that-"

"I never had a dream, Levi," you interrupted. "I never knew my purpose, and as happy as I am with my life now, I still feel like there's something I need to do. I want to speak. I want people to hear my story, even if they are in disagreement with some of my decisions. I want people to see what war can do to a person, and how it can change you. Maybe that's been my purpose all along - to share my experience."

He stared at you long and hard, pondering what to say next. "You really want to do this?"

"Yes," you answered. "I feel like I need to get it out there."

"Okay," he agreed. "Then I'll support you through it."

You beamed at him. "Thank you."

You rehearsed your speech every day until leaving. You took bits from the speech you had intended to say at the festival a few years ago before Eren's attack - with some adjustments, of course. You didn't want it to be too overwhelmingly long, but you also wanted to make sure you hit everything you needed to.

You knew Levi was likely fed up with how much you recited it in front of him, but he was still supportive, nonetheless.

"Are you sure you three will be okay while I'm gone?" you asked him, right before departing on the ship.

"Don't worry about us," he responded, pulling you in by the waist with one arm to kiss your lips. "Do what you need to do. We'll be okay."

"Okay." You smiled, leaning over to kiss your son's forehead Levi was holding him in one arm. "Bye, Peter." You reached down to kiss your daughter, who was holding Levi's hand, next. "Bye Kuchel."

"Bye, Mommy!" she said with a wave as she watched you enter the ship. You grinned at her and returned the same gesture before taking off with the others.

"You ready for this?" your sister asked, noticing your apprehension. Paulina insisted on coming along for the trip to console you.

"Yeah," you said. "More than ready."

The atmosphere in Paradis island felt much different compared to the last time you were here; it sent chills down your spine.

"You're up in a few," Paulina told you backstage. "You got this."

"Yeah," you said with a nod; although, you were completely panicking on the inside. "I got this."

Your heart leaped into your throat when you heard your name get called to the stage. You swallowed nervously before making your way to the podium.

Here goes nothing.

The sounds of boos echoing in the distance didn't ease your nerves one bit, but it wasn't surprising at all. This was expected - you were in Paradis, after all. Nobody liked you here.

"Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen." I hate how formal I sound. "I stand before you today to share a story - my story. Some of you may know me as Eden Barlowe - the Eldian warrior from Marley. Others may know me as the traitor to Paradis Island. Both are true."

Your eyes flickered up at the crowd, then quickly back down at the sheet you placed on the podium. There were thousands of people standing out there.

It's okay.

You shut your eyes and took a deep breath in before proceeding. "I come here not to ask for forgiveness or pity, but for understanding. I feel that I owe an explanation to this land, despite my irredeemable actions." You dug your nails into your palm nervously. "All I ask is for you to listen. That is my one request."

And so, you began.

The words came out smoother than you expected. The tension slowly lifted in your shoulders the longer you spoke - you became more comfortable.

There was something relieving about finally letting this all out. There was no mask to hide behind, and no deceit. You let all your ugly secrets out into the open to be picked and prodded at. You knew you were portraying yourself in a very negative light, but it felt necessary. Your past brought you nothing but shame, but it also shaped who you were. These ugly secrets were part of what made you human.

"World peace may be difficult to achieve after the battle from three years ago, and the cycle of hatred will be hard to extinguish; however, my hope is that one day, one person will hear this story and understand the ambiguity that may come with choosing sides." You raised your head for the first time since the beginning of the speech to look out into the audience. "Thank you for your time."

The crowd erupted in applause after you walked off stage. It wasn't anything overwhelmingly supportive, but definitely much better than the boos you were met with earlier.

"Great job!" Paulina said, engulfing you in a tight hug as soon as you came off. You wrapped your arms around her in relief.

"Thank you," you said. "Thank you for supporting me in this."

"I'm always gonna be here to support you." She drew back. "Now, let's meet back with the others. I'm sure they'll have a lot to say."

The young peace ambassadors greeted you with hugs and compliments upon returning to them.

Reiner especially.

"By the way," he said. "I took up writing like you suggested."

You raised your eyebrows. "Wait, really?"

He nodded, smiling slightly. "Yeah. It's been kinda helping, so thank you."

"Maybe you'll get to share your story someday, too." You smacked his arm endearingly.

"I don't know about that," he said bashfully, averting his gaze.

"Never say never."

He huffed, then walked off to begin another conversation. Just as you decided you were going to step back onto the ship, someone tapped your shoulder. You twisted around immediately; the air got trapped behind your lungs when you saw who stood in front of you.

"Annabeth," you said. "How are you?" Her appearance remained the same as before; she just cut her hair a few layers shorter. The look suited her beautifully, no doubt.

"I'm well. It's good to see you." She grinned at you politely. It didn't seem forced or fake; it actually seemed genuine - like she was happy to see you.

"That's- yeah. It's good to see you too."

"I just wanted to say I really enjoyed your speech. I know it was difficult for you to share that."

You nodded. "It was, yeah."

There was an awkward silence that lingered in the air before she spoke up again. "I heard you and Levi are married."

"Yes... we have two children now."

"I'm happy for you two, really." Her expression didn't waver at all. She didn't seem displeased at the thought. "You know, I... I had thoughts about moving to Marley after everything, but decided against it out of my sake, and well... yours too."

"What do you mean?"

"I wanted to respect your relationship," she said. "Although I still wanted to keep a friendship with Levi, it wouldn't have been right of me when my feelings were still fresh."

"I see."

"In the end, I think it was the best decision for myself too, so... I just really wanted to tell you that I'm happy for you, and I'm glad this speech was something you felt the need to do."

You gave her a timid smile. "Thank you."

She paused before saying, "I plan to visit Marley next month with my husband... if that's okay." She's married too? "I've been meaning to visit the previous members of the Survey Corps, but I also understand if you're against me seeing Levi."

You shook your head. "No, I understand. That's not a problem at all."

You didn't know Annabeth as well as the others, but she also didn't seem like the type to wreck your relationship, especially knowing she chose to stay away for three years and even got married. Regardless, even if she did attempt to do something, you knew Levi wouldn't fall for it. You had immense trust in him.

"Great," she responded. "So then, I'll see you soon."

"Take care," you said, waving at her as she walked away.

Another three years rolled by. Kuchel was close to turning five, and Peter had recently turned three.

"Kuchel, you can't just push your brother to get ahead of him while running!" you shouted, chasing after your daughter after she shoved Peter to the ground to win a race to the tree. Peter sobbed as Levi picked him to check for any injuries; Kuchel whined when you picked her up before she made it to the tree.

"I wanted to win!" she cried, kicking and screaming under your grip.

"If you want to win, you need to win fairly." You set her back down on the ground a few feet away from the tree. "No pushing or shoving."

"Fine," she said begrudgingly.

"How's Peter?" you asked Levi.

"No injuries, thankfully. He wants to keep playing, though."

"Kuchel, you better be nice to your brother!" you said.

"I promise!"

"We'll have to keep a close eye on her," you muttered quietly, plopping down on the grass as you watched your two children play against each other again.

"She didn't get that from me. Just saying," Levi said, taking a seat next to you. You turned your head to him in surprise.

"Excuse me? What the hell does that mean?"

"She sounds just like how you were as a kid, based on the stories you'd tell me."

Hm. I guess he's right. I never really thought about it.

"She has my ambition, I suppose. We just have to teach her how to be fair," you said. "She looks just like you, though. Your eyes are identical."

As soon as Marley succeeded in developing colored photographs, you were going to drag Levi and Kuchel to a photographer to get a picture together. There was no doubt she was his daughter. Their features were far too similar.

"And Peter looks a lot like you."

You hummed in reply. That was true too. Same hair, same eyes. Your kids were undeniably yours.

You dropped your head on top of Levi's shoulders, entangling your arm in his while watching your kids continue to play together.

"You know, it's moments like these where I just can't believe how unbelievably lucky I am," Levi admitted, leaning his head on top of yours.

"Yeah?"

"Mhm," he hummed. "I have more than I ever dreamed for, and that's just... weird for me to say. These aren't things that happen to people like me. I have a tea shop, a wife, and two kids. I never thought I'd ever get that."

"Life can surprise you in more ways than one."

"Yeah." He laced his fingers through yours. "It made me realize life was worth living, after all."

"Yeah," you agreed.

You suffered loss, you suffered conflict, and you suffered heartbreak, but you still managed to surpass it all. Life was a major grey area you had to overcome, and this was your reward.

This was how your story would end - with a marriage and two kids later. Who would have thought?

It never needed to be in another life. It just needed to be a better life than the one you had.

From enemies, to lovers - here in Levi's arms was where you were meant to be, and there wasn't any other life you could have ever imagined wishing for.

This life was the one you were meant for.

Notes:

Well… it's over :'). I can't believe this has gained 1.5k kudos and 50k hits already. Thank you so much. It feels like such a huge accomplishment.

I actually feel a little emotional about finishing this story?? I never thought I'd get so attached to a character I created, but I'm gonna miss Eden a bit :'). I feel kinda silly…

Once again, from the bottom of my heart, thank you. Thank you for following Eden's journey with me and sticking around to see her development. I was scared I'd lose some people when I placed more focus on her (and I'm sure I did), so I'm very thankful for those of you that stayed for her. I'll keep writing others stories, but this one will definitely hold a special place in my heart. And if you didn't like this story, thanks for giving it a chance anyway. I always wonder if I could have executed things better, but I'm trying not to be too hard on myself about it.

However, I do want to address one thing - I want to make it very clear that my goal of Eden's character was not to justify her actions, but to show her internal conflict and growth. Many people have mixed feelings about the warriors in AOT, which I agree with too. Although we understand why they did certain things, it doesn't mean they should be automatically forgiven. This is why I made it exceptionally difficult for Levi to finally forgive Eden. He needed to really see her efforts to change before allowing himself to forgive her. I feel like forgiveness in a situation like that is so difficult to navigate; it's one of those situations where it depends on the person. Some people are willing to forgive, but that doesn't mean everyone else is. You should never owe forgiveness to the people that have wronged you.

I know this is just a fanfic, but I wasn't sure if I did a good enough job conveying what I wanted to, so this felt important for me to address. At the same time, I struggled with making sure Eden had a good redemption arc without tampering with the main plot too much. I still don't feel 100% confident with how I went about her arc, but I tried my best :'). Definitely got stumped a few times.

I would also like to give some love and appreciation to a specific fanfic that sparked my desire for writing again around 4-5 years ago, which also inspired some of Levi's personality in my fanfic. Not sure if anyone is a Legend of Zelda fan here, but Calm Waters Run Deep by MaryDragon is one of my absolute favorite fanfics of all time. Some of Levi's soft side and tenderness in this story was inspired by the way the author wrote Link in their story, so I'd like to give credit where credit is due :).

On a different note, the Levi x reader fic idea that received the most votes on my poll was the celebrity/fake dating au :). I'm starting to draft it; I can't say it's coming soon, but give me a few more months before I start posting it. While I do that, I'm going to start a new fanfic for Satoru Gojo if you're into that ;). It's going to be a lighthearted, actor au - a complete contrast from this story (I needed a break from angst). It'll also be a lot shorter than this fic, so you can expect that soon (hopefully sometime in January).

UPDATE: The gojo fic is out! You can find it here if you want to give it a shot :).

If you read all of this, thank you. I'm a chronic over-thinker (and yapper, clearly), and I was a bit hard on myself when it came to writing this story. It's not perfect, but that's okay. The only way to get better at these things is to keep writing, so that's my goal :).

Anyway, I will see you later 3. If you'd like to ask me questions or want to interact with me, you can follow me on my tumblr too.

Have a nice week everyone. I love you all xoxo. Take care, and stay safe.

I'm forever thankful.

- Mar