Kobold
KOH-bold | noun
1: a spirit or goblin, often mischievous, that haunts houses
"I've got a poltergeist," Hermione announced as she stepped through his fireplace in a whirl of green flames.
Her arrival was routine. On a normal night, she would have shown up an hour ago and he would have scooted to the proper end of the couch to give her space without so much as looking up from his reading. Her pronouncement, however, was not routine. He carefully marked his place in the book and set it on the coffee table. She plopped herself on the couch beside him, not waiting for him to move over.
Severus kissed the top of her head in greeting before quirking an eyebrow at her. "A poltergeist?"
She nodded, leaning into his side with a deep sigh. "I've just spent two hours trying to convince him that my house is not of as much entertainment value as he thinks. He respectfully disagrees."
He snorted. "Am I to assume that respectful disagreement from a poltergeist is more along the lines of throwing around your furniture?"
She groaned and buried her head against him. "Want to help me with an exorcism? We may have to confund the priest, but I think it would be worth it."
"Exorcisms are for demons."
"Feels like a fucking demon to me," she muttered. She sighed, shaking out her hair, which was a mess. He loved seeing it this way, despite the circumstance. It was wild, like her. "My house is a disaster. And I thought Peeves was bad."
"Peeves is bad," Severus said, ever one for being contrary. "He's just got a lot more area and many, many more victims to choose from. If you dropped him into your home, he would likely be infinitely worse than the one you've got."
Hermione sighed. "So how do I get rid of a poltergeist?"
"You ask very nicely," he answered somberly.
"What? Isn't there a ritual or something I can do? Wave my wand, say a few words in Latin, burn something?" They were magic. Of course there was a way to scare away a simple poltergeist!
"He just showed up out of nowhere?"
She hesitated, and he looked down to see the shadow of a blush staining her cheeks. "I may have been browsing a book that I found in Knockturn Alley."
He chuckled despite his exasperation. "Of course you were. What book was it?"
"Occupy the Occult," she muttered.
"And you were surprised to find a poltergeist trapped inside?" She could feel the vibration of his laughter along the length of her body.
"Shut up, you. Now how do I get rid of him?
"I've already told you. You ask him nicely and hope he's in an agreeable mood." Poltergeists very rarely were. "All that ridiculous pomp and circumstance is just flashiness they use for the Muggle movies."
"Ugh, where are the Winchesters when you need them?" she moaned.
"The who?" he asked, brows furrowed.
She shook her head, muttering to herself. "Well fine then. I guess I'll be moving house since my poltergeist has apparently decided that my kitchen is his playground and the bedroom should be downstairs. My bed is in pieces."
He grinned wolfishly, though she wouldn't see it, situated as she was with her head against his arm. "You're always free to use mine."
She elbowed him in the side. "Be serious."
"Can't," he growled. "The bastard is dead."
"Oh my god, Severus," she groaned, rolling her eyes. She had long given up chastising him for such things. Somewhere through the years she'd grown up and the hero worship of Harry's godfather had faded, and she had been able to see the man for what he was. While he had had many good qualities, the man had been a bully. A violent one.
"I am, however, being sincere," he said, voice earnest. "You can stay here as long as you need. Or want."
She looked up at him and saw the honesty in his eyes. "And if I want to stay forever?"
He smiled crookedly. "Then stay forever."
She grinned. "You're going to have to help me get my things. I'm afraid it may be a two-person job. One for gathering, one for distracting."
"Maybe I'll be able to talk him out of your house," Severus remarked.
She rolled her eyes again. "If anyone can bully a poltergeist into abandoning its post, it would be you."