Chapter 52

NARRATOR | Corbin Woodward, District 10

TIME | Day 16

TRIBUTES REMAINING | 5

The gold bracelet in my hands is still stained with blood, but I don't have enough spare water to clean it. That's the savage point these Games have come to... that boy's blood will stay with me as a reminder of what I've done.

His face haunts me, and I don't know why. He's the third boy I've killed now, but for some reason, this time feels different. I think it's because of how far we've come in these Games; every single one of us wants to win so badly that each death is that much more painful. All these days of suffering, all of the sacrifices we made, could be for nothing, and that possibility is what keeps me up at night.

I had to kill him, though. I had to. I don't know how much longer I'm going to be stuck in this damn place, and our main water source has been gone since the Feast. I have to take any advantage I can get.

That's why I finally decided to pursue the sapphire bracelet. I'd avoided it for two weeks - the risks involved with even touching it were too great - but I have no better option anymore. I followed the bracelet's beam, and it led me to him. The boy from Nine.

I killed him so quickly that he barely had time to put up a fight. The wrestler in me knows it's not right; I'd never attack someone like that without giving them a chance to defend themself. This isn't wrestling, though. This is life and death, and anything is fair in the Hunger Games.

I shudder at the thought of my sisters watching this back home. They know I'm a fighter - I've fought for them my whole life just to get food on the table - but I'm not a killer. That's what I've become, though, and I know they were forced to watch as I killed that boy from Nine.

I know what people are saying back home. It's what they say every year when our tributes have to kill: they had no other choice, they do things in the Arena they wouldn't do here... but that doesn't reassure me much. Whether or not we're in the Hunger Games, that boy from Nine is dead because of me. It's not the same as when I killed Judah - that was self-defense. I hunted this boy like a runaway cattle and I killed him.

The part that nags me the most is the feeling that I didn't have to do any of it. I killed the boy from Three in the Bloodbath, too, and I didn't have to. There are tributes still in the Games - I know there are - who haven't had to kill anybody. And they're still here just like me.

My mind immediately jumps to Ansel, the boy from Seven. It feels so long ago, but I'll never forget that moment he saved my life. He could have let me die, and he chose to let me live. Because it is a choice, and I'm only seeing that now for the first time.

Ansel's ally - Eddie, I think his name was - had me pinned on the ground. It was the Bloodbath, minutes into the start of the Games. In the panic ensuing around me, I was so overwhelmed that I was unable to defend myself, and in a split second, it was nearly over. I saw the look in Eddie's eyes - he didn't want to kill any more than I did, but he knew he had to.

Then, just as quickly as he'd tackled me, he was gone. Ansel had beckoned him away, telling him to leave me alive. What his reasoning was, I still don't know, but it doesn't matter, really. What matters is that he spared me. Without him, I'd be dead.

I'm starting to feel a sense of shame. When we were Reaped, all of us were presented with two options - to kill or not to kill - with no consequences, and I chose the evil option. With no societal rules or expectations, with the threat that my life was on the line, I turned to murder with no hesitation, when there was another option the whole time. It was right in front of me. Mercy.

I made the wrong choice, and my little sisters watched me do it. Everything I've done, I've always wanted to be a role model for them. What will they think when they see what I've done?

I feel my chest tighten at the thought. The line between right and wrong is so blurred in the Games that they've ceased to exist in my mind until now. I know that the other tributes have to die for me to return to my family, but why did I assume that I'd have to be the one to kill them?

All bets are off in the Arena. That's what my mentor, Wayne, told me before I came here. It's different in there than it is out here... do whatever it takes to make it out. That should be your only concern. No consequences.

I know what he means. In District Ten, I'd be hanged by Peacekeepers for murdering someone, and I've killed three people now. In the Arena, we're forced into a level of cruelty that's unacceptable otherwise. But Wayne was wrong. There are consequences. My family will never see me the same again, and the people I once knew in Ten will surely keep their distance from me if I ever return.

It's bad enough to be a killer. It's even worse that every single person in Panem watched me reach this point.

I take a deep breath, staring up at the sky. The sun is beginning to set, painting the sky a pastel pink. In my heart, I know that my sisters will forgive me. I've made mistakes in the past, but I've always been their hero. The question is, can I forgive myself?

A/N - Something introspective from Corbin, who would've guessed? With the end of the Games coming up, this will definitely add another layer I'm excited to explore!

And speaking of the end, it's looking like there are about four more chapters before the Games are over, so it's coming up! I have a handful of chapters planned for after the Games too so stay tuned :)

Now that we know Easton is gone, the final five tributes are Corbin, Ansel, Wyatt, Violet, and Verity! Let me know who your current fave is!

~S