1 April 1641
Apparently I fainted yesterday. Mrs. Reese heard me fall and ran upstairs to find me collapsed on the floor. I came to after just a moment but I still felt terrible.
"Nepeta! Nepeta, what's wrong?" she asked.
"Hm…" I said. "I'm…not sure."
"What happened?" she asked, worried.
"I fainted," I managed. "I need…water. Cold water."
"Of course. Here, let me help you to bed," she said. I felt strange having someone help me into bed but she did and then left to get water.
"Here you are," she said. "What on Earth happened?"
"I'm not sure," I admitted. "I don't know why I fainted. There's a lot of reasons someone might have a fainting spell. Hunger, thirst, exhaustion, heat, cold…"
She gave me a look I didn't really understand and said, "Well, then I think I know exactly what happened."
"What?" I asked.
"You've been eating less and working yourself to the bone," she said matter-of-factly. "It's no wonder you fainted. I'll cook tonight."
I hadn't thought of that. I tried to think it through but I still felt dizzy and strange and I couldn't. "Thank you," I said, and she left.
I don't know. I can't let anyone else go hungry. But if I'm unwell, I can't hunt for everyone. I don't know what's right to do. Maybe I'll write Linny. She'll know what to do-what the right thing to do is.
3 April 1641
I got a letter from Meulin today. She had another miscarriage. I could tell from the letter how much it hurt her. She wants children so badly and the more miscarriages you have, the less likely you can carry a pregnancy at all. I wish I could go see her. I'm not great at people, but Linny's my sister. I want to help her.
There's so much I have to do right now. I hope Meulin can come see me or I can go to her, or at least her husband can help her. She says he's busy a lot but they still have time for each other. I hope that's enough for her.
5 April 1641
This whole winter, I've hardly seen Equius. He came by today to see me and insisted I sit down. I made him a cup of tea and we sat down together at the table.
"Nepeta," he said. "I am worried about you."
"Why?" I asked.
"I heard from the village that you took ill the other day."
I suppose gossip gets around. "I fainted."
"You do not look well," he said frankly. "Are you eating?"
"I'm eating!" I protested.
"Are you eating enough?" he asked.
I shrugged.
"Nepeta, please do not let yourself suffer for the sake of others," he said, almost begging. "I know you wish to help people. But…" He sighed. "I could not live with myself if you were ill and I did not help."
I felt faint again. I never thought about that. People do worry about me, don't they? I have friends and people who worry about me. It's strange.
"I'm sorry. I won't let it happen again."
He nodded. "Thank you. You deserve to be well-fed and taken care of."
It felt strange that he just said it outright like that. It's nice that Equius is so straightforward. I always know where I stand with him and he always tells me what's on his mind. And I suppose it's easy to forget things like that. I know I'm different and I know I don't really belong in the village, but I belong with Equius.
7 April 1641
Some of the first green things are coming up out of the ground. It's such a relief. Dandelions are popping up in front of the house and I've seen crocuses in the woods. You can eat dandelions and few other of these early plants, so I've been foraging what I can. I hope it helps.
10 April 1641
Linny came to see me today! She looked exhausted so I had her sit down and made her tea. She told me she is exhausted. She really wants to have a baby and having a miscarriage can be very hard. And she says her husband is also having trouble with it. He's a duke's son; he needs to have children. I still think he should be kinder to her. She's the one getting pregnant. He doesn't do half the work she has to do when it comes to having a baby. And she's my sister, so I think everyone should be kind to her.
She got upset when I told her I was eating less. She told me she'd do anything before she let me go hungry. She looked so frightened, I could hardly believe it. She is my big sister, so I suppose of course she wants me to take care of myself. Maybe she's right.
12 April 1641
I've been thinking about Linny trying so hard to make sure I was eating. She came back for me. She told me when she ran away but I was too scared and too small to come with her. She promised she'd come back for me. I believed her, and she did. She came back for me and took me to our mama, who saved us. It must have been frightening for her to come back for me, knowing she could've been caught, but she came back. Of course she wants me to be safe and well. She came back for me.
14 April 1641
So much vegetation is springing up now that it's getting warmer. I could cry from the relief. I brought my kills into the village and Kanaya told me people are gathering in the woods and forests and preparing to plant. Fewer people are building but that's because people are planting and gathering. Karkat's been directing his small army of young boys in gathering food. I saw him at Kanaya's house, delivering some greens. He didn't even look at me. I suppose I knew he wouldn't, but it still hurts.
16 April 1641
I saw Aradia today and she said she's gathering now, and the children she was watching were helping with the planting, so I invited her to come gather with me. It was absolutely wonderful. It was so nice to spend time with my friend. I showed her what to gather, shot rabbits and birds when I saw them, and came back with plenty of food.
I can't let myself go hungry. I'll do my best to feed the village, but I can't let myself go hungry, either.
18 April 1641
I saw Equius today. I went to his home, which I don't do often, and actually took some time for myself. I shot a deer this morning so I think that'll be enough. Today I can go see my best friend and just be with him. He was so happy to see me. His face is very subtle, but easy to read if you know what you're looking for.
We had the good tea his father gets with sugar (my goodness!) and little biscuits. We talked about the village and the work that's being done, but we also talked about our friends and our families and the books we're reading. He lent me a book about some countries far to the east of us, even further than the place some of our mama's books come from-the place full of sand where it doesn't snow. I can't wait to read it!
20 April 1641
I haven't heard from Meulin in a while. Normally I get a letter from her at least once a week, but I don't think I've heard from her since she came to see me in person. I still write her once a week on Sunday, but I still want to hear from her. I have my friends here, but I still miss her.
I hope she doesn't stop writing me.
22 April 1641
I wanted to ask Aradia about her family secret today, but I ended up being busy with hunting most of the day. I don't to be too nosy, but I'm very curious. What could do that to a family? And I haven't seen much of Damara, either. I don't know how she's doing.
I hope they're all doing better now. I don't know what went wrong, but I think they've all been through quite enough.
25 April 1641
Things just feel better now. A lot of homes still need to be built and people are still scraping by, but it's better, and we're on our way to doing better. We're recovering. It might be years before everyone has a home again, but we won't spend another winter starving. Even if another storm hits, I won't let that happen to my home.
27 April 1641
Mrs. Reese told me today that one of the new homes being built is for them, so they'll probably be leaving my home in a matter of months. I never thought I'd be able to stand having people in my home, but I think I'm going to miss them when they go. They have such sweet little ones and they've always been kind to me. I hope I've done right by them.
Mr. and Mrs. Portland will also probably leaving soon, or rather soon anyways. They were staying with me because they needed homes the most and they'll be the first to have new ones. The families who can will stay in the church for a while longer.
Everyone is going to be fine. We'll make sure of it.
29 April 1641
I finally heard from Meulin today! She didn't mention anything specific that would've kept her from writing, so maybe she's just decided to write less often. I suppose she's busy. I don't know if noblewomen are more or less busy than the rest of us, usually, but being a duchess-in-training can't be easy.
She said she is pretty busy, but doing alright. She said she missed me and couldn't wait for my next letter. I best write her back, then!
1 May 1641
It's strange, seeing the new homes in the village. It's looked the same since I was seven and Linny first brought me here. Now with these new buildings, everything is different. It's beyond strange. I suppose I'll get used to it in time, but right now it's completely disorienting. They're building new houses where the old ones were, but it's still odd.
I went into town today, because I didn't know what else to do with myself, and people seemed a lot happier. Kanaya told me there's enough food to go around, and the planting is going fine, and plenty of people's gardens are starting to have spring crops almost ready for harvest.
I'm still bringing in meat, of course. All the ranching families need to build up their herds before they can slaughter any more. But it's birthing season now! Both Tavros and Aradia are off on their family farms, helping with the new calves and lambs. Construction is actually going a bit slower now because everyone's working on their farms. If we do it right, we shouldn't have another winter like the last one.
3 May 1641
I got another deer today. People are always surprised I can bring a deer back home by myself, and I'm not sure why. They're a bit heavy, to be sure, but nothing I can't handle. I know I don't look all that strong, but I've been hunting and spending time outdoors my whole life. Of course I can carry a single deer back to my home.
5 May 1641
Equius came by today! This would be wonderful except his father, Mr. Zahhak, came too. Mr. Zahhak worries a lot about my sister and me. Today while he was here he asked lots of questions about if I'm eating enough.
Mrs. Portland nearly jumped out of her skin when she saw him. I forget sometimes that Mr. Zahhak does have money and some sort of status. "Nepeta," she said. "You know this man?"
"Yes," I said. "He was one of my mother's good friends. This is Mrs. Portland. Mrs. Portland, this is Mr. Zahhak."
"Nice to meet you, madam," he said. "I am here to check on Mrs. Vantas's daughters."
"Meulin got married, so she's with her husband at the castle," I reminded him. He tends to be forgetful these days. "I'm fine, anyways. I'm preparing some stew for this week so I can spend more time hunting."
"Are you eating enough?" he asked.
"Yes, I am," I said
"Do you have enough of the herbs your mother used?" he asked.
"Yes, I have plenty," I said.
"And are you warm enough?"
"Yes. It's May," I pointed out.
"Is there anything you need at all? It is no hardship," he said.
"Nothing," I said. "I'm just fine."
I go through this with him every time. I don't know if he forgets or if he just feels the need to ask every time he's here. Equius looked a bit uncomfortable.
"I'll make tea," I said.
"If it's no trouble, might I ask for some of the pain medicine your mother made?" Mr. Zahhak asked.
I nodded and said, "I'll get you some." Mrs. Portland was still staring at Mr. Zahhak when I left to look through the jars. I may not have the stomach to be the midwife like Linny is (or was?), but I can mix medicines just as well as Mama could and Meulin can.
Mr. Zahhak left with his medicine and Mrs. Portland just said, "Goodness," before she went back to her knitting. Then Equius and I could just sit together and talk. I miss him when he's away. He told me his education is going well and showed me some of his drawings. I don't know much about architecture, since we don't have many books on the subject, but they looked incredible. He said he breaks a lot of pencil tips drawing the little details (and I can see where), but his drawings are still incredible.
I'm so proud of him. My best friend is amazing.
7 May 1641
I finished all my chores today before dinner and then I didn't know what to do with myself. I thought about knitting, but I'm caught up on knitting too. And sewing. So I pulled out a new shirt I made for myself and started embroidering along the edges, a pattern of flowers from my flower garden. All my clothes had flowers embroidered until I had to make more.
Maybe I can work on my flower garden now. I didn't prepare it for winter, but I made it, tilled it and all that, so I'm sure I can maintain it this time.
9 May 1641
I worked on my flower garden today. Mrs. Reese asked if she and her little ones could help, and I said of course they could. So they helped me weed and fertilize. There is a lot of weeding to be done. We're working through it in patches. I hope the flowers bloom in summer and the world comes back alive, eventually.
11 May 1641
I went into town today, bringing in meat, and since I had time I went around to my friends' farms. I said hello to Sollux, of course, and then I saw Tavros and all the little calves. They're so cute! They stumble around on their skinny little legs, following their mothers, and they're just the cutest. Tavros couldn't stay long, because birthing season is always hectic, but he said hello and promised to come by when he could. I also saw Aradia on her family's ranch with the baby lambs. They're not all that fluffy yet, but they are just the cutest little things!
I'm going to find a tomcat for Button so she can have kittens. A lot of people need barn cats, anyways, because some of them were lost to the storm. It's the right time for kittens.
13 May 1641
I went into town today to find a good cat. I talked with some of the other people and Mrs. Jameson said she had a tomcat. I'd much prefer if Button stayed with me, and Mrs. Jameson was willing to let her cat come stay in my home. So I now have two cats in addition to all my guests, for a week anyways.
I told the Portlands and the Reeses, but I doubt it'll matter much. Button usually stays out of our way, going about her own cat business. They seemed a bit flustered, especially the Reeses, although I don't understand why. That's how you get more babies, whether it's cows or sheep or cats or people.
Soon enough Button will have kittens! I'm very excited.
15 May 1641
I found some books about cat breeding to read so I can be ready. They said you have to start petting the kittens young, even though they'll hiss and meow, because then they learn to be around people. I'm fine with that! I'm looking forward to having some tiny kittens around. And it'll give me something to do with my spare time. I don't know what else I'll do with myself.
Button still comes to curl up in bed with me most every night, which is nice. With Mama gone and Linny married, Button's the only member of my family left. I'm glad she's still with me.
17 May 1641
I worked more on my flower garden today. I'm almost done weeding the entire patch, and I'm getting some fertilizer so they plants grow well. The first buds are appearing on some of the early bloomers. I'm looking forward to seeing the peonies. They're such pretty plants, with their big pink flowers. My favorite part of my flower garden is how bright and colorful it is. It feels good to have something beautiful near my home.
It was my idea, but Mama helped me put it together. Keeping my flower garden alive feels like honoring her memory. I like having some forget-me-nots near my home. They're the flowers that grow where she's buried and they keep her memory safe.
20 May 1641
I brought the Jameson's cat back today. I should know in a couple of weeks if Button's pregnant. If she is, well, then, that's that! If not, I'll get another tomcat. I hope she is. It'll be much more work to get another cat here and have him around for a week.
I worked on a new needlepoint today. I'd sell them, but no one's buying right now. I doubt anyone has any money right now. I don't have any, for sure. I spent all my money helping to buy supplies, food and for building. I'll start saving up again now that we're hopefully through the worst of it. Winter will be hard, but there will be fewer people without homes. Everyone will have at least somewhere to go to be warm, I think. I can host another family if I have to. We have room.
22 May 1641
I went to see Aradia today. Her family is living in their barn, which made it through even though their home didn't. They're not high on the list for a new home, since they have shelter, but they'll get one eventually. Anyways, I went to see them and Aradia was sitting peacefully, surrounded by lambs.
"Aren't they sweet?" she asked.
"They really are," I agreed.
"I'd rather have our house back, but I can't say I mind snuggling with a little lamb at night." She ruffled one's fur (hair?). "They'll keep us warm come winter."
"Won't you have a fire?"
"Of course. But we'll have the sheep, too. And of course Mrs. Baxter and Mrs. Linden and everyone else will be spinning so we'll have plenty of wool to make warm blankets. It's going to be fun!" she said.
"It'll be fun living in your barn?" I asked, incredulous.
"It's only for a bit," she said. "Might as well enjoy it! It's like an adventure."
I smiled. "Yes, I guess it is."
"I'm on lamb duty, so I have to get back to it," she said. "See you soon?"
"Of course!" I said. Maybe next time I'll ask about her sister. I'm very curious what the full story is.
Aradia also sent me home with some wool to spin. I just have a drop spindle, but I can spin a bit.
24 May 1641
Mrs. Portland and I spun together today. She has a drop spindle too, so neither of us worked too fast, but we made some yarn. Mrs. Linden is a proper spinster, so she does most of the spinning for the village, but we all pitch in. Mrs. Arthur does the dyeing, so I'll bring the yarn to her when we're done.
It was nice to sit together with Mrs. Portland and spin. I don't spin often, because I usually have so much to do. It's rather soothing, in a way. Meulin learned how to spin and promptly decided it was not for her-too much sitting still, too much doing the same thing over and over. I like it. And we'll have good yarn this summer to knit, so we can be ready for winter.
26 May 1641
Equius was in town today, because it's Sunday. Now that I'm not feeding the entire village, I have time to see him.
I still get restless, though. When I sit with Equius and drink tea, it feels like I should be doing something-hunting, gathering, cooking, preserving, something. I know I don't have to now, but it feels like I do.
Equius likes my tea, and today he brought over these lovely little cakes. They were delicious! He says he bought them in the city and wanted to bring some home to share with me. He says the people he goes to school with aren't as fun to talk to as I am. I'm sure he's just trying to make me feel better about how he's gone, learning new things with men I could never compete with, but it's kind nonetheless.
We went for a walk in the woods today, to the clearing by the creek. I haven't taken a walk for myself in so long. I should do it more often.
28 May 1641
Mama passed away four years ago. I went to her grave today and sat in the blooming forget-me-nots and prayed for her. She was such a kind and good person, and I know she must be in heaven, but still I want to pray for her. I prayed for my sister, too, and the Reeses and Portlands and all my friends and everyone in the village.
I miss my mama. When no one in the world wanted us, when our birth parents treated us like we were nothing, she took care of us. She knew I was different and she took care of me how I needed to be taken care of. I don't know if it was fate or God's guiding hand or what, but I think something brought us together.
I miss her.
30 May 1641
I ran into Karkat in the village today. Goodness only knows how my luck is this terrible. Luckily I was carrying some meat, so I had an excuse to run off, but he didn't seem to want to talk so I didn't worry about it too much. I don't know how he's doing, really. It hurts to talk to him when I know what he thinks of me, and I haven't been asking after him as of late. Maybe I should. He's still my friend, despite it all. And he's in my village! I care about everyone in the village. They're my village.
1 June 1641
It's June. I can hardly believe it. It's a bit cool, but any growing season is better than no growing season. Somehow, despite it all, it looks like we're going to come out on the other side of this tragedy. Spring is the season of hope and rebirth, and summer is the season when that hope comes to fruition. There is much to eat and things are growing and the baby animals are growing. It's going to be alright.
And Button is pregnant! Her breasts are starting to come in. Sometimes I wish humans were like cats-only growing breasts when we need them. Alas. There will be baby kittens soon and that will be wonderful!
3 June 1641
I saw the house for the Reeses today in the village. It's a lovely little place! I think they'll be happy there. Some of the men were helping move some new furniture in, straw mattresses and a table and chairs. I mentioned it to Mr. Reese when I got home and he looked happier than I've ever seen him. He told Mrs. Reese over dinner, and she laughed aloud.
"It looked really lovely," I said. "Very cozy."
"I'm looking forward to it," she said. "Not that we haven't enjoyed living here!"
"Of course," I said. "I'm glad you'll have your own home soon!" I'm sure they've enjoyed living with me well enough, but of course they want their own home. I like having them here, but part of me is very much looking forwards to having my home back to myself.
5 June 1641
I can't believe Linny's been married a whole year. I've been living on my own, supporting myself, for a year! It feels impossible. I'm going to turn eighteen this summer, but I've been an adult for a year already.
I suppose that's why Mrs. Portland tends to fuss. I was only sixteen when Linny married and barely seventeen when she and the Reeses came to live with me, and I'm small and look young for my age. To all appearances, I was a girl living alone in the woods. No wonder she worried!
7 June 1641
Button has been acting differently lately. She stays in the house more than normal and she curls around my ankles asking to be pet more. For the most part I don't mind. I like sitting in the library and reading or knitting or doing embroidery while Button purrs in my lap. She's such a sweet cat. I'm glad we persuaded Mama to let us get a cat all those years ago.
It must be hard to be pregnant. She's eating more, taking nearly all the entrails. I can only imagine how hard it would be to grow a baby. It must be a lot of work! No wonder she's acting so tired.
9 June 1641
Equius came by again today, luckily without his father. Mr. Zahhak isn't in the best health, anyways. Linny used to go to his home a lot to give him various medicines for his lungs and throat. I told him how Button's going to have babies and he petted her head, so gentle, and told her she was doing wonderfully. He talks to Button like I do. He forgets sometimes how strong he is, but he's always so gentle and careful with Button, and with me.
Maybe one of these days I'll teach him to shoot again. He knows his own strength now, I think. We both grew so fast and didn't know how to inhabit our new bodies for a time. Now that we've had time to get used to them, I think he could learn to shoot.
11 June 1641
I'm helping the Reeses pack up their things soon. They're leaving in a couple of weeks and I'll help them bring their things into the village, to their new home. I'm sad to see them go, but glad they'll have somewhere comfortable to stay. Their children will have a warm home to grow up in, and they can have a life together as a family.
I suppose I'm thinking of how this home felt when I was seven and first came here. It was warm and safe and comfortable, and it was a place where I could grow up. I hope the Reese's little ones have the same kind of life. I hope they grow up safe and happy and loved. And they'll always be welcome in my home.
13 June 1641
I felt restless again today. I hunted and finished my chores and then I didn't have anything else to do. So I went down to the eddy in the river and went swimming. It was warm enough for swimming so I just…dove in. I realized how much I missed swimming. I feel so light when I get to be underwater. I don't have to hold myself-the water does it for me. The world just feels easier and lighter when I'm swimming.
15 June 1641
I miss my sister. I know she had her own life to lead, but I wish she hadn't left so soon. She writes so much less these days. It feels like we hardly speak anymore. She doesn't come to visit anymore, and I suppose it's because she's trying to have a baby, but I still miss her.
Sometimes I feel like I wasn't really ready when she left. I was only sixteen, and I was alone. I don't know if it's fair, but sometimes I'm almost mad at her. Couldn't she have waited just a little longer? She left to care for myself when I was only sixteen. I suppose it wasn't really her job to care for me, but it still feels sometimes like she abandoned me.
I don't know. I suppose I can't blame her, really, but it hurts sometimes.
17 June 1641
I went to find Terezi today. It's been so long since we last played together! I suppose I've just been so busy. She was in her family home, studying a book about law.
"Hello Terezi!" I said.
"Nepeta?" she asked, and she grinned big. "It's so good to see you! Where have you been?"
"I've been hunting, mostly," I said. "For the village. And foraging. And working in my garden. And I've also been doing the knitting and sewing and such."
"Do you even sleep?" she asked.
"Yes, I sleep!" I said.
"You should come see me more often," she said. "It's so boring just studying law books all day! We could play them together-do a pretend trial!"
I missed Terezi. "That sounds like fun!"
She showed me her books and we had a pretend a trial together. It was hard with only two, but still a lot of fun. I miss playing with Terezi. She has such a vibrant imagination. We had such fun coming up with games to play. I wish we had more time for things like that these days, but with the village the way it is, and the simple fact that we're growing up, there's not as much time.
It was good to have some time together when we didn't have to think about our responsibilities-of which there are many.
20 June 1641
I can see more clearly than ever that Button is pregnant. She's getting chubby and a little bit lazy. James, the Reese's boy, asked about her. I told him that Button is going to have babies and he can come see the kittens when they're born. He asked about babies and I explained that it was just like how his little sister was born-his mama was pregnant and then had a baby girl. Button's pregnant and she's going to have tiny little baby cats.
They're naming their daughter on Sunday. Mrs. Reese said they're going to name her Anna. She's the sweetest thing! She was only a couple of months old when the storm came. Now she's just learning to toddle along, and trying out her first sounds. I don't know if I want children, but sometimes when I look at the sweet little Reese children I understand why Linny wants them so much.
22 June 1641
I get to spend most every weekend with Equius now that I don't have to hunt all the time. He comes and has tea and we just…talk. It makes me realize how much I miss him during the week. He's my best friend. When we're together, I know we're going to be alright. We understand each other. Even though I'm different and don't understand all the strange things people do to avoid saying what they really want to say, I understand him. And he understands me.
I think he really does miss me when I'm at school. I thought he was just being nice, but he says the people at school really aren't kind, and he's glad to see me on the weekends. He says it's hard being around noblemen all day. They just aren't kind, or any fun to talk to. I suppose that's the kind of sacrifice you have to make. He goes to school during the week, where he can learn but the people aren't kind, and then on the weekends he comes home to rest and spend time with people he likes. It's a deal I'd make if I had the chance to learn like that.
24 June 1641
The Reeses moved out today. They named their daughter yesterday and today I helped them move to their new home. It took a couple of trips, but we moved everything into their new home and they were settled in by the time it was dark. I told them they were welcome back any time, and especially if James and Anna wanted to see the new kittens.
Mr. and Mrs. Reese insisted on having me for dinner, and then once they children were settled Mrs. Reese said they had something for me.
"Thank you," I said. "But it's nothing."
"You opened your home to us for months," Mr. Reese said. "We want to thank you, somehow."
"You don't have to," I said again. "I couldn't stand by when I had space for someone who had no home."
"Nonetheless," Mrs. Reese said. "This is for you." She handed me a beautiful quilt and she said the pattern was called Grandmother's Flower Garden. "Come visit us whenever you like."
I felt so much like crying I could hardly stand it. "Thank you," I managed.
I think Mrs. Reese could tell, because she said, "Go on home, before it gets dark."
"Thank you," I said again, and I left with the quilt. I put it on my bed and now Button's curled up, waiting for me to settle into bed. It's so kind I'm not sure I can stop crying.
26 June 1641
My home feels a little emptier today. Mr. and Mrs. Portland are still with me, but the Reese children could be awfully loud and there's an empty bedroom now. It's going to feel very strange when the Portlands leave. There's time left, but new houses are being built and the Portlands will have a new home very soon. Mr. Carson, the carpenter, says that there will be a new home ready for them by October.
This might be a lonely winter. But I'll have Button and the kittens, and maybe Meulin will visit with a new baby. And I can go into the village to see my friends! I'll manage.
28 June 1641
The baby calves on Tavros's family farm are so sweet! They're a bit older now and running around the fields like little children do, exploring their new world. Now that they're old enough, Tavros said he can get back to helping build. His legs still aren't as strong as they used to be, but he can still help. I'd offer my help, but I'm still needed to hunt and prepare for winter. (And I doubt they'd let a small girl like me help, anyways. That's men for you.)
It was good to see Tavros. He's busy, but we chatted for a moment about how things are going. And then he was off to do more work, and so was I.
30 June 1641
I finally caught up with Aradia today. Her family was out so I sat with her among the lambs and asked her about her family secret.
"I don't mean to pry," I lied. "But I am curious."
"Oh, you mean about my sister?" she asked.
I nodded.
"I guess I haven't mentioned it! Well, my sister, it turns out she's not my sister by birth," she started.
"What?" I blurted.
"She's my cousin. My mother has three sisters, and my sister is one of her sister's children. My mother always kept it a secret. I'm not sure why, but I suppose when we were young she didn't want us blurting it out," she said, shrugging. "Damara found out because she heard our father asked our mother if she thought my Aunt Hannah would ever come back for her daughter-Damara. With everything else going on, she just couldn't take it. She went missing because she was looking for my missing aunt, who's her birth mother."
"My goodness!" I said.
She shrugged again. "We were raised together. She's still my sister. It hurt for a while, but I don't think it matters much anymore. We're sisters." She looked down at one of her lambs. "Almost dying makes you realize how little things like that matter."
"Is she doing any better?" I asked.
"I think so," she said. "I don't know if her birth parents will ever come back, but I don't think it matters. She's my family."
"I understand that perfectly," I said, because I do. Mama isn't my birth mother, but she was my mother. She is my mother. Birth families can be wonderful, but that's not all there is to family.