Jax is pacing around the small cell like a caged animal. Running his hands through his hair every so often, and rubbing his eyes when they begin to water up once more at the thought of Tara lying in a pool of her own blood on their kitchen floor.
The tiniest noises outside of the holding cell area are catching his attention. He's constantly staring at the door, hoping that someone will finally step through and tell him what the hell is going on.
But it doesn't really surprise him that no one here is telling him anything, because right now, at this moment, he is not only the main suspect in the attack on his own wife, but also their number one suspect in the murder of Sheriff Eli Roosevelt.
Hence, the orange jumpsuit they've already made him change into, so they could collect his clothing into evidence, and his solitary confinement behind actual bars, instead of being piled into the glass tank holding area upstairs with offenders of a much lesser charge.
It had been hours since the ambulance had arrived at his house and within minutes she was taken away from him. He can still hear the sirens blaring through the streets of Charming when they rushed her away and possibly out of his life forever.
It is still surreal to him what has happened. He's wracking his brain about who could've done that to her. The scene had been so bloody, it had to have been gang-related. Nothing else made sense to him.
But as much as he wants to find the people responsible for this, his mind simply won't stay on task. He can't stop thinking about her and whether or not she is even still alive. Whether or not Abel and Thomas still have a mother. Whether or not he still has a wife.
Just then the door opens and Officer Candy Eglee steps inside, quietly closing the door behind her.
Jax rushes to the bars and tries to read the expression on the face of the woman standing before him, not sure what to make of the sadness he's seeing there.
Candy is a friend of the Club, and always has been. She has lived all her life here, raised in Charming just like him. Ope, Tara, Candy, and he had all gone to school together since kindergarten. And right now he is thankful for that fact more than he has ever been before, because she is the only person in this station that will talk to him at the moment.
"Tell me." He begs, his eyes red-rimmed and tired as he clutches the metal bars with all his might.
"She's alive." Candy states with a quiet voice.
Jax releases the breath he has been holding and takes a step back. Stumbling backward into the cot behind him. He hides his face in his hands when the tears start falling once more. Wiping at his face just a second later, he turns his attention back to Candy because her expression is still anything but hopeful. What does she know?
"Is she awake? Did she say who did this to her?" He tries to understand, and wants to know what it is that Candy isn't telling him.
"I'm sorry." She says and averts her eyes away from him, trying to compose herself. "I don't have all the details, but ... she's unresponsive, Jax, she's in a coma, and ... they're saying it doesn't look good."
X
Ten days later
Jax sits tightlipped across District Attorney Patterson and listens to her explain that she has no leads concerning Tara's assault. "The evidence has been processed, all the lab work is back and other than the obvious facts, the results gave us nothing. We've talked to family, friends, and neighbors, the MC, except Ortiz, he seems to be MIA, and no one can shed any light on who or why Tara was attacked."
It doesn't surprise Jax in the least that nobody is talking to the police. It is their code after all. This attack on a family member of the Club will be handled the same way as any other attack in the past; with retaliation! Revenge!
He and the Club will find out who is responsible for this and they will be paying with their life!
As if she can read his mind, she adds. " I understand the pain you're in, son, the reason for your silence ... I lost a son. And a nephew. To gang violence. I didn't want anyone arrested, I wanted them dead. Heartless cold bullets to the back of the head, just the way they killed my boy. That's a natural reaction. The desire for revenge. It's a part of grieving. The difference is in my world I knew that those violent desires would never become real. In yours, it's a very likely outcome."
Jax remains silent, he understands what she is trying to do, but the rage he feels for whoever did this to his wife overpowers any logic at the moment.
Tyne Patterson knows that with Tara Knowles-Teller in a coma, the deal she struck with the couple just ten days ago is now off the table once more. She can no longer hold Tara's possible prosecution over Jackson Teller's head. At least not now. "We couldn't tie you to either murder. Parole violation, the gun, it wasn't fired, it was in the house. We're gonna let you go. Your mother is here to see you, she can take you home."
Tyne Patterson stands up and gathers her files on the table before she turns her attention back to Jax again. Almost bashful, she confesses. "I've been doing this for over twenty years and until today I have never said a word about my personal life to someone on the other side of this table."
This takes Jax by surprise and his curiosity causes him to speak up for the first time. "So why me?"
"Because I needed help to connect with the man who did the right thing ten days ago. Who knows the importance of family. And that more violence will only destroy what's left of his."
She turns to leave then but is caught off guard when Jax speaks up once more, with the need to clarify something. "I'm not grieving. My wife is not dead."
X
Jax quietly pushes the door open and steps wordlessly inside the hospital room. He vaguely takes notice of the nurse who is standing beside her bed, taking notes on a clipboard before she leaves the room, giving him a chance to be alone with Tara.
He freezes for a long moment at the sight of her. She looks so vulnerable like this, and deep down he knows he's to blame for that. Her head is bandaged up, she has a breathing tube down her throat, and all sorts of cables and wires attached to her with machines beeping away in the background.
He quietly steps closer to her. His eyes scan over the machines beside her bed. Those machines might be the ones breathing for her right now, but she is still here. His Tara is still in there. She is still alive!
He leans forward, bending over her, and places a small gentle kiss against her forehead, brushing his hair back again as he stands. He wants to do more, wants to touch her so badly. Wants to scoop her up, wrap her up in his arms, hold her close enough to hear her heartbeat against him, and never let go of her again.
But he does neither of those things because he can't. Instead, he sits down on the side of her bed and reaches for her hand. With his eyes trained on her face, he desperately hopes for any reaction when he touches her, but there is none.
Her hand seems so small in comparison to his own, but it still feels like her and if he were to close his eyes he could almost pretend that she is simply sleeping, nothing more.
Instead, he stares at her, unable to take his eyes off her. When they'd rushed her into the ambulance and closed the doors, he'd wondered if it would be the last time he'd ever see her alive. So now he simply sits and drinks in the image of her, as painful as the image might be, he'll cherish it and not take it for granted ever again.
"I'm so sorry, Babe. I'm so, so sorry." He says, his voice barely rising above a whisper.
Memories of their teenage romance begin to flood his mind. Back then they'd thought that life had dealt them bad cards with her mother and his father dying way too soon, but hindsight is 20/20 and he'd give anything ... anything to go back and do things right, do things over! Anything from preventing this, along with everything else Tara has had to endure because of her association with him and the Club. Her words suddenly play on repeat in his mind.
'I have sacrificed everything for you!'
Jax doesn't know how much time has passed while he's been sitting here by her side, but he knows that it is time for him to go, so he can begin to set his plan in motion.
"I know I made countless promises to you ... and I didn't keep 'em." He can feel his eyes well up with fresh tears once again as he is about to make another promise to Tara. "I failed you. I failed our boys. I failed us, and I promise you that I'm going to fix all that." He raises her hand to his lips and kisses it gently. "I'll make you proud this time. I promise."
He wipes the tears from his face and quickly stands. "I love you, Tara, more than anything or anyone!" He says, because he finally knows that it's the truth. Then he leans over her once more and places one last kiss on her forehead, before he turns around and leaves the room without looking back.
He has a plan. And there is nothing that will stop him this time from following through with it. He will do this for Tara. He'll finish what she intended to do. He'll break the cycle. He'll save their boys!
When Jax leaves the room, he turns his attention to Rat, who he's ordered to stand guard. "You don't let anyone in, do you hear me? No one gets near her unless they're working in this hospital and have a fucking ID to prove it. You got that?"
When Tara wakes up, she can potentially identify her attacker, which means there is a high possibility that the person will come back to finish the job. And he won't let that happen! So finding the man who did this to her isn't just about revenge anymore, it is a necessity to ensure she'll remain unharmed from here on out.
X
Gemma sits in the small chapel, alone and in complete silence. The unwavering look of devastation in Jax's eyes is more than she can take.
Every time she looks at him, every time she looks at Abel or little Thomas, the guilt begins to eat her up inside and she fears that it is written all over her face. Feels like the guilt is oozing out of her like pus out of an infected wound.
She has tried her best to pull herself together. Conceal her guilt for grief. She simply has to. As much for self-preservation, as for Abel and Thomas, but it is incredibly hard to keep the guilt from consuming her every thought.
Tara's chance of waking up is slim to none, and her chance of living as a functioning human being is even slimmer. But what if she does wake up? What if Tara wakes up and Jax will find out the horrible truth? It would devastate him even more. It would rip their family apart, and she simply can't let that happen. And even though she knows it is too early to suggest to him to have Tara taken off of life support, she also knows that every day passing with Tara's heart still beating, is another day she lives in fear that the truth will be revealed and she could lose everything and everyone that matters to her!
Just then, the chapel doors behind her open, and Jax steps inside. He quietly takes a seat beside his mother, but his mind is clearly still focused elsewhere.
Gemma breaks the silence when she reaches for his hand and speaks up. "Where are you at with this, sweetheart?"
Jax slowly shakes his head and swallows the lump in his throat, his expression full of pain. "I'm not sure, Mom." He wipes at his eyes once more. His face fills with anger and self-hatred. "This is on me. My wife is lying in that bed, hooked up to those machines because of me, because of who I am, because of what I am. Someone hurt her, 'cause they wanted to hurt me!" He turns to look at his mother. "How ... how am I going to fix this? How can I make this right?"
Gemma frames his face and pulls him close enough to place a kiss on his cheek. "I'm not sure yet, baby, but we'll figure it out together. You're not alone. I'm always here for you, Jackson, no matter what."
"I know." Jax wraps his arms around her and pulls her close. "Thank you, Mom."
X
Jax and Chibs embrace in the corridor by the hospital chapel. Gemma is already on her way back to the boys.
The rest of the Sons are all scattered around Charming, Stockton, and Oakland, besides the usual Club business, they're also working on leads about Tara's assault. The Club has their obvious suspicions, but without any proof, and since all their efforts have been fruitless thus far, Jax decides to go ahead and begin working toward the other part of his plan instead.
X
He knocks tentatively on the door, and waits until he hears the familiar voice invite him in before he proceeds to step inside the small office.
Margaret Murphy quickly stands from her spot behind her desk. The look in her eyes is one Jax has been familiar with over the years in this town, it is one of panic and fear. Clearly, the close confidant of Tara is not yet convinced that he didn't have anything to do with the attack on his wife.
"What are you doing here, Mr. Teller?" She says with bravado in her voice that doesn't match the fearful expression displayed on her face.
"I'm here to talk to you," Jax says and without waiting for Margaret to invite him to do so, he takes a seat in the chair opposite hers.
"I'm not sure what I could possibly help you with." She says with obvious reluctance, but sits back down, her eyes trained on the man in front of her, before she dares a glance toward the other man still standing at the door.
Jax nods at Chibs then and he wordlessly disappears out of the room, closing the door behind him.
"I didn't hurt my wife." Jax blurts out, getting straight to the point. He then clears his throat, before he further explains. "Tara and I reconciled. Right before she was attacked. I struck a deal with the District Attorney. I was going to turn myself in for ... for past crimes, if they'd drop all the charges against her. Tara was free to go." He stops and shakes his head at the tragedy of it all. "She went home to begin packing up so she and our boys could leave Charming for good."
Margaret nods her head in understanding. She can see the anguish on Jax's face as he recites the events from that day, how he'd found her lifeless body in their home, and she realizes that her fears have been unfounded, but she still isn't entirely sure why Jax is telling her all of this.
She leans forward and folds her hands on the desk in front of her. "Why are you telling me all this?"
Jax's eyes connect with hers, a hopeful expression directed straight at her. "Tara wanted our boys away from this. Away from this life ... my life. More than anything, she wanted a different path for them and she came so close."
"I know," Margaret says and nods again, agreeing with everything Jax is saying.
"Tara confided in you. She trusted you. I'm trying ... I need to finish what she started. I need to save our boys ... for her."
She shakes her head, still unsure of how she fits into any of this. "I'm sorry, but I don't think I'm the right person for you to talk to."
Jax straightens his spine, then leans forward, and brushes his hair back with his hands once again. "She told you everything. She told you what her plan had been. She -"
"Yes, she did." Margaret interrupts him. "But the person that can truly help you with what Tara's wishes were is not me, Mr. Teller. You'll need to talk to her lawyer, Ms. Lowen instead!"
Jax frowns at once because he knows that Lowen would be even less inclined to talk to him about anything Tara is concerned, but he's always been quick to think on his feet and looks hopeful at the woman across from him. "You need to call her then, ask her to meet you here, but don't tell her about me or she's not going to show."
Margaret doesn't bother to ask why that is, but instead reaches for the phone on her desk, and after a quick glance at a piece of paper in her desk drawer, she dials the number and waits for the phone to ring.
X
Ally Lowen knocks on the door to Margaret's office, and waits until she hears Margaret's voice telling her to come in before she opens the door and steps inside. Margaret's standing behind her desk and waves the lawyer inside, greeting her.
"I've got a meeting in thirty minutes, so I can't stay long. What did you need to talk about?"
Jax appears at the door behind her and Ally, clearly still frightened, takes a few steps further into the room. She looks rather fearful from Margaret back to Jax, who is shutting the door behind him now.
"What is this?" She pleads, clearly confused.
Jax raises his hands in a surrendering gesture. "I'm not going to hurt you. I just want to talk."
She looks back and forth between Margaret and Jax before her eyes settle on him. "Rosen got reassigned to handle the Club from here on out, and I resigned as Tara's lawyer. There's nothing left to talk about, Jax."
"Please," Jax says and gestures to one of the chairs. "Hear me out. It's about Tara."
Ally hesitates and looks to Margaret for guidance, and after the older woman gives her a reassuring nod, Ally pulls a chair into position and reluctantly sits down.
She folds her hands in her lap and looks back at Jax, waiting for him to start.
Jax pulls a chair out and sits down when Margaret excuses herself and leaves the room.
He isn't sure where to even start, especially since Lowen is short on time, but he figures the best approach would be to fill her in on the events right before Tara had been attacked.
He needs Lowen to know that he is not behind the attack on his wife. Needs her to know that they'd made up and that Tara had been free and clear.
He just needs Lowen to trust him again. So he fills her in on all of it, on his plan to do right by her by getting their boys out of the life, and waits for her response.
Jax can practically see the wheels in her head turning as she is processing everything he has explained to her just now, but he can see she is still reluctant toward him. And frankly, he can't blame her. After all, he has outright threatened her. Scared her half to death in Unser's trailer that night.
Lost in deep thought, she suddenly looks at him and finally speaks up. "While Tara remains in a coma, the DA can't move forward with prosecuting her. And so I'm guessing for now you're no longer turning yourself in for those KG-nines?"
He shakes his head. "That's right, I'm not."
Ally nods, but he can see the reluctance on her face to speak up.
"What?" Jax pries and searches her face for an answer.
She looks dead at him. "Is it possible ... is it possible that someone from the Club -"
"No way." Jax cuts her off and shakes his head in disgust. "They all knew that this is what I wanted. I made the choice to take the fall so my wife could go free. None of them would -"
"What about Ortiz?" She cuts him off this time. "I've heard he's missing. Would he have any reason to attack Tara?"
Jax frowns. Juice betrayed him and has been missing since the night Tara's been attacked. The thought that he was behind this had briefly crossed his mind, but he quickly dismissed it again. He can't imagine Juice doing such a thing to Tara, but it still is strange to hear somebody else mention him and look at him as a possible suspect.
"He betrayed me and he knew I found out about it. He ran, not wanting to face the Club after what he's done, but still ... I can't picture him doing that to Tara."
"What about Gemma?" Ally questions out loud against her better judgment, before she can think to censor her wording.
Jax shrugs his shoulders, not understanding how Gemma fits into the picture. "What about her?"
"Tara's made it very clear that she didn't want her boys around her. She didn't want Gemma in their life at all, so the fact that you were turning yourself in and Tara was about to leave town must've made her angry." Ally knows she's taking a risk with what she is implying, but Jax came to her apologetically and asked for her input, even if it isn't something he wants to hear.
Jax stands, suddenly enraged by that. "My mother didn't do this. God knows she's no saint, but she couldn't do something like that."
"Alright," Ally replies rather calmly, realizing she's hit a nerve there. "So it was ... retaliation?"
Jax sits back down and sadly nods. "Yes. At least that's what we're thinking."
"For what?" She asks, but catches herself and quickly raises her hand. "Never mind, don't answer that."
They both are silent for a long moment until Ally glances at her watch. "I have to get going soon, and if I'm being honest, I'm not sure how I can help you."
Jax sighs and looks back at his former lawyer. "I'm trying to figure out what Tara would want me to do. There was a distance between us after her arrest ... and I'll take the blame for that, but ... but now." He looks down at his own hands, twisting his wedding band around his finger. He's still trying to digest everything Margaret has shared with him, before Lowen got here, about Tara's prognosis that the doctors haven't told him yet. "I know she wants the boys away from this, but I can't just pack them up and leave. I can't -"
"Leave your Club." Lowen interrupts him.
But Jax surprises her when he shakes his head. "No, you don't understand. When I found her lying in a pool of her own blood, I thought she was dead." Tears begin to prick at his eyes as the moment replays itself in his mind and he doesn't even care that Ally Lowen is there to witness it. "This isn't about the Club anymore. This is about Tara. They're saying if … if she's not waking up real soon, she'll need more surgery … to replace the breathing tube and … some other things. They're saying she'll need long-term care. And here, at St. Thomas, Margaret's got her back, she'll make Tara's getting the best care possible. And she's helping me figure all this shit out, knows how to deal with Tara's insurance so they won't try to move her someplace else, someplace cheaper. Tara needs to stay here, which means I can't leave here. I can't leave Tara!"
X
Author's Note: Thank you all for your reviews, PM, and general support. It means a lot. Please review and let me know what you think of this chapter! Thank you!