Jax unlocks the door to Tara's apartment, quietly steps inside, and closes the door behind him again, before stepping all the way through to the kitchen, and discarding the papers and keys in his hands on the kitchen table.
He steps over to the fridge, opens it, and reaches for the milk, and just when he is about to place the cold carton up to his mouth to take a drink, he stops himself and pours some into a glass instead. After all, this isn't really his place. Yet!
With his glass of milk in hand, he sits down at the table, sighing audibly, and runs a hand through his long hair, brushing it back out of his face. It has been a long day, but in the end, being proactive and speaking up has been the right move and he is now the newest employee at Baker's Automotive Repairs.
Jax opens the manila folder and looks over the remaining papers his new employer needs him to fill out over the rest of the weekend. As he glances over the pages it becomes clear it is just the standard stuff, nothing he needs to worry about tonight.
A small involuntary smile graces his lips thinking of his accomplishment of today. He takes another sip from his milk, leaving traces of the white substance in his beard, before wiping them away with the back of his hand.
Not only has he managed to find a job in less than twenty-four hours after getting to Oregon, but it actually seems like a good fit for him too. After he'd successfully convinced the owner, Eric Baker, to take a chance on him, he'd been shown around the place and immediately clicked with some of the other mechanics there. And considering this was his first non-Club-related job, the starting pay at twenty an hour isn't too shabby either.
Is it enough to raise a family of four on? Definitely not. But it is more than enough to subsidize Tara's income, and help her pay for all the expenses concerning the boys, and for now, that is good enough for him. It simply has to be!
Jax glances at the digital clock on the kitchen stove. It is almost six thirty already. He had texted Tara earlier, before heading back home, but she never replied.
He pulls his phone from his jeans pocket and checks his messages again, but still no word from Tara. She warned him that a weekend ER shift meant she'd probably be home pretty late tonight and that the boys would usually end up staying the whole night over at Mrs. Ellie's place, but with him here now, that obviously wouldn't be the case anymore.
With that thought in mind, Jax pushes the chair back and gets up, tucking his phone back into his pants, before he decides not to wait for Tara anymore and to go get his sons by himself.
X
He knocks firmly on the door and within a few moments the door creaks open and the much older woman looks him over with a sweet smile on her face.
"Jackson?" She asks, trying to recall his name. She'd met him this morning when he and Tara had dropped the boys off together. "Right?"
"Yes, ma'am," Jax replies respectfully.
"Come on in, your boys are waiting for you." Mrs. Ellie steps out of his way and gestures for him to step inside, which he does.
Abel and Thomas both look up at him from their position on the carpeted living room floor, where they are working on an oversized puzzle.
"Daddy." Abel shrieks before getting up and running into his father's arms.
"Daddy," Thomas says more calmly, with his eyes glued to his father and bigger brother, but not bothering to get up off the floor himself.
"Hey, little monsters," Jax replies teasingly as he runs his hand up and down Abel's back while stepping further into the room, with his boy in his arms.
"Sit." Mrs. Ellie ushers him toward the couch and he wordlessly complies, bouncing an energetic Abel on his left knee.
He hesitates for a moment, feeling completely out of his element, before he looks up at Mrs. Ellie. "They behaved alright for you?" He assumes that's a normal thing one would ask in his situation.
Mrs. Ellie nods and takes a seat on the edge of her armchair, kitty-corner from the couch he is sitting on before she begins to gush about his two sons. "Oh yes, they were sweethearts. We spent the morning baking a cake, and colored in some coloring books, then they napped for a bit after lunch. but not too long. We just finished eating dinner..." She glances up at the clock to the left above the TV. "... maybe ten minutes ago. So you don't have to worry about fixing them anything."
"Okay, good." Jax nods, his eyes traveling from her face to Abel's in his lap and back to Thomas', who is still busy with the puzzle on the living room floor.
Sitting here, he feels strangely nervous all of a sudden, and he isn't entirely sure why, or maybe he just doesn't want to admit it to himself yet. And in reality, it is almost comical to think, after all the gunfights and time spent behind bars, that this sweet old lady's eyes on him cause his palms to feel a little clammy and his throat to feel dry.
He tries to swallow away the dryness, but to no avail. Jax knows, through phone conversations with Tara, that even though Tara pays Mrs. Ellie for watching the boys for her, the relationship between the two women runs much, much deeper than that. This isn't just a simple business arrangement like they'd had with Neeta. Tara and his boys have grown to deeply care about Mrs. Ellie over the last couple of months, and in turn, Mrs. Ellie cares deeply for them as well.
Sitting awkwardly on the couch, under the scrutinizing gaze of Mrs. Eloise Young, he suddenly can't stop himself from thinking back on the only other time he'd felt this way around anyone.
James Knowles
He remembers that once they started dating, Tara's father had liked the idea much at first, because in his eyes, Jax had been the boy that had corrupted his sweet little girl. So his dislike for the hormonal hot-tempered teenage heir to the SAMCRO throne had truly been no big surprise. But what had been a surprise in the end, was that James Knowles had eventually grown to like him after all, once he'd realized that under all that rough rebellious exterior of Jax, was a kid with a good heart that truly cared about Tara.
His thoughts went back to Tara's dad. James Knowles had been what one would describe as a 'high-functioning alcoholic'. He held down a decent job and was liked well enough within the community of Charming, and after his wife passed away he raised Tara on his own the best way he knew how. Sure, just like any other drunk he'd had the occasional bender, but overall he'd been an alright father, considering he was raising a daughter on his own.
As Jax looks back into the older woman's eyes he realizes that besides Tara herself, and Tara's father, he has never in his life sought out the approval of someone who wasn't in some way, shape, or form connected to the MC.
Until now!
X
Jax awoke with a jolt. Startled, he looks around the dark living room. The only light coming from the TV across from him. The same infomercial is still playing out on the screen.
He rubs the sleep from his eyes and groans tiredly as he sits up. While his eyes still adjust to the darkness, he reaches for his phone and glances at the screen. Doing a double take when he sees that it is already past two in the morning.
He leans back against the couch and runs both his hands through his long hair, brushing it back and out of his face, before he rubs at his eyes once again.
He knows Tara said that it would be a long night, but ... damn it is late!
Fuck! Was she with him?
He doesn't want his mind to go there yet again, but he can't stop it no matter how hard he tries.
With this new thought in mind, his hand trembles slightly with suppressed anger as he reaches again for his phone on the coffee table in front of him.
Still no messages from her.
He wants to fling the damn phone across the room, hoping to smash it into pieces against the wall. Who is he kidding, he wants to knock over the table, he wants to destroy the place, but he doesn't. He wants to but he knows he can't. Not without waking the boys or frightening them ... and not without having to explain later on what happened.
If she is really with him, he doesn't want to give her the satisfaction of knowing how much her affair is getting under his skin. He knows he can't react like Friday night when she'd told him for the first time. If their history has taught him anything, he knows he has to be smarter than that, calmer than that to win her back.
Trying to shake the image of her in the throes of passion with another guy, he pats the front pocket of his blue flannel shirt for his pack of smokes.
With still shaking hands he fishes one out, but just as he is about to light it, he remembers that Tara has asked him not to smoke in the apartment. For the boys, she had said.
With her request in mind, he reaches for the baby monitor and his keys on the table and heads for the door.
He lights his cigarette the instant he steps through the front door of the building, and takes a long drag. The nicotine filling his lungs instantly calms him, he closes his eyes, savoring the taste as he begins to busy his mind with wondering what is next for him, now that the job issue has been taken care of.
But once more, the darkness and quietness of the night further drives home the point how late it is, almost two thirty by now and his mind simply keeps going there again.
He imagined even before he left Charming that convincing Tara to give him, give them, another try would be a challenge in itself, but knowing now that she was actually seeing someone else makes it all the more complicated.
He can't deny it, can't suppress the fact that the thought of Tara with another man makes his blood boil, and all he wants to do is find this guy and beat him to a pulp.
Would it accomplish anything? No, he knew it wouldn't. But it would feel good.
Jax doesn't even try to suppress the smirk that creeps onto his unshaven face, as he imagines beating some random man within an inch of his life.
It would undoubtedly feel fucking good!
Just then he is brought out of his deranged thoughts when he sees Tara pulling her car into her parking spot. His heart speeds up as he watches her gather her things before she steps out of her car and walks toward him.
He eyes her warily with every step she takes, looking for any telltale signs ... disheveled hair, buttons haphazardly buttoned, flushed cheeks. He lets go of the breath he hasn't even realized he is holding when he knows all his fears from moments ago have been unfounded.
He knows her. Knows her facial expressions, knows the look in her eyes, and from what he can tell she simply looks tired. Tired, as in work tired, not late night fuck tired!
Jax shakes his head to himself, he can't help but marvel at the fact that even after a long tiring weekend shift in the Emergency Room, she still manages to look this enticing to him.
"Hi." She greets him, her voice barely above a whisper, not wanting to wake the entire neighborhood. With a shy smile on her face, she stops a few steps away from him instead of heading inside. "You're up late." She adds, daring a glance at her wristwatch, before searching his face for an explanation.
"So are you?" His voice is equally low, with a smile of his own, giving her another once over before he holds his lit cigarette out to her. Too proud to admit out loud that thoughts of her with him brought him out here in the middle of the night to ease his nerves.
Tara shakes her head. "No, thanks." But places her heavy bag on the ground before she leans back against the railing that leads up the few steps to the front door. "The ER got crazy busy tonight." She offers as explanation before she looks back at him and asks. "The boys are asleep?"
Jax nods, the baby monitor emitting white noise as he holds it up to show her before he pushes it back into the back pocket of his jeans.
"You really quit smoking?" Jax questions her, moving himself to lean against the railing directly across from her.
"No." She shakes her head. "I know I should, but I still have a cigarette every now and then." She says with a heavy tiredness in her voice before she looks back up at him, unable to hold back her curiosity any longer. "So ... how did it go today?"
For a brief second, she isn't sure what she wants the answer to be ... him telling her he found a job or him not finding a job.
Jax tries not to smile as broadly as he does, but he simply can't help himself. "I've got a job."
"Really?" Tara says with obvious surprise in her voice, yet a genuine smile on her face a split second later. "That's ... that's great." She adds before she forces herself to look away from his beaming face. Her heart is racing, and she folds her arms under her chest as if the physical barrier could somehow keep those feelings of hope from rushing straight to her heart.
Is he really going to stay? Could it really be that easy?
Jax takes another drag. "If you sound any more surprised, I might take offense." He tries to sound serious, but he can't help the grin that graces his face once more.
Tara smirks back before looking at her feet embarrassed and shakes her head. "I-I didn't mean it like that."
Jax raises one eyebrow at her in amusement, enjoying her discomfort as he returns her smirk.
She sighs, holding her hand out and he wordlessly hands his almost finished cigarette over to her. A jolt of electricity shoots through her when their fingertips touch, but she tries her best to pretend she hasn't noticed, all the while watching him out of the corner of her eye, knowing he'd felt the same spark. "I really didn't mean it like that. I'm glad you found a job. It's just ..." Her words die down on her lips before she takes a long drag, finishing the last of the cigarette, then letting it drop to the ground and grinding it out with the tip of her shoes. "I had Margaret, Dr. Namid, and two of my former Attendings from Chicago Presbyterian write me letters of recommendation, and it still took me almost a month to get this job." A petty explanation to mask her true feelings of his newly found employment, how it ignites equal amounts of pure joy and fear within her.
Jax shrugs his shoulders as his face grows more serious when he takes in the suddenly serious expression on hers. "You're comparing apples and oranges, Doc."
Tara's eyes shoot up to meet his at the sound of his old, yet familiar nickname for her.
Jax loses his train of thought when their eyes meet and he pauses, but it only takes him a moment to remember what he was going to say. "There's a huge difference between hiring someone to change the oil on some soccer mom's minivan, versus hiring someone to crack a dying baby's chest open to repair a heart, don't you think?"
Tara sighs and nods in agreement. "I guess you're right." She knows he is right ... there is a big fucking difference, and she actually feels bad for not being able to hide the surprise in her voice better. For not hiding her fear!
She knows he is headstrong, smart, and very articulate and his looks are easily comparable to men she'd seen on the cover of GQ magazines, so it shouldn't really be that big of a shock that he's actually managed to find a job as quickly as he has. However, as her heartbeat slows down once more despite his presence, Tara simply can't help but wonder if his connections to the MC have something to do with his immediate success.
Jax watches her awkwardly for a moment, wondering how he'd ever gotten so lucky to have her, yet has been too stupid to keep her.
He could've told her that he'd been to seven places that wouldn't even let him sit down for an actual interview. Could've told her that he practically begged to scrub their toilets just to get a goddamn foot in the door, but he doesn't tell her any of those things, because then he'd have to admit that without the Club he is a nobody here. He is nothing but a lowlife, a piece of shit criminal.
An okay mechanic with a G.E.D.!
He knows he is not good enough for her, that she deserves much better than him, always has, but he is selfish ... too selfish to let her get away. To let her be happy with anyone other than himself.
"Ready to go to bed?" He wonders out loud as he looks for the right key on his keychain.
Tara nods, picks up her bag, and follows him up the couple of steps to the front door.
Jax fumbles with the key for a long minute, trying several times to get it into the lock. He takes a small step back, hoping that the bright almost harsh lighting right above the front door will help, but it doesn't.
Tara waits patiently, her hand tightening around the handle of her heavy bag, but after watching Jax fruitlessly trying to maneuver the key into the lock, she steps around him, closer to the door, and puts her bag on the floor.
"Let me try." She whispers and reaches for the keys in his hand. "I can get it in."
"I got it, Babe." Jax doesn't let go, still holding onto the key, trying to shimmy it into the lock, when Tara's fingers brush over his knuckles, trying to take the keys from him, and that same spark startling both of them for the second time tonight. A knowing look is shared, one that Tara tries to deny and Jax finally gives in, stepping back just enough to give Tara the room she needs to step all the way in front of him.
Capitulation!
"You had the wrong key." She starts to explain, as she pushes the correct key into the lock in one fluid move. She feels Jax push up against her, craning his neck to look around her, over her shoulder, so close that she can feel his breath on her cheek.
She can't help the way her body reacts to him, although she wishes she could. The goosebumps form instantaneously, first on her arms, then up her neck, and down her spine in just a matter of nanoseconds.
Another exhale from him, a hot puff of air, this one she's sure is deliberate, because it's precisely placed against the crook of her neck, where he knows that she likes to be kissed, and the realization of what he's doing hits her like a brick when he presses himself even further against her, his hands now tugging at her waist.
She's just about to turn around and call him out on his obvious attempt to get into her personal space when she feels it. The small almost tickling feeling on the other side of her neck, the side Jax was not about to press his soft, moist lips against, and she can't help the shrill-sounding shriek that involuntarily escapes her mouth now.
Along with the high-pitched scream, Tara jumps and spins around so fast, bumping her forehead hard into his chin. It hurts, but she's too busy freaking out to even acknowledge the pain.
Jax doesn't know what's going on, he's completely caught off guard by her. He catches her, sort of, in his arms, successfully stopping her from falling over her own two feet, or maybe it's her bag that she's nearly tripping over. It's all happening so fast as yet another cry escapes her lips, and in the quiet of the night, it's something that you'd hear in an old black-and-white horror flick.
"Tara." He blurts out. "What -"
Tara cuts him off before he can ask what's wrong. She pulls the hair tie out, her hands frantically brushing through her own hair, brushing imaginary things off of her shoulders. "Get it out, Jax. Get it out." She demands still in a panic.
Realization hits him now, and he can't help but laugh out loud, but he quickly jumps into action, his fingers now disappearing into the brown strands, his eyes trained on her hair. "Hold on, Babe. I can't see shit. You have to hold still."
Tara freezes, her body stiff as a board, her eyes pressed shut tightly as if that would do any good, and she begs. "Please, Jax, just get it out of my hair. Please. Hurry."
"Oh shit." He says, as he actually catches a glimpse of the eight-legged insect on her head, before successfully brushing it quickly out of her brown strands of hair. "I got it."
"You got it?" Tara repeats and opens her eyes just in time to see Jax brush the spider off of his own arm now, watching it fall to the asphalt beneath them. The insect is quickly trying to scurry away, but Jax stops it with one fast step.
Tara stares at the flattened spider on the ground, an involuntary quiver shakes her small frame, trying to rid herself of the lasting feeling of something still crawling through her hair.
"Thanks." She says with exhaustion in her voice, her chest heaving up and down as she tries to normalize her breathing.
"You're welcome." Jax answers, unable to keep the smile from his lips at the intense feeling of déjà vu that suddenly hits him.
Before he knows it, she turns, reaches for the keys still dangling in the lock, opens the door, and disappears inside. He picks up her bag that she's simply left behind, trying his best to hold back the chuckle as he falls in step right behind his wife.
X
Tara sits on the edge of the bathtub, while Jax stands beside her, hovering as he looks through her long hair once again. His cheeks are beginning to hurt from the smile that hasn't left his face yet. "Like I said, Babe, there's nothing." He whispers, trying not to wake up the kids.
Tara leans further forward, lowering her head so he can better examine the back of her head, her long hair parting on the back of her skull. That's when his smile finally disappears, and he pulls his hands back, scared he might've already run a finger across the scar without even realizing it.
But then he shakes that thought away, he would've felt it. Would've noticed the raised flesh beneath his fingertips. Still, he's frozen, but he's not put off by it, just scared it might still hurt her.
It takes Tara just a moment to realize why he has pulled away, and she sits up straight without missing a beat. Her hands brush back her hair, trying to cover the scar while avoiding his gaze and steeling herself against the tears that threaten to fall from her eyes.
"Tara." He says and in the same instant he dares to step closer again, but she gets up and rushes over to the bathroom sink, examining herself in the mirror of the medicine cabinet, fixing her hair again, swallowing hard, begging her own reflection to not fall apart again in front of him. To not give into the hurt and the pain and the tears.
Jax steps up wordlessly behind her, but she tries her best to ignore his eyes trying to meet hers in the reflection of the mirror. When she feels his fingers running soothingly through her hair again, she loses her will and their eyes finally connect. A stare-down of sorts, neither of them saying a thing, neither of them moving and neither of them looking away ... she refuses to crumble, fights it as long as she can.
And she doesn't crumble, doesn't fall apart, but nonetheless, she is the first to look away, trying to escape his penetrating gaze, and turns around, assuming he'll move out of her way, but he doesn't. Instead, he steps closer, invades her space yet again, causing her to take a step back, her eyes trained on his collarbone, because she knows if she looks into his eyes now, if she looks into that beautiful face of his she would lose the will to walk away.
As she steps back again, trying to evade him, her lower back bumps into the sink, and his hands reach for her waist, pinning her in place and she realizes he's trapped her against the sink.
That thought brings a long-forgotten memory back to the forefront of her jumbled mind.
A memory of him and her, both of them so young and inexperienced in the ways of the world. She remembers how he loved her, made love to her because he wanted her to enjoy it as much as he did.
They lay naked in each other's arms in the afterglow of their lovemaking, he brushed a gentle kiss against her forehead before he spoke. "You know, Babe, we can do other … other positions too. Whatever you want."
Tara nuzzled her nose into his chest, not even opening her eyes as she replied, her voice so low he could barely make out the words. "Are you saying you don't like what we've been doing, Teller?"
She could feel him shake his head 'no' as a silent chuckle vibrated through his firm chest beneath her before he actually uttered the words and added. "No. Trust me, I don't mind being on top. You know I like being in charge." He stroked her hair out of her face, trying to get her to look at him. "I just don't want you to ever feel like ..." He paused, searching for the right word. "You're trapped, or something."
Tara raised her head from his chest, just enough to look up at him and meet his eyes, an innocent little smile on her young face. "I couldn't ever feel trapped with you." She answered, not liking the sudden seriousness in his voice, nor the forbidden subject he was hinting at.
Her hand traveled down his abdomen, beginning to stroke him and feeling instant gratification when she felt him getting hard again against the palm of her hand. "Why don't you trap me again, Jackson." She smiled up at him in challenge, determined to not let this conversation turn into something darker, and before she knew it, Jax had taken charge yet again when he rolled back on top of her to love her.
She's brought back to reality when she hears him say her name again. "Tara." His voice so low but solemn, laced with lust. "Please look at me, Babe." He practically begs and Tara finds herself even more terrified to do just that.
She completely ignores his request, and lowers her head, leaning her forehead against his hairy chin. She can't look at him right now, because, despite all the pain he's caused her, despite all the logical reasons why they shouldn't be together that were whirling around in her head at this very moment, she knows there's still love between them.
Under all the betrayal, the hurt, and the ugliness of the crimes against one another there is still real, deep, undeniable love and she knows if she allows him to push her on this, here and now ... she will falter.
X
Author's Note: I hope you all like this chapter, if you did, please leave a few words. He hasn't even been back in her life for forty-eight hours yet ... is it too soon for her to give in to his advances? I'm curious to hear what you think.