When I woke there was still sunshine sprinkling in from wherever the opening in the rock was. I was still on the moss only I was lying down, a pillow propping my head up, and I was alone. I took minutes to lay awake enjoying the pleasantness around me before I decided to get up and see where my companions had gone.
Clutching the pillow in my arms I made my way back to the warm living quarters. As I crossed the archway the smell of fresh cooking hit my nose. Fili and Kili were propped against the kitchen counter chatting away with one another and Thorin was at the stove cooking some sort of delicious smelling dish. Noticing me, Kili broke away from his brother and trotted to me.
"Look who's up! And just in time!" His arm reached for my back and he guided me to the cozy, round table just off the kitchen. He pulled a chair out for me then whisked back to the kitchen picking up a plate of cheese and bread. Fili had already followed suit placing plates, forks, and knives. Thorin stirred whatever he'd been cooking one last time before bringing it to the table. It was fragrant; a meat dish of some sort. Kili sat beside me and, taking my plate, served me a healthy portion of the main dish and then slid the tray of bread and cheese toward me. I gathered a hungry amount onto my plate and passed it to Fili, who was waiting for Kili to get his serving of the delicious looking food.
Thorin was up getting drinks for the table. He sat beside Fili and ushered him to pass the drinks down. I waited for someone else to dig in not quite sure how the dish was meant to be eaten or if there was some dinner table rule that the King needed to eat first or something. I wasn't used to having a private dinner with the royal family.
Kili caught my probing eyes and gestured with his hands for me to dig in. Taking his own food and starting on it. I followed his lead and melted at the taste of it, all my anxiousness dissolving away. Thorin handed me another roll since I'd finished mine so quickly and I gratefully accepted it. Fili motioned for the main dish to be passed back to him since it was obviously more delicious than he'd originally thought and he had to have more. Thorin tried to hide a pleased smile but his eyes crinkled too much for it not to be obvious.
It all felt like home. Like I didn't have to worry, like I was taken care of, like it didn't matter who I was, where I came from, what was happening in the world. This was my family, and they were there for me. I couldn't shake the memory of them comforting me in the greenhouse, how they'd taken their time to make sure I was all right. I could tell that a tension that was almost constantly festering in my body had relaxed. It made me incredibly sleepy, the food didn't help with that. I could feel my eyes drooping and my head trying to loll. I caught Fili smirking my direction and shook myself awake.
"We'll, delicious dinner aside, I think Sharae has had a hell of an evening. Would you like us to walk you back to your room?" Fili offered. Thorin looked at me and, though I'd shaken myself from the worst of it I still must have looked exhausted because his face softened again.
"Looks like that'd be for the best," He smiled and the brothers were at my side ushering me out and down the stairs and to my room.
I waved goodnight to them and trudged to my bed, flopping onto the thick, warm bedding, and fell instantly asleep. My dreams stayed pleasantly silent throughout the night.
The next day I was nervous again. I wanted to chat with the elves but I also wanted to train more and my internal battle for which was more important was ever waging. My mind was made up for me, though, when Tauriel glided up to me while I walked the halls.
"Sharae! Can we converse for a moment? I've received correspondence from a friend that could help with your situation." My shock was short-lived and I bounded with her back to my room so we could chat. We sat on the comfortable cushions and she began.
"I wasn't able to give much detail to her since I am only able to portray what you have explained with your knowledge of the situation but I believe she has grasped the concept."
She pulled out the letter to read, "With how it is explained it sounds like a spirit guide has noticed her struggles and is trying to assist her in her spiritual awareness.
She says there is no true instruction given to her and that is because there is no instruction for things like this. Every spirit bends the realm differently. It is up to the individual to uncover their power.
The simple acknowledgement that she has the power to defend herself will hopefully open her mind to her potential.
Your description of what she sees in her dream traveling is very alarming. I do not pretend to know what all roams in the spaces between but this reminisces of great evil that was banished from this wold.
If she lingers in that in between, where that evil power resides, then she is in grave danger.
How she got access to that space in between is beyond my knowledge, but, because this plane of existence is almost unheard of, I imagine there are very few spirits dwelling there. Which means their access to one other is alarmingly easy.
Her best weapon would be to be confident in herself and demand what is needed for her. Any doubt of self could cripple her within a realm of such constitution.
If the guide believes she has the power to protect herself she does. She just needs to believe she does."
Tauriel finished then dramatically tossed the note to the air and fell back onto the cushion.
"I am sorry. I thought that would be more helpful than it was. Just believe in yourself," She said the last sentence airily with her arms spirit fingering the air. I understood her dejection and I wish I had clearer answers as well but this was better than nothing.
"It's ok, Tauriel. Honestly, I was happy to get this insight. I do feel a bit better about it all. I mean, I think I can believe in my self enough." I looked to the ceiling and sighed, " Honestly, I just hope it doesn't happen again." I shuddered. My fear alone could cripple my conviction. I knew from experience.
Tauriel smiled softly at me, "You would be very surprised what you can do when you believe enough in yourself… and ask for little help." She grinned wider, "If someone is calling to you now, you likewise should be able to make a call, no?" she pointed her finger up at the sky while making her brilliant assessment. My eyes got big. It did make sense. I'd have to make a plan and see, when the next dream travel came, if I'd be able to make it work.
And maybe, if I could gain more confidence in the real world, it would help me in the other.
It was time to train.
There was an enormous training hall in the mountain, in times of danger I suppose they'd need a room inside to train an army, I just hadn't expected it.
Today I entered the training area with Ori, whose brothers had forced to spend extra time and thought I'd be a good match sparring with. Kili had convinced Tauriel to an archery contest that Legolas was not too diligently keeping score of. Their banter could be heard across the whole room.
There were a few unknown dwarves clashing weapons and mumbling about the elves mid chamber. Some looked ready to head out for the day. I didn't particularly like having an audience, no matter how distracted they may be, but I was trying to work on confidence so I pushed my discomfort aside.
From the looks of it, Ori was here for confidence training just as much as I was. And teaching was sometimes the best way to learn.
Our sparring material was much less dangerous than the metal swords and hammers the others were throwing around.
"Alright Ori, show me what to do. I'm the actual worst at this." I tossed the practice stick back and forth in my hands and Ori seemed to light up. Me knowing nothing must have lowered any intimidation for him.
"Alright, remember the stances Fili taught you before? Try to keep those in mind as you block and lunge. I'll talk you through the best times to block and counter attack." I nodded back at him in understanding. Sounded easy enough… except even the stances were so loosely ingrained in my brain that I embarrassingly had to have Ori show me exactly how I should be standing in the first place.
He started with very slow movement, explaining why he'd attack or react one way and why I should block or counter in these ways. He was a very patient teacher and slowly worked on my speed in blocking and added in surprises that I should be on the lookout for.
These little tidbits made me feel a lot better about what I could possibly expect from a fight, even if I'd be ill prepared I'd at least have some kind of knowledge that could possibly help me.
Ori and I had been so concentrated that I'd failed to notice the previously dueling dwarves had finished and were lazily watching our performance from a little ways off. Arms propped on their hammers or sitting with their arms braced on their swords.
Upon noticing, Ori got a strike in on my arm and I jumped away cursing under my breath. Low chuckles murmured from our onlookers. Ori had followed me and I returned to my defensive stance with a blush staining my cheeks. Ori noticed and his eyes flipped to the onlookers then back to me.
"We could continue another time if that suits you?" Ori suggested, his nervousness at the crowd beginning to show. My sigh of relief caught in my throat as a voice shouted from not far off.
"No! Keep going!" Fili's voice, urgent and annoyed, sounded and he emerged from the shadows of the surrounding pillars.
"You were in the zone, keep going!" He locked in and hovered around the other dwarves, shewing them away before joining us.
Kili shouted in defeat at the other end of the hall as Tauriel placed a stellar shot.
Fili tried to gather my focus back.
"You had it, you were focused and making all the right moves. If you can just keep that up a bit longer you'll have it all down in no time!" He set me up in my defensive pose and took a few steps back.
"You've got it, you're doing great, just keep going," He ushered us forward with his hands.
He was lucky our brains hadn't fully exited the zone and our muscles were already poised to continue where we'd left off or our introvertedness would have crippled our continuation. His presence was still a new hindrance though and Ori looked much more hesitant now. Completely understandable, but he pushed through it, hardly faltering, and started again. I smiled at him, proud at the both of us for our small wins.
Fili was a great spectator and didn't interrupt Ori once. He had either noticed I'd responded well to Ori's methods or simply respected Ori's time and skills teaching me. Either way, it made my stress levels drop back down when my body realized I could just worry about Ori and what he was saying and doing.
We were going back and forth with rhythm now, I was still tripping up at the trickier attacks but still felt in the groove. Ori barely looked tired but I had sweat all over.
"One more good counter, Sharae! Make it count, give it your all," Ori instructed. I think he noticed my slowing movements. He struck out at me and I dodged effectively and spun around to land a strike at his back. He'd given it to me, letting me have a good triumphant moment, but it worked. I felt proud of myself. I smiled at him and we clasped arms in a happy handshake, smiling at each other, thrilled.
"Ori, you are the best teacher. Just the way that you explain things, it's just in the right order or something for me and it's all just clicking so much more. Thank you for today, I feel so much more confident."
He patted my arm still on his,"Oh it's an absolute pleasure Miss Sharae. You're a gem to teach and I'm excited to get this all memorized in your head, next time will be easier and the time after easier still. You're doing so well," I blushed heavily at the praise and he patted my arm again then went clean up our sparring area. I plopped onto the floor in exhaustion.
From the corner of my eye I caught Tauriel's bright red mane moving across the room. I glanced over to see Kili and her animatedly chatting and exiting together, all traces of Legolas long gone from the room. I smiled at the retreating figures.
I felt a presence looming close. Slowly I turned my head and there was Fili, watching Kili with the same intensity I was.
"Thorin will never approve," He stated lightheartedly, his face a chipper smile. I stared at him, trying to figure out if he meant it and if so what he thought of it. But really, his smile only meant one thing.
He approved.
And, with his sway, maybe it would somehow be ok for his brother.
I smiled at him warmly. He noticed from the side of his gaze and turned his smile to me. He flipped around and sat down beside me. Ori marched out of the hall with this nose to a book, pen scribbling furiously as he went. I grinned again.
Fili let out a sigh and looked at me.
"Sharae, I know you've had many things balancing on your mind lately and I don't want to add anything to it but, I wanted to assure you, that after everything is settled, if you happen to stay here, you will be taken care of.
We will be your new home and you will want for nothing. Thorin will be your watcher and, should he fall in battle, I will be, we have a whole line up of individuals gladly happy to take your into their care, should that be your desire.
You are free to go or do whatever you choose, and we will help arrange it but you will always have a safe haven here.
I wanted to make sure you were aware. I do not want you worried about what the future may hold for you here." He was looking intently at me and I could feel the desire he had to make sure that I knew I was safe here. My heart melted as his blue eyes stared into mine and he smiled so warmly.
"Go wherever I choose?" I smiled back, the grin turning playful.
"Ah, perhaps dusty old dwarves in a cave were not what you had in mind for your home," he mused, his lips twitching in amusement.
"Hmmm, dusty dwarves, perhaps you're right," I mused back, reaching for my chin in mock contemplation.
His eyebrow quirked slightly, "Well... we aren't all dusty," he mused, flicking his gaze to mine again.
I could see a light in his eyes that shone with a happiness and longing that made my heart flutter and I turned away with a smile that could not fade.
"Hmmm… Perhaps not."
To those of you who still read and follow after all this time. Thank you