2 October 1639

Meulin's not going to go back to help Damara. I feel awful that I'm relieved but I was scared she'd get really hurt. I don't know how to be the midwife. I can't heal my sister. I don't need her to take care of me but I don't want her to get hurt, either.

We've been going to practice hunting most days, and I'm getting better at it. Last time we went, I almost hit a squirrel. I'm looking forward to my first rabbit stew. Meulin said if I like, I can make whatever stew I like when I get my first catch. We usually make the stew together, but we prefer different seasonings and when I catch dinner, I'll get to decide what goes into it.

4 October 1639

I don't like Vriska very much. She makes me nervous. Her smile is too sharp. I'm not as good at reading people's faces as my sister is, but I know what a smile is supposed to look like the the smile Vriska made when she told us about how she tricked her older sister into getting lost in the woods was not right.

It's not right anyways. The woods shouldn't be scary. They're my woods, and they're safe. I don't like that Vriska would use them to hurt someone.

6 October 1639

I almost shot something today! I didn't quite, but the arrow whistled right over its head. I'm going to go back out tomorrow. I've been hunting or practicing almost every day since Meulin taught me and I'm almost there!

I would like to teach Equius, but he still can hardly fire an arrow. Maybe I'll just teach him to gut and clean.

9 October 1639

Even closer today! I know pride is a sin but I think a little is alright. I'm proud of myself for getting better at what I'm doing. I'm going to be able to take care of myself now. I'm going to be a proper adult soon, who can live on her own. I know that someday Meulin will get married and I'll be here on my own, and I'm a little bit excited for it, honestly. I love Linny and I never want to stop being close with her, but I also want to be my own person and live by myself.

I love my friends, but I find I always need a little bit of time to myself to feel my best.

11 October 1639

I did it! Today I shot a squirrel! I got it in the body, not the eye like Linny can, but I got it! When we got back I cleaned and gutted it myself, leaving the entrails for Button, and put it in my own stew. I'm so happy! I did it. I may not be great at it yet, but I'm going to get better.

I'm going to keep practicing. I'm going to get better until I'm as good as Meulin and our mama. Linny won't have to worry anymore because I'm going to be a great hunter.

I've been tracking when the different kinds of plants die, too, and when we stop seeing certain animals. My notes are getting better, but I've noticed that plants come out later and die earlier. I'd swear it's getting colder, but it's hard to know for sure. I don't have any way to keep track of the temperature to write it down. It just feels cold.

13 October 1639

I'm still not pleased with Sollux right now, exactly, but Terezi said he didn't mean it and he was just doing what Vriska said would help. Why he listened to her I'll never know, but at least he wasn't just being mean to Aradia for the sake of it. Either way, I talked with him today and I mentioned how it seemed colder and he said he agreed. His family are farmers and they've been having trouble plowing when the need to, because the ground hasn't thawed all the way yet.

I've noticed the same in the garden, but since we don't grow as much and we don't really plow it hasn't been so bad. If the ground isn't as soft as it could be, we just dig harder. We're not going to go hungry. I won't let us.

15 October 1639

The harvest has made our house more crowded than ever. Linny and I fill up the kitchen and the library and our bedrooms and the spare room, of course, and the herbs hung up to dry make our whole home smell delicious. I'll have to sort them into jars when they're dried properly, the pretty ones with neat labels Meulin's going to have to rewrite in a few years. We'll make the mixes once we have everything put away.

I don't like to do the work my sister does with people, but I like following our mama's recipes and making the medicines she made. I like learning what the different plants are for, when they grow and what we can do with them. I like to learn. I wish I could go to university.

17 October 1639

Meulin seemed more tired than normal today. I tried to ask her, but she sighed all dramatically like she does and told me it was something between her and her friends. Of course it was. She and her friends seem to have some new problem every other week.

I suppose my friends and I have our share of problems, but hers seem much more dramatic.

19 October 1639

Equius and Tavros and I went out into the woods today and explored around the creek. I wish Aradia could come with us. I don't know what's wrong with her, but when I tried to talk to her and ask her to come with us she just said no and closed the door. I wouldn't say she slammed it, but it felt like she didn't want to talk to me at all. It hurt, a little bit, because I know I'm not like everyone else and people don't always like me for that reason. I'm not sure if it's just me, though, because I asked and Tavros said he hadn't spoken with her either, and neither had Equius.

Equius wanted to try, but I told him not to. I think she might need some time away from other people. I don't know for sure, but she seemed like it. So I think maybe it's best to leave her alone for a bit, like Meulin's letting Damara alone until she stops trying to kill people, although much less dramatic.

He'll either listen to me or he won't, like I either listen to him or I don't, but either way I hope it'll be alright. He'll always have my ear if he needs it.

21 October 1639

Linny's been moping about lately. I asked her what was wrong and she said her and Kurloz had a disagreement. I asked her what about, and she said them getting married. She won't get married until I'm of age, and I don't turn eighteen for another two years. But Kurloz's father absolutely insists he be married by the time he's twenty-one, which is in only a few months. Linny's plenty old enough to get married, but she doesn't want to leave me alone. I told her I'm going to be just fine, but she doesn't believe me.

I wish Meulin would just get married already. Then she'd stop being so sad. She and Kurloz could go start their family together and I'd be just fine here, with my friends. If I ever needed anything she'd be less than a day's walk away and Horuss and Mr. Zahhak are even closer. I'm fine. I've been catching squirrels myself and helping with the harvest. I can make elderberry syrup, for goodness' sake, and that's quite a task.

I can't be the midwife like Linny, but I'll be fine on my own.

22 October 1639

I went to Equius's house today. I don't very often, but he invited me for tea. I asked him why and he told me that my sister didn't want Horuss around anymore. I thought that sounded mad, but I resolved to ask Linny about it later and went for tea.

It was delicious, because they have a maid who cooks and she gets to use sugar, and Mr. Zahhak excused himself early to rest up. He's not been in good health since his wife passed. I remember Mrs. Zahhak. She was delightful.

Anyways, it was much less stiff after he left, just Horuss and Equius and me, and Horuss seemed happy enough. He didn't seem like someone who'd had a friend stop talking to them. It was nice, and when I went home to my sister she didn't seem upset that I'd gone over. I can only assume they had a disagreement but not a big one. I'll ask her another time.

24 October 1639

Linny didn't answer me about Horuss, just said they weren't really speaking. When I asked her why, she said she didn't want to talk about it and got quite snippy with me.

So I let her be and went out walking. I practiced with my target in the front yard, with my bow and arrows, and hunted around for late autumn plants. I didn't feel like seeing anyone today, so I explored on my own.

26 October 1639

Linny still won't tell me what's wrong but she was awfully cold to Horuss when he came by yesterday, so something for sure is wrong. Well, I can't fix it for her. I have enough to worry about, with Equius carrying a torch for Aradia and Sollux falling for Feferi and Karkat and Terezi and Vriska and Tavros and everything else. They think I don't notice.

Anyways, I have enough with my own friends. Linny can manage hers.

27 October 1639

Speaking of Tavros and Vriska, Tavros and I went exploring today and he told me he thinks Vriska is awfully pretty. I think he's mad, and I told him as much. He asked why and I told him she can also be awfully cruel when she puts her mind to it. She almost killed him in their game, for goodness' sake.

"It's because she wants me to get better," he said.

"She knocks you out of trees to help you be better at the game? That's absurd," I said.

"No need to be rude!" he said.

"Oh. Sorry." I didn't mean to be rude, but I do think it's absurd. "Still. It doesn't make sense."

"It does. She tests me. When I pass, I'm going to be strong enough. I'm not strong now. I need to be stronger," he told me.

"Why? You seem plenty strong to me. Your family are ranchers, aren't they? And you help out," I said, which as far as I know is true.

"That's not all there is to it, though. I need to be strong of mind as well. And I'm not," he said.

"I don't think that's true," I said.

"Why not? You've seen me. I do whatever people tell me to do." He sounded miserable.

"And the solution to that…is to throw you out of a tree?" I asked. I still didn't understand.

"Well, yes," he said, as if that made perfect sense.

"I suppose I can't stop you," I said. I don't understand most people and this would seem to be an extension of that. "I'm not going to help you, though."

"How do you mean?" he asked.

"Well, I'm not going to talk to her for you, or anything, like I did for Aradia and Sollux."

"I-I don't need you to," he said.

"Alright," I said. "Let's go out to the river. I like the river."

So we went out to the river and didn't quite swim until it was high time we return for dinner.

29 October 1639

I'm a bit nervous for the festival. Of course I'm delighted to see my friends, but Karkat will be there and I might end up partnered with him in a big dance. Of course it wouldn't be for long, but I don't want to have to see him, much less touch him. I hardly like touching my family, and it's alright for dancing but I don't want to touch anyone I don't like.

I don't understand why my sister likes hugging. When we were little she'd hug me and it kind of hurt. It feels like a sunburn, almost, like I have to be aware of all my skin and it's not good. She hasn't since we got old enough to talk about it, and Mama never did since Linny told her. I have no idea why she likes that. Linny also likes celery, which hurts my teeth, and light clothes, which feel ticklish, and going barefoot, which makes me feel every particle of dirt. But then, she thinks I'm strange because I always like to wear my heavy cloak and keep records of things and keep things on time.

I know I'm not like other people. I don't see why that's such a problem for some people, though.

30 October 1639

I'm going to wear my skirt with the daisies on the hem for All Saints' this year. It's one of my favorites and my embroidery work is among my best. My friends all think my embroidery is lovely and I'm proud of it.

Anyways, I'm excited! It's going to be such fun. Good food and dancing and all my friends. It's a lot, almost too much, but it's a lot in a good way, if that makes sense. I love the festival. It feels warm and safe and friendly, and I know we're going to be alright-me and Linny and my friends and the whole village that's my home. I don't know that most of the time, so when I do, it's comforting.

Anyways, it's great fun. I'm excited!

31 October 1639

The festival was today and it was such fun! The music was beautiful. I love fiddle music. I did the fast dances we do with everyone until my feet hurt, and then I rested and ate and talked with my friends while we waited for our feet to feel better. Some other people were doing dances while we rested and it was lovely to watch them spin with the music.

After we rested, I ended up partnered with Karkat for one of the dances and I wasn't particularly happy about it at first, but he's still a good dancer, and it was fun to dance with him. I even found myself smiling at him, though not like I used to. After the dance, I thanked him, because it's only polite, and then went to dance the next dance with Equius.

He's very handsome, but I'm not sure I still feel the way I did. I felt around for it inside myself, and I couldn't seem to find the feelings I used to have about him. I didn't want to kiss him so much. I'm not sure it's gone, or if it will ever be, but it's not like it was.

I told Linny, on the way home, and I can tell she's happy for me. She's happy about it, anyways, and she's glad I'm not going to be worrying about it anymore. I can tell when she worries about me. She thinks I can't, but it's easy enough. Her forehead and nose crinkle up and she frowns just a little. Linny thinks I can't tell because I can't tell people's feelings from their faces at first look, but she makes that one a lot, and I've gotten quite good at recognizing it.

Anyways, she looked happy for me, and she said she was. I trust her. I always will.

1 November 1639

Today was All Saints' Day and it was so much fun! All Souls' is always wonderful but All Saints' is better. There was music and dancing and food and light and it was all so wonderful. My feet burned by the time I sat out a dance to eat some of the good things passed around-treats like orange slices and little cakes. Linny and I brought our own pudding, a recipe our mama taught us when we were younger, to share with everyone, and it seems like they liked it.

I danced with everyone, my friends and my sister's friends and other people in my village, and I danced with some of the very young children who don't know how yet. It's cute. They can only barely keep their feet under them and they step on my toes but they're so light it doesn't matter.

So I showed some of the little ones how to dance and had fun with my friends.

I didn't see Aradia there, or Damara. Their parents were there, Mr. and Mrs. Megido, but not the daughters. I thought about asking them, but it seemed like a bad idea on such a happy day. The others, though, are doing well. I saw Tavros and Vriska dancing together, and they seemed happy enough. Maybe it'll be alright for them. I hope so.

I'm exhausted. It's high time I went to bed. It's been a marvelous two days but now I'm just tired.

3 November 1639

Tavros and Equius and Kanaya and I went out into the woods today. It's going to start snowing soon, and this morning there was a lovely frost over everything. My friends and I went walking out to the river and then across it, to the clearing where the nightshade berries grow. Nightshade flowers are very pretty. I know they're dangerous, but they remind me of this fruit I saw once when Linny and I were small, when we lived with out birth parents. It's called a banana. We call them sea bananas sometimes because they have purple petals and it looks like they could grow under the sea.

Of course we didn't eat any, because I know better than that even though Equius doesn't remember which plants are poisonous. But it's a nice place to rest before we went back. We're finding new paths on the other side of the river, and I'm excited to see where they lead.

4 November 1639

I went to see Equius and Horuss today. Meulin was talking with Kurloz over tea about wedding plans and such. Meulin's worried about getting married before I'm old enough, of course, and Kurloz's father is putting pressure on him to marry. It reminds me of Feferi and Eridan and, come to think of it, Gamzee. Feferi's going to be married off to someone else and the other two need heirs. I suppose it's different, though, for the eldest son. Linny and I can't carry our family name like a man could, but we're going to pass on our traditions and our learning. But an eldest son has to carry on the name, especially nobles. No wonder her Kurloz is so worried.

6 November 1639

I worked on the harvesting today. We need to preserve everything for winter, from meat to plants to medicine. Our house is full of the food we'll need over the winter, and I'm preparing the herbs for when people get ill in the winter. We're short on the salve Meulin gives for cracking skin, and preparing the elderflower syrup is quite a task. I'm also working on the nettles. The nettle tea is very good for pain and inflammation, Meulin says, but you have to be careful. Walking through patches of nettles by the river, I've gotten the stings all up and down my arms and legs. I hate that awful tingly sensation. It doesn't last like poison ivy does, or burn like wild parsnip, but I think I hate it the most because of how damned unpleasant it feels.

Anyways, we're careful when we pick nettles, and we grow our own parsnip. A pair of good leather gloves goes a long way.

8 November 1639

I hope it snows soon. I like snow. Mama used to tell use snowflakes were gifts from angels up in heaven for us mortals on Earth. I hope I can make snowflakes when I go to heaven. I love snowflakes. They're so beautiful and precise.

Things are getting very exciting with all my friends. I think I'm going to have to write it all down to keep track!

Tavros likes Vriska, and Vriska maybe likes Tavros, in her own way.

Sollux likes Feferi, and Feferi likes him but can't marry him for political reasons.

Karkat likes Terezi, who might like him back.

Karkat likes Dave, who I don't even know if he loves men.

Dave likes Terezi, who might like him back, and the three of them make a nice little confusing triangle I have no idea what to do with.

I sort of like Karkat even though I know he doesn't like me, although it's getting better.

Kanaya likes Rose and Rose definitely likes her back, but neither of them have done anything about it.

Terezi and Vriska have something between them, but heaven only knows what considering how they act towards the ones they love.

Equius likes Aradia, although he says he doesn't because she's poor and Jewish, and she certainly doesn't like him.

Eridan likes Feferi for sure but, again, they couldn't get married for political reasons and I'm sure she doesn't like him.

I don't know John, Dave, Rose, and Jade as well, but:

John likes Vriska and I think she likes him back.

John and Dave might like each other? I'm not sure.

I think that's everyone. My goodness, it's a lot to keep track of. But I can do it. I want my friends to be happy and I want to help.

10 November 1639

I spent most of today sorting dried herbs, leaves from stems and seeds from pods. We have a set of jars for plain herbs, a set of jars for mixes, and then jars for things like poultices and salves. I love making the mixes and things that Meulin uses to treat people. She thinks I'm very helpful and she likes that she can focus on treating people while I make the medicines. In another life I'd have liked to study chemistry, I think, or biology. Or medicine. Or whatever it is that's about medicines. Or medicine for animals! There's so much I'd love to learn.

11 November 1639

I made a salve today for dry skin like people get in the winter, and a mix of ground herbs for mixing in with food to take for a sour stomach. Our mortar and pestle are…heirlooms, I suppose is the nice way to say it. They're quite old. I'd like us to spend some money on new ones, because we use them all the time. I'd ask my sister for Christmas, but she doesn't like getting practical things for presents. She likes to get me something fun or special. I'll just ask her regular.

13 November 1639

We got down the money jar and counted it out, and we'll have enough to buy a new mortar and pestle. I'll go into the village tomorrow and investigate what there is, so I can pick a good one.

14 November 1639

There are plenty of options, but I think in the end I'm going to buy one from the stone mason. He's going to make it a bit smaller for me, because I'm small, with a good handle. It'll be good, since I use it so often. I'm not going to get rid of the old one, of course, because it was our mama's and I love her. But I'll use the new one, too.

Meulin thinks it's odd that I want to keep the old one when we're getting the new one. But making medicines is what Mama did, too, and I don't want to get rid of her things. I want to keep her with us, so I want to keep around the tools she used.

16 November 1639

I picked up the new mortar and pestle today and they felt good in my hands. I ground up the thyme today and boiled the needles for stitching. I also worked on a needlepoint. Sometimes people buy me embroidery and needlepoint, and it's good to have the money. We use it to buy milk from Tavros's family and fabric from Mr. Henderson and shoes from Mr. Bennet.

One of these days we're going to see a play. There's a theater only a few miles from our home and the players stop there sometimes. We just have to keep an eye on when.

17 November 1639

We all went into the woods today and played hide-and-seek. I win a lot because know the woods the best of anyone, but Tavros and Kanaya are also pretty good at finding spots to hide. I like to go up; Tavros usually goes down. Equius is not very good at hiding. He's good at seeking, but he's not good at hiding. Equius moves like he doesn't quite know what to do with his own body. I think it's because he's been getting so much taller lately. If what I learned from the biology books is right, he's going to have a beard soon.

I'm only barely tall enough for the biology books, but if I stand on tiptoe I can get them. Mama always said I can read what I can reach, and soon I can reach all the books. Anyways, there's a bunch of books on human biology and anatomy and things. I read that boys grow a lot of hair and getting a lot taller a lot faster and…develop in other ways. Bodies have to change an awful lot from children so they're ready to have babies.

I think Meulin means to explain to me about sex, but she doesn't have to. It's in the books. I know about my breasts and my bleeding, and I know if I get married I'll probably have sex with my husband. It's supposed to be quite nice. I suppose I can write here, where no one will read it, that I've thought about it. I remember feeling too hot sometimes when I looked at Karkat and I don't feel it as much anymore, but that's what that was, I think. I wanted him. It's a very nice feeling.

I suppose that's why Meulin wants to get married. It must be quite overwhelming to have someone.

18 November 1639

The river's going to freeze soon. I'm excited to go skating! I think our mama told us she used to have ice skates, but they sold them a long time ago. Maybe someday we'll save our pennies for skates. It would be so much fun!

Someday, we will.

20 November 1639

Linny and I went to the graveyard today and it was awful. Linny started crying and I just sat there, staring at the stone that marks where our mama is buried. She's dead. She loved us and she took care of us when no one else ever would have and she's gone. I miss her so much.

We sat there together, holding hands, for a long time. We both miss her. I think we always will. There's no way to stop missing our mama. We just build a new life around the ache.

21 November 1639

I caught another squirrel today! I practice almost every day, sometimes with the target and sometimes out in the forest, and I'm getting really good. I showed Equius and he was very impressed! I knew he would be. He's proud of me. I'd like to teach him to shoot, but he's almost broken my bows enough times that I don't want to let him near them. If he buys his own I'll try to teach him, but I won't let him use mine. I need it to hunt. We can't go hungry again, Linny and me. I won't let us.

23 November 1639

I worked in the garden today, preparing for winter. I put leaves over the soil and planted the bulbs and got everything ready. Mostly I worked in Mama's garden, but I worked in the flower garden too. I'm looking forwards to watching the daffodils bloom. It's those and the snowdrops that bloom the first, and they mark the beginning of spring. I can't wait for spring. Winter can be lovely, but in winter nothing grows and it makes me nervous. Linny and I always preserve more than we think we'll need, but I worry one day it won't be enough. We can hunt, but it's hard without vegetables.

I'm worried. I hope the plants are alright until next year.

25 November 1639

I found a glass jar today in Mama's cabinet next to her book and I wasn't sure what it was, since it wasn't labeled. I opened it and realized all at once that it was the first batch of blossoms from the flower garden when it was new. I gathered up the dead, dried flowers to bring inside because I wanted to keep them warm. I didn't want them to be cold and hungry outside and Mama helped me gather then up and bring them inside to be warm.

I cried a little bit and put the jar in my room. The flowers are safe there.

27 November 1639

We packed up the seeds today in their jars and cooked up some more elderflower syrup and smoked more meat and hung up the onions. The house is full of food and I know it's going to be alright. Linny and I are going to have plenty. I'll make sure of it.

30 November 1639

Nothing much has happened the past few days. I've been working and reading and playing with my friends, like I always do. Linny had a nightmare and came crashing into my room, completely whipped into a frenzy. She told me she had a bad dream and needed make sure I was alright. And I was. I am.

1 December 1639

I'm excited for Christmas and Advent! It's always a lovely time. Even though it's cold and dark, there's no more work to be done and everyone has enough and people are kind and it's fun. Dark it may be, but it's bright inside and it's easy to be warm inside with the people I love.

3 December 1639

Today was the first Sunday of Advent, which is for hope. There is always hope. Things have always gotten better. No matter how painful things are, no matter how hungry we were, no atter how lost I felt, things have always gotten better. I know that life isn't fair, but I refuse to believe that I have to be cruel. I'm going to be make things better for myself and for everyone.

I'm excited for Christmas. It's going to be such fun!

5 December 1639

The snow is perfectly lovely. I love the delicate way it coats the bare tree branches and the lines it makes on the roof of our home. It's warm and cozy indoors, and crisp and beautiful outdoors. And I can wear my heavy cloak, which makes me feel relaxed and safe.

If food grew in the winter, I think it'd be my favorite season.

8 December 1639

I went to Equius's house again today. I always like spending time with him, even if his house is too big and his father tries too hard to take care of us. No matter what happens, I know Equius is there for me. He always listens when I have problems and he cares a lot and he tries to keep me out of danger. I try to be a good friend to him, too. I tell him when he's being silly and listen when he talks about his worries, and I care about him. I always will.

Anyways, we had tea and talked and just sat quietly together. It was wonderful.

10 December 1639

Today was the second Sunday of Advent, which is for joy. Linny asked me at dinner if it'd be alright for her to get married before I'm eighteen. I told her it'd be fine, probably, but not just yet.

She said it still wouldn't be for a while, but she doesn't want to treat me like a baby. She still calls me Kitty and sometimes treats me like a baby and I'd like it if she wouldn't. She was seventeen when Mama passed away and we're fine. I'd be just fine if she got married when I was seventeen. I can hunt and work in the garden and all that.

I'm going to be an aunt soon! I'm so excited for Meulin's children. They're going to be so cute and it'll be such fun to play with the little ones. I don't know how I feel about having my own children, especially not right now, but I'm excited for Meulin's little ones.

12 December 1639

I went to see Aradia today. She came to see me, but didn't really respond much when I tried to talk to her. I asked how her sister was and she told me to shut up and leave her alone! I was pretty surprised and went to talk with Tavros and Kanaya.

"Does anyone know what happened?" I asked. "I don't know why she'd be so upset just because I asked how Damara is. Is she worse?"

"I don't think so," Kanaya said. "As far as I know they're just…the same. Not talking to anyone."

"I'm worried," I said. "Aradia used to be so happy."

"People change, though," Kanaya said. "We can't expect them to."

"But something's wrong," I said. "I'm worried about her."

"You can't be responsible for everyone else being happy," Kanaya said. I could tell she was trying to be gentle like Linny does with me, when I'm scared or tired or when we were little and I was hungry.

"I know," I said. "But I want to help her. I want to be a good friend to her when she's having a hard time."

"Me too," Tavros said. "But I don't know how."

Kanaya sighed. "We're old enough to know things aren't easy, hardly ever."

"That's true," I agreed.

We didn't talk about much else serious after that.

14 December 1639

Meulin said she told Kurloz today they can get married when I'm seventeen. I'll be plenty ready by then. I'm good at hunting and I can keep the garden and make the medicines and I can definitely take care of Button.

I think we should find a boy cat for Button to have babies with. I'd like to have another cat when Button gets old and passes on. We've had a cat since I was a little girl. I want to keep having a cat for much longer.

17 December 1639

Today was the third Sunday of Advent, which is for peace. I do feel at peace right now, relatively speaking. I don't like that things don't grow in the winter, but we can hunt and we have plenty preserved, so I'm not scared. Things are going to be alright.

19 December 1639

Today I went out to the woods and across the rope bridge to the far side of the river. I went alone, because I like to explore alone sometimes. I went to the clearing we found full of poison berries, and then I went a bit further. I didn't find anything much, but it was nice to walk in the snowy woods and just be at peace with the world.

21 December 1639

I don't know what I'll get my sister for Christmas. She's fussing about her Kurloz's present, and I presume about mine, too, but she wouldn't tell me that. I want to get my sister something lovely for Christmas because this might be her last Christmas at home and I want her to have a good one, and also because I love her. I'm going to go shopping tomorrow with my friends and we'll figure out what to get for our families.

23 December 1639

I found it! I found her a sweet romance novel that I know she'll love. Meulin loves romance books. I'd say she likes them even more than I do, which is saying something. So I'm getting her a book. Anyways, books are the best. We love books in our house. We have lots of books. We inherited most of them, but I like having them. It's nice to have so much knowledge in our house.

24 December 1639

I'm so excited for Christmas! I spent time with my friends today and we talked about what we're going to do tomorrow. I'm going to see my friends at the festival tomorrow and we're going to have such fun. I can't wait to dance! I'm so excited I can hardly write.

I'm going to try to get some sleep. I'm going to need it!

25 December 1639

Christmas today! It was so much fun! Linny gave me the loveliest mug and she was so excited about the book. We made the most delicious Christmas dinner like we always have, a roast and Yorkshire pudding (it's the wrong way but it tastes better) and green beans with nuts and a delicious pudding. We went to the festival, too. I danced with all my friends. Aradia wasn't there but everyone else was and we danced all the dances, the fast ones and the slow ones and the silly ones.

It was so much fun. I'm exhausted, though. It's time I went to bed.

27 December 1639

I didn't do anything yesterday, which was very nice. It was nice to get some rest and not do anything, because normally I have so much to do. Linny and I lounged around the library and read and sat close around the fire. We held hands like we do, because it's much better than hugging, and read romance books together and made fun of the characters when they're silly. Linny said that's not what romance is-it's softer and kinder and much, much less dramatic.

29 December 1639

Equius's father got very sick today. Meulin ran to treat him and Equius came to my home and sat on the sofa with me and sat very, very still.

"Equius?"

"Yes?"

"Are you alright?"

He swallowed. "No."

"It's really scary when your parent is sick. I'm sorry."

"I am scared."

"I know," I said. I took his hand and held it. "You can talk to me. Or not. Whatever you want. I'm here."

He nodded and we sat together for a long time. He cried a little, quietly, and I got him some good tea and a handkerchief and a little bit of fruit. His father is alright, but his health isn't good. I hope Equius is alright.

30 December 1639

Equius seemed a bit better today in the village. He and I spent time with Tavros and Kanaya in the square near the fountain. I hope he's alright. I know how scary it was when Mama was ill. I just hope his father makes it.

31 December 1639

Tomorrow it's going to be 1640! Linny and I are going to stay up together, of course, waiting for the grandfather clock to strike midnight. And then it will be a whole new year! My goodness, how the time flies. I feel like not long ago it was 1638. It doesn't feel like all that long ago that Linny and I left our birth parents, and yet it feels like another lifetime.

I'm going to make this a good year. I don't care what else happens. It's going to be a good year.