Despite dropping a cool line worthy of a movie trailer to my party, my mind was currently working overtime just like theirs. I was doing everything I could to not freak out in front of them.
But could you really blame me? I was back. On Earth! When by all accounts I shouldn't be here! It was a lot to take in, even for a super genius such as myself.
So many memories were made on this drifting mud ball in space. Sure, most of them kind of sucked…and the girls got to watch them all like they were epic fail videos. But at least there was…uhhh…that one time where…?
Yeeeeeah, okay. Maybe I didn't miss this place as much as I initially thought. I think it's more so the fact I'm back here at all like I never even died. It's just too surreal. I know magic is, well, magic, but it was still hard to believe a small box sucked us up and spat us out in my home dimension.
Still, even though I didn't exactly have the greatest time on this planet, I couldn't stop the warm fuzzy feeling invading my vile soul. Call it homesickness, call it Stockholm Syndrome…but it felt kinda nice to be back. Maybe I really did need this, if only for a sense of closure…
It just sucks that we only have six hours to get everything we need done before -
"Oh, CRAP!"
The girls made various startled-sounding noises behind me after my outburst. I paid them no mind as I hastily opened the timer app on my wrist device. Doing some quick math in my head to adjust for the minutes we already wasted, I set our inevitable time limit before…something happens to force us back to Belzerg without our memories.
"Sorry about that, girls, nearly forgot to set the timer," I said, turning around and clapping my hands once. "Alright! We have roughly six hours to get to my house and transfer all the memory files of my old JackBots onto a flash drive to bring back home with us. And I am just now realizing that I used to live way out of the city we're in. I…did not think this far ahead."
What started as a confident mini speech quickly became a wake-up call for me. I was so focused on reconnecting with my Earth homeboys, I failed to take into account how to actually get to them with the girls in tow. Aqua might've been right; maybe I should've taken the time to make everyone their own HeliBots.
"Why am I not surprised?" Megumin asked out loud while fixing me a blank stare.
"Hey, don't give me that look," I said with a mild glare (hopefully the Vanir mask copied my eye movements underneath). "You were just as antsy as everyone else to go to Earth with how quick you were to throw that box!"
"One, I'm a Crimson Demon. It's in our blood to be bold and reckless like that. Two, I didn't think it would actually work."
"So you really could've broken it for no reason!?"
Before I could rush over to the brat to give her a well-deserved noogie, Darkness stepped in between us to act as a mediator. "L-Let's not do anything rash, people! Now is not the time to be fighting among ourselves. We are quite literally in a whole new world with only so much time to enjoy it before we forget. So, how about we allow Jack to take the lead and have him show us the way? He used to live here, after all."
Tempting as it was to poke fun at Darkness for not wanting to do "anything rash", she made a valid point. We had already wasted enough time standing at the edge of an alleyway not making any progress. I wasn't sure if the box (wherever it was at the moment) would allow us another go-around should we fail to make it to Spicer Mansion I. We needed to get a move on already!
"Thanks, Dark," I said sincerely with a smile. "And you're right, butting heads isn't going to get us anywhere. Since I know the area better, I'll guide us through the city as I think of a plan to -"
"Uh, hellooooo?" Aqua suddenly and obnoxiously interjected. "Have you forgotten I'm the goddess that was assigned to preside over Asia? I'm older than any human currently alive on Earth! If anyone's the most qualified to lead this adventure, it's me. Besides, you always take the lead!"
I felt my eye twitch. "That's because I'm the leader, you dolt. It's in the name! Also, what makes you think you're so qualified? You don't have that 'human' touch or experience that comes with living down here on Earth."
"Jack, most of us gods and goddesses created your race in our image," Aqua explained hotly, hands on her hips. "I think I know more about your culture and society than you're giving me credit for. Besides, I've watched movies and anime and read manga, remember? I'm totally in touch with humans!"
I wanted to refute, but she unfortunately had me beat with her second point. If you don't engage in our entertainment media, can you really call yourself human?
"Well…that still doesn't change the fact that I'm the brains of this team, and therefore the leader! So shut your trap, follow me, and try not to draw too much attention. We should've been moving five minutes ago!"
Aqua grumbled rudely, but otherwise didn't object (probably because she understood the time limit, but still, thank Christ). Once an opening in the sea of bustling people made itself known, I motioned for the girls to follow close behind me as I finally led the way.
Victoria Harbour proved to be just as busy as the day I left it. Not to say Axel couldn't be crowded too, but since the Fantasy World's population was much lower than Earth's and adventurers came and went, it never quite reached the levels of density as Hong Kong did. In fact, it was kind of ironic going from a town in a world with a declining population, to a city in a country facing the exact opposite problem.
But I guess having a Devil King to terrorize the land will affect mortality rates like that. It actually made me wonder if the Devil King's influence was that far-reaching, or if the Fantasy World was smaller than I thought…
No, wait, focus, genius brain! Less time wondering stuff you'll forget in six hours, and more time formulating a plan! Now, how was I to get back to Spicer Mansion I as fast as possible along with the girls…?
First idea was to take the bus, but the schedule was unreliable and my house was still far away from the nearest stop. Plus, I didn't feel like dealing with the smell, so that was out. I would normally just fly now that I had a working HeliBot again, but I wouldn't be able to carry all three of my party members (nor would my HeliBot for that matter). And I can't just call the Earth JackBots to come pick us up because I've long since changed the settings on my communicator to connect with the Belzerg JackBots instead.
Basically, I was stumped and mad at myself for being this unprepared.
I was so busy mentally kicking myself, I nearly forgot how absorbed Megumin and Darkness were by their surroundings until the former spoke up through all the noise.
"Hey Jack! How come the people driving their cars don't just fly? It would really open up the streets for everyone else if they did!"
Megumin's question blindsided me and snapped out of my frustrated brainstorming just to process it. I then realized her confusion and answered accordingly.
"Cars don't fly like mine. I'm just smart enough to build one that does. Everyone else has to contend with them being exclusively ground-based vehicles." I smirked to myself while adding, "But you're right, it would give people more space to walk around if they all could fly, wouldn't it?"
"I've noticed most of them are shorter than yours, too," Darkness added, obviously just as curious about the mundane aspects of my old world. "It's funny, even after getting used to your own vehicle, these contraptions still make me think of miniature Mobile Fortress Destroyers. Heh. An amusing thought, as well as an exquisite fantasy…"
Ignoring the masochist's unsubtle Freudian slip, she did earn a chuckle out of me and M-Bomb. I still remember the day I unceremoniously revealed my flying limo to the girls when we were running from the law. It took a lot of stressful yelling to convince them that it wasn't a mini-Destroyer I had made to unleash onto our pursuers (even if that would've been preferable at the time). But once they got adjusted to my sweet ride, they made themselves comfortable real quick. Sometimes I spoil my party too much.
Man, if only I had thought to bring the limo with us to Earth! Assuming the box would've accepted it, that is. Actually, if it didn't suck in the mansion we were standing in when it activated, something tells me the inside of a vehicle wouldn't have been different. Still, it would be so much easier if we could just fly to my old home! It was basically the only reasonable way we could get there within six hours.
…
Hang on. What if we didn't need the flying limo to get to Spicer Mansion I? What if we technically already have an aircraft we can use right here in Hong Kong? What if we "paid a visit" to an old gangster "friend" of mine and "borrowed" a certain hover jet I gave him?
Jack Spicer, you are so evilly brilliant that it hurts!
"Oi, Jackie! Let's get some snackies~"!
Unfortunately, right as I had my breakthrough, Aqua decided now was the perfect time to derail everything. How typical.
Before I could protest, the blue-haired ditz corralled Dark and M-Bomb over to a vending machine we had all nearly passed while crossing the harbor. She stood beside it, acting very proud of herself for some reason before presenting the machine with her hands in an over-the-top manner. Why was she doing that? Didn't she just want to get some snacks?
"Megumin, Darkness, as your appointed Earth aficionado, I present to you the humble vending machine! It's a special box where, if you give it money, the little person inside will immediately exchange it with any snack food of your choosing!"
Oh, I see now. She couldn't let go of the idea of showing off Earth stuff on Earth and wants to upstage me.
Well…it may be petty and not the best use of our time…but I wasn't gonna let her! Especially not after such a horrendous explanation of how a vending machine works!
"What? You're pulling my leg!" Darkness commented, seemingly just as baffled as I was with Aqua's rundown. "There's no way there's a person inside of that thing. All I see through the glass are foodstuffs similar to the ones Jack makes with his printer."
"Yeah, and besides, it looks more like a robot anyway," Megumin added before turning to me for clarification. "Is this guy one of yours? Maybe he'll get us to your place faster."
"No, it's not a robot," I groaned while rolling my eyes. "It's just a non-sentient machine that dispenses snacks when you insert money into it. And there is no 'little person' inside. I honestly have no idea where Aqua got that from."
The ex-goddess snickered, "Pffft! And you claim to know more about Earth than me? In Japan, vending machines have little people inside of them that say things like, 'Welcome' and, 'Thank you for your patronage' when you engage in their services. Literally everybody knows that, stupid!"
As Aqua laughed at me, my eyes slowly widened in horror and realization.
"Aqua…those are prerecorded messages that play automatically. And that's not something they all come installed with either."
Aqua's confident and smug demeanor gradually fell as she stared back at me with a blank expression. The only thing she could muster was a sincere and confused, "Is that true?"
My heart sank. I knew she scored a low INT stat, but I didn't think she'd be this far gone. She lives with sentient machines for Christ's sake! Did she think the JackBots were all operated by dwarves or something!?
"Yes, it's true…" I answered incredulously with a slow nod. "I'm almost scared to ask but…how long did you genuinely believe little people talked and handed out snacks inside of vending machines?"
An uncomfortable silence hung over our group as Aqua continued to stare ahead at nothing in particular. Not even the background noise of the harbor was enough to break through this bubble of idiotic awkwardness. But, mercifully, it came to an end when our very special goddess friend dodged the question in favor of her own.
"Could you lend me some money, Jack? I wanna get Oreos."
"Oh, OH! Can I get something too!?" Megumin jumped in, tapping on the glass. "It looks like they have Doritos in there! And some other stuff I haven't tried yet!"
Well, the horribly stupid moment may have passed, but now we had to contend with Megumin wanting to unleash her inner blood sugar beast. Not sure which hell I'd prefer honestly.
"I must say, I'm a little peckish myself," Darkness confessed while examining the snacks. "Which one of these is the healthiest option? If there are none, I'll just take whichever will give my stomach the most distress later."
"You're distressing me with how calmly you admitted that," I said with a grimace before shaking my head. "But it doesn't matter. I don't have any of this country's money on me right now. I was, uh, kinda flat broke when I died…"
Of course, I'd be singing a completely different tune if Pandabubba had actually given me the loan upfront instead of making me wait a few days for the transaction. He didn't do that before, so I don't see why last time was so different.
Unless…he never planned on giving me the money and just took my hover jet for free? Oh my god, he did, didn't he? It wouldn't be the first time he's cheated me out of a deal! That motherfu-
"Typical unreliable Jack. Guess it can't be helped. I'm getting us all something to eat either way!"
Aqua had snapped me out of my furious thoughts with her little declaration. Kneeling down, the Archpriest who prided herself on her past status as a goddess snaked her arm into the slot of the vending machine in a desperate attempt to grab some snacks. Quite the sight to behold, really, but I was more or less used to this kind of thing from her by now.
"Aqua, please, that's never worked for anyone," I sighed with a hand up to my face. "You're just going to hurt yourself. I'm speaking from experience here."
"Oh ye of little faith," she scoffed. "You know what? Because of your heretical attitude, I'm not gonna get you anything! Consider it karma for always doubting me~"
As the idiot talked down to me, her hand actually managed to latch onto a bag of chips on the lowest row. I'll give her credit, she made it farther than most.
But while Darkness and Megumin cheered their friend on, I noticed how our antics were drawing in a small but curious crowd. This was not ideal; we were supposed to remain inconspicuous! At least as inconspicuous as a masked, suited man and his three stunning female friends can be.
"Uh, Aqua…?"
"Oh, has Jack reconsidered his stance on me now that I got chips? Well, if you beg for my endless forgiveness, I might snag a Pop Tart for you and – OW!"
The blue-haired dope's smug condescension was interrupted the second she tried to pull her arm out of the vending machine. It wouldn't budge, and the little flap on the slot dug into her skin, making her hiss and cry out in pain and worry.
"Ah…oh no. Oh no-no-no-no-no-NO! Jack, this is bad, like really bad! I think my arm is stuck! Help, HEEEELP!"
With Aqua screaming and crying and flailing like a caught fish, the crowd behind us only grew in size. Even more troubling, it looked like some were whipping out their phones. It'd be one thing if they just recorded us; not like we'll be sticking around long enough to face the repercussions. But if someone calls the police on us, our remaining hours will go to waste being taken in for questioning.
Worst of all, Aqua is the only person in our party who's fluent in Chinese! I don't trust her to de-escalate any situation with cops at all!
"Shit – Darkness! Get Aqua's arm free!" I ordered out of instinct and panic. "Megumin and I will handle the crowd!"
Nodding, the Crusader knelt down next to the sniveling sad sack of a goddess as my evil apprentice and I were left with a confused mass of Hong Kong citizens to deal with. Why had I assigned myself to this task when I barely knew their language? Once again, I mentally kicked myself for not thinking things through all the way.
"Uh…all good!" I said in broken Cantonese, struggling to remember the words. "Friend is just…having time of month again! Yes, women stuff, thank you!"
"Goddesses don't have periods, jackass!" Aqua fired back in between sniffles and with much better diction. "Also, your accent and grammar are terrible!"
By this point, we were unintentionally creating a spectacle as more passersby joined the crowd, their murmurs growing along with their numbers. I was beginning to sweat as I had virtually no idea what else to do or say (the latter especially due to the language barrier). I hadn't had stage fright this bad since I was a blooming villain in Second Grade!
"Heh! With an audience this enamored, it makes the destructive heart beat with excitement…!" Megumin muttered with self-confidence as she brandished the staff she somehow managed to smuggle. "I say we give the peons of this world a distraction worthy of the Crimson Demon Clan's finest!"
After my eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets like a cartoon, I immediately made a grab for the maniac's staff before she could utter an incantation.
"ARE YOU STUPID!? If a backwater trading town like Axel won't let you cast Explosions near city limits, what makes you think an urban environment is any different!?"
"OI! I am not beholden to your world's laws!" Megumin argued back as we found ourselves in a game of tug of war with her staff. "If I don't cast at least one Explosion a day, I will DIE!"
"You use that excuse every time, and it doesn't get any more convincing!"
"Yeah, well, if I don't cast one while I'm in another world, I'll die of shame for letting myself and my entire family down!"
"The government here will kill you before that ever happens!"
Suddenly, the loud yet familiar sound of metal tearing made us jump out of our skin. The crowd too was left in a state of shock and rising fear as gasps and yelling filled the air. With our fight long forgotten, Megumin and I slowly turned back around to check on our teammates.
Darkness…technically got Aqua free from the vending machine. Only now the entire front casing of it was still attached to the demigod's arm instead of the whole thing. Aqua stared at the new setup in disbelief as our dumbfounded Crusader turned to me for guidance, not unlike that of a child who broke something and was looking fearfully at their parents for help.
"Uh…is it supposed to come off like that, Jack?"
Sighing, I pulled out one of my emergency smoke bombs and threw it to the ground. As I grabbed the girls and pulled them out of the panicked crowd, I mentally scolded myself for allowing this to happen in the first place.
After an indeterminate amount of time snaking through back alleys and dodging public spaces, the gang and I eventually found a spot behind some buildings to rest. And by "rest" I mean having to slice the leftover metal off of Aqua's arm using a portable plasma cutter I summoned using my cheat skill.
Part of me should be shocked that I could still use magic here, but it's obvious that Earth must have some amount of mana in the atmosphere to draw from if the Xiaolin monks and Shen Gong Wu were anything to go by. I guess I am somewhat surprised that the Fantasy World's JRPG magic system also works in another universe which should realistically have its own rule set. Then again, studying the supernatural has led to inconsistent data and headaches on my end, so what do I know? It's almost as if magic conceptually defies logic or something…
At any rate, thanks to the potions I bought from Wiz earlier, I had more than enough MP to summon the tools I needed. Aqua continued to sniffle as she watched my precision cuts with wide eyes. Not sure why she was so scared though – her defensive stats were second only to Darkness should the heat from the torch lick her skin.
"I still think you should've let me distract them with my Explosion magic…" Megumin grumbled while sulking on top of a nearby trashcan.
"And set the harbor on high alert for potential terrorist attacks? I don't think so," I argued as I finished up the last of the metal framework. "Besides, depending on who or what we run into getting back to my old home, we might need your firepower for later. I'll let you know just in case."
Darkness sighed while staring down at her reflection from a puddle of who-knows-what. "I'm sorry for making things worse, everyone. I guess I really don't know my own strength. Now people must think I'm a freakish brute instead of a refined lady…"
…
"Ah, Jack? This would be the part where you step in to say something comforting like, 'But Darkness, you're still a woman at heart'."
I looked up from my work to stare at her, genuinely confused. "It is? But self-deprecation and public embarrassment are what you're into, aren't they?"
Dark's face burned bright red and she glared. "J-Just because I have unconventional tastes doesn't mean I like having my womanhood tarnished! Be a man and show some respect, damn you!"
"Hey, what're you getting mad at me for!?" I shot back. "I'm not the one who tore open an entire vending machine like it was a tuna can lid! Get off my back, Lalatina!"
Before the enraged noblewoman could lunge at me, Aqua brought us all back to our senses when she barked, "Could you PLEASE shut up get this junk off of me already!?"
Stunned into silence, I diligently finished slicing off the last of the remaining metal from Aqua's arm. Once the final bits fell to the ground, she quickly brought her limb up to rub it gingerly before casting a minor healing spell onto herself. She closed her eyes and sighed.
"Thank you. Now, why don't we all forget this ever happened and get back to the tour, yeah? There's still quite a few neat things I'd like to show you all."
I nodded lightly in agreement. "Yeah, I guess that's…hey, wait, NO! That's not why we're even here! We're supposed to get to my old house and transfer my robots' memory files on a flash drive! And THEN we can sight-see if there's enough time!"
"Why must we always do things your way, huh!?" Aqua challenged, getting up in my face as though I didn't just help her a second ago. "It's always what you want – you, you, YOU! We have this great opportunity to check out a culturally rich city from another world, and you would rather waste it by herding us to your old man cave for a couple of tin cans!"
I snapped, "Alright, I'm getting real sick of this disrespectful attitude towards my boys! You know by now that they mean a lot to me! What do you even have against robots anyway? They make your already easy life even easier!"
"I'm just tired of all the 24/7 sci-fi crap!" Aqua exclaimed with raised hands. "It's fine every once in a while, but it's Every. Single. Day! We can't even go on a traditional quest anymore without you bringing along some robots or whatever mad science doohickey you made that week!"
I could feel my eye twitching under my Vanir mask again. "Need I remind you that those robots and 'doohickeys' have saved your butt on numerous occasions? You really ought to show some respect to them for having to put up with your BS! Besides, we have Alexis in the family now! You wanna try telling all this to her face!?"
"I – well – no, but…she's different, okay!?" Aqua faltered, poking her index fingers together out of shame. "Half the time I forget she even is a robot…"
"Oh, so you're robophobic now, is that it?" I asked rhetorically.
"Hey! Don't make up words to put in my mouth, goth poser!"
"Goddess has-been!"
"Whiny edgelord!"
"Alcoholic blue crayon!"
"That's not even clever!"
"ENOUGH!"
I had gotten so caught up in my argument with Aqua, I didn't notice Megumin pulling me back until she shouted. Darkness also came up to the blue-haired bigot to pull her back as well, putting some distance between us. That did nothing to stop us from giving each other mean glares though.
"By the gods, I am not in the mood for you two bickering for the umpteenth time…" Megumin groaned before pointedly addressing me. "Look. Dark and I are willing to go along with whatever you have planned. But you need to pick up the slack and start giving us some directions. Literally. So how in the name of the Nameless Dark Goddess are we gonna get to your old house, huh?"
"Megumin does have a point," Darkness shyly agreed. "This outing has felt rather…aimless so far. Have you thought of a way to get us there yet?"
Brushing imaginary dust off my suit, I stepped away from the girls and crossed my arms behind my back. "As a matter of fact, I have. And I was going to share it with the rest of you before a certain someone tried to steal my thunder as the resident Earth expert…"
"Just get on with it, Spicer," Megumin urged, having noticed Aqua about ready to go on the verbal offensive again. I silently thanked her for that as I too realized I was only delaying myself.
"Right. So, before I kicked the bucket, I came here to Victoria Harbour via my old hover jet. The cockpit can only hold up to two people, but it has a small hangar in the back for JackBots and other stuff I stowed away. If we can get our hands on it, we'll be able to fly to Spicer Mansion I in less than an hour and do everything we need to do there with plenty of time to spare for goofing around. There's just one thing standing in our way though…"
"And what might that be?" asked Darkness. "Whatever it is, I shall take it headfirst and with zero hesitation!"
I looked our pain junkie dead in the eye as I name-dropped our current obstacle. "Pandabubba…"
The excited expression on her face comically deflated as she and the rest of my party looked at me like some of those confused chibi characters you'd see in anime. In hindsight, I don't know what I was expecting from them when revealing the name of a criminal kingpin from another world.
"Is that, uh…a type of bear monster then?" Darkness questioned, really hoping to fight a vicious Earth creature tonight.
"Sounds like a legally questionable dish if you ask me," Aqua commented, food obviously still on her empty mind.
"I'd try it," added Megumin with a shrug and a smirk.
I cleared my throat to gain everyone's attention back. "No, Pandabubba is not a monster, nor is he a dish. Although Aqua wasn't too far off with the 'legally questionable' part. He's the meanest, baddest, fear…est mob boss in all of Hong Kong's criminal underworld! He also used to be one of my old evil business partners along with Wuya."
For some reason, that made the girls visibly sober up. Now instead of looking at me with unparalleled confusion, they were more concerned.
"Stop a moment, Jack," said Darkness with a hand up. "You're meaning to tell us, that you used to be partners -"
"Evil partners," I corrected.
The noblewoman exhaled harshly through her nose before continuing. "Partners with the leader of an underground criminal organization? How old is this man even?"
"Uhh…I dunno," I admitted while scratching my chin. "Never thought to ask; didn't think it was important. Why do you ask?"
Darkness sputtered, "Wha- I – BECAUSE!? Nobody should make deals with dangerous men like that, people your age least of all! Especially if your world's laws on what is considered adulthood are to be believed! Why did you never tell us you used to associate with a crime boss!?"
I shrugged. "You never asked. So I guess we're both in the same boat in that sense, huh?"
"Jack, she's worried that you could've gotten yourself murdered!" Megumin nearly screamed as Darkness took a moment to hold back the visible frustration. "As cool as knowing a crime boss sounds, that's still incredibly stupid of you! I'm honestly amazed your cause of death wasn't from pissing this guy off! What did you even do with him?"
"Mostly just asked for loans and traded Shen Gong Wu," I answered before scowling. "But each and every time, that panda-themed pig cheated me in some way. And last time was no different! I gave him my hover jet for another loan that he was more than likely never going to give me."
My scowl then turned into a devious grin as I continued. "Which is why I propose we take back what's rightfully mine. Sneak into Pandabubba's hideout, commandeer the hover jet he extorted from me, and ride that baby all the way home like a couple of badasses! Am I a super evil genius or what~?"
It should've been an open-and-shut plan in the girls' eyes. But, because they never want to make things easy for me, they had to have their objections.
"More like a super crazy doofus! I'm not dumb enough to mess around with shady people or get into their affairs!" Aqua argued hotly. "Besides, stealth is so unbecoming of a goddess."
"Remember when you borrowed money from some scary adventurers and begged me to spot you so that they wouldn't come after you?" I deadpanned.
"That was, like, forever ago! Quit living in the past!"
"Aqua's own foolish dealings aside, I have my misgivings as well," admitted Darkness while nervously rubbing her hands. "As the party's designated tank, I'm afraid I will be rather useless in a stealth mission. I'd only slow you all down with my clumsiness. U-Unless you suggest offering me up as a sacrificial lamb of sorts, leaving me at the mercy of depraved g-g-gangsters while you all make a break for it – MMMMM!?"
The hopeless masochist hugged herself as her fantasies got the better of her again. Megumin sighed in annoyance (only adding fuel to Dark's horny fire) before taking the opportunity to speak her mind.
"I'm going to be real with you for a minute, Jack. This plan of yours sounds shoddy and liable to end in the worst way possible. I can't use Explosion indoors, Aqua's first response to getting ambushed is to cry, and Darkness…"
The mage trailed off as she glanced at our blonde friend. She was currently bent over, panting like a dog in heat, and drooling into the mystery puddle before her. Megumin looked back at me.
"...is that. Now, I know I can handle some petty thugs if they're all nice and bunched up together in a big open area. But I don't know if I want to take the risk of getting captured by this Pandabubba's goons. If the crime lords on Earth are anything like the crime lords in Belzerg…let's just say it won't be pretty."
To further drive her point home, the Crimson Demon stepped forward to me, clasping a hand onto my shoulder. She stared intensely into my mask's eye sockets, her red eyes glowing to more easily signal her emotions. She was being deadly serious.
"I'm not just looking out for my own safety here, but for yours as well. For all of us. The last thing I'd want is to lose my friends and family over something that could've been easily avoided outright…"
Wow. To think this was coming from a girl who, not moments ago, seriously considered casting Explosion magic in the middle of a populated street. And who casts Explosion magic on empty fields when it could be better served elsewhere. And who generally likes to pick fights above her weight class just because she can. I didn't know whether to call it hypocritical or a genuine moment of clarity on her end. Maybe a bit of both.
Regardless…it's not like Megumin's reluctance was completely unjustified. I'll admit, I was surprisingly lucky getting away with some of the shit I pulled on Pandabubba back in the day. In that respect, being cheated out of some deals was probably the best case scenario for me. You don't get to be Hong Kong's #1 kingpin without getting your hands dirty…or bloody. Megumin and the others were just looking out for me. Was this really something I wanted to risk?
It felt longer than it took, but after thinking it all over in my head, I came to my decision. And I made it known to my concerned party.
"I understand where you're all coming from, and I appreciate you bringing it to my attention," I said with a small sigh. Still, I did my best to not look away from them as I spoke. "I know I'm not always the most serious guy around, but I'd be a pretty awful leader if I disregarded your input, villain or not. And to be perfectly honest with you guys…yeah, I'm scared of the potential consequences too. Especially given how you're all pretty girls and -"
I couldn't bring myself to even finish that thought. My body shuddered before quickly moving on, lest I lose my nerves and forget about this whole thing entirely.
"A-Anyway! What I'm trying to say is, the sentiment is mutual, and I thank you for caring. Truly. I couldn't be more grateful to have you guys in my life, even if we bicker a lot. That being said, however, I am confident we can pull this plan off. I mean, we've squared off against so many bigger and scarier threats than some petty mafia by now. Hell, I only survived not one but TWO apocalyptic events on this very planet! Pandabubba wishes he was as powerful as Chase Young and Wuya, let alone the Devil King!"
Even though this speech was intended to empower my party, it actually ended up empowering me as well. I felt myself getting swept up by my own words as I stood on top of a trash can to preach to the choir.
"We may have our faults and crippling weaknesses, but that's why we're a team: to cover for each other when no one else will! When we work together, we can take on anything life has to throw at us! Cabbages, Griffins, Manticores, Demon Generals, even astronomical debts! We crush them all, baby! Jack Spicer's Evil Posse is unstoppable! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Coming down from my own maniacal high, I took a few calming breaths before sitting down on the trash can I was using as my metaphorical soapbox to stand on. Now was the part where I leveled with them so that they could see I was being earnest.
"Besides, I've snuck into Pandabubba's place before. I got the whole building plan memorized in my head and know where all the hidden doors are. Stick close to me and no one will ever know we were ever in until it's too late. Again, I wouldn't be suggesting this plan at all if I wasn't at least a little sure about it. Granted, it's pretty much our only plan, but that's neither here nor there."
I glanced down at my knees, slightly embarrassed as I relented. "Still, if you girls don't want to go through with it…then I get it. Creepy, gross, fat mob leader. No more needs to be said there. The JackBots may be my family, but so are you, and I gotta respect your thoughts when it comes to the heavy stuff. We can always just spend our remaining hours exploring the harbor before being forced back home. I'm sure I can find other ways of bringing the Earth bots to us; my genius knows no bounds, heh-heh."
I mildly joked to help alleviate my own tension. It didn't work as I still felt clammy as hell after that pep talk. This wasn't manipulative of me, was it? Normally I'm all for manipulation, but doing that to the girls in this context would feel gross. I was going to make good on my promise and abort the mission if they still refused, but I sincerely believe we have a chance.
Megumin's smug chuckling made me look up in confusion. She was doing that thing with her palm up close to her face and peeking at me through the cracks of her fingers with narrowed eyes.
"Jack Spicer, this is why you are but the apprentice to my dastardly mind…" She cryptically said before providing a somewhat more straightforward answer (while striking a pose of course). "For you see, this was all a ploy devised by me to test your resolve as our party's leader! You insult me for nearly believing I don't have the drive to pilfer from a criminal kingpin! Feh! As the Crimson Demon's Foremost Genius and Master of Explosions, you have my cursed blessing to go forth with this mission!"
When it came to Megumin's theatrics, it was a little hard for me to read between the lines. But with the subtle soft glow of her eyes and the fact she hasn't been afraid to open up to me before…I got the feeling this was simply her elaborate way of expressing thanks for taking her feelings into account.
Either that or she really did play me like a goddamn fiddle and was only now revealing her hand. I'd be concerned if the real M-Bomb seriously wasn't down for robbing a crime boss.
"You've convinced me well enough," Darkness stated, stepping forward with a confident smirk and freshly cracked knuckles. "I will lay down my life for you all should anything happen. That is my oath as a Crusader."
I think that might've been the first time Darkness ever talked about protecting us from seedy men that didn't include a perverted ulterior motive. That's how you know she was prepared to make heads roll if need be.
"Hmph! I'd protest, but it's obvious I'm outvoted. So fine, I'm in," Aqua grumbled, though the tsundere act didn't last long as she smiled mischievously. "But for the record, Megumin, my first response to an ambush wouldn't be to cry. It'll be a God Blow straight into that sucker's nose! Plus, my support magic will make sneaking past the guards a breeze! Even someone as accident-prone as Darkness can be a ninja with the right buffs!"
"I-I know I admitted to being clumsy, but you needn't go that far!"
I shook my head with a wry smirk. These ladies may be a hassle, but they were loyal where it counts. Sure, not everything always goes according to plan with them around, but I think I've got the hang at coordinating them. And I'm sure we can handle the occasional hiccup or two along the way like we usually do. Yup, I got a good feeling about this one.
Said good feeling came after we escaped from the angry butcher that came barreling out the backdoor of the meat shop we were hiding behind. Very important to clarify.
See? Just because I start a new fanfic doesn't mean I've neglected old reliable. I'd be a fool to abandon this now with all the work I've put into it.
However, I have to admit, part of my reason for starting a new unrelated side story was because I was really struggling to figure out what to do with this chapter. It was intended to mainly be about Jack getting distracted from his objective as his party kept getting sidetracked doing Earth-related shenanigans. And while a part of that made it in with the vending machine bit...that was all I had. I don't live in Hong Kong, nor do I live by a harbor, so I didn't really know what there was to do in the way of tourism and such. If I were a better writer, I probably would've done extensive research on the Victoria Harbour area to get a better idea. But I didn't want to put off updating my main fic any longer (and frankly that sounded like too much work for silly filler). So hopefully the heart-to-heart in the second half was the better decision. Besides, I have to wonder if I can get a little too carried away with writing fluff segments...
Anyway, I threw in that line about Jack questioning himself about whether or not he was being manipulative to the girls to save my own ass. With what I implied about Pandabubba and his gang, it'd be kinda fucked up of both me as a writer and Jack as a character if we completely disregarded the girls' concerns about the plan. It may still be a little fucked up tbh, but considering how they've already faced off against arguably worse things than some petty mob boss, I think it makes sense for Jack to be overconfident about their odds. I promise though that this won't go in a dark direction, so please don't worry. Konosuba can be serious, but taking it too far would be tonal whiplash. I've learned my lesson with that in the past.