Prophecy of the Eds

At night in The Hub, Shryke was working on the clothing bench weaving more bandanas. Ruka walked into the shack.

"How's production?" Ruka asked.

Shryke shrugged, "Better, the quality is improving from crap to shoddy. Soon enough we might even be able to make a profit."

Ruka nodded, "Good. We had some more of those Dust Bandits getting back up and fighting. We've been using them for weapon practice. Works better than those dummies the ninjas have."

"Are you still thinking of heading south?" Shryke asked.

Ruka shrugged, "Let's give the Eds a week or two. If they don't come back by then, we may as well."

Shryke shook her head and sighed, "I hope they're still alive and well at least…"

…

Bard led the Eds across the highway of Okran's Gulf, strumming his lute and clearing his throat.

"What did I tell you about singing?" Eddy asked, "We don't want to hear another song!"

"I do!" Ed argued.

"Shut up, Ed."

Bard smiled, "Here's a song!" he strummed his lute:

"Harmothoe, Harmothoe, she lived a life of anguish,

For chained in Rebirth she was condemned to languish.

'Til one day she'd been ravished by the high paladin most vile,

And she swore her dark vengeance with a murderous smile.

She stashed a long nail, forged to a blade,

And one by one, the guards were slayed.

Now the high paladin lies dead, a nail in the eyeball,

With it the name Harmothoe, in blood on the high wall!"

Bard waited for an applause and didn't even get crickets.

"...that song was disturbing." Double-D criticized.

The group crossed a bridge that was above a lake and approached the gates of another Holy Nation city.

Bard put down his lute, "Well Edboys, we're here! The city of Bad Teeth!"

"...what kind of name is that?" Eddy asked.

Bard shrugged, "I don't know, I didn't name it."

Double-D looked around, taking note of the jagged rock formations "Hm, it could be named after the topography and that it seems to be a mouth of some sort…"

"You're putting more thought into this than most people would." Eddy told him.

The group entered the oddly named city, which held several buildings including three different bars, much like the previous Holy Nation city of Stack.

"So many buildings all pushed together!" Ed observed.

"Yeah, these are some pretty big towns!" Eddy agreed.

"We've barely come across any bandits on the way here as well…" Double-D added.

Bard nodded, "Yeah, the Holy Nation is a very safe place to be as long as you keep your head down, your mouth shut and agree with the Holy Lord Phoenix and his Inquisitors on everything they say and do."

The three Eds looked at him, dumbfounded.

Double-D looked around at the people, most of which being men in armor, "Um…so, where is this Griffin person you wanted us to meet? What does he look like?" he asked.

Bard began heading for one of the several bars, "Oh, he's around, and you'll know him when you see him. He's got a certain…air around him."

The Eds turned to each other, "Are we really doing this? Can't we just run off while we can?" Eddy asked.

"I admit, my curiosity is piqued. It seems obvious Bard approached us just to bring us to this person, but I can't figure out why."

"Maybe he's lonely." Ed guessed.

"I found Griffin! Come on, Edboys!" Bard called out.

The Eds walked into the bar, and it was completely empty aside from one physically fit sun-kissed man who looked at the Eds intensely. He stood up and towered over Ed, Edd, 'n Eddy, all nearly frozen as they each met his gaze. He wore a beanie hat similar to Double-D's, a leather shirt, leather pants, leather boots, and carried a long cleaver on his back.

"…you three. Youths who came from lands afar, completely different from each other, aside from their names. Edward, Eddward with two Ds, and Edward, correct?"

Double-D and Eddy were at a loss for words.

Ed nodded excitedly, "Yup, that's us!"

Griffin nodded, "Listen to my story. I have had a recurring dream for the past few months…the Lord of Light Okran himself came to me and told me I would meet three wealthy wanderers from outside this world."

"Wealthy?" Eddy asked.

"Each of these wanderers were completely different from one another but sharing the same name of Edward. One a large champion, who's strength and bravery could overwhelm any enemy. One a gentlemanly scholar, who's skill and intellect allowed him to form whatever he wished. One a charming rogue, who's voice and cunning could change entire nations. Together, these heroes would uncover the secrets of this world and bring it into a glorious new age! With this, the land of the Holy Nation will finally find peace."

Ed grinned and was hopping on his feet. Double-D rubbed his head in doubt. Eddy yawned.

"...sounds like a lot of bulloney to me." Eddy finally said.

Griffin shrugged, "I don't need you to believe me. I just need you to lead me. I have battle experience as an ex-Holy Sentinel, but I have been out of practice for the past few years. I am willing to offer my services for-"

Eddy interrupted him, "Okay, listen Griffith, or Gryffindor, or whatever your name is, I've been around the block a few times and I know a scam when I see one!"

"Scam?"

Eddy pointed at Bard, "You sent this jerk to spy on us, learn about us, then bring us to you so you can try to scam us out of our Cats right?"

"What did you call me?" Bard asked.

"I mean, using a dumb story about how you met god in a dream saying we will meet is slightly original…but come on, how stupid do you think we are?"

Griffin sighed and shook his head, "First of all, allow me to apologize for Bard and whatever grief he most likely gave you."

Eddy nodded, "Yeah, he assaulted our eardrums with his horrible music."

"I implore you to forgive him. He's a very troubled youth who's been through a lot. To make it up to you, I will hand over ownership of him to you. Use him however you like."

"…wait, ownership?" Double-D asked.

Griffin nodded, "Yes, he was my servant. Now he is yours."

Eddy shook his head, "I don't want him!"

Griffin nodded again, "I understand. You can send him to Rebirth if you feel he has done too much harm."

Bard got on his hands and knees again, "NO! PLEASE, DON'T SEND ME THERE! ANYTHING BUT THAT!"

Eddy flinched at that idea, "Uh…on second thought, maybe we'll keep him around and he can work off what he owes us."

Griffin nodded again, "Very well. Bard, from now on, you will serve the three Edwards. I trust you have no objections?"

Bard smiled a bit nervously as he looked up from his begging position, "Uh…no. None. I actually already asked if I could join them…"

Griffin shrugged, "Perhaps it was meant to be."

"I'm sorry, who exactly are you?" Double-D finally asked.

Griffin placed a hand over his chest, "I am called Griffin. I was born to farmers in the Holy Nation. When I came of age, I became a soldier and soon enough attained the rank of Sentinel. Then, about two years ago now, I questioned High Inquisitor Valtena on his decision to raze Bast - once a city to the east - and I was cast out of the military. Since then, I've been on a spiritual pilgrimage seeking guidance from Okran, and after forty days of spiritual fasting, I was told in a dream I would meet and follow three wealthy youths named Edward. I firmly believe these are you three."

"Oh, so it was this Okran guy who brought us here?" Ed asked.

Griffin shrugged, "Well, it's possible."

Eddy put a hand on Double-D's shoulder, "Excuse us for a second." he told Griffin before pulling Double-D aside, "Double-D, what do you make of all this?"

Double-D shrugged, "I don't even have an opinion."

"Well, you gotta have an opinion! I mean, do you think this guy's god brought us here?"

"I don't know, maybe? I mean, it makes about as much sense as any other explanation."

"You're slipping Double-D! Usually, you're the one who is skeptical about curses, and supra-natural stuff!"

"Eddy, after everything we've suffered through, I've learned to keep an open mind. We never learned what Plank's deal was, but I feel it's safe to assume it was not just simply a plank of wood."

"Okay, sure, so what's the right move here? Do you trust these weirdos?"

Double-D turned to look at Bard who was strumming his lute and glancing at the duo every few seconds. Griffin was paying more attention to Ed who was telling him a story about one of their previous Ed-ventures.

"...and then, the evil, hideous, life-sucking aliens captured a fellow space outlaw!" Ed rambled on.

Double-D looked back to Eddy, "Well, Bard is not to be trusted at all, but Griffin seems…genuine? Honorable even? He seems to at least believe in what he's saying, that the three of us are the people he's looking for. Whether he had an actual vision or is going off of possible mental psychosis is hard to tell."

Eddy rubbed his chin a bit, "So…should we hire this psychopath?"

"We do need all the capable hands we can find, plus you hired that Kang fellow."

"Ah, touché."

Eddy and Double-D headed back to Griffin, Eddy opened his mouth, "Alright Griff, we've decided to be your leaders to bigger and better things!"

Griffin nodded, "Good, but first I am going to need nine thousand Cats."

"WHAT, NINE THOUSAND?" Eddy yelled.

"Yes. I will not ask for anymore. That sum of Cats should be easy for wealthy youths of your caliber to acquire."

Eddy looked at Double-D who shrugged, "We do have that much, Eddy."

Eddy groaned and tossed him their bag of Cats, "You better be worth it, Grifter."

Griffin took the bag and gave it to the Holy Barman, "Make sure this gets to my family's farm, brother."

The barman nodded, "Of course, brother. May Okran's Light be your guide."

Griffin walked back to the Eds and bowed, "I am yours now, Edwards. Let us go. The world is waiting."

Eddy shrugged, "Alright, let's get back to The Hub. Everyone is waiting for us."

Double-D tugged on his hat, "I hope I didn't worry them too much…"

Ed patted his back, "Aw, I'm sure they'll forgive ya, Double-D."

The Eds, along with their new recruit Griffin left the bar and headed out of Bad Teeth.

"Hey! Don't leave me behind!" Bard called after them as he ran to catch up.

Eddy groaned, "Dang it, we were so close."

Bard frowned and got out his lute, "Hey, I'll prove my worth! How about another song?"

"How about no?"

Bard strummed his lute and sang:

A fly flew up my nose…

And uh…something about crows…"

A rock was thrown at his head. Three guesses as to who threw it.

…

Back at The Hub, Ruka had called for an important meeting and asked the group of adventurers one important question:

"How did we run out of food?" she asked, showing the group the empty food storage.

Rane shrugged, "We eat a lot, captain."

"Beep doesn't." Beep told her.

"You don't need to eat much, you're a bug. The kid and I need a lot though." Rane told him.

Kang nodded, "Can't fight on an empty stomach."

Ruka sighed, "I meant how did we not notice earlier that we were running low?"

"Eddy usually kept the food store filled, sometimes with meals he cooked himself." Shryke pointed out.

Ruka groaned, "Oh great, can anyone else cook?"

Crumblejon shrugged, "I mean, I know how to start a fire at least. Burnt all my meals myself for most of a decade."

"...you know what, let's just buy food from the bar."

…

The Eds, Griffin, and Bard were halfway to The Hub when Double-D turned towards Griffin, "Mr. Griffin, if I may inquire, what was this Bast you mentioned?"

Griffin closed his eyes for a moment and let out a deep sigh, "Bast was once a small independent farming community, and by the grace of Okran, it was untouched by the famine that swept through the continent decades ago. Over time it grew into a prosperous city, with smaller villages propping up around it. The Holy Nation had shared the Holy Flame with Bast, and they were accepting. However, they were also accepting of the United Cities' form of worship: money."

Eddy snickered, "Heh, my kind of worship."

Griffin continued, "The Holy Lord Phoenix still allowed this, believing that they were siphoning the wealth of our enemy."

"If I may interrupt, what exactly does the Holy Nation have against the United Cities?" Double-D asked.

Griffin shrugged, "The fact that they exist more than anything. The United Cities are a blight in the eyes of the Holy Lord Phoenix and all who worship Okran, Lord of Light. They are a divided nation built on the backs of slaves, run by greedy and cruel puppet rulers who are hand-selected by the notorious Trader's Guild - the wealthiest people on the continent."

Ed scratched his head, "Huh. That sounds like-"

Eddy promptly covered Ed's mouth.

Double-D rolled his eyes, "Right, thank you. Please continue."

Griffin nodded, "As I was saying, Bast had remained independent despite it all, until three years ago when the Trader's Guild approached the city's ruler with an offer to officially join the United Cities."

Double-D put a hand near his mouth, "Oh my, I can see where this is going…"

Griffin shook his head, "Seems the offer was too good to refuse, and Bast joined the United Cities. The Holy Lord Phoenix then ordered High Inquisitor Valtena to take Bast using any means necessary."

"War never changes." said Ed.

Eddy lightly slapped Ed's head, "Wrong crossover, Lumpy."

Griffin took a deep breath, "The Holy Nation conquered most of Bast within a year, encircling its city and cutting off any reinforcements the United Cities military could send it. The war then entered a stalemate as we kept Bast under siege. Bast, you see, had farms within the city's walls. Even if their food stockpile ran out, they could replenish it indefinitely. After a few months of waiting, High Inquisitor Valtena grew too impatient and ordered we set fire to the city and its surroundings."

Double-D shook his head, "That's horrible, didn't your ruler want the farmland?"

Griffin nodded, "I brought this up, High Inquisitor Valtena accused me of defying the word of Okran by questioning him. He argued that if the heretics wouldn't surrender and repent, they were better off purified in Holy Flame. What followed was exactly that, Bast being set on fire, its lush greenery making for excellent kindling, the entire city was engulfed in smoke and flame, and then it spread throughout the entire region."

"Ouch." Ed remarked.

"The city, the region, and the people of Bast were lost. Everyone the Holy Nation had captured was brought to Rebirth to repent. I was dismissed from my position, and Bast once again became a buffer zone between the Holy Nation and the United Cities."

Bard wiped a few tears from his eyes, "Poor, poor Bast... A land where life was wiped clean as soon as it started to grow…"

Eddy looked over at Bard, "And what are you in all this?"

"The lost progeny of Bast's nobility." Bard told Eddy.

Eddy rolled his eyes, "Yeah, sure you are."

Griffin shook his head, "He isn't lying. Bard here is the last surviving child of Bast's rulers. High Inquisitor Valtena saw to the death of the rest of them."

Double-D gasped, "How did you survive? How did you two get together?"

Bard rubbed his chin, recalling the events, "I was touring the Holy Nation when the war broke out. My handlers brought me to a farm where they told me to keep my head down and mouth shut."

"I bet that was hard to do." Eddy snarked.

Double-D glared at Eddy with hands on his hips, "Eddy, that was cruel and uncalled for!"

Eddy groaned, "Sorry…my ears are still ringing from that noise he calls music."

Bard looked over at Ed, "…is it really that bad?"

Ed shrugged, "Eh, it's experimental."

Griffin nodded, "As if Okran willed it, that farm was where I was born. I had gone back to it after being cast out of the military. I recognized Bard, and figured taking responsibility for him was how I could atone for my part in Bast's destruction."

"By making him your servant?" Double-D asked.

Griffin nodded again, "It was the only way to ensure his safety should anyone else recognize him."

Bard shrugged, "I mean, nobody did, but that's more due to my cool new hairstyle!"

"Yeah, cool." Eddy sarcastically said.

"Eddy, his haircut Is a lot like yours aside from the fact that there's a lot more of it." Double-D pointed out.

Bard grinned, "For real? Well, it was a lot worse before. I was just not allowed to cut my hair at all, and it grew down to my neck!"

Ed gasped, "That sounds horrible!"

Double-D sweated a little, "Uh, yes, very horrible…" he made a mental note to never take off his hat in front of them, ever.

At that time, the group had approached The Hub with Eddy garnishing the lead, "Alright new guys, keep your mouths shut and let me do the introductions."

Eddy walked into The Hub to see Ruka and Shryke in front of their shacks.

"We don't have money for more fabrics, Double-D was supposed to be in charge of that." Ruka explained.

"Well, he ran off. Did we seriously spend all our money on food?" Shryke asked.

"Yes."

Shryke sighed, "I guess it is better than starving…"

Eddy then approached the two, "Hey! We've been gone for two days and you guys are already slacking?"

Ruka smiled, "Lord Eddy has returned!"

Shryke looked over to see Eddy, the other Eds, and barely noticed the new recruits, "Hey, Double-D!" she called over and approached.

Bard suddenly stepped in front of Double-D with his lute out, "Well! Hello beautiful! Do you like music? I'm the very famous Bard! What's your name?"

Shryke stopped and took a few steps back from Bard, "Uh, not interested."

Bard smirked, "Ooh, got a bit of fight in ya! I like that!"

"Then you're gonna love me." Ruka said as she approached.

"WOAH! SHEK LADY! NO THANKS!" Bard quickly backed off.

Everyone looked at him suspiciously.

Bard nervously smiled, "Uh, wait, it isn't like I'm racist or anything! Shek women are just scary because their bodies are so hard and strong and I'm too spongy and weak."

Ruka shrugged, "This is true. Lord Eddy, who is this person?"

Eddy patted Bard on the shoulder, "This moron is Bardo. He's our new gofer."

Ruka looked Bard up and down, "Go...fer?"

Eddy snickered, "Yeah, if you need something, yell at him and tell him to get it."

Bard shook his head, "I don't like that title…"

Eddy shrugged, "Caddy then? Would you rather I just call you a slave?"

Bard cleared his throat and stood up straight, "I'm a-"

Eddy smacked him upside the head, "You WORK for me, now! If you don't like it, you're going to Rebirth!"

Bard shrugged, "Caddy then. Alright. That sounds neat. What is that?"

"A caddy is pretty much a gofer for a rich person with too much time on their hands." Double-D explained.

"They made a whole documentary about them!" said Ed.

"Ed, that wasn't a documentary."

Griffin approached and cleared his throat, "Ahem."

Eddy gestured towards the ex-soldier, "Oh yeah, and this is Grift. He wanted out of the Holy Nation badly and joined up with us instead."

Griffin nodded, "Griffin. Nice to meet you."

"I gotta tell ya fearless leader, you meet some of the weirdest people." Shryke told Eddy.

"Yeah, and you're one of them Rubilocks, so you all have that in common." Eddy told her.

Double-D took a deep breath, "Pardon me, I would like to apologize for-"

"Hey, you don't need to apologize for anything, Double-D. Everyone knows that you're against killing, no matter what." Shryke told him.

"I…thank you. I am still processing things, I think I still need some time alone."

Eddy turned towards Ruka, "So, did we miss anything big?"

Ruka shook her head, "Kang and Rane want to head south towards the United Cities, I don't think any one of us are ready to cross the Swamps though."

Eddy shook his head, "I'll remind them that the plan is us heading for that library to the east. We have enough people, we just need to get stronger."

"Lord Eddy, if you'd like, I could suggest some training regiments." Griffin told him.

Eddy turned towards Griffin, "Yeah? Do you know any?"

Griffin nodded, "I know quite a few. It may take a few days though."

"Well, let's get started then. Sooner we're ready, the better."