A/N: So you know, I'm not really trying to hide who this mysterious bad guy agent is. If you think you know, you probably do. Just because you do, doesn't mean they do.

Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck.

"How do you do it?" Chuck asked his mom. They were sitting at a table in Castle, her sipping tea. "How do you command a unit, knowing there is every chance that someone could die?"

"Chuck, the people with us, they chose to be here. They chose to fight this fight," Mary began.

"No, Sarah did not," Chuck retorted. "We talked her into joining."

"Okay… but again, her choice," Mary began again. Chuck stood up and walked away, and began to pace. Mary watched him. "Chuck, you know what I'm going to say."

"Yeah, I do," he said, resignation dripping from his voice. "Blah, blah, blah, greater good, blah, blah, blahbity-blah."

"I don't know if the blahbity was necessary," Mary said, taking another sip of tea. Chuck gave her a look. "You need to lighten up," she said, giving him a pointed look, and setting her tea aside. "Listen, you know I don't believe in that 'acceptable losses' bullshit."

Chuck didn't say anything, as he wasn't completely certain that she didn't.

"Chuck, it's bad out there, and sometimes terrible things happen." She was silent a moment. "Let me ask you this: Between us, does this have anything to do with the fact… Skip reminded you a lot of you?" Chuck wouldn't look at her. "You were both the 'guy behind the computer,' and you both have issues with the opposite sex." Chuck turned to her, eyes wide. "I mean he was a special case, but you… you struggle with women."

"I don't struggle," Chuck replied quickly.

"No, you're right… you don't, because you avoid them!"

"Mom," Chuck began.

"Chuck, you haven't been on a date since high school!"

"Can we not get into this? Besides, who am I supposed to ask out, being part of this team?" Mary grinned, reached for, and took a sip of her tea. "You are not suggesting I ask out Carina."

"Good God no," Mary replied, shuddering. "Although… it might get you out of your funk," she muttered. Chuck's eyes went wide. "No, Chuck, but there is someone here for you. You and I both know it."

"I have no idea what you're talking about, and the last thing I need to do is start a relationship with someone. Can you imagine how I'd be? Can you imagine what would happen if something happened to them?"

"It sometimes helps to know that you've got something to lose." Chuck had no response to that. After a minute, he got up and left, as Mary continued to sip her tea.

}o{

"I may have something," Casey said to Sarah, who was pushing her food around her plate with her fork. She was somewhat checked out, trying to figure out what to do about Chuck.

"And what exactly am I supposed to do about it?" Sarah asked. "I'm not the one in charge."

"Yeah, but you can get him to do stuff," Casey replied, giving her a pointed look.

"And what exactly does that mean?" Sarah asked, dropping her fork and giving him a long look.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Casey said, his hands in front of him protectively. "He trusts you, listens to you, and… and I want Bennett."

Sarah's brow furrowed. "We all want Bennett," Sarah replied. "Carina especially so," she added under her breath.

Casey snorted. "Bennett was my former CO," Casey explained. Sarah gave a slight nod and glanced at the folder Casey had. "My sources tell me Bennett is getting illegal arms info from someone, being blackmailed over his wife." Casey pushed the folder to her, and Sarah picked it up. She looked at it, and then back to Casey.

"You're joking, right?" Sarah asked. Casey looked confused. "Mark Ratner? Heather Chandler?" Casey nodded. "Casey…" She shook her head, disbelievingly. "Casey, I went to high school with them."

}o{

"Okay, go slow," Chuck said, holding his head with both his hands, his elbows on the table.

"We think Mark Ratner is the person giving Bennett the weapons info," Sarah began.

"So, we're going in to follow Bennett?" Chuck asked.

"No, numbnuts," Casey growled. Chuck gave him a look, which Casey tactically ignored. "Bennett is far too smart for that. He'll send one of his underlings. So, we'll have someone get a tracker on him, and follow him."

"Carina and Zondra, probably," Sarah added. Casey nodded. "You and I will be Mr. and Mrs. Walker, visiting our… grandfather. Zondra and Carina will be on staff, and Casey… well, Casey will DJ."

"Wait, there's the part I don't get. Where are we doing this again?" Chuck asked.

"Shady Acres Retirement Home," Sarah told him. "That's where Mark goes to visit his grandmother."

"And who's our grandfather?" Chuck asked. "Better yet, is he my grandfather, or yours?"

"Oh, he's definitely your grandfather," Sarah replied, scratching the back of her neck, grimacing slightly.

}o{

"Why am I here?" Sarah asked. Chuck held her hand, pulling her into his mother's office.

"Because I am not going in there and requesting Roan Montgomery play my grandfather, without you protecting me," Chuck replied.

"Do you think it will go badly?" Sarah asked. "Should we not do this?"

"What do you think?" Chuck asked, stopping and turning toward her. "No games, no BS about you not being a leader. This is something that…" He paused, looking for the right words, without coming out and saying this was similar to a con.

"It's a version of a con," Sarah said. Chuck winced, and Sarah took his hands. Chuck looked down at their hands, and back to her. "Listen, for some reason, physical contact between us cuts down on your spiraling," she said, letting go of one hand, and gesturing in a spiraling motion. "So, to answer your question; it's the only lead we have."

"But should we do this?"

"I don't see a real downside to it," Sarah admitted. "It's low risk, and my God, could we ask for a safer environment?"

"Not for Roan," Chuck replied. "Women will be all over him in there."

"It's not like that." Chuck gave her a look. "Is it?"

}o{

Chuck was sitting on his bed, thinking through everything his mom had told him earlier.

He and Sarah had talked to Mary, and Beckman. The two older women laughed uproariously, and told them they'd see what they could do. A soft knock on the door frame made him lift his head.

"Hey," Sarah said softly. "You okay?"

"No," Chuck replied. Sarah came over and glanced at his bed. Chuck scooted over, and she climbed in beside him. "I'm completely in over my head."

"How so?" she asked.

"Mom was right," Chuck said, staring at his hands as he wrung them. "I see a lot of me in Skip. I was always the guy behind the computer, and now… now I'm in the field, and I'm in charge, and that's a mistake."

"No," Sarah said, shaking her head. "It's not."

"Sarah…" he shook his head, chuckling. "Bryce should be leading this team, Carina should, Zondra, Casey, hell, you. I have no business leading it. I have run for the past eight years, and the one time I didn't, it cost a man his life."

"Seems I remember you did run," Sarah countered, turning toward him, her eyes boring into him, as he continued to look at his hands. "You ran back and tried to save him."

"He never should have been there," Chuck said softly.

"No, he shouldn't have," Sarah agreed.

"So, it is my fault," Chuck concluded. Sarah looked up at the ceiling and let out a long breath. "I'm right and you know it."

"No, I don't know it," she said, looking over at him.

"My judgment gets clouded," he said softly. He cleared his throat. "When I get involved with something, I don't see things like I do from afar. I'm better when I'm away, when I have separation. I'm better when I have no contact with people. I can analyze data and then give you the best-case scenario, but someone else needs to make the call. That's what mom was great at."

"Or, maybe you're living for the first time, and it's not something you're used to," Sarah countered. "Chuck, who the hell hurt you so bad that you've become… this?"

He snorted, and shook his head. "You want me to tell you the most embarrassing story of my life? You want me to tell you who used me for their own gain, and made me look like the fool that I am? You want me to tell you why I am this naive idiot?" He sounded increasingly angry as he spoke.

"No, Chuck, you don't-"

"You know what," he said, cutting her off. "I'm going to. I'm going to tell you, so you can tell them why I have no business being in charge."

"Chuck," she said, but stopped. She was torn; he needed to get it out, but she found she hated seeing him hurt.

"Jill Roberts," he said softly. "I met her in ninth grade, and we became… close. We were boyfriend and girlfriend." Tears formed in her eyes. "She was my… she was…"

"She was your first," Sarah said softly. Chuck nodded.

"I was in love… at least, I thought I was. She was smart, loved nerdy things, and she was so pretty." Chuck lifted his head. "My friends… they kept warning me that she was with other guys," and he shook his head as he talked, disgust on his face. Whether it was it for him or for her, Sarah wasn't sure. "But when I would ask her, she denied it, and asked how could I believe them, if I loved her."

"Oh, God," Sarah said, covering her mouth. This was the story Mary had told her, but not in this much detail. Probably because even Mary didn't know everything.

"It went on for three years," Chuck said. He snorted. "I was a damn fool," he said softly. "I kept giving her the benefit of the doubt. He looked up at the ceiling. "It ended at senior prom." Tears fell from his face, and what was on his face was shame, not hurt. "For more than three years people tried to tell me, people tried to warn me. Friends swore she was seeing other people. She denied all of it, of course, and I had no proof. She told me people were jealous of us. After the senior prom, she said her friends were going to take her home, even though we had permission to stay out all night. I went to a party."

He paused, and when he continued, his voice was raspy and broken. "I met some friends at that party, and we drank… a lot. Morgan told me there was something I needed to see. He led me to a door, and told me to go in." He paused, and Sarah shook her head slowly. "I thought I loved her Sarah. I was too close."

"She was there?"

"She was banging the quarterback," Chuck spat out. Sarah dropped her head. "The woman I thought I was in love with had lied to me on our prom night, and was having sex with the quarterback. I screamed how could she, and he answered, asking who did I think she'd been seeing on the side the last two years?"

Sarah turned away, tears pooling in her eyes. "So, please understand, I am terrible when it comes to decision making. I am naive, I think too much of people, and I am the biggest idiot the world has ever seen. I have no business leading anyone. I suspect you have no respect for me now, but if that's what it takes to get you to understand why I shouldn't be in charge, then it was worth it."

He hung his head in shame, as the tears began again. She turned to him, pulling him against her shoulder. He cried for a bit, and eventually, he stopped. She held him, and heard his breathing shift as he fell asleep. Minutes later, sleep enveloped her as well, but not before she decided if he could bare his soul to her, she could to him.

}o{

Sarah heard a throat clear, making her look up. She blinked her eyes, and saw Morgan in the doorway, with a questioning look and a thumbs-up. She shook her head and he motioned for her to come with him. "Everything okay?" he asked, as she got outside Chuck's room and they began to walk the halls of Castle.

"No… Chuck told me about high school, and how embarrassed he is," Sarah replied, running her hand through her hair.

"Hmm," Morgan replied. "Did he?" Sarah gave him a look. "Did he tell you about high school, or did he tell you what he thought and not what the truth was?" Sarah shook her head, knowing Morgan was right, as usual. "Did Jill cheat on him? Yes. Was she doing it all through high school? I'm not so sure."

Sarah stopped and turned toward him, and Morgan looked uncomfortable. "Please understand what I am saying. Jill did him wrong, but…" He took a deep breath. "Jill's parents were very socially conscious. Paul, the quarterback, wasn't… wasn't from an upstanding family." Sarah looked away, thinking about her own family. "Jill liked Paul. Was Paul a bit of a jerk? Yeah, he was the high school quarterback, but Jill tried to make things work with Chuck. Paul was going to go off to a big school and play football. Chuck was going to go off to Stanford, and to do great things, and Jill's parents were desperate for Jill, in their words, to be someone."

"That's sick," Sarah said. Morgan nodded. "Why couldn't they just let her be happy."

Morgan shrugged. "I found out, and told Jill she had to tell him, but she refused. I told her she had to tell him she didn't care for him, that she couldn't go on leading him around by the…" He paused, cleared his throat, and continued. "…By the nose." Morgan shook his head. "She didn't believe me, and both she and Paul were quite drunk. They both felt terrible the next day, about the way Chuck found out."

"Was he mad at you?" Sarah asked.

"He should have been," Morgan admitted. "I was just so tired of hearing him go on and on about how Jill was misunderstood, and the whole time seeing Paul on the side… it was terrible. And I don't know what the right answer was, but I'm pretty sure I made the wrong call. I should have told him immediately."

"He wouldn't have believed you," Sarah said, putting her hand on Morgan's shoulder and squeezing it affectionately. "But, why does he hold that as the reason he shouldn't be team lead?"

"He doesn't think he's changed," Morgan said with a shrug. "He thinks he's still that naive kid." Morgan paused. "I mean he is," he added. "But, he's not, you know?"

"I do," Sarah said. "So, Chuck went to Stanford?"

"No," Morgan replied. "He stayed here, went to UCLA, and got his degree while, as he says, hiding, or as I say, building his confidence back. He used the time to learn from his father, and then from Bryce, and then from the whole team."

"And then two of his team members turned on him," Sarah finished for him. Morgan nodded. "Which no one saw coming?"

"That's correct," Morgan replied. "No one, not even Mary."

Sarah sighed. "What do I do, Morgan?"

"The answer to that question depends on what you want," Morgan began.

"Don't talk to me like Kermit, I need a straight answer, damn it."

"It's Yoda," he muttered and then cleared his throat, moving on as she glared at him. "Keep doing what you're doing, support him, back him. And when the right time comes, do what he needs."

"Which is?"

"Give him a kick in the ass," Morgan replied, grinning.

}o{

He watched her walk into his room, having awakened. "There's a really bad joke I want to make, but I feel I shouldn't."

"Oh, go ahead," she said, grinning at him.

"I keep waking up by myself, after having fallen asleep with you. It's like you don't respect me in the morning," he said, grinning. He watched her grin fall. "Right, that was inappropriate."

"No, it just reminded me that you don't respect yourself." He started to open his mouth, and she shook her head, stopping him in his tracks. "Chuck, someone took advantage of your good nature. Someone did you wrong, but it was you who convinced me we needed justice."

He started to respond, but couldn't. "No answer for that, huh?" She strode over to the bed, and got in beside him. "Chuck, consider me a second filter through which to see things. Consider me someone who wants to help you."

"Sarah, someone could die on this mission because of me."

She took his hands. "Yeah, someone could," she admitted. "But, I'm pretty sure if you're not in charge, someone would."

"I don't know, Sarah," Chuck said, shaking his head.

"Okay, then you're gonna make me play dirty," she said. She stood, parted her hair and began to wrap it. She made a bun on one side, and then the other, as his eyes went wide.

"Sarah," he said, his voice breathy.

"Help me Chuck Bartowski, you're my only hope."

A/N: Oh… he's gonna help her! Want a preview? Me too…but I've got nothing, I'm really sorry. I'm still a pecking at this thing. Reviews are much appreciated, and if you aren't on the Chuck fanfic facebook page, come join us, we're voting on the Chuckies right now. What's a Chuckie? It's a fake, made up award. Take care, see you all soon.