This isn't supposed to happen!
It is the last thought Tara has, before that thought is pushed back again ... way, way back into the back of her mind, and there it disappears altogether, her mind going blank, and all she can do is feel his body and his lips on hers.
Every nerve in her body begins to tingle in all the right places, when Jax stops framing her face, and instead lets his hands wander down, over her curves instead. He does it so slowly, as if he is testing out the waters, seeing what she'll let him get away with, how far he could go.
While his lips still claim hers in a breathtaking kiss, and their tongues caress, his hands slide past her shoulders, and cup her breasts just long enough to make her nipples stand at attention in anticipation for more. They then travel past her waist, over the wider part of her hips, before curling around the curve of her ass.
With a quick tug on her hips, he lifts her feet clear off the floor, one hand spread wide across the curvature of her butt, the other hand curls beneath her thigh, and her legs wrap around his waist as if on their own accord, her hands grabbing onto his shoulders, while the kiss never let up. He effortlessly carries her over to the small table, before he grinds his hardened manhood against her pelvis in a perfectly timed rhythm to bring the most delicious heat to spread through the very core of her.
She fails to suppress the moan rising in her throat, while she wraps her arms around his neck, her hands gripping the fabric of his shirt trying to pull him even closer to her, and at this moment they find themselves in, it is easy to forget all their problems ... at least for a few fleeting minutes.
And apparently, they've been so captivated with each other, that neither even noticed the roaring of the motorcycles that pulled into the lot just moments ago.
"Jackie Boy." Chibs' voice is booming somewhere outside the room they are in, from the sound of it he is still further down the hall, but they can hear his heavy footsteps approaching, yet still, both decide to ignore it.
Jax continues to kiss her and grind against her until the very last second, when Chibs pushes the door open, leaving him no choice but to finally ease up on her.
She misses his lips on hers the instant he pulls away, and with equal reluctance loosens the grip she has on his shirt, letting her hands slide down his chest.
Jax grins at Tara as he pulls away, and she looks equally mischievously back up at him, with swollen lips and bedroom eyes that almost do him in, before they both bother to acknowledge the Scotsman who is practically charging toward them by now.
"Jackson!" Chibs' voice sounds downright gleeful at the sight of his former brother. Jax steps away from Tara just in time to be engulfed in his friend's tight embrace.
"Good to see you again, VP," Jax replies as he pats his friend's back repeatedly, when Chibs' eyes fall on Tara, who just slid off the table, and watches the scene in front of her unfold rather awkwardly, her cheeks flushing slightly when her eyes flicker back to meet Jax's for a brief moment.
She's been nervous since they got here, but she feels that uneasiness now that the Club has arrived even more so. Deep down she hates the mistrust she feels toward them, because they've been a big part of her life too, but she knows their code, has been in the know of too much for her to believe that they weren't capable of what she suspects them of.
Just then, Chibs lets go of Jax and steps toward her, looking her up and down before he winks at her playfully, his accent as thick as ever when he says, "It's been too long, Doc. How've you been?"
Tara nods, trying to ignore her heart beating out of her chest. "I've been good," she says, before Chibs reaches out and pulls Tara into a hug too.
Jax swallows hard as he takes in the scene, and frowns slightly catching the uneasy expression on Tara's face as she looks past Chibs' shoulder and meets his eyes instead. It takes everything he has to fight the urge to intervene. Right then and there, Jax decides he needs to put an end to this, to her suspicions. And maybe even shut down that tiny flicker of doubt of his own as well.
He trusts Chibs and Bobby both with his life, and has no doubt that they would never go after Tara. Then there is Happy, who despite all his serial-killer characteristics is loyal to a fault and wouldn't go against the brotherhood code. He follows the rank structure and would never go against the direct orders of his president or VP. Those were the three men he had absolute trust in, but everyone else around that Reaper table was a different story.
Despite everything they've been through, having been Clay's right-hand man for as long as Jax can remember, Tig would always be somewhat of a sore spot for him. He killed Donna on Clay's orders alone, not through a Club vote. And has repeatedly taken matters into his own hands, because he believes something needs to be done, and is too impatient to wait for the Club to take a vote and make a call. There is no denying that Tig has been loyal since Opie's death, but that isn't guarantee enough that he hadn't suddenly decided to go rogue once again.
And then there is Rat, who feels like he could be trusted, considering he's kept his mouth shut after Opie shot Clay. But now Jax simply couldn't help but still feel some resentment toward him for leaving his post outside Tara's hospital room, and with that ultimately allowed Juice the chance to go after her for a second time.
And as far as the rest of the new members were concerned, ... well, he simply hasn't known or worked with them long enough to really test where their loyalties truly lie when push comes to shove.
But he'll get to the bottom of this, today.
Tara pulls away from Chibs, with the friendliest smile she could muster, considering how she feels. They continue to exchange small talk about how she's been, how they settled in up in Oregon, her new job, and how the boys were doing, and Jax instantly steps up behind her, his hands on her waist first before he wraps his arms around her torso, placing a small soft kiss against her temple, in hopes to ease some of her fears.
She looks back up at him over her shoulder and smiles gratefully, knowing full well he did it to calm her nerves, which it did. She feels much safer now in his arms.
When Chibs turns back toward the door, suggesting for them all to head out and greet everyone else, Jax stops him and speaks up, his arms still wrapped around his wife. "We'll be right out, man, I just need a few more minutes with my girl here." Jax fakes a suggestive smirk in hopes that Chibs will get the hint.
Chibs doesn't know any different, and smiles broadly back at the couple, "Of course, Jackie, take your time." Chibs winks at Tara once more and gives Jax an approving slap on the shoulder on his way out, causing Tara's cheeks to slightly flush all over again at the insinuation.
But before Chibs could pull the door closed behind him, Jax stops him again, his grin all gone, his face serious instead, eyebrows raised, "Hey, you think I can get a couple minutes to run somethin' by your Pres and you?"
Chibs looks back at him puzzled for a second, but then nods solemnly, "Of course, always."
As soon as Chibs disappears through the door, Jax steps away from her to make sure the door is all the way shut, before he spins around to face her.
"I'm gonna get to the bottom of it?" He quickly says, as if Tara could read his mind.
But Tara looks back at him confused, "Bottom of what?"
Jax grabs her hand, pulling her further into the room again, away from the door. "Your suspicions about SAMCRO." He replies, his face serious as he studies her reaction.
Tara looks at him wide-eyed, her voice suddenly low in a whisper. "Last night you said there is no way they could be involved."
Jax nods and lowers his voice now too, "I know what I said, and I want to believe it too, but I know that you're still suspicious of them. And I can't fucking stand that terrified look in your eyes when Chibs stepped in here. I know it's not him, Babe. I trust him, Bobby, and Happy completely, with my life, and without a doubt with yours too. But Tig, Rat, and the new patches, they're a different story."
"But you had Rat guard my hospital room?" Tara looks confused, implying that he must've trusted him at some point.
"And Juice managed to get to you a second time," Jax replies without missing a beat. "I have to be sure that was just a coincidence, nothing more."
Tara looks uneasy all over again, not sure how to respond to that at first. But then she looks up at him, clearly worried, "What does that look like? I mean, you're just gonna ask them? It can't possibly be that simple."
Jax sighs, and pushes a hand through his hair, thinking for a moment how he would go about approaching them, "I'll just tell 'em straight up that I've been wondering if Juice might've had some help, someone on the inside that also helped him disappear. Someone he conspired with, like you said, to keep me at the head of the table, or to stop you from ratting, or both." He shrugs his shoulders, "I've known these guys for most of my life, Babe. I'll be able to tell if they're lying or at the very least if they're trying to hide something from me." But right when those words leave his mouth, his mind goes back to the day Tara was attacked, and how both Bobby and Chibs kept him in the dark about what went down between the Mayans and Mark's crew.
But they wouldn't lie to him about this, he tries to convince himself!
"You don't have to do this, Jax." She steps right in front of him, her hands at his waist, digging into the fabric of his shirt once more, tugging him closer to her when she looks up at him with pleading eyes, "Let's just load up your bikes, and get the hell out of here, please."
Jax reaches out to her now too, his hands slipping under her shirt at her waist, his fingers playfully tugging on the belt loops of her jeans, while his thumbs rub back and forth across her bare skin right above, "I don't want you living like this, in constant fear, always looking over your shoulder. Juice is gone, at least for now, but this is something we can do to make sure nobody here helped him and crush some of that fear and doubt and get closer to the truth, Babe."
Tara knows there is some truth in what Jax is saying, that confronting the problem and the doubt head-on could give her and him some closure, but at the same time it all terrified her so much.
Jax discovered her gun when she let him run his hands over her body, just before Chibs showed up. It is well concealed in a bra holster, undetectable by just looking at her, but the fact that she is packing heat coming here today, yet wasn't last night as they were digging up her ex, speaks volumes to what she fears the most, who she fears more.
So he is pretty sure he already knows the answer, but he simply can't bite his tongue, regardless that the question is basically just rhetorical, "You being scared coming here, that's what the hardware is about, right?"
Tara looks up at him, caught off guard for a second, but when he gives her that knowing look, she obviously realizes how he knows, "It's just for protection." She lets go of him, and folds her arms instead, "I told you, I've got a permit."
"I remember." Jax nods in understanding, but he hates the thought that this place, where he still feels so at ease and at home, is a place that petrifies her this much. "I won't let anyone hurt you ever again, you have to believe me." Jax tries to reassure her. "I'll keep you safe, Babe. But we need to do this."
He stares into her eyes for a long moment, trying to read the expression on her face as she obviously debates in her head how to respond. He sighs in relief when, after a long moment, she nods back at him, still somewhat reluctantly, but agreeing nonetheless.
"Okay?" Jax asks, to reassure himself that her nod means what he thinks it means. That she is on board about talking to the guys.
"Yeah." She nods again.
Jax raises one hand from her waist up to her hair, brushing it out of her face, and tucks a few strands softly behind her ear, all the while giving her a comforting smile.
This whole thing with the Club has her on edge, but she is trying her best to not let it show just how freaked out she is about it. Instead, she tries to follow his lead on this, and trust him and his judgment in the matter, but it is hard on her either way.
He tugs her closer to him again, his fingers intertwining behind her lower back, and looks right at her, "I promise, you won't have to shoot anyone today."
"Famous last words!" Tara says rather dryly, but then sighs in relief even so. She wants to believe him, needs to trust him!
She takes another deep breath, twists out of his arms, and reaches for her purse she'd put down on one of the weight benches behind her, pulling the strap up onto her shoulder, and looks back up at him to signal she is ready to go. "Let's just get this over with. They're probably all wondering what's taking us so long anyway."
A slow smirk creeps on Jax's face at that, "No rush, we still got time." He steps right back up to her, invading her personal space again when he wraps his arms around her, locking his hands behind her back once more, and looks down at her suggestively, "Wouldn't want them to think I'm some two-pump-chump who's short-changing my old lady."
Tara bites her lip trying not to smirk, but fails miserably, and she just barely manages to not roll her eyes at him too. He confessed to her last night that the Club believes they are truly back together, and after the way he talked to Chibs, they were probably thinking that he and she are screwing.
But she really doesn't want to have this conversation right now with him, nor acknowledge his obvious innuendo either. And besides, she isn't really sure what to say to him, especially considering that the tingling of her skin where he touched her hasn't even completely dissipated yet. So it is undoubtedly too soon to talk, or possibly have a repeat of what happened.
"Nothing?" Jax asks, rather surprised at her silence, still smiling broadly. "Not even some smartass comeback?"
"I'm not sure what to say?" Tara replies, with an almost straight face this time. Almost!
"Tell me something, Babe? What would've happened if Chibs hadn't interrupted us?" Jax says suddenly, getting straight to the point, his facial expression matching his much more serious tone of voice now. The cheeky playfulness from seconds ago is all gone now.
"Probably not what you think would've happened or ... what you want to happen," Tara says honestly, she wants to believe that she wouldn't have let things go much further than they already had.
"What I want to happen? Babe, you jumped me, and I just reciprocated." Jax tries to get to the bottom of this. He wants to know what she is thinking, or more precisely what she is feeling. wants to know what any of this means.
"I did not jump you." Tara blurts out. "I kissed you. And what you reciprocated ... not at all the same thing." She says incredulously, trying to take a step back, away from him, out of his arms.
His hands open, loosening behind her back, but weren't letting her go anywhere just yet. They just slide to her waist instead, holding her tightly in place right in front of him. "Tara." He pleads with her, "Just tell me what that was. What it means?" He sounds desperate, almost frustrated too, and his stare is way too intense for her to handle at the moment. But she is glad that at least all that macho bravado has vanished now.
Tara lowers her gaze, looking away from him, and sighs, "You know, there was a time when you were the one who avoided having these relationship talks like the plague." She huffs out with some frustration in her voice now.
"Yeah, trust me, Babe." He nods back at her, a sadness flickers in his eyes, "I'm well aware how the tables have turned on me." He wraps one arm around her to keep her close when he raises his other hand to tip her chin up, so she has no choice but to meet his eyes again. "Tell me." He demands, relentlessly. "Please."
She swallows the lump that catches in her throat when she looks back up into his captivating blue eyes. "The truth is I'm not sure what that was. I was just ... I was just so grateful about what you did for me ... again." She spits the words out like she's confessing to a crime of some sort.
And judging by the look on Jax's face, it's obvious that he doesn't like her answer or the way it is delivered. "I don't buy that." He replies, as he's trying his best to keep his cool, and it even surprises him how quickly his mood can change from one second to the next when it comes to her and him and their relationship. He's been so hopeful that the kiss meant more to her than what she just described.
"Look, I'm not naive. I know that even if I told you right away what Patterson was doing, why I was staying back in Charming, that we wouldn't have gotten back together like nothing ever happened. Just like I don't expect to be an instant couple now. I'm well aware there's still a lot of shit that burdens you, hurt I caused that you're still struggling with ... believe me, I see it, Babe, I can feel it every day. But at the same time, it seems like whenever we're taking one step forward, something happens and we end up taking three fucking steps back again." He stops his tirade for a second, but it's clear by the expression on his face that he isn't done yet, just merely gathering his thoughts.
His voice rises a little when he begins to ramble on some more, "I love you, Tara, and I know that you love me. I also know complete forgiveness is something I haven't earned yet, there's no pardon coming my way any time soon, you made that clear last night. And please don't think I don't know that I'm lucky you're even considering giving us another try, because God knows I was a lousy husband and I put you through hell. ... I love coming home to you, you and me, and our boys being a family, but also spending hours just you and me, talking and laughing late at night. At the same time though, I hate watching you disappear into your bedroom, while I fall asleep on the couch alone. I need something here, Babe, just a little something to know this is still heading somewhere?"
His words are heartfelt, but also heartbreaking. And she feels all of that heavily on her conscience. Because he's right in more ways than one; she does love him, and she does want him too, but she's also terrified that if she gives in a little, he'll greedily take it all. And even though her body longs for him, wants him so much sometimes that it physically hurts to walk away from him and lock herself away in her own room late at night, she's still too afraid to give him that much of her so soon. It has always been all or nothing with them. The blurred lines, the messy in-between, the whatever-this-is never worked out well for them. And that's why she honestly isn't sure how to give in a little, that won't end with him taking advantage of her. Because besides her babies, Jax himself is her only other weakness, her Achilles heel.
She sighs deeply, lowering her eyes again, raising a hand to her face to shield herself away from him, to hide the emotions on her face from his prying eyes. Her heart is pounding in her chest, because she knows she's probably going to regret this, but she also wants to move forward, just not quite at his speed.
"What if we don't take three steps back again?" She finally dares to look up at him, knowing full well how vague that question is worded, but it's too late because it's already out there. And Jax is already looking back at her confused.
"Babe, what are you saying?" He asks in return, not missing a beat, his voice almost hopeful.
She doesn't really know what she's saying, or rather she just doesn't know how to explain it to him without sounding like a complete idiot. But she gives it her best try, "I'm saying, we kissed, and we should try not to backpedal. You know, it happened." As soon as she closes her mouth, she knows that this is just as vague as the first thing she says.
Jax studies her face for a long moment trying to figure out what she's trying to say, the corners of his lips raise just enough to give the hint of a smile.
But before he can say anything, press her for a better explanation, she speaks up, getting tired of this dance around the subject, so she decides to get right down to the nitty-gritty and spells it out for him in the simplest terms, so he really gets it, "I'm not ready to have sex with you yet. I'm sorry, but you know I'm just not there yet, emotionally." She pauses and sighs deeply, before she carries on, "That being said, maybe I wouldn't be opposed to you kissing me again. You know, whatever happens, happens."
She obviously should've anticipated his reaction, but it still catches her off guard just how quickly his hand curls around the back of her neck and pulls her in even closer, before both his hands frame her face, holding her in place, leaving her no way to escape as his lips crash down onto hers in a scorching kiss.
Jackson Teller is an incredible kisser, always has been, at least as far as she can remember. But it still surprises her that even after all this time and the countless kisses they've shared over the years, he is still able to leave her breathless, and make her weak in the knees with the way he holds onto her and devours her mouth with his.
When the kiss lets up, he looks down at her, forehead to forehead, both their hearts beating way too fast, and both trying to get their breathing under control as well. But when he smiles at her, she can't help but smile right back at him too. Maybe a little progress isn't so bad after all!
"There's just one more thing I want, Babe." He says, sounding very serious all of a sudden, his hands slipping back down to her hands, squeezing them lightly.
Tara doesn't ask out loud, but rather just looks up at him expectantly, waiting for him to enlighten her with what else he could possibly want from her now.
"Your rings." He starts, solemnly, then clears his throat. "I get why you took them off, but when we get back home, I want you to start wearing them again."
He pauses for a moment, contemplating his next words before he adds, sounding dangerous, "I want every motherfucker out there to know that you're taken. That this -" He grabs her ass rather possessively and pulls her roughly against his groin. "-all of this is mine, and mine alone." His blue eyes pierce her hazel-green ones, waiting for her to acknowledge what he said, in some way, shape, or form.
Tara can feel her cheeks flushing a little, there is just something about him acting this possessively that gets her even more flustered than that kiss from just moments ago. That all too familiar heat pooling needy between her thighs. And as much as she loves it, she also hates it, because it goes against those feminist views she normally wants to identify with, or at the very least likes to pretend to identify with.
A strong independent woman shouldn't like the thought of being anyone's possession or property, and yet with Jax, it makes those butterflies in her stomach flutter, her eyes glaze over with lust, and her thighs squeeze together in a vain attempt to lessen the need it makes her feel for him.
Tara doesn't say anything though, but instead pulls her purse in front of her, between him and her, and begins to dig through it, while Jax looks on, undoubtedly a bit puzzled, until she pulls the rings free, and their eyes connect once more.
She's about to slip them on, when Jax stops her. "Let me." He says and reaches for them, taking them from her. He looks at them for a brief moment, before he takes her already outstretched hand in his, holding it steady as he gently places the rings back on her finger, one by one, locking eyes with her throughout the process. It's such a simple gesture, it shouldn't hold much meaning after they've been married all this time now, but it strangely doesn't feel so simple at all. And neither does the look they're exchanging, and the smile that begins to spread wide on both their faces.
"I love you, Tara." He says, reaching up to frame her face once again.
"I love you, Jackson." She replies with the same serious tone in her voice.
The deep, soul-consuming kiss that follows reflects those words once more.
X
Author's Note: I hope you like it enough to leave me a comment or review. Thank you for reading!