Prelapsarian

pree-lap-SAIR-ee-uh n | adjective

1: characteristic of or pertaining to any innocent or carefree period

A glimmer of light in the corner of her eye caught her attention. Her stomach flopped at the signal. He was here. She glanced at the boys sitting outside the tent and her eyes focused on the locket dangling from Harry's neck. Thank Merlin it wasn't her day to wear the thing. He hated seeing her with it and she didn't blame him. It always put a damper on their visits when she was in a dark mood simply from the exposure to the Dark Lord's soul. Ron's eyes followed her when she got up and walked toward the tent while Harry's pinched face remained cast towards the ground, but neither boy said a word to her.

She fetched the invisibility cloak from where she had left it slung over the foot of Harry's cot. Swinging it around her shoulders, she left the hood off for now.

"I'm going for a walk," she informed them quietly. They were well used to her disappearing from the campsite for sometimes hours at a time under the relative safety of the cloak. "As always, if I haven't returned in four hours, assume the worst."

They both nodded silently, neither of them overly concerned. She threw the hood over her head and disappeared over the protective circle surrounding their camp.

This was far from their first meeting like this, but still her heart skipped into overdrive as she laid eyes on him in the usual place among the trees. He had foregone the black overcoat today, leaving him in only his white button down shirt with sleeves rolled up to the elbows. The Dark Mark stood out starkly against his pale skin but they were well beyond the point of her being unsettled by the sight. She did not remove the cloak as she approached him, opting instead to move around behind him. A small smirk graced his features as she squeezed his ass in greeting.

"Good to see you, too," he murmured, turning to where he knew she would be. She pushed back her hood and he drank in the sight of her face almost hungrily. "Shall we?" She took the proffered arm and he apparated them away with a soft pop.

They didn't speak of their lives during these visits. This was an escape from reality – for both of them. She didn't tell him about hunting horcruxes and living on the run and he, in return, kept silent about his difficulty reigning in trouble at the school. The small abandoned hunting cabin that they had made their own was a safe haven from the outside world, if only for a little while. There was no running water in the cabin, and by that she was both pleased and disheartened. She would have given almost anything for the chance to shower – and to shower with him – but she knew that it wouldn't have been fair to the boys for her to indulge in such a luxury and so she was glad of the fact that she didn't have to try to resist the temptation. She thought maybe he knew that.

Neither of them said a word as she dropped the cloak to the floor. His hands came to cradle her face and he pressed his lips against hers in a searing kiss that set her body on a smoldering path to the fire she knew very well that he could ignite in her. Her arms went around his back, clutching his shirt in her fists. One of his hands moved to her hip, pulling her flush against his body. She whimpered into his mouth and felt his answering smile. She allowed her head to loll to the side as his lips moved to the tender point between her neck and shoulder. Untucking his shirt from his trousers, she moved her hands beneath the fabric, raking her nails across the skin of his back just the way she knew he liked it. A deep groan rewarded her for her efforts.

Pulling away from her, he led her toward the small bed against the far wall of the cabin. He ignored her squeal as he plucked her off her feet and tossed her onto the bed, a small frown furrowing his brow. She watched him curiously for a moment, unsure about the change in his mood. All thoughts of that were erased when he climbed onto the bed after her, pinning her hands above her head and devouring her lips with his own. She wrapped her legs around his hips, pushing herself against him. He growled and released her hands, which immediately went to work unbuttoning his shirt. He was all too happy to allow her to push the garment from his shoulders and shrugged it off, letting it fall to the floor beside the bed. Then it was his turn. Slowly they took turns undressing each other, not rushing through anything, enjoying the sensation of the skin on skin contact as though it were the first time – though it was anything but. When, finally, he entered her, she moaned his name as if he were the only person who existed and he had to fight himself not to just pummel her into the small, worn mattress. Instead he moved slowly, taking his time and stoking the fire in her, building her up to her release first. The moment the haze had begun to clear from her eyes, he let himself go, following her down quickly with her own name on his lips.

Afterward, neither of them felt inclined to remove themselves from the bed, so he pulled the thin blanket that he had smuggled into the shack over their still-naked bodies and wrapped her in his arms. Her head tucked easily beneath his chin while her fingers traced aimless patterns over his skin.

"Severus?" she asked quietly.

"Mmm?"

"Do you really think we should keep doing this?" She felt him tense at that and then quickly go limp, sighing.

"It's dangerous," he admitted.

"But you still want to," she finished softly. He nodded once against her head. Her lips pulled upward in a small smile. "Good."

His arms tightened around her and he rolled them into a spooning position, her back firmly pulled against his chest. She threaded her fingers through one hand draped across her body and reveled in the warmth of him. The nights were steadily getting colder out there. More than once she had wished for him to be there with her, holding her, warming her. She worried that with winter approaching it would not be the Death Eaters that killed them, but the weather. Witch or not, there was only so much a warming charm could do. She wondered what he would do if he wandered into camp one day to check on her and found her frozen to the ground under a pile of snow. The thought didn't disturb her as much as it ought to. It was certainly more appealing than being caught by Death Eaters and having to look into his eyes as she was tortured, almost certainly raped, and murdered.

If the Dark Lord commanded it, would he be the one to do it? She had seen the mask of the Death Eater Severus that he wore and she could admit that it was terrifying. She didn't think that he loved her, but they were close enough that she was sure he would feel something if he was ordered to kill her. Probably not enough that he would refuse, and that thought was disheartening at the same time as it comforted her. He would still be able to go on working to bring down the most evil wizard of all time and.. maybe he would still survive.

Unlikely as the thought was, what if they both survived? Would this – whatever this was – survive as well? Would they remain drawn to each other? Would he want to continue this thing between them? She could only imagine how Harry and Ron would react to finding out that she had been carrying on with him while they had been running for their lives. Starving. Terrified. Freezing. She felt a pang of guilt for her warmth.

"Hermione." His voice drew him out of her thoughts. There was an edge of what she thought was concern in his voice. "I shouldn't have been able to pick you up and throw you so easily."

Her heart sank. So they were going to have this conversation? So much for ignoring the real world. She shrugged. "I'm on the run. I live in a tent. We eat what and when we can, but…" She didn't have to finish the sentence for him to know what she meant.

He was silent for a long moment, though his arms had tightened around her to an almost painful degree. "I will bring you food."

It sounded heavenly, a godsend. She needed that food. But immediately, she was protesting. "I can't just eat my fill and let the boys starve on their own!"

"So bring it with you," he growled. "Tell them that you found it somewhere. I don't care. But I will not let you starve out there on my watch."

Her heart fluttered a bit at that. She wanted to protest further but she knew that he was adamant and, really, she was so hungry that she didn't think she could honestly turn him down if she wanted to. So instead, she admitted defeat and murmured, "Thank you."

He was quiet for so long she thought that was the end of their conversation. "Hermione, I realize that this is… a fling that is happening between us. It's our distraction from the horrible things happening to us both. But… I do care about you. I want you to be healthy and strong and safe. Not just because I happen to enjoy fucking you." She could hear the light smirk in his voice at that last comment.

She rolled over, turning in his arms to meet his dark gaze. Despite his last statement, he looked very serious. She took a moment to contemplate her words. How easily she could ruin this whole thing. "It is a distraction," she agreed. "But I don't think it's a fling."

He just looked at her blankly.

She raised one hand to stroke his cheek. "I care about you too. I worry for you every single day. More than I do for myself," she admitted warily, unsure how he would react. "More than anything, I want you to survive this. I want…" She bit her lip, averting her gaze to the hollow of his throat rather than continue to look him in the eye. "I want to give this thing a real try with us. I have no idea if you want that or if you think I'm just a silly girl good for some fun and stress relief and if that's what you think, it's okay. I can live with that and respect your wishes, but-"

She was cut off when he raised her chin with one hand and pressed a gentle kiss to her lips. "If I survive this," he murmured, "and that's a very large if, I would very much like to take you up on that."

She smiled at him, too tired and too hungry to do much more.

"Get some sleep," he instructed her. "I'll wake you up before your four hours are up. You need the rest."

He was right about that. She didn't even try to argue. Instead, she snuggled deeper against him and closed her eyes. For now, she was warm and safe and content. In his arms, she was almost carefree.