A/N:I decided to write a second chapter to this. This is definitely a chapter that is overall quite angsty between Lorelai and Rory and it follows on from things mentioned in AYITL following Richard's death. I always felt that Rory never had time to truly process in AYITL and that definitely impacted her (there is a very detailed reddit post that worth the read discussing how Rory's grief was never discussed). So I decided to write about it in my little world.
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The night was still, the kind of Stars Hollow quiet that made it easy to forget that anything outside of this tiny town even existed. But inside her childhood bedroom, gazing up at the ceiling, it was anything but peaceful.
She was awake. Not in the normal,sleepy, roll-over-and-check-the-clockkind of way from the movies, but in the full-blown, there isno way I'm getting back to sleep way.
Jack had, at some point in the night, morphed into a human starfish. One arm flung across Logan's belly, a tiny foot digging into her ribs. Logan was on the other side, sound asleep, blissfully unaware that their four-year-old son had claimed the bed like an invading army. Rory sighed, shifting slightly, but between the too-small mattress, her growing stomach, and Jack's utter disregard for personal space, comfort was a lost cause.
She gave up.
Carefully, she untangled herself from Jack's grip and climbed out of bed, pausing only to glare at Logan - who, despite the fact thathehad a four-year-old wedged into his side, was sleeping soundly. At this point, it was just infuriating how much the man could sleep through. Throughout all of the years they had been together he had been wholly unbothered by anything once he got to sleep.
Rory slipped out of the room, padding down the hallway to the kitchen. She didn't turn the light on right away, just stood by the sink, pressing her hands against the cool counter. She hadn't really let herselfthinkabout why they were here.
Five years.
Five years sincehehad died.
Her twin pillar. Her guidepost. Ultimately, her friend.
This was supposed to be a celebration of his life. But right now, all she could feel was the ache of himnotbeing here. He should've met his great-grandchildren. He should've been there for the launch of her book. For her promotion atThe Guardian. For all the things he would have so effortlessly known how to be proud of.
And in all that time, she'd never really stopped to grieve.
She had stepped in where she was needed - holding Emily up, handling logistics, making sure her mother didn't completely implode in her joke-filled grief. Then, just when she thought she might have a second to breathe, a second to process, life had knocked her sideways. Jobless. Pantless. Pregnant. With Logan's baby. That had been another whirlwind, another shift that forced her to keep moving, keep handling, keep going. She didn't regret it, but it was another shift just to keep her moving.
It got to the point where she just felt like Dory yelling "Just keep swimming!". Finding Nemo had bene Jack's current hyper-fixation and clearly something things stuck.
Not even a second to grieve. No time to even sit with the weight of it all.
She exhaled, long and slow, reaching for a glass.
A floorboard creaked.
Rory sighed before she even turned around.
"You're up," Lorelai said, standing in the doorway.
"Well done, Sherlock. Very astute observation."
Lorelai ignored the jab, stepping further into the kitchen. "What's going on?"
"Nothing," Rory said, taking a sip of water. "Just couldn't sleep."
"Too much baby kicking?"
"Too much Jack invading my space. Too much baby kicking. And Logan's snoring. So basically…everything."
"Well, you were the one who said you could all fit on the bed. And, well, it's not my fault you have a nocturnal baby."
Rory didn't laugh. She just stared at her water glass.
Lorelai's expression softened. "Hey, what's up?"
Rory exhaled sharply. "What'supis that it's been five years, and I still haven't had a second to process that he's gone. Just being back here brings it all up again. "
Lorelai blinked. "Dad?"
"No, Elvis." Rory slammed her glass down. "Yes, Mom, Grandpa. Five years, and I still feel like I haven'tfeltit. Because I didn't havetimeto. Because I was too busy making sureyouand Grandma didn't fall apart, and then - bam, surprise, pregnant, and my entire life turned upside down. Not even for a second did I have the chance to just sit down and process my grief."
Lorelai bristled. "I didn't ask you to do that."
"Of course you didn't," Rory shot back. "But that's what happens when you're the 'strong one,' right? Everyone just assumes you can handle it. That youwillhandle it. And I did. I handled everything. You, grandma, everything. But no one,no one,handled me."
Lorelai crossed her arms. "That's not fair."
"What's not fair is that you gotdecadeswith him. And you stole half of my time."
Lorelai frowned. "What?"
Rory's chest was heaving now, the anger boiling over. "You kept me away from them. Fromhim.I didn't have a relationship with Grandpa until I wassixteen. I lostsixteen yearsbecause of your issues with them. And now he's gone, and I don't get that time back."
Lorelai stiffened. "That's not -"
"Itistrue," Rory snapped. "You hated them so much that you made sure I didn't know them. Your issues kept me from them, from him. I should've had more time. And I didn't. And I don't. And I never will."
The kitchen fell into thick silence.
Lorelai looked away. "You think I don't regret things?"
"I think you neveradmityou regret things," Rory countered.
"That's rich coming from you, Rory," her mother's voice rising, "I know my relationship with my parents wasn't great - that's why I ended up in therapy for a year with my mother!"
They stood there, tension crackling in the air.
"What the hell is going on?" Logan's baritone voice echoed in the cool air of the kitchen.
Both women turned. He was standing in the doorway, shirt rumpled, hair a mess, looking at them like they were two feral animals he'd accidentally let loose in his home.
Lorelai scoffed. "Great, now blondie's here to save the day."
Logan ran a hand through his hair. "Seriously. What is this? Why are we having a full-volume argument at," he glanced at the clock, "2:37 in the morning? There is a jet-lagged four-year-old, who we finally managed to get asleep in the room next door."
Lorelai threw her hands up. "Because apparently, I ampersonally responsiblefor Rory's inability to grieve!"
"Oh my God." Rory glared at her. "That isnotwhat I said. Can you stop taking words out of my mouth?"
Logan sighed, stepping forward. "Okay. Can we just -"
"No, we can't 'just,'" Lorelai snapped. "Because yourpresencehere isn't helping."
Logan paused. "Excuse me?"
"Oh, come on." Lorelai turned on him now. "You swoop in with your calm, cool, problem-solving attitude like you can justfixthis, but newsflash: youcan't."
"Ididn'tsay I could fix it," Logan said, sounding exasperated. "I just-"
"You justwhat? You just waltzed back into her life and made it even more complicated?"
"Mom, stop," Rory said sharply.
Lorelai ignored her. "She was dealing withenough. But then suddenly,oh no, I'm pregnant with my ex's baby, who's engaged to some fancy French princess, telling me on my wedding day no less, what do I do now?"
Logan's jaw clenched. "You really think I wasn't there for her?"
Lorelai scoffed. "Oh, please—"
"I was theonlyone there for her," Logan cut in. His voice wasn't loud, but it was deadly serious.
Rory swallowed. She hadn't meant for it to come to this, but now that it had, she couldn't stop it.
He looked at Lorelai. "After the funeral, she flew straight to London. She came running to my doorstep and broke down in my arms. I was there for her when no one else was."
Lorelai's eyes widened. "What?"
"I went to London. After the funeral. I couldn't be in that house with everything still hanging over me. I couldn't be anywhere near Grandma. I couldn't stay, not for a second longer." Rory's eyes were brimming with frustration now, but her words were soft. "I went to Logan's because I knew he was the only one who'd let me fall apart."
Lorelai's face froze. The hurt was there, but she couldn't even speak.
Rory swallowed hard, stepping closer. "He was the only one who didn't expect me to bestrong. He was the only one whosawme."
And with that, the quiet returned, but this time, it wasn't just an absence of noise. It was an absence of words.
The tension held in the air like a low hum, but no one knew what to say next.
Later that morning, at a more reasonable hour, Rory sat at the kitchen table, hands wrapped around a fresh cup of barely-caffienated coffee. Logan sat across from her, watching her closely.
"You okay?" he asked.
She sighed. "I don't know. Maybe? No?"
Logan gave her a small smirk, rubbing her loose hand. "Those are all different answers, Ace."
She exhaled. "I just - I didn't mean to lose it like that. I don't even know why it all came outnow."
"Because it had to," he said simply.
Before she could respond, footsteps approached. Lorelai.
She stood there for a second, then sighed. "Okay, I was an ass."
Rory blinked.
"Like, agrade A, 'Wow, that woman is so ridiculous, she should have her own sitcom' ass."
Rory smirked a little.
Lorelai inhaled. "I am sorry. For a lot of things. And I get it. I do. You deserved more time with Dad. And you deserved time to process."
Rory nodded, swallowing the lump in her throat. "Yeah. I did."
A beat.
Lorelai pulled her daughter into a warm hug.
And for the first time in a long time, Rory let herself exhale.
AN: I really hope you enjoyed this. It was fun to write a little bit of angst. As always do let me know what you think! I'm definitely getting much more of a response in terms of comments on , but not so much on AO3. Do go and give it a read on AO3 if you can and perhaps leave a comment there! Do let me know your thoughts and I need some ideas for future stories.