Tara stands barefoot in the kitchen, her gray knee-length robe wrapped tightly around her, as she pulls two large coffee mugs out of the kitchen cabinet above her coffeemaker.

Jax watches her closely from his position at the kitchen table. He tries not to, but it's been too damn long since they've been intimate, and he simply can't keep himself from wondering what she could possibly be wearing underneath the thin material of her robe.

Is it a snug pair of pajama shorts and a tank top that she often wore to bed? Or maybe just a bra and panties?

God, how he hates this. Hates that she is so near in the physical sense, yet worlds away from him in her mind and heart.

He doesn't take his eyes off of her as she slowly pours herself and him a cup of coffee. She adds one teaspoon of sugar to her cup and stirs it, before she adds four heaping teaspoons to his cup and stirs that as well. The old familiar task brings a small smile to her face.

Jax is such an oddity of a man. He barely eats any sweets, and never looks twice at a piece of pie or chocolate, yet he'd add an insane amount of sugar to his coffee and could eat a plate full of chocolate chip cookies within a matter of minutes. Was he a contradiction, or just picky?

She turns around and carefully walks the couple of steps over to the table, placing the steaming cup of coffee with the spoon still in the cup in front of Jax, who looks appreciatively up at her and mumbles a "thanks, Babe" in her direction.

As she lets her eyes roam across his face for a moment, she can't help but notice the tired expression that is surely matching hers. Clearly, he's gotten about as much sleep as she had last night.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up." She begins to explain as she takes a seat herself in the chair opposite his. With her elbows resting on the table she slowly raises her steaming cup to her lips with both hands, carefully taking a very small sip to test the temperature. "The only moments I get to myself are early in the morning before the boys wake up, or late at night after they go to bed."

"Don't worry about it," Jax replies and stirs his coffee some more before he takes a small sip as well. "You didn't wake me, Babe, I was already up."

An awkward silence fills the room for several minutes as both just quietly sip their coffee, seemingly lost in their own thoughts, when Jax finally speaks up. "Do you work today?"

Tara nods. "Yeah, I do. Once a month I have to pull ER shifts on weekends."

"Your neighbor watches the boys if you gotta work on weekends, right?" He asks, more to refresh his memory of what Tara has told him in a previous phone conversation after she'd started her new job here.

She nods again. "Yeah, weekends, night shifts, last-minute surgeries. Mrs. Eloise Young. When you come up the stairs, the second door on the right is her place. She's a sweet old lady and she's truly been a lifesaver."

Tara smiles warmly at the thought of the older woman who offered her babysitting services and friendship when Tara first moved into the building. "Honestly, I don't know what I would've done without her here to help out."

Another sip from her drink. "If you want to spend time with the boys though, I can tell her that I won't need -"

"No." Jax interrupts her before she gets to finish her sentence. "I've got some job interviews lined up today, not sure how long that's going to take, ... but if I get done while you're still at work, I go get the boys from her, if that's alright?"

Tara nods her agreement in silence, but the expression on her face tells Jax something is definitely bothering her and he can't bite his tongue for long. "What?" he asks at last.

She sighs and avoids his eyes for a brief moment, clearly mulling something over in her mind before she looks back up and meets his questioning stare head-on. "Forty-three minutes." She states rather bluntly as if that number is supposed to mean something to him.

But Jax just looks clearly confused back at her and repeats. "What?"

"I checked my phone last night and that's how long you talked to Abel and Thomas on Thursday afternoon. Forty-three minutes and not once did you think to ask either one of our sons to put me on the phone, to let me know you were coming here the very next day?" She explains with obvious accusation in her voice. "But you did set up job interviews."

"It's not like that." Jax starts, quickly trying to think of how to explain this to her as he runs a hand through his hair as if that movement would buy himself some time. "Look, I didn't want to say anything, and then at the last minute something would come up and I'd have to stay longer. I didn't want to make another promise to you that I wasn't sure I could keep." He explains truthfully and searches her face for confirmation that she understood.

The look in her eyes softens up on hearing his honest reply. "Okay, I get it."

Moments later, Tara pushes her chair back and gets up, stepping up to one of her kitchen drawers and rifles through it until she finally finds what she is looking for.

She dangles two small chrome-colored keys in her hand before putting them on the table in front of Jax, a kind yet cautious smile on her face when she says. "Thought you might need these until you find a place of your own." Grabbing her mug off the table she turns, but Jax catches her arm just as she is passing by him. "Tara?"

Tara stops and looks at him, and Jax can see the almost terrified expression that flashes through her eyes, and it becomes clear to him right then, that it would do more harm than good if he were to try to continue last night's conversation right now.

He wants, no, he needs to know more about the guy she has been seeing. The not knowing kept him tossing and turning all night and he has a feeling it will continue to drive him insane for the rest of the day as well.

He also wants to forbid her from seeing him again. But as soon as that thought crosses his mind he quickly realizes that saying so out loud would almost be a surefire way to push her further into the other man's arms. So he bites his tongue.

Instead, he lets the hand on her forearm slide down to take her hand, gently raising it to his lips to press a quick kiss against it like he's done a million times before. The feel of her soft skin welcoming and familiar when he meets her eyes and smiles as he thanks her for her hospitality instead. "Thank you."

Tara closes her eyes for a moment, seemingly relieved before she nods back at him. "Don't mention it. Good luck on the job hunt today." And with that she pulls her hand out of his, leaving him sitting at the table alone, and walks away before he can see the tears that are beginning to well up in her eyes at his gentle gesture.

X

Tara quickly closes the bathroom door behind her and locks it. Normally she'd leave the door wide open when she got in the shower in the mornings, so she'd be able to hear the boys if they got up, but with Jax in the apartment, she just doesn't feel comfortable doing that. She is afraid that he could somehow see it as an invitation to join her, and that thought alone brings heat to her cheeks and a want for him to her lower belly, even though she truly wishes it wouldn't.

After putting her coffee down by the sink, she leans back against the closed bathroom door, rubbing the back of her hand where Jax had just kissed her. Hating the fact that such a simple and innocent gesture from him can still cause such a primal physical attraction in her. Not only is she doomed to love him forever, but also lust after him as well.

She tries to shake that thought and proceeds to turn the water on in the shower, knowing it will take a minute or two to warm up, she takes a seat on the edge of the bathtub and lets her mind wander once more.

It just doesn't seem fair that after all this time, after all, they've been through, after all, he's done to her, he still manages to not only get into her head but under her skin so easily, with just a stupid touch to her hand.

She had done a lot of thinking last night, unable to sleep as tears had streamed down her face, knowing he was right there in the living room, just on the other side of her bedroom door. And she's come to realize that despite it all, despite everything they have done to each other she still loves him deeply. But just because she loves him, doesn't mean they are supposed to be together. Maybe they should've never been together to begin with?

She shakes her head at that, denying that last thought to be the truth because if that were true she wouldn't have those beautiful babies sleeping in the very next room, and at this point in her life she simply doesn't know who she'd be without them.

If it wasn't for her sons she probably would've lost the will to live some time ago. Protecting them and being a good mother has given her more life purpose than any medical school diploma ever could.

X

Jax sits with a clipboard in his lap and a pen in his hand, trying his best to concentrate and fill out all the necessary information on the job application. His hands are steady, his writing legible, but he knows that won't help his cause much in the end.

He's already done this at seven -yes, seven- different repair shops across town, yet instead of the scheduled interview with the manager, it always ends with a "We'll call you if we're hiring," even though some have a 'Now hiring' sign right in their front window.

He looks up from the papers in front of him and gives the place a once over. This place isn't some kind of chain repair shop like most of the places he's applied for a job with today. And he can't help but think that it reminds him of T-M somehow.

He twists at the waist, glancing behind him through the window overlooking the shop, noticing that most of the mechanics were tatted up as well, and he feels like he could actually fit in here if given the chance.

Jax stares down at the application once more and finds himself rereading the question about crimes and convictions for what seems like the hundredth time. He hasn't lied on the other applications, there simply wouldn't have been a point, because he knows the moment they'd run a background check on him, all his shit would come to light, so might as well bite the bullet and be upfront about it.

Yet as he stares at the papers, he can't help but wonder who in their right mind would actually hire someone like him? Hell, he really couldn't blame them if they wouldn't.

Here, away from Charming, he is no one, a nobody. Just another guy with a record. Nobody here gives a shit that he used to be the president of SAMCRO. All people see when they look at his application when they look at him, is a career criminal. Scum of the earth!

However, Jax has no time to feel sorry for himself, no time to wallow in self-pity over things that he can't change. All he knows is that if he doesn't find a job soon, everything he's done, all the sacrifices he's made for Tara to start over here, for him to get here to join her, it will all have been for nothing, it would all unravel.

Lowen has worked her ass off, getting him a court date to get permission to move out of state while he is technically still on federal release. However, he had to comply with the imposed judgment, which, among other things, means he needs to find a steady job as soon as possible.

So no job meant his ass will get shipped back to Charming, which in turn meant he'd break her heart once again, and he just can't let that happen.

Jax chews on the pen for a moment in indecision, getting more frustrated by the second, before he finally puts the pen to paper and once more confesses all the sins he's been convicted of.

When he's done, he looks up from the paper and gives the young woman behind the desk a once over as well. She has a certain timeless beauty about her. With her pale yet perfect complexion and the dark almost black hair, she reminds him of a movie star from the fifties. And if he had to guess he'd say she was a couple of years younger than him. That could work in his favor.

Jax waits patiently for her to get off the phone with a customer before he stands and approaches her desk.

"Done?" She asks with a cheery tone to her voice and holds out her hand to take the clipboard from him.

"Yeah," Jax replies, handing it over to her, and remains standing as she looks over each page to make sure he hasn't missed anything vital when her eyes linger longer on that last dreadful page, just like he has predicted.

He can practically see the expression on her face change as she reads over his crimes, and having done this same dance seven times already in the last couple of hours, he pretty much knows that if he doesn't speak the fuck up now, this won't end any different than those seven times before.

"Look, darlin'..." He smirks, turning the Teller-charm up to the max before he reaches for her hand to gain her full attention when he adds. "If I could just -"

"You're barking up the wrong tree here, sweetie." She interrupts him before he can even start his sentence as she pulls her hand out of his and chuckles out loud.

"You see that girl right there?" She points a manicured finger behind him in the direction of the shop, turning his attention to the only female mechanic who works there. "You see, I'm with her."

Jax can't help but chuckle himself, a bit embarrassed to say the least. Just his luck, she's into chicks. "Well, I guess I can't compete with that."

"Yeah, you can't." The young brunette smirks playfully up at him. "She's working with a whole different set of tools than you." The innuendo is obvious in her tone of voice, even without the smirk that accompanies her words.

Contemplating his options for a moment and since charming his way into an interview is out of the question now, he decides to go with the truth instead. "Look, the thing is ... I'm trying to start over. My wife and my boys live here in town, and I'm trying to make things right with them by earning straight. So I need a job ... any job. I'll take anything. I'll restock parts. Sweep up after closing, ... hell, I'll clean the goddamn johns for you, if that's what it takes for me to get a foot in the door. But I just need someone to give me a break. Please."

He hadn't intended to sound this desperate, but if he is being honest with himself he is just that. Grunt work isn't new to him, he did it when Clay and Gemma had given him his first job at T-M, so he has no problem if he'd have to start from the bottom up again as long as it meant he'd be able to stay in Oregon with his family.

She looks him over for a long moment, searching his face for the truth, no doubt. Then sighs defeated, before she glances back at his application once more. "It says here that you were part owner of a repair shop in Charming, California. Did you bring any documents to prove that? Any references?"

Jax nods and holds up the manila envelope he's brought along. "I've got everything right here."

"Alright, just sit and give me a minute. I'll see what I can do."

"Great, thanks." He says and sits back down across from her desk, watching her disappear into one of the rooms behind her.

Jax nervously pops his knuckles and practically jumps out of his chair the moment the door opens and she comes back into view.

She smiles at him and nods, clearly pleased with herself. "You can go in."

"Thank you." Jax smiles gratefully at her as he rounds her desk.

"Don't thank me yet, you'll still have to convince him." She replies, but then leans in closer as he is just about to walk past her, whispering in his ear."Do not mention football, and admire his die-cast car collection. Good luck, sweetie."

X

Tara takes a seat on one of the park benches in front of the main entrance to the hospital. The ER has been packed today, she's been busy with all kinds of things, from chest pains to broken bones and simple runny noses. She can honestly say she's earned her lunch break.

Her stomach growls loudly as she unpacks her cold cuts sandwich and takes a hearty bite. She digs her phone out of her bag with her free hand, glancing at the screen, and realizes she's had several missed calls from John.

She sighs, unsure for a moment if she should give him a callback or not.

Obviously, he knows of Jax, but that doesn't make it any easier to explain that he is here now, and not just to visit, but supposedly to stay for good.

John is a good man, there seems to be no mean bone in his body, but Tara still wonders how he'll take the news that her ex, who is legally still her husband, is staying on her couch for the time being. Not to mention that Jax is hell-bent on wanting to give their relationship another try.

After thinking about it for a moment, she decides to just get it over with and dials his number, not at all surprised that he answers on the second ring. "Hey."

"Hey." She replies. "Sorry I missed your calls, I'm working the ER today, and had my phone in my bag."

"I figured. Busy day?"

"Yeah." Tara answers. "No major traumas so far though, but still crazy busy. So, what's up?"

"I was thinking of you today when I saw this quaint little diner, some old mom-and-pop place. The whole place looks like something straight out of 'Happy Days', jukebox, and all. Maybe next date night we could check it out, and catch a movie afterward if Mrs. Ellie can watch your boys. What do you think?"

"Sure." She nods even though he obviously can't see her through the phone. She pauses for a moment, hesitating one last time before she decides to follow through and clear the air. "Listen, there's something I need to tell you."

"Sounds serious." He tries to joke and she can practically hear the smile in his voice, but when Tara doesn't reciprocate the joke, doesn't chuckle, he wonders out loud. "Everything okay?"

With the phone wedged between her shoulder and ear, she puts the sandwich in her hand back down on the wax paper it had been wrapped in, packing it away again, because she has suddenly lost her appetite, knowing full well that the news she's about to share will change things for them.

Jax hasn't kept promises in the past, and even Tara has come to accept that she and her boys were truly on their own. So telling John that Jax is here, is simply not a scenario she'd ever pictured happening in her head. And even though she'd met and known John since the first week she'd arrived here, they'd only just recently started dating. Actual dates, where he'd pick her up and they'd go do something fun together and talk ... yeah, they talked a lot.

The best way to get over someone is to get under someone new!

Her friend Christy had spouted this unwelcome advice at her one afternoon as she yet again poured her heart out about Jax, after a phone call with him.

So yes, on one of those date nights she and John ended up all over each other in his apartment, but before it went too far she put a stop to it. She stopped because every time she closed her eyes and kissed John, all she saw was Jax.

And every time John's hands roamed over her curves, she couldn't help but picture Jax's hands on her instead. It broke her goddamn heart!

Truth be told, she could've so easily gone through with it while a slew of images of her and Jax's sexual encounters played on repeat in the back of her mind, but it just wouldn't have been fair to John.

And she kept hearing Jax's words to her from what seemed like a million years ago now when he explained how he'd never gotten over her. 'When I'm inside someone, there's only one face I see!'

The sad part about those words of his, though, is the fact that they'd also held true for her. During her and Jax's decade-long separation, she'd been with other men, but no matter how hard she had tried to be 'in the moment' with them, or how hard they tried to 'get her off', she only ever got there when she closed her eyes and pretended she was with Jax instead.

So now, she's sworn herself she wouldn't go down that same rabbit hole yet again, she won't do that again. She wouldn't do what she's done in the past and use John's body like that while fantasizing about her badass biker husband.

John is a good man, and it simply wouldn't be fair to him. He deserves better than that.

To give John even further credit, he didn't push her ... at all, which was sweet and something Tara had never experienced in any other relationship before, except for maybe Jax.

So she held off on sex with John, penciled in more visits with her psychiatrist instead, and hoped that with time she'd be able to close her eyes and enjoy the kisses and touches of the sweet man who is actually with her, instead of being bombarded with carnal images of the bad-boy that had shattered her heart more times than she could count.

Yet here he is back in town, her husband, promising her that he's changed, that he still loves her and wants nothing more than to get her back.

How is his presence here supposed to help her move on with John?

"Jax is here." She blurts out on a whim, no longer able to keep him in the dark, tired of juggling secrets. She's left that kind of life behind in Charming.

"He is?" John asks, apprehension in his voice. "And what does that mean? Is he just visiting, or ...?"

Tara takes in a deep breath. "Well, he says he's here to stay."

"Do you believe him?"

"I don't know," Tara replies honestly. "He's out job hunting right now. He says he wants to be in the boys' life."

"And yours?" John adds, more a statement than a question.

There's a pang of remorse that flashes through her at his words and she can't bring herself to lie to him. He deserves the truth. "Yeah." She sighs again. "He wants to get back together."

The silence on the other end of the phone seems to drag on forever, and Tara begins to hold her breath until John finally speaks up. "Should I be worried?"

Tara contemplates the question in her head, which really is pointless because she knows the answer to that question like the back of her hand. She just wishes it wasn't true.

Yes! "No, you shouldn't." She lies at last, because right now, in the state of mind she's in, she truly wishes that lie was, in fact, the truth. She wishes she could stop loving Jax and figure out a way to move on with John. But lies rarely ever become truths!

X

Author's Note: Any thoughts? If you liked it, please leave me a review. Thanks.