1 September 1640
I went into town today to see what I could do. But we don't have a mayor or anything like they do in the city, so I didn't know who was in charge. The closest we have to a leader is Reverend Maxwell, so I went to the church.
People were swarming the church. People whose homes were gone were sitting in the pews, wrapped up in blankets. There was the most terrible air of despair over the place. I heard babies crying and saw old people praying fervently. I finally found Reverend Maxwell in his little office, poring over some papers.
"Excuse me," I said.
"Nepeta," he said. "Hello. Come in."
"Thank you, Reverend," I said. "I'm here to help. What can I do?"
"Goodness, I don't know," he said. "We need everything."
"I could get food. I can hunt and bring things from my garden."
"Yes, do that," he said absent-mindedly. "Bring the food here. Most people who need help are here."
"I'll come back later," I promised.
When I was walking back home, I saw Karkat and my other friends standing near one of the wrecked houses. It looked like they were cleaning away all the rubble. It looked like Karkat was directing them, but it was hard to tell, because he always yells like that. I suppose the idea is to try to rebuild the homes.
I spent most of the day hunting. I got a fair number of animals, prepared them, and brought the meat to the church. People seemed happy about it; Mrs. Knox started to make a stew and I stayed to help cook.
It's clear to me that there's a lot of work to do. I hope I can help do it.
3 September 1640
They're almost finished cleaning out where the first house was. It's going to be hard work, but most everyone who can is helping out.
Except me, I suppose. I went to help clean up but no one would give me anything to do. So I went back to the woods to hunt more and find some edible plants. I've also been trying to harvest my garden and prepare for winter. It's going to be a hard winter and I want to be ready.
5 September 1640
It takes time to build a house. People whose homes have been destroyed are trying to find places to stay for the winter, so I offered my home. I don't want to have people I don't know well living in my house, but there are families with small children. People need somewhere warm to sleep.
So the Reeses and the Portlands will be staying in my home. The Reeses are a young couple with a toddler and a baby and the Portlands are quite old. Neither can stay too long in the church. I offered them the two bedrooms that are empty and said they were welcome to stay the winter until their new homes are built.
I'll have many mouths to feed. Mr. or Mrs. Reese can help me, but not both at once. It's going to be a lot of work, and I'm not sure I'm up to it.
I suppose I can be honest in my journal. I don't think I can. I think someone in my home will go hungry this winter and I'm so scared. I can't feed this many people. I can barely feed myself. I'm still a child. I'm only seventeen! How can I take care of this many people all by myself?
I'm going to have to try. I can't let anyone go hungry, much less two old people and two small children.
7 September 1640
Meulin came to visit today. I didn't realize she didn't know about the village. She was as sad as I was and she promised to help me with whatever needed doing. She helped me prepare the animals I shot for cooking, and then start the stews preparing.
Once the stews were on and simmering, we sat together and talked for a little while. I don't have a lot of time these days, but it was good to sit and talk with Linny. I miss her when she's away.
Having other people in the house is nice that way. It never feels lonely, because even if Button is off doing her cat business, there are children playing or the Portlands chatting by the fire. There are people around. It's somehow both better and worse-less lonely but more irritating, sometimes. I'm not used to living with small children.
But I'll manage. I have to.
9 September 1640
I went to see Equius today. I should have gone sooner but I was so tired. His home is fine and his family will survive the winter, which is one thing I don't have to worry about, I hope.
I didn't stay long, but we had tea and I told him what I'm doing in the village. He was worried about me but understood why I have to do this. But he worries about me. He says he doesn't want me to overwork myself. I know he worries, but I will overwork myself if I have to. I won't let people starve.
Equius will worry about me, like he always does. He'll say something if he thinks he has to. It's good to have someone worry about me.
He leaves for school soon. I'm nervous to see him leave.
11 September 1640
More stew today, of course. I bring as much as I can while preserving as much as possible, too. But today I ran into Karkat at the edge of the village and he stopped me.
"Why are you bringing that stew?"
"For people to eat."
"We have enough food."
"But people need it-"
"Not now they don't!"
I was nervous to talk to him but I didn't want to be a baby about it.
"I-I need to bring it in," I said. I wanted to be confident, but when someone yells at me and I get upset, I just shut down. I've always done it like that, since I was little. I didn't talk to my mama for a month when I first met her. Meulin will cry and scream and kick her pillows, but I just want to curl up small and not talk. I wish I could get properly angry like Karkat does. I just get quiet.
"Fine, fine," he says. "Mrs. Maryam's in charge of food."
I went to the Maryam's house and found Kanaya and her family rushing around feeding people. I added my pot of stew to the rest and asked Kanaya is they needed anything.
"We actually have enough food," she said. "Lots of people are cooking for us."
"Oh," I said. "Karkat said that."
"You can preserve meat, right?" she asked.
"Of course," I said. I always preserve meat along with my herbs and vegetables and things.
"Could you preserve for the winter?" she asked.
"Oh, yes, of course!" I said. "I can do that."
"That would be good, I think," she said. "I have to go back to work."
"Good luck. I'll see you soon," I said.
So I spent a lot of today hunting and working to prepare the meat. I think I'm going to use some of each of the methods I know. I know how to salt, brine, sugar, smoke, and dry meat, so if I do some of each, I should be able to preserve the most because I won't be overusing any one method. I can have something salting while something is smoking. I'll start on that tomorrow.
14 September 1640
I went into the village today and saw Tavros working on the new home. He seemed exhausted. I asked him how he was and he said he was tired from working. The first home is more than halfway done, but we only have two carpenters in the village so there's things that take time.
He says that some people have taken charge, in a good way. Mrs. Maryam is managing feeding people, the reverend is keeping people housed as much as he can, and Mr. Keeler and his sons are managing the house construction. Karkat, he said, is managing the young people, or trying to, anyways. Children don't care to be yelled at, and Karkat yells an awful lot. I don't like being yelled at.
So I'm going to keep preparing food for winter. It'll be a lot of meat, but that's good—it's hearty food that will make people feel full.
16 September 1640
I can feel the chill starting to set in. I'm bringing out some extra quilts for everyone so no one gets cold. I keep the fire stoked, of course, but the warm winter quilts will help too.
Mr. Reese has been helping me with the smoking. Some days the Portlands look after the children while the Reeses and I work to prepare food. Mrs. Reese is breastfeeding her little daughter, so she can't help always, but she can sometimes.
They don't seem to mind being told what to do sometimes when I do it. I feel strange telling anyone what to do-I'm still a child myself! I asked Mrs. Reese, who told me to call her Anna, and she said that I know what I'm doing.
I can't call them Anna and Benjamin, even though they're young. They're proper adults. I have no idea why they'd listen to me.
18 September 1640
Today Mrs. Portland finished some adorable winter clothes for the tiny ones. Mrs. Portland and Mrs. Samson make lots of baby clothes for the little children of the village.
The Reese's little daughter is just the cutest thing in the world! I'm not sure I could manage a baby on my own, but I don't mind holding the little girl. She doesn't have a name yet, of course, but the son is named James. He's also so cute, running after his parents and me. He follows me out into the garden sometimes and tries to help.
I don't like children all the time, because they can be very messy and hard to handle, but they can be darling sometimes.
20 September 1640
I'm slowly filling the kitchen and the little closet under the stairs with the baby things in it. I imagine by the time it gets cold, the library and the bedrooms will also be full. Both the families with me agreed to put preserved food in their rooms. I intend to fill this house as much as I can. When the garden is harvested, I'll start foraging, too. There are wild onions and asparagus and wild carrots lots of others around. I know garlic grows out in the woods, which will certainly help when we're sick of eating the same foods for months on end.
I showed the Reeses how to preserve so they can work on that while I go out and hunt and forage. You have to be very careful when you forage or things can be very dangerous, which is why I never get mushrooms and very rarely get berries.
22 September 1640
I have lots of herbs hanging up in my kitchen right now to dry. We have some empty herb jars laying around that I intend to fill with things like wild thyme. We won't have much salt to spare, goodness knows.
24 September 1640
Kanaya and Tavros came to see me today. I was just finished gutting and preparing animals, so I dropped the entrails for Button and washed my hands to see them.
"Hello," I said.
"Hello," Kanaya said. "We haven't seen you in a few days."
"Well, I've been busy," I said. "I haven't even seen Equius."
"We were a little worried," Tavros said. "You didn't bring any stew."
"I've been preserving," I said. "Like Kanaya said. I want us to be ready for winter."
Kanaya gave me the strangest look. "What did Karkat say to you?"
I bit my tongue and said, "He said you had enough food and I didn't need to bring anything else."
"Hm," Kanaya said. "Well, we still like to see you."
"Oh," I said. "Thank you."
"We wanted to make sure you were alright," Tavros said anxiously. "In case you got hurt."
"Oh," I said again. I felt strange, but in a good way. I know my friends care about me, but I suppose I forget sometimes. It's odd to feel again that people care about me and will worry if I'm gone.
They stayed for a while and we had tea and talked about the rebuilding. Tavros says they finished one house. It's not perfect, of course, but it will be good enough. Apparently it takes them about a month to build a house sturdy enough. They could build huts quicker, and some people have been, but they need to build houses to last.
Some people have homes, but not everyone. The Reeses and the Portlands will stay with me over the winter because children can't stay in a hut like that when it gets cold.
They need to build fifty-one more homes. That's a lot of homes, and they can only make one more before the carpenters say it's too cold. Some people will have a roof over their heads, and lots of people are being squeezed in where they can, with plenty in the church.
We also didn't talk about much for a while, just sat and drank tea. That was nice, too. It's good to not think about it all for a little while.
26 September 1640
Mrs. Portland made me a hat. I was so surprised when she handed it to me! It was soft and green and lovely.
"Thank you so much," I said, feeling quite stunned.
"Oh, it was no trouble, dearie," she said. "Only took me a day."
"Still, it's really kind of you," I said.
She literally pinched my cheeks and said, "You are such a hard working young lady. You need a good hat to keep you warm this winter. You just let me know if there's anything else you need."
"I-thank you, but I'm trying to help you," I said.
"Well, of course you're letting us into your home, but you're a young lady living on your own. You should expect an old lady to make you a nice warm hat from time to time."
I thanked her again and then went out to forage across the river.
Ever since our mama died, Linny and I have been taking care of ourselves. And ever since Linny got married, I've been taking care of myself. I'm kind of surprised to be reminded, again, that people can take care of me if I need it.
I know I'm odd. I'm very used to nobody understanding or caring except my mama and sister. It feels strange to have someone else care.
28 September 1640
I haven't heard from Linny in a while. I get letters from Equius at least every week about his coursework and he comes to see me on the weekends, but it's been a little while since I got a letter from my sister. I hope she writes soon. I want to know she's alright.
30 September 1640
Meulin came to see me today! Normally she writes beforehand, but I didn't mind. She told me she's been busy because they had another noble couple visiting. It's been a lot of work, she said, because she had to be a proper noblewoman and it was a lot. She said she missed me.
I told her all about the work I've been doing, about the hat Mrs. Portland made for me and how my friends came to see me. She gave me the saddest, strangest smile I'd ever seen from her, and said, "Kitty, you have to remember to take care of yourself."
"What on Earth do you mean by that?" I asked.
"Well, if you aren't well, you can't care of anyone else," she said.
"I know that. Taking care is something you do for other people," I pointed out.
"It's also for yourself," she said. "It's…it is incredibly important to take do things for yourself so you don't lose yourself." She looked down at her tea and said, "I think it runs in our family."
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"Our mama did it, and so did I. Worked ourselves too hard for the sake of others," she explained. "I don't want you to."
"I won't," I said. "I'll be careful. And I'll let people take care of me."
She nodded. "Alright. Promise you'll write me if you need anything?"
"I promise," I said.
Then she left to go back to her new home and I went out to hunt a bit more before dark.
I suppose she's right. I remember times when our mama was ill after she worked too hard, when she could hardly get out of bed and when she did, she was like a ghost. And I remember when Linny worked too hard and broke into pieces one day. I can't let myself do that, because people need me. Not many people in the village hunt. I need to preserve for the winter.
2 October 1640
I don't know what the festivals will be like this year. The square is in decent shape, but I'm not sure anyone feels like celebrating. But, on the other hand, sometimes it's important to celebrate when you feel broken, so you can remember the good things in the world. The first festival Linny and I went to when our mama took us in was wonderful. I'd never known anything so beautiful and bright. It opened the world to me.
I'd better go into the village soon and ask my friends. If there is a festival, I want to be there for it!
5 October 1640
I found Kanaya at her home today and asked her about the festival. She told me yes, and Mrs. Topham who plays the fiddle is keeping that organized. She told me not to worry about it because I have plenty enough to do, which is nice of her to say, but I want to be helpful! I'm part of the village and I want to do what I can.
This is my home. I'm going to help fix it.
7 October 1640
It's been hard, but my life hasn't been changing much. I work every day, hunting and preserving and foraging. Usually Mrs. Portland or Mrs. Reese cooks dinner and then in the evening I work with Mrs. Portland to make warm clothes for people who lost their things. Sometimes if I have spare time, I play with the little ones or Button. And then Button makes me go to bed when it gets too late for her.
I'm very tired most days, and quite sore, too. I don't want to take a lot of pain medicine, but I do have to keep working. I try to do some stretches a lot, too, but that only helps sometimes.
9 October 1640
I took a bath yesterday, heating up the water properly and everything, and it felt wonderful. The hot water worked miracles on my sore muscles. I made a note in our mama's book after Meulin's notes so we'd remember. I don't bathe every week like our mama did, but I may have to start again. If I feel better like this, I can do more of the work I have to do.
11 October 1640
I haven't taken out my nice clothes in a long time! I dug out my favorite nice skirt to see if it still fit, and actually, it doesn't. I'm still growing, I suppose. I'll need to sew a new one and embroider the hems to make it nice for the village. My nice shirt doesn't fit either, because I have breasts and that's something I have to worry about now. It won't take me too long to throw something together, I don't think. But I might not have the embroidery ready before Christmas.
That's alright. I don't have to look perfect. I just like to look pretty sometimes.
13 October 1640
I went into the village again today, to keep my friends from worrying, and I spent some time with Terezi and Vriska. They're both alright, helping out with the same things as we all are.
Equius was also back today, because it's Saturday. He told me he's trying to help by making drawings to build the houses from, so we need the carpenters a little less. He's worried about me, I think. He says I should work less. I can't do that. I have a lot of work to do so we can be ready for the winter.
Equius says he's having a good time at school. He's learning a lot and he says people there are kind enough. He told me he met someone who is snobbish towards him because his family doesn't have the same status as some others. I pointed out to him that he's done that to other people, too, and he got quite flustered and then looked a little ashamed of himself. He's silly.
16 October 1640
The first snow came today. I also got a letter from Linny! She told me she used a scribe for it because she's practicing dictating. She's learning lots of new skills-horseback riding, painting, harpsichord. She's also learning things for being a proper noblewoman, like how to dictate important letters and various etiquette things. She's going to be a very good noblewoman!
I can't imagine trying to do all that. Court might not be as boring for me as for her, because I don't mind doing the same things every day, but noble skills involve lots of diplomacy and I'm sure I'd say something wrong or dumb and spoil everything. And I prefer being outside and having lots of time to myself. I doubt I'd have time to go out and hunt or go on long walks if I was noble.
In a way, I'm glad our birth parents were so terrible. We didn't have to grow up noble.
18 October 1640
The ground is getting hard; the frost will probably come down soon. After that most of the plants will be dead, so I'm focusing a lot on harvesting and foraging. There will still be animals in the winter, but there won't be plants.
I'm trying to decide whether or not I should try to get a deer. I get lots of rabbits and lots of fowl and sometimes I get something from the river. Our woods is common land, so I think I'm allowed to hunt anything there. I don't usually hunt deer because it's harder and because I don't usually need that much meat. I think I may try, though, because one deer is a lot of food for the village.
I hope I can! I'll do my best.
20 October 1640
I hunted again today and I tried, but no deer. I'd never hunt a boar because I want to keep living, and foxes are not good for meat, so even though I saw a fox I didn't go for it. I didn't see any deer.
Deer can be very skittish creatures. I think the best course of action would be to wait quietly by a deer trail until one happens by. I don't know much about how other people hunt, but that seems like a good idea.
22 October 1640
I decided that I'm going to spend some time figuring out how to hunt a deer. I can get rabbits and fowl in a day, but if I spend a week and get a deer, it's more meat for less time overall. So I picked a deer path and tomorrow I'll go there and see when deer go by. I've never included deer in my project, actually. I know when lots of animals are out, but not deer.
24 October 1640
I've been watching all day for a while now, and it seems to me that deer like to be out earlier in the morning and late at night, but not in between. I'll go out extra early tomorrow and see if I can figure out when they start and stay late to see when they stop. I've been bringing my book with me to make notes.
26 October 1640
Mrs. Reese asked me what I was doing, going out into the woods at all hours. I told her about hunting a deer she she was surprised. She asked me how on Earth I expected to carry it all home. I told her I could carry it home easily, but I might need help skinning and gutting it. Button will surely be thrilled. She'll get lots of entrails.
I think I'll start getting ready to hunt deer tomorrow. I'll need to aim for the head, so it goes quickly. I don't feel guilty about hunting-that would be absurd-but I don't want the animals to suffer.
28 October 1640
I tried for a deer today, but I missed, and it ran away. I decided to get my usual instead, rather than waiting until dusk. I'll try again soon.
31 October 1640
I haven't gotten a deer yet, but today was All Hallows'! I put on my nice dress and walked into the village with the Reeses and the Portlands. It was in the square outside the church like always, which made it through alright, and it was such fun! It felt like we were celebrating twice as much to make up for the sadness of the storm. There was good food (not as much as normal, but plenty for everyone) and dancing and fun and it was wonderful. I was exhausted by the time I walked home. I'm excited for All Saints' tomorrow!
1 November 1640
Today was even better! I'm not always good at partner dancing, but I can be fast on my feet and I'm very good at the fast dances. We had a competition like always, where the Mrs. Topham and Mr. Reynolds play faster and faster until people can't keep up. Mr. Jacobson doesn't do that anymore because he can't fiddle as fast anymore. Anyways, I didn't win (William Fletcher did), but I was one of the last ones left.
My friends all told me congratulations and handed me punch to drink because I was so tired, and then we danced some more. It was wonderful. Mrs. Sanderson made her delicious special bread and we had sweets, too. And Equius was there! He was sent home for the holiday and only got home late last night. So he was at the festival with us! We danced together and talked about his school and it was great fun.
I need to sleep. I have to get back to work tomorrow and I need a good night's rest.
3 November 1640
I almost got a deer today! I hit a doe in the flank and she ran before I could get a second shot off. My aim is normally better than that, but my muscles ached after sitting still for so long. I'll keep trying.
5 November 1640
First frost today. I think it's earlier than it was last year. I could tell as soon as I went out hunting because of how hard the ground was under my feet. When I came home I noticed we had frost on the windowpanes, too. The Reese's baby was fascinated by the frost. It was adorable.
7 November 1640
I got a deer! I got her properly in the neck and then another right through the eye. It was a doe, so no antlers, luckily for me. I dragged it back to my house and asked Mr. Reese for help skinning and preserving it. We'll bring the skin to the Greenes for tanning, give the entrails to Button, and prepare the rest of the meat for winter. It's so much! I've never seen so much meat in one place. It's good, hearty food for winter. I'm not going to get another yet, but I am going to keep it in mind. A whole deer could probably feed my household as it is now for months and months.
11 November 1640
I told Kanaya and Terezi about the deer today and they were shocked. They also asked how I carried it home. I don't see why that's so hard. I picked it up and carried it. What else was I going to do, get a cart and horses? Is this the Cutty Wren? They were very impressed. I didn't think it was that impressive, but I suppose most people don't bowhunt.
Kanaya said they're alright for now, but she's not sure how much longer that'll last. Tavros said that his family can't slaughter any more animals and have a herd next year, and most other families are the same. The few crops we did get are starting to run out.
She promised to send for me when they need me. I'll have food.
14 November 1640
I had a nightmare last night. I haven't had them in years. When I was small and had first left my home, I had nightmares about the feeling of hunger in my stomach. I mean, I had normal childhood nightmares, but I also had plenty of nightmares that were just lying in bed, so hungry it hurt, so hungry I couldn't move. I used to go see my mama after those, because I knew she'd never let me go hungry.
This one was different. I was in my home, in my bedroom, but it wasn't my home. It was different, somehow. Anyways, I was at home, and Mama and Linny were there, and Button was curled up on my bed. I went to get breakfast but when I did there was no food. Mama said there was no more food. I asked if we could get some but she just kept saying there was none.
I saw her and Linny and Button getting thinner and thinner every time she said it and I looked down I was, too, until I was just a skeleton, and I woke up breathing hard like I was running.
I went to find Button and she was fine, and so was I, but I was shaking terribly. I couldn't aim when I was hunting-my hands were shaking. I foraged instead.
16 November 1640
I wrote Linny yesterday asking why she hadn't come by in a while, and I hope she answers. She writes pretty often, but she hasn't even talked about visiting in a long while. I hope she comes soon. I missed her at the festival. I miss her a lot.
18 November 1640
She wrote back and said she'd been terribly busy but would definitely come to see me soon. I've been missing her. I don't feel so lonely with the Reeses and Portlands in my home, but it can be very difficult having them around. And I miss my sister. She's my big sister. Our relationship isn't like any other I have, so of course I miss her. I miss our mama, too. No one will ever be like a mama to me either. Mrs. Reese and Mrs. Portland try to take care of me sometimes, but they're not my mama. My relationship with my mama was unique.
I think all relationships are unique. No one is replaceable. I'll always miss my mama, and my sister when she's away. But that's alright. The missing doesn't stop me from loving the people with me now.
21 November 1640
Linny came by today and told me the most wonderful news-she's pregnant! She's not very far along, about two months, but she's so excited already. She's also a bit nervous, because our mama is blood related to us and she had trouble carrying babies. But I'm sure she'll be fine. She know exactly what to do to have a safe, healthy pregnancy.
I'm very excited to be an aunt! I'm not at all ready for children, but I'm looking forward to having a new baby niece or nephew. I'll show them how to hunt and play with them and it's going to be wonderful. Hopefully I can give my sister some rest!
She was impressed by my deer, too. She's never gotten a deer—she'd never tried-so I suppose she didn't know that it's not very hard at all.
I'm going to sleep well tonight. I'm very tired from hunting and preserving.
23 November 1640
I went to see my friends today in the village, and Terezi said they're alright for food but it's going to get harder as December comes, because they won't just need food but firewood and things, too. People are using the wrecked home to burn, but it's going to get cold. And some people lost their warm clothes, which is part of why Mrs. Portland has been making so many warm things for people.
I'm going to bring the things Mrs. Portland made into the village soon so people can stay warm. The chill has set in. I don't want to see anyone suffer.
Terezi didn't want to play today. I asked if she wanted to come into the woods and she said no, she was busy. And I was too, really. We all have a lot to do. We have to keep our village alive. There's no time for play.
24 November 1640
I'm very tired. I did lots more hunting today and foraged some. The plants are dying and the leaves have fallen and winter is setting in. I'm getting nervous. Winter can be beautiful, but it's cold and empty and things die in winter. I can't help but be nervous.
26 November 1640
I went to my mama's grave today. I wanted to feel her with me because I'm about to have my first winter by myself. I'm scared, and I wish my family was with me. On the one hand, I know what to do. I can feed myself and keep myself warm and do everything I need to do. But on the other hand, a lot of people are relying on me. I don't know if I can do it. If I see anyone going hungry I'm going to help them, and I'm afraid I won't be enough. I'm so afraid.
I felt better, though, after sitting at her grave. I prayed while I was there and I think God sent some of my mama's spirit to be with me for a moment. I hope I do alright.
29 November 1640
I got a letter today from Meulin. She told me she miscarried. I'm so sad for her. She wants children so badly, and it's not fun miscarrying no matter what. I hope she's alright. I was thinking of going to see her, but I have no idea how I'd go about doing that. Linny's told me she thinks it would be hard for me to visit, and it's much easier for her to come see me. I wrote her back with lots of reassurance and asked if she needed anything. I have our mama's books and herbs if she needs anything.
I hope she's alright.
1 December 1640
Advent starts soon, and today it snowed more. I went into the village and saw people huddled in the church, shivering. It's cold and snowy and the food is running out. It's not serious yet but people are eating less. I'm packing up my preserved food to bring into the village soon so people can eat. I'll ask the Maryams how much we need and go from there.
3 December 1640
Today was the first Sunday of Advent, for hope. I went to church of course and brought lots of food into the village. It should be enough for a while. I'd bring it all over at once, but Mrs. Maryam said I should store it in my home because she doesn't know where else it would go. She said she'll let me know when they need more.
We have enough right now, but I don't know how long it will last. It's hard to guess these things. I know how much food I need for the winter, but I don't know how much to feed the village. I don't know how much people have gathered themselves or how much they eat. I just have to do my best and hope.
It is the Sunday for hope.
5 December 1640
I brought some warm cloaks into the village today and left them at the church. I also had tea with Kanaya and Terezi and Vriska. We talked mostly about the village and what was being done but we also talked some about Christmas. We're going to have Christmas, of course. After Christmas the days get longer again and while it stays cold for a long time, the sun is with us for longer.
I hope there's enough for a good Christmas. I'll bring whatever I can. Maybe I'll bring the deer. That would be such fun!
7 December 1640
My teeth were chattering terribly when I came in from hunting today. I thought I'd dressed warmly enough, but I suppose I don't normally spend so much time out hunting in the winter. I'll have to wear more warm skirts and a better hat-probably the one Mrs. Portland made for me. I have my good leather gloves, but my hands tend to get cold so I think I'll wear mittens over them when I'm not shooting.
10 December 1640
Today was the second Sunday of Advent, peace. Advent is supposed to be a wonderful time of waiting for Jesus' birth, but right now things don't feel right. We're all afraid and cold and tired. I don't know anyone who isn't exhausted from trying to keep our village alive. People are even still building, though it's going much slower. Reverend Maxwell tried to give a sermon about how winter is a season of peace because it's when we don't have harvest, but we're all still working. There's no rest for the wicked, or for the good, apparently.
12 December 1640
I'm so very tired. I've been so busy. We've been going through food faster than I thought and it frightens me. I've mostly just been hunting and doing some preserving. I try to bring some fresh meat in the village whenever I can, but I also try to preserve some for January and February and into the spring, before anything's growing.
I'm trying really hard not to be so nervous. I know being nervous all the time isn't good for you. It's part of why my mama was so sad, I think. She worried a lot.
14 December 1640
I haven't heard from Linny in a long time. She must be awfully busy, and I know it can be hard on a body to have a miscarriage. I hope she's alright. She said it was early on, before the end of the third month, so it wasn't that bad. Sometimes she tries to pretend she's doing much better than she is, and I wish she wouldn't. She's my sister. I want to be there for her.
I wrote her back asking if she was alright or just telling me she was. Although I suppose I'm guilty of the same thing. I sometimes pretend in my letters I'm not as tired as I am so she doesn't feel like she needs to come home.
16 December 1640
Equius came home today and he's going to be home until after Christmas! He came to see me during the day and waited until I got home from hunting. Mrs. Reese told him where I was so he wouldn't worry. Anyways, I made him some tea and asked him how school was. He's learning a lot about drawing and what's most important in a good building. I asked to see his pictures and they do look impressive! I told him what I've been doing, too, even though it's not that interesting.
He was also very impressed I got a deer. He told me he was very proud of me but also didn't want me to work too hard and get sick. (Just like my sister said.) I promised him I wouldn't. I don't want him to have to worry while he's busy with school. He has enough on his mind.
17 December 1640
Today was the third Sunday of Advent, which is for joy. We tried to be joyful, but it's hard. Only three houses have been rebuilt, with a fourth in progress, so lots of people have nowhere to live. Even the people who do have new homes have ones that are different from the ones they had before. Everything is different now.
The little ones are pretty happy. They don't know any better, I suppose, and their mother and father are here. I miss being that young sometimes.
20 December 1640
Christmas is so soon! It's not like it was, but I hope it's nice, at least. I hope it's a break from all the stress. I can't even hunt for very long because it gets dark so quickly. I can't see in the dark, obviously, so I can only hunt in the day.
I don't think I can afford gifts for my guests. I found some glass jars for Linny, but I don't have anything to spare right now. I certainly don't expect anything from them.
22 December 1640
I took another hot bath today. It was long overdue. My back aches some days from sitting still for so long. I think I am going to need to get another deer before the winter's over, because my stores are being depleted faster than I imagined.
I think I'm going to leave off hunting until after Christmas. I just need some time to not be busy all day, or I think I'm going to fall to pieces.
24 December 1640
It was Christmas Eve today, and the last Sunday of Advent, love. I suppose we still have that, after all. We don't have much right now, but we do have each other. We are going to rebuild the village. Things are going to be fixed. I'll do what I can and most everyone I know is also helping. We're going to fix things.
25 December 1640
Christmas today! It was such fine. We had a festival again and even though it was icy, there was such dancing and so much good food. I noticed there was much less food than years past, but no one else said anything. I didn't think it would be polite to. I think a lot of people, myself included, wanted to forget how hard things are for a moment. I even had some wine, which I usually don't, since I don't always like how it makes me feel.
It was wonderful to have Equius home for a festival again. It's such fun to celebrate with him, even though he doesn't dance much. He says it's improper, but I can usually persuade him to dance one or two songs with me. I think he's just self-conscious. He is very tall.
It was wonderful to forget everything for a day and just dance. Reverend Maxwell preached about Christmas as a time of celebration and I think we all took that to heart.
I'm exhausted again, but in a good way this time.
26 December 1640
I didn't expect gifts, but Mrs. Portland made me a pair of warm wool socks. It's so kind of her. She got soft wool like I like and said they were so I wouldn't get cold out there in the snow. I've never had a grandmother, really, but she's exactly what I imagine one is like.
She's not like Mama, but it's nice to have someone older who knows what they're doing who wants to take care of me.
29 December 1640
Linny came to visit today! I gave her the jars and she gave me some books about the natural sciences, about the plants and animals native to our country. It was lovely to see her. She promised me she is completely fine and she's trying to have another baby now. I hope she has one soon! She's always wanted children, I think, daughters especially. She wants to pass on her work. I'm not sure if noblewomen can be midwives, but her work means a lot to her and I understand why she'd want to pass it on.
She worried about me, too. She said I look tired. I don't think I do, but we only have one small mirror and I don't spend much time looking in it. I'm not sure when I last polished it, even. I told her I'm doing just fine, and I think that's true. I have plenty of people worrying about me. I'll be fine.
I told her to write more often. She laughed and said of course she would. I hope I see her again soon.
31 December 1640
Tomorrow is the new year. We're not starting 1641 off perfectly well, with so many cold and without homes, but I'm determined to make it better. We're going to rebuild the homes and replant the farms and we're going to make it better. We will.