Chapter six- Fix you
Tears streaming down your face
I promise you I will learn from all my mistakes
oh and the tears streaming down your face
And I
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
-Fix You, Coldplay
Day of surgery- March 14th
For Jo, the mere two hours of sleep she received that night hardly seemed enough to get through the emotionally draining and exhausting day that today was going to be.
When her alarm clock went off at 5am she sighed heavily. Chris' surgery was scheduled for 8am, however Jo wanted to be at the hospital by 6am so that she could spend a couple of hours with him before surgery.
Thankfully Chris' family had come up from Connecticut and arrived in Seattle yesterday. They were going to bring the kids to the hospital about 30 minutes before the surgery, that way Jo didn't have to worry about bringing them to the hospital and putting them into daycare for a few hours.
Jo's feet felt heavy as she stepped out of her bed and onto her carpet floor. She walks to the ensuite shower and turns the water to warm and allows it to heat as she got undressed. When the water was warmed to her liking she stood inside of the cubicle and stood lifeless for 5 minutes, just allowing the water to flow freely down her body.
Once she was clean she dried herself and walked back into the bedroom to put on her clothes. She had opted to wear her blue and white pinstripe dress. Chris had considered it to be her lucky dress, as it was the outfit she was wearing the day she got into university and subsequently med school.
Feeling to nervous to eat a single thing for breakfast, Jo decided to make a coffee and poured it into her travel mug before heading out and driving to the hospital.
Stepping inside of the hospital today felt odd, as it was the first time she was doing so not as a doctor, but a loved one. She had no control over the day, she had no way of watching the surgery and no way of getting into the restricted areas of the hospital. Instead she had to sit in the waiting room like everyone else and anxiously await updates as they were brought to her. After catching the lift to the neurosurgery level of the hospital Jo walks down to Chris' room.
She stands outside of the room for a minute, just looking in blankly. Maybe, just maybe if the looked at him the right way for the right amount of time then he'd wake up and not need surgery. Jo sighs and before entering his room she sanitises her hands with some hand sanitiser.
Just as she had done countless times, Jo pulls up the visitor chair in Chris' room and moves it over to his bed. She holds his hand and places a gentle kiss on it.
"Chris, I'm sure you know that by all the poking and prodding you've had in the past 24 hours that today is surgery day. I really hope that I'm making the right choice here. I don't think I could live with myself if something went wrong. Your family all came up from Connecticut for your surgery. They came yesterday and are looking after the kids for a few hours while I talk to you," Jo pauses for a moment to gather her thoughts. "The kids are getting so big now. Theo is constantly loving on Grace and Grace loves Theo so much. And we've got so much to do. Remember how we wanted to have 4 children? We'll we've still got 50% of them to make and you need to be here so we can do that. And Lucy is pregnant, so you're going to be uncle. Oh, crap, I probably should of let her tell you that, so just pretend you don't know. Anyway, my point is, is that you've still got so much left to live for and so much life to live," Jo begins to sniffle, "So you've gotta pull though okay? There is no choice, you can't even think about giving up no mater how things are going in surgery, okay? Because as I said, you don't have a choice," Jo says firmly.
Unbeknown to Jo, Bailey, Alex and Amelia were standing outside of the ICU room watching Jo. "I can't even begin to imagine being in her situation, I just can't," Alex says as they watch on.
"Well, all we can do is be there for her. Support her and make sure she knows that we're here," Bailey responds.
"I'm going to do everything I can to get him through this surgery, and Derek is too. But there are no guarantees, I've never performed this surgery. It's experimental, and there's every chance that he's not going to make it. So Bailey's right, we all need to be there for her," Amelia responds.
Scene break
The wait was agonising, and it had only been 20 minutes since her husband had been wheeled down to the OR. Knowing the procedures very well, Jo knew that by this point her would have been prepped and anthisisized, but the operation would not yet have began. Amelia and Derek would be going through the steps of the surgery in their heads one last time while scrubbing in.
"Jo, you should sit down. You've been pacing back and forth for a while now," Adam, Chris' older brother says.
Jo stops pacing and turns to look at him, "Sit down? Are you seriously going to sit down while my husband is down there about to have surgery?"
Adam bites the corner of his lip, "Sorry. It was stupid."
"I'm going to take the kids for a walk. I think they could do with some fresh air," Alice, Chris' mother states.
"What, no. They've been here like an hour and they're fast asleep. besides, I need them here," Jo responds defensively as she looks over at her children, who were both sleeping in their pram next to Alice.
"I was only trying to help," Alice replies quietly.
Jo sighs stressfully, "I know, I know," she says as she sits between Alice and Nathan, Chris' father. 'I'm just stressed, thats all. And I hardly slept at all last night."
Alice nods her head, "Its a big day love. But we're all here for you, every single step of the way. You don't have to go through this alone."
Jo nods her head and smiles slightly, "Do you think that they know whats going on? That there dad is about to have surgery?"
"I think that Grace is to young to understand whats going on. And that as much as you talk to her about Chris, She doesn't know that her father is in this situation and not around," Nathan begins, "And I think that Theo doesn't fully understand what's happening. He's too young for that. All he knows is that his dad is at the hospital and that his mother is doing the best that she can. Theo and Gracie both know that they're loved and thats all that matters right now."
Scene break
It was two hours into the surgery when Bailey spotted the interns sitting at a lunch table in the lunch room talking and having something to eat.
"Why aren't you all with Jo?" Bailey questions as she reaches their table.
"Because we have patients and we're interns," Leah states.
"And we've all been working our butts off all morning. We got hungry and there is no law about getting food," Heather points out.
"We also wanted to give her space. Not butt in, you know. It's easy to feel overwhelmed when everyone is there just watching you and expecting you'll have a meltdown or something. But I did see Jo this morning before his surgery," Steph explains.
"Her husband is going in for surgery that we all know he very well might not survive. If that happens, her world is going to come shattering down and she will need all of you there to help her though it," Bailey states. She watches as non of the interns move, "So go and support her, now!" She adds harshly.
Frazzled by Bailey's demand, the intern class all stand up and find their way to the waiting area, where they see Jo and Chris' family waiting.
"You're pacing, why are you pacing. We discussed this yesterday. Pacing is not good," Steph reminds Jo.
"I asked for updates every hour. It's been an hour and a half since the last update, I'm going in," Jo announces proactively.
Steph grabs onto Jo's arm as she goes to rush by, "Jo, You can't go back there right now."
"To hell with that. I'm a doctor here and that's my husband they're operating on!" Jo says annoyed.
"Today you're not a doctor. You're family. And family cannot go back in the restricted areas," Steph states firmly.
"It's been too long since they've updated me. What if somethings gone wrong, I need to know," Jo begs.
"You know just as well as I do that they're just knee deep in surgery. But if it makes you feel better then I'll go down and check on him," Steph suggest.
"Please," Jo begs.
Steph nods her head, "But you need to stay here. No more going rouge," Steph requests, "deal?"
"Deal," Jo replies.
Scene break
When Jo saw Amelia and Derek walking over to her she flung off her seat, so much so that she nearly fell over in the process.
"How did it go?" Jo asks anxiously.
"We successfully removed the bone fragment that was lodged in Chris' brain stem. Now we just wait and see," Amelia states.
"Really? It all went well?" Jo asks in a state of disbelief.
Amelia and Derek nod their heads, "really."
Jo leans into the both of them and hugs them at the same time, "Oh, thank you, thank you!" Jo says in excitement.
She lets go of Amelia and Derek and rushes over to Chris' family where they all hug and celebrate the good outcome. While Jo felt a sense of great relief knowing that her husband was out of surgery, she knew all too well that this wasn't the end and was just the beginning. When and if Chris woke up, his recovery would be no small feet.