For better or worse, Takuma had never run away from a fight. Don't get him wrong; he had fled from plenty of massacres, some of which he had orchestrated himself with the help of the Heroes or the local gang. But never from a fight he had a chance to win. He was still alive because he had never lost a fight that mattered, even if he had gotten his teeth kicked in more times than he cared to remember. So when he thought about running away in the middle of the night, he certainly had to wrap his head around the idea. He didn't know what in this situation made him want to run for the hills. Love was a subject he had no experience with. Sure, he knew how to handle himself when a woman two to three times his age wanted to ride him for all he was worth, but when a girl around his age gave him a peck on the cheek and wanted more than just his body, he had no clue what to do. It was pathetic.
Even his attempt at finding any sign of brainwashing coming from Mei had revealed nothing out of the ordinary. Takuma had never used his memory-altering power since the day he realized what he could do, and at some point, he wondered if what she felt wasn't just some kind of masturbatory wish fulfillment he had brought into life without realizing it. He had found nothing. Nothing that could explain why she felt what she did.
Mei had fallen asleep late at night after exhausting every scenario her anxiety could conjure in her mind. He had witnessed some of them due to how upset some made her. Images of him laughing her off, acting disgusted at the notion of being with her, or even infantilizing her to the point of not taking her seriously. None of the things he would ever dare to do to her. This was how, after seeing himself deny her feelings, he realized that wasn't what he wanted. He liked being close to her, and she was one of the few people he had been close to for an extended period of time that he didn't find himself disliking. Even if he fought each day to keep her out of his head, he still saw glimpses of her, like anyone else. And Mei was someone he could be close to without having to strain himself. She had her bad days, but in general, his friend was an unstoppable force of will that saw each failure as a building block to her success. She didn't let herself be discouraged by anything, and anything that ended up in her path was a simple challenge to overcome. But if he had to pinpoint a single thing about Mei that he loved, it was her dedication to her craft. Passion was attractive.
He just didn't know if he was ready for anything more. Mei definitely was; she had made the first step the second she realized her feelings, while he was still stuck deciding if being closer than they were was something he would like. Takuma wasn't stupid; he knew that if he accepted her feelings, they would have sex at some point. It wasn't something he looked forward to. Would this be something he enjoyed with her? His past experiences with the subject were far from the best, and he couldn't see himself doing anything like that, not if he had a choice that wasn't loaded, at least.
It wasn't fair to her, to be with someone like him. He needed to know why, to learn how he had managed to trick her into loving him so he wouldn't make the same mistake twice.
He started his morning routine far too early, unable to sit still any longer, he decided to try to work out some nervousness. Stretching in the morning was something he enjoyed doing. At first, he had started doing it to lessen the pain he felt in his bruised shoulder, but in the last month, it had become something he liked doing simply because he could. Having the time and the freedom to do something as simple as stretching in peace was good for his mood; it made him feel active even if his days were mostly filled with menial chores. It helped clear his mind and to start his day on the right foot.
Today, however, his session wasn't as relaxing as he was used to; he felt like he was going through the motions rather than appreciating an activity he enjoyed. He pushed himself anyway, going through the exercises with more difficulty than he ever did. The muscle training was easier, a simple movement to repeat for multiple sets. He was using one of Mei's heaviest wrenches for the past two months; he'd chosen it specifically because it was an oversized tool, but even more because she had three of those things. The thought brought a smile to his face before it died a truly ugly death at the reminder of what would happen when she woke up and came seeking an answer.
He kept going, even after he was done, pushing himself until he felt his friend's mind beginning to wake up. Only then did he stop, and after grabbing a change of clothes, he ran to the shower, making sure the door was locked. Throwing his sweaty clothes on the floor, he turned the shower on, letting the warm water wash away the stink. He waited a bit before increasing the temperature; it had been a while since the last time he had taken a truly hot shower, and he felt the need for something that would cling to his skin for some time. He cranked up the heat until it was just a few degrees from giving him first-degree burns. The pain eased his worry, always. He exhaled; the relief he felt was freeing, for a time he wasn't burdened with his own mind, only the warmth of the water.
The shower ended with him out of breath and dizzy; the only reason he hadn't fallen was because of the wall against his back. He may have pushed the water too high this time. Looking himself over in the mirror, he saw no first-degree burns or anything that could give away his self-harming tendency.
'I really need to stop doing that,' he sighed internally; the mind fog had truly set in, and even clothing himself was a challenge.
It took him a hilarious amount of time to put on a pair of sweatpants, a shirt, and a hoodie; he had just gone through an intense workout, and this little action had cost him more willpower than anything he had done today.
'What a joke.'
He could now feel Mei's mind again, worried to no end but with a steady determination to see things through. This time it was his turn to gather his courage and step out of the bathroom.
"Good morning," she greeted him with a small, tentative smile that hid the storm of fear and hope behind her facade.
"Good morning," he replied with a nod that he hoped wasn't too stilted.
Breakfast was already made, two cups of hot cocoa that had become part of both of their morning routines. He sat in front of his own cup, his back to the kitchen sink like every other time. He could see the steam from how hot the liquid was.
He took a breath.
"You don't have to say anything," his friend cut him off with a small voice. "If you don't-"
"Mei," he cut her off as gently as he could. "Why?"
His question caught her off guard, and her nerves were showing, but he desperately needed to know how she had ended up feeling the way she did.
She took a steadying breath, playing with the edge of her cup like she did every morning. "It's hard to explain," she began, her voice a bit shaky but determined. "I've been alone ever since Dad passed away. No one ever bothered to try to know me the way you did; they took one look at the crazy girl with her invention and walked away without a word. But you didn't. At the beginning, I thought you were just being nice because I brought you home after your fight. But you cared, more than anyone I ever met. You never made me feel like I had to be someone different; you just accepted me the way I was and didn't try to change me. I guess I don't know what specifically made me fall for you. I think I wanted to be closer to you for a while; I just didn't know it until yesterday."
"Babies," he corrected. "The crazy girl with her babies."
She inhaled sharply with a beaming smile full of hope. "Babies."
This time he was the one who needed some time to gather his thoughts. "I knew there was something for a while," he told her, feeling the need to be honest with her. "I just didn't know what it was. Yesterday, you realized what it was, and being as close to you as I was. So did I."
Mei blinked, her shock evident. "I thought you knew for longer than that," she admitted with a creeping blush on her cheek. "That's why I went for it."
He figured Mei wasn't as impulsive as to go for something like that without a good idea of what she was getting into.
"I can't," he said with finality, feeling Mei's hope die a gruesome death in her chest. "I can't do that to you."
Her next words were barely a whisper as she gazed at her lap while biting her lips. "Why?"
"My Quirk, even with my best effort, won't ever stop peeking into your head. You will never have a moment of privacy as long as I'm around. Not even in your own head. Being close to you, like we were when you realized your feelings. It keeps feeding everything you feel and experience. It's not something you should have to endure. It's not something I should do to you. I can't do that to you," he revealed, hoping that she wouldn't hate him for it.
He was surprised to feel her more determined after his words. "But what if I'm okay with you taking a look?"
"What? Why?" he couldn't stop himself from saying from the sheer shock her words had caused him.
"You care," she stated as if it explained everything. "You care too much to be used for something bad. I'm okay with you looking inside my head."
This was the first time he had heard those words. "Mei—I..."
"You can. That way, you can experience what I really feel," she added, hope sparked in her chest, not as dead as he thought it to be. "I want you to."
"You wouldn't say that if you knew the things I did," he said. "My hands aren't clean, far from it. I didn't survive so long by being the nice, trustworthy would-be Vigilante you know."
To his utter shock, Mei shrugged. "You told me yourself; you didn't one day wake up knowing how to fight. I have the feeling you haven't developed your skill hitting old ladies on the back of the head."
He couldn't take this; it was too much. He needed her to hate him. "Mei, I killed people," he declared. "More than once."
Mei didn't even blink before asking her next question. "Did they deserve it?"
It was like a punch to the gut; this wasn't how she was supposed to react. Where was the anger, the disgust, the screaming?!
"What?" he choked.
Her eyes were full of sadness, and he could barely keep track of her emotions, not even mentioning his own. "You can feel my pain when I'm on my period. If you can feel that, then there's no way I believe you would kill someone without a good reason."
He couldn't accept lying to her, even if it would have been the easiest way to get what he wanted. So he simply nodded. This wasn't going how he expected it to go. "I don't have any regret about killing them."
"They didn't leave you a choice," she corrected in her own way. "Heroes kill, sometimes. Doesn't make them any less worthy of the name."
"I'm not a Hero."
"You are mine."
He couldn't take it. "This," he said more forcefully than he intended. "Isn't fair to you; you shouldn't have to bother with any of this."
"But I want to," she said with a hopeful grin. "This past few weeks have been the best of my life, and it wasn't because of my babies, but because of who I spent that time with."
"You shouldn't," he whispered, lost for words. "You deserve better than this."
"But what if I don't want better than you?"
'Please stop,' he begged her in his head.
"There's nothing I can give you."
For a reason he couldn't understand, every time he spoke, her thoughts went the wrong way he needed them to. She was now standing, and when she spoke, it was with a purpose he couldn't understand. "There's nothing you can give me that can beat spending time under a blanket watching a show with me."
He needed something, anything to make her hate him; he just didn't know what he could say to stop her from making a mistake. Until he did.
"Mei, I've been passed around like a cheap whore more times than I can count," his words made her jaw drop, surprise and shock mixed into her thoughts. "You deserve better than some used goods you picked off the street."
There, he said it. Now she would—
Anger? Rage? No, Wrath.
Mei stomped around the table to get to him as he took a step back from his chair, sending it clattering to the ground. His back hit the sink, and he was left with no more room to retreat.
Mei stopped in front of him, her hand gingerly moving to his chest to grab him by the collar and then slowly pulling him down to eye level with her. "You. Are. Not. Used Goods," she seethed, daring him and the world to object.
She was angry, truly angry for the first time he knew her. And it wasn't at him, not for what he did, what he was. But for him.
"Why," he whimpered with a pathetic squeak of a voice. "Why do you keep trying?"
"You haven't told me YOU didn't want to be with me," she told him with so much kindness he felt like his heart was about to explode. "And until you choose for yourself and not me, I'm not giving up on you."
"I'm not supposed to want this," he choked, his voice a broken mess that held no strength. "I'm not supposed to want the things you make me want."
His leg gave out from under him, and he tried as he could to hide his shame from her. She sat next to him on the ground, a hand on his arm. "Hey, Takuma. Do you want to go out with me?"
His hand shook, his heart was threatening to break out from his ribcage. He was a good liar, even to himself. But lying to her wasn't something he wanted to do. "Yes."
She hugged him, and he hugged back with a fervor as she kissed the side of his head. "What if you regret this?"
He could feel her chuckle. "What if I don't."
"I have no clue what I am doing," he confessed.
"In that case, you're in luck," she giggled, her head bouncing between relief and giddiness. "Because that means we're in the same boat!"
He looked at her, a beaming smile on her lips as she brought him closer into a hug he so desperately wanted. It felt like he could forget all his problems, for a split second. It was nice.
What fear will do to a motherfucker. Some reveal. I genuinly believe I hit my stride with the story after one more chapter.