- Episode 2: Totally Dramatic Emblems -
To begin the second episode's recap, Mercutio stood on the sidewalk across from the academy just as he had in the first episode. The Russian host cleared his throat, then spoke.
"Previously on-"
"Ay, ay, ay, ay, wait, dog, wait!"
Mercutio frowned at the sight of Jayshawn rushing up from a nearby tree on the plots of grass in front of the academy. "What? What is it you want?"
"Look, bro, I don't think I even need to tell you I'm high energy, right? I'm what's happenin'. I'm intensity incarnate, bro."
"Uh..."
As if to drive the point home, Jayshawn burst, "Whoo!" then hopped several Tyler Durden-esque times before dropping down to do clap push ups. As he hopped back up, he did quick stretches. "Yeah!"
"What's the point of this?"
"Mercutio, homie, it'd be a literal sin to refuse me the role of relaying the 'previously on' segments. You gotta let me do it, bro, come on now." As Mercutio thought on it, Jayshawn returned to doing lively hops in place. "C'mon, baby. Let me have this."
The host sighed. "All right. Fine, kid. Knock yourself out." He finished by handing over a piece of paper to Jayshawn, then he headed back towards the academy.
"Oh, hell yeah, mamasita! Fuck yeah, fuck yeah, fuck yeah! Aight, aight, aight, y'all camera people catching this? You got it on me? Aight, let's do this. Previously on Total Drama Million Dollar Academy! Good old Mercut introduced the brandest newest gang to the Total Drama family, including yours truly, none other than Jayshawn Vendome! Y'all can call me Austin Powers, because yeah, baby, yeah! Uh, aside from all that, we ran around in the academy while tryna escape from a fuckin' serial killer, dog."
Jayshawn's eyes widened. "Shit was intense, bro. In the end though, that fake-blond, gay dude threw me off my game, so I lost. We took an L, dog, I ain't gonna sugarcoat that. The team tried to get rid of me, only to find out that it was a secret non-elimination challenge. Betchu they goin' think twice about gettin' rid of me this time around. Anyway, we back at it again with the second episode, so don't y'all touch those remotes or go nowhere, 'cause we coming at you with another episode of Total... Drama... Million... Dollar... Academy! Roll that MF theme song!"
On one side of the academy building, the side of the great, big structure closest to the garage that homed the losers of challenges, Alanna leaned against a wall, her hands buried in her hoodie pockets while she fidgeted, her foot tapping the concrete below her. Eventually, fellow member of her team, Stephen walked by, hunched over with his dark bangs cloaking most of his face.
"Hey! Hey, Stephen," Alanna called to him.
He paused briefly. "Hey."
His voice sounded just as you'd expect, not unlike the goths from South Park.
"You wanna chill with me?"
After another pause, he shrugged. "Okay."
More silence went by. Alanna turned her face away from him when she saw him glancing at her, then he turned away.
"You know, uh..." Alanna paused. "You seem different from the others around here. I like that in a person."
Stephen faced her very briskly, his hair cloaking his eyes again, then he stepped away from the wall and left.
"Be seeing you then," Alanna murmured, crestfallen. She let herself slide down the wall, sitting with her back propped against the bricks.
After another pause, the skirt-clad girl Londyn appeared. "Hi, can I kneel with you?"
"Sure."
"You just looked like you needed a friend, is all."
"Yeah, I guess I do."
Londyn slid down to sit with her. "You know, I think the difficulty of making connections with people when everyone's so new is a bit understated around here."
Alanna nodded. "Yeah, I guess that's true. Who are you again?"
"Londyn." She held her hand out for her to shake. "Alanna, right?"
"Yep."
"That's such a pretty name."
Alanna cracked a smile. "Thanks, that's sweet."
"Were you and Stephen talking? Before I got here."
She shrugged. "If you call sitting together with nothing to say to each other talking, then we were having one hell of a conversation."
"Youch. Sounds awkward."
She sighed. "I guess it's not too bad. He just... he reminds me of myself a little. That and... I don't know... He's not so loud and outspoken, not like some people on this team."
"Who do you mean?"
"Jayshawn. Fish."
"O-oh, well, I don't think Fish is so bad..."
Alanna watched Londyn nervously twirl some of her straight, dark hair with a finger, her tattooed face turning red.
"Could you be any more obvious?"
"Hmm?" Londyn peeped.
"You like him."
"W-well... I don't know. It feels like more than that at this point."
"We've barely been here a day," Alanna argued.
"I know, just... we made out yesterday."
"Oh."
"Yeah," Londyn chuckled. "We haven't really talked since. I wonder if he's thought about me... because, truth be told, I've been thinking about him..."
Alanna pursed her lips. "I don't know, girl. Something about that guy seems off, and I don't just mean the weird fact that he goes by something that flops on the floor. I'm not so sure I'd put my eggs in that basket."
"Y-yeah, he does seem like... but I don't know... he's just so attractive," she chuckled.
The sight of Londyn biting her lip and fanning herself had Alanna uneasy.
Confessional - Alanna
"You can't help who you like. I get that. I just can't see how anyone takes a look at Fish and decides that's a good guy to get involved with. I've barely known him a day and already he's acted annoying. I just never understood liking that traditional kind of attractive guy; those guys who're head of the football team, or really overwhelming and intense, guys who are just like every other frat boy, popular, partying type. That's the vibe Fish gives off, with a pinch of spoiled. Why not get a guy who's quiet? Maybe a little mysterious, mellow... Oh, boy. I know who that sounds like..."
End of confessional
The shot flashed to Mercutio and Tracy standing before the two teams out in the grass behind the academy and in front of the two dorm buildings. However, the Grads were down an alumni.
"Shawn! Shawn, come here!" Mercutio yelled. "Shawn, come join us at once!"
The lid of a steel trash can nearby came off, following with Shawn nervously climbing out and coming to assemble with the others.
"Much better. Competitors, for episode two, we're going to be doing something a little bit more gentle than yesterday."
Some of the contestants breathed sighs of relief.
"I can take it gentle," Zee started, "or I can take it hard. Pause."
"Gentle's my middle name," Cody answered, then he prodded the side of Londyn, standing beside him. "Unless you'd rather it wasn't."
"Don't change your name on my accord," she murmured.
"'Cody Gentle Anderson'," Noah chuckled.
"I hope you can all understand the intensity of yesterday's challenge," Mercutio continued. "We needed something powerful and gut-wrenching to pull the viewers that needed extra swaying to tune in. Believe it or not, that shitstain, McLean actually has fans out there that won't watch without him or that old chef of his. However, according to Tracy's recollection of our analytics, we're doing just fine without that motherfucker."
Noah raised his hand.
"Yes, Noah?"
"What's your problem with Chris? I see no reason for the vets in this cast to feel anything less than how you apparently feel about him, but what makes you hate him so much?"
"Well," Mercutio chuckled, "'hate' is a strong word, now isn't it, Noah?"
"Sure, but in this case, I'd say it's also an accurate one."
"None of your business. Moving on."
Noah raised an eyebrow, but didn't press any further.
"Today's challenge, while still dramatic, will show just how much I truly care about your well-being. I don't want to risk your lives with shark attacks, cliff dives, ruthless fighting, and more unnecessary violence. That being said, today's challenge is all about... art!"
Confessional - Queen
"Who would've thought a challenge crafted for me would occur so early into the season?" She let out an amused hmph. "I'll have you know that I was crowned one of England's most likely young women to succeed in a future in artistry. I placed second in a national painting contest my art teacher enlisted me in last year. I'm quite excited about what I can bring to today's challenge."
End of confessional
"Continuing with our theme of less horrific challenges than the sadist, McLean came up with in his five seasons, all of the challenges this year will be based around college majors. Why? Well, what's a more fitting variety of challenge at an academy than education, eh? Besides, how horrifically injured could you get doing college-themed challenges?"
"Oh, you'd be surprised..." Lauren replied, grinning and slowly tilting her head like a haunted doll.
"So, there you have it! Today's major: design!"
Confessional - Jayshawn
Jayshawn crossed his arms. He refused to face the camera at first. "Can't believe Mercutio's preaching this baby bullshit this year. I signed on for Total Drama because I knew it was dangerous! I thought one last season would make for the most intense year yet! Now I find out we're drawing shit? Get outta here with that shit, man! This ain't a challenge for me! I should've been voted out if this is the grade-A bullshit I was sticking around for."
Confessional - Athena
Ready to jump out of her boots, Athena balled her fists and burst, "I'm so stoked and happy to see how much Mercutio cares about our safety and wellbeing. After all, I don't want anybody to get hurt! That's terrible! I'm all for something a little more gentle."
Confessional - Holden
"I imagine there won't be much of a competition this year if Mercutio's serious. Design? Really? If people wanted to be bored out of their minds with TV, they'd be tuning into Friends, not Total Drama."
End of confessionals
"Now, before we get to the challenge, I'd like to make an announcement," Mercutio declared. "As some of you may have noticed, the-"
"Grads didn't actually lose a member," MK finished.
"Yes. As part of an effort to distance Total Drama Million Dollar Academy from McLean's first five seasons, each episode will end in either A: a standard voting elimination, B: a secret non-elimination, or C: what I like to call an 'elimination round'."
"I don't like the way that sounds," Damien expressed.
"Yes, but that's because you're a giant baby."
"I'm a w-what?"
"Elimination rounds are eliminations wherein the contestants with the most votes for the evening have to compete in a mini-challenge, if you will."
"Oh, I will," Zee answered.
"The contestant involved in the elimination round that fails the challenge will be automatically eliminated. Therefore, say Athena receives four votes, but Kobe receives two. If Athena beats Kobe in the elimination round, it won't matter that Athena received more votes; she still manages to remain in the contest."
Matcha raised her hand.
"Yes?"
"How will we know which of those three we have to deal with at the end of each episode?"
"This is my favorite part: you won't. Everyone cool with all that?"
Murmurs of approval came, with the sparse nod here and there. Suddenly, Cody let out a yelp, gripping his rear after Fish swiftly stuck his hand back in his pocket.
"He just grabbed my ass!"
"That dude is trying to gaslight you, I wouldn't listen to him," Fish responded in a flash.
"I will now ignore that. I'm sure you're all familiar with team emblems, yes?" Mercutio assumed.
Now, Shawn raised his hand.
"What is it, Shawn?"
"You know, when we die, it all fades to black. It's curtain call at that point. No more consciousness, no feeling, no reason to fight for anything, yet fighting for what you believe in is such a cornerstone of being human. We all die, and the people who fear this very simple fact have made up God and Heaven to cushion the blow. Sure, I'm terrified as fuck to die, but at least I didn't let that shit rot my brains to the point that I believe a bushy-bearded man in the clouds is gonna have me ascend and roam around with my loved ones in bliss forever!
"If this simple fact of life, that death is dark, terrifying, abysmal, dismal, and inevitable, is believable, why would the idea of zombies make less sense than Heaven? If the only constants in life are scary and negative, why do zombies, another massive, scary negative, get considered completely impossible? It's because you're all afraid, but not like me. No, no. I'm afraid where it counts. You're all too afraid to open your eyes. I'm afraid because I've opened my eyes."
Silence.
"Pardon?" Iko murmured.
"Moving on." Mercutio cleared his throat. "Like I said. Emblems. Team Chris' was Chris McLean's repugnant, disgraceful, ugly mug. Team Amazon's was the symbol of females. Team Victory had a trophy, the Heroic Hippos a golden hippopotamus, the Villainous Vultures a red vulture, so on and so forth. However, we need something interesting for you, Dropouts and Graduates. I need you to think outside the box. Come up with something truly interesting. Don't give me some boring shit. There's too much simple-minded thinking in this world; don't bring that here. Tracy will lead you to the arts and crafts room where you will find all the supplies you need to create emblems that will interest me, as well as large, paper canvases. You have three hours. Understood?"
"It's about time we get a challenge that doesn't risk my hair," Queen commented.
"Tell me about it," Kobe agreed, tapping at his bushy afro. "Damn, you elegant."
Cody prodded Noah's side. "Easy's good, eh?"
He nodded. "Easy is good."
"I hope someone accidentally dies!" Lauren squeaked.
"Fuck it!" Jayshawn burst. "Art's good! Art's fine! Shit may not be up my alley, but the Grads will wreck you greasy-ass Dropouts! You ain't got the upper hand on us this time!"
"Yeah, that's what you think, you..." Iko tried to clap back, but finding a comeback wasn't easy. "You... you nerd!"
Jayshawn snorted with contempt, but Jill failed to stifle a chuckle. Iko glanced at her, but she darted her eyes away from him just as fast as he did the same.
"Come on, gang, right this way," Tracy herded the group towards the backside entrance into the massive academy.
Along the way, Zee placed a hand on Iko's shoulder. "Please, Iko, teach me how to slay enemies in verbal combat like you can."
He chuckled. "Ah, it takes... years of practice, young squire."
Zee laughed and then cracked a can of soda.
Confessional - Jayshawn
"I ain't no fuckin' nerd..." he muttered.
Confessional - Zee
Facing the camera with his chill smile and lifting up a can, Zee said, "Word of advice, yo: invest in pants with baggy pockets. I mean baggy pockets. Like, down to your ankles. You can fit two twelve-packs in these bad boys."
End of confessionals
Two doors crashed open to reveal Tracy and the rest of the cast walking through from a hallway into the arts and crafts room. Athena's jaw gaped at the size of the place.
It was the same diameter of a high school gymnasium with buckets upon buckets of art supplies lining the walls. The floor, walls, and ceiling were stained by varying colors of paint in the most aesthetic, Jackson Pollock sort of way. There were several tables, covered in paper, set up with a long sheet of previously painted paper covering the ground. The ceiling was quite high with two fans swiveling up above.
"You guys like it?" Tracy asked.
"I love it already!" Athena peeped.
"This place is massive!" Jill commented.
"Mmhmm," Tracy nodded. "I guess art's important to Mercutio. He had this place setup like this himself. Dropouts, take one side of the art room. Grads, the other. Three hours starting now. Good luck."
"Thanks, Tracy!" Athena squeaked.
The Dropouts poured over to the right side of the room while the Grads assembled at the left. Thinking quickly, Cody and Izzy pushed two tables together.
"Thanks, guys!" Londyn chirped. "That was pretty helpful."
Cody fumbled for words, failing to speak.
Confessional - Cody
"I'm not used to finding so many girls attractive at once like this. Sure, I doubt I'll ever find a girl that I dig quite like Gwen, but Londyn, Athena, Matcha, Jill, Queen-they're all so hot. It's great. If only I could just learn how to talk to them."
End of confessional
Zee sneezed against the table, then embarrassedly rubbed it off with a sleeve. "Jeez, sorry about that."
"Really wish I hadn't seen that," Noah remarked.
Jayshawn barged past the egghead with multiple buckets under his arms. "Step aside!" He smacked the bottoms of the paint buckets onto the table. The lids rattled, causing some of the paint inside to pop out and splatter against the paper below. Shawn screamed, terrified by the sound, then he calmed when he realized it wasn't a zombie out to get him.
Izzy chuckled. "Man! You are one dumb idiot!"
Alanna scoffed. "Wow, you know, we could've just kept calm for a few more seconds and came up with a plan before we splattered paint all over our paper."
The rest of the team gave uneasy glances down at the paper, now splattered with varying blues, yellows, and reds from the paint cans.
"That was a pretty braindead move of us," Fish commented.
"Look, relax, would you?" Jayshawn retorted. "All of y'all, chill. There's still some shit we can do with this. At least we put something on the paper. The Dropouts over there haven't done shit."
"They're probably taking their time," Bowie responded, "kinda how we should."
"We do have three hours," Cody added.
"Yeah, Bowie?" Jayshawn rounded on him. "Yeah? Well, guess what? What's done is done, so how 'bout we find a way to work with it instead of shitting on me?"
"Fucking idiot."
This voice was quiet, and belonged to Stephen, standing at the far end of the table at the end of the group. Jayshawn glared and slowly turned to face his edgy teammate.
"The fuck did you just say to me?"
Jayshawn tried to round on him, but Bowie and Cody were able to restrain him before he could attack him.
"Hey, hey, hey, stop it!" Alanna snapped. "Cool it! What did you just say? Let's just work with what we've got instead of fighting each other!"
The camera panned to MK staring over at the bickering happening on the Grads' team. She seemed intrigued, and highly entertained. The rest of the Dropouts: Damien, Athena, Iko, Jill, Matcha, Holden, Caleb, Lauren, and Kobe huddled around the table with Queen in the center. Huddled beside Lauren, Caleb flinched at her frightening, unending smiling.
"Would anybody like to speak?" Athena peeped with a big smile on her face.
Holden rolled his eyes over it.
Kobe started them off. "I think we should, like, we should take a couple of buckets and dump them all over each other, then we bump chests and run around like hooligans. In the midst of it, we launch each other onto the table so that we let our bodies create the art that we need. That would be so sick."
"Improbable," Holden disagreed. "Not nearly vile enough. We need to dissect someone, then we allow their entrails to make our art."
Lauren giggled with glee.
"Yeah, you like that, you freak?"
She nodded fast enough that her head could have popped off.
"Hmm, well, we'll need a test subject." Holden craned his neck to gawk at Queen. "Would you care to volunteer?"
"Oh, ho, ho," Queen chuckled, shaking her head, "I'm going to pretend that you're merely trying to be entertaining."
Confessional - Queen
"This little gremlin better piss off before things get ugly."
End of confessional
"We could draw a skull... in blood," Lauren chirped.
Damien replied, "We could also draw out a little slip that says 'To God, from Damien, please keep Scary Girl as far away from me as possible.'"
"What does this big, sexy hunk of meat think we should do?" Queen asked Caleb with an amorous swishing of her fingers at him.
"Maybe we should design something in line with being a dropout," he suggested. "Or a delinquent. Something like that. Anyone know of anything like that?"
"Duncan was the most like that that I can think of," Matcha replied. "He's also the only former contestant to go to jail."
"My dad loves showing me old movies. Most of the time, I think nothing of it and just go on TikTok instead, but there was one he showed me that really stuck out to me. Has anyone seen The Outsiders?"
"Ooh, yes!" Jill exclaimed. "Such a great movie!"
"I was thinking, for whatever reason, of greasers," Caleb continued. "With their slick hair, 50's vibes, and leather jackets. They're not concerned with the rules, you know? If I were born sixty years earlier, I'd be one. Maybe that should be our team's symbol. A greaser."
Iko raised a hand, gradual as a worm emerging from the dirt. "I just, uh, I don't know what a greaser is."
"Not familiar with The Outsiders?" Kobe assumed.
"I haven't seen many movies in my time."
"'Many' or 'any'?" Matcha questioned with a smile.
"Let's not be bullies!" Athena suddenly chirped. "I think I like Caleb's idea! Good thinking, Caleb!" He smiled and winked at her, but Holden audibly groaned. Athena turned her smiley face to look her shorter teammate in the eye. "Is something the matter, Holden?"
"Yeah. It's you. I don't understand you."
She giggled. "That's silly! What isn't there to understand?"
"You just scream fakeness. How can someone be so smiley and happy all the time? It's nauseating and disingenuous, I suspect."
For a change, Athena's smile faded. Sadness glinted in her orange eyes, then she placed her hand to her chest. "I-I'm sorry, Holden, if I don't seem genuine to you. I just want to make other people happy. I just- I-"
Some of the others in the group recoiled at the sight of Athena starting to break down, tears welling up under her eyelids.
"Hey, hey, it's okay," Jill murmured, placing a hand on her upper arm. "Athena, hey, he didn't mean to hurt your feelings."
"I'm sorry," she rasped, "I'm sorry, guys, I didn't mean to- I don't mean- I need a minute. I'm sorry."
"Hey, by all means," Damien responded.
Holden rolled his eyes and groaned again.
"Can you not?" Jill grumbled.
"Jill?" Athena whimpered. "Will you come with me?"
"Sure. We'll be back, guys."
Holden watched Athena walk away with Jill holding her with icy distrust in his eyes.
Confessional - Holden
"Something's off about that chick. 'Oh, wah wah wah, I'm so fragile.' Shut the fuck up, bitch."
Confessional - Iko
"A girl willing to help out her fellow girl? Now, that's what I'm talking about. Man, that Jill just seems so cool. So cool..."
Confessional - Queen
"Through this whole exchange, I realized that mentioning that I've got a history with art might ward off the uncomfortable feelings that Holden saying what he said to Athena caused. So, it was time to speak up before anyone else cried."
End of confessionals
"I'm quite well versed in all things art, as it turns out."
"That's pretty cool," Caleb commented. "Can you draw a greaser?"
"Can I? Please. Don't you know who you're speaking to?"
"Not really, no."
MK chimed in, "We should let Queen run this challenge! Is everyone jiggy-ziggy with that?"
"I've been jiggy-ziggy since the day I was born!" Kobe responded.
"I've been jiggy-ziggy since the day I was hatched!" Zee added from across the room. "Sorry, not part of it, just wanted to get my input out there!" He turned back to face his team. A yelp and a crash sounded, but Zee didn't pay attention to it.
"Shawn!" Fish complained.
"Input..." Zee uttered. "Out. In. Out. In, out, in, out, in, out, in- yo, that's how babies are made, dude."
The Grads had been in the midst of stroking paint brushes along all sides of their paper, until Shawn had ruined things for them by lunging under their table and rattling everything they'd been working on.
"I'm sorry, I thought there-"
"Shawn, get your weird ass out from under the table!" Fish ordered.
"I'm not coming out!"
"Dude, you can't stay under the table forever," Cody mentioned.
"Watch me! No zombies under this table!"
"Bruh, there are no zombies period!" Jayshawn snapped. "Jesus, fuck, I'm tired of your one-note bullshit! That's it, bro! Get your ass up here!"
As several of the Grads abandoned their painting and tried to tug Shawn out from under the table, Stephen groaned and paced away towards the exit for the hall. Alanna noticed, taking a single glance at Jayshawn and Fish ripping Shawn out, then headed for the exit to follow him.
Once Stephen and Alanna were gone, Izzy eyed one leg of the table with devious intrigue, then murmured, "I wonder what would happen if I did this," then pulled one of the table legs out. With that, the table collapsed forward, narrowly avoiding Shawn or the two pulling him out. However, Zee started yelping, and the others saw him pull his leg away from where the table had collapsed on him.
Terrifying everyone in attendance, the bottom half of Zee's pant leg was a loose flap; he'd lost half of his leg to the table.
Multiple people started screaming, Damien the most exaggeratedly, despite being across the room at the time. Lauren kept her piercing, enthused eyes on him the entire time.
"Whoa," Iko uttered.
"Ah, god, Jesus, what the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck?" Damien cried.
"Somebody call someone!" Londyn squeaked. "Someone qualified preferably!"
Bowie gagged. "I'm literally gonna puke."
"Quick! Somebody blow on it!" Izzy urged.
"I'm not gonna blow his stump!" Fish retorted. "What do you take me for, someone in need of twenty dollars?"
Slowly, Zee began to calm down, then he crawled over to pull out a prosthetic leg from underneath the table. Chill once more, he stuck it up through the pant leg and reattached it.
"There we go."
"So, Zee's an amputee," Noah noted.
"Oh," Cody took a breath out. "Good. Here I thought I was about to sign on for years of therapy."
"The fuck was that ruckus all about if all you had to do was pop the damn thing back on?" Jayshawn complained.
"Ah, well, I thought I broke the thing," Zee explained. "That's my favorite leg, dog."
Confessional - Zee
"You never wanna lose a good leg. One time, I'd managed to misplace every one of my spare legs, but I had this important work meeting I needed to get to. I had to think outside the box, right? Get really Jimmy Neutron with it. So, I ended up taping a cucumber to my stump. That bitch was long, too. I used that thing until it started to rot on me. Vegetables expire way quicker than people do, man."
Confessional - Izzy
"If you blow on a fresh wound, you can blow the blood back into the body, and you can save lives that way. Uh huh, yeah. What, does that Fish guy think I'm some kind of halfwit? When that little piggy sustains a life-threatening injury, this big, bad wolf won't be blowing a single breath his way."
Confessional - Lauren
"Goodness, me... If Damien continues to scream like that... Oh, excuse me. I'm-" She fanned herself, flustered. "I'm a little worked up all of the sudden, excuse me."
End of confessionals
Out in the hall, Athena couldn't control her sniffling, pacing back and forth as Jill stood before her, her emerald eyes sympathetic.
"Athena, sweetheart, please don't take this so hard."
"I'm sorry. I know it must not make sense for me to cry like this." She took a pause, staring up at the ceiling and fanning at her eyelids. "Jill, you're so wonderful for coming out here with me. Thank you."
"Of cour-" Jill broke off, her teammate hugging her tight.
In that moment, she watched Stephen lurk out from inside the art room, gradually followed by Alanna. Then Athena released her.
"Would you like to talk about it?" Jill offered, her voice gentle and delicate.
"Mmhmm." She sniffled again. "Thank you again. So, growing up, I... I-I-I don't know what was wrong with me. I don't know what's wrong with me now..."
"Nothing's wrong with you, Athena, nothing at all. Continue?"
She smiled, then it faded as she recalled her past. "I never knew how to interact with the other girls in my school. It got to a point where everyone would call me weird, a-and bully me... I was just this weird girl with weird hair, and I didn't know how to talk to anybody, a-a-and-"
"Shh shh. Deep breaths."
She obliged. "Okay. Thank you. T-to make a long story short, I eventually learned being friendly and agreeable was the only way I could make friends. Nobody else liked me for who I was otherwise..."
"That sounds horrible! So, you mean to tell me that you had to put up a front for other people to like you?"
"Mmhmm. It was really sad, but then it became all I knew. Put on that happy face and everything will be okay. In the autistic community, they call that 'masking'. I've wondered whether I'm autistic before, mainly after everyone called me different for the first time... All the signs and symptoms are there, so, I think I might be. I wish I weren't though, then maybe I wouldn't be seen as so weird by everyone else..."
Jill laid a hand on her shoulder. "Aw. I'm so sorry, Athena."
"Thank you," Athena hugged her again. "But you feel like someone I can trust, someone I can tell the truth to. When Holden said I was being disingenuous, it brought up all these feelings and memories I try to hide behind the happy face. But I feel like I can tell you how I'm really feeling."
"I-I'm flattered that you already feel that way around me. I really appreciate that."
"I really appreciate you, Jill. You have a calming energy about you. You must have lots of friends."
Jill couldn't help but smile. "Thank you. Hey, we should probably go back in, help the team keep from falling apart, huh?"
"Okay, sure! L-let me just, uhm... put the happy face back on, k?"
"Okay, that's fine."
"Hey, Jill?"
"Yeah?"
"Can we chat some more tonight, after the challenge?"
Jill smiled again, her emerald eyes sparkling. "Yeah. Yeah, I'd like that."
A little bit later, the camera panned to Stephen and Alanna leaning by some lockers as Athena and Jill headed back into the art room.
"I just don't understand these people," Stephen muttered. "They're all trash, all of them."
Alanna nodded, watching him without the faintest urge to speak herself. She was likely soaking up the rare moment of Stephen communicating.
"How is it normal? All these preppie fucking shits running around acting like belligerent cavemen, and everyone fucking loves them. I hate it. I hate everyone on this show. I hate everything about it."
Alanna kept her gaze on him, but Stephen's eyeliner-streaked eyes were glued to the floor. He slid his back against the locker, sitting while Alanna lowered herself to his level.
Confessional - Alanna
"It's nice to see him speaking to me, even if it's just a little bit like that. He's obviously angry... very angry... he's hurting. I just wanna make him feel better."
End of confessional
"I hate everything about my life, and most of all I fucking hate myself."
Beat. The distant sounds of the Dropouts and the rest of the Grads shouting and speaking echoed faintly into the hall.
"Stephen... I'm glad you feel like you can tell me this, but I have to ask you something."
After a moment, he muttered, "What?"
Alanna sighed. "You don't strike me as the type of person to want to be anywhere near a camera, let alone on TV. I know I don't know you that well, but... well, I can recognize depression because I've been there. I've hated myself too, and I've even hurt myself before."
Slowly, Stephen titled his head to face the lanky girl sitting beside him, her back completely straight. "You've cut yourself, too?"
She nodded with her eyes full of sorrow. "My life hasn't been easy either. I can only imagine the pain you're going through."
Alanna softly reached out to hold Stephen's hand, but he instantly jerked it away from her. She retracted.
"You don't even want to know what I've fucking lived through."
Alanna remained silent.
"What did you want to ask me?" he asked, his voice low and fatigued. He'd returned to staring down at his beat-up converse.
"I... Why are you doing Total Drama? It just... it doesn't make sense to me."
Somehow, Stephen's already grim condition seemed to grow even darker. "Money," he muttered.
"I-I guess so, yeah. I mean, that's why I'm here, but when I felt the kind of pain that I imagine you must be feeling, even getting out of bed was a... it felt undoable, let alone, say... going to work, talking to people, brushing my teeth, making myself eat enough." Pause. "You must be so strong to be here," she continued.
He finally tilted his face towards hers, watching her with an eerie vacantness in his eyes. "Don't be nice to me. I don't deserve it."
"Stephen, either you must really love money, or there's some other reason you're here."
"I... I don't... It's..." Stephen scoffed, then growled and slapped himself across the face. "Fucking moron, Stephen. Shut your fucking mouth."
"Hey, hey, hey, easy," Alanna urged softly, placing his hands in hers and facing him towards her. "Don't be so rough on yourself."
Now, as Stephen stared into Alanna's eyes, there was a bottomless pit of pain in his.
"Please talk to me again?" Alanna requested.
He scoffed and shook his head. "I can't... I can't... I can't talk to you about it."
She accepted defeat, gently murmuring, "Okay," and then taking her hands away from his, turning back to sit against the lockers behind her.
Her mind soared from one possibility potentially explaining Stephen to the next. How much of life had they experienced that was the same? When Alanna cut herself, did he do the same before her, she wondered. Could she even understand and unravel the dismal mystery Stephen had weaved around himself?
Then he placed his hand on hers, startling her. Alanna's heart skipped a beat as he squeezed, then he released and climbed to his feet, trudging back into the boisterously noisy arts and crafts room.
As he left, Alanna felt her heart flutter, but she wasn't sure whether she'd been satisfied by their conversation, or left feeling more confused than before. Had she found someone she could relate to? Or was Stephen just too damaged to consider forming a connection?
Dropouts: Caleb, Damien, MK, Scary Girl, Athena, Holden, Iko, Jill, Kobe, Matcha, Queen
Grads: Cody, Izzy, Noah, Alanna, Shawn, Bowie, Zee, Fish, Jayshawn, Londyn, Stephen
Some quick OC descriptions:
Athena: orangey-blonde, orange contacts, black and white dress
Holden: long, scraggly hair, heavyset, short, leather jacket
Iko: slim-fat, short, stylish overcoat and vest
Jill: athletic build, red hair, tan skin, emerald green eyes
Kobe: tall, big afro
Matcha: brunette, business casual
Queen: purple hair
Alanna: tall, brunette
Fish: typical influencer look
Jayshawn: fit, muscular, dreads, gym tank/shorts
Londyn: brunette, face tattoos, gorgeous features
Stephen: early 2000s emo look
Mercutio: chiseled face, suit, wide-framed
Tracy: slim, suspenders/bowler hat
Brook: silver hair, oversized cardigan