A/N: I've read your all's reviews, and you either need a hug, or a new chapter straight from my beta. I don't think I'll have one ready tomorrow. Today was a four hour anxiety attack I STILL don't know why I had. This one is…tough, and I'm sorry, but….it's necessary. Get your Kleenex.

Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck

Chuck stood there, staring at the casket. The sky was grey, rain was coming down, and he didn't care. He stared at the casket, thinking how someone had died on his watch. He was team lead, and it had gone pear-shaped. Mary stood on one side of him, crutches under her arms, and he wondered how disappointed she must be in him.

Morgan stood to the other side, not saying a word, not having to. Because he was Morgan, and he was just there, like he always had been, like he always would be. Why had he had the audacity to believe he could be a field commander? Why did he listen to Carina? Tears flowed down his cheeks.

He looked up, and saw Carina's face. She was standing on the other side, watching him. She, too, was shaken beyond belief. There was no teasing, no innuendo. She simply mouthed, "I'm sorry." Chuck gave a nod and she walked away. Everyone did, as the casket was lowered, except for Chuck, Mary, Morgan, and the person standing behind him.

}o{

4 days earlier

"They're late," Chuck said, blowing out a frustrated breath.

"Rather them be late than dead," Casey muttered. Chuck whipped his head around to Casey. "Relax, kid, Rizzo has a history of getting out of bad jams."

"It only takes one time of not getting out of bad jams," Chuck responded. "If they're… not able to meet, any suggestions?"

"Table that thought… car," Casey said, pointing at the road leading to the safe house. They all watched the car pull up. "Two in the car, can't make 'em out," Casey said, drawing his weapon. Chuck heard two more being drawn, and turned to see Carina and Sarah with weapons.

"Why do you have a gun?" Chuck asked Sarah.

"To protect you," she replied. The look on his face seemed almost pained at the reply. "I'm not planning on using it."

"Then don't draw it," Carina said, an edge to her voice that Chuck had never heard. He was pretty sure he was now in the presence of Agent Miller, the badass DEA agent they had recruited. Sarah glanced at Carina, walked up to Chuck, and moved him, forcibly behind her. "Jesus, keep it in your pants, Walker," she muttered, a grin on her face.

"Everyone knock it off," Casey barked, and then he relaxed, seeing the doors open and Zondra and Skip get out of the car.

"Thank God!" Chuck said, bending over at his waist and letting out a breath. As he stood, all eyes were on him. "What? You all felt the same way." Casey gave a 'yeah' facial expression.

"Breathe, kid," Casey said, still watching the road for signs of anyone following the two. Carina walked up beside Casey. "He's gonna shit the bed," he said softly to Carina.

"Probably," Carina replied. "Do you have a contingency plan?"

"I do," Casey replied just as softly.

"You do know I can hear you two?" Chuck asked, irritated.

"Good, then know Miller and I don't walk into suicide missions," Casey said with a pointed look. "You freeze, I am ready to do what is necessary to complete the mission with as few acceptable losses as possible."

Chuck stared at Casey. "I got this," he replied. "I got this."

}o{

Now

The dirt hit the coffin, and he stood there, watching. "Sir, the funeral is over," one of the cemetery workers said.

"I promised I wouldn't leave," Chuck said softly, raising his head, rain dripping off of his head, looking the worker in the eye. "Not until it's done."

"Okay," the worker replied, and got back to work filling the hole.

"Chuck," his mom began.

"Morgan, will you please take my mom home?" Chuck asked, never turning toward her. "She's still recovering, and doesn't need to be out in this."

"Sure, buddy," Morgan said, clapping Chuck on the arm. He glanced to the person standing behind Chuck.

"You should go home as well," Chuck said to the person behind him, never turning, but everyone knowing who he was talking to.

"I'll go when you do," was the response. Chuck nodded, never looking back to acknowledge. Morgan helped Mary away from the graveside, to the car. Tears fell from Chuck's eyes as the grave was filled.

"You know it's not your fault."

"I was in charge," he said just above a whisper. She moved beside him, taking his hand. "God, Sarah, this is on me." He began to sob. "It's all on me," he choked out.

}o{

4 days earlier.

"What exactly is going on?" Rizzo growled after introductions were made. "Where the hell is Kent?"

"Who?" Chuck asked.

"Special Agent in Charge Kent," Rizzo replied. "The one that thought me working with this mute here instead of what I was doing was so important."

Chuck turned to Casey and Carina. "Any idea who this Kent is?"

"Clark Kent, six foot four-ish, black straight hair, muscular build… what?" Chuck had begun to snicker. "I'm describing the man who pulled me out of my previous assignment. Skip, is that the same guy who pulled you in?" Skip nodded, and Chuck groaned internally, remembering Skip's file. There were three pretty, amazing women around him; Skip might not talk for a year.

"Skip, really?" Chuck asked. "Clark Kent?" Chuck stared at Skip as understanding dawned on his face. Sarah, Zondra, Carina, and Casey were all staring at him. "Superman's secret identity is Clark Kent… or the other way around… it depends on how you view DC… personally-"

"We get it," Zondra said, cutting in. "We got played, so what do we do? And why in God's name are you wearing a white suit and these two looking like… well…"

"His women?" Casey asked. "Meet The Piranha."

"Okay, not bad. I think I know where this is going, but there is no way that I'm going back in," Zondra told Casey. "This smells like a setup. We need the real deal, not an alias."

"He is the real deal," Sarah replied, making Chuck glance over. She gave him a nod and he smiled at her, and turned toward Zondra.

"This guy is The Piranha?" Zondra looked him up and down.

"You can't see computer skills," Chuck said, feeling a little uncomfortable.

"No, no, I'm getting an idea," Zondra began. "We're your first contact people. We go ahead and scout things out."

"Same idea I had," Carina replied with a smile.

"So, when you go in, that will cause a distraction, we'll get the omen virus and get out of there," Zondra said, nodding.

"And, if you have time, plant this," Chuck said, holding up a flash drive. "This will disable their systems, and I can get back in at a later date."

Skip reached over and took the drive from him, holding it up. "I got this, no one plays me for a fool."

"You can talk?" Zondra asked, turning toward him.

}o{

Now

The dirt covered the coffin. Sarah was holding an umbrella over the two of them. He wouldn't let her at first, but a glare made him back down. He didn't even seem to notice the rain coming down. "Chuck," she said softly. "It's time to say goodbye."

He nodded, tears streaming down his face. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," he said. He looked up and noticed Zondra had returned to the grave site. "It's my fault," he said, beginning to sob. Zondra looked at Sarah, no idea what to do.

"Come on, Chuck," Sarah said, taking him by the arm, and leading him to the car. "It's not your fault, it was his choice."

"I was in charge, it's my fault," Chuck said softly. "It's all my fault."

}o{

4 days ago

Casey still couldn't believe it. The plan had worked. The nerd had gotten an introduction to The Collective from Zondra, and he was in. He was proving he was who he said he was, and had unlocked the vault. Zondra and Skip had slipped away from the crowd to go get the Omen virus, and use the flash drive if they had time. Casey was watching the monitor, when it happened.

"Casey, Bryce here, there's an incoming phone call to the cellphone of the head of The Collective."

"Copy that," Casey said. He switched on his coms. "Walker, Miller, heads up, incoming call to the head ass-clown."

Carina looked over at Sarah, as Sarah watched the head of The Collective on the phone.

"Sebastien," came the voice over the line. "You don't know me, but I need to tell you, you've been infiltrated by two CIA agents."

"Who are you?" Sebastien said, glancing around.

"You can call me Clark Kent. I'm a Special Agent, and I assigned the couple that infiltrated your base a few days ago to do so," the voice droned on. "I'm always happy to help Fulcrum. Have a good day."

Sebastien disconnected the call, staring at Chuck, Carina, and Sarah.

"Well, shit," Carina muttered, and slammed her palm into the muscled goon beside her, taking his weapon.

"ZONDRA! SKIP!" Chuck yelled into his ear piece. "GOTTA GO!" A gun was pulled on Chuck and he raised his hands, only to see the man go flying over Sarah's shoulder. "Have I mentioned how bad ass you are?" Chuck asked, grinning at her. Shots were being fired, and Sarah grabbed Chuck, pushing him towards the exit, Carina on their tail.

"Skip, what are you doing?" they heard Zondra yell, and then gunshots. Chuck's face went white, and he turned and ran back towards The Collective's vault.

}o{

Now

She helped him downstairs, to his room in Castle. "We need to get you out of these wet clothes and into a hot shower," she told him. Chuck just nodded, standing in his room, staring at the wall. Sarah shrugged, and helped him get the jacket off, then his shoes, and then began unbuttoning his shirt. He still was staring at the wall, and she was beginning to become worried. She decided if he was going to be this catatonic then she needed to get him undressed, and into the shower, even if she had to do it all herself. When her hands touched his belt, he jumped back, realizing what had been going on.

"I-I got this, thanks, sorry," he mumbled, shaking his head. He took a deep breath. "I need to apologize to you."

"No, you don't," Sarah began.

"Yeah, I do. I nearly got you killed out there," Chuck said, shaking his head. "We nearly buried Skip and you, all because I did the wrong thing."

}o{

4 Days ago

"Zondra! Skip!" he screamed, running back toward the vault. He heard gunfire, and watched one of The Collective fall, dead.

"Over here," he heard Zondra yell. He ran over to them, and she was crouched down in front of Skip.

"Oh shit," Chuck muttered looking at Skip. "Zondra…."

"He's been shot twice, once in the gut, the other in the lung," Zondra began. "I think his lung is collapsed, but I have been trying to hold these bastards off, and haven't had a chance to… what are you doing?"

Chuck had pulled a pen from Skip's pocket throwing out the ink. "I've got field medic training," Chuck replied. "This is from having a sister and brother-in-law that are doctors. This is gonna hurt Skip, hang on, buddy, hang on."

"He went back to upload your do-hickie," Zondra said, squeezing off a shot. There was the sound of a struggle, and Sarah came around the corner. "Yell out next time, Blondie, I almost shot your fine ass."

They both glanced at Chuck as Skip groaned loudly. "Thanks," he muttered. "Hard to breathe."

"We've got to get him out of here," Chuck told them. "I'll carry him out, but this is dangerous."

"Leave me," Skip said.

"None of that crap," Chuck told him. "We're getting out of here, and after you recover, we'll have more training on what it means to retreat, got it?" Skip nodded. Chuck glanced at Zondra who nodded. They glanced at Sarah, who nodded as well. Chuck picked Skip up and they moved as quickly as they could. They made it to the van, with Carina and Casey laying cover fire when needed. Chuck got Skip in the van and slid the door shut. "GO!" he yelled.

He looked down at Skip, but there was no response. "NO!" He started CPR. After a minute, Zondra and Carina pulled him away, blood covering his white suit.

Skip was gone.

}o{

Now

"Okay, I got all your clothes to the laundry," Sarah began, as Chuck came out of the bathroom, freshly showered. Tears were falling down his face. She walked over and pulled him into a hug. "Chuck, it wasn't your fault, he did what he wasn't supposed to do."

"My command, my fault," he muttered, leaned against her. He was so tired.

"When was the last time you slept?" she asked. He shrugged. "Have you slept since Skip died?"

"Nightmares," he answered. She took his hand, and led him to his bed. She crawled in, holding his hand, and pulled him against her. She put his head on her shoulder and felt the tears flow steadily. He sobbed, and grabbed her. Not hard, but urgently, like she was all he had. Like she was a life preserver in the raging ocean. She had sworn to protect him, and now she realized what all that meant. It wasn't just the physical protection that Chuck needed. It was the emotional protection as well, and that scared her. But she had to, because if she didn't, then all of this would have been for nothing. Skip would have died for nothing, and right now, whoever this Clark Kent was, he was running up a tab his ass couldn't cash. She was going to settle accounts with that guy. She looked down at Chuck, who had quit crying, and listened to his soft snores. This was going to be for both of them.

}o{

"Sarah," she heard, pulling her out of her sleep. She opened her eyes and saw Mary in the doorway.

"Uh, we're not-"

"Sarah, frankly, I don't care, but I need to talk to you and then you two can go back to whatever you're not doing," Mary said, giving her a head gesture to come on. Sarah crawled out from under Chuck and headed toward the doorway to join her.

"Mary-" she tried to begin again.

"Sarah, he's going to pull away," Mary began. Sarah turned to her, a skeptical look on her face. "I need to tell you a story about high school."

}o{

Some time later, Sarah headed back to his bedroom. As she opened his door, she saw him sitting there, blinking. "Hey," she said, a soft smile on her face. "How'd you sleep?"

"Good, good," he said. "Listen about earlier-" he began.

She waved him off. "Chuck, I'm here to protect you, and that includes from yourself. Trust me, being used as your snuggy pillow so you can sleep is okay. And, you keep my feet warm."

"See, this is why Carina and I can't be a thing," he said, still not having fully awakened.

Sarah had a wry smile on her face, nodding. "So, the fact that you can snuggle with me and keep my feet warm, is why you two can't be a thing?"

Chuck looked up at her, shock on his face as he realized how he sounded. "I meant…" he swallowed. "I mean, you are right." Sarah cocked her head, giving him a look. "At the first sign of…"

"An emotion?" Sarah offered.

"You really don't like her," Chuck said. Sarah bounced a shoulder, making him grin. "Right, at the first sign of emotion, she ran."

"She's not good at emotions," Sarah said.

"I don't know if anyone is, but staying and trying, that's what's important, that's what…that's what people need in a partner, a friend." He looked up at her. "I suck at emotions, I don't deal with them well, and I have got to find a way to not be so over-filled with them. I can't develop attachments, because if I do…."

"People get hurt, and you can't do the job," she said softly, thinking about what Mary had told her. "So, are you off your nonsense about not being a good leader, because Skip screwed up?" Chuck winced. "I'm not trying to speak ill of the dead, but you said get out, and he didn't."

"Sarah," Chuck began.

"Listen, I have never been a leader-"

"You should be in charge, not me," he said, cutting in. She glared at him, and he swallowed. "See." The glare continued. "Ahem, you were saying?"

"That perhaps it's time you and your mom had a chat. She understands this more than I do. I'm always glad to listen, but… she really gets it."

Chuck nodded. "That's not a bad idea." He stood up and headed toward the door. "Uh, about the 'not getting too close..'"

"Hey, no, I get it, this is about getting justice. It's what we agreed on," she said, waving at him like it was no big deal.

"Right," he said, watching her, his hand on the door frame. He stood there holding her gaze until he cleared his throat. "Right, ahem, so I'm going to go see mom." He took off down the hallway, towards his mom's quarters. Sarah watched him walk away.

She turned and saw Carina at the other end of the hall, watching something… or someone. She narrowed her eyes, and started toward Carina. When she got there, she saw what Carina saw. Bryce, in his wheelchair, talking to Zondra and Morgan. It was clear Bryce was interested in Zondra, and Zondra in Morgan. Morgan, being Morgan, had no clue.

"You gonna swoop in and pick up the leftovers?" Sarah asked. Carina turned around slowly, a grin on her face. "What's that for?"

"You stepped up," Carina replied. "I bolted, and you held his hand, just the way he needed."

"Carina-"

"Spare us both, Blondie, we both know I'm emotionally stunted." Sarah snorted at that. Carina looked back over her shoulder at Bryce. "Tell me, would you take a bullet for him?"

"In a heartbeat," Sarah said.

Carina nodded. "Seems everyone would," she muttered. She patted Sarah's shoulder and started to walk past her. "He's going to try and pull away."

"You're the second one to tell me that," Sarah informed her.

"What are you gonna do?"

Sarah crossed her arms, and studied Carina for a moment. "I'm going to give him a chance to work himself through this."

"And if that doesn't work?"

"I'm going to get him to where he needs to be, if I have to drag him," Sarah replied.

"Good," Carina said, and walked past Sarah. Pausing, then asked "Would you take a bullet for me?" without turning to look at Sarah.

"Probably," Sarah replied. "Would you for me?"

Carina kept walking. "We really don't want me to answer that, do we?"

"Probably not," Sarah said softly, watching Bryce wheel away, leaving Zondra and Morgan alone.

A/N: Oof. We need something…how about a sneak peak at next time?

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Casey said, his hands in front of him to protect himself. "He trusts you, listens to you, and….and I want Bennett."

Sarah's brow furrowed. "We all want Bennett," Sarah replied. "Carina especially," she added under her breath.

Casey snorted. "Bennett was my former CO," Casey explained. Sarah gave a slight nod and glanced at the folder Casey had. "My sources tell me Bennett is getting illegal arms info from someone, being blackmailed over his wife." Casey pushed her the folder and Sarah picked it up. She looked at it, and then back to Casey.

"You're joking, right?" Sarah asked. Casey looked confused. "Mark Ratner? Heather Chandler?" Casey nodded. "Casey….Casey I went to high school with them."

Dillwg, I got nothin'.