Short Story 3: The Life Philosophy of the Cross-Eyed Boy
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If you're born with a cross-eyed gaze, you must settle for the little that fate has graciously handed you, without complaining, without bothering others, and without making your life more complicated than it already is.
This was what Loki Shindo, six years old, thought every morning as he looked at his reflection in the bathroom mirror, brushing his hair before heading off to school. Naturally, given his rather tender age, it was more of a gut feeling than a fully developed and consciously embraced philosophy. He felt it in his stomach, that this was how things worked in the world, and although with some reluctance, he had come to accept that truth.
People like him, who didn't stand out in any way, neither for their excellence nor for a hopeless mediocrity, had to live trying to cause as little inconvenience as possible to the society that tolerated them.
He wasn't particularly smart. Nor was he particularly stupid.
He wasn't particularly handsome. Nor was he particularly ugly.
He wasn't particularly likable. Nor was he particularly unlikable.
He wasn't particularly strong. Nor was he particularly weak.
He wasn't particularly interesting. Nor was he particularly boring.
Any physical or moral characteristic of his was a hymn to normality, to conformity, to the ordinary.
Loki Shindo was like a blade of grass in a meticulously manicured lawn. Although undoubtedly endowed with his own individuality, he didn't stand out; instead, he blended in with the hundreds of other blades growing around him, composing the green carpet that covered the ground, whose uniformity highlighted, by contrast, the rare colorful flowers.
It was his mother who had defined him with those exact words - a blade of grass among millions of other blades of grass - during a conversation with her friend Keiko Onizuka, married into the Uchiha family. The two women, unaware that Loki had returned home, were having coffee in the garden, believing no one was listening. "I don't mind," Loki's mother had added firmly. "I just want him to find his place in the world someday." Loki had overheard the exchange purely by accident, and it had troubled him for days, leaving him unable to fully grasp what exactly worried his mother.
Loki differed from other children - the other blades of grass that, like him, made up the lawn of society - only in one detail, though it certainly couldn't be considered a positive trait: since birth, his right eye always pointed in the wrong direction.
In short, he was cross-eyed.
Realizing that the cards dealt to him - aside from the bitter surprise of his affected eye - were not disastrous, but would never allow him to win the game without difficulty, Loki understood that he needed to develop some form of survival strategy. In no time, he became convinced that the only way for someone like him, lacking any notable qualities and indeed disadvantaged by a physical impairment, to avoid succumbing was to exist without inconveniencing others.
Thus, he developed a tendency to move through the world on tiptoes, and everything about him, from his personality to his physical structure, adapted to that philosophy.
Loki always maintained a cheerful demeanor in the face of adversity. In discussions, he expressed no opinions, merely stating his ignorance on the topic. Even before that, he strenuously worked to avoid getting caught in debates that would expose him to the risk of having to voice a personal idea. He always apologized, even when he was not in the wrong. He pretended not to notice the slights or cruel remarks whispered behind his back from time to time. His physique was scrawny and lean, as if Loki didn't want to give the world even the inconvenience of taking up too much space. He learned to move his limbs with surprising fluidity, so as not to bump into people who, not noticing his presence, would collide with him; and if by chance even this invertebrate skill did not prevent the impact, Loki would bow his head in apology. If no one addressed him, he stood straight and still, with his arms rigidly at his sides, breathing almost without raising his chest, taking on the shape of a blade of grass. He never raised his voice, never fidgeted, nodded with measured gestures of his head, and responded with a calm smile to any remark.
As he had calculated, this attitude helped him survive. Loki was soon placed in the category of children who do not cause problems, who do not boast, who do not complain, children with whom it is pleasant to spend an afternoon because they do not provoke feelings of discomfort, resentment, inadequacy, or annoyance in their peers. He was welcomed by his classmates, liked by his teachers, praised by adults he encountered by chance along the way. Society tolerated his existence, despite its ordinariness.
Yet, his mother had expressed concern that her son might never find his place in the world.
Loki was perplexed by this. He could not understand.
It was this that he was mulling over on the way out of school on the day everything changed.
"Hey, filthy Uchiha!"
When the shout echoed, Loki jumped as if the insult had been directed at him.
The group of bullies was lined up in front of the Academy entrance. In the Hidden Leaf Village, all children attended the first two years without distinction; starting from third grade, the training path divided into two tracks: one for continuing with general studies, and one dedicated to those who dreamed of becoming ninjas. The group of bullies was made up of boys who had attempted to pursue the second path but had failed the admission test to the course due to stupidity or incapacity. They had therefore been forced to become regular students, a fate they had not accepted gracefully. To take revenge, they unloaded their resentment onto the children in the first two grades, still innocent and unable to defend themselves, especially targeting the more promising ones who had expressed a desire to become ninjas.
Children like Mizuki Onizuka, who was walking in front of Loki and had just crossed the gate of the Academy.
"You shouldn't be here! Your ancestors were criminals; you should be legally barred from entering the Academy!"
She was their favorite target.
Hated family, no friends, a strange personality, extraordinary abilities, and an exceptionally high chance of being admitted to the ninja course.
Even though the insults weren't directed at him, Loki felt a strong acidity in his stomach, as he always did when confronted with a prickly situation. The real recipient of the insults, however, ignored the bullies as usual; yet, her frail shoulders stiffened when the words "filthy Uchiha" were hurled at her.
Mizuki Onizuka endured in silence, but she was proud and didn't forget anything. She never responded directly to provocations so as not to jeopardize her chances of getting into the ninja course, but she always invented a creative way to get her revenge. Her detractors often encountered unpleasant accidents; trivial events that could have been entirely coincidental - like an umbrella disappearing on a torrential rain day - but that, upon closer examination of the circumstances and timings, had nothing to do with chance at all.
Loki knew much more about her than what was advisable for someone wishing to lead a peaceful existence. Unfortunately for him, their mothers saw each other regularly. Not that they ever forced the children to play together or interact; far from it. But Loki lived under the same roof with someone who was always up to date on the affairs of the Uchiha-Onizuka daughter and was quite willing to share all the information she possessed with him.
Above all, however, ignoring Mizuki Onizuka was an impossible task.
Loki quickly realized that she was his complete opposite. Someone who stood out even without doing anything special, simply by existing. She would enter a room, and everyone present would inevitably become aware of her. Mizuki arrived, was noticed, and existed without apologizing for any of her traits, which, in Loki's eyes, represented three unforgivable flaws. She expected the world to reserve a place just for her, firmly believed she was entitled to it, and claimed it without the slightest scruple.
By nature, she was brutally honest, cheeky, irreverent, indifferent to the rules of society, school, and civil living; although not cruel, she often enjoyed poking fun at classmates who were already resentful toward her.
Most children felt intimidated by her and kept their distance. She was not invited to her classmates' homes, nor was she respected by teachers or praised by adults on the street. She appeared indifferent, as if solitude didn't bother her or affect her in the slightest. Sometimes, she even seemed entirely unaware of the atmosphere of repulsion that surrounded her, or the fact that everyone kept at least a meter away from her.
Mizuki Onizuka was the complete opposite of Loki Shindo, and not just because of the blood that flowed through her veins.
She was special because she was herself.
Not a blade of grass, not even a simple flower; but a trunked tree dominating the lawn made up of uniform and ordinary blades, incapable of understanding or accepting her. A majestic and imposing oak.
"Hey, there's also the cross-eyed boy! The one who says he wants to become a ninja. Now that's funny! Have you ever heard of such an absurdity?"
"I bet it was her who made his right eye go that way!"
"Yeah, the damn Sharingan of the Uchihas ruins people's eyes! My dad told me!"
Mizuki had already passed the group, but upon hearing those words, she stopped and turned sharply. Her tormentors jumped back, taking a cautious step away, but it wasn't them the girl was turning her attention to.
Loki silently returned her gaze. He tried to erase himself, as he usually did with the other classmates, to confront her like a life-sized rag doll, devoid of emotions and thoughts; yet, his crossed eye betrayed him. From that physical defect that had condemned him to devise a survival strategy, something was bubbling forth that until then no one had noticed except for his mother.
Mizuki pressed her lips together, her eyes narrowed to two slits; then, without uttering a word, she turned again and resumed her hurried pace, followed by the bullies' shouts who, feeling safe, had resumed mocking her.
As Loki watched the girl's straight back and proud stride as she walked away, Keiko Onizuka's response to his mother's outburst inexplicably echoed in his mind: "Finding your place in the world has nothing to do with being blades of grass, flowers, or plants. It's just a matter of knowing how to look at life in the right way."
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Two days later, Loki Shindo noticed Mizuki stealthily climbing the stairs to the roof after the bell signaling the end of classes. She was carrying a cylindrical metal container, gripping the handle tightly with both hands; from the puffs escaping her mouth, Loki inferred that it must have weighed quite a bit.
Despite his firm resolve not to be associated in any way with such a controversial character, he almost unconsciously found himself following her.
When she reached the terrace, Mizuki confidently approached the railing, where she hoisted the container. She wiped the sweat from her forehead with the back of her hand and leaned against the railing with one hip; only then did she notice Loki, who was awkwardly watching her from a few steps away.
"Hi, Shindo."
"Hi." With a courage he didn't believe he possessed - or thought he had long suppressed - Loki stammered, "W-what are you doing?"
"I'm waiting."
"Ah."
Mizuki tousled her hair and shot him a piercing glance. By habit, Loki always looked away; staring directly into someone's face was not something he considered allowed for a mediocre and cross-eyed kid like him. Yet, in this particular case, his one good eye remained locked with Mizuki's, remarkably without triggering a panic attack or hives.
"Listen," she began after moistening her lips. "You might not care, but I want to tell you anyway." She paused to take a deep breath. "I think there's no one more interesting than you at the Academy."
Loki held his breath. Could it be? Was it possible that this was happening? That an oak tree like her was really directing such a thought toward a blade of grass? Had her red eyes, capable of piercing through illusions and revealing artificially erected lies, truly found a light, a hope, something that made him special? He feared hearing the answer, but even more, he feared choosing ignorance and diving back into the flat sea of mediocrity. "Why?" he murmured in a breath.
"You have an eye that always looks upward." Mizuki broke into a smile and pointed her index finger at the sky, as if to emphasize her point. "That's one of the coolest things I've ever seen!"
Was she serious? No, impossible. Most likely, she was mocking him like she did with most kids and adults. Yet, in her smile, in her amber eyes, in the finger still raised towards the sky, there was no trace of malice or mockery; instead, all those features radiated an honesty that Loki had rarely encountered in other human beings.
No, she wasn't lying. Mizuki Onizuka, the oak of the Hidden Leaf Village, truly believed that he, a mere blade of grass, possessed something unique, inimitable, special; and that something coincided with the impairment he had always considered his worst flaw, the thing that turned his ordinariness into weakness and made him an easy target.
What represented misfortune, a misstep of nature for everyone else, including himself, for her instead embodied a treasure.
Finding your place in the world has nothing to do with being blades of grass, flowers, or plants. It's just a matter of knowing how to look at life in the right way.
A gust of wind swept across the terrace. Mizuki's hair gently billowed and wrapped around her small figure, like the crown of an oak tree. She looked at him - looked at him, Loki, the ordinary boy with a crossed eye - and considered him unique in the world.
It lasted only a moment, then something below caught Mizuki's attention. "AH!" she exclaimed, invigorated; she grabbed the bucket and tipped it over without hesitation. A slimy liquid - later discovered by Loki to be sewage water - poured out, and in response, cries of surprise and disgust rose into the sky from the bullies who had just been hit by that crap.
"See! That's what they get for insulting what I like!" Mizuki had tears in her eyes from laughing so hard, yet she never lost control of the situation. She immediately turned around, grabbed Loki's hand, and took off running, dragging him along. "I hope you're fast; if they catch us, it's over!"
Loki didn't stop to consider that by agreeing to follow her, his life would change forever. That desperate run would mark the end of his survival strategy: the end of any compromise, of moving without making any noise, of existing while trying not to cause a disturbance.
If he wanted to keep up with her, he would have to learn to live without asking anyone for permission.
But that day, Loki didn't think about any of that.
He ran. He simply ran, chasing after the curly crown of an oak tree.
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OOO
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"After barely two minutes, we were caught by a teacher. Of course, we were both punished: she as the main perpetrator of the mischief, and I as an accomplice. The teachers forced us to polish the Hokage Mountain after school, and it took us weeks. That's how our first adventure together ended." Loki carefully dabbed the beer foam that adorned his lips with a napkin. "That's when I grasped a profound truth: if that stupid girl had been left to her own devices, she would have gotten herself expelled from the Academy within a week. She desperately needed someone to look after her even then. So, since I'm a responsible person and a gentleman, I decided to take her under my wing and look after her."
"Hey!" Mizuki drummed her fingers on the table, trying to catch the attention of Levi and Eld, captivated by Loki's story. "I don't know if you've conveniently forgotten this, but just to remind you, that time we got caught because you're as slow as a snail when it comes to running! If I didn't get away, it was your fault!"
"Your comment perfectly supports the judgment I just expressed," Loki replied ironically, shrugging. "You're incapable of relating to people in a civil manner. You're still stuck in the childish stage, and like all arrogant, spoiled children, you need a babysitter to get you out of trouble." It was precisely to compensate for Mizuki's inability that Loki had honed the skills he developed at a young age for his survival strategy, turning them into his weapon: he became adept at dealing with people, gathering information, hiding, and finding those who didn't want to be found.
"So, Shindo, you confirm the fact that she has been causing trouble since she was little?" Levi asked, with a gravity that apparently hurt Mizuki.
"Hey!" she exclaimed for the second time in a minute. "This is ridiculous. You're always keeping quiet when we tell stories! Why are you intervening now to slander me?!"
"Slander you?" Loki made an impatient gesture with his hand. "Captain Levi simply hit the nail on the head. Yes, captain, she's always been like that. If there was trouble on the horizon, you could be sure she was neck-deep in it and, more likely than not, she was the cause of the whole mess".
"Tsk." Levi shot a cold glance at Mizuki. "I suddenly feel like punishing you."
"This is persecution! Even criminals are granted the grace of of non-retroactivity of punishment for their crimes!"
"Loki, what happened to your cross eye?" Eld asked, hoping to divert Levi's attention from Mizuki's sinful past.
Loki took another sip of beer. "I had surgery, and that allowed me to become a ninja," he said simply. Making the decision to give up that physical trait - which had been the worst curse for years, suddenly elevated to merit - hadn't been easy, but he did it.
To become a ninja. To keep following her.
Because what she had taught him by genuinely admiring his cross eye wouldn't be lost with it.
"Yeah, unfortunately," Mizuki mumbled, still glancing at Levi to gauge his mood. "That eye was really cool."
Thanks to the operation, though, now I'm here. Next to you. Loki squinted and tilted his head back; through his eyelashes, he contemplated the brilliant starry sky that spread majestically above them. "After all, even a blade of grass can find its place in the world if a crazy oak teaches it the right way to look at life."
Lost in a desperate attempt to keep Levi's hands away from her ears, Mizuki absentmindedly asked: "Huh? Did you say something about an oak?"
Loki shook his head and broke into a sly smile, the meaning of which was clear only to him. "No, nothing important."
That was the new life philosophy of the cross-eyed boy.