Chapter 49

NARRATOR | Violet Chappelle, District 7

TIME | Day 14

TRIBUTES REMAINING | 7

My heartbeat thumps in my ears as I stare down at the corpse of my last remaining ally. Lucas' mouth is frozen open, blood pouring out of it, and his lifeless eyes are locked on mine. In the distance, a cannon shot fires softly, followed closely by a second one.

As I stare down at his body, I feel empty. I was so driven towards this one target, so impassioned by Lucas' betrayal, and now that he's gone, he's taken that passion with him. It's a familiar feeling... it brings me back to the Bloodbath, right after I'd killed Safira.

And so the cycle begins once again. How many times can I go through this before I can finally break free?

Lucas' words, the last ones he ever spoke, echo through my mind. If you really want to kill me, the only person who had your back when every other tribute wanted you dead, then go ahead.

All of the people who ever trusted you will be dead, and the world will finally see you as the heartless person you've always been.

Lucas is right - there's no way for me to deny it. I promised all three of my allies safety, and I used them all to protect myself instead. I led Declan to his death knowing he probably wouldn't make it; when Evelyn was injured and needed me most, I left her to the wolves. And now, worst of all, Lucas' blood is on my hands.

Surely, though, the world doesn't see me as heartless, do they? It's kill or be killed in this Arena, and people must know that. The people in the Capitol celebrate tributes like me, and they always have. I'm not proud of what I've done, but the only opinions that matter are those in the Capitol, and I already know I'm a fan favorite.

Somehow, that thought doesn't console me. I quickly realize why: the opinions of people in the Capitol don't matter to me, and they never have. The people back in Seven don't matter, either. The only person who really matters is the boy who started this whole journey. Logan.

It's been that way my whole life, really. Nobody gave a shit about me from the day I was born except Logan. My father was crushed by a tree before I was born, and my mother worked herself so hard that she was never home. My brother raised me, and that was all I needed. He was my world, the only person who I knew I could depend on.

And then he was taken from me.

I'll come back, he'd promised me. And I believed him, because he never made promises he couldn't keep.

And I kept believing him. I believed him during his interview, when he looked right at the camera and spoke to me. I believed him every day of the Games when he'd raise his face to the sky and blow me a kiss. He was a favorite in the Capitol and a hero in District Seven; when Capitol reporters met my mother and me, they told us he'd make enough money from Capitol appearances that we'd never go hungry again.

I believed he'd come home until the very last moment, the instant Marissa Holland's blade slid through his chest.

I hardly recognize the girl I was before my brother's death - naive, dependent on my brother for everything, content with a life that would never change. After he died, my entire world collapsed. There was nothing for me to turn to, nothing for me to feel but fury.

The only thing I could do was take matters into my own hands. I wanted everything that caused my brother's death to be destroyed - Marissa's family, the Career tributes, and the Hunger Games themselves. In the mental turmoil of it all, I lost sight of the boy I was doing it all for. Logan...

The thought of my brother is what finally brings tears to my eyes, and I find myself gasping for air. He wouldn't have wanted any of this, I know it... what would he say if he saw me now? I've become a monster, so twisted by grief that I don't know right from wrong anymore. The blood of so many children is on my hands, and there's nothing I can do to take that back.

Now I see the truth. I see the Violet that Lucas saw before I killed him. The world will finally see you as the heartless person you've always been...

And worst of all, I've let down Logan. He never would've wanted this, I know that now. What he truly would've wanted was for me to stay in Seven and live a happy life. Instead, I did the opposite. I've disgraced his memory, and that is what's truly crushing.

With all of my energy spent, all I can do is collapse to the ground. My wounded shoulder screams in pain, and I wish the gash would split my body in two and end my suffering. After everything I've done in my brother's name, I don't deserve to live any longer. The only thing left for me to do is wait for the Gamemakers to send out muttations to kill me. You've got me... now's your chance...

The hovercraft arrives for Lucas after what feels like hours. The sun has nearly set - the Gamemakers must've waited for me to move away from Lucas' body, but I have no plans of going anywhere.

"Step away from the body," a robotic voice crackles overhead from the hovercraft, but I give no indication that I'm listening.

"You have thirty seconds to step away," the voice booms. "Violation of the rules of the Games will result in immediate death."

Perfect. The Gamemakers are giving me exactly what I need: an escape from this world.

"Twenty seconds," the voice says, closely followed by "fifteen."

As the last few moments of my life tick away, I can see everything in its totality. Every moment of it, from the first to the last, was because of my brother. Everything connects back to him...

"Ten, nine, eight..."

And then, out of all of my memories, one springs to the surface. It was the last time I spoke to Logan, right before he was taken to the Capitol. I was inconsolable after he was Reaped, but he did his best to be strong for me.

"I won't give up hope, Violet," he'd told me. "Because I know I'll come back to you someday. You need to promise me you'll do the same. Never give up."

I'd promised him that, and I kept my promise. I nearly worked myself to death so I could be here, and it was all for him.

Only now at my lowest moment do I realize what my brother really meant. Never give up.

"Four... three... two..."

With the last of my energy, I push away from Lucas' body, rolling a few feet away. A metal arm descends to the Arena floor, and I watch as Lucas is carried away into the sky.

I'll come back to you someday, my brother told me. I understand now. My brother is with me in this Arena, cheering me on. I've made some mistakes, and I know that. But these Games aren't over, and I still have a chance to make my brother proud.

A/N - Sorry this chapter took forever, Violet goes through a very specific and fast-paced shift in emotions here and I have to be in a very specific headspace to write chapters like this one. I really want to get this story done by the end of the summer so I'm going to try to buckle down and get to work!

~S