A single day had thrown every plan Takuma had thought of out the window. The reason was simple: in each and every one of his plans, he had been extremely careful not to take up the spotlight. Now that he was on All Might's radar, his wish to remain in the background and do his own thing was as unlikely as Midoriya awakening a Quirk. He didn't even mention how he now also had a geriatric hero to keep an eye on, and perhaps the smartest being on the planet interested in him. Hopefully, no one would discover some part of his past that was less ideal for hero work.
Tomorrow, Mei would go back to school, and with everything that happened yesterday, she had again put off working on her babies to laze around with him on the couch. He hated himself for stifling her like that; she should be busy perfecting her craft, not wasting her time with him. Yet, he didn't dare tell her because he actually enjoyed snuggling under a blanket with her and wasting an entire day doing nothing. He knew he was being selfish, but he couldn't bring himself to stop it.
Something he hadn't expected, but should have seen coming, was that Mei and Midoriya were alike in some ways. Both had a passion—one for her craft, the other for heroes. Both had a tendency to let go of the wheel and be carried by their thoughts, and both were in dire need of friends. So, they had become fast friends, and his girlfriend had spent a good portion of her day texting the bean. They were bonding over heroes and their gear, which meant Mei finally had someone to nerd out with. Because he sure as hell didn't know anything about ninety-nine percent of the heroes out there. His knowledge of criminals and villains was the opposite, but he had neither the opportunity nor the desire to share this part of his past. Some things were better kept secret.
"Midoriya has been working on your Quirk all night," Mei told him. He opened one eye to look at her.
"Why am I not surprised," Takuma drawled, unsurprised. "Talking about Quirks with him is like talking about babies with you."
"Over-excitement and a lot of confusion for everyone else?" she asked rhetorically with a cheeky smile.
"That sounds about right," he agreed, earning himself a boop on the nose for his trouble. "I will have my revenge."
"You'll be the little spoon tonight."
"Revenge is overrated," he quickly added, making her quiver with laughter next to him. "I wonder if he even slept since yesterday."
"Nope, he has a lot of theories though. Wanna hear them?" Mei offered as he saw entire walls of text sent in the group chat.
"Shoot." Takuma sighed, melting into the couch as he waited for his girlfriend to start sending the brainchild of the heir to the Symbol of Peace.
"He thinks your Quirk is pretty cool."
"I gathered as much."
'He doubted Midoriya had the ability to see any Quirk, even the worst one, as less than the best thing since salted beef.'
"He wants to know how much difference in strain there is between when you're in someone's head and when you are just trying to keep everyone out of your thoughts."
In one question, Midoriya had stumbled upon the first hurdle he dealt with. "I don't know."
Mei frowned in confusion as she looked at him. "What do you mean? Don't you get into someone's head when you fight?"
'Yes, but actually no,' he thought uselessly.
Takuma took a breath, trying to ease his unease at what he was about to share. "It's different. When I'm fighting someone, I focus on the intent to harm, and from that, I learn how to isolate the movement and thoughts behind my adversary's movements."
"How is that different from getting into someone's head?"
"Because reading someone's intent is very different from experiencing someone else's perspective of reality," he explained, thinking about how to get his point across. "When I reach into the light, I have access to everything: emotions, thoughts, and memories. It's everything that makes the person themselves. We all experience life differently, even if we all have similar experiences. When I was young, I wasn't doing it on purpose, but I hurt some people with my Quirk. Do you remember the job I was on before we met? The one where I was cleaning the minds of people from a brainwashing Quirk?"
"Yes, the job a hero gave you, right?"
He nodded. "I clean the minds of people by pushing their emotions to their limits. Fear, rage, joy—anything in-between. To do that, I get into their heads, but even then, I don't push farther than I have to. Because when I didn't have any control over my Quirk..." He swallowed thickly. "I don't want to do that again. I don't want to even risk it. I haven't gotten fully into someone else's head in ten years. I don't even remember what it feels like."
"So you can alter someone else's emotions." Mei hummed without much of a reaction, to his surprise. "That makes sense. You told me you cleaned people, but not how. I think I get the idea now."
Again, his girlfriend had the single ability to throw him for a loop with a single sentence. "Aren't you worried... I did something to you?"
She blinked owlishly at him. "Nah."
"Why?"
She shrugged as if the answer was obvious. "You wouldn't do something like that."
He felt the rising of tears and something getting stuck in his throat. Takuma always made sure to use his Quirk on those who deserved it, but even the best intentions couldn't alleviate the 'What if?'
'What if he did?' 'What if he changed his mind?' 'What if he was lying?' and any other way someone could interpret the risk linked to his Quirk. Not everyone could be trusted with a power like that.
Mei trusted him, and that meant more to him than life itself.
He could only nod as he fought back tears, making sure to push them far enough away that he wouldn't let one escape by mistake.
"So, now why don't you try it on me?"
His breath caught in his chest. "I'm sorry, what?"
"Try it on me!" she demanded again as she moved to lay her chest against his. "You won't know what you can do until you try."
"Mei, something could go very wrong. I can't do that to you!" he denied, not quite shouting since her face was ten centimeters from his. "If I lose control for even a second, I could hurt you."
"I'm sure you won't let anything happen to me," she countered with absolute confidence. "Go on, try it. I want to know what it feels like."
His entire being revolted against the idea. "No."
The word tumbled out of his mouth before he could stop it. The dread that came with it sent a shiver down his spine as he started to feel sick. The more he breathed, the harder it got to think clearly. He hugged his fist to his chest, trying to stop the shaking that racked him. His head hurt, and the stars in front of him were an annoying addition as fear pulsed through him in sickening waves, again and again, as he fought to regain his breath.
A weight, on his arm, on his chest, as he felt the rhythmic squeezing around his forearm. He could barely feel it, but it was enough to grab his attention. Then a hand on his back, drawing soothing circles. After a few more minutes of regaining his breath, he was starting to come back from his panic attack. "You... you can't just ask me to do this... it killed people. I killed people."
"I'm sorry," was all she said. His Quirk could feel the raging guilt and the fear of what she'd done to him. "I-I won't ask again."
"Please," he whispered as she hugged him closer to her, and he was quick to return the embrace. "My Quirk, this isn't like one of your babies. If I make a mistake, if I break something, I can't go back. I can't fix what I broke. I tried. I swear I did."
He didn't know where he was going with this, but he didn't want to stop. "When... when my Quirk first came in... I broke... everyone around me," he choked out the words, trying to push them out of him as his mind screamed at him to shut up. "I didn't realize at first... then some people around me... the other children started to act weird. It was an orphanage, so of course, no one gave a shit until it was too late."
He would have been digging into the meat of his chest by now if it wasn't for the thick hoodie he was wearing. Still, he continued for reasons he couldn't understand. "I investigated at first. I wanted to be the big hero, to find out the source of the problem. I realized it was me when they bagged the first corpse." He laughed humorlessly. It was a terrible feeling to be laughing when talking about the death of children. "I ran, couldn't do anything else. I learned, taught myself how my Quirk worked so I could fix what I did. I can't. There's no way for me or anyone else to fix what I break."
The silence after his confession was worse than getting punted into a store window. He could feel her surprise and horror as she soaked in what he had just told her.
"So you had a traumatic Quirk awakening," she stated slowly, as if she was scared he was going to jump from the couch and run. He wanted to; he just had nowhere else to go. "It's not your fault."
"Don't," he whimpered. "Don't say that."
"But it's true."
"I killed hundreds of people, Mei, not three or four," he said. He tasted steel in his mouth. "With the range I have... maybe even more."
One hundred and forty-three. That was how many he knew of. The names of the ones he found, dead or close enough, turned into vegetative comatose in a hospital bed. That was what happened to the lucky ones. The rest died. He knew there were many out there whose names he hadn't found. He had killed them, and not knowing their names felt like spitting on their graves to him.
"Intent. You use that word a lot," Mei whispered loud enough for him to hear. "Did you intend to hurt any of them?"
He shook his head, unwilling to risk another panic attack by speaking.
She hummed, pulling him with her as she let herself fall on the couch. He was now on top of her, his head resting on her chest. "I'm not going to tell you not to feel guilty for what happened. I'm not sure I could if I were in your place. You tried to fix what you broke. You learned how to use your Quirk to help others. That's not the worst thing to learn how to do, even out of guilt. Just... try and forgive yourself."
"Easier said than done," he chuckled sadly.
"Trying is a good first step."
He had nothing to say to that, so he stayed silent, thinking of nothing as she started playing with his hair. He was used to it, and he could admit he couldn't see himself growing tired of it. He blamed the many cats he had lived with for his love of head pats. He was comfortable; one blink lasted longer than the other, and then he was out like a light.
Some Takuma Lore just dropped. Traumatic Quirk Awakening, must be one of the worst thing that can happen in MHA. Imagine, you're a parent, just vibing, then your whole house explode, or your kid got the power of giving everyone around them cancer or some shit. I'm convinced parenthood must be the leading cause of death in this world for young couple.