A/N a sequel to The Legend of the Pretty Ronin
"Born with a void, hard to destroy with love,
or hope.
Built with a heart, broken from the start.
And now I die slow."
" Valley of the Dolls" Marina and the Diamonds
When Kaoru opened her eyes, a woman was standing in front of her. The woman's face was a coldly beautiful mask, like a yuki-onna in a noh play. Kaoru had never seen her before but somehow recognized her.
She must be in Hell if the person she hated most had come to greet her.
"Why did you do it?" Tomoe said. Her face wore the "I'm not not mad, just disappointed" expression of a mother reprimanding a child.
Kaoru turned her back to Tomoe. "I have nothing to say to you."
She put her hands on a railing and did a sweep of her surroundings. They were standing inside some kind of viewing pavilion with only the endless night sky surrounding it. No hills, forests, or villages to be seen.
Kaoru gazed up at a vast, full moon. Like most little girls, she had loved the Tale of Princess Kaguya as a child. Even a rollicking tomboy like her day dreamed about being a long-lost princess. Her childhood tantrums usually included threats that her real family on the moon would come take her back someday and everyone would be sorry.
Though she'd, mostly, outgrown such fantasies, Kaoru still looked up at the moon with longing whenever she didn't get her way or life was just too difficult.
"Why should you only take what you're given?
Why should you spend your whole life living…
Trapped where there ain't no future, even at seventeen."
"Santa Fe" Newsies.
There'd been a full moon on the night Kenshin proposed to Kaoru for the third time, the time she finally said yes. Kaoru had been had been sitting alone out on the engawa with her arms clasped around her knees when Kenshin asked her to marry him. She looked up at Kenshin and said "yes," as if he'd asked her if she needed him to pick something up while he was out. Exactly one month later, there'd also been a full moon on Kaoru's wedding night…
Tomoe put a hand on Kaoru's shoulder. "Why didn't you love him more than your own pride?"
"Would giving up my pride for a man who didn't love me have been worth it?" Kaoru looked down at the inky void below.
Countless signs had told her of Kenshin's indifference. His obliviousness about her feelings. The way he got flustered when other women flirted with him. The Tanabata Night catfish incident and his lack of jealousy when that young artist in Hakone was interested in Kaoru. Marrying Kenshin had been a mistake but it was her fault for expecting too much from him.
How could he possibly have loved her after he'd loved someone like Tomoe?
"Was your pride worth hurting all your friends?" Tomoe said. "What about everyone you left behind?"
"When my depression works the graveyard shift, all of the people I've ghosted stand there in the room."
"Antihero" Taylor Swift.
Kaoru bit her lip. Yahiko, who'd needed to be reassured that Kenshin and Kaoru marrying and possibly starting a family wouldn't change much. Sanosuke, who'd gotten drunk on sake at the reception and teased Kenshin mercilessly. Megumi, who'd nearly killed Kaoru with embarrassment explaining what would happen on the wedding night that never came. People she'd wanted to throw out on their asses one moment and was terrified of losing the next. Now, Kaoru thought of them with a detachment that would have made Musashi-Sensei proud.
"They were fine before they met me and they'll be fine now that I'm gone," she told Tomoe.
Her attachments were the reason she was here in the first place.
Tomoe shook her head.
"How dare you!" What right did Tomoe have to judge her when she'd ruined the lives of everyone she came in contact with? Kiyosato-san…Kenshin… Enishi.
"I spoke with Kenshin too." Tomoe met Kaoru's gaze. "He told me: I'm sorry, but I loved her more than I honored my promise to you."