2 April 1640

Sollux and Tavros's families are getting very nervous because the ground is still very hard. We've had a few years of bad harvests, and people's reserves are running low. Linny and I still have enough, but I can't sit by while my friends go hungry.

I'm going to start hunting more. I want to be ready.

4 April 1640

The potted plants are doing just fine indoors. We have to remember to water them, of course, but I can do that. I'll let them grow inside until it's warm enough to take them outside. We've also planted some of our seeds, but not all of them-some start later.

Sollux's family farms, so of course they're nervous, but I was confused about Tavros's family. He said it's that they need enough hay to keep the cows alive, and so the girl cows can have calves for next year. I hope the cows do alright. They're really sweet! Buttercup, the big one with the heart-shaped spot, likes to come up to us and say hello. I like the cows a lot. Tavros and I agree that dealing with cows is a lot easier than dealing with people.

But Button is my favorite. She's my cat and I love her.

6 April 1640

Speaking of Button, I think we should find a boy cat so she can have kittens. She isn't so old I'm worried-she's only seven, I think-but I do want us to have kittens so when she does pass on we still have a cat.

Although with how cold it still is, that's not really my top priority. Button should have kittens when the weather's safe for them, and when we have the time to help her. Goodness, kittens! I remember when Button was new. She was the cutest thing in the world. I could hold her in one hand. She was a bit vicious when she was tiny, but she learned quickly that we loved her and wanted to take care of her-a bit like Linny and me, I suppose. We were nervous at first but we learned quickly that Mama loved us.

8 April 1640

I know it's mad, but I miss my birth parents sometimes. No, that's not quite it. It's hard to explain. It's like I'm grieving who I could've been and the family I could've had. It doesn't make sense to miss something that never was or could have been, I think, but I wish sometimes that our birth parents had loved us.

They didn't let us eat. I grieve sometimes, what my life could've been like if they had let us have enough.

10 April 1640

I think it's high time we start transplanting some of the potted plants. I went to work in the garden today. I used to hate the garden, because of how the dirt felt on my skin. It's not so bad now. I like gardening, sometimes, because I like doing something with my hands. I feel like I'm doing good work. Anyways, I can wear my good gloves.

The plants are growing well. I hope they keep growing well.

12 April 1640

Meulin's getting married on June fifth. It's so soon! She's making her dress and everything, and I'm making one too. She's only going to have one bridesmaid-me-and she says even if she had a bunch of bridesmaids I'd still be her maid of honor. I know if I get married, I'll want Meulin there for me.

I don't know if I'll get married. I liked Karkat an awful lot, but there hasn't been anyone since. There's so much happening I hardly have time to think about boys (or girls). Meulin's always wanted a big romantic wedding and a husband she loves, and I do too, but I'm not sure that'll happen for me any time soon.

I hope there's someone, though. It would be nice to get married. It'd be so lovely, I think, to promise someone all your love, and have that promise from them to keep in your heart. I could never be afraid, I think, if I had that promise in my heart.

14 April 1640

I'm going to help Linny embroider her wedding dress, of course. I'm going to put forget-me-nots on it. They're blue, like the dress, with some green (Meulin's and my favorite color) and some yellow for a bright color. And forget-me-nots mean a lot to us. They grow in the flower garden and where Mama is buried, and I trust them. They take care of Mama's grave when we're not there, and they guard the happy memories of our home.

I know they're just flowers, but they're also lovely little blue buds that come back every year and grow where the people I love are. So I trust them, and I'm going to put them on Meulin's wedding dress so they can be with her when she starts her new life.

16 April 1640

This was a bad day for Mama, I remember. I asked Equius if the date meant anything, and he asked his father, who apparently went terribly pale and then said no, but he was lying. Kanaya says her father said there was a public execution on this day a long time ago, before I was born, but it's not as if those are that rare. I'm not even sure why he'd remember. Maybe he was there, but I'm not sure why. We don't go to the city often in this village, and not for public executions!

Anyways, I spent most of today in the village with Equius and Kanaya and Tavros (not Vriska, luckily). It was nice.

19 April 1640

I'll have to make myself a nice dress, too! Not a wedding dress, of course, but I can make a nicer version of one of my usual dresses. I'm going to be Linny's maid of honor-I want to make her look good next to me. She deserves to have a wonderful wedding day!

And I like to look nice, too. When I go hunting, I don't worry about being pretty, but I like to be beautiful sometimes (or try to, anyways).

21 April 1640

Kurloz hasn't been staying much for dinner lately. I don't mind, but I can see Meulin's a bit sad about it. He's terribly busy putting the wedding together, she says. I can imagine it must be quite an affair!

I went hunting for a long time today, to clear my head. I'm happy for Meulin, but now that it's going to happen so soon, I'm a bit nervous. I hope I'll be alright on my own. It'll be just me and Button. Button can take care of herself. I hope I can too. I know I can live with Equius's family if I have to, but I don't want to leave this house. It's home here. I don't understand how Meulin can. If I get married, my husband will come live here with me.

23 April 1640

My friends and I went walking in the woods today, out to the rope bridge. I showed them where the nightshade berries grow, and Jade asked if we use them for anything like with nettles. I don't think we do. They're poisonous enough to kill with just a few berries. Nettles are poisonous, but not that bad. They don't even hurt so much if you pull away quick enough. Goodness know I've been stung enough times.

Speaking of nettles, Tavros got into some as we were walking back. He's not as quick on his feet as he used to be since Vriska pushed him off the bridge, and so when he tripped, he just fell right into them. Jade and Kanaya and I managed to pull him out, but he'd already started to blister. It won't last more than a day, maybe two, but it will not be a fun day for him. Linny has some plants she uses for nettles, but it's still no fun.

I really don't trust Vriska. I don't understand how you could do that to someone you say you love. I never want to hurt the ones I love.

25 April 1640

I told my friends about the wedding and they're very excited for me! Jade's from the middle of nowhere, so she was excited about the dancing, and Kanaya about the fancy clothes, and Tavros about the good food. I'm excited about all of it! I can't wait to tell them all about it.

Linny's dress is coming along nicely. She's going to be so beautiful! It's pretty exciting.

I am nervous, though. I've never had to be on my own before. I've never had to support myself before. I can shoot well, and I can garden, and take care of Button, and all that, but I've always had Meulin or Mama or even Miss Leon to fall back on. I hope I'll be alright on my own.

Button's made her presence known, so I think it's time I put my journal down and pet her. She's very sweet.

27 April 1640

It's good to know Equius will always be there for me. We went for a walk today, just the two of us, and talked about growing up. He wants to go to school to study building and architecture. He's very good at building things. He always has been. I wish I was good at something like that. I'm only really good at things about surviving. At least I can stay alive, if nothing else.

29 April 1640

It's strange, watching my sister and her friends getting married. They're proper adults, going out and having their own lives. Even my friends are flirting and falling in love. And here I am, just…getting by, I suppose. I have friends but I don't have anyone who wants me. No one wants the strange girl to be their wife and raise their children. I don't even know if I want children, but it hurts that no one thinks I could, or should.

I try, but it seems no one cares.

1 May 1640

Equius's father is considering letting him go to school for architecture or engineering. He's certainly smart enough to! I'd miss him, but I don't want him to not go on my account.

It feels my family and friends are being scattered to the wind, and I'm still here in my old home.

4 May 1640

Luckily it hasn't frozen again, so some crops can grow. But Sollux said a lot of the plants died, and it's still cold, so they're not growing like they should. And Tavros said his family is worried they won't have food to feed their cows. Some of our plants didn't make it, but we can hunt to make up the difference. Most of Linny's plants grow in the woods, so I just need to find some more and transplant them. And I can forage pretty decently for food.

I do not forage for mushrooms, though. I don't have a death wish. Mushrooms are entirely too dangerous to mess with.

6 May 1640

I worked more on Linny's embroidery today. I'm definitely nervous to see my sister leave, but I am excited for her. She's going to have a good life.

I hope I have a good life. I'm not a proper adult yet, so I can't know, but her friends seem to have it together. My friends and I have time, but it seems that even when she was my age she was more put together than I am now.

I might be too hard on myself, though. I am only sixteen. I am good at what I do, and I have time to figure everything out.

8 May 1640

I went one more time to try to talk to Aradia. It's been a long time, but I don't want to give up on her just yet. Something must have happened to her and to her family, and I wish I could help them.

So I went and knocked and Mrs. Megido answered, and I asked after Aradia.

"I'll go find her," Mrs. Megido said. She had me wait at the table while she went to the bedroom upstairs. Their house is smaller than ours: a big room downstairs for everything but sleeping, a bedroom downstairs for Mr. and Mrs. Megido, and a bedroom upstairs for Damara and Aradia. It's quite nice.

I heard some mumbling, and then Mrs. Megido came back downstairs. "She isn't seeing anyone right now."

"Why not?" I asked.

"I-I don't know," she said.

I think she was lying, but I don't know how to say that. What can I say? "Tell me the truth"? I don't want to make whatever this is more difficult.

"Alright," I said. "My sister can help if you need anything. She's very good at her job."

Mrs. Megido nodded tiredly. "Thank you, Nepeta. And thank you for coming by."

"You're welcome," I said, and I left. I spent the rest of the day with my friends and tried not to think about it.

10 May 1640

I talked with Equius today about Aradia.

"I'm worried about her," I said. "Something's wrong."

"I am as well," he said. "However, I do not know what else we can do."

"I mean, me neither," I said. "But she's our friend, and I don't want to give up on her."

"Her sister could be a danger to you," he says carefully.

"I know," I said. "Damara tried to hurt Linny, and she might try to hurt me, too. But Aradia can see us without her sister. And I don't know what happened to Damara, but it didn't happen to Aradia, too. Damara left, but Aradia stayed here. So it's not the same thing."

"I hope you are right," Equius said, sighing.

"I know you like her," I said.

He jumped and blushed, like he does. He doesn't think I'm dumb but he thinks he's very subtle, and he's not.

"I think it's sweet," I said, poking him. "We'll figure out what's wrong and then you can start courting her."

"She prefers Sollux."

"She did. It's possible she changed her mind! And if she did, there'll be someone else. There's someone for everyone," I said. "We're young yet. We have time."

He sighed again. "I suppose so. I had best marry before I turn twenty-one, though, or my father will be furious."

"Is that because you're landed?" I asked.

"Yes. And as the second son, I will have to make some of my own way. Hence architecture school."

"Would you have to move to the city?" I asked.

"Possibly," he said. "I do not know. I might move to the city for a time and then back here once I complete my education."

"I'd miss you," I said. "If you left."

"And I you," he agreed sincerely. "I would not leave for long. You are my dearest friend, and I do not plan to leave you behind."

"Thanks, Equius," I said.

We went home after that, for tea and books. I want Equius to go to school and do well but I'd miss him terribly.

13 May 1640

I talked with Linny about how she's leaving and the dress. I just want it to be good enough for her. I want to be a good sister and a good bridesmaid. And I am nervous for her to leave. I'm trying very hard not to be, especially since she's busy enough with everything, but I can't seem to help it.

I've been practicing on the target behind our home when I'm not shooting. I want to be the best hunter I can be. And I've been working extra hard in the garden. And Linny promised to leave behind our mama's book, so I can treat myself and others if I need to. We'll be alright. We always are.

15 May 1640

I went walking with Equius again today. I showed him to the spring that feeds the creek. I've brought people there before, but I taught him the path. I don't normally do that. I showed him where to cross the stream and back and the landmarks so he knows he's on the right path. I like sharing the woods with Equius. He's my best friend and I want to share all the best parts of my life with him. He tells me about how he's learning math and building, brings us good food and invites me over for a fancy tea, and I show him around my woods and read my favorite books with him.

Equius helps me with my project, too. I've been noting when I see the baby animals come out. He points them out to me and tells me when he's seen them. He sometimes says it's silly, but I know he doesn't mean it. He's not a very good liar.

17 May 1640

I talked with Kanaya today at her home. Her father was working the land and her mother and sister were doing the seamstress work they do, so she was caring for her old Aunt Barbara. Her aunt can be awfully grumpy, but she's happy to sip a cup of tea with honey and make a needlepoint usually. So Kanaya and I sat in the kitchen and had tea together.

"Why is she with you?" I asked. "I thought you had other family."

"The doctor says it's better for her out in the country," Kanaya said. "Anyways, her husband passed a few years ago and her children are awfully busy."

"How old is she?" I asked.

"Sixty-six," Kanaya said. "She's much older than my father."

"Indeed," I said. "How is your Aunt Ellen?"

"She's alright. Doing better than Aunt Barbara, anyways. I don't know what happened to the third sister, so I suppose those two might carry on another few years."

"You have another aunt?"

"No, not really. She passed away a long time ago. My father won't tell me how or when, mind you, but I know it was before I was born. I think she was his favorite sister," she said, a little quieter.

"How do you know?" I asked.

"She's the only one he tells stories about," she said. The she shrugged. "She probably was ill. I understand why he wouldn't want to talk about it."

I nodded. "Yes, I imagine so."

"I think every family has something odd like that," Kanaya remarked. "Aradia's missing aunt and Sollux's missing uncle, Terezi's strange aunt, your mother…"

"What about my mother?" I asked, feeling hurt.

"Nothing bad," Kanaya said. "Just that your family is a bit unusual, that's all. Being adopted and all."

"It is odd," I say. "But it's the best thing that every happened to Meulin and me."

"Your mother was a good woman," Kanaya said kindly. "She did good work."

"Thank you," I said. "I'm glad we had her."

She nodded, and we were quiet for a long time before trading dress patterns and knitting ideas over the last of the tea. I'll ask her about Rose another time. I would never do that near her Aunt Barbara.

19 May 1640

I'm still thinking about how strange families can be. Meulin and I and our mother were and are unusual, for sure. Aradia has missing aunt and her current family situation, Kanaya has her long-gone aunt and Aunt Barbara right here in the village, Terezi has her aunt who might have also been a lawyer, Vriska has her aunt who was a privateer (unless she's exaggerating, which I wouldn't doubt), Sollux has his missing uncle, Tavros has his uncle who vanishes for weeks at a time, and Karkat's illegitimate. Equius's family is pretty much normal, except for how his family is tied to mine-initially through killing.

I assume my higher-class friends have even stranger families. They're nobility. Their families must be a mess.

21 May 1640

I walked with Tavros through his family's cow pastures today and noticed how they were emptier than usual.

"We've had to slaughter some early," he explained. "Before they starved."

"Is it that bad?"

He nodded. His stammer is better now than it was, but he still avoids talking sometimes.

"How are you legs?"

"Still sore, some days. As long as Rufioh and my father do the harder work, I can manage."

"Let me know if Meulin or I can help out. We have lots of remedies," I offered.

"Thank you, but I think this is how it is for me," he said.

"I don't mean to be rude, but how can you still like her?" I asked.

"She did it because she thought it was the best for me," he insisted. "I'm really fine."

"It seems to me she doesn't always treat you kindly," I tried.

"Not always," he said. "I don't know. She's courting below her status, so I guess she must like me."

"Or she doesn't take it seriously," I pointed out.

"I think she likes me," Tavros said.

"Alright," I conceded. "What's this girl's name?"

He smiled and told me the names of all the cows-the milk cows. The beef cows don't get names, because they're slaughtered much more often. The milk cows get names so they can keep track of them.

24 May 1640

Linny hasn't been sleeping much lately. I hear her late at night making tea, and Button trying to get her back to bed. Button likes to make sure we're both asleep before she curls up in my bed for the night. When she hears Linny awake, she'll try to herd her back to bed. If I didn't know better, I'd say Button has some sheepdog in her.

Button goes about her own cat business during the day, but at night she likes to curl up with me and let me pet her while she purrs away. It's very nice.

26 May 1640

The wedding is so soon! Meulin's almost done with her dress and I think her skirt will be most lovely, if I do say so myself. I showed Kanaya the embroidery yesterday and she liked it a lot. I'd love to show Aradia, but I doubt it would help.

We had such a storm today. It rained harder than I've ever seen it. The garden wasn't too waterlogged, as our home is on a bit of a hill, but it was not a day for going outdoors. I got a lot of indoor work done.

28 May 1640

Kurloz isn't over as often these days, because he's preparing at his family home. Linny's been missing him. I'm happy for her! She certainly loves him, and he loves her. The way he looks her, like she's the very sun in the sky, couldn't mean anything else.

I hope someone looks at me like that someday. I don't think I'm jealous-Kurloz, besides being older than me, is awfully gangly and pale in a way I don't like at all-but I do want a love like that. It would be nice.

30 May 1640

I finally saw Terezi again today. She's been busy lately, trying to get an education. I asked her if she's going to go to school like her aunt.

"I'd like to, but Aunt Neolla had an inheritance, and my parents would never pay."

"That's too bad."

"It's alright. She left us her law books, and I've been studying. Most of it is dull, but once you get past that it's very interesting," she said.

"I'll take your word for it," I said. "We have some law books, but I've never read them."

"Where did your family get those books, anyways?" Terezi asked.

"I don't know. My mother inherited the house that way from her mother-in-law, and said they always had the books. Maybe whoever willed it to my mother's mother-in-law bought the books," I said. I really don't know. I just know that we have lots of books, and I love them.

"Strange," Terezi said. "A mystery! Maybe I can try to solve it."

"Maybe so!" I said. "Go ahead. I'll tell you if I find any clues."

She grinned, sharp like she always has, but not scary like Vriska. "Thanks, Nepeta. Don't be a stranger, you know? You can always come by my house."

"Your parents won't mind?" I asked.

"Of course not. Your mother treated all sorts of strange ailements in the family. They'd never not let you in!" She waved as she walked away. She's right, I think. A lot of people in the village are fine with me because of what Linny does and my mama did. I hope that's not the only reason people like me.

1 June 1640

The wedding's in only four days! I can hardly believe it. Meulin looks beautiful in her dress and I'm looking forwards to it. It promises to be quite the event!

She's certainly more nervous than I am, since her life is changing ten times as fast as mine, but I'm still nervous for her to leave. It'll be the same, but it won't be. I know I'll be able to feed myself-we both hunt because there are two of us-but it will be different in ways I'm not used to. I hope I'll be alright.

3 June 1640

I tried my nice dress on again today and it seems I've grown since I last wore it. I had to take out the chest, which wasn't hard, and adjust the waist. I've always been thinner than Linny, but I've been gaining weight as of late, too. I'm still growing a bit, though my chest has its adult shape and I get my bleeding, to my chagrin.

I'm not a child anymore, but I don't feel like an adult quite yet.

5 June 1640

The wedding was today! It was wonderful. A carriage came for us early, and I expected Kurloz to be in it, but he wasn't, because it's bad luck to see the bride before the wedding on the wedding day. It's a very old superstition, from when you didn't even talk to your betrothed and people worried the husband might change his mind if he saw the wife. Of course now it's just an old tradition.

Once we were there, there was a lady who help us dress. Linny and I usually lace up each other's nice corsets that tie in the back. I also did Meulin's hair, and she did mine. She was shaking with excitement and holding a beautiful bouquet of flowers. I had a smaller bouquet, as her maid of honor.

The ceremony was quite lovely. I walked down the aisle first with Gamzee, the best man, and then watched Meulin walk. She looked beautiful. Being in love like that makes people beautiful, I think. Kurloz was certainly blushing!

They read their vows for each other, promising all their love, in sickness and health, for better or worse, and Meulin was crying while I held her bouquet. I've never seen her so happy. Then the priest pronounced them married and everyone cheered while we walked out, my sister and her husband grinning big.

Dinner was delicious-a course meal, with all sorts of delicacies and desserts. And the dancing! I admit I prefer to dance fast like we do in the village, but these were fun, too. I talked with some of the young men who live in the castle, and some nobility I'd never met before, and it was fun! I don't meet many new people. I don't normally like to, but once in a while it can be fun. Though I am tired and don't plan on seeing anyone else for a while. I told Meulin as much, so she'd know I was having fun and she wouldn't have to worry.

At the end of it all, the carriage took me back home, by myself. It was strange coming home to an empty house. I stoked the fire and found Button so it wouldn't feel quite so lonely. She was content to curl up in my lap while I petted her and read a book.

When it was bedtime, she went up to Meulin's room, and when my sister wasn't there, Button went searching for her, meowing to get her attention. I wanted to tell her Meulin's grown up and left, but I don't know how tell a cat that.

She finally settled down with me, but when I woke up to stoke the fire again and have some tea, she was wandering again. I found her sitting on Linny's bed, like she was confused. Poor thing. She's used to the family of three, and now it's just her and me. I'd be confused, too.

7 June 1640

It's strange, living alone. The house feels colder and louder. I look up from my book or my knitting to tell something to Linny and she's not there. I've been talking to Button a fair bit. Button doesn't much care, and she spends the day going about her cat business, but she comes home at night. I think she gets up and hunts at night, too, but I'm asleep then, and she comes home in the evenings.

It's better when I'm hunting or working in the garden, because I'm used to doing those things alone. It's the worst when I'm eating dinner alone. I hardly know what to do with myself. I've been reading, but it's not the same. It's just so strange.

9 June 1640

I'm not doing the work of two now, but there is more to be done without Meulin around. Hunting, gardening, mending, cleaning, cooking, breadmaking. I know how to do all of it, but it feels like more now with just me. I'm not sure if it is, because while I'm just me, I'm also just one mouth to feed, but it feels like more.

11 June 1640

Equius came to my house today. He doesn't normally, but I haven't been to see him in almost a week, and he was worried.

"I missed you," he said, a bit sheepish.

"I missed you too," I said. "I've just been so busy. I'm sorry I worried you. I won't do it again."

"Are you too busy?" he asked nervously.

"No, I don't think so," I told him. "I just need to get used to it. I've had time, but I haven't felt up for doing much." I shifted on the couch. "I miss my sister. I know it's silly, because she's not far away at all, but I miss her."

"Of course you do," he said. "You have lived with her your entire life."

"Yes, I suppose so," I agreed. "I mean, she's not-not gone, not like Mama. But I miss her all the same."

Equius nodded. "I am sorry. Please tell me if I can do anything at all to help you."

"Thanks, Equius."

I leaned my head on his shoulder and we stayed like that for a long while. It felt good to be with my best friend. I trust him more than almost anyone. We're both a bit odd, but I think that's part of why we're such good friends.

14 June 1640

I made my way into the village today to see my friends. I told them all about my sister's wedding, about the food and the dancing and the ceremony of it all. I've sent one letter so far, just asking how she is, and I hope to hear back soon. It won't be the same, but she's my sister. I want to keep being close to her.

Kanaya and Terezi and I sat together on the edge of the fountain and talked about things for a couple of hours this afternoon. It was lovely.

16 June 1640

Someone came by today for Meulin, asking for the midwife. I said she'd married and moved out, but I'd do what I could. I really don't like doing the work Linny does, but I can stitch a cut if I have to. It turns out that Mr. Lewis's son Thomas fell while fixing the roof and had a big cut on his head. Mama's book says that head wounds bleed a lot even if they're not serious, so I told them that, sewed it up, bandaged it, and told him to wait until the weather's dry to repair the roof.

In fairness, it's been a very wet year. We've had a lot of storms.

18 June 1640

Today was one of the worst storms yet. It was so windy the rain was practically sideways and it was howling like a dying animal. Button stayed inside all day, which she almost never does. I couldn't do much but inside work.

I checked the plants late, once the worst had passed, and they seem a bit beat up but still standing. I think the trees protect them.

20 June 1640

I went for a walk today across the river and saw that the storm had knocked an awfully big branch off one of the big old oak trees, and it was blocking the path. I had to haul it out of the way to get around.

It worries me some that the weather is so bad. Our home is well-built, but old, and I worry sometimes what might happen if one day the storms were too much for it.

23 June 1640

The big storms have been the talk of the town. Tavros's family is trying to keep their cows closer, and the farming families like Sollux's are losing crops from the wind and rain waterlogging them or simply ripping them out. Everyone's nervous for the winter. Between the bad growing season and the storms, I am too. I can live off what I hunt, and my garden is doing fine, but I don't think I could stand to see my friends go hungry.

25 June 1640

Feferi came into town today with Eridan and Gamzee. Gamzee hardly remembered Linny's wedding, apparently. Feferi told me she heard it was lovely.

"I see you're not married yet," I observed.

"No, not yet," she said. "My mother isn't as keen as my father on marrying me off. My sister's still first in line, and I'm second, so I think she just wants us both around to inherit. Especially with Meenah going off on her own."

"Going off on her own?" I asked.

"Oh, she'll go into the city for a few days," Feferi said, quite blasé for someone whose sister vanishes for days at a time. "She always comes back. But if she ever doesn't, my mother wants me around to inherit the throne, just in case."

"I can't believe you're in line for the throne," I said.

She shrugged. "I always have been. I want to be a good queen. I'll give money to the poor."

"That's kind of you," I said. She said "the poor" in a strange way, but then, I'm not always good at understanding these things.

"It's the least I can do," she said.

"I think you'll be a good queen, then," I said. "Trying to help people."

I don't know what makes a good queen, but I think trying to help is a good start.

26 June 1640

Linny came to visit today! She came in the middle of chopping so I didn't have to worry about the stove or anything. We talked for a long while, and she told me all about her new life in the castle! It's just incredible. I told her about how Equius wants to go to university for building, how Terezi's trying to save her pennies, how Kanaya's trying to learn to read, all that. I didn't worry her telling her about the storms and such. I asked her about her new married life, because I'm curious and because I want to know how she is, and she's doing well, which I'm glad to hear.

She's going to help teach Kanaya to be the midwife, because Kanaya wants to more than I do (which is to say, at all), and our mama's book is at home. I look forward to the day when I will never have to deal with a pus-soaked wound again. Kanaya has the stomach for it. I have the stomach for hunting, but not for pus and vomit and, mostly, crying. I can't stand to see people crying.

29 June 1640

It's been almost a month since Linny married. I still feel strange. I'm alone in this big house, with two empty bedrooms. I'm keeping busy, which helps, but it's still just odd being alone.

I'm doing alright. I'm not going hungry or anything, but I feel alone sometimes, especially in the evenings when I relax and do indoors work. I hope it goes away after I get used to it. I don't want to be lonely like this forever.