Tara can hear the muffled voices of her doctors, the new female sheriff, and Jax right outside her door.

She feels weak and honestly a little sick to her stomach, but then again that is to be expected of someone who's been through what she's been through. And as a doctor herself, she knows this all too well.

Yet here she is, wondering if she is feeling this way because she knows that he is right outside her door and she'll be face to face with him in a couple of minutes.

Her face grimaces with the onslaught of pain that mere thought revokes in her. Not physical pain, after all, they have given her something for that, but this pain she feels is emotional and more powerful than any physical pain she can possibly imagine.

Tears start to fall again. She's felt this pain before -once! Sadly she can still remember all too well how she felt, when Jax and the guys had found her with her boys in the park, and she'd thought that they were going to kill her.

Tara shakes her head before she hides her tear-streaked face in both her hands. She is so confused. So incredibly confused.

Confused about what she knows in her heart to be true, or maybe it is what she wants to be true, and what seems like the logical, the actual truth. She wants nothing more than those last moments in Jax's arms in the motel to be true.

That the love they'd made and the love she'd felt and seen in his eyes to be true. After all, it is one of the last things she can remember, and what a beautiful memory it is, but her battered mind will not give her any rest about what has happened after she and Jax had parted ways that late afternoon.

The logical truth that her damaged brain has somehow concocted is telling her that it was all just a ruse. That Jax had played her, had preyed on her, used her only weakness -her love for him and her children- to get what he wanted.

Pretending to cut a deal to let her walk free, pretending she'd be free of the Club, free of Charming, and worst of all pretending to care about their boys, just to turn it all around in the end and have a Club member attack her in their own kitchen, their own home.

A loud sob escapes her achy throat when she sees that scenario play out in her head once again, and the pang she feels in her heart is nearly unbearable.

It is heart versus mind, her emotions the battlefield, blown to bits and pieces.

A knock on the door startles her out of her misery, and she quickly wipes the tears from her eyes and tries to straighten herself out, bracing herself for the worst when she watches as the door slowly opens and none other than Jax silently, almost hesitantly, walks inside.

Their eyes meet and a heavy silence fills the room, neither of them is saying a thing.

Jax just stares at her in awe, his eyes never leaving hers, while he closes the door behind him. He has wished for this every day over the last three months. Every day he's been walking into this room and has been wishing for nothing more than to find her beautiful eyes staring back into his like they were doing right now.

"Hi." Tara manages to get past her lips, her voice still not quite her own, and equally mesmerized and terrified by his presence as tears begin to pool in her red-rimmed eyes again.

Jax swallows the lump that has formed in his throat at the fragile-sounding tone of her beautiful voice, another thing he'd wished to happen, to hear her voice again.

Finally, he manages to reply with a simple "Hi" himself, before he quickly has to look away and raises his own hand to wipe the tears from his eyes that have appeared out of nowhere. His body slumps back against the closed door behind him in relief, and for a split second he feels almost lightheaded, thinking his legs are going to give out on him.

Tara is alive and awake and this nightmare is finally over. He feels like the weight of the world has finally been lifted off of his shoulders.

A sigh of relief escapes his lips as he finally finds the strength to look back at her again, before he steps toward her with a smile that expresses all the joy and love he feels rushing through him at this moment.

Tara doesn't know if it is simply the all too familiar pull she's always felt toward him, or if maybe it is the look of pure relief in his eyes as he approaches her, but whatever the reason is, she's decided - at least for the moment - to let her heart drown out the doubt in her head and dares to believe in his love for her.

He sits down on the edge of her bed, hesitating for a split second whether to touch her or not, but the need to touch her is too strong and he raises his hands up to her face.

Both their eyes are filled with tears, Tara pretends not to notice the slight tremor in his hands when they make contact with her skin, but instead, she closes her eyes and with a sigh gives into the warmth of his palms that are framing her face.

"Don't!" Jax demands with a tear-strained voice.

Tara opens her eyes and looks somewhat puzzled back at his face, and for the first time since he's walked into the room, she notices the dark circles under his eyes and the deep lines that seemed etched into his sweet face, making him seem much older than he actually is.

What happened to you, Jackson?

He gently brushes her hair back from her cheeks and explains. "Don't close your eyes, Tara." He shakes his head slightly at her. "I've been wishing for three goddamn months to walk in here and find you awake, with your eyes open again, ... so please don't close your eyes, Babe."

At a loss for words, she simply nods her head and gives him the smallest of smiles which he returns with a smile of his own and leans forward to gently place a kiss against her forehead.

"Abel and Thomas ...?" Tara whispers.

But before she can even finish her question, Jax speaks up. "They're good."

His hands drop from her face and he reaches for both her hands instead, as he tries to make sense of it all, trying to figure out where and how to start. "They're on their way here." He nods firmly as he adds what he knows she'd want to hear. "They've been safe.

I've kept them away from the Club, or ... Club business."

The tears of relief that once more fill Tara's eyes break his heart. No doubt he loves his boys, but the love he feels for his sons can't possibly measure up to the love their mother holds for them. Abel and Thomas are her world now, they are her number one priority and Jax knows he should consider himself lucky if he still makes the list at all, let alone come in second.

As if on cue, there is a knock at the door and both Jax and Tara turn their heads just in time to see Margaret slip into the room with Thomas in her arms and Abel by her side. But before the older woman can even so much as utter a greeting, Abel's excited squeal of "Mommy" echoes off of the small hospital room as he runs toward Tara's bed, and it naturally brings an instant smile to everyone's face.

Tara smiles the biggest smile Jax has ever seen on her, and he quickly stands to give Abel room to get to his mother. Jax reaches for Abel and lifts him onto the bed beside Tara.

"Careful, buddy." He reminds his son, as he watches him swing his arms around Tara's neck.

Tara's thankful that her arms seem to be cooperating when it matters, when she's hugging Abel back, and relishes in the embrace. "I'm so glad you woke up, Mommy." His voice muffled against her shoulder.

Tara's eyes look up at Jax, who is now holding Thomas and is walking over toward her.

"Me too, baby, me too."

X

Almost four months later …

It's an unusually chilly morning in Charming and yet Jax finds himself glued to the spot in front of Opie's grave. He silently studies the headstone of his friend, like he's done a million times since his death.

He doesn't speak out loud, but he's got some things he wants to get off his chest. His mind goes back to their last conversation in county.

'I miss your old man.

Yeah, me too.

Tara found some letters. Maureen Ashby stuffed them in my gear. They were love letters between her and my Dad. They made it pretty clear that JT wanted to get us out of guns, and Clay didn't want it. JT predicted that Clay was gonna kill him - specifically that he would sabotage his bike. And he was right.

Yeah, that's ... that's insane.

Tara told Piney, Ope. She was digging into him for truth. It was when we were inside. When the cartel shit went down, Piney, he must've threatened Clay with the letters.

So, that's ... that's why Clay killed my old man?

Yeah.

Why didn't you let me kill him? Why didn't you let me kill him?

There's a RICO case pending against the Club. Otto gave up Bobby.

How do you know?

Romeo is doing double time. He's cartel and CIA. He put a pin in RICO so we could keep the big guns and drugs flowing. That pin gets pulled, we all go down.

And Clay doesn't know.

Just me and Bobby. Clay is the only one that Galan will sell big guns to. Romeo needs him alive. That's it, Ope. That's all the truth. I had to make a choice, brother. Kill Clay or save the Club.

You made the wrong choice!'

Just moments before he died, Opie had accused Jax of making the wrong choice by choosing the Club and now Jax was here to tell him that he's finally heard him.

I get it now, Ope. It took me a long time to get here, brother, but I'm here. I'm done choosing the Club. I'm done saving the Club. It's time to save myself. I wish I had realized this sooner so I could've saved you too.

Jax pulls his SAMCRO rings off of his fingers and places them atop Opie's headstone, before touching the stone one last time as if he was patting his old friend on the shoulder. "I'll see you later, Ope."

The gravel crunches under his shoes as he walks over to his old pickup truck and climbs inside.

He plays with his only remaining ring for a second, his wedding band, adjusting it on his finger and thinking back on the day Tara had put it there. He then starts the engine and lets it roar once, before he puts the truck in gear and finally leaves Ope, the Club, and Charming behind him.

X

His lips are pressed on hers, exploring her mouth with his tongue and she'd be lying if it didn't stir up feelings in her that she'd long thought forgotten. The last four months have been all about her own recovery, and rebuilding the bond between her and her sons. Moving on with someone else, starting a new relationship ... and the thought of having sex again with someone had quite literally been the last thing on Tara's mind.

So as his hands greedily roam over her body, searching for the zipper in the back of her black skirt, she's not all that surprised that the need for sexual release is suddenly overshadowed by doubt again. "Wait ... wait." She mutters against his lips as she gently tries to push him off of her.

He stops in an instant and looks down at her, his usually smooth forehead scrunched up in concern. "It's okay if you've changed your mind."

She can feel his obvious erection pressing into her thigh and yet admires him for not even attempting to talk her into something she's clearly not ready for just yet.

"We don't have to do this, Tara."

She shakes her head, hoping that's enough and she won't have to say much more. It's sad and confusing, but nevertheless, she just can't bring herself to do it, at least not while every time she closes her eyes and they kiss, Jax's face appears in her mind's eye instead.

John pushes himself off of Tara and rolls onto his back right beside her.

Tara cuddles into his side, her head partially on his shoulder, partially on her pillow as she begins to button up her dark blue blouse again with almost trembling hands. "I'm sorry." She apologizes, because what else can she say?

He wraps an arm around her and pulls her closer to him. "Don't be sorry. You said you weren't ready and I pushed. You've got nothing to be sorry for."

Tara closes her eyes and sighs because he was being too damn nice about it, and he was sugarcoating it for her sake, taking all the blame, when she'd clearly agreed to come here with him of her own free will. Why did he have to be so nice, so ... so fucking perfect?

So much, and yet also so nothing like ... him!

X

End Note: There's an obvious time jump of four months in here, but I promise it'll all get explained and make more sense in the next chapters to come. Please leave a review. I'm curious what you guys think. Thank you.