2 July 1643

I think I know what I'm going to do with the free time I have now. I'm going to learn how to talk with my hands. Reading lips is hard, and sometimes I don't feel like talking, and when Linny has a headache she can hardly manage a single word. I remember reading about people who can't hear who do that. Maybe there's a book somewhere that could teach us, or someone who knows it. It'll be much easier for us to talk if we can talk with our hands.

We already know each other very well. I hope it won't be too difficult to change the way we talk to each other.

4 July 1643

Today was Kankri's birthday. I don't think he meant for us to find out, but Karkat mentioned it, so of course I was going to do something nice for him. He's my brother-in-law now, after all. So I made baked apples to have with dinner. He didn't seem to know what to say, but he finally managed, "Thank you."

"Of course. Happy birthday!" I said.

"You're getting really old," Karkat said. "You should check for gray hairs."

Kankri rolled his eyes, like they've been making that joke to each other for years. "Thank you for your advice, dearest brother."

"Well, happy birthday from your wife," Meulin said with a laugh. He laughed back. It was good to see him laugh. It's been about a year since he was half-dead on my doorstep. It's good to see him well.

5 July 1643

Equius was over today and he told me that Mr. Kent complimented his work again, and hinted about offering a job. I'm happy for him! He's so smart and good at his work. He showed me some more of his drawings today, and they're just incredible. He draws buildings that look like they belong in the city.

He said someday he wants to take me with him to school, and to the city. He said I'd love it and he wished I could be there, too. He can be old-fashioned, but he does think women should be able to go to school like men can. Maybe someday.

7 July 1643

I told Linny today about learning to talk with our hands, and she smiled for real. I haven't seen her smile like that in a long time. I haven't found a book to teach us, so we just came up with some ourselves that mean things like "yes", "no", "thank you", and "I love you." We thought about doing letters, but when we tried, it took forever to say anything. I'll ask around the village tomorrow and see what people know.

9 July 1643

I saw Mrs. Portland in the village yesterday and it turns out she knows that Mrs. Samson knows how to talk with her hands, and she said she'd introduce us. I should go see them again soon with Meulin and the Vantases. Maybe I'll bring over the food. I don't want to ask Mrs. Portland to cook for six, but I also don't want to ask her and her husband to walk all the way to our home. His legs aren't so good anymore, and he asked today for more pain medicine for his knees.

I'll go see Mrs. Samson with Mrs. Portland soon, and ask Linny what she thinks.

11 July 1643

I ran into Mrs. Reese in the market today, and she told me to congratulate my sister on her marriage, and I almost laughed. I did say that Linny still wants to be called Leijon, though. It's our name, and she's keeping it. She told me her baby will be a Leijon, too.

I think my sister's doing a little bit better. I heard her singing today while she was weeding the garden. Maybe we'll sing together someday.

13 July 1643

Linny thought it was a good idea for us to both go learn from Mrs. Samson together, so we went to see her today. She lost her hearing when she got older, so she can talk. She said a word, then showed us the hand motion she made for it. We stayed with her for a long time, partly to learn and partly because she seemed a little lonely. I know we won't be able to talk like she does for a long time–sometimes we could barely keep up with what she was saying (or showing us? I'm not sure). But Linny seemed to pick it up pretty quickly, and she seemed happier than she has in a while.

Mrs. Samson showed us letters, because even though it takes longer we can still say the things we need to say. It's not going to be easy, I don't think, but it'll be worth it.

14 July 1643

Today was Karkat's birthday, so Linny and I made a nice dinner and picked fresh berries for him. He seemed to like it. I hope he did! He's family now, so I want him to have fun birthdays with us.

15 July 1643

With the weather like it is, I've been going swimming most days. Today Linny and I went together. It felt like being young again, before the storm and before Linny got married and even before Mama died. We swam and splashed and came home absolutely drenched, but laughing. It was good to laugh with my sister again.

She says she can't really make out words so well, but she can still feel the sound. If Button is sitting next to her and purring, my sister can feel it. She said sometimes she can feel me humming if we're standing close. I hope the feeling of laughter is the same.

17 July 1643

I ran into Mrs. Knox in town today, unfortunately. Apparently her mother-in-law, also Mrs. Knox, never really liked our mama much. She doesn't seem to like my sister or me either. She said she'd heard my sister was back, and then said, "Wasn't her husband wealthy?"

I wasn't sure what to say to that. "He is."

"And he's a nobleman!"

"Yes," I agreed. I could tell she was trying to get at something, but I wasn't sure what.

"So…what happened? Why did she leave him?" she asked.

I had no idea what to say to that. That's my sister's business, and I'm not about to go telling her secrets to anyone–especially Mrs. Knox. "It's personal," I finally decided on.

"Well then!" she said, annoyed, and she turned and marched off. My goodness, I cannot believe she'd ask me that! She can gossip all she wants, but to ask me about my own sister. What on Earth!

19 July 1643

Equius was in town today, like he is on weekends. We practiced shooting the target in the woods and walked to the creek. It's low right now, of course, but there was enough water to come up to my ankles. Equius thinks it's a little silly, but it's so hot out today that he took off his leather shooting gloves to put his hands in the creek.

He asked me if I'd like anything for my birthday. I couldn't think of anything, really. I don't really need anything right now. So I said a book, because I'd always like a new book. I told him he doesn't have to get me anything, but he always wants to, and it's kind of him. I'm glad to have a friend like him.

21 July 1643

I visited with my friends in town today. It felt very grown up to be going visiting, like when women in the village came sometimes to have tea with Mama. Kanaya made us tea, and Aradia and Terezi and I sat with her and talked about how things were going. Kanaya's aunt is still a lot to handle, but she said that's just how family is sometimes. Aradia's as cheerful as ever, even though there were a fair few lambs who didn't make it this year. She says next year will be better, and they didn't lose any ewes, so they'll still have all the fleeces and plenty more lambs next year. She really is an optimist these days.

Terezi, meanwhile, has been studying at her law books more than ever, and she says she's been having a good time arguing over laws with her classmates. I can't imagine having a good time arguing, but she says it's not personal, so it's just interesting. I told them that everything was fine with me, same as ever, and my sister is doing well. Kanaya asked after Karkat, and I told her he was fine as far as I could tell. He's not always very straightforward with how he's feeling.

It was a good day.

23 July 1643

We went to see Mrs. Samson today. She's very kind, and always happy to talk to us. She taught us some new hand-signs. They were very practical things, like yarn and milk. I suppose we have to learn to talk about little things before we can start talking about big things.

It was a good walk, too. When Linny and I were little, we used to go into town together. We didn't always talk much, or at all, but we just walked together, and it was good. I don't always feel like talking, and Linny understands that. So sometimes we just sit or walk together in silence, and it's still good.

It's good to have my sister back.

25 July 1643

I mentioned the chickens to Karkat today, and he offered to build a coop. I told him that would be lovely, but he didn't have to, and he said he'd rather have something to do. I suppose it's like with the cloak rack. I know the feeling–I get restless, too, when I don't have anything to do. And it's nice that I won't have to make one, or find one. I can hunt and cook and knit and sew, but I've never been very good with building. I've kept the house in as good shape as I can, but it's not like hunting.

It'll be nice to have chickens. I can hunt for all the food I need, of course, but with three–soon to be four!–other people here, and only Linny another hunter, chickens will help a lot. And we can trade the eggs, too. It will certainly make my life a little easier.

27 July 1643

I mentioned the chickens to Equius today, and he was as happy as I am. He said he's glad I'll have some more time to rest. He worries about me–he has since I fainted after the storm. I suppose I can't blame him. If he'd fainted I'd worry about him. He's my best friend!

We went hunting even though it felt like the inside of an oven. We didn't catch much, but that's not the point. It's just good to be in the woods and spend time with my friend.

We went to the creek afterwards, and I took my shoes off to cool off with my feet in the water. Equius never takes his shoes off, but he took of his shooting gloves and splashed some water on his face. My goodness, his face gets red when it's hot! He doesn't get tan like I do–he burns much more easily.

My sister seems to be doing better. At least, I don't think she's been sick in the past couple of days. I know it's normal for pregnancy, but it was still worrying to see her like that. I hope the rest of her pregnancy is as easy as possible.

29 July 1643

It's almost time to start preparing for winter. Harvest will be soon, and I'll have to preserve meat. I'm feeding at least four this year, plus my sister's baby. I'll have to have extra food, of course, for people who come to me hungry. It's been dry this year and Aradia said the harvest isn't looking good. I hope that between what they have and what I can get, we all have enough.

I suppose I know I'm worrying more than I have to, but I can never forget how thin my friends got during that winter after the storm. The children with the sunken cheeks and the adults with their too-thin wrists, Mrs. Topham shaking as she played the fiddle and Reverend Maxwell forgetting what he was saying in the middle of his sermon–I can't forget.

31 July 1643

Meulin's birthday is soon. I ought to go into town to get something for her. I don't imagine she was feeling up to celebrating her birthday these past few years. I certainly don't trust her ex-husband to have done anything particularly kind for her.

I should make her some baby clothes! I like making baby clothes, and she'll need some for her little one. Something cute and well-made, of course, and I'll embroider them, too. I'll talk to Mr. Henderson next time I'm in town and pick out some fabric that's good and soft for a baby.

I want to make a baby blanket, too, but I can't knit a blanket that fast. I'll save it for when the little one is born.

1 August 1643

I noticed today while I was getting ready to go hunt that Karkat was writing something at the table, which surprised me, since he's only just started learned to read.

"What are you writing?" I asked.

"Writing? I'm drawing," he said.

"What are you drawing, then?" I asked.

"Plans for the chicken coop, so I know how much wood I need," he said

"Oh. May I see?" I said.

"Sure," he said, turning the paper towards me. It was a very elaborate plan! He's designed a little house for them with shelves for their nests, as well as a fenced-in area outside so they can be outside without us worrying about foxes.

"I'm going to add something overhead, too," he said. "For hawks."

"You don't have to do all this," I said. "Just a coop is fine."

"I'm not going to half-arse this," he said. "If I'm going to make something, I'm going to make it well."

"Well, thank you," I said sincerely.

"Yeah, of course," he said. "Good luck hunting."

"Thanks," I said, and I headed out. It is very kind of him to do, making that coop for us. I suppose it's his, too, though. He lives here now and he'll be eating those eggs and chickens, too. I suppose he's trying to be part of our household. I hope he knows he's welcome no matter what.

3 August 1643

Equius came by today. It was too hot to hunt, and we have plenty of food right now, so he insisted we stay inside and have tea. I told him how strange it felt to be turning twenty soon, and he said he felt the same way. Twenty feels much older than nineteen, somehow. I don't know why. It's how old Meulin was when she got married–how old a lot of people are when they get married. I don't have plans to get married anytime soon myself, but I suspect my friends are thinking about it.

I wonder if Vriska's actually going to go out to sea with her aunt. It's hard to tell with her, how serious she's being. I really hope Tavros doesn't ask her to marry him. I don't know what she'd say, but either way, it wouldn't be good. I worry about him.

5 August 1643

Today was my birthday, and I wasn't really expecting anything, but Linny made me a lovely dinner and even some pastries for dessert! She told Kankri, and he made me his apple bread. I told her she didn't have to, because she has enough on her mind right now, but she said she wanted to. She also made me a new skirt with daisies on the hem. I've always liked daisies–there's something bright and cheerful about them.

The food was delicious, and the meal was warm and comfortable. It felt like meals when Mama was alive, when we all sat around the table together and were a family. It was good.

8 August 1643

I found Meulin today in her room, crying, and I was so worried, but she stopped me and said, "Kitty, my baby is kicking."

"Oh," I said. "So…you're happy."

"I'm so happy," she said. Her eyes were shining and she was smiling ever-so-slightly.

"I'm happy for you. It's a good sign, right?" I asked. I don't know as much about the midwife's work as she does, but I know some things.

"Yes. You're less likely to miscarry after the quickening, although it can still happen," she said. "But…I have a good feeling about this one."

"Have you picked a name?" I asked.

"No, not yet," she said. "It's a little early, I think."

"Do you need anything?" I asked. She hasn't been sick as much lately, but pregnancy is hard all the way through in different ways.

"No, thank you," she said. "I'm alright. It's just…a lot. I…I've never been this far along in a pregnancy. I've never felt my baby start to move."

"Then you're doing well," I said, smiling.

"Well, I'm doing as well as I can," she said, touching her belly again. It must be getting uncomfortable.

"That's all anyone can ask for," I said. "I'm about to start dinner. Come help me." It's good to cook with my sister.

"Of course," she said. We went to the kitchen and cooked together, and it felt again like being a family. I liked living alone, but I missed my sister. We're not the same family we were, before Mama passed, but we are still a family.

10 August 1643

Equius came over today. We didn't go hunting, because we have enough food right now, but we did practice shooting at the target behind the house. He said he'd asked his father about learning to shoot, but his father wouldn't say anything besides that it could be dangerous. I suppose it could be, but Mama taught us when we were young, and she taught us how to be safe. Neither Linny nor I have ever gotten hurt from shooting, except for when we hunt too long and get sore.

Equius said there are lots of things his father does that he doesn't understand, so this is just one more. Anyways, he knows now, since I taught him.

I wish I knew more about his father and Mama. I know there was more between them than Mama ever spoke about, and I don't know what it might be. There are lots of things I wish I'd asked Mama, really. I wish she was still here so I could ask her now.

12 August 1643

I went to see Tavros today at his family's farm. He was in the barn when I got there, doing all the little tasks that need to get done to care for the cows. We talked a little about this and that, how the little calves are doing and preparing for the harvest, before I asked him about Vriska. He said he was thinking of proposing to her, but that he'd have to ask her father, and he'd surely say no. I forgot that's how most people do things. I haven't had a father since I was seven, and Mama always said we didn't need her permission to get married.

I wonder if Mr. Serket would say yes, only because I don't think anyone else is likely to ask for her hand. She said once she's trying to actively discourage men from asking. In some ways, I understand. If I were living another life, if we hadn't left our birth parents, I might be doing the same thing. I don't know if I ever want to get married. I don't like Vriska, but I also don't want her to get married if she doesn't want to.

Maybe if she goes out to sea, at least she'll be happy.

14 August 1643

Linny's birthday is tomorrow. The baby clothes are nearly done. That's the nice thing about babies–they're so small that making things for them is quick. I also embroidered some hair ribbons for her. I'm going to start the blanket as soon as I have a yarn picked out. I want to make sure it's soft and comfortable for the little one. I want my little niece or nephew to have nice things growing up, as nice as we can manage.

15 August 1643

Today was Linny's birthday! I made baked apples like how Mama used to and gave her the ribbons and clothes. She looked like she might start crying, but I think it was the good kind of crying. She put the one with daisies in her hair right after dinner, so I'm sure she likes it. I thought daisies would be nice because we used to make little crowns out of them on sunny days.

I like daisies. There's something cheerful and bright about them. I hope my sister likes having something cheerful with her.

17 August 1643

Equius visited again today, and he said he's been offered a job. He finishes school next year, and then Mr. Kent who likes his work wants to hire him.

"I don't know what I'll do," he said.

"Well, what do you want to do?" I asked.

"I…I am not sure," he said. "I do not want to live in the city for the rest of my life, but I want to do this work. This is an excellent opportunity, and I would enjoy the work, but…I don't want to leave here."

"It's not an easy choice," I agreed.

"I suppose I have time to decide," he said. "But…" He shrugged, and he looked so very tired. "I don't know."

"Whatever you decide, I'll be here for you," I said. "If you have to live in the city…then I'll come visit you. And of course you're always welcome here. If you say no, I'll always be happy to have you here."

"Thank you," he said genuinely.

I hope he doesn't have to move to the city, not for long anyways. I know it's selfish, because he has an incredible opportunity with this work from Mr. Kent, but I'd miss him. Even now, since we only see each other on weekends, I miss him sometimes during the week. Sometimes I wish I had someone I could talk to about everything with Meulin and her ex-husband and her baby, and he's all the way in the city. And he's my friend. I miss him.

19 August 1643

I went walking today to check on the pine tree and out to the spring. The pine tree is still doing well. I suppose I did put it somewhere a pine tree has grown well before. I worry sometimes that something will happen to it, and it won't make it, but for now it looks green and lively.

The spring was as cold as ever, and it felt wonderful on my bare feet. The creek runs cold from the spring, of course, but never quite as sharply as the spring itself. It's good to drink, too. It makes me feel cool inside when it's so hot like this.

I sometimes bring some of the spring water back home, to have something cool later, but I didn't remember to bring anything to carry it in. I should do that next time. I think right now Linny would appreciate a cold drink.

22 August 1643

We went to Mama's grave today. It's her birthday. I try to visit her on birthdays and holidays because I always loved holidays with her. Linny cried for a long time, and I know she misses our mama especially now that she's pregnant. Mama told us once that she would deliver our babies if we had them. She can't do that now.

I miss Mama too. There's so much I don't know about her, and so many things I wish she could be here to see. She would love Meulin's child.

24 August 1643

Today while Equius and I were shooting, Karkat emerged from the house and asked, "Can I give it a shot?"

"Of course," I said. "Let me show you." I handed him the bow and showed him how to stand, how to nock the arrow and draw the string, and he managed to get an arrow about three feet in front of him.

"This is hard," he said.

"It takes practice," I said. "I've been shooting since I was young."

"I have only been shooting for a few years," Equius said. "While I am nowhere near as skilled as Nepeta, my aim is quite respectable. Yours will be as well, if you take the time."

Karkat didn't seem to have anything to say to that, so I handed him another arrow. "Try again," I said. "Remember to align your shoulders with the target."

So we all practiced together until it was late and time for dinner. It was…odd, but good, having them both there. Well, they're both my friends, and honestly both my family in one way or another (how strange that Karkat is legally my brother-in-law). I'm glad I can teach both of them what Mama taught me.

26 August 1643

Karkat went into town to get the wood for the coop today. I offered to come with, but he said he'd be alright on his own. He seemed like maybe he wanted to be alone, so I didn't say anything else. I think he's like me that way–he needs to be left by himself sometimes.

I wonder sometimes if he's like me in that he knows people look at him funny. Ever since I was little people have known I'm different, and sometimes I can see them looking at me. People look at him, too, because he's an illegitimate child. I wonder if he feels that like I do.

28 August 1643

Today was one of those days where nothing much happened, and it was good. I went hunting and worked on the blanket I'm making for Linny's baby. Linny read and worked on some mending. Kankri baked more bread and did some of those little chores we have to do to keep the house in good shape. Karkat worked on the chicken coop. We're just doing what need to get done, and things are going to be alright.

30 August 1643

Equius came to visit today, and he and Karkat and I all practiced shooting together. Karkat didn't stay out with us the whole time, probably because it was very hot, so Equius and I went to the spring together. By the time we got there, I was very happy to drink some of the cold water and splash a little on my face. Equius tends to get very red when we go for longer walks. I think he burned a little on his ears today, actually! I sent him home with some of the cooling cream Mama made for sunburn. He must be glad winter is coming.

1 September 1643

Linny and I went to see Mrs. Samson today and practice talking with our hands. We're going to try to visit her more often after the harvest is over. I think Linny's right that she's a little lonely. Maybe we should bring our knitting next time and stay longer.

Linny and I practiced at home later, and we decided to come up with signs for people's names. We used the letters Mrs. Samson taught us and then came up with a few for people we talk to or about a lot. Linny's for me is an N over her heart, and so mine for her is an M in the same place. For Mrs. Samson, we decided on an S next to our ear. It was fun to sit with my sister and come up with ways to talk about people without anyone else knowing. It reminds me of how we've always talked to each other. Mama used to say it was like we had our own language, sometimes. It's good to know that we can still talk like that.

4 September 1643

Linny and I went gathering today. I want to have plenty of herbs ready for winter. People get sick more in the winter, and I want to be able to treat anyone who needs it. Although, with Meulin back, I probably won't be doing as much of that kind of work. It's her work before it's mine.

"You never know," I told her.

"Never know what?" she asked.

"What might happen. You never know if everyone will get sick, or something will happen to the food," I explained.

"I suppose so," she said.

"Some people's land is still recovering. I'm worried they won't have enough food," I said.

"Kitty," she said softly. "We will do everything we can, but you don't have to support the whole village on your own."

"I can't let people go hungry, Linny," I said. I couldn't help but wonder–didn't she remember what it felt like, to be hungry?

"I know. I can't either," she said. "But…I'm here. You don't have to do it alone."

"I know," I said.

We gathered plenty of nettles and brought them home to dry and turn into something we can use to heal people. I guess Meulin's right. I got so used to being by myself, but before that, we both took care of this home and our village. There's a part of me that's still mistrustful, though. She left me when I was only sixteen. I know she's sorry, and I know her ex-husband was manipulating her, and I know that she really did think I'd be alright on my own. Most of me does trust her. I know she's not going to leave again. She married Kankri and decided to keep her baby. I wish I could trust her completely.

6 September 1643

Equius came over today and we went hunting together. We're due for the first frost soon, and then we can hunt for meat to freeze. For now, though, we just went to get something for dinner.

"I'm still upset with my sister," I told him.

"Why?"

"Because she left me. I know she came back, and I know she's sorry and won't do it again, but…" I shrugged. "Sometimes I'm still angry at her."

Equius nodded and thought for a moment. I appreciate that about him. He always takes me seriously. "I think that's understandable."

"It feels unfair."

"You feel the way you feel," he said. "There is nothing to be done about that. You don't intend to act any differently toward her, do you?"

"No, of course not. I just wish I didn't feel like this."

He nodded. "I'm sorry. I know it must be hard."

"Yes. I don't know. I don't understand how people figure these things out."

"Me neither," he said with a smile. "But I think as long as you are kind to your sister, you aren't doing anything wrong."

"I guess. I know she's sorry. I just…want things to be how they were."

"I do too," he said, which I didn't expect.

"What do you mean?"

"I have never had the same relationship with my father or brother since our mother passed away, or since Horuss married. I sometimes wish I could return to those times."

"Well, the past is the past," I said. "I suppose we just have to live with it."

"Things change," he agreed. "There is no stopping that."

"But you'll always be my best friend," I said.

"And you, mine," he said back with a small smile.

We caught three rabbits for dinner and made stew and he stayed to eat with us. It was a good evening.

8 September 1643

Karkat asked today if there was anything he could do to help with the harvest. I told him he could gut and clean my kills, and showed him how to. Kankri came out and tried to learn once, but he doesn't have the stomach for it. Well, we're all different. Karkat can manage, though. He's quite good at it, in fact. It's a relief, honestly, because I can focus on hunting and worry less about how long it'll take to clean everything.

It's good to have help again. Linny said I don't have to this alone, and she's right. I suppose I just have to remember that.

10 September 1643

Last night I went out to look at the stars. I climbed one of my favorite trees and stayed up until it was dark. Sometimes when I look at the night sky I think I can feel God. It's vast and beautiful, and I think that God must love us to have made the stars so incredible.

I haven't looked up as much since the storm. I've been so busy. But last night I was by myself with the entire world, and I realized that I haven't spent much time thinking about beautiful things. I should do that more. I think it would help me feel less overwhelmed by the work I have to do.

12 September 1643

Linny persuaded me to take a break today and go into the village to see my friends. She said if I rest before I'm desperately in need of it, I'll feel better in the end. So I went to Kanaya's house with Karkat to have tea and talk. Aradia came, too, and told us the sheep are doing well. They have a new home, finally. They won't have to spend another winter in the barn.

She said Damara is doing a little better. She's very good with the sheep. I suspect healing from something like that takes much longer than healing from a broken leg or twisted ankle. It's like how my sister has to heal inside from how her ex-husband treated her, I think. (My goodness, I'm so angry with him. Every time I think about him it bubbles up again, and I just want to hit him.)

Kanaya's doing well, too. She and Rose are trying to decide what they want to do, because they can't get married, but don't want to become nuns or somesuch. They'll need a way to support themselves if they want to stay together. Kanaya said she might talk to Mrs. Baxter about learning to spin with a wheel. A spinster can make a living if she's careful. I hope it works for her. Kanaya and Rose are so happy together. I want them to be able to stay together.

14 September 1643

It was one of those very busy days today. Equius came over, of course, but we spent the whole afternoon hunting and preserving and generally getting ready for winter. We'll be ready. We'll have plenty of food for ourselves and for anyone who needs it.

I think Linny likes it. She told me she feels more like herself these days. I wonder if doing the things we did when we were young is helping. I've always found it comforting how the same things happen every year. Maybe it's comforting my sister, too.

16 September 1643

I went to gather berries today. I brought my bow, of course, but I felt more like picking berries than hunting. I'm always very careful with berries. The wrong ones can kill.

We like to have some fruit preserves in the winter, though. Meulin uses them for sick children, to get them to eat. Sometimes she mixes medicines with some, too, so they don't taste as bad. I remember our mama doing that for me when we were first living with her. I didn't always want to eat, so she gave me sweet things with medicine hidden in them.

I miss Mama. I hope that if she's looking down on us from Heaven, she's proud of us.

17 September 1643

Meulin and I went to see Mrs. Samson today. She showed us to combine words into sentences. It's harder to use the order of the words to ask a question, so there's a special sign for that. She used her face to show her tone of voice, which was a little hard for me to follow, but I'll figure it out. She even told us a story, and we understood nearly all of it. We're learning.

We practiced together on the way home, too. It's not easy, exactly, but it's easier to talk to Linny than to Mrs. Samson. I think it's because we understand each other better. She's been there for me my whole life, and she told me she barely remembers before I was born. I think we'll figure out how to talk to each other, no matter what.

19 September 1643

Karkat worked on the chicken coop today. When I came back from hunting, he asked me if I would help him when the kills were clean.

"Of course," I said. So I went out to the backyard, and I saw that he'd made a lot of progress!

"Hold this," he said. "Brace it against this."

I did, and he made some marks with a pencil. He had me hold a few other pieces together, then took some other pieces and said, "Can you hold these while I nail them together?"

I nodded. He was very careful with the hammer and nails, and it occurred to me that there are people I would not trust very much to bring a hammer and nails that close to my fingers. I don't love him like I used to, but he still feels safe. He's good at what he does, and I trust him.

We'll have a chicken coop soon, and then we'll have chickens! It will be nice to have some of our meat closer to home, and to have our own eggs.

21 September 1643

Meulin had one of her headaches today. This one seemed almost worse than normal. She could barely eat. She's still in her room, curled up under all her blankets. She says when they're very bad she can't even stand the little light that comes through the curtains.

I don't think they're going to go away. I hoped that maybe they'd pass with time, but I know that the brain does strange things. Mama said there was always some uncertainty when people hit their heads. They might be completely fine, or they might forget important things, or they might just drop dead.

And now I'm furious with her ex-husband again. He's educated–he must know how dangerous it is to get hit on the head, and he did it to her anyways. She doesn't talk much about it, but I know enough. How could he?

23 September 1643

The forest is beautiful this time of year. It feels sometimes like the trees are putting on their colors just for the joy of it. I love the feeling of leaves crunching under my boots when I walk, and the sound of the wind in the trees.

I remember Mama telling me once that her husband couldn't tell the difference between red and green, but he loved to see the leaves because they made her so happy. It's funny how everyone sees things a little differently, like how things far away are blurry for Sollux. I suppose we're all different. That's what makes the world go 'round, Mama used to say.

25 September 1643

I had to put another blanket on my bed last night to keep warm. I kind of like it that way, actually. My favorite part of winter is being warm and comfortable under my heaviest quilts. It makes me feel calmer, somehow.

I'm trying not to hate the winter. It was so cold and I was so frightened for so long after the storm, but I don't want to hate winter for the rest of my life. The snow is still lovely, and I still like to pretend Mama is making snowflakes for us with the angels. I try to remember the good things, too. I can't forget the bad parts, but I can remember both.

27 September 1643

I helped Karkat with the chicken coop today. It's coming along nicely. I think our chickens will be very happy. I hope so, anyways.

It was cold enough that I stayed inside the afternoon to work on a pair of socks. Frostnip comes for your toes first, so it's important to have warm socks. It's not common, but Mr. Smith lost one of his toes in a particularly bad winter before I was born. I'd rather keep all of my toes, myself. And frostnip can get much more serious than that. I've seen the people with purple fingers and noses, and I know how much it hurt. It's important to keep warm.

29 September 1643

Linny's been looking nervous for the past few days, so today after breakfast, I made her a cup of tea and asked, "Are you alright?"

"What?" she said.

"You've been worried," I said. "What's wrong?"

"I'm worried about how I'll take care of my baby," she said.

I thought that was a little silly, so I said, "How come? You'll be an excellent mother." I know she will. She'll be like Mama.

"What if I have one of my headaches?" she said with a little frown. "I can't take care of a child if I can't even open my eyes."

I hadn't thought of that, but I could see how that would worry her. "Then I'll help you," I said.

"You can't nurse," she said.

"Yes, but I can do everything else," I said. But I knew it wasn't really about nursing, so I took her hands and said, "Meulin. You're not alone."

"I know," she said. I could see that she was tearing up.

"You always tell people they can ask you for help," I said, because she does. It's her work. "You can ask other people for help, too. Especially me." I'm her sister. I'll always help her.

"Thank you," she said. Her voice was very tight and small.

"I love you," I said.

"I love you too," she said.

She was properly crying by then, and I hadn't meant to do that, so I said, "I'm sorry." I wanted to make her feel better, not make her cry.

"It's alright. They're…I'm not upset. It's just the baby," she said.

I wasn't sure about that, so I said, "If you say so."

"Yes, I do," she said. "Now come on, don't we have work to do?"

So I knew she really was alright, and I said, "Yes. Let's get to it."

I think that after Mama passed, Linny felt like I did after the storm. She had to raise me and care for me, and she got used to having no one to ask for help. I had to get sick before I remembered that I could ask for help. I don't want Linny to feel that way. I don't want anyone to feel that way. I hope my friends know they can always ask me for help. None of us are alone, I don't think, but it's very hard to remember that when things are hard.